#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

[kkujo]

also idk i feel so fucking good abt myself idk genuinely being consistent with my gym routine has done everything for my mental health and confidence like i still feel bad abt myself sometimes but for the first time since i was probably 9 i'm having days where i look in the mirror and thinking DAMN i look good and those days are getting more frequent it's really the best feeling

[vpzllx]

ೃ⁀➷ CREEPYPASTA S/O HEADCANNONS ೃ⁀➷

SYNOPSIS - Just how the creepypasta characters would be like as your s/o :)

PAIRINGS - Jeff the killer x Reader, “Ticci” Toby x Reader, Eyeless Jack x Reader, Ben Drowned x Reader, Hoodie/Brian x Reader.

ೃ⁀➷ JEFF THE KILLER

Tbh Jeff a lil bitch 🤷‍♀️ it’s not like yk he’s js mean n shit even though he’s just mean n shit.

Like for instance say if y’all were just sitting on the couch cuddlin n shit and then someone walks in the room, He’s pushing you off of him immediately.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to be affectionate, He just doesn’t want people seeing, He’d do a casually hug or hold hands around people but he’d never kiss you or anything like that around people idk why 🤷‍♀️

But back to what i said about him being a lil bitch this mf will tease you and tear your ass up 😭, Y’all could be casually play fighting on the bed and he’ll push you off on purpose then laugh at you. Or He would walk up and say some random shit like for expample

Jeff : You built like a capital P

You : what??

He’s just random asf but also When you two are alone oml this man is so vulnerable like he’d cuddle up next to you n shit, To the point that when he breaths out shorty ur breathing in that same air. He loves when u play w his hair even though it’s crusty asf (Please wash his hair)

For rating umm hes like a good 7/10

ೃ⁀➷ “TICCI” TOBY

how do i say this ummm… He’s bipolar and yall both hate it.

It’s so… Like one moment y’all are kissing and wtv then he js pushes you off of him and walks away and your js there like “?? wtf” And then after he’ll come back and kiss you and apologize and again your just like “wtf??” But you don’t mind since he actually apologized.

Attachment issues. He will threaten you if you ever want to leave 😟 or like you tryna go to the store and bitch he js stops you he grabs your wrist and is like “go sit yo ass down” BUT NOT LIKE THAT 😭 and you js go sit down best option tbh.

He likes laying his head in between your thighs for some reason idk like especially if you got em big ol thighs 😍 and when you stroke his hair it’s like love.

When y’all are sleeping together … he’s stiff this man doesn’t move it he falls asleep in one position you will wake up and see him in that same position, And it’s bad to the point when sometimes you gotta check and see if he’s not dead, If he wakes up while your doing so he’s lookin at you like “tf is u doing?”

He’s a good kisser don’t question it but istg, You could be in the kitchen getting something to eat he js walks up behind you flips you facing him and he js kisses you bitch tongue deep in ur mouth (He got that W rizz 🫵😜)

He’s like a good ummm 7/10 too

ೃ⁀➷ EYELESS JACK

He has definitely watched you sleep more than 5 times…

He not tryna be creepy with it he just wants to make sure that you’re sleeping well it’s all outta love. But ngl sometimes he will wake you up by biting your neck n shit but are you really complaining?? Right i didn’t think so.

If you ever cut yourself he’s the number one person for you to go to He was a medical student yk before the whole … scarfice thing … But if your bleeding heavy don’t step within a feet of him, istg he gonna start buggin out and most likely will try to eat you (Outta love tho).

I can say his tongue is very long … ;) Like make out sessions end in a snap then y’all end up fuckin 🤷‍♀️ (we can get to those fuckin headcannons another day 😘).

He used to be a good cook but since he doesn’t eat … people food anymore he just stopped cooking but if you’d ask him to make you something he’d do it for you no questions asked, Like maybe sometimes you’d wake up to breakfast in bed from him 😜.

He’s a quiet person to say the least tho like you barely see him interact with other pastas or wtv tf they called but yeah he’s usually by himself or with you one of the two.

He’s a 10/10 at everything 😘

ೃ⁀➷ BEN DROWNED

He has definitely asked you multiple times if you wanted to film y’all fuckin …

He has made you try playing games mostly horror games or shooters in which either you rage quit or got scared and quit, He enjoys seeing you scared or seeing you js upset and angry.

If your the type of person who brings their phone into the bathroom with them he’d use that as an advantage and js crawl out of ur phone.. He has done that multiple different times.

When y’all hug he either sniffs you or your hair and then your js like “Did he sniff my hair..?” He does it cause he doesn’t wanna forget what you smell like idk why but yk .. Attachment issues.

He always notices little slight things about you. Like you cut your hair a bit..He knows, You just cut your nails..He knows, Just got new underwear..He knows.

He’s most def a 8/10 yk minus the little weird things… 👴

ೃ⁀➷ HOODIE

Yeah um… This man will manipulate and make you think that you’re nothing without him … (outta love tho)

He doesn’t genuinely care abt what you do unless it involves another person specifically another man, That’s when he starts to care.

Since he’s uhm a drug addict he would def try to get you high at some point, and when you do he would record the whole experience js for shits n giggles idk

Also same as ben he has probably asked if you wanted to record yall fuckin but even if you say no he’s not talking at as an answer, He will record it and then after show you … 😟

He likes it mostly when your vulnerable bc he could spew so many lies to you just so you won’t leave him (Best manipulator i’ve ever seen)

When y’all sleep together, you have to be directly laying on top of him or else he’s not sleeping. Period.

He’s a 6/10 (but he’s so fine 😖🫶) Yeah but umm he has a lot of problems …

.

.

.

.

I gotta do another one but yk it’s more nice or either it’s gonna be very nsfw 🫵😭

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[todayscalss]

some experiences of mine being sk1nny to keep you motivated

first of all I want to clarify that i’m “irl skinny”, at bmi 18.9. I still haven’t even gotten close to reaping the real benefits of pretty/sk1nny privilege, but I know that to other people’s standards I look pretty well. this is just some light motivation that could help a ho out there who still hasn’t gotten to the healthy weight range🙏🏻

1. I live in a fairly “expensive” neighborhood, and omg the LOOKS that these Range Rover almond moms give me when I go for a walk😭 Their validation hits different

2. I actually enjoy going out much more as a skinnier person than when I was heavier. I feel better in my outfits and have to worry far less about being bloated by the night. Plus, in my country it’s very common to go out with very short clothes, so there’s a lot of pressure that I can luckily live up to.

3. Getting very obvious looks. I remember this one time I was at the mall and I saw a girl looking straight at my abdomen and she instantly covered hers. It was kind of a reflex. I lowkey felt bad (and I didn’t even look good that day😭) but it was also insanely validating

4. Being told by my friends “you could totally rock this outfit” when they see a cute fit on tiktok or Pinterest. It’s even more validating when it’s an outfit with low rise jeans or really cropped tops

5. When I had to get sent on an ambulance to the hospital, my mom told me that the medic who came to pick me up said I looked VERY th1n. felt so good coming from a healthcare worker

6. When I went grocery shopping in mid rise jeans and a very cropped t-shirt, and an old lady looked straight at me and went “i was supposed to look like that”. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HER SHE JUST SAID IT STRAIGHT TO MY FACE😭 and I also wasn’t even that th1n at the time

7. Being constantly told “you should become a model”. Tbf i’m tall which adds up a lot to this, but I keep hearing people genuinely telling me this all the time. I’ve also been asked by friends of friends that are studying fashion (who i barely even know) if I wanted to model their clothes several times

8. Tank tops. That’s it. With crop tops I feel disgusting most of the time, but long tight fitting tank tops are my BEST FRIENDS. They make you look sm like a model and give you such a nice figure

9. Just saying, you WILL piss off your friends. I always try to not vocalize how I feel about my body to them bc they hate it and think I’m fishing for compliments. Once you’re sk1nny you’ll have to keep those insecurities to yourselves girlies sorry to break it to u!!

10. For the longest time I had no idea what the hell ppl meant by th!gh g4ps cause it just wasn’t an issue for me

11. The reality is that we live in a society that’s insanely evil to fat people. Don’t hate me for saying this, but it sort of feels like a relief whenever I see posts on the internet of people being made fun of for it, knowing that i come out the other side.

[iamzer0]

ᒪIᐯIᑎᘜ ᗯITᕼ Yᗩᑎᗪᗴᖇᗴ ᑭᒪᗩTOᑎIᑕ ᕼ᙭ᕼ ᑕᕼᗩᖇᗩᑕTᗴᖇ𝚂

The phantom troupe

Chrollo:

Living with him actually isn’t as bad as the rest of the troupe.

He’s not always around, being the leader of one of the most infamous groups ever and all that.

You have everything you could ever need except freedom.

He sees you as a small child, that must be protected.

Despite not being there all the time you still feel suffocated in the small room you are confined in.

You have a mini kitchen full of already prepared meals (he doesn’t trust u with knives), you have your own bathroom too.

But despite all of this there’s this underlying feeling of malice that pollutes the air of your room.

Your room is filled with children toys, and your walls are aligned with dolls and stuffed animals. It would be a cute room for a 6 year old but you were certainly not 6.

You hate the room so much, you feel like the dolls are always staring at you, and your pretty positive there’s a nanny cam in one of them.

You have begun to lose it, trapped in this room filled with children toys that are constantly reminding you of your lack of freedom.

You start screaming and shouting throwing the dolls off their shelf’s, breaking the toys, clawing at the wall desperate for freedom.

You scream until you lose your voice, you curl up on the ground crying yourself to sleep.

Chrollo returns later that night, he saw you losing your shit on the camera placed in your stuffed animals.

He looks around at the trashed room, sighing to himself. He picked you up gently placing you in your bed.

He couldn’t understand why you hated your room so much you had everything you needed.

He decided that sense he couldn’t be around all the time and he didn’t want you to hurt yourself or trash your room he decided to get you a nanny.

Strange right? Well he has it all planned out, he tells the nanny you have mental issues and need to take medication to make sure you don’t lose it. (It’s really just drugs that will make you loopy)

Life is a blur, you can barely think for yourself anymore. But despite this you don’t lose hope, you will be free no matter what you will find a way. This small piece of hope you hold onto is single handily keeping you sane.

Feitan:

He is probably the worst person to be stuck with if I’m honest.

He’s around more than Chrollo, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

He hates hurting you but certainly isn’t against it if you do something he considers bad.

You can’t leave your room without him, as he doesn’t trust you after you tried escaping while he was gone. Let’s just say that wasn’t a fun day.

He brings you food most of the time, it’s weird living with him he’s so….. quiet.

His quietness is so unsettling to you, it puts you on edge every time.

He sees you as his closest family(besides the troupe), that’s why he can’t comprehend why you want to leave so badly.

He enjoys your company quite a bit actually, not that he’ll ever admit it.

He drags you around the house, making you eat dinner, watch a movie, or even simply just be in the same room.

His cold stare always makes you think he’s mad but in reality he just has this constant resting b face.

You sleep in the same room as him(separate beds unless you have tried to run away recently) you have never actually seen him sleep. You go to sleep with him still awake and wake up to him awake.

He doesn’t like sleeping, he thinks it’s a waste of time and pushes off sleeping till he physically needs but even then he only sleeps for like 4 hours.

You lay sleeping in your bed blissfully unaware of Feitan staring at you intently as if he blinked you would disappear.

Shalnark:

Living with him is having very little privacy, you know those parents that take your door away when they don’t trust you, yea that’s him but much worse.

You live in a tiny room with cameras almost everywhere expect the bathroom of course.

He almost sees you as a doll, he can chose what you do throughout the day, chose what you wear and eat. It’s gotten to the point you start to see yourself as doll as well.

You hate your life being dictated by him, he says it’s to ensure your safety, and protect you but you call bullshit.

You can yell and scream at him but he won’t take you seriously. He just sees it as a tantrum.

Every time he talks to you in his seemingly sweet voice there’s always this undertone of malice. It sends chills down your spine.

You may not be able to escape but you are determined to make his life hell as payback for this tortuous life.

So here you are looking around every nock and cranny, tearing apart your stuffed animals and pillows, taking apart the furniture in your room searching for cameras and destroying them.

You yell and throw your food against the wall going on a hunger strike, smacking him when he tries to get close to you.

Your protest doesn’t last for long as he simply puts one of his mind control pins in your arm.

You may be controlled by him currently but you have a sense of pride knowing you pissed him off.

Phinks:

He’s a…… character. He’s one of the more playful, and funny people to be stuck with.

It’s not that he makes funny jokes he just does dumb things that are so funny for no reason.

He gives you the most freedom, and to be honest despite him being an air head he’s the most self aware of all of the troupe(besides nobunaga but I’ll get to that).

He understands that it’s wrong to keep you here but he can’t help it, to him you’re just this small kid that needs protection.

He gives you small freedoms but you are still not aloud to leave.

You have a semi nice room he let you decorate it which was pretty cool.

Just cause he’s chill doesn’t mean you’ll forget about what he has done to you.

He had killed your family, he hadn’t meant for you to see. But you ended up waking up and walking in on him killing them.

He understands why you are crying but he thought you would get over it quickly, I mean he treats you better than them, why can’t you see that all you need is him?

You are quiet and cold towards him for very obvious reasons, but to him it’s just teenage angst.

Nobunaga:

As I said he’s probably the most sane, he understands he’s in the wrong but almost doesn’t care.

He thinks your happier with him, he try’s to give you some freedom like making your own food(no knives or anything hot tho), and letting you have your personal space.

He wants you to spend time with him, he wants to act like a family.

You have a nice set up going for you, you have all your needs met and are surrounded by things you like but it can’t compare to your old life.

You miss your family and friends, you want to be free.

Currently you are working on an escape plan, you write down your plans in your tiny little journal, nobunaga doesn’t even know it exists because you keep it on your person at all times.

You are going to take advantage of the small freedoms you have, no matter what happens you will get back to your family, your REAL family.

Machi

(I dont know much bout her so sorry if it’s short)

Like Feitan she appears cold towards you, but can be sweet at times.

She tries to give you love but it always ends with you sad or scared.

She’s really protective of you and is scared someone might hurt you, though her face doesn’t depict it.

You have a nice room and she takes care of you although she does have cameras placed around the house just for when she’s not there.

She scares you with her stare it’s like she’s staring daggers into you.

After getting more situated you decided to ask her about possibly leaving the house but you were greeted with a stern talking to, you argued back and forth but it ended with you being “grounded”.

Pakunoda:

She believes herself to be a good mom that cares and takes care of her kids.

In your mind she’s delusional and you’re not her kid, but for some odd reason she thinks you are.

She refuses to hear other wise even if you and her look nothing alike.

She’s actually a really kind person, she gives you gifts to help with your self care.

She’s nice and all, honestly she would be the best person on this list lif it weren’t for her delusion.

Uvogin:

He is SO LOUD

Living with him has its up and downs, mostly downs.

He travels a lot never staying in one place, naturally he brings you with him. He’s not like Chrollo who has has his own house for you, you kinda just go where he goes.

It’s not that he trusts you it’s more that he thinks he can easily get you back if you start to wander.

Your diet living with him consists mostly of fast food tbh. He doesn’t know how to cook at all.

He’s very talkative and constantly makes jokes with you, but will kill and burn down an entire village just for you.

He’s a sweet person but he scares you, he’s giant and loud. Which makes for a terrible combo when you are trying to sleep.

He often gets drunk but even in his drunken daze he would never hurt you, but he may get up in your face and make terrible jokes and be louder than usual.

He’s possessive and likes to keep you near him at all times, it’s nice to travel to all these different places if you were traveling with a different person that is.

The boys:

Killua:

He’s a very hard person to get away from, him being an assassin and all.

He keeps you close to him, and will freak out if you try and leave(like a mental freak out).

He yells at you if you even propose the idea of leaving, you and him full on start arguing.

He is very delusional and doesn’t understand why you are trying to leave him, you are his baby sibling he needs to protect you why can’t you see that?

Literally goes as far as drugging you to make you loopy and obedient.

He treats you like your made of glass, he is constantly telling you about how he needs to protect you because you won’t survive in the outside world.

Is impossible to get away from, he puts your needs before his own, but in the worst possible way.

He’s also very paranoid about his family finding you and hurting you.

You constantly try and escape despite it being basically impossible, can’t lose hope because the minute you do you will start to lose your mind.

Gon:

Life with him isn’t the worst but it’s isn’t the best.

The cons: him kidnapping you, never being able to see your family and friends, living with a possessive boy that keeps hugging you and calling you his baby sister.

The pros: he makes good food.

He takes you everywhere with him, your one safe haven was Aunt mito. She was nice although you constantly tried to tell her what was actually happening, Gon never let you always interrupting you and dragging you away before you could tell her.

He thinks this behavior is normal and that nothing is wrong.

Anytime you try and tell him that he is insane he only sees it as you throwing a tantrum.

He always makes you stand back while he fights, he feels satisfaction from defeating enemies in front of you. He feels like your knight in shining armor.

He gets annoying after a while, I mean he is always on you try to hug you and tell you story’s and don’t get me started on his rules.

He makes you go to bed insanely early, he treats you like you will die if he’s not careful, is super protective, won’t let you do ANYTHING on your own.

Overall it’s pretty shitty, gons a good kid he has strong morals but there comes a point where his delusions start affecting his morality.

The zoldyck family:

(They mostly stuck together so I’m writing their head cannons as one)

Welp your fucked start praying to whatever you believe in cause there is no way out.

Life is well…… quiet i guess…

Kikyo is constantly obsessing over everything you do.

She has everything planned out for you down to the meals you eat.

The other family is no help at all, sometimes Zeno spends time with you one on one so sometimes you are free from Kikyos death grip.

Silvia is intimidating, he claims you are part of the family but you don’t feel like it. It feels like you are a doll that can be moved around and accessorized if need be.

Zeno is surprisingly nice, he lets you break Kikyos diet and when you are around him you can wear what you want and talk about whatever you want.

Milluki is mean, you have only talked to him a little bit but he’s cruel and not only that but he is constantly helping the family monitor you whether it be everyday life or online use, you are never truly alone.

Zeno and Silva are nice for the most part but despite their kindness there is no way in hell they will ever let you leave which is one of the many reasons you resent them.

The whole family makes you mad, they are so possessive and every time they talk to you all you hear is the underlying malice in their voices.

Your room is kinda like Allukas heavily guarded, walls reinforced with titanium.

And ontop of that toys, dolls, stuffed animals all fill the room. Just a constant reminder that they see you as this small incapable toddler.

You hate this colorful room you are trapped in, you hate the family, and most of all you wish life could be normal again.

Extra characters:

Illumi:

Like his family he is impossible to escape from.

You have no freedom like at all.

He feels that he messed up with Killua letting him go out into the world, he won’t make that mistake again.

Instead of training you he kinda just takes care of if you which is objectively better then his intense training.

Where do I start off well let’s start with your living conditions.

You live in this strange apartment and sometimes travel with him, the apartment you live in is empty, just having all the basic stuff.

Illumi never sleeps but because of that he makes sleeping impossible, he just stands over you, staring.

You tried talking to him about it but his solution was to instead join you in the bed which is incredibly awkward he kinda just lays their stiffly not sleeping still staring.

He feeds you but it’s the blandest food know to man, white rice and unseasoned chicken is a stable in your sad apartment.

Y’all ’hanging out’ is just him staring at you motionless it’s creepy.

He refuses to let you even step one foot outside, his mere presence is suffocating.

Bisky:

She’s more protective than possessive.

You have freedom, but she is always with you 24/7.

She’s pleasant to be around but she can be smothering at times.

Despite her appearance she is like a wild mother hen constantly fussing over you.

She is always running wild making sure you get enough rest, food, water, etc.

You can leave the house ONLY if you stay by her, don’t wander, and only for a short amount of time.

Some days you have so much fun you forget she kidnapped you.

Hisoka:

This man is a monster, a menace of society.

He is possessive but in a playful way, he masks his feelings with sly jokes.

He acts more like a fun uncle or wine aunt rather than a dad.

He cares for you but is vey smothering with it.

You can’t leave and he constantly reminds you of that fact.

He does take you places, simply because he knows even if you tell anyone he can kill them easily.

Your life isn’t terrible but you wish you weren’t stuck with this maniac.

GUYS I DID IT AFTER 3HRS I FINISHED MY HEADCANNONS FOR LIVING WITH HXH CHARACTERS. But anyway this really isn’t relevant to what I just wrote but while I was writing this I had a open cup of Dr Pepper I set it down on the floor then I was like wait there’s ice cream in the freezer, so as I was pulling myself up (btw I upgraded no more crutches now I have a big boot.) and I stretched out my leg and my stupid boot knocked my Dr Pepper over and it spilled EVERYWHERE I was so mad. Anyway long story short life sucks, but I hope y’all had a wonderful day remember to drink lots of water and stay safe love you all bye bye!

･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

[nebulablakemurphy]

Moves & Countermoves (Part 19)

Summary: No one ever wins the games, even fourteen years later, Y/N is still playing. Trigger warning: discussions of trauma surrounding ‘desirable’ victors.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18

“Tell me about the stairs,” Dr. Aurelius says.

Y/N stares at him blankly, the stairs.

He waits a moment, tapping his pen to paper. “At the request of your husband, you will be issued a nightlock pill, to use in the event that you are captured.”

Y/N nods. One of the stipulations to Haymitch agreeing to her deployment, on this mission to rescue Peeta.

‘Show me you can reach it with your mouth.’ He tested the accessibility of her suit’s pill pocket, rigorously. ‘Show me you can still reach it with your hands behind your back.’

It isn’t something he wants her to use, but knowing that whatever Snow has planned for her would make Peeta’s captivity look like child’s play…

“By President Coin’s orders, I cannot release this… medication unless you are of sound mind.”

“You have reason to believe I’m not?” Y/N asks.

“One of your former guards told me you asked if anyone had ever jumped from the elevator.” Aurelius purses his lips.

“It was one time!” Y/N waves a hand, “and it was a joke.”

“You have a dark sense of humor.”

“You would too.”

The therapist affords her a soft smile, “you may be right. Even still, you are my patient. I need to act in your best interest. So please, tell me what happened on the stairs.”

Y/N takes a deep breath, “it’s kind of a blur. Everyone was pushing, yelling, especially after the upper levels were damaged and the rain started coming down.”

“How did you feel?”

“I felt…worried, I guess.”

“In what way?”

“About Haymitch, Madge and the kids. Worried about what was happening to Peeta. Worried about getting Katniss into the bunker.”

He jots this down.

“That was a normal response.” Y/N snaps.

“Very much so,” the doctor agrees, “not every note I make is a bad one.”

Y/N crosses her arms.

“Did you worry for yourself? Your own safety?”

You’re supposed to say yes.

“There is no right answer, Y/N.”

“There’s an answer that gets me to Peeta and one that doesn’t.”

“True,” he shrugs, “but I trust you not to lie.”

“You shouldn’t.” Y/N narrows her eyes. “I’m a good liar, I’ve been doing it since I was fifteen.”

“How do you feel about death? Is it something you long for, or run from?”

“If I die, my kids lose their mother, my husband loses his wife, my sister loses her sister. The list goes on. So it really doesn’t matter how I feel about death. All I know is that I cannot die.”

“Yet you think you could bite down on this pill?” He presents the dark purple capsule.

“As a last resort. If I have fought tooth and nail and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can’t get free? I could.” Y/N decides.

Dr. Aurelius nods, holding the nightlock out to her. “Best of luck.”

————————————————————————

Haymitch curses Katniss’ name, as he shuffles through the crawl space she’s gone to hide in, after refusing to make the propo saying thirteen survived Snow’s attack.

Have kids, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Though none of his biological children have forced him to squeeze in such a tight space, parenthood is not for the faint of heart.

He plops down beside her with a sigh, “so this is the end, huh? I guess we’re just gonna hide down here forever.”

“I can’t be the mockingjay,” Katniss chokes out.

“Not the mockingjay,” Haymitch tosses a bit of hair away from her face, “just Katniss.”

She blinks at him, warily.

“Look, I know I’m not good at this pep talk stuff. That’s Y/N’s department.”

“She doesn’t want to see me,” Katniss understands.

“She spent the morning getting cleared by her shrink.”

“Cleared for what?”

“They’re going to rescue Peeta.” Haymitch tells her.

“What?”

“The dam went down in district five, took out most of the power to the Capitol. Knocked out their signal defense, Beetee’s inside their system, reeking all kinds of havoc. The window is open to us, for how much longer? I don’t know, I guess until the Capitol can get the power back on.” Haymitch explains.

“And Coin?”

“I can never fully support that woman. But Plutarch got word that Peeta and the others are in the tribute center. With the power out, Coin sees this as an opportunity. She knows that Peeta is the Capitol’s weapon, the same way you’re ours. And as opposed to having you two pointing at each other, she’s going to get him.”

“I have to go help them.” Katniss springs to life.

“Woah, hey,” Haymitch reaches out a hand to stop her. “What’re you just gonna jump out of the vent and go storm the Capitol? Besides it’s already underway. Six soldiers went in, volunteer only. Y/N, Gale, Boggs and three others.”

“You just let her go?” Katniss frowns.

Haymitch admits, “she’s not the type of person you ‘let’ do things. But you know how that is, sweetheart. Between the two of you,” he lets out a low whistle, “I’m exhausted.”

————————————————————————

Madge breaks her dinner roll in half. Splitting it between Everest and Arista, the same way she’s watched Y/N and Haymitch do since they got here. Making sure little bellies are full, before their own.

Pollux approaches, motioning to the seat across from Madge, at the metal mess hall table. He sets down his tray and pulls out his note pad, to jot a message down. “Is this seat taken?”

“No,” Madge greets him, “please, sit.”

“Hi, I’m Pollux. You’re Y/N’s sister, right?”

Madge nods.

“She keeps your picture in her pocket.” Pollux smiles. “And them.” He points to the oldest children.

Everest’s eyes scan the page. “Our mom told us about you. What happened to you in the Capitol…I’m really sorry.”

“Honey,” Madge runs a hand over his hair.

“Thank you, Everest. It’s nice to meet you. Your mom talks about you all the time, she is so proud.” Pollux turns the page quickly, for more room. “Arista and Daisy too, of course. Your mom loves you all very much.”

With that the children turn back to their meals.

Madge smiles, stabbing at her food with one hand, while patting the baby in the sling. The tray moves and Pollux holds out a hand to stabilize it. “Oh, thank you. It’s ok though, you eat.”

He draws the hand back, long enough to scribble, “I’d offer to hold the baby instead, but I don’t think we’re there yet.”

Madge laughs, “funny.”

“It’s really no trouble.”

Madge shrugs, as he grips the edge of her tray, loosely. Managing his own dinner just fine.

Cressida calls him away, after a while, for Finnick’s live propo, to help jam the Capitol’s airwaves.

“I’ll see you around.”

“I’ll see you.”

————————————————————————

“This is Finnick Odair, winner of the sixty-fifth Hunger Games, coming to you from district thirteen, alive and well. We survived an attack by the Capitol, but I’m not here to give you recent news.”

“Why is Finnick doing a propo?” Katniss wonders, watching the split screen of the control room. The large, right panel is an image of Finnick. Just outside the rubble, where they asked her to film earlier, the sun has set and the lights are trained on him. The left hand side is home to six smaller panels, with the soldier’s helmet cam footage.

“It’s a lot more than that,” Haymitch informs her.

“Beetee’s commandeered the system,” Coin says, proudly.

“They’re down to generator power, so there’s a more limited range of frequencies available to them. I’m filling them all up with Y/N and Finnick. It looks like they’re both live.” Beetee assures Katniss.

“Snow will think she’s still here?” That’s brilliant.

“Not many will see it, but those who do will assume they’re just propos.”

“What they don’t know is that these broadcasts are jamming their entire system with noise. Early defense warnings, internal communications, everything. As long as one or both of the broadcasts are going through, our team should be able to get in and out without being detected.” Beetee assures her.

“You can survive the arena, but the moment you leave, you’re a slave.” Finnick narrates. “President Snow used to sell me, or my body, at least.”

“Mockingjay one, you are twenty seconds from perimeter defense.”

“I wasn’t the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the president gives them as a reward, or allows people to buy them. If you refuse, he kills someone you love.” Finnick presses on, looking straight at camera.

“Ten seconds.” The hovercraft pilot begins counting down. “Nine, eight, seven, six.”

“Just because a victor is married doesn’t mean they’re safe.”

“Five, four, three…”

“The Capitol’s more generous patrons paid dearly to watch the wedding night, even more to witness the conception of the most beloved children in Panem.”

“Two, one.”

Katniss freezes, surely he doesn’t mean- it couldn’t be. The dress, that stupid dress they crammed her in. Why it upset Y/N so badly. Snow was taunting her.

“No response from perimeter defense, we’re inside Capitol airspace.”

“Yes,” Beetee rejoices.

Haymitch is watching the smaller screen, his jaw tense, doing his best to ignore the eyes that fall on him. Twisting his wedding band around and around. It doesn’t matter what secrets Finnick reveals, so long as he keeps jamming the signal. Keep Y/N safe.

“To make themselves feel better, patrons will offer presents of money or jewelry. But I found secrets to be a much more valuable form of payment.”

“Gear up,” Boggs orders the soldiers on the hovercraft. They are just seconds away from the tribute center. “Masks on.”

Their lenses are tinted for night vision, the red light inside makes Y/N’s heartbeat faster.

“Open the door.” Boggs says, his voice echoing through her headset. “Command, this is team leader, preparing to deploy gas. We will confirm once inside.”

“Such a young man when he rose to power, such a clever one to keep it. How, you may ask, did he do it?” Finnick is captivating, well spoken.

Katniss is hanging off every word.

“One word, poison.”

The timer for the gas grenadines finishes, on Bogg’s stop watch, “get ready to drop.”

Y/N secures her harness to the wire, giving it a firm tug. Descending through the open loading dock, releasing the wires as they reach ground.

“Clear.” Boggs, informs the team. “We’re inside, headed for target number one. Cell B forty-five, lower level two C.”

“So many deaths to well known adversaries, even allies who were deemed as threats.”

It’s dizzying, giving equal attention to Finnick’s message and the feed from inside the tribute center.

Haymitch is glued to that screen, her screen. Like he wants to reach through and bring her back with him.

Once Peeta’s holding cell is gassed, they are cleared to enter.

“Snow would drink from the same cup, to deflect suspicion. But antidotes don’t always work, which is why he wears roses that reek of perfume. To help cover the scent of sores, in his mouth, that will never heal.”

Poison, Katniss shakes her head to clear it. He’s still talking about poison.

Inside the room is a lab, full of jars, experiments. Cages. Medical equipment, some with blood still visible.

“What the fuck?” Y/N whispers, reaching out to try and make sense of it.

“Abernathy, on me.” Boggs warns, they need to stay focused.

“What is this place?” Gale asks, venturing deeper.

Their screens lights up, all of them at once. Too bright to see.

“Ahh.”

There is a collective hiss, from those in the tribute center. The power’s back on.

“Beetee?” Katniss has a hand flat against her belly, where the worry eats her alive.

“Ma’am, the Capitol air defense is rebooting. It’s coming back online.”

“They must be diverting power from another source, filtering transmissions. Another sixty seconds and we’ll be cut off.” Beetee scowls, typing furiously at the control panel.

“Get them outta there,” Haymitch demands.

“Madame President, should we call back the hovercraft?”

“Broadcast me,” Katniss decides, “if Snow’s watching this, maybe he’ll let the signal in, if he sees me. Put me on the air so he can see me.”

“Yes,” Plutarch snaps a finger. “Yes.”

“Put her on,” Coin agrees.

“Can we still do this?” Haymitch’s hands are shaking as he positions the camera in front of her. “Can we still get in?” Can we still save her?

“Yes, for the moment,” Beetee replies. “The line’s open, he will only see you.”

“Ok, Katniss,” Haymitch steps away. “Go.”

“President Snow.” Katniss says, “President Snow, it’s Katniss.”

The static continues to crackle. No more Finnick, no more footage from the tribute center. Just her.

“President Snow, can you hear me?” Katniss repeats, hoping for a miracle. “I need to speak with you, are you there? President Snow.”

“Miss Everdeen,” his voice is distorted for a moment, until the signal hones in. “What an honor. I don’t imagine you’re calling to thank me for the roses.”

“I never asked for this. I never asked to be in the games.” Katniss reminds him. “I just wanted to save my sister and keep Peeta alive. Let him go and I will stop being the mockingjay. I will disappear and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“You couldn’t run from this anymore than you could’ve run from the games.”

“Please, you’ve won.” Katniss says, “release Peeta and take me instead.”

Snow shakes his head with a smirk. “We are long past the opportunity for noble sacrifice.”

“Then tell me what to do, I’ve always kept my promises. Haven’t I?”

“You said you didn’t want a war, and that’s just what happened. I told you what a fragile thing peace was and still, like a child, you took pleasure in breaking it. I know what you are, I know you can’t see past your narrowest concerns. But please, Miss Everdeen, I doubt you know what honesty is anymore.”

“You asked me to convince you that I was in love with Peeta,” Katniss challenges. “Haven’t I at least done that?”

Snow takes great pleasure in what he’s about to say, it’s written all over his twisted features. “It’s the things we love most that destroy us. I want you to remember I said that.” He pauses. “Don’t you think I know Y/N and your friends are in the tribute center?”

Katniss feels the floor fall out from under her.

“Cut them off.” Snow says, turning away from the screen. It returns to the static hum of nothing.

They had comms back, but now Beetee’s lost them again.

“What happened?” Katniss sobs.

“Boggs, do you read me? Boggs, come in.”

“He knows they’re in there,” Katniss calls to Haymitch. “It’s a trap.”

“Katniss, calm down.” Haymitch whispers.

“We have to get ahold of them, tell them to get out. He knows.”

“There’s no signal, we can’t contact them,” Plutarch sighs.

“No, Haymitch.” Katniss crumbles, “he knew the whole time, he was taunting me! No, Haymitch-”

“No, no, we don’t know that.” Haymitch hushes her, because he has to be strong. He has to be steady, even with his world falling to pieces.

“Did I lose them all tonight? Did I lose them all?”

Haymitch pulls her into a hug. “Shhh,” he smooths down her dark waves, the same way he would his other daughters.

She holds fast, allowing him to comfort her. “Did I lose them?” The cry is muffled against his shoulder.

“Shh,” he sways them, gently.

“No, no.”

“Katniss,” Haymitch breathes, “listen to me. I need you to listen.”

She nods, unable to calm her erratic breathing.

“If Y/N died, I would feel it. I would feel it in my heart, if she was gone and I don’t. If she’s alive, Peeta is alive, Gale is alive. All we have to do is wait.”

————————————————————————

“Systems are back online.” The pilot informs them.

There’s nothing they can do. Communication with thirteen is shut down, no way to get through to Beetee. They’ll either shoot them out of the sky or they won’t. The only way out is through.

Y/N doesn’t mean to, but she holds her breath. Waiting until they clear Capitol airspace to resume a normal pattern.

Of the five other soldiers on this rescue mission, there is one medic. She begins tending Annie, Johanna and Peeta in turn. Starting IV fluids, as they are all dehydrated; unconscious from the gas.

Annie looks like herself, maybe a bit gaunt, but recognizable. Peeta is thin, so thin and covered in bruises. Johanna’s head has been shaved, cheeks hollow and ribs showing. Y/N tosses off her helmet, running both hands over her face.

“Soldier.” Boggs puts a hand to her shoulder. “You did good. We accomplished our goal. Now we can all go home.”

Y/N nods, blinking away tears.

“Take a breather, there’s a separate compartment through there,” he motions to the rear doors. “He’ll need you when he comes to.”

Peeta does not wake for some time, beginning to struggle at his bindings. No, he realizes, it’s not a binding that holds him. It’s a hand. Just one wrapped loosely around his.

It feels familiar, soft. Someone he knew once, it smells of artificial air. She is warm, the space around her is warm, gentle and kind. A second hand strokes his hair, the way he once wished his mother would.

His eyelids begin to flutter open, daring to reveal that he is conscious. If he’s wrong…if it’s not her and they’ve tricked him again, it will be his own fault.

“Peeta,” Y/N says, staring down at him.

He blinks up at her, in the too bright light. His breathing heavy as she tries to move away, to give him space, but he holds her. Squeezing her fingers.

“Peeta, do you know who I am?”

His throat is sore, voice hoarse, from screaming. “Y-yes.”

“Good,” Y/N smiles.

“Where am I?”

“We’re in a hovercraft, on the way to district thirteen.”

Peeta studies her face. There was something…something is missing, something’s wrong. “What happened to the baby?”

“She’s fine.” Y/N assures him. “Keeping her siblings and Haymitch company.”

“You’re all ok?”

Y/N nods, “yeah, honey, we’re all ok. Now we focus on getting you healthy. Ok?”

He doesn’t flee from her touch, only the occasional flinch when he forgets where he is, until she reminds him that he is safe. “You came back for me.”

“Of course I did.”

Y/N leaves him briefly, with the doctors, upon arrival in thirteen. She needs to find Haymitch, tell him she’s ok. And she is running, searching, colliding into him, with such force that they are both sent off balance.

Down to the floor, the dirty, cold floor. But no place has ever felt better. To hold him, for him to hold her and inhale the scent at the crook of his neck.

“Never again.” He pleads, massaging the back of her scalp, like he does when she’s falling asleep. “Never do that to me again.”

“I’m sorry, Haymitch.” She nuzzles the delicate skin of his throat.

“Don’t make me live in a world where you don’t exist.”

‘All I know is that I cannot die.’

Part 20

Series Taglist: @praline357 @flowercrowns-goodvibes @justheretoparty420 @avocadotoastwithegg @treehouse-mouse @emo-markie @spilled-mi1k @magical-spit @greaser9902 @jessicamellarky @yourebuckingkiddingme @smuha2004 @sendhelplease @ninimackbrews @wittiestrain184 @r1dd1kulus @erenluvr69 @helpimhyperfixating @jackierose902109 @jellybear455 @dreammgc @dadbodfanatic-x @ftdtcmlovr @inky-sun @ms-brek-ker @undercover55655 @mischiefmanaged21 @avoxrising @koiphisch @drwho-ess @daisydaisybilly

[pumpkinsy0]

That pony in the er post was so.good I need more hcs of that

ok but this time its me who put him in the er for the sake of the post, this is all for u anon

hes in that room w the shitty small tv in the corner of his room, that's his form of entertainment and he hates it bc all it plays is terrible quality scooby doo reruns

ponys trying to make darry crack a smile, and its like he kinda does???? but its just for ponys sake, he's still very worried

"this bed is fucking terrible" and he's been knocked out sleeping a good chunk of the day, it couldn't have been THAT bad

he hates the food in the hospital, only thing he can really eat is the jello and that's BARELY, someone from the gang is sneaking him food from the cafeteria or some chocolate cake from home

tim and curly WILL visit him to see how he's holding up, theyre both actually worried and nosey mrs, just sticking their nose everywhere

curlys also accidentally hurt pony, keyword, ACCIDENTALLY, tim didn't have to smack him that hard over an accident

if pony can't or isn't allowed to walk, PLEASE do not let curly push his wheelchair, he goes to fast or does that thing where he puts all his weight on it and they both fall

going back to ponys substance abuse issue w his pills, ik he would shit himself if the doctor asked him what medication he takes and how much of it, bc then that means he either lies about it and gets hurt worse or lives but has to face the #talk with darry and soda

pony doesnt know shit about his medical history, darry previously didn't really know THAT much either, but he's learned it so every time pony is asked a question by the doctor, pony looks over at darry like a soggy cat for him to answer

when pony was like SUPER out of it for whatever reason, soda did that "here comes the airplane" thing and darry told him to stop but he was giggling a lil too, its ok king let ur chest jiggle in delight

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

[pastadoughie]

chat izthis like a disordr

tghis postt i havetried mybest 2 un silly type it

i have likee alotof symtoms that are vbery clearllyy like, not. normal people behavior. butlike for context i am also like in a situationn where its kindof imppossible 2 expect me 2 be normall so itslike. how do u deliniate bwteen something being a disordor & smthn being like. a normal reaction allthings considred

im puttingthis part under a cut, its like not triggering or anything justlike idk kinda alot cuz itsme actually talkinggg abt my shit in a non silly way

i do not go outside. at most i will go on short drives 3-4 timez a month, but often times 0. i havenot actually spoken 2 someone that hasnot been a family member or medical professional in 5 straight years. ido not go to school. i do not see the sun. i do not talk 2 people. i do not do any kind of normal person activity. the only placewhere i actuawlly speak 2 ppl my age is online, and even then quite rarely. ive been in extreme isolation for 6 years. so u cannot judge me onlike what normal people feel-

i tend 2 be very very detactched from liek,,, reality, idont really know what i looklike. i have an image in my head & i look in the mirror sometimes but its really innaccurat & pretty intagngible because if ithink about it too much i get dysphoria so bad it makesme suicidal

i dont spend much time being uh, like interacting w/ stuff in the real world. i only really have the internet & the internet scaresme and makesme feel bad alot of thetime, and other stuff i can do on my computer feels bad also. the majority of my time is spent layingin bed of witch its reallyhard to leave even ignoring my disability. i just dont like anything, theres not really much to like & far much more 2 be upset about.

it kindasounds bad when i describe it but it doesnt really feel 2 horrific alot of the time, imjust like, a silly lil creature, i listen to music & i draw & i spend alot of time laying in bed thinking. its not like insufferable all the time & i do sometimes feel a little good.

i havea disability that, makes me really tired- i dont really know how to describe it. its like. its hard to think. like theres a phisical disconnect between my brain & my body. imagine all the thoughts u usuallyhave in the background & all of them just being gone. and that includes thoughts u dont like vocalize like when you move your arm you have to think to move yr arm. it effects that too, so i cant movevery good & sometimes not at all. & its not always like that likesometimes its better & itsmore normal feeling but that kindamakes the times where its bad just feel even worse

i call my disability the slop as a shorthand because you can imagine it like. your brain has to send signal from point A to B in order to do anything, and the slop is like if in order to travel it has to wade through thickk mud or sludge & so it takes alot longer to move & when youre like waist deep in sludge the hardder you push the more tired your legs get so itgets harder

a side effect of this is apathy, having emotions means you have to go through the slop theres nothing in ur brain that doesnt require that transfer and so alot ofthe time i just dont really have the bandwith for emotions, only when i have very little slop

so ihave been trying 2 like get meds 4 the slop & liek, ok i donthave the time to get into the nuancses of what works&what doesnt because that would be so long- but i have a medication that removes the slop & that makes me feel so much more alive and normal. but the issue is that italso makes everysingle emotion feel like im dieing- positive or negative. for the reccord i dont think that thats a medicationn side effectktt and even if it was i dont have a choise because i cant just live wioth the slop.

the way i rationalizethis is that like. like imlike the equivilantof like a fucked up deep sea fish and like. i get only tiny tiny tiny little sparkles of emotion that are able to make theirway down all the way to the sea floor. so like you take away the slop & take me to the surface and i melt like a blobfish

its really overwealming, i saw a video of a guy and hes walking outside and theres trees & a river & it made me cry because i wasthinking about like the outside & like people go outside & in the sun & they live there & its justlike nothing to them its just so casual. and i get that degreeof overwealmed abt everything like every tiny tiny tiny little thing to the point that itys like it can feel unbarable to even be in my room i get so overwealmed so how am i even supposed to go outside?? i cantreally discribe how terrible it feels its like torchure &like its like its not always like typicall like mental breakdown like that feels bad like sometimes theyr good emotions but. its still. torchure.

im also very scared, itsnot like if i were to go outside and talk to some1 like i can just explain 2 ppl in a sussinct way that doesnt make them uncomfortable that this is my first time really being alive & all of these thingsthat are normal for everyone make me wanna rip myskin off

imscared of people alot actuiawlly like alot alot because i know that people see me aslikea fucked up little schizo tranny &so whenever people talk to me i cantstop thinking abouthow theyre gonna kill me & its really overwealming andthen its like its impossible to like speak ormove or like be normal cuz theyre gonna killme theyr gonna kill me theyr gonna kill meeeeee

&its like ok so like objectivestandpoint herei have like paranoia & anxiety & disosiation &like however u wanna descrivbe my emotionss stuff & its like. ok.isthat like. a chemcial disorder. or justlike. me beingnormal & reacting normally under the circumstanses im in

[moon-0f-m4rs]

Mercs with a borrower friendo :3

(this is my 1st time writing anything so ummmmm...... hiii)

Scout

Yaps, yaps and yaps more,, and ya gotta bear it. Like, whenever he was annoying anyone else in the team, they'd just walk away or get him to get away. But now,, cant do nothing about it. At first he definitely took advantage of it, but over time i feel like he'd pay a bit more mind to not being too insufferable. Also, therapy sessions every now nd then. Man needs a bit comfort even if he can't admit it. Hes not that bad when it comes to handling, can be gentle, but also sometimes can get a bit too careless. Oh but he teases alot, alooot. Would get u snacks, but never try bonk..... u'll explode 😓😓

Solider

Before even getting found out by him, you had to have a tiny american flag in ur bag whenever you went out. If you didnt, this guy wouldnt adopt you as THE AMERICAN BORROWER YOU ARE!!! And since, say, you did.......... best dad ever. 10/10. Well i mean,, accidents happen quite some timesss.. (racoons.. or his idiocy) He keeps an eye on ya tho, 24/7. Also, youre probably his only voice of good sense that could shush him down whenever he gets a bit dum dum, thats appreciated by everyone.

Pyro

Dress ups, tea parties and some arson on the side since he provides u matches. At first he was way too curious about you to be gentle, but over time he learnt to be carefull. Likes touchin u, prodding and tapping and stuff. Keeps him aware ur real and not am image in his head. He would definitely make crafts for u, like just minature sized objects or something like that. Would get really attached, so, you get scary dog privilege :3

Demoman

Wee lil' friend you are hes rather fond of. Hes caring and protective all the time. When he gets sloshed, he just becomes grabby, clingy nd loud. At times, just cuz hes used to do so, tries to get you to drink sum with him (if you're an adult ofc). This guy stuffs pepole up with granades on a daily, but would never hurt someone smaller than himself. Sometimes u gotta remind him to be quieter, but tbh, if youre living next to an everyday battlefield, your ears should be well used to it by now.

Heavy

A presence he doesn't rrly mind. When hes not in battle hes a quiet man, just going through his day, so having a tiny bud on the shoulder is no issue. He'd be pretty scared of handling said bud tho, ees hard to be careful when being beeg man. But you can always just stay in the pocket or as i said already, shoulder. Guaranteed food around him too. Heavy does not mind sharing sandvich with leetle leetle friend.

Engineer

Workshop assistant :D Every borrower must know how to make tools, atleast the basics, and i feel like he'd be amused by these but in a positive way. He would definitely make tiny functioning thingys for ya. And now if we dont care about the amount of noise, a small wrangler to you and you can shoot with his sentry meanwhile hes occupied with something else on the battlefield. Super fun and caring guy, one of the few that know what personal space means tbh.

Sniper

Rather antisocial typa guy, so if you're around him then its either just sitting in silence or a small talk about either his job or whatever you have to offer. I also dont feel like he'd be overly touchy in any situation. He sometimes can offer you resting somewhere on him; hat, shoulder, pocket, whatever you like. But thats for whenever he's not sniping. He'd rather not get startled by a move and miss the shot.

Medic

It all.. ALL depends on how he found you, what mood he had and overall what was his first thought he had about you. And if it was all somewhat positive, then another assistant you are. He could get a full review of how it is when inside of a human body from u!!!! fun ain't it? :D He wouldnt really go out his way to be careful, at first at least. Later on he might give some respect, if you prove yourself to be productive and entertaining that is. Archimedes would definitely be interested in you, taking you as their own.

Spy

He wouldnt be too invested in you, maybe sometimes taking you on the battlefield as a extra set of eyes or something. Also it would be a pain to even spend time with him since his smoke room would be a literal gas chamber. But maybe he'd let you just ride along in some pocket, as long as you kept it clean, and just.. do spy duties idk. Maybe if he got you some of your own mini gadgets then mini spy???? hhhmmmm??? im outta ideas for him idk

hon hon france

uuhhh... yea (this took me like 2 weeks my god)

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. hey! I'm looking for non-specific Canon or canon divergence (MDZS verse) fics where Lan Wangji has a "he is adorable" or "he is cute" moment about Wei wuxian. or just lan wangji simping and having soft, rose tinted thoughts about wwx from his point of view >< @wutheringskies​

~*~

2.  helloo!! i have a request for the next itmf. are there any fics where resurrected wwx has like a really bad flashback to his three months in burial mounds and juniors/lwj/or someone different witnesses it? thank u and love u @vicleey

~*~

3. for the next itmf, do you have fics of either A) wwx not being adopted by the jiangs/him raised in other sects or B) wwx leaving the jiangs realizing he deserves better

3A)

Seen and not heard by eatmyass (E, 51k, WangXian, Case Fic, No Sunshot Campaign, AU in canon setting, Kid Fic, dadxian, Strangers to Lovers, Found Family, POV LWJ, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Falling in love in metaphors)

this whole comp

3B)

🧡 Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, POV LWJ, Fix-It, Pre-Canon, at least to start, WWX goes to Cloud Recesses, But Not In The Usual Way, fear of character death, Everybody Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, good teacher LQR, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, brief discussion of past minor character suicide, Kitten, Not YZY Friendly)

~*~

4. I am back for more in the mood for requests! Thank you for everything you do.

I am in the mood for modern/au fics with a stand-in for wwx dying and getting resurrected. Such as him going missing, being presumed dead, being in witness protection, or leaving by his own volition. Any fic about modern/au lwj missing/mourning wwx and them getting reunited some time later. Preferably with lwj searching for wwx?

Anything works though. I would love to see all kinds of different takes on what his canon death could be in an au.

End Racism on the OTW || Yesterday Once More by Sweetlittlevampire (T, 22k, wangxian, modern au, reality show au, Long Lost Family au, adoption, family reunions, lost love, getting back together, family feels, angst w happy ending)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Minor Character Death, Injury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents, These Things Stay the Same [Podfic] by Rionaa)

please accept this fried chicken and my feelings by thelastdboy (G, 4k, wangxian, modern, Reunions, Marriage Proposal, Trans Male Character, Trans WWX, Single Parent WWX, Mental Health Issues, Medication, allusions to past suicide attempt, Light Angst w Happy Ending, Alcohol, Drunk LWJ)

always on my mind series by sami (E, 37k, wangxian, LWJ/others, LWJ & JYL, modern, family, sexual tension, grief, superstar musician LWJ, fluff, children, pregnancy, parenthood)

~*~

5. Hi! Thank you for all your hardwork <33 ITMF for jealous/possessive WWX, but no post-canon fics please. Thank you!

~*~

6. Hello! ITMF Gusu lecture era smut? Like, teasing in class, getting distracted in the library, dorm room shenanigans, etc. Preferably longer fics like “ Straight at the Sun ” by diamondbruise, but short pwp would be nice too! Thanks so much!

Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)

~*~

7. Hi 👋  Thank you sooooo much for finding that fic for me," Turn Left " 😁 its exactly what i was looking for.

Please can you recommend fics that are similar 🙏Thank you 😊 

~*~

8. any lan zhan POVs? bonus points for those delicious misunderstandings @chellsky​

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

Caffeine, Small Talk by mistergoblin (E, 144k, WangXian, Modern AU, Friends With Benefits, Enemies to Lovers, or more accurately: frenemies to fuckbuddies to lovers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, touch-starved lwj, Slow Burn, high levels of sexual tension, Misunderstandings, Getting to Know Each Other, Switching, Bottom LWJ, bottom WWX, slight D/s, Happy Ending, side yanqing, lwj’s patented horny grip, Sub LWJ)

Mad about the Boy by TriviasFolly (M, 62k, wangxian, 1950s America au, greaser WWX, historical smoking, historical viewpoints, angst, internal struggle, pre-relationship, historical homophobia, sexual awakenings, sexual exploration, self-discorvery journey, self-love journey, gay academia, teenage dramatics)

~*~

9. Hello, for the next itmf, are there any fic where WY is just losing it and just went mad or traumatized. But not in the the way that he become brutal and jusf killing people.

Sorry if this is weird. Thank uu

of all the hands by typefortydeductions (E, 51k, wangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage, emperor LXC, PTSD, nightmares, dual cultivation, mental health issues, fluff & angst, consensual non-con, pining, politics)

~*~

10. Love love LOVE fics where Yu Ziyuan gets her way and Wei Wuxian is removed from the Jiang Sect, only for Yu Ziyuan to run the Jiang right into the dirt while the whole world sings the praises of Wei Wuxian, who can now reach his true potential without having to scrape and knowtow to Yu Ziyuan's temper. I need more of them. I need ALL of them.

... Or I guess really just any fics where WWX ends up standing above Yu Ziyuan.

If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 93k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)

💖  Light Source by abCEE (M, 31k, wangxian, not Jiang friendly, no golden core transfer, fall of the jiang sect, happy ending)

~*~

11. I don't mind Best Jiujiu Jiang Cheng, but it's starting to bug me that everybody seems to forget it's not canon (CQL notwithstanding ig) so I'm asking for post-canon fics that acknowledge Wei Wuxian as Jin Ling's actual favorite uncle. It doesn't need to be Jiang Cheng bashing or anything like that really, I just want Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian feels and bonding that are NOT Yunmeng Bro reconciliation or focused on Jiang Cheng. I won't say NO to some Jiang Cheng bashing, but I'd prefer the focus be on Jin Ling and his ACTUAL Best Jiujiu Wei Wuxian.

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 64k, JL & WWX, wangxian, post-canon, protective WWX, protective JL, JC & WWX reconciliation, reluctant matchmaker JL, pre-JL/LJY)

i won’t let you down (give me what i need) by orphan_account (Not rated, 2k, JL & WWX)

Questioning by Rainewritesfanfics (T, 1k, JL & WWX, Crushes, Bisexuality, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Family Fluff, Good Uncle WWX, JL pov, Queer Themes)

The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (G, 3k, JL & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, Canonical Character Death, Fix-It, JL & WWX talk, JL centric, JL & WWX bonding, wangxian being shameless)

in which Jin Ling is tragically underappreciated by Buttercup_ghost (Not rated, <1k, JL & WWX, wangxian, post-canon, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Matchmaking, Time Travel, Good Nephew JL, Humor, Mild Homophobia from Jiang Cheng but it gets shut down, Supportive NHS, NHS Is A Little Shit, BAMF JL, Cloud Recesses Study Arc)

a reconstruction by JaggedCliffs (G, 7k, JL & WWX, JL & JZX, Uncle-Nephew Bonding, Family, JL learns more about his parents, he also learns that his family committed past atrocities, Jin Ling is going through it)

of past and present by Here_For_This (This_Rocks_My_Socks) (T, 6k, JL & WWX, wangxian, Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, bad unlce JC, not JC friendly, Discussions of moving on, Implied/Referenced Torture, brief mentions of Wei Wuxian’s cynophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, self-care, Hopeful Ending)

~*~

12. Can I get some relationship reveal fics pls

The F-Word by raspberrymocha (M, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Family Dynamics, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Humor, Fluff, Light Angst, Weddings, Engagement, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Sex, 5+1 Things, Heteronormativity)

~*~

13. Hi! Are there any canon-era fics where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying feel each other’s pain and/or an injury on one shows up on the other? Can be a soulmate au or a spell or the like. Thank you!

You'd Break Your Heart to Make It Bigger by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 32k, wangxian, soul bonding, first time, case fic, fools in love, soul boning, pining while fucking)

Sunder by naqaashi (E, 32k, wangxian, canon divergence, soulmate au, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Heavy Angst w Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Pining, Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Porn w Feelings, Porn W Plot, Light BDSM, Edgeplay, Multiple Orgasms, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Rimming, Fix-It Temporarily Unrequited Love, ,First Time, First Kiss, LWJ pov, Sunshot Campaign, YLLZ WWX, Dom LWJ, sub WWX, Marathon Sex, Lube, Whump, LWJ Whump, Canon Jiang Cheng Characteristics, Angry JC, Good Sibling JYL, Good Sibling LXC, hurt LWJ, hurt WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, switch wangxian, Light Dom/sub, Cuddling & Snuggling, WWX Whump, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Five Stages of Grief, Suicidal Thoughts)

Flowers of pain by CorkaHadesa (M, 16k, wangxian, canon divergence, soulmates au, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, LWJ pov, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, not YZY friendly, not JC friendly, not Jiang friendly, Bad Sibling JC, Bad Sibling JYL, Protective LWJ, Protective LXC, Protective LQR, Bad Parenting, Healing, Family Issues, Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Happy Ending, WIP)

~*~

14. Hello! For the "I'm in the mood for" section, I was looking for long fics where wwx or lwj (or both) have a disability. Any of them would do, I'm not picky. The longer the better, and if the fanfic has an M/E rating, I would prefer it if it's canon dynamics. Thank you so much for your hard work! :D

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP,   WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol   Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) chronic pain

some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)

we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club) WWX loses a leg & gets a prosthetic

no new age Series by everythingispoetry (M/T, 145k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Disability, Parenthood,   Character Study, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death, Families of Choice)

Mod Kay: i also have a collection for stories where wwx loses his hand

The Martial Arts Instructor Fic You Didn’t Know You Needed by enbysaurus_rex (M, 423k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, WWX & Wen remnants, WQ & WWX & WN, modern, martial arts, everyone lives au, not canon compliant, WWX has ADHD, autistic LWJ, pining, enby WWX, implied/referenced alcoholism, PTSD, slow burn, chronic illness, found family, polyamory negotiations, JC & WWX reconciliation, Single Parent WWX, Single Parent LWJ) I know I recommend this fic all the time but it’s my fav so - neurodivergent disabilities, chronic pain/injury & illness Can also apply to #4 because wwx fakes his death and lwj raises a-yuan

The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Time Travel, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Self-Indulgent, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant)

🧡 close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, WangXian, blind!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Golden Core Transfer, Romance, Pining)

Disabled WangXian Comp

~*~

15. Any fics where Jin zixun succeeds in killing wwx and being lazy and callous realizes he doesn't have a gift for the party and presents wwx's as his own instead. Maybe he is immediately found out cause someone recognizes wwx's handwriting on it or whatever. Or maybe jl grows up with it and adores it cause there isn't a wwx stigms attached and like it saves his life many times, people constantly saying whoever gave it to him must of really loved him. And then he finds out the truth

a symbol to remind you that there’s more to see by paperminds (T, 9k, JL & WWX, JC & WWX, JL & JC, post-canon, canon typical violence, hurt/comfort, angst w happy ending, JC & WWX reconciliation) this one (from 2 itmfs back) is 'similar' the  other way, jin ling grows up thinking his mom commissioned the bracelet. for #15, i think i've never read a fic with jin zixun specifically stealing jin ling's gift, so i hope op gets recs, but otherwise it might be a cool prompt for the kinkmeme!sadly i cant find the 'similar' fic i want to rec lol 🤦‍♀️ its the one with ghost rogue wwx who was (spoiler) killed due to jin negligence in a nighthunt iirc, and jin zixun steal all his notes and passes them off as his own. wx have a different first meeting and lwj investigates wwx's death.

asymptotic by chinxe (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Pining) The fic the previous reccer for 15 is looking for is Asymptotic!

~*~

16. ITMF fics with protective LXC. Maybe he goes against JGY because he dares to hurt LWJ and that's where he crosses the line. But I mainly want protective LXC over his brother (and maybe a bit dark?)

A Little Fall of Rain by Just_a_Girl_in_a_Crystal (T, 47k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, canon divergence, fix-it , Angst w happy ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Not Everyone Dies au, Grief/Mourning, Lan Wangji’s awesome family, Golden Core Reveal, Protective LXC, Protective LQR, WIP) ooh idk fics where lxc actively opposes jiggy/discovers his actions, but for now, i have these for 16. protective lxc starts to mistrust ppl who aren't lwj

The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, fix-it, time travel, Possessive LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Fluff, Siblings, Romance, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Fix) general protectiveness with the power of hindsight

Alternative Choices by StarClearWaters (Readoutloud) (T, 20k, wangxian, LXC/WQ, Time Travel, LXC pov, Protective LXC, Temporary Character Death, Butterfly Effect, Mpreg, Panic Attacks)

~*~

17. Hi!!!!! For the next itmf I’d like some secret relationship wangxian. Preferably canon or canon adjacent, definitely not ABO tho. Thank you!

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[strawberrystepmom]

sometimes I feel like I'm doing sex wrong cause the way you describe it is just... not my experience at all. and it makes me feel like I'm broken, like being on SSRIs for several years fucked me over :(

come sit with me, sweetheart

let me start by saying you are not broken in any way whatsoever. sex is personal by every definition of the word. your preferences, your pleasure, your interest. it can wax and wane over time. it can evolve. you can feel like a forest fire or a flickering candle, there is no right or wrong way to feel or experience sex or sexuality and you are certainly not less or broken or bad for needing to take medication to help you feel like yourself.

tbh with you - i am a sexual person. i enjoy sex but it wasn’t always like that. through most of my 20s i didn’t hate sex but didn’t find it fun, the mind numbing pleasure everyone described never really happened for me. yes i was also taking an ssri/hormonal birth control which can impact sex drive but at some point i realized something - i wasn’t thinking of sex in relation to myself and what it meant to me, i was simply performing for someone else.

so i started from scratch around 25: what did i like? what didn’t i like? what were my actual fantasies outside of the porn i thought i was supposed to like? how did i want to be touched, seen, perceived?

this self exploration changed my life and it was done completely independent of another person. sex became mine again, something meant to make me feel good. i feel a lot of people neglect what they may be actually interested in because it feels like a lot to dig into especially since sex tends to be viewed as, well, performance instead of letting the mammal you are do what it wants to do most and that’s experience things that feel good. we want to feel good! it’s our whole reason for everything most of the time!

I highly encourage focusing on your own pleasure. masturbate and not just in the way you’ve always been told you should, feel yourself out. don’t feel ashamed of what you like bc i’ve found a lot of disappointment in sex can come from internalized shame (this used to be my issue thank u Catholicism)

and like full honesty i write about highly idealized versions of sex meant for fantasy on here. i’m not gonna say i don’t borrow from irl experiences bc i do and what i write about is always about my preferences but fantasy and reality often differ. sometimes irl sex isn’t magical, sometimes it’s just release, sometimes it just doesn’t hit and dropping the expectation that it has to every time can help quell that feeling of “what’s wrong with me?”

so let me reiterate - you are not broken, you aren’t bad, you aren’t doing anything wrong. my advice here is to reconnect with yourself sexually and go from there because you are the purveyor of your own enjoyment. it’s safe, it feels good, and it’ll help you feel empowered in the future. don’t be afraid to experiment!

[bookishfeylin]

bestie can u elaborate why don’t u like the barbie movie (i also don’t like it but i just love giving people the opportunity to be haters)

I feel like I should preface this response with several things:

I liked PARTS of the Barbie movie. Some of the messages in it were really good, and were delivered in a hilarious way. The pure love for humanity and LIFE was very evident and I loved Barbie’s arc. I also appreciated the underlying “redpill ideology is harmful and misleads men” message.

I knew Greta Gerwig was a white woman so I did not expect much in the way of intersectional feminism or even acknowledgment that white women are often the weakest link and tend to be 'class traitors' more than any other marginalized group, so that was not my issue with the movie

It's pretty! And bright! And colorful! It was FUN!

That being said… it did not sit well with me the more I thought about it.

My main problem with the Barbie movie is that it equates Barbieland with real life patriarchy and argues that both are equally bad, when that is demonstrably not true even as shown in the movie itself. When Barbie enters our world, she is sexually harassed, assaulted, and objectified. This is... not how the Kens are treated in Barbieland. They're just... ignored. That's it. The Barbies don't mistreat the Kens, and when Ken gets hurt in the beginning of the movie while beaching the Barbies all rush around him to get him medical attention and worry over him. The Barbies aren't cruel, and they certainly aren't treating the Kens as objects. They're just... ignoring them most of the time. And before someone brings up the Kens being homeless I'd like to add that, given their attempts to build a wall in the movie, there is certainly nothing STOPPING them from building their own homes. More than that: if it really bothered them so much why didn't they ask the construction Barbies for help with making one? I'm sure they would've said yes. There is literally nothing and no one stopping the Kens from making their own houses or having their own little Ken village because the Barbies DO NOT CARE what they do. At all.

The worst Barbieland offers men is being ignored by women. And that's not nice, sure. Hence why barbie apologized at the end. But the worst patriarchy offers women is being abused, raped, indoctrinated into patriarchal religions, and murdered by men. Those two things are not the same. So not only could this movie not commit to actually making a real matriarchy that is actually as bad as patriarchy (because don't get me wrong, I don't doubt that a matriarchy in actual practice would be bad y'all), it then argues that this fictional watered down version of a matriarchy is somehow the equivalent of the much more violent real world patriarchy as a ~warning~ to women's rights advocates to not get too carried away I guess? AND REACTIONARIES STILL CAME AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE THINKING BARBIELAND WAS JUST AS BAD AS PATRIARCHY AND BEING UPSET THAT BARBIELAND RETURNED UNDER BARBIE CONTROL (despite the movie's message that Kens were still going to get rights in Barbieland and would one day have the same rights women in our world have but I digress--) And then the reactionaries felt this movie was anti-Men???

So no. I don't like this movie. The fact that a lot of normie people walked away from this movie like "Yeah! It critiqued Matriarchy AND Patriarchy! It critiqued feminism and the red pill!" indicates to me that this movie failed. The premise of this movie was inherently flawed: that women ignoring men=matriarchy=just as bad as the violence and dehumanization of patriarchy. But more than that, the fact that so many agree with this premise concerns me, and suggests that misogyny is much more deeply rooted in the human consciousness than I had expected. If women merely ignoring men and living life without centering men is viewed as matriarchy, as misandry, as "just as bad" as patriarchy, then perhaps the advocacy for women's rights was always doomed.

Sorry to end this on such a downer btw

[fairycosmos]

the qtip thing is like. ok so yes it pushed earwax around in your ear, and thats risky cause it can cause impaction, ya. but thats not the main prob with em! the main problem is, your ear hole doesnt want to have stuff put inside it. (even tho it feels good bc of all the nerve endings.) so basically, it senses something is In There when it Shouldnt Be, so it goes "oh shit i should make More Wax to Protect Myself." so qtip use = more earwax, and then its like a self perpetuating cycle.

the best thing u can do is irrigate yr ears in the shower (let yr ears fill up w hot clean water and then tip yr head to get it all out and then wipe out the outside area around yr ear canal after you get out, bc any wax will loosen and thin and make its way out naturally from the heat n moisture). if someone has rly bad earwax, they can get like debrox or w/e which is an ear cleaning solution that also helps break up wax and irrigate the ear canal. BUT AFTER I STOPPED USING QTIPS my ears literally stopped producing so much extra unnecessary wax (bc i wasnt freaking them out by putting smth in there) so getting rid of the wax rly isnt a problem for me anymore at all !!

disclaimer obvs if anyone suspects an infection or fungus or other medical issue See A Doctor

why is the body such a snake OMGGG im going to make this action feel very good and productive when really it's bad for you and will in fact produce more of the substance you are trying to get rid of.......like WHAT.........it does make sense though sadly </3 i just got some ear drops from the dr today so hopefully that helps because this shit is not fun lol. thank you for taking the time to explain!! <3 queen / king / deity of ear health <3

[oifaaa]

Wait so do u think timmy wasnt neglected as a child or do u think that neglegence isnt a big deal as long as their rich

Damn friend you really asked that in the most dishonest way you possibly could, like the only reason why I wouldn't think tims parents are neglectful is bc they're rich and not bc I just don't think they qualify as neglectful but let's go into it anyway

First off let's get our definition correct neglectful in parenting means the failure of a parent or guardian to provide basic needs for a child such as food clothing shelter medical care or supervision, which when people refer to tims parents being neglectful they're usually talking about that last one but even that's a stretch considering while tims parents were away working alot they never just left tim to fend for himself usually tim had someone else to watch him mostly in the form of boarding school so by the broad definition Jack and Janet drake were not neglectful parents - just bc theyre weren't always physically beside tim does not make them neglectful

Now do I think Jack and Janet were perfect parents - no but I do think people give them a lot of grief for reasons beyond their control such as them being away alot since theyre archaeologists and it's part of their jobs to travel alot personally i think it'd be worse if instead of leaving tim in a safe stable environment they were constantly upheaving him, moving him around and disrupting his schooling so what he could hang out at a dig site? Also we don't actually know for sure how often Jack and Janet were away for - we just know Tim wishes they were home more which btw is understandable I'm not saying Tim can't be upset at his parents not being around more, I'm just saying it's not exactly a good enough reason to jump to jack and janet were the worst parents ever like a lot of people seem to do.

The other thing people like to point to when talking about bad parenting is Jack and how he interacts with Tim after Janet died which honestly is just alot of the parent and child love each other but don't understand each other causing conflict troupe it's not exactly something I could really say puts Jack on the worst dad's list especially since he does try to be better and does get that character development as time goes on (you know before he dies too)

Anyway this is all long enough but I wanted to end on a cute note with these pages from this week's issue of batman #134