#because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are

[13eyond13]

Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

[cho-aaacho]

—Sugar Coating

Masterlist

Summary : All of these times, Choso always treated you like a dependable friend—sharing seven colors with him and standing in the same clouds. Yet he seems oblivious to your deeper feelings. So you try to do something.

"So, do you prefer mountains or beaches?" 

"Choso-kun?"

"I'm planning to ask you on vacation, summer holidays, I guess? So... maybe, it would be nice if I invited you. My brothers will be happy too."

You place the fish food on the table and gaze at Choso for a moment. He was just there, sitting on the table while revealing a gentle smile. He was so calm, to be honest, you could see from those eyes. Something rare for him to show.

"Um... maybe mountains?"

It's rather uncommon for Choso to extend invitations, given his preference for spending quality time with his brothers and the bandmates from his music group. 

With you, he consistently drowned himself in college projects, building walls that seemed to keep any romantic connection between your eyes and his heart.

Honestly, it's a bit frustrating; he treats you like a friend, only a friend. Treating you like someone dependable, someone who cares about him and his brothers. Yet, why does he still have no idea about your kindness?

Day by day, night by night, as you share warm smiles and laughter with him, something within you blooms. It's odd but undeniably overwhelming.

He nods and exchanges smiles, musing. "Mountains? Alright... so, mountains, huh?"

He glides closer, a gentle smile on his lips wrapping you in his gentleness, enveloping your presence alongside Choso's.

Standing by your side, he lovingly touches the aquarium with his nail. His reflection is cast upon the glass, eyes tracked on the fish, following its beautiful golden scales.

"You are always in this place whenever you feel down, don't you? Are you alright? You come here about three times a week, you worry about me."

A silence falls between you and him, affirming Choso's astute observation. 

You came here practically every day to clear your mind. This was an abandoned room at the university that Yuuji transformed into a refreshing chamber with a large aquarium, claiming that it would aid his bandmates and you in revitalizing the struggle.

You love the atmosphere here, the blend of his warmth and coolness, and you love spending your time with Choso here. 

This room was your place whenever your sadness or loneliness flooded in, finding the comfort side in Choso's company that filled your longing and sorrow.

You chuckle. "Um..., Choso-kun is right. I've been thinking about something lately, but it's a bit difficult to put into words."

He nodded. "Oh... I'm always here to help you; that's why I've come to ask you to—"

You clear your throat and interrupt him by saying, "Choso-kun, we're both adults, right? So... I believe you understand that our relationship goes beyond just helping each other. It's not always about you assisting me or me assisting you. There's more to it."

He mused for a moment, blankly gazing at the aquarium. "Oh... am I late in realizing everything? I didn't intend to bring you down."

Continuing, he said, "I always thought maybe you treated me that way because you enjoy helping people. I guess I was mistaken about everything. Yuuji and Aoi joked that I was stupid, and my brothers thought I was just a coward. At first, I believed they were just teasing me."

"Until I witnessed you talking with Megumi, sharing laughter and smiles—you looked pretty there. I understand that all of your laughter and smiles weren't meant for me but for Megumi's. At that moment, I realized I was developing something for you."

Turning towards you, he delicately touched your chin with his fingertips, leaving a gentle touch on your skin. "...it's jealousy."

You are struggling to find words as he leans closer to you, planting a nice yet sweet kiss on your lips. It was only for a split second before his kiss awakened your lips.

He's so warm... 

smooth... 

...wet and cute.

You let him take the lead for a few more seconds, before finally wrapping his arms around you and pressing your body against him, staking a claim.

He giggles between the kisses as he asks, "Thank you, so... is it a yes? Will you go out with me? Do you accept my love?"

Teasingly, you responded, "You didn't even confess properly, Choso-kun. But I think... it's a yes."

[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 2 Scene Analysis + Discussion Post

Hey, all! Here's a KFP2 scene analysis because I felt like it. 🤷‍♀️

I have an itch to scratch and I'm going to make all of you read about it. I've been revisiting KFP2's remarkable storytelling methods—namely for conveying strong emotions without relying on dialogue and putting more faith in the narrative—and when I got to the harbor scene, I couldn't help but write something up on it. In general, writing short essays on scenes/sequences is a great writing exercise that I would recommend for fellow writers because it's a big help when you're trying to emulate a certain style or feel in your work. KFP2 is a great movie and I love it, so I often refer back to it when I'm struggling.

In short, this is me gushing. I know as a fandom we've talked this part of the movie to death a hundred times over, but it's a scene that deserves it. I'm going to be focusing on the aspects of it that interest me most, but the final battle following this scene is just as worthy of being fawned over. I am a KFP fan through-and-through and every scene (in this film especially) deserves its own discussion post. Unfortunately, I'm employed.

I've never done a dedicated sequence analysis before, but I've been delving back into studying animation and that paired with my long-time love for storytelling is more than enough to make me want to do a Tumblr deep dive on this 20~ second master-class in storytelling.

To begin, let's take a look at what's happening here:

Po swims to Tigress to make sure that she's okay. He holds her hand and gets close to her, which is something we can assume he would never do otherwise. I'll cite the attack-hug; we witnessed his (albeit completely understandable) reaction to Tigress initiating physical contact, and his instinct was to freeze in place. It tells us that physical contact is uncommon and maybe even a little awkward for them, and yet, he grabs her hand without hesitation.

My heart...ugh. I was little when this came out and I was STUPEFIED. I also realized I wanted to make movies, though, so I guess it worked out. 🤷‍♀️

Plus the little thumb-hold from Tigress. I'm nauseous. Kill me.

It's also worth mentioning that despite the fact that Po audibly says her name, she doesn't respond to hearing him. She responds to feeling him. She doesn't start to lift her head until he touches her.

Earlier in the film, it had been made a point that she "feels nothing," which was intended to refer to both her hands and her emotions. She physically and mentally beat herself up for 20 years until she couldn't feel the hurt anymore.

Even so, it only takes Po to unravel that. This is the movie further cementing the franchise-long theme of Po bringing inner peace to the valley. On a more personal note, it's also the movie telling us that Tigress's jadedness only goes as far as she lets it. She is capable of recovery, capable of feeling—it only matters that she allows herself to have those moments.

She looks up. She's relieved. She couldn't save China, but she saved Po. She didn't fail in protecting him this time. She did her job. There's a beautiful contrast between what she's feeling and what he's feeling but they share a point—kind of like a venn diagram. Both feel some kind of relief, however brief. As for their differences, Tigress's defiance is weakened and Po's is ignited. He takes on that weight for her.

The way her head slowly falls back down makes me think she's too exhausted to keep her head up any longer. She had used all of her strength to hold onto Po and look fully at him, face to face, to be sure he was alright. Tigress is the most capable member of the group, but where her most important strength lies is revealed here as well as in the rest of KFP2: in her compassion and care for others.

Po looks at Shen with scathing, genuine contempt. He's taken away too many people Po loves, and Po won't let him take away another. He's thinking about the valley, about his friends, Mr. Ping, and his duty to defend China and bring evil-doers to justice. We see the resolve in his eyes. He'll do what he has to.

The angle of the image is also worth mentioning. With the way the "camera" is tilted—now at a direct eye-level as opposed to a few shots before when Po was almost slouching below mid-frame—Po looks bigger in this shot. He's being framed as a protector. Defender of China. The Dragon Warrior. He's really, truly stepping into this role.

Tigress bows her head and Po takes on the weight, which is a huge contrast to the rest of the film. Before this scene, Tigress is the one being strong, being smart, taking charge, and leading the group. Throughout the mission, Po was consistently reckless, stubborn, and distracted. We know why. This bit is his amendment. This is him saying and meaning, "I've got this."

And then he pushes Tigress away. The little look I caught in this screenshot lingers for only two~ seconds, but what I love about animation is that everything is intentional. He watches her float away for an extra few seconds because it meant something to someone that he did.

AND THEN SHE REACHES FOR HIM. Whose idea was this? We need to have some words. You guys were evil and I love it.

She's exhausted, hurt, and is likely carrying the crushing weight of China's defeat on her shoulders, and yet, she reaches for him. It wouldn't even be for her own comfort, either, but because she still has the urge to save him. Even in her state of being borderline unconscious, she still has that instinct—that care. She can't watch her friend be killed.

I pause on this whenever I watch this scene over. To me, this frame perfectly encapsulates Po as a character. We see him facing impending doom in the form of a massive ship with a monstrous-looking cannon strapped to the front, harboring a psychotic peacock fully intending to kill him—just like he killed Po's mother—when he gets the shot.

Despite this, Po only pushes Tigress—a loved one, and while it's far more impactful to the story that it was her, it could have been anyone and the point still stands—out of the way. He moves her out of the line of fire and lures the danger away. That simple action of pushing her away is the epitome of "show, don't tell" used correctly and tells the audience everything we need to know.

And then he goes and stands on a floating chunk of fallen ship (not even solid ground!) and fights solo against an entire fleet of weaponized ships. And then he wins in what's arguably the coolest, most badass way possible.

This—this frame, not the fight itself—is easily his most heroic and selfless moment and it's my favorite frame in the KFP trilogy.

Thanks to all who read this through for indulging my intense love for this specific sequence! This analysis isn't objective, obviously, so if there are any disagreements, I'd really like to talk about them! I'm always looking for different perspectives and ideas, and I'm sure there's a fan somewhere who interpreted this scene wildly differently. I'd also just really love to hear any additional thoughts if there's something I missed. And if another scene gets you super excited like this one does for me, tell me all about it!

An update for my readers: Chapter 6 of The Days is well on its way and I can't wait to share it with you—there's some fun stuff in there and I'm really excited to post it. Thanks for reading, guys! :)

[mbti-notes]

Hi! I came across this post of yours /post/179222467392/you-once-said-that-you-are-not-a-religios-person and i was wondering what the things are in Buddhist philosophy that u dont agree with? And also how did u manage to tap into the oneness belief? I heard ppl often get there thru ego death by using meditation or psychedelic drugs. Lately I have been into this topic and into getting into that oneness belief and you seem to know a great deal about philosophy!

If you're new here, philosophy is one of my majors. I learned religious philosophy as part of my studies in the history of human thought, so people sometimes ask me about these topics.

- To be clear, I am sympathetic to Buddhist beliefs and I think the religion has a lot to offer people. Buddhist philosophy underwent a lot of change over the centuries as the religion spread through very different cultures. When you dive deep into the scriptures, you'll find some truly wild ideas about multiverses and supernatural beings. It's hard to get on board with those ideas if you are a rational and scientifically minded person.

At this point, there are several different branches of Buddhism that sometimes hold very contradictory beliefs, yet they all still call themselves "Buddhist" (contrast this with Abrahamic religions that splintered three ways). Such contradictions are possible because Buddhist beliefs are almost designed to be impervious to critique. On one hand, this allows for great diversity of thought. On the other hand, it can make the whole thing seem nonsensical.

For example, I don't agree with how Buddhists conceptualize and characterize the human ego. However, as soon as I raise those objections to these Buddhists over here, some Buddhists over there will argue that there are different levels of understanding and many different ways of looking at the ego depending on how far you've gotten in your Buddhist practice. They simultaneously accept and dismiss my objections. Thus, if you want to be Buddhist, you basically have to accept this sort of incoherence and perhaps dismiss it as illusory or the result of small-mindedness.

At the end of the day, whether I agree or disagree with the beliefs is inconsequential, because no objection is really real or pointing to anything permanent. But when all your thoughts and feelings and behaviors can easily be dismissed as unreal, what happens to your life? Whether or not your life is objectively real, it still seems real to you and you have to live it, and the suffering you experience feels real. Can you dismiss it as just ephemera? There has always been an internal debate in the religion about whether one should be apart from or a part of the material world, and I don't think this kind of ambiguity helps people who are already struggling psychologically.

- I guess you could say I came to the belief in oneness first through intuition, then through science, then through philosophy. I think I mentioned before that, as a child, I genuinely believed that everything in the universe was imbued with some form of consciousness (aka panpsychism). It's not an uncommon belief in children because the human mind has a tendency toward anthropomorphism. For example, I would wonder whether stepping on the sidewalk was hurting it. People had to reassure me that if the sidewalk had feelings, its feelings worked differently than human feelings, otherwise, the sidewalk would object in the same way I would to getting stepped on.

Most people grow up and forget about these silly notions, but I didn't. Psychologists say that normal infant development starts at oneness and evolves into individuality. I feel like the world tried to convince me that I'm this separate, discrete, individual being, but I just couldn't believe it. Separation has always felt to me like a very wrong way to be. Who is right, the psychologists or me? I don't know. Maybe a Buddhist would say we're both right and we're both wrong and that neither is seeing the bigger picture.

To me, it seems as though I was born believing in panpsychism because I don't remember a time when I didn't believe it, so there is no actual "origin story" or explanation as to how I came to the belief. If I am capable of consciousness, why wouldn't it be possible that everything else is as well? If I am capable of being conscious of others, shouldn't there be something out there conscious of me? And if consciousness exists everywhere in everything, isn't reality fundamentally relational? In order for these beliefs to stand, I had to possess the underlying belief that everything in the universe is somehow interconnected despite superficial appearances.

Then, I studied science in school and learned that all matter in the universe is made up of the same constituent elements. We are all stardust. At the atomic and quantum level, the boundaries we perceive between objects are difficult to define. As an adult, I studied philosophy and was introduced to the full gamut of human thought and learned that oneness was a key concept in many Eastern religions. Actually, several influential thinkers in the West (such as Jung) were heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy. Philosophical training helped me sharpen and refine my spiritual ideas.

- Yes, some people come to a belief in oneness through psychedelic drugs. Presumably (according to the limited research that has been done so far), these drugs help to "open up the mind" by restructuring it in such a way that expands one's perspective beyond one's narrow everyday ego concerns. Some people call this "ego death", but I don't like that term. As I mentioned above, I don't agree with Buddhist conceptions of the ego, which some secular Buddhists blithely reduce to "ego death = enlightenment". If you read my previous posts on this topic, you'll see why. I don't believe the ego is a bad thing or an enemy to be vanquished. I've seen how aspiring to ego death can go terribly wrong for people. And I've been exposed to different perspectives on ego and believe there are better ideas out there.

[antiendovents]

Content warning for a very brief mention of Hitler, mentions of someone sui baiting, and mentions of autism fakeclaiming. There are also mentions of abuse, but nothing in depth or remotely descriptive.

Please stay safe <3

at the moment, our current host is a cc!wilbur soot introject. one that formed in the soothouse era. He is uncomfortable using fanart as a faceclaim and tends to use actual photos of the cc as that is what he is more comfortable with - that's him, that's how he looks. (He knows he isn't the actual cc, dw).

His pk display name has his name, pronouns, and emoji combo. Pretty.. pretty standard shit, honestly. He has set up the base account to be an extension of his pk. NONE of this is... uncommon behavior that we've seen in the syscord communities we've been in.

However, in the last week alone, he has been legitimately compared to ADOLF HITLER!! By a singlet who also claimed that DID wasn't an illness and that most people are fakers. another singlet in that server asked if we could split an alter for fun and if we could do that for them. Oh. By the way? We're Jewish. Openly Jewish. We have spoken about being Jewish in that server before. That was known information. yet that person still chose to call us. That. I'm thankful that Wilbur, while hurt, finds it an ironic twist of fate as there is a song by wilbur soot called screensaver where there is a direct lyric "call me Hitler, no one will notice the fucking difference".

Another singlet in a different server asked if he could change his name and icon as it is upsetting other members. That, despite the fact he hasn't DONE anything personally, he is triggering people. Just by existing. Also, apparently, just because he exists, he might support the abusive actions.

Now! The system server, that's the worst bit. Another member told us to kill ourselves for having our base account icon be cc!wilbur. The server staff did NOTHING to the member who has on more than one occasion outright bullied people, actively calling people freaks and telling people to kill themselves.

However, we got banned as wilbur stated he was uncomfortable using fanart as a faceclaim and that it would be more damning for his mental health. He even explained why he had changed the base account, as it was giving us active joy during a really hard time in our current life. That we can not help having an autistic special interest. We also got fakeclaimed on the autism front.

thats.. jeez. people really need to understand that introjects aren't their source and do not owe anyone complete source separation. those singlets sound-- horrible. being an introject of wilbur soot is not the same as being ADOLF HITLER!?!? that singlet just sounds stupid as well, because DID is a real disorder that many people have. the other singlet also sounds very fucking stupid because like-- he isn't his source and if people are genuinely triggered by wilbur soot then they're the ones who should be managing that, they shouldn't expect wilbur to change for them, thats just unrealistic. wilbur soot is not the first person to use the name wilbur, actually his name isn't even wilbur. this kind of logic is so stupid, like are you gonna go tell every single evan out there to change their name just because one evan committed an atrocity? no, no you wont.

and that server is just horrible because WHAT. they just let a member go around bullying others and telling people to kill themselves??? thats just stupid. we honestly hate syscord sometimes, that place is so toxic and they struggle to treat systems like regular people despite the fact half of syscord is made by systems. its really just horrible. also the fake claiming-- like really?? whats even the point of that?? autistic people cannot control special interests ((as far as i am aware)). honestly as long as you aren't giving wilbur soot money by streaming his songs / watching his videos then i think its fine ((try stick to watching reuploads of his stuff if possible because then it might not give him money,, i hope?? i don't really know how youtube works sorry))

[sasquapossum]

Dear Mom:

This is the first birthday you've missed. You would have been 82. Yes, I do still think of you. Sometimes I even say "hi" to you, in the form of the glass sculpture incorporating some of your ashes, occupying a place of honor in our living room. I thought maybe you'd appreciate an update.

I'm doing fine, in a "not much going on" kind of way. Retirement is like that, as you know. I've picked up a few new hobbies, and found ways to be as social as I want to be. Life is pretty good; the trajectory you set me on has worked out well, so thank you for that.

Kevin is ... well, you know. It took us both a long time to understand that "happy" works a bit differently for him than it does for the rest of us, but I think he is happy in his own inscrutable way. He's making a bit of a name for himself in the LOTRO (Lord of the Rings Online) community - not competitively but by doing things that help other people enjoy the game more. He's mapping out new areas, making videos, etc. I guess his love of teaching and helping outweighs his aversion to social activity. I don't know if you remember that he has a cat now, a rescue from the direst of circumstances, and that brings him joy too.

The big story, of course, is Amy. She made quite an effort to come to your little funeral, which was nice. Since then she has gotten straight A's for her first year in college, and leveraged that into a transfer to the school where her boyfriend already was. You never met him, unfortunately, but I think you'd like him. I do. He's a bit goofy sometimes, but ... well, what did you expect? Amy is also enjoying a dorm room with its own bathroom and a lake view if you can believe that. She's excited about the much bigger course selection, and seems to be off to a good start making new friends. She also looks a bit different now, with darkened hair and a much more flamboyant style with clothes and accessories. Quite the head-turner, she is. I'm unbelievably proud of how she has found a way to thrive and done the things necessary to make it happen.

I found a lot of your poetry among the things you left behind. I saved everything I could, to go through later, but most of it's still at the (much emptier) storage area. I did bring some home, though, and have even posted some of it online. I hope you don't mind; you had a lot to say, and that seemed better than letting it be lost forever. Some of my friends on Tumblr - I think you'd like them, they're independent and unique and artistic like you - seem to have enjoyed those. In many ways, I think your thoughts and words might resonate more with today's young people than they did with either your or my generation. Some of your struggles were made worse by the fact that they were uncommon, but now they're less so. I feel like you'd be glad if your poetry could help or soothe someone even after the rest of you is gone.

As you can see, things are going pretty well for all of us. You are missed, to be sure, but I also hope you've found the peace and freedom (especially from pain) that so eluded you in life. The older I get, the more I appreciate what a hard - and lonely! - road it must have been. You were a good mother, and still are because there will always be a piece of you within us.

[zerogate]

The nocebo effect is still observed most commonly during drug trials, where self-fulfilling prophecies come to pass. Volunteers warned about possible side effects frequently develop them, even if they have been taking inert sugar pills. In 2005, 120 Italian men who were being treated for enlargement of the prostate gland were given a drug called finasteride. One group was told that the drug could cause sexual problems, although this was uncommon, while the other group was not. After a year, forty-four percent of those in the first group complained of erectile problems and decreased libido, compared with fifteen percent in the second. Each year, millions of people around the world stop taking statins, which reduce cholesterol levels, because of side effects that include fatigue, muscle aches, joint pain and nausea. In 2020, a study of patients who had given up statins found that they also complained of ninety percent of their side effects when given a placebo. For a fact of life, the nocebo effect is hard to study. Most researchers don’t like to induce suffering, even if they are allowed to. The response occurs for the most part at the edges of things, an anomaly recognized only after the fact, once more pleasing theories have been tried and failed.

It takes a certain kind of doctor to test the nocebo directly. In the summer of 1885, a thirty-two-year-old woman, “very stout, well-nourished but physically weak,” was referred to Dr. John Noland MacKenzie, a surgeon in Baltimore, with crippling hay fever and asthma. The woman was confined to her bed for weeks every summer and autumn. If a hay-cart passed her in the street, she would suffer a paroxysm. She could not touch a peach. Ordinary medicine provided no relief. Cold weather and trips to the seaside were somewhat beneficial. Cocaine relieved her symptoms for half an hour at the most, “leaving her, as a rule, worse off than she was before its application.”

MacKenzie prepared a prescription of his own devising. After two weeks, he wrote, the woman felt much better. After a month, MacKenzie invited the patient to his consulting room, where he had hidden an artificial rose—“a perfect counterfeit of the original”—behind a screen. MacKenzie had wiped every petal before she arrived, to make sure it was clean. He checked that the woman was well and then sat down in front of her with the rose in his hand. After a minute, she began to sneeze. Within five minutes, her nose was clogged and inflamed. “The feeling of oppression in her chest began, with slight embarrassment of respiration.” Breathing became a struggle. “As I considered the result of the experiment sufficiently satisfactory, I removed the rose and placed it in a distant part of the room,” MacKenzie wrote. When he told the woman that the flower wasn’t real, she inspected it leaf by leaf, in disbelief, her nose streaming.

In 1968, a team of psychiatrists in Brooklyn asked forty asthma sufferers to help them with a study of air pollutants. Almost half experienced a tightening of their airways when they inhaled a harmless vapor of saline solution. Twelve had full-blown asthma attacks. The nocebo effect can stop good medicine from working. When researchers gave migraine sufferers rizatriptan, a powerful migraine medication, but said it was a placebo, it turned out to be half as effective. For about half an hour, patients with Parkinson’s disease who have electrodes implanted in their brains to help smooth their movements will do better or worse at motor tasks depending on whether they believe their electrodes are working, rather than whether they actually are. During a placebo trial described in 2006, a twenty-six-year-old man swallowed twenty-nine inert capsules, thinking they were antidepressants, in an apparent suicide attempt. His blood pressure collapsed and he was taken to the hospital, where the symptoms abated when he was told what he had taken.

The nocebo effect is at least partly contagious. If you see someone suffering pain or entering an altered state during an experiment, you are much more likely to experience the same thing when it is your turn. The social force of the nocebo effect means that it can give rise to peculiar, localized conditions. In 2007, the maker of Eltroxin, a thyroid-replacement drug distributed in New Zealand, moved its manufacture from Canada to Germany. The active ingredients in the drug remained the same, but the new pills looked different. They were larger; some were off-white, rather than yellow. After the media reported that the new Eltroxin was cheaper to make, reports of side effects among New Zealanders rose by a factor of two thousand.

Beliefs do not become weaker because they are shared. Between 1977 and 1982, more than fifty Hmong refugees in the U.S., who came primarily from Laos, died from sudden nocturnal death syndrome. Their hearts stopped in the night. The community generally interpreted these deaths as the consequence of lethal nightmares, known as dab tsog. People became afraid to go to bed. “You can’t help but behave in a way that is the result of having been immersed since birth in a certain set of attitudes and thoughts,” recalled Shelley Adler, the director of the Osher Center at the University of California, San Francisco, who interviewed hundreds of Hmong people about the deaths. Postmortems revealed that some of the victims suffered from abnormal heart rhythms, which could have been exacerbated by the stress of immigration and the fear of an evil spirit crushing their chest in the night.

--  Sam Knight, The Premonitions Bureau 

[philsmeatylegss]

Dude I’m ngl I think implying that “real autism” = violence and putting others at risk is absolutely a weird thing to say

But please correct me if I’ve interpreted what you said wrong!!

I’m going to scream because I wrote such a long ass reply to this that tumblr decided to delete right as I was about to finish it. I’m attempting to rewrite everything I said.

Just as I did with the last anon, I’m starting this with a TLDR because I will probably go on a weird rant that misses the point:

TLDR: There is no such thing as “real autism” and it’s on me for using that kind of phrasing. What I meant when I said real autism is defining autism by every single part of the disorder, not just the cute ones. And you’re right. It’s uncomfortable to think about the fact that many lower function autistic people often have self injurious or violent outbursts or stims because we like to think of autism in the context of the relatable, cute symptoms. Autism is a spectrum and it is always wrong to say all autistic people ____. What I’m trying to get across is that Autism has been watered down to cover up the unsavory symptoms autistic people, mainly lower functioning autistic people, suffer with every single day.

My mom works with teenage and young adult who are severely autistic. One has to wear a diaper because he can’t use the bathroom or alert people in time to help him. She’s struggling with a kid who needs constant supervision from multiple people because all he does is hit his head. It’s not uncommon for genitalia to be exposed and having to put it back in its place. There’s days where my mom has to listen to one of her kids scream the same phrase over and over for hours. Their curriculum? Right now one of their lessons is knowing to put away your pencil when class is finished. One only communicates by typing on an IPad.

It’s not uncommon for these grown individuals to get violent. It’s not uncommon to need three adults to restrain one of her kids in a way that prevents him from hurting himself and the other kids. My mom got time off after she was punched.

That’s uncomfortable. It’s weird. When you think autistic, that’s not what you want to think about. You want to think about cute tiktoks of autistic children happy stimming when meeting their favorite Disney characters. You want to think of them smiling and complimenting their loved ones. You want to think of the quirky things they say. Because that’s what autism has become.

Obviously Autism is a spectrum and this is an example of those on the lower side. But even when we’re shown lower functioning autistic children, we aren’t showed these sides. Because it’s weird. It’s uncomfortable. It’s sad.

No one wants to think about how most of those kids will never live alone. Never have a job, fall in love, and have kids. You don’t want to think of that. But that’s the fucking reality.

That’s what I mean when I used the term “real autism.” I meant defining autism for what it really is rather than the sugar coated reality it’s become for social media views. That’s why we have it trending and people thinking they know better than doctors. They aren’t shown the entire disorder because it’s uncomfortable.

To get back to the original ask, I apologize as that is not at all the message I wanted to send and I can obviously see how you would come to that conclusion. I’m more aiming to vent my frustration with how watered down and sugar coated the disorder has become to now allow it become a completely different thing than it once was. And to silence those who have daily experience their whole life with autistic individuals is shitty.

You’re completely correct anon. It’s really weird to think autism and then associate it with violence. No one wants to think that the image of what autism has been portrayed as is completely wrong. That these infantilized individuals suffer from experiencing upsetting symptoms. So we ignore it. And now we face the consequences of ignoring it.

Once again, thank you for asking. I’m glad I can clarify what I actually meant and it’s still totally okay to disagree with me. This is all my opinion and I appreciate being able to have civil conversations on the internet which is not common.

[vazelbeak]

Do you think theres anything that would make Loona less insufferable?

I wouldn't quite consider Loona as harsh as insufferable, but I do see her as very inconsistent and that itself grating. The thing is Loona reads like an apathetic teenager, always on her phone and not caring about the things going on around her. She dresses in a goth style, she has no qualms being mean, has an overprotective dad, and has no friends. The thing however that makes this not work as well is Loona isn't a teenager, shes an adult and this makes her character come off differently.

It's harder to understand as a teenager, but looking back as an adult (im 23 as i write this) many habits we have in our teenage years are very much products of how we are in this "too old to be a child too young to be an adult" stage. Kids are often on their phones because they can't go anywhere to socialize, they're starting to see how unfair the world is and either bleeding hearts or cruel to others because it gives them some semblance of the power and agency they wish they had, they're often apathetic to outside conflicts because they're figuring themselves out. Teenage years are when you go through a lot of changes. As much as people say teenagers are selfish, its not unusual or uncommon for them to seek a sense of identity amongst their peers and outside of their parents. And of course many teens struggle to have friends, highschool is a time people are nitpicked for not liking popular shows, being on popular social media sites, playing popular games. You can be ostracized sheerly for just not sharing those interests. Its why some teens seek identity through fandom. And that's not to talk down about them but when you want to find friends quick you'll probably wear your MHA shirt to find people who also like it.

But Loona is an adult and that means she's not implied or shown to be under the same conditions that those traits are often a product of that we can sympathize with as readily. She's on her phone all the time, but we're not shown any solid indication of what she does posting stuff if she doesn't have friends and what she gets out of it. Does she use it as a creative outlet for things like art? Is she an influencer of some kind and advertising I.M.P? Then there's her apathy where as an adult unless she's having some kind of midlife crisis in her early 20's she reads as just inconsiderate because we're presented with nothing else going on that's taking priority for her to care about outside of Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie's shenanigans. She doesn't have a life outside of them or specifically Blitzø to take priority.(and she should!)

Then there's her attitude towards others. The fatphobia aside because we're all aware of that, while you might be inclined to argue she says this to Moxxie to feel better about herself or feel she has more power over him, we're not presented anything that suggests this. Loona is an adult who Blitzø provides a home and job for. She hasnt been shown to have much im the way of responsibility outside of helping Blitzo as a receptionist and that in itself was at most vaguely touched with by implying Loona scares away clients and with an apartment so small it seems like that could teeter them on homelessness, but that itself would be a reach to make with what we have.

And tying into that Loona's lack of friends doesn't read the same as it would as a teenager. As teens you can be ostracized over not liking things that are popular, but adulthood is when those become endearing traits people love or just interesting. And often by adulthood if you somehow lack a friend it starts to become a matter of why? And that's not to say Loona MUST be hard to be friends with by any means. What I'm saying is they presented that she doesn't have any friends and should be showing is why. But all we see is her being mean to her father and his employees. The thing is mean is a personality trait, but it is not a personality. Is she expected to work for so long she never has time to go out? Does she lash out because she's so isolated the smallest things set her off because it's all she has?

I think overall we never get to see her as a person. She's Blitzø's daughter. The way her flashback was also through his eyes and our closest moment to Loona having a chance to stand on her own is propping up Blitzø and Stolas. She needs to have hobbies, and motivations that we see drive her. The fact we never see her interact alone with Stolas makes her whole speech about their dads trying to feel hollow and especially when she barely seems to get along with Blitzo. It would sooner make sense if she saw Stolas freaking out over Octavia being missing and she just said that he was panicking or even took video of him intending to post it later to sinstagram, but now despite Moxxie saying it wasn't funny its actually important because Octavia wouldn't have believed her otherwise. We should know more about Loona because she's intended to be a main character, we're already at season 2, and because maybe if Viv focused more on the entirety of her main cast she could implement some build up to these emotional moments and actually allow them to carry weight.

[ptrckjcne]

👻👓💡💌

ask box -> fanfic writer asks

👓 -> what helps you focus when you write? i have a few things that helps me focus! i usually write best in the mornings, after my morning swim/run, because that's when my head is at its clearest. however when i sit down and write, i can like, write fine on my own, but if i'm really inspired and want to write something, i'll crack my knuckles and put on the soundtrack to star wars (i don't know what happens, or why it happens, but that soundtrack's got something on me writing wise)

💡 -> how many wips do you currently have? right now, i've got seven wips; four multi-chapters and three one shots.

💌 -> is there a favourite trope you like to write? i mean, sharing a bed/one bed only. those two could hit me with a truck, and i'd say thanks. and then there's fake dating, absolutely love that. and there's probably more, but these kinda, stick out.

👻 -> what's your wildest headcanon? yikes, wildest? huh. i don't know if they can classify as wild, but i've got a couple i can share, so uhm, enjoy?

-> steve and danny help each other out, as friends or boyfriends, i don't know, that's up to them to figure out i guess. but, it's not uncommon for them to stumble into a bathroom stall, or yknow, whatever "private" space they find and just help each other relieve some tension like the good bros they are. thing is, it kinda gets outta hand, and they get stopped for public indecency not once, not twice, but three times. and it's not like you wanna get a rookie from the hpd looking into the car where you've got your best bro's dick in your hand, but shit and steve threatens to turn this kid in if he mentions their names, flashes him their badges, and adds that if there's anything in the report that can identify them, his career's over.

and it's not because steve's an douchebag, but he's got this big, tough-guy navy seal image to protect, and he's not about to give rachel fodder if she decides to drag danny to court over the kids (because imagine the field day they'd have if it turned up in a police report that "lieutenant commander steven j. mcgarrett and detective sergeant daniel d. williams have been fined for public indecency")

sometime after the third time they've been pulled over, duke corners steve when he's at the precinct, and he asks if steve knows about these very anonymous reports, and steve's like ??? me no i don't know anything, and duke just sighs, like a disappointed dad, and goes "there are no names, or any kind of way i can identify the people, but when i've asked the three reporting officers they say the people flashed sparkly badges, and that was what they could tell me – so can you and detective williams please keep it in your pants while in your cars?" (is this a headcanon or could this very well be a "they started off as good bros getting each other off now they're fucking and oh shit they're dating aren't they" kind of fic)

-> this one actually goes a little bit along to the possible grace-plot of your au to the au, but it's been brewing now for a while. anywho, danny and rachel really wanted kids, but sometimes two people just really struggle conceiving. moving further, there's actually two options to this headcanon:

danny and rachel have a talk, and decide they want to get checked out, and they find out the reason for their struggles, and sit down and have a talk; it's perfectly fine for rachel to get pregnant and carry a child, though it might not be possible for her to get pregnant with danny. so, they start looking at sperm donors.

enter steven, who was in town with his navy bros, who went "ooh i bet you're too much of a wimp to donate your sperm" and who is steve to back down from a challenge? so he donates his sperm, completely oblivious to the fact that his sperm is what creates danny's kid. danny doesn't actually know anything personal about steve from the file, other than the basic description, but sometime later, like way later, in hawaii later, they do a dna test just for fun and it turns out a perfect match between steve and grace and they're like oh

or rachel goes off one night after having argued with danny, possibly about his work? idk. anyway, she goes off to this bar, a shitty bar really, gets blackout drunk, gets one off quick and dirty in the bathroom of bar with another blackout drunk bar-guest (this stupidly hunk navy seal guy), gets pregnant and panicks, and just tells danny it's his. when the kid pops out and has brown eyes and brown hair, they just shrug it off with it being rachel's genetics taking the override on this one.

[thelady-needed-a-qouteblog]

In life, it’s not uncommon to find yourself attracting people who are drawn to your energy. You might notice that certain individuals, especially those who are struggling or feeling lost, seem to gravitate toward you. They come to you with their burdens, seeking comfort, advice, or simply a listening ear. While this can be a testament to your empathy, kindness, and genuine care for others, it’s also a sign that your energy is something special—something rare & truly powerful.

Your energy has a unique, healing quality that people can sense, often subconsciously. It’s as if they can feel that you have a light within you, a strength that they lack but desperately need. They are drawn to you because they sense that being in your presence makes them feel better, even if just for a little while. Your energy becomes a refuge, a source of warmth and positivity in their lives.

However, this gift of healing energy comes with a responsibility, not just to others, but more importantly, to yourself. It’s crucial to recognize that while it’s a beautiful thing to be a source of light for others, you must also be vigilant about protecting your own energy. Not everyone who comes into your life will respect or value what you offer. Some will take and take, without giving anything back. They might not even realize they’re doing it, but their energy is like that of a dead car battery—completely drained, and in need of a jump start.

When you continuously offer your energy to those who are running on empty, without any boundaries, you risk becoming depleted yourself. Imagine yourself as a set of jumper cables, always connecting to these drained batteries. At first, it might feel good to help someone get back on their feet, to see them smile because of the light you’ve shared. But if you’re not careful, if you’re always giving without replenishing your own energy, you’ll start to feel the effects. You might notice feelings of exhaustion, burnout, or even resentment creeping in.

This is why it’s so important to value your time and energy immensely. You have to set boundaries—not just for others, but for yourself. It’s not selfish to protect your energy; it’s essential. Just as you wouldn’t give away all your money without making sure you have enough to take care of yourself, you shouldn’t give away your energy without ensuring that you’re keeping enough for your own well-being.

Think of your energy as a precious resource, something that needs to be nurtured and maintained. When you allow yourself to be constantly drained by others, you’re not just doing yourself a disservice; you’re also limiting your ability to help anyone in the long run. A drained battery can’t charge another, and if you burn out, you won’t be able to offer that healing light to anyone—not even yourself.

So, how do you protect your energy while still being the caring, compassionate person you naturally are? The first step is to become more aware of the dynamics in your relationships. Notice who consistently leaves you feeling uplifted and who leaves you feeling drained. Pay attention to how much energy you’re giving in comparison to what you’re receiving. This isn’t about keeping score, but about ensuring that your relationships are balanced and healthy.

It’s also important to learn to say no, without guilt or fear of disappointing others. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a wise one. It’s about recognizing your limits and understanding that you can’t pour from an empty cup. By protecting your energy, you’re actually doing a service to others as well because you’re ensuring that when you do give, it comes from a place of abundance, not depletion.

Another key aspect of protecting your energy is finding ways to recharge. Just as a car battery needs time to regain its power, you need time to rejuvenate your spirit. This could be through activities that bring you joy, spending time alone to reflect and relax, or surrounding yourself with people who uplift and energize you. Whatever it is that refuels you, make it a priority in your life. Your well-being isn’t just important—it’s essential for you to continue being the light that others are drawn to.

Finally, remember that you are not obligated to fix everyone who comes into your life. Your role is not to be a permanent source of energy for others, but to be a guide, a supporter, and sometimes, a mirror. There’s a difference between helping someone and carrying their burdens for them. Encourage those who come to you to find their own strength, to tap into their own source of power, rather than relying on yours indefinitely. This way, you’re not just giving them a temporary boost, but empowering them to grow and heal in their own right.

In the end, valuing your energy and setting boundaries is about recognizing your worth. You are a person of immense value, with a gift that is both rare and powerful. Protecting that gift isn’t just an act of self-care; it’s an act of self-respect. By doing so, you ensure that you can continue to shine brightly, not just for others, but for yourself as well. And when you do choose to share your energy, it will be from a place of true strength & abundance.

_ conscious souls

[erme-aeterna-arts]

Your characters are cool! I love how you pair Mohre with astarion, so cute! Correct me if I'm wrong but ur durge (even though I'm not sure if they resist or not) gave off some motherly/very caring vibes when I saw ur art. What's ur opinion of dadstarion?? <3

ahh thank you so much!! and for the question as well <3

i wouldn't describe mohre's affection for astarion as motherly, but astarion is definitely very precious to them, and that's what i'm always trying to portray. i think caring so much for someone is very new to mohre, because pre-tadpole they barely had a space for their own identity, let alone anyone other than bhaal in their life. and another thing is that they fear themselves and their own emotions a lot, it's something they struggle with in-game most obviously because of the urge, but even after denying bhaal they still remember that any strong feelings they have bring on suffering and disaster directly or not. mohre also worries about not overwhelming astarion with these intense feelings, because they're just beginning to be more in touch with themselves, would they know how much is too much? so they're always torn between the terrified voice in their head begging to hold back and the need to express all the love and adoration they have for astarion. they do trust astarion to tell them if something's wrong, they trust him to keep them from hurting him, and a huge part of why mohre fell so hard for him is that he believed they wouldn't. they're so surprised by being in love and being able to show it, but it's still their journey for post-game, to learn to also trust themselves to do so, if that makes sense.

as for dadstarion, i don't really see mohre or astarion as parents tbh. they both have pretty messed up experiences with "family", their lifestyle (adventuring) doesn't really provide opportunity for raising kids, and getting their own kids would also mean passing their respective curses onto them. the latter would be especially acute for mohre, since it's likely the child would be born with the urge despite mohre's resisting it (if you let sarevok live and resist bhaal, he sends a letter to the withers party, from which it's pretty clear it would happen), and they wouldn't accept the risk of handing a child to bhaal. i also just think astarion and mohre's plan for post-game adventures is to see the world, learn of all the things they were denied, what they might enjoy, parenthood isn't really there.

however, given astarion's immortality and mohre's potential jergal-sponsored one, i can imagine them ending up with some child they rescued on their hands during one of their adventures. i think it would be a temporary situation, but that's as close as it would get to dadstarion. being exposed to the cruelty of the world and being helpless to stop it and having done nothing to deserve is what being a child is about, and that's why mohre and astarion tend to help those kids they meet, why they make an effort to be nice to them, teach them to lie and defend themselves. but for astarion this protectiveness is mixed with guilt over the gur children, he aways knows that even while he's helping at the moment he's been that threat before, the guilt is always there. so he would prefer to avoid the reminder altogether. mohre, on the other hand, is vaguely aware that they didn't discriminate in their kills during their time as the chosen, so the desire to keep themselves away rears its head once in a while, but in this case what's more prominent is that they just don't know what to do with kids. they know their experiences are uncommon, they know these are not something to base your interactions with kids on, so it's just kind of awkward for them most of the time. they're a bard, they know how to seem delightful, but not how to actually mean that. so mohre and astarion would just hand each other the duty of dealing with the child (to their mutual bafflement, "do you think i know how to do this?") and try their best, and the child in question would think them both kind of weird (and mohre more so) but funny and safe.

[senseicowpoke]

October 18, 2023

TW: Suicide

As I sit here in front of my computer, I can't help but feel the weight of the anniversary that looms over me. It's been fourteen years since my best friend took her own life and the ache in my heart is still as raw as it was on that day. Being from a small town like ours, mental health was often swept under the rug, and anyone struggling with it was immediately labeled as "crazy." But I'm here to tell you that mental health is just as important as physical health and should be treated as such.

Our town may be small, but the effects of mental health issues are still prevalent. It isn't uncommon to hear whispers and rumors about someone that is struggling, and it's even harder for them to seek out help without fear of judgment or ostracization. As such, my best friend kept her struggles hidden, and we never knew the depth of her pain until it was too late. Mental health is not something that should be taken lightly. Just like how we go to a doctor for a physical ailment, we need to seek out professional help for our mental health as well. It's important to know that having a mental health issue does not make you weak or less of a person. It's a medical issue, and it needs to be treated with the same care and attention as any physical ailment.

It's been years since that fateful day, yet it still feels like yesterday. I remember finding her and feeling like everything around me was a blur. The image of her lifeless body is etched into my mind, and I can't seem to shake it off. Her death sent me spiraling down a road of pain and grief that I wish no one ever had to go through.

But life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you. It seems like every time I think I'm starting to heal, something else happens. The Grim Reaper has come knocking at my door one too many times, and it's starting to feel like I'm cursed. I've lost friends and relatives, and the pain never truly goes away.

It's hard to explain to people who haven't been through it, but being the one who finds a loved one's body is a trauma that never goes away. It's a memory that replays in my mind every time I close my eyes. And yet, it's something that I've had to deal with more than once. Since my friend's passing, I've lost other friends and family members, each one a tragedy in its own right. But it's my nana's death that hit me the hardest. She was one of my biggest supporters in the world and losing her felt like losing a part of myself.

My Nana was my rock through it all - the one person who never judged me or made me feel like I had to be strong all the time. There's something that she told me, "You can't expect a broken clock to still tell time. It's okay to not be okay." And she was right. Time doesn't always heal all wounds. Sometimes, we just have to learn to live with the pain. It's been a few years since she passed, and I'd like to say that time heals all wounds, but that's just not true. The pain doesn't go away, it just becomes more bearable. There are still days when I pick up the phone to call her, forgetting for a moment that she's gone. And it hurts all over again when I remember.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with all of this is trying to talk about it. People always mean well when they ask about my friend's suicide or the other deaths I've experienced, but I dread those conversations. I don't want to relive the pain, and I definitely don't want to be known as that person who's been through so much loss.

But through all of this loss, one thing has become abundantly clear to me: kindness is key. We never know what someone else is going through, and a little bit of kindness can go a long way. One of my old coworkers used to say, "You never know what day you'll need someone, so be nice to everyone." It's a sentiment that I try to live by, because it's true. We're all fighting battles that no one else can see, and a little bit of kindness goes a long way in making those battles a little easier to bear.

So, if you're still here, then thank you for reading. And if there's one thing that I hope that you take away from my ramblings today, it's this: be kind to everyone you meet. You never know what struggles they're facing or what demons they're fighting. And if you're one of the people who has lost someone, know that you're not alone. You'll may never fully heal from the pain, but you'll learn how to live with it. I wish I had the answers, but in the meantime, remember to be kind to yourself as well. You deserve it.

[maddmuses]

Slytherin!Hermione

“Are you sure that’s a real spell? Well, it’s not very good, is it?”

Sauce: Here

Cunning, determination, and resourcefulness, with an ambition to learn as much about magic as possible. A girl who might have one day become Minister for Magic certainly exemplified the qualities that Slytherin house would desire.

With few biases, even from what she'd read, entering into Hogwarts, Hermione would consider the options laid out before her. Though books and learning could certainly be important, there was no way that just being studious on its own would yield a great result. The history of witches and wizards told her that many were determined and resourceful as well, regardless of their house, and one with prestige such as having Merlin has a member truly couldn't be a bad choice!

Though Hermione's difficulty making friends is not alleviated in this house, struggling to connect with her peers, unless it accompanies an AU in which Harry is also sorted into Slytherin, and not really making friends until towards the end of the year, even following the troll incident.

Hermione's loyalty and care for Harry and Ron would be ultimately proven as she helped them reach the Philosopher's/Sorceror's Stone, and would stay behind, allowing Harry to go on without her, the following years would lack much change aside from small changes and difficulties coordinating plans because of the distance of their dormitories.

Even among Slytherin house, Hermione would face significant bigotry and maligning, particularly in her first few years, for her blood status. Blood supremacists aren't likely to be kind based on fraternity, as it wasn't uncommon for half-blooded students to lie about their blood status in order to avoid harassment, something that Hermione is flagrantly unwilling to lie about or downplay. Accordingly, her confrontational relationship with blood supremacists, such as Draco's clique, and the children of any Death Eater who holds their parent's opinions, is unchanged, if not more frequent. However, those whose bullying may have been based on other factors, particularly house membership, may have been relieved, if not outright gone. Particularly, Hermione would have a less confrontational relationship with Professor Snape, though like Ron and Harry, she would not ultimately trust him as much as other professors.

[fff777]

I saw this writing tag game. I wasn't tagged but it looked fun :3

What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had?

I really think it might be my current fic, the Laytao historical AU. In its current form, I don't think it's as polished as most of my other fics, but I am still quite attached to the original idea that this fic came from. The fic in its current form is extremely different from what I had initially hoped to write. But all variations of it are equally dear to me.

Maybe it's because this idea was combined with a setting that I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about and it gave me a lot of ideas about it.

What is your favourite part of being a writer? Which parts could you take or leave?

I guess my favourite part is just being able to articulate an idea. I like sharing things I like. I also find that writing fic helps me organize and contextualize my thoughts about things, whether it's about the ship or the setting or other themes in the fic.

My least favourite part...basically the actual writing lmao. To be honest, I don't really consider myself a writer. I struggle to write and I don't actually find it fun the way I find my other hobbies fun. I also have a funky relationship with words that I won't get into here, but words don't really touch me the way I think it touches other people and so it makes it difficult for me to convey things without cringing sometimes.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

My biggest motivation for writing is to just realize my ideas. Words are magical in that you can bring basically anything to life and it's kind of fun that I can conceive anything in the world and just. Write it lol.

What is your favourite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

I don't know if this is recency bias but I am rather pleased with most of my most recent works. What a copout answer lmao. But I like them for different reasons.

Sulay cambunnies: I liked this because it kind of made me feel braver about writing the kind of porn that I enjoyed.

Seho historical AU: I liked this fic for a lot of reasons. It was my first long fic and taught me a lot about writing. I liked that it was a big happy ending fic. I was aiming for cute and fluffy and from the comments I was proud that I was able to convey that in a historical setting where the expressions of love can be quite different.

Kaixing SDOC: I liked this fic because it's as close to canon timeline fic as I've ever written lol. I just never thought I could write anything realistic and this fic kind of helped me realize how I can do that.

Laytao historical AU: Oh man. I already mentioned that I really love the idea that this fic is attached to and that is a huge reason of why I love this a lot, as imperfect as it is. I put a lot of thought into the trajectory of the story and while I still don't think it's perfect in its final form, I'm still thankful to this fic for giving me a vehicle to explore those themes.

What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

I don't really have any? But I did share this recently with a friend.

It's from a not-yet posted chapter of the Laytao historical AU fic.

"It was bitter, as it always was. But bitterness was never a problem. Yixing could always tolerate it. Good things must always be suffered through."

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Probably Yixing in the Laytao historical AU fic. He's very patriotic and lawful, unflinchingly so. In today's political climate, that is not a popular attitude. This kind of character is not at all uncommon to the genre, and to the general culture, as folk heroes that act like this are revered. I do think that Yixing has a personality that is somewhat like this. But I don't know him, only the side of him that is presented to the world.

Personally, this way of thinking is not for me. But I think it's not so uncommon to come across people like this in the world.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I think I'd be a little awed that I managed to write these more ambitious pieces. I read fic for a long time before ever trying my hand at it.

Tagging whoever wants to do this!!!!!

[girlyholic]

Is Overlap Possible Between Menhera and Jirai?

Jirai and mental health is a topic I feel is worth addressing, as I’ve noticed a specific trend both in my inbox and in general replies on this subject. I often see the sentiment that pushing against the term Jirai is hurting those with mental illness more than helping, as there are some people with mental illness who find solace in the term and wish to reclaim it.

Regarding that, people can look at the facts of what Jirai is and make their own decisions. I am just here to provide a bit more clarity on what it is so newcomers can enjoy the actual fashion that got overshadowed by the harmful meme blowing up.

But this raises a point that’s worth examining, since some people feel so strongly about it. Is Jirai, which is heavily tied to the Japanese anti-recovery community, something that can ever be considered comparable to Menhera, which is about mental health awareness?

Putting a TW here before the readmore for a brief discussion of self harming behaviors.

To start, I’ll explain what Menhera is and how it relates to this conversation. The term Menhera first came about on 2channel in 2000, coined by the users of its mental health board as a nickname for themself. People on this board would not only exchange about mental health, but also share all kinds of vent art. Menhera art became an own genre, exhibitions dedicated to it began to be made, and Menhera turned into an own subculture. The thing that’s important to note is that before Menhera was born, there were no neutral terms for the mentally ill in Japanese, they were all exclusively derogatory.

This neutral meaning lasted for over a decade, until the term was discovered by outsiders in the early days of the social media boom. “Menhera Kei”, meaning Menhera-type, became the name of a stereotype used to label women as crazy. Examples of the stereotype include women who can’t accept failure, or who seek attention from others, since they have no self-esteem. A great deal of emphasis was put on women of this “type” having unfixable personality flaws, because in Japan, mental health issues are generally considered to be personal failings that cause trouble for others, and not legitimate health issues.

On paper, that sounds a lot like Jirai, doesn’t it? Both are words that have stereotypes about mentally-ill women associated with them.

There is one key difference: Jirai's background is the total opposite of Menhera. Menhera as a term was made by the mental health community for the mental health community, and you don’t seek out a mental health board to get worse. It may have a secondary meaning as an ableist stereotype, but that came about from people taking a term mentally-ill people came up with to use amongst themselves and twisting it.

Meanwhile, there never has been a positive association with Jirai, and it’s not uncommon for Japanese netizens to use it in a self-deprecating manner. Looking at accounts of self-proclaimed landmines quickly shows that there is no intent to reclaim the term, meaning to turn it into something positive, but instead it is used as a way to find affirmation in self-destructive and self-harming behaviors. When it isn’t graphic photos of self-harm, it’s often things that are more subtle, such as posting about passing out drunk sleeping on the streets or how they don’t deserve to eat at best, or sharing screenshots of questionable LINE messages with captions about how cute it is that they’re gaslighting their partner at worst. It is almost always not a rejection of the harmful traits of the stereotype, but an embrace of them.

And I really need to clarify that I don’t think people who post that sort of content are bad people. That’s the reason why I never link to any of these accounts. These are people who are deeply embroiled in a culture and aesthetic that is harming them further, and I sincerely hope that one day they can break out of it. I struggle with mental illness myself and can understand that side of it completely.

Seeking mental well-being, which is what Menhera refers to, is not comparable to Jirai, which has been heavily associated with the anti-recovery community. This is why this whole discourse feels a bit strange, as Menhera is right there and encompasses what people boasting about reclaiming Jirai are usually looking for. There isn’t really a need to reclaim Jirai in the west anyways as nobody is affected by its derogatory meaning the way people in Japan are to begin with.