#because it is really tough. but fuck.
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Me for the last few years: yeah I most likely have autism. Most of my friends - who are also mostly autistic - have accused me of being such several times and i find several traits apply. I don't mind, I'm still me either way.
My college: you have a lot of autistic traits
My ALS tutor: your behaviour is typical of undiagnosed autistic people of your age
Me, now: well, fuck that.
#how tf am i supposed to tell my mum lol#ibwould tell my sister but shes going though some Pretty Bad Shit rn and just came off of holiday#so id rather not bother her with this. and id rather not tell her and have her start telling me how hard her life is atm#because it is really tough. but fuck.#i /could/ tell my sisters boyfriend but id rather he keep his full attention on my sister#if he doesnt help her ill punch his face off which shouldnt be difficult considering hes a 6“4 twig that is a chemical engineer#but i have literally no one else in my family i can tell about this#except for my cat. but our riveting conversations dont really stretch so deep as actual advice
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両面宿儺;
for @queenrojpag
happy birthday itz (*≧︶≦))( ̄▽ ̄* )ゞ
#jjkedit#ryoumen sukuna#jujutsu kaisen#sukerokus#usersophies#userkarura#useraki#userkururrugi#usergojoana#usernikiforova#edit:all#edit:color#HAPPY BIRTHDAY ITZ!!!!!#IDK IF IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY IN YOUR TIMEZONE BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS!!!!#i wanted to color nai but trimax is so tough for me to color so have the king of curses#your gifs are so fucking cool and you're honestly such a cool person!!!!!!!!#i really love talking to you about trigun and jjk and tojigo and kvk#also thank you for encouraging all my weird fanfics i am grateful for all the feedback#happy birthday my dude hope you have/had a nice day!!!!#also idk what this is it's messy because i did not know it was your bday until like last night bgdgbfxbgf IM SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!#( o=^•ェ•)o ┏━┓ (❤´艸`❤)
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I'm sorry but it is extremely funny to me that Nene5 basically goes "fuck the power of friendship when you got the grindset" and nobody is talking about it.
This is mostly a joke because ik that's not really what the event is about but like it is so funny to have Nene being told to "not have compassion" like DAMN.
#wxs#wonderlandxshowtime#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#nene kusanagi#nene wxs#i have mixed feelings on it not like in a negative sense because i like it either way#but like the way they don't really treat the establishement as a bad thing but mostly something that just is a thing#like yeah sometimes the acting industry is fucking brutal and people are gonna hate each other for it#this is probably one of the most interesting part of the training arc is kinda basically showing how all of those things that may seem fun#on the surface are actually genuinely tough like#actually i might not get into it bc it might as well go in a secondary post
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people who dislike saiki kusuo i need to pick and prod at ur brain. whats going on in there?
#this is half joking but not really#i think you just cant read and thats okay<3#'hes a dick to everyone' LITERALLY TELL ME HOW#cuz the entire manga is about him pushing everyone away because he doesnt think hes supposed to have friends#which he thinks because of past experiences that have literally only proved him right#and they show him kindness and make him realize its fucking okay and he deserves to have friends#so please explain why him self sabotaging and pushing people away by being like at most mildly rude (ONLY WHEN PROVOKED MIGHT I ADD)-#makes him an asshole ???#anyone who thinks like this i feel like youre those people on twitter who r like 'u should never vent to ur friends or be there for them'#LIKE THATS U RN😭😭#idk how to explain it but i think its exactly the same#depressed guy has a tough time showing affection and u go 'well he doesnt deserve his friends actually'#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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#I remember a few years ago there was one artist that really liked Gil and they were constantly drawing him and talking about him#and one day I saw a message from them that Gil started to make them anxious and feel terrible#because of the whole thing in the fandom that revolves around his character and stuff like that#and they've gone tired of him and stopped liking him and moved to other fandom#and at that moment I felt really sad because I loved how they were drawing Gil#and the fact that they stopped liking him their own reasons just made me feel bad as well#and a few years later I understand that person because whenever I see a certain toxic ship and people that are shipping them#just makes me hate myself and him#because I feel like a total hypocrite for liking such terrible character#and I don't know what to do with that feeling because I really don't want to hate Gilgamesh because he means a lot to me#he helped me to get through a lot of tough times and I know that he's much more than this toxic douchebag#and that I love him not because of that trait but still...#like I could've chosen some other character as my fave#someone like Link or Vash or Ichigo from Bleach but no... I've chosen this golden prick...#maybe I am just as fucked up in the head as those people who into *that* toxic relationship...#personal
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Saw this tweet going around and realised it gave me the perfect opportunity to draw my favourite protags since i haven't in a while
#xenoblade 3#xenoblade chronicles 3#mio xenoblade#berseria#tales of berseria#velvet crowe#fuck it might as well tag it all#flambo art#done with minimal references because we ball#also furina was a really close third it was tough to choose
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mutually overprotective
#see tiziano can handle himself even when hes not the best in fights but squalo fights for his honour anyways#because tiziano is the closest to perfect a man could be in squalos eyes so he gets offended on tiz's behalf 😭😭#on the flip side tiziano knows squalo is insecure and oversensitive and he lets squalo fight for him and for himself mostly#especially since squalo feels an unhealthy need to be tough and masculine so people will accept him as a man#and tiz just comforts him when he's upset after because thats what actually helps most#but yknow tiz gets really fucking sick of people being an asshole to squalo especially just to get a fucking rise out of him#and it makes him ESPECIALLY mad when he can tell squalos trying not to cry#hes diplomacy first for most things but get him angry and tiziano is scarier than squalo lol#i love them they love each other#golden wind#vento aureo#jjba fanart#jjba#squatizi#jjba squalo#jjba tiziano#Squalo#Tiziano#amby draws#my art
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“Of course you have an Other Brother,” he says, waving off her denial as he opens some nearby cabinets. “Who else would I be if I wasn’t?”
Small WIP sketch of the Other Brother from IDKSomethingClever99’s fic “Mari in the Pink Palace”!!! OMORI and Coraline are my two biggest interests ever so this fic was like winning the lottery for me. Not to mention how good it is… please go read it ragh
#omori#omori au#omori sunny#coraline#this fic cured my artblock and writing block partially too is there anything it can’t do#Idksomethingclever99 what are you PUTTING in this thing it’s like a drug in the best way possible#Anyway this is a really lazy and terrible other brother design… I had so many other ideas for his outfit#I had wanted to keep the bug motifs the other mother has in her outfit as well as referencing the recital#Cause. You know#mari’s perfect world#Where he gets good at the violin lmao…#But I got lazy so here was a very simplified design I made#Fingers yearned for rest couldn’t draw complicated ideas I had…#Anyways anyways love this fic#So much#god#i fucking love how mewo is portrayed too#She’s like a weary mother trying to give some tough love to her kids landkrk#She’s such an asshole but I say that affectionately#Not to mention the fact that she didn’t info dump like the cat did in coralline to mari because she was more focused on getting her home-#-and safe from the beldam than actually telling her what he was doing… christttt#And yes I will still call him the beldam#Them??? Idk djdjdjej#I also love how all the other friends are gahhhh… I can’t WAIT to see their other forms when mari’s getting the eyes#Fun fact this drawing was originally meant to be a redraw of that one scene with the cocobugs#Since it’s super pretty and I wanted to draw it#But it’s not in the fic yet (next chapter I think?) and the author takes a lot of creative liberties which I LOVE so I wanna read the scene#First before attempting to draw it#But I really hope they lean into the uncanniness of Sunny of all people surrounding himself with bug imagery#Since that goes against what mari knows about him a LOT and will further cement that something is NOT RIGHT with this guy
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Something I've seen a couple people saying is that they want to make sure that Laudna understands that she's not the only one who has been through trauma. But like. Laudna is not the only one who needs to learn that lesson. Actually, it's not even that Laudna needs to learn that she's not the only one that's been through trauma at all, because they're all very aware of what they've all been through. This became an inevitable confrontation when Laudna decided to let Delilah back in, though, and after rewatching the scene, I actually think the only people who managed this situation correctly were Imogen* and Ashton.
Orym and Laudna are both more focused on their own pasts with the sword and not thinking about each other. Orym should have talked to the group and come to a decision with them about using the sword and Laudna should have talked to him about it instead of trying to steal it.
*my feelings about this are still up in the air don't read into this too much
#our faves aren't exempt from having to learn these lessons and orym has also not learned this lesson i'm sorry but it's true#ashton and chet are the only ones who have even tried to deal with their personal shit in a semi-productive way tbh#i could elaborate on the imogen handling this correctly but i'm not delving into interpreting that ship so i'm not going to lol#that's another post people wouldn't actually like and it's because i definitely don't mean this in the way you think i mean it#i'm not saying laudna was RIGHT#honestly i'm not getting my hopes up about how this going to be dealt with because i've done that before#and it hasn't panned out in a way that i enjoyed#so we'll see how this goes#also tbh orym walking in wielding that sword was a ballsy move to begin with#props to marisha for instigating tough rp over it#literally laudna going 'i was felled by this blade' and orym going 'so was i' LIKE SHE WASN'T PERMANENTLY DEAD THOUGH#for a long fucking time#and chet saying that orym's lost more like laudna didn't lose her entire family and her entire life lmao#if ANYONE in this group might be able to understand orym's loss it's HER#i know people are going to interpret this as me saying there's a right or wrong to this and i'm not saying that#people acting like one of them had more of a right to the sword than the other is bugging me though#although my vote would definitely be throw that thing in the lucidean ocean#(i mean really i'm like USE IT IT'S PROBABLY COOL) but like if i were IN the situation it would be to toss that thing so far away from me#cr spoilers
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I fucking hate the tetris effect so much. Like oooh lemme play this funnie little card game rogue-like, ooh it's so fun it's gonna be the only game I play for weeks now, oooh what do you mean I'm fucking duplicating multi-card holographic sevens in my dreams
#simon says#yeah this is about balatro#i think it sorta taught me that I do in fact really enjoy roguelikes and i am pretty decent at them#at least I think I am#i only have 3 more card decks to unlock and the black deck is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE#i am not going to 100% this game because I hate the black deck so fucking much#that -1 hand is gonna be the death of me and has been the death of me#it's like I either fumble my first round and have to start over because I keep forgetting I have 1 less hand#or I get a nice groove but lose around round 5 because the boss bind was too tough#anyways I only really watch 1 youtuber play it so I have no clue if im actually pretty decent at the game or if im like#okay or something#idk all I know is that I am going to do my damnedest to beat that black deck#also I wanna try to unlock all of the collection because it's very annoying that challenge mode doesn't count#and I wanna do challenge mode but it is just annoying that it doesn't count anything towards the collection#but yeah im REALLY vibing with this game and every time I play it while high it makes me wanna stream again#anyways I have it on switch (because I could use the nintendo coins to get it at a discount) but I looked at the achievements on steam#i wish cross platform saves existed because if I had it on steam I would have all but like 4 achievements lmaooo#anyways im just autistic and really like card games and roguelikes so this is like the perfect game#plus big number go up
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the lesser known did symptom of not knowing anything about your life because not only do you not remember anything (and the memories you Do have are heavily fragmented so you have no idea when they occured), but you also consistently destroy all traces of yourself during dissociative episodes. rip every diary ive tried to keep and almost every social media account. i will never know what i got up to or who i was during those years
i have a spreadsheet i use for documenting memories that turn up before i can forget them again. where i also do my best to estimate what year or season or month they came from. but its all just such a mess. even 2021 onwards which are supposed to be my therapy years are very very patchy. i wish i could just know my life
#kostik speaks#having a moment#is it fucked up that the vast majority of what i can place on my life timeline is directly lifted from the internet archive#where i desperately try to remember old urls and see if any evidence of my existence has been immortalised#just so i can know what i was doing. and who i was. and what i was going through. when.#anyway#im so upset about how much evidence of myself ive destroyed now that im finally trying to put the pieces together#just because i refused to accept that was me and i took it upon myself to delete the old mes from existence#over and over again#because reading what id written and identifying with who i was was immensely dysphoric and distressing#any sort of life history is just. not there#i try very hard but i rely a lot on other people and archives that i cant wipe myself#because otherwise the pieces of my memory just dont work and none of it makes sense#its tough#just had to ask my mother when my grandmother died#it was really not long ago#because it was a significant event. i have a memory fragment of learning the news. i have no idea when it was though#maybe learning the time of year will explain some things. heres to hoping#im venting ignore me#i must have asked her before already but! youll never guess. i forgot#so i asked again and this time ill get it on the spreadsheet#so maybe i can build up a small timeline of that section of the year around that date#thats what im hoping. heres to hoping
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I want to get to the good part of this blastvoid thing I'm writing but i do NOT want to write the part before it and I'm procrastinating so fucking hard
Like i know what i want and it'll be satisfying but it's like the reverse of eating beef jerky, where this is the tough gross part you just need to swallow before getting to the fucking SPPIUCCE
#I'm writing their early days when blast first realizes a) fucking void is an option and b) he REALLY wants to#but it's in the middle of a one night stand with a woman#and I'm just......so uninterested in most straight stuff......like unless its genderfuckery with the characters cause that's cool#also hard because i really believe background characters should have their own lives so trying to write these OCs as likable and believable#without them taking to too much time#or at least if they do have them be fun enough that it's fine#and also having it be believable that they'll go about their business even after the story moves on from them#hard too to get into the head of a frat bro/fuckboy which is kinda how i see Blast#or rather it's hard to write him without making him either too soft or too gross#like the way i like and see women isn't necessarily the way a guy like that would and it's tough to figure out where the crossover is#so i can use it to make this whole thing more believable#i REALLY want it to be clear that blast and void do not have the kind of relationship that would be good for anyone else#and probably really isn't even good for them#but that requires a fair amount of build up to get it across the way I'd like#like blast is fixated on void and so hyper aware of everything he does that he's almost#but not quite#scared of him#and void knows what he's doing because blast is the Goldie Locks of candidates for someone to help him with the GOD stuff#and he D O E S N O T want him going anywhere so he's gonna keep him close using every trick in the book#but blast IS charismatic and he IS fun and he DOES make daily life a lot more pleasant#so he's uncomfortably attached too#but blast has zero fucking for clue about any of that other than he's aware of just **how little** he knows about void#IT'S A FUCKING LOT OF SUBTEXT TO GET ACROSS WITH A CHARACTER I'M STRUGGLING WITH#I'm going to do it but MAN#blastvoid
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Goddamn Andraste's knickers, I am a mage in Tevinter.
I just ran smack into an Imperial Templar and he politely turned and walked the other way.
#Dragon Age#DAV#dragon age: the veilguard#Rook#Mercar#mage Rook#Cato Hawke#thinking about Ezio and all the Italian guards I had to stab because they shoved me. moment of silence.#also fun fact: Cato does not wear but always carries ''his'' stolen Magister birthright#It's gotten him out of some tough Shadow Dragon situations#of course. it's also what tipped the Venator off to the fact that there was more to him#and led to them figuring out who he really is#but he still carries it#a fact which Tarquin fucking hates but like. It's Cato's trauma. Cato's trophy. Maybe Cato's funeral.#Dorian and Mae are extremely supportive of him having it#my OCs
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because
My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because
I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because
People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because
My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.
#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner#I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even#find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because#every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse#and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have#and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in#and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help#and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit#they're not going to think about how they could have helped#and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people#who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much#they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how#to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore#I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.
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anyway this week I leant on my therapist's shoulder and ugly cried for like 10 minutes and as I was leaving I was like 'don't give me that face' and she was like 'I'm just very proud of your progress!' and I'm like 😡😡😡😡😡 THANK YOU 😡😡😡😡😡
#red said#i have cried in therapy before but i am usually always very in control of it#it's a 'tears are running but I'm otherwise normal' kind of crying or occasionally a 'take several deep breaths to pull myself together'#but it's dumb though cause we've talked about some very dramatic shit just fine and today i was just talking about like#my dumb adolescent-type insecurities about not being the kind of Cool And Collected And Exciting Person i want to be#ooooorrrrrr from another angle about how I'm 31 and have built my entire self-conception around being a person Things Happen to#and now at 31 entire years old I'm suddenly trying to figure out what sort of person i am beyond someone who's like#good at being tough and reacting with grace and fortitude to Things Happening At Me.#because Things stopped Happening At Me so much like. 5 years ago now. I'm in a loving relationship i have a stable home#i have a middle class income and great friends and it's been over 6 years since the last time anyone raped me.#my health is better than its ever been. both physical and mental. i am safe and i am loved and i am good at my job#so i can't really keep operating on a self concept where the only thing that i value in myself is the ability to survive#bc like I'm NOT surviving I'm GOOD. i can get what i want and be who i want. what the FUCK do i WANT??????????????
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