#doesnt necessarily come with a lot of individual character depth

[pieflavorpie]

OK so I have thoughts and feelings and a LOTTA them. Here's my list [which is arbitrary and could change tomorrow in all honesty]

1. Percy.

Taliesin put so much love and attention into this character, that it made Caleb & Nott feel cheap to me for a WHILE. Taliesin literally told Sam how guns were constructed in rather extreme detail meanwhile Sam barely used basic chemistry knowledge & Liam was only using the Keen Mind feat instead of taking notes. I had to sit to myself and remind myself that these people each have their own strengths and weaknesses and research clearly wasn't either of those [which probably why I couldn't get into their characters but oh well].

While I'm not on the "Critical Role has to follow writing techniques" train due to the fact I'm into this because it's an unconventional story. But. Percys arc is ridiculously satisfying. I know he was supposed to die, but the entirety of VM being him learning how to cope with [&live with] the grief of his family and all the mistakes he has made. I've never felt prouder in a fictional character than when he talked to his wife instead of calling in on a Devil's deal and selling his soul again. Breaking his cycle. And then the subsequent "i think I wanted to be a clockmaker once" and him choosing a healthy pathway forward!!! It's so rewarding after we see this man break himself into so many pieces continuously, just to find the point he initially broke. He learns that maybe that doesn't matter.

And then there's the actual personality of Percy. That man is a perfect depiction of darkness and pompousness. Able to take the mick of himself sometimes, and able to communicate. Having the rare issue where it wasn't trust issues with other people, but trust issues with himself. He trusted the people around him so much, and had so many lighthearted moments with seemingly no hint of darkness. And it made his Moments hit harder.

2. Mollymauk/Kingsley

Grouping these 2 together as joint 2nd because I view these 2 as intrinsically linked. I can't bring up why I like Molly without mentioning Lucien/Kingsley, and vice versa. I love the analysis of what makes a distinct soul, I love how open the interpretation of what Kingsley IS is. Is he just the rememnants of a severely traumatised & scrappy Mollymauk after spending too much time as the neosomnovum? Is he a different fragment of Luciens soul? Is he a mixture of different parts of Lucien and Molly? Is it fair to say that as Molly IS a part of Lucien?

And the book, oh gods the book. So many things Tal just randomly blurted out that were wrapped in so well. I will never get over Brevyn's kiss to the forehead. "Long may he reign" being a song the tombtakers sang. "Empty" being repeated due to Lucien's worst fear being puppetted just like his brother.

There is not a week i don't spend contemplating what would've happened if we kept Molly. If something would've happened with the Hag, how Vess Derogna would've acted (if we even met her), how he would've impacted the direction the M9 went, or how he would've reacted to the forced amnesia on Rumblecusp, and the subsequent Thing With The Moonweaver at Traveler Con.

And Kingsley, oh how I want Kingsley to be explored more. His 2 episodes in the specials were GREAT. How he is the guy to Get Shit Done, and how he's so button-pushy. I will never forgive the cast [/lh] for pushing him to the side so much. Having him be the only one not mentioned in the BH finale and only talked about above-table to seemingly reduce what Ashton had just been through. It feels like Tal has to force other characters to bring him up outside of "yeah we tried to bring out dead friend back and It Got Weird."

And they don't have the excuse of him being the pirate king either, cause Veth made it canon that Kingsley helped gather Luc when he ran away up north. He is contactable. Im fairly sure Jester said she was in contact with him [like she is with literally everyone I love that girl so much].

Anyway, also love him being a rogue. Go, buddy, get that self confidence.

And also I personally relate to the way identity was talked about during both eras by both of these characters during different parts of my life.

3. Asha

Honestly would be further up but we did not get enough screentime with her to justify that. There are sooooo many ways to interpret this 1 version of the Wildmother and it has kept me thinking for days about the nature of Nature and change and possibility.

She has convinced me to play a druid for my first campaign, a changeling druid who grapples her identity to the nature around her by covering herself with thorns and brambles. All inspired by how Asha only seems to show 2 strong negative emotions besides hunger. Guilt, for the pain her discovery has brought to her family. And anger at her wife for leaving her to face this mission with a substitute. These emotions are what ultimately anchor her to her mortality.

Nature never really feels guilt for the hunt, or anger at the prey. And yet, to us those emotions are perfectly natural. So in this case, where does the domain of Nature stop? Melora/Asha is the goddess of the Wild, so it's probably safe to assume natural human emotions don't come under her purview. But in the grander scheme, are we natural? As human beings? Are the buildings we roost in natural, as they are made from the dirt and mud that are processes made possible from what we had in Nature? Is being a God with Nature as your domain also make you a God of progress and potential?

And isn't that an incredibly interesting concept.

4. Ashton.

Would've been higher than Asha, if he had had a better finale. It felt like he had narrative progress, with people coming to save him as he died, but he came out without much of a change in mindset since The Shard. He literally martyred himself, intending to die for good and no one really bothered to emotionally check in on that afterwards. If he has finished with his martyr complex, I don't think its done through actual help, it feels like it was done because he's realised that his friends will fight through thick and thin to bring him back. But that doesn't mean anything for someone's mental health in a world like this. It could make people feel trapped, or could make them too reckless with the "I'll be fine my friends will get me if I die." Like No?????

And i love his parallels with Laudna, even outside of his probing. They are both stunted beings, perpetually childish. Laudna because she never got the chance to grow up, being ostracised since before the Briarwoods came up and ruined everything [and then Delilah wouldve purposefully kept it that way for Manipulation Purposes]. Ashton because he never really got to be a child. Laudna coped with her loneliness by making a shit ton of dolls. Ashton had never had a doll until Laudna gave him one. And neither of them really get the community they deserve within the group.

I think the best example of this with Laudna is Swordgate. Marisha said on 4sd that Laudna was upset about Orym using the sword anyway, and then Delilah got into her head. I was also immediately off put by Orym using the sword due to the fact it had killed so many of the Bells Hells and had literally sent Laudna to her own personal hell for an indetermined amount of time for her. A sword does not have to be possessed to be Evil. But it was the fact that noone responded to her actual, valid reasons it was all pretty much the message of "you can't be trusted, this is all Delilahs machinations" like WHAT. Which, mini tangent here, i feel like is why I also prefer VM to BH because it seems like BH had so many completely impossible moral quandries that they seemed to completely dismiss the complexities of their own friends situations after 1 conversation. I feel like they should've had a few more [and I mean only like 2] sessions that was just BH getting to be a mercenary group because for like 100 flat episodes they were Not A Mercenary Group. Maybe getting to explore Marquet a lil more.

Anyway, tangent over. I just think its sad Laudna got dismissed due to her being manipulated and Ashton often got dismissed because of his brash attitude and low Charisma. Before the Solsitice he was continuously getting drunk and even said he'd started shouting at seemingly nothing and no one bothered to explore it. Besides Laudna. Anyway.

Love the concept that Being Broken isn't a wrong thing to say. Most of the time it's all like "oh no don't say that!!! You're wonderful!" But no this guy is just fundamentally and mechanically broken. They are someone who's had to be reformed so many times that some pieces just don't fit anymore, and there's nothing to replace them. And maybe you don't have to be a rock guy who was literally shattered to have that. I personally relate in all those times that I failed tests as a gifted kid that, upon reforming myself afterwards, I lost the piece of me that cared about working. Later, being shattered as I'm told by my college that I'm flagged for undiagnosed ASD and need 25% extra time and loosing that part of me that felt I could trust adults to understand me. But it's not always bad. I felt part of me break away when me and my friends turned 18, and we went out and I realised I didn't have to treat my friends like glass physically. That i could hold them and hug them and they will reciprocate.

And I think where the term "broken" comes into play is when you actively start to grieve those parts. In BH we watch Ashton mourn the ability to trust. Idk. I hope we see more of him in future.

5. Caduceus.

Look, I love Cad, I just also love every other Tal character I've seen. And Cad just narratively and as a complex character comes up that little bit short to me. I love watching his clips. But the rants I did about the others' themes and how they get me to think? I don't get that with Cad so much. I get him, honestly I do. I love him repping the aroaces in that wonderful gossipy way. I love how he only ever silently panics and won't call attention to himself [I only realised how much of myself I saw in him in that moment when they stole a ship and I was like "...oh."]. I love how he canonically did drugs just to try and connect with what felt like a dying connection between him and his God [again something that wasn't really touched on but Holy Shit]. I love how he only apologised for being weak when he asked his Goddess whether his family was OK. He does have depth. Depth that never seems to be taken much deeper than surface level with the Nein and I can honestly only hope that Cad and Kingsley are treating each other well cause they really both need somebody on the outside to Talk To.

I don't actually Know the other 2. So this is it:)

[penebui]

Lgbt manga pt.1

If you had to put up with my sorry ass for a few years then yes you know that I have been searching for lgbt mangas!! I put up with the pain of going through most genres that sexualize/fetishize gender identities and sexualities (like yaoi and gender bender) and reading mangas to find if they have lgbt content so you dont have to suffer the pain of trying to! Clown on this post and please face my wrath

Keep in mind that these aren’t in order of ratings!! Its just a list. I also give summaries of the plot, the things that make it lgbt, and some content warnings!! 

1. Welcome to Room #305! by Wanan 

Kim Jung Hyun moves into an apartment (room #305) with a friend of a friend, named Kim Homo! Who (you guessed it) is gay! As Jung Hyung begins to live with Kim Homo, he slowly learns to accept him for his sexuality. Once he overcomes his homophobia and completely accepts him for who he is, other lgbt characters pop in too!! They all have their struggles with their identities, and it is very realistic, but the art style helps keep all that angst at bay! As far as english translations go, we have several lesbian characters, and a trans guy. You can read the english translation on several manga sites, but if you want the link to the original since this is a webcomic, here’s the [link]! Unfortunately english updates are very slow since translation teams have other projects, and legal companies who translate take their sweet precious time. 

2. Bokura no Hentai by Fumiko Fumi

The title might seem misleading, however it can be translated as “Our Transformation”! Buckle up buttercup cause this manga will fuck you over emotionally. Three crossdressers meet up after being in a crossdressing group, with different reasons as to why they crossdress. Parou crossdresses to fall in love with a straight guy, Marika is actually a trans woman, and Yui crossdresses as his dead sister to “help” his mother with her grieving. There are some other characters who don’t fit within the gender norms! 

Now let me tell you if you are dealing with some trauma and can’t handle very sensitive topics, this manga might not be the one for you. Although it isnt just homophobia and transphobia, it also contains content of sexual harrassment, pedophilia, and suicide. However these topics are not glorified or sexualized. They are trauma of some of the characters and they must learn how to overcome from it individually. However, there is a happy ending for them!! Please let that be known! I enjoyed reading it if sobbing your heart out counts as enjoying it, because it has indeed pulled my heart strings (although I am not a trans woman, I am a trans guy and I can identify with only some of the things Marika goes through, as trans women go through different experiences than trans men and have it harder on them.) 

3. Hourou Musuko (Wandering Son) by Takako Shimura

This manga is one of the most well known mangas realistically depicting trans identity. It became popular when an anime adaptation came out! However the anime adaptation only covers the middle school part of our protagonists lives, however it encourages you to read the manga to find out what happens to them and their life! We have two protagonists. Shuichi who identifies as a girl, and Yoshino who identifies as a boy. Shuichi is the primary protagonist while Yoshino serves as a secondary protagonist. 

This manga also realistically depicts how hard it is for transfeminine people to come out and be themselves while transmasculine people seem to have it easier (dont clown on this dear fuck). We have lesbian, gay, and genderfluid characters galore! Although they do have some touchy topics like transmisogyny and transphobia in general, it is less heavier than Bokura no Hentai.  

Some people might not like the outcome of this story when it comes to Yoshino, however I am content with it because it shows that people should be able to explore their gender identity, and they are welcome to change it anytime as they see fit. Sometimes you won’t figure out your identity if you don’t explore. 

4. Shimanami Tasagore / Our Dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

Also one of the more well known ones, the mangaka of this beautiful story is X-gender and asexual! It follows the protagonist, Tasuku is contemplating suicide as rumors circulate that he is gay at his highschool (he is). He sees a woman jumping off a building nearby and runs to her aid. Her name is Anonymous/Somebody and she sees herself is asexual but other than that she does not like labels, she invites Tasuku inside the building she just jumped off, which contains a group of exclusively lgbt characters. 

We have both trans, lesbian, and gay people. We see their struggles. We see how they overcome it. We see how even we ourselves can harm others even if we’re both lgbt. Of course there is homohpobia, transphobia, etc. however it is all handled perfectly and we get the satisfaction of these characters speaking up for either themselves or for each other. I also love Anonymous simply because she doesn’t like labels and chooses not to use them (excluding the asexual part). Not everyone whos part of the lgbt community has a label, however they are still a part of us! 

5. Fukakai na boku no subete o (Fukaboku)/ Love me for who I am by Konayama Kata

Fukaboku is a very special manga to me, as it goes in depth on gender identity and sexuality. There are two protagonists, Tetsu who is a cis guy and supposedly straight (we later find out that he is not), and Mogumo, who is both intersex and nonbinary. 

Tetsu works as a chef at Question Cafe, and everyone employed in fanlations are called girlyboys, however in the official translation they use otokonoko which is anyone crossdressing as a girl regardless of their gender. There are plenty of transwomen, gay people, etc.! Tetsu falls in love with Mogumo, so he isn’t straight, however he isn’t explicitly gay because he recognizes Mogumo as what they identify as, nonbinary. It is safe to say that he could either be pan, bi, omni, etc. however we can’t confirm since it hasn’t been explicitly stated.

We learn how transfeminine people have certain struggles, like shoes that dont fit them, breasts, and voice feminization. We also have a dose of family struggles when it comes to Mogumo in later/current chapters. 

Before you dm me, yes. Yes I know about the shit prequel. The prequel actually features a gay couple in fukaboku. I have read it. Reluctantly even if it was only 24 pages. However just because the prequel is shit does not mean we should cancel Fukaboku. There is a thing called being critical of the content you’re enjoying. If we treated it like cancel y because of x, then things like persona 4 and danganronpa would be cancelled, but lets not get into that. 

6. Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku by Umi Takase

I haven’t heard of this one as much as I have the others, so I was very much pleased when I heard about this! There are two protagonist (yes there are a lot of lgbt mangas with two protags I’ve noticed too), Hime and Akira. Hime has a crush on Akira, who identifies as a girl. However this manga is also realistic, as Akira doesn’t fully ‘pass’ as a girl herself. Hime wants to do anything she can to help Akira feel comfortable on her first day of school wearing a girl’s uniform. Because of Akira being made fun of, Hime shows up to school in Akira’s male uniform to help Akira in solidarity. 

Their teachers are fully aware of Akira’s situation, however instead of discriminating her they accept her. Their homeroom teacher helps Hime overcome her internal problem about lashing out at others who try to befriend Akira, and she slowly realizes that just because people can’t accept Akira straight away, they will slowly get used to her and come to terms with the fact that Akira is trans in their own time rather than have it being forced on them.

Hime and Akira make friends slowly and we see that even little things (like calling Akira cute and/or a girl) helps Akira, even if theyre small things we dont usually notice. Hime also struggles with her crush as she sees Akira as a girl, yet she cant accept the fact that shes attracted to girls. 

Although Akira doesnt feel the same way as Hime does, she doesnt just like her as a friend, but also not as a lover either. Its safe to say that these two have a quasiplatonic relationship with each other. 

7. Yuzu no Koto by Arai Shou

I have noticed that there are plenty of mangas with transfeminine characters as the focus, rather than transmasculine, so heres one for the transmasculines! Ichigo’s best friend Yuzu comes back to school, however he is enrolling as a boy! It is very humorous as Ichigo tries to understand and get used to her best friend’s new identity. Although it is slow as each chapter is a single page, it is hinted that Yuzu has a crush on Ichigo (or if thats just me squinting really hard). 

8. Ohana Holoholo by Torino Shino 

It is a story about two bi women who are ex-girlfriends, raising one of the women’s baby together as a little family! There is also an idol/actor who helps them out and visits them occassionally! If you want something warming and wholesome, this is the manga for you!! 

9. My Androgynous Boyfriend by Tamekou

Wako, a woman who works for a publishing company is in a relationship with an androgynous/genderless man! Her boyfriend wears dresses, makeup, and is an instagram model! It is not necessarily treated as crossdressing. It is handled pretty well, and the chemistry between Wako and her boyfriend is very strong. They both love each other so much and help each other with their hobbies and interests. This is what a loving and healthy relationship is supposed to look like!!

10. Inside Mari by Shuzo Oshimi

It is debatable if this is actually considered lgbt, considered the circumstances, however I put it on this list because it shows how mental illnesses and disorders really feel to the person whos suffering from it. Please read throughout this whole section to understand why. 

Inside Mari is about a man named Isao who stalks this young girl named Mari. He follows her back outside of a little convenience store, but when she turns back and looks at him he wakes up inside her body and doesn’t know how to cope with it. He tries to find Mari while putting on a facade and living as her. He meets a girl named Yori who instantly recognizes that Isao isn’t actually Mari from his mannerisms. This girl has had a crush on Mari, just like Isao. Isao tries to prove to Yori that he switched bodies, and when he goes to his apartment, he finds someone living as him, but it isn’t Mari.

The more we delve into this manga, the more we figure out exactly what happened to Mari and Isao. As Isao and Yori visit and retrace his steps, Isao gets flashbacks to memories of Mari. Isao soon realizes that he isn’t actually the real Isao, but a introject of Isao, and that Mari actually has DID because of childhood trauma. The ending is bittersweet, as Mari comes back but Isao unfortunately becomes dormant/disappears since I don’t think what happened was them merging. 

11.  Seibetsu  "Mona Lisa" No Kimi He by Yoshimura Tsumuji 

In the world, people can choose what gender they want to be when they’re 12. When they’re 14 their appearance corresponds to their gender. Hinase however, is 18 years old and they still haven’t chosen a gender. They prefer to be neither. However when their two best friends suddenly confess to them, their hormonal development suddenly starts to increase. 

Imagery and symbolism is very clear in this manga!! As we revolve around the color blue/cyan and the debate and interpretations of Mona Lisa’s gender. I’m very hopeful that Hinase will stay as nonbinary rather than choosing a gender, simply because both of their best friends confessed and asked them to become the opposite gender to be with them. It is very much hinted that Hinase will be in a romantic relationship with their male best friend however. I love this manga simply because the protagonist doesn’t want to identify as either male nor female. 

12. Jun And Kaoru: Pure And Fragrant by Neiki Zui

Jun and Kaoru have a special condition, by midnight they both switch genders. Because they both have this condition, they hang out with each other and help each other with clothing, etc. It should be addressed that these two do not have the “I wish to be a girl/boy” etc. The problem that they have though is their growing crush on each other. They are either genderqueer, or genderfluid, or whatever you prefer since it isn’t directly stated within the manga. They’re not cis or straight! It is a very fun and comedic love story and I wish to see further updates on it!!! 

13. Sakura-Chan to Amane-Kun by Asazuki Norito 

This story revolves around Sakura who identifies as a girl and Amane who identifies as a boy. Amane spots Sakura dressed as a girl and instantly recognizes her, however instead of belittling her he asks her out on a date, only if she goes as a girl. During school however, they have to pretend to be the gender theyre assigned with while not interacting with each other. 

Since there is a lot more but I dont want to break tumblr, I will be making a part 2 and I’ll post it tomorrow!