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stargirl-writes · 4 months ago

Text

respite

pairing : f! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 2.2k

masterlist

summary

Amid the war, a healer and a soldier find themselves entangled in a delicate dance between love and survival. When exhaustion and unspoken wounds threaten to drive them apart, they must confront the weight of their fears, jealousy, and vulnerability—knowing that healing isn’t always about fixing what’s broken, but learning to hold on through the storm.

tags : angst, angst with a happy ending (!)

warnings : blood, tending to a wound

notes : hello my loves <3, 1 yr writing for a.s. and long story short all my energy was used trying to survive my medical internship. healer! reader is my most self indulgent coping mechanism— here's another angsty catastrophizing passage i'd like to share wit y'all hehe

Anakin Skywalker was a knife personified.

Sharp, blunt, useful. A touch can draw blood.

But despite the danger, he was made of steel— unrelenting and unyielding. One would make an effort to not stare too much— at what his purpose of being reveals; that in the hands of someone cruel, he becomes something of a weapon.

They say that the healer has the bloodiest hands— a permanent imprint of those you've saved and those you've failed.

You try not to think about it too much— your losses cannot equate to the priviledge of a chance to keep someone alive. That was a gift. Only a God can define salvation—what you're doing is an attempt.

But what did your fingers ever do before they held him?

All of it seemed to pale in comparison.

Maybe the sun has set differently in Coruscant, a place always buzzing with neon and noise— maybe you just stopped noticing it the way you stopped noticing him. You don't know why there remained a part of you that was mistrusting, waiting for him to grow tired with you. Instead, the jagged streaks of electric blue and searing magenta faded into something soft, casting a warm golden light that lingers even after the sun slips behind the horizon, refusing to ever dim.

It's both comforting and heartbreaking that over time you could forget holding onto something so sharp long enough to feel it slip— can leave a trail of blood.

The door to your quarter hisses open— and the weight of Anakin fills the room before he utters a word. His boots are heavy on the floor, dragging with a kind of exhaustion that sinks deeper than muscle and bone. Even his shoulders, which assumes the posture of a Jedi slumps forward. He pauses— gaze wide and apprehending.

His robes are dark with dust and sweat, blood smeared across the cuffs of his bionic arms— not his, someone else's. Always someone else's. He stands there too long, unmoving, as if having already read what's on your mind.

"You're hurt," You speak across the room.

"I'm fine."

His voice is low, flat, like all the life has been scraped out of it. You've seen this before, the wounds he carries aren't the ones stitched into his skin.

He turns on his heel, taking off his clothes. You step closer, noticing the slight wince as he tries to reach for his robes. He held a pose of defiance, unflinching even as you slowly took off the fabric that clung to his flesh. You pressed your palm against the soft skin of his shoulders, coaxing him to sit by the edge of the bed.

He lets out a sigh as the robe slips off. You turn to grab the medkit sitting at your bedside table— its existence a harsh reminder that anytime he comes home— so will the hurt that resides deep within him.

His eyes are hooded and dark as he follows your fingers gently press over a gash lining his chest. He sat still— either too tired to care or too numbed to feel it.

"You can't keep doing this, Anakin,"

He tilts his chin upward, "Doing what?"

You paused, eyes locking in a silent challenge as he kept playing asinine.

"Coming back half-dead and pretending it doesn't matter" You pressed the cloth over his wound, he hisses, flinching away.

He takes your wrist, eyebrows furrowed at your accusation. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Barely."

You seal the wound with a sterile band, the scar tissue will build thick and uneven, just like all pain that he refuses to touch buried deep underneath.

It's hard not to get frustrated to watch Anakin undo all the work you've done— that he would resort to passively allowing it to hurt. His skill with a saber is unquestionable, a droid won't be able to even come near him to inflict pain. As the war dragged on— he'd come home late at night appearing more and more injured. Perhaps it's his way to alleviate some guilt. Because he needs it to believe a sort of redemption— that he is not reduced to what was required of him.

A weapon. Unyielding. Unrelenting.

You turn to pack your materials back to the medkit— no longer able to stomach the tensed silences. You can't quite remember when it felt as though you've become one. Someone who deals death and someone who restores life. Where you began and where he ended was the most beautiful thread in the fabric of fate. There had only been one night—just one— where he let himself sleep, slumped against you in a rare moment of peace. You remember the way his breathing evened, slow and steady, as if for a few precious hours, the war has loosened his grip on him. And the room is blanketed with a sort of promise, that he'll be here for you as you were for him. And that also meant working through the difficult days where loving simply won't suffice.

It seems that the difficult days are outnumbering the ones where you both were happy. Thinking back at it makes you feel as if those days had been another lifetime ago.

He slumps down the bed, arms folded holding his head. "I've handed the 501st' command to Ahsoka, the mission in Mandalore is dragging on, I need her with me,"

He's always carried more than he should. Always assumed the weight of a galaxy, even when it would break him. Having your back against him made it easier to deliberately slow down your words to an unassuming casualness. "Without Obi-Wan?"

You go to Obi-Wan to fill the gaps of the chasm forming between you and Anakin, the ones only Obi-Wan seems to understand.

You turn to sit down beside him. You didn't need to access the force to feel the shift in the atmosphere.

"I haven't seen him in a while," His eyes were staring ahead— up at the ceiling. "So… how is Obi-Wan?"

There was an unmistakable edge to his words—tinged with bitterness and accusation.

"What?"

He chuckles hollowly. "I figured you'd know by now. You always run to him."

His sarcasm drips with an underlying insecurity. Obi-Wan, a person he looks up to, being more trustworthy than he was. He's trying not to sound accusatory but it's obvious that he's struggling with jealousy.

You open your mouth to say something. To defend your actions. What else could you have resorted to? When anytime you try to bridge that gap between you, he turns away. Your heart lodges in your throat— any attempt to explain just sounded as if you and Obi-Wan had been conspiring to manage him.

He straightens, balancing his weight against his arms, gaze demanding an answer. "Why do you keep going to him?"

"I'm not—"

He stands to his feet, tension rippling through his body like a coiled spring. "Yes you are! Every time you think something's wrong you look for him like I'm in need of fixing."

You clasp your fingers together— begging them to steady. "I'm only worried about you— you keep coming home changed like…"

"You're disappearing.“ You answered, "How long can you go on like this without breaking?"

There was a beat of silence. He rubs his temples, pacing bad and forth like staying still is the hardest thing he's ever done.

"And so what, you're going to keep patching me up thinking I'll be someone else?" "No," "—Then stop pretending that I am."

“I keep losing everyone, I can't lose you too." You utter as the guilt verbalizes.

His expression softens recognizing the vulnerability of your words. Something in him falters— just for a moment, a breath—and the weight of his exhaustion settles to his shoulders. He kneels down in front of you.

"You're not losing me," He says, quiter this time, as if he's convincing himself as much as you.

"It feels like it…"

He clasps his fingers over your hands, unraveling them. He opens his mouth to say something back—but then he stops. His head dips, the fight draining out of him. In the quietness, you could hear him pace his breaths with yours.

"You're not going to go through this alone anymore," He shifts closer, his bare chest leaving imprints on the skin of your knees. "Ahsoka will be on Mandalore while Obi-Wan takes Utapau, I'll stay here."

Your fingers slip through his hair, brushing it away from his forehead, tracing the uneven skin lining his face. He leans into your touch, and for a little while, the storm settles, just enough to let you both breathe.

He'll always be someone else's arsenal. He is yours. In a way that you wear his touch as a shield, his promises as hope from all the battles left to fight. He plants soft kisses on the palm of your hand, and a light ignites. Something eternal. Something that tells you that there are things worth holding on to—even when it hurts. You're not going to find the resolution tonight. But this was the beginning. That would have to be enough.

"I'm staying," He says as he presses his lips to your palm again, as if sealing the promise neither of you fully understands yet.

You nod, a smallest curve at the corner of your lips, for a fleeting moment, you feel him smile too.

It feels as though love will suffice. You knew he'd weave the fabrics of fate until it only spells your name. That he will tire, and it will not be easy.

"You know for someone who's fine, you're really bad at hiding pain."

Anakin's lips curved to a faint tired smirk— barely there, but real enough to make your heart lighten. He snakes his long fingers against your waist, pulling you closer until his warmth anchors you.

"Guess you must be rubbing off on me." He murmurs, voice rough with exhaustion, but there's a softness in it—like something broken finding a way to heal.

For a moment the weight lifts. It's not gone, not really, but the edges have dulled enough that you can hold him and not wince at the contact of him being pressed against you. Neither of you speaks again, nor moves again. In the dim of night, with senses dulled, the ordinary becomes profound. And— all of the terror slips away, for now. He no longer is someone that breeds horror. He is love. Made solely to be felt by you.

#anakin #anakin fanfiction #star wars #anakin imagine #anakin x you #anakin angst #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x female reader #anakin Skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker #sw #star wars x reader #angst with a happy ending #anakin x y/n #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin star wars #anakin (ciella's ver)

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leviathanspain · 2 years ago

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anakin smut? where reader is having sexual fantasies about him and he can… feel… it ?🫣

ashamed

anakin skywalker x reader

smut

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you were loud. at least your thoughts were. anakin heard everything, from what you were going to eat for breakfast, to what clothes you’d wear to training.

anakin almost missed it. a small, fleeting thought that meaninglessly floated around in your head, and right into his.

he looks good today..

your thoughts had been heard before he even saw you, and as he turned, there you were, not even looking at him.

anakin’s mouth pulled back into a smirk and he continued to walk, not even bothering to greet you.

it was hard being around him. training had just finished and all you wanted was him. seeing his muscles under those training clothes had left you more than hot and bothered.

you were ravenous.

a jedi was never supposed to engage in any relationships. but it didn’t mean you couldn’t fantasize about it.

you laid on your bed, body worn out after all that training, anakin would be home soon, and he would want to unwind by using you. your body for his, you were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to you.

“hey babe..” his voice trilled as the door shut behind him, carefully you watched him, greeting him back with a smile. but he knew what kind of smile that was, and he was already unbuckling his pants as he walked up.

“what’s wrong?” he had noticed the way you didn’t move off the bed, the way you looked a little breathless. you shrugged slightly, “tough day training.”

anakin’s eyebrows rose, “oh.” you nodded, a small sigh escaping your lips. anakin neared the bed, crawling up by your legs, “maybe i can make you feel better.”

anakin stopped mid sentence. he could taste it. taste something, familiar yet wildly different. anakin dismissed himself from the room full of his superiors and instead went out into the empty hall.

he could feel it. you.

it was you.

anakin inhaled sharply as he felt something graze his crotch, a hand that wasn’t even physically there.

and there was that taste again.

“oh ani..” you moaned out, your words echoed into the room and anakin growled softly, tugging at himself as he lined up with your hole. he had been taking care of you for almost an hour now, fucking you with his mouth until you screamed his name.

now he promised that you wouldn’t dare to forget it.

anakin was slumped down in his room. he had left upon feeling his pants tighten with the size of his erection. now all he could do was trade reality for fantasy as he felt everything you had thought.

he felt it all, and it all left him wanting the real thing. if that’s how you thought about him…

“anakin! don’t stop!” you cried out, gripping his forearms as he thrusted into you, your head crashing into the wall behind you, you groaned softly, “fuck..”

you were writhing on your bed, eyes closed as you let your fantasy play out.

“oh ani!”

a knock suddenly broke your thoughts and you turned, embarrassed, but you got up, knowing they would have no way of knowing what you had been doing.

picturing your jedi master in that way? incred-

“anakin!” the unexpected sight of him at the door, sweating, disheveled, and his robes barely hanging on, he stomped into the room before you could even ask why he was there.

“why didn’t you tell me you wanted me to fuck you?” there it was. it was like nails on a chalkboard.

“what?” your face got red immediately, heat burned on it and you laughed weakly, closing the door, you walked over to him, but you kept your distance, “what are you talking about?”

anakin rolled his eyes, “don’t try and lie to me. i could hear you, i could feel you. i need this to end-“ your face turned into a grimace and you closed your eyes with absolute shock at the revelation, “just let me fuck you. i cant-“ anakin pulled his robes back and highlighted his cock, which was fighting the fabric.

you stared at anakin, “but-“

anakin didn’t even bother to say anything more as he pulled you into his arms, kissing you swiftly as he threw you down.

“don’t be ashamed.”

#anakin skywalker x female reader #anakin smut #anakin angst #anakin skywalker #anakin imagine #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker angst #anakin x reader smut #anakin x reader #anakin x y/n #star wars smut #star wars angst #star wars fanfiction #star wars x reader

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she-was-a-goddess · 9 months ago

Text

im sorry- but im only looking at ur ti—es rn 😩

respectfully

#she is a goddess #anakin smut #anakin imagine #anakin angst #anakin fluff #anakin x you #anakin skywalker #clone wars anakin #sw anakin #tcw anakin #obi wan and anakin #anakin and ahsoka #anakin fanfiction #star wars anakin #anakin and padme #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin

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babypinkhearts · 1 year ago

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spare me this - anakin skywalker

pairing: anakin skywalker + fem!reader

summary: the council assigns you on a deathly solo mission, forbidding anakin to join you.

warnings: angst (i don’t know what is wrong with me!! i am addicted to writing it now), mentions of injury and death, anakin is so sweet and sosososo in love it’s almost pitiful, fluff

a/n: i feel like i put a part of my soul in this. i feel so drained but finishing this feels SO rewarding. another day for firsts! this is my first time writing for anakin, or anything star wars related :) this has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS. i figured, while i still feel motivated to write, let me finish this!!! hope you all enjoy <3 i loved writing it

“three days.” you repeated faintly.

you disliked how quiet anakin was at times. it often left you more troubled than relaxed.

you frowned when he didn’t look at you from his stubborn stare at the ceiling. sighing softly, you mimicked his eyes and looked upwards, your neck rested against the headboard of the bed.

“we will come back victorious, and we will be right here. together again.”

the night before your mission’s departure, you slept in anakin’s room. it would have been much easier to ignore him, act like he didn’t exist for a while. the two of you were far too dependent on one another. the love sometimes felt overwhelming.

however, anakin’s fear was far too evident. it was strong - too strong to the point where you genuinely believed someone else could detect it. you decided that if you could soothe his worries, he’d be relieved of his thoughts.

but anakin didn’t speak. he refused, and his body simply forbid him from trying. not a touch or word was directed at you. it had almost been an hour of pure silence.

unbeknownst to you, there was a helpless feeling of uncertainty that anakin could clearly sense from you. that was what was driving him crazy.

bloodshed was a promise, you already knew it. your master had spoken grimly about the mission, and it was anakin who realized - much quicker than you - that this battle would not end seamlessly.

there was a large, if not, inevitable chance of you coming back alarmingly injured.

you were calculated, strong, and reliable. it was you who the council had chosen to lead the mission.

they were selfish, anakin believed.

“obi-wan knows this will kill me.”

anakin bleakly spoke, his voice muffled by the blanket he had brought up to his face. you decided against expressing your surprise to the sound of his voice.

while obi-wan had no idea about the true nature of your relationship with anakin, he was aware that you served as each other’s weaknesses. jedi code called for the banishment of any attachments, though obi-wan knew he himself had begun to break them when he started to form a brotherly bond with his once-padawan. he held no room for judgement.

while you hadn’t spent nearly as much time with him as anakin had, you felt very fond of him. there was a certain soothing atmosphere that only seemed to arrive in his presence.

secretly, obi-wan had pulled you aside mere hours after your mission was announced. his voice was low as he spoke, and he had gently held your arm the entire time.

“you come back within your scheduled arrival, and everything will be fine. i cannot promise you we will be at ease if you take longer.”

and, of course, through unknowing ears this was a simple comment - a statement of encouragement, really. but it was a completely different story when you could see the true intentions in his words.

anakin would not be at ease, is what he had wanted to say.

and obi-wan was right. from the moment you explained your mission to anakin, he had gone silent. you had been in your room, slowly walking in circles as you counted the tasks you were required to fulfill on your journey.

you hadn’t noticed how awfully pale your jedi had become.

now in present, you realized he had never left his stage of shock.

anakin hated this. he hated how guilty he felt for the resentment he had towards your capabilities. you had impressed the council too much, and it had put you in a dangerous position. he hated how careless you tried to sound, and he hated how you only gave the reply of “yes, master” when being told the instructions of your suicide mission. most importantly, he hated how he was forbidden to join you.

“how do i live? how do i function when you could be dead at any moment?”

you froze, eyes widening.

anakin’s words were cold, and you fought the urge to feed into his frighteningly grim thoughts.

pursing your lips briefly, you forced a smile, brushing back his hair from his forehead. anakin was laying on his back, eyes still narrow and focused upwards. you tried to keep the mood light, attempting to add a little amusement to calm the tense atmosphere his question had made.

“we’re both aware i’m capable enough to handle myself. i used to beat you during training, and i saved you from-“

your playful smile faded, and you gave up talking once you realized he had started to look up at you.

anakin knew you were strong. he didn’t need to hear your reassurance, especially when he knew even you were undoubtedly terrified.

for a while, he just stared at you. it wasn’t intimidating - he could never direct an emotion like that at you - but you felt exposed, almost as if you should shield your face.

anakin felt troubled, trying to piece together all his discomforting emotions clearly. to have you so close seemed to be a punishment. you shouldn’t be here. he shouldn’t be seeing the worry in your eyes, or watching the slight furrow of your brows. although, there was something so beautiful about your concern. he wasn’t made to feel these kinds of emotions, especially ones that one mere person could provide.

for a moment, he wished he didn’t know you. selfishly, he knew that would relieve him of the pain.

“anakin,”

his name that only ever sounded right when you said it.

“what’s the matter, ani?”

there were no protests made when you moved closer to him. the security and serenity he felt with your arms around him made it feel impossible to refuse.

anakin trusted you with his life. he’d give you his life in a heartbeat. he’d do anything for you. and yet - why couldn’t you help him believe you would be okay on this mission? it was cruel, picking on his one and only weakness. his heart, which you held so effortlessly. his mind consisted of you, you, you.

with a shaky sigh, he spoke.

“you’re scaring me.” he quietly admitted.

his eyes were glossy, nearing a depressive red. his stare was piercing. you weren’t sure you wanted his attention anymore.

confused, though mostly alarmed, you continued to look back at him. scaring him?

“you think you’re going to die, don’t you?”

your eyes widened, and suddenly you felt very vulnerable being in front of him.

“anakin - what?” you stumbled out, shaking your head in surprise. he couldn’t be serious. you attempted to talk, reassure him that you would be fine, but his gaze was unfocused. he didn’t want to listen to your futile words. anakin knew you better than anyone else.

“please, do not lie to me.” he whispered, and in that particular moment, you had never seen him so small. “spare me that.”

anakin skywalker, the reckless jedi who consistently charmed his way through trouble. someone who was so spontaneous, yet brilliant.

love kept him going. it wasn’t unrequited. he knew that more than anything. love got him up in the morning. love was adrenaline. love was everything and so much more.

he couldn’t bare losing it.

“i-“ you shook your head again, pausing briefly to lay beside him. a hand was placed on his cheek, and you caressed his face gently.

anakin’s eyes closed, and once more he felt a wave of anger pass through him. he hated the council, he hated the jedi. he hated everything to do with this. they were trying to take you from him. your sweet touches, your soft voice, your caring nature. he felt so bitter it hurt.

you pursed your lips, letting a sigh escape you.

“i will tell you this.“ you whispered, cupping a hand around his soft face. “i am scared. i act like i am not because that is what i must do.”

for the past couple of hours, anakin had assumed that hearing you admit your fear out loud would put his mind at ease. maybe, if you admitted you weren’t invincible, he could convince you to take extra care of yourself.

but your words had the opposite effect on him.

you were scared. and he wouldn’t be there to help.

“i cannot promise you i’ll be unscathed, anakin, but i can promise that i will come back to you.”

it took everything in you to not break in front of him.

you forbid him from continuing the conversation further after that.

when the morning you had dreaded arrived, you silently awaited for a signal on your commlink to commence your departure.

you had left anakin, quietly pleading for him to stay optimistic during your absence. he had helped you get dressed. his touch was like a feather, gently escorting you to a hell you could only hope would be generous to you.

weapons were hidden under your robes, as usual. two lightsabers, because you had learned from anakin years ago that an extra could never hurt.

you couldn’t help but wonder if he felt possibly felt guilty.

anakin had trained you, hoping that an increase in your skill would payoff on the battlefield to solely keep you safer when he wasn’t around.

but you had surpassed his expectations. and now, you were in this position.

it had been an honor to be praised so highly. though, you quickly found that, in reality, it was not something to completely look forward to. anakin’s worry being the main reason.

when your commlink finally sounds off, you waste no time in leaving.

three days, you had claimed to anakin.

when you finally return, a week had gone by.

and just like you had repeated to anakin so many times before - you were victorious.

though, not unscathed.

“medical-“ you breathed heavily, your hand glued to your side as you stepped out of your starfighter, your heart pounding in upmost fear as you realized your vision had begun to blur.

you couldn’t tell who grabbed you first. it wasn’t anakin, you knew that by muffled noise of calm reassurance. if anakin were here, he would have the entire building burned to the ground in seconds. if it weren’t for the excruciating pain you felt everywhere, you could have chuckled at the thought.

“requesting medical attention - yes, this is urgent.”

blinking as quickly as you could, which looked evidently labored, you watched as obi-wan spoke through his commlink.

yours had broken days ago, leaving you stranded with no communication. retreating was never an option in your mind, and you stupidly had fought until your mission had succeeded.

the consequences of your actions truly haunted you as you were lifted on to a table, the strong scent of medication telling you that, yes, your wound was as bad as it felt, if not worse.

and finally, the mask put over your mouth lulled you to a more painless state of sleep.

upon the first few seconds of opening your eyes, you tried to immediately close them again.

of course, anakin was right next to you.

you heard him jolt in his seat, repeatedly calling your name as if you would die if he stopped. his voice sounded hoarse. gently, you reached your arms out, silently begging for him to touch you. you needed his embrace. you can not have gone through all this effort for nothing. he was why you had tried so hard to survive. without a word, anakin complied to your silent request. his hands cupped your face, while yours did the same to him.

his chest was shaking with uneven breaths.

“i made it back - just like i said, right?” you spoke quietly, smiling through a wince. joking was never the way to handle serious situations with anakin, but fuck, you really couldn’t handle how broken he looked.

he didn’t smile. he hadn’t taken your eyes off of you, almost as if you would disappear the second he looked away.

“don’t ever do this to me again.”

you quickly stopped speaking at his tone. unstable and hurt. you can’t promise that to anakin. it would be selfish. you help people - your mission had hopefully saved thousands. what is one life to lose if it can save so many more? you’re skilled, why not use your potential for something extraordinary?

“leave the order with me.”

your eyes widen, bigger than you mean them to.

“i-i can’t do that.” you reply immediately, shaking your head in his gentle grasp. leaving the order was nearly unspoken of - all of these years training, dedicating your life - what would it have been for? you can’t leave. people need you - the galaxy needs you.

you would have anakin, but could you live with yourself? all these years, you’ve been taught to be selfless, so why is anakin proposing such an idea?

you’re sure he can see the conflict on your face.

“you almost died.”

his bluntness forces to you remember the stinging pain on your side. you shake your head.

“that’s a part of the job.” you speak firmly. “i would be injured a hundred times over if it meant someone won’t be.”

anakin immediately lets go of your face.

“listen to me,”

it’s nearly a full-body sob, and you watch as he stands straighter, attempting to compose himself.

you feel your heart drop to your stomach.

“you’re hurting me - i don’t care if i’m being selfish! i love you. i love you more than anything, and i know i cannot live without you.”

anakin skywalker’s love for you was almost pitiful. he himself nearly couldn’t stand it. how can one person cause so much heartache? why is it possible to care for someone as much as he does for you? his outburst was childish, and he’s aware. but he needs you to see him, so raw, so authentically. maybe if you could see the pain he was in, you would spare him more easily.

“anakin…” you whispered, so quietly you almost doubted he heard you.

the reality was, you tended to push anakin away. you were hesitant to love him. you felt greedy whenever you allowed yourself to love him so deeply. you were meant to serve others, not have feelings of your own. anakin was your weakness, and that scared you more than anything. if you were going to be powerful enough to save millions, it would be foolish to have a flaw.

but, clearly, anakin didn’t care about weaknesses. he had you, and loved you with open arms, and despite this, he preformed better than you in nearly everything. how does he manage?

“i love you too much.” his voice was defeated, and the anger he had previously held dissipated. “obi-wan saw me sulk after the three days. he stopped me from seeing you when you arrived.”

you nodded slowly. it made sense, you couldn’t imagine the scene that would have occurred if it had been anakin carrying your half-conscious body. anakin skywalker reacted according to his feelings. he was spontaneous.

you sighed quietly.

“i would never leave the order, anakin. i wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” you spoke, and winced as you visibly saw him tense.

you had to be honest with him.

reaching a hand out, you grabbed his, gently interlocking your fingers.

“but, i can promise you that i will never take a mission like that. it was reckless, i know. i’m so sorry.”

he didn’t speak, taking a seat on your bed.

he was unsatisfied, you knew that.

but you couldn’t change the entire trajectory of your life for him just because he worries you’ll get hurt. it would be wrong, and you know, though he won’t say it out loud, anakin agrees with you.

he allows himself to give into desires. it’s not because he feels he’s “deserving” of them, but because it’s something that comes so natural to him. so why must it be wrong to love you?

anakin is confident with your abilities. he knows how strong you are. but it’s second-nature for him to worry. you’re something so precious to him in this world of despair.

so he’ll stay silent and let you do whatever you please. he cannot hold you back, and he’s now painfully aware of it. but, he can help you.

more trainings, better advice, and more time.

you have each other, and he is satisfied with that forever.

#star wars fanfiction #star wars x reader #star wars fic #star wars x you #anakin skywalker #anakin angst #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x you #obi wan kenobi #obi wan star wars #darth vader #revenge of the sith #darth vador x reader #luke skywalker #obi wan x reader #rots #r2d2 #star wars anakin

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sollis-occasum · 6 months ago

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a night like this - anakin skywalker x fem!reader

summary: you kept saying that everything was over between the two of you but anakin kept coming back to you every time.

warnings: angst, no use of y/n, insecurity, jealousy, miscommunication, mention of blood and injury, quinlan vos beheads a bounty hunter (just one sentence and it's not in detail either), mention of a vomiting twi-lek, reader is working in a pub, no proofread

word count: 1.7k

a/n: i haven't decided yet but i may write a few more parts to this story. i hope you like it guys. please don't mind the english mistakes, i'm not a native speaker.

Being injured was not unusual for Anakin Skywalker, but he could never remember feeling so vulnerable before.

As he moved, his battle-weary body convulsed with a kind of pain he had never felt before, reopening wounds that had begun to close, filling his nostrils with the metallic scent of blood. If your delicate sighs had not mixed with his moans from his blood-soaked lips, the pain he was in would have caused him to lose all sense of time and space. But how could he have allowed this to happen as you gently ran your hands over his face, wiping away the sweat from his forehead? This was perhaps the last time you would welcome him into this house where you had created so many precious memories together, and Anakin wanted to engrave everything from that night deep in his mind. Every sound, every image, every detail...

You had tried to tell him hundreds, maybe thousands of times before that everything between you was over, that you belonged in two different worlds. Anakin Skywalker was a young Jedi fighting to ensure that the light side of the Force prevailed over the darkness in the galaxy. You were just an ordinary barmaid working in a seedy pub in a backstreet of Coruscant. Unlike Anakin, your life was not full of fearless warriors and nobles with endless wealth, but of hardened criminals, addicts, and bounty hunters. How could you trust him and open your heart to him when he had been trained to fight the people you considered your family for almost his entire life?

And your experiences were very different, too. Anakin had traveled to planets you had never even heard of before, and met people you could never even see on the HoloNet. Some nights when you couldn't sleep, you would ask him to talk, to tell you things, thinking that hearing his soft voice would help you drift off. He would tell you stories from his missions. Sometimes these stories took place on a mountain on Alderaan, sometimes in an underwater city on Naboo. Usually, the people who accompanied Anakin on these planets were just as interesting as the mission itself. Master Jedi, senators, stormtroopers, sometimes even Chancellor Palpatine himself...

These stories that you listened to with great excitement at first, started to create a thin ache in your heart that even you didn't want to accept. You knew that Anakin had no bad intentions, that he just wanted to share something with you, but no matter what you did you couldn't resist the jealousy that was trying to take over your soul. Knowing that there is another life somewhere outside of this swamp you were trapped in and that you could only hear about it from others was driving you crazy inside.

Sometimes Anakin would ask you questions about your life, but you would either ignore them or leave them unanswered. You had no intention of appearing mysterious or keeping secrets. You just didn't have stories that would interest someone like him who had seen the entire galaxy. What were you going to tell him? Do you know, Anakin, today a Jedi named Quinlan Vos came to our pub and cut off the head of a bounty hunter with his lightsaber. The man's head fell into the lap of one of the stripper Twi-leks and she started throwing up. I had to clean up the vomit along with the blood on the walls. What a beautiful day, isn't it?

No, no... You would rather remain silent for the rest of your life than endure Anakin's pitying gaze as he listened to these. At least that way you wouldn't have lost your self-respect.

You took a deep breath to clear your mind and turned your gaze to Anakin lying on your bed. He looked so innocent and defenseless with his wounded state that your heart ached for him. You wanted to protect him from all the evil in the universe by hiding him in your house, which was a temple of memories for you, but how could you do that when you didn't even have the strength to protect yourself? The only good thing you could do for him was to get out of his life before you could hurt him any further. You tucked a lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead behind his ear and muttered in a voice you could barely hear, "You shouldn't have come here, Anakin." You tried to make your voice sound firm and determined, but you couldn't stop it from shaking.

The young Jedi tried to sit up in bed, but couldn’t. He winced in pain and slowly lowered himself onto the headboard. He pressed his mechanical hand to the wound on his abdomen, as if the coldness of the metal would ease the pain. You placed your hand over his and began to gently stroke the metal surface with your thumb. Even though he couldn’t feel your touch, the gesture always soothed him. When you realized that having a cybernetic hand embarrassed him, you started doing it to show him that you loved everything about him, and over time it had become a habit. To Anakin, this robotic hand might have been a symbol of his weakness but to you, it was just a part of the man you loved.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a burden to you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ani, you’re not a burden to me. You couldn’t be even if you wanted to.” You slowly removed his hand from his wound, as if you were afraid of hurting him, and kissed it. “What I was trying to say was that the Jedi at the temple could take better care of you. You know, with spells and all that.”

"Jedi don't do magic, they use the Force." He smiled for the first time since he had come to you. You shrugged, smiling. "They're all the same to me. I'm not sensitive to any of them anyway."

Your smiles and chuckles were not enough to break the serious air in the room. You had to stop for a few seconds and gather your courage to continue speaking. Your eyebrows were slightly furrowed in the meantime, and your lips were drawn into a thin line. A sadder expression than Anakin had ever seen appeared in his eyes, reflected by the moonlight. The wrinkles on your forehead made you look like you had aged a few years in a few seconds.

"But we can't keep doing this, Anakin. You know that too. You can't come to me every time. We've talked about this many times before."

Anakin tried to get closer to you, but the burns and wounds were hurting him so much that he couldn't. He leaned back once more, taking deep, raspy breaths, and unconsciously began to squeeze the old sheet. Despite the pained expression on his face, he neither blinked nor took his gaze away from yours. You knew that by looking directly into you eyes, he was trying to see something deep inside your soul. Maybe a trace of the affection you had only ever felt for him, or maybe a glimmer of hope that you would never give up on him... But he could see nothing but determination on your face, blurred by his misty eyes.

“Don’t do this to us,” he said in a pleading voice. The tears he had been trying to hold back had finally started to flow down his cheeks. With a quick movement, he pulled his mechanical hand from yours and wiped his face, hoping that you hadn’t seen them. He hated the power you had over him.

“Don’t give up on us like this.”

When you saw Anakin’s wet eyelashes, you felt an overwhelming desire in your heart to pull him close to you, to lay him on your chest, to caress the soft hair he had grown for your sake while he cried and tell him that everything would be okay, but you couldn’t do it. You knew that the moment you showed weakness, your ex-lover would draw strength from your hesitation and try to fight against your inevitable end. You did the only thing you could do and shook your head, hiding behind your cold expression. "I have no choice, Ani."

"I love you, does that mean nothing to you?" The sadness in his eyes was giving way to anger, but his voice was so weak that he could not convey his rebellion to you.

"Of course that means something." you said in a calm tone, almost mocking his anger. "I love you too, but I will not allow you to waste your life on a relationship that has no future. If you are so determined to go against the Jedi Code, you should at least do it for someone worthy. Senator Amidala, for example. She is a beautiful and noble woman, and it is clear that she has feelings for you. She can use her power and position to help you. I will only be a hindrance."

"Nonsense," Anakin snapped. "Padme is nothing more than a trusted friend to me. You are the only person I need to continue. I can fight the whole galaxy as long as you're by my side."

You sighed slightly and got out of bed. “We won’t have this conversation again, Anakin. My decision is final and there is nothing you can do to make me change my mind.”

You knew you were doing the right thing for both of you, but why did it hurt so much? Why did the right choice always require such sacrifices?

You bid Anakin a last farewell with an innocent kiss on the lips and started walking towards the old wooden door of the room. You could feel the salty taste of your lovers tears on your lips.

“Stay the night here and get some good rest. But I don’t want to see you here when I get home from work tomorrow.”

Those were the last words you said to Anakin before you left the room and his life forever. “This can’t be the end of us,” he muttered as he looked at your shrinking figure. He started to tangle his fingers in his hair that you had been gently stroking a few minutes ago and started to squeeze it. He shook his head violently from side to side as if denying the cruel words echoing in his mind.

"I swear I will find a way to fix everything and bring you back to me."

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cookybananas · 7 months ago

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Do I Know You? Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker x Reader {Part. II}

author's note: here is part two aka the final chapter to my alternate universe/timeline!au fic. I wasn't expecting to release this chapter so late, but here it is!

summary: Where Darth Vader is sent on a mission and finds himself traveling through another timeline and meets another version of you were you aren't dead. part I: Do I Know You? I

Obi-Wan took his saber off his belt and held it firmly in his grasp now. "Let's try this one more time. You will leave at once and return to where you once came." Obi-Wan stated.

Vader's demeanor shifted. The dark side influencing him to become more angry by the moment. He grew impatient at this, other Obi-Wan, standing in his way between his wife once again. With a hiss of his helmet, Vader's helmet was back on his head again. His vision now giving him the advantage to see in the dark penthouse.

"You will not take her away from me, again." Darth Vader's mechanical voice boomed as he lit his red lightsaber. "You will surrender her over to me alas."

"Oh I don't think so." Obi-Wan lit up his blue lightsaber as he got into his fighting position.

I stirred around in my bed. Something felt off, I could feel it in my stomach. My eyes shot opened at the faint sound of what sounded like lightsaber clashing.

Artoo had awaken from his rest state and beeped quietly at me, telling me that there was something or someone was here.

I stuck my hand under my pillow to pull out my handy blaster. I haven't needed to use it yet, but it was a precaution in situations like this. I got out the bed and cracked the door open ajar.

"Someone's here Artoo." I whispered to him, to which he quietly beeped in response.

I opened the door wider, only to see Obi-Wan's blue lightsaber clashing with a red lightsaber.

"There is no need to resist me." A deep, mechanical voice spoke. "Search your feelings Obi-Wan, only then you will know that I was once your appreintience, Anakin Skywalker."

I raise up my blaster, trying to find the person Obi-Wan was fighting, but it didn't help that it was dark and I couldn't tell who was who and what I would be aiming at specifically.

After moments of locking on the person Obi-Wan was fighting, I took a shot at what looked like his torso. A booming mechanical cry was heard, but that wasn't enough to take him down. In fact, it made him angrier. He used the force and threw Obi-Wan across the room and into the wall.

"Don't move! I'll shoot you again." I spoke up, my breath shaking. My other hand searching to find the light switch on the wall next to me. I turned on the lights only to be met face to face with the tall masked figure that was couple of feet from me. I pointed the blaster at his head, my hands shaking.

His breathing was mechanical. He sounded like a droid, but seemed human at the same time.

"Angel..." The tall figure said. My eyes widen, my blood ran cold as I froze in place. A nickname I haven't been called over year, a name I haven't been called since...Since Anakin's death. I gripped my blaster tighter, only for him to use the force and pull it out of my grasp and fling it across the room. I looked over to where Obi-Wan was on the ground unconscious.

Artoo rolled into the living space with a scream, attacking Vader's leg, only for him to be forced kicked across the room by Vader. This gave you time to run over to your blaster where Vader had flung it, but you couldn't move. That bastard was holding you in place with the force.

"Do not be afraid. I will not harm you." Vader spoke up, pulling you closer to him with the force. You were trying to wiggle out of his grasp, but it was no use.

"You will not harm me? Then release me this instant!" You exclaimed, still wiggling around the air, as he pulled you closer to him. You felt your feet touch the ground as he released his grasp from you. You were now standing face to face with Vader. "What is it that you want from me?" You brush out your silk nightgown as he stared at you in awe. You were slowly becoming uncomfortable under his gaze, but you wouldn't let yourself fold.

"Hello? Did you not hear me?" You asked again as you crossed your arms, your patience growing thinner.

"Apologies...I just." Vader mustered out, unable to find the words.

"You just what?"

You couldn't tell, but Vader was panicking under his suit. He didn't think this through, or what he would say to you if he faced you. You were very much alive, at least since the last time he saw you. Your e/c gleamed under the living room lights. Your locks of h/c hair were longer now, cascading down to your hips. Your lips were plump and rosy, just taunting Vader to smash his lips against yours.

Without thinking, Vader's hands had found his way up helmet once again. Hoping that this time you would give him a chance, unlike Obi-Wan who was a bit apprehensive and combative toward him. You watched in bewilderment as the person who was after you revealed himself as a humanoid man? But your shock didn't end there. Your eyes scanned all over Vader's face, analyzing it. You didn't know what to expect what this man would look like, but you weren't expecting him to look like this.

Vader's eyes were no longer yellow, but were his original cerulean colored eyes. You took a step closer to him as you cupped his face, your eyes meeting his. You couldn't believe it, you didn't want to believe it. His eyes were just like Anakin's, if not the exact same. Though Vader was now hairless and heavily scarred, he still resembled Anakin. In fact, there were still remnants of Anakin within Vader that he believed he had rid of years ago.

"I-it can't be..." You whispered out. It had been over a year since Anakin's death. There have been many nights where you dreamed of the life that both you and Anakin could have had after the war. How you would have left your position as senator, Anakin leaving the Jedi, just so you both could have a family somewhere in the star system. But every morning as you woke, it was a constant reminder that it was only a dream, and that every waking hour you were awake, it was a nightmare for you.

"Angel.." Anakin said softly, cupping your cheek. Your eyes were glossy now, tears slowly forming in the corner of your eyes.

You had dreams and hopes, hopes that one day both you and Anakin would find each other again. You couldn't care if Anakin had been reincarnated into a Wookie or some hideous creature, but as long as there were remnants of Anakin, you would be happy and content. Perhaps it had been the lament you had over the loss of Anakin or the loneliness you've endured the past year, you did everything and anything in your power to be with him once again.

Now, here he was, standing in front of you. Though he didn't look like the same Anakin you once knew and loved, but you had gut feeling that he was like Anakin at least.

"Ani...Is it really you?" You were desperate, desperately hoping that this was the Maker giving you another chance to have your happy ending with Anakin.

Anakin nodded in response as you wiped away a tear that fell from his eyes. You let out a sob has you threw yourself into his strong arms, to which he engulfed your small frame. He held onto you tightly, afraid that you would slip away from him.

You pulled away from Anakin, your eyes meeting his once again. Smiling up at him, you stood on your tippy toes, inching closer to his face as you closed the gap between yourselves. Your lips were soft against Anakin's slightly chapped lips. The kiss soon turned passionate as Anakin's pressed you harder against him, his hands roaming up and down your body, desperate to touch every single inch of you.

You let out a small moan, however your passionate session came to an end when you heard someone clearing their throat. Both you and Anakin pulled away, turning your heads at Obi-Wan who shifted uncomfortably in his spot, clutching his elbow that had been injured.

"How long was I out for?" Obi-Wan spoke up, trying to shift the awkward mood between the three of you.

"A good 15 minutes I'd say?" You responded, your cheeks now tinted pink as you looked up at Anakin, before looking back at Obi-Wan.

"Well, I'm gonna go get some rest. If you need me, I will be in my chambers." With that, Obi-Wan swiftly made his way out of the living area and into his room. You couldn't help but giggle, as Anakin let out a chuckle. Obi-Wan definitely had been watching the both of you make out for a good minute or so before intervening.

Anakin let out a hiss, forgetting the fact that you had shot him earlier with your blaster. You looked at him with concern.

"Oh darling... Let's get you patched up." You tell Anakin, your hand gently brushing against the wound. To which Anakin sucked in a breath.

"Could you patch me up in your bedroom love?" Anakin spoke up. You rolled your eyes at his comment, before hooking your arm around his and leading him to your quarters.

thank you for reading!!! <3

tags: @mistress-amidala

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princessofgotham777 · 2 months ago

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Masterlist

This is all fluff and angst, I don’t write smut. Please read the warnings before every fic and part to each series! Hope you enjoy🩷

Jason Todd

Dating Jason Todd (Part One: Back to The Tower)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Two: Fear and Love)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Three: The Past)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Four: Arkham)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Five: Dead?)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Six: Remember Me, Remember Me)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Seven: Horror)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Eight: Your Jason)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Nine: The Funeral of Jason Todd)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Ten: Dream A Little Dream Of Me)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Eleven: I miss you; you)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Twelve: Prince of Gotham)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Thirteen: With him…)

Dating Jason Todd (Part Fourteen: Red Hood)

The Other Titan Series (Backstory to “Dating Jason Todd”) (coming soon)

Dick Grayson

505 (Dick Grayson x Reader)-angst, fluff, hurt/comfort-> PART ONE

Star Wars

Anakin Skywalker

Nights Like These (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort-> PART ONE

Nights Like These (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort-> PART TWO

Nights Like These (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort-> PART THREE

Venice Bitch (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort-> PART ONE

Divergent

Peter Hayes

On Each Other’s Team (Peter Hayes x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, slowburn, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers-> PART ONE

Vampire Academy

Christian Ozera

Under Your Spell (Christian Ozera x Reader)- angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers-> PART ONE

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reverie-verse · 6 days ago

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Anakin Skywalker x Reader: Forbidden Attachments PT 1..

Prompt: A time between the Clone Wars on the verge of beginning and then end of Padawan ages. Y/N is in love with Anakin, but his heart seems to belong to someone else. Senator Padme. One thing a Jedi cannot do, is the one thing that sets her free…Her life takes a turn resulting in her starting over, finding a new life on a different planet. Only a few years later does an unexpected visit rehash old feelings.

*Glimpses of Obi Wan, Ahsoka, Rex.

A/N: I had an anon reach out an ask for a part 2, then I read this one so I could get in the mood lmaooo. THEN I realized I NEEDED to rewrite part 1 again.....soooo I did! Ummm please enjoy!

Part 2 is ON THE WAY!!!!🫶🏽

My REQUESTS are OPEN!!!! 😌

———————————————————-

The day you left the order was the hardest decision you’ve ever made. It wasn’t because of false accusations or because you believed that the sith could help you achieve goals the Jedi couldn’t. No it was one specific rule, one specific code. Attachments are Forbidden. Love was forbidden and you were in love with Anakin, your best friend. It wasn't his fault, you couldn’t blame him for being himself. You couldn’t exactly blame the code either, it was a rule you needed to abide by. However, it hadn’t stopped the pain that coursed through your body, your heart, and your mind. You knew the reality of the situation, you knew there wasn’t an easy way to go about this, to work through this. The love that you craved was immense, you felt drawn to him, yet you knew the truth, he could never care for you the way you hoped.

But that was a lie.

He could care in the way you yearned for, only it wasn’t you he wanted. The memory was fresh, as if it had happened yesterday, how could you forget? You were beginning your rounds of patrol, it was your turn that night. Obi Wan usually took the first shift leaving room for him to meditate when he can. Anakin took the second shift to avoid ruining his sleeping schedule, to soak in the last remaining source of the sun. You took the last shift because you had always taken the shifts or the jobs nobody wanted. You hadn’t minded, you enjoyed the peace and the quiet that came with it.

Only it was that night that you had regretted it. Per usual you had wandered down the halls, your gaze landing on every corner, crevice, window, walls, doors, rooms. You had continuously minding your thoughts to yourself, even then as you walked, you couldn’t help it. Work seemed to find itself placed on the back burner as you drifted in and out of wants and desires. You reprimanded yourself repeatedly as you tried to embed the code as far deep into your soul as possible…But it all came to an end. You had reached her corridor, looking further into the hall even within the dim lighting, it was as clear as day. Your heart shattered.

It’s pathetic how well you remembered the way Padme grasped Anakin’s arm. The way she pulled him into her room, so late into the evening as it neared the middle of the night. The way he looked at her, his eyes wandering her features, he took her in as though she were the only woman in the galaxy. Her lashes flutter as her gaze locks onto his, her smile sweet, warm, and welcoming. It was an open invitation, as she guided him into the heated space of her bedroom. He followed her with such ease, he practically melted in front of her, his thoughts no longer his own echoing into an abyss that was only heard by you.

Your mind and body are no longer connected, your feet moving backward, retracing your steps. They guided you towards your bedroom, forgetting the fact that you still had hours left of your duty. Your mind and your heart collided for the second time, only it wasn’t pleasant as it once was, time it was painful. The yearning, the wanting, the day dreaming the milliseconds of when you touched or when you locked eyes or when you spoke truths to each other-it had all but ceased. It crumbled apart right before your eyes. You felt betrayed, you felt envious, you felt delusional, you felt wrong, you felt guilty. But you were thankful, you were thankful he hadn’t noticed you were thankful that you could escape knowing now that he would never love you the way he had Padme.

This was your time. It was selfish you know, and you realized that your life’s work depended on this decision. You were selfish with it all, the Jedi were never meant to be that way. They were meant to be selfless and giving, protectors, you were none of those things, at least not in the eyes of the Jedi. You had devoted all your life to the cause of the war, the battles that you won, the battles that you’ve lost, the lives that you’ve saved and the lives you lost all for what? You were tormented in every aspect of your life and this was the final straw. You have given all of it up, it was pathetic, and it was stupid indeed, but deep down you had already craved a simple life. So you made the decision to leave and there was no one to stop you. The moment opportune.

You had a plan, you knew the routine schedule of the Nabooian security forces. You knew where your beloved Master and friend.. would be, it was just too easy. You had known that taking your own ship, or a Nabooian ship would alert everyone of your disappearance. It was easier to slip out taking one of the speeders you found as you travel by foot for the first few miles. From there it was a cake walk allowing you to take off without so much of a trace. It was a success, to say the least, by now it would be too late. Dawn was nearing, you had already passed the inner city, the port and onto the cargo ship. With your bag slung over your shoulder as you walk along the corridor, the vessel makes its great escape as it exits the atmosphere.

You knew that you wouldn’t be returning to Coruscant, you knew how devastated Anakin would be. As any concerned friend would be… Obi Wan would be there to deliver the loss, while Padme would take the chance to ease his pain in every way possible. You couldn’t stay in Naboo or to return home to the Jedi temple on Coruscant. You couldn’t bear the pain that came from watching someone else fall in love with someone else that wasn’t you. Nor could you ignore the feelings that bubbled beneath your skin, the life of Jedi was taking its toll and for once this decision hadn’t felt wrong. You felt a slight relief, this was a good thing, you were going to start a new life, one that you craved. You were going to be free of all the madness in your life…

It had been close to two years now, you had found yourself a home on Aurea, in the city of Shakamm Crater. A vast planet filled with forests, oceans, sands, a tropical climate, a beautiful home, it was better than all the metal structures you were used to. The planet itself practically ran on so many various forms of trades, and skills, artisans of all kinds. It was easy to find a low maintenance job, one that allowed you to keep a low profile and keep an eye on potential exposing threats. You were lucky in the fact that there were millions of people that resided here. That alone brought comfort to you with an extra padding of protection. You knew that the Jedi would never check the core worlds, only the outer rim held their focus.

It had reached nightfall by now, you had gotten home maybe an hour or two ago, a small humble abode in the middle of an open field nearest the ocean and forest. You sought out a home that allowed you to live at the edge of the city, the area brought a deep comfort reminding you of some of the gardens you once walked through at the temple. Your home was open, your floor plan wide, everything within sight, except of course your bedroom and bathroom. It was exactly the space you needed and nothing more and nothing less. A breeze had swept past the cotton material of your curtain. You had wandered over to it, wrapping the cloth together and pinning it to the side. A late night indeed. The breeze was cooler in the middle of the night, the stars amongst the galaxy calling to you. You take a seat near the windowsill, your chin tucked into your hand. Your hair wet from the previous shower you had taken, your large tunic and shorts, loose against your body. The moons at its highest peak, a steady stream of light pouring in. You take a moment shutting your eyes, as you battle the memories of your past that threaten to consume you.

———-

A specific image of you sitting in a home, you in your natural state, your hair in its unruliness, a sight he hasn’t seen in a few years…This version of you was placed near a window overlooking a view, one that he couldn’t see. One that the force wouldn’t allow him to see. Oh how you haunted him in every aspect of his waking life, odd moments, during meditations, and even in his slumber. When head the most relaxed he received these visions. What had expected carrying your trophies around as if they were a part of him. He places a hand on his forehead, a headache beginning to form behind his eyes, he shuts them for just a brief moment or two to relieve the pain but nothing comes of it.

Rex, his loyal captain, his friend, turned to look at his General “Sir are you alright?” Anakin knew the reason he was asking, the two in the past have shared their horrific memories, bonding in a way that allows him to feel safe with trust. The many sleepless nights, the days spent in triggering environments, forcing old and new memories to collide..

“Yeah I’m just fine Rex” He grumbled, not in the mood to respond to his question in further detail. This was exhausting him, driving him into a silent madness. He knew Rex knew better than to push the situation, so he hadn’t. For that Anakin was grateful for, at this time he had no energy left to give. Anakin wasn’t sure why it was like this, this…recurrence of you. You were everywhere and in everything. His mind was tormented and not a single person could help him ease his pain. Not his padawan, his old Master, not even Padme.

“Master I can’t keep fixing this power core, I need a new one and the fuel tank is running low-” Ahsoka shouts from the back of the ship, Anakin heaved a sigh as she drags herself back into the cockpit. Ahsoka, with each passing day was beginning to remind Anakin of himself. Her attitude, her knowledge that she gained, her skills growing, Rex refrains from chuckling as Ahsoka stops in her tracks “-Where are we?”

Obi Wan only shakes his eye as his locks onto a set of coordinates before looking out towards the massive planet. “I believe we’re headed for Planet Aurea, I hear Shakamm Crater has a docking station. Fuel and maintenance might be a bargain.” Obi Wan says as he checks the scanners. There were two engine malfunctions and the fuel tank ran dangerously low.

“Great, let's hope the repair won’t cost a fortune.” Anakin replies as he pressed a few control keys before pulling back on the yoke, he nods his head towards Rex. With extra support Rex began to slow down the ship as it passed through its orbit and through its atmosphere. The sun’s burning glow hit the planet signaling that it was daylight.

“There’s the station” Ahsoka points out as Anakin helps Rex fly the ship closer, landing it on a dock. The group opens up the hatch as they exit the craft taking in the scenery before them. There lay an assortment of ships, workers, and droids. Sparks floated about the air as equipment mold, cut seal and from pieces of metal. In all directions various sounds filled the station, rumblings of engines, motors, workers, customers and droids shouting amongst each other. It was easy to get side tracked if no one knew where to look or what to do. Ahsoka and Rex were slightly captivated by this environment, there was an energy about it, the openness, the invitation of it all.

Obi Wan and Anakin had a set routine, and while Ahsoka may be learning, it came with instinct the way the two immediately went searching for a mechanic. Time was of the essence and with a quickness, Anakin and Obi Wan spotted a mechanic, who happened to have been wiping the grease from his hands and fingers, and exasperated sigh leaving his lips. “What can I do for you?”

“We need fuel, a new power core and a new engine, oh and our left wing needs some attention. We need it done by tomorrow. ” Anakin states as he crosses his arms, Obi Wan already in the same stance.

The worker glares at him, frustration clearly evident. “Tomorrow? I at least need a few days to get the parts- What’d you do? Fight some pirates or something”

“Now why would we tell you that?” Anakin’s voice clips. Obi Wan takes notice choosing to remain silent until he feels he needs to step in…which he could only assume won’t be long.

“Look, you won’t find a better worker than me around here-” The worker taking a step forward causing Anakin to raise a slight eyebrow.

“Never mind that, We will pay you handsomely to fix it in a few days” Obi Wan offers as he takes a step forward between them.

The worker shifts his angered gaze from Anakin’s and towards Obi Wans. “ What’d you have in mind?” Obi Wan slips to the side pulling the attention of the worker allowing them to separate from his padawan. Anakin rolls his eyes keeping his shoulders square, arms tightly crossed as he scanned the area. The smell of burning metal brought a comfort to him, a warm comfort at that. For a moment it allowed him to relax, to find peace, it was only then did he realize what he’d done. A tug pulls at his chest, a familiar one at that. The bond that Anakin had with the force was immense and strong. His intuition, his instincts were usually never wrong.

He takes this as a cue, one from the force that suggested he dive deeper. Again a harsher pull, that caused his heart to leap, his eyes searching, as his feet began to guide him. For a brief second his heart stopped, as the pull so great caused him to freeze. There it was, that essence, it drew him in further, his head shifted slightly to the side. It was right there, the thing that called to him through the force if only he could just-His eyes follow an invisible line over his shoulder, time seemed to have ceased in its very existence. His chest tightens, his breath trapped within his throat, there a sight for sore eyes, was you, the very person he dreamt of.

There you were burning brighter than a thousand suns, your skin glowing. You swiped the back of your hand onto your forehead, pushing at the loose hair to the sides and out of your eyes. The grease on your hands smeared a tiny bit into your forehead. You had worn a uniform jumpsuit that the sleeves were tied around your waist, exposing your short sleeve shirt. More grease and dirt stained the skin of your arms and neck. You were captivating, breathtaking, Anakin was sure he was forgetting to breathe.

You were in a position of concentration, you had been sitting criss crossed on the nose of a ship. You had been working on the droid that had been trapped in its place. It beeped at you causing you to shake your head allowing you to loosen it up just a tad. You were only a mere few paces away and yet he could see you clear as day. Anakin hadn’t missed the way your smile had broken its seriousness. A coworker of yours had wandered over to you, saying something that naturally let your beautiful laughter escape. You had quickly turned your attention allowing the small robotic creature to jump out of its pocket landing next to its owner. Your friend who shouts something at you causing you to wave them off.

They cackled loudly and waited till you hopped down from the nose of the ship. You smiled and spoke, shaking your head. You reached into your backpack that you had now slung over your shoulder, you pulled out something small. He wasn’t able to make out what it was but by the looks of it your friend was happy. The two of you waving goodbye to one another only to catch the eyes of Anakin in the process. The force had a funny way of bringing the ones you know and love back into your life. It was then you froze, your heart thumped with everything it had. Your chest squeezing, the air from your lungs evaporating. It felt as though no time had passed, the way you two connected, a strong cord securing its hold, it pulled you both in. For a moment you remember it all, the love, the pain, the comfort, anger, the happiness, every bit of emotion there was to feel.. all brought up from the past..

You didn’t want to admit that after all this time you still loved him. That he still looked as handsome as the day you first met. He no longer had a padawan braid signifying that he passed the trials. Both hands were protected by gloves, only one was more textured than the other. His hair grew a few inches longer than the last time you saw him. A scar cutting through the top of his eyebrow and down to his cheek, his piercing blue eyes, locked with yours. You’d heard stories about him, most of which were his heretic deeds, his cunningness and his ability to chaotically strategize. A poster boy for the republic for the Jedi. Then there were other stories that suggested a dark version of him, one only smugglers and bounty hunters speak of. His reputation preceded him, in more ways than one.

Anakin held an intensity about him, always falling into depth, on each end of the scale never in between. To match his intensity a boyish nature flickers behind his eyes. A way to keep relief from all the chaos and suffering of the war. Still even now he found ways to peer into your soul to keep you trapped beneath his gaze. A trace so heavily captivating it was hard to break-but you had too. With two blinks, you took a step back, your thoughts finally catching up to your body. There was a decent amount of space between you, even then your mind began to calculate its time and an exit plan. He may have a hold over you but, maker forbid, that he brings you back to the Jedi. You weren’t going to risk it, not this time. No matter how deep your bond ran, or how much you used to love him.

Obi Wan comes into view, placing a hand on his shoulder. Two more people who you had not recognized joined him on the opposite side. It had taken you mere seconds to recognize that young togurta is a force wielder. You didn't need to look for the lightsabers. The man behind her was a clone easily distinguished by the many rogue clones you had encountered along the way. Obi mouths your name in question, the young padawans gaze follows theirs towards your direction, realization flashes across her features. Reality bends back into its original form, the opportunity arises as you break out into a run. Anakin took his only chance to go after you, he shouts at Obi Wan to stay with the ship, Ahsoka and Rex both protesting, wanting to follow him. However, Obi Wan knew better than to interfere.

You’re faster than Anakin remembered, usually he’d out run you but this time you were out running him. Somewhere in the space between the crowd and the exit, he shouts your name, calling for you. You ignored him against every fiber of your being. Your feet carried you through the sea of people, your body slamming into every other person you came across. You hadn’t even had the chance to mutter an apology. You had created a pattern, one that you ingrained into your mind for a day like this. You zig zagged through the crowd creating confusion as you ran for the threshold. You reached the edge of door heading for the platform. You see your speeder in sight tossing your bag in the passenger as you threw yourself into the front seat. Your hands worked quickly struggling to get the speeder started.

Your eyes flickering up briefly to notice Anakin had come to a slow jog outside of the station. You curse under your breath as you tried the system again it created an unsettling sound fear building up in your chest. “C’mon c’mon c’mon” you groaned as you kept trying. Anakin catches your eyes, his feet carrying him towards you, a roar of the speeder signaling that its alive. You had no room for hesitation, your foot slamming down kicking the vehicle into gear. Anakin swears as his eyes scan the area for a speeder to hijack. What could only be described as force luck, he finds one, quickly igniting it, placing it into gear as he chases after. He’ll be damned if he lets you get away one more time. Hes relentless, at the upmost level, he’s refusal significantly stronger. He will not let you get away, that’s not an option. He’s relentless, his refusal at a it’s maximum level. He just needed to see you, to grab a hold of you and throttle you for leaving him when you did. To wrap his arms around you to tell you that he missed you. You weren’t getting away this time.

———

As you reached your home you clumsily parked the speeder, the plants and grass swayed with the motion of the wind. You rushed into your home, heading for your room. Underneath the floor boards you buried an emergency bag. You knew a day like this would come, the Jedi would be searching for you. They’d sent three Jedi and a clone to prove that to you, and they weren’t just any Jedi. Maker only knows of their plans, what they might do to you. Force you to stand trial as a criminal, give you a life sentence for crimes that you’d never committed? Or would they exile you as if you hadn’t already done that yourself? What brand had they placed onto your name? Foolish thoughts but the possibilities could easily become your reality. You knew the Jedi were capable of anything as long as they felt it benefited a cause. All you knew was that you weren’t willing to go back.

Your heart completely shattered, its pieces broken, the one that were already mended, destroyed. You loved the home you built yourself, you loved the people you’ve worked with and come to know. They had became your friends welcoming you into their families. This planet was your home. For it to be stripped from you angered you, it upset you. The life you’ve always wanted was taken away from you. You’d assumed it was because of your selfishness of leaving those in need was the cause of this moment. You blamed yourself but you didn’t have the time to cry. Your feet moved before your mind did, slugging the bag over your shoulder you didn’t have the time to take a glance around to say goodbye. You were already out of the door, running towards your speeder getting ready to throw your bag back into only to stop in your tracks.

Your were stuck halfway between your door and speeder, Anakin blocking your path. The dirt and gravel shifting underneath your boots. Your legs threaten to break out into another run, Anakin tilts his head slightly. He was ready for the chase, and he’d do anything to stop, you both knew that much. Neither one of you chose to speak opting for silence your eyes locked onto one another. Anakin’s jaw tense and set, his brows knitted together. He knows what he should feel what he did feel, shock, happiness, relief, comfort, but it all vanished when you decided to run, again. Now he only felt hurt and anger, confusion, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get the answers he deserves.

You knew Anakin wasn’t going to let you leave, with his body in the way, of your speeder, trying to match him in combat seemed like a good idea…Only you knew how dangerous it could get, how his emotions controlled his every step, his every action-not the Jedi way. You were no Jedi. Anakin lifted his chin up, as if to dare you to make the move. A challenge, one he used to do when the two of you sparred as Padawans. The twinkle behind his eyes, even in his seriousness, a playfulness dances there. A familiar game with a familiar ending. You were smart enough to know to leave as much space as possible. Anakin fought the urge to smirk, he had you exactly where he wanted, and he knew you knew that. Time ceased to exist, the two of you knowing each other like the back of your hands.

Your chest heaving as you threw your bag down onto the ground. Fine. He wasn’t going down without a fight neither were you. You sure as hell weren’t going to make this arrest very easy for him either. You quickly side stepped to the opposite side of your bag as if you were going to run. The faux step caused Anakin to stumble as he lunged for you. You grabbed dogged to the side running to grab your bag heading for your speeder. Anakin lifts his hand force pushing to the side away from your speeder and into the grass for a soft landing. You groaned in frustration. Anakin’s heavy boots charging for you. You push yourself up barely the ground sticking your leg sweeping his out from under him. It almost made you giggle how well you could still trick him. Only in this situation it wasn’t as humorous.

Anakin was quick to recover you barely noticing as his arms looped around your body. His faced tucked into the crook of your neck, one arm securely across your chest gripping your shoulders with one hand tucked to your chin. The other tightly wrapped around your midsection securing your other arm in place. Your body almost immediately melting into his hold, tears forming at the brims of your eyes. The comfort of him overwhelming you, a move he used to use on you to disarm you. You were always prepared for it but this time-it was difficult. A straggled scream into groan hiss out of your clenched teeth.

“Y/N?” He whispers, his lips gently brushing against your skin, goosebumps rise as his breath caresses it.

You shook your head “No..” the tears threatening to spill, both of your chests rising and falling heavily. All this running, it was exhausting, and the pain that course through you both. Somehow the force connected you both, the way you formed together, molded each other as if you were made-No-you couldn’t think this way-You stepped on his foot, forcing him to release some of his hold, you slipped your wrist out of his hold on your midsection, you twisted sideways placing your hand on his abdomin force pushing him away from you. Anakin flew back landing back into the ground. Your feet running you in the direction of the speeder.

From the time you got to the speeder, and by the time Anakin and caught up to you, he yells loud enough to have you stop in your tracks. “DONT YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING INTO THAT SPEEDER!”

“Or what? Huh? You plan on having Obi Wan and his padawan come after me? Have the clone take me out with stun gun? I WONT GO BACK!” You argued turning on your heel, you could see the fury that burned with him as his heavy boot marched towards you.

“You left the temple all on your own! Why?” He asks no trace of malice, only anger and pain.. Deep down Anakin knew why he asked you this question, one of which he needed to know why you’d left him there alone on Naboo, to return to the trials without you by his side. Two why had you chosen to run at the sight of his presence? What had he done to make you hate him so much?

Fear etched its way through your veins, was this all part of his plan? To get you to confess all your sins, the reason you believed were more than enough to vanish from the jedis teachings. Was this his ploy to have you weak and broken to take you back to the Jedi temple, to have you stand trial exposed and then imprisoned, or be exiled, to waste away alone.. “I won’t play into your games, Anakin. There’s nothing to say!” You retorted, your own eyebrows scrunching together in anger, though a sorrow hides in the depths of your eyes.

“The Jedi was once your home, your people! Obi Wan and I were your family! You abandoned them, you abandoned us, you adandoned me!” You could see his hurt behind his eyes, the way they threatened to tear. You could see how much your absence has affected him, tormented him. It was never your intention but even now you vowed to keep him at arms length even if that meant the ones you called family take you back to prison you escaped from.

“It was once my home..I did care for all of you-some more than others..but I was never a Jedi.” Your voice carried as it shifted from loud to a softened tone. Hidden within a meaning that Anakin recognized. To feel displaced in your own home, in your own way of living was exhausting, for some they find a peace within.

“We talked for hours about what our lives would look like. The ways of the force, the Jedi the knights we wished to become, the masters we were encouraged to embody! We were supposed to do this together!” You'd known that the Jedi was never going to be more than what it was. Anakin still had hope, how that it would change, hope that he’d gain all the knowledge and power in the galaxy.

“It was nothing but false pretenses, false dreams that weren’t meant to come true, Anakin” The way you had said his name, made his heart lurch forward. Even with all this anger the need for you to say it again at an all time high. You had managed to convince yourself of the insignificance of the dreams you’ve shared, shattering them to pieces. To him it meant that all of it meant nothing to you, that you couldn’t care in the way he once believed you did. Even that felt wrong.

“The Jedi are nothing like the Sith. How could you compare them? You and I both know what the Jedi truly are”

“The truth is that neither Jedi or Sith are correct in their teachings. Their minds vexed by their own ignorance.”

“Is that why you ran?” He questions, he’d noticed a small connection in your words, a slow realization of what it was you were implying. Anakin needed confirmation, something tangible, but even then he wasn’t sure if he truly understood the situation.

“It’s none of your business why I ran” Your heart thrummed in a pace that felt as if it might fly out of your chest and land right into the palms of his hands. You refused to allow him any information, if he’d chosen to take you in to custody, even then you wouldn’t give up your pain, your emotions, that was the Jedi trained in you. To restraint to prevent to protect the parts of you the galaxy wasn’t allowed to see.

“As a Jedi Knight, I have every right to ask you this question. You will answer it” He demanded.

“You have no power over me. I am not yours to order around. I will do no such thing.”

“You will tell me”

“No”

“What has you so afraid that you can’t even explain yourself?” You hadn’t noticed the way he shifted closer to you, the way his scent filled your nose amongst the fresh breeze. It was intoxicating your senses. You shook your head trying to clear him from your over crowded thoughts, regaining your control you were beginning to loose. As out of practice as you were in controlling your emotions you knew Anakin could sense what you were feeling. The fighting was beginning to take its toll.

“I am not afraid” You say through gritted teeth.

“Then tell me why you’d left me.” His voice softens, the aggression leaving him completely, the two of you beginning to wear down from the tension, all time high of emotions that rampaged through you both.

“I can’t” Your eyes flicker between his. You fought the tears that risked falling. Your teeth remain gritted as your jaw sets. You could feel the exhaustion building within yourself. You were tired from all of this pain and torment. You had tried to make yourself look cruel, evil, an enemy that belonged in a prison. That the Jedi wasn’t your home but you weren’t good enough for the Sith either. You made yourself look like a runner with a need to work for hire. A possible bounty hunter if you truly wanted. You hadn’t, you’d become a mechanic who helped anyone that came through the station good or bad. Jedi life was never truly meant for you. Your emotions are always running at an all time high, the natural way of life which you craved, it made you vulnerable…The Jedi could’ve prosecuted you for it.

That was only part of the reason, Padme was only a trigger for you. She was everything you wanted to be and more. To do as she pleases, to live as free and unrestricted as possible. The ability she had to help those in need while remaining true to herself and her cause. She’s able to keep her head on her shoulders while rule with logic and emotion. All the things you wished you could’ve done or still do. You supposed that’s why Anakin loved Padme. She was everything he wanted to be and more. She could give him things that you couldn’t, not then and certainly not now. Anakin could sense the war within yourself, the push and pull within the force evident and clear. With that came the barrier you built around yourself, he knew you all too well. You’d kept your secrets hidden, but your force signature called to his begging and pleading for help.

Two single tears roll down your cheeks staining them along the way. Anakin had half a mind to reach out and swipe them away. Your suffering was more than what he’d imagined. Your brows scrunched together again in anger as you aggressively wiped the tears from your cheeks. You crossed your arms, your body tense and tight, it practically locked itself in place. Anakin had come close enough to you that if he truly wanted he could grasp your hand and pull you into him. The two of you lost in the moment. “Tell me,” He whispers, pleading for an answer.

“ If you’re not here to take me back to the temple then leave” You jutted your chin towards the road.

“I won’t leave you again, Y/N not this time.” he whispers to you, the sound of your name brings you back in time. All of your old memories collide into one another. He calls back to you, to who you were, who you both were. He calls into the force for guidance as its presence builds upon it. You are reminded of your friendship you’d built together. The love, the warmth, the comfort, the support, all of it. His hand extends outward grasping into your hand that had wiped away your tears. He hadn’t hesitated, he hadn’t given himself the opportunity. There it was again, the emotions that plagued you came crawling back. His skin gilded against yours, the slightly tug, bringing you as close as possible to him. The tears flowed without warning, you shook your head, eyes cast downwards, as you attempted to pull yourself out of his grasp. His touch burned in a way that your heart craved. Everything about your internal body betrayed you, even your thoughts became clouded.

“You’re wrong…I-I saw you with Padme” You whispered, your gaze flickering up to meet his. In your clouded state of mind you knew the truth. He would leave you again and you would be in the same position you are now.

“ What?”

“You both looked so in love.” You shrugged, your body losing all its energy. Your lashes flutter with wetness by the tears you’d shed.

“ How did you-” His expression turned to confusion. He’d checked the hall that night. Taking every precaution there was to make sure that their evening had been left uninterrupted…It seems that part of the plan went accordingly but what he hadn’t considered was you. The possibility of you catching him in the act..

“It was an accident, really I mean, to think that I could’ve been able to escape my own torment even while on duty-” You shook your head, a painful laugh escaped your lips. “-I was doing my usual routine check and yet, I found myself torn between becoming the jedi I was meant to be, or to be in love with someone I couldn’t have… In the galaxy we live in, the decision had been made for me…I realized I couldn’t be in love and be a Jedi. I would’ve broken one rule out of the order. To risk expulsion or prison, a lifetime sentence alone locked in a cell or trapped on a deserted planet seemed extreme…so I left.”

Anakin found it hard to believe that you had found someone to love let alone a Jedi at that. A part of him was angry, that’s you had chosen someone else, though another part of him understood. With Padme he’d learned what puppy love meant, but from the looks of it, the love you’d experienced was far greater than his. He knew as time went on, as your disappearance loomed over him, he’d learned that his love wasn’t as strong as it should’ve been.. Love no matter how big or small it was blinding. “Who was it?”

“Who was what?” You sniffled your tears slowing down, your hands vigorously wiping at your eyes.

“Who were you in love with?”

“Maker,” You groaned, you took a breath “-It doesn’t matter because he doesn’t love me.” You shrug, offering him a sorrowful, empty smile.

“How do you know?”

You looked at him ridiculously, had the conversation blown past his head? “Anakin, I said he’s with someone else” You clarified.

“I know about that but I still don’t understand-”His eyebrows scrunch as his gaze fixes on the floor, a hand slightly dismissing what you already stated. Only then did he stop in his tracks, it clicked. You’d said the man you loved was with someone else, he had been with someone else…His eyes flickered up to yours, he released the hold on his brows as they shot up in surprise. “You-You love me?” He asks you in disbelief, but only a pain filled smile creases into your features. You give a smile and a simple shrug. A variation of the words you were looking for hits you as your tears return. This time Anakin was quick to catch each one, his feet practically knocking into yours, his hands lifting to cup your cheeks, his thumb swiping at the skin.

His heart and nearly ripped apart at the mere thought of you watching him fall for Padme. How you’d caught him in the act, while you were fighting against the entire galaxy and yourself, alone. You hadn’t come to him, for the same reasons that he couldn’t go to you..Yet Anakin made the exception with Padme, had his attraction not been as strong to her, he might’ve noticed that his best friend was suffering..The truth was even after you’d left Anakin’s love for Padme dwindled to nothing. It wasn’t enough, it was never enough. You were the one who he sought out, the force connected the both of you in ways he couldn’t describe. All he knew was that you were his home no matter where he was.

Anakin had been blinded by the Angel he’d seen on Tatooine forgetting his best friend’s existence. You were there for as long as Anakin could remember. You gave him advice, you went along with his stupid yet ridiculously complicated plans that always seemed to work out in the end. You faced obstacles together, you were his support, and all that time you had fallen in love with him. He had become so infatuated with the thought of an older woman, distracting himself from the possibilities of being with you. He failed to realize that you, yourself were the guardian Angel sent to him not Padme. He was blinded by his own ambitions to see it.

“I do, I just-can’t let you take the blame for my fall-” You choked out. You could see the thoughts forming beneath his gaze. You saw how he over analyzed, going over every moment, every second trying to understand where he went wrong. Then again you were there to ease his mind, to sooth his pain as you’d always done. How could he have been so caught up in a distraction. He’d taken you for granted and he hated that he had. It took him all these years to finally figure out that the deep love you held was something he’d been dying to reciprocate. He’d lost touch with his home, with his reality. He’d realized that the force had connected you both, always drawing you both into one another. The two of you share a magnetic pull, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

He shakes his head, “There’s nothing to blame, you were always meant to be mine. Your heart called to me every moment of every day. There wasn’t a moment where my thoughts weren’t of you. I missed you so much, I was a fool to leave you to your own thoughts. I should’ve been with you, the force is what brought you back to me. The trust that I would've seen you again-it always brings me back to you.” His eyes flicker between yours as he lowers his forehead touching yours. His eyes fluttering shut, his hands still cupping your cheeks. The warmth of your skin against his flesh, it drove him insane. The electricity that followed between the two of you was undeniable. The force too pulled within you both, he could resist the urge-

His lips crash down onto yours lips, you hesitated for a mere second or too, realizing that his lips were in fact touching yours. Anakin nudges your head as he kisses you, his tongue already dancing with yours. Somewhere in between one of his hands slipped from your face, wrapping around your waist pulling you impossibly closer. You don’t remember reaching up latching your hands onto his clothes, all you knew was how hard you were gripping them. The air in your chest had nearly dissipated, your chest tightening, your body needing air. Anakin growled as he felt you slipping away from him, fuck air, he didn’t need it, all he wanted was you.

“ Wait- wait” You say breathlessly. Your mind wandered to Padme and how wrong this situation is. To think that he might still be with her right now. If anything was to happen because of this you’d feel even more guilty than you already do. You shook your head moving to keep him at arm's length. You needed to put distance between you both. “Padme-We can’t, she’ll be devastated to find out about this. Oh maker and if the Jedi find out-“ your eyes squeezed shut your nose scrunching in discomfort at the thought.

“Padme has nothing to do with this, I left her the moment I realized that I knew you were the one I loved. I won’t risk losing you again, I can’t so much as breathe when you’re not near. I’m in agony when I’m without you and when I’m with you I can finally breathe-The Jedi, they have no control over who I love. It is forbidden, yes, but the compassion that comes with love is essential to one’s life. You’re the one I want, Y/N” He smiles at you, sweet and genuine, a hint of his boyish charm shines through. How could you resist such a devotion of love? You couldn’t deny that you both wanted each other, craved each other. With the guidance of the force you two were finally brought together as if this was all made just for you both.

“Ani, this is life or death- secret this big could destroy you-” You started.

“-I know what I want.” He takes a step forward gripping your jumpsuit, pulling you back in by the waist.

“You know they’ll check the logs on your fighter to see where you’ve been-” You shook your head, you placed your hands on his chest attempting to put a barrier between you both. Though your arms weaken, your body already itching to succumb to his warmth. The force and the galaxy hummed with joy, it echoed through you even as you argued and deflected, trying to stop what was meant to happen.

Anakin would never allow that, not when you’re here, in his arms, alive, breathing, your skin touching his. What more could he ask for, the Galaxy could wait for him, as the war would always be there. With you he wasn’t guaranteed the time he wished for, the time he needed. He’d have to relearn you all over again, and that was all he could dream of.“Y/N, you’re not changing my mind.” His hand caresses your cheek, you instinctively lean into his touch. Anakin hums, his smile remains, as your eyes finally flutter shut. He pulls your head towards his, his lips pressing softly against your forehead. So inviting, so calming, the tension melting away.

“I might” You huffed.

“Never”Anakin chuckled his hand around your waist stroking your hip. You could feel how relaxed he’d become. He held you in a tight embrace, one where you could feel that he wasn’t ready to let go. One where you’re sure you weren’t ready to let go either. You sighed involuntarily, Anakin’s heart jumped at the sound. Your eyes flutter open upon the sound of your own sighed, your own heart pounding.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, as you lifted your head back, your eyes lifting to meet his.

“Nothing, but um we should probably get back to the port. I’m sure Obi Wan and his padawan are looking for you.” You peel yourself out of his arms only for his hand to grasp onto yours pulling you in for another kiss. His nose bumps yours just as he takes your lips into his. So tender and yet it’s filled with passion, a need, so heated it becomes. You fell just as quickly as you realized how far he wanted to take it. A chuckle vibrates through your chest as you peck his lips once more. “-Mhmm we can’t”

“I’ll have Ahsoka stall him for a while-with a little help from Rex, it’ll keep him occupied” He smirked

You squint your eyes at him “You would have his padawan distract him? And the clone?”

“ Not his padawan, my padawan” his smirk turns into a grin, your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Besides, Rex will be there to help in case things go sideways.”

“ Y-You’re padawan? Since when?” You went to sling your bag over your shoulder, Anakin swiftly taking it from you and placing it on his shoulder instead.

“Since I became a Jedi knight. The council thought it would be a good idea for me to train a padawan. They felt I was fit for the role” The two of you inched toward your front to enter into your home.

“Fit for the role, my ass.” You muttered rolling your eyes playfully.

“Are you questioning my skills as a Master?” He crosses his arms staring at you with an expression that was filled with pride, and with teasing.

“So what if I am?” You questioned, crossing your own arms as you stood near the threshold.

“So you want to pick a fight with me?”

“You couldn’t teach a padawan to save your life-”

“I do hope the two of you have resolved your issues.” Obi Wan's voice echoes from the end of your driveway. No trace of hatred or anger, only a genuine sense of care, happiness. Your heart squeezed at the hope that you were safe again. You felt at ease and comforted, Obi Wan travels across the dirt and gravel, as nears you and Anakin, Ahsoka trailing behind with Rex. Even you could sense the happiness from her, a smile gracing her features.

“You could say that.” Anakin grins sharing a look with you by his side, you couldn’t help but return the grin.

“It's good to see you, Obi Wan” You shift your gaze back to Obi Wan who couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

“It’s good to see you too, Y/N” Obi wan bows his head, his gaze catches dirt and grass smeared from the ground onto both of your clothes. He took note that the two of you shared a few throws to one another. He could remember the many training sessions you both shared, how you sparred, the way you too made it look so easy…Warmth spread through his chest as his gaze fixated on both of you. To see the two of you in the same light, teasing, challenging, loving, two compassionate hearts. He knew what you felt, and how you’d left the order for a price he couldn’t pay. One that he considered doing himself.. Yet he was proud of you for taking that chance, illuminating the path for Anakin to fulfill his destiny, his fate, that had already been written for him. A small silent sacrifice for the sake of the galaxy..whether you realized it or not.

Obi Wan knew the force worked in mysterious ways no matter how many times he practiced meditation. What he did know was the force had a way of working itself out, creating and destroying paths that were meant to cross. How could Obi Wan deny that even in your separation, the two of you were always meant to cross paths? There was a plan written in the stars that he couldn’t compete with, if the path drew Anakin to you, and you were meant to be his light, then Obi Wan wouldn’t question it further. The Jedi council wouldn’t hear a word of this and he intended to keep it that way. There was nothing they needed to know, both of his former padawans happy, alive and healthy, what more could a master ask for?

“Why don’t you guys come inside, sit down and relax. I’m sure your ship won’t be ready for a few hours” You stepped aside and opened up your home. The three wandered inside taking a look around. Anakin was quick to scoop your hand in his as he stood next you, his eyes finding yours the two of you sharing the same look of love and wonder.

A new path, a new challenge forged by the force by destiny by forbidden attachments...

#anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin fluff #anakin skywalker ffanic #anakin x fem reader #anakin x reader #anakin x you #anakin angst #anakin skywalker angst #x poc reader #star wars imagines #star wars x reader #star wars x y/n #x reader #x y/n

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stapley0urmouthshut · 8 months ago

Text

[texting]

Anakin: i'm so done with you

Y/N: K

Anakin: don't use "k" on me

Y/N: oay

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mistress-skywalker · 5 days ago

Note

So that ugly duckling to swan thing

Reader is the club leader for plants and animals and is considered 'ugly' (I'm think of reader kinda be long like Fluttershy from MLP). So anakin and his friends think it be funny if anakin dates her as a joke and stuff. Anakin is with padme btw. So reader and anakin start dating and spending time together and having cute moments, anakin decides to stay at school late and talk with friends and reader pretends to leave but quietly follows him only to hear anakin mocking and making fun of her and everything. Seeing anakin and padme kissing reader quietly and unnoticed runs away and home, where she runs into her home crying startling her older brother. Upon seeing her cry and how she wishes she wasn't so fat and ugly she wouldn't get used and asked her brother for help. Then COVID happens and she's goes remote and works on her self and learns to do self care and all that so when they are allowed to come back to in person learning she's drop dead gorgeous (lowkey muscle mommy now and very confident) and walks to her locker and no one knows it's her until anakin pulls up and starts flirting with her. Reader says you have a girlfriend and you're wasting my time again sunshine (reader is the only one to call anakin sunshine) and he's shocked. What ever happens is up to you but I love me a bad bitch

I might have to make a part two to this eventually. Hope you enjoy!! <3

Warnings: angst, no comfort || self image issues || brief body description || Anakin being an ass

“I can’t believe she’s actually buying it, Ani.” Padmé giggles, clinging onto his muscular arm.

Anakin laughs heartily as well, “I can’t either. Thought with grades like that she’d be smart enough to know I wouldn’t want someone like her.” He shakes his head, an amused smile still on his lips, “I almost feel bad. Almost.”

They both laugh, their friends joining in.

Your heart sinks from where you were listening around a corner. Of course there had been a small voice in the back of your mind nagging at you that he wasn’t into you. But every little ‘hey sunshine, how’s my favorite girl doing today?’ dulled out that worry.

You can’t stomach any more of their mocking insults. Your weight, your looks, your style, even the way you laugh. The cherry on top is when he kisses who you now have realized is his actual girlfriend. Quickly you turn back and hurry out of the school and back home, trying to hold back on letting your tears fall until you were safely in your room.

But of course, your brother notices something is wrong. “Hey, squirt, what’s wrong?” He asks as you quickly kick your shoes off, concern evident in his voice.

“Anakin.” You sniffle.

“What did that asshole do?”

“He’s been lying to me.” You fill him in, ranting animatedly as you cry. You end it with “Help make me prettier. Please?”

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

That was then. Before the whole Covid lockdown but it became your biggest motivator. You spent practically every day holed up in your room, working out, making diet changes, etc.

You stare at yourself for a long while in the mirror after getting dressed for your first day back. You’d taken up remote classes instead even once everything was in person again. You take in your body, now an hourglass figure that had been there under the pounds of fat that was shed. The outfit you wore was still out of your comfort zone but you wanted to show off the body you worked so hard for.

With one last once over you head out, your heart pounding in your chest.

To say you turn heads when you walk in is an understatement. Before you were used to snickering not mouths open in awe. It’s when you stop at your locker and start putting things away that the biggest surprise happens.

“Hey there beautiful, haven’t seen you around before. Y’know if you need a personal tour guide, I’d be more than happy to offer my assistance.”

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. You look over to where he’s casually leaning his shoulder up against the locker beside your’s. “No thanks, I’m good.” You say coolly.

Anakin’s eyebrows raise up. He’s not used to someone turning him down, especially not so quickly, brushing him off as if he didn’t matter. “Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun. I can’t let a pretty girl struggle all on her own. It wouldn’t be right.”

“I said I’m not interested.”

“I know you said that, but I happen to be very persuasive and in tune with a woman’s body.”

“You’re wasting my time again, sunshine.” You slam your locker shut, “besides, don’t you have a girlfriend?”

Anakin’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. There’s no way that you were you, right? He quickly pushes off the locker and scrambles to follow after you, trying to play it off. “I- uh..what’re you talking about?”

“I don’t need help, Anakin, especially not your’s.” You continue down the hall as if he wasn’t trying to keep up with you.

He lets his eyes roam unabashedly down your new form. “There’s no way.” He says a little louder than he intended, his steps faltering for a moment but then he quickly scrambles after you again. “You- wow you changed so much. You look incredible.”

“I know.” You say coolly.

He swallows, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. This was such a contrast to how you used to be. “I uh, we missed you when classes resumed.”

You scoff out a dry chuckle.

Anakin recoils a little. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

He nods his head, “Uh yeah there is. You’re so…different.”

“Oh, so I lose the weight, change everything about myself and I’m still not good enough?” You throw back casually.

“What are you talking about?” He asks genuinely confused over this attitude, so different from the sweet, quiet you he knew.

Abruptly you stop and look at him, “I heard everything you said.”

“Everything I said…?” He asks nervously.

“How it was all just some big joke to you, something to pass the time with,” The crease between his eyebrows deepen, a new kind of feeling starting to churn his stomach, “How you and Padmé couldn’t believe I was buying it?” You continued on.

“Shit.” He exhales, running a hand through his already tousled curls. “Look, you weren’t supposed to hear that-“

“Clearly.” You scoff, continuing to walk off away from him again.

“Hey hey, wait,” he catches up again, grabbing onto your arm lightly to get you to stop and keep talking to him. “You can’t just say that and act like it’s nothing. I really never meant-“

“Stop, Anakin. What’s done is done. I get it okay? It’s so absurd to think that anyone would like me, you had to turn it into a joke. You don’t have to explain yourself,” you respond casually. “Anything for a laugh.”

His stomach felt like it was eating itself with a newfound guilt. You were so sweet before and he’d ruined that. God, he was a prick wasn’t he? “I-..I”

“See you around, sunshine.” You say, your words coming off indifferent as you walk away.

Anakin is left there speechless for once, his heart feeling like it was in his gut, his stomach aching. He didn’t know what regret was until that moment. “Yeah..see you.” He huffs to himself. He sighs and turns to walk in other direction, stealing one more glance at you over his shoulder.

He’d find a way to make this right.

#clove writes ✶ . ࣪ 🪐☆#mooties ♡#anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #anakin skywalker angst #anakin angst

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deansbeer · 5 months ago

Note

hi kari baby. i’m feeling sad bc of a boy (i need to stop dating them and remember i’m bisexual) but i was wondering if i could request an anakin fic where reader is like “i feel like love is an inside joke that everyone else is in on” and anakin is like i love you and i don’t just need you i want you and love can be our joke and we’re laughing together. i just really need hurt/comfort right now.

love's cosmic jest ・ ANAKIN SKYWALKER. ៸៸៸ 𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ! ♡ pinned library

SYNOPSIS. the love you and anakin have for each other becomes your new favorite punchline.

KARI NOTES. this is dedicated to my ally @spcncershasting. sorry that i took ages to write this request for you, baby !!!! but it's finally out. love u smmm. mi preciosa amor.

you find yourself staring out into the vastness of space, the swirling stars and distant galaxies a reflection of the confusion within you. LOVE, you've always thought, is a joke that everyone else was in on. it's as if the universe itself is laughing, and you're the only one not hearing the punchline.

you're on a ship, the hum of the engines a steady background to your thoughts. anakin is beside you, his presence both comforting and unsettling. he's an enigma, a whirlwind of contradictions that somehow makes perfect sense.

"what's on your mind?" he asks, his voice soft, yet it cuts through your reverie like a lightsaber through the dark.

"love," you admit, almost whispering. "i feel like it's a joke everyone else understands, but not me."

there's a pause, and you can feel his gaze on you, intense and searching. "you think it's a joke?"

"an inside joke—" you clarify. "—one that i'm having a hard time grasping."

he leans closer, his eyes full of a warmth that makes your heart skip a beat. "i love you," he says simply. "and i don't just need you, i want you."

the sincerity in his voice is undeniable. it's like a light piercing through the fog of your doubts, illuminating the path you didn't know you were searching for.

"love can be our joke," he continues, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "something only we understand. and this way, we're laughing together."

his words wrap around you, a comforting embrace in the coldness of space. it's as if he's offering you a lifeline, a way to be part of something bigger than yourself.

"anakin," you murmur, your voice barely a breath. "how do you make it sound so easy?"

he chuckles, a sound that resonates with warmth. "because with you, it is easy. everything else fades away, and it's jus' us, sweetheart."

you pull away to face him, seeing the truth in his eyes. there's no deception, no hidden agenda. just the honest, raw emotion that you've been yearning to find.

"i want that," you admit, the words tumbling out like a confession. "i want love to be our joke."

he reaches for your hand, his touch grounding you, anchoring you to the moment. "then let's make it ours," he says, his voice a promise.

you nod, feeling a sense of peace wash over you. feeling as if the universe has shifted, finally aligning in your favor, allowing you to finally hear the laughter you thought was beyond your grasp.

together, you and anakin sit in silence, the stars your only witness. it's a quiet moment, yet filled with a profound understanding that transcends words.

"you know," he says after a while, a teasing lilt in his voice, "i never knew love could be this... fun."

you laugh, the sound surprising you. it's genuine, a real laugh that bubbles up from within, a reflection of the joy you feel.

"who knew?" you reply, grinning. "love, an inside joke that makes sense."

anakin squeezes your hand, his smile mirroring your own. "and it's our secret," he says. "one we'll keep laughing about."

as you watch the stars drift by, you realize that maybe, just maybe, love isn't about understanding everything. maybe it's about finding someone who makes the confusion worthwhile, someone who turns the chaos into something beautiful.

with anakin by your side, you feel like you've finally found your place, your understanding of the joke that is LOVE.

and it's a punchline worth waiting for.

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bloatedandalone04 · 2 years ago

Text

Back To You

➪the one where anakin is slipping away and needs you more than ever.

Part 1 | HAPPY MAY THE 4TH (had to get this out for today)

Warnings: self deprecating thoughts once again, anakin on the verge of turning evil, angst, fluff, insecurities, mentions of insecurities, mentions of death, urges to kill

Word Count: 4.3k

Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine <3

Your reflection stared back at you, your own eyes looking at you with pity.

Poor, lonely Y/n.

With tense shoulders, you shudder out a deep breath and avert your eyes to the marble of the countertop.

You hated when your thoughts ran around in your head like this. It didn’t happen often, no, not anymore. You weren’t a teen anymore, you had no excuse to feel like this, yet you just couldn’t help yourself.

Taking deep breaths to calm yourself down, you miss the way Anakin appears in the doorway, his brows furrowed and his shoulders tense, matching yours. “Y/n,” it was as if he knew what was happening, felt the way your own body was attacking itself with a sense of hatred and burden.

You look back up and meet his eyes in the mirror, a small whine of embarrassment leaving you. “I wish you wouldn’t see me like this,”

Anakin hadn’t seen you act this way in many months, not since you were on the verge of becoming an adult. Your shoulders shaking beyond your control, the crease in your forehead, the quiver in your voice. He hated all of it.

“Wish all you want,” he said as he stepped into the room. “I still see you.”

Crossing the short distance, Anakin stands behind you, his height towering over yours as you look at each other in the mirror. “You want to know what I see?” You quietly ask him and he stays silent, his eyes giving you a look of warning that told you all you needed to know. No, if you see anything negative about yourself and voice it to him, he doesn’t want to know what you see. You say it anyway. “I see someone unworthy of love, of being cherished. I don’t see a powerful warrior like I’ve been told I am. I’m nothing.”

Ankin places his hands on your waist, his grip firm as he stares you down in the reflection. “That is not true and you know it,” his voice was stern and left no room for arguments.

But you were far too stubborn for your own good, a trait Anakin saw in himself and one of the many reasons he fell for you in the first place. “But it is true, Ani,” you protested, looking at yourself with a hint of embarrassment and disgust. “Look at me.”

“I am,” his voice was the most serious you had ever heard it, something that makes you promptly stop talking. You weren’t intimated, no, Anakin would never put you in a situation in which he held his power and strength over you, but you were, however, intrigued. So much so you waited for him to continue, a ghost of a frown painted on your lips. “You are so much more than that. Your mind may betray you, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. You are strong and more powerful than you even know. One day you will save this galaxy, and you don’t even know it yet.”

Your lip quivers and you repress showing the chill that runs down your spine. “What if I don’t believe that?”

“You will,” he affirms. His arms wrap around your middle and he leans down so his chin is hovering over your shoulder. You rest your arms over his as you hold eye contact, your sight slightly blurred. “And until that time comes, I’ll be here to remind you just how powerful you are.”

One by one, all the happy memories Anakin had with you faded into nothing, his heart cracking each time he felt a part of him slip away.

His body nearly gave up on itself as he stumbled his way through the temple. One of his hands shot out to catch himself, his palm pressing flat against the wall as he steadied his footing. “Get it together, Anakin,” he muttered to himself, taking a deep breath in hopes to relieve some of the pressure he felt was weighing him down.

It was then when Obi-Wan rounded the corner and saw his padawan struggling to keep himself up right. He was at his side in seconds, his hand wrapping around the younger man’s arm and pulling him into a standing position. “Anakin,” he said, worry lacing his words. “Are you alright?”

Anakin gave him a slow nod, his dull eyes focused on the stone of the floor. He thinks back to his last conversation with you, a full three weeks ago, and his eyes abruptly shut, your words repeating in his head before leaving his own mouth. “I fear I’ve fallen ill,”

Obi-Wan gives him a concerned look, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Take it easy,” he says, noticing the way Anakin refused to show him his eyes and the way his chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. “Relax, Anakin. You’re needed for the mission of protecting Senator Padmè and we can’t have you falling weak a few days before you’re set to leave.”

Anakin felt his ears begin to burn at the mention of Padmè, his jaw locking tightly as he lifted his head. He still refused to meet the eyes of his good friend, his shoulder raising quickly and making Obi-Wan’s hand fall off it. “I’ll be fine,” he muttered before walking forward and leaving the older man behind with a worried look.

His strides were quick, his chest heavy with a rage he had never felt before as he opened the door to his room with a rough shove.

Protecting Padmè? The woman he had not spoken to since the night you left him? Putting his life on the line for the person who was the reason he hadn’t been happy in weeks? The one who helped him destroy the best thing in his life?

Not a chance.

Anakin’s shoulders tensed up as the door slammed shut behind him, his eyes flickering all over the near-empty room.

He wasn’t as in control as he thought he was, and that much was obvious when he turned the entire place upside down a mere ten minutes after you walked out the door.

He couldn’t help it, everything reminded him of you.

The thought of staying in this room that had always meant to shield you from the harsh reality by himself was one that kept him up at night. The dark circles that had formed under his eyes the day after you left him had become a seemingly permanent addition to his appearance.

He almost didn’t recognise himself when he first noticed the deep and dark marks that shadowed his face. He assumed they’re from the lack of sleep he was getting, or not getting.

He couldn’t sleep without you. He found that out pretty quickly.

After he had finished destroying every piece of furniture in the communal area of the room, he felt his bones ache with exhaustion. His eyes were burning and his hand was sore from throwing anything it could grab a hold of. Yet, as he made his way to the bed, the same one he had been holding you on - if only for a couple of seconds that he wished he could have back - only minutes prior, he discovered that he couldn’t fall asleep.

His mind wouldn’t turn off, past memories with you flashing behind his eyes at a rapid pace. As he tried to get his body to relax and succumb to the darkness, he had no control over the way his hand twitched in the direction in which you always were, right beside him. Your side of the bed was cold, yet another thing he wasn’t used to as you were always there, for him to hold, for him to hide with.

Now, three weeks later, and he is no better. He had gotten about five hours of sleep in total during the time he spent away from you, and it wasn’t something he had a say in.

He wasn’t able to sleep in the bed, that much was obvious after his first failed attempt. After he rummaged through the dresser and grabbed onto one of your robes, he held onto the fabric with both hands. His face buried in it as he fell to the floor, his back pressed to the end of the bed.

He fell asleep a few minutes after that, a death grip on your robe - one of the few things he had left of you. When he awoke half an hour later, he was met with the still dark sky and a pain in his lower back.

It didn’t take him long to start tearing apart that dresser.

The few times he fell asleep after that were at random.

While waiting for Obi-Wan to show up for a day of training, Anakin had fallen asleep against the wall of the meditation room. He was woken up an hour later by another Jedi who looked at him with concern and a bit of pity, something Anakin loathed.

His sleep schedule consisted of quick naps in the most bizarre places, one being behind the wheel of his ship - that one nearly ended in a fatality for both him and Obi-Wan. Seeing as he was supposed to be the best pilot in all the galaxy, Anakin took Obi-Wan’s lecture without trying to defend himself as he didn’t even know what was wrong with him.

His sleep state wasn’t even a safe space. He had one dream about you, one where you came back and you held him and kissed him and told him everything he needed and had been desperate to hear.

The rest were nightmares. Or nothing at all. A void.

Anakin felt like a ghost, a shell of who he used to be.

He wasn’t happy, wasn’t consumed with excitement whenever he was set to fly, wasn’t filled with a sense of pride whenever he successfully completed a quick mission.

He felt like his body was betraying him, and the fact that he hadn’t seen even a glimpse of you since you left didn’t help at all.

The temple was big, but he didn’t realise it was massive enough to keep you hidden from him for three weeks.

Three weeks.

Nearly four without you.

Anakin was sure that when the one month mark hit, his body would no longer function at his control. It hardly was now, so he was not looking forward to seeing how he would be in a week from now.

He turns right and enters the bedroom, everything untouched with the exception of the broken dresser beside the door. His eyes narrowed on the bed and he felt, what had to be, the hundredth sharp stab that pierced his heart in the past few weeks.

“I’m nervous,” you nearly whispered, your hands running over Anakin’s bare shoulders. A single candle was lit and placed on the nightstand a couple feet from where his body hovered over yours on the bed. The flicker of orange made him look so innocent, so young and carefree, a sight you quickly decided was a blessing to see. “Will it hurt?”

Anakin leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead, his arms tightening around your frame. “Maybe for a bit,” he murmured against your skin. “We don’t have to do this tonight. I don’t want you to feel rushed.”

You shake your head, your nose brushing against his as you did so. “I want to do this, I promise,” your words are quiet and the only sound that fills the dark room. It was just you and him, the outside world blocked by a door and the curtains that covered the window. You had never felt more safe. “I need this. We need this.”

It was true.

Anakin would be sent away the following morning on what would be his longest absence yet. While you had grown used to his day long missions, this one was said to be no less than a couple weeks. He had never spent that long away from you and he wasn’t coping that well with the thought of leaving you behind.

The decision to do this tonight was mutual.

He needed something to hold onto until he returned to you, and you needed the feeling of being completely loved and wanted to get you through the weeks you’d spend without him.

Anakin nodded, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss before reaching over and taking your hand in his. “Only for a bit,” he said again before the distance was closed once more.

Anakin felt the last good memory slip away from him and his eyes darkened, an ache in his jaw as he clenched it again.

He was going to do the mission; the one where they would be counting on him to keep Padmè out of harm’s way and protect her with his life.

However, what they didn’t know was that Anakin was now treating this as a form of justice, or, in other words, an assassination.

“Y/n,” Obi-Wan greeted as he entered the meditation room. “I’ve finally found you.”

His smile was kind but told you that he wasn’t here to talk about anything good. You return the smile as best as you could, sitting up straighter and holding eye contact with him. “Master,” you say back, brows furrowing when the smile was replaced with a frown. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

The man nodded, his fingers tugging on the sleeve of his shirt in a way that showed he was nervous but was trying to hide it. “It’s Anakin Skywalker,” he said and you quickly looked away. “Something is troubling him.”

Your eyes focus on the floor as you fight the urge to cry in front of Obi-Wan. It would give away the very real fact that you were well aware of what Anakin was going through, and the fact you were in a forbidden relationship with the Jedi.

Anakin.

You hadn’t heard his name in weeks, cutting off any communication with him and anyone affiliated with him, including the very man standing in front of you. Guilt creeped into you, the same guilt that had plagued you since the moment you left the crying man by himself in the room you no longer felt at home in.

The weeks you spent without the man you loved were brutal.

You had been struck with an overwhelming feeling of guilt and you carried it with you every day. Your heart broke every time you heard the hushed whispers of fellow Jedi about how the supposed ‘Chosen One’ was failing to do the simplest of tasks and had become a weak version of himself. One that didn’t show up to important meetings, didn’t give his all on quick and easy missions, and looked like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep in months.

The one who looked on the verge of falling to the dark side.

You didn’t want to think about that last one, despite the numerous times you’ve heard it be brought up. Never did you ever think Anakin would become the worst version of himself, become a person he was so far from and forget about everything that made him the powerful Jedi he had been for so long now.

There was no way it was because of you and how you left things. How could it? How could you mean so much to someone that they’d forget all they worked for, fought for, bled for, just because you were no longer a constant in their life?

It just didn’t make sense to you, but then again, the fact that you even had a sliver of Anakin Skywalker in the first place didn’t make a whole lot of sense, either.

He was too good for you, too kind and caring and someone who deserved the world. Something you couldn’t give him, no matter how much you wanted to.

You wanted to give him any and everything he asked for and more, but you couldn’t. And you would never be able to.

You couldn’t even give yourself the time of day and dedication needed to progress in your life, so how could you possibly help Anakin in any way?

The question had you looking up and meeting the eyes of Obi-Wan once again. “What does that have to do with you looking for me?”

“If I recall correctly, you and Anakin were quite close not too long ago,” he said and you tried to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat and how you wanted to point out just how close the two of you had been. “Is that right?”

You nodded quickly, eyes focusing on the wall behind him. “We were, but not anymore,”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Obi-Wan gave you a look of pity before he continued, “Anakin is a good person, someone who I find myself looking up to. I’m afraid something has happened….something that could lead to his demise.”

That made you stand up, your brows pressing together as you stepped closer. “What do you mean?”

The man hesitated before swallowing harshly. “I’ve been observing him and I’m worried about what I’ve seen so far. He hasn’t been sleeping or focusing. Just this morning I found him against a wall, unable to hold himself up,” he says. “He wouldn’t look me in the eye. I can’t help but fear the worst.”

Your eyes flicker between his. “What are you saying?”

You share a look before he places a hand on your shoulder. “I’m afraid we’re losing him to something he should have never seen or felt,”

“Anakin!” Your hand turned the doorknob before you could even think about knocking first. Stepping into the room, you let out a quiet gasp at the sight of destruction. Not a single thing was how you left it, not even the side of the door that faced the inside of the room. It was dented and beaten in, hints of blood here and there that told you exactly what had happened to the wood.

You stumble your way through the now unfamiliar room and head straight towards the bedroom, where you’re met with a demolished dresser. The rest of the room seemed untouched and you bent down to pick up one of your shirts, fisting the material in your hand. The rest of your clothing was thrown around the floor, some stuck on the corner of the bed that looked like it hadn’t been slept in since you left.

Dropping the shirt, you turn around after coming to the conclusion that the room was empty. You stand outside the door that led to the bathroom, your hand hovering over the doorknob.

He had to be in there, and that thought had your heart beating rapidly.

With a firm twist, your fingers press against the door and push.

Standing in front of the mirror was Anakin, his eyes glossy and staring at his reflection. His shoulders were stiff, his whole body tense in a way that had you swallowing nervously. His hands gripped the marbled countertop tightly, his knuckles turning a few shades lighter as heavy pants left his mouth.

Pushing back a small ounce of uncertainty, you step into the room. He must have been deep in thought as he didn’t notice the door open or your smaller figure enter the room. You were afraid to ask what was going on in that pretty head of his. It had to be something awful to have him this out of it.

“Anakin,” You say his name quietly, almost to the point of it being inaudible.

But he heard you. Whatever daydream he was in was ripped away the second your voice hit his ears. His eyes moved from his own and met yours in the reflection, the crease in his brow softening as a shaky breath left his lips. The feeling of relief was short-lived. “You’re not real,” he muttered, not giving you a second glance as his eyes went back to being stone cold.

It was then when you realised how much you truly meant to the poor boy. You really had no idea that you, of all people, could mean this much to someone, let alone the perfection that is Anakin.

He was so messed up to the point where he didn’t even believe he was actually seeing you.

You felt your heart break all over again. “What have I done to you?” You ask, holding back a dry sob as you take a daring step closer. “Anakin…it’s me.”

He only shook his head, his chin tilting downwards as he muttered something under his breath.

You blink back a tear or two as you cross the room, your hand tugging on his arm. “Look at me,” you nearly cry out, your grip making him turn slightly. His eyes left the mirror and landed on you. The blue orbs softened just a bit and you watched as what seemed to be a million thoughts ran through his head. You reach up and caress the side of his face, your thumb gently stroking his cheekbone as well as the scar that graced his skin. “Look at me.”

The furrow in his brow faded away as his hands left the counter, his body fully turning to face yours. “Y/n,” he whispered, his hand reaching up to wrap around your wrist as he leaned into your touch.

You let out a quiet hum to let him know that was really you and that you were here, with him. “I’m so sorry,” you say quietly, your thumb continuing to stroke his face while his stroked the skin of your wrist.

His eyes were still glossy and his whole being still seemed as if it was far away. Your other hand grasped his shoulder as you stepped closer, trying to think of what to do to get him to fully come back.

A delirious grin formed on his lips as he looked at you, still not believing you were actually there. “I missed you,” he murmured, his eyes flickering all over your face before he began to turn back towards the mirror.

You placed both your hands on his face and pulled him away from whatever trance the mirror held over him. Tugging his head down, you press your forehead against his. “I’m here,” you whisper, reaching one hand down to grab his and place it on your waist. “I’m here and I’m so sorry.”

Anakin furrowed his brows again, his head shaking as his gloved hand tightened its grip on you. “It’s not…you’re not-”

“I am,” you cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut tightly as if it’ll help stop the love of your life from turning on everything he had going for him. You weren’t sure what to do at this point. Anakin was in denial, seemingly stuck in a very fragile state and balancing on a very thin edge of becoming something he swore he wouldn’t. A tear slips down your face as you brush your nose against his, an act you’ve done too many times to count. “Please….come back to me.”

Whatever had a hold on his mind seemed to let go as you said the words he had been craving to hear, the same ones you murmured to him in the first and only dream he had about you since you left - the same ones he said to you.

He pulled back just slightly, his eyes staring into yours as his face relaxed for the first time in nearly a month. His lip quivered and his eyes filled with unshed tears, his hand that wasn’t on your waist coming up to grip the back of your neck as he pulled you into him.

You wrapped your arms around him as your face pressed against his chest, a sigh of relief and desperation leaving both of you.

“Angel,” the name falls easily from his lips, his arms tightening around you as if you would disappear at any given second - and he’d be alone again. “You’ve come back to me.”

“I never should have left you,” you say back, your voice muffled due to the sobs you were holding back. “I’m so sorry, Anakin. Please, forgive me.”

His hand slides upwards to cradle the back of your head as he quietly hushes you. “It’s okay, my love,” he says quietly, his mind becoming foggy at the fact that he had you back in his arms. “You’re okay.” He presses his lips to the side of your head, his hand refraining from pulling you back in when he feels you push against him.

“I’m not,” you shake your head, your hands fisting his shirt. “I haven’t been. I feel so bad, Anakin. I hate that I hurt you. The guilt has been eating me alive, I’m so sorry for everything I put you through.”

Your sweet voice was music to his ears and he brought his hand around to the front of your head, where his thumb brushes away your tears as he quiets you once more. “It’s alright, angel,” he says, pulling you close once again. “We’ve found each other again, there’s nothing to be sorry for. We’re okay.”

Before you could nod in agreement, his lips pressed to yours in a gentle yet firm kiss. The action made his own tears fall as he closed his eyes, begging to anyone listening that you’d still be there when he opened them again. “I love you,” you mumbled when you pulled away, your forehead resting against his cheek. “So much.”

“I love you,” he says in return, holding you close and inhaling the scent that only belonged to you - the scent that made him dizzy. “Take me back.” Let me live again.

You nod quickly, leaning up to kiss him again. “It’s you and me,” you say against his mouth, feeling the way his arms wrapped protectively around your middle.

“You and me,” he agreed, kissing you once again. Forever.

Part 3

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