bogboy420

[bogboy420]

i was so fucking right abt jax having aspd and dissociation omg

jax was so relatable in this episode and imo so far 1 of the best portrayals ive seen of aspd w dissociation in media imo

the only cutting the bullshit 2 help pomni when no1 else is watching

the trying 2 go back on it a lil by insulting her in a very juvenile way that he knows she probably won't actually take 2 heart so they can b friends while he keeps her at arms length bc remaining sincere is 2 scary 4 him

not seeing any1 including himself as rly a person and seeing them like a bunch of characters bc of dissociating 2 shit

him not being able 2 correct ragatha when ragatha says that he's trying 2 corrupt pomni bc even tho that was never his original intention, it hasn't even crossed his mind, he's now worried that there might be a layer of truth to that in a way, that his presence and friendship would on its own be corrupting because of how he naturally is

the genuine anger when he shoots ragatha after the accusation because he's so sick of everyone assuming he has nothing but ill intentions but he can't correct her because he's trying to actively make himself seem like he has nothing but ill intentions and so he's now put himself in an unfair situation because of his symptoms he has no control over, on one hand he wants everyone to think he's just an uncaring asshole but on the other hand how fucking dare she just assume that the only relationship he could ever have with pomni is manipulative but on the other other hand oh god what if she's right

how quick he is to put his mask back on as soon as there's someone other than him and ragatha after his outburst

the genuine concern he shows for pomni in the dark room when he accidentally shoots her, despite later saying he doesn't care about her

the big fight with pomni with him trying everything he can think of to make sure she doesn't care about him because he's convinced he can't care about her, he wants her to betray him because he sees every interaction with her as him betraying her and yet he still does it anyway, the only way he can think to protect her is from himself and by in a sense actually betraying her, because its better now than years down the line, if i do this now it'll hurt less

i find it interesting that pomni said she wanted jax to fight back and for the betrayal to be mutual, in a way it was but it highlights what each of them see as the danger, jax doesn't give a shit about the injury on a physical level, in his mind he's not real, none of this is so that doesn't matter but to him the real danger comes from the emotional, what's still real, jax did fight back but from a danger that only exists to him, he fought back hard, softer at first just telling pomni "yeah you can betray me" and holding the gun to his head it later went harsher, he started lying saying he never cared even attempting to gaslight her at one point saying she must be remembering things wrong because he was panicking and this no longer felt safe to him, he even said that he was just going to hurt her that he saw everyone else as playthings to him, that he wouldn't care if she abstracted and he would forget about her and its clear he was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince her, he didn't fight back with violence, thats not a fight to him, not really, that's running, thats one shot and its done, no, he fought back hard against this emotional fight that he perceived them as being in, against this threat to his persona and he lost

i don't think he was lying when he said "yeah you can betray me" because that's safe to him, think about what he said earlier about becoming a cartoon character "at least i get to choose what type i become" kinger doesn't have any interest in betraying him, ragatha is constantly judging him and reinforcing his negative ideas about himself in a way that clearly makes him feel unsafe (c his freak out w shooting her over his friendship w pomni) and gangle when she did betray him it was 2 much, zooble he thought they could b arms length friends but they betrayed him by triggering his phobia intentionally, he's choosing pomni, because if he's going 2 get betrayed in the end at least he gets 2 pick who does it, especially since he is probably aware that he's absracting, hell that might even b y he keeps pushing ppl away harder w each passing episode, so some1 is gonna hav 2 do it, some1 is gonna hav 2 pull the trigger when that happens bc there's no way in hell he's going 2 give up what little control he has 2 get put in a basment w a bunch of shit that triggers his phobia and his bad memories, he's choosing pomni and needs 2 know when the time comes she can do this 4 him and is willing 2 say whatever lie he needs 2 so she'll stop caring abt him enough 2 pull the trigger, he wants 2 die and true or not in his mind he knows every1 else wants him 2 die 2, except 4 kinger and pomni and he's not gonna make kinger go thru that bullshit after the thing w his wife

this is y he opens up 2 pomni, it feels safer because in his mind she's gonna b the 1 to do it, it doesn't matter bc she's gonna kill him in the end anyway, that's his thought process i think but also bc pomni doesn't judge him 4 his symptoms in the same way the others do she's able 2 c thru his bullshit and despite feeling like he shouldn't want ppl 2 care abt him and being scared of it on some level he still wants 2 b understood or at the very least treated like a person instead of a monster or barring that the funny one instead of the villain

its a "u can betray me, but if u make that promise u better follow thru or i get to betray u until u do" type logic i think

disclaimers bc ive gotten harassment on my jax posts b4:

my jax aspd hc is based off my own symptoms as some1 w aspd

my jax dissociation hc is based off my own symptoms as some1 w a dissociative disorder

no liking jax as a character does not in fact make me a misogynist

no i do not think jax has never done anything wrong

no not liking gangle does not make me a misogynist

no not liking ragatha does not make me a misogynist

i personally hc jax as a queer black guy based off of my own personal experiences w being a queer black guy (although while im gay i currently think jax is probably more likely bi) this hc plays a lot into how i c the characters interactions w him and how imo ragatha and gangle r both guilty of demonising him (while yes some of his actions r bad acting like he's just inherently the worst among other things ive gone into b4 suggests that they c it more as smth inherent abt him and not his actions) also bc purple is often used as shorthand in cartoons 4 darker skin tones

[bogboy420]

i love being a boy

[bogboy420]

given how many terfs hav gangle as their fave character i hope tadc ends w jax shooting gangle w a gun while he escapes w pomni and kinger (still mad at ragatha 4 acting like its jax's fault his friend is dead and im still mad at zooble 4 intentionally triggering jax)

[bogboy420]

i think 1 of my favourite genres of thing is quotes that sound genuinely profound or kinda profound but they come from objectively stupid pieces of media

like how "do u think god stays in heaven bc he lives in fear of what he's created here on earth" is from 1 of the spy kids movies

and "when we die i hope they place our hells next 2 each other" is from sam and max

[bogboy420]

clothes shopping sucks so much rn y is everything made of polyester!?

[bogboy420]

a common thing ive noticed in ppl responding 2 my jax posts is assuming that:

1) i hate gangle and ragatha

2) i think jax did nothing wrong

both of these r false

ngl i do hate gangle but tbh that's less 2 do w her actual character and more 2 do w every gangle fan ive talked 2 being a gender essentialist terf and so her just now becoming a representation of that 4 me due 2 the harassment ive received but b4 all that i didn't actually hate her as a character i just thought that she was flawed ans that a lot of her flaws were imo linked 2 society and sexism and bc of my headcanons also racism, i basically saw her like those white cis adult women who commit acts of manipulation like its a competitive sport from behind a shy persona and then when some1 criticises them they say "im just a girl 😢!" at least after the spudsies episode, b4 that i just saw her as kinda annoying in the candy kingdom episode bc of her acting like jax shooting npcs in a video game is the same as committing an actual war crime w the line "i feel like that violates some sort of convention" like did i hav my suspicions b4 the spudsies episode? yeh sure but i assumed it was mostly bc of my own personal experiences and so just kinda assumed it was a me thing until the spudsies episode confirmed my suspicions by that point tho the fandom had already somewhat ruined the character 4 me which was then only made worse by gangle fans responses 2 the spudsies episode

episode 5 2 me just confirmed 2 me w the her starting a vote on the cosplay maid outfit thing that she just sees jax as a sex object tho like she did in the brainwashing room

as 4 ragatha i literally just don't hate her i just also don't think she's perfect and 2 the surprise of no1 yeh i kinda think she's fake and always hav but that doesn't mean i hate her as a character, tbh b4 episode 5 i kinda assumed she was a teacher or smth? she gave me big "working w children has ruined the way i talk" energy? i don't mean that in a mean way just in a way where i noticed she was talking 2 the ppl around her in a vaguely unintentional infantilising way that was putting a strain on her relationships w those around her, like she gives me the vibe of some1 who would instead of just putting her coat away after coming inside say "let's put our coats away" 2 pomni like a pre school teacher yk?

so okay, after episode 5 some of my view on her has changed while i can't relate at all 2 her coming from wealth i can relate 2 her having an emotionally abusive mother, that being said imo that doesn't excuse her actions in episode 5 when it comes 2 bringing up jax's dead friend? like gurl what!? 0/10

ive seen ppl argue that this is a "fawn" response and while yeh i can c her acting all fake nice 2 ppl being a fawn response u guy realise that doesn't make it more genuine right? it's still her being fake just unintentionally and i say this as some1 who has also suffered from fawn response, like i don't say she's being fake as a moral judgement tho just 2 b clear since it seems 2 b just as negative 4 her as it is 4 the ppl around her and it seems like she is trying 2 make friends the only way she knows how, her being fake isn't the problem 2 me it's the fact that she's choosing 2 b controlling over pomni and who pomni makes friends w and intentionally trying 2 isolate jax from every1 else by treating jax like he's some 1 note villain that she has 2 manage and control despite jax clearly not being comfortable w her trying 2 manage and control his actions

thinking a character is not perfect is not the same as hating them!

now onto jax, no, i don't think jax is perfect, yes he is (very) flawed and yes he is still my favourite character, he's my favourite character because i relate 2 an extent 2 the ways in which he's flawed, the pushing every1 away and intentionally trying 2 make urself seem worse than u r, the not rly being able 2 relate 2 the ppl around u bc of a lack of empathy, being chronically bored and sometimes even lashing out bc of being so understimulated, all of these were things that lead 2 me having the hc of jax having aspd specifically bc of these being things i can relate 2 bc of having aspd and tbh episode 5 and the fucking jax maid plush merch drop vid of all things helped solidify that headcanon in my mind even more

in the jax maid plush merch drop it's joked that the plush has a "detachable moral compass" which.... yeah it b like that 4 some of us, not 2 the extent that ppl often think of course but yeh, 1 of the symptoms that is common w ppl who hav aspd is not rly having an internal moral compass in the same way meaning that we hav 2 either assess each situation individually every time or in the case of jax (or me when im 2 tired 4 all that shit) just fucking winging it and not rly thinking abt it and tbh ive found thru playing rpg games that i usually make worse calls when i try 2 think 2 hard abt it anyway since i just end up overthinking morality and having the morality ocd kick in, from what i hear not an uncommon experience 4 ppl w aspd so ig it's not just me, this is relevant bc of jax trying 2 get ragatha 2 let go and let herself b mean instead of trying so hard 2 b nice 2 every1 that she ends up unintentionally pushing everyone away and coming off as fake, if jax is anything like me w his symptoms (which he sure seems 2 b) he's probably figured out that things usually go better 4 him when he doesn't think 2 hard abt stuff like that and can c that ragatha is kinda ruining things 4 herself, did he say it in a jerk way? yes, he sure did, but like ragatha has been isolating him from all of the other ppl there and villianising him 4 who knows how long and earlier that day she brought up his best friend dying let him b petty

but like i know jax has done bad things, i just think that it probably has more context than what we've seen so far, i don't think its a coincidence that he is targeting gangle specifically given from what seems 2 b being suggested it seems like gangle has probably b harassing and humiliating jax b4 pomni showed up since in the spudsies episode he didn't seem all that shocked that gangle was trying 2 brainwash him and then press his face forcibly right against hers thru a tv screen, his main concern was making sure no1 else can c it and the maid cosplay in my opinion shows even more that spudsies was not a 1 off event and this is likely just how gangle is with jax behind closed doors especially with imo all the coding that jax has some sort of sexual trauma, and while his sexual trauma isn't necessarily from gangle, gangle's actions if my headcanon is correct are likely very triggering 2 jax and even if not the cause of his sexual trauma she's still adding to it which then sets off jax who doesn't bother hiding it when he's lashing out so gangle can then act the victim

while yes ik this is all implied since there's only 5 episodes and some ppl may not b comfortable w me reading gangle as a sex pest who's been harassing jax that's my personal reading of things although i get that that part of that it possibly me being biased bc of my own personal trauma, as always u don't hav 2 agree w me on any of my takes abt tadc just stop fuking harassing me and stop making false assumptions just so u can accuse me of misogyny

funnily enough some1 recently implied that i must b into jax or smth 2 defend him as a character? which like im not even? he's genuinely not my type i just kinda kin him lol, specifically i kin him a lil bit bc he reminds me of my own aspd symptoms, i dunno i just kinda think its a lil funny that some1 thinks i would hav 2 b into him 2 not want him dead ig?

i think the main problem i hav w most gangle fans i c in the fandom is a complete unwillingness 2 acknowledge that the character has flaws just like all the other characters hav flaws and then trying 2 defend their fave character by showing up on my posts 2 strawman my post and accuse me of misogyny simply 4 not liking 1 (one) female character in a piece of media and idk bc of all of that it just kinda ruined whatever chances i had of liking the character early on even if im right and gangle is revealed 2 b a villain or smth she just makes me remember all the harassment now tbh so im not sure i could even enjoy saying i was right even if that did happen

like genuinely it feels like this fandom is trying 2 gaslight me into thinking that saying a female character is flawed is misogyny and saying a male character isn't only flaws is misogyny like all of the characters r flawed they r representations of human beings acting like the only way 2 not b a misogynist is 2 think that every woman is good w no flaws and every man is an evil monster who's only flaws is such an unbelievably terfy take and im not going 2 apologise 4 seeing women as ppl instead of perfect lil angels just like im not going 2 apologise 4 seeing men as ppl instead of evil monsters, gender is not tied 2 morality in any way and should not b treated as such, but i feel like trying 2 talk abt that especially in this fandom is like talking 2 a brick wall but like if the brick wall also was hurling insults at me and making assumptions abt my morality every 5 mins

probably gonna get hatemail 4 this 1 2 even tho it's literally me trying 2 clear up that yeah ik jax is flawed and no i don't hate ragatha and yeh i hate gangle now but that happened in part (tbh mostly) bc of the fandom harassment like i made a post abt how i related 2 jax in ep 4 bc of aspd gay black boy reasons and now even when i make posts on my blog that r not even abt jax i still get ppl harassing me abt me not hating jax bc "ew he's a gross man" and "not wanting him dead makes u a misogynist"

gangle stans go touch some grass challenge

gangle stans learn what the word "misogyny" means challenge

gangle stans learn what sexism is challenge

gangle stans stop harassing ppl online just bc they don't like ur fave white girl challenge

gangle stans learn what critical race theory is challenge

gangle stans mayb listen when a trans person is saying ur talking like a terf challenge

u don't hav 2 stop liking gangle, i literally don't care just stop harassing me bc of me not liking gangle and bc of me liking jax, if u wanna talk abt how much u hate jax idk mayb make ur own post abt it instead of flooding my replies, me disagreeing w u on a character does not in fact make me a misogynist and im honestly starting 2 become convinced no1 in this fandom actually knows what that word means

[bogboy420]

i srsly need ppl 2 stop calling miss piggy iconic she's an abuser who physically abuses kermit constantly

like idk if they cut that part of her character in the new show or smth?? but in the og muppet show she literally beats the shit out of him simply bc he's not into her and then later in the show tricks him into marrying her even tho he doesn't want 2, that's not iconic thats abuse

[4 context in the og muppet show it starts w them not even being a couple she just is acting like they r 1 when they r not 2gether, they only get 2gether later bc miss piggy forces kermit into being w her part way thru the series]

[bogboy420]

GUESS WHO FINALLY GETS 2 START TESTOSTERONE!!!!!!

[bogboy420]

mayb we can't hav representation in media

i say this as some1 w aspd

jax 2 me has always been a relatable representation of aspd

the fandom sees him as subhuman bc of having similar symptoms 2 me and even has a theory abt him being an npc despite it being disproven already by the show's creator

the fandom makes joke-y fanart abt the other characters physically abusing him and him being scared specifically because of thinking he ""deserves it"" bc of the aspd symptoms he exhibits, symptoms that are similar or in some cases the same as the ones i have

how am i supposed to not see this as hate?

how am i supposed to not take it as the threat that it is when i see the fandom flooded with ""really funny fanart"" of a character getting beaten up because he's like me

how am i supposed to not take it as dehumanising when this fandoms main depictions of this guy range from "literally an npc" to "inhuman monster seiral killer" which is especially fucked up if you know anything about common hollywood ableism regarding aspd

usually i try not to get this emotionally raw on my main blog but this is the blog that i got hate for saying "actually i think gangle kinda sucks 4 having a brainwashing room tbh" and "i think mayb u guys r 2 harsh on jax bc he's kinda abrasive in how he talks 2 ppl"

it's literally months later and i still can't get it out of my head whenever i think of the source material and it sucks so much because the source material is so good but im worried that it might b tainted 4ever 4 me now bc of this fucking toxic fandom

like i get ppl r gonna hav character preferences and ppl r gonna draw joke fanart of characters getting beat up it happens but when it's *specifically because of his aspd symptoms* that's not just a character preference anymore that's just ableism i don't fucking wanna hear that u think that he's a 1 dimensional asshole character (actual response ive got on the other posts) that's not the defense u think it is it just proves my point that as soon as some1 shows aspd symptoms u dehumanise them and think of them as nothing more than a 1 dimensional asshole w no depth

as much as i hated gangle i still saw her as a character w depth who was at the end of the day dealing w her own shit but was ultimately shitty 2 those around her, just in a more subtle way than jax is.... until i interacted w this fandom, now all i can c gangle as is a representation of everything i hate abt this fandom and it sucks bc that's not what that character is and i wish i could just enjoy the show still but i can't unsee the ableism in this fandom that still refuses 2 leave

like i don't even think jax is a great person or anything just that he's still a person and still relatable and i relate 2 him specifically bc of my aspd and him sharing symptoms w me

i don't want 2 keep just being reminded of how im never going 2 b seen as a person every time i c him bc of this fandom

congrats on ruining an amazing show 4 me ig

just... take it back, i don't want it anymore

and by "take it back" im not asking 4 an apology or anything ik that's not gonna happen i just wish i could dump all those horrible memories somewhere i guess is what i mean, i just wanna throw them all away and forget so i can just enjoy this show again instead of just being reminded that this fandom has a visceral hate 4 ppl like me who hav aspd

i just wanna b able 2 just enjoy this show again

probably not gonna interact w this fandom after this, just wanted 2 get my thoughts out b4 dipping ig so, bye, srsly u guys r just as bad as the mouthwashing fandom when it comes 2 ableism and it shows

[bogboy420]

so apparently not every1 who watched madoka magica was doing a transmasc reading of it and thought of it as talking abt a bunch of transmasc kids who got gaslit into forcing themselves 2 b girls by this evil cat alien that represents how society treats transmasc ppl

[bogboy420]

made a drawstring bag 2day proud of myself tbh (pls b nice this is the 1st time ive made 1 of these)

[bogboy420]

we're getting there lads!

making a plushie

i hav this "long cat" plushie (sort of like a mix between a plushie and a maternity pillow) that i've been using 2 help w my chronic pain while im laying on my side but it's made of polyester and it's been starting 2 give me skin problems (i hav eczema prone skin) so im making a long plushie out of this cotton duvet set my bf got me 2 use as fabric 4 my sewing projects

[bogboy420]

making a plushie

i hav this "long cat" plushie (sort of like a mix between a plushie and a maternity pillow) that i've been using 2 help w my chronic pain while im laying on my side but it's made of polyester and it's been starting 2 give me skin problems (i hav eczema prone skin) so im making a long plushie out of this cotton duvet set my bf got me 2 use as fabric 4 my sewing projects

[bogboy420]

fr im legit considering getting a typewriter

tbh w all the algorithms and ads and subscription fees and ai bullshit i genuinely find myself abandoning newer forms of technology more and more in favour of smth more analogue, like not entirely, i'll still use newer tech when it's useful 4 me especially w my disabilities but tbh i feel like the internet as it is rn is genuinely so inaccessible already and becoming moreso as companies carve out features 2 make us pay more money 4 them

on top of that the fact that my brain has no attention span which is not the fault of technology im just neurodivergent but damn does modern tech love 2 prey on that shit, like more and more im finding that this idea of "everything on 1 device" that these companies use as a selling point is honestly more of a hindrance bc of my low attention span, i just end up spending hours on my tablet and then not getting anything done bc everything is on there but nothing is on there in a way where i can rly focus on it, idk sometimes i wonder how much of that was intentional? like if the point was 2 get ppl hooked on smart phones and tablets while feeling like they r not getting anything done, thus making them sad and spending more time scrolling,,,

ik this isn't every1's experience but 4 me it's enough that im genuinely trying 2 make some changes 2 how i approach new tech and again 2 b clear im not saying all new tech bad and all old tech good, it's not that simple but 4 me i find that especially having smth like that right up near my face is rly bad 4 that bc it makes me pay less attention 2 my surroundings so im not looking at all the stuff around me, this has in my life at least lead 2 my surroundings gradually getting more cluttered ect but also i find having a smart tv helpful bc while yes it has a bunch of stuff on it it's all just watching tv stuff, it's not trying 2 b literally everything at once, and it's not right in my face it's across the room from me so i can still very clearly c my surroundings, i use consoles exclusively 4 video games now instead of pc like i used 2 use bc i don't like the stress of troubleshooting pcs but also bc w a pc it's more in ur face? even when i tried hooking up my pc 2 a tv it didn't rly work as well since i still needed 2 use a mouse and keyboard and that doesn't rly work very well w how my hands r especially when im trying 2 relax

4 music im trying out switching over 2 cassette tapes since i can record stuff onto them if i figure out how 2 do it right and then i don't need 2 hav a bright screen in my face when i wanna listen 2 music i can just switch out the cassette, thinking of mayb doing that 4 audio books as well

4 writing i am genuinely considering getting a typewriter since it would mean smth that isn't a bright screen and i could set it up on a desk in a specific corner of the house that could b just 4 my writing

4 having video games on the go atm im using a tamagotchi uni but i basically only use it when ik im gonna hav a doctors appointment and im gonna b stuck in a waiting room, i then just play the mini games on that and i find that they r good since they r low stakes so i don't feel stressed abt putting it down when the appointment starts

and like, idk while ik op was joking and it was very funny 4 me at least it can b helpful 2 know that there's a way of trying 2 cut out some of the more harmful parts of technology w/out abandoning technology completely, i think it's nice how embracing older technology is becoming more normalised and also how it's becoming more normalised 2 cut out technology that is harmful 4 u as an individual while still using technology that is helpful 4 u as an individual,,, even tho tech companies try rly hard 2 bury any alternatives 2 the tech they want u 2 buy

idk late night disabled ranting from me ig

"We have a new AI feature!" "With the power of AI..." "Our AI..."

I am going to abandon technology and start only inscribing things on clay tablets

[bogboy420]

WIP hoodie customisation, the base hoodie is a shadow the hedgehog hoodie since it was 100% cotton but im covering he up since idk the image of him especially how they did it isn't rly my style

the pink patch w the dumpster is just a square i cut out from an old t-shirt (also cotton)

the froggy patch i got on etsy ages ago

[bogboy420]

not sure i 100% agree w this post tbh but i think that's bc i hav a very different perspective on things

i do think tho that jax has a fear of being controlled and consequences but that's 1 of the things that was always p noticeable 2 me as some1 w ASPD and is 1 of the reasons i hc jax as having ASPD i don't think it comes from jax "wanting" 2 b an asshole and tbh i think this is smth a lot of ppl don't understand abt ASPD or abt when i talk abt jax and y i think he has ASPD

i think it's far more likely that jax's behaviour comes from constantly lashing out bc of being in a high control environment, like the digital circus is controlled by caine and apart from the daily adventures they don't really hav anything 2 do and caine brags abt how much control he has over their environment saying "1 of the few things i don't hav control over is ur minds" which is fucking terrifying when u think abt it and what it would b like 2 hear that after being permanently transported 2 a world that doesn't even technically exist and u can't go back, that is a terrifyingly controlled situation and it makes sense 2 me as some1 w ASPD that jax would b lashing out at the ppl around him by messing w them as a way of trying 2 regain some lvl of control of the situation he's in

it's not "his fault" he's just in a really bad situation and i think more ppl need 2 understand that the circus in tadc is not just gonna b this cozy normal 4 the characters even if they r trying 2 achieve some lvl of normality and attempting 2 achieve normality in a bad situation doesn't stop it being actively terrible and it feels unfair 2 say that some1's behaviour is their fault when they r reacting 2 a situation that would realistically b actively traumatising especially 2 some1 who has ASPD which can make u unable 2 handle the idea of some1 having control over u in any way bc of how massively unsafe it can feel

also tbh i don't think that the employee re-evaluation scene was mild?? idk it just feels weird 2 say that it's mild as like an objective thing?? like idk 2 me that scene was genuinely scary and tbh way 2 real i think every1 just kinda is gonna hav different feelings abt stuff

also tbh jax 2 me always just kinda seemed tired af? but in more of like a mania way if that makes sense?? like ep 4 we see depressed jax whereas in the previous episode we saw jax in a more manic state desperately trying 2 grasp at any semblance of control he could possibly hav over the situation while lashing out at those around him since he's pissed off and scared, he's mad abt being put in this situation and having no way out bc "this isn't fair wtf, y is it just ok 4 this fucking guy 2 do this? and y is no1 helping me when im clearly freaking out?" like from jax's perspective he was basically just having an ongoing mental breakdown and none of these ppl cared enough 2 help him but now he's expected 2 give a shit abt them which yeh that would b frustrating but it's frustrating on all ends bc the others don't seem 2 c that jax is having a mental breakdown abt his situation and think he's just being a dick but then that makes things more frustrating 4 jax bc now it's like "oh so when it's gangle crying u care abt mental health but just bc im not having a mental breakdown in the 'correct way' now im an asshole" which then leads him 2 lash out more bc he thinks their being assholes and so on, it just continues in a cycle and idk man it feels weird how much of the responsibility 4 this is usually put on the shoulders of ppl w ASPD 2 try 2 calm things down and b more civil when it's like... that's literally the thing that is super hard 4 us bc of having ASPD tho? yk?

like okay, 4 ppl who don't hav ASPD, try imaging 2 b civil w ppl that u think r being dicks 2 u 4 displaying mental health symptoms or ppl who u perceive as being controlling of u, hard 2 imagine y u would right? or how it should b ur responsibility 2 make peace w the ppl who r treating u like shit 4 being disabled and/or actively controlling u, bc like surely when they r the 1s doing that it should b on them 2 apologise and not on u 2 make nice w ppl who r actively treating u like shit

now on top of that try 2 imagine being civil in a way that is approved by normal society just in general if u had the following symptoms:

- lack of empathy, meaning that u don't automatically mirror the emotions of other ppl and can also make it hard 2 tell what emotion some1 is even feeling

- more prone 2 irritability even if u feel like ur being unreasonable

- this might just b bc i also hav dissociative stuff going on from other things but that combined w my lack of empathy i've found can result in my conversations w ppl not rly feeling "real" and it feeling not rly any different from talking 2 an npc in a video game or a chatbot ai which can make conversations difficult especially bc of the awareness of knowing im "supposed 2" c conversations w real ppl differently which can just make me more prone 2 irritability bc then it feels like every conversation has an added layer of unachievable societal expectation that just simply isn't fair 2 me due 2 it being unachievable, usually i wouldn't list this since it's likely a combined thing of cross over between my dissociation and my ASPD but from what i've seen in the show it feels very relevant 2 jax and how he interacts w ppl

- chronic boredom which can also make u hav less patience 4 conversations that r getting in the way of u having fun and can make it so that u kinda just want 2 get the conversation over w so u can go back 2 having fun or finding smth fun 2 do even if u do actually wanna help the person

- possibly gonna get shit 4 this 1 but being selfish? ik it's seen as an inherently negative quality but it's smth that ik i hav bc of my ASPD where it's just legit hard 4 me 2 think abt any1 other than myself and i often need shit explained 2 me bc of that and so it can make conversations hard especially when ppl hav this very vilified idea of selfishness that can make asking questions come off as antagonistic

now imagine having all of that shit and probably more going on constantly and then imagine having 2 try 2 make nice w a bunch of ppl u think r controlling u and being ableist 2 u abt ur symptoms and trying 2 control u 2 make u more acceptable 2 them would u actually fukin do it or would u b like "well y is it my fukin job 2 make nice w these guys when they r actively being dicks 2 me?"

so yeah idk as some1 w ASPD i think jax's behaviour makes so much more sense thru that lense than it does thru a neurotypical lense

Jax's fear of being trapped and what that might imply about his past/future

Hello 2 days ago i've developped a chronic case of Brainrotting about Jax, tragic I know.

I'm kinda basing this slightly of what Gooseworx have said in QnAs though I will not rely on it because I think purely relying on a creator's words and not the media isn't really satisfying.

The main thing that stood out to me in this episode with Jax was that he seems to fear punishement.

He seems really freaked out when Gangle proposed the idea of Cain punishing him...

And then he immediatly goes to Zooble to be like "lol you don't believe Cain actually could punish us right ?" and while he's proven right at the end of the episode, the fact that he immediatly tries to seek reassurance that he wouldn't get punished says a lot. In fact in his expressions he looks both sides while saying it almost like he seems...unsure/anxious (idk the right word).

Also when he's brought into the employee training scene. He's weirdly...afraid and shaken by it ?? (not showing the screenshot cos everyone remembers that scene).

Which like, I understand that was terrifying but it was a strangely strong reaction to something that...light ? I mean he wasn't brainwashed or anything. I might be stretching it but all of it, including the scene's purpose makes me wonder if it brought Jax bad memories of...something.

After that scene happens, he completely acts normal and stops trying to be a dick completely.

Now this isn't a convo about weither that's Jax's true self and his jerk self is a persona. People are trying way too hard to either try to make him a one dimensional asshole or secretly a good guy which like he's neither he's a bastard with layers. But that's not what this is about so ANYWAYS.

All of this made me wonder what was Jax's main Thing, more so his theme or the thing that makes him tick.

We know with Gangle it's her issue with masking (her dreams, how she feels, etc...), Ragatha being a people pleaser, Zooble's body dysmorphia, King's memories and how they link with the loss of his wife and Pomni's desire for companionship.

For Jax we actually don't really know other than...he's a dick and he's using it to cope which like....duh ?

But with this episode and also a little thing that I got from researching QnAs (because i'm normal and chill like that) made me realise what could Jax's Thing.

A Fear of Consequences and being Trapped

Now the main thing that drove this thought was me finding out Gooseworx assigning a song to Jax which is this one.

Don't fence me in, huh....

That line meaning a desire to not be restricted and not losing their freedom.

This makes me think this is probably what Jax's character is at least partially about, or more so...his biggest fear. Being restricted, reprimended or trapped.

I think in part that fear could be related to his past, which I'm gonna throw my cards here, my own personal theory is that he was stuck in juvenile detention for misbehaving as a kid. That experience traumatising him enough that he was probably similar to the Jax we've seen at the end of episode 4, just Tired.

Now does it Necessarely have to be a juvenile detention center, honestly no ? But it's the thing that makes the most sense in my head.

Either way this also explains a lot of things about his behavior in the circus.

He's now secluded in a space with absolutely 0 Consequences, the one person who can dish it out is an AI who is probably programmed to never harm humans (directly at least). He's even proven right at the end of episode 4.

I think what led to Jax's shit behavior was this realisation that this is pretty much now his Safe Heaven. In real life he can't just be who he wants to be, there's potential consequences that he's afraid of.

Now I know I'm gonna hear like "oh so you just think Jax is an asshole by nature", I don't think he is (i don't think he's ever been a nice person his life but like there's a difference here), I genuinely think he's not more so being himself rather that it's just that he's overcompensating for the lack of freedom that he's felt his entire life.

In a way it's similar to how people act on the internet.

Imagine that you were a misbehaving kid and you were reprimended HARSHLY for it, to the point where you're not really fixed per say but you're stuck being terrified of even being slightly flawed.

But now here he is, in a place where death doesn't matter, the harm he does doesn't matter and the one person who can actually hurt him just gives him weird shenanigans that give him opportunities to lash out.

However, there's a tiny little problem...

This fantasy cannot last forever forever and I'm not talking about them getting out because as far as they know it's out of the cards for them.

It's very much clear that the circus with the arrival of Pomni is becoming more tight knit and less divided, creating a more solid friendship group with the help of Pomni being an actual normal nice human person (Zooble is nice too but they're more jaded and too depressed to deal with most of everything, and Ragatha is a whole baggage).

It's becoming increasingly clear in the episodes themselves as well that, Jax can't just be an asshole anymore. Every episode since episode 1 has led to him being reprimended or him not being given what he wants. The group is becoming closer and they're sick of his bullshit.

He also probably doesn't like being alone and hated. We see him seeming sad at the talk of Kofmo's funeral before having to go back to being angry and dismissive in his facial expression.

Maybe he really did want to go to Kofmo's funeral but like would anyone actually believe he would be genuine, after being an asshole for so long would it really be worth for Jax to just break it all right there.

But it's clear he's also not really enjoying being alone.

Jax in a way is basically burrying a hole for himself. Being an asshole was his perfect dream after probably living a life of boredom and repression but now that this consequenceless existence has finally revealed itself to just be a mirage, he's now unable to access the things he really needs.

Actual friendship.

It's clear that the Digital Circus has a point of companionship being extremely important, in fact when we get mentions of Kofmo's abstracting we get also mentions about how no one really founds his jokes funny. Kinger mentioning how making someone feel alone and unwanted is the worst thing you could do to someone. Gangle is saved by Pomni and Zooble's presence.

However there's no one at fault for Jax's isolation, he only has himself to blame.

Ive got more but i'm tired so hope you guys enjoyed it.

[bogboy420]

i feel like given the state of modern day clothing and fast fashion it's becoming increasingly important 2 erase the stigma of fabric crafts (e.g. knitting or crochet) idk there's less of it now but i still c ppl categorising it as a "granny hobby" or even just as "a girl hobby" fabric crafts of any kind do not hav a gender and also given how the price of clothing is going up and the quality of those clothes is going down it makes more and more sense 4 ppl 2 start learning how 2 make their own clothing items and other fabric items

ik it can seem very daunting at 1st, ur picking up a whole new hobby but it's ok 2 take small steps and work up 2 it, even smth as seemingly simple as knitting a scarf can help in the long run both bc hey now u hav a scarf but also bc of the skills learned that u can then transfer 2 other things

another thing is that sometimes 1 way of doing fabric crafts that a lot of ppl think is easier may not work 4 u, 4 me i love knitting but i can't 4 the life of me get my head around how crochet works and i always end up forgetting how i even managed 2 get anywhere w it part way thru and i get stuck, even tho a lot of ppl hav said 2 me that crochet is easier than knitting, 4 me personally tho it's the opposite so don't b afraid 2 try out crafts that other ppl think is harder if u think it might work better w how ur brain works, 4 me knitting is my go 2 but 4 u it might b different bc every person is different yk?

i think 1 of my favourite things abt fabric crafts is that if u get creative w it and hav the time and energy (which i understand not every1 does) u can make almost anything

feel free 2 reblog and say if u've made anything cool thru fabric crafts! let's start a reblog chain of positivity 2 let ppl know that fabric crafts doesn't hav 2 b this daunting scary thing and u can do so much w it!

[pls note this post is not meant 2 shame any1 who cannot do fabric crafts 4 whatever reason (cost, time cost, disability, ect) nor is this meant 2 shame any1 who does buy fast fashion the intention of this post is simply 2 b a positivity post 2 encourage those who hav been considering options other than fast fashion 2 think abt mayb making their own clothes and things if that is acessible 4 them and they want fabric items that r of better quality and more long lasting while also taking stigma away from fabric crafts and letting ppl know who r new 2 it that it doesn't hav 2 b this big scary thing]