#some serious yumejoshing going on here

[witchof-hearts]

my feelings about luffy are so complicated. i love him. i want to be a part of his crew. i want him to like me a whoole lot. i want to stab and hurt and torment him for sexual kicks and obsessive curiosity as to how much suffering he can endure for his friends and his dream. i'm jealous of him. i want to be as strong and unwavering as he is i want to have his unyielding faith in himself. i sometimes think he's beautiful and sometimes think he's hot and sometimes just think he's normal regular. i want to kiss him(?) and fuck him but like, just as friends its not a romance thing that's bad. it's recreational sex. his big goofy grin and his happiness makes me really happy. the thought of being his best friend also makes me really happy to the point i want to squee. i feel sisterly towards him, both little and big. i like seeing him suffer. i hate his grampa for abusing him. i love his childlike wonder and zest for the world partly because its cute and partly because it reminds me of my own wonder. i want everyone to know the ways in which we're similar. i like myself for being giggly or laughy or finding humor in things more now because it reminds me of him. i worry about how he perceives gender because i dont want him to not be right. i want to teach him about sex because it's dangerous for him not to know. i worry about him. i have the utmost faith in him that'll he'll accomplish his dream: he's luffy of course he will. i admire him so very greatly. i know he's a good boy even while he's also a pirate. i love the moments where it's so easy to understand him or know what he's gonna do before he does it even when other people don't get it. i'm jealous of other people for being close to him or knowing more about him than me. i'm jealous when other people talk about him at all. i want everyone to like him. i want to be like him. i have an inferiority complex about him. i worry i'll never consider myself as good as i consider him or that i'm not worthy to think of him as my friend or that i'm not the sort of person he'd let on his crew. i still intend to consider him my friend. i want to dream bigger because of him. i want him to trust me with his hat. i want him to be willing to pet me like a cat. i want him to punch and fight me seriously because the feeling of recognition from that would be like a sexual and emotional high. i want him to spar and playfight with me and teach me how to fight. i want to teach him about queerness and feminism and the stuff i'm passionate about so he can know some truths but also so we can both be each other's teachers. i want to support him. i want to challenge him. i want to see him let himself be weak. i want to ease some of the monstrous burden he's always carrying without devoting myself to him. i want to become free with him. i want to brush his teeth because theres no way he has good dental practice and if hes not gonna do it after i nag him then i guess i'll be the one to prevent him from getting cavities. similarly i want to bathe with him but also because it'd be nice to not have to worry about him being attracted to me because he's asexual. we can be like children playing.