#okay enough my little brother has taken over my sacred tags

[nartml]

Saw a comment describe killugon as 'born to be brothers, forced to be best friends'.

And I just have to say that, out of all the things that have never happened, that has never happened the most.

[americasmarauders]

Wasteland, baby!--Ben Hargreeves (part 3).

author’s note: hey again. i’m reposting this cause tumblr sucks and the first post wasn’t showing on ANY of the tags. like any. so please, i beg of you, reblog so this doesn’t happen again and the post stays relevant enough for at least a couple of days and not a couple of hours. Now onto the actual post. Once again, I wanna thank @cutekittylexie for being an awesome human being and making me go through this. and calming me when I thought this was going to flop (and it kinda did so i’m trying again). 

Beware:it’s an emotional one. mentions of injuries and blood (canon typical). 

words: 4310

masterlist

part 1

part 2

part 4

#

Ben.

         Ben.

         Ben.

         Ben.

         It was all that Y/N could think about. He consumed her thoughts. Every waking moment she spent, he was on her mind. If he wasn’t her main thought, Ben would most definitely be on the back of her mind. His smile intoxicated her, to the point the air would be knocked out of her. She would look at every corner for him, even though she knew he wouldn’t be there.

         It wasn’t healthy to be obsessed with someone. And she would argue she wasn’t obsessed. More like addicted. Even if that didn’t better her case, it was the truth.

         There she stood, in the alley next to Ben’s house, staring at his window for the sign that she could go up and see him. After her classes ended it seemed suspicious for them to keep meeting in the morning so they came with a more logical solution: afternoons.

         Ben would say what his schedule for the next day would be. They would set up a time for Y/N to be at the alley. He would open his window for her and she would climb the fire escape up to his room.

         It was nicer than the minute long dates they had in the morning. They would spend hours just talking in hushed tones, he would show her his studies and the photos he had taken of his siblings. They would talk about dreams, memories they had and about making new ones.

         The window opened and Ben peaked through it. He look down at her and smiled brightly, nodding so she could go up. She smiled back and started to climb the fire escape quickly. Thank God she had chosen to wear shorts instead of the dress she had just bought. She had loved it and she was sure Ben would like it too. Not that she cared if he liked it or not. But she did.

         She got in the room with his help, his hands calloused in comparison to hers. She flung herself on top of him, hugging him tightly. She heard him release a breathy chuckle then he nuzzled his head on the crook of her neck. He was still wearing that stiff uniform their Father made them wear. She could smell the scent of the soap.

         “Hi, Ben,” she said airily, clutching his shoulders as if it was her lifeline.

         “Hey,” he broke the hug and rested his hands on her cheeks. “How you’ve been?”

         She smiled smally. “I’m good,” his thumbs rubbed her cheeks delicately and gently. “How are you?”

         The smile he adorned faltered and his face became somber. His hands dropped from her face and he sat on his bed defeated. He rested his hands on his face, his hair falling delicately on his forehead. Y/N sat beside him and put a hand on his leg, just above his knee. ‘I’m here,’ the gesture whispered.

         “Dad’s been especially cruel today in training,” he said, his voice quivering. “I’m so tired, Y/N, I don’t know how much longer I can take it,” his hands dropped from his face, revealing his deep eyes bathed in unshed tears.

         “Oh, Ben,” she said sadly. “I’m so sorry, love.”

         He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you can do, he’s like this sometimes.”

         She looked at him sadly and clasped his hands between her own. “I’m here for you, Ben. Whatever you need.”

         He looked at her, his eyes twinkling in the warm afternoon light. “Please, stay,” he said quietly.

         “Of course,” she said as if it was absurd to imply she wouldn’t. She cozied herself next to the bedrest, her back leaning on the wall behind her. Her hands still clutching his tightly, rubbing small circles in the back of it.

         They stayed like that for a couple of hours. They talked a little but she could feel he didn’t want to, so the majority of the time they stayed quiet, just listening to the noises his siblings made in their rooms. It was pleasant, she could feel the life of the house, even if there was a tyrant trying to squash it out of them.

         The sun was setting when she felt her phone vibrating on the back pocket of her shorts. “Shit!” she disentangled herself from Ben’s warm embrace. “Shit, shit, shit!”

         “What is it? Is everything okay?�� Ben asked worriedly, as she looked at the tiny screen of her phone exasperated.

         “I have to head home. I’m late, I promised my mom I would help her with a new recipe,” Y/N said, putting her shoes on. She got up and looked at Ben, a sad expression replacing the peaceful one he had moments ago.

         “Oh,” he muttered.

         “Ben, it’s okay,” she sat back down on the edge of the bed. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

         “Yeah, yeah, of course,” he said, rubbing his eyes.

         Y/N smiled gently. “I’ll bring you a piece of the cake,” she said.

         “Thanks,” he said avoiding her eye sight.

         She got up and headed to the window. She opened it enough so she could pass it through. She looked back at Ben, his face sad and defeated as if she was taking all of his peace with her.

         She didn’t know what possessed her, but suddenly she turned her back to the window and sat down next to Ben. He looked at her shocked as she leaned in towards him. Their lips brushed, for a mere second, before Y/N closed the gap and pressed a gentle, almost ghostly kiss on his pretty lips. He was taken by absolute surprise, and before he had time to react she broke the kiss, a smile on her face.

         Ben was quicker than her, however. Before she could get up and leave, he put his hand on her cheek and brought her lips to his on more time. The kiss, albeit still gentle, was considerably more intense. Y/N thanked the stars she was sitting, because she was sure she couldn’t stand up straight as she melted into the kiss.

         Ben broke the kiss a moment too soon, in Y/N’s opinion. His thumb caressed her cheek, his touch ghostly. “I have to go,” she said sadly.

         “Yeah,” he breathed out. He smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

         “Of course,” she replied.

         Against her heart and her brain, she got up and headed to the window. She put her leg out of it. She gave Ben one last look and one last smile before she bolted out of the room, running home. She had a lovesick smile on her face that she didn’t even realize until her mom gave her an odd look before scolding her for being late.

#

#

Ben was shocked. There was no other way to describe it.

          His heart beating wildly in his chest, he got up from his bed. His hands hovering over the doorknob, he tried to wrap his head on what just had happened. He unlocked the door and got through it. Closing it behind him, he headed to Diego’s room.

          The door was closed, and Ben didn’t bother knocking. He opened it and closed it behind him. He heard a whoosh sound next to him, a knife lodged on the wall next to him. He sighed, unfazed, as he saw Diego

          “Get out,” Diego said grumpily. “Not in the mood, Ben.”

          “I need to talk to you,” Ben replied.

          Diego got up, another knife in his hand. He unlodged the knife from the wall, looking Ben dead in the eye. “I don’t care. Get out,” he muttered turning on his back. He laid on his bed, staring at the selling, play with his knives once again.

          “I kissed her,” Ben blurted out.

          Diego stopped fiddling and sat up right. “What?” he whispered, shocked.

          “I kissed her,” Ben said calmly.

          “Yeah, yeah, I got that, Ben,” Diego dismissed. “When?” he narrowed his eyes in confusion.

          “Um,” Ben looked down at his feet, “just now.”

          “You snuck out?” Diego asked.

          “More like I snuck her in.”

          Diego laughed at the situation. “This is hilarious. How long you’ve been sneaking her in?”

          “A month,” he answered honestly. “I don’t see how that’s relevant to what I just told you,” Ben completed, indignantly.

          “It’s so relevant, Ben. Out of all of us, you’re the one breaking the most sacred rule,” he shook his head, laughing.

          “Diego!” Ben screamed, sobering his brother up. “I kissed Y/N,” Ben said somberly.

          “Here,” Diego patted on the bed beside him, and Ben sat. Diego gave him a side hug. “It’s fine, Ben. Dad won’t find out, chill,” Diego calmed him. “No one knows you’ve been ruining your good boy reputation by sneaking people in. I won’t tell the old man. Klaus won’t tell him.”

          “I know,” Ben muttered. “I’m sorry.”

          “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Benny,” Diego said, messing with Ben’s hair. “So, how was it?”

          Ben let out a chuckle. “It was…” how does he make it sound cool? How does he make seem like it was no big deal, when it was the biggest deal in the world? “It was nice.”

          “Yeah, right,” Diego said, smirking. “Only nice?”

          “Stop it,” Ben said.

          “Hey,” Diego lifted his hands in surrender, “I’m just looking for the truth.”

          “Ha-ha,” Ben fake laughed. “You’re really funny, you know that?”

          “I pride myself in that, actually,” Diego replied smugly. “But, hey, seriously, I’m happy for you,”

          “Thanks, Diego,” Ben shrugged.

          “You’re taking your steps to get out of this godforsaken place,” Diego said bitterly.

          “I can’t wait,” Ben shot back, just as bitterly. There was a moment of silence between them before Ben said something again. “Can I ask something of you?”

          “It depends where’s the body,” Diego said kiddingly.

          “If something happens to me,” Ben started quietly, “would you tell Y/N?”

          “Why are you asking me this?” Diego was taken back by the bluntness of his question.

          “Please, Diego,” Ben begged. “If something happens and no one tells her, she’ll find out by the papers and I can’t do that to her.”

          “Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell her,” Diego reassured him, in a dismissive way that didn’t go unnoticed by Ben. Nevertheless, he held Diego to his word and if something were to happen, he knew Diego would do what he promised.

#

#

True to her word, Y/N did in fact bring him cake the next day. Chocolate cake.

          Truly, Ben didn’t really care if she brought an entire bakery with her, as long as she was there with him. It was her that made it all worth it, the sneaking out—or sneaking in—the furtiveness, the secrets, the fear. She was worth all of it.

          She got in his room, a blue Tupperware on her hand. “You know, my mom wants to meet you she’s been oof—”

          Ben interrupted her once she was fully in his room. He grabbed her waist and brought her closer to him, clashing his lips to hers. She was shocked for a second, and his heart started to race uncomfortably as thoughts of ‘I fucked up’ passed through his mind. But soon enough, she dropped the Tupperware on his bed, her arms finding its way to his neck, pressing closer to him than Ben ever thought possible.

          It was something entirely new for Ben. This fuzzy feeling embracing his entire being, making his cheeks heat up with something so unknown and yet so familiar. Her hands found his hair, her finger running through it. It was like he was on fire, his tummy coiling delightfully, unlike when the Horror got out.

          He broke the kiss yet again, resting his forehead on hers. “I just had to test something,” he explained, a bit out of breath.

          “It’s fine,” she smiled at him, her eyes gazing at him lovingly. “I brought you cake,” she mentioned coyly.

          “I know,” he nodded, his hands on her cheeks. He smiled back at her.

          “My mom insisted on this,” she explained. “She’s been hearing so much about you, she wants to meet you, you know?” she finished out breath. “I’m sorry if this—”

          “Hey, hey,” he said gently. “I’d love to meet her.”

          “Really?” she said happily. “Isn’t it too much? It’s just this is so new, literally a day old, I don’t want to scare you away, you—”

          “It’s okay,” he reassured her. “I’ve been your friend for longer than this. I’ll be fine meeting your mom.”

          She smiled brightly at him. “Okay,” she nodded shyly.

          They eventually sat on Ben’s bed and ate the chocolate cake Y/N had brought—if Ben’s Dad saw him now, he would receive a scolding. They may or may not have made out too, and Ben may or may not have the taste of her lips lingering on his mouth for a while after she left.

#

#

They continued with that routine right up until the last day of her summer vacation.

          The amount of time spent varied. Mostly because sometimes they would be interrupted by that dreaded alarm. Y/N would always jump at the sound, and Ben would find it cute if it wasn’t so goddamn terrible. It would always break his heart to leave her like that, in a rush and without a proper goodbye.

          Ben remembered when he was younger: he wasn’t afraid of the thought of something happening on a mission. It just was a perk, something that could happen but it most likely wouldn’t. Now? It brought chills down his spine.

          The mere thought of him dying, or worse dying without getting to say goodbye, made bile rise to his mouth and his head to feel light. The air would be stolen from his lungs and only Y/N could calm him.

          He had written a series of letters to her in case something were to happen. He instructed Diego on where to find them, his brother finding it silly Ben was being so fatalistic. But he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. It probably wouldn’t. But just in case, he thought.

          And there they were, last day of summer, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed, as he recited some poems from his favorite book to her. He never really appreciated the love poems until he felt what was like to be in love. Now, they were his favorite, especially to recite, because he got to see Y/N’s reaction to it. Some she would tear up, others well… let’s just say some Ben didn’t even get to finish.

          “They asked: ‘do you love her to death?’. I said: ‘Speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life’,” Ben recited.

         He felt her head leave his shoulders. He looked at her, and in that split second, she closed the gap between them and kissed him tenderly. He hadn’t realized what he had just confessed to her, and she didn’t give him time to, because one moment they were tenderly kissing, the other she was completely entangled in his embrace, her hands running on his hair the way that made Ben crazy.

         The book completely abandoned next to Ben, his hands on her cheeks the way he knew she liked it. Ben’s lips moved to her jaw, kissing his way down to her neck. She muttered a small Ben in his ears, and he sucked a spot on her neck a little bit too harshly in the heat of the moment. His lips magnetically went back to hers, and they stayed there, entwined for a while.

         That is, until Klaus came barging in Ben’s room.

         “Benny, I need your notes for—oh,” Klaus began. Ben could feel the smirk creeping on his brother’s face. “Ben, you dawg!”

         It usually was Ben the one to break the kiss, but this time it was Y/N. She complete left his arms, a cold feeling settling in him, not only for the fact she wasn’t embracing him, but because he had realized he had forgotten to lock his bedroom’s door.

         Ben took long enough to react because a second later, Diego appeared in the door frame too, the same smug face. Ben dragged them both inside his room, locking the door behind him. He could see Y/N averting her eyes to her feet, embarrassed at the situation.

         “Goddammit, Klaus!” Ben gritted through his teeth. “Couldn’t you be quieter?”

         “Hey, I only wanted your notes for today’s class, you were the one who was eating that poor girls face,” Klaus defended himself.

         “Klaus,” Ben gritted and jumped on his brother, his hands balled in fists. Diego got in the middle of them both, separating them with his body, his hands on their chests.

         “Stop it!” Diego said loudly. Ben calmed down, his eyes full of anger. Klaus still adorned a mischievous expression, completely amused by his brother’s embarrassment and anger.

         The atmosphere tense, Y/N got up from the bed and walked next to Ben. She extended her hand to Klaus. “I’m Y/N,” she said quietly, with a smiled. Klaus eyes calmed and softened. He took her hand and shook it.

         “Nice to meet you. You know, I’ve heard so much about you,” he said charmingly. Ben could see she hadn’t even flinched at that pathetic attempt.

         “No, you haven’t,” Ben scoffed, and Klaus glared at him angrily.

         “Shush, Ben,” Klaus said. Diego dropped his hands to his side.

         Y/N turned to Diego then and extended her hand to him. “You must be Diego, right?”

         He shook it. “Right,” he said dryly. “And you’re the Y/N.”

         “The one and only,” she said quietly, as a joke. Ben cracked a smile at her charm, and it didn’t go unnoticed by his brothers. “Well, I think it’s time I leave, it’s getting late and I promised my parents I’d be home early.”

         “Yeah, yeah of course,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning okay?”

         “Okay,” she nodded as she left through his window. “Hey Ben!”

         “Hum?” he hummed, looking at her, he got closer to her leaning down to see her properly.

         She kissed him gently on his lips. “I love you too,” she whispered and left, climbing down the fire escape.

         Ben turned to his brothers, after he closed the window, theirs faces so smug and insufferable. Ben sighed defeated, opening his drawer on his tiny table, for his notes. He shoved it to Klaus and said: “Here it is, the fucking notes. Now out.”

         He unlocked the door and opened it for them to leave.

         “Hey, hey, hey,” Klaus said, “you promised you would be careful with this endeavor.”

          “I was careful, okay?” Ben defended himself. “You didn’t knock.”

          “You don’t knock either,” Diego said, siding with Klaus.

          “That was different,” Ben said. “It was urgent.”

          “The notes are also urgent,” Klaus chimed in.

          Ben groaned frustrated. “It could have waited!”

          “No, it couldn’t. Do you want Dad to eat me alive, Benjamin?” Klaus said.

          Ben froze. “Of course not,” he said.

          “Well, then. Be more careful, Benny,” Diego put his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

          “This is not fair, you know,” Ben stated. “You’re holding this information hostage and this is a completely dickish thing to do!” he shouted after them, both on their backs on their way down the hall.

          He only received a middle finger in return.

#

#

Girlfriend. Such a peculiar word.

          Y/N never thought she would call herself that. It never actually crossed her mind. But after Ben…It was hard to imagine how she had lived so much time without him. She couldn’t fathom a life without him. It was almost logical that there was no other word she could call herself after Ben. Maybe a few other words, but those were reserved for the future. And what a bright future that was.

          It was his birthday today. It was a happy day, to Y/N at least. She had aced her math test—thank God—and most of all, she would spend the entire afternoon with Ben. That was special, extra special: it was getting harder and harder for them to meet. Ben’s dad was loading them with unhealthy hours of training. One day, Ben had come to her house late at night, on the verge of tears, unable to sleep because of the nightmares. Even though confused, she let him in. That night she slept on the couch—she didn’t have the heart to make him sleep uncomfortably.

          On top of unfair parental expectations, Y/N had tons of homework to go through. She had to get into college and slacking wasn’t an option. Thankfully, sometimes, Ben could help her—and she was thankful (only for a moment, though) for their father for making them take so many advanced classes—but she couldn’t rely on his help all the time, otherwise she wouldn’t actually learn.

          She raced from her school to his house. She had bought cupcakes for him, and his present was neatly wrapped inside her bag, secured between her pencil case and endless amounts of school work (no wonder her back was always hurting).

          She turned a corner, entering the alley next to his house. A bit out of breath, she looked up to his window. It was already open. She smiled and started climbing the stairs.

          He was taking a nap. Careful not to startle him, she got into the room quietly. She took of her sneakers and laid her backpack on the floor. She went to the door, checking to see if it was really locked. It was, she doubted he would really nap if it wasn’t. She rested the box of cupcakes on top of his desk and turned to look at him.

          He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. It warmed her heart to know that there was a moment in the day where he wasn’t tormented by anything. She sat down on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under her weight. Ben moaned in complaint, shifting slightly in his sleep. She brushed his hair out his forehead delicately, her tough ghosting over his skin.

          “Ben,” she said calmly. “Darling, wake up.”

          Ben shifted once again, his eyes fluttering open. He opened a smile when he saw her. He stretched his arms and yawned, his hands falling on top of hers once he did it. “Hey,” he said softly.

          “I’m sorry I woke you,” she replied, adverting her eyes to the window.

          “It’s okay,” he said. “I can sleep when it’s actually time to sleep.”

          He squeezed her hands tightly. “Happy birthday, Ben,” she said lovingly.

          “Thanks,” he answered, smiling. He sat up right, supporting his weight on one arm. He leaned over her, their lips meeting shortly.

          “I brought you something,” she whispered, her forehead resting on his.

          “You didn’t have to, you being here is enough,” he said.

          She leaned back, looking at him with a funny look. “You’re too sweet sometimes,” Y/N said. She got up and knelt beside her backpack. “I hope you make good use of this, okay?” she told him, as she handed him a small box with a bow on top of it.

          He took the package from her hands and opened it. Inside there was a small phone and a cable. He took the phone out and flipped it open, a picture of Y/N flashing on the back of the screen. “My dad upgraded his phone, so I thought I would give this one to you. You know so we can talk, even if we can’t see each other.”

          Ben looked up at her, his eyes full of emotions she couldn’t quite place. “Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know what to say.”

          She smiled at him. “How about we eat those cupcakes,” she pointed to the box on the table, “and read some poems?”

          “That’d be perfect.”

#

#

Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones.

          Ben would never take this long to call her after a mission. Not after he got the cell phone. Something was incredibly wrong.

          Y/N paced in her room, anxious at a phone call. Snow fell outside her window, white painting the landscape outside. She couldn’t see the Umbrella Academy from where she was, which didn’t ease her anxiety one bit. She could hear ambulances and police cars passing through the street: it must have been ugly if they needed that many cops and medics at the scene.

          “Honey, there’s someone at the door for you!” she heard her mom scream downstairs. Y/N put her slippers and went downstairs. She quietly approached the door, trying to ease her beating heart, hoping it would be Ben waiting for her at the other side. It wasn’t.

          Instead, there stood Diego, bloodied and beaten, a huge and deep scratch coming from his top right ear stopping just above his right cheek freshly sewn shut. He was wearing that stupid uniform, no coat, and she could see he was shaking from the cold. His eyes were hollow and watery, she could see dried trails of tears on his cheeks. She faltered at the sight, hand resting at the wall to prevent her from falling.

          “No,” she whispered. “Diego, no,” she said louder. “Please tell me, he—” she couldn’t stop the tears from running down anymore.

          He looked down at his hands, a bunch of letters on his hands. “I—I—I’m s—s—sorry,” he stuttered out. “H—h—he didn’t mmm—make it.”

          “Oh my,” her mom said. She ushered the boy into the house, as her daughter fell to her knees in the main foyer letting out a painful scream, tears roaming free.

          She felt Diego’s hands on her arms, calloused, getting her up. She clutched her t-shirt where her heart was supposed to be. She didn’t have one anymore. It died with Ben.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXXX

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Is Not Allowed (Part I)

(12x10a)

Hi my dears! And we arrived to one of our favorite Destiel episodes: 'Lily Sanders has some regrets.'

We have a lot of Destiel to discuss here, more of it you have read for sure already in this fandom, because we are late with the subtext, but I decided to divide this meta in two parts.

Married Couple and the Third Wheel

When the episode starts, we have our little moose and Dean having this peculiar dialogue...

SAM: I don't think we have the kind of mom who's gonna stay home and make us chicken soup for dinner, you know? You talk to Cass yet?

DEAN: No.

Sam jumps from mom, one of Dean's concerns, to Cas. He has to take this chance, and he's asking because we could assume, he was seeing something odd between them going on. (Poor third wheel), he noticed, as the insightful person Sam is, Dean and Cas are not talking to each other. He had noticed the awkward silence...

I want to hug that moose...

SAM: So, what, you're just gonna keep walking past each other in the kitchen, not saying a word?

DEAN: Maybe.

I love Yockey, because he's pointing here through Sam's lines how Dean and Cas behave like two lovers fighting. Is a married couple, and he's the poor kid in the middle. And I love his body language, because he is moving the chair as if it was a game in the park, while looking at his brother like "you are two kids. You are so in love and fight like two love birds." Hope in his eyes, because he's making his brother talk with him about Cas. This is a perfect parallel to season 8, the bunker again, and Dean mad at Cas again, but this time Sam is more used to it. And kind of amused.

SAM: Look, yes, Cass killed Billie, but he saved us. He saved Mom. How long are you gonna stay pissed?

DEAN: I'm not pissed that he cares about us, you know. I'm – I'm grateful. But Billie said there would be “cosmic consequences” if that deal got broken. You have any idea what that means?

SAM: No.

DEAN: Neither do I, but I'm pretty sure it ain't jellybeans and g-strings.

SAM: My point is, Cas thought he was doing the right thing.

CAS: I was doing the right thing.

Sam is always Castiel's attorney, he was that in season 8 saying 'Is Cas!", And he is now trying to make his brother to understand why Cas did it.

Sam is saying what Dean always says about Cas, but is not working this time, because they're already married hahahaa. Sorry. But is true.

And the bickering continues...

CAS: No. This is personal.

DEAN: Meaning what?

CAS: Another angel. An old friend. He called out for help.

DEAN: Oh. Good old reliable angel radio.

May I point here how jealous is Dean? Because every time Cas mentions angels or Heaven, he is there to spread his jealousy all over. Just thinking about Cas coming back to Heaven or to his old Garrison, makes Dean lose it.

CAS: He was begging for help and then he just stopped. I need to know if he's still alive.

SAM: Yeah, all right. Well... we'll come with you.

CAS: Both of you?

There comes the sassy look, I love it, Cas is so done with Dean's attitude, but he is not aware he's acting just like him. I know Sam is saying 'Kiss already!'

DEAN: Sure. Yeah, we could help. Gotta make sure you don't do anything else stupid.

Dean's favorite quote to exasperate his angel... The level of bickering is reaching the top, but there's still even more... Are you praying for Sammy?

The awkward silence in the car makes Sam wanting to die. Is the same sensation an old friend feels when an old couple is fighting, and he knows both of them. Being in the middle of that war is stressing.

We, as spectators, don't know if we should laugh or just feel sorry for Sam.

Is a very uncomfortable situation...

Thank you Yockey for writing this clearly as two men in love fighting, making it blatant to any eye watching.

Because we have the exaggerating reactions, the rolling eyes, the frowns and the sassiest quotes and looks. And the jealousy at his maximum expression. YES, DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE AND THEY'RE FIGHTING.

SAM: All right. Guys, you know what? This – this silent treatment thing, it's silly. It's not gonna work. Whatever we're walking into, we should, you know, probably have an actual plan.

Sam is so done with it, he's just throwing some reason over there.

CAS: (sighs) What do you wanna know?

DEAN: Oh, he speaks.

SAM: Enough. Cass, you said when you heard Benjamin, he – he was screaming.

Okay, Sam is scolding his brother, because he had just asked them to stop, and he keeps acting like a child, so, time to stop him.

CAS: It was, um... Look, Benjamin wouldn't call for help lightly. And he wouldn't put himself in harm's way if he could help it.

DEAN: Wow, this Benjamin seems like he's pretty cool, you know. Like he wouldn't make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.

Well, look at this, Dean is far from stop, he is trying to annoy Castiel even more. Trying to throw a little of irony, and Cas will reply with some acid words...

Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy 👇

CAS: Yeah, you know what I like about him? Is that he's sarcastic, but he's thoughtful and appreciative, too.

DEAN: Now what is that supposed to mean?

SAM: Okay, okay, the road, road. Dude, watch the road.

This is one of my fav scenes, because he got so jealous over Castiel's words about Benjamin, that is hilarious, he even turns around to face the angel, ignoring he was the driver, and is SO SO BLATANT, AGAIN, SO CLEAR TO OUR EYES THEY'RE TWO LOVE BIRDS FIGHTING.

What is allowed

Let's jump now into a concept that will be explored this season and the following. Something that every angel has written in his brains: Sacred Oath.

Yockey will show us in this episode the two difference about what is allowed and what is not allowed to angels about their relationships with humans.

Pay attention to Castiel's words here...

CAS: Benjamin is always very careful. Long ago, he found a powerfully devout vessel in Madrid, and her faith, it... she gave him everything – her trust and her body.

This speech Cas makes about Benjamin and her female vessel, is nothing else than a profound bond, when he says 'she gave him everything--her trust her body.' He's talking about which kind of relationship is allowed for an angel to have with a human. Sharing vessel, is an intimate act of trust and submission. But the way Cas is talking about it, the sentiment he put on those words, is talking about something else there. So maybe Benjamin and this woman fell in love, and the only allowed way to share their lives together, was through sharing vessel. @emblue-sparks has a very interesting analysis about how this premise introduced by Yockey could be taken as a theory of Dean and Cas sharing vessels since season 13. You can find their thoughts here. I based my current Destiel endgame spec on this too, and in more clues I found mostly in season 15. You can find that spec here.

DEAN: Wait. So Benjamin's a woman.

CAS: Benjamin is an angel. His vessel is a woman. But it – it's – it's more than that. She's not just his vessel.

SAM: She's... She's his friend.

CAS: Yeah. Benjamin would never put her in unnecessary danger.

And we love Yockey, shows us here the genderless nature of angels, based on the vessels. When he says BENJAMIN IS AN ANGEL, he is saying he is not a woman, not a man, even when his pronoun is He/Him.

There will be another example when Yockey shows us fem vessel! Castiel.

When Cas says 'it's more than that. She's not just his vessel." Is giving us clues, again, about the kind of profound bond Benjamin and the spanish woman shared.

I have to cut the analysis here, and I will let the "not allowed" topics for the next meta.

To Conclude:

I consider Yockey as the Destiel guide writer in Dabb's team. Each episode he wrote, he made a guide with steps our ship will follow in the incoming chapters.

This time he is putting in order a couple of concepts about angels, allowed relationships with humans and forbidden relationships.

This is very important to understand Castiel's POV about his own feelings for Dean.

He wrote an old married couple bickering, and Sam represented all of us, trying to survive to uncomfortable silences and bitterness.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @nickelkit @anon-non2 @cea1996

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX

Buenos Aires, September 22th 2020 7:03 PM

[lululawlawlu-writes]

Softly Stained with Spring

Part 5: Memento

note:  This fic was written for @lawlu-week!!  

rating: T

tags: canon universe, fluff and angst, hanahaki possible trigger warning: mentions of death, dead bodies

_______

“You ever hunt beetles?” Luffy asks, his feet shwish-shwishing back and forth over Law’s thick, weighted blanket.

Law doesn’t begrudge Luffy for having followed him back to the Polar Tang, to his room, to make his bed his own for the night. Conveniently enough, it will make it easier for Law to scan his body for spores once he falls asleep. Law just wishes that he would sleep so he could get to it.

“No,” Law says simply, sitting on the corner of his bed. He runs his fingers through Luffy’s knotted hair, muses around the thought of disguising his scan as routine medical procedure, though now is neither the time nor place. He can’t give Luffy any undue anxiety, knowing how grim his situation may read.

“Don’t worry Torao, I’ll show you how to find the best ones.” Luffy’s smile curves wide across his face. Anxiety—what a strange thing to have to diagnose Luffy with. He just has no other plausible explanation for the mysterious pains that have been plaguing him even before he’d eaten the flowers.

“How do I know you won’t just give me bad advice to make sure I don’t find the biggest one?” It’s hard to resist the urge to engage in banter if Luffy will go along with it. Luffy inspires this kind of lighthearted feeling to slip into his words, his actions, his life.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Luffy’s smile flips into a slight pout.

“Sure,” Law teases, doing his best to subdue a smile. He catches himself still stroking Luffy’s hair, and it suddenly feels a little too soft, too intimate. He ruffles his hair instead, ends the physical contact there.

“No, you-“ Luffy’s words seize in his throat. His smile twists into a grimace he holds just long enough to tip Law off that something’s not right.

“You feeling alright?” Law jumps to ask, ignoring the topic of beetles.

Luffy hums in thought a minute before answering with “I’m okay.”

Law’s personal involvement may have his judgement clouded, but he feels that Luffy shouldn’t have needed to think about his answer. He can hear Luffy's shaky breath as he sits there tracing the hem of the blanket beneath his fingertips, suddenly so much less chatty. Law wants to say something to cut the awkward quiet, do something to make Luffy feel better.

“This blanket is heavy,” Luffy notes then, crawling under it.

“It’s supposed to be,” Law explains. “It‘s a weighted blanket,” he adds, leaving out the part where he confesses that it gives him a feeling of security, eases his own anxieties. It helps to keep away nightmares that would have him relive his past. Maybe it could help Luffy too.

Luffy squirms, turning this way and that until he finds a comfortable position. “It’s like it’s hugging my whole body,” he notes.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Law confirms, crawling in beside him. He wants to hold Luffy, comfort him with his own embrace. He inches closer to the possibility of more physical contact, no matter how nervous the prospect makes him.

“Hugs from you would feel nicer than the blanket,” Luffy presses.

“How about this then?” Law asks, slipping an arm around him.

“Yeah,” Luffy confirms, “all hugs from all sides. A kiss would be good too.”

Law’s already so close. The tips of their noses are nearly brushing. He can almost taste the sweetness on Luffy’s breath. He’s aching to kiss him back with the same kind of passion Luffy showed him earlier, but only if Luffy’s really alright now, his pain subsided. It would be so easy if Law could just quit overthinking enough to act.

“I’ll have to win another one tomorrow,” Luffy chuckles, and Law’s will to act falls away. The moment dismissed, there’s no way he can try to kiss him now.

His thumb smooths over Luffy’s shoulder. His eyes follow the curve of his face, count the few sparse freckles that dot his sun-kissed skin. Luffy just blinks at him slowly, tired eyes full of shared emotion still too fragile to put into words.

He should probably be thankful that Luffy assumes kisses are only part of their game. It buys him time to completely consider the implications of getting in too deep with an ally, but he doesn’t need it. Even though he’ll never admit it, Law’s already in over his head.

Luffy curls into him, tucking his head in the nook of his shoulder and Law wills time to slow, wishes he had that power. This time they’re sharing in private, however fleeting, is sacred and precious. It should be terrifying how much Luffy has warmed his way into his heart, but it feels natural, feels right. He can’t resist placing a soft kiss on his temple. He hopes Luffy will forgive him for bending the rules.

… … … … ...

The morning sun wakes Law before he realizes he’s fallen asleep. Thankful for the wakeup call that comes with having the sub surfaced, he wastes no time summoning a room. He shambles himself out from under Luffy, gets right to initiating a scan with his powers.

Scanning his body for spores isn’t as hard as anyone might expect. Law’s so well versed in anatomy, he could even construct a human from the marrow up if given the right ingredients. It’s so easy for him to locate foreign presences, signs of things that shouldn’t be. His ability is so great it’s almost shocking even to himself—almost as shocking as his evident ignorance.

His oversight could cost Luffy his life.

Law has been careless. He’s been stupid. He’s a doctor and he should know better. He should never have been dismissive about Luffy’s symptoms. The situation is now deadly serious and he’s to blame. The spores have already rooted themselves into the walls of Luffy’s lungs. They’re so well fused now that he’d have to cut out the majority of the organs themselves.

His quivering hand reaches for Kikoku, his mind racing to come up with options. He considers for a moment swapping Luffy’s lungs out for his own. Not simply changing whose body they are in, but actually transplanting them. He’s not sure it’s possible for him to even do such complicated procedure involving himself without passing out, but he can’t stand the thought of how much pain Luffy must be in. It’s his fault for acting like some lovesick youth around Luffy instead of a medical professional as he should have.

It will do Law no good to obsess over his mistake, but he’s finding it difficult to focus on anything else. He has to fix this. He’s going to fix this before it gets any worse. What he needs is more knowledge about the illness in order to cure it. He just hopes Luffy won’t be too disappointed if he heads out to the island first. He’s going to seek out the religious devotee they’d met before instead of hunting beetles anyway.

The forest is already awake and lively with birdsong and chirping insects by the time he reaches it. Morning dew soaks through his pant legs but he’s far too preoccupied with his thoughts to really care.

Law’s instincts had cautioned him not to trust Luffy when he said he was okay. He was not okay—not in the least. Law should have picked up on it before now. He should’ve taken into account that he was dealing with Luffy of all people—Luffy who hasn’t let being beaten, poisoned or stabbed hinder him. This is the Luffy who he’s had to put back together, who even after suffering vicious wounds, was still more concerned with his brother over his own pain. Law of all people should know well Luffy’s ability to bear pain—that Luffy’s own judgement may be skewed. He’s got to be suffering badly whether he fully recognizes it or not.

He’s too busy thinking of Luffy, he doesn’t consider what he’ll do when he reaches the clearing on the hill to find no one there except the stone gods. He has an impulse to vent his irritation by slicing them up, leaving them in ruins, but that won’t help him cure Luffy.

There aren’t any flowers offered to those gods yet this morning it seems, so he can’t even take a sample to study. He’ll have to find their source if he wants to take one. He hadn’t seen any of them growing along his way up even though he’d run into the odd religious woman on his way the first time. She’d had an armful of them then.

Law backtracks down the hill, through the trees, looking for subtle signs of a side trail. The birdsong trills overhead as if they’re laughing at his expense. It makes him think of how he’d been lied to, lead to believe that poison was the least of it. It irks him to consider how much of an idiot he’d been for not taking Luffy’s symptoms more seriously.

He uses his haki to sense for life around him, picking up only on the native creatures skittering about, wary of him. He can’t find any indication of a human presence, but off to his left there does seem to be a void—a strong force either repelling of any kind of life or blocking out his haki. Evidence of a trail is still lacking, so he follows his senses, brushing aside briars and undergrowth as he goes. The forest seems to be growing dimmer, dark clouds gathering over the canopy. Wind carries a chill through the air, picking up a faint, metallic scent. The closer he gets, the more the scent starts to sour his senses, turning sickeningly pungent as rotting flesh. The rain finding its way through the canopy does little to diminish the smell.

Red catches Law’s eyes through the trees. The vibrant display entices him in on fixation alone. The colour spills out from a small fenced-in area on the petals of crimson flowers. They drip red, dying the rainwater that pools in their centers. It trickles out over the petals, bleeding onto the ground.

A tiny stone structure—almost like a house of some sort sits opposite him on the property, flanked by two hooded stone figures much like the gods on the hill. The atmosphere feels so abstract, otherworldly. It’s as if the flowers have crept into the garden to choke out anything else that may have been growing there, and the residents have simply allowed it, or even encouraged it. The sight of it feels all the more foreboding in light of the ever-present stench.

A chill crawls its up Law’s skin from fingertip to the nape of his neck, making his hairs stand on end. He can sense death in this place. This place is heavy with it even if he can’t see it. His instincts prickle against him, warning him to be afraid. Law smirks—after the life he’s had it’ll take far worse to get him to run.

His fingers tighten around Kikoku, ready to call on her the moment there’s trouble. He cautiously crosses the fence into grounds, paying no mind to the flowers he’s trampling. He almost takes pleasure in it as a kind of petty revenge. His footsteps sink into the soil, unsettling. He’s no gardener but he’d imagine such loose ground would be too unstable, though he hasn’t uprooted any flowers.

His heels slip, uneasy against the slick foliage, sending him reeling forward. He can’t hope to find balance over the slippery foliage, tripping forward, catching himself on hands and knees.

Tinted rainwater splashes against his jeans, staining them bloody-red. The loose soil beneath his fingertips yields something solid, yellow-white. He feels with his fingertips to unearth it, feel the curve of it—unmistakably bone.

“Careful or you’ll unearth the bodies.” It’s the woman’s voice—the one from before, the religious devotee he’d wanted to meet. She’s lying among the flowers just out of his reach.

“Bodies?” Law questions.

“The ones buried here,” she offers as way of explanation. She sits up, long hair falling in her face, making her look near-ghoulish.

“Seems like an extreme thing to use for fertilizer,” Law says, rising to his feet. His fingers curl around Kikoku’s hilt.

“Don’t disrespect the dead or our customs,” she barks, standing to face him. “Especially when you’re the one trespassing in our cemetery. You damned pirates have no manners.”

“How about you tell me about those customs then?” Law proposes coldly. He won't confess neither his ignorance about not realizing this place is a cemetery, nor his oversights as a doctor. He’s short on time and needs information.

“You’re not interested in why we bury the unloved here,” she accuses. “By the way, how’s your friend?”

How dare she—the smug look on her face is all too telling. She gives as much of a shit about how Luffy’s doing as Law does about her people’s customs. She probably wants him dead. She probably wants to bury him here, to let the flowers that are growing in him to consume him. She likely thinks he’d deserve to rot in her cemetery for having defiled her gods or some such thing.

“Is he really resistant enough to the poison?” She asks stepping forward.

“You liar.” Law seethes, his hands shaking as he forms a room. “There’s not really any poison in those flowers, is there?”

“Well, legend has it this flower, the Lover’s Curse, is poisonous,” she says apathetic, turning to walk away from him, “and people really used to think so”.

The audacity of this woman, sparing no thought to how badly this plant is affecting Luffy—how he’s suffering because of her. Law strips the blame from Luffy for having eaten the flowers, from himself for having dismissed them as a threat. Instead he arms himself with it—the blame, the fear and the rage that stem from his oversight.

He affords himself no time to revel in his enemy’s fear. This woman likely wouldn’t give him the satisfaction anyway. She appears unsurprised, unbothered at being at his mercy, having her heart safely in her chest one second, and in Law’s hand the next.

He ought to crush it, make her feel the pain Luffy’s feeling tenfold. He ought to murder her nice and slow and merciless, but something’s not right, hasn’t been right. She looks back at him like she’s more curious what he’ll do than worried for her life. It’s because she’s really not concerned for her life in the slightest. The heart in his grasp, it’s still. It’s cold. It’s dead.

“Oh look, now mister Surgeon of Death has stolen my heart,” she speaks, patronizing. “You want to keep it as a memento to remember the time you let your ally die?” she asks.

“I could still-”

“Cut me to pieces? You’d better not. That would ruin your chances of me helping you save him,” she states with a frown, her eyebrows drawn together.

“What do you want in return?” He asks cautiously, unsure if he’ll play to her wishes, short as he is on time. She’s going to trying to manipulate him, but he’s not guaranteed help elsewhere. The locals who had been friendly when they first arrived had later leveled heavy stigmatization at Luffy for being afflicted. Their hospitality turned to whispered pity. Nobody had offered help.

“Your heart,” she says. “You trade your heart for my help to save his life.”

“Why should I trust you?” He doesn’t think he should agree to the deal, but Luffy’s suffering is getting worse. He’s dying. “You’ve already lied to me once. About the poison.”

“Nobody else on this island knows as much as I do about the Lover’s Curse,” she speaks, snatching her heart back. “Everyone else wants to stay as far away from ‘the curse’ as possible. They don’t even come here to visit the unloved dead.”

Law isn’t wholly convinced, but he has to act quickly. Luffy might not last much longer. His illness is already beyond something Law can handle alone whether his pride wants to let him outright admit it or not.

“Make your decision now,” the woman demands.

_______

Sorry but updates will happen when the happen since my brain keeps trying to abort itself... err I mean the chronic migraines have been more troublesome than usual lately. So pls be patient and thanks for reading~~

[currantlee]

It has been roughly a year since this one has been first published by now :) It was one of my first stories written in English. I think I’d do so many things differently from how I did them in the past, but I am still proud on how this turned out.

Language: English (original) Rating: Mature (M) Warnings: Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Torture, Mentions of psychological problems Fandoms: Fire Emblem: If - White Night Kingdom / Fire Emblem: Fates - Birthright Shippings: (Past) Aqua / Azura & Takumi Relationships: Sibling Ryoma & Takumi, Family Takumi & Kiragi Characters: Takumi, Ryoma, Hinoka, Kisaragi / Kiragi, Aqua / Azura (mentioned) Other relevant tags: Past Torture, Past Rape/Non-con, Nightmares, Memories, Non-Graphic Violence, Slight Birthright AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Depressions, Paranoia Chapter: 1/1 Platforms: Amino (initial publication), AO3 (reworked version) Summary: Another nightmare. Since the events a few years ago, they only got worse.

Click on “Keep Reading” if you want to read the fanfiction here on Tumblr.

“Well, we can make this easy”, Hinoka shouted at Garon. She had been riding her Pegasus Shizen up to the gallery, positioning himself (in fact) higher than him. A dangerous provocation. “Just stay away from neutral ground, scum!” The king of Nohr chuckled. “Do you want to challenge me, princess of Hoshido?” “Oh, is this a challenge, king of Nohr?” She grinned, pulling out her naginata. “Then I'll gladly accept it...” “Not so fast”, Garon stopped her, turning to Iago. “Bring him in.” Takumi frowned. His wrists were aching from the waiting. But he wasn't going to surrender. He could not surrender. If he did... The troops would loose a lot of moral. His fingers were shaking. He couldn't really explain why. He wasn't exited about the things that were coming at him, nor scared. And therefore, the young prince really was annoyed by his body's behavior. Because he couldn't control it. Couldn't fix it. He felt a spear's wooden end being stabbed at his back. “Move.” He knew he shouldn't... But he did obey. Whatever made him do this... Hinoka's jaw dropped. “Takumi?!” Her naginata dropped, he voice sounding alarmed. Iago laughed. “You should see the look on your face, princess...” “Silence, Iago”, Garon ordered. Then he turned to the young prince, who had his hands bound on his back. “One single word to your sister and I will have your tongue cut out, understood?” He pressed his lips together, wanting to deny them an answer. Only resulting in getting slapped right away. He gasped from the sharp pain. “Our king asked you if you understood him, young prince”, Iago grinned. “So?” “Wow. Really... Wow”, Hinoka hissed sarcastically, even applauding. “That's what I call desperate. Need to take a hostage to keep me from killing their king...” Another smack onto Takumi's face led to her cutting off herself. She bit her lip. “You have got two options, Princess Hinoka”, Garon continued. “The first one is – obviously – continuing war against Nohr. But be aware that even if you win, Prince Takumi here might not survive this.” Hinoka's eyes widened. “Let us just say, every further aggression against Nohr will be taken out on him.” “No”, Hinoka whispered. “Yes”, Garon said. “And the other option is... Well... You get your brother back. Mostly unharmed.” Iago giggled. “Depends on how well HE behaves.” “But”, Garon continued regardless of his retainer's interruption, “Hoshido will surrender.” “Never”, Hinoka hissed. “Ryoma would never...” Takumi's cry of pain interrupted her. The young prince had fallen to his knees, panting heavily. Iago had struck him with a thunder spell. “Well, Princess Hinoka, as far as I am informed, High Prince Ryoma holds his family's well-being in high regard. I would not be so sure about his decision.” “This is blackmailing!”, she hissed. “This is called politics, dear Princess”, Garon replied. “But I am not a monster. You may overthink your decision. Nohr will not raise any further aggression against Hoshido – but be aware that should Hoshido take part in any further aggressions against Nohr, he”, Garon gestured towards the still panting Takumi, “will suffer.” That being said, the Nohrian king stood up. “Let us go”, he declared, turning around. “We are done here.” “BASTAAAAAAARD!!!” Then everything suddenly happened so fast. Garon's axe, Hinoka's scream, the blood... “HINOKA!”, Takumi shouted, trying to free himself, to run towards his sister and...

... he woke up by someone shaking him, immediately grabbing the Fundō, which laid at his Futon's side, as he sat up hastily. “Easy”, Ryoma said in a calm voice. “You just had a nightmare, Takumi.” But that couldn't calm him down immediately. His grip on the Fundō tightened. Ryoma grabbed his hand. “Takumi, it is okay...” “It'll never be okay!”, he snapped back. Ryoma sighed. “Takumi, you can let go of your Fundō. No one is here aside from me and Kisaragi and he is still asleep. Everything is alright...” As he said this, he could feel Takumi's grip on the Fundō loosening. Sometimes Ryoma really wished he could forbid Takumi to keep a weapon at the side of his bed, especially since he once almost strangled Hinoka's arm with it, luckily just getting a hold of her sleeve. But the young prince couldn't sleep without this. It was like an assurance to him. And even so, he had his nightmares. As Ryoma pulled him into a hug, he felt him trembling, while being totally stressed, obviously. The king sighed. “Takumi, you need to see a doctor with that kind of trauma. It is getting worse...” “No”, the younger one whispered. “They'll only lock me away into the asylum...” True. So true. They had way too much to do with all the soldiers who had suffered a trauma in the war. Ryoma could understand why Takumi denied going – but he seriously wished his brother would. His trauma wasn't the only thing the young prince had to deal with. His depression was also an issue. “Takumi”, Ryoma hummed, “would you please put down your weapon now?” The Fundō fell to the ground almost immediately. He sighed. “Thank you, little brother...” “Dad?” Ryoma turned around. Takumi's three-year-old son, Kisaragi (Kiragi for short), was standing in at the Fusuma, barefoot and obviously worried about his father. “K-Kiragi...” Takumi's voice was rough. As if he was sick. “Daddy?” “He is alright, Kisaragi”, Ryoma explained his nephew. “Nightmares”, Takumi murmured. “Nothing for you to worry about...” Kiragi plodded to his father's Futon slowly, throwing his arms around him. “Kiragi's here for Dad...” Ryoma watched Takumi's hands entangling themselves into Kiragi's hair, while he started to hum a melody he probably picked up from Azura for the young child. He truly loved his son. “I'm such a bad father”, Takumi whispered, as soon as Kiragi had fallen asleep again. “I was never there for Shigure while he was in the sacred realm... I'm not even able to not drag Kiragi into all of this.” He caressed his son's head carefully. “He deserves so much better...” “I think he does not want to have another father”, Ryoma answered. “He loves you, Takumi...” In that moment, he noticed his younger brother was crying. “Takumi?” “I'm such a pityful pile of shit”, the former archer mumbled. “I'm depressive, I'm traumatized...” “Takumi, everyone would be traumatized by what you experienced!”, Ryoma snapped quietly. “Not in this way”, the younger one replied. “Besides, no one would have done what Iago demanded! No one but... Me...” “Takumi, we talked about this”, Ryoma sighed. “The things that were done to you...” “... Are no excuse.” The younger one's voice was shaking. “Why didn't you punish me?”, he whispered quietly. “For that I did...” “Because I don't see a need. You have been suffering enough to this point”, Ryoma clarified. Again. It was not the first time that Takumi asked him this question and it was also not the first time Ryoma clarified his position. He knew very well that his younger brother deemed himself unworthy of being a Hoshidian prince, that he felt he should be punished. The parliament wasn't fully innocent about this since a not insignificant part of it had voted for his execution after the war was over – something Ryoma had luckily been able to prevent due to his status as king. Still, he had been put under arrest. And as if depressions and the trauma were not enough, the constant surveillance had also led to a certain amount of paranoia. “Hinoka lost her arm due to me!”, Takumi sobbed. “I thought you love her...” “Hinoka lost her arm because she was in a bad spot and overwhelmed by her fury”, Ryoma clarified. “Even she herself does not blame you.” He sighed. “Besides I do love her. Deeply. Just as I do love you, Takumi. You two were the reason why I considered surrendering...”

Hinoka was in surprisingly good mood for the bad mood she was usually in those days. Ryoma admitted that he had his difficulties keeping up with her. Then again, hand-to-hand-combat had never been his greatest strength. As she brought him down for what seemed to be the hundredth time, he smiled. “You certainly haven't lost your form.” “Yupp.” She cracked her knuckles. “I guess I'm ready to stand onto the battlefield again.” She moved her right, now lightly translucent hand in front of her face. “Sakura's magic certainly makes for a good punch. A shame it doesn't last for longer than a few hours...” “She surely did good work on that spell”, Ryoma smiled. “Who knows? Maybe she will be able to replace your arm permanently with it some day...” “Yeah. But even without, those Nohrians won't stand a chance!” Her left hand curled into a fist. “I'm ready for anything!” “About that, Hinoka...” Ryoma sighed loudly, sitting down on the meadow they had been training on. “I think we should give up.” “What?” Hinoka's fist relaxed and she looked confused. “Why?” “Is it not obvious?”, Ryoma asked. A rhetorical question. “They have Takumi as a hostage. And they will harm him, should we even attempt to fight them in any way.” He sighed, his gaze meeting the grass on the ground. “I do not want him to return to us ripped into pieces”, he whispered. “Or significantly... Changed.” Hinoka stayed silent. “If we attack them, they will harm him”, Ryoma repeated. “Perhaps kill him...” He shook his head. “I can not do this”, he sighed. “Besides... You already lost an arm.” “You're such an idiot, Ryoma”, the redhead scolded him. He looked up. “Do you really think they'll keep their word? You know how cruel Nohrians are. They'll torture him one way or another for their own enjoyment!” “But if we provoke them on top of...”, Ryoma started, but his sister cut him off again. “Besides, you know what a brat Takumi can be. He surely won't make their lifes easy”, she continued. “And judging by the way they treated him at Cyrkensia, I bet that they make hell out of his.” “Takumi is smart”, Ryoma disagreed. “He wouldn't...” “He would and you know it.” Hinoka sat down at his side, not in Seiza like him, she never cared about formalities and such as much has he did – had to do as High Prince. “The longer we wait the greater the risk they do something terrible to him. The longer we wait, the more pain he has to face.” She had stared at the sky before. Perhaps she was searching for Shizen. The Pegasus had fled after Garon had cut off her arm, scared. It hadn't returned to her yet. “And there is another thing.” “And that is?” Ryoma raised his eyebrows. “He would want us to fight for him. To save him”, Hinoka replied. “To not give up.” Ryoma stayed silent. “When I saw him as their hostage, he looked... Scared. But at the same time, there was still that pride in his eyes. That wild, untamed determination of a Hoshidian prince. Of our brother...” “Now you exeggerate”, Ryoma chuckled. “I'm serious”, Hinoka declared. “He would want us to continue fighting.” She paused for a short time. “And about my arm... It's okay, really.” She grinned. “Now I have two reasons to continue fighting. For Takumi - and for myself. Do you really think I'd let those idiots get a hold of me by cutting off my arm?” Ryoma chuckled. “Not really.” Hinoka laughed. “See? You're an idiot, Ryo.” “Perhaps you are right...”

“She was.” Takumi stared into the air. “I wanted you to fight... To not give up. In the beginning.” He pulled Kiragi closer to him. Protectively, as if all the memories caused a sudden urge to never let him go. Ryoma could understand that; Takumi had lost so much. The older brother admired how he still kept going, despite all depressions, paranoia and traumatic experiences. How he still kept fighting. “Ryoma?” “Hm?” “Will you stay?” He sounded like a child. Ryoma smiled. “As long as you want me to.” Finally. Finally he asked. Opened up... That was something to begin with. “Can we... Talk?” “To keep you from sleeping?” Takumi sighed at this question. “You got me there...” “Do you sometimes dream about what happened?”, Ryoma wanted to know. His younger brother nodded. “It seems I'm... That I tend to have nightmares.” He sighed again. “You know, before the war, it were things I could not... Well, not assign to anything.” Ryoma nodded. “Sometimes I dreamed about how father died – but I wasn't there when it happened. Sometimes I dreamed about losing mother too. And sometimes it was just... Things that scared me.” “Like losing us?”, Ryoma asked. Takumi nodded. "And more." He looked up at the ceiling. “Sometimes you told me that I wasn't good enough... Useless...” Terror grew in his eyes as he continued speaking. “And sometimes, I dreamed of being controlled by something... A voice in the back of my head. And then, I grabbed Fujin Yumi and shot you in your heads. One by one.” Ryoma could feel his fear. It was in his trembling voice. Takumi looked at him again now. “But now, it's different. Now the dreams are memories.” “About the war? And Nohr?” Takumi nodded. “Sometimes also about... Her.” Of course Ryoma knew whom he was talking about. He was alluding to Azura, whose name he couldn't speak out loud since she died and hearing it usually caused him to have a mental breakdown. “You told her, didn't you?” “Yeah. I did.” His gaze was again fixed on some point in the distance, a point Ryoma couldn't see. Perhaps the past. “She... Understood. She had been through similar things in her childhood, you know. Not the... Bloody stuff, but...” “You don't have to name it, Takumi, I know what you mean”, Ryoma interrupted him as he realized how difficult it was for his younger brother to speak about those things. “That's how we became close. She cared about me and I needed the support. I developed a sympathy for her... Perhaps it was just my sick mind, but I soon realized it was more.” He sighed. “I just don't know why...” “You do not have to ask about that”, Ryoma smiled. “Love is like an untamed bird, which always flies where it wants.” He rubbed his brother's head. “May I ask if you want to tell me more?” “There is so much I didn't tell you about her... And me.” Takumi smiled lightly. “After you told me to stay at Notre Sagesse for some time, to mediate and learn from the Rainbow Sage, and she decided to stay with me, she'd take care of me.” Now he was definitely looking at the past. Melancholy was in his gaze and also his voice, when he continued to speak. “She watched over me at night.” “Just as I do now?” “Yeah, quite similar.” Kiragi chortled quietly, snuggling closer to his father. “I needed that”, he continued. “Someone to watch me.” He caressed Kiragi's head again. “I was so broken I couldn't even help myself anymore. I simply forgot things like to wash myself, so she reminded me on them. She even needed to convince me to eat sometimes...” “I had no idea it was that bad”, Ryoma admitted quietly. “I am sorry. I am sorry I was not there for you, Takumi.” “It's okay, Ryoma.” The younger brother sighed. “To be honest, I wished you were, but you already did so much. You were the one freeing me from my perspective, you know.” “You remember that?”, Ryoma asked him, slightly surprised. Takumi nodded. “You were barely conscious”, Ryoma remembered. “Nearly dead to be exact...”

“That's the last one”, Hinoka murmured. Ryoma and her had been looking for prisoners in the dungeons of Maracath, after the city fell into Hoshidian hands after weeks of sieging and a battle that lasted for days. They hadn't found any Hoshidians so far, which only increased Ryoma's suspicions that Nohr wouldn't make any further prisoners. Aside from Takumi. They had freed a few Nohrians however. Apparently all people who wanted to surrender during the sieging and actually waiting for their execution. Nohr was harsh on what they considered crime. Ryoma had ordered his people to give them food and medicine. It hurt him to see the ordinary people suffer from the war that much. “I wonder where they took Takumi”, Hinoka mumbled. “And how he is...” She swallowed. “I hope the siege didn't cause him too much trouble.” “He will be fine”, Ryoma told her. “Takumi is strong.” “May I remind you that you were the one who wanted to give up because Nohr holds him hostage?”, Hinoka asked. If it wasn't such a serious situation, she might have grinned, but now she was totally serious. Looked even worried. “You may”, Ryoma answered, while opening the door. “You are right after...” He interrupted himself, shocked by the view in front of him. “Hinoka”, he whispered, “do not look at...” “Whatever it is”, she declared, while shoving him aside, “I've seen wo-...” She clapped her single hand over her mouth. “T-T...” “I told you”, Ryoma sighed, walking into the cell, towards the body of his younger body, that laid lifelessly on the bottom, on the stomach. He knelt down besides him, touching his shoulder lightly. Meanwhile, Hinoka walked towards the wall, which was painted in a crusty, dark brown color. She swallowed, her fingers touching one letter of the message that was written onto the stones.

THIS HAPPENS IF YOU CHALLENGE NOHR, HOSHIDIAN FILTH.

“Ryo?”, she whispered. “Do you think this is... Takumi's blood?” Ryoma gently stroked his brother's cheek. “It smells like blood in here, so you might be correct.” He turned the lifeless body around. The skin was already cold. Takumi must have laid there for a very long time. And then, Ryoma noticed something. “Hinoka.” “Hm?” She turned around. “He is breathing.” “What?!” The redhead immediately rushed to his side. She frowned at the sight of the pale, emaciated body and the wounds on it, some of them obviously infected, but nevertheless touched her younger brother's chest. “Yes”, she whispered. “There is a heartbeat.” “Gods”, Ryoma murmured. A terrible suspicion began to form into his head. They didn't forget Takumi in the dungeon. They left him at this place to die. They wanted them to find him. It had all been planned. Suddenly, one of Takumi's eyes opened, the other one was bruised and swollen. Hinoka was the first one to react. She took his hand, squeezing it lightly. Takumi let out a quiet noise. “Shhh, it's okay”, she whispered. “We're here now, Takumi...” “We need a blanket for him”, Ryoma said quietly to not scare his younger brother. “Do you still have any?” “Yeah, luckily...” She stood up, running out of the cell, apparently to fetch one. Ryoma stayed behind. He lifted Takumi up into his arms. The young prince protested quietly, presumably because it hurt him to be lifted up like that. Besides, Ryoma still wore his armor, it was probably not that comfortable. “It is alright”, he told the younger one. “You are safe now. They will not hurt you again...”

“You know... They actually forced me to write that message onto the wall myself.” Takumi swallowed. “Took them a lot of... 'Convincing' though.” There was that pride Hinoka had spoken of. That wild, untamed determination. So they hadn't managed to break all of him. Still, at the same time, Ryoma could see the traces Takumi's captivity had left on him. The strains of pure white in his now short hair, that had never vanished completely. The scar that ran across his left eye, and the eye itself with it's now milky iris. While still intact, the vision on it was blurry and Takumi preferred to wear an eyepatch to cover it up at daytime. He was skinny – Takumi didn't eat much, sometimes Ryoma had to force him to take some more. The trembling hands. That sad smile... The older brother felt a sting in his heart, a reminder of his failure to protect Takumi from this fate, this pain he was still going through and which, like his scars, would probably never fully vanish. A hand grabbed Ryoma's own carefully, almost shyly. A cool, trembling hand. Takumi was trying to make their gazes meet, something Ryoma had not been able to bear for a long time. Because in all the chaos of feelings that he could see in Takumi's eyes, one particular was missing: hatred on his older brother for failing him. It was a while before one of them – Takumi – dared to speak up again. “And yes, it was my own blood. But collected over time, not all at once.” Silence. Takumi never talked about the time he had spent in the Nohrian dungeons. All Ryoma knew was that he had been hurt, physically and mentally. Abused and mistreated. Even raped. It was a little wonder that he had been able to form a relationship with Azura. Ryoma nodded in acknowledgment. “That question actually bothered me for a long time”, he admitted. “There is no way you could have survived loosing the amount of blood that was used to paint the wall.” Takumi smiled weakly. “They regularly bled me.” They stayed silent again, for a while, each one lost in their own thoughts. Takumi had one back to ruffling through sleeping Kiragi's hair and Ryoma had started to do the same for Takumi, unconciously, wanting to show him that he was there. That he would stay there. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all of this”, he finally stated. Takumi shook his head. “No.” “Hm?” “Thank you for listening���, Takumi whispered. “I think I can sleep a lot better now.” “I am glad”, Ryoma said, caressing his brother's head again. “You know you can always come if you have a nightmare or paranoia, right?” “Yeah. Thanks Ryoma.” The younger brother smiled. “You can also go to Hinoka”, Ryoma continued. “I am sure she would be happy to listen to you. Trust me, she does not blame you for her lost arm.” Takumi nodded. “I'll remember it.” “Alright.” Ryoma stood up. “Good night then. Sleep well.” “Good night.”

[silver9mm]

I was tagged (months ago?) by my best bat-friend @exaggeratedspecificity to name 15 songs that I love, and I was really inspired by her emotional stories behind her choices so I thought I’d put a little effort into mine, too. 

But the thing is, when I start thinking back to songs that mean something to me, like super personally...well, sometimes I just don’t want to remember things. I got really sick when I was 11 and now it’s systemic and chronic, and it turned me schizophrenic starting about age 16 and that lasted for another 15 years. Music, literally, kept me alive. It was my best friend, the one thing I could trust. It was how I found validation for the fucked up things I was seeing and the way I felt. It’s how I spoke to the outside world---anyone who knew me then got at least one mix-tape from me, sometimes dozens. I would take lyrics and write stories about my friends with them. I had to go home and get lyrics down on paper instead of going to parties. When I rode the train cross-country, I lugged my 300 disc CD book the whole way, clutched to my chest. I kind of want to be buried with my headphones in but I’m a little worried I’ll wake up from being dead when the battery runs out.

Anyway, in the last few years...basically since I discovered Supernatural, music has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Life in general has changed. It’s better. It’s more fun, more interesting. I’ve found a creative outlet, and especially concerning music, I’m not slathering my experiences, my insanity, my feelings of loss and isolation and paranoia and confusion all over it. I’ve learned how to step outside my little fear-bubble and enjoy music from a whole new angle. So I thought, instead of going through my 130 gigs of music and forcing myself to think about those songs that I love for personal reasons and thus scratching at emotional scars and scabs of my real life, I’d do something more fun for me and pick my 15 favourite songs that exemplify my 15 long Supernatural fics, because since I’ve been writing, my life has improved by leaps and bounds and there’s not a single traumatic memory attached to the experience.

That was really long-winded.

With You by Matt Simons: This is from the soundtrack to Sense Of Life, which is my first published fic. I’m so glad I wasn’t really ‘in the fandom’ when I wrote this, because I never would have had the guts to write it if I’d known how much most shippers don’t like OFC. I would have worried too much about Mary-Sue’ing or whatever whatever. What I wanted to write about was giving the boys something to love, and then taking it away from them, because if they aren’t hurting, what’s the point? So I gave Sam a separated-at-six-months twin sister, and Dean a sick angel, then I gave them reasons to all get naked in a room together, because little did I know, Plot Productive Porn™ would be my go-to writing device. Anyway, looming over the whole fiasco is John Winchester’s A+ parenting, which sets this story up in the first place, and I was so gleefully fulfilled when I randomly heard this song somewhere while writing the fic. I was like, yesperfect.

My job to control you, darling, though I barely know you, hoping you grow tired and start giving in. Spout of holy water pour it on my only daughter maybe there's a shot she'll begin again. So wrong

Lucky With Disease by Elbow: I think this would be Crowley’s favourite band. That said, this is one of my most favourite wincestiel songs and is perfect for Wash It Away---the first fic I wrote, and it shows. A few OOC things, but I just went with what I picked up from the light smattering of gifs that had crossed my dash---I hadn’t even seen a single episode of the show yet. My least favourite fic, but still...it’s not terrible, and I love the dynamic of hurt-angry!Dean and fixer!Sam and Cas falling somewhere in between, willing to do whatever it takes to help. I definitely stuck to the first two characterisations for the rest of my writing. 

Fell like a crippled crow Spinning through and breaking branches I'm in a bad way Call my friends, they'll know what to do

Not as handsome as my brother But I've been lucky with disease

And yes, I'm a better friend Than I've ever been a lover And that's not saying much But I'm not saying much today

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless: In some different timeline, all I’m doing is writing Megstiel. But Never The Same is all I’ve managed and it’s typical---crazy!Cas and caretaker!Meg, bees, honey. Okay, honey as lube and bees around quivering nethers, but that ‘oh what the fuck okay fine’ sentiment is there that I always loved so much about Meg. 

I had everything Opportunities for eternity And I could belong to the night Then your eyes Your eyes I can see in your eyes Your eyes You make me wanna die I'll never be good enough You make me wanna die

Adolescence by Brown Bird: Rise Above It is my goriest fic to-date, and the sort of weird, sinister nature of this song seems perfect for it. Another wincestiel fic in the same vein of WIA but I think I got the characters down a little better. Dean can’t stand himself and thinks he hates Castiel for caring about him, and Cas, par for the course, makes things worse trying to make it better, but Sam knows just where to dig into the bloody mess to get it all right again. 

So long adolescence of the frightened soul You're entering the ritual Lay down your every fear upon the altar child Prepare to play the man's role

Stay strong the sound of screaming's just the sacred rite Of death begetting new life

We are here but for the grace of everything divine It's the providence that we must find

If (don’t ever blame yourself) by Last Days of April: People who can write early-season wincest are my heroes, okay. Dean’s a different animal now, isn’t he? I’m not even remotely suggesting he’s better one way or the other, just that he’s harder for me to grasp in the first couple of seasons. Harder for me to find his voice, and I can’t even say I really ‘got it’ with The Dawn Breaks...because I don’t fucking remember writing this fic at all. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s dark and dirty and Sam is toeing the line of making himself into the same monster that hurt Dean in the first place, but in the end, he pulls it off.

If it is hard to bear I'll hold the weight If there are things you ain't I'll compensate But you should never blame yourself Put the blame on everybody else 'cause they don't see what I see If no one understands I'll understand

Lovers’ Eyes by Mumford and Sons: ngl, the entire soundtrack for Becoming Less Defined is my favourite song. I fucking nailed it with these songs: perfect combo, perfect order, perfect atmosphere, but this song in particular showcases my particular obsessive trope here. I’m so fucking proud of this ’verse, and I’m climbing the walls to get back to it and finish it. I can’t leave omega-tainted!Dean and Wall-crumbled!Sam and sweet, insane omega!Jensen in limbo. I mean, there’s actual Purgatory to get to, after all. 

Were we too young, our heads too strong To bear the weight of these lovers’ eyes I feel numb beneath your tongue Beneath the curse of these lovers’ eyes But do not ask the price I pay I must live with my quiet rage Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead

Complicated Shadows by Elvis Costello: It’s hard to get Dean alone sometimes, but this song really conjures up that early-season hero that I was talking about before, and writing Turn In Early was supposed to be just a little jerk-off fic, some imaginative Deancest, but because I’m the worst, it’s all slathered in gentle pain. 

Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done You should've never have been playing with a gun In those complicated shadows Well there's a line that you must toe And it'll soon be time to go But it's darker than you know in those complicated shadows

John’s Star by The National: A reminisce fic, Dean’s B.S., 2001 is a rare moment of self-reflection for Dean, but he’ll only go so far back. I love the idea of Stanford-era!Dean, sidelined, a captive audience, listening to music he probably would never on his own terms, and hearing lyrics that just fucking hit home. There’s nothing explicit about this fic, no overt wincest, but it’s there, especially with songs like this.

I don't ever want you to come home again I don't want to hear your call, your voice in my room I am divine, my arms are stronger than rivers And when you feel that way, you want to feel that way again Forever

Once ruined, baby you stay ruined

Evidence by Faith No More: The sleaze that undercurrents all of Mike Patton’s music is perfect for Dress Me Down, a jealous!Jensen J2/Genevieve blackmail fic, because you can just hear Jensen lying to himself through the music. 

If you want to open the hole Just put your head down and go Step beside the piece of the circumstance You got to wash away the taste of evidence Wash it away Evidence, evidence, evidence Got to taste evidence I didn't feel a thing It didn't mean a thing Look in the eye and testify I didn't feel a thing Anything you say, you know you're guilty Hands above your head and you won't even feel me You won't feel me

Sedated by Hozier: I would normally pick Great Expectations by Elbow for this, but the dangerous, powerful carelessness of this song fits Something To Share just as well. Schizophrenic, self-destructive and self-harming!Sam and totally out of his depth!Dean make deals and promises to each other and I just really, really love this fic okay leave me alone I’m fine. 

You and I nursing on a poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it Somewhere for this, death and guns We are deaf, we are numb Free and young and we can feel none of it Something isn't right, babe I keep catching little words but the meaning's thin I'm somewhere outside my life, babe I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in So we're slaves to any semblance of touch Lord we should quit but we love it too much

Knock Me Out by Linda Perry: Back to my a/b/o ’verse with Between Two Minds, and we find poor Dean, omega-tainted and feeling like he can’t be loved, finally, finally starting to trust his little brother again.

You knocked me out You bit my lip You held me down and kept me sober Through all this time With no regret I guess that's just the way I liked it Maybe, when I'm free I'll realize all he really wanted To share all the peace Something I never wanted So wait, don't go Seems as though it's getting scary So please, don't you go

Feels Like by Buck 65: A song no one will listen to for a fic that no one reads. Dreamy, plinking piano for a fic that started out as a dream. My favourite artist with my favourite ending I’ve ever written. Give Buck and A Steep Fall a chance.

She found the lost boy, eyes that are crying closes Glad to be unhappy, boy gives her dying roses Ecstatic agony and nights of arousing glories Hungry hearts and hands that tell ten thousand stories Open wounds and the one word that filed under Her endless eyes have known hardship and wild wonder Kisses that cure and moments that cured the kiss Under a spell and maybe there's no words for this

I Drove All Night by Roy Orbison: The Mixtape Thing wasn’t supposed to be a fic, but I had to talk about why the songs were picked for the prompt ‘date night at the MoL Bunker’, and suddenly there was a sweet little wincest fic. Yeah, ‘sweet’. My fans were very surprised too. 

What in this world Keeps us from falling apart No matter where I go I hear The beating of our one heart I think about you When the night is cold and dark No one can move me The way that you do Nothing erases this feeling between me and you

Tell Me by Moby ft. Cold Specks: An alternative ending to BLD, But Then Again is the best thing I’ve written so far. J2/wincest/abo and so fucking full of angst and longing and good goddamn is it dirty. I’m so proud of it and myself for pulling it off, and even if I lose two more friends over it (i’m not bitter i’m very bitter), it’s still wonderful in my mind. 

Didn't have the heat I gave you memories Come deeper please I got nowhere to stay tonight Won't you make me stay? Keep your clear eyes on the prize And as I'm there Bring me to your knees

Baby Blue by Wolf Parade: Kill The Lights is the one unfinished fic on this list but I’m so close it counts. Fifty-nine songs to choose from. Five playlists. Over 100,000 words, and choosing one song to represent this brutal MCD fic is easy. Since it’s written from Sam’s POV, some of my favourite songs are the ones I imagine from Dean’s, and this is perfect. 

You're like a fool on fire To the water so blue I will come undone And I will run to you Sometimes we are an open flower Sometimes we are an open wound Sometimes we are a kind of echo chamber, wherein You're all fire and brimstone And I'm all that, too Burning blue for you

LISTEN

tagging @zmediaoutlet @omgbubblesomg @theboringprincess @chiisana-sukima @hazeldomain @indigoneutrino @dreamsfromthebunker  @bruisedmickey and anyone else who wants to do this (and if you’ve already done it, no worries ;) 

[sacred-arrow]

If It Were Me Chapter 3: Towards the Western Land

Y'all. This is purely shit. Like a pink troll just came up to you, bent over and shit glitter EVERYWHERE. Yeah. That's what happened to this chapter. Tagging my girls because they are my rocks and my muses. @inunanna @lacyjaybird @keichanz @adorableears7 @kags09 @inukag-4ever Also, @gypsin @shardetector @grapefruitwannabe @artistefish @mmhinman @mustardyellowsunshine @kagomeforever and all the others that showed any interest in this syory. I hope y'all enjoy. My cell does not allow italics or bolding on this one. 😡 so it may be slightly confusing. I'm posting this via my cell, while I wait on help to arrive and jump start my car.... 😂 I'm a moron most days. Anyway, on with the chapter. ---IIWM--- Previously on If It Were Me: Kagome shook her head. “I know a mountain that holds the castle of the Lord Inu no Tashio. The people of the castle concealed it after his death, and rumor has it, it’s now abandoned.” Inuyasha’s ears perked up as he stood. “Take me to it.” She shook her head. “It’s too dangerous.” “So. I have some weird blood flinging power and you have your sacred arrows. We’ll be fine.” Kagome sighed. “Do you really think this is wise?” “I’m the son of the Lord of the West. You’re the Guardian of the Sacred Jewel. I think we got this.” He extended a clawed hand to her and she gratefully took it. “Fine. Let’s go. It’s a three day travel. I warn you, the terrain is tough for someone who is not used to this climate.” She stepped towards the West, Inuyasha following close behind her, hands shoved in his pockets. “Will you be okay, yer shoulder and all?” Kagome cocked her head to the side and smiled with a nod. “It keeps getting better each moment. Crazy how fast that medicine is working.” “Good. Then let’s do this.” He wanted to see the castle his father inhabited, and maybe learn a few things about his family and his demonic side that his father never told him. Plus, a few more days with Kagome wouldn’t be so bad, though hell would have to freeze over before he would admit to such a thing. The priestess in mind kept a steady pace ahead of him with a smile on her face. Kagome was happy he was staying a bit longer too, but he didn’t need to know that either, thus his ego would get to big. Giggling, she peered over her shoulder to see him looking at her. When their gazes locked, they both blushed and averted their eyes. It was going to be an interesting few days. Thus, their journey has just begun.   ---IIWM--- Towards the Western Lands Two days on the road with Kagome were a little more difficult than Inuyasha had imagined. Being a male, and only having an older brother, he had forgotten that women had very specific needs. Even though his mother was very much a woman, he didn't exactly take notice of her feminine hygiene. The duo had camped out near hot springs both of the previous days because Kagome was determined to smell her best while in the company of a man. Kagome had pinched his right, upper arm flab- or Bingo Wings, as some people liked to call it- when he huffed for the fourth time that morning. His arm still hurt so Inuyasha decided it was best not to argue with her. The half-demon honestly had no idea why she was so worried. He actually thought the pure priestess smelled great, like the forest and sunshine. How does sunshine have a smell, idiot? Inuyasha shook his head. If he had said that aloud, Kagome would either have accused him of being mental or a pervert. Clearing his throat with a cough into a closed fist, he settled on not saying a word as Kagome scouted for the perfect campsite. Kagome stopped mid-stride and pointed to a large tree off to the far side of the dirt road. “That looks like a nice spot, what do you think Inuyasha?” Sighing, the half-demon stretched his arms and laced his fingers behind his head. “We’re stopping again, wench?” Kagome shot him a glare over her shoulder causing him to shrink back slightly -a habit he developed dealing with his mother’s temper- and throw his hands up in mock defense as he nodded.  “Fine. It's fine.” Inuyasha had learned that Kagome had a temper that rivaled with his mother's. He walked to a nearby tree and sat down cross legged. Inuyasha noticed his uniform was beyond dirty and his hair had collect enough twigs and leaves to construct a fire pit. Kagome made her way towards him and set down her bow and quiver. Settling beside Inuyasha, she reached out and undid his hair tie. As a reflex, Inuyasha jumped away from her. “Oi, what are you doing?” “I am removing the various items that have collected in your hair for the past two days. The sun will be setting in about an hour. So you can go wash up first and I will clean your clothes. Maybe your father’s castle will have something for you to wear.” Giving her a look that screamed, should I trust you, Inuyasha saw her blue eyes light up as she smiled which caused his accusations to dissipate. Leaning back into her touch, he cast a golden glance over his shoulder.“Hey, are ya feeling any better?” Kagome’s smile widened. “I am.” Inuyasha arched a brow over the same narrowed eye he was assessing her with. Kagome sighed. “It’s sore, but there is no pain. The herbs are working wonders and it’s healing just fine. Now, just relax.” Still uncertain, he stared at her for a moment, before he shrugged and turned back to face the west. Kagome concentrated her power to see past his glamour where the target of her desire hid from normal human eyes. The miko was so careful with his ears and it amazed Inuyasha at her tenderness. He only had to growl once when she accidently ran her fingers over the soft fur. Giggling like a school-girl, Kagome regained her posture and continued removing the debris. She took the time to take in Inuyasha’s form. He had to be the most handsome man she’d ever met and since she spent fifty of her supposedly sixty-eight years of life pinned to a tree, that was the best she could ask for. At the moment the half demon was laid back and calm, however she knew that wasn’t exactly his personality. He had a foul mouth ninety percent of the time and honestly he had no idea how to talk to women, but he sure knew how to treat one. His mother must be an angel. Her thoughts cut short when Inuyasha leaned his head back to look at her. The glamour flickered, but when it was clear again, Kagome sighed. Those golden eyes. “Done wench? The bath sounded like an okay idea.” He muttered. “Oh!” Shaking off the mesmerizing trance his eyes put her in, Kagome pointed right. “Of course. Just go to the hot spring down the hill, and I will take your clothes to the river on our left.” “You want me to get naked and walk to the hot spring from here?” Kagome laughed. “Yes, or would you rather me walk with you, watch you strip, and then take your clothes?” Inuyasha grinned. “If ya wanted to see me naked, all ya had to do was ask.” Once his brain registered the words he had spoken, he immediately regretted them. Scare her off why don’t cha? Spending way too much damn time with Ryou. She didn’t know her face could get so hot. “I—well you see—wait—what?” Trying to play cool and save face, Inuyasha laughed, “I was kidding.” He stood and walked behind the tree. Quickly stripping, he wondered if he should give up his underwear. It dawned on Inuyasha that he probably should incase there wasn’t anything else at the castle. Did men even wear underwear in this era? “Here.” He flung the clothes around the tree. Before she could utter a single word, Inuyasha was already halfway to the hot spring. Laughing, Kagome gathered his clothes and headed to the river. Once she got there, she started separating his clothes out of the bundled up wad Inuyasha had rolled them in. A small thud sounded against the rocky shore and she spotted Inuyasha’s rosary. He had been wearing it from the time they left the village, since he wasn’t one hundred percent sure about his surroundings in her era, but he had just taken it off for whatever reason, and for that she was more than grateful. He was beautiful in any form, but who could pass up on those ears and molten orbs? Not sure what to do with the rosary, Kagome simply placed it around her slender neck. The cool beads felt nice against her skin. “Dog-boy sure has nice taste.” Kagome giggled when she recalled the moment she had demanded he sit next to her by the well. The look that crossed his face was priceless, no doubt he thought she was using the term because he was in fact half dog-demon. “Sit . I can’t believe how cliché that is.” Releasing the fang she was holding, Kagome began to wash his clothes, unaware of the red tint the rosary was suddenly surrounded in. ---IK--- The water was fucking hot. Inuyasha stood there for a moment; the temperature of the isolated spring even moreso hotter than that of a hot tub. He slowly waded in, letting his balls get acquainted with the temperature, before settling down. Finally all the aching muscles in his legs and feet gave into the relaxation and he sighed. “Oh yeah.” He dunked his head back and ran his fingers through his hair. Standing, he shook his head like a mad dog before tying it back so he could rest comfortably against a rock. Inuyasha figured Kagome would come for him before too long so he leaned against the boulder and let the calming steam surround him. It wasn’t so bad until thoughts of a certain raven haired beauty came to his vision in nothing but her birthday suit. His eyes snapped opened before he shook his head. “Oh no, not her.” He grumbled. He couldn’t be attracted to her. He would be gone in a few days, hopefully, so he could not, should not, would not get attached to her. Stop picturing her naked. “Inuyasha. I have your clothes laying out to dry.” Kagome’s voice drifted out from behind a tree and he could see her hand waving to him. “Uh, thanks. Can you throw me my underwear?” “Um, but you don’t have a fundoshi.” Inuyasha ran his palm down his face. “No, but I have underwear. The blue briefs are what my era calls a fundoshi.” How could I forget about fucking fundoshi? Kagome laughed. “Oh. These? Incoming!” The boxers made a flop on the rocks beside the hot spring. “I’ll be at the camp site. I took the liberty of gathering wood for a fire.” Before he could answer she shouted out. “And hurry up. It’s my turn.” He grinned. In a teasing voice he shouted back. “You could just join me.” Kagome was silent for a moment, but soon she appeared from behind the tree. “You don’t mind?” He gaped at her before burying himself deeper into the water. Hold up. I was only kidding. He thought, only no words would come out of his mouth. Moving closer, she motioned towards his briefs. “I’ll leave mine on too. The bandages are not in the way of my cleansing.” Inuyasha gulped, but nodded anyway and slipped on his briefs as she turned away to strip behind a rock. Kagome returned wearing the bandages that tightly supported her breasts and a koshimaki that she lifted and tied between her thighs. Inuyasha thought the thin material looked like a diaper the way she had wrapped herself up, but it was a little hard not to notice how the thin white material became see through once she waded into the water across from him. She sat down and gently began washing. Not once making eye contact with the handsome half-demon in front of her. Inuyasha had to tear his gaze away- it was like ripping a bandaid off of a hairy arm-, but once she began to clean her face and neck, he noticed his rosary against her porcelain skin. “Kagome, is that my charm?” Delicate hands stopped mid rinse as her eyes snapped open and she gasped. “Oh! I’m sorry! I forgot about it. I was- um washing your clothes and it had fallen out. I didn’t have anywhere to put it so I put it on so I wouldn’t lose it. I know how important it is to you.” She hastily shot out her excuse as she reached to take it off. Inuyasha was baffled for a moment before he let out a laugh. “Calm down. I was only curious. You can wear it. It's not like I have to have it right now. I’ll let ya know when I need it.” He didn’t know what possessed him to let her keep it on for the time being, but the words flew out of his mouth as if he was destined to say them. Kagome nodded and continued cleaning herself. A blush appeared on her cheeks and she kept her eyes cast downward. She was tempting, even for his age he knew how bad he had it for the beautiful woman. Maybe it was just lust, he was just lusting after her body. She was fit with her tight belly, decent size breasts, full hips and a round butt to top it off. Now that she was wearing something that was his, something very important to him- well, it didn’t help his case of blue balls. Lust. That was it. He was a man after all, but that didn’t stop the thoughts running through his head. Think of Sesshomaru naked. That worked, yeah- he was good. Kagome smiled. “Inuyasha?” He snapped his attention back to her. “Yeah?” She was making her way over to him and his breathing hitched. “Would you mind washing my back? I know we changed the dressing this morning, but I can still feel the hardened paste from the herbs Kaede sent with us.” He nodded and wet his hands. Careful of his claws, he slowly massaged the green paste from below the bandages on her arm and back. It was a little hard to get off, but he finally chipped the last of it away. She sunk below the surface as he moved his hands tenderly across her back. Kagome wasn’t sure how relationships acted in his time, but she thought he must be with someone at his age. “Are you married, Inuyasha?” That question stumped him and he retracted his hands quickly. “Say what now?” She turned to see a very confused look on his face. “Married. Do the wedding customs differ in your time? Many of the young adult villagers are married. Eighteen is considered an adult. We have villagers as young as eleven marry.” Inuyasha laughed. “No. They are very different. In my time, many people are still not married and some are a lot older than eighteen.” Her face twisted. “Seriously?” He nodded. “So you are not?” “No and I am not seeing anyone either.” That was a lie. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to say that. He had been seeing Haruka on and off for the past six months, but he honestly didn't consider it a steady relationship. “Oh.” Was all she seemed to have left to say. “Demons don’t marry in the way humans do. Half demons don’t either. Demons mate for life. My father mated my human mother and in doing so he was able to share his life span with her. Demons can live for centuries so now she can live as long as my father does. I’m half-demon so if I were to marry a human, I would share my life span with her, except we wouldn’t live as long as full blooded demons do. When two full blooded demons mate, nothing changes except their bond. Neither would have to share their life span to keep their mate alive. My half-brother mated a full blooded, wind demon-” “Brother?” “Sesshomaru-” “Sesshomaru is your brother?” Kagome seemed almost appauld. “Half-brother and I forgot he lived this era too. Have you ever met him?” “Only once, cold hearted bastard.” Kagome crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “He killed without mercy and left with no remorse.” Inuyasha halted all movement. “I didn’t do anything so put those veins back in yo7r forehead.” When she presented him with a small smile, he reached over to poke her in the cheek. “You can do better than that. Come on.” Kagome giggled and Inuyasha grinned as he continued to remove the remaining dried paste. “He ain't that way anymore. I mean he’s still a bastard, but he doesn’t kill now. Like I mentioned before he’s mated to a wind demoness named Kagura.” “That’s someone I’ve never met.” She placed her finger to her chin, as she thought to recall the name. “Nope, no wind demoness’ in my lifetime, but I have been passed out for fifty years.” Kagome laughed at her own joke. Inuyasha rolled his eyes with a snort as he rinsed off her back. “Done.” Kagome turned to him and smiled. “Thank you.” The half demon locked eyes with the priestess. She was missing fifty years of her life, but in his eyes it was like a blessing. He was glad he was able to meet her now and while she was still young. Does that make me a bad person for being happy she was pinned to the tree for fifty years so I could meet her by chance? Inuyasha shook his head when her voice interrupted his thoughts. “Let’s get back to camp. I am starving.” Nodding, they stood and walked back to camp after they gathered their clothes. Once they got settled around the fire, he noticed a dead rabbit lying by the rigged skewers she had set up next to the fire. “You killed it?” Kagome nodded once as she smiled wide. She looked so proud of herself. He watched her walk over to the fallen animal and pick it up. Pulling a knife from her quiver, she looked at him and crouched down before turning her back. “Oi, woman, what cha doin’?” Kagome glanced over her shoulder. “I have to skin it and gut it so I can cook it.” He walked over to her and looked at the animal. The priestess brought the knife down to skin it. “How do you cook food in your time?” “A stove mostly.” Her confused expression caused him to elaborate. “It’s a device used for cooking. You can cook on the top of it or inside of it. Really, it’s not as complicated as I make it sound.” Either she didn’t care, or she was too confused to care, and she turned away and finished her task. Soon she had the rabbit skewed and roasting over the heat of the fire. “Damn. It actually smells good I don't think I’ve ever had rabbit like this before.” “I'm glad you approve so far. Wait until you taste it. I use to cook quite often. Rabbit stew was my specialty. However, I had the tendency to cook enough for the whole village.” She rotated the rabbit. “I’m not used to cooking small proportions. So the village started to contribute once a week for me to cook the stew. Other nights we would eat rice balls and fish.” “That river that runs in front of the village must be a nice accommodation for you.” He tried to continue the small talk. “It is.” She pulled the rabbit up and took a small taste. “Perfect. Here taste.” Kagome pulled a small piece off the side and extended the offer to him. Inuyasha didn't  move at first, but then Kagome huffed and moved closer until she was directly beside him. A faint blush crossed their features as she offered him the bite once more, this time he accepted it as he opened wide. Kagome placed the piece in his mouth. When his tongue accidentally touched her thumb and pointer finger, Kagome jumped at the sensation. Inuyasha tried not to let her see him grin. The two ate in utter silence. So much for the small talk. Inuyasha thought. He finished his portion of the meal and stood to grab his clothes hanging from a nearby branch. The damp underwear was a little uncomfortable in his uniform, but he would have to make do. He did not want to know what a fundoshi was that men wore in this time. Soon, Kagome yawned and settled back against the trunk of a large tree. Inuyasha had decided in order to watch over the miko better, he would perch himself in the same tree so he could see farther distances and hear better from each direction. Kagome set her weapons in her lap and wrapped her arms around them loosely. “Goodnight, Inuyasha.” The half-demon grunted in response. Sleep was looming over him and he gave in to the temptations before he even realized Kagome had fallen asleep minutes before. His last thoughts were what a catch the pure priestess actually was. ---IK--- Kikyou was dreading looking for Kagome. She honestly did not want to kill her cousin, but now that she was awake, Naraku would do anything to get rid of her and whatever demon had come to grab her attention. She wasn’t even sure if Kagome was still alive, if the aura of the demon she had sensed was actually as powerful as she thought. In all honesty, Kagome could be dead already. Which would save me the trouble. Kikyou wasn’t sure what possessed her to hate her cousin so much. The pure priestess was a gentle soul, so full of life and love. Maybe Kikyou was jealous, as Kaede had always put it. “Ye really crossed the line Kikyou. Going after Onigumo the way you did.” The young girl had told her sister after Kagome had caught them kissing one afternoon. Of course Onigumo had denied the act, but he knew Kagome was no fool. “Ye are just jealous that Kagome finally found love and it had nothing to do with the sacred jewel.” Oh but it did, dear sister. The jewel was Onigumo’s target all along. When Kagome had found him that fateful day, he had no idea who she actually was, but after a few weeks with her, realization struck him. Kagome was the guardian of the Shikon no Tama and he wanted it, no he desired it. The whole falling in love and spending the rest of his life with Kagome was a lie. He never wanted the guardian, never wanted a life with her, he only wanted the jewel she protected. Or so he had told Kikyou. When Onigumo and Kikyou met, all he could do was fawn over her. Onigumo used Kagome, used her for his own selfish reasons and love had nothing to do with it. He had promised Kagome that he would love her forever, but only when she became a free woman. However, he swore to Kikyou that each day he was with her he loved her more than he could express. She believed him and that was her downfall. They advised a plan to get rid of Kagome so Kikyou could have everything she wanted; Onigumo, and the true love of a man. She didn’t need to possess the jewel anymore, but he did. Onigumo wanted to possess the power it held so he could reign supreme in all the lands. The only thing in their way was Kagome. He told Kikyou to kill her, to get the pink marble and they could finally be free and live together like man and wife. The older priestess had agreed to the whole thing and went to her cousin begging for forgiveness for the actions she had displayed with Onigumo. Kikyou’s apology was nothing but a ploy to get close to Kagome, but being the woman Kagome was, her heart far bigger than most, she forgave the older priestess. Kikyou took her chance to take the sacred pearl, but failed in the end. When Kikyou escaped empty handed, a thought struck her like a lightning bolt; she could give Onigumo the powers he wanted without the jewel. The priestess dabbled in black magic, mixing herbs and other various items until a large cloud of purple smoke rose from her mixing bowl. Kikyou poured the contents into a small tin, and went off to find Onigumo. He was resting under a tree when she approached him. Standing he reached a hand out to her. “Where is the jewel?” “I was unable to get it.” He had a scowl on his face. “You told me you would get the jewel, Kikyou. Do you not love me? Am I not worth this small task?” She nodded eagerly. “Of course, which is why I brought this.” She shifted her haori and brought forth the covered tin. “Drink this and I can give you the power of 1000 demons.” Onigumo snatched the silver tin up and downed the contents. Kikyou pulled a small blade from her haori and swiftly plunged it deep into his chest, directly into his heart. He let out a vigorous scream as she had begun to chant, a white ring surrounded them. Onigumo was on his knees, the deep, red blood dripping from his wound and her hands. The light disappeared and a swarm of demons came rushing forth from the sky. Kikyou fell back out of the way as Onigumo absorbed them into his body. “Onigumo, your body is restored.” Kikyou announced. She stood and walked to him. Placing her hand in the center of his back, she ran her fingers over a large spider-shaped scar. He stood there, adjusting to his new flesh. His eyes blood red, his hair grew far too long and the color of midnight, and his voice became ever so empty. “You know what I need?” The voice was deeper, colder, evil. "Yes, Onigumo.” “Call me Naraku.” He laughed and pulled her to him. Quickly she fell into his arms as he kissed her passionately. Naraku had pulled her to him, turning to press her against the tree. He gently pulled her hakamas down running his hands up her now bare thighs. Bracing Kikyou against the tree trunk, he brought her leg up to wrap around his narrowed waist. Once situated, he entered her, quickly thrusting into Kikyou’s warm body as she used his shoulders to steady her balance. Soon he had both her legs around him, pounding vigorously inside of her lithe body. Both gave a cry of pleasure as Naraku dropped her slowly to her feet and pulled free. It ended as quickly as it happened. That was also the night he had taken Kaede’s eye. The once young child had tried to protect Kagome from Naraku who had shaped himself into Kikyou’s form. Kaede knew something was wrong with the person before them and she attempted to shoot an arrow towards him. Naraku laughed at her attempt and shot forth a cluster of tentacles from his arm which Kaede desperately tried to dodge. Kaede cried out as they impaled her, tearing a gash into her shoulder and eye. Kikyou had been oblivious to his plan and her young sister had paid the price. “And all of it was for the stupid Shikon no Tama.” She muttered. Shaking her head the dead priestess kept walking to Kaede’s village. Kikyou needed to pay her sister a visit, and if Kagome was there, so be it. ---IK--- “Inuyasha? You awake?” Kagome’s voice came out a little louder than she meant for it to. Inuyasha woke with a start, falling from the tree branch he was resting on. “What the hell, wench?!” Kagome suppressed a laugh as he stood rubbing his sore backside. “It’s time to get going.” She nodded towards the mountains in the distance. “We should be there before dark.” Inuyasha grinned. “We can get there faster if you climb on.” He knelt down and waited for her to move. “Are you sure?” She cocked her head and placed her bow and quiver on her back. “Yes, now get on, we ain’t got all day.” She could tell he was getting a bit irritated, so she climbed on, minding his long hair and held on tight. “Alright. Hold on!” With that, he pushed off the ground with a powerful thrust causing the beautiful woman on his back to gasp. Oh I’m going to enjoy this. He gripped her thighs firmer as she held on to his shoulders a little tighter. Kagome squealed with delight as Inuyasha bounced off towards the West. She opened her cerulean blue eyes only to narrow them as the wind whipped her in the face. However, she was still able to experience the beauty around her. It was sight Kagome had never seen. From the height in which he was jumping to, the miko was able to get a whole new outlook on her homeland. The leaves were multiple shades of green and moved fluently with the gentle wind. The sunlight ricocheted off the water producing a sparkling diamond like effect. She was in awe. Kagome's left hand tightened on his left shoulder as her right arm extended up in the air as if giving the sky a high five. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Kagome gave off an excited whoo-hoo as she threw her head back. Inuyasha almost missed his next landing, but as he glanced over his shoulder and witnessed the pure joy etched across her face, he smiled. The sun was hitting her just right, making her glow like one of her sacred arrows. When Kagome finally opened her eyes to look directly into his golden orbs- a mega-watt smile plastered across her face- he couldn't help think--- Kagome was the greatest, fucking woman he had ever met. He just wasn't sure what exactly how he was supposed to assess the feeling he was starting to get the past few days. A matching blush spread over the bridge of their noses and they both turned away. However, neither one released the grip they had beneath their fingers as if they truly didn't want to. The spark that had ignited between them was starting to grow and no one would be able to extinguish it. Ever. ---TBC---

[cleem123]

"Exactly what are you seeking from my son?”

Or, Joaquin meets Kevin’s dad.

@ihavenocreativitysonousername requested “Joaquin meeting Kevin’s dad OR Kevin meeting the gang OR both”

Word Count: 1.5k

Genre: Pretty fluffy, some momentary angst

Warnings: mentions of guns, gangs,and parental death

Read it on AO3

I would like to note that all of Joaquin’s family history in this has been completely made up by me and is complete headcanon.

     “Kev, are you sure about this?” Joaquin asked nervously, shifting from one foot to the other. He was standing outside of Kevin’s dad’s truck which was parked in Kevin’s driveway. He could feel sweat growing on the back of his neck, underneath the collared shirt Kevin had insisted he wore. “I’m just, well, I’m not really the kinda boy that people bring home to meet their parents. And, your dad is a cop.” It wasn’t that Joaquin didn’t want to formally meet Mr. Keller, in fact, it was exactly the opposite. Joaquin wanted everyone to know that he was Kevin’s boyfriend. He wanted to be Kevin’s official boyfriend, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. However, Joaquin was worried that Sherriff Keller wouldn’t be a fan of his son’s gang member boyfriend. Kevin went out of his way to make his dad happy and not to disappoint him in any way. What if Joaquin was a disappointment? Joaquin wouldn’t want Kevin to choose between him and his dad.     “Joaquin, chill out okay?” Kevin chuckled at the other’s nervousness. “It’s gonna be just fine, I promise. My dad isn’t completely oblivious, he is a cop, and he probably has an idea of who you are.” Kevin knew that his dad had seen him and Joaquin together at Pop’s, he’d seen them kiss behind the shed in the Keller’s backyard, and he had definitely seen Joaquin hastily sneak out of Kevin’s bedroom window.     “He has an idea of who I am, and that should calm me done?” Joaquin exclaimed.      “Yes. Because my dad knows not to judge a book by its cover. He has a gay son, you may remember.”      “Yeah, a gay son who is dating a gay Southside Serpent. I’m sure that’s all he could hope for.” Joaquin was aware that he was overacting slightly, but this could really make or break his relationship with Kevin. Kevin sighed, a little exasperated by Joaquin’s anxiety. He brought his hands up to cup his boyfriend’s face, slowly leaning in and giving him a gentle kiss.      “You look fantastic.” Kevin grins, giving Joaquin an appreciative once over. “You are a kind, funny, and smart guy. I see it, and I’m sure my dad will as well.” Joaquin smiled, a blush rising up his neck onto his cheeks. “Let’s go, you ready?”      “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Joaquin sighed, taking Kevin’s hand and following him up to the front door. Kevin opened the door and Joaquin was hit by a fantastic aroma. Whatever Sheriff Keller had made for dinner, it smelled fantastic. Kevin voiced Joaquin’s thoughts.      “Wow Dad, that smells incredible. What is it?” Kevin’s dad was leaning over the stove, stirring something in a pot.      “Well, we’ve got ham and rolls on the table, and now I’m just finishing up the garlic pasta.” He wiped his hands on a towel that was hanging over his shoulder before turning around, seeing Joaquin face to face for the first time. “And, you must be Joaquin. Kevin, actually, has not told me much about you.” Joaquin shook Sheriff Keller’s hand, trying to exude confidence while being respectful.      “It’s, uh, it’s nice to finally meet you sir.” Joaquin stuttered out, any semblance of confidence gone as soon as he opened his mouth. Kevin, sensing the slight rise of tensions, spoke up.      “Dad, is the pasta ready yet? We could sit down for dinner and talk some more.”      “Sure, son.” Sheriff Keller responded, but waited for a minute before taking his eyes off of Joaquin and returning to the pot on the stove. As the sheriff finished the pasta, Kevin led Joaquin into the dining room where they began to talk in rushed whispers.      “Does your dad always carry his holstered gun around the house like that? Or am I receiving special treatment?”      “That’s just for you, I think.” Kevin admitted. “Uh, Joaquin, there is something I forgot to tell you.”      “What?” Joaquin exclaimed, his nerves causing his voice to rise from a whisper.      “Shh, calm down. It’s just that I just realized, I’ve never brought a boy home to meet my dad, serpent or otherwise.” Kevin felt slightly embarrassed at the admission that he had never had a real boyfriend before. “So that might be why my dad’s being weird, not the whole serpent thing.”      Joaquin went to respond, to comfort or to freak out Kevin didn’t know, but he was cut off by the entrance of Sheriff Keller.      “The pasta is ready, let’s eat.” He said hastily and with no welcoming tone. Joaquin sat down with a rushed and nervous manner about him. Meanwhile, Kevin sat down with the casualness of someone who had been eating at this dining room table all of his life. The food was spooned onto plates and quickly enough Joaquin was sitting in front of a plate full of delicious food; it was something he hadn’t seen in a while. Joaquin was speechless, staring at the pile of food and listening to Kevin and his dad share the stories of their days. He didn’t even notice when they stopped talking until Kevin kicked him under the table.      “Ouch.” Joaquin exclaimed before looking up from his plate to see that both Kevin and Sheriff Keller were staring at him. “I, uh, I’m sorry I got distracted, what?”      “My dad asked if you liked the food.” Kevin clarified, looking slightly concerned. Joaquin looked back down at his untouched plate before responding.      “Um, it looks fantastic. It’s been a while since I sat down to a home cooked meal.” Joaquin confessed, but immediately regretted reminding the cop in front of him that he came from trailer trash. To avoid the momentary silence, Joaquin picked up his knife and fork and began to cut into the slice of ham on his plate. Sheriff Keller broke the silence,      “So Joaquin, tell me a little about yourself, and exactly what you are seeking from my son.”      “Dad!” Kevin gasped, and if Joaquin was right, kicked his dad beneath the table. Joaquin finished chewing the ham that was in his mouth. “You don’t have to answer that Joaquin.” Kevin stated.      “No, no it’s fine Kev.” Joaquin wiped his mouth quickly before answering. “Uh, I moved to Riverdale when I was about four with my older brother. He used all of his savings to buy us a trailer on the Southside. Um, after that, there isn’t much to tell. I don’t really play any sports, I’m not an art person really. I guess I’m kinda into photography.” Joaquin shrugged, not really sure how else to describe himself. “As for the second part of your question, I don’t know if seeking would be the right word. I’m hoping to form and maintain a loving relationship with Kev.” Joaquin had shed some of the nervousness from before settling into the conversation. Sheriff Keller seemed happy with the answer, but had a few more questions for Joaquin.      “And you are a serpent yourself?”      “They are the only family I’ve ever known sir. But no. I’m not a serpent yet, and recently I’ve been hoping to do something with my life besides gang activity.” Joaquin was telling the truth. After spending time with Kevin and hanging out with kids on the Northside, Joaquin wanted to achieve something in his life bigger than what the serpents could provide.      “And how do your parents feel about that?” Sheriff Keller asked, very nonchalantly. At the mention of Joaquin’s parents, Kevin sat forward and reached for Joaquin’s hand.      “Dad, seriously.” He hissed, but Joaquin nodded gently.      “Kev, seriously, it’s okay.” Joaquin reassured. “Uh, my parents died in a car crash before we moved to Riverdale, sir.”      “I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t know.” Sheriff Keller seemed taken aback. Joaquin shrugged. It really was fine, he had never really known his parents anyhow. The night continued with more surface level, but amiable conversation. Joaquin finished his meal and spent the rest of the night holding Kevin’s hand and enjoying the overall feeling of family. As the night came to a close, Joaquin shook Sheriff Keller’s hand before Kevin walked him out.      “Well, that went well.” Kevin smiled, fiddling with the lapels of Joaquin’s jacket.      “Yes, I would say it did. You’re very lucky to have a dad that accepting.” Joaquin leaned into Kevin’s touch, leaving mere inches between the two.      “I am. Very lucky, I have a dad who is super accepting and now I’m standing, alone, with my very hot boyfriend who I’ve been wanting to kiss all night.”      “Oh yeah?” Joaquin goading, bringing them closer.      “Yeah.” Kevin mumbled, their lips almost touching.      “And what are you gonna do about it?” Joaquin began to tease, but was interrupted by Kevin pressing their lips together. Joaquin, still high off of the success from dinner, felt as if he was suffocating from happiness. This was too much, he shouldn’t be allowed to be a part of something as perfect and sacred as this. Kevin finally pulled away, resting his forehead against Joaquin’s. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” Joaquin admitted when he regained his voice.      “I completely agree, Joaquin. This is pure bliss.” Kevin mused, kissing his boyfriend gently.

Hit me up if you have prompts, ideas, want to beta, or would like to be tagged in my future Kevin/Joaquin fanfics.

Also, if you guys want it, I might write a sequel of this were Kevin meets Joaquin’s brother and maybe some of the serpents.

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