#bc i have pcos* i am Not pcos as a whole

[carrieway]

in other news i bickered with ethan over whether or not im chronically ill . i think i lost .

[schizowitchic]

also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions

[vamptastic]

ngl i still kinda think i want to be a doctor i went to tour FSU and the biomedical engineering dept was so cool! i'm not so into the mechanical side of things and the electrical stuff but the chem lab had some really cool projects we got to look at and the professor was so nice. but i also love environmental engineering it is special to me and more importantly every project is like. something very important to society that i care about and understand. i also feel like civil engineering is easier for me because it's more concrete, there's always a real world application, and also you don't have to do anything with circuit boards lmao. also biomed is cool but honesty my big goal with my career is just to do something good and useful to society (that doesn't bore me to tears) and if i end up working for big pharma or producing medical equipment knowing it's not going to end up with the people who need it bc of price gouging i WILL kill myself. so i am torn over all.

[robvandamdatass]

today pluto left capricorn, and entered aquarius where it will be for the next twenty years. i felt the transition .. or maybe it was sleep deprivation. either way, i'm feeling bittersweet about it. here are some unorganized reflections about this time for me:

in astrology, pluto represents transformations and rebirth to whatever it touches. in capricorn, which represents societal structures and government, i think we've all witnessed and woke up to the fuckery of it all.

pluto entered capricorn back in 2008. sixteen years ago! i was either 16 or 17. while in capricorn, pluto transited my seventh house of relationships (whole sign- this could mean any form of relationships. platonic, intimate, enemies, etc.), and transiting my eighth house of death/taxes (placidus- from feb 2019 on until current day where it will journey for the next ten years i believe), really anything money and paperwork related. i guided my mom on how to handle money during this time/mainly 2020 and i began to save for the first time in my life.

a lot has happened to me personally during this time frame, and i grew in so many ways that i cannot articulate. even when i was fighting change, felt unsure or confused, i eventually surrendered to the realities of life and watch society change and crumble around (and not benefit) me at the same time. it was for the best. i had to learn to trust myself in making decisions and to prove to my authoritarian counterparts that i can be trusted in those decisions. being a female, you're forever viewed as inferior and no one ever takes you seriously until its too late. its something i've been challenging since i was 10.

i made many unforgettable connections. i met people i look up to, and engaged in conversations with them (i still can't get over peter buck from rem and meeting s club omgomgomg) and even formed friendships. if you know me irl, i am reserved and uncomfortably shy with a resting bitch face. i look unapproachable. but i am far from this. i realize, everyone is human and feels like this as well. no matter their position in life.

i lost a few friendships too. one in particular was incredibly difficult. but that's when i knew i had to set BOUNDARIES on how i wanted to be treated, and remain firm in them. change was coming at me in different ways. i'm pretty sure the election that year was the culprit as well.

paramore's "after laughter" woke me tf up to a lot of the mentioned above. i cried many nights to that album. i finally understood why i was feeling the way i was. it is still on constant replay to this day.

in january 2017 i was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). a chronic hormonal disorder where my ovaries became enlarged and formed small cysts to the outer edges of my ovaries. this put me at risk of diabetes, high cholesterol and infertility.

i began to have irregular bleeding around feb 2011. i was 19 omw to 20. i was having menstrual cycles/periods that lasted more than one month. the longest i experienced had to be approaching three months. i went to the hospital where they tried pushing birth control at me. i refused this as an option. i was not sexually active. why would i use something not for its intended use? i knew the risk of taking birth control, especially as a black woman, how it would react to my body (blood clots, weight gain and other complications). i also knew whatever was happening to my body, BC would further complicate it. i ended up researching home remedies and alternatives, and it worked for a few years. i kept track of how long my periods lasted and/or when i missed cycles. but eventually the irregular bleeding returned in late 2016. pushing one of my many fears aside. i went to the gynecologist for the first time where i was diagnosed.

i was at my highest weight, depressed and ready to end my life. my mom, bless her, guided and reassured me i can and will get better. her unwavering support of me, not only during this time, just in general, is unfathomable. i'm an anxious mess.

i had only told a few people about this. mind you, i was still reeling from the end of said friendships and my trust in people, even to those closest to me, was nonexistent at this time.

i thought it was the end of my dream before it even began. i wanted to be able to have children in a "traditional" way one day. as a child of adoption, in my head, i wanted to prove i can do something natural and right in my lifetime. as an identifying female, and choosing to be celibate from a young age (for non religious reasons), until i found someone who matched my convictions, along with childbearing, it was all i have control as this gender. it was a harsh wake up call to my convictions. it also brought a huge awareness on how i was treating my body and my relationship to food and my psychological being.

since the diagnosis, i lost 32 pounds and have maintained this for four years now (even after covid/2020 where i gained 15 of those pounds back- i lost it quickly the next year as the world began to "open" up again). i want to lose more. but no matter how much exercise i implement, or walks i take, it remains stagnant.

this past summer, i took it upon myself to see every basic doctor. a fear i developed over time: taking care of myself. i hadn't seen most of these doctors since i was a child. i saw regular (blood work was good!), dentist (fear- insecure about my teeth/got some fixed and a very thorough cleaning i've been maintaining since), eye (fear- i developed trichotillomania in 2012 due to financial stress my mom and i were experiencing at the time/i can tell you now since july 2024 i now have eyelashes again and i wear glasses after finding out i have slight astigmatism in my left eye and only having 20/40 vision- something i knew i had a long time ago i just didn't want it confirmed), dermatologist (fear- related to my menstrual cycle/around 13 (pluto in sagittarius was a wild trauma forming time btw more on that for another time) i developed hidradenitis suppurativa- i don't think it had a name at the time and i had no idea how to treat it beyond home remedies/after 20 years, seeing the dermatologist saved my life) and the gynecologist. as of september 2024, after a very painful and annoying ultrasound checkup on my uterus, according to my gynecologist my ovaries were back to normal!!!!!! phew.

it is true if your mental health isn't right, your physical health reflects it. and my life hasn't been an easy one. i do believe everything i've lived through did not help my mental and physical health and growth (scars left on my heart, formed patterns in my mind- is a pmore lyric that comes to mind every time). i internalize like no one's business. but i realize suppressing and avoiding is the wrong route. it has to be released and addressed.

i will continue to manage, and do what i've been doing since being diagnosed, to help my body release and heal from life's hovering death grip and learn to love itself. its astonishing the stress and trauma our bodies store from the time we are born, and builds up over time. we don't notice until its late, and an illness has formed from it.

i took a break from astrology in the early 10's. but i eventually returned to it during my progressed lunar return around 2016/2017/during the beginning stages of my diagnosis. i was looking for answers as to why life was happening so much during those years, and gained a deeper understanding on how it works. lo and behold i was officially becoming an adult who was approaching her saturn return (which coincided with covid/shut down- i was freaking the fuck out but i was prepared mentally because i knew it was coming .. just not in the way it presented itself: the pandemilovato). with pluto creeping up right alongside saturn, it has been a double whammy on my psyche for sure.

as i mentioned above pluto is about transformations. saturn is all about karma and accountability. its about growing the fuck up. for REAL. you cannot avoid what it continuously puts in front of you for so long. the moon is your emotions, and mines were being amplified strongly whether i wanted it to or not.

understanding myself, my life and the way its played out so far and understanding others in this form is a privilege not everyone has and i'm not pushy nor braggy about it. if you know about it, cool. if you know i do readings and interpretations, cool. whenever you're ready to know more, i am more than happy to discuss astrology with you. but i would never try to persuade you. you have to come to that conclusion yourself. i'm just trying to make sense of this world, and be a guidance to those who need an ear to hear.

there was loss on many levels throughout this journey. but i gained knowledge, perspective and so much love for myself.

i come out of all of this knowing my boundaries and who i am in my convictions. to remain calm and still within chaos, internally and externally. accept change, and learn to let go.

[fun-eralsss]

characters that are intersex bc im intersex and i say so <3

“It’s half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong.” -Half Jack, The Dresden Dolls

note: it’s mostly just vibes for a lot of them

Ms. Censordoll (Moral Orel): had her reproductive organs removed as a baby, yet her parents get upset that she never had children? hmm. interesting.

Peggy Hill (King of the Hill): literally a whole episode dedicated to how she doesn’t feel as feminine as her friends and bonds with a trans woman/drag queen about feeling like they’ve both been denied traditional femininity

Tobias “Ticci Toby” Erin Rogers (Creepypasta): i have an oc that’s intersex and based off him so yknow. you can pry amab transmasc toby from my cold, dead hands

Miss Secondopinionson (Moral Orel): is infertile and has a super deep voice that she’s forced to hide? hmm. i know most fans interpret her as a trans woman, but i feel like her being intersex makes more sense with her environment. like, i feel like in moralton it’d be easier for you to, for lack of a better word, “get away” with being intersex instead of trans since the citizens of moralton definitely view intersexuality as a disease or disorder while viewing transness as a perversion that you have a choice in

Rose Quartz (Steven Universe): her going from pink diamond to rose quartz is a metaphor for being an afab transfem. i will not elaborate, you just gotta trust me on this

Logan Howlett (X-Men): that is an intersex trans man with ncah. he told me this himself

Nina “the Killer” Hopkins (Creepypasta): i just think pcos nina is neat. i love you, pcos nina. i love you so very much

Eyeless Jack (Creepypasta): specifically klinefelter’s. i think the extra height could make him extra intimidating. the behavioral symptoms are also very in line for how i picture him

Lain Iwakura (Serial Experiments Lain): it genuinely just feels right to me. something like aphallia or maybe being agenital

Noelle Holiday (Deltarune): a deer girl who has antlers? that girl is an intersex trans girl, i dont make the rules, i just enforce ‘em

i’ll probably add more later, but i’ve had this post in the drafts for ages, so i’ll just post it now. for now, this is it. i hope you enjoyed, have a good day/night/whatever it is <3

(btw i just put the dresden dolls lyric because i felt that it was very accurate to the intersex experience. if it seems insensitive, i am more than willing to change or remove it)

[queercripintersex]

On intersex questioning

I recently put up a poll asking people what motivated them to question if they were intersex. Partly to know how "typical" I am. But also because I'm curious if people who are currently questioning their intersex status are noticeably different from those of us who already identify as intersex.

And I gotta say, the spread of responses look pretty similar!

Most of the asks I see on tumblr tend to be framed in medical terms. Personally, I was motivated more by social/psychological reasons (figuring out who I am and wanting to not feel like a lone freak). Turns out people like me are in the minority but we're hardly alone.

I honestly wonder how much of the medical asks are really about other things like belonging or gender but those reasons don't seem "valid" enough.

I wanna share the replies and reblogs because I would have found them useful to read back when I was questioning if I was intersex. I have lightly edited them for readability (if you wrote one and want to be quoted by username DM me!) To see the original comments go to the original post. Replies from intersex people "I went through several years of being confused about how I felt trans fem but also was afab. The day I was diagnosed with PCOS I searched it in Tumblr and found out it fell under the intersex umbrella and I accepted that identity for myself immediately. Intersex was never a question for me, it was the answer I had been looking for." "Multiple of the above! Mislabeled trauma and ignored medical issues made more sense after finding out, and a more general discomfort with how I look lessened after finding out, oh i look like this because of that and i look like that down there because of what they did to me"

"wanted to figure out both medical and gender stuff but medical was more pressing so i picked that one"

"never thought of myself as intersex until PCOS fucked my whole hormone cycle up. Now it feels weird not to say im intersex"

"medical issues and gender stuff i guess. I had stuff like slightly too early and too intense puberty and i was like. There is no way that this is normal theres gotta be something to explain this. And then after some time i found out there are hormonal intersex variations that do that stuff. Now to just get myself to accept that im still intersex on hrt 🙃"

"It was very complicated for me because for years I had a feeling that Something wasn't right. And I didn't technically have a period of questioning but I always did feel weird calling myself perisex bc I just felt Something was wrong. And then. Almost 2 years ago now. I was told by my parents that I had my chromosomes tested as a toddler. And I had triple X. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal or anything and so just never thought to tell me?. And then I had a brief questioning period on whether that counted as intersex but within a couple of days came to terms w it"

"Picking only one was tricky for me because the medical trauma and the gender stuff have been so deeply linked for me. [...] I didn't really seriously consider [questioning] until my mid-20s once I had access to therapy for the first time in my life ... At first in therapy the issues of medical trauma and of figuring out my gender were treated as though they were parallel issues but the more we explored them the more evident it was they were linked. When I went through hyperandrogen puberty it felt normal and appropriate, and everything my mom and doctors did to force my body into a female presentation was both traumatic and a source of gender dysphoria. [...] Figuring out I was intersex connected all the dots."

"Other. Wanted to know why people kept being confused by or shocked by my genitals. which honestly answered itself but then i wanted a more in depth medical answer Just In Case (like since i have ovotestis i am at risk of ovarian AND testicular cancer)"

💛💜💛

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[quillyfied]

Because it’s been going around, here’s my two cents on the whole armpit shaving sensory issues thing:

A few years ago, I stopped shaving my pits, mainly bc my sibling, who had come out as nonbinary recently, had stopped, and we were discussing a lot about gender presentation and societal gender roles. In general, with my PCOS, I’m a hairy girl, and it was exhausting sometimes to try and keep up with the thick dark growth I was dealing with on my pits and legs. So I stopped. (I also switched from antiperspirant to deodorant, which is a whole other Thing but suffice to say I learned No, I need antiperspirant, bc deodorant alone will just allow my natural sweat levels to occur and that leads to chafing. Also I think using Old Spice caused bluish black stains on all my shirts?? Another mystery to be solved later.)

I am a cis woman, and I like to wear shirts that are a little tighter and more tailored for a cis feminine frame, meaning the arm holes are cut closer to under the armpit than unisex or male shirts. (Side note: this is how tumblr back in the 20teens so scientifically realized that loose/unisex shirts can be pulled off by grasping the back of the neck and tugging, where tighter-cut shirts are easier to take off by grabbing the bottom hem and lifting, but I greatly digress.) What I began to notice after a few months of going au naturale with the pits is that my armpits felt sensitive and tender. I thought maybe I was caking on too much deodorant and then antiperspirant (valid), or sweating too much, but I eventually figured it out—with the tighter shirts I like, there’s more pressure on the pits, and with my lush underarm mane, there was actually weight on the follicles that caused the pressure to be uncomfortable, almost painful.

It was either trim the pit hair, or buy new shirts. I know which one is more cost effective for me.

I don’t know how common an experience this is for others, but it was my conclusion. (In addition, I keep my leg hair shaved more or less a couple times a month bc of similar discomfort of long leg hair with tight pants, or long leg hair against sheets, so. Huh. Sensory discomfort.) And it’s valuable to me to have had that experience, because now I know I’m keeping up with my shaving not because “I’m a girl and I have to because I’m a Girl”, but because “this causes literal discomfort for me that I prefer to avoid when necessary.” All the support and kudos to folks who grow their body hair out! Rock it! I am with you as far as I can stand it on myself! And how about we practice some compassion and common decency and stop shaming people for what they do or don’t do with their bodies?

[twistedappletree]

no bc i actually need to rant about life like????

not only am i basically getting stalked by that one girl from the club but my chinese medicine doctor/acupuncturist passed away today and he’s the only one who understood my endo/pcos and knew how to treat it, and now the whole losing my rental house shit, and the girl who got hired for my days off just messaged saying her car broke down??? so i’m gonna drive her to my client’s house if she can’t get her car fixed by friday but that basically means no days off for me 🙃 and speaking of cars, MY car definitely has a coolant leak so i get to pay out the ass for that.

about to (probably) lose my dogs, my house, not have a car for a while bc it’ll be in the shop, and i have to try and find a new place to live even tho every available studio apartment in my area is like $3-4k a month because there’s more vacation homes and airbnb’s here than permanent or long term fucking housing.

like i am this close to just hopping on a fucking plane with my cat and going wherever and just…… be homeless and die in another country lmao bro at least i won’t fucking be here in america where i just CONSISTENTLY lose everything that matters to me because this entire country is a goddamn DEATH trap.

[lastoneout]

You know I have been wondering my whole life if I might be intersex for a number of reasons(my mom was literally told by a doctor when I was a baby that my hormones looked fine but based on the way my junk looks it was likely that I was exposed to too much testosterone in the womb) but like I always kinda just ignored it because I figured something would have come up by now on a test...

But I'm also the only adult woman I know who has high cholesterol. Last year I had a scare where mine was like almost lethally high, and my doctor really seemed convinced I was just eating garbage 24/7, but I went on medication and made lifestyle changes and probably eat way less than the average person now...but my cholesterol is still on the high side of normal.

I assumed maybe it was stress? And that might partially be it, but I swear I do not eat enough fried foods and butter for my body to be doing this naturally.

I was going to talk to my PCP about getting in with an OB/GYN because I need to find a new form of birth control that helps me manage my period because my periods are regular but really painful and I bleed a ton and they make me so nauseous it's hard to eat and trigger my IBS and give me hellish migraines, but I think I might want to push for a hormone test of some sort since this appointment is technically just about checking my cholesterol and deciding what we should do. I am genuinely wondering if I have PCOS and just have mild symptoms so no one ever caught it.

Bcs really the ONLY people I have ever known with high cholesterol are men, cis and trans, and again I do not eat a lot of cholesterol heavy foods anymore. There has to be something else going on here I s2g. And while I don't have excess hair growth or hair loss and my periods are regular despite being very heavy, I have had horrible acne all over my face and shoulders and back that only goes away when I'm on birth control, my voice dropped when I was like 20?? For seemingly no reason??? Like I was having full on cracking and when it went away my voice was deeper???? And the stuff about my birth and body like....idk things just aren't adding up imo! They really aren't!

I just hope she doesn't get weird about it or act like I'm crazy or something :/ I know doctors can be really fucking strange about intersex conditions but at this point I have done everything short of stopping consuming anything with cholesterol in it at all and it's still higher than it should be. I think it's time to look into potential causes outside what I put in my mouth.

[starjxsung]

hai bb <3 ive missed youuu! i hope you’re doing so well.

i’m glad you received a lot of support from the neighborhood and that you raised awareness as well. it’s heartbreaking that these things happen and people get away with them more often than not </3

i’ve been bed rotting a lot lately. this semester was so stressful that i gained like 30 pounds bc ✨stress eating✨and i have not been able to lose them bc ✨pcos✨ (oh the things we have to go through as women </3). and i can’t handle looking in a mirror or thinking about outfits for lolla or lolla in general (only minho falling in love with me will break the curse😪) but i manage it through rewatching comfort shows and reading feminist literature that discourages my perfectionist needs.

i’ve never rewatched kingdom entirely soooo new bedrotting material👀 thanks!

rhodes island kitten sent me!! he/she’s doing so well but the mom is ever so protective and won’t even let me touch him/her anymore😪 (she only likes men)

the kitten interview is my new comfort skz content is2g. i love seeing non-cat parents handle kittens. it’s hilarious. everyone struggling and lee know just like “yeah i live like this”. channie was so good with them too! petition for cat dad! chan fr. and the claws!! my cats used to do that so much and at that age they don’t really have too much control of them so it is not for the faint of heart. i felt for them 😂

i haven’t preordered the album yet😪 and probs won’t order it until after lolla bc i have no self control either and kinda went off with my spending on baby stuff for my nephew (who’s due in a month btw such excitement! much scary!) and ateez comeback (kpop doesn’t help my finances).

i looooove your junhan pc aesthetic! i didn’t know you liked xdh🥹🥹 im waiting for my album to arrive bc i preordered it with some other things that weren’t in stock but it just shipped out🥹 i shall update on my pulls✨

take care bb! i love youuuu🫶🏻 i hope you have the best week ever!

MY ANGELLLLLLLL 🫶👼💘❤️💞 it’s so good to chat with you on here again I’ve missed you so so dearly

THE BEDROTTING…. IS SO REAL………… last week I genuinely woke up at 6pm and I thought I just napped or something for a good minute bc I was like there is no way I just slept the entire day away. There was in fact a way bc it was literally just 6pm and I lost my entire Saturday 😍 this bedrot slay

NAURRRR not the kitten who only likes men !!!!???.?.?.?.?.?..? PLSSSS my cat at my parents’ place is so particular to men for some reason and I’m like. GIRL. STAND UP. GET UP. Luckily Momo hates everyone so she’s kind of feminist in the “I only fw my mother” kind of way. Also side note she has so many fans in my apartment complex now and there’s a family with kids who look for her every day to take pics of her in my window 😭😭 she naps in my window all day long when I leave it open while I’m working so the whole neighborhood just ADORES her lol it’s the cutest thing everrrrrr

The amount of times I’ve watched the skz kitten interview. oh my fucking god. Jisung’s little “say something to the world” HWLELPPPDLDKKFDJ I genuinely cannot pick who’s more cutie between them 😭 Chan never struck me as a cat person but in hindsight he gets along with everyone and everything so. makes sense 🫶😭 and Minho is just Minho ofc

IM NGL I only preordered to get a signed album and it wasn’t until after I checked out that I realized I bought the regular ones and then the signed ones sold out 😀 I was like. Oh. Oh! Ok. My wallet is CRYINGGGGG but at least it’s preordered???? LMAO 💔💔💔

I bought my first xdh album a few weeks ago and I’ve been dragging my jh pcs around like a ghost child with their haunted victorian doll oh my god I am OBSESSEDDDD WITH HIM 🤞I also got so many xdh posters with it for some reason so I finally caved and hung all my big ass pob posters in my room and it fully looks like a kpop store in here now LMAO 🚶‍♀️YES update all your pulls !!!!!!!!! I’m so excited 👼

ALSO THE SKZ MEME PLEEAAKKXKXKDKEK SOOOO FUCKING REAL the way my sister texted me the shinee version of that meme this morning 😭😭 I love you bb I hope you have the best week !!!!!!!!!!!! 💓💓💓💓🫶🫶🫶

[mrsackermannx]

Thank you for your reply. You are really kind ily 🥹🥹

Pcos is really hard to deal with. It has fucked me up so bad. From facial hair to hyperpigmented private parts, it has given me everything. I'm so fucking insecure. It's hard not to be😭 I wanna look pretty. My doc gave me heavy meds I was nauseous the whole time I took the tablet. It was hell. Besides i had severse foodpipe ulcers. Now I'm off tablet. I'm just so much so worried about my hair only. I also had to have dandruff!!! Just my life ugh. I had hair down upto my knees. I had to cut it short as it got tangled all the time and it made extra hairloss. Im jsut 18. Haven't even joined university yet. Other girls are pretty ugh. Sorry I jsut ranted. I'm tempted to just shave my head at times. I cry every night lmao.

It is kinda good to know that I'm not alone (although I hope none of us have to grow through this) and thanks for the "don't"s 🫶🫶

Do you have any scalp washing tips btw?

If I touch my head, there's no hair..it's just touching my scalp directly lol bald me

BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF COURSE! I never want my pcos girlies to feel silenced???😚😚 first of all….Oh the facial hair has been kicking my ass since i was 15 and im 21 girl 😭😭 but i will say, at 19-20 it peaked for me, i hit rock bottom and i do think that the external stress of uni pushed it but i also thing it’s a genuine like canon event for us pcos girlies, i truly believe that until ur pcos really gets you down, you can’t rise up from it. i was the biggest id ever been, lost all my hair, facial hair was insane!!

i mean this in the best way, because I’ve been there girl, i still am there, i get laser on my face and neck, i wash my hair and like it gives me anxiety just washing my hair and seeing the loss, feeling the loss of density, like you i had hair down my back my whole life and i cut it over a year ago and now it has grown back thicker at least bc mine was all straggly at the worst point😭 i KNOW your pain.

BUT everybody always told me that the older i get it will level out and trust me it does!! and it did. im 21 and things have settled, we can only go through this process. i promise you, it gets better. my hair is still thinner but it shines and i put love into it!! i oil my scalp every time i wash it, I’ve been doing it for 8 months religiously.

and girl you are pretty!! i used to read the r/pcos thread a lot bc it made me feel less alone and like, i saw a post once venting about how hard it is having so much maintenance, to wake up and have to shave your face, to be conscious, to have to cover hair loss. that constant weight of having to get up and do all these steps that you feel other women don’t. i know the frustration, i have bumps and marks and body hair that makes me sob if I don’t shave it and then I look down in the shower and it hits me. but it’s also okay to pay for the things like laser or waxing, or learning how to wax etc, we have to manage in any way, we are allowed to prioritise and do things that make us feel beautiful bc we deserve it. we have to adapt rather than hoping it might just disappear, and we have to accept it🥺🩷

but diet is huge!! at least try and have a protein heavy breakfast!! 30g of protein is such an important aim, I promise that makes such a difference. definitely try not to have a lot of sugar in the morning. i only drink water or spearmint tea. matcha tea can be good bc it’s better then coffee, but I never drink caffeine because it’s so bad for us pcos girls especially on an empty stomach!! try and eat good fats!! and also integrating exercise!! and also MANAGE STRESS BABE I MEAN IT

but you are still beautiful, effortlessly and with your ways of coping. there is nothing wrong with us!! don’t be sorry for ranting at all, i also wanted to shave my head at the height of my weight loss i had a huge bald spot and it’s still kinda there 😭 i know this shit is REAL

but definitely check in with a doctor if you can get any advice/meds that could help, maybe a birth control pill could help you but again I don’t recommend that due to my own experiences bc it gave me severe acne, migraines and other things but tbf my hair was lucious😜, pcos is a lot of trial and error and seeing what might work for you.

as far as tips go!! look into Indian/arab/ayuverdic routines on TikTok/youtube!!! look up ways to massage your scalp!!!

here are my fave creators !!

@golabbeauty on tiktok for hair loss, hair oiling, diet, she has pcos herself!

@zoeantonia_ tiktok + instagram!! pcos positivity for facial hair, bloating, skin!! she also gives great diet and workout advice and she’s amazing!!

@mila.magnani on tiktok! pcos creator amazing!!!!!!

but i want you to know that you don’t have to start everything now, that you can eat something one creator says not to!! you will find your rhythm with this! steal, twist, tailor everything you hear and see creators doing !! whether it’s making your own mixture of oils for oiling or making some kind of nightly mock tail for your hormones you’ve found!! either way i believe in you and im always here <3333 educate yourself but don’t overwhelm yourself! time is your biggest ally, my heart goes out to you angel <3

[weedlovingweed]

just a little list for me to remember all the things i'm doing rn that are helping me...

mushroom complex (cordys <3, maitake, reishi, lions mane, turkey tail (shown in studies to help pcos/insulin resistance!), chaga)

probiotics... (gummies but i am getting back to being able to eat yogurt!)

waking up early & naturally and doing things immediately instead of laying on phone (been doing dishes or other cleaning things!) (also extra good when/if i can do stuff or walk for a while before eating breaksfast. good for mitochondria)

good breakfasts.. greens &/or whole grains with protein (lots of lentil daal/mole & brown rice)

less refined sugars... (mostly just having my tea/coffee with agave, less cookies and ice creams and etc.)

eating in middle of workday when i get hungry (nuts usually) (i want to get the pom blueberry pistachio kind bars... i never want to eat chocolate when im hungry ksjdfhdsjk)

things i'd like to do more of -

remembering to brush teeths in morning too (it's easier at night because i know i'm Done eating/drinking things that aren't water. in the morning it's so hard because after bfast im still drinking coffee/tea, eating probiotic gummies, etc)

yoga & stretching... (i was doing well for a bit but fell off, it's hard to have enough space bcs our room is too small. should try to do it at the cat's house for now.... just harder to follow videos on my phone.)

being more firm about not eating after ~8pm because i get weed in me then i wanna eat Snackies but i know i'm not actually hungry :'-(

tbh washing my face more bcs i basically only wash it when i shower and i am breaking out. also i need more lite sauce. & witch hazel toner. that's my perfect skin combo.

[shadowealth]

are you a linguist or etymologist? biologist? your posts are so fascinating and it seems like you have a wild amount of background knowledge, the way you connect all these seemingly disparate concepts with such detail. i especially love the connections you draw between PCOS and pearls. there’s something so intrinsic about eating and working with plants that have the visual appearance of oocytes/string of pearls; since quitting BC and trying to manage my PCOS with whole food/herbs/mindful practice, some of my greatest plant allies have been red raspberry (all her parts), barberry (berberine), and mugwort, as well as eating a lot of eggs.

once i developed a basic level of comfort and familiarity working with plants, i started noticing what “called out” to me as i walked in the woods, plants that would seem to stand out and appear to me over and over, and every single time i’d go home and research them i would find a connection with fertility, ovulation, or PCOS. i was camping once for a few days and started drinking yarrow and red clover tea because they were growing everywhere around where i set up, and i got my period a few days into the trip. it was my very first painless period, and since then i’ve been using yarrow regularly for menstrual pain, and red clover to help my cervical mucus production. the first few times this kind of thing happened to me, it blew my mind, and while it still never ceases to amaze me, i’ve pretty much come to expect it at this point. i’ve only met one other woman, also a fertility awareness practitioner and womb healer, who saw these kinds of connections and understood them to be legitimate and intrinsic. so i really love reading the connections you make and i feel so seen in your ability to make them. it’s really a gift, not in the sense of “i’m so gifted,” but in the sense of being a gift given to me by the circumstances of my life, including PCOS and including the descent into hell that modern gynecological “solutions” turned out to be for me. a gift i am able to receive only as a result of having walked the path of pain and suffering that drove me to finally take things into my own hands and tune into herbalism and body literacy.

so, i’m curious, if you feel comfortable answering, how did you come to think like this (i call it “mycelial thinking”), to make connections the way you do? it seems exceedingly rare and it’s incredibly refreshing. i’d love to hear about your source material, whether that’s life experiences, formal study, informal study, simple observation, etc. your words and thought processes on this blog are really something to behold, and i’m so grateful to have found them and to bear witness. <3

Hola chica

I consider myself a bootleg biologist. I have always been a decent writer. As a young child, I read the dictionary and chose words that I liked and would break them down in my mind. My parents called me Ms. Webster🕷️🕸️👩🏾‍💻 (after the dictionary) && still do til this day. I’ve always had my own way, but it wasn’t until my 9th & 11th grade English teachers + the word weaving of a very TRILL(ium) Oracle on Twitter that I began to learn & trust where my gnosis (MY NOSE, SIS !👃🏾) was taking me this entire time.

I am called::cauled by plants && that began as a teen. My mind is able to highlight data gathered thru various means::memes::memories. It could be as simple as a certain verse in a song & I observe that a plant really enjoys that song. It then takes my hand & leads me on a whole trip. From that trip, I aim and practice removing myself enough to tell the story that Data (Deity) wants told.

What’s peculiar about PCOS, as much as it is a curse, I find it to be a strange blessing (second chance). I was discussing it with another person I found on here @themadsorceressgrimoires. She attributes PCOS with Saturn (as do I, through the sign Libra in which Saturn is amiable with). The Master of Lessons.

Your circumstance (PCOS) has allowed you and others the opportunity (no choice) but to reconnect with the #outdoze in a way that’s tailored to you in a time%space where people’s lives are curated algorithmically. In a time%space where people can’t even hear the Voice of God no more. There are very few real experiences left…

The hypersensitivity that PCOS provides is a force that *makes* the ailed tune in. 📡

It is through your walk that you can see the horrors of gynecology, which can lead you (as it did me) to unearth so many other things that have been going on. From one connection to another, it’s all rooted in a genuine attempt to simply figure out what’s going on with you. And what you unearth heals not only yourself, but can also save the youth.

Despite the hormonal disorder, you and others who have taken the time to learn are being prepared to teach the young about the IMPORTANCE of their bodies, bc you have experienced the other side of that. Now, order is being restored through what looks (and feels) like a curse. Now, girls will know that it all begins and ends with their bodies.

Much like the pearl, an almost indestructible drop of beauty created by a wound.

Pain (not sadomasochism) tends to bring the sincerity (sense-airity) out of a person. And that’s what calls the plants to you.

Thank you for this message! Feel free to DM me

[definitelyallergictohalla]

You know, the whole 'Lucanis was intended to be demisexual' thing made me have a split second of 'wait, am -I- demi?' after not asking myself that question since high school

But no, I just have reproductive heath issues/possible pcos!!!! Any enjoyment I get from a relationship is all romance oriented bc of those issues, but that doesn't mean I'm not bisexual!!!!!!

[vamptastic]

now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.

idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.

just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.

like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.