#bc I have bills and meds to pay for
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Ranting for a second in the tags on this, don’t mind me
#of course the one social thing I have going on regularly is ruined by my shitty and inconsistent work schedule#like#I just want to play D&D with my friends#bc again#its the ONE SOCIAL THING I can actually engage in rn (both bc I’m sick and everything else is at least 45 minutes away)#and im sick of it#my mental health is kind of actually shit rn#and playing video games or watching YouTube or doing art can only help so much with that#and I just#HGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH#not only that#but they’re not even giving me consistent hours anymore#like dude I’ve expressed to you multiple times in written and spoken forms that I can’t not be full time#bc I have bills and meds to pay for#and comm work on the sidelines has not been enough to supplement my income#hell I haven’t gotten comms since like….. the summer of last year#and they weren’t even big comms#just one $20 one#which only furthers my point more#and I can’t pick up a second job bc they NEVER GIVE ME THE SAME DAYS OFF LIKE EVER#SO I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING#And honestly it just makes me wanna cry#bc I’ve devoted most of my time for the past 3 years to this stupid company#and they’re just flaky#the only thing they’re consistent at is being inconsistent
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being a sollux fan is suffering cant even check his tag w/o getting ersl as the first result😭😭 pissed me off so bad i actually blocked the artist sjdjsjjsjdsj
HELPPP i wish tumblr's filter content settings actually hid posts entirely instead of leaving it behind a wall. but i will say there were two fairly recent ersl interpretations that i found pree fresh, rlly gotta clown these charas for the funs
#ask#anon#mumblings#not sure if ive mentioned before but one of my earliest exposures to ersl was from a super old humanstuck slkt fic#its been 2yrs since i last read it so i may have misremembered the details and thereby fudge this description but#the premise had slkt being poor living together w karkat working his ASS off to the boneeee barely afloat providing for both him and sollux#they're dating but sollux was v mentally ill + extremely distraught and depressed after accidentally killing aradia in a car crash#he became confined to his room and when he wasnt bedridden he was physically and verbally lashing out at karkat. its heavy and upsetting#meanwhile karkat was churning multiple jobs just to sustain them - he's hurt stressed and in pain from losing the sollux he once knew#but he still insists on staying bc he cares abt sollux. then after a few months of this sollux's dad refused to keep paying for his meds ??#the bill was so expensive kaRKAT BROKE DOWN AND COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!! i forgot what happened immediately afterwards but#they split and sollux gets kicked out (?) while karkat slowly recovers from the sheer survival mode trauma of the whole experience.#then ~Timeskip to the future~ where karkat finds out sollux's mental health improved significantly.... & that he's happily dating eridan :D#UGH. cant help but laugh just thinking about it.#bcs iirc sollux explains to karkat how eridan is loaded asf and can easily afford all the necessary medications sollux needed to get better#thats how the fic concludes btw. karkat still alone with eridan suddenly getting inserted as sol's uber lucky rich bf benefactor#like gawdd. this is THE funniest possible way of adapting the “slkt lowblood vs ersl high/lowblood” dynamic to its closest human equivalent#i hope i didnt just hallucinate this whole thing pls i cannot for the life of me remember much other than that twist ending#decade-old darkfic demonstrating relationship between class poverty mental illness and the american healthcare system! still relevant today
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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I got a packet from the social security people I have to fill out and have sent back in--by mail--by the 26th. I got it on Friday. And I haven't looked at it til now, bc I was so stressed out about my dog being sick and i feel so overwhelmed. They want all my medical records from the last year, which I don't have, because I've only started keeping that stuff since I had my complete mental breakdown and she took me out of work. And there's so many pages and so much information they want. They have to nitpick my whole fucking life, before they can decide I deserve health. Being disabled in this country is a fucking nightmare. Instead of trying to hep, the just look for reasons to disqualify you. Because they don't want to help us; they just want us to go away
#america is a trashfire#i can't even leave my house alone#i literally have been in tears every time they call me#bc taking on the phone to strangers gives me that much anxiety#i can't function#i can't remember anything longer than a few seconds#i can't focus or concentrate on anything#i have to set alarms just to remind me to do things like eat or take meds#i forget to shower sometimes. others i'm too tired to bother#i literally went an entire week without showering recently. bc i didn't remember to do it#i am not well#and i just need help long enough to get well#but how am i supposed to get it? if they make you wait 200+ days just to hear if your claim is accepted#how am i supposed to survive until then?#I can't work bc i can't leave home with having panic attacks#i can't file for unemployment bc to do so you have to be actively looking for a job#and to get disability i have to prove that i can't work#i could probably work if i found a job i could do from home that payed enough to live off of#not to mention they want me to list any income from may-july#which i didn't make any working. but my brother lives me and gives me money to deposit for the bills#that are all in my name bc he hadn't established credit when we moved in. and my credit was better back then#bc i couldn't afford to leave home until i was 28. so my credit was literally based off my student loan payments#and they were pretty low bc i did the income based thing#i'm getting my parents to come help me with the paperwork#not bc i can't understand it. but bc i literally cannot remember something i read 30 seconds ago
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you guys... if you have the means to seek help for mental illness, please do it. it's not a waste of money I promise.
don't be like me, a person so riddled with anxiety and executive dysfunction that I cancel on job interviews just because I cannot fathom being perceived and judged by people I potentially have to work with for the next 10 years or so
#personal#cancelled a job interview today bc it was in a location i have ptsd from#which sucks cuz the environment looks great (through the website) and the job description is great too#but location give me ptsd so in the end i cannot even get up to change clothes bc of how f king scared i am#i wish i had money to get a legal diagnosis so ppl would stop calling me lazy and shit#but i have to save my money for my brother's and mum's medical bills bc they always have appts#i cant afford to get help for myself bc then who's gonna pay for theirs#i feel so bad too... my mum is so understanding letting me take my time to find a job#but then any f2f interview i get i panic and shut down and cancel it... like... why do i do that#for real guys if you're mentally unstable but can afford to get meds or therapy or anything JUST DO IT#i promise it'll be better for you in the long run
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kindof losing my mind bc uhhhh. how am i supposed to like. afford to live.
#i am going to whisper in the tags bc i feel odd about YELLING my bs into the void#i do not have a job yet largely due to physical and mental disabilities#but when i DO start searching for one its like. 90% of online job listings out there are ghost listings#basically none of them hire disabled people and i have disabilities that REQUIRE accommodations#my job search is significantly narrower bc of my disabilities theres a ton of shit i just straight up cannot do#and they all pay about 1 ball of lint & two quarters.#i live in california which thankfully is (relatively) safe for me to transition#but its also. California. which is. Expensive. to live in.#and i have medications i NEED to be a functioning person monthly#on top of taking T at some point#so like ummmmm. chat am i fucked!!!!!!!!!#i could leave california but where do i even go thatd be safe for me AND affordable#its just so hard to get motivated to be independent right now when like. im 18 years old and i can barely walk anymore#im grieving my physical ability at 18 years old#i should be doing that at 70#and everything costs So Much theres no fucking shot i find anywhere in california i could afford IF i can even FIND a fucking JOB I CAN DO#unless i wanna live with my mom forever (who is constantly wearing on my mental health and i DESPERATELY need some distance from)#or live in a literal closet for $2000 a month#what if i have to sacrifice my meds to pay rent i literally am not a functioning human without them so i 100% could not work while off them#idk shit looks so fucking bleak for everyone right now but being disabled makes it a hell of a lot worse#i used to be excited about being independent now i just kindof dread it. or it seems more like a pipe dream#i dont wanna live with my mom til im 25 yall#and transitioning is expensive. and my mom is not going to cover my medical bills lmfaoooo#and idk whats going on with my physical ability so im probably going to have to pay for more doctors appointments#and tests and TESTS AND TESTS#for possibly years#til they figure out what the fuck's wrong#just not excited to live in poverty bc i am a young person in america and basically every young person in america is living in poverty atm#and also not excited to live in a world where i walk with a cane at 18#original
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The universe can stop now. It can stop. I’ve had enough now, it can chill out. I’m good. It can stop.
#for god’s sake#i’m nine months pregnant#our new washing machcine bought in feb is defective#and i’ve been fighting for a repair or preferrably a return for 3 straight weeks#with seemingly no progress#bc as soon as it was fixed it broke again#no one told us when we bought our house 2 yrs ago we’d have to file for primary residency#so our taxes jumped up 58.6% and our mortgage company raised our mortgage $600 more a month to compensate#i’ve had to call so many county clerks offices to retroactively try to fix that and bring it down#but they’re on a time scale of 6-8 weeks#which mathing out from when i got the paperwork filed is my due date or 2 weeks after#and the bank got part of it fixed but isn’t applying it to our next payment yet#our insurance decided now was the time to require us to use their online pharmacy for ‘maintenance drugs’#but took 2 weeks to tell me if my pregnancy stuff was considered maintenance bc it’s short term#i’m having to try and get a company to pay for the medical bills from my er trip when i got food poisoning#and it took me dozens of calls just to figure out what bills were coming from where and how much#i’m going to four med appts per week bc i’m stupid high risk#and can’t eat anything without intensive math because of this stupid gestational diabetes#to the point where i can’t even have unsweetened applesauce in my cottage cheese anymore bc that’s started spiking my blood sugar#found that out today#and on top of it all#i just had to call our internet company#bc i saw a $130 bill and was like that can’t be right#but no#it is#the promotion i was put on in november that i was told would last 6 months and keep our bill down to $60 a month#oh no#it was marked for expiration on march 3rd no matter what#and every other thing i was told about it was a lie and now i have to face living with it or finding a new company and i’m tired#just. please can everything just sort itself out so when i go into labor i don’t have to think about any of this shit
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This is something I learned at one of the pre-op visits for my breast reduction! My surgeon was basically I think an independent surgeon (as I guess I would imagine is common for “cosmetic”/plastic surgeons?) and she was telling us a little bit about what to do for talking to insurance about the surgery and stuff, and she mentioned that for us going through insurance it would be at a particular hospital, but she also often did surgeries where people didn’t use there insurance, and she did those at some other place, and the price she charged up front was much lower, because that was the actual cost of the surgery (and equipment and everyone’s salaries etc.) and she had to raise the ticket price significantly when people would go through insurance, because the insurance company would negotiate that price down, and then keep some of the money. (Obviously for us and many others it still worked out to be cheaper for us out of pocket to go through insurance, but the amount she made was roughly the same even though it would look like she charged thousands more for my breast reduction than for someone not using insurance)
So, when you get those bills from your insurance after a doctors visit, and there’s that little table that tells you, this is the cost of the visit, this is the discount we got you, this is how much we paid, this is how much you still have to pay?
That line about “we got you this discount” is misleading. They actually caused the provider to raise the initial cost of your care by that amount, or more, in anticipation of the insurance company refusing to pay the full amount so that they could tell you they got you a discount.
"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.
#my doctors visits are always around 3 or 400 for me because they never get billed as physicals because I also need prescriptions filled#and I need to go in 4x a year because adderall is so heavily restricted#and my last visit was actually $700 because they needed to drug test me not even for a real reason but because at the previous visit when#they drug tested me (also for bullshit reasons- to check that I was taking my meds instead of selling them or soemthing)#it came up with a false positive for opioids. which I don’t have access to or interest in and would not have been in my system#(mom’s nurse friend hypothesized that maybe the poppy seeds on the wverythign bagel I probably had for breakfast that morning set it off. it#seems like that’s a pretty common food to have and they should either warn you ahead of time about that or it shouldn’t be sensitive enough#to pick that up)#and insurance was like ‘we got you a $195 discount’ which is bs and ‘we paid $4’ which is even stupider#so now at my next virtual visit I’m gonna have to say hey I know the answer is no because of institutionalized stigma against me that you’re#not willing to push back on but I can’t fuckingn afford to keep paying $1600+ a year for what at this point is a middle man between me and a#pharmacist because I’ve been on this medication for fucking ages and all my other ones could be refilled at a yearly physical#so is there any way we could change things up somehow. and she’s going to say no. and I’m going to be angry and upset about it for days#back when i was at my pediatrician I had to go in every six months which was annoying but I would happily go back to that over four times a#year#but idk if the rules changed or if the rules are different for adults or if my doctor just sucks bc I brought that up early on and she was#like no this is what we do#I mean. I can technically afford it. I have the money I’m not going into medical debt or anything. I live at home with my parents and have#very low living expenses and my checking account is limited primarily by my own standards of how much I’ve decided I want to be putting into#my savings account each paycheck. but when the biggest expense in my life is something that already frustrates me and that I know is exp too#expensive and that I feel I shouldn’t have to be doing anyway and I know I’m being treated unfairly#it just feels so much worse. having to take money out of my savings account wouldn’t be the end of the world. but it feels wrongs#and I only make like $36#lmao I forgot about the commas thing.#like $36k a year so I also am aware that even though I’m in a lucky place where I’m stable that’s not *that* much money and I feel like that#is how I tend to think of things. because I’m not going to live with my parents forever and I’m deeply aware that for most people who have#to pay a rent or a mortgage $36k is the lower end of things and a seven fucking hundred dollar doctors bill is a big fuckingn deal#for a regular fucking doctors appointment#it’s not like I fucking asked to be drug tested they said ‘pay us to look at your pee or else’#it’s all bullshit
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Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.
I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.
I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.
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#dont read this it’s just boring shit about my work lmao#was doing an assessment w a client today to get her updated in our system so she could get financial assistance#she used to be on my caseload when i had a caseload and i’ve been working w her for almost 3 years#she had sent a mortgage statement but we ran out of our mortgage assistance after a month and a half when it’s supposed to last us a year#so no mortgage assistance again until january#we were talking and the assessment is like personal questions about health and stuff and she started crying bc#she only has 7 of her antiretroviral left#and medicaid is telling her they’re gonna stop covering her bc her income is too high so she had cut back to working 2 days a week#and then couldn’t afford her bills#made me so sad 😭 i wish she had told me she was having issues we have a whole insurance department she’s never utilized#our org will pay her entire premium for a marketplace/employer plan#and she’s already enrolled in a program that will pay for her meds regardless of her insurance#mad me so sad she has been so deeply stressed about this i hope she lets me connect her to the insurance people bc they can fully solve her#made*#problem and she would be able to work full time again
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worst part of living with other addicts is that I can't have any substances in the house without them disappearing, including kosher wine just for shabbat and religious reasons or my prescription pain medication for managing my disabilities
#its so so fucked that i cant put wine in our fridge so it doesnt sour in 100+ degree heat without it going missing#and its literally for shabbat!#im so much less upset when stuff like 4 lokos or twisted shots or cheap flavored liquor go missing from the freezer#cause i get it the temptation or w/e#but my fucking shabbat manishewitz wine?#i try to remember that addiction is an illness that we all share in my household#but its so frustrating to not be able to have my own stuff in a house i pay a majority of the bills in#even more frustrating when my rx meds disappear#cause i know shes in so much pain bc of her illnesses and repeatedly ignored/dismissed by doctors#but fuck dude i wouldn't be prescribed them if they werent necessary for my own disabilities#like im sorry your doctor sucks but im just as disabled and youre fucking me over#its a complicated hard situation but i dont know how much more i can take#maybe ill get a mini fridge for my room if possible soon#tw drugs#cayden vent#original content#august 2023
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Welp
I think I'm actually gonna start doing art commissions
#lost my job#homeless and couch surfing#and i still have to pay for my adhd. migraine. and bc meds#lets not forget my phone and food and my car#oh yeah#need a new car#and i have kittens that go the vet#so food and hospital bills and toys#oh yeah i still have hospital bills#and taxes#adulthood wtf#ramblz
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#personal life/rant warning#i cant take the bullshit of choosing between paying my bills or paying for a doctors visit#like at this point with the price of everything i cant do both#this month i finally got enough to go to the doctor but i won’t be able to afford the meds for who knows how long#all i can manage to afford is to update the prescription and even then i’m falling through on other things#i cant buy groceries. im putting my cats food and litter above my basic needs. i cant even take my gf on a date and pay for it all#rent is barely being put together#and i cant complain abt this to anyone i know bc it just feels manipulative#like im asking for money#idk i just want to be able to take my meds and eat decent food and not want to ball my eyes out every time i check my bank account#my insurance doesn’t cover the prescription bc it’s hrt but i have been off t since xmas and my mental health has been so fucking bad#i just cry and fall back on unhealthy coping mechanisms and try to put on a smile for everyone so they don’t feel pitty for me#some me times
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im $15,000 in debt and that is a noose around my neck always ready to kill me. i cant enjoy life, move, or do anything bc of that. i have to decide between hrt meds, rent, foods, bills or supplies. i have to work a job that is killing me.
I just want to live and be with ppl i love
idk if anyone cares enough or is even able to but.like
anything helps for me to pay this off is saintly.
idk what anyone would want in return but if its in power/means ill try?
please im so tired of living like this
Venmo: Redloop
Paypal: tropscream
cashapp: $TropScream
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help a black trans woman pay for food and meds? 🥺👉🏾👈🏾
I've been making some progress in terms of job applications and looking for income on the side but i'm still currently jobless and could use some help. i've been especially putting off buying medicine that would greatly improve my quality of life, mostly bc i have to put bills and rent first 😞
i linked my paypal in the title, anything helps! thanks again for reading and sharing
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Wanted to bleach my hair but ended up passing out. Fainted about three times and pissed myself, went to the ER and got put on meds. I dont have health insurance so I'm paying out of pocket and I can't work anymore and neither does my partner at this current time due to their dissabilty. Idk what the bills cost will be but mostly like over 1k bc they ran me under every test they had fs. I'll update once I get the bill.
If you could send some assistance my way, that'd be very benecial to my rent and medication. ❤️🔥
I only have $app but my partner has Vehn Moe
$Yayaluxxx
VM: Henny-99_og
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