#because i can be devoted and helpful
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This definition of OCPD describes me in a way nothing else does: Those with conscientious compulsivity view themselves as helpful, co-operative, and compromising. They downplay their achievements and abilities and base their confidence on the opinions and expectations of others; this compensates for their feelings of insecurity and instability. They assume that devotion to work and striving for perfection will lead to them receiving love and reassurance. They believe that making a mistake or not achieving perfection will lead to abandonment and criticism. This mindset causes perpetual feelings of anxiety and an inability to appreciate their work
Not diagnosed with this but it's so much closer to what I feel than OCD, so.... probably this one instead
#totes bro#if you wonder why im so insane about work#also and i hate to say it but#also why i dont feel drained due to being the caretaker for my bedbound deteriorating wife#because i can be devoted and helpful#which like don't take this the wrong way. i think this is a positive of this disorder is that i can handle circumstances like this#i think sometimes mental disorders are good which is why i dont really like calling a 'personality disorder' a disorder#because these traits of mine allow me to feel love and no resentment towards my wife when there are problems#s lot of my therapists have said that its hard being a caretaker and asking if there are things i would be doing instead of this#because i think they want me to admit to my feelings of like captivation#but in truth i dont feel that way at all. i just feel devoted to loving her and taking care of her to make her life the best it can be#because i like unconditionally love my wife (and i also knew this would happen when i married her even though she didnt)
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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One of the biggest arguments I’ve seen used by the Ob*d*l*s against Anidala, is that scene in the ROTS novel where Padmé says she could trust OW with the secret of the rebellion and was hesitant to tell Anakin and I just wanna say:
Padmé wasn't an idiot. She was an extremely intelligent and competent woman, perfectly able to understand that loving Anakin and thinking that he could be trusted with a certain politic-related matter were two very different things and reducing her choice regarding who to trust with an important political matter only on the basis of her feelings of romantic love diminishes her professionalism, and this is why I say y'all could never understand her.
Padmé didn’t have to "love" OW or even like him at all to know he was the perfect Jedi to ask for help in a secret political matter.
That's the point being made in the novel, she’s hit with the realization that Anakin in this particular moment could not be told this piece of info because of his relationship with Palpatine, and Padmé specifically mentions in the Junior ROTS novel that she didn't want to make Anakin “keep a secret” if he didn’t agree with their stance because it’d be “unfair.” So this also played a part in why Padmé didn’t think it best to inform Anakin about the Rebellion. It honestly had little to do with her actually lacking trust in him, and more to do with the circumstances she was in not allowing her to be open with her husband and her not wanting to make him choose between his wife and his “father figure.”
However, Padmé knows OW’s political ideas aren't tied to ONE particular person but to a philosophy, one which is closer to her own, at that point. None of this was ever meant to be hinted as “romantic” or even remotely insinuated as romantic. It’s strictly professional and even the tone of the scene makes that so abundantly clear.
All I’m saying is that, some of these proshippers are doing the most out here to try and prove their ship, like my loves? You forgot a very important thing called ✨ context ✨ and regardless of her rational thinking, Padmé still went out of her way to try and talk out all of this Rebellion secrecy stuff with Anakin when she confronted him in the scene where she asks if he ever thought they were “fighting on the wrong side.” Padmé didn’t trust OW in the same way she trusted Anakin (with her entire self and being) she had the level of trust and love for Anakin that was only meant for him.
Mixing up her unwavering faith in Anakin as her husband with her trust in OW’s devotion to duty as her comrade/ally is purposely deluding yourself, because the two aren’t the same and therefore can’t be compared. An example of this is: Padmé constantly putting more value to Anakin’s words over OW’s in the end of ROTS when he came to tell her of Anakin’s “crimes”. She completely disregarded what OW had claimed about her husband and instead made her way to where Anakin was herself, to ask him directly. Despite what the truth was, this is proof of her trusting Anakin unconditionally, and I didn’t even think I had to spell that out because it’s as clear as day.
In conclusion, Padmé didn’t trust OW more than Anakin, she just knew the circumstances she was in didn’t exactly make it easy for her to openly talk with her husband about these matters and that’s part of what played into the issues they had in ROTS, it’s exactly what Sidious wanted. This scene in the novel doesn’t exist to imply some hidden romantic undertone that George was intending all along. No, far from that. George was always an “open, , clear and easy to understand” type of storyteller, so if the former was the case, this scene wouldn’t be any different if there was some hidden message or subtext the reader should be made aware of, George would make it obvious. Fact of the matter is, the one and only reason for this scene in the novel to exist is only to show to us as the “reader” that the narrative is tearing apart the Star-Crossed-lovers (Anakin and Padmé.) and visibly putting the two of them on different sides in the story because the consequences of this narrative choice is what will foreshadow and play into the inevitable and great fall of the couple and character in the future. Even the novel makes a very purposeful and clear distinction between “love and trust” in this chapter where all this occurs. Padmé loves Anakin, but knew she had to trust OW with the situation at hand. And if you want to talk “narratively” Padmé needed a reason to keep the Rebellion a secret from Anakin, thus leading to Palpatine to sense “betrayal” in Padmé later on, and using that to his advantage to manipulate Anakin even more into getting him to “suspect” her. It’s all spelt out for us and it’s not hard to miss. All it takes is a little media literacy and understanding context.
(Mind you, hypothetically, if this scene existed for literally any other reason, it would’ve been brought up again, but it wasn’t. It’s only mentioned once and exists for only one moment which was meant to serve a certain narrative and then it was done. There’s not much to make of it since the context of the scene is so clear.)
#star wars#anidala#anakin skywalker#padmé amidala#sw novels#revenge of the sith novelization#revenge of the sith junior novelization#avoiding tagging and using full character names because I don’t wanna attract those weirdos on my post#haters dni#anti ob****d*la#i’ve seen shippers claim that ow and padme would make a better couple simply because they both value duty and share some of the same ideals#even though padmé’s strong sense of duty doesn’t define her personal identity#she’s always wanted to leave behind her responsibilities to live a simple happy life with her husband#she stays out duty and care for peace and justice in the galaxy#which is actually a trait she shared with anakin not ow#anakin is loyal and dutiful because he cares about helping people and that’s padmé’s aim too#ow stays to help people because of his devotion to the jedi#that’s not the same#saying she’d be more compatible with ow is like the punchline of a bad joke#in every way padmé shares more in common with anakin when it comes to the core of her personality#and relationships aren’t built off sharing ideals mind you#it’s about connecting and sharing core values which is what anakin and padmé always had#there’s a reasons why padmé and ow argued a lot in wild space#padmé says the one thing her and ow can agree on is loving anakin otherwise their mindsets clash way too much#compatible? never in a million years.#padmé herself disagrees#and apart from the fact that canonically padmé never shows romantic interest in him#nor does the narrative include ow as one of padmé’s love interests…#holy god my tags deserve their own posts
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Saw a comment describe killugon as 'born to be brothers, forced to be best friends'.
And I just have to say that, out of all the things that have never happened, that has never happened the most.
#if y'all look at your siblings that are within your age group with THIS level of heart eyes know that im actually concerned#i say within your age group because i totally get being 'smitten' with your baby sibling#im six and a half years older than the little fucker contaminating my room and i too look at him with pure adoration sometimes#but that's beside the point#because even then trust that i do not refer to him as my light nor do i wear a lovesick expression every time he crosses my mind#most of the time actually he's an annoying bug i want to squash. like when he greets me with 'hello you stupid piece of trash'.#like boy don't you doubt my willingness to beat you up if you don't behave yourself istg#okay enough my little brother has taken over my sacred tags#anyway what im saying is that these bitches are head over heals in love. they have the fattest crushes on each other.#you know how i know? because i WATCHED THE SHOW#their relationship is so far from brotherly it's insane how you even came to this conclusion#real talk though#obviously yall can interpret aspects of a story like characters themes relationships etc differently and ofc your opinion is valid#blah blah blah#all that crap#but don't expect me to take anyone who says this with their whole chest too seriously#because if you look at kg aka two adolescents that invented the term puppy love but also im-wholeheartedly-devoted-to-you and see brotherly#then i can't help you atp bro you're on your own with this one 😭#killugon#killua zoldyck#gon freecss#hxh#hunter x hunter#my little brother#gotta add him he played a key role in these tags
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New Age au (A Day at Dream's)
Hey y'all! This is another pre-story Drabble, this time from Dream's perspective! Exiled prince doing his best to interact with the populous and do his daily tasks! This was mainly just an attempt from me to get back into writing for this au, and ofc, fleshing out Dream! Hope y'all enjoy!
(Who do I normally tag? @ancha-aus @papiliovolens @mutzelputz I believe? Welcome back y'all!)
The morning was warm, something that Dream had to be grateful for. Ever since the incident, it seemed like he was faced with far more cloudy days than sunny ones, even in the midst of summer. The winters froze so harshly that trees would splinter at the branch, limbs cracking like cannon shots in the nights. The spring was full of awful thunder storms that spewed lightning and wrought floods, and the fall was constantly welcoming wind storms that threw around the rotten remains of plants all about. Even Blue had to admit that the weather was much worse here than his home kingdom, after the first year they’d spent at the very border of Orchard.
Summers were hit and miss, either clinging to the traces of those awful storms, making everything sticky and humid, or beginning the dry season. This morning, as far as Dream could tell, might’ve finally been the start of a dry season. The garden didn’t seem to be swamped, it didn’t seem to be wilted either. The plants always seemed to know when rain was coming, because their leaves would downturn. After so many years, Dream made it a habit to glance out one of the back windows to make sure he knew just what to expect from the day.
Buttoning his over-cloak, he found himself lingering at the window for a second. He knew he’d have to talk with a returning scouting party later in the afternoon, their most survived thus far, but beyond that there wasn’t much else. Go about the camp, see if he could boost morale, maybe get in a training session with Blue…
Speaking of Blue, his loyal knight was seemingly nowhere to be found.
Dream took a moment, crossing the quaint living room of their cabin to squint at the sky. Hmm, already past midday. He had been up rather late last night, night terrors plaguing him as they often did nowadays. He must’ve slept in, Blue had always been an early riser. Up just before the sun, back to bed late in the evening. Dream was pretty sure the only days he hadn’t seen Blue out on a morning jog were those that he asked the other to stick around. For safety, for planning, for breakfast… If he knew Blue well enough, which he liked to think he did, Blue was probably out right about now helping the supply carts unload to the outer tents. They always came in on the 2nd of every month, and the calendar marked it as such. Bless Blue for keeping such good track of affairs.
The prince was practiced as he pulled on his remaining accessories. His archery gloves, which carried up to his elbows, and the thick leather boots gifted to him by a cobbler in the closest village. The boots were durable and comfortable, and while they weren’t the morst appealing at first, Blue had suggested that they find someone to embroider them with Dream’s symbol, the sun. They’d done so, asking one of the refugees they’d taken in if she could, and now they felt much more homey. Of course, it’d been several years now and they were looking worse for wear, but he’d grown a bit sentimental.
These things were his, and he could keep them as long as he liked. No one here cared if they were mud-stained and threadbare in a few places, they were always looking at his face, after all.
The moment they were buckled securely, Dream took the chance to stroll towards the door and push outside.
Just as his plants suggested, the air was warm and dry, something which was deeply familiar to him, and admittedly placed him into a much warmer mood. Especially because, with the good weather, folks had gone about and placed their tapestries outside again. Banners and hanging pieces, all adorned with the shapes of the sun, in bright yellows, striking orange, and even some with that familiar pink accent. Usually, when it rained or snowed, they’d place the expensive and valuable symbols inside for safety, but with the warm air it felt only right that he could once again see his colors flying.
It reminded him why he was doing all this. He had to regain power, to usurp his brother. Free him from whoever was whispering lies into his ears. Be crowned and see his sun in place of the moons which had infected every inch of the capital and many cities beyond. Though, for now, this was good enough. His own little paradise.
The walk int the campsite proper was a little ways out from the cabin, a slightly thinner trail through a thin set of trees. Enough that he could see the camp, but the camp wasn’t directly connected to his little house, he needed his privacy every once in a while.
From even the short walk away he could hear that the camp must’ve been bustling. Warm weather tended to make all of his people more active, it was familiar and welcoming, and rife with time to finish tasks like chores, or playing games, or, even better yet, training. Here there was no dedicated guard like back home, but the militia was very involved in wanting to learn combat, and Blue was certainly a good motivator for them. The clashing of steel and grunting of labored movements was one of several clue-ins that he’d have to stop by the little patch of dirt they used as a training arena of sorts. Off to the side of camp, with a few benches, a shed to store practice weapons, and several targets for aiming practice. Nothing fancy, but certainly enough for these people to learn.
The prince could hardly help himself as he stepped into the camp proper and slipped that way.
Each step passed colorful tents, heavy canvas died different colors by whoever most often occupied them. Some tenets were larger, housing the folks who stayed here as their home, run out of whatever village or city drove them off. Others were smaller, filled with supplies or individual tents for guests, dedicated to their returns.
Dream passed Inl’s tent and smiled to himself in the silence. The inside fo the tent was piled high with half-finished paintings and splattered all over with different pigments. Paint was an expensive commodity, but Ink always seemed to know just how to make the brightest pigments out of the most random objects, plants and rocks and leaves he found on the ground, it was magical. The only thing he’d ever finished when he stayed at the camp for that brief while was the painting which Dream had practically begged him for, a royal portrait, or sorts. Dream sat atop a throne, Blue stood beside him at perfect attention, holding the sun-themed banner. It had been perfect, and it was another of Dream’s prized possessions. After that, Ink hadn’t had the focus to do any of the other paintings he started, but many of them were about tails of Dream’s usurpment, tails of tragedy told to him by the people, made in rough color splashes or with a big chunk of white at a corner where he lost his focus and moved on. Dream had gone inside once to make sure Ink hadn’t left anything behind before he left, but decided it felt lifeless and cold without the artist inside.And besides, Ink could never quite draw Nightmare right. Even though he’d drawn Dream perfectly, and they were identical twins, something always felt off about those pieces.
The brief moment thinking about the artist fled. He was surely off killing some corrupt noble right about now for his own corrupt pay, and it was frankly none of Dream’s business so long as Ink wasn’t after his own people.
His boots carried lightly over the soft grass, trodden down by the constant walking about camp. Light green and pretty, his heels sunk into soft soil beneath like some sort of bog, but it didn’t bother him a bit. If he had his way, the sun would stay out all day and dry up the ground a bit, make it more even and solid. Easier to walk over, less likely to slip into.
To just his luck, only a few people spotted him in passing, waving or calling out to him, and a smile and a wave of recognition was all they needed to move on with their days. His aura must’ve been getting stronger, because he could only taste the ambient contentment from the entire camp as he wandered his way towards his destination.
And, soon enough, it was upon him. That little patch of ground where the sounds had been coming from. Where the magic of monsters and the energy of humans were all alight with passion and focus. It was a wonder they all stayed so committed. Though, Dream had learned fairly quickly that people like these, who worked in farms, or crafts, making their money day to day, would work harder than any other person he’d ever met. Plus, it wasn’t nearly as hard for them to train as others. These very people could wrangle a steer with their bare hands, so all they needed was the fine-tuning and weapon training, none of the strenght building which usually took so long.
That was probably why, now, they were as adept as they were with their weapons. Swords and halberds and morning stars and hammers, all of them clashed with another weapon or a practice dummy. Of course, there were only about 10 people out and about at the moment, but a few others sat on the sidelines.
There was a brief moment where he was simply stood there. Something about combat, the thrill of the sounds and the movements and the force behind each swing, it was all mesmerising to him. He’d always been a natural with long-range weapons, and they were the only ones his mother ever approved of him using. Staying out of the direct line of fire, attacking from far away, that was what would protect his physical body, and his image. If he was struck in a fight, then people would look poorly upon him. Of course, if he’d become King he could’ve done anything. Could’ve learned the sword, or even daggers, and gotten up close and personal. Seen the flurry of emotions fly through his opponents eyes even before he tasted them. No mother to tell him no, no babysitter, nothing. Just him and the battle.
Alas, here he is, still using his arrows, and still not using close-combat weaponry, unlike the training warriors before him. In fact, he was pretty positive he was one of the only people who actually used the arrow range, even if he didn’t need to anymore. Shots were engrained into his mind, muscle memory practically as easy as sleeping. Maybe easier, actually.
Regardless, he found himself forcing his eyelights past the forms of the fighting parties, and instead skimmed for Blue. Dream didn’t want to interact with the merchants today, but he knew Blue’s next stop would most likely be here. He couldn’t ever pass up as great a day as this to practice.
“Prince Dream!” The call for him was loud and excited, and a hot rush of child-like wonder burned through his focus as he stood waiting.
His eyelights shot over, catching sight of a monster he knew should be familiar to him. There very very few people who brought their little ones to the camp, for safety reasons mostly, and those who did often had very subdued children, ones who rarely spoke or played or caused trouble. This child was entirely different. Dream always knew they were nearby, because children’s emotions were far more potent. Adult emotions felt like a warm bath, while children’s joy, for example, was like someone had splashed hot tea onto his lap. Not painful, but far more striking.
The tyke who rushed towards him now was giggling in high-pitched squeals and stared at him with two bright orange eyelights, beig and round. He was a little skeleton, maybe four, who had white bones with splotches of a greyish hue splattered across his face and hands. Today he was wearing a little white and yellow tunic which had obviously taken some falls into the grass since he put it on that morning.
“Copper, what did we say about running with the practice blade?” Another voice called out, this one deeper and far more familiar to Dream.
The little one, who Dream now spotted was carrying a dulled wooden dagger in one of his clumsy hands, bolted past Dream’s legs, only to pivot and rush in circles around him with an energy unmatched and giggles that were unrivaled in joy. HE was obviously getting enjoyment out of causing mischief for his guardian.
Dream’s gaze traveled away from Copper with his smile in-tact, not getting a look at the adult whom he knew he knew. Eclipse, one of Copper’s two parents. He was also a skeleton, older than Dream by at least a decade, and much taller with broader shoulders. His bones were a perfect white, his face a bit long, and his eyelights a simple white. He was wearing a tunic not unlike his son, but adorned with all sorts of belts and a heavy fur wrapped around his shoulders despite the heat. It was a dark brown, his partner’s prized pelt.
Of course, he should’ve expected to see Eclipse sometime today. He’d been eagerly awaiting his partner’s return from the mission. They’d be back tonight.
“Eclipse, how have you been?” Dream asked courteously, drawing his eyes back to Copper with a plan rapidly forming.
Eclipse came to a halt beside him, at least an arm’s length away, and sighed a fond sigh. “I am faring well, all considered. Since Ichor went off for this mission, Copper’s been insisting that he has to learn to fight so he can protect us.” Eclipse said. “I apologize for his antics, he’s insisted that he start training right away.”
Eclipse sounded humored, but Dream could feel the tiredness seeping from his shoulders. A tension that was surely weighing on him. For a moment, it had entirely slipped his mind, but a glance confirmed his suspicion. Ichor and Eclipse had been away from camp fro a few weeks, about four months back. They’d had a soulling, and now it sat bundled in Eclipse’s arms, quiet and content, probably sleeping. Something warmed Dream’s heart, knowing that this little skelton was under the impression that he could defend his father and little sibling.
Dream chuckled under his breath and gave a genuine grin, letting a small burst of positivity wave away from his core, pushing back a bit of Eclipse’s worry along with it.
“No need to be sorry, I was eager to train when I was young too.” Dream confided, but before Eclipse could give a response, Dream crouched and shot his arms out, catching Copper under the arms and practically tossing him up into the air. He was obviously taken by surprise, because he shrieked with glee and stared at Dream with his big eyelights and the biggest smile. He looked a lot like his other parent, Dream realized.
Copper giggled and Dream held him aloft. Copper hardly weighed anything, and it was a little cute how he kicked his muddy little boots in the open air as Dream held him aloft. He was entirely unbothered by his capture, and the energy obviously had yet to fade.
“So, you want to be big and strong to protect your father and little sibling?” Dream asked to Copper, making a mock serious face, obviously exaggerated and playful.
Copper gasped and nodded rapidly, excitedly brandishing his little wooden dagger. “Papa gave me dis! I stab any bad guys!” He insisted excitedly, swishing it around wildly in his little hand, arm limited to his side by the way Dream was holding him.
Now this was an excited little fellow. Very cute and lively. Dream wondered if he ad this much energy, rushing ahead of his twin to get out into the courtyard and run around, climb the trees when their babysitter wasn’t looking. Nightmare sometimes wrestled with him, he missed those days.
“Well, I thin you have the makings to be a brave warrior!” Dream encouraged, Copper wriggling happily in his grip, “Just remember, your papa and father want to keep you safe too, so listen to them, alright? That’s how you can get to be just as strong as them.”
This was met by Copper’s nodding yet again, “So, don’t go running with that dangerous blade, alright? You might accidentally stab a not-bad guy.” Dream added, to which Copper gasped.
The little boy pulled one of his hands to cover up his mouth with wide eyes, shaking his head vigorously. “I won’t stab a not-bad guy! Only bad bad guys!” He insisted.
Dream just shook his head and tutted, “I know, I know, but accidents happen! My friend Ink, he fights with knives sometimes, and he tripped and almost stabbed someone right in the eye once!” Dream exclaimed, and closed his right socket dramatically.
This seemed to make Copper hold back a growing smile, and instead his expression was something almost close to a pout. His best attempt at a serious face, Dream had to imagine. Copper nodded one singular, forceful, nod this time. Some sort fo silent pledge not to run with his dagger anymore.
Dream smiled at him, “Good, good! First step to becoming a strong warrior, listen to your parents.” he insisted, before lowering Copper down with a smooth motion.
The kid giggled again as Dream rustled the top of his skull, and Copper made careful steps towards his dad, an obvious attempt at suddenly being responsible with the harmless wooden blade. Dream was a little proud, usually he did much worse with kids, had to resort to his magic. Maybe Blue was rubbing off on him after all.
“You really are a miracle-worker, my Prince.” Eclipse said softly, reaching one of his own hands down to gently caress the top of Copper’s skull. He nuzzled into his father’s leg and hugged it, attention distracted by watching the other fight not far off from them.
Dream didn’t deny it, and instead just slunk a bit closer. He peered down at the babybones wrapped in Eclipse’s arm, held snug in place by a sling. It was pearly white just like its brother, but had a slightly longer face with pronounced cheekbones. Dream couldn’t help but notice the tension return to Eclipse’s emotions.
“What’s their name, have you two decided yet? I’m sorry I wasn’t able to check in with you sooner.” Dream asked.
Eclipse seemed unbothered when Dream lifted a hand and gently brushed it against the babybone’s skull. It didn’t stir, didn’t even seem to register the contact.
“His name is Steel.” Eclipse answered softly, “I told Ichor we wouldn’t be naming any more after metal alloys, but I can never say no to him. Steel’s eyelights are a beautiful shade of metallic silver, it was just too fitting.” Eclipse muttered. “And please, don’t trouble yourself with it. We are well aware of how busy you have been.”
Eclipse gently bounced his arm a bit, and the babybones curled a bit closer to his chest, burying into the fur cloak draped over Eclipse’s shoulders. He seemed a bit more at ease as the little one gave a little smile in his sleep.
“Handsome name, Ichor has good taste I’m afraid.” Dream teased, eliciting a smale laugh from Eclipse.
“Do you think he’ll make it home safe, my prince?” Eclipse suddenly asked.
Dream blinked in surprise, looking up to Eclipse. The other skeleton still had his eyes on the babybones tucked against his chest, but Dream had a feeling he was being watched nonetheless.
“You mean Ichor?” He asked, and to a hum of confirmation, he tilted his head with a grin, “I’m sure he’ll come home safe and sound. Blue’s been sure to send him on non-combat missions, and with plenty of back-up and supplies. We both know that he has a family waiting for him here, we wouldn’t send him anywhere dangerous.”
That was a lie. Dream didn’t have any qualms about it. He just knew it was a lie. Every mission was dangerous, could turn to combat, and might end in death. Every person here, as much as Blue tried to deny, was expendable. They were part of a cause, they had to be. Of course, Dream would never put children in danger, but Ichor, just like every other person here, came willingly looking to help. He volunteered his family for this willingly.
Of course, that isn’t what people like to hear. So, he’ll tell him things he’s heard Blue say. Blue was so kind-hearted, a softie. The moment he heard Ichor and Eclipse were having another soulling he’d re-assigned all their missions and work, and even after they’d both recovered, after Ichor was no longer carrying, he sent the guy on the easier missions. Blue didn’t want to split a family.
Eclipse sighed, almost with relief, at Dream’s words. “Thank you, my Prince. I suppose I’m just worried over nothing. I’ve been known to do such silly things.” Eclipse relented, and smiled. It was tired, but much happier than before. Dream’s aura must’ve finally gotten to him. Broken down those worries.
“Anytime, Eclipse. I suppose I’ll see you at their return tonight?” Dream voiced, though he knew the answer. Of course he’d be there.
Eclipse only took a few more moments, wishing Dream a good rest of the day, before he ushered his son foreward and off elsewhere. Dream waved goodbye to them until they passed a corner, and he internally sighed in relief as he turned back to his original goal.
Dream moved closer by a few paces and plopped himself down onto one of the benches, one side left empty by someone who had just rushed onto the field. He summoned his bow to his hands and fiddled with the string, and ill-disguised attempt at seeming busy as he just watched the proceeding spars.
So many people stopped him daily around camp, often simply wanting to chat and catch up on their lives. Eclipse’s new babybones was, thankfully, the most exciting piece of news in the last few months, but before that was a wedding between a bunny monster and a hare monster, before that was the death of someone’s spouse and a subsequent burial, before that siblings reunited, they all had their own stories and things to keep track of. Dream found it trivial, but unfortunately, everyone expected him to now these things, remember them, keep track and ask when they met outside of business times. If he wanted these people to stay, he needed to know.
His only grace was that Blue was very talented in chatting. Where Dream could rouse crowds and battalions, Blue thrived in a setting of just one or two, and somehow knew just about everything about everyone. They’d talk over dinner, about what they did while split up doing their duties. Dream would tell him about the state of the garden, or the new map he managed to draw up with the cartographer, while blue would tell him all the latest menial news. Crushes, holiday plans, when new people were coming in, all of it. He was always so happy, that Dream simply learned to remember it through him. Shockingly an easy feat.
The clanging of swords and the heat were both a welcome comfort, Dream was soaking in the sun like some sort of lizard on its rock.
Dream just hoped he wouldn’t eat his words later. Blue had sent ichor and a few others on a mission to simply attend the latest ball, and annual celebration for one of his brother’s elite knights. The Criminal, he thought, the one with the tiger mask. Killer. The parties hadn’t had conflict in the four years they’d been running, and Dream was pretty sure ichor wouldn’t go missing. Yet, anyone they sent directly to the capital had a habit of not returning. Blue had forbade him from sending more spies that way, and had only agreed to send a small party because the ball was meant to be open to the public, so they wouldn’t be technically intruding or trespassing. Along with that, Ichor wasn’t directly affiliated with their cause. Eclipse, up until now, was usually the one more familiar with intel-work. Ichor had always been more focused on welfare and support. So, Ichor couldn’t be recognized. ‘
Dream would just have a lot of explaining to do if his promise went awry. Grieving souls were never easy, especially those who had children in tow. They often loved the hardest, and fell shortly after their beloved. Frankly, Dream didn’t want to lose two promising members of the rebellion, or be left with their children in the worst case scenario.
The prince sighed to himself. Blue would scold him for thinking like this. Maybe he should worry less about the return party and more about his own training. He couldn’t risk getting rusty now.
- -
Dream was aware the range was a bit out of his sight from where he’d wandered off to get a drink of water, but when he returned, he hadn’t expected to find an arrow embed itself into the block he was passing beside.
He jumped a bit with the force of the heavy thunk and almost choked on his own breath when he spotted exactly who was actually training with a bow of all things.
Across the range, looking wide-eyed and surprised, was Blue! He had their heavy long-bow clutched in his right hand, an arrow hanging to his side y his left, and a whole slew of arrows leaned against the fence behind him, the kind with thin, piercing points that could tear through armor. Dream had never been more baffled, amused, and amazed all in one. Why was Blue training archery?
“Dream! Hey!” Blue called out, and he sounded a bit awkward.
Dream took a moment to examine the arrow which had pieced the block of hay they were using as a target. It had entirely missed the circle, actually passing itself at an odd angle through he side, the point poking out from the other end haphazardly. That must’ve used a lot of force if nothing else.
Actually, it seemed Blue might’s been making some progress. Dream had been gone for almost half an hour, caught up in talk with one of the new refugees, welcoming them to the camp. That had given his knight plenty of time to try more than enough shots. Dream spotted now the several arrows which had dug themselves into the dirt, all at a downward falling angle as through Blue had been aiming for the dirt. Then, beyond the hay bale, he could see that several trees in the woods beyond had arrows embedded in them. He didn’t know how he’d missed them, honestly.
Dream circled back and gripped one which had dug into a pine tree’s skinny trunk, and tugged with all his might. He nearly stumbled, and the end of the arrow seemed to have sap coating it, like blood of the tree itself.
Dream actually laughed as he finally approached his knight, the arrow in-hand.
“If you wanted syrup so badly, we could’ve asked for some on the resupply.” Dream joked.
He tapped the shaft of the arrow to the top of Blue’s skull, and the knight sheepishly ducked away from the sticky feeling, the arrow moving with him for a moment before springing away. Blue’s eyelights didn’t evade Dream’s, but Dream couldn’t help but notice the embarrassment becoming far more potent from his friend.
“Ah, yes, you see…” Blue started, before pausing, “I had no intention of harming the flora.” Blue said, though it seemed a bit half-hearted.
Blue rubbed at his skull as he lowered the long-bow from his front, down to his side. It was a huge weapon, with a string practically made of metal. Dream didn’t usually bother with the long-bows, sticking to the normal bows, or in desperate situations, crossbows. It took way too much power to shoot a longbow for his liking, limited movement. Usually people on horses used them. Dream couldn’t see the light leave someone’s eye from atop a finicky horse.
“It was a good shot, even if you didn’t mean to hit the poor tree, Blue.” Dream amended. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass Blue, it was obvious the mood was tanking with Dream’s ill-timed jokes. “Can I ask why you’re trying out the long-bow today?”
The feeling of Blue’s pride washing over Dream like a comforting blanket as the other seemed to get a second wind. He puffed his chest and lifted the bow right in front of him again.
“The Magnificent Blue has actually been learning to shoot for some time! The smaller ones that you use are not very cooperative, but this large one does well!” The explained proudly, “It was meant to be a surprise, but I would not lie to you!”
He seemed largely unbothered by the fact that this secret of his had just been broken wide open. Though, Dream had to imagine this had been going on for a while now. The last time Dream had seen Blue attempt to shoot an arrow, it had narrowly avoided breaking their window in the back garden. They still had a notch in the wall on the back porch, because Dream begged Blue not to fill it in. He’d laughed so hard, and back then he’d needed a good-
“Wait, why was it going to be a surprise?” Dream asked curiously, raising a brow to watch Blue.
The knight laughed loudly, “Because! The plan was to get very very good at it, and then join you for a practice one day and show you! I know you are very talented with lond-range weapons, and if I were too, then I could fight beside you without placing you in danger! You mentioned it once, a while back.” Blue explained as though it was the simplest thing in the world.
Dream felt a little something in his chest shift to the left as he processed what Blue was referencing. He had mentioned that. Back when they had to scare off some bandits during their trip here, before they found the cottage. He wished Blue hadn’t had to charge in while Dream sat up in a tree and shot at them. Dream had wanted to be in the fray, but… Blue thought he wanted them both to be long range fighters? So they could stay close?
That was up there with some of the most heartwarming things Blue had ever done for Dream. Trust him, there were a LOT of heartwarming things Blue had done. This was surely, however, in the top 15.
“Oh, that’s kind of you.” Dream said gently,
In his distraction, Blue had knocked another arrow and lifted it up. Lined it. Drew the string back. Released.
The heavy string cut through the air with a vocal slapping noise, and both skeletons watched idly as the arrow arced through the air and just hardly skimmed the top of the hay bail, chunking into the ground somewhere behind it instead. There was a moment of Blue letting out a breath and calmly lowering the bow before he grinned again at Dream. His expression was so concentrated not two moments before.
“You know that I would do anything for you, Dream. Besides, using a bow is rather fun! I was unaware of how careful you have to be while firing, and setting it up, and aiming.” He listed off with a laugh.
Now the bow was back at Blue’s side, and Dream was even a bit impressed with his bow etiquette. It wasn’t pressed to the first at his side, he wasn’t fidgeting and bending it, even his motions before he hadn’t dared to dryfire with it. He wondered if Blue had picked it up from him, or if he’d sought out advice from another bowman somewhere. Either way.
“I never meant to discourage you from using your hammer, Blue. I know you’re the happiest while fighting with it.” Dream said earnestly, “But if you wish to continue working with the long-bow, I’m sure I could give you a few pointers.”
At the enthused expression he received from his knight, Dream grinned, “And then maybe you could teach me to use a hammer. Or, maybe a morning star? They always seemed to have a fitting name.” Dream teased, but Blue seemed even more delighted by the thought.
“That sounds great! We should start now!” Blue agreed, and readied his bow again.
Dream was a bit startled, but couldn’t bring himself to deny the enthusiasm. After all, he’d been hoping to train with Blue today anyways.
He watched again as Blue lined up his shot, but this time, he actually watched carefully. He moved behind Blue, and immediately saw a smidge of problem.
“Here, lift your elbow a bit higher.” He instructed, He stepped forward and set his hand under Blue’d elbow, the one which was pulling his arrow back. He shifted under the touch and stopped right where Dream stopped nudging. Immediately his posture looked a lot better, and his aim seemed more sure.
“Try pointing a bit further to the right, you’re leaning left.” He added on, and saw Blue squint a bit harder at his target, before repositioning his aim, shifting his feet along with it before Dream could say anything.
Then, when Dream gave the commend to release, Blue sent the arrow flying.
This time, it whistled as it shot and struck the bail right at the top ring of the target, almost dead center. Blue whooped an excitement, and Dream hummed. He could’ve sworn that would’ve hit the bullseye…
Without much through, Dream summoned his own bow and took aim from Blue’s side. His night went quiet, watching intently, and Dream let loose his arrow with less than half the preparation time, hardly a thought. Just as he’d expected of Blue’s, the arrow pierced the center of the ring flawlessly, though it didn’t sink in nearly as deep. His brow furrowed as the stared at the target. Why hadn’t Blue’s shot done that?
Sure, the bow was heavier, the arrow too, but the fundamentals should’ve been the same. The golden arrow and landed below the other one, why was that?
“Dream?” Blue’s voice cut through his thoughts.
Dream blinked at Blue, and Blue stared back at him, seeming mildly worried.
“My apologies, could you try hitting my arrow? I’ll spot you again.” Dream requested, and Blue just nodded and prepared himself again.
This time, Blue automatically placed his elbow up and turned himself to the right. Dream didn’t even need to do more than a little nudge to his arm to encourage a slight but more movement to the right. Blue should strike this perfectly.
The arrow flew, beautifully with a bit of a spin, and… Lodged a few inches to the left of the target. He was aiming right! How-
Ohhhhhh.
“That was great, Blue! You had everything but an extra set of eyes to direct you, good work!” Dream praised.
Now Blue celebrated properly, wrapping his arms around Dream’s sides in a heavy hug. A familiar one that Dream returned, as he realized how silly he had been for a moment. His arrows weren’t affected by the wind. Blue’s weren’t magic, so of course the air would throw them off course! For a brief, horrifying, moment he worried he’d somehow stumbled in his directions. It was just the wind.
Blue's hug was tight and affectionate, and very very welcome. Dream savored it, returning it tightly, until Blue released him and raised the bow once more. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to train until the caravan arrived in a few hours.
- -
Poor choices. He didn’t make many, but he wasn’t going to try and claim that training right up until the arrival was a good call. All he was expected to do was welcome them back, and then listen toIchor recount any important information they’d picked up on, but still. He didn’t enjoy being all grimy and sweaty and middy was the best look or the most comfortable. His only solace was that Blue was equally messay, so he didn’t feel too out of place.
Ask they approached the path into camp, they saw that the light of a lantern was glowing just a bit down the way, and there alone the road stood the sentinels for the night, and Eclipse.
Eclipse still wore that same tunic as before, though it had gained a grass stain along the bottom hem, no doubt from Copper breaking off at a full sprint at some point during the day. The skeleton himself was without his children, and when Blue greeted him and asked, it turned out he’d left them with someone named Jodie. One of the humans, he believed, a kind elderly woman here with her adult son. Eclipse looked exhausted, but Dream could tell is must’ve been from building worry. Nim help him and make sure that Ichor returns on that cart in one piece.
They stood there together in the quiet, and when the carriage pulled to a stop before them, Dream counted as each person hopped off and stood at attention before himself and Blue. One, two, three, for, five, six, seven… Eight. Ichor must’ve been looking to give his partner a soul-attack, because he was the last of the party to jump off the back of the cart, a thick bag slung over his back and his grin wide and stupid as ever.
Dream acted like he didn’t notice as Eclipse bowled into Ichor’s side, nearly tripping the both of them over and into the grass. Technically, procedure was that Dream would be the first to hear any of them speak, as they could’ve been keeping secrets. However, he knew better than to get between lover birds. That was more of a headache than it was worth.
Only when the two were done and Eclipse gave Ichor a swift peck on the forehead did Dream usher everyone into the debriefing tent to discuss their findings.
“You’re saying he’s bringing in new knights?” Dream questioned.
Everyone had been explaining their stories, but it seemed that Ichor had managed to get the closest. Hear the most. A servant had tripped over him and spilled a red wine on his suit, so he followed them back to the servants halls to get it cleaned up. Because he was so amicable, the maids weren’t very quiet and told him exciting news. Two more knights being trained.
Ichor had asked more, as much as he dared, but all he could get was that one of them was straight out of the dungeon, and the other one was burly and definitely a foreigner. Some sort of hired body, they swore. It’d be fall when the next party was rumored to be happening.
Dream hated to hear such a thing. The first criminal was enough, but this second one? And then another? Dream couldn’t fathom what sorts of horrible plans were being fed into his twin’s mind, what horrid plans they were going to enact, criminals and thugs running the country by his brother’s side?
He sighed a bit, resting a hand against his chin.
“Did you see my twin at all?” He asked then, to the group.
Ichor was the only one to nod, and Dream gestured to him.
“The guy was just as guarded as ya said. The Tiger kept circling back up to the balcony where he was hanging, but the stairs were all blocked off by guards, and some other folks were sitting up there with him. Magic on one of ‘em was strong.” Ichor explained, and Dream squinted as the torchlight glinted off of the skeleton’s single gold tooth. Now his pelt had been returned to him, and he looked perfectly barbaric, like the first day Dream had seen him.
“Mm, unfortunate. My brother is smart, he wouldn’t spare any detail in his protection, I suppose.” Dream muttered, before simply nodding. “Thank you, all. I’m sure you’ve had a tiring past few nights. Go to your tents and rest up, I’ll call upon you if I need to speak with you again sometime later in the week.”
He didn’t really want to dismiss them, but it was obvious half of them had gotten drunk off their asses within the first five minutes of being at the party. Ichor was really the only one with any good information, and even then, it was extremely limited. Of course, Dream had to be grateful that Nightmare must’ve been slipping with controlling the tittering tongues of his servants, it saved him the trouble of having to wait any longer for information.
Nightmare adding new, dangerous, knights was not ideal,
He watched as the party slowly filtered out, some stumbling, some half-awake, and even Ichor yawning as he ducked out of the tent. The only one who didn’t immediately flee was Blue, who sat for a few minutes longer before popping to his feet, gathering the notes strewn across the table, and helping Dream to his feet.
Together, they left the tent and moved back to the cottage. By now it was far into the night, and Dream could see the stars out. The moon, a thin crescent, seemed to mock him as he took careful steps in the darkness of the path. At least he’d gotten to enjoy the remaining sun the day had gifted him.
When they entered the cottage, Dream groaned and moved immediately for the couch. He could try to sleep, but he knew Blue still had to do his nightly routine, and he wouldn't be able to rest with the new information that had been provided.
“We’ll figure it out.” Blue said unprompted from across the main room.
His friend was organizing the papers from tonight into a nice little box where they kept all the notes for their plans, and when he placed it back on the shelf, he moved over to the dummy in the corner of the room where he always hung his armor. Every night.
“I know we will, it’s just…” Ough, he couldn’t say it! This was so infuriating! Every scout who managed to come back only brought him worse and worse news.
“Do you know, or are you just saying that? Because I know that I know we can figure this out! Two monsters can’t make the difference in a coup!” Blue stated matter-of-factly as he undid the buckles on his chest plate and lifted it up onto its rightful spot. Next followed the boots and Dream watched him. The prince was practically deflated on the cushions of the old couch, a pillow quickly tugged into this arms.
He was right. Dream knew it, he usually was after all. Still. It wasn’t the fighting that worried him. No, he and Blue alone could probably beat up whatever petty criminals were cabhorting with his twin. It was just…
“I do. I just- I- I don’t know how my twin could be so stupid!” He exclaimed, practically burying his skull into the pillow, bringing his knees up to his chest, practically curling into a ball. “He was meant to be my advisor, he was the clever one. How could he resort to killers and hired mercenaries. After all those classes he used to tell me about, all the lessons he had to go to, how could he decide to take this path?” He said, hoping his voice was muffled by the cushion.
Unfortunately, like most items in this cottage, it seemed to be cheap and only decorative. No muffling capabilities in sight. He heard Blue sigh, and for a few minutes, the only noise was Blue removing the rest of his armor.
When it faded, he strained to listen, and caught the floorboards creaking ever so gently under the weight of his friend’s approach. Then there was a pause, and then a weight on Dream’s skull. It trailed heavily down his neck and to his shoulders, before repeating itself. A soothing motion, one that Dream resisted for a moment.
“I never got to meet him, but I do know you! I think we can definitely knock some sense back into him.” Blue reassured him, and this time Dream listened.
Blue was right, after all. Blue had been able to knock sense into Dream. If anyone could bring Nightmare back to his senses, it would be Blue.
He let the skeleton keep doing that comforting motion against his skull for a few more minutes, savoring the contact, before he sighed heavily and shrugged. Blue retracted his hand, and was watching Dream with a soft smile when the prince finally lifted his head. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, before Dream smiled back.
They both really needed to get some rest.
#new age au#dude inclusion of old docs into the new story??? crazyyyy#Eclipse and Ichor are long-standing ocs and in most aus Eclipse Copper Steel and their other kid Rose Gold are all dead sooo. happy time fo#them here!! Ichor is a goofball but actually the more responsible one. Eclipse would scale a tower for fun if he had the chance.#Here they actually get to be a happy couple. And tbh I don't think Dream would know either of their names if it wasn't for Copper#he has a soft-spot for kids even if he's awful with them half the time-#OH! And Dream! He's still in his jaded era#but he's getting better! I feel like I need to stress that Dream is full of love and whimsy and care but. he doesn't know how#to express any of it through normal means. he needs to relearn how to express his care. Blue is helping him! This is not a#smoker downer hurt by the world Dream! He's just been gaslight and girl bossed all his life lmao#I hope his oblivious gay tones are shining through too btw. old habits die hard and he is NOT subtle#the scene with the arrow training? Everyone else can see them being cute and flirting but they're so so oblivious#everyone is betting on whether or not they kiss. they never do. Everyone knows except for them#And!! last thing I think? just like Dream Blue has a persona he puts on when he's out and about. It's not as drastic as Dream's because he#has fewer worries and stressors but he plays up his knight role visually when around others while when they're alone it turns into#the devotion and quiet chivalry that you see at the end. He also risks talking back to Dream more obviously in private. because Dream doesn#mind at all and they're as close to friends as Dream's ever had and closer friends than Blue had ever had#Okay I'm done now. Gonna go sketch Fresh now so that I can answer an ask lingering in my ask box that I love but didn't have time to get to
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the emperor is clearly setting up fan xian to take over the country but not, i think, as next emperor...i think he's hoping that the next "phase" of societal development will be kicked off by fan xian. like, the monarchy will be abolished and fan xian will be in charge. he thinks monarchy is stupid and the only person he trusts to abolish it right is the guy whose consciousness is a partial copy of his own. why else would he be assisting fan xian in consolidating power (or rather, sort of forcing power onto fan xian from all sides, even though all fan xian wants to do is live a carefree life and not have anyone trying to kill him) while at the same time allowing fan xian's gross breaches of etiquette and respect toward the emperor, and not only allowing them but bringing attention to them in front of everyone and being like, aw, you kooky guy, not kneeling to me. you're so funny. live your truth. like that's actually insane?? bixia i am obsessed with you.
#joy of life#i can't stop thinking about the emperor he is consuming me...who is he...what is he doing...#sadly i no longer think it's possible for him to be fan xian's mom :( but i am embracing the possibilities inherent in the other major#contender for his identity...that he's fan xian (or rather that fan xian is him in some way)#my posts#jol emperor#i also want to know what is up with all of fx's daddy figures. he's got: his actual dad; his FIL; chen pingping who was in love#with his mom; the emperor; his laoshi; and wu zhu shu#wu zhu and chen pingping's utter devotion to him makes sense because they were devoted to his mom#laoshi helped to raise him so obviously they're close. but who really sent him? was it dad fan? was it chen pingping?#his FIL supports him because he lost his heir and needs a new one and fan xian is nice to his other kids#(speculation) bixia has his back because the emperor created him in a lab for the express purpose of abolishing the monarchy#and also like. general egotistical reasons bc they're kind of the same person (or at least that's how the emperor would see it)#so really it comes down to his actual dad. what is the deal with that guy#was he ever actually with fan xian's mom? was he a sperm donor. why does he treat fan xian with so much respect#he was close buddies with chen pingping right? when did chen pingping become paralyzed? can he have children?#was the original plan for chen pingping and fan xian's mom to have a baby implanted with bixia's consciousness#but chen pingping was paralyzed and his bff fan-xiong stepped in to provide the dna?#or is dad not biologically fx's dad but for political reasons they all agreed that he would be fx's dad?#like who all is in on this and what is the agreement they actually have#and does FIL know anything about it or is he just there like. i'm just happy to have a SIL <3
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Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character
bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it
Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them
Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???
C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'
I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.
(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)
OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.
As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.
Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.
This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.
#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr#considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here#“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!”#and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good-#and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he#doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything#… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing#genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki#(Trying to space out names so they dont tag)#I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired#I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already#Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but#It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about—#most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept#asks#he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there#he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if—#someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense#sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal…….#thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters#anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man
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no, but have i talked about this on here before? because i don't think i have yet. though i was just thinking about all of the different people that barton has been interested in romantically, and one of them that definitely stands out to me is auriel. because even he doesn't really know what it is, but in the main story for barton, she's been missing for quite some time. i'm talking like ever since his final year of undergrad. so, it's been more than a decade since barton has seen her and yet, he still checks whether anyone with her physical description has suddenly shown up again in gotham.
and he has actually made an effort to compile whatever evidence he could pertaining to auriel's disappearance, which... although there hasn't been anything new as to where his character is in the timeline of events right now? barton may be the only person in gotham who is actively looking for her anymore. plus, before auriel went missing, she had actually lent one of her coats to him and i swear to god... this man has never taken care of an article of clothing better than he's taken care of her coat. so, this kind of makes me wonder how barton's usual behavior could be so contrary compared to him doing something like this.
i mean, judging by how he behaves around most people (which is basically TERRIBLY, to put it simply jsjsj), i think that he must've felt like they had a deeper connection between each other somehow. though auriel herself is certainly not a villain. so i'm saying this in terms of barton perhaps trusting her enough to tell her things that he wouldn't normally tell a soul, like how he was (and still somewhat is) afraid of his bio father as a kid. but yeah — seeing as i know what had happened to her character, this hits especially hard for me 😭 because she may not be dead but auriel certainly hasn't been in a good spot for a longgg time
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ANGER'S HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#ooc post.#god auriel really did deserve SO much better than what she got / where she's at overall in the story RN. but yeah i honestly think that-#barton genuinely loved her like he loved marceline but with his type of love often comes things that are ehh... definitely not so good.#i mean things like him going out of his way to make sure no one's bothering this person by hurting people who may be bullying them-#who had hurt them in the past kind of thing bc having barton's devotion is a little bit like having a WAYYY too protective guard-dog jsjsj#BUT him keeping an eye out for her even after all of this time and trying to occasionally view the evidence he gathered related to how she-#disappeared from a different angle despite barton having a rather big hunch that he's not going to find anything different.#and him only providing the best upkeep to her coat in hopes that she'll come back one day + auriel will notice that it looks the exact-#same that it did before is just - BYEEE i'm crying sobbing throwing a table because WHY can barton be like this sometimes and then-#be such a douche the next second like ;; anyways the point is if you see a penny lane coat in his closet it does in fact belong-#to auriel and it is just. GAHHH in beautiful condition still
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i look at the state of everything and i just feel like. I'm so sorry for ever complaining about anything ever when so many people have it worse and I feel guilty but I have to use that and do something. I want to fix everything but I can't and it's easy to feel hopeless about that.... I have to remember I can at least fix some things. I cannot let apathy and hopelessness win!!! I will do what I can!!
#I fear if i wasn't jewish i would become a nun. I feel like i need to devote my mind body and soul to fixing something so i can be forgiven#im being dRAMATIC i think guilt is important because it motivates you otherwise i wouldn't do anything#I'm going to do what i can and get involved with local food banks to help my community but it feels so small#I need to make so many changes in my life and get outside of myself#i think college i was very selfish which i kind of needed after being older sister 3rd parent but now it's time 2 face the world again#i will help make things better or DIE TRYING!!!! preferably number one
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u know it’s bad when ur doctor literally goes “hey you need to take a break from Lent/going to Mass this year until we work through some stuff”.
#blue chatter#this is because I am at the point where I cannot walk into a church without shaking#I had two really bad experiences at Mass in a row and it was. honestly rly damaging.#neither of the churches in my area are really viable places for me to go right now#so either I try and find an Orthodox Church or smth#or I go to online mass#but yeah my therapist is specifically known for helping ppl work thru religious trauma n scrupulosity n such#and she was like ‘hey. building up your relationship with God is really important. if you go to those churches again it is going to be bad’#the goal is getting to a point where I can live my faith and be close to God in a safe and healthy environment#bc the panic and guilt spirals and anger is not it girliepop#point being. I will be observing Ash Wednesday at home this year.#and be talking with my therapist about a good Lenten devotion that won’t cause more harm than it helps
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Every once in a billion years I suddenly get very lucky and pick up one band merch delivery on one day, and then get another band merch delivery from another band on the very next day
#let's fucking gooooooo#once i'm less preoccupied with this art challenge#(((((that is starting to make less and less sense to keep going with day by day#but i guess i'm going to continue with it anyway more out of stubbornness than anything else#and it would be lame to stop now when i alredy have most of the ideas ready in some form#and the means to finish all this stuff as long as i stop being annoying about it and overthinking everything#and because i can only feel semi-normal when i don't feel like i'm wasting my life away and i'm instead making any sort of thing#since literally nothing else is helping me feel not awful at this point#it'll be fine as long as i don't think about it and instead devote as much time as possible to another thing. anyway !!!!!!!!!)))))#i'm going to have so much fun with the self-titled tmbg album puzzle#literally perfect album cover picture for a puzzle i'm so glad this got made#and i loooove the propaganda t-shirt!! :3#i'm already assembling my london trip wardrobe and it's going to be most of the t-shirts being band t-shirts at this rate#maybe i should really turn that 'born to die' drawing into a t-shirt too. perfect time to do that#goosepost
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Left my Xbox for too long to sort laundry so Ishin's Quick Resume didn't work, meaning I had to kill Izo twice
#smol plays yakuza#ishin#okada izo#I am not normal about him. He's a hater and a bitch hes a mean goth and i love him#Hes so cocky and smug whenever hes around Ryoma and hes like 'seriously? you think IM the mastermind? cute. fight me and youll get answers'#but then he LOSES. he lays there dying and his voice cracks and breaks??? He cries????? He asks Ryoma to STOP Takechi??????#all he wanted was for Takechi to love and respect for him but it was never gonna happen because Ryoma was his kyodai#Izo devoted himself to helping this man no matter what and it meant nothing. And in his last moments all he can do is ask we stop him#cause he could never stop him. Never would. No matter how much he disagreed he did as he was asked. Did as he was told#Did he ever get that affection and acknowledgement he wanted? No. No he didnt. How Do You Expect Me To Be Normal About This
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really fun letting all of my favorite shows take turns being the "i can't think about it i can't think about it i can't think about it!!" bingewatch during finals season/associated crunch times. they're being inducted into a society
#so i watched s1 of the funny ballet show. AGAIN like i think this has literally happened in this context before#'oh man i have so much to do for today and i can't skip woahh' (watches 4.3 hours of ducky content)#not the only unproductive thing i did this weekend. there were several#anyway gonna keep this brief for obvious reasons but gahhh i love the funny ballet show#idk how i keep forgetting how cute ahiru is. like her slapstick in the first few eps is way more prominent#and i just like it!!!! shes a silly goose!!!!!!!(duck) and i like her very much she's great#rue's stepping into kraehe's shoes (literally) For Real On Purpose stemming from wanting things to stay the same forever. aughh#like mytho's her one escape from it all he's the one thing/person she feels safe with#and to stick to something stagnant and loveless just so she can have someone to project those feelings onto who won't leave is. gahhhh#i also always forget how much i love rue like. YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY#i wish mytho changed more with each shard but it's always fun to see how the prev episode's shard affects the next when it happens#which is decently often#early fakir's comedically evil toxic bf thing is still shocking to me. they turn him around so fast and it starts when mytho regains fear#imo. once mytho can Undeniably Suffer the negative effects of fakir's treatment he can't quite bring himself to do it#fakir resorting to these awful authoritarian abusive ways of keeping mytho under his control bc he's desperate and scared and overwhelmed#is like. augh hes so interesting to me. night and day swap though it's crazy how much work those like 4 episodes before akt 12 do for him#anyway. i love it it's great it's always great. comfort show indeed + i gotta get back to work now + bye#no but fakir doubles and quadruples down on never budging on his treatment of mytho bc again hes scared but also i think it's a little like#he suppresses all his feelings so he doesn't lose control over mytho and justifies it with mytho's lack of feeling#when he tells mytho to forget about it and that emotions are useless and stupid he's talking to himself too y'know#i think there's a squishy sentimental part of him he tried very hard to crush out of himself to better protect mytho (from himself + tutu#+ the raven etc) and once it's clear (though not immediately) that mytho has feeling and a will to regain his heart he starts helping him#he embodies warped devotion and loyalty as much as rue and similarly to tutu. fakir and rue devalue their own and mytho's feelings#while ahiru only devalues her own. her brand of self sacrifice is something to be challenged and overcome in the same way#but shes able to start all this because she cares about what mytho's feelings Would/Could be > what they currently are (nothing)#ANYWAY. good show. i forgot about the greenscreened in/obvious live action effect fire/fog in a couple episodes that was funny
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the difference between narumi and hoshina when it comes to mina is so funny in my brain. rambles in tags yes it’s shippy
#egg boils#narumi who would tell her to get in the space of his coat and lean against him when it’s cold because he REFUSES to just give her his coat#vs hoshina who would probably let himself freeze to death and give up his coat to her without question. one sneeze and hoshina is letting#himself brace the cold weather in his turtleneck#narumi: if u have a problem with this arrangement u can get out 👉#mina: shut up#she huddles into his warmth anyway because japan winters r crazy.#vs hoshina: here u go he would say as he drapes it over her and she’s so startled like her fling w narumi when she was 23 vs her Thing now#with hoshina when she’s 27 . A#she’d look back fondly on narumi’s antics though. long rides on his motorbike. his frown as he helps her weed her family home’s front lawn#his look of annoyance as he tells her to move and let him do the cutting of vegetables for his mum to use for dinner. the way he looks so#so happy when he eats her mums home cooked meal. the way he curls up against bakko as he games in her apartment#oh . i love narumina so bad.#sorry and yeah hoshimina well we already know. devotion. so much of it. you’d think it’s one sided from hoshina but no mina Loves hoshina#and appreciates him bc he keeps up with her has never backed down from whatever challenge she throws at him a#ashiro mina i will ensure u r so so loved when there’s a nagging absence in ur heart. Do not worry.#for Her mum* to use for dinner my brains been jumbling words lately#narumina#hoshimina#i just think it’s so important to me that mina Would undeniably in my universe find herself attracted to narumi#she would Detest it. but#it happens anyway. so naturally. one day she’s sparring with him and the next . perhaps during a shared training where they fight together#where he yells at her to shoot the honju because he’s already cleared the path for her HAVE SOME FAITH IN HIM. does she think. Oh.
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Thinking about Orchid and Horror again.
#sorry that RealAge AU fic got me thinking about my own Bad Guys Adopt Small Child au again#and by that I mean Nightmare has a wartime Living Weapon baby (combining magic with Error) and then gets way too attached to it#Nightmare strikes me as thr kinda guy to recognize that he had his power unfairly thrust into his hands with no guidance by his mother#and so he raises his kid with strict but reasonable goals that can be attained with his help. he nurtures his daughter (Orchid) instead of#throwing her out of the nest#much to the surprise of the others#who then flock to being this little girl's support structure becayse now they've got a lil baby around and she's everything to them#(Orchid is closest with Horror tho hense the initial post)#I just firmly believe that Murderous Tendencies or not they'd each have their own devotion to her#like Killer watching her when Night's busy as his right hand (he likes to pretend that Orchid is his boss too. it's good for her.)#Dust being urged by Paps to kill her but deciding that. no. that'd make Papyrus a hypocrite and a shitty brither for wanting to harm Night's#innocent little harmless babybones.#then Cross getting unreasonably attached when he comes back to the castle just because she's so Cute abd Stubborn#and Horror seeing her as a little baby that needs caring for. he raused his bro right so Night trusts him to watch over her. he's like a#mother bear. he also teaches Orchid to be active and want to be strong. they're good qualities. oh and Love For Food. she eats her fill#amyways hopefully art is on the way too lmao#soon
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♦ (leto, ker - for now!)
"Little minx. Come on, I couldn't possibly have a secret boyfriend without a girl to share it all with. My sister kept my secret yet I believe couldn't understand any of it. When I think back Ker was even smarter than me when it came to build shenanigans not to get caught by SIster Elizabeth. Everything was fun with Ker, pretty much all the time I don't remember a moment of us not whispering and giggling to ourselves - even in our Janus phase, God. It slowly changed as we approached graduation. Ker has always been a fervant believer, she has always prayed a little harder and a little longer than me. i got surprised for her to be one of the Swans not affiliated to a family but as time passed, I believe I understand why. Mother's favorite swans are the most devoted."
"Disconnected. That boy, he stood... still. Yes, let's remember all the fights that would break between Janus, that assface, and Minwoo. Of course the crows love a good brawl and you know what, I do too. Just not when it comes to Minwoo, I never liked anybody messing with him. I would throw myself in there first chance I got just for Janus to back off. If he can beat a crow up, it's death row if he ever touches a swan so, I had nothing to lose. I will never forget how Leto always stood in the way, not cheering, not stopping any of this, but watching, I had to push him to get into the circle, yelling at him, Jesus, Move! It was in the heat of the moment, I appreciate Leto, he just always seemed... Out of place, disconnected."
"Gentle. Keres's skin is gentle. I like the way it does glowd under the sun in the meadow when we are together. Her voice. It is gentle too, music that I love laced with the lullaby of mine. She is, has always been, will always be my best friend, my dance partner. As a new world seemed to have opened to our sisters , only Keres and I have been left in our own. My sorrow to have lost Gayane has been grand and yet I could not be more happier as I found peace and safety in my Keres presence. I adore it when we lay down together the most. When we fall asleep together, as well. I do not dream of what tortures my mind at night, my sleep is peaceful when by her side."
"Target. I do correlate the level of humanity to the level of potential betrayal in a Crow. There always has been empathy in the eyes of a being like Leto. I have read his medical file enough times to understand the techniques used on the first generation of crows did do the wonders they were expected to. It happened to be a matter of time before the bells ring, as the crows and the dogs got unleashed in the forest to chase after him. Many couldn't possibly believe, mistaking his behavior for cowardice like many before him - they couldn't be more in wrong. I always knew his predominant humanity will make him a target. It must have taken braveness then for him to take the decision to go and run. How unfotunate - he must die, still.
#꣼ 𝑘𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑛𝑎 𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑎 𝑘𝑎𝑛𝑔. / the white swan.#꣼ 𝑘𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑛𝑎 𝑛𝑎𝑟𝑎 𝑘𝑎𝑛𝑔. / interactions.#꣼ 𝑔𝑎𝑦𝑎𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑒𝑟𝑎 𝑘𝑎𝑛𝑔. / interactions.#꣼ 𝑔𝑎𝑦𝑎𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑒𝑟𝑎 𝑘𝑎𝑛𝑔. / the black swan#I'm having so much fun with these#THANK YOU FOR SENDING LOVE#Gaya and Ker having a friendship based on sneaking out with boys makes so much sense lmao#But Ker indeed is a fanatic compared to Gaya whos like ............ always on the verge of sinning so theres also that#Compared to KaeKer who shares their devotion to the House#But Kae gives codependency with Ker#It's like Kae put a lot on Ker's shoulders by making her her safe space in the House and the one who “ gets her ” because they were both le#I can imagine how this would be heavy and suffocating for Ker too especially with what happens nowadays heh#As for Leto HAHAHA YEAH FOR THE BRAWL YEAH GAYA WAS THERE PUSHING LETO LIKE BITCH DO SOMETHING??#Soryr Gaya just picks up fights with everyone but probs she likes Leto#And when he shows up again and its time to hide him with Minwoo she's like “ Oh shit ” but would do everything to help#She doesn't want him to die especially at some point she knows he's Ker's child father#As for Kae WELLLLLLL she hates LETO SURE but she also noted that interesting thing about him ( like in her diary à#She knew it would happen eventually
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