#in every way padmé shares more in common with anakin when it comes to the core of her personality

[skywalkr-nberrie]

One of the biggest arguments I’ve seen used by the Ob*d*l*s against Anidala, is that scene in the ROTS novel where Padmé says she could trust OW with the secret of the rebellion and was hesitant to tell Anakin and I just wanna say:

Padmé wasn't an idiot. She was an extremely intelligent and competent woman, perfectly able to understand that loving Anakin and thinking that he could be trusted with a certain politic-related matter were two very different things and reducing her choice regarding who to trust with an important political matter only on the basis of her feelings of romantic love diminishes her professionalism, and this is why I say y'all could never understand her.

Padmé didn’t have to "love" OW or even like him at all to know he was the perfect Jedi to ask for help in a secret political matter.

That's the point being made in the novel, she’s hit with the realization that Anakin in this particular moment could not be told this piece of info because of his relationship with Palpatine, and Padmé specifically mentions in the Junior ROTS novel that she didn't want to make Anakin “keep a secret” if he didn’t agree with their stance because it’d be “unfair.” So this also played a part in why Padmé didn’t think it best to inform Anakin about the Rebellion. It honestly had little to do with her actually lacking trust in him, and more to do with the circumstances she was in not allowing her to be open with her husband and her not wanting to make him choose between his wife and his “father figure.”

However, Padmé knows OW’s political ideas aren't tied to ONE particular person but to a philosophy, one which is closer to her own, at that point. None of this was ever meant to be hinted as “romantic” or even remotely insinuated as romantic. It’s strictly professional and even the tone of the scene makes that so abundantly clear.

All I’m saying is that, some of these proshippers are doing the most out here to try and prove their ship, like my loves? You forgot a very important thing called ✨ context ✨ and regardless of her rational thinking, Padmé still went out of her way to try and talk out all of this Rebellion secrecy stuff with Anakin when she confronted him in the scene where she asks if he ever thought they were “fighting on the wrong side.” Padmé didn’t trust OW in the same way she trusted Anakin (with her entire self and being) she had the level of trust and love for Anakin that was only meant for him.

Mixing up her unwavering faith in Anakin as her husband with her trust in OW’s devotion to duty as her comrade/ally is purposely deluding yourself, because the two aren’t the same and therefore can’t be compared. An example of this is: Padmé constantly putting more value to Anakin’s words over OW’s in the end of ROTS when he came to tell her of Anakin’s “crimes”. She completely disregarded what OW had claimed about her husband and instead made her way to where Anakin was herself, to ask him directly. Despite what the truth was, this is proof of her trusting Anakin unconditionally, and I didn’t even think I had to spell that out because it’s as clear as day.

In conclusion, Padmé didn’t trust OW more than Anakin, she just knew the circumstances she was in didn’t exactly make it easy for her to openly talk with her husband about these matters and that’s part of what played into the issues they had in ROTS, it’s exactly what Sidious wanted. This scene in the novel doesn’t exist to imply some hidden romantic undertone that George was intending all along. No, far from that. George was always an “open, , clear and easy to understand” type of storyteller, so if the former was the case, this scene wouldn’t be any different if there was some hidden message or subtext the reader should be made aware of, George would make it obvious. Fact of the matter is, the one and only reason for this scene in the novel to exist is only to show to us as the “reader” that the narrative is tearing apart the Star-Crossed-lovers (Anakin and Padmé.) and visibly putting the two of them on different sides in the story because the consequences of this narrative choice is what will foreshadow and play into the inevitable and great fall of the couple and character in the future. Even the novel makes a very purposeful and clear distinction between “love and trust” in this chapter where all this occurs. Padmé loves Anakin, but knew she had to trust OW with the situation at hand. And if you want to talk “narratively” Padmé needed a reason to keep the Rebellion a secret from Anakin, thus leading to Palpatine to sense “betrayal” in Padmé later on, and using that to his advantage to manipulate Anakin even more into getting him to “suspect” her. It’s all spelt out for us and it’s not hard to miss. All it takes is a little media literacy and understanding context.

(Mind you, hypothetically, if this scene existed for literally any other reason, it would’ve been brought up again, but it wasn’t. It’s only mentioned once and exists for only one moment which was meant to serve a certain narrative and then it was done. There’s not much to make of it since the context of the scene is so clear.)

[erinkeifer]

The Informant

[Anakin Skywalker x Padawan!Fem Reader]

Masterlist | Wattpad | AO3

Summary: So, Anakin found out that you informed on him and Padmé at the Temple, leading to the end of his romance? Oh, your mistake. Just wait until he barges into your quarters to settle the score fairly.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI | brutal smut | hate sex | angst | mirror sex | slapping | reader's serious injury during sex (head smashed against the mirror) | blood | PiV unprotected | hair pulling | cursing | degradation | dom!Anakin | sub!Reader | reader is toxic af | no comfort | no aftercare Author note: Yes, I haven't written many warnings before, but I consider this story to be one of my favorites that I've written. I've edited it many times - today I'm sharing it in a completely different form than it was meant to be, and it was supposed to be much darker. However, I don't want any content drama- I'm coming back after a long break and I want peace, so I assure you that every brutal move described in this story is motivated by immense sexual frustration on BOTH sides.

Word Count: 3,5k

Anakin stood behind the corner when you were selling him. He was there, gazing at your face, which seemed to be proud of itself and could barely restrain its foolish grin because you thought you were executing a perfect plan. "General… Unfortunately, they were there again, together… I want the best for Master Skywalker, and I can't help but be concerned that perhaps he puts… THOSE feelings above the gravity of the mission..." you spoke to Kenobi with that artificially emphasized solemnity from beneath which protruded the most insidious idea. Anakin clenched his fists, struggling to listen to your report deliberately designed to undermine him. He didn't know you had seen him with Padme. You didn't know he had seen you when you were informing. For a while, you were entangled in blissful ignorance, but soon everything was about to end in the worst possible way. ................................................................................................................. Weeks had passed since that incident, weeks during which Anakin ceased to be himself towards you - yet he had no intention of telling you why. In the first days, your training sessions became more intense - when you fell, he wouldn't lend you a hand, and when you took a hit too hard, he had no intention of apologizing, and your days didn't end with a smile he used to give you. You were sure that maybe he had worse days, perhaps the Council was giving him a hard time… There was also another option that you considered, and although you couldn't say it out loud - you counted on it the most. Troubles with Padmé.

Your unhealthy desire to take the place of that woman overshadowed your common sense, and you convinced yourself of it day by day, implementing increasingly risky and far-reaching ideas into your life. Your latest one was soon to show its effects- it was about to explode when early this morning, you learned that the senator you despised had left the Order's gates. The relationship between Anakin and Padmé had come to an end, and you were glowing.

On that day, you didn't encounter Anakin in the Temple. Your usual training took place with Kenobi instead, and although the older Jedi tried not to convey any negative emotions that day, you felt a crisis atmosphere in the air. You didn't know the details and were unsure of what exactly was happening. In the morning, you questioned your friendly, usually well-informed guards if they knew where your Master might be, but each person you asked seemed to have the same rehearsed version they were allowed to share. Were the details crucial to you? Probably not, as the only thing that mattered to you was to sense the right moment to implement your next plan. A plan titled: a caring, concerned Padawan who gets what she wants.

As you returned to your quarters in the evening, the corridors seemed darker than usual. With no significant missions left for the day, you had lingered a bit too long in the cantina, and it would be a lie to say that during your time there, you hadn't thought about Anakin. Where he was, what he was doing, what he was feeling… But what did his feelings truly mean to you, when your hands reached for the knife that, though invisible, stabbed Anakin straight in the heart? You didn't know yourself, but ironically, you were certain that the pain that would accompany your achievement would be swept under the rug. At this hour, you passed no one in the corridors- the atmosphere was so chilly that you instinctively quickened your pace to reach your quarters as soon as possible, to freshen up and forget all the tension. The doors, which you always had to unlock first, turned out to be unlocked- you probably forgot to do so the last time you left your place, and knowing your absent-mindedness well, you didn't dwell on it too much, simply closing them behind you and shedding your outerwear without hesitation as you made your way to the bathroom.

Though you felt like you were shining, you weren't shining at all. When you looked at your reflection in the mirror, you focused on the dark circles under your tired eyes, and your hair was a mess. So, you reached for the comb and painstakingly untangled each strand of your hair, helping yourself with your fingers. Finally feeling that your hair was suitable for a neat ponytail, you grabbed the nearest hair tie within your reach and tied your hair back enough so it wouldn't bother you while washing your face. The first splash of water was a relief for your face, but before the water reached the temperature you expected, the clogged sink managed to fill halfway with water. However, this didn't stop you from finally being able to apply your favorite cleansing gel to your face and wash away the dirt from the whole day. Sudden pain. Sudden pain stole your senses as you bent down under the running water. Instinctively, you grabbed onto the porcelain countertop when you choked on the water - not from a single drop, not from a stream accidentally spraying into your nostrils. Your face submerged in the water standing in the sink, and there was a hand on your neck that didn't belong to you.

For a moment, you felt like you were in nightmares, which, although rare, when they did occur, manifested in their most intense form. You thought someone or something was using the Force on you, but the touch squeezing your throat was real. Desperately, you gasped for air as the mysterious hand impulsively pulled your face out of the water, and when your lashes were finally free of water, the answer to all your questions was found in the mirror. "M-master…?" you mumbled with a muffled voice, feeling water rushing into your sinuses. Anakin stood behind you, his face practically devoid of any emotion, which probably scared you the most in this picture. His eyes, with dilated pupils that seemed darker than ever, stared at your reflection in the mirror lifelessly and without a hint of empathy. "What do you want to happen next?" he asked in a cold, hoarse voice. "Master, I think I don't underst…" "I'm asking clearly. What do you want to happen next?" he interrupted, sensing that you were playing dumb by responding this way to his words. "I… I… Really…" you started to stammer, lowering your gaze from his reflection in the mirror, but he was quicker to interrupt you again. You felt the strong grip of his second, mechanical hand on your shoulder as he turned you towards him, so that you leaned back against the sink, and your face, though much lower due to your difference in height, was inches away from his face.

"You know what happened. No one had to tell you. You know she's gone, and you know who's behind it." he continued, his hand that was previously on your throat now gripping your chin. "Master, I really don't…" you began, wincing in pain as his hand tightened almost to the point of bruising on your chin. "You damn well know who… And I damn well know who… All I want is to hear it from you." he added through gritted teeth, and at that moment, you felt a hatred unlike any you had ever felt before - not even when facing the worst, hostile scum on missions.

"I… I…"

"Exactly. You. You. And if something had tempted me earlier… I would have been done with you long ago, but I decided to wait, maybe nothing would happen, and I'd ruin your life…" Skywalker continued with deadly seriousness, and you realized how utterly hopeless your situation was.

"Anakin… I didn't want to! I didn't want it to happen this way! I…" you could have continued shouting, if Anakin's finger hadn't found its way in a silencing gesture over your lips.

"This way… Funny. Funny, because you did. You wanted it to happen, but according to your delusional script." Anakin spoke, and you preferred to stay silent. You listened and wished the ground would swallow you whole, most of all, terrified by the realization that everything he said was true.

"And you know, delusional scripts of filthy bitches like you rarely come true, don't they?" he continued, holding onto his terrifyingly serious tone.

Overwhelmed by shock, all you could manage was a numb nod of disapproval - you couldn't squeeze out a single word, and Anakin didn't even expect you to. "Let's consider, though… How it would look in your little, stupid head…" he added after a moment, lowering his hand from your chin, leaving your delicate skin reddened from the strong grip. "Assuming I didn't see or hear what you did in the council, and I lived in blissful ignorance… You'd now play the hero and pretend in front of me that you have shreds of humanity left in you and want what's best for me, wouldn't you?"

"But… I didn't say that I…"

"And you didn't have to. Just thinking it was enough, wasn't it?" Anakin folded his arms across his chest as he spoke these words, and you would be inclined to admit that beneath his controlled demeanor, he seemed on the verge of exploding at any moment. You wanted to run away, but you couldn't. You wanted to defend yourself, but you had nothing to defend yourself with. You wanted to speak, but you had no words. "It's nice to ponder like this… 'What if'… But we're here and now, and you still haven't answered my first question..." Anakin continued, and upon hearing the mention of the question, you raised your gaze to look at him. "What do you want to happen next?"

Skywalker left you in complete emptiness, posing the question once again. You felt so depleted that you had no idea what to expect - from him, from yourself, from everything. Your heart rate quickened with each moment of silence, and this time, Anakin seemed genuinely eager for your response. "Oh, don't bother. Especially since I know very well what you want to happen next." Barely had you processed your Master's words in your mind when two strong hands grabbed you at hip level and turned your figure back towards the mirror. You leaned against the porcelain sink with your front while he stood behind you, just inches from your back, his gaze fixed on your figure in the mirror wild and filled with hatred. "Do you know you've hurt me?" he asked after another moment of silence, placing his both large hands on either side of you, enclosing you. "And you know it's going to hurt?" he added shortly after, not giving you time to respond, assuming you knew well what you had done.

"I know." you answered with a trembling voice, not really aware of which of the two questions you subconsciously answered to him. "Good." he replied with a terrifyingly calm voice, then you heard the clinking of the belt from behind, sending shivers down your spine. "Bend over." he growled, and you did as he commanded, trying to sneak glances at him in the mirror opposite. "Give me that." he added after a moment, pointing towards the bandage scissors lying closer within your reach, and you obediently handed them to him. Anakin snatched the scissors from your trembling hand and without further hesitation, swiftly cut your thin jumpsuit at the waistline with one quick motion, without considering whether it would injure your skin. You hissed sharply as you felt the blunt blade irritating your skin, and just a few seconds later, a shallow, bleeding cut on your skin could be seen from the hole.

He had no interest in bothering with the zipper on your jumpsuit when he had a sharp tool at his disposal. The material split precisely at the cut, allowing him to tear it further and rip it around the circumference, so Skywalker didn't wait any longer. He yanked on the exposed fabric, and when he could afford it, he began to pull down the lower part of your torn jumpsuit. "You fuckin' slut…" he muttered when he saw that the part of the material he was pulling down revealed your bare ass without any underwear. You had your head bowed down, but upon hearing his words and being aware of what was happening, you smiled to yourself at the corner of your mouth. Your overly confident, slutty smile quickly vanished from your face as you opened your mouth in shock when Anakin entered you without warning - so quickly and desperately that part of the carelessly pulled-down fabric of your jumpsuit irritated his balls as he tried to bottom out. "Fuck…" he muttered through clenched teeth as you let out a long, dull moan. From his throat emanated a range of sounds that you had never heard before - even before he fully filled you, his breath was heavy and distinctly audible, but it was only now that you could hear the frustration pouring out of his vocal cords. His gaze in the mirror, aiming straight into your eyes, was both humiliating and arousing. You wanted it, and you couldn't hide it. If anyone was to destroy you after the failure of your plans, it was him - Anakin Skywalker. The man who was currently destroying you in the way you had dreamed of. "Anakin!" you yelled, your voice growing increasingly breathless by the second as he began to rhythmically pound into you. "What do you want? Should I go harder??" he grunted, gripping your hips tightly, occasionally tugging down on the shreds of your jumpsuit material that bunched up from his movements in frustration. He initiated it sloppily and desperately - without any preparation, standing behind you in his black robes, his cock protruding from the unbuttoned fly, teasing you with every dangling stride. Hopelessly, you nodded in agreement to his words, slowly allowing yourself to be completely consumed by the sensation he was giving you, but your lack of a clear response only fueled his frustration further. "Stop nodding and speak. I want to hear it." he demanded in a louder tone, his teeth almost constantly clenched. "I want… I want it harder…" you mumbled, unaware that you had just revealed to Anakin what he feared most - pleasure from what he was doing to you. He didn't want pleasure - he wanted a lesson that you would remember for the rest of your life - a lesson that would engrave into your mind that those who live by the sword, die by the sword. "You want it harder, you'll fucking get it harder." he whispered gruffly into your ear just before he began to thrust into you with all his length. With each forceful thrust, his partially exposed lower abdomen collided with the tattered fabric of your jumpsuit top, and with each deep penetration and withdrawal, you screamed in ecstasy. He wanted to see how he filled you inch by inch, so at one point, he hiked up part of his robe and looked down, proud of depriving you of your sanity.

"You fucking wanted this, huh? You fucking wanted this!" he grunted, instinctively quickening his movements, causing your body to arch to the point where the torn seams of your jumpsuit began to give way. When your eyes met again in the mirror, Skywalker couldn't resist and grabbed your tied-up hair with one of his hands that wasn't occupied with your hips. As you felt the intense tug, something inside you snapped – you didn't want to fight Anakin, but instinctively, you raised one of your hands, previously resting on the sink, and without knowing where you were aiming, you struck him in the neck.

"Whoa… woah… What? Don't like that anymore? What were you trying to do? Go on!" he paused his movements for a moment, holding onto the spot where you hit him for a few seconds before slowly continuing, leaving you completely disoriented and unsure how to explain. "Come on, slap me! Slap me!" he continued in a terrifyingly excited tone, and the slower he made his movements, waiting for your reaction, the more he motivated you to fulfill his demand. You swung your open hand towards his face, but from the angle you were in, you couldn't do it with force, and your hand barely touched and grazed his cheek.

"I said slap me, not grab me! Come on, try again, show me what you've go..." he interrupted as you made a second attempt, managing to slap him with an open hand to the face in the manner he expected. Initially, he fell silent in surprise, then let out a psychopathic laugh.

"Was that so hard, bitch?" he muttered through laughter, not giving you a chance to respond, completely disconnecting you from your senses as he began to fuck you with a speed your body couldn't handle. You bounced off him like a lifeless ragdoll as he used you like a fleshlight. Your babbling and moans were pathetic and unintelligible- clearly showcasing to Anakin how empty-headed you were at that moment, and he seemed newly recharged, ready to drain every last bit of energy from you. Both of you screamed, the mirror fogging up from your aggressive breaths, and your hands trembled, struggling to find stability on the porcelain sink. You saw sweat flooding him, his curly locks sticking to his forehead, framing his wild eyes, whose beautiful blue irises were barely noticeable with his dilated pupils. You saw the trace of your small handprint on his cheek, but the more aggressive thrusts you took, the blurrier your vision became.

"An… Anakin… I'm gonna… I'm gonna…" Sudden impact. A sudden impact momentarily cut you off from the world, and you began to see stars. Not from a spectacular orgasm, not from pleasure. His mechanical hand pushed the back of your head towards the mirror as your forehead shattered it into pieces, creating a spiderweb of glass adorned with your fresh blood. Perhaps both of you were shocked at that moment, so Anakin slowed his movements, but he had no intention of stopping, wide-eyed as he saw you disoriented and bloodied in the reflection of the shattered mirror. Seeing yourself, you felt like screaming, but you felt a hybrid of physical pain and the beginnings of an orgasm that robbed you of your voice. While adrenaline surged in Anakin to a dangerous level, he began to tremble. He began to pulse inside you, feeling on the brink of his own orgasm even amidst the awareness that he might have seriously injured you.

"M-master… I think… I think I'm bleeding." he heard your words as if through a fog, hearing only the buzzing in his own head signaling that he was about to climax. Your elbows buckled beneath you as his weight involuntarily pressed down on your body, and Anakin began to gasp chaotically with his head on your shoulder as his movements became erratic, and his warm seed filled you from within. You groaned with him, unsure if it was from pain or from finding yourself on the edge but not even attempting to explain it to yourself. Skywalker froze inside you for a moment, still pulsating, fearing that if he pulled out, his unstable trembling knees would give way under him, so he breathed warm breaths on your neck, unable to utter a word.

As soon as he pulled out, and you lost the support on his silhouette, you slid down, banging your knees against the cabinet under the sink and landed half-sitting on the floor. You saw Anakin tripled, looking up at him with tears-filled eyes as he stood, his hands trembling against the edges of the sink, and gazed at you with a hint of fear in his eyes. But as Padme returned to his mind, fear subsided, and he saw a successful revenge. He saw a conquest that wanted to be conquered, and he achieved it in the most unexpected way - unexpected even for himself.

"Anakin…" you whispered with a broken voice, smudging the blood flowing down your eyebrow with the tip of your finger, and he just watched, at a loss for words.

"It hurts… Can you…"

"I warned you it would hurt." he interrupted with a hoarse, dark voice as he fastened his belt and adjusted his clothes, clearly preparing to leave. Initially, he intended to leave without a word, took a few steps, casting a final glance at the shattered mirror, but paused at the door upon hearing your sobs.

"Grab a towel when you go to the Med Bay. Nobody wants a mess." he uttered in a cold tone without even making eye contact with you, then tossed you one hanging on the nearest hanger.

"Tomorrow morning, you're expected at training. I don't care what condition you're in. Alive or barely alive." he added before disappearing and slamming the door behind him, leaving you alone with your worries. You sat there, wounded and exhausted. Bruised and broken. Your Master - Anakin Skywalker - destroyed you, and you'll thank him for it.

[jasontoddiefor]

MTTT AU ft. Padmé in PJs eating take out aka Chapter 7: A Connection - Padmé

Padmé had known from the first moment on that a secret relationship wouldn’t be easy to manage, no matter how used she was to keeping quiet and handling too many duties at once.

All Anakin and she had were stolen moments in the shadows, here and there a few hours in her apartment, and maybe, if she got a little reckless again and had a stroke of luck, a shared mission.

Padmé missed her husband, she did, but they had chosen this fate themselves and now they had to carry its burden. Maybe once the war was over, something would change. They hadn’t talked about it yet, not really, there had never been the time for it. Not to mention, who wanted to think of the hassle that was people’s expectations of them when they could instead make the best they were given at the present. She dared to imagine soft afternoons on Naboo at times, when she was still in bed, sleep chasing her, but that was about it.

Maybe Anakin would leave the Order for her, maybe Padmé would… She didn’t even know what she could do. She just knew that it couldn’t go on like this, not until the end of time. She wanted to show Anakin off to her family, tell them what an amazing husband she had and she wanted to go dancing with him, have a meal at a fancy restaurant, and return to Naboo with him for at least the High Holy Days to watch the fireworks and put candles on the lakes.

But not right now, nothing was possible right now. They were at war and Padmé shouldn’t indulge in such flimsy dreams. Unfortunately, when she was close to Anakin, it was so easy to get lost in dreams.

Anakin wasn’t here right now, but weeks away, somewhere in the Outer Rim, fighting yet another endless battle whose victory never seemed to matter too much in the long run.

The more war reports she read and the more she fought in the Senate, the more convinced did Padmé become that they were sending the Jedi out to fight for nothing. The thought of losing Anakin to this senseless war made her stomach turn. Padmé worried about him constantly. She knew he was strong, the Republic hadn’t dubbed him its Hero with no Fear for nothing after all, but she knew better.

Anakin was afraid all the time, sometimes so much that it stopped him from speaking, left him haunted by nightmares he couldn’t shake.

When she asked about it, he quickly switched the topic.  Padmé knew that she ought to do better and get Anakin to talk to her, but she was only human and a relationship always required two people doing their best.

And it required that they actually had time to talk.

Padmé glanced at her datapad. Its screen was still dark, taunting her. It had been a month since Anakin’s last message. They tried to message each other as often as possible, exchanging I love yous coded into descriptions of flowers and ship parts. They had to be careful, could never say a word too much that could be used against them at a later date. Nobody was to discover their secrets and so Padmé spun lies upon lies to keep everybody unaware.

She wondered what lies Anakin told Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and every other member of his Order. When the war had just started, Padmé hadn’t been too kind to the Jedi, thinking of their rules as strict and their prohibitions as arbitrary, but more and more she was coming to understand that there was a reason for it all.

You could not be a devout Jedi and pour everything into serving the Republic and then still give everything you have for a family outside of the Order. While it had taken her a while to realize it, Padmé could empathize with the sentiment. It was very much the same with her and her family. Each time they asked her to come home, Padmé still picked the Senate over them. She had a duty to the galaxy and if the price for it was this isolation from them, then she could bear it. She had her allies and friends here on Coruscant, her sisters in all but blood, and she had Anakin.

When he was there.

And actually replied to her message.

She hadn’t heard any great news about him or the 501st at large. As far as she was aware, they were still operating as always, running their missions and following orders. Anakin couldn’t be dead, the Republic would be in an uproar.

The thought was a bittersweet relief at least. She couldn’t even count the times she had thought Anakin dead on two hands anymore. He was always in so much danger – she constantly feared that today would be the day he wouldn’t return to her anymore.

If he died tomorrow, what were the last words they exchanged? The last kiss they had shared? Padmé didn’t want to think of herself as fair Veré, who thought of herself as the widow of Set who had gone to live amongst the stars long before her dear husband actually had.

She shook her head. She shouldn’t think so negatively. She had thousands of other things to worry about. New bills, the assassin that was after her and had somehow managed to poison her favorite dessert – she couldn’t spare more than one moment’s thought on the state of her husband.

She was never just Anakin Skywalker’s wife.

She didn’t want to be.

Padmé had always been a greedy child, though her parents had liked to call her ambitious instead. Padmé had wanted to do good and she had wanted to do it herself. She was unsure whether it was that she didn’t trust others enough for it or if a lothcat just couldn’t change its spots, but even when she let herself be distracted by sweet kisses, half her mind was somewhere else.

One of these days it was going to be too much.

Padmé stood up from her sofa, throwing another glance at her traitorous datapad before sighing, then she walked into the kitchen, searching for something edible after a long day. There she went to open her fridge, trying to find something good and fresh to eat, only to be severely disappointed. Her fridge was a sad and desolate space, stocked with only one take-out container and two fruits that were already starting to look moldy. Padmé vaguely recalled how well-stocked her fridge had been with delicacies from Naboo when she had started her term as a Senator. Imports from her homeworld had become extremely expensive.

Padmé was almost a little ashamed to admit she wouldn’t mind accepting one of Palpatine’s dinner proposals only to get her hands on one of the parfaits she used to stuff her mouth with as a kid.

Once Anakin was back, she’d get him to cook something for her. She hadn’t expected him to be good at it, but he was a surprisingly great cook. On the few days they had had on Naboo together after Geonosis, he had pretty much taken over the kitchen within minutes of seeing her attempt at cutting an onion. He had still required her presence and aid at times, unused to his new prosthetic, but even then he had given her instructions on how to properly cut vegetables and fruits. Padmé had never been someone for cooking, it was a trouble and she had never had the time to learn. Perhaps she should start to, people did say that stress baking helped, though she wouldn’t know where to fit a cooking class into her busy schedule.

In the end, Padmé grabbed the take-out box from Dex’s – her new favorite place to order food at – and warmed it up. After it was done, she considered putting the contents of the box on a plate to make it look like she had put at least some effort into the meal. Demotivated she looked at the white container. If she grabbed a plate, she’d just have to clean that as well and there was no point to it if it was really just her. Padmé fished a fork out of her drawer and walked back to her living room. She didn’t even bother sitting down at her dinner table and instead got comfortable on her couch. What a mighty picture she made, former Queen of Naboo, slouching on her sofa, eating takeout in her PJs like an overworked university student.

Not that Padmé really knew what university life was like. Her handmaidens and she had been educated by private tutors who had given them an extensive overview in whatever subjects they needed or desired. As Padmé dug into her food, she considered whether the time she had needed to read up on archeology digs on Archeron Prime 2 in five minutes because nobody else had wanted to deal with ancient sites conversation and so had dumped it on her, had been similar enough to the common student experience.

Padmé was contemplating turning on a holomovie when finally, after weeks, her datapad chimed with a light ringtone, one she had assigned only to one person.

As quickly as possible, she shoved her food off her legs and reached for datapad. She hadn’t even swallowed her food completely when she hit the accept for the incoming call. Finally, Anakin had had the time to call her. She had so much she wanted to tell him-

“Senator Amidala?”

Padmé stared at the small blue hologram that very much did not depict her husband, but instead his young and small Padawan, looking as exhausted as Padmé felt.

Suddenly, Padmé became all too aware of her looks.

She took pride in her dresses, it was part of Naboo custom and one’s appearance in the public sphere was immensely important. She didn’t exactly look like a dedicated politician right now.

“Padawan Tano,” Padmé greeted Ahsoka, hoping her formal tone could save the situation at least a little. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you to answer.”

Inwardly, Padmé cringed. Great, of course, she had to imply that she had thought she could answer Anakin’s call dressed like this. The day was just getting better and better. She couldn’t wait for it to be over.

If Ahsoka had anything to say about the way Padmé dressed, she didn’t let it show.

“I know, I’m sorry for calling you at this hour from my Master’s device, I wanted to talk to you and I didn’t have your number,” the youngling sounded like she was honestly sorry about it.

Padmé’s face softened. “There’s nothing to forgive, Ahsoka. Tell me, why are you calling me? You know I will never mind a call from you.”

“I- thank you. I’m calling about my Master.”

Ahsoka bit her lip and Padmé’s heartbeat sped up.

Oh no. Had Anakin said something? Had Ahsoka discovered their relationship? A thousand thoughts ran through her mind. This was the precise reason they were keeping it a secret still. Padmé couldn’t afford a scandal, Anakin needed to fight and they couldn’t put their friends between their duties and keeping their secret.

Well, Padmé should have known even their luck had to run out sometime.

“Ahsoka, look-“

“Did my master say anything to you before our battle on Temetha last month?” Asoka suddenly blurted out. “Anything strange? Weird? Bad?”

Their battle on-

Yes, Padmé remembered it. She had kept a keen eye on that one. It had been bound to be a difficult one according to the reports and it had also been the last major battle that Anakin had actively fought in as far as the news had been concerned. Ever since he had been on radio silence between her and Anakin. Nothing new of course, but she had still felt like something was going on behind the scenes.

“No,” Padmé said. “Nothing. Anakin and I had just talked about…”

Padmé grimaced. She was almost embarrassed to say that they had chatted about cheap romance novels and even worse holomovies. It had been such a dumb and random topic, childish almost, but it had occurred to her that she had no idea what kind of stories Anakin liked and enjoyed in his free time. They had decided to do a movie marathon the next time he was back on Coruscant, despite the fact that he desperately needed the time to recover and sleep, not spend hours awake with her.

“We talked about nothing really, just hobbies,” Padmé said. “Why? Did something happen?”

Ahsoka’s expression darkened.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this,” she started slowly.

Padmé contemplated stopping Ahsoka right then and there. The poor teenager was going through enough, Padmé shouldn’t use her distress to her own gain, but where else was she going to get information about Anakin?

“Did something happen to Anakin?”

Ahsoka hesitated, her eyes darted to somewhere in her room that Padmé couldn’t see.

“He was injured in the aftermath of the battle,” Ahsoka revealed. “And I don’t know how. The machines say he’s fine.”

The machines. What machines? Had it been vital? Was he comatose? Was that the reason she hadn’t heard a word from him, was the army keeping it under wraps as to not cause distress? What other secrets were they hiding-

Padmé’s growing panic must have shown on her face as Ahsoka reassured her quickly.

“He’s fine now! Or as fine as he can be at least. He won’t talk to me about anything anymore. Obi-Wan’s training me right now too because Anakin can’t.”

Padmé’s thoughts traveled to those days on Naboo in the aftermath of Geonosis. Anakin’s hadn’t been given the time he needed to recover properly and get used to his new prosthetic before he’d been sent out to fight in the front and yet, somehow, he was one of their strongest fighters. Had he lost another limb? How many weeks would they give him off this time if it had already been a month?

“I just thought you might know something,” Ahsoka finally finished. “Master Skywalker speaks very highly of you, you’re friends?”

“Very close friends, yes,” Pamdé told Ahsoka. “We met when we were just children. Anakin helped my planet considerably at the time.”

“Really?” Ahsoka asked, light returning to her eyes.

Perhaps Padmé would have to call Obi-Wan later, or see if she could get someone to tell her what was truly going on with the 501st.

Until then she had a Padawan to calm down.

“I can’t believe Anakin never shared this story with you. Let me tell you all about it,” Padmé said. “I was 14 and had been elected the Queen of Naboo…”

Padmé ended up talking for hours or so it felt like, much longer than she did with Anakin as he hardly had the time for it. When Padmé was done talking about her and Anakin’s first meeting and the consequent fight with the Trade Federation, she began regaling Ahsoka with more stories about her term as a queen. By the time the Padawan had to go again, Ahsoka was still bothered by her worry for her master, but at least she was smiling again.

Padmé ended the call and took a deep breath. She looked at her now cold dinner and the dark night sky.

Then she stood up and got to work.

[cassatine]

Chapter Three finally! Although I toyed with the idea of doing one post for the whole chapter I decided not to in the end, because it’s turning into a monster but also because it’s just easier for me to go over bits of interest one by one. 

After Padmé’s Tatooine Plan, it’s back to regular Naboo fuckery for a bit, and Chapter Three brings a rather generous helping - in fact I went excUSE mE in record time, because we get into election results, and of course it’s an occasion to remind us the Naboo Do Democracy Best before anything else:

Theed was the last region of the planet to vote, and once time zones were taken into account, they were always finished by noon. The Naboo had more than mastered efficient democracy. (Queen’s Shadow, Chapter Three)

I swear I’m like ‘maybe I should tone it down’ and then the book throws “the Naboo had more than mastered efficient democracy”, which is one of these things I’d love if only I was supposed to take it as bias from Eirtaé, handmaiden and Naboo POV, rather than as a statement of fact. Also it’s the kind of thing that should have been fixed at editing - and I don’t mean fixed to conform to my take on Padmé and Naboo, but to EKJ’s, because I very much doubt she wanted Eirtaé to sound like a sanctimonious ass here. More than mastered efficient democracy? Come the fuck on, even if Naboo actually was a democracy that’d just be grating, and it doesn’t have to be - Eirtaé can think her planet’s system efficient without sounding like she’s quoting from some propaganda-filled guidebook.

But also, since apparently I’ll die on that hill, Naboo’s still not a democracy. Yes, Naboo monarchs are elected. They have a constitution that at the very least limits monarchs’ terms, in length and number, although it’s unclear how much latitude they have to modify the constitution. The Royal Advisory Council’s role seems limited to, well, advising, but there is a legislative assembly made up of elected local representatives that we don’t know much about yet. So the Naboo government does have some features in common with contemporary representative democracies - short of term limits, monarchs’ powers don’t seem much limited, however, and ideologically what they do is rule by the wise. The notion that children have a sort of pure wisdom that makes them more qualified to lead isn’t a 1:1 for Plato’s philosopher-kings, maybe, but the fundamental idea remains that exceptionally wise people should be in charge; and lbr that’s about as anti-democratic as you get. Ironically enough, Padmé’s pretty quick to shut down Anakin when he himself suggests someone wise should make people agree in AOTC, with seemingly little awareness that it’s literally been her job description for four years. Then again, it doesn’t seem like political philosophy in the GFFA ever got to the difference between elective and democratic.

I swear I will get to the election results someday, but I wanted to go back to another, previous passage:

The gears of democracy were well oiled, and centuries of tradition made the biennial event run smoothly, even with the inclusion of Gungan voters for only the second time in the planet’s history. Though few of them chose to vote, Padmé knew her efforts to include them were appreciated because Boss Nass had told her as much. Loudly. (Queen’s Shadow, Chapter One)

*cracks hands* AND NOW THE GUNGAN SITUATION. And more specifically, Padmé’s answer to it once they turned out instrumental to saving her own people, ie “her efforts to include them”, ie giving Gungans voting rights. I was a little too brain-stuck on Lucas’ garbage colonial fantasy from the TPM commentary when I first went over that passage (see Chapter One notes), but I’ve thought some more about the voting thing, and since my conclusion is that it’s one of these things that’s supposed to sound good - and to make Padmé, who made it happen, look good - but that kinda breaks down if you think about it, now’s as good a time as ever to go over the details. 

Going back to the situation in TPM, the thing is that Naboo and Gungans are basically separate societies, each with their own government. We’ve touched upon the Naboo, but the Gungan have a High Council, presided by Boss Nass - unlike the Naboo, however, the Gungans do not have space-travel capacities, and since they live separately, it means only one of them has representation at the level of the Galactic Republic. That’s the underlying problem of the Gungan Situation, not whether they get voting rights within the Naboo government. 

In fact, depending on how you look at it, the voting rights are skeevy - again, the Gungans have their own government. The Naboos don’t have a say in choosing Gungan Bosses, whatever the process for that, which leaves us with the question of, should the Gungan vote in Naboo election, actually? Or, put differently - if they vote, they acknowledge that the Naboo monarch’s authority extends to them, because the social contract goes both ways; they become a part of the Naboo polity, rather than remain a separate one. Which is what they are in TPM, and I don’t really see why they shouldn’t want to remain one. After Padmé’s speech and the Battle of Naboo they’re in a pretty good position to ask exactly that, but also to be that on equal standing with the Naboo. To make something like that work you’d need planetary joint institutions, because there will be aspects of local planetary policies of concern to both groups, a legal framework to work out for cases with shared jurisdiction between Naboo and Gungans - basically a bunch of common institutions to smooth things out wherever and whenever there’s the need at the local (planetary) level because of different ways to do things - they actually have it pretty easy, compared to Earth. And finally, representation in the Galactic Republic would be shared; that one’s kinda tricky, because Naboo’s seat in the Senate is for the Chommell Sector - if I remember well some Core planets have their own seats but most seats stand for a conglomerate of planets, Sector or otherwise - also some corporations have seats, which is probably Elon Musk’s wet dream since money can’t buy that yet. AnyWAY, the equivalent of regional capital gets a seat, and everyone else gets Junior Representative, standing for a planet or a specific cultural group. 

Which is what the Gungans get! Jar Jar Binks as Junior Representative. In the hypothetical scenario outlined above, that could work within a rotation system to ensure fair representation for both Gungans and Naboos within the system as it exists - one group gets a Senator, the other a Junior Representative and every so often they switch. I mean, the Naboo are supposed to care about democracy, and the GFFA only knows representative democracy, so you’d think they care about representation and fair systems and the like. 

Buuut this all a hypothetical scenario, since the Gungans vote in the Naboo election! And thus surrendered their sovereignty because Padmé handing voting rights sounds like she cares a lot about democracy so she used her queenly powers to make some more of it happen. That’s some prime fuckery, right there. 

Now, unsurprisingly, we don’t have a lot on specifics on what exactly Padmé did with her queenly powers wrt the Gungan Situation, but the voting rights do imply the Gungans are now her citizens - and there is, I suppose, an argument to make for that scenario, which is that the Naboo are the ones with Republic-level representation, and if you reform their government to ensure that constitutionally it ensures equal participation and representation for the Gungans within it, specific provisions to protect their culture, semi-autonomy as a previously independent polity, etc etc this be the best of all possible worlds… we can come up with something pretty similar to the first hypothetical scenario I went over; instead of preserving the two polities and building a bridge between them, you’d merge them, with a mind to preserve their specificities. Might sound like splitting hairs, but policy and organization-wise the differences aren’t small. For example, the bridging of different legal frameworks would be done differently - you can create a legal body expected to rule over cases implying two different legal systems, which comes down to a system built in great part on precedents but also that treats each case on its own, which does sound complicated, but go retooling a legal framework so it accounts for both Naboo and Gungan systems without privileging either and tell me which is option is actually easier. As far the basic, easier-to-figure-out stuff goes, you’d have a Royal Advisory Council constituted of Gungans and Naboo, in equal numbers or proportional to the overall population, or with double representatives for each post since they’re kind of like ministries, with known posts centering on urban planning and The Arts; the local representatives of the legislative assembly would number both Naboo and Gungans, and again you’d have to chose between different modes of representation: do you have Naboo and Gungan regions, or does each region have a representative that could be Naboo or Gungan, maybe with some constitutional provisions in place to ensure everyone gets their turn? And of course, the office of monarch would also be open to both, again with some provisions to ensure everyone gets their turn, same for the office of Senator. 

Alas, nothing points to that. For now there’s literally nothing to tell me the Gungans get to participate into Naboo politics beyond voting - all the candidates and the people they’ll replace that have been mentioned so far are humans, and the bigger hints to tractations between Naboo and Gungans was a quick mention of treaties in the context of environmental conservation, mainly to make a point that the Naboo cared about the environment before those treaties anyway. Just like the voting thing, the only reason it’s even mentioned is to have yet another ‘Isn’t Naboo/Padmé Great’ moment.

I should reserve judgment, because more info might be revealed, but if the narrative makes a point to tell me Padmé gave voting rights to the Gungans, then I think it could also make a point of telling me whether that’s all they get - and that wouldn’t take an organizational chart. It wouldn’t even take actual Gungans. It could take as little as two words, not even kidding on that one: “centuries of tradition made the biennial event run smoothly, even with the inclusion of Gungan voters and candidates for only the second time”, there you go. 

I wouldn’t even insist that much to be given something substantial to know for sure the Gungan Situation isn’t just a new kind of fucked up post-TPM if the novel didn’t read like an attempt at a panegyric. Admittedly I wasn’t the target audience in the first place, since I’m rather attached to Naboo fuckery for thematic reasons. I don’t exactly expect brilliant political commentary from Star Wars novels either, and this one is YA coming-of-age, the politics an aesthetic more than anything with actual substance. But like, there’s a wide range between brilliant political commentary and accidentally robbing the Gungans of sovereignty because you thought Padmé handing out voting rights has good democratic vibes.

Previous notes: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2.a / Chapter 2.b

[legobiwan]

Whumptober #7 (isolation)

TW: none

Fandom: Star Wars (Padmé Amidala, Count Dooku. Yes, you read that right.)

Notes: So, this happened. Probably some suspension of disbelief is necessary for this whole conceit, but it’s more of a character study than anything else. Also, damn do I love writing Dooku he’s such a creepy shit I love him. Alright guys, LET’S. GET. WEIRD.

—–

“The galaxy is an open wound, my friends, and the Republic is the infection which must be lanced if we are to secure a future for your homeworlds. Make no mistake, the bureaucrats in the Galactic Senate care not for your governments, for your banks and farmlands, for your schools and businesses - except in how they may extract what they need, as a parasite feeds on its host. Alone, in isolation, you will suffer, will bleed out, and when the Republic has taken their fill, they will discard the empty, pale carcass of your beloved cities with barely a thought.

Together, we will rise, will fight the corruption of a self-indulgent galactic government which cares only for its own appetites. Together, we are the Independent Movement for Self-Determination, the Confederacy of Independent Systems. Together, we will throw off the shackles too-long endured by our masters on Coruscant, and secure a prosperous future for generations to come.

Thank you.”

The auditorium erupted in applause, students, professors, and government leaders rising from their apple-plush seats, a wave of sentients cresting like the tides on Varikyno.

Padmé slipped out the back door, soft hood of her violet cloak pulled low. The Count would have felt her presence already, would have known with a single tilt of his head the invitation had been accepted, along with the rules of engagement. Still, it would not do for a high-ranking, high-profile member of the Galactic Senate to be seen attending a political rally of an enemy of the state. (The enemy of the state, she reminded herself.)

The restaurant was a few blocks to the east, tucked away on the top floor of a small shopping complex boasting a holobook emporium and a few fashionable clothing outlets.

A perfectly understated setting.

Padmé paused, taking in her reflection in the glass storefront, her cloak draped across her shoulders, falling long to the ground, fabric bundled in little hills and valleys in the fashion of the local populace. Her eyes were hooded, fuchsia irises settled beneath furled, copper eyebrows.

She barely recognized herself.

Anakin would be furious if he knew what she was doing.

Anakin was furious a lot, these days.

Right now, however, her husband was deployed on the other side of the galaxy, leading a campaign against General Grievous and his endless armies of battledroids. There was no need to worry him with her extracurricular activities, not when his life was already on the line every day, when blaster fire singed his long, brown hair and lightsaber welts branded his tanned, strong arms.

No, Anakin didn’t need to know. Not about this.

Her chrono chimed. 19:20. Just enough time to make a cursory sweep of the restaurant. Padmé reached into the satchel hanging off her shoulder, her hand drifting past holobooks and data readers - all innocuous items, typical for a graduate student out on a night on the town.

She slid a hand under Alone Among Many, feeling for the second, hidden pouch, her fingers closing around the handle of a mini-blaster and a signal disrupter.

Right, then.

Padmé took a steadying breath, laying her other hand on her upper abdomen. It twinged in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable sensation.

A silver-haired head glided past in reflection of the window. Padmé counted, one second, five seconds, ten, finally turning away from her own strange image, following Count Dooku up the dimly-lit stairs.

———

“An interesting choice of disguise, Senator. You seem to have quite the flair for clandestine work.” Dooku sips at his wine, blood-red, glistening in the wide-mouthed crystal glass.

“A Senator’s work is rarely confined to an office suite,” Padmé counters, raising her own glass to her lips, suddenly very aware of the bright, copper hair falling from her hood.

Dooku chuckles. “Ah, if only more of your colleagues felt the same way, my dear. In fact, I imagine you might be alone in your singular dedication to your work and your people.”

“There are plenty of other Senators who devote their lives to - “

“And I daresay,” Dooku interrupts with a hint of irritation, “you are in close contact with those few sentients who possess the ability to see past their own gluttonous ambitions.”

A question hidden in an offhand comment. Pure diplomacy, pure politics. Padmé excelled at this aspect of her job - reading subtext and hidden meanings in a curved word or the inflection of a comma.

She allows the silence to stretch, taking a lingering sip of her wine as she glances around the dark room.

Dark wood-paneling complements the deep green of the wall coverings, the edges glimmering with the tasteful application of bronzed borders. It’s an understated kind of affluence, the kind which comes as naturally as breathing to those brought up in a certain station.

Anakin never was able to dull his rough edges, as uncomfortable as a purrgil in the desert at any function requiring more than two pieces of silverware. Obi-wan, ever the diplomat, had nearly everyone fooled, all soft charm and etiquette. But even he wasn’t raised in this culture, this world of unspoken rules where customs are less taught than absorbed.

In this, she shares common ground with the man across from her.

“I doubt you extended this invitation to hear idle gossip from the Senate. What do you want?” A tactless approach, but Padmé is already growing impatient. She is alone, on a foreign planet, ruled by an enemy government, sitting across from a man who would just as soon see her and everyone she loved dead.

“You are mistaken, dear girl, but I will allow the false assumption to continue for the time being.” Dooku neatly folds his hands on the table, leveling his gaze at Padmé.

“I want to negotiate.”

Padmé meets his eyes with equal intensity, the gears in her mind spinning.

“What makes you think I would barter the future of the Republic with a terrorist?”

“Because you have done so before.”

It’s said without ire or malice, but Padmé feels the words as blow to the stomach. They both know to what Dooku is referring, the debacle on Mon Calamari, only a few short months ago - how she allowed General Grievous to go free in exchange for a single Jedi.

Her Jedi.

Padmé swallows, her throat dry. “Perhaps I’ve reconsidered my position.”

“Doubtful, seeing that you are here, on Reena, sipping wine with the most wanted man in the Republic.” Dooku spreads his arms with an easy, false smile.

She doesn’t respond. She doesn’t need to, the evidence of her presence in the restaurant is damning enough on its own.

“You prefer diplomacy. As do I, Senator.” Dooku continues, waving his hand in a conciliatory gesture. “And in the spirit of said diplomacy, let us return to the seemingly unimportant matter of the idle, chattering gossip in the Senate. As you stated, you are devoted to your job, to your people, to the foundations on which the Republic was built.”

Padmé nods, careful. So far nothing Dooku has said is wholly disagreeable, even if the man himself is.

“And you have made certain connections with those who share similar viewpoints, no? A wise move, if I may say so myself. To rock the proverbial boat takes a singular strength of will, but to move oceans around said boat requires the strength of many. As you have witnessed over the past few years.”

The war, the secession. From Dooku’s point of view, it makes sense, but Padmé cannot condone the pointless bloodshed, the death and suffering brought about by the desire for change.

Dooku leans forward, voice lowering, conspiratorial. It takes all of Padmé’s considerable control to not recoil.

“You don’t trust the Chancellor.”

Her leg jerks, knee hitting the table with a muffled thud. The movement disrupts the wine glasses, red liquid sloshing back and forth, little bubbles coalescing on edges. Padmé smooths her expression in a second, hoping Dooku can’t hear the pounding of her heart in her throat. She hopes he mistakes her reaction for anger.

“I will not sit here and be accused of treason - “

“And you are right to, Miss Amidala.”

Dooku speaks just loud enough, with just enough will to silence Padmé. She wonders if he is using a small compulsion on her, as she is never one to back down from an argument. The thought sickens her, leaves her nauseated. It’s a rank violation, to be forced into silence by another man.  

“The Senate is corrupt,” Dooku continues as if nothing has happened, although his words gain urgency. “But no one more so than Chancellor Palpatine.” The Count pauses, his eyes darting to the side, a rare concession to discomfort, to perhaps even fear of retaliation.

“An understanding between two groups, whose primary aim would be to end the war with as little bloodshed as possible, might be a proposition worth considering. Especially if they were to be on opposing sides of this conflict.”

Padmé’s mouth dries. How could he have learned any of this? Yes, she and few other Senators harbored worsening doubts regarding Palpatine’s mounting powers, his extension of the war, his seeming reluctance to engage in even the most rudimentary diplomacy.

But they had only met a handful of times and - if there was a mole in their group, an double agent…

She straightens, chastising herself for falling prey to Dooku’s manipulations. “You are mistaken, Count. The Senate trusts the Chancellor.” After a beat she adds, “As do the Jedi.”

“The Jedi are fools,” Dooku hisses, hand tightening around the stem of his wine glass. Padmé swallows a smug grin.

I can play this game, too, Count.

“Unless you have anything else to add, I believe our negotiations have come to an end.” First lesson in negotiation - make the other side reveal themselves first. To be honest, she’s not so interested in Dooku’s response. The game has played long enough, and the urge to leap from the table is real. She needs to get out of here, needs to get on a transport, get back to Coruscant. Needs to contact Anakin, hear his voice, needs to not be alone.

Dooku says nothing, taking his hand to his chin. 

Padmé stands in an abrupt movement, throwing her satchel over her shoulder. She halfway considers reaching into the bag and pulling out her blaster. Dooku’s death wouldn’t end the war, not even she is so naive, but it would certainly slow the seemingly inexorable march of the Republic towards destruction.

She abandons the idea almost as quickly. Dooku was, at one point, a Jedi, and he can still call on the Force, even in its corrupted and dark form.

She would be dead before her hand even touched her weapon.

Padmé turns to leave when she hears the words.

“You’re alone, you know.”

Her lips purse, teeth grinding against each other. She should leave. Not all negotiations are successful, and rule two is to know when to walk way from the table, in this case quite literally. 

She can’t let it go, however.

“I have the Republic. I have friends in the Senate. Family whom I love.”

If the words are shaky, if they are shadowed by doubt, it’s meaningless, only the stress of an invitation she should have never accepted.

“I can feel it, Senator. The blank void, the ragged edges where it was ripped away. Something used to be there, and now there’s not. And that nothing is growing, a virus inside you.”

Padmé’s hands shake.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Something rustles. Suddenly there is a presence at her back, an insidious warmth and she realizes Dooku is a mere breath from her, soft words hot on her ear.

“I know isolation, Senator Amidala. I was raised on the teat of it.” She feels every sharp consonant in her bones. “You reek of it, that terrible elixir of misplaced affection and desperation.”

Dooku’s words root Padmé in place, her feet bound by ice, her mind by fire. It’s not true, it’s never been true and yet the accusation pulls at a loose thread in her chest, the one that unraveled every time Anakin demanded she turn down a social engagement, or spoke of her in a way which crashed past the boundaries of romances into possession.

Dooku steps closer, somehow still not touching her, a gesture for which she is both grateful and disturbed. If the Count’s motivations had been more base, more carnal, his accusations would carry little weight, but she knows he leers only to add gravity to his words.

“*He* is the cause of your isolation, Senator Amidala. I can feel it in you,” Dooku whispers, barely audible, his lips hovering a molecule removed from her skin, silver beard a whisker from her uncovered head, so still Padmé almost believes he has stopped time itself.

Her knees buckle when he steps back.

“Do consider my proposition, Senator,” he all business again, as if the last few minutes had never happened. “It would be a mutually beneficial arrangement, in more ways than you can fathom.”

Padmé readjusts the satchel on her shoulder and rushes from the restaurant, not looking back, nearly knocking over a server droid in her panicked haste. She does not tarry on Reena, piloting her starship with reckless speed back to Coruscant, as if a pack of Lothwolves were chasing her across the stars.

It was nothing. Manipulation, and she curses herself for almost falling prey to it. She’ll be back on Coruscant tomorrow, she’ll get back to work, she’ll meet with Mon, have dinner with Leeth, organize her next speech, perhaps do a bit a charity work...

She will not be alone. Not anymore.

legobiwan does whumptober

[swhurtcomfort]

By far the most common request I get is for pre-ROTS Anakin angst/fluff, so here you go!

*.*.*.*

“Haven’t you noticed?”

It took weeks before Padmé found the courage to ask Obi-Wan that question. Something had been…not wrong per se, but just a little bit off for a very long time.

Every time Anakin returned to Coruscant after a deployment of several weeks, he looked worse and worse. This time, when they had met up at their favorite late-night café in the middle level of the city, Padmé was shocked by the man who stood before her. It was worse than the usual blend of tired and harried; Anakin looked absolutely defeated.

He ordered a triple-strength caf and nothing else, and barely paid attention to their conversation. Even news about the baby, who recently started kicking, only earned her half a smile.

Padmé invited him back to her apartment with the intention of getting some food into him at least, but it was late and he said he was just tired. She wanted to press him, but the rare nights when they were both on Coruscant were so precious that Padmé couldn’t bear to spend one arguing.

Padmé took the medicine she’d recently been prescribed to calm her own nerves (because wasn’t the war weighing on all of them?) and crawled into bed beside him. She took Anakin’s hands in hers and placed them over her baby bump. “It will be worth it in the end if we can build a better world for our child,” she whispered.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to accomplish that,” he growled back. Not exactly the reaction she had hoped for, but he hadn’t disagreed.

She fell asleep there in his arms, still worried.

She awoke to the sound of a scream, and then Anakin’s hand on her cheek.

“You’re okay,” he whispered, panting. “You’re alive.”

“Of course I am,” she whispered back, putting her arms around his neck, but Anakin pushed himself free.

“I dreamed…you and Obi-Wan. I lost both of you. Obi-Wan-”

“Ani, I’m okay, and I’m sure Obi-Wan is too. Isn’t he safe in the Temple? Lie back down.”

Anakin rolled to his feet and began shoving his arms through the sleeves of his Jedi robes.

“It’s the middle of the night, Ani. It was just a dream. Do you want to put something on the holo to calm down?”

“I can’t—I would die if—I shouldn’t even be here, Padmé,” he said, gesturing wildly. “We’re going to get caught. Somebody’s going to know.”

“Stay,”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Padmé watched him storm off, staggering a little bit. He didn’t seem completely awake, nor completely lucid. She didn’t like the thought of him flying through the city at night alone.

-He’s on his way to the Temple.-

Unbeknownst to Anakin, Padmé and Obi-Wan had exchanged comm messages like this one before. Padmé hadn’t originally intended to hide it from Anakin, exactly, but he was so insistent that they couldn’t ask Obi-Wan for help and she hadn’t found the right time to talk him into it yet. Still, a tentative alliance between the two had formed out of a mutual interest in Anakin’s continued survival.

-Check on him?-

-I will.-

Padmé was surprised by the promptness of Obi-Wan’s response, given the late hour. Apparently they were not the only ones going without sleep.

-He hasn’t slept, or eaten that I know of. It’s getting bad, Obi-Wan. Worse than usual.-

-I know. Thank you, Padmé.-

…

Obi-Wan paced through the apartment once, then twice. He couldn’t think of a reason to call on Anakin and knock at his door at four in the morning, not when he wasn’t even supposed to know that Anakin had been out.

He knew he wouldn’t sleep until he had confirmed that Anakin at least made it back to the Temple safely. In the past, he had comm’d Ahsoka for such confirmation on nights like these, but now Anakin lived alone. He decided he would give it another thirty minutes, not that there would be much traffic between the senatorial complex and the Temple at a time like this. He breathed in slowly, then out. Were they overreacting? Padmé wasn’t a soldier, perhaps she just did not understand.

Obi-Wan put a hand on the door and made up his mind. He would just pop down to Anakin’s apartment, come up with something about a datapad he’d left.

With a gentle brush of the Force, he palmed the door aside, and saw the missing party hovering near the mat, as if deciding whether to knock.

It’s getting bad. Haven’t you noticed?

Of course Obi-Wan had noticed that Anakin was fatigued all the time, but so was everybody else. He was dropping pounds at an alarming rate, but honestly the whole company was losing their appetite on the daily, grappling with heavy losses and horrific sights. Anakin often mentioned headaches or migraines, but even these were explained away – who wasn’t overtaxed and overworked?

And by the Force—Padmé was right.

How hadn’t he seen it?

Obi-Wan turned on the hallway lights, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Force, Anakin, you startled me. Come in.”

Anakin did, looking nervous. His face was gaunt and the bags under his eyes made Obi-Wan wince internally.

Obi-Wan said nothing as he approached, and Anakin made no sound of greeting. Gently he laid a hand on Anakin’s brow, then moved it to his cheek. No fever. But Anakin looked positively ill.

“I just…I just had to make sure,” he stuttered.

“Make sure of what, Anakin?”

Anakin’s bottom lip trembled. Obi-Wan didn’t press the issue.

“Sit down,” he invited softly, pointing to the couch as he slipped into the kitchen. It was far too late (or too early, to be pedantic) for tea, and Obi-Wan was already scheming to get Anakin to bed before the sun came up, but he was also concerned by Padmé’s comment that Anakin hadn’t eaten.

Anakin sat stiffly on the couch, rubbing his burning eyes. Obi-Wan returned and sat beside him.

“Here. Drink up,” said Obi-Wan, pushing a glass into his hand.

Anakin looked down at the chocolate supplement drink he was now holding. It was the same kind the Healers had often given him in that first year, when he’d come to the Temple underweight and undernourished. They came in vanilla and tulanberry flavors too, but he’d always preferred the chocolate. Funny that Obi-Wan had remembered that.

“You’ve not been taking care of yourself,” Obi-Wan said. He didn’t sound accusatory, only sad.

Anakin just shook his head, at a loss for words.

“You’ll stay here tonight,” Obi-Wan decided. “Get some sleep, and take tomorrow morning off if you can.”

Anakin swallowed a tiny sip of the drink. “I don’t want to.”

“Anakin, it’s nearly dawn. You need more than two or three hours of rest. Whatever it is, I’ll help you reschedule it.”

“No, the other part. I don’t want to sleep,” he confessed. Then in a halfhearted grumble, he added, “Probably won’t be able to anyways.”

“Do you still take the sleeping pills?”

Anakin cringed, and for a moment Obi-Wan was afraid that he had annoyed him. “Last time I saw the healer, she increased the dose,” Anakin admitted in a small voice. “But I don’t exactly…usually…take them?”

That was more honesty than Obi-Wan had expected from him, and he nodded in carefully concealed surprise. “Is there a reason why not?”

Anakin let that question hang in the air for a while, pretending to be absorbed by the glass in his hands.

“It’s okay,” Obi-Wan said quietly. The conversation had already surpassed his expectations as far as Anakin opening up. He’d been growing distant for quite a long time, and doubly so after the ordeal with Ahsoka.

But Anakin caught him by surprise again.

“I feel like they make it harder to…to wake up from the nightmares,” he whispered.

“Oh, Anakin,”

Anakin bristled at the pitying tone of voice he had chosen, and Obi-Wan schooled his face quickly. “Are you having visions?”

“No. Maybe. Force, I hope not. If they came true, I’d…” Anakin shook his head. “I’d rather die.”

“Do you want to tell me what they’re about?”

“No.” said Anakin immediately. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Obi-Wan didn’t need to know tonight. If this unexpected conversation was any proof, he might manage to find out another day. He suspected that Anakin would never have shared this much information if he wasn’t run down to his very core, and hanging by a thread. When had it gotten so bad?

Anakin set the glass down on the table and pushed it away from him, as if to signal that he couldn’t drink any more. He had barely finished a third of it, but that was better than nothing. Tomorrow morning, Obi-Wan decided, they would work on getting some real food into him.

“Come on,” he said, standing up and offering Anakin a steadying hand. “Go brush your teeth, and I’ll find some clothes you can wear to bed.”

If Anakin had any opinion on his master ordering him to go brush his teeth like a youngling, he didn’t share it. He must really be feeling sick, and Obi-Wan’s heart hurt. Anakin did as he was told, and changed into a pair of Obi-Wan’s pajamas.

“Do you want me to give you a sleep suggestion, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked as Anakin lay down on the pallet in the spare room.

“No,” he said reflexively.

“Are you sure? You won’t dream, good or bad.”

Anakin hesitated as he pulled the extra blankets up. “That…sounds nice, actually.”

Obi-Wan drew the room-darkening blinds over the tall windows so that the sunrise wouldn’t disturb them. He knelt by the pallet and laid his hand on Anakin’s brow.

It took Anakin several long moments to disassemble his tightly-drawn mental shields and allow the energy of the Force to flow between them. Obi-Wan guided him under, deep enough in sleep that he would not dream.

He wondered for a moment whether he should stay, and watch over Anakin in case he started to resurface. He brushed the side of Anakin’s face with a feather-light touch, and stroked his fingers through the younger knight’s curls.

May the Force hold you, as it holds all its children, Obi-Wan thought. He had to believe that this war would end within their lifetimes, and that maybe then Anakin would be granted a chance to heal. Perhaps they all could.

He stood without making a sound, realizing the early hour. He sent Padmé a note that all was well, or as well as it was going to get today.

[Read Part II here!]

[clairen45]

Planets and Star Wars ... an ask

Ok, dear, @jd1234fan, for some weird reason I am not able to answer your ask, but I managed to capture it and will address it. This is the message I got:

Thank you so much for reaching out and the kind words. They are deeply appreciated!  This is all good. Of course you are supposed to think of the planets in terms of symbolism for states of minds or states of beings, internal conflicts and the evolution within the psyche of the characters. And you understood it beautifully.

I think it is highly revealing that they have Rey and Kylo meet, as you point it out, in such a classic fairy tale environment. This is a place that has achieved perfect balance in terms of environment. It is the ideal. And this is where they meet. Not Finn and Rey. But Rey and Kylo. The balance planet, the dream, the ideal. Because that’s the goal, and there is no other place where they could have met, not even Jakku when they actually got so close to each other and where their near proximity sets everything in motion. But had they met in Jakku for real, I would not have given much about the outcome of their relationship. But it did not happen this way. And they chose the most perfect background for the core couple.

About planet symbolism, and if you are interested, I will if you don’t mind, point you towards different metas I posted on this topic. References and some extracts. Sorry, if it appears disjointed

Meeting in the forest: Comparing TFA with Legend by Ridley Scott-part 2

Their first ever meeting takes place on Takodana, in an environment, that, in a way, strikes as totally alien for both of them. Neither seems to belong there, and with their costumes (a far cry from Endor camouflages attire in ROTJ), they stick out like sore thumbs. He has been established as belonging in the darkness and high technology environment of the First Order, she has been established in the blank page of a desert, and has never seen such green in her life before. And since we first discover this place through Rey’s eyes, it is truly depicted as a fairy tale, an enchanted, Eden-like environment, complete with a lake and a castle. I will even add that it is a forest that is for the audience eerily familiar. There was no attempt at creating an imaginary forest with bizarre plants and creatures. The point is not only to keep the focus on the characters but also to put them, for us, in a very identifiable context,something that taps into our universal conscience. We are in the woods, a no man’s land, rich with subtext and infinite literary plots, in a place that marks boundaries between light and dark, culture and nature. We know these woods, we have read so much about them before, heard countless stories. Brought together by fate in a set that has been ripped out of the pages of a fairy tale book, Kylo and Rey become, de facto, fairy tale characters.

More on Takodana and the Edenic planets: I was flabbergasted to discover that my entire essay on Visions of Paradise has apparently totally disappeared. I am guessing due to the inclusion of “BLUSH�� paintings of naked freaking Adam and Eve!!!! I am shocked, but I will repost it. Not even a notice to warn me about that!!!This is an extract in the meantime:

VISIONS OF PARADISE

Each FIRST installment of the trilogies presents us with a lost paradise: Naboo in the PT, Alderaan in the OT, Takodana in the ST. What do all these worlds have in common?: lush greenery, water, lakes, waterfalls, gorgeous castles or castle-like structures.

They are also most decidedly the place of the mother, a stance that strays from the male-centric vision of a Garden ruled by God the Father and Adam, the creature made in His image. Naboo, Alderaan, and Takodana are literally and/or symbolically ruled by female figures: the elected Queen of Naboo, Padmé Amidala; Queen Breha Organa on Alderaan; Maz Kanata on Takodana. In the symbolic of Star Wars, these three women are mother or godmother figures: Padmé is the mother of Luke and Leia, Breha Organa is the adoptive mother of Leia, and Maz plays a bit the role of a fairy godmother to Rey, by giving her the saber and her advice.

What do these places of paradise also have in common?: they get smashed, right off the bat, by conflicts, attacks, war, utter destruction in Alderaan’s case. Every paradise is a paradise lost… Moreover, these visions of paradise, like the Garden of Eden, actually already hold the seed to their own destruction, they are not as guiltless as one might presume: Naboo is already rife with inner conflicts between the Naboo and the Gungan, and the core of the pristine and exquisitely civilized home to the city of Theed is peopled by devouring monsters; Alderaan (that Leia presents as peaceful) is probably a spy nest plotting the Empire’s destruction (rightfully, but still, not as innocent as portrayed); and Takodana’s castle is actually Mos Eisley Cantina glossed-over with a castle, a derelict version of the past splendour of Naboo and Alderaan. 

So, to sum up, the vision we get of paradise in EVERY trilogy of the saga is that of the homeplace, the womb, the place of the mother, destroyed or attacked, and the characters forced to leave it behind, or snatched away from it. It is the classic myth of coming of age, with the initial trauma of being separated from the mother, something that you could link with the article I wrote about the metaphor of growing up in Star Wars.

There are also some interesting differences of course. Naboo and Alderaan are intimately connected with two leading female characters: it is the birthplace of Padmé, and the adoptive home of Leia, a place that they both see as a happy place, with lots of fond childhood memories (in Padmé’s case explicitely in AOTC). For both women, it is also a place they will never be able to come home to, because it is ultimately connected with death. Padmé wanted to give birth to her child on Naboo, but will only come back as a corpse.

For Leia, it is the death of her entire adoptive family, and the annihilation of the whole planet as a test to the new power of the Death Star. As the first released version of Paradise in  Star Wars (albeit not chronologically for the story), Alderaan is actually really interesting: this was a Paradise that we were meant to never see, the Paradise that was promised but never attained, as we watched with horror, along with Leia, the destruction of a planet that we did not know one thing of, but that she described as a peaceful place. It took the brief glimpse at the end of the PT, in ROTS, to see what Alderaan looks like.

Takodana, on the other hand, has nothing to do with any of the leading characters, not even with the main female character. As far as we know at this point, this is not her home planet or a planet linked to her childhood or her family. It is irrelevant to her personal background. Yet, it is clearly presented to Rey as a vision of Paradise, and becomes “incidentally”  the place where she gets her first brush with the Force (through Anakin’s lightsaber) and gets to meet Kylo Ren.

So, to come back to the notion of Paradise, in the Biblical story, and in Milton’s poem, when you think of Paradise, you think of Adam and Eve. And, as far as the shoe fits, this can only seem to apply to Naboo and Takodana… with twists. Padmé and Anakin do NOT meet in Paradise, they meet on his homeplanet, Tatooine, that hardly qualifies to the title (sand…. yuck…). PM ends with both of them on Naboo though, during the celebration after the victory against the droid army. When they meet again, it is on Coruscant (not Paradise, obviously). But for them as a couple, Naboo is the place where they fall in love, share a first kiss, and eventually get married (and have sex…one can only assume…).

Adam and Eve seem at first glance a non-issue in the OT, even though, if you really want to nitpick, the fact that Han and Leia do share the last kiss of the movie in a forest has to mean something on some level. I will argue later that there is a rewriting of Adam and Eve, but with a variation.

In the ST, though, the Adam and Eve subtext is obviously back by having Rey and Kylo meet in a forest on a place that is designed as a vision of Paradise insofar as it reminds us visually of the planets that have so far represented Paradise in this universe.

And even more as the characters are clearly construed (admittedly by the cast and directors) as two halves. If Eve is most of the time represented as being formed with Adam’s rib, some have argued that there was a misunderstanding or a mistake in translation and that she was actually “a side of” Adam, aka his half (hence, my better half when talking about your spouse…). Much has been said about the fact that Kylo departs this place symbolically claiming Rey as his bride: by carrying her in his arms and insisting that he has all that he needs. Eve is also all that Adam needed, the one that was meant to be his.

Visions of Hell about Mustafar and likewise planets:Visions of Hell…

And of course about Crait: Blood and Sand on Crait: the Bull and the Matador… and a story of Blood in the SW movies

Crait and Symbolism: blood, wounds, salt, foxes, the mother and the nest.

I really like the way you felt that the aridity and “masculinity” of Jakku meant that Rey needs to find out about womanhood. Yes, that is definitely part of the journey. Instead of masculinity, I would myself rather envision the arid planets of Jakku and Tatooine as the white page, the blank space where a story needs to be written. A void is what it is. The main difference between Tatooine in the OT and Jakku in the ST is that in the OT we were indeed starting on a totally empty page, with no preconceived ideas about the world we were going to discover, or the characters we were about to follow. In Jakku, very poetically, this blank page is “polluted”, or distracted, by the corpses and remains of the OT world, the Imperial destroyers, the mementos of the past... As it should be. Because we, as an audience, are not a blank space anymore when it comes to SW. We know of some stuff. And this stuff jumps onto the page and our interpretation of the story constantly... And like Rey, we have been going about, shelling carcasses of the story for a very long time, between the end of the OT, as well as the PT, before finally accessing new material...

[the-magic-lava-lamp]

The Great Suburban Showdown

Summary: What is Padmé supposed to do when her husband of 15 years leaves her because he’s in love with a man? And not just a man, a close friend.

(For the purpose of this story, Obi-Wan & Padmé are the same age, 42. Anakin is 38. And the twins are 15.)

Word Count: 3,029

Chapter: 1 - The End. 

Ships: Obikin, Eventual Skysolo

The night was a trying one for Padmé. The home was practically dead apart from the terribly busy sounding quick taps of a keyboard. And though she was the one making that sound, it didn’t stop it from slowly driving her insane. Her stomach turned from the mixture of anger and nerves that were boiling inside her. So instead of slamming her head into her palms and letting out the emotions, she composed herself. She sat straight and tall, threading her slim fingers together. She copycatted those relaxing breaths Obi-Wan had taught her. He taught at the same college she did. So he knew better than most anyone that Padmé was stressed. And boy, she really was thankful for that. Now was the best time for her to have a good support system.

She was incredibly grateful that her children were not home. They seemed to be branching out this year and Luke seemed eager to drag Leia to some party. Thank goodness for small favors. She loved them to pieces but when there was work to be done, she liked the peacefulness of an empty home.

Padmé rarely treated herself, as Anakin tried to tell her many times. Though he was never quite able to put it so lovingly. Where she was soft, he was blunt. And it went both ways. However tonight while her anxiety was running it’s high fever, she decided to pour a glass of wine for herself and her coming Anakin. As it poured, she tapped her nails in a small beat on the counter. She recalled an old fight or lovers spat perhaps? One she and Anakin had shared when re-doing the awful kitchen the home had come with. The counter that was now an instrument in Padme’s performance of ‘Love Is Strange’ might not have been quite so glossy and easy to play had it not been for Anakin’s denial of her idea. But in the end he was right, a sandier finished counter would not have fit.

Her choice of wine for Anakin on this night? Chardonnay. Obi-Wan’s favorite if she recalled correctly. Though her husband was a special kind of whiny when it came to trying things outside of his comfort zone, especially in the vein of food & drink. So she eased him into new things. Tonight, he’d try the ‘fancier’ wine, as he called it. She smiled at the thought of him.

Just as the last drop splashed in the glass, she heard the front door close gently. She grinned even more. That sound was always one of her favorites. It either meant that Anakin was back from a long day at work or she was. Either way, she’d be met with him again.

The distant sound of footsteps gave her happy chills until she dissected two sets of steps. She paused, turning her head as her brunette hair waterfalled over her shoulder.

“Obi-Wan?” Padmé raised her brows as the man trailed behind Anakin around the corner and into the dimly lit kitchen. She was sure to keep any of the negative emotions from spilling into her tone. Though she was not expecting him, he was always pleasant company and a good friend. He grinned.

“I’m very sorry for intruding.” He went right for the apology, as Padmé had anticipated and appreciated.

“Oh, you shut it. You’re welcome to dinner here anytime. But I must tell you, the kids are off with some friends so I’m afraid you won’t get to say hello.” She explained, reaching out to guide him to a counter stool. “Chardonnay?” She asked, getting ready to pour another glass before he could answer. It was then she noticed that Anakin had taken his own and sipped at it like he’d drank it many times before...though she’d never been witness to it.

Obi-Wan took his drink and sipped at it but his face was riddled with something in the realm of...guilt? Padmé raised her own glass and took a quick sip. “Something's up, right? You guys are a lot more transparent than you think.” She chuckled and playfully slapped Anakin’s shoulder. His expression turned sad. And she was worried.

“What is it?” She furrowed her brows. “If it’s some kind of bad news, I can handle it. Better than you two for sure. Girls are a hell of a lot stronger than boys, y’know?” She laughed again. But Anakin bit into his lip, glancing to Obi-Wan for help like he usually did. But to her surprise Obi-Wan gestured for him to go on. Leaving him on his own where he’d usually help him.

Anakin grabbed her hands with the most sincere and loving expression. “Padmé.” He started infuriatingly slow, which was something she’d never thought she’d say about Anakin.

“You know that I love you.” He shook a little when she nodded. “But over some time, it’s come to my attention that...my uh-my interests....they lay elsewhere.” He choked on his words like he was being tortured by nerves. Padmé could barely process what he was saying.

But then of course, it hit her like a wave. She twitched her nose and pulled her hands out from his grip which nearly broke the man all together. “You’re leaving me?” She asked while hoping she was jumping too far to a conclusion. Anakin was silent which only served to make her irritated. “So, is there someone else?” She asked, trying to be somewhat understanding.

Anakin nodded once more.

“Ok...” Padmé twiddled her thumbs together. “You cheated? I’m correct in making that assumption?” She flickered her eyes up to face him because she was brave where Anakin was not. He did not speak again, eyes ‘subtly’ hovering over her shoulder with that look of ‘I need you to help me’ that always came when he looked at the man she most definitely forgot was there.

“Oh...” Padmé swallowed the thick buildup of mucus in her throat and for once in her life, her bravery was knocked down a notch. She figured this newfound state of her mind was reflected in her eyes when Anakin tried to open his mouth again.

She did not speak to interrupt. No. She just raised her finger, dead in the air. Obi-Wan’s eyes were trained on the dances from the particles of soft dust that danced around her fingertip, only so easily seen by the white light-bulb above them.

And he never felt anything so cold in his life when Padmé tilted her chin to look him dead in the eyes. “Please?” Was all she had to say for Obi-Wan to get up and walk out of the room with nothing uttered in response just the sound of his tired footsteps. He always had a way of understanding Padmé. And a part of Padmé felt utterly crushed that she was that close to the man her husband had cheated on her with. Anakin’s eyes flickered up to watch him go.

“No...no you don’t get to look at him for help. Not now, ok?” her voice was almost more painful then the burn Anakin felt. Padmé could see the concern in Anakin’s eyes that Obi-Wan was leaving him completely behind. But even she knew better, he would just be waiting for him on their porch...she knew that. And there was that crushing feeling again.

“I-I um...I was riding shotgun in your car this one time in the early days of dating. And it was a Sunday morning, neither of us had work-” Padmé sucked in some air, momentarily closing her eyes.

Anakin was completely thrown off and confused by this strange time to bring up memories. But for once, he didn’t rush to fix that confusion. He was going to bite his tongue and let one of the most important people in his life speak her mind.

“I think we were driving up to-yeah, yeah-” Padmé nodded to herself, her memories suddenly becoming sort of hard to channel. She pushed her hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.

“-To visit your mom. And it was one of those days where the sky was that shade of blue that you adore. And you kept commenting on it, pointing and smiling like it was so important to you. And I was laughing because I never did get your fascination or love for that little detail of a day.” She squinted as the scene painfully played back in her head.

“But I realized just then that I wanted to be there to see every moment you were that happy. And I hoped more than anything in the world that I made you that happy....so you can’t imagine how much it hurts to know that I don’t make you happy enough.” Her voice broke in such a terrible way that Anakin’s heart felt as if it was being torn from his chest.

“It’s not...-it’s not like that Padmé ...” Anakin tried to translate his thoughts into actual words but he was having a difficult time considering the girl he was trying to face was breaking down in a way he’d never seen. “I love you so much but...”

“Obi-Wan and I tried to stop it. We denied it over and over but...it was impossible. We were inevitable.” Anakin pauses and has some sort of loving look in his eyes and she knew that must be a common way Anakin referred to their relationship.

“That does not make it better.” She frowned deeply and spoke in a low voice. “How long?” She asked, not sure that she wanted to know.

“Five years.”

Padmé let go of Anakin’s hands which she wasn’t entirely sure she remembered accepting. She was absolutely horrified. She could feel his inner turmoil just as well as he was most likely feeling hers. “Why would you let that go on? Why didn’t you tell me?” She was suddenly seething and she deserved to have her right to anger.

“How do I tell the woman I've loved for fifteen years and the mother of my children that I can't be with her?” Anakin’s voice was horrifyingly devastating and out of pure instinct, Padmé almost reached out to get that hurt out of his tone. But she stopped herself because she wanted him to feel that way.

“You just do it, Ani!!” She felt a little lost as she backed away from him. Anakin let his hands drop to his side, accepting the shouting because it’s what he deserves. She recognized that action but she did not feel comfortable with it. Nothing about the last frustrating and utterly surprising half-hour was comfortable. She missed the content simplicity of being alone in her kitchen after working her ass off all day.

“Just get out, ok? Get out.” She said strongly, wondering what she was going to tell Luke and Leia when they came home to a house without their father.

Anakin’s face was slashed with pain but at the moment and it hurt to know that she couldn’t bring herself to care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The front door closed alarmingly soft but Obi-Wan picked it up nonetheless and his head snapped up. The sight he took in was to be expected but still extremely painful no matter what. Anakin seemed unable to let go of the doorknob, eyes watered to the point of boiling over. He slowly raised himself off the concrete steps and made his way over. He gently reached out and unclasped Anakin’s hand for him which shocked the younger man. “It’s time to go, dear one.” He soothed. He then guided him back to his car and they were able to drive to Obi-Wan’s apartment.

Their silence did not go unbroken until they arrived to the concrete stoop that built up the the warm tan brick building. Obi-Wan did what he did best, let out a soft sigh that was for some reason a source of comfort for Anakin. He then reached out his hand to brush some of the younger man's hair back. He felt a moments pass of Anakin’s pulse. It seemed to be raging at an unsettling speed that did not do anything to help Obi-Wan’s state of mind.

“I’m not gonna be good company tonight, Obi-Wan.” Anakin said flatly. He used that toned down version of his voice that was most commonly used when he was masking sadness with anger.

“Nonsense.” Obi-Wan shook his head with that knowing little smirk. Anakin almost let out a small smile. “I’m always happy to be with you.” He shrugged and bumped his partner a little.

“Now there’s a lie.” Anakin chuckled despite his mood. He let that one pass as it was a little self-pitying.

Obi-Wan had still yet to unlock the building door. The two of them were in some awkward in-between realm of comfort and guilt. The distant sound of bugs buzzing about in the evening sky was making Obi-Wan want to scratch at his skin. However, he was well aware that sound was something soothing to Anakin for whatever reason.

“We’ll get through this hard part together.” Obi-Wan nodded, as if assuring himself too.

“The kids are gonna hate me.” Anakin let one of his biggest worries pass his lips. this was something he’d agonized over many sleepless nights. It was painful to think about so he’d done his best to push it away. But the time was upon them and there was no way around it.

“You’re their father. They will come around. And I can’t imagine they’ll like me any better, Anakin.” Obi-Wan reminded him. “One does not love the guy who ruined their parents marriage.” He looked off towards the deserted apartment pool. It was a pleasing sight. Small waves were soon going to reflect onto the canvas of the neighboring building from the yellow-ish light in the water. He sensed strong emotion in Anakin, it was something he could always feel. There was an impressive connection between them. It’d always been there and he suspected it’d always be there. So he turned, his eyebrow cocked up.

The moon was idly rising while Obi-Wan had passing thoughts of the sweet time he was sort of part of a family and what it will feel like to go back to life without it. When one was finally getting to this point in a long-term relationship, it would usually be time to think of the opposite. But he’d been a selfish person and he deserved to be cut off from those wonderful people.

“I was selfish too, Obi-Wan. More so than you.” Anakin shook his head, reading the man's thoughts with the ease he always had. “That’s my family I let down...” He looked off with sadness in his eyes. And Obi-Wan was wracked with guilt.

“The point is I’m responsible too. You feel guilty, I know you do. You must be thinking as if you single handedly ruined my marriage. You didn’t.” Anakin bumped their shoulders together. “I was aware of what we were doing and I regret leaving Padmé in the dark...and for continuing a relationship with you behind closed doors.”

Obi-Wan sighed.

“Never should have let it get that far.” Anakin mumbled before a rushed thought flew into his mind. “Meaning, the lie not our relationship.” He spoke quickly, feeling like a silly teenager. But Obi-Wan just nodded with his trademark grace and understanding. “And I should not be sitting here complaining and feeling sorry for myself.” He scowled and Obi-Wan felt a strain in his chest.

“You’ve always been quite good at that.” Obi-Wan tried to joke. There was a hum in his tone that he seemed to work on Anakin in a comparable manner to Pavlov's dog. The tone instantly eased him though he did roll his eyes at the joke.

Obi-Wan’s apartment building & the scenery around it was subpar at it’s best if going by Anakin’s standards. It was dressed in a thin and calm blanket of mostly silence at all times. It was home to single women, lonely men and quiet strangers. No children and it was tucked neatly in a jaded corner of the town.

Time slowed at Obi-Wan’s place. It always felt as if Anakin was slowly submerging himself in a hot bath whenever he spent time there and he’d never been good at relaxing. He much preferred the louder company of his suburban neighborhood. Where it never felt like he was the center of attention or like he didn’t fit in.

And out in the yard, green grass grew which would soon become his responsibility to trim. He could enjoy friendly greetings and interactions that allowed him to enjoy a limited small community while not overdoing it or being in total isolation, as Obi-Wan’s place felt. His neighborhood was a place Obi-Wan’s sad little sleepy and boring building could only dream about.

The one thing his neighborhood lacked was....well Obi-Wan.

Anakin had spent many moments of his time there missing him. And then spent the following moments hating himself for creating a situation in which he had to. He spent far too long thinking he could continue on with a situation that would only serve to slowly kill all three of them.

When things had happened with Obi-Wan, they spiraled and spiraled. They tried very hard to stay away from each other and to stop. But in the end, they just couldn’t.

But the idea of losing Padmé and his kids scared him to death. So he’d attempted to live the lie to keep them. Which only made it so much worse.

“Come Anakin.” Obi-Wan stood, brushing himself off and holding out his hand for the other man. His face was kind and comforting. “We can sit around hating ourselves later. But for now, we should rest.” It was half a joke and half real pain. Anakin could see it in his eyes. He sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling himself up.

They finally entered the building and ended up sleeping on Obi-Wan’s couch rather then the comfortable bed. They would later excuse it as just being that tired. But both knew deep down it was the start of small punishments inflicted on themselves because they feel they deserved to be deprived of small joys.

[lurkingcrow]

I don't quite know what this is but I wrote it anyway

 Did I hear @forcearama  request more sad Obi-Wan and Baby Luke? I think I did! Have a very quickly written fic used to distract me from my head cold. This didn't exactly go where I thought it would, somehow it turned into an AU and shifted character focus on me, but hey the only way you can improve is by practicing right?

It is strange, he thinks. To the untrained eye this is a barren wasteland, miles and miles of sand and rock baked hard under the harsh light of twin suns. And yet... beneath the surface he can feel the  movement of an industious colony of dustbeetles carving out a additional tunnels to accommodate their growing hive. In the next canyon over a herd of banthas is taking shelter from the midday sun, their minds a peaceful balm against the sharp hunger of the krayt dragon that stalks in the shadows. Further out he tracks the passage of a group of Tuskens as they make their way towards a hidden cave system - it looks like they will miss the Jawa sandcrawler, trundling along it's trade route to the outer settlements. There is life here, all the more precious for its scarcity, and the man who was once Obi-Wan Kenobi takes comfort in that.

He sighs, stroking his beard in thought, and reaches out to seek one particular lifeform (beloved, innocent, to be protected at all costs) . Luke's presence is bright -a mess of of sounds and images and burbling curiousity and oh! With cheerful glee the infant mind latches onto his and it takes a moment for Ben to realise that the child is much closer than expected. Gently pulling away he takes note of the combined sense of determination and maternal fondness headed his direction. He turns back to his shelter - it has been some time since he last had guests. He should probably clean up.

By the time the speeder pulls up he has managed to look a little less like he has spent the last couple of days sitting outside in the elements. From Beru's expression as she looks him over it's not enough.

"Honestly Ben, one of these days I'm going to come out here and nothing but a pile of clothing and bleached bones." She says as she hitches Luke one one hip while slinging a pack over her shoulder. "How you've managed to survive with so little common sense I don't know!" ( he asks the same thing every day - how does he live when those he failed are gone? the dunes offer no answer but the wind takes his tears.)

"I have my ways." He smiles, ushering them inside. "What brings you to my humble abode?" Beru huffs and offloads a squirming Luke into his arms before digging into her bag. Immediately tiny arms reach up to pull at his beard while the equally fragile mind seeks out his own, poking and prodding in childish delight.

(oh yes. he thinks. here is why. he lives because he loves this one too much to fail him too) So wrapt is he in Luke's presence that it takes Beru clearing her throat to bring him back to their conversation. Her smile is gentle and they share a quiet moment of mutual understanding before she draws his attention to the datapad in her hand.

His heart freezes.

(nononononono.he is dead. surely the universe would not be so cruel?) On the page the dark form of the Empire's newest enforcer remains unchanged, the headline declaring their triumph over the last remnants of CIS forces blaring overhead. (it is. vader lives. vader lives and he must never know of the treasure hidden beneath tatooine's suns)

In his arms Luke begins to fuss as he picks up on his panic and Ben calms himself. (he can break down later. later, when he cannot hurt any more innocents) Something must show on his face though, as Beru looks up, concerned. "Are you alright?" Another look at the datapad, and her eyes narrow. "Are we in danger?" He clears his head, puts aside his fear and guilt (anakin, anakin, where did we go wrong?)  and thinks it through. This had always been a possibility. Nothing has changed - there is still no reason for the Empire to seek him here at the edges of civilization, even less for them to look for a boy with his father's blue eyes (blue. not yellow. anakin's blue).

"No, no. Not for the moment. Just... Something to keep an eye on." She looks at him carefully before nodding. "Ok. But that's not what has me worried. Here." She points to a much smaller article at the bottom of the page, welcoming the continued relationship between the esteemed Hutt conglomerate and Imperial forces and the signing of a new deal facilitating trade in high value goods along the outer rim. His eyebrows raise in disbelief. "Is that what I think it is?"

Beru shakes her head ruefully.  "High value goods. They've all but legalised the slave trade so long as it doesn't touch their precious core. Didn't think the Hutts would manage it - they must've caught his Majesty on a good day." She eyes him carefully. "You're not from around  here, so I don't know how familiar you are with..." "No. I understand. More than you might think." (bandomeer, a heavy collar around his neck. zygeria, the cutting agony of lightwhips and despair. coruscant, a blond boy who flinches at the use of "master". and still he will never fully comprehend.) He shakes his head and clutches Luke a little tighter. "But not enough. I imagine Jabba is delighted to extend his reach, but I'm guessing his coffers aren't your immediate concern."

Again Beru assesses him carefully, and appears satisfied by what she sees. She takes a seat against the wall motioning for Ben to join her. "You'd be right. Look Ben, I know there's a lot you can't say, but I need to know. Who are you? To Luke I mean."

The question takes him completely by surprise. "I... His parents were good friends of mine. I once taught his father" (it is not a lie, and yet it tastes like one, heavy and cold against his tongue). Beru scoffs. "Friends. That's why you look at Luke like he's the last cask of water before the cool season." There is something about her posture that makes him reconsider his words. (and surely now, now his old world was ashes and dust, surely now he could admit it.)

He bows his head, inhaling the scent of Luke's sun warmed skin. "I loved them. Anakin, he was my brother, my partner, my other half. I would have done anything for him." (but he'd never outright told him had he? anakin never knew just how much obi-wan would sacrifice to protect him. he never knew how deep the attachment ran. because it was not the jedi way. now the jedi are dead. and, though his body yet breathes, so too is anakin). He clears his thoat "Padmé, she was a light in the shadows, a reminder that there are still those who would fight for justice rather than personal gain. I was proud to call her a friend,  prouder still that she considered me one too." (brave beautiful padmé. strong and courageous with a heart made of kyber.  she made anakin so very happy and for that alone he might have loved her. but she was always greater than the sum of her parts, and he mourns her for her own sake.)

"Then you're his family." It feels like a razors in his throat."Yes." "Good." He looks up in surprise. Beru is still looking at him keenly. "Were you there for his birth? Who named him?" "I...yes. Padmé lived long enough to name him."(and his sister. just as tiny and just as perfect and so very clearly her parents child. it had hurt to hand her over, to know she would grow up without her brother, without him to watch over her. but she would be loved. bail could keep her safe in ways he cannot. it is for the best. but his heart still aches). "I brought him to you soon after"

Something in his response makes Beru relax slightly (distantly he recalls a conversation with anakin, children follow the mother.) "And you love him? You'd protect him?" "Yes." His voice is stronger now, full of certainty. "Beru, where are you going with this?"

She takes a deep breath. "You're still an outsider here, so there are things you don't quite get yet.  Me and Owen? We're both freehold stock,  descendants of slaves who bought their way out. Our families are well established, reputable. We might not be rich  but so long as we don't break any laws or get too far into debt no-one's gonna try taking us in." Ben doesn't like the sound of this. "But?"

Beru raises one hand to ruffle Luke's downy hair. He's begun to drift off, head nestled against Ben's shoulder and at the movement he lets out a quiet protest. "But, with the Rep- sorry, Empire, no longer enforcing the ban pretty soon every scum sucking sleemo this side of Ord Mantell is going to want to cash in on the flesh trade. And they're not going to care where exactly their stock comes from. Luke is freeborn. You just confirmed it. But that doesn't mean shit if there isn't something to back it up. Our reputation, that's something. One day though it might not be. I need you to promise me Ben, something happens to us? You claim him. You're family, you'll look after him. And unless I'm very much mistaken, you have the skills to back up your claim."

His gut roils at the picture Beru paints, but there is no question as to his response. He has already made this oath once, a silent vow to the newborn bundle of hope clutched against his chest. It takes no effort to verbalise it now."I will. I swear to you, Beru Whitesun-Lars, that as long as I still live and breathe I will do everything within my power to ensure the safety and happiness of Luke Skywalker." 

She looks amused by his formality. "I'll keep you to that."There is a moment's silence, broken only by the occasional whine from the sleeping boy. "So, I'll expect you over for weekly dinner. No excuses. Luke needs to get to know his Uncle Ben if he's gonna start learning the mystic stuff and you need fattening up"

Once he had been known as the Negotiator. A thousand diplomats had done their best to stump him only to fall prey to his silver tongue. And yet it is the simple self assured statement from a moisture farmer's mouth that leaves Ben speechless."What!? Beru,  I'm still a wanted man. We agreed - it's best for everyone if I keep away."

"Banthashit. Owen agrees with you but you're both wrong. He thinks the further away you stay the safer it'll be. That it's your sort of trouble that'll put Luke most at risk. Me? I remember Shmi's stories. I remember the young man I met and the woman who followed him." 

She grins, sharp and bright. "I remember it was both of 'em who  made the decision to go running straight into danger. If he's anything like them, Luke won't wait for your trouble to find him - he'll find he local stuff first. And when he does? Now that Jabba's on the rise? Owen and I  aren't going to be enough to keep him safe."

"You don't understand. I am a danger, to Luke and to you." (failure, pain, too close and they suffer. luke must not suffer) "It doesn't matter. I know you're grieving, that you're trying to punish yourself for something. But the stakes just got higher. I've heard stories about the Jedi. Don't know how many of them are true, but if those skills could save his life one day Luke needs to learn."

He tries again. "Beru, the Empire is actively seeking out Force sensitives. I can hide myself, but it is a skill that takes time to learn. Luke is powerful. You have no idea what they would do to him should he be discovered."

"All the more reason for him to start soon." She looks him in the eyes, unflinching. "I swore an oath too Ben. I swore on Shmi's memory that no grandchild of hers was ever going to live as a slave. I swore it the day I swore my marriage oath, and I will keep both until the day I die. I love that boy. If I could I'd let him grow up never knowing the fear of enslavement. But I know now I can't. So Hutt or Empire, I want him to be strong enough to break their chains. And for that, I need your help."

(the force rings with her sincerity and he knows what he must do. he is reminded of the other determined young women he has known. he hopes this time things will end better).

He closes his eyes. "It will not be without risk. Even in peace time the life of a Jedi was not an easy one." Beru smiles sadly. "Nothing worthwhile ever is. If the price of his freedom is die a hero then so be it. At least he will die free."

And suddenly he can see it, the echoes of the future that awaits, the man this child will become (a stubborn boy with reckless fervour, a smiling youth with fire in his veins, a centred knight  burning with resolve. his father's drive, his mother's compassion mixed with beru's will and owen's practicality, a touch of cunning humour obi-wan recognises as his own. and underneath it all the overwhelming love of a family.)  

Ben grins, wide and genuine. "Let's try to do without heroic sacrifices for the moment shall we? Unless we are counting changing Luke's underclothes, in which case I will note that nobody ever accused me of being the hero without fear."

Beru's laughter is loud enough to wake the said child from his slumber, and as the wave of grumpy indignation washed over his senses Ben lets go and joins her. As their giggles die down Beru turns to him again.

"Thank you Ben. You have no idea how relieved I feel. Things don't seem so dark anymore" (with his nephew cradled close and his new friend by his side he cannot help but agree). "My pleasure. What else is family for?" He thinks for a moment. "You get to break it to you husband though." Beru coughs. "Let me sort out Owen. You just focus on not becoming one with the desert. Seriously, how have you survived out here?" This time Luke joins him in his laughter.

***Fifteen? years later***

Maul is dead. Truly dead. Fitting, that it should all end here, on the same planet where it all began. Obi-Wan (and he is obi-wan now, jedi master and guardian of their last hope. tomorrow he will go back to being uncle ben the hermit, herder of banthas and adolescent troublemakers but tonight he is obi-wan) takes a deep breath and looks back toward the canyon where he lay his old foe to rest. Perhaps now his soul will find peace in the Force. In his pocket lie the cracked remains of a pair of kyber crystals - he doesn't know why he picked them up. Perhaps it was sentiment, the desire to keep a hold of a long lost past, no matter how painful. It didn't matter - he will realise their purpose eventually.

He draws near the homestead, the lights from the kitchen casting long shadows against the pale adobe walls. A quick flicker against his shields lets him know that Luke has noticed his presence and he sends back a brief reassurance. He is fine. They are all fine.

Beru greets him at the door, one hand wiping itself against the front of her apron, the other discretely hidden behind her where he knows she carries a spare blaster. "Finished your business then?" He gives her a weary smirk. "For now at least." She  relaxes, waving him inside before hesitating for a moment. "There's a storm coming, isn't there?" He knows she is not speaking literally. "Yes. Not immediately, but soon." She sighs.

"Just as well then we've prepared in advance. Come on, or else Luke will have eaten the rest of the stew. I have no idea where he puts it all!

Obi-Wan smiles. "His father was much the same at this age. Though I can assure you Luke has far better table manners."

Her laughter echoes reverberates through the corridor and they are met by an enthusiastic "Uncle Ben!" and a grunted "Kenobi." at the table.

It turns out Luke has not, in fact, devoured the last of the stew, but he does manage to levitate the rest of the flatbread onto his plate while no-one is looking. Obi-Wan looks at the boy's gleeful expression, his aunt's mock outrage and shares an fond look with his fellow uncle. (this. he thinks. this is what I protect.)

Later he is woken by the piercing call of a flytbat hunting though the night sky. On a whim he ventures outside, settling himself against a broken vaporator and running the broken June crystals between his fingers. He reaches out into the darkness. Beneath the sand the insects rest, and in the canyons bantha huddle against one another in their sleep. Behind him he feels the sleeping minds of us family, Luke shining like a full moon in the Force, his shields relaxed in sleep. The desert is full of life. All is well.

[spynotebook]

Celebrating the fortieth anniversary of Star Wars with an anthology of short stories from forty different characters’ points of view is both a delightful surprise and a no-brainer.

One of the greatest appeals of the Star Wars universe is its breadth, best typified by the iconic status of the cantina scene. Mystery Science Theater 3000 head writer Elliott Kalan has written about how that scene is both Luke and the audience’s gateway into the wider galaxy. That scene alone spawned an oft-parodied trait in the Star Wars community common to both the Lucas Story Group and its fandom: an insatiable desire to expand the universe by exploring the stories of every last extra. (Just look at Willrow Hood.)

In fact, Lucasfilm has done this kind of anthology before: the old Extended Universe (or Legends, as it is officially known and nobody I know calls it) had a five book strong Tales From the … series, which told the stories of background characters from the Tonnika Sisters to the Rancor Keeper to Boba Fett. ( … a lot of Boba Fett.) But when Lucasfilm wiped the slate clean in 2014 to streamline the canon before the sequel trilogy got underway, all of these stories fell by the wayside. While the new canon has started to canonize some of the Extended Universe’s greatest hits—such as Admiral Thrawn—this is the first time it’s tackled a Tales From the…-style collection.

The “From a Certain Point of View: A Star Wars 40th Anniversary Celebration” at New York Comic-Con was, frankly, a stunner, featuring nineteen (!) of the forty-three contributing authors. Presented in groups of three (or “flights,” as moderator, contributor, and Lucasfilm Story Group member Pablo Hidalgo put it) with some color commentary and entertainment from veteran Star Wars audiobook narrator Marc Thompson in between rotations, each author got enough time and attention to highlight not only their short story, but their unique view on the Star Wars universe.

It was well-paced and delightful: Charles Soule pitched a story about Jabba the Hutt coming up with the whole Han in Carbonite as wall decor idea, Delilah S. Dawson said the word “cloaca” far too early in the morning, and I cheered and clapped and held back some tears when E. K. Johnston shared that her story in the anthology was the first thing she wrote after Carrie Fisher died.

But the biggest thing I took away from this panel was an honest appreciation for how this anthology foregrounds emotional labor in the Star Wars universe.

When asked what she would have written if she hadn’t written her Admiral Motti piece, Mallory Ortberg outlined an impossible conversation between Mon Mothma and Aunt Beru about who exactly does the dishes in the Alliance. Ortberg, as the current Dear Prudence, is no stranger to elevating and valuing emotional labor in interpersonal relationships, and Meg Cabot explicitly picked up that theme when discussing her story, “Beru Whitesun Lars.”

After informing the audience that she’d written plenty of Star Wars fanfiction in her time (one of us! one of us!), Cabot laid out exactly why she’d always loved Aunt Beru and always felt so dissatisfied with her death and subsequent neglect. According to Cabot, Aunt Beru is where Luke gets his compassion from, the same compassion that leads him to set off to rescue Leia in A New Hope and throw away his lightsaber in Return of the Jedi. She wanted to write a story giving Aunt Beru, who is basically just handed a baby at the end of The Revenge of the Sith, her agency back, explaining that Beru’s talents could have taken her very different places in the galaxy but that she compassionately chose to raise Luke. And that choice informed everything Luke grew up to be.

I think Star Wars fans often think of this kind of thing when it comes to Leia—not only is Leia so thoroughly Bail Organa’s daughter, but we’ve got more details on Breha then we do on Beru—but not when it comes to Luke. It’s something that I, someone who shouts regularly about Shmi Skywalker getting brutally underserved as a character, am guilty of. Because the original trilogy is so steeped in Luke’s relationship with his biological father and Bail figures prominently in the prequels, his foster aunt and uncle fall (literally) by the wayside.

An anthology like this is an opportunity to canonically elevate and recognize the importance of these bit characters we are otherwise encouraged to throw away. Aunt Beru, Cabot argues, is the most important character in the whole saga.

While emotional labor and caretaking are often exclusively assigned to women in both our galaxy and the one far, far, away, I was also intrigued to see this theme crop up in Claudia Gray’s discussion of her story, “Master and Apprentice,” wherein Obi-Wan consults with Qui-Gon’s force ghost during A New Hope. Their conversation inevitably turns to the matter of Anakin, and Gray told the audience that she wanted to talk about the ways in which the structure of the Jedi Order failed Anakin in ways that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, raised from infancy by the Order, couldn’t understand. While she wanted to emphasize that Anakin’s downfall was a choice of his own making, she also ended up showing how a lack of comprehension regarding emotional labor—or how to adapt what you know about that subject for a padawan from a nontraditional background—contributed to Anakin’s struggles.

I have, at last estimate, 27,000 feelings about Anakin Skywalker—I may have stopped and bawled at a booth featuring a print of Vader haunted by Padmé’s face—so to see something like how the Order failed Anakin canonized made me feel … not vindicated, but seen. Fans have been having these conversations for years; seeing those conversations approached thoughtfully by writers making sure to add to the galaxy rather than just rehash it is a beautiful symbiosis.

Star Wars (like so many big genre properties) is known for its dead mothers or mother figures, and we can’t undo the decades where they weren’t paid much thought. But we can highlight them now and elevate the contribution that they made in the first place. Giving the caretakers, both good and bad, of the Star Wars universe a voice is a great start.

[40 Stories Celebrating 40 Years of Star Wars From a Certain Point of View]

(images: Del Rey, Lucasfilm/Disney)

Clare McBride was raised on the Internet by a Nintendo 64 and reruns of Mystery Science Theater 3000, which is as good of an explanation as any. She is a contributing editor at the Hugo Award-winning Lady Business and SYFY Fangrrls. Find her at Twitter @omnivoreal. 

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[clairen45]

Digging into Rey and Kylo’s Spotify Playlists- part 1: episode 7 songs

The Shut Up and Dance with Me post really pushed me to go through the songs from the Spotify playlists and give you the lowdown, as I see it. That these lists even exist is beyond me! And, just to be clear, these lists have been released in 2015 pre-TFA. With no modification, even pre or post TLJ. No added material. If anything, they actually removed some songs from the lists: 2 for Kylo and 3 for Rey. I don’t think the changes necessarily meant that the songs were too revealing or, on the contrary, didn’t fit the characters anymore. It might just be copyright or legal issue or some artistic differences or god knows what. But again, the point of these lists were to get to know the characters a little better. Some characters we already knew of course, the big three ( Luke, Leia, Han Solo), but also Obi-Wan and Yoda, a list for Anakin and a list for Vader, Padmé, Mace Windu, Bobba Fett, Chewbacca... Lists for new characters: Finn, BB8... surprisingly no Poe Dameron. By the way, I think the Dark Side’ list is super interesting! And of course Rey and Kylo. Rey’s list is full of pop, girl empowerment anthem kind of songs, with a few romantic ballads, which already meant something. Kylo’s is of course full of angsty rock. I don’t want to comment on the genre. My mission was less on the musical genres than on the lyrics and how they can shed some light on the characters and their fates. Because, sure, a team chose these songs to let us know about the characters but, honestly, guys, I think somebody let them in on the rough draft of the whole ST. Because post TLJ it is obvious that a lot of songs apply to what happened as far as Rey and Kylo are concerned in this movie. And since we have our bunch of ep 7 songs, and a bunch of ep 8 songs, well, it appears a bunch of songs don’t fit either and could very well give us key information about ep 9. Before I get accused again of “reaching” (LOL), let us be honest: I think they put a lot of care into those playlists. So no, I don’t think coincidences are accidental. And yes, I think it’s fair to speculate about episode 9 looking at the songs. So let’s take the journey and crack these songs together.

There are 53 songs for Kylo (I am excluding the original soundtrack every time) and 54 for Rey. Rey’s playlist also has tunes in common with Padmé, Leia, and Luke. 4 songs in common with Padmé, quite a lot: Smoke and Fire, Rich Girl, Fighter, and Bulletproof. With Leia: Smoke and Fire, and the fact that they both have Love is a Battlefield, except that Leia is Pat Benatar’s song, and Rey’s is Jordin Spark’s song. Same title, different songs. This marks Rey as the “heiress” to these two heroines, which is not surprising. I think it is quite remarkable that she shares so many songs with Padmé, as regards the Anidala inversion we always talk about. Rich Girl, in particular, because Padmé was a Queen, so yes, the rich girl, whereas in Rey’s case the song is ironic. Rey also shares 2 song with Luke: Wild by Troye Sivan (I honestly don’t get what this song does on Luke’s playlist, so that must mean something potentially), and Adventure of a Lifetime. With Luke as a mentor to Rey in ep 8, that would kind of make sense that they would share something. I honestly merely skimmed through all the playlists, but Rey and Kylo seem to be the only one who share  songs with other characters (if I am wrong, please correct me). Kylo shares 3 songs, 1 with Anakin (and NOT Vader), Bored to Death, 1 with BB8, Destroy the Map, and one with Mace Windu on You want a Battle (Here’s War). Interesting also. I won’t necessarily comment on that today, because there is a lot to go through, but these are thoughts to save and process later maybe.

Some songs can also fit two, maybe the three, episodes. And also, I have noticed something very interesting in Rey’s playlist: a lot of songs that feature in her playlist seem to be more from Kylo’s POV (like Shut up and Dance). They should normally feature on his list but because they would break away from the others in terms of genre, it is probably how they ended on Rey’s list. I found on Kylo’s playlist 1 song that, to me, should rather feature on Rey’s list, but again, would seem odd in terms of genre.

1.KYLO’S LIST/ EPISODE 7

Kylo’s list also seems way more descriptive about his character, angst, inner conflict, feelings of pain and revenge, than Rey’s list. There is a lot of songs talking about past abuse and family conflict. Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson is a good example: “ Some of them want to use you/ Some of them want to get used by you/ Some of them want to abuse you/ Some of them want to be abused”. References to dreams and nightmares in Kylo’s playlist are also quite noteworthy because they tie in with Rey’s visions as described in TFA: she hears voices in her dreams, and when she first sees Kylo, she knows that she has seen him before “in a dream, in a nightmare”. We can also find some parallels with the plot in episode 7: the Jakku massacre, meeting Rey, killing Han... Recurring themes are, without surprise, fire, death, suffering, dreams and nightmares...

This Means War (Avenged Sevendold). That song is packed with so much about his feelings and his introduction in the ST. It goes on and on really. I could quote the whole thing. But here are the highlights :

Hide my face again, harbor in the shadows (duh!) Feel this weight of sin hammering away Die, with the guilt of a thousand AWOL soldiers (The pull to the light) Die, watch the scythe usher me astray (Lor San Tekka’s execution)

The ugly side of me is strong

Carry me to nowhere  (Jakku is nowhere!) Lie!Mask the pain Of a child who's forsaken Lie! To myself Praise the new regime (honestly, did they write the song for Kylo?)

I left me long ago Reasons you'll never know No one to miss me when I'm gone With no more words to say No argument to stay. Another post I don't belong (Lor San Tekka: The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not)

No home to call my own No finding someone new No one to break the fall No one to see me through No name to carry on No promise for today No one to hear the call (Oh hon, hang on, the girl is coming!) Buy into the fear (Rey: You are afraid!) My serpent blood can strike so cold (Murderous snake! again) Another thought I can't control (Force bond much?)

Elements of TFA Plot:

Legion of Evil (OFF): “Break down houses”, “ Mystery crews on a murderous spree” (the opening on Jakku, with his mysterious identity) but also “Retaliation against horrible gods/Treasonous snakes with gentlemen's lies/ Waving a false flag to sell the deception” which of course are reminiscent of his line to Rey about the Resistance: “ You mean the murderers traitors and thieves you call your friends ? “. But can also ironically evoke Snoke’s influence on him: he is the treasonous snake with gentlemen’s lies. Or even to him as seen from Rey’s POV in 7 and at the beginning of TLJ: “a treasonous snake”/ “murderous snake”/ “liar”...

The Red (Chevelle) and Evil Eye (Franz Ferdinand), both emphasize the color red, which is Kylo’s color theme.Thunder and Lightning (Motorhead”, “ Maybe you'll die, maybe you'll fly/ Fire in the sky, thunder and lightning”.  Heart of Fire (Black Veil Brides): “ I feel alive inside I won't be terrorized, I'll take all the blame/This heart of fire is burning proud/ I am every dream you lost and never found/ This heart of fire is stronger now”. Also the attack on Jakku.

The Map plot: R2 where are U (Flying Lotus): it takes both BB8 and R2 to find Luke’s hideout. This song is also on BB8′s list by the way. Destroy the Map  (36 Crazy Fists). Obviously the title is interesting because Kylo gives up on the map and gets Rey instead. The song presents some other interesting points: something that could evoke Starkiller base “ And the clouds don't break when the sun is on empty” , and also something that seems to fit straight into TLJ: “You couldn't hold your mouth to stop the sound/ With all these riches on the tip of your tongue/And I was trying to dampen it all out/You were talking louder than I should here/Producing nothing but all these mirrors”, “ Where the baptized drown/We used to breathe” (Rey in the cave) “This time, our time, we have, we'll last”. So gain some songs can actually fit more than 1 episode.

Failing on Starkiller: beaten up by Rey, never got the intel about Luke... At least I’m known for something (New Found Glory): “ I've figured out my situation/ I am an endless source of useless information/ Give me bad news could be something expecting/ I let my front down/ And I know I will regret it/ /But you don't know that and I'm the one to blame for it/'Cause I'm destined for failure“. More Starkiller: My own Summer (Deftones): “ Hey you, big star/ Tell me when it's over”.

Family and Han:

Refusing his legacy. War on the Palaces (Refused):

I carry history with me I carry hope   (I see you Ben You are My Only Hope Solo!!!!) All the nameless faces before us Let's carry them all

I wanna carry the dead (his attachment for Vader instead of the living members of his family) Wage war on the palaces

Bored to Death (Blink 182): “ And it's a long way back from seventeen/The whispers turn into a scream/And I'm, I'm not coming home/Save your breath, I'm nearly/ Bored to death”. Mene (Brand New): “ My father spoke of prophecy/ To think that I believed is self-centered of me/There was something I was trying to say/ But then I choked on it and now it's getting kind of late” (@madandmisquoted did a meta on how Kylo mumbles “I love you dad”+ “It is too late”). Indestructible (Rancid): “ It's so fake now, everything I see right through/I'm ashamed now to say I ever know you” evoke his scene with Han. I don’t wanna Hear It (Minor Threat): “ I don't want to hear it/ I'm sick and tired of all your lies/ I don't want to hear it/ When are you gonna realize.”. Family and mommy issues: Down With the Sickness (Disturbed): “ It seems what's left of my human side/ Is slowly changing in me”, “ It seems you're having some trouble/ In dealing with these changes/ Living with these changes / The world is a scary place/ Now that you've woken up the demon in me”, “ No mommy, don't do it again/Don't do it again/ I'll be a good boy/I'll be a good boy, I promise No mommy don't hit me/ Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?”. 

Conflict

Got the Life (Korn): “Hate, something, someway, each day, dealing with no forgiveness/ Why? This shit inside/ Now everyone will follow/ So give me nothing just feel/ And now this shit will follow/ God begs me, the more I see the light, who wants to see?”. Strife (Trivium): “ I reach for calm/ I starve for a balance unknown/ This burden tortures me deep in my soul” ; “ Guilt buries me alive/ In a coffin criticized/ I shouldered the blame and dug this hole for me to lay in”. Duality (Slipknot). The title says it all, but it definitely applies to the scene with Han: “ You cannot kill what you did not create”;  “Pull me back together/ Or separate the skin from the bone/ Leave me all the pieces, and then you can leave me alone” (Can apply to “I’m feeling torn apart”, “I killed your son, he was foolish and weak” ).

The Girl

I know that’s what you’ve been waiting for. There are 2 major songs about Rey in that list and one them has been removed, A Cross and a Girl Named Bless (Evans Blue). That song presents some elements that stretch all the way to 9. I’m including it here, because of the obvious reference to the way they meet on Takodana:

She's holding out for weapons to kill the ghosts inside (She shoots at a ghostlike figure in the forest)

Or at least kill the thoughts she has of killing her mind (Get out of my head!)

She says "I love you" with her hands (TLJ: Smut Hut)

She says "I hate you" with her eyes (You have that look from the forest..)

There's a pretty girl somewhere with a pretty name (What girl?)

But I could never let you know how much this means I swear we'll end this war, because we both know

It wasn't worth fighting for  (Major episode IX spoiler)

She, she said to me I will be driving in the wrong direction Did you ever think that maybe your life

Is heading in the wrong direction, baby? (Throne Room Scene)

There's a cross up on the wall See from the corner of your eye When you're down on you knees...and she's begging please So go and lay back down tonight Because you won't know who you are

Until you're down on your knees...your begging please (End of TLJ, Crait)

The other big song is The Answer (Savages):

Wish me luck This was a hard year And I can't see No brighter future Wish me luck I saw the answer It was a girl (What girl?) Will you go ask her  (Interrogation scene, the girl is all we need) I saw the answer Will you go ask her Love is the answer

Evil (Interpol): “ Heaven restores you in life/ You're coming with me/ Through the aging, the fearing, the strife/ It's the smiling on the package/ It's the faces in the sand” (the abduction, Rey is literally a face in the sand, the smile...), “You're weightless, semi-erotic/ You need someone to take you there/Sandy, why can't we look the other way?/Why can't we just play the other game?” (he carries her in his arms like a feather, You need a teacher!).

There is also a song there that is all about Rey’s POV on Kylo in TFA. Headstrong (Trapt) screams Rey during the interrogation scene. But, again, they couldn’t have put it on her playlist so it features on his instead.

Circling your head contemplating everything you ever said (getting in HIS head) Now I see the truth I got a doubt  (You... are afraid you will never be as trong as Darth Vader!) A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out (escapes the interrogation room) See you later I see your fantasies You wanna make it a reality baby paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads yeah Well now that's over

Back off I'll take you on (Forest duel) Headstrong to take on anyone (Come on, that is SO Rey!) I know that you are wrong Headstrong we're Headstrong Back off I'll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong This is not where you belong (Trying to turn him in 8)

I can't give everything away (I won’t give you anything!) I won't give everything away

2.REY’S PLAYLIST/EPISODE 7

JAKKU

There are songs about Rey’s life conditions on Jakku. Poverty in Rich Girl (Gwen Stefani): “ If I was a rich girl/ See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl/ No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end/ Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl”. Of course the morale of the song is “All the riches in the world don’t mean anything without your love”. To remind us that if Rey has dreams it’s mostly about finding love and belonging. Interesting that she shares this song with Padmé who had the riches + the love and still didn’t get her happy ever after, but more on that later...

New Americana (Halsey) about survival of the fittest, the daily struggle of poverty, social divide. That one is also interesting because of its reference to James Dean: “ Young James Dean, some say/ He looks just like his father”. There is also the big reveal about Kylo being Han’s son.  I  think it’s probably how they first imagined Kylo, as a hypersensitive, rebellious, angsty youth, a character from East of Eden (another reference to Eden). The character played by James Dean, in Elia Kazan’s adaptation of Steinbeck’s famous novel, is Cal, a rebellious son who believes his father does not love him and sees him as evil incarnate. Kylo much?

Daylight (Matt and Kim) can also be about home and Jakku: “I miss yellow lines in my roads/ Some color on monochrone”, ‘Cause the daylight anywhere feels like home”. In TFA she wants to go back to Jakku. Rey is also used to having to fight for her survival: “ Murder lives forever/And so does war/ It's survival of the fittest/ Rich against the poor/ At the end of the day/ It's a human trait/ Hidden deep down inside of our DNA”.

Some songs talk about Rey’s dreams and her feelings of loneliness.Chandelier (Sia): “I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist/ Like it doesn't exist/ I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night,/ Feel my tears as they dry”. How she lives on a day to day basis and feels lonely all the time. Wake Me Up (Avicii):  

Feeling my way through the darkness Guided by a beating heart I can't tell where the journey will end But I know where to start They tell me I'm too young to understand They say I'm caught up in a dream Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes Well that's fine by me (stuck waiting on Jakku)

So wake me up when it's all over When I'm wiser and I'm older All this time I was finding myself And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world (Literally her job as a scavenger) But I only have two hands I hope I get the chance to travel the world And I don't have any plans I wish that I could stay forever this young Not afraid to close my eyes Life's a game made for everyone And love is a prize

THE FIGHTER

Of course songs about Rey, the independent girl, the fighter... Fighter (Christina Aguilera): “ 'Cause it makes me that much stronger/ Makes me work a little bit harder/ It makes me that much wiser/ So thanks for making me a fighter/ Made me learn a little bit faster/ Made my skin a little bit thicker/ Makes me that much smarter/ So thanks for making me a fighter”. Another song shared with Padmé. I know the song is about a guy that cheated on the girl and lied to her, but rather than about Kylo, this song can apply to a lot of people in Rey’s life: her parents, Unkar Plutt, and all the people she’s had to deal with since childhood. There is Run the World (Beyoncé) that could also be foreshadowing for episode ix. Kelly Clarkson’s Miss Independent, with the perfect title for Rey’s episode 7, but the message about love in this song actually fits better episode 8. Roar (Katy Perry): empowerment anthem, plus Rey looks like a lioness at the end of TFA, baring her teeth and snarling at Kylo. Possibly Piece of Me (Britney Spears).

Confident (Demi Lovato) fits well with Roar. That one screams end of TFA with beating Kylo down.

It's time for me to take it I'm the boss right now Not gonna fake it Not when you go down 'Cause this is my game And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back

Now I'm letting go

I make my own choice (accepting the saber)

Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated

That I must be outta my mind But you had me underrated Rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

 There is the teaser song about Rey’s origin. That’s Not my Name (The Ting Things). Well, in TFA everybody is asking about her identity, about “the girl”, wo that would make sense to have this song. Rey might not even be her name after all, though she is old enough when her parents sell her to remember it; Does it mean we will l get a new name in ix? Maybe. Or just Rey Solo. I think the song is really there for the fun about the possible identity of Rey...

THE ESCAPE

Songs about Rey leaving Jakku and becoming a pilot. Obviously: Starships (Nicki Minaj) because “starships are meant to fly”. Boom Boom Pow (The BEP): “ I'm on that supersonic boom/ Y'all hear the spaceship zoom”. Alive Tonight (Grace Potter), for these lines: “In the dark of the desert/  I saw a man with a sign, it said/ People get ready, 'cause it's all over/ It's all gonna end tonight, well” ( On Jakku, Lor San Tekka is the man with the intel about Luke promising that “this will begin to make things right”, and eventually this sign gets to Rey through BB8 at dusk in the desert). I also like these lines: “ You wanna get in on the action, you want/ Everyone to listen to you, oh/ You're just living in a prediction/ And that don't, that don't make it true, no” which fits the fact that things will not be as simple as Rey thinks. Also about the end of Rey’s time on Jakku, The Dog Days are Over (Florence+ the Machines): “The dog days are over/The dog days are done/ The horses are coming so you better run”.  These lines are great: “Leave all your love and your longing behind you/ Can't carry it with you if you want to survive”, about giving up on Jakku and close to Maz’s line about “the belonging you seek is not behind you”.

MEETING KYLO

Now, with songs that reflect on meeting Kylo... There is Gibberish (Max): “ But then I caught you creepin'/ Secrets that you were keepin”, which could fit the interrogation scene. Or the title could just refer to the fact that Rey seems to understand every language she meets (BB8, Chewie...). LOL. Obviously, the beautiful Yes Girl (Bea Miller):

I got you figured out, you need to have control You think that I don't know you, I know you, I know Trying to tell you now, I've been doing what you want But I won't be your yes girl, no, not anymore

And these even better lines: “ And now you're my favorite sin, oh/ Cause I'm either on your side or you're a mile away” (which fits TLJ better). There is Focus (Ariana Grande): “ I can tell you're curious/ It's written on your lips/ Ain't no need to hold it back/ Go ahead and talk your shit/ I know you're hoping that I'll react/ I know you're hoping I'm looking back/ But if my real ain't real enough/ Then I don't know what is” (again, mood for the interrogation scene). Also like that line: “ Let's find a light inside our universe now/ Where ain't nobody keep on holding us down”. 

That one seems really more to me from Kylo’s POV when Rey leaves for the MF at the end of TFA. We Come Running (Youngblood Hawke):

Headed for the open door Tell me what you're waiting for (Rey is coded as the waiting one) Look across the great divide   (the ground falling apart between them) Soon they're gonna hear The sound, the sound, the sound (Boom goes Starkiller) When we come running Never go where we belong (obviously, they parted ways when they should be together) Echoes in the dead of dawn  (Force bond foreshadowing echoes?) Soon they're gonna know The sound, the sound, the sound When we come running

And also that one: Force of Nature (Bea Miller). That one really fits Kylo in TFA as he starts falling for Rey during their duel on Starkiller: I don't know why but my hands are shaking I can see you coming and I stand here waiting (Didn’t put up much of a fight, honestly) Yeah I get tongue tied in the conversation (Lost the interrogation scene fight) It's an F'd up, bad, sick situationI tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows Oh but it's too late now (Too late is classic Kylo) I let you get too close (like inside my head) I know I should take cover, hide inside these four walls But baby I surrender, it all'Cause you're a force of nature (Marry Me Face) Look at what you've done I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight (End of the fight) I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature Baby you're a force of natureI feel your lips move in and they take me under (The Force? Mesmerized in looking at her) You know just what to do, how to make me want you And I know I'll be broken when it's over Oh but I can't help but pull you closerI'll be here 'till we collide I don't care if I survive So crash into me one more time

Say what you want, but this beautiful ballad is all about Kylo’s feelings for Rey!

BONUS: THE INVERSE ANIDALA SONG?

There’s an intriguing tune in Kylo’s playlist. Incorporeal (Tiger Army).

I’m gone I died long ago but my spirit still roams (Incorporeal) Unwanted in heaven, forgotten in hell as on earth (Incorporeal) I don't want to stay here, it seems that I'll never be free Oh can you hear me? (no) And so It has come to be that I must wander forever (Incorporeal) Many things I have seen, empires that rise and then fall (Incorporeal) A life you live long is simply a moment to me A tiny drop of water in the sea of eternity There's no place for me everywhere that I go Only seems to bring upset and harm There's one thing that I want and one thing only Release into the great beyond Don't want to remember when I was alive When I held my true love in my arms For like you I once was, and like me you shall be When you Feel a chill in the night perhaps it's me saying hello (Incorporeal) You're so much like my love though she lived in a long ago time (Incorporeal) I long to see her, the day when my soul's laid to rest The peace that I can not find in life, I can find in death

Honestly, this song makes me want to scream!!! Heavy reincarnation theme. Especially when you cross that with Rey sharing 4 songs with Padmé. And with the fact that Anakin (not Vader) and Kylo share a song. And the song  I mentioned, Rich Girl. Rey is the inverse Padmé already, right? She’s the younger one in the couple, and she is poor with a low status. Again, Padmé has everything (the riches and the guy) and didn’t end up happy. By sharing songs, it might be another hint that Rey will succeed where Padmé didn’t.

This is it for 7, guys. It is quite a beast. 34 songs left to go through in Rey’s playlist, 25 for Kylo.