pieflavorpie

[pieflavorpie]

One thing about my trip to London to see Cabaret with my mum and sister that i hope to remember is the conversations we had afterwards.

Because we spent hours afterwards discussing it.

And one thing about me, is that i am openly trans. I never push it [not anything against people who do, it just means that im comfortable with how ive been reffered to. I just feel disconnect with it] but i dont hide the fact i am not a girl as my body may suggest.

My family knows this. Its never really discussed. They still use she/her & my 'deadname' because i asked them to. I don't like being treated differently. My sister crotcheted a blanket for me using the colours of the NB flag. My mum encourages me to use whatever i want when filling out unoffical forms.

All this to say, sat in the wine bar afterwards i got hit with the uncomfortable remark of "It would be hard, because we dont have anywhere to hide you. We dont have attics."

And that is a conversation that was needed to be had, it makes the struggle all that more real. It acknowledges the rot on the ceiling will ruin my lungs, and that leaving it be will do jackshit.

That does not mean that it did not feel like a slap in the face.

My mum does not have the money to move away. She is a single mum working for the local council. My sister & her boyfriend might be able to scrounge that money, but that is a harsh might. We are entering an era in britain where this may become a problem.

I used to love this country as an imperfect community, that was ever pushing for improvement. I used to love this country as something that could be improved by me.

How am i supposed to love this country that would rather see me and people like me dead/suffering than partner up with countries sharing our continent?

[pieflavorpie]

[pieflavorpie]

AÑSO I FORGOT TO POST THIS BUT IM STILL IN THE MOOD TO BE UNSUFFERABLE ABOUT IT SO HOLD UP A MINUTE

On saturday i finally saw my #1 bucket list musical Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club as a birthday surprise and i am taking a moment to appreciate Marisha Wallace's performance of Sally Bowles to be the best performance of anything ive ever seen. She wielded her vocal skills not just like a tool but a weapon. She channeled someone who was confident when in her element, but was oftentimes so far out of her element that she slipped into her role as a chatty, charismatic, naïve young woman like a well fit costume. I came out feeling like i knew Sally Bowles as though i know a dear friend.

And honestly? Same for Frauleine Schneider. Just not as prevalent and did not have that insane vocal range & disparity.

[pieflavorpie]

OK so I have thoughts and feelings and a LOTTA them. Here's my list [which is arbitrary and could change tomorrow in all honesty]

1. Percy.

Taliesin put so much love and attention into this character, that it made Caleb & Nott feel cheap to me for a WHILE. Taliesin literally told Sam how guns were constructed in rather extreme detail meanwhile Sam barely used basic chemistry knowledge & Liam was only using the Keen Mind feat instead of taking notes. I had to sit to myself and remind myself that these people each have their own strengths and weaknesses and research clearly wasn't either of those [which probably why I couldn't get into their characters but oh well].

While I'm not on the "Critical Role has to follow writing techniques" train due to the fact I'm into this because it's an unconventional story. But. Percys arc is ridiculously satisfying. I know he was supposed to die, but the entirety of VM being him learning how to cope with [&live with] the grief of his family and all the mistakes he has made. I've never felt prouder in a fictional character than when he talked to his wife instead of calling in on a Devil's deal and selling his soul again. Breaking his cycle. And then the subsequent "i think I wanted to be a clockmaker once" and him choosing a healthy pathway forward!!! It's so rewarding after we see this man break himself into so many pieces continuously, just to find the point he initially broke. He learns that maybe that doesn't matter.

And then there's the actual personality of Percy. That man is a perfect depiction of darkness and pompousness. Able to take the mick of himself sometimes, and able to communicate. Having the rare issue where it wasn't trust issues with other people, but trust issues with himself. He trusted the people around him so much, and had so many lighthearted moments with seemingly no hint of darkness. And it made his Moments hit harder.

2. Mollymauk/Kingsley

Grouping these 2 together as joint 2nd because I view these 2 as intrinsically linked. I can't bring up why I like Molly without mentioning Lucien/Kingsley, and vice versa. I love the analysis of what makes a distinct soul, I love how open the interpretation of what Kingsley IS is. Is he just the rememnants of a severely traumatised & scrappy Mollymauk after spending too much time as the neosomnovum? Is he a different fragment of Luciens soul? Is he a mixture of different parts of Lucien and Molly? Is it fair to say that as Molly IS a part of Lucien?

And the book, oh gods the book. So many things Tal just randomly blurted out that were wrapped in so well. I will never get over Brevyn's kiss to the forehead. "Long may he reign" being a song the tombtakers sang. "Empty" being repeated due to Lucien's worst fear being puppetted just like his brother.

There is not a week i don't spend contemplating what would've happened if we kept Molly. If something would've happened with the Hag, how Vess Derogna would've acted (if we even met her), how he would've impacted the direction the M9 went, or how he would've reacted to the forced amnesia on Rumblecusp, and the subsequent Thing With The Moonweaver at Traveler Con.

And Kingsley, oh how I want Kingsley to be explored more. His 2 episodes in the specials were GREAT. How he is the guy to Get Shit Done, and how he's so button-pushy. I will never forgive the cast [/lh] for pushing him to the side so much. Having him be the only one not mentioned in the BH finale and only talked about above-table to seemingly reduce what Ashton had just been through. It feels like Tal has to force other characters to bring him up outside of "yeah we tried to bring out dead friend back and It Got Weird."

And they don't have the excuse of him being the pirate king either, cause Veth made it canon that Kingsley helped gather Luc when he ran away up north. He is contactable. Im fairly sure Jester said she was in contact with him [like she is with literally everyone I love that girl so much].

Anyway, also love him being a rogue. Go, buddy, get that self confidence.

And also I personally relate to the way identity was talked about during both eras by both of these characters during different parts of my life.

3. Asha

Honestly would be further up but we did not get enough screentime with her to justify that. There are sooooo many ways to interpret this 1 version of the Wildmother and it has kept me thinking for days about the nature of Nature and change and possibility.

She has convinced me to play a druid for my first campaign, a changeling druid who grapples her identity to the nature around her by covering herself with thorns and brambles. All inspired by how Asha only seems to show 2 strong negative emotions besides hunger. Guilt, for the pain her discovery has brought to her family. And anger at her wife for leaving her to face this mission with a substitute. These emotions are what ultimately anchor her to her mortality.

Nature never really feels guilt for the hunt, or anger at the prey. And yet, to us those emotions are perfectly natural. So in this case, where does the domain of Nature stop? Melora/Asha is the goddess of the Wild, so it's probably safe to assume natural human emotions don't come under her purview. But in the grander scheme, are we natural? As human beings? Are the buildings we roost in natural, as they are made from the dirt and mud that are processes made possible from what we had in Nature? Is being a God with Nature as your domain also make you a God of progress and potential?

And isn't that an incredibly interesting concept.

4. Ashton.

Would've been higher than Asha, if he had had a better finale. It felt like he had narrative progress, with people coming to save him as he died, but he came out without much of a change in mindset since The Shard. He literally martyred himself, intending to die for good and no one really bothered to emotionally check in on that afterwards. If he has finished with his martyr complex, I don't think its done through actual help, it feels like it was done because he's realised that his friends will fight through thick and thin to bring him back. But that doesn't mean anything for someone's mental health in a world like this. It could make people feel trapped, or could make them too reckless with the "I'll be fine my friends will get me if I die." Like No?????

And i love his parallels with Laudna, even outside of his probing. They are both stunted beings, perpetually childish. Laudna because she never got the chance to grow up, being ostracised since before the Briarwoods came up and ruined everything [and then Delilah wouldve purposefully kept it that way for Manipulation Purposes]. Ashton because he never really got to be a child. Laudna coped with her loneliness by making a shit ton of dolls. Ashton had never had a doll until Laudna gave him one. And neither of them really get the community they deserve within the group.

I think the best example of this with Laudna is Swordgate. Marisha said on 4sd that Laudna was upset about Orym using the sword anyway, and then Delilah got into her head. I was also immediately off put by Orym using the sword due to the fact it had killed so many of the Bells Hells and had literally sent Laudna to her own personal hell for an indetermined amount of time for her. A sword does not have to be possessed to be Evil. But it was the fact that noone responded to her actual, valid reasons it was all pretty much the message of "you can't be trusted, this is all Delilahs machinations" like WHAT. Which, mini tangent here, i feel like is why I also prefer VM to BH because it seems like BH had so many completely impossible moral quandries that they seemed to completely dismiss the complexities of their own friends situations after 1 conversation. I feel like they should've had a few more [and I mean only like 2] sessions that was just BH getting to be a mercenary group because for like 100 flat episodes they were Not A Mercenary Group. Maybe getting to explore Marquet a lil more.

Anyway, tangent over. I just think its sad Laudna got dismissed due to her being manipulated and Ashton often got dismissed because of his brash attitude and low Charisma. Before the Solsitice he was continuously getting drunk and even said he'd started shouting at seemingly nothing and no one bothered to explore it. Besides Laudna. Anyway.

Love the concept that Being Broken isn't a wrong thing to say. Most of the time it's all like "oh no don't say that!!! You're wonderful!" But no this guy is just fundamentally and mechanically broken. They are someone who's had to be reformed so many times that some pieces just don't fit anymore, and there's nothing to replace them. And maybe you don't have to be a rock guy who was literally shattered to have that. I personally relate in all those times that I failed tests as a gifted kid that, upon reforming myself afterwards, I lost the piece of me that cared about working. Later, being shattered as I'm told by my college that I'm flagged for undiagnosed ASD and need 25% extra time and loosing that part of me that felt I could trust adults to understand me. But it's not always bad. I felt part of me break away when me and my friends turned 18, and we went out and I realised I didn't have to treat my friends like glass physically. That i could hold them and hug them and they will reciprocate.

And I think where the term "broken" comes into play is when you actively start to grieve those parts. In BH we watch Ashton mourn the ability to trust. Idk. I hope we see more of him in future.

5. Caduceus.

Look, I love Cad, I just also love every other Tal character I've seen. And Cad just narratively and as a complex character comes up that little bit short to me. I love watching his clips. But the rants I did about the others' themes and how they get me to think? I don't get that with Cad so much. I get him, honestly I do. I love him repping the aroaces in that wonderful gossipy way. I love how he only ever silently panics and won't call attention to himself [I only realised how much of myself I saw in him in that moment when they stole a ship and I was like "...oh."]. I love how he canonically did drugs just to try and connect with what felt like a dying connection between him and his God [again something that wasn't really touched on but Holy Shit]. I love how he only apologised for being weak when he asked his Goddess whether his family was OK. He does have depth. Depth that never seems to be taken much deeper than surface level with the Nein and I can honestly only hope that Cad and Kingsley are treating each other well cause they really both need somebody on the outside to Talk To.

I don't actually Know the other 2. So this is it:)

[pieflavorpie]

I think part of why I find all the posts talking about how Campaign 3 supposedly had no consequences deeply tedious is because 1) they don't engage with the way consequence was embedded into the character arcs and motivations, and 2) they often treat outcomes that were the result of the players working really hard to prevent a worst case scenario as evidence that everything was handed to them.

The reason most of the Hells survived the campaign is because their battle strategy prioritized protecting one another above everything else. Laudna died and they put everything they had into getting her back. They CHOSE to not accept it. It took them five episodes, a huge boss battle, and a roll-for-it res ritual to get her back, and each of those things barely worked. They were so traumatized by the experience that they were trying to give her just about every potion and protection item even til the end, when she hadn't even gone down for something like what, 60 episodes? Because they chose to save her, they lost their patron to Otohan, and they became less tied to one city. Because Otohan terrified them so much, they never faced them on their own terms, and only finally escaped her with FCG's sacrifice. It is not a removal of consequence that Laudna was able to come back; it is a consequence of how much they were willing to pursue it, and it had consequences that echoed forward and forward and forward. It impacted the way they moved throughout the story a great, great deal, and it is just one example.

We don't know all the consequences of the god situation because they are, quite frankly, too big for an end of campaign. But of course there are HUGE consequences—the order of the world and the cosmos has been changed! We saw some glimmers of what that means on a personal and political level, to be explored later.

"Consequence" unequivocally does NOT mean "punishment." You may be disappointed that a character/group of characters is not punished for what you perceive to be their crimes, but that does not mean that the narrative is without consequence. And if that is the specific kind of consequence you think is necessary for a good story, if you think that it is superior storytelling to punish characters, that is your prerogative, but I personally do not agree and think that viewing the story through that lens deeply misunderstands the ethos of Critical Role.

[pieflavorpie]

[pieflavorpie]

IM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING PHANTASIALAND. IVE DREAMED OF GOING TO THIS PLACE FOR 4 SLUTTY, SLUTTY YEARS.

[pieflavorpie]

Saw your post from an hour ago that said five minutes to go, so I'm intuiting: HAP BIRTH

THANK. You were actually the second person to wish me happy birthday, well done for being on top of things:))))

[pieflavorpie]

5 MINUTES LEFT OF HAVING MINOR IN MY SOCIAL MEDIA BIOS HOW ARE WE FEELING

[pieflavorpie]

hey critters. before the 8 hour c3 ending can we please agree on one thing. Please give others time time to finish this massive episode before posting major spoilers especially without warnings. If you do please give a spoiler warning. You don't need to point blame at who's fault it is for not seeing spoiler. Its just that not everyone has 8 hours to sit and watch cr. More people than you think take days to even watch a regular episode. so please be kind and mark spoilers on posts about it for a good while. the vod being out is not a good excuse on a regular week. its certainly not an excuse to post spoiler without warning after this week.

[pieflavorpie]

"I feel like I'm either very unlucky or cursed. And I don't believe in luck."

[pieflavorpie]

Save me queer genderfluid Taliesin Jaffe PCs, save me.

[pieflavorpie]

Idk if people who hate/dislike Ashton didn’t grow up around actual punks, have never consumed media centered around punks, or are just obtuse. Nobody owes you magnanimity. Fictional characters can be grouchy and rude and imperfect and refuse to mask their hatred of corrupt systems. Real people do all the time. He has a charisma of 6. Could be neurodivergence. Could be the base level of chronic pain keeping them from giving a shit about other people’s feelings. Grog had an intelligence of 6, so like, do the math maybe?

[pieflavorpie]

breaking news: people in the critical role fandom find out that punks are, indeed, supposed to be disruptive, cruel, and shitty towards authority

[pieflavorpie]

Something something isnt it interesting that asha was ravenously hungry and she was in a predators form in aeor. she knew she was going to have to destroy creation and she came as something akin to the thing that destroyed her home of pure creation. Isn't it interesting that she blames herself ("is this because I wanted something?") for bringing that destruction and then later embodies it to bring destruction upon others home

[pieflavorpie]

For any relocated TikTok users

you can say sex and kill its fine

If you don't have a profile picture people will assume you're a bot

theres barely an algorithm, if you want to see cool shit reblog things instead of just liking them

follower count doesnt matter

tumblr fame gets you one thing and it is Yelled At

no one knows what the fuck the nsfw policy is

block anyone that annoys you even a little bit

And most importantly:

post cringe

[pieflavorpie]

Uaoiygj. Just finished CR downfall.honestly. may be one of my favourite arcs from Critical Role. I loved each of the characters. I would watch a full length campaign of their lead up. I finished it a few hours ago and I miss them. Asha. Ayden. Motherfucking All of them. WHERE ARE THE FANFICS.