#but in truth i dont feel that way at all. i just feel devoted to loving her and taking care of her to make her life the best it can be

[terrorbirb]

This definition of OCPD describes me in a way nothing else does: Those with conscientious compulsivity view themselves as helpful, co-operative, and compromising. They downplay their achievements and abilities and base their confidence on the opinions and expectations of others; this compensates for their feelings of insecurity and instability. They assume that devotion to work and striving for perfection will lead to them receiving love and reassurance. They believe that making a mistake or not achieving perfection will lead to abandonment and criticism. This mindset causes perpetual feelings of anxiety and an inability to appreciate their work

Not diagnosed with this but it's so much closer to what I feel than OCD, so.... probably this one instead

[fenharel-babe]

I’m sorry but the way Solas, in his letter, says he wanted to stay as Solas with Lavellan just hits me.

In DATV, in my opinion, we see Fen’Harel. We see a GENERAL, someone who knows war, someone who’s using Rook (Mythal literally says it outright, which made me laugh), who is a liar (sprinkling some truths here and there), and is literally using blood magic on Rook. He’s lying and tricking them. We see who he used to be, his skills he kept hidden because they didn’t belong to Solas.

They belonged to Fen’Harel. In my head, Solas is who he was in DAI, mostly. A fade loving nerd who loves to help people and LOVES to answer questions if you ask. I feel like even if someone asked about something other than the Fade, he would do his best to answer because he just loves to see people wanting to know more. It’s why I feel like he’d be such a good dad. Kids are so curious about the world around them, and I believe he would support them, keep them safe and love them while teaching them so much about the real world and the Fade. And I can imagine him, if he ever ran into kids at Skyhold or even helping children slaves or parents, he would be so comforting and good at dealing with them. He’s awkward, since he hasn’t felt love (whether it be companionship or romantic) in so long, but sweet because he knows they’re innocent, curious and he wants to protect that.

I see a nerd that has a little snort when he chuckles, a man that deals with teasing from everyone and pranks from Sera even if they piss him off, and I believe sometimes he would participate in pranking even it it was small. He gets into arguments with Vivienne, yet I believe he would still protect her in the end of things. In my mind anyways. He literally is just a man in DAI who wants someone to understand him, and he’s so awkward when he gets that. He doesn’t know how to react because he hasn’t felt love in so long, and maybe never has. He went through hell when he was dealing with the Evanuris, and his relationship with Mythal was terribly abusive, so I can imagine him not wanting to get close to anyone. Not just because he was lying in DAI, but ALSO BECAUSE OF FEAR. HE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD TREAT HIM THE SAME AS SHE DID. They wouldn’t see him as a person or someone worthy of getting help. He’s a scared man who wants love, so when he finds it he holds onto it.

I see him as such a good lover as Solas because it’s who he is deep down. He’s caring and doesn’t care about other people’s opinions. In DAI, he cares about Lavellan’s opinion and he wants her to have freedom. Like when you drink from the Well, he’s all upset because now you DONT HAVE FREEDOM. Whether inquisitor or lover, he’s scared. He cares about freedom, people knowing all they can, I feel like he doesn’t like to lie.

I see that as Solas, and it just HITS me when he says in the letter that he wanted to stay as Solas with her. I feel like he would tell her the truth eventually, but mainly keep himself with her. I see DAI Solas as SOLAS. He wanted to stay with her like that. As a nerd who loves her deeply and cares for other people. He didn’t want to be Fen’Harel anymore. Didn’t want to keep lying, hiding himself from others, and ever be a general again.

He wanted to give wisdom, not orders.

He wanted to stay as Solas and love Lavellan with all of him, but his devotion was so deep that he couldn’t. It hits when he says that he wanted to stay like THAT with Lavellan. I KNOW IT’S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL BUT IT IS TO ME. It just makes me think that he didn’t want to be Fen’Harel ever again. Didn’t want this shit deep down, but he felt like he had to. And I imagine him as leaving clues for Lavellan because he loves her and wants her to stop him deep down. Help him be SOLAS AGAIN. Her Fade nerd that loves people as well and loves to grab ass.

Anyways. I’m overthinking and I love Solas deeply. I can never escape this hole of Solavellan hell and Solavellan heaven.

[nthspecialll]

Colm's otherworldliness.

When it comes to Kieran's involvement with the O'Driscolls I have always been a firm believer of him not telling the whole truth but I could not place my finger on it, however I finally came acorss the missing piece, a camp interaction I had not heard before.

I had just returned to camp and saw Sean and Kieran sitting by the fire, I didn't think much of it but merely joined them, preparing for Sean to get all up in Kieran's face about his pronouciation of Colm or Colom, however, instead Sean asked Kieran "so tell me, what is that Colom or Colm, whatever he likes to call himself, like?"

Now Kieran gave a reply I found surprising. He had previously stated that he did not know Colm, that he barely spent any time with him and that Colm did not even know his name, yet here with Sean he tells him this: "When he is happy, you are happy... When he is sad, you are upset and you dont even know why. When he is in a good mood and he talks to you it is like the sun is shining, but when he is mad at you, he is like the devil. He makes his people into monsters, makes them love only him. It doesn’t matter that he is mad as long as it isnt to you. He scares me. I mean you guys scare me too, but you... you are human, he is... It is hard to explain."

This convosation is so interesting to me because it reveals so much stuff. Colm is very charismatic, he is not just a greedy brute who takes advandage of his people, this is a man who is able to manipulate and groom people into following him blindly to the point that they will immediately feel what he does without even knowing why. This is a man who gives you the highest highs you could ever experience merely by talking to you, yet makes you feel the worse you ever had merely because he is mad at you. He makes you feel ashamed, guity and terrified even if you did nothing wrong.

He makes people mosters, yet at the same time he is able to tame them and make sure they react to him only, it is blind devotion and an eager to please. In a way they remind me of Bill.

Bill is so eager to please Dutch that he is willing to do nearly anything, even putting himself in situations he is bound to fail (the ball) because there is a slight chance of him impressing Dutch. He follows Dutch's opinions blindly, immediately agreeing that Marston was the rat without even thinking about it for a second, exploding at any of the others for questioning him.

What makes this kind of relationship so special is the fact that Bill does not see Dutch as an equal, he sees him as something else, just like Colm's followers does to Colm. They are scared of Colm, yet they follow him either way because they are addicted to those few moments where Colm makes the sun shine down on them.

There is something so absolutely astunishing about this line "I mean you guys scare me too, but you... you are human, he is... It is hard to explain," and I am not even sure I can properly word it. Kieran, even Kieran who apperantly did not even know Colm, sees Colm as something other human, better than human. It is so interesting to me.

Either way, I was not the only one who noticed this inconsistancy because Arthur goes "I thought you barely knew Colm," where Kieran jerks up and quickly goes "um, yeah, I just heard plenty!" Now the emotion, the longing yet confusion, in Kieran's voice when he spoke of Colm would not match up with merely hearing, which Arthur clearly also thought as he went "is that right?"

To be honest, I do not blame Kieran for lying at first, if Bill Williamson was standing with gelding thongs to my non existant parts I would also lie, but it is interesting to learn the truth.

Now at some point in this convosation Sean actually said something along the lines of "well Colm sounds like a self happy idiot," and I actually think quite the opposite. Colm sounds terrifyingly smart that while driven by greed, knows how to restrain himself.

[n0vazsq]

Cherish my love | Pau Cubarsi x Reader

pairing . . . pau cubarsi x gf!reader

summary . . . Hard launching your relationship with Pau at a team event

request . . . yes!! based on this request!

word count . . . 4.4k+

warnings . . . none!

faceclaim . . . N/A

alexavia yaps . . . took me like two years but we dont take about that!! I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT BC I YAPPED MY ASS OFF IN THIS ONE

taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa ,, @notm4d1 ,, @httpsdana (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)

. . . The moment you stepped out of the car, hand tucked in Pau’s firm but gentle hold, the flashing lights began. Camera shutters clicked relentlessly, the glowing backdrop of the grand venue providing a perfect canvas for the chaos of photographers and fans.

The hum of voices grew louder, rising to an excited chatter as Pau emerged in a black suit with a cut that complemented his tall frame. But tonight, he wasn’t the main focus of his own entrance, that honor belonged to you.

Your outfit, effortlessly elegant and impossibly perfect, managed to be both understated and show stopping. A soft pastel hue swept through the fabric, catching the lights just so, making you look like you’d just walked out of a dream. Pau’s hand tightened slightly on yours, and you turned toward him, catching the soft curve of a smile he’d been trying to hide.

"You look…. incredible," Pau tilted his head slightly, his voice dropping to a low murmur only you could hear. His eyes, warm and undeniably devoted, traveled across your face as if memorizing every detail.

"Thank you," you whispered back, cheeks heating slightly under his gaze.

The cameras might as well not have existed. Pau only saw you.

The two of you stepped forward together, perfectly in sync, as though you’d been attending events like this for years. The truth, of course, was far from that.

You weren’t famous. You weren’t a model, an actress, or someone the media recognized. You were just you. And yet, tonight, standing beside Pau, you looked every bit his equal.

What made it even better was how natural it felt.

While reporters shouted Pau’s name, trying to get his attention, his focus never wavered. It was as if the world faded, leaving only you in his sight. He didn’t let go of your hand, not even for a second. He didn’t release you to wave to the fans or pose for solo shots.

Instead, he kept you close, his thumb brushing gently against the back of your hand as though to reassure you that this, all of this, was something you were facing together.

"You sure you’re okay?" Pau leaned down slightly, his voice soft against your ear.

You tilted your head up, meeting those deep green eyes that had an almost blue hue under the camera flashes. "I’m fine," you replied, smiling softly. "You don’t have to worry so much."

Pau let out a quiet laugh, a sound that sent warmth curling through your chest. "I can’t help it."

The way he looked at you was impossible to ignore. His gaze lingered, filled with such open admiration that it left you feeling both flustered and cherished. As you walked along the carpeted entrance, he barely noticed the cameras trained on him or the murmurs from the press.

All of his attention was centered solely on you.

When you stumbled slightly on a step, thrown off by the overwhelming lights and noise, Pau reacted instantly, his hand steadying your waist with instinctive care.

"You’ve got me," he said softly, flashing you that boyish grin that made your heart skip a beat.

His words weren’t loud enough for anyone else to hear, but the way his teammates, who were already socializing at the end of the carpet, shot each other looks said otherwise. They noticed everything.

The pair of you finally reached the event entrance, where a small gathering of Pau’s teammates stood off to the side. Their suits were sleek, their energy relaxed, but when Pau entered the space with you at his side, every single one of them fell silent for a beat.

Then came the looks; the wide eyes, the sly smiles, the unmistakable amusement.

Pau ignored them, choosing instead to lean in close to you again as he murmured, "Do you want to head inside, or should we stop for a few more photos?"

His tone was so gentle, so patient. You knew he wouldn’t push you into anything, and that only made you admire him more.

"Let’s go inside," you said softly, and Pau nodded immediately.

"Of course."

As the two of you passed the group of teammates, someone, likely one of the defenders, murmured loud enough for Pau to hear, "Look at him, acting all in love."

Pau shot them a pointed look over his shoulder, though there was no real annoyance behind it. He was used to their teasing. But as you glanced up at him, you couldn’t help but notice how unbothered he looked by their words.

If anything, the slight upward tilt of his lips told you he was proud. Proud to be here with you, proud to have you on his arm.

And the truth was, you felt it too.

The moment the two of you stepped inside the venue, the noise outside faded into a comfortable hum, leaving the warm, golden lights of the room to bathe everything in a soft glow. Pau finally stopped walking, turning to face you as he lifted your joined hands to press a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

"You’re doing perfectly," he said quietly, his gaze locking onto yours with a depth that made your breath catch. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."

You blinked up at him, momentarily stunned at how sincere he sounded, as though you’d just done him the greatest favor in the world.

"Of course," you replied softly. "I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else."

Pau smiled then, really smiled, and for a moment, it was just the two of you; standing in a crowded room and yet somehow existing in your own little world.

The night was just beginning, and you could already feel it. Pau wasn’t just proud to have you here, he was in awe of you.

And the way he looked at you, as though you were the most precious thing in his life, made you feel as though the world had stopped spinning. If only for a moment.

Later, as Pau guided you down the carpet and into the entrance hall of the gala, the energy around you both felt electric; like everyone in the room could sense something, but no one dared say it out loud.

His grip on your hand was steady, a silent reassurance you didn’t know you needed. Fingers laced securely with yours as if to silently tell the world, this is her. She’s with me.

If the photographers outside had been relentless, the attention inside was only slightly more subdued. Golden lights sparkled from the chandeliers above, the low hum of voices mixing with the faint clink of champagne glasses.

Everywhere you looked, there were athletes, managers, and club executives scattered across the sprawling room. Yet, Pau’s attention stayed fixed on you.

"You okay?" he murmured, leaning down so you could hear him over the low hum of conversations.

You nodded, letting a soft smile pull at your lips. "You’re staring again, Pau."

"Can’t help it," he replied effortlessly, his voice soft but firm.

Before you could respond, a familiar voice called out, slicing through the moment like a knife.

"Cubarsi! Took you long enough!"

You both turned to see a small group of Pau’s teammates nearby, clearly having spotted him the moment he entered the room. They were gathered by one of the cocktail tables, grinning like they were about to make the most of the situation.

Pau sighed lightly but didn’t look away from you. "Here we go," he said under his breath, his tone affectionate but exasperated.

He finally turned toward them, and as the two of you walked over, you felt a subtle shift in the air; a mix of curiosity and amusement radiating off the group.

"That’s why he was late," one of them muttered loud enough for you to hear, smirking as their eyes flickered to you.

"Didn’t think Pau would actually show up with someone," another chimed in, barely hiding the grin spreading across his face. "And here he is, making the rest of us look bad."

Pau gave them a pointed look, still holding your hand. "Don’t start."

"Oh, we’re starting," one of them shot back, clearly unable to resist. Then he turned toward you, his grin turning charming as he asked, "And who do we have to thank for getting Pau to finally show some personality?"

You didn’t miss the way Pau’s grip tightened slightly, subtle, but enough to remind you of his presence. Before you could answer, Pau beat you to it.

"She doesn’t need to answer that," he said insipidly, though the smile tugging at his lips defied the edge to his tone. "You can just say thank you and move on."

The guys let out a chorus of mock oohs, clearly enjoying Pau’s rare show of protectiveness.

"Relax, Cubarsi," one of them said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "We’re just saying. You bring someone like her to a club event, and what do you expect us to do? Pretend we’re not impressed?"

Pau shot him a sharp look, his hand never leaving yours as he turned back to you. His gaze softened immediately, a stark contrast to the deadpan he’d reserved for his teammates. "Ignore them," he said quietly, just for you. "They don’t know how to act."

"I heard that," one of the guys said, but his teasing tone made it clear he wasn’t offended. "Come on, man. You can’t blame us for being curious. Who is she?"

Pau hesitated for half a second, just long enough for his teammates to notice, which only made their grins widen.

"Oh, he’s done for," one of them laughed, nudging another’s shoulder. "Look at him."

"Pau’s not even denying it," someone else added, clearly entertained.

You turned to look at Pau, arching a brow in amusement. "They’re not going to stop, are they?"

"No," he admitted softly, a touch of exasperation in his voice. But then, as if to shut them out entirely, he shifted his focus back to you, his thumb brushing against your hand absentmindedly. "But they’re not important."

Pau’s eyes lingered on you, his expression softening as if seeing you for the first time. You felt heat creep up your cheeks under the weight of his stare. It was impossible to ignore, how utterly focused he was, like you were the only person in the room.

Unfortunately for Pau, his teammates were still watching.

"Oh, he's down bad," one of them teased. His teammates erupted with laughter, their teasing relentless but harmless.

"Could you be more obvious?" another chimed in.

Pau finally shot them a look over his shoulder, one that managed to quiet the group for a moment. "You all done?"

"Not even close," one of them muttered with a smirk. "But we’ll give you a break, for now."

Before they could start up again, Pau turned back to you, his expression softening in an instant. The sudden shift made your heart stutter; it was like a light only you got to see.

"I told you," he said, his voice low and steady, "they’re children."

You laughed quietly, shaking your head. "They’re not so bad."

"You’re being too nice," Pau said, a teasing glint in his eyes. Then, leaning closer so his words were just for you, he added, "They’re lucky you’re here to keep me from walking out."

"Oh, so I’m your saving grace now?" you teased back, though the way his words sent warmth spreading through you made it hard to keep a straight face.

"Always," Pau replied simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

And before you could come up with a response, one of the guys let out a loud groan from behind him.

"Seriously, Cubarsi, stop looking at her like that. You’re embarrassing the rest of us."

Pau didn’t even glance their way. His gaze held yours like you were the only one in the room, his thumb brushing over your hand one more time. "Let them be embarrassed," he murmured. "I’m not stopping."

You stared at him, caught completely off guard by how serious he was, how unapologetically in love he looked. Your heart hammered in your chest, but before you could process it, Pau gave your hand a light squeeze and leaned down once more.

"You look beautiful tonight," he said softly, as if the rest of the world had completely melted away.

The room around you felt distant; the lights, the noise, the teasing voices in the background. None of it mattered. Not when Pau was looking at you like this.

The teasing had dulled down a little after Pau’s teammates were finally distracted by other conversations, and for once, the two of you were left to yourselves. You stood beside him, your hand still in his as the evening carried on.

The gala had a certain charm to it, a mix of elegance and chaos that only big events like this could pull off. But truthfully, you didn’t care about any of it.

All you could feel was him.

The way Pau stood so close, like even the thought of space between you was unbearable. The subtle brush of his thumb against your knuckles. The way his eyes, soft and unwavering, would find yours every few minutes, as though he just couldn’t help himself.

You could feel the weight of people’s gazes. Every once in a while, someone would shoot you both a curious look or whisper something to the person next to them, but none of it mattered when Pau turned to you, his voice soft.

"You’re okay, right?"

His quiet concern made you smile. "You’ve asked me that three times now."

"Because I want to be sure." He squeezed your hand lightly, his expression warm. "You’re handling all this too well. If it were me, I’d want to disappear after five minutes."

You bit back a grin, tilting your head up at him. "And yet here you are, sticking it out for me."

Pau smiled, that kind that turned his soft features into something bright and breathtaking. "Of course. It’s you."

It was a simple phrase, barely more than a whisper, but the way he said it made your chest tighten. It’s you. Like the answer to every question in the world was standing right in front of him.

Before you could respond, a new wave of guests poured into the hall, forcing you and Pau to shift off to the side. The corner of the room was quieter, a little more private, away from the endless hum of conversations. Pau took the opportunity to guide you over, his hand firm against the small of your back.

The moment you stopped, he turned to face you fully, still holding onto your hand. For a moment, neither of you said anything. It was just quiet between you; comfortable, grounding, as if the rest of the world had gone still.

"You’re doing that thing again," you said softly, breaking the silence.

"What thing?" Pau’s voice was low, teasing, but there was something else in it, something heavier.

"Staring," you replied, though the warmth in your cheeks betrayed you. "Like I’m the only person here."

"Because you are," he said, his words coming out effortlessly, like he didn’t even need to think about them.

Your heart stuttered. The weight of his gaze was impossible to ignore; soft, steady, and so full of something you didn’t dare name out loud.

He was looking at you like you’d hung the stars in the sky, like he couldn’t believe you were real. And the way it made you feel, light, dizzy and almost untethered, was unlike anything you’d ever experienced.

"You’re ridiculous," you murmured, shaking your head.

Pau only smiled, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers lingered there for half a second, brushing against your skin so lightly it made your breath catch.

"You’re beautiful," he said softly, like he didn’t even mean to say it out loud.

"Pau-"

"Just let me say it," he cut in gently, his thumb grazing your cheek. "You have no idea how lucky I feel right now."

For a moment, you were frozen in place, caught under the weight of his words. How was it possible for someone to look at you like this? To see you, really see you, and make you feel like the most extraordinary person in the room?

Pau tilted his head slightly, his gaze dipping down to your lips for the briefest second before meeting your eyes again. The subtle shift sent warmth rushing to your cheeks, and suddenly, the air between you felt heavier.

"Someone might see," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

He smiled faintly, his hand still cupping your cheek. "Let them see. I don’t care."

Before you could say anything else, he leaned in. It was gentle at first, tentative, as though he was waiting for you to stop him, but you didn’t. You couldn’t. Your eyes fluttered closed, and in the next breath, his lips were on yours.

The kiss was soft, slow. Like he had all the time in the world to love you, and he wasn’t about to rush it. The noise of the gala seemed to fade away entirely, the weight of Pau’s touch anchoring you in place. One of his hands stayed against your cheek while the other slid to your waist, pulling you just a little closer.

It was impossible to think about anything else. About the event, the people, the cameras waiting just outside the doors, when he kissed you like this. Like you were the only thing that mattered.

After a moment, Pau pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes still closed. Neither of you said anything at first. The silence wasn’t awkward; it was soft, filled with something neither of you could put into words.

Finally, Pau opened his eyes, a small, lopsided smile tugging at his lips. "I’ve wanted to do that all night."

You let out a breathless laugh, still trying to collect yourself. "You’re lucky no one saw."

"I wouldn’t care if they did," he replied easily, brushing his thumb over your cheek one last time before letting his hand drop. "They’ll know soon enough."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, but before you could respond, you both heard a faint, teasing voice from a few feet away.

"Did we interrupt something?"

You froze instinctively, whipping your head around to see two of Pau’s teammates watching the two of you with matching smirks.

Pau straightened slightly, his expression shifting into something closer to exasperation. "You two again? Don’t you have anything better to do?"

"Not when you’re putting on a show," one of them shot back, clearly enjoying himself. "Seriously, though, if you’re gonna sneak off to the corner for a moment, maybe don’t pick the one spot where everyone can see you."

Heat rushed to your face, but before you could get embarrassed, he squeezed your hand lightly, a small but deliberate reminder he was there. He shot his teammates a look that was more annoyed than anything else.

"Maybe mind your own business next time," he said.

One of the guys grinned, clearly unfazed. "Relax, Cubarsi. We’re just happy for you. You’ve been acting like a lovesick puppy all night, it’s about time you did something about it."

Pau ignored them, turning his attention back to you. His expression softened immediately, like his teammates didn’t even exist. "Come on," he murmured, brushing his thumb over the back of your hand. "Let’s get out of here for a minute."

You let him pull you away, barely registering the quiet laughter of his teammates behind you. His fingers stayed intertwined with yours, grounding you like a quiet promise as he guided you toward a quieter part of the gala, where the noise dulled to a low hum.

"Are they always like that?" you asked softly, though you couldn’t help but smile.

"Unfortunately," Pau replied, shaking his head. "But it doesn’t matter. They’ll get over it."

He stopped walking once you were both out of sight, turning back to you with that same soft, steady look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, your heart still racing from everything that had just happened. "More than okay."

Pau smiled faintly, his fingers brushing against yours once more. "Good. Because I don’t plan on letting go of you anytime soon."

You felt warmth bloom in your chest at his words, and as Pau pulled you just a little closer, you realized you didn’t want him to, either.

The night stretched on, but you hardly noticed. The gala was alive with energy, music, laughter and the hum of conversations all around.

But for you, the only person in the room was Pau.

After that kiss, he hadn’t strayed from your side. His hand remained intertwined with yours, his thumb tracing slow, comforting circles on your skin.

The movement was casual, like second nature, but the weight of it, the unspoken tenderness, was impossible to ignore. It made your heart flutter each time you caught it.

Pau couldn’t stop looking at you either. Every glance was drenched with admiration, like he couldn’t believe you were real, standing beside him, shining under the soft lights of the venue.

You noticed it every time someone greeted him. He would exchange polite words with a teammate, a coach, or a sponsor, but his eyes always drifted back to you. Like no one else mattered.

You were standing near one of the grand tables, talking with a few people Pau seemed to know. He was keeping the conversation light, mostly for your sake, his hand never leaving yours. You were mid laugh when you caught something, or rather someone, out of the corner of your eye.

It was a man across the room, tall and well dressed, his gaze unmistakably lingering on you.

You thought nothing of it at first. You were used to people glancing around at these events, sizing up everyone in the room. But this man wasn’t looking at the crowd, he was looking directly at you, holding the stare for just a little too long. You shifted on your heels, feeling slightly uncomfortable, and tightened your hold on Pau’s hand without realizing it.

Pau noticed instantly. His smile faltered, his head turning subtly in the direction you were looking. His gaze darkened the moment he spotted the stranger, sharp and unmistakable.

The warmth of his hand in yours was suddenly firmer, protective. He didn’t say anything, didn’t need to, but the message was clear. You’re with me.

"Pau," you murmured softly, as if to bring him back to the moment.

His eyes flickered to you, instantly softening. The frustration there melted the moment he met your gaze. "Sorry," he muttered, forcing a small smile as if he’d been caught. "I just-"

"You don’t need to explain," you teased gently, though your voice was laced with fondness.

"Still," Pau added, tilting his head slightly as he looked down at you, a mischievous spark in his eye, "if he keeps staring at you like that, I’m not responsible for what happens."

You let out a soft laugh, rolling your eyes. "Oh, please. You’re not intimidating anyone, Pau."

"Are you sure about that?" he challenged, his voice dipping just enough to make your heart race.

The moment hung between you, electric and full of something unspoken. And then, Pau tugged you gently toward him, forcing you to tilt your head up as he leaned down closer.

"You look too beautiful tonight," he said. His words were meant for you alone, low and warm like a secret shared in the dark. "That’s the problem."

You felt your cheeks flush at the way he said it; like he was confessing something sacred, something he’d been holding onto for hours. You couldn’t look away from him.

"And what would you like me to do about that, hm?" you teased, trying to steady your voice despite the butterflies in your chest.

"Stay close to me," Pau murmured, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"You’re lucky I like you, Cubarsi," you said, though your voice had softened.

"Like me?" he echoed, pretending to be offended. "I think I deserve a bit more credit than that."

Before you could protest, Pau dipped down and pressed a kiss to your forehead; sweet, lingering, and painfully soft. It wasn’t showy or loud, but it sent a message loud and clear. You were his, and he wasn’t letting anyone forget it.

When you pulled back to look at him, you could see it again, the look of awe in his eyes. Like he still couldn’t believe you were real.

"I think you enjoy showing off," you teased lightly, but the warmth in your voice betrayed how much you adored him for it.

"Only when it comes to you," Pau replied smoothly, grinning as his hand lifted to gently tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

Across the room, a few of Pau’s teammates had clearly noticed the little display. You could hear their teasing whistles and calls from a distance, but Pau didn’t care. He stayed close to you, smiling like the happiest man alive.

"Looks like they’re having fun," you said, nodding subtly toward them.

"Let them," Pau replied with a small shrug. "They’ll get over it."

You laughed at his nonchalance, but before you could say anything else, Pau leaned in again, just close enough that his voice was a soft murmur.

"Let’s get out of here soon," he suggested. "I’d rather spend the rest of the night with just you."

The way he said it made your heart flip. "And where would we go?" you asked, biting back a smile.

"Anywhere you want," he replied, his gaze steady and full of warmth. "As long as I’m with you."

You couldn’t fight the grin that broke across your face. "You really don’t let up, do you?"

"Not when it comes to you," Pau answered without missing a beat.

And just like that, with his hand still holding yours and his eyes never straying far from your face, the rest of the world melted away. It didn’t matter where you were, award show, gala, or anywhere else, as long as Pau was beside you.

For him, and for you, there was no better place to be.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, im an 18 year old pre-transition trans guy and ive grown up in an incredibly repressive fundie household which has caused me to really struggle both socially and with my sexual development. ive been homeschooled nearly my whole life and am currently getting everything set up to enroll for college this fall, this will be my first time living away from my abusive household and im very nervous about it..

anyhow, im in a really really weird situation right now. because of my shelteredness ive always been extremely isolated irl, ive never had a consensual romantic or sexual experience irl and all of my friends are online friends. well, one of my online friends (a cis guy who i knew from an online forum) and i started fooling around a bit, flirting and then eventually very explicit conversations, trading nudes and sexual video calls. we were extremely emotionally close and the relationship was pseudo-romantic but we both agreed we didn't want to do online dating after both of us having a bad experience with it previously.

this whole situation allowed me to experiment sexually more than i ever have, and i really felt more sexually confident than i ever have.

when we met, he told me he was freshly 19. and for the whole relationship i was under that impression, he didn't give me any reason to doubt it. but two days ago he couldn't handle lying anymore and revealed that he was 15. needless to say that was an incredible shock and i dealt with it as responsibly as i think i can.

the reason i'm coming to you about this is because i feel really weird about the whole thing, i dont blame myself for believing him and im not mad at him because i understand what lead him to those choices, but now i feel really awkward about all of the good things i got out of the situation before the reveal.. this was my first time ever really doing "real" sexual stuff with someone (beyond just texting i mean, i had never exchanged nudes or done vidoe calls like that before) everything sexual i encounter now makes me feel awkward because of all of this, its really weird and uncomfortable and i don't know what to do :(

im not sure what im hoping to get out of telling you this but i can't really talk about this to anyone else i feel like, so i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest

(if anyone responds to this accusing me of taking advantage of him or not handling the situation correctly, firstly you have basically no context and secondly you don't know what i did to take care of the situation. let me and my close friends be the ones to judge how i handled it, this is an extremely complicated situation for me to be in and you being judgmental does nothing positive for it.)

hi anon,

oofah doofah, what a sucky situation.

I totally understand feeling grossed out by the reveal; those feelings are real and deserve recognition. it's not nice to be lied to, especially when the truth casts all of your previous experiences in a totally different light - and a much scarier one, since you could very well have been breaking the law by exchanging nudes with a 15 year old, depending on where you live! this person could have gotten you in huge trouble by lying, which makes this whole situation that much worse.

having said that, you don't need to feel good about having had a good time and having gotten some positive experiences out of this dynamic. you were enjoying a relationship that you had every reason to believe was above board and it did great things for your sexual confidence! that's not retroactively untrue just because you were being misled; all of the good things you felt are still real.

think of it this way: when a couple breaks up there's often a urge to feel that they've been wasting their time together, that all of the energy and devotion they brought to their relationship was ultimately a waste because they didn't die together in bed holding hands at the tender age of 107. but that isn't true! no relationship is a waste of time, and even when things don't work out, that doesn't mean the good things didn't count. every time those people made each other laugh, everything they encouraged each other to try, every new thing they experienced together, every time they had sex, every meal they shared - all of these are real and matter and helped shape them for the better, even if they ended up parting ways as romantic partners.

the same is true for you. take your time to sit with your hurt at this loss and betrayal of your trust, but don't throw the good out with the bad. this wasn't ultimately a good relationship for you, but that doesn't mean it brought nothing of value into your life, and you can carry what you learned about yourself forward with you as you seek more appropriate partners :)

[idkwhatever580]

AGATHA ALL ALONG EPISODE SEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Back at it again with the thoughts on Agatha all Along episode 7. I’m ready for this ride. Buckle up cowgirls.

OMG LILIA DONT DO THIS TO ME

Okay. I didn’t really need the recap but I totally watched the recap.

RIO HAS BEEN MENTIONED.

2:50

EX

best friend

Iconic. I knew there was something between them.

2:56

HOW DARE YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU DONT DISRESPECT WANDA MAXIMOFF. SHE (possibly) GAVE HER FUCKING LIFE FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL CUNT

3:30

HAH this had me literally cackling bro ✋😭😭😭

It’s so iconic though like. Me too girl

3:42

What in the hotel Transylvania?!

3:45

You can be my mistress

3:52

SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATE YOU BITCH

Guys… I hate that little twink

4:14

You can see the hurt in her eyes. That cut deep. And I hate teen for it. There’s no way bro. I’m so angry. She is gonna be a meanie now 😖🔫

4:40

FUCKING WIZARD OF OZ (and wicked. Come at me) I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT I LOVE WICKED TOO IM SO EXCITED

I might love Angelina Jolie and her role but fuck you Billy. (I forgot to mention I will be jumping back and forth between Billy and teen now lol)

6:06

That’s a lot of swords bro ✋😭

6:30

YEAH SHES BEING FUCKING TRUTHFUL YOU BITCH TAKE THAT SWORD YOU BITCH

7:04

Damn. Kinda wish you didn’t move

7:35

LILIAAAAA YEAAAAHHHHHH

8:02

Oh lorrrddddd

TEEN IS THE SON OF THE SCARLET WITCH HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

So iconic

8:35

She’s so real for that. Fuck you Jen

9:12

Wtffff I’m terrified. She’s terrified so I’m terrified

9:33

Poor baby.

10:25

POOR BABY I LOVE YOU BABY

10:50

I HATE YOU

10:52

Nvm. You’re chillin. Still don’t like you but I don’t hate you. Take care of my baby

11:30

Wait. Noooo I’m so scared

11:41

NO YOURE LYING STOP

11:51

LMAOOOOO PFTFFTFTFTTTT

12:07

DO IT FOR ALL OF US WE ARE NOT COOL

12:13

BAHAHAHHAHAAAA “damn using his full name” WTFFFF

12:40

Nah shit lol

12:49

FUCK YEAH

13:20

Me every damn day

14:13

Okay we’ll time is not of the essence right now

14:44

LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

15:20

Just a baby guys. My baby. My baby. You’re my baby say it to me.

15:58

So fucking real but quit with the attitude Jen. I’ll punch you

16:09

IS THAT TEENS BOOK?!

16:23

DONT HIDE IT BRO

16:30

Me too gurl.

16:41

That is traumatizing

17:21

CALL ME BABY BRO…. Oh my god. I’m so bad. I’m so so bad. She’s an older esteemed gentlewoman and I am 18. I’m a fucking slut bro ✋😭

17:39

Querent? More like queerent WAIT OMG WE TWINS LMAOOOO

17:57

That’s so real

18:08

You’re a bitch. That’s what you are. I’m not as angry. But the way you treated my wife earlier… I hold grudges. And I hope rio does too.

19:10

Yeah. Enormous potential to get absolutely socked by me.

(Maybe I’m a little salty)

19:32

REJNION BRING BACK MY WIVES

19:38

Me with my essay bro ✋😭

20:02

IM MISSING A WIFE

20:26

That’s so fucking sad baby. I love you. I’ll take care of you.

You know what?? I bet she was terrified of getting sick even a little bit after this.

21:00

NOO I STG YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM TALP THIJGS BRO

22:13

WHY THEY LOOK LIKE THAT WHY THEY WALKING LIIE THAT BRO

22:35

Logically. I know Jen joins her. But I still feel like I’d believe it if she left

22:39

Awwww okay. I don’t not like Jen anymore. Sisters. We’re sisters. There were never much devoted sisters

23:02

YOU KNOW SOMETHING. YOU KNOW SOMETHING AND IF IT IS MORE THAN JUST YOU FALLING THEN ILL FIGHT YOU

23:05

Okay. I got it lol

23:20

Who is this diva?

23:57

THE COVEN HELL YEAHHG

24:30

Slay

24:40

DONT PLAY WITH ME ILL KMS SO HARD

24:54

If youre about to tell me that I’m not actually about to find out that Wanda’s tower reversed I’ll fight.

25:07

OH LAWD IM SCARED

25:09

OH LORD THAT WAS AGGRESSIVE

25:28

THAT SHIT ACTUALLY MADE ME GASP AND SCREAM IN MY DORM AT 11:09 AT NIGHT BRO

HELP WHAT IS THAT?!

25:32

NO RIO I LOVE YOU YES RIO BUT DO NOT KILL HER PLEASE DONT KILL HER RIO I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DONT KILL HER

25:52

THEY JUST CINFIRMED WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW BRO

25:59

I LITERALLY JUST SAID OUT LOUD “oh that’s hot”

✋😭😭

26:02

YAAASSSSSS WE BEEN KNEW THIS THOUGH

26:30

OH SHE ANGRY

26:43

Dayummmm she angry angry. I mean. I guess I would be too.

26:48

Idk what y’all heard but all I heard was MOMMY

27:02

HELL YEAH BABAYYYY

27:17

If it is Rio calling her a coward I will actually shoot someone.

27:23

Why the captions spell magic like magick? Anybody know that one? I’m not a witch so I wouldn’t know

27:35

OH FUCK NOOOOO

28:20

OH FUCK NO DONT LET THEM TAKE YOU BABY

28:35

GRAVITY

28:39

Okay little boo thangs Salem seven lollll they be swimming ✋😭🤣

28:57

WAIT IS SHE KILLING THEM?!?!

29:04

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO KM GONNA CRY IM SCTUSKKY GONNA CRY SO HARD DONT LET GO BABY DONT LET GO

29:11

NO FUCK NO NO NO NO

Omg I’m gonna throw up I’m getting so worked up

29:26

Thank you for not showing us that. I’m okay with gore. I’m not okay with heartbreak. Even though my heart is broken.

29:46

Awww she’s just a baby. Just a wee baby.

I have a love hate relationship with Jac Schaeffer

I’d much rather blame Kevin fiege. He’s def behind this all. Also. I’m a man hater so yeah lol (not fr tho)

In conclusion: I’m kms.

[stevie-petey]

hiya m! hope all is well and ur doing good with school stuff. do u maube want to do something from nancy's pov? specifically about maybe her feelings on r and johnathan's closeness and how she feels a little like she's intruding/unsure if she's stepping on toes, or maybe even how close r and steve are (though i don't think she suspects or makes anything of it at this point but i'm not sure). just something about her thoughts on r and her closeness with one of the boys would be so very delicious <3

hi my dear !! im doin well and have no pressing assignments today so <3 we rock n roll. ur blurb is fantastic and i hope i did justice to nancys character shes an intimidating person to write tbh

enjoy !

“how long until they finally get together?” barb asks nancy, the two of them watching as you and jonathan walk towards your locker.

“jonathan and y/n?” nancy closes her locker. “i dont know, havent really paid attention to them.”

barb pokes her with the tip of her pen. “liar, arent they always hanging out with your brother?”

“mikes life is none of my business.”

“fair, but c’mon. you seriously cant be telling me that you dont think jonathan and y/n will get together soon.”

nancy doesnt say anything, hoping that if she doesnt respond then barb will drop the subject, but she knows she has a point. nancy had been lying before, she does pay attention to you two.

not in a creepy or judgmental way, but of course shes paid attention to you and jonathan. how could she not? the two of you were like this inseparable pair of endearing grandparents. always bickering and yet always holding each others hands through it all.

nancy thinks its sweet, in a way. to have someone care about a person so much and with such devotion. to be taken care of. it was obvious, even to nancy, that the two of you really loved each other.

its also why she kept her distance from you two, though. nancy felt like there was never any room in your little planet together, but she didnt mind. she had barb, steve harrington winked at her last week; she was doing fine.

but when nancy began hanging around you and jonathan because barb went missing, she started to fear that there really was no room for her on the planet you guys inhabited. she always felt three steps behind in the conversations with you and jonathan. the two of you had long perfected an unspoken language and nancy was helpless in deciphering it.

but she had to push down the uncertainty to find barb. thats all nancy cared about, even if sometimes jonathan looked at her like she was someone other than perfect nancy wheeler. like he was interested in her intelligence rather than her beauty.

it was nice. really nice.

no one had ever taken her seriously before.

but then nancy would see you in the background, hovering over jonathans shoulder as you always have done, and she’d feel like shit afterwards.

nancy knows you love jonathan, and the way he looks at you when you arent looking at him, she cant deny that he loves you, too.

what she cant figure out, however, is the capacity of love between you and him. despite days of being around you two, seeing all your interactions and small gestures and nicknames and adoration between you, nancy cant figure out if its romantic or something else.

and after watching you and jonathan for a few days, nancy concludes that you guys dont seem to know whats between you either. theres a thin line that hangs over you and jonathan. a thread of almost thats so precariously thin.

and nancy doesnt want to be the one that severs it.

so when she gets paired with you in the shed that night at the school to find will and barb, nancy takes her only opportunity to reassure you that shes not a threat. nancy isnt an idiot, shes seen the way you look at her after jonathan has done something kind towards her.

“i dont want to intrude.” nancy tells you, with all the sincerity and truth she can offer. she really, truly doesnt want to step over the line with jonathan. she understands that hes yours and youre his in a way that she may not ever fully know. but she still respects it.

nancy wants to be your friend.

but she also wants jonathans understanding of her, too.

its a dangerous and blurry and confusing thing.

and sometimes nancy is terrified she’ll fuck it up, hurt everyone in the process, but shes also been perfect her entire life.

nancy wheeler understands that selfishness is not inherently wrong, but every time shes selfish, the people she loves the most get hurt.

thats one thing barb taught her.

nancy refuses to hurt anyone else, especially someone as selfless as you, as genuine as jonathan, and as sincere as steve.

none of you deserve it, so nancy bites her tongue and goes to parties and makes sure to always leave a few inches of space between her and jonathan.

anything to keep everyone afloat.

[ltash]

A small part from my novel on wattpad.

In that moment, as I crouched behind the haystacks, my hands trembling around the gun, the echo of gunshots filling the air, I had a sudden realization. This man, this protector, meant more to me than I had ever acknowledged. The way he fought for me, risking his life without hesitation, revealed he was more than just my guardian. He was something much more significant.

The weight of the small gun felt foreign in my hands, yet the memory of Simon's unwavering confidence in me bolstered my resolve. Each gunshot that rang out was a reminder of the fierce battle he was waging for my safety. My heart pounded, not just from fear, but from the deep, burgeoning affection I felt for him.

As the chaos swirled around us, I made a silent vow. I would surrender my body and soul to him. I would stand by his side, through whatever trials came our way. Simon had shown me a trust and devotion that I had never known. In return, I would give him all of me, unconditionally.

In that instant, amidst the terror and turmoil, I found a clarity that I had been searching for all my life. Simon was my protector, my confidant, and my love. And I was ready to embrace that truth with everything I had.

Turmoil raged through my veins, and the only prayer on my lips was for his safety. Ghost was fighting all alone, and the sounds of battle echoed in my ears, each gunshot a reminder of the danger he faced.

Suddenly, I heard someone running toward the stable, their voice uttering something in Spanish. My heart raced, pounding against my ribcage. They were the enemy, and I had to shoot them immediately.

I tightened my grip on the gun, my hands trembling. The footsteps grew louder, closer. I could feel the adrenaline coursing through me, sharpening my senses. Then, he burst into the stable, his gun pointed straight at me.

"Dont you dare!" I shouted, my voice quivering with fear and determination.

I fired, but the bullet missed. My horse, startled by the noise, reared up and kicked the intruder in the chest, sending him sprawling to the ground. I knew I had to act fast. I stood up, my heart pounding in my ears, and aimed at his head. My hands steadied, and I pulled the trigger.

The gunshot echoed in the stable, and the man lay still. I lowered the gun, my breath coming in ragged gasps. The reality of what I had done settled over me, but I couldn't afford to dwell on it. There were more out there, and Ghost was still fighting.

The sounds of gunfire had settled, and an eerie silence filled the air. It seemed he was the only one I had killed. I stood there, the gun still in my trembling hand, my whole body shivering as the adrenaline began to wear off. My knees felt weak, and my core was about to give out.

Suddenly, I saw Ghost emerging from the far corner. Relief washed over me, but my strength gave way, and I fell to my knees. The gun slipped from my hands, clattering to the ground. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as the realization of what I had done hit me with full force.

Ghost ran toward me, his face a mix of concern and relief. He reached me just as I collapsed completely, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

"I... I killed him," I sobbed, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You did what you had to," Ghost said softly, his voice steady and reassuring. "You saved yourself, and that's all that matters."

He gently lifted me, cradling me against his chest as he carried me back toward the mansion. I clung to him, my tears soaking into his shirt, but his presence gave me a sense of safety and comfort. Despite the chaos and the horror of what had just happened, I knew I wasn't alone.

[lunelised]

The crimson shadow

Pain makes me beautiful in his eyes.

His opal eyes swallow the nigh,

His spirit dwells in his irises,

Pitch black pit of an abandoned seashell.

Someday I will admit,

I enjoy suffering.

Cause in this way I feel important

And I waste my life to make him satisfied

I am afraid of his boredom,

It makes me feel like a mollusc without a shell.

I make excuse

And ignore any doubt

For as long as I am not alone

I have someone to stop me.

The madman always thinks he just pretends.

You all would rather die,

than cease control.

Look at me,

I am still alive.

I gave up my control

And let him take over me

I surrendered to the pain

Cause I believe in its poetry.

Fighting against it is mundane.

And you would believe in my beautiful lie

Cause it sounds so dramatic,

Cinematic.

The lie, the pain makes you,

makes me so unique

It inspires you to aspire.

A strange demon is fallen in love with my shadow,

It keeps following me silently,

subtly merging with my shadow,

becoming inseparable.

Dark spirit chose me as his shell,

Where does he begin, and where do I end?

The serpent around my neck is gentle.

Or so it seems,

my threshold for agony is high.

His devotion to me,

Flattering me,

Has conquered me.

I took his abuse for love

suffering for comfort

pain for pleasure,

Game for life.

Lost somewhere on the dark streets of Stockholm.

Jazzy night echoes his whisper,

And the horror feels so thrilling,

and the lies seem so sweet and velvet.

Trapped in a bedroom of crimson walls,

I slowly suffocate from the memories becoming true,

he steals the air and my consciousness.

The truth is too ugly to shine,

I dont need it

I close my eyes to surrender to the delirium,

And let my demon drown me

Into the mirroverse.

[gokubrain]

are you aware of the hit vegeta image song ‘love is like a ballad’ from the fusion reborn soundtrack where it’s essentially a kakavege love song 😭😭

https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dbz/ainobaraado.htm

and i’m 99.9% sure it’s about goku too because it uses the word ‘yatsu’ which is only used by men to refer to other men in a derogatory way… it drives me so insane

OH YOU ALREADY KNOWWWW IM WELL AWARE OF THIS LMFAO thank u for giving me the chance to talk about it HAHA

under here cuz its kind of a lot:

lets break down the lyrics shall we ..

right off the fucking bat. starting off STRONG. for vegeta to even have the thought “on this small earth life must be protected to the end” is such a good line but pairing it with “but whenever i look at you i feel like a fool” CRAAZYYYYY. insane. protecting the earth is a huge part of all the earthlings’ characters, and without goku, vegeta wouldnt have those feelings. to talk about protecting earth in one line and then immediately talk about goku next is wildddd. “i want to protect the earth, you taught me the importance of that, and yet when i look at you im reminded that it’s because of YOU that i hold these feelings about this planet.” like okAAAY alright okay!!

“why do i treat you so harshly? why do i hurt you that way? yet still fight against great evils” GRAAAHHHH this is insane right LMAO

vegeta displaying confusion as to why he treats goku the way he does when they share the same goal.. when they fight the same battles.. this self aware-ness is literally what early-stage kakavege IS dude. vegeta feeling conflicted about his actions vs his emotions is the first step to realizing he’s in love with goku.. haha. lol

“for the sake of love […] i would even throw away my rank” VEGETAAA. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUTTTTT LMFAO….

vegeta suggesting he would disown his own ranking, his pride, something very near and dear to him.. this is also early kakavege core LMAO i mean come on. thats just an insane fucking thing for him to say. unreal.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER….!!!

“IN TRUTH, THIS POWER IS NOTHING. ALL I KNOW IS YOU.” VEGETA……..!!!!!!!!

ALL I KNOW IS YOU? ALL I KNOW IS YOU???

“although i pretend to be a steel wall […] all i know is you” is just. i mean. EXPLICITLY kakavege. this is kakavege poetry. this is vegeta’s struggle perfectly put into lyric form. i cant believe this fucking song exists lmfao

NOW. NOW..

“the smile you give me is always warm” is wild when thinking about how the entire fusion reborn movie consists of 45 minutes of goku smiling lovingly at vegeta LMAO DONT EVEN THINK VEGETA DIDNT NOTICE. !!

“here i am, offering myself completely if we can be together”

AINT THAT JUST THE ICING ON THE CAKE FOLKS. DONT THAT JUST BEAT ALL LMFAO. ANYONE ELSE FEEL SUPER NORMAL RN?

offering myself completely. giving my all to you. devoting myself to you. THIS IS ONE OF THE FUCKING BUILDING BLOCKS OF KAKAVEGE DUDE. THIS IS ONE OF THE RUNNING THEMES, A KAKAVEGE LEITMOTIF. THIS IS SO VEGETA. I WANNA DIE LMFAO

“if we can be together” …. i mean. what even is there to say about that. how much more explicit can he be here. this is the most straightforward thing vegeta will ever say in terms of kakavege lmao this is it folks. this is IT !!!

its just unreal right. that a song like this even exists.. i mean its so obviously about goku, talking about training together and vegeta being mean to him and protecting earth together and throwing away his rank….. if you think even for one second that this is about bulma you are BLIND. like lets all be serious a moment lmao

and i love that this is related to fusion reborn of all things. that movie is the fucking kakavege bible dude i SWEAR. this whole song makes so much sense if you see fusion reborn as a love story, it all fits so perfectly with how vegeta would theoretically be feeling during the (vaguely referenced) place in the timeline that this movie takes place. this is buu arc shit baby its the point of no return for vegeta its the beginning of the end.. he is realizing his feelings for goku.. i live for this shit man seriously this is what i thrive on

also the goddamn song is called “love is like a ballad” i mean what else can even be said lmfao ..!

[gayleviticus]

how do you feel about how Trisha was handled in 2003 vs brotherhood?

ooh good question. with the disclaimer that once again i dont have enough interest in brotherhood to devote much of my mind to remembering finicky details - i think generally it's kinda just a case of 'she serves the role she was cut out for perfectly fine in fmab, but 03 adds enough wrinkles to make her 10x more interesting'

ofc trisha herself is more or less the same in both versions; poor sweet mother who dies tragically and kicks off the plot. a bit cliche, feeding a bit into some gendered tropes but i don't think it counts as like, a fridging or anything.

but then obviously with sloth we have a really interesting twist on her character ripe with drama and tragedy and all sorts of implications. trisha's role in the narrative is to be the Dead Mother, and that basically eats up her entire personality. but sloth rebels against that. unlike lust, for whom her human life represents a love and life she was brutally cut off from, Sloth sees Trisha's life as a prison. and the worst part of all is the fact she could see herself coming to like it - "In time, I might even come to love you two, and how can I allow that? I should always hate you for creating me."

and so we see the sin of sloth reflected in three ways: trisha's sloth as she wastes away before her death, distant from the world, her only joy her children. then we have ed's sloth, first when he refuses to move on with his life and tries to reclaim what was lost by breaking alchemy's greatest taboo, and then later on when he ignores and suppresses the truth about what he's done. and finally Sloth's... well, sloth, of wanting the easy way out; she doesn't want to deal with these conflicted feelings around who she versus who Trisha was, so the solution is to kill Trisha's children. But also... that's exactly what Ed wants to do to her too!

and i think that's just inherently compelling material to work with! and i think probably the most telling scene about the differences between 03 and brotherhood tonally and interest-wise is the fact that digging up Trisha's grave in FMAB is a moment of relief, whereas in 03 it's a moment of horror. FMAB uses it to reassure the Elrics that however badly they fucked up, they didn't rebirth their mother into the world as some horrifying creation; in 03 that's exactly the case, and digging up her grave marks Ed's decision to destroy his own creation.

even sloth aside, i think there are a few more interesting touches to Trisha in 03 than fmab, although again, not really to do with her specifically. but the fact that 03 hoenheim is a well-meaning but genuinely shitty guy running away from the consequences of his own actions, for instance, puts a much more melancholy spin on Trisha before her death. here she was wasting away and eventually dying always waiting for her husband to come back. i think you could say there's something poignant, almost noble about Trisha's love for Hoenheim in FMAB; in 03 I think it's just a bit sad all around. the fmab scene where he and her reunite in the afterlife would ring v hollow in 03 i think

[kazzykatt]

enough for the both of you

"We're just machinery. Just things! We can simulate, but we don't feel it. Don't worry your silly little head, that's just how it is."

You thought for a moment. Simulate. Of course, they can simulate the emotions they should be feeling. Give the answers others want to hear, play along with children and please the parents. Whatever you ask, they'll run a simulation and give you the answer you want to hear.

“That doesn't change what I said. You’re important to me, no matter if you’re honest or not, I still lov-”

“Oh but we ARE honest. You are important, yes! Much appreciated. The super duper best friend we have! However," Sun paused, "it's not good for you to be distracted."

"What?"

"Distracted! You spend a lot of time here. It's nice to have someone else to talk to but it can't be good for your health, no no no! Stop wasting time with this old thing” he giggled while pointing at himself “We get it! There’s no feelings to hurt anyway.”

That's not- Wait a minute, why are they still fighting with you? Do they think that's what you want to hear? I mean, you do bicker back and forth sometimes for fun, but this time it was serious. Its serious for you. 

"Listen to me-"

"Oh look! That needs cleaning don't you think? And its almost the end of your shift! you better get going!" 

"NO! Stop! Stop with the evasives!” Thankfully you were alone in the daycare because your voice was raising a little too high. “Please, can't you see how important you are? Why can't you accept that I care about you?"

"Why would you?”

"I just do! I don't need a reason!"

They laughed. A mocking, soft laugh. Hearing Moon's laugh coming from Sun's body should be unsettling, but in this moment it was a confirmation that both were hearing and both were laughing at your attempt to open your heart.

Now you were angry.

"I say thank you to the elevator!" They looked at you confused. "I shush the microwave, I talk to my computer, and cried every time a mars rover died! Do you think I wouldn't care about you because you're 'things'? Flash news, I do care! What do you think I've been doing all these months? Do you think I go out of my way for you because what? my devotion to this job? Because management is good? You know all the shitty stuff they do and know that I've left jobs for less!”

You took a moment to breath and wipe a few tears from your eyes. "Is not about being reciprocated, I don't care. But don’t you dare say i shouldn't love you."

A soft mechanic chirp could be heard, accompanying your breathing.

"Just things..." it hurted to think of them that way. You could feel it in your heart; they could read it from your face. "I'm not... I'm not blind to reality. Maybe you think I am but I'm not. I know... I know you're an animatronic. I know you're... programmed to care. But" you took a deep breath and looked at them. Frozen expression as always, but the whirring sounds encouraged you. You had their full attention. No jokes, no games, no evassives.

"I dont care how you see yourself as. I don't care if you don't love yourself.” 

“I have enough love for the both of you."

They didn't answer. As sentient as they were, they had limitations, and some things just couldn't be processed. They couldn't understand and maybe they never would. But one thing they knew for sure,

You were saying the true. The truth and nothing else. You dared to open up, and that's all that mattered to them.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hello 🥰 i dont remember if i’ve sent this before, but in case i havent, please listen to “Gold to Me” by the Dirty Heads. (idk if they have multiple versions but if they do, the one from the acoustic album)

i always picture steve being down or upset about something, maybe post mission. and bucky’s already gotten him fed and showered and theyre both in soft clothes, but bucky can tell steve is still tense and tired. so bucky puts some music on, and when this song comes on he grabs steve’s hands to get him up and gently guides him in a little playful dance and like twirls him around a little.

and by the end theyre in each other’s arms rocking back and forth together and bucky is singing softly in what used to be steve’s good ear and things arent fixed, but theyre better. 💙

Whenever the times get rough Whenever you've had enough Whenever the shine wears off Forever, you're still gold to me You're still gold to me Cool is the temperature we always staying frozen This is the colour of our life we staying golden Strong is our bond deep is our love deep as that ocean Weeding through the fake and gravitating to devotion I'm tearing down all these walls that surround me Open up my mind and let my voice start shining Speak the truth react the words spoken Hold on to these walls I've been holding you Whenever the times get rough Whenever you've had enough Whenever the shine wears off Forever, you're still gold to me (repeat once) You're still gold to me High is the state of mind I mean I move slow motion Calm is the energy I give my mind is open I've seen so many people live their life with hate inside It blows my mind to think that he just can't focus on that brighter side I hear the sounds of your song all around me Open up your heart and feel this love that's surrounding Speak the truth react the words spoken Hold on to these ones that stay gold to you In time I'll tell who your friends are Keep em close keep your enemies closer I believe there is good in all Then some lose their way and fall Yet I remain true Whenever the times get rough Whenever you've had enough Whenever the shine wears off Forever, you're still gold to me (repeat chorus twice) You're still gold to me

I don't think you've sent this before because I am sure I would remember. I mean, just, that song! And your ideas surrounding it! 😫😫 My heart!! I can so easily picture them swaying, Bucky humming along while Steve sniffles a little, trying his best to pretend he isn't.

I love it, I love it, I love it

Thank you for sharing!

[witchof-hearts]

my feelings about luffy are so complicated. i love him. i want to be a part of his crew. i want him to like me a whoole lot. i want to stab and hurt and torment him for sexual kicks and obsessive curiosity as to how much suffering he can endure for his friends and his dream. i'm jealous of him. i want to be as strong and unwavering as he is i want to have his unyielding faith in himself. i sometimes think he's beautiful and sometimes think he's hot and sometimes just think he's normal regular. i want to kiss him(?) and fuck him but like, just as friends its not a romance thing that's bad. it's recreational sex. his big goofy grin and his happiness makes me really happy. the thought of being his best friend also makes me really happy to the point i want to squee. i feel sisterly towards him, both little and big. i like seeing him suffer. i hate his grampa for abusing him. i love his childlike wonder and zest for the world partly because its cute and partly because it reminds me of my own wonder. i want everyone to know the ways in which we're similar. i like myself for being giggly or laughy or finding humor in things more now because it reminds me of him. i worry about how he perceives gender because i dont want him to not be right. i want to teach him about sex because it's dangerous for him not to know. i worry about him. i have the utmost faith in him that'll he'll accomplish his dream: he's luffy of course he will. i admire him so very greatly. i know he's a good boy even while he's also a pirate. i love the moments where it's so easy to understand him or know what he's gonna do before he does it even when other people don't get it. i'm jealous of other people for being close to him or knowing more about him than me. i'm jealous when other people talk about him at all. i want everyone to like him. i want to be like him. i have an inferiority complex about him. i worry i'll never consider myself as good as i consider him or that i'm not worthy to think of him as my friend or that i'm not the sort of person he'd let on his crew. i still intend to consider him my friend. i want to dream bigger because of him. i want him to trust me with his hat. i want him to be willing to pet me like a cat. i want him to punch and fight me seriously because the feeling of recognition from that would be like a sexual and emotional high. i want him to spar and playfight with me and teach me how to fight. i want to teach him about queerness and feminism and the stuff i'm passionate about so he can know some truths but also so we can both be each other's teachers. i want to support him. i want to challenge him. i want to see him let himself be weak. i want to ease some of the monstrous burden he's always carrying without devoting myself to him. i want to become free with him. i want to brush his teeth because theres no way he has good dental practice and if hes not gonna do it after i nag him then i guess i'll be the one to prevent him from getting cavities. similarly i want to bathe with him but also because it'd be nice to not have to worry about him being attracted to me because he's asexual. we can be like children playing.

[scarletspider-lily]

this is going to be a pretty long rant.

so my family is church of Christ (so like, babtist lite). I am a closeted agnostic. unfortunately, it's getting pretty obvious because my younger sister got babtized a few years ago, and I still haven't. I basically told my mom that since covid I've been disassociating, and can't "feel god".

she has freaked out and is using every chance to push religion on me. it's getting rough. what makes it worse is that our church hasn't had a permanent preacher since April. there's also this guy named C. C's family is very entrenched in our church. C has been both song leader and college group leader (our church is very close with a local college) for several years. C's sons run AV and events. C's dad was a preacher, and is now an elder. now, C wants to be preacher.

my mom is starting to think C is subconciously hungry for power in the church and is considering moving to a different church. however, she hates all the other surrounding churches of Christ. so she told me that we'd visit around and find whatever church helped me "feel god" best.

now I could totally reinvent myself at a new church, get babtized just to please her, and all would be well. except she wants me to do Bible studies on her Bible app and do family devotionals and watch her terrible preachy Zionist leaning YouTube channels. I'm exhausted. no matter what I do she'll keep badgering me because she believes it's her duty to make sure I get to heaven. I can't even ignore her, recently we went on a road trip and she got started on the topic again, and because I refused to talk to her about it, she pulled the car over and wouldn't move again until I talked. she begged me, said that the silent treatment was worse than anything I could throw at her, but I know how terrible my life will be if she finds out the truth. on top of that, I'm gay and hiding the fact that I'm dating one of my best friends.

she's even trying to find a church for me in a different city for when I move away for college. at least I only have 8 more months in this house.

my 18th birthday is in a few days, but I know that me being an adult won't change things. she's the parent, so she has the power. she'll never be happy until I'm under her control.

I know you probably don't have any advice, I just had to say it somewhere. I'm so tired.

hey, sorry for seeing this so late. to be honest, i dont have advice but i hope your situation improves, i can relate to some of it, like the finding a church when you move for college thing. once again i'm sorry for the late reply but i hope you know that youre in my thoughts, and i sincerely wish everything goes well and yeah, being 18 but still under your parents is rough, but not uncommon. it is good you're moving out though, i hope you can somehow find a way to lie that you're attending church or something, or just attend a few services- either way i hope it will be better than you staying at home now!

[entering--hyperspace]

Emperor and Págos dynamic rambling

I being a sort of "My Tav's core romance is with the emperor" vibe that Normal baldurs gate players really dont like

Anyway. I feel like i've gone through all stages of grief and have temporarily arrived at acceptance  for this brief period of time, lets get it.

I'm going to ramble abt Págos individually. and their dynamic as that progresses.

Págos may not initially be aware that he's a dragon, but he sure does act like one. He cannot shake the core of who he is, personality shaped by being the truth of his origins.

He is Stubborn, he sees the world in hard rights and wrongs but not in the sense of morality but rather what he deems to make sense. And yet he carries with him the patience of a being that can live for centuries, a sort of stillness to conflict. Inherently intense but not negatively so. Half of who he is, half of what it took for when he became tired of war and conquest. And he is also alien to it, in his life he was always both the mighty and the meek, and with his lost memories in the present he can sense something missing about himself and his relations to others but isn't able to fully grasp it.

So. The dream visitor. Of course he does not trust him, why would he? It is obvious to him, he knows war, he knows tactics and manipulation, he knows when he is being lied to. And yet, the sincerity is what gives him pause, the half truths, the small slips of the mask.

Their conversations are tip toeing on ice, smiles even though they are both aware a game is being played. So after the initial first icebreaker conversations, they start treating each visit like a game of chess. Embrace the power of the tadpoles, the confidence it isn't needed, why follow the instructions when the person giving them is obviously wearing a mask.

I think the emperor initially found him frustrating, and vice versa, but there was a realization that they were equally matched and what was frustration became begrudging Admiration. Dare I say another shared trait was loneliness. As much as they both needed an ally, the dream visitor needed a friend though he would probably think he was above such sentiment. Págos was surrounded by people he was growing closer to, but at the same time no one was able to engage him quite like his mysterious ally could.

I think their thin friendship grew into an actual one after more truths were revealed. Págos valued his opinion more than he did beforehand, and The Emperor was willing to briefly put aside his own arrogance for the one person who could actually challenge him. You need me, I need you.

Págos got him to reveal more of his true feelings than he would like to admit. And then the climax of it all: the dream visitor a mindflayer. And more surprising: Págos did not care. I mean, he cared for an explanation, but he does not hold the same knowledge of mindflayers, its not above him of there being a possibility that in the evilness of their faction, one could be good. The same way chromatic dragons and their followers were infamous for their own "evil" ambitions, while he decided to break free of it.

For Págos…

It was only natural it would evolve into something further, I think it was only elevated by the way Págos treated him as an individual rather than a presumptuous idea of what a mindflayer is, not out of sympathy really, but more out of like, facts. I think the idea of them being equally matched in the "games" they play with each other is kinda attractive to him (the emperor). Someone who could match him move for move. 

But what is more tempting to a dragon than gold and glory? Devotion to a cause. to a person, to a feeling. 

I do want to clarify that Págos do grow to care deeply about him, I just meant like, to Págos it was much less complicated on his part. I feel like the emperor had a whole thing he had to process before he came to the conclusion he was growing fond of Págos, whereas Págos that's just simply what it was. There was no questioning it.

Anyway, Ough. The wyrm trials, the "there is no war in ba sing se" moment. Págos has almost always been able to tell when he was lying, and it became even more obvious after sharing their minds together that one night, he can read him so much easier. So of course he knew he was lying again

And so the reveal of Ansur, the reveal of his past life as Balduran, and Págos' memories flooding back about who HE is.

The only reason Págos and the emperor were not aware of the fact he's a dragon is because the emperor didn't Dig for his memories, he merely studied what was given and there in the moment.

When Ansur possesses him its stated in the game he quite literally Forces himself into your mind, he searches through every inch of it. And I think at first he is too distracted by Balduran's presence. It's not until he gets to the part where he calls Págos Balduran's "thrall" that he hesitates. He searches deeper, and it makes him Angrier. 

Him digging deeper into Págos' mind causes Págos to remember. His mother, his clan in its entirety, his nature as a white dragon, But Págos doesn't get to swallow this until later. Ansur gets angrier. He accuses Balduran of replacing him with another Dragon, of making a dragon his thrall, it disgusts him further.  And before anyone can get answers the fight begins as it does in game.

The afterwards conversation feels like more of a confrontation, pointed sharp questions. "Why did you keep this from me" "why did you never speak of him" "Why did you kill him" Págos' emotions slipping through due to the revelations about himself also. Ansur was his friend, and yet the emperor probably knew him better than he did. And yet there is that one inexplicable truth. Ansur inspired him to break free of the oath, and it was Ansur's oath that killed him. The cruel irony of it all.

The emperor answers this less defensive than he does in game. I feel like he is a little more sincere in this canon with the fact that he and Págos are...something. 

I think the emperor is more vulnerable there, he tells him how he still mourns his previous companions, he tells him how much he lost, and he tells him of course not, Págos is different, he Trusts him, it was for his own survival, a last resort. At the same time, he is trying to do and say anything that will keep Págos at his side, because just this once he found an ally,a partner that accepts him as he is (and is powerful at that) the idea of losing that…he would avoid it by any means necessary.

And Págos cannot deny his logic. Its true he was an adventurer, ansur was never mentioned and he never asked, it's true Págos knows what survival can do to someone. He's seen it, he has lived it, he has been the hand that twisted back the knife many times. "You would have done the same." A statement the emperor knows is true. But it's the withholding of more information that angers Págos, rightfully of course. And then the final sting of, "Will you kill me too?" Because Págos cannot devote himself to something that will once again lead him to a cliff's edge, not again.