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ectonurites · 4 years ago

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can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998.

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him.

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin.

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...)

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time.

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right.

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

#Anonymous

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cosmicmoved · 4 years ago

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FORMAL INTRODUCTION FOR KITAHARA KOJIRO

hi, for some bizarre reason unbeknownst to even me, this muse has been like half a year in the making (actually, it’s been 5 months but that’s close enough for to still feel shame), but he’s finally here. the ““ evil ”” witch oc! witch man who does murders! whatever you want to know him as! anyway, from now on you just know him as kojiro or koj bc that’s his name <3 please look under the read more link for more info! (WARNING: the following will touch on darker themes like death, murder and, to a lesser extent, abuse. this is a heavy character so please keep that in mind if you ever wish to interact!)

BASIC FACTS

firstly, this oc is mostly connected to tsukidate sho, my witch detective oc. the connection mostly lies in the fact they’re both witches who interact with crime/murder in some capacity but their families are also close.

his name is kitahara kojiro ( 北原浩二郎 ), known as either kojiro or koji by those around him. i haven’t decided his exact birthday yet but he was born in 1990 and is approx. 31 years old. (i understand this is ‘older’ by tumblr rp standards but, by normal people standards, early 30s is still relatively young so basically, if u make old ppl jokes, i will bite u)

technically speaking, kitahara is his father’s surname but he never really knew his father and was raised by a single mother. however, his mother made the choice of raising him with his father’s name in an attempt to distance the pair from her own family. i’ll explain why that is the case in the backstory section of this post.

kojiro is a witch. he’s not involved in any broader witching community nor does his being a witch have much bearing on his professional life but he is a talented witch, despite being trained only by his mother. what he DOES use his magic for, however, is to cause a lot of problems.

oh yeah, he’s also cursed. and he kills people. because he’s cursed. again, i’ll explain this in more detail further in the post but it’s kind of an important fact. he was cursed to die at twenty years old and he’s still alive eleven years later because the only way to hold off death is to kill other people <3 omg that’s awkward

in his normal everyday life, kojiro works as a cake decorator and does photography on the side too. he’s a creative person and tbh he developed a lot of stupid hobbies in his teens, thanks to the belief he was gonna die by the end of them, so he ended up making a living out of what he liked. he also didn’t go to uni because he didn’t see the point because, again, he thought he’d be dead by 20 and then, when he wasn’t, he stopped caring.

it’s also important to note that he, uh, doesn’t give off murderer vibes at all. he’s friendly and sociable (and not in the ‘this guy’s definitely a weirdo’ way).

i kept calling him ‘evil witch oc’ while i was working on him but, as i’ve said before, i think that’s actually a little too simple and i wouldn’t actually call him evil. he’s NOT a good person but i don’t think evil is the right word for him either. he doesn’t believe he’s a good person either but he’s learned to justify his own actions as a means of survival. kojiro doesn’t enjoy killing people, he doesn’t take any pleasure from the act of murder, but he’s also relatively calm about it too. since he doesn’t have to do it on a super regular basis, he prefers to target shitty people and esp corrupt witches in positions of authority (not really in a self-righteous way, more just because they piss him off). he has specific personal reasons for this.

he has a pretty intense fear of death. you think he’d be over it, having spent his whole life knowing he was meant to die early, but the ability to push his death back sort of flipped some switch in his head and, over the years, he went from quiet apprehension to paranoid obsession.

why is this muse 30 years old? firstly, because i want him to be. that would probably be enough but also his age actually IS important. the vibe i’m going for with this muse is, as i’ve said like once before, is what happens to the hero of the story after they complete their quest? what if that quest doesn’t go as planned? kojiro’s quest was to hunt down the demon associated with his curse. that’s his original ‘story’. what i want to explore here is the aftermath of that, what happens after the weight of the quest comes crashing down on the hero and they return to normal, everyday life where they’re forced to shoulder it as though it’s nothing. a decade after his initial story, he’s worn out. he’s not the same person he was at the start.

BACKSTORY

this isn’t going to be written in a super formal or tidy way because i honestly just can’t be bothered turning this into a proper piece of decent writing. this is only going to be in paragraph form because i don’t like putting backstories into bullet points unless it’s super brief.

kojiro was born in 1990 as the first (and only) child of his unmarried mother (as yet unnamed) when she was just nineteen years old. she was raised in a strict and traditional witching family so the fact that she’d had this child out of wedlock AND that the father wasn’t a witch didn’t exactly land well. regardless, they let her stay in the family home but it would soon turn out that the child was cursed. according to a member of tsukidate family (i.e; sho’s family who, as i said before, are on good terms with kojiro’s family and who are also knowledgeable in the realm of curses), the curse determined that the child would die on the day of his twentieth birthday unless he was able to kill the demon associated with the curse.

as if the judgement from her own family wasn’t enough, the curse brought with it a lot of stigma from the witching community and so his mother made the decision to leave home by herself when kojiro was a year old. all she could afford was a small, one bedroom apartment but, so long as she and her son had a roof over their heads, anything was good enough. kojiro would live a relatively normal life, going to school with other children his age and away from other witches, but his mother would teach him what she knew. although she wanted to him to live as easily as possible, she felt she had to prepare him for his inevitable encounter with the demon. kojiro grew up knowing about the curse too. there was no way to keep it a secret --- even if weren’t cruel to hide it from him, the curse had left a visible mark on him (still working out the details of what this looks like and where on his body it is but it basically looks like a tattoo to most people).

when kojiro turns eighteen, he decides he’s old enough to face this demon and claim control of his own life (maybe i’ll write this as an actual drabble / piece of writing one day bc i’m reeeally brushing over it here). it had been trapped by his family and forced to lie dormant until kojiro would arrive to take it down. what the demon reveals to him, however, changes everything. there is no cure to this curse, the demon tells him, everything he was told is a lie. the curse, it turns out, has tied the demon to him and the only way to kill the demon is for kojiro to die along with it. the reveal is this: when kojiro born, they took him from his mother for a short time. i want to emphasise that her family are pretty shitty people because they decided this would be the perfect opportunity both to punish her and to solve a very specific problem -- getting rid of this demon. the same member of the tsukidate who ‘diagnosed’ the curse was the one who put it on kojiro. i’ll explain the actual curse and story behind it (and the demon) in more detail at a later date but the basic gist of it is that kojiro’s family lied to him and used him as a disposable means to an end. his mother, for the record, was entirely unaware of this. but what else does the demon tell him? although the curse cannot be lifted, it can be held off. this demon thrives off death and, through death, it can stay strong and continue to keep kojiro alive. if it grows weak and it is not sustained, kojiro will grow weak along with it and inevitably die. kojiro informs the demon that he will not kill anybody. that is out of the question.

a month before his twentieth birthday, kojiro kills a man. he had tried to forget about everything the demon had said, tried to forget that his own family had set him up for guaranteed destruction, but it hadn’t been easy. it had set him on edge and he’d become unstable. he’d fallen into a slump and his friends grew worried for him. yet, after a while, he came to accept it and tried to make peace with his life as it was. he put it to the back of his mind as best he could. but he’d discovered that the man his mother had been seeing over the past few years since he’d moved out to live on his own was abusive. so he killed him. everything the demon had told him risen to the surface and he’d asked himself does it matter if this guy dies instead of me? after all, kojiro was curious. he didn’t really want to die and he had wondered if the demon was telling the truth. to this day, kojiro doesn’t know what to believe but it’s much too late for all that now. he followed his mother’s boyfriend home and broke his neck in a dark alleyway. thanks to the magic he’d been taught growing up, he was able to ensure that nobody every traced him to the accident and, when the clock struck midnight on his twentieth birthday, kojiro broke down crying with relief.

he wasn’t dead. he still isn’t dead. he’d never wanted to die. over the years, the killing has gotten a lot easier. over the years, the answer to that question comes much quicker; if somebody has to die, why should it be me?

#« 𝐍𝐎 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 (ᴋᴏᴊɪʀᴏ) » / 「 headcanon. 」#blood //#FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #anyway this might.....idk this might suck i literally cannot tell #i can't write shit w/horror elements bc i'm like 'oooh nooo what if ppl think i'm being Edgy'#but backstory and murder aside....he really isn't an edgy character #the lore also needs work but i'll talk about that in more detail later #this post is literally long enough as is

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raysofcrosby · 5 years ago

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LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 10

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵��𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥, 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦." ━ 𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧 𝐟𝐭. 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭, 𝐈 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: just angst tbh

word count: 5,850 [again of un proofread material sorry lmao]

authors note: [quick sidenote: if you want to make this sad af, then listen to heal by tom odell here bc that’s what i did when writing lmao.] omg yay part 10 finally! when this posts i’ll still be at work, but i’m so happy that i was able to get this out to you guys today! this series is coming to an end soon and honestly i’m sad about it bc idk what the hell i’m gonna do once it’s over lmao. for everyone who reblogs, likes and even reads this series– thank you from the bottom of my heart. i enjoy reading everyone’s tags and messages and it makes me happy and want to write even more when i see how much you guys enjoy the series. i hope this part is good enough bc part 11 is coming up and well...we’ll see what happens :)

Two days after the incident in the training room, finals week had wrapped up, Kennedy had already gone home to celebrate an early Christmas with her parents before joining you in Victoria, campus closed down and you had found yourself displaced. Originally, pre-Typocalypse...you were supposed to stay with Jamie and Katie, then all fly back together after the game tonight. But those plans had since changed since Jamie was obviously still not talking to you. Kennedy offered you to come and stay with her, but you were already stealing her for Christmas, you didn't want to intrude on the few days her and her parents got to spend together for the Holidays. Before you could even think about booking a hotel for the next few days, Big Rig offered you his guest room and the two of you have been temporary roommates ever since.

It was a great set up, honestly. Since you were still obligated to be at team practices, the two of you drove there together and left afterward. He was like the big shield that protected you from Jamie's glares and Tyler's horrible attempts at trying to please Jamie by not looking at you. When they went on their Florida series, Dave offered you a chance to go since you were on break, but you turned it down and made a joke about how if you went to Florida you might not come back. Instead, you relaxed on Big Rig's couch, thought about going to see Tyler's dogs and switched between binging 'You' and 'Fuller House' on Netflix.

But today was the day that you would be handing John the paperwork for your internship that he needed to sign and handover. Just things saying that your timesheet was correct, signing off and typing up a letter about how you did. The practice before they left for Florida, actually the same day he had offered you a spot on the trip, was when you broke the news to him that you wouldn't finish out the season with them. Of course, he probably had some kind of inkling as to the reasons why. You always thought that girls were the worst when it came to gossip, but it turns out grown men are a lot worse. But he was kind and never asked for the specifics and respected your decision not to continue and just told you to give him the paperwork whenever you could and that he'd fill it out for you. He also commented on how good of a job you did and that if you ever changed your mind, they'd welcome you back without a second thought.

And that's what you told Katie when the two of you went out to an early dinner before heading to the arena for the game. But now, as the two of you were in your uber and headed towards the arena, the daunting task of having to actually hand over your paperwork weighed heavy on your heart. Katie had invited you along to dinner and you thought that it was probably her way of reaching out to you since your brother was failing to do so, but you didn't mind. You really liked Katie and she was like the other big sister you never had. To your surprise though, the two of you didn't talk much about what had happened between you, Tyler and Jamie. Instead, she focused on your senior year, where you were applying to jobs and how life in L.A. had been treating her.

But now you were itching to get her opinion on the matter, because if there was anyone besides you who was closer to Jamie in this city and had the insight of his thoughts– it was her. When the two of you stepped out of the Uber and made your way through security to get to the back hallway, you broke the silence on the matter.

"Did you know?" You blurted out as the two of you bypassed security. She turned to you with a generic expression. "Did you know before he...found out?"

"I mean, I kind of had a feeling something was going on," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Just even during the few times I was down here and we all went downtown. The two of you had never really been as close or hung out too often before and I just noticed all of the little things that boys are too oblivious to see."

"Yeah, maybe going out together was a bad idea. Maybe this whole damn thing was a bad idea," you sighed, clutching the manilla folder close to you.

"I don't think it was a bad idea, I just think that you and Tyler approached it wrong. You guys should've been a little more upfront and honest with Jamie. He still might have been angry, but it would have been a lot better than the alternative."

You nodded, accepting her cold truth as the two of you made your way through the parking garage and towards the hallway entrance. "Has he reached out to you yet?"

"Jamie or Tyler?"

"Both, I guess."

You shook your head, pushing back the pain that came with the thought of the two guys you cared for most, ignoring you. "Not even an in-person acknowledgment."

"I've been talking to them both, trying to get them to see the sense of it all. I told Jamie he needs to talk to you before this gets any worse...but you know how he is."

"Yeah, I do," you nodded, opening the door and stepping into the hallway. You looked down the right towards the training room and took a deep breath. "Well, I guess this is it."

"I can come with you if you want? Give you a little moral support?"

"Thanks, but I need to do this on my own," you took a deep breath and nodded, giving yourself a little encouragement. "I'll see you at home in a few hours?"

"Longest plane ride of our lives," she joked, hugging you before turning towards the elevator. "Oh, one more thing about you and Tyler!"

"Yeah?" You asked, giving her a hopeful, but sad look.

"It wasn't just the physical things I noticed, like the small touches." She shrugged her shoulders and gave you a small smile. "But it was just how different the two of you seemed. You were a lot happier and open and Tyler...he was a lot calmer and genuinely happy. I think the two of you are very good together."

You didn't know what to say, but instead gave her a thankful smile and watched her get into the elevator to head up to the upper level. It hurt your heart, to think about how your relationship had changed the two of you for the better and yet here you guys were– avoiding each other at all costs. You brushed those thoughts aside and walked down the hallway. You needed to give Dave your paperwork, but there was something else you needed to do first.

You knocked on to the locker room door, hearing a voice on the other side. You covered your eyes with one hand and pushed the door open, stepping into the room. "Is everyone in here decent?"

"It's just me and Dobby, Y/N," Klinger said, laughing. "So yes, open your eyes."

You uncovered your eyes to see the two men sitting in their respectful stalls. "Where's everyone else?"

"Training room, on the bench or playing footy," Dobby said, standing up. "You okay?"

You nodded, walking over towards Big Rig's stall and holding up your purse. "Big Rig just asked me to bring something for him, he forgot it at the apartment."

They nodded and Dobby walked out of the door, Klinger stopping while holding it open. "Do you think you can tape me today?"

You felt a crushing feeling inside of you because he had no clue that you weren't here to work...but instead to quit. "If no one's busy." You smiled, as he nodded in reply before leaving the locker room.

You took a deep breath and sighed before walking away from Big Rig's stall and over to Tyler's. You dug into your purse and pulled out his house key, which was attached to the '#1 labrador mom' keychain he had given you, and placed it right in the middle of his stall. You've been meaning to give it back to him since everything crumbled, but you just haven't had the courage to face him since the day of he and Jamie's explosion. Plus, you were flying home to Victoria tonight and there would be no better time than the present to give him back the gift. Now, you had to do the one thing that you came here for– turn in your hour sheet, along with some other internship paperwork, to John. You had talked to him earlier in the week about deciding not to finish out the season, and you had to admit that you felt honored that he was upset that you were choosing not to continue. For the first time in a while, it made you feel like you had accomplished something here and that your work was appreciated. But the hardest part wasn't telling him that you were quitting, it was turning in your paperwork for him.

You stood outside of the training room door, contemplating whether or not to call Katie and tell her that you had changed your mind, that you'd love for her to walk into the room with you so you could walk right back out. But then you thought back on all of your conversations with Big Rig since Kennedy left and how, in her absence, he's been more than willing to lend an ear and even give you some advice and boost up your confidence. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling and then opening your eyes again. "I can do this." You gave yourself a few more seconds before bringing your shoulders back, lifting your chin and pushing the door open, walking into the training room like you owned the place.

"Y/N!" Pavs cheered, throwing his fists into the air. "You're finally here! I've been waiting for you to come and tape my ankle for me, for like...ever!"

"Sorry for being late," you replied, looking immediately in John's direction to see him walking over to his desk. "I just need to–"

"And you're out of your uniform?" Dickinson scoffed, walking by you. "What are they teaching you at this fancy college?"

"Yeah Y/N, you're not on winter break yet. No, relax!" Rads chimed in as the rest of the guys just laughed.

You rolled your eyes at their chirping but kept the smile on your face because you were glad that things seemed to have rolled over when it came down to the tension whenever you, Tyler and Jamie were all in the same room. This was ringing true because the three of you were in the same room at this very moment. Tyler was sitting down by Big Rig, stealing a resistance band from him to work on his shoulder, while Jamie was lying on a table in front of John's desk, getting his hamstring scraped by Craig. Neither of them looked as tense as they had in the last week, but they still weren't paying any attention to you. Well, you thought they weren't until you caught Tyler looking away from you the moment you went to say something to Big Rig about his bands. He played it off, looking immediately to his right, probably not realizing he'd be staring at a blank wall– but you were over it all, so it didn't bother you one bit.

"Is this the paperwork we talked about?" Dave asked, finally sitting down at his chair and tossing a towel on his desk.

You walked forward with the manilla folder in hand and held it up, giving him a tight-lipped smile. "Yep, this is it. Sorry I couldn't get it to you sooner. It took a while to get together since Finals ended and everything is hectic."

You held it out to him and he grabbed it from you, placing it onto his desk and opening it, skimming through the pages and nodding. "Can I get this to you after you come back from break?"

"Absolutely. There's no need to rush," you looked off to see Big Rig giving you a supportive look. He was the only one in the room besides Dave, that knew just what those papers were for. "Just as long as it's before graduation."

"Y/N!" Miro said, rushing into the room and out of breath. "You're here! Please tape me, you're the only one who can."

"Looks like you're stuck with just Craig and me, Miro," Dave said, closing the folder and standing up from his chair. "You guys must have chased her away. She's finished with her internship and decided not to extend for the full season."

That non-existent tension that you mentioned earlier, sprung it's ugly head back into the room the moment that his announcement left his lips. Both Jamie and Tyler perked up at what Dave had said, both surprised and even had a split moment where they looked at each other. Though of course, they had no clue of your decision, so shock and confusion were along the lines of what you expected them to feel. You made eye contact with Jamie first and you couldn't exactly pinpoint just what he was feeling since three separate emotions ran across his face: shock, disappointment and finally, joy. When you acknowledged him back, he opened his mouth slightly as if he might just say something, but instead bit the inside of his cheek and rested his head back down onto his forearms as Craig continued to scrap him. Tyler on the other hand only had two visible emotions: sad and extremely pissed. And if it wasn't for the fact that his eyes carried hints of sadness, you'd only think he was extremely pissed, seeing as the scowl on his face and his knitted eyebrows were the key symbols of his anger. Rightfully, you were confused at his reaction. How could he even be bothered to be angry about your choice when he hasn't talked to you in nearly two weeks?

Screw him, he has no right to be angry.

You turned your attention away from him and started to make your way back to the training room door. "Well, shit, who the hell is going to deal with my shin problem now?" Big Rig said, clearing out the silence in the room.

Bishop laughed as well a few other guys who were still left in the training room before walking away from your desk and over to you. "You're 27 years old, figure it out, you dweeb!" He came to a stop in front of you and hugged you. "Good luck with the rest of your senior year. I hope you'll still come around."

"Eh, maybe I will," you joked, pulling away from the hug and giving the guys a small wave. "Good luck tonight guys. Someone fight Tkachuk or I'll disown you as my team and switch to the Canucks."

Your joke was followed by multiple groans and mumbles, in reply to your goodbye and to the fact that you were leaving their training room forever. Once the conversation returned to normal, you took that as your time to slip out of the training room unnoticed and back out into the hallway. The moment you stared down the empty hallway, you took a deep breath and felt as if a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You, Kennedy and Big Rig had made yourself a checklist of things to do before the year came to an end and you came back from winter break.

The first? Talk to Dave and give him the paperwork to wrap up your internship.

The second? Somehow repair your relationship with Jamie, which has yet to even have an outlined plan.

And the third? ...Close things off with Tyler on a positive note. He was a friend way before he was a hookup and he's your brother's best friend. Just because the two of you had relations, doesn't mean you couldn't still be friends.

You weren't one to lie to yourself. You knew that the last one probably wouldn't happen before the end of the year, if at all. Confronting Tyler was terrifying to you. Sure, you've planned everything that you wanted to say to him– it's been boiling inside of you for days. But there was never a moment that presented itself to where you could get Tyler alone, and you no longer felt comfortable just showing up at his place. So, you just pushed it onto the backburner and knew that somewhere down the road, you'd be able to accept that things would be like this from here on out– avoiding each other and pretending like nothing ever happened.

"Y/N, wait!" Halfway down the hallway, you stopped in your tracks as you listened to the sound of a door closing and shoes scuffing along the floor.

You didn't want to turn around, hell, you didn't even want to stop. But it was like your body turned against you the moment that you heard his voice. His footsteps came to a stop just behind you and you could hear him panting a little, trying to catch his breath. In his hand, you heard the slight jingle of a single key on a lanyard, and your heart squeezed in your chest.

"You can't do this. You can't leave!" The anger in his voice took you by surprise, just like his reaction only moments ago in the training room had. "You can't let me stop you from keeping this internship."

"Excuse me?" You scoffed, whipping around and feeling pure adrenaline running through your veins. "That's awfully narcissistic of you."

He looked taken back as he held tightly onto the lanyard he'd gifted you. "That's why you're leaving, though. Because of...everything?" He took a step towards you, shaking his head. "If it is I–"

Maybe it was the way he had phrased the sentence or maybe it was the way that he had pretty much just written off every moment the two of you had shared in a hesitant state. Whatever it was, you felt a whirl of anger and adrenaline swirling around inside of you as you clenched your fists by your side. "I completed my hours, Tyler, meaning my internship is done. I've fulfilled my duties as an intern here and even if it was about you and 'everything'," you threw your air quotes as you stared at him, your eyes hoping to burn holes into his head. "My position here was never permanent and we both knew that."

You felt slightly proud of yourself for the sly insinuation you threw in at him, and even more so proud when you saw that he understood just what you were implying. "Y/N listen, we need to talk."

Even if you wanted to, you couldn't have prevented the laugh that escaped from your mouth. "You've had almost two weeks to 'talk', Tyler. Two weeks to send me a text or a phone call to meet up someplace! But now that I'm leaving and I'll no longer be around for your convenience, it's the perfect time to talk?"

He stood there silent because he knew damn well that you were right. He had plenty of opportunities in the last two weeks to reach out to you, but he hadn't even bothered to pick up the phone and there was no denying it. You stood there, taking him in and it only made you feel worse. He had a hurt look on his face like he was lost as to what you wanted him to say or to do– and that only made you angrier. It was simple, what you wanted him to do. For the last two weeks, all you've wanted was for him to just talk to you, to let you know that he hadn't tossed you aside like another pointless hookup. But now, all you wanted to do was get everything off of your chest, and it was then that you realized...the universe was granting you the alone time you've desperately wanted.

"You don't get it, do you?" You asked, shaking your head as you felt a knot tighten in your throat. "You don't get how...how embarrassed I am! Do you know how many people told me to avoid getting involved with you? That you'd do nothing but end up hurting me in the end?"

"'He has a reputation for a reason, Y/N!' 'All he does is whore around Dallas, Y/N.' 'You guys are in two different stages of life, it won't work out.'" You laughed again, trying your damndest not to try. "I've heard it all, Tyler. From Kennedy, from your teammates, from kids at my school, hell– I even heard it from my mom!"

You bit the inside of your cheek as you looked off to your left, giving yourself a few seconds to compose your thoughts before looking at him again. "But I brushed their worries aside because I saw a side of you that they never got the chance to. I saw how kind and sweet you were with me. How you'd jump at any opportunity to help me study and how you always made me feel welcome in your home."

"I saw it all and I thought, 'hey, you know what? They're all wrong. He's not that kid in Boston and he's not the same guy he was when he first got to Dallas.'" You pointed at him before letting your hand drop back to your side. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I know people can change and with my whole heart, I believed that you had."

He continued to stare at you, almost void of emotion now as if he had put up a wall and was just letting you scream at it, which only made you more upset. "I understand that you could have lost your best friend, I really do. And I'd never ask you to put our, whatever the hell we had, above your friendship with Jamie."

Your bottom lip trembled as you thought about the nights since, where you've checked your phone every minute to see if he had texted you. "But you could have texted me. You could've said 'hey, I just need some space right now to figure stuff out' and I would have been fine with that! Instead, you just...tossed me aside and shut me out."

The more that you spoke, the more weightless you began to feel. It was as if speaking every word and feeling you had saved for Tyler was freeing you of the pain that him dropping you like nothing, had caused. Yet, you couldn't help but feel angry at how he was just standing there. You wanted a reaction, you wanted him to apologize– anything was better than this.

"Say something! Stop standing there and staring at me!" You yelled, feeling surprised at yourself for just how high your voice had gone and echoed off of the walls.

You watched his Adam's apple bob as his fingers tangled and twirled through the lanyard."Jamie and I... we've been talking and I think it's going well."

"Well that's great for you, isn't it?" You scoffed, shaking your head and motioning towards him with a hand. "At least my brother is talking to someone, right? Better you than me, I guess. I'm happy you got your best friend back, I truly am."

The longer you stood there, the more you felt your body begin to shake from the pure adrenaline running through you. And the more that he just stared at you, the more you felt your heart breaking because it was starting to become clear that you were the only one who was hurting from all of this. You laughed in disbelief at your revelation before turning away from him, preparing to walk down the aisle and out of his view.

"Why?" You asked, keeping your back turned. "Why did you do it?"

"...Why did I do, what?"

You turned around, your hair whipping into your face before you brushed it back with your fingers. "Why did you go back to Maisy?" Your voice cracked as you spoke softly, staring at him with the tears that were threatening to spill. "Why did you treat me like I was the most important person to you and then toss me aside like I was just another pointless hookup?"

"Y/N..."

"Did you even care? Wait, no, of course, you didn't and would you like to know how I know that, Tyler?" You stared at him, expecting an answer but knowing you wouldn't get one. "Because you practically rushed me out of your house and into an uber like I was nothing. You couldn't even be bothered to make sure I got home okay! The first sign of trouble and you toss me into an uber, sent me away and then ignored me like every..."

Your voice broke as you brought a hand to your mouth and turned away from him. You took a deep breath, trying to calm down your racing heart before looking back at him. "You ignored me like every moment we spent together meant nothing to you. And m-maybe they did but to me? They're some of the best memories I've had here in Dallas."

"So imagine how it made me feel, when my brother of all people, tells me that she's here...in your seats, not even four days after you had sex with me and tossed me aside." You glared at him as your bottom lip trembled once again. "You made me look like a joke Tyler."

"It wasn't like that, okay? Maisy was just–"

"I don't care what it was like, Tyler! She was here, in seats YOU bought her last season!" You yelled, throwing your arms in the air. "You told me that you guys were over! That you haven't talked to her since July and yet, there she was!"

The moment you felt the first tear glide down your cheek, you knew that you only had moments before you would burst into tears. You went to speak and a small sob escaped from the back of your throat. Tyler went into a small panic, his eyes widening as he stepped forward and reached out for you. "Y/N–"

"Don't," You stepped back, smacking his hand away. "Don't touch me, just...don't." You closed your eyes, focusing on your breathing and collecting your thoughts before opening them and looking at him one last time. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt Tyler, but it turns out everyone was right."

You laughed again, shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head. "You're still that 19-year-old kid in Boston, who doesn't have a clue about what he wants for his life...you're nowhere near the man I thought you were." You looked him dead in the eyes, not caring about the tears running down your face. "Grow up."

With that, you turned your back to him and started to finish your journey down the hall and to the elevator, choosing to ignore how his footsteps followed you. "Y/N, wait...please."

You stopped, this time choosing to and kept your head down towards the ground and holding back your sobs. "SEGGY WHERE ARE YOU? GET DRESSED, WE'VE GOT 5 MINUTES TILL WARM-UPS!" Big Rig called out, his loud voice echoing down the hall.

You expected to hear Tyler's footprints walk in the opposite direction, but you were met with silence. "Y/N, stay after the game, please? I just," he sighed, trying to figure out what to say. "We really need to talk about everything and just...please wait for me after the game? Five minutes, two minutes, one minute– whatever you want, I don't care. Just...please, let me explain?"

"SEGGY LET'S GO!" Rads called out this time, his voice louder as you kept your back to Tyler.

You heard him sigh again before listening to his footsteps run in the direction back towards the locker room. You didn't hesitate to walk as fast as you could to the elevator, letting out every tear and sob your body had held back as he pleaded for a chance to explain. It was all you wanted from him, an explanation, but he was too late. You weren't staying for the game, you were leaving the arena and hopping onto a flight to Victoria in two hours.

You just didn't have the heart to tell him that.

You were grateful for the elevator attendant who stayed silent your entire ride up to the upper level. Before the doors opened, you took a deep breath and wiped your eyes, fixing yourself up before you'd make your way through the crowds and out of the arena. The attendant gave you a friendly smile as you walked out of the elevator. As soon as the doors closed and you made your way through the crowds, you spotted Paisley turning away from the drink cart ahead of you and you were desperate for the crowd to swallow you up before she could witness you in all of your misery.

Unfortunately for you, the universe wasn't so kind because as soon as she looked up from her purse, her eyes locked on yours and she smiled and waved at you. You froze in place, probably bothering the fans trying to make their way around you as you watched in horror, Paisley coming towards you.

"Y/N, hi!" She smiled, just as cheery as the first time you met her, which again, made it so hard to dislike her. "What are you doing up here? I thought you were down in the training room and stuff?"

"How did you know that?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Cole," she scoffed, rolling her eyes before taking a sip of her beer, which was another shock because you took her for a wine kind of girl. "He complained about it and Tyler Seguin and some dude named Big Rig? But I don't understand why because like, your job sounds really cool!"

"Well, it was pretty cool, but I finished up my internship, so I won't be here much longer." You replied, stuffing your hands awkwardly into your sweatshirt pockets.

She looked at you, her eyes taking in your appearance and lingering on your face for much longer than you'd like them to. "Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."

There were a lot of things you wanted to do right now and talking to the girl your boyfriend cheated on you with, was not on the list. But she was being so nice to you and after the horrible moment you just had with Tyler, you needed a little positivity right now. "I kind of just maybe...broke up with someone? I mean we weren't a thing, but we kind of were and it's just...it's a whole hot mess." You sighed, shaking your head and brushing it off. "It doesn't matter anymore."

She gasped, bringing her drink to her chest and grabbing onto your wrist with her free hand as she leaned in. "You broke up with Tyler? But why? You guys seemed so happy whenever I saw you out downtown. Even when I saw you walking around campus, you just looked so...happy."

"It's complicated."

She shook her head, sighing and taking a long sip of her wine. "I guess it is true then, men are shit. College guy or NHL player." She must have seen the shocked look on your face because she shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, I dumped Cole's ass. Sometime after you left the ABC party. He's just an asshole! And I'm sorry about everything...I never knew and I feel horrible about it."

"It's okay, he really was an asshole." You laughed, feeling a small flutter of happiness rush through you for the first time in what felt like forever. As she joined you in laughter, you dug your phone out of your back pocket and smiled. "What's your number? Maybe we can hang out after break?"

"Oh my God, yes!" She squealed, taking your phone from your hands and bringing her own out. "And I'll add you on snap and Instagram, too! Honestly, you and Kennedy seem like the coolest girls and I've always wanted to be friends with you since freshman year English lit, but we never really had classes together again."

"We can make plans for spring break maybe?" You suggested as the two of you added each other on social media before putting your phones away.

"Yes! We can plan it after break! Maybe you can even introduce me to a cute hockey boy?" She winked, nudging you playfully. "It seems to have worked out for Kennedy well."

You laughed again, nodding your head. "I know a few single guys, we'll see what we can do." You felt your phone vibrating and you brought it back out to see the notification about your uber being ten minutes out. "Oh shoot, I need to go and get my bags before my uber gets here. But I'll text you later?"

"Sure thing!" She nodded before turning to walk away. "Oh, and one more thing!"

"Yeah?"

"Don't count him out just yet, okay? As I said, I saw how he looked at you whenever I saw you guys downtown and if I know boys like I think I do...I'd say that boy loves you. And a boy in love doesn't give up that easily." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders before winking at you. "Just a thought."

You watched her disappear into the crowd, wondering what the hell just happened. When you made your way down the escalators and into the main lobby, you navigated your way towards the front office where Big Rig had asked the staff to hold your bags for you. Sneaking in and then out quickly, you grabbed the Stars 'staff' lanyard around your neck and stuffed it into your sweatshirt pockets before walking out of the arena doors with your luggage in hand and made your way to the spot where you'd meet your uber. As you stood there, waiting for your Uber to arrive, you thought about what she said. Out of curiosity, you brought your phone out of your back pocket again to see a new text on your screen...from Tyler.

'see you after the game?'

You went to reply to tell him the news, but your uber pulled up and you locked your phone and shoved it into your sweatshirt pocket along with the Dallas Stars lanyard.

You were leaving for Victoria, Tyler would go home to Toronto and there would be no waiting for him in the hallway after the game, giving him a chance to explain.

The damage was already done.

#tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin one shot #tyler seguin oneshot #tyler seguin writing #nhl imagine #nhl oneshot #nhl one shot #nhl writing #hockey imagine #hockey oneshot #hockey one shot #hockey writing #ldyk fic #my writing

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justlightthefirstspark · 5 years ago

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Utd vs City - FA Cup 4th round - Jan 25th 2020

Okay so this game was a little all over the place, I feel like everything just goes out the window on derby day. For real tho my blood pressure went through the roof this afternoon, I HATE derby day. Moving on.

‘10 - Cracking save from Earps. She was on her game today (except for towards the end, but we’ll get to that later on). She did have some great saves though

Today I learned that I’m not a massive fan of Ellen White. She’s very good, yes, so disagree with me if you must, but she seemed pretty intent on literally killing Abbie McManus for a little while there, and she nearly came through Hayley Ladd at one stage, so... yeah. I’m not really a fan. Just don’t think a striker needs to make as many sliding tackles as she did today 🤷🏽‍♀️

‘22 - Jackie meggsed Steph Houghton and I thought I was gonna die of joy. If that’s even a thing. Also, wish we could have made something from that but hey.

‘24 - Was a little choppy for a lot of the first half. Sigsworth had a glorious opportunity to open the scoring but unfortunately couldn’t make anything happen, and then Ross went kinda close, but it ended up creeping over the bar. City were definitely in charge at this point though, most of what United had was coming off the counter

‘30 - Goal, City. Abbie... bro. Personally, I never bought a ticket for the McManus hype train. And that’s why.

‘37 - Nailed on chance for United surely, ball in from Hanson I’m pretty sure, but Sigsworth just couldn’t get there

Half time: First half went pretty much as I expected it to, minus the goal if I’m being honest. McManus’ mistake was pretty stupid, and shortsighted, but what’s done is done. I do think that we need a new CB (at least one) in the summer, cause I haven’t been majorly impressed w McManus tbh. I much prefer the Turner x2 partnership at CB, but even then Amy can have a tendency to make some silly mistakes. (I’m sure Millie does too, I just haven’t seen those yet. They’re human, not robots, we all make mistakes!) I think Abbie, needs to be benched for a little while; move Amy back to CB w Millie, move Smith onto the right and bring Ökvist in on the left, and just let her develop and learn on the job. (Should Amy have to relinquish that RB spot, Smith should have it over Harris imo)

‘45 - No changes at the half, which was annoyingggggg. Also the male commentator (can’t remember his name, soz) kept making reference to the QF loss to Reading last season and I was not appreciative. Like, at all.

‘48 - Like for the majority of the first half, Zelem was sitting very deep in the Utd midfield. Was almost like a back 5 at times, w Zel sat just in front of Abbie and Millie. She was basically invisible during the first half due to this as well, little to no offensive action. I’m pretty sure that Ladd started sitting deeper to push Zelem up at some stage though

‘56 - Goal, City. This was game over for me (lol). I’m not really sure who I blame for this one, seen a lot of blame on Amy, but there was definitely a delayed reaction from Millie in there too, so I’d have to watch it back (which I don’t plan to tbh) to fully make up my mind, so I’m gonna blame them both. Seems only fair. 🤷🏽‍♀️

‘59 - James 🔁 Ross. An hour too late but I’ll take it. I’d have started James, without a doubt, but Casey said they were “managing her for the upcoming games”, also she kinda has a tendency to pick up yellows - through no fault of her own really though. Some other players just can’t deal with her strength on the ball so when they challenge her, they come off the worse and she gets in trouble. Riddle me that one 🧐

I also think we need a new striker in the summer, Ross just isn’t working. We need another game changer, another creative outlet like Lauren cause it’s massively unfair to rest that responsibility solely on the shoulders of an 18 year old.

‘60 - glorious shot from Hanson that just couldn’t make it. She really opened City up down the right side. To be honest it was a great save from Roebuck too

‘69 - GOAL; United. Remember when I said Lauren James should have started? Because Lauren James scored a super goal 10 mins after she came on the pitch. Lovely turn and shot, straight past the keeper. Game on, apparently.

‘69 - Arnot 🔁 Sigsworth. I think this was a good swap, even though it may not have been like for like. Jess was EVERYWHERE today, I genuinely don’t think there was an inch of the pitch she didn’t cover. She had a few decent chances, which any other day she probably would have put away but that’s the way it goes I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️ Honestly if we had any other options, I’d rest her more, but we don’t so... I do think it’s the right decision to sub her off around the hour mark if she’s gonna play this often though. She’s gonna burn out quick cause she’s doing way more than she needs/has to (because we have no bench and a lot of inexperience/players who just aren’t that good, so everyone is doing 47 jobs but shhhh)

‘72 - 👻 - Pure daylight robbery is the only way I can describe this. One of McManus or Arnot has the ball OVER the line, but it’s disallowed 🤦🏽‍♀️ (Before anyone comes for me claiming “salt” or whatever, there is nothing you can say to me that would change my mind. There’s videos from the stand that show the ball over the line, Ellie Roebuck’s body-language and position show her clearly fishing the ball out of the net, the reaction of all the players around the goal show that it went in - Utd players elated, and City’s dejected. Also Miss Ellen “I couldn’t really see. I wasn’t in the line of it” White can swing. She was 2 feet away and staring right at it.)

‘76 - Goal; City. Jill Scott floats it up and in , with a delayed reaction from Earps. She should have seen that one coming a mile off but I reckon it took a deflection (possibly off McManus’ shoulder?) cause her body movements completely changed - albeit just a fraction too late. Also, I have *no idea* what Amy was doing in the box there, I just know that I don’t ever wanna see whatever that was ever again. Flailing around on the ground like a literal fish out of water. Not good.

‘87 - GOAL; United. Well, own goal; Hemp. But I’ll take it. Thought for a second it was Houghton but she was too busy feigning a foul 🤷🏽‍♀️

‘90 - I’ll be honest, I had to stop watching here cause I couldn’t take it. There was like, a year’s worth of added time bc of two injuries to City players but nothing of note happened during this time so I have nothing to say.

All in all, I think our entire back line had an off day today.

Abbie, imo she’s our main defensive weak link. I’d say a solid 70% of City’s chances came down our right side due to this. I’d have to go back and rewatch every game from the start of the season to pick out specific instances, but there can be a bit of hesitancy and airiness to her game sometimes, it doesn’t always seem like she thinks before she does. And she (well, all of them do it really) plays it back way more than is healthy for my stress levels.

Millie gets the benefit of the doubt from me today cause she very rarely has off days, but she was very quiet today.

Amy, has some extent of the benefit of the doubt cause she’s not a RB/FB by nature, she’s had to change her game a bit, but she was not great today (see previous point about the right side of our defence)

I actually think Kirsty Smith was the best of the 4, her service to Hanson on the left was excellent.

We really, really missed Galton down the left though, so I hope she’s back for Wednesday! Lauren needs to start vs Chelsea too, and against Reading tbh but we’ll worry about that one later.

Also, as a little side note, I have to say I really enjoyed Jayne Ludlow’s commentary this afternoon! I know she did the Utd/Spurs reverse fixture in October, and I’m sure she’s done a few more, but I’d like to hear a lot more of her (or really, anyone else who knows the game as well as she does, or in a similar capacity). She, obviously, knows the game really well, and I thought her analysis and opinions were really interesting to listen to.

#i don’t think this is as good as the last one but it’s fine #still tho pls be nice if you read 😇#manchester united women #muwfc #my writing

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diaryofanormalkid · 6 years ago

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Today at work was nice ☺️

So aside from my hurt leg (knee and ankle), it was a decent day. People-wise though, not coworker wise. And time went by fast so I was glad.

Through the day, my leg was feeling better by the hour. Like I was even walking more normally. Pretty sure half my coworkers didn’t even notice I was injured.

Had it not been for me telling them, they probably wouldn’t have noticed. But I’m sooo glad it’s feeling better. I was thinking I wouldn’t feel this good until maybe Thursday.

So anyways, today at work I saw my short crush and my American Dragon crush and my ***work husband*** I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE I saw him today!!! He doesn’t work Mondays 😁

I also saw short guy 🙄 and then his coworker who he trained who I’ll give you some background info on later probably. It was a very... interesting day.

Short crush

I got to see him twice today! They were both the briefest of moments though, and he didn’t really pay me as much attention as I’d like! ☹️😩

The first time he was leaving from the seating area of the cafetaria. I was sanitizing my hands at the dispenser and my body happened to be facing the direction he was coming from.

So I spotted him and smiled, and he looked at me, but for some reason today I didn’t hold eye contact with him for long at all. And now that I think about it, that probably has to do with why he didn’t give me too much attention today.

💔😬 yikes. I think he thought I was annoyed/in a mood today so he was giving me my space. ‘Cause the second time he came, when I spotted him he was closer but didn’t say/do anything.

He was at the cash register and I believe he saw me from where I was standing but decided against looking up, purposely. I was like “okay, that’s fine 😭.” And minded my business.

But I know for sure he saw me before I looked over at him the second time because I was in his line of sight. So next time, I’m gonna be more friendly, because that probably turned him off.

I’m not bugging, it just kinda hurt a little when the attention wasn’t reciprocated because he usually isn’t the one out of all my crushes to avoid making any gesture/eye contact.

American Dragon Crush

So today he came in a little after my shift started and at first he was super quiet, to the point where I didn’t even know he came in until a little while after.

Once I went nearby his area, that’s when I took the opportunity to greet him and using his name. I’m not sure, but I don’t think I use his name while greeting him often? So it felt weird.

But good weird. And immediately after I had used his name while greeting him, he did the same and I kinda felt my heart melt a tiny bit because that typically happens when my crushes use my name.

Then for a lot of the shift he was bothering by calling my name and I kept like half blushing. I had it under control, but half the time I didn’t care enough to hide my smile so 🤷🏾‍♀️

One time I was going back and forth getting stock items and looking for things and I just so happen to be passing by him all of those times. So then he eventually asks:

“Why do you keep going back and forth?” And I mumbled I needed to get stuff to him, because he was busy serving a customer anyways so I figured he probably wouldn’t need to hear me.

And then I was going on my break another time, so I was signing out and he kept asking me questions. He asked, “can I see your hair?” And then pulled a braid.

Then he asked, “How much was it? $120 right? How much to do a guy’s hair like that?” And as much as I very well knew he was kidding, I still answered back “the same amount.”

He kept talking to me trying to make the conversation last as long as possible. And I was like flattered but also I was like “okay I’m going on break now!” Just to warn him.

I was enjoying his company too though. So when I was leaving, he was in our mini-room where we kept our schedule and coats and whatnot.

As I was leaving, I was like pulling the door and I said “here, you stay there.” Trying to lock him in the room just to flirt or whateva 👀😬😌 not that I *cough* know how to flirt.

So eventually I let him out and then I signed out and he was still trying to talk to me as I walked off for break but I was ignoring him and pretending I couldn’t hear him lol.

Also during that time, he made the randomest comment about playing basketball and “getting all the girls” or something and I laughed because it was just super telling of what he was thinking about 👀🙄

While I was on break, my Apple music was on my Top 25 most played songs playlist and the song it went to was “Electric” by Alina Baraz ft. Khalid which is such an intense romance song?

Romance is not the right word, but sexy doesn’t really fit it for me either? So idk whatever the word is for the song, if you find it and also happen to read this and listen to the song, then pls reply the word!

But anyways, when that song of ALL songs came on during my break, I couldn’t but be in my feels about my all crushes! I was just in the zone, unbothered. So, going forward:

The recurring joke for the day between us was him, my coworker and I all asking the other person “what’s up?” In which I respond “the ceiling/the sky.” But usually “the ceiling.”

That’s actually my go to response with any person who asks me that, but today I tried it on him even though I’ve tried it on him before but today he wanted to be extra about it lol.

So he kept asking me that today only to get the same response every single time. When I passed him one time, he was calling my name repetitively while asking the question.

And my other coworker who was in on the joke was standing close by, so I told her, “yo can you tell him to stop bothering me and calling my name,” even though I didn’t care.

I actually liked it, but he didn’t need to know that. So fast forward a little later, the workplace was a little on the quiet side because a couple of my coworkers had left.

It was still busy, but only on occasion. It wasn’t like rush hour time or anything. Every now and then I would look up and peep he was looking at me. Or it’d be vice versa and he’d look up.

OR we both would look at each other at the same time but super briefly and then look away! And it’s such a nice feeling to know someone who you ~kinda~ like also likes you!

And I am also just surprised at my responses to him looking at me or being caught looking at him are not more alarmed than this. Like, I’m such a nervous person?

Crushes and the sort make me a hundred billion times more anxious than I already am so the fact that I don’t respond nervously to him in that way is... shocking!

By the end of the shift now, since I was on cash, I went to the back to start counting cash. And then he came around the corner to... honestly I don’t even know what.

To watch? To linger? Like he literally had no reason to be where I was tbh, so IK that was just another excuse to be in my company! Which I didn’t mind at all!

While he was there, he was asking me why I’m so tall... again! He always ask me that implying like “why are you taller than ME?” Or “if only I was a little taller...” in his mind.

Because I think he realizes since he’s shorter than me, I’m kinda like not interested enough. That sounds so shallow, but like he’s too short. Because I’m only like maximum 5’7”.

Even if he’s only an inch or two shorter than me, for a guy that’s just too short. And lowkey that’s just a dealbreaker for me. So that’s why I don’t take this crush too seriously 😟

Little does he know that his age is also a deal breaker too. LOL like I think he thinks if he was taller, that would fix all the dealbreakers between us but oh no honey, that’s not it.

I think he’s like a year and a bit younger than me, but it’s enough to be like a bit difference for me! I’ve always preferred older guys because *mature* hello, so going younger would just be backwards lol.

There’s a looot more serious things where those came from, so don’t think I’m shallow as heck or anything for like not wanting a serious relationship with him because of those.

He’s cute or whateva, but it stops there. Like I’m good luv. But ANYWAYS, him being short was not where I was going with telling my story. Moving on:

He was lingering while I was in the back counting my till, and he was like “must be in your genes” [my height]. And then I nodded and he brought up my mom is tall too.

She is only about an inch or so taller than me. But yeah, I guess if that’s tall to him? So I was like yeah, I guess. And then he was like “how tall is your dad?” And I said “6’3”” so he’s like “woahhh.”

And I was like, “yeah, but you should see my brother. He’s 6’6”, past my dad’s height.” And he was like “what? Now I’m so shy about my height.” Which lol is so cute bc I think he meant insecure?! 😂

So then he goes, “my mom is tiny, she’s like here on me,” gesturing to his shoulder. Which, he’s not wrong! His mom is TINY. So I agreed, and was like, “aww, yeah you’re right she’s so little.”

I asked him how tall his dad was and he was like “my dad’s shorter than me!” I wasn’t even surprised by that, he outgrew his parents thankfully but he’s still short for me lol.

He was like, “when we go out, ppl think we’re brothers.” And I laughed. Height was implied because I bet he definitely didn’t mean age- wise since we weren’t talking about that.

Anyways wherever the conversation left off, I don’t remember so that’s how my day went with him!

Work husband

This little entry is so underwhelming because nothing really happened but I’m still gonna write it because I’m surprised I even saw him today to begin with!

I usually only ever see him on Saturdays so when I peeped him in his turquoise blue uniform I took a double take and couldn’t believe my eyes!

He was walking all the way down the hall and I was staring awfully too hard to try to make out if it was him. I was on the phone though so I think that partly just made me seem preoccupied.

Gratefully he was far away, like I said, so I doubt he saw me staring. As he got closer, I was too scared to look in his direction so I shifted my body so that I wasn’t facing his direction.

As I was on the phone, I was trying to look for him when he passes by just to make sure it was him but I am like 90% sure it was him because there’s no one of his exact features and build here.

He passes by super quick and I was really sad because I wanted to see him for longer but I was leaving. Sucks that I only got to see him when I was going home.

I’m just glad I got to see him in general though! It was a kind of off day afterwards because I couldn’t stand my two coworkers who also happen to be siblings.

Whenever they happen to work together, it’s for the worst because they never do anything. They’re always sitting down/doing the bare minimum.

If there was anyone that deserved to be sitting down today, it would be me because I’M the one that is injured! Smh, they’re so pathetic and worthless.

And I think I did more work than both of them combined today. Not that that’s anything short of the norm, that’s to be expected tbh. I was gonna do my task regardless.

Otherwise I would’ve been suuuper bored the whole shift. Because I’m not one to strike up a convo with them because they’re my least favourite coworkers, in that section anways.

Like I can tolerate them, but I definitely don’t like them. And I’m sure as hell not going to try to talk to them if I don’t even like them. It’s pointless. I think the feelings are partially mutual.

Or at least, we’re just indifferent towards each other. And I have my own agenda I can tend to rather than try to become best friends with the managers kids... lol.

Like gross. How are you gonna have your kids work here and be the laziest ppl here? That is full on taking advantage of the system. And I’m pretty sure they get paid more than most ppl.

And they don’t even work enough hours to get paid more than half the people who they’re getting paid more than... so isn’t that like illegal or something?

If it’s true, I feel sorry for them almost. They’re spoiled and will never truly know what hard work is. Seems they’ve just been handed majority of the things they have.

Like literally today the son walked back from break and was wearing AirPods. So I was like, “you have AirPods too?” Not even out of envy or anything, just because another coworker does too.

And her and I were discussing how if I were to have them, I’d probably lose them so easily so it’s actually my choice not to invest in any. Like I am not envious that other ppl have them because I don’t want them.

But anyways, back to the managers son at work, he goes “oh yeah.” And I just smiled and shook my head at him because like duh, he WOULD have AirPods, what do you expect?

But yeah, so today I was just super annoyed at them both literally being okay with sitting around and doing nothing while I do 80% of the work because they’re used to it.

Like how are you okay with letting an injured girl the work for you while you do nothing? Sounds familiar! their mom works SOOO hard, has two jobs (maybe more) from what I know.

The son and older daughter have nice cars, their dad has a motorcycle and I’m SURE when the youngest daughter is ready to drive, she’s gonna have a car WAITING for her at their driveway.

I’m trying to be objective and think do I sound envious right now? Because I am not envious, at least I don’t think I am? I just am annoyed at how privileged they are but they don’t even do any work.

And they can get away with it too because it’s not like I can just call out the managers kids? Ones my age though, that’s the thing. It’s the son, and it’s a damn shame. Like do better?

The younger daughter just started working there and she lowkey does a better job than him at everything. She’s had her fair share of mistakes, we all have, but c’mon now.

How are you gonna let your little sister who’s younger than you by almost 4 years outlaws your own skills working at a minimum wage job?

Like I don’t even know how long he’s been working here, but I am just... so over him. I can’t wait until he quits already. He’s so useless sometimes, like I can’t.

I think some of the times he’s actually eventually intentionally set me up/sabotaged me for my shifts when I come in after him. It’s actually so messed up to think about.

But I automatically jump to worst case scenarios once it comes down to him and his family just because that’s... what it has come down to unfortunately.

I don’t know what they think of me exactly but I know how I’ve been treated by them and I’ll never give them the benefit of the doubt after they’ve been okay with how they treat me so..

Anyways lemme stop ranting on this post before I let all this negativity outweigh all the good that happened today. To end it off, I’d like to say:

I’m glad American Dragon Crush and my other coworker were there today to keep me sane because I really would’ve been in the worst mood all day if it hadn’t been for them.

American Dragon crush really did lift up my spirits so much. Like, I don’t know if he realizes how much he did today. I was in such a bad mood before he came when I think back now.

As for my other coworker, she’s always so friendly. Like thank God for her. She’s an angel sometimes. I don’t know how much I could tolerate this job in general if it weren’t for her.

Also shoutout to my mom for coming down to see me a couple times today. Every time she saw me, all she had to do was look at my face and she knew exactly what was wrong.

Why and who too! LOL. After worked we talked about it allll today, and she wasn’t surprised. Never is. With those two siblings, it’s always the same thing.

But she really kept me sane today too, even if I only got to see her for a little bit each time. Thank God for them all ☺️

#dang this turned out so much longer than i expected #i didn’t talk about short guy but quite frankly i don’t even want to #this is long enough to begin with #dear diary #diary #personal.#personal #crush #crushes #short crush #american dragon crush #tall blond handsome crush #coworkers #work husband #work #coworker

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littlecafe · 3 years ago

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my suband thoughts pt. 2

(me trying to make this post for the 3rd time now) i realized i wrote like a 10 page dissertation instead and i refuse to post all that so i’m just going to copy over a few and keep the rest in drafts for when i want to reference them later

i will include results and elimination spoilers in this post so if you want to avoid those then don’t read this one...i try to keep things spoiler free but i just. have things to say about the results specific to round 2 :-)

jtbc finally striking down accounts on twitter and instagram for posting suband content....i think tumblr is safe bc this website is dead so i’ll continue posting i guess??? they haven’t done anything to that one youtube that’s been posting all the performance videos too so who knows

should i start with more contestant based random thoughts first

i was scammed by jtbc teaser editor bc they used a clip of jeongho “singing” into the mic in their preview and i waited 2 whole episodes (his team performed last in round 2) for me to find out it was a autotuned mic and a vocoder HELP MEEEE SAKJFDSKF at that point literally i could only laugh

but he plays contrabass? he actually majored in contrabass? or maybe that was his old major, he’s still in school atm since wonsang said they go to the same one but he had educational training on it which is really cool

wait a minute......now that i think about it, that same teaser clip also spoiled the result of yeji winning bc they showed us that she was sitting in the waiting room during eliminations even though they haven’t performed yet (which means we knew her team won AND they already showed us all the matchups before so we also knew who she beat) WHO WAS EDITING THIS LMAO and it wasn’t even a accidental leak like she was sitting in the background, it was literally her reaction as the main focus and everything omg

hwang inkyu hello??? he’s movning’s bassist and he has a combined total of maybe 3 lines of airtime so far i wish he’d speak more bc i was so scared he’d get his ass kicked off the show bc he wouldn’t have been able to make a lasting impression but thank god hwanglin picked him up and seems like he’s going to be moving on with his team in the next round too (good for them the stage was so good i wanted to post it but haven’t yet..)

i used to really like movning’s music but their music direction went into a style i don’t listen to much so i haven’t checked into them recently, tbh i didn’t even know they auditioned until i looked at the full list of contestants later because their stage was cut out and only inkyu made it in

park dawool and hwang hyunjo both have galaxy brains and i would trust them with my life - yea i will not elaborate much because this post is already long even after i shortened it bc i talk too much but hyunjo making entire ppt slides? to present her theories and ideas? yea she’s absolutely ready for everything, for real she’s carrying her teams to victory

leenzy’s 2nd round team was so strong that i thought she got to pick really early (since they showed us all the team formations before airing the actual performances with the behinds for pickings and stuff) but she was actually the 2nd to last pair?? so all that’s left is her > the guy she chose to be her opponent, and then the poor guy that gets to pick from the remaining 6 or so and the final team of the ones unchosen

i was really shocked to find out no one wanted nakyung and ahkyung when i thought they were some of the best :-( i really still can’t tell if the mixing of male and female was a good idea esp since it was so skewed male in the first place ugh in round 2 it seems like the girls are getting shafted???

out of the 6 girls (that can be picked since 3 are frontmen!), 3 of them were not picked up until basically the very end when you don’t really have many choices left...nakyung (guitar), ahkyung (drums), and sujin (vocals)...and they’re all really good?? sujin ended up on the second to last team (basically the last team if we’re being honest since the actual last team is sadly the band of leftovers) and i just don’t understand why they weren’t picked up earlier...i can understand sometimes vocalists can get shafted because the show starts out with a loooot of vocalists so it’s hard to find a place for all of them but guitar? drums? u can definitely pick them...there’s literally only 7 or so drummers to begin with and one has been glued to crackshot the entire time

before the season started i was already terrified that the girls might get shafted because jtbc didn’t want girls auditioning in the first place but it was fine in the first round but now the second round made me think about that again.....it’s worse when they spin the whole “yes!! all girl band!! girl power!!!” when the reality was they weren’t picked up this whole time. annoying.

but this blame has to be shouldered by jtbc bc they wanted to keep it all boys but bc of public reactions (rightfully so) they decided to let female contestants audition but then it turned out that they barely pass any female contestants so it’s still terrible?!! i’ll just write this up that teams are still trying to figure themselves out and work with different people for now....maybe i’m just worried for nothing

not to absolutely curse myself but i think most of my favorites might make it at least to round 4 and i feel like a decent amount will make it to semis so haha /knock on wood but i really hope this stays true...i just need nokdu to continue taking care of hyunsang and make city pop bops together because the judges seem to like that so far

i’m just worried about demian....the judges keep saying he’s improved so much but why do i feel like they will cut him as soon as they need to eliminate more people.....i’m not as worried about round 3 (unless his team falls on their face) but round 4 is where i’m really scared...it’s the last round before the real deal and in season 1 the round 4 eliminations hurt so bad...they cut like 9 people or something

i mean he has his own career as a soloist so he doesn’t need a band like some of the other contestants but i think he really enjoys being in a team with others, honestly i don’t even know if his company would allow for him to be in a side band? even if he were to make it? like mone made it but all their members had solo careers and with the rose and woosung having problems it must be way they just decided to stop after the show unlike the other semis teams purple rain, lucy (they did have a vocalist change since joohyuk stayed with his current band gift), aftermoon (but i guess their dj dropped out i don’t know what happend with dpole??), and of course the winners hoppipolla all continued making music together under the same name

honestly if he makes it past the judges i don’t even know if the public would vote for him, atm his popularity with the public seems nonexistent? lol but to be fair, for most contestants it’s like that, but i do wish he’d become more popular

actually should i be more worried for haeun...she plays classic guitar and usually they don’t like classic leaning instruments but she showed she can sing so i hope she gets to stay

there’s danny too but i think i have given up on him making it until the end, the only way is if he manages to stay on teams that win so he’ll never be up for elimination but i feel like they’re out to get him TT_TT

but i’ve condensed my solid favorites to just demian, yeji, haeun, and jeongho...maybe i’ll pick a 5th eventually but i still like everyone i put in my first post! i really want hyunsang to make it far though bc the vibraphone brings me so much joy so he can be honorary 5th for now

about eliminations though, right now the judges have eliminated less than last season which is odd for jtbc because i feel they keep to their formats almost exactly so now i’m just ?????? if there’s still more people currently....what is going to happen? are they going to make the judges cut more during rounds 3 and 4? or they trying to equalize the semifinals teams since last year some teams had 4 people while others had 5? are they going to do the unthinkable and give us more rounds or semifinal teams? (i wish) anyways kinda scared to see what round 3 eliminations bring now...

the actual eliminations have been mostly as expected for me, still sad but i guess since i sensed it coming it became more a feeling of like “it couldn’t be helped” and also early eliminations hurt less in general because you had less time to get to know the contestants which is why i’d rather they just eliminate now than later if they were going to do it anyways like pls spare me the pain (but this is selfish and contestants probably want to stay as long as possible)

one surprising one was ludi??? he’s a dj but he’s literally done nothing wrong so far i was just wtf??!! when they eliminated him like it felt out of nowhere.....i feel like djs have so much potential on this show because of all the sounds they have access too but i guess the judges aren’t found of edm noise

also demian nation we rise at dawn, when he said “i’m not okay” like- this song really meant a lot to him too i hate thisssss

PLS I JUST WANT HIM TO WIN ONCE SO BADLY but next time, thanks to kfans detective work on the teaser, it looks like junseo (the smol piano child) picked him and jeongho to be on his team (maybe there’s a 4th member too??) and i am putting my faith into that team now pls help my winless boys

the fact that jeongho is winless is almost funny to me because it’s also obvious he’s a judges favorite but i mean that doesn’t translate to wins just i’m pretty sure he’ll make it to the end regardless (like bohoon the vocalist of purple rain lost all 3 /technically all 4/ rounds and still made it), he plays bass and no bassist has ever been eliminated on the show yet so cheers to that

round 4 was special since they switched over to a number format and no band versus band i don’t remember if the team with the top points were immune to elimination or not (or maybe just an unwritten rule bc why the heck would you do that to them after giving them the best score) but the rest of the teams were fair game - which is exactly why this elimination round is the scariest and not good for my heart especially after i had spent weeks watching them sing and have fun..........

ok now to complain about the judges AGAIN: why are the judges thoughts on what they want in a band so damn similar anyway?

i mentioned this in my first post already about how i dislike the judging atmosphere

but now i actually see it...in the numbers...like s1 there was a bit more taste diversity within the judges but now i feel like i’m seeing a lot of 4:1 or 5:0 scores so i went to see the breakdown out of the 15 stages we had so far

5:0 score - 6

4:1 score - 7

3:2 score - 2

compared to s1 (out of 14 only because they edited out one pair of battles completely so we never knew their score...)

5:0 score - 2

4:1 score - 6

3:2 score - 6

looking at that...it makes me feel sad....especially in the early 2 rounds it must be demoralizing to keep getting met with 5:0 loss and to be very honest and in s1 the number of 5:0 did increase in round 3 but that was when more teams started to figure themselves out so it makes sense that some would start pulling ahead

i’m really tired of listening to the judges agreeing with each other all the time, it makes it seem like the vision they have for the band was already set from day 1 unlike in s1 where everyone went in with no expectations because it was a brand new program, zero expectations, zero fans, just some kids wanting to make music and that’s what it should be like....music shouldn’t be limiting like this, the judges seem a little closed minded and now i’m 100% sure they have certain band styles in mind (i don’t know if it’s the judges only or if it’s jtbc producers too that’s causing this)

and i see other ifans saying this exact same thing on twitter now too so it’s not just me that picked up on this so safe to say we can’t all be extremely sensitive right

like the contradictory comments -

dongheon’s 2nd round team was told their original song was great and lovely but they brought nothing new to the table and that it was too standard, “just like any other rock/rock ballad song” when i thought the leenzy’s team (the one they went up against) also had a pretty standard? pop rock song? absolutely nothing wrong with it either, even the judges said that the song was not complicated at all but complimented them on their “band feel” so i guess as long as they enjoyed the vibe of the team and it suited the type of band style they have in mind it’s suddenly fine to make a simple song

i’m not saying her song was worse than his (i enjoyed both and seeing original songs performed make me very happy), i’m just a little confused at the judges comments for them both especially when one performed after the other, you really don’t see the bias in your words?

dawool was told his song composition in the first stage was a little too...nuanced(?) and that they wish he could just keep thing simpler even though he thought he toned down already and kept things simple, so round 2 he decided to just work with someone that makes mainstream music (davii) to fulfil what the judges want

seulong’s 2nd round team decided to go heavier on the instrumental side because they figured they didn’t want to go head to head with one of the favorite vocalists of the show (sorry yeji, ur my queen but ur also the judges’ queen too :---( ) but got criticized for a similar reason...yoo heeyeol saying that their composition was “fun for the brain” but if he were thinking about the general public he doesn’t think they would like this type of music, literally saying that the general public do not have the music knowledge or brain capacity to understand all the skill based playing going on musically and so won’t enjoy it because it wouldn’t appeal to their hearts................(ok sure call us dumb it’s true but won’t appeal to our hearts? music can sound intricate and fun? we can enjoy some funky strings guitar riffs without actually knowing all the details ya know)

they also kept telling them (seulong’s team) “oh i loved this” “i wish there was a band like this” “very cool” and gave them no votes??? if you wish a band like this exist then why? would? you? not? vote? for them??? like i can’t tell if those were consolation comments or what

man judges rant ended up being long asf and i’m usually not affected by them and what they say but i was already feeling an odd vibe from the beginning and now seeing 5:0 after 5:0 after 5:0 really did it for me

overall, a not very fun post to read through it’s just more ranting than anything....i’m dying for a big pop off performance so i can successfully gauge the public opinion so far but i’ll refrain from posting my guess until at least the end of round 3, also i believe the team vibe usually outweighs solo popularity but we don’t know any teams yet (at least i can’t guess anyone yet like i could in s1) so we will still have to see!!

i’m pretty sure only i would look and read through these long ass posts of mine lol but if anyone makes it this far i hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings and see you in my suband thoughts pt.3

#me: copy over a few / the read more in question: still 50 pages long WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #i will just blame the pictures to elongating this post sajkhdsf #abbreviating so this post hopefully won't be in anyone's tags i hate tumblr tagging system #this is literally just me ranting about the judges for half of the post #i'm usually indifferent towards judging panel but compared to s1 this year's is soooo off lmao i hate it actually #tea talks

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dirt-goth · 7 years ago

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answer all the numbers

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moonraccoon-exe · 8 years ago

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Supportive Clarus

I was thinking about that supportive Clarus in Gladnis AU post and I’ve tried to come up with more headcanons like

Tbh Clarus could tell there would be a connection the moment baby Gladio met baby Ignis and first thing he did was hold his hands out to put his palms on baby Ignis’ eyes, thing that baby Gladio did to stuff he found to be specially pretty; he just hadn’t understood what kind of connection until they came to this (that is if they met as babies, I’m not sure when they met).

At first Clarus feels a bit awkward because of who his son is dating, not because it’s about a guy but because it’s a guy he personally works with- he’s office co-worker to his son’s partner, so it feels a bit strange.

Ignis tries very hard not to show it, but Clarus notices everytime the young adviser is a bit troubled by sitting and walking normally. So that makes Clarus very awkward for the rest of the day. Very.

Not that Ignis is bad at hiding it; Clarus just has a very perceptive eye.

I just hope they’re using protection...

First time Ignis has dinner with the Amicitia, Clarus personally cooks and Ignis feels a bit upset and in panic he’s not in the kitchen too.

“Gladio, I’m the guest, your boyfriend, and I theorically work for him. I should be making him happy and comfortable, not him serving me.”

“Iggy that doesn’t make sense.”

Ignis shows himself specially quiet during that dinner: he gets awkward because he deeply cares about the impression he’s leaving there so if I speak too much he will think I am troubles; if I don’t speak more he will think I’m personally upset in this situation. Do I eat more slowly or faster? Is it an insult if I pick my food from left to right? Omg. What do I do. What do I say. Gladio help me.

Clarus is quiet too, but tries really hard (awkwardly, but he really does try) to earn some conversation with him.

Iris ends up saving the day and making it the less awkward as possible for both sides.

After dinner Gladio goes to drop Ignis at his apartment and after thanking him he’s like “Also, I didn’t expect that you’d tell your dad what my favorite meal is. He did perfect, but it wasn’t necessary.”

Gladio smiles at him and kisses his eye like “I didn’t tell him.”

Ignis is puzzled because “Was it Iris? Does she even know?”

“Iggy, you’re adorable but a bit dumb. He knows himself.”

Ignis is flustered and instantly blushing mad in the face because he’s in the realization that his father-in-law may seem quiet, dry and maybe even distant at times, but he cares for Ignis far more than he really does show.

Indeed he’s so moved that second dinner with the Amicitia is faaar more comfortable bc he just relaxes; the man makes him feel he’s in family, so there’s more conversation and laughter this time.

First time Clarus called Ignis by “son” he got all awkward by remembering he was Gladio’s boyfriend.

“It’s okay, son. I meAN IGNIS. I mean...Scientia. Ignis. Son. As in...it was a nickname. I do not...uhm...never mind. I’m sorry, Ignis.”

Ignis understands it was just a nickname, but also understands Clarus second-interpreted it as “son-in-law” as if it was about a married couple, and that’s why he got awkward. “It’s fine, Mr. Amicitia.”

Clarus gets to know Ignis so well without noticing that he is who suggests most what to gift him at random times.

“Look, a cooking book. Ignis would like that. You should but it and give it to him. Add it to the cart, I’ll pay.”

“I think this is Ignis’ size. It seems to be his style. Do you think he’ll like it? Add it to the cart, I’ll pay.”

“The other day I saw Ignis using his phone...it seemed a bit outdated. We could get him a new one.”

“Ignis likes this magazine. Take two.”

“Dad, you buy more things for Ignis than you ever buy for me or Iris.”

“That’s not true.”

It totally is true. The man silently adores Ignis to levels not even he understands or notices himself.

Clarus forever changes the coffee brand he’s used to in his house for Ebony.

“Ignis likes it, doesn’t he? We should have some in case he visits.”

Except all the things he does for Ignis’ wellbeing and happiness stay all in the dark. Clarus is not one to brag about or explicitly recall on “it’s Ebony, by the way”. He will just serve the damn coffee.

Ignis ackowledges all the nice things Clarus does for him, though. He, as silently, is grateful for it.

After a couple years of relationship, Clarus deals with some comments at the Citadel of the sort: “Clarus, the thing between your son and Scientia’s has gone on for too long. Don’t you think it’s time to do something about it? Get in between, I mean. Talk them into understanding. I mean, prince Noctis is going to have a heir of his own one day...Gladiolus needs to drop a future Shield of the King, and Ignis a future adviser. They need of women.”

Clarus, usually polite and decent with his Citadel co workers, suddenly frowns at them and starts listing.

“First of all, women are human beings with emotions and aspirations, not baby delivery machines.

Second off, my son is more than just my last name. He’s my family, and a human being. He will spend his future with whoever he chooses to.

Last off, it would be idiotic of me to tell my son apart of Ignis. Ignis Scientia may not be perfect, but he’s a hard-working, mature and wonderful man, with a loyalty not found anywhere, and an intelligence that surpasses the average. He’s strong, smart and kind to ridiculous levels. He cares for the people he loves more than he cares for himself, and would gladly give his life for prince Noctis or king Regis. He may not be able to genetically give my son a kid of his own, but he doesn’t need that to make him the happiest man of Eos, and that’s all that matters.

If they decide to not leave any heirs to their titles, that is their choice to make, not ours. And if they ever do decide otherwise, and with Ignis as the wonderful human being that he is by his side, I would be the proudest, happiest grandparent in all of Eos to the Amicitia-Scientia without a single doubt.

I thank your worry, but I could not care less about it. Have a nice day gentlemen.”

Ignis had been on his way to deliver some papers to the other side of the building, and accidentally heard the starting of the conversation- stayed behind the door all over the rest.

Having heard it all, Ignis’ currently containing the tears and failing and he suddenly doesn’t care about his work and just runs to the training hall, interrupts Gladio’s training, and hugs him like the world’s about to end.

Gladio’s all puzzled because omg no, why are you crying, why are you crying so much, what do I do, what happened, Ignis who died.

Ignis won’t tell him until later because he just can’t speak: Clarus loves him more than Ignis thought. And I love him more than he knows, too.

One of the last things Clarus said to Ignis before the party left Insomnia was “Ignis, I will miss you dearly. Have fun, take care. And be aware that, whether you and my son stay together or not in a future, you will always be a son to me. Okay?”

That was one of the few times Ignis lost his sense of formality and just hugged the man who is his dad a million times more than his real dad has ever been.

Agh I love supportive Clarus SO MUCH. I think I just made a tiny fic of sorts rather than headcanons. Oh well. Still posting this because I love the fluff.

#i need more supportive clarus in my life #the man's gold #agh i love him #gladnis au #clarus amicitia #ignis scientia #gladiolus amicitia #gladnis #i also love awkward clarus for some reason #along with awkward ignis #lol an awkward mess #but filled of family love <3 #final fantasy xv #ffxv #chocobros

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thebootybitchdragon · 8 years ago

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So, first of all, I am super excited to have found somebody as excited about the clone as I am. I've been thinking about it a lot since Butch posted his video. But, I'm confused, because I thought this was ten years into the future? Wouldn't original Danny be older? Like 24 I think? Aside from that, you guys got some really good ideas about this character, and I've been laughing at some of the comments for a good few minutes.

AHHHH someone else who likes the clone!Welcome friend!!! 8) lmao, I was browsing the Phantom tag yesterday waswas so disheartened by how many people were irritable at all of thedesigns or downright kicking them to the curb. Which, isunderstandable, everyone has their tastes, and I agree that most ofthem are just…..Put Them Back embodiments, but it was still sad tosee so little interest in the Clone.

Because its such a good idea ripe withpotential, both for TUE levels of darkness and for hilariousscenarios. For once (ONCE) Butch has done okay by me.

And now to actually answer yourquestion, lmao: Yes, you are correct, the original concept was Vladfor ten years into the future, with a teenage Danny clone (I do admitthat’s super squick, like Vlad do you have no other hobbies besidesbeing fucking creepy? Go outside and play some tennis my dude.) sincethe video was a part 2 to the original Phantom concepts for the tenyear anniversary. However, at least in the ideas and concepts I’vebeen talking about and personally throwing around, I’ve gotten rid ofthe ten year span.

Because it literally doesn’t makesense.

I have contempt for the officialPhantom timeline bc its so inconsistent, but a majority of peoplehave it taking place over a two year time span, based on the twosummer episodes. (This is something I personally don’t agree with,but I have no evidence to argue it so I’m stuck like a petulantchild grumbling in the corner) and Vlad gives Valerie her gear in S1Ep10, Shades of Grey. I cannot recall if it was specifically statedin canon Vlad was using her to get Danny’s DNA, but I’m trustingthe wiki bc I really don’t want to endure re-watching Kindred Spiritsand D-Stabalized. If we assume that this had been Vlad’s goal fromthe start (something I disagree with and will touch more aboutbelow), that means that he’s been gathering Danny’s DNA for about ayear to two years if we estimate heavily with the nonsense timebetween the episodes.

In that time span, he figured out howto do the cloning, built the equipment, went through countlessprototypes to figure out all the bumps and snags, made severaldecently “functional” clones (Dani and the one he fucking murdersas a display), made the “perfect” one, and figured out exactlywhat he needed to stabilize an artificial hybrid of ghost and humanorigin.

In two years max.

It would not take him ten fuckin yearsto recreate a successful perfect clone. Even if everything wasdestroyed twice and he lost Valerie’s “assistance”. And thereason for that is because he already knows how. The hard part isdone. Once you know how to do something through so much trial anderror, you know what not to do and what you should do the nexttime around. Vlad doesn’t need to re-figure out how to make astable, perfect clone again, he can just get the equipment, the DNA,whatever and just do it.

Which he was most likely attemptingto already do in D-stabilized.

[Edit: I neglected to look on thewiki before writing this entire thing bc I was confident I know thematerial and apparently I need to get a reality check on my ego bc Iwas completely misremembering D-Stabalized. The fallowing should betaken with gratuitous lumps of salt bc I’m salty at this discoveryand also I haven’t changed anything in it.]

Why do you think hewas going after Dani? Why would he want that information of “Whyare you so stable?” if he wasn’t trying again? If he wasn’t at thepoint that he NEEDED to stabilize something? For future knowledge?Please. If Vlad was truly going to make another perfect clone, hewould not wait several months after loosing the first doing literallynothing but tormenting Danny and being an ass, nor until after he’sfigured out Dani. He was working on the Clone project for a long timeunder everyone’s noses in the first place, so who’s to say he wasn’tagain?

I’m saying Vlad wasliterally within inches of succeeding in D-stabalized. That healready had a second Clone ready to stabilize.

[Edit: I was incorrect in thinkingVlad only wanted Dani to learn why she’s stable, he wanted to use herto make another perfect clone. I was close, but not close enough. Iam still standing by my theory, however, canon can suck it. It’sstill at least feasible.]

Hartman suggestedin the video, as I’m sure you know, that the Clone (I call himDaniel bc there’s literally no way he’s not namedDaniel.) has some of Vlad in him. And this, my friend, melds so well with where canon dropped off.

Vlad wanted andattempted to stabilize the clones with Danny’s full DNA, probably soit would be 100% Danny, enough to the point he was willing to murderDani to figure her out/use her. However, after failing to get themid-morph from Danny (failure 1) and failing to get anything fromDani (failure 2), Vlad would be unlikely to try the same thingsagain. I would also like to think he’d also be unlikely to continuing to announce “OI I’M CLONEING YOU” to Danny, but it’sVlad so you never know.

He would be forcedto think of something else.

There is nothing incanon suggesting that Vlad couldn’t use his own mid-morph tostabalize a clone. He never brings it up, never explains why themid-morph is the critical link aside from the fact that it just is.There’s very little info about just how these clones are made, sothere’s no known rules to what could work and what wouldn’t. A possible reason this might not work is that it could function likebody parts or blood types, where you need a match in order for it tobe properly accepted. In that case, however, its just figuring outwhat you need to tweak in order to force an acceptance, somethingprobably made easier to do when you’re in control of the entiregenetic sequence you’re fiddling with.

This would not taketen years to do. None of it would. It would take at most, I think ayear. Maybe two, but that’s pushing it. I also have a theorythat Vlad was being so obtuse in Season 3 was to purposefullydistract Danny, but take that as you will.

This is all of myfancy way of explaining why my personal ideas are set so close to theactual canon and kicking that gross ten years to the curb.

As for my forgotten notion about why Idon’t think Vlad started cloning from Valerie’s beginning was becauseVlad was still mostly focused on Maddie up until Maternal Instincts,which occurs 6 episodes after Shades of Grey. Shades of Greyis only three episodes from Bitter Reunions as well.That’s a pretty small amount of time for someone still (reasonably)sane to go “I liked that kid, I want him to be my son. I shouldclone him.”

I’d also like to state that in the fourepisodes Vlad appears in before Kindred Spirits (not including TUE)but after Maternal Instincts, not once is his main goal Danny.Nor is it ever Maddie, either. Danny becomes a factor in MillionDollar Ghost, however his main goal is still stealing the portal. InReign Storm, he’s more inclined to use Danny than to try to make himhis son, bc again: his goal is the artifacts. In Secret Weapons, Vladisn’t even interested in Danny when he’s dropped in the middleof his lab. Tbh, I can’t for the life of me figure out what Vlad’sgoal was in the whole sibling battle thing, he really just fucked hisplans up himself in that one. In Masters of All Time, his goal wasthe cure, and again, had no problems using Danny as a pawn.

Kindred Spirits is the first place inthe entire series where we see the extent of how far he’s willing togo to get Danny to be his son. The first episode where it’s his maingoal.

I just realized how close MaoT andKinSpirits are, I wonder if Vlad triggered the Ectoacne flare workingwith the ectoplasm for the clones? Hmmm, interesting.

Anyway, the point is: Vlad kept hiscloning stuff a secret, but for how long remains a mystery. Mostlybecause there’s no point in time where it becomes obvious just howdesperate he is to have Danny. Is it when he saw an opportunity withValerie? Or is it after Danny ruins his attempts to get the Ring ofRage back from Pariah by blowing up the ectosuit so he was just like“Well fuck, now what do I do to keep myself busy?”

Getting back onto the topic of Cloneand Original Danny, there’s a second, lesser reason I’ve personallybumped the time skip, and that’s because there would be literallyZero conflict between a 14 year old and a 24 year old.

OlderDanny would kick his ass, trainingfrom Vlad be damned.

OlderDanny would also not be fazed asmuch as a younger Danny as his identity being perverted by a clone.This is because the age gap would automatically render them as beingtwo different people. OlderDanny would not see the clone as himself,at least not fully, because he’s already a mature adult. The clonecould not torment Danny with the fact that he’s him, that he’sstealing anything, that he’s threatening his notion of being andsense of self. Because OlderDanny has nothing to fear about a youngerversion of himself; he’s stronger, wiser, and different enough. Thedynamic simply doesn’t work. This is why Danny could be okay withDani: he doesn’t see himself in her. He doesn’t think of her as aclone, as the doppelganger. Because she’s a girl, she’s younger,she’s different. She isn’t him in his eyes.

With an identical copy, that’s notsomething you can avoid or ignore. Can’t deny that its not your facetwisting into that evil smirk that looks so wrong because itsfamiliar but not. Its you, but its not, and its uncomfortable,its an invasion of privacy, the ultimate identity theft. Its a personthat wears your face, sees with your eyes, speaks with your voice,thinks with your brain, and bleeds with your blood. And yet its notyou.

The closest thing Danny had to this wasDan. But Dan could be defeated. Dan could be made so that he neverexisted in the first place, completely avoided.

Daniel could not.

Daniel’s creation is out of Danny’scontrol, his existence never takes into account what Danny wants orcares, because its done at Vlad’s whims. And that’s the worstpart: the lack of control. To know that an identical yet completelywrong version of yourself exists against your will and you haveabsolutely no control over it is torture, especially for someone whoalready had cause to fear himself once before. Sure, Danny can fightDaniel, suck him up into a thermos, and maybe kick it into the ghostzone to try to be rid of him forever, but he would still existand he could always come back. Unlike Dan. And there’snothing Danny could do about it.

What even could be do? Try todestabilize him? Ask clockwork to erase him from existence? Lock himin a thermos and bury him deep in the ice caps? Kill him?

Would Danny truly be the person to tryany of those?

In other words, the closer Daniel is tobeing like Danny, the worse effect it would have. So its all aboutmaximizing that to get the full potential of the conflict. Dannyneeds a reason to see Daniel’s creation as the ultimate line crossed,the “This has gone too far” moment. Danny needs a reasonto not only despise, but fear his clone.

There are some….problems, with this,and I’ve already used them in my argument: the fact that it another you is too different, you stop seeing it as yourself. AndDaniel is not an identical copy. He has aspects of Vlad in him.There’s a very fine line to be walked, between Daniel being similarenough that it hurts Danny while being different enough to count as adifferent character. The design alone might already doom it. But fuckit, you people can pry my inverted skunk haired baby from my colddead hands.

I realize that this is a very longresponse, and very little of it pertains to what you asked. However,I hope you enjoyed my analysis and my explanation of my personalreasoning. This was a lot of fun to talk about (I can’t remember if Igot into some of the things in other asks or if I’m recalling themfrom a thing I was gonna post but hasn’t gotten to yet. If thereare repeat things, I’m sorry! My memory is v bad.) and I thank youfor the ask!

I also realize that a majority of thisask talks about making Daniel Danny’s worst enemy, which goes againstthe “They slowly become bed buds” ask I got earlier. I receivedthat ask before I really had any ideas of what to do with Daniel, andsince I’m loving this worst enemy idea, the conflict isunderstandable. The friend idea is still on the table tho! All itneeds now is a climax, a trigger, a turning point. Something thatchanges the dynamic to start that “I hate you, but not as much as Idid, and I kinda sorta enjoy your company a little bit.” ball a’rollin.

Fuck if I know what that is tho lmao

#Danny Phantom #Vlad Masters #Daniel Masters #Clone Danny #Long Post

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