#bc im going to be displaying symptoms

[bearofohu]

one day left. one day left until i fuck that old man

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

I swear to God if one more person tells me "Well you look fine" during a flare up or otherwise disabling moment I might just snap. What part of invisible illness doesn't register. Do you want me to show you my fucked up organs??? Do you wanna see em??? Is that what itll take for you to admit im not healthy???? Augh.

[schizosupport]

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

[basaltbutch]

also out on trail i had the silliest set of circumstances happen to me. let me outline it to you real quick;

im vaguely bored upon reaching camp again after four days of brushcutting the same trail. have to go take a piss and realize i can also go wander off and look at the scenery.

so i find a nice spot w a bit of the view but hidden from the trail. go to piss and wonder why there's something sharp against my bare skin when i was pretty sure it was clear. go to brush away the pokey bush with my arm.

not a bush.

Wasps.

i have been stung on the ass and forearm by 5-6 very angry ladies because i pissed on their nest. their very wonderfully camouflaged nest. also the only nest for a long while and i know this bc we didn't see this species at all while working in the two miles around camp.

hightail it back to camp to let the guy in charge of us know who is utterly flabbergasted and i cannot stop howling in laughter because HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. he tells me to keep an eye on it to see if it'll get worse but my breathing is clear and im not displaying anaphylaxis so fingers crossed i will be fine.

we eat dinner. go to bed. chatting with my fiance since we're on the same crew. my sentences are slowly becoming more and more fractured and im acting in a much sillier way than usual.

"hey." he says. "did you know that some people can get high off of wasp stings & experience pain relief affects?"

"i feel good," i giggle, feeling a mixture of wine drunk and incredibly high and also pain & fatigue free for the first time in my life.

swelling on my arm (others are fine) gets worse over the next few days until im eventually pulled from the field a day early because it's been 48 hours and the swelling's still spreading.

96 hours later. swelling is still slightly present but vastly reduced, doctor says i should be fine if i keep taking benadryls and other overcounter allergy meds.

still mostly pain and fatigue free and am also relieved of a lot of the long covid symptoms i had been feeling over the past 5 or so months.

wasp sting will always be my white whale drug but i fear if im ever stung again it will be a life threatening allergic reaction o7

[irl-wolf0]

jfc, I'm not "calling you an edgelord for displaying symptoms," I called you an edgelord because you responded to a valid argument with death threats. I'm mentally ill too, it's not a get out of jail free card. You're still a grown-ass adult, and unless you were actively dissociating you're still aware of your actions, and you should have the basic self control to not give an unprompted description of how you're going to murder someone. Saying "oh I'm allowed to say/do fucked-up things because I'm mentally ill" is the same logic people use to excuse things like r@pe. You are actively exacerbating the dehumanization of mentally ill people because you're acting like we're all inherently violent and incapable of moderating our own actions.

*You’re* not violent. *I* am.

And never did I say “im allowed to say these things bc im mentally ill”. Yall LOVE putting words in my mouth 💀💀💀

Also to everyone who’s like “im mentally ill and!!!!” shut the fuck up 💀 that’s your mental illness not mine. I’m violent and fucked up and mean *because* of my mental illness.

And yall gotta stop acting like mental illness suddenly makes your moral compass better 💀 *my* mental illness makes me spiteful, hateful, bitter and fucked up. I hate people and I hate being nice.

“You’re acting like we all-“ I ain’t acting like shit 💀 “we all”?? I don’t give a fuck about yall 💀💀💀

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

i think one issue 4 me is that all my family are mentally ill. some of them also physically . so like

say im having a tough time and need to just be around Someone. rn i dont have anyone irl who im close to so it has to be family. if i go to see my granma she is always displaying clear symptoms of depression and sometimes other stuff and so we cant rly hold a conversation either of us, shes v quiet and will kind of like. idek how to explain it but she cant make conversation and she gets sad and quiet v v easily and we just . i cant take care of her and she cant take care of me . u know

well not take care of but keeping eachother company so u dont go insane yknow

my mom is busy working and shes also like. depressed and adhd and whatever tf . but shes easier to talk to when she isnt busy. idk i need to find someone to be around genuinely

or otherwise need to start a tv series or watching movies.. or finishing the games ive started

idk maybe when i start working or going back to school that wld help. maybe id find friends there too but i dont want to get my hopes up

feel like such a pathetic child for it but i just want to be around someone. i never used to be like this tf is wrong with me now?? i used to love being alone left to my own devices for years and years bcs i was able to comfort myself adequately . but i cant anymore . im deteriorating in terms of emotional stability but also in terms of mental ability/functioning and its so scary im 2 young for this

[adhbabey]

here's some autism traits of mine that aren't symptoms, but they're things that are autism and im choosing to unmask n share this with you all.

biting. just i want bite fingers. i crave to put them in my mouth. i want to bite in general. i know its not socially acceptable to bite people, but i want to. i am a creacher and i cannote change that.

when i was like 14 i was really obsessed with random xd humor. I would say "ekop" instead of "poke", because its poke backwards. And I had this one friend I'd constantly do this with. like "rawr" and "cupcakez!1!1!". We were truly scene.

Speaking incredibly eloquently, as one alter put it, "Human language does not account for all the nuances that I wish to share, so I am using the language to its full extent, detailing every complicated sentence that I can muster. I wish to share my full thoughts and experiences, but it unfortunately does not do what I want to convey in justice. So I must settle for the english language for now." Some of our alters can't really speak because of that, and its difficult for them to communicate outside of visuals and vague feelings. It's really either hyperverbal or no verbality for us.

every fucking alter being some brand of autism. Tsuki is ace and hates to put a label on things, the only concrete feeling she has is anger. Rai can barely speak/communicate, they are very observant and quiet, and they feel the most disconnected from others being the host. Kaori is literally the most autistic creature you could ever come across, they are just literally what you think of, they love all the "cringe" culture type stuff and adore being nonbinary. etc etc. Like, how did I not realize when all of us are some brand of autism?

Feeling like an outsider my entire fucking life. Even when I related to others, I always felt separate from the rest of society, and I must sacrifice everything in order to be loved. This has been connected to spiritual beliefs of mine.

Another thing connected to spiritual beliefs of mine, feeling like I truly cannot see the world, as if I have a film over my eyes. The reason for my self entrapment is a "curse" that a "film" over my eyes exists and I never fully can break free from. I realize that the "film" is masking and my truly unique way of seeing the world is my autism, and I've had to move through the world not letting myself "see" truly.

alice in wonderland, coraline, fran bow, all characters I relate to are young and unique girls that move through a world that is crazy and full of madness. Something I find myself deeply relating to.

feeling misunderstood all the fucking time. even if i try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I'm constantly put on a high standard that I have not been able to achieve. I don't know how to change people's minds as I speak with genuine intent besides rather obvious displays of frustration, anger or sarcasm. I was also the person who thought others were always genuine, and rarely questioned one's intention behind what they said. This trait of mine has led me to become gaslit by a few harmful people in my life.

my disorders all linked together, makes for a bad time. this isnt an autism specific trait. i just. if i feel like an outsider (asd), and have trauma with being treated like an outsider (did), and get really upset with other people saying nasty things about me in regards to not being normal (adhd + rsd), im going to have a hard time and constantly blame myself for being an outsider (ocd) and im gonna hate myself (depression). so its just like. hey i found a piece to the puzzle, but i already know most of it. and thats just the egodystonic experience for me.

but hey, lets talk about more lighthearted stuff!! i love kandi!!!!! it jingle jingle and it has super pretty colours!! im afraid to stim but this is the shit for me. this is amazing.

i'd love to use word quirks and kaomojis a lot more!!! but unfortunately thats not the blog for this bc its not plaintext. but in my heart, thats what i want to do and who i want to be.

oh i remember the last one!! I read this somewhere, but apparently since a lot of autistic people struggle to communicate their needs, they'll do things that meet their needs somewhat, even if they don't know why they do it. For example, wearing hoodies and heavy clothes because they're touch starved and want to be hugged! And I really related to that!! I wear hoodies and lots of layers all the time, or like just wearing my day clothes, even if they're uncomfortable. So, I do that, not just because I'm cold, but I need the weight compressing me, and i've always been doing that since I was young. So I felt.

Not really being able to read big books until middle school. I know there's people who havent really talked until they were older, I remember not being able to comprehend big swaths of text until I was a teenager. maybe thats the audhd, but i feel like thats always been my sort of "i think this was my developmental milestones that i hit late". And yes, I was able to read quite a lot for my age, but it always felt like something that I hit late.

share your autism traits that aren't necessarily symptoms, or you can talk about the ones you relate to and I wrote. Sorry if this post is hard to read, I just wanted to talk about it. :0 so ya

[pretty-ichor]

RANT

i want to start going to therapy regularly again with a new therapist and psychiatrist but thats so fucking annoying. going through a bunch of them to find someone im compatible with, trying to play into their game of "says too little, isnt being cooperative - says too much, is exaggerating" cause obviously its gonna sound like im exaggerating if i try to display my life and my symptoms in 60 minutes. also the tests, annoying, and in my experience, not accurate. i know whats happening, i have my previous diagnoses, why are they completely dismissing them? they seem to want to diagnose you with like 10 different mental illnesses before even considering the possibility of autism (WHICH I WAS LITERALLY DIAGNOSED WITH PREVIOUSLY). and also the fear of rejection. being rejected by a therapist because they know they cannot help is a whole new level of feeling rejected. im seeing my old therapist soon bc i just really wanted to see her, but she cant really help me other than to listen

[edelgarfield]

i was making a post abt lestat iwtv being bpd coded and how through that lens the way other characters treat him, and the way fans justify it rly unsettles me (i was focusing on the friends that i watched the show with, though im sure the fandom does it too, but im not touching that with a 10 ft pole)

but i stopped bc i realized i was pretending to talk abt lestat but i was actually talking abt me and watching the show & hearing the way my friends talk abt someone who exhibits symptoms of my disorder was really upsetting

so like there's a thousand posts in the bpd (and other communities on tumblr) that say something along the lines of "everyone's sympathetic until i start exhibiting symptoms of the mental illness i told you i have." and yes, that's true & it sucks.

but i was thinking abt past relationships & even some of the friendships that i have at the moment. people LOVE receiving affection & attention from people with bpd. like that's ALSO something that gets talked about all the time, we can be super compassionate, empathetic, etc etc. people love having someone they KNOW isn't going to leave, they love being able to walk in & out of my life at their leisure, they love getting showered with gifts & having someone who will do virtually anything for them. this is extremely common behavior.

those are all a direct result of my bpd. people don't care at all when i'm exhibiting THOSE symptoms. in fact they actively enjoy & benefit from it. people LOVE the fact that I have bpd. a TON of people actively encourage those symptoms and use them to their advantage. my fear of abandonment makes me extremely easy to manipulate and i've had PLENTY of people do that. my shittier friends will invoke my triggers or withhold affection or ghost me in order to get the response they want. they know they can win an argument by threatening to leave.

so people will actively encourage & use my bpd to their benefit, but then get upset with me as soon as i display a negative symptom of the disorder they've been encouraging. like obviously i'm 100% responsible for my behavior & no matter how i'm treated that's not an excuse to hurt another person or try to manipulate them.

but the "positive" symptoms of bpd (the affection & desperation & attention) don't feel positive for ME. they feel good on the receiving end but for me it's still awful, I'm panicking & empty and it hurts a lot. but nobody cares how I feel, they only care how my disorder affects them. and i work really hard to regulate & control myself! it takes a lot of effort on my part to keep my bpd from hurting other people but no one thinks about how their actions hurt me. like again it's not other people's job to manage my illness but there's also a bunch of extremely minor things people could do that would make it 100x easier on me. but i feel like i can't ask for them bc any time someone w/ bpd asks for ANYTHING it's seen as manipulative & toxic. i'm always second guessing whether it's "okay" to be honest about how i'm feeling bc i worry about even accidentally making someone feel pressured to help me. i feel like i can't explain that i have bpd bc as soon as i do people will see any emotional vulnerability from me as a form of manipulation.

so like, it just feels incredibly unfair that people are allowed to manipulate & benefit & enjoy the symptoms of my disorder no matter how much it hurts me, but as soon as it affects them in a way they don't like, i'm manipulative & an inherently bad person and all the things they enjoyed about me previously are suddenly recolored as an elaborate scheme. like i'm 100% responsible for any emotional manipulation or cruelty that's caused by my bpd, that's completely fair. but nobody cares about the way people use my bpd for their own benefit or use it to manipulate me, that's just considered acceptable. if someone is benefiting from my bpd in a way that hurts me, nobody cares bc i'm just crazy and it's my fault for getting hurt,

[judeharoldvich]

stop me if im Displaying Symptoms here BUT so basically i went to the eras tour the first time on opening day friday 13th on the first possible showing dressed as evermore era and it was more or less perfect like me and my friends had fun and we got the good popcorn buckets but they werent selling the premium cups plus i really REALLY loved the movie so i decided i'd go again this friday BUT i overslept :( so i got ANOTHER ticket for today and here's the thing the night before i overslept i overslept because i couldnt sleep so i was just like scrolling on tiktok for hours and this tarot reading pops up and usually i roll my eyes BUT this guy NEVER misses and i dont follow or like his videos so i know that when he pops up its real but basically he says 'im getting saturday for some reason? something is in store for saturday lets see what it is' and he does a reading and obviously he's reading it as love-related but like tbh you can have intuition and also just interpret it wrong bc humans are fallible so i just kind of dismissed it but the saturday thing felt real somehow. anyway so i overslept of course and i was upset but i thought WELL i mean he did say saturday would be important... plus it was like raining really heavily when i did wake up so it wouldve sucked getting into town anyway so i just got another ticket for saturday and i was GOING to dress as reputation and i kind of attempted to but then realised i was actually just in a suit and leather trousers with pink sunglasses which is basically Tyler Swift from The Man which is on Lover so I was like oh well i love rep and lover equally (though i listen to lover more shhhh) so anyway no i did not meet my soulmate there nor did i really expect to HOWEVER i gave away a bunch of friendship bracelets more or less willy nilly at the end not really expecting many trades because i made them to be given out and didnt really care about getting other peoples though i got a couple and ONE of them was Daylight which i got to choose because i figured someone would have already taken my daylight one (which was maybe my favourite that id made but i was fine giving it away to make people happy). anyway so i get home and im looking through the remaining bracelets of mine and one of the only ones remaining IS MY DAYLIGHT ONE. sidenote ive loved daylight ever since i first listened to it since the very first niiight its probably in my top three its that good and it really feels Monumental you know like its the closer to the lover album which originally had NO deluxe tracks (and still only technically has one extra single) and someone once said lover is like the season finale of your twenties and thats SOO TRUE and as someone who's only in their early twenties (21!!! like all too well another of my favourites). so basically what im saying is daylight is my song daylight is the kind of relationship thats coming my way i feel it i claim it i am determined to survive my twenties and my thirties and so on however long it takes to find someone and be worthy of finding them do you know what i mean

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: SA of minors by adults, creepy behavior by adult toward minors, stalking mention, very abusive, violent and dangerous abuser.

looking for: someone to listen

im finding out more and more about my abuser which validates I know I went through abuse by her but it scares me bc she apparently had hooked up with a minor when we were YA after high school sometime I think. she had abused many exes ive spoken with including ex-friends who really hate her now and im in touch with a couple of her exes. she downplays the violent and scary abuse and stalking she's put people through by acting like "everyones toxic, so what" kind of mindset about it... she really traumatized a certain ex of hers by literally man handling her ex and showing up in the middle of the night to try to break into the house, and SA'd her ex multiple times bc the victim kept going back obviously as we do as abuse victims.... I went back to this abuser multiple times as well...super scary. ive been speaking with victims. she's been stalking me with her friends. I regularly talk to some of these victims and thankfully have good relationships with them, they believe me that I was abused by her of course bc they were too. idk what to do about a stalker who literally knows and admitted to the fact that she knew she abused me since the beginning when we first met. I know looking back at my interactions with her over the years I had good intentions, my thoughts and intentions were not malice or manipulative but simply confused... but she tried manipulating me into a situation to try to SA me, like not telling me she wanted sex but trying to get me to have sex by manipulating the circumstances so she could get what she wanted for her own pleasure and I ended up feeling trapped and it happened but I didn't and couldn't consent... and she did end up SA me bc im displaying symptoms of SA and symptoms in relation to her but I have no memory of the SA. there was another person she kept trying to fuck but the person didn't want to have sex, and she kept manipulating the circumstances by making the victim drink more to see if she's trying to fuck but thats rape... and she admitted to it but she makes excuses like "people change their minds" and "if she didn't want it she would've stopped me" like what.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Experiencing trauma like this can be devastating, and it's important to acknowledge that what you went through is valid regardless of what your abuser has done against others. But it certainly can create a sense of unity, solidarity, and belonging to have a support system of other survivors who were victimized by your abuser, and it can be incredibly meaningful to surround yourself with people who believe you.

It can be incredibly challenging to deal with abusers like this, who avoid accountability, downplay the gravity of their actions, and manipulate people in order to take advantage of them. It sounds like there are unfortunately multiple instances of your abuser doing these things, and it's important to note that repeated trauma can have a cumulative effect, making it more difficult to heal from, though not impossible.

I think it's also important to just say that regarding the idea that "if she didn't want it she would've stopped me", it sadly neglects other cues like body language, and other factors like fear and intimidation, which can all make it harder for someone to feel comfortable withdrawing their consent. Verbal consent is not the only kind of consent, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to reaffirm that.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process your experiences and develop some healthy coping mechanisms that you can take with you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[pumpkinland]

i feel like maybe i am making progress in dealing w my depression bc i noticed i was displaying symptoms today and not only did i not berate myself for staying in bed longer than i felt was reasonable or for eating too much or for feeling lethargic and uninterested in anything i just kind of was like ok. that happens sometimes. its fine. itll go away. dont worry about it. and then i started getting anxious because i have 2 classes starting tomorrow and i was like ughhh if i don't clean in here im going to struggle with it so much and instead of stressing myself out more by deciding i had to clean everything i just was like.

ok. ill do a load of laundry at least so ill have clean clothes tomorrow and that will make me feel better tomorrow and ill feel more in control and won't start spiraling. so i did a load of laundry & put it away. now my room looks a little better and i have like 2 weeks' worth of work and school clothes (i wear diff clothes to work and school). and now i feel like whats left to make it less overwhelming will be manageable tomorrow. AND. i feel not only better but calm enough to go to bed soon. literally the healthiest way ive ever dealt with feeling depressed and overwhelmed

everyone be proud of me please I'm doing self care (laundry)

[theygender]

Anybody else ever realize that you've had symptoms of some health issue your entire life and just never considered that it... Might be a sign of that health issue? Like wow good thing I don't have [Symptoms Syndrome] that must suck. Now time to go back to my completely unrelated [symptoms of syndrome]

[heliuwm]

.

[silenceismychoir]

i went outside and screamed and let me tell you, i feel slightly better. this should be a form of therapy.