#bc I got really triggered
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want a drink ? .-.
yes TT
#I know I haven't been responding much to messages#or posting anything#I'm just going through a bit of a hard time rn#I tried to distract myself from the trauma of the robbery#and bottle up my feelings#but my feelings have caught up to me#I might be going through a minor depression rn idk#I'm struggling to focus on anything or do anything other than playing Rain World#you actually sent that at the perfect time#everything came to a head today and I had a massive ✨autistic meltdown✨#bc I got really triggered#honestly my eyes still feel really dry#thank you#this actually helped a lot#sorry I'm talking too much
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the baldur's gate 3 experience when you accidentally trigger an unintentional romance because you thought you were just being a really supportive friend
#rbs turned off bc ppl kept being annoying. be normal abt this game or die by my sword.#baldur's gate 3#bg3#shoutout to anyone who had to turn down more than one companion & they got really sad abt it#EDIT: this was always about karlach for me. went to talk to her & was met with the 'i want to be with gale' option#without ever triggering a romance scene bc i hugged her like any regular friend would
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The basegame wedding dress has a pregnancy morph??
#I can never be positive if something in my game is like. a third-party launcher addition#but this is so funny and I had such a strong hunch#because rushing to have your Sim get married before they give birth is such a thing so many players would do!!#and it would be so funny to pay attention to that detail by having the wedding dress show the bump!!!!#all your sim's wedding photos very obviously giving away the reason for the rushed date HAHA#the dress with the pendant at the back that everyone default replaces off (the one with the knife texture) also has a preg morph#which I know because it's the one your Sims get forced into if they attend a wedding#but it's kind of unusual because pregnant Sims don't have the opportunity to change into formal wear?#like pregnant Sims get new undies pyjamas and swimwear in addition to their maternity outfit#and if you direct a pregnant Sim to change into one of them then it changes them into the appropriate maternity fit instead of their usual#but you can't direct them to change into formal and if you use a hacked option like the shop any-wear rack it uses their usual non morph fi#so it has to be something external like a wedding that triggers them to change into formal. and I have no idea why#does this mean there's a BG suit with a preg morph for men??#or did maxis not think that pregnant male Sims would be quite so desperate to get married#anyway I'm probably the last person to know about this LMAO and I'm sure no one cares bc everyone uses wear-anything mods#but I'm a scrub who still prefers to use the default maternity meshes so this is yuge to me#also if you've never seen this dress b4: in the early game all Sims getting married under an arch used to be forced into the same outfits#actually I can't remember if the men got forced into the same suit or if they just used their regular formal#because most BG formal outfits for men were mostly wedding-appropriate#but at any rate. all women wore the same wedding dress. and it was this .... beauty#and I don't remember with which EP it changed but probably pretty early on they just let Sims use their regular formal wear for weddings#so you could pick their wedding dress yourself#but this dress remained hidden by default (I think?) so ironically it meant you COULDN'T use the wedding dress even if you wanted to#also this is completely off topic but you would also go away for your honeymoon#which meant the Sims getting married would literally get driven away in a limousine and stay off-world for a while#it was kind of cute because it really was like they took a vacation from the player too. got up to their own mischief away from your contro#then with bon voyage they introduced ACTUAL vacations and they turned honeymoons into an actual game mechanic#but again these offworld honeymoons are no longer a possibility#kind of like teens 'going out' with permission got replaced by going out on actual outings/dates even though it was a cute event#wow this note section is long and irrelevant. anyway enjoy picking up your wedding dress from a store called 'It's Not Too Late'
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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I would feel bad for the mice that get caught in my traps if it were not for the fact that I have now killed 3 in the span of 2 hours to the same trap. I feel like if you keep sending members of your family out to forage for food and they keep going "ooo! Yummy peanut butter :)" to the same very obvious trap in the same location, at some point that's kind of on you.
So now my reaction to walking into the room and seeing the exact same trap with yet another mouse inside is "...idiot" instead of "poor thing".
#I say this but they figured out the basic snap trap so I had to buy the plastic kind with the easier to trip trigger#It's just that they got bold because they figured out how to lick the peanut butter without getting snapped#So now I have a bunch of traps that have a full trigger plate instead of a single trigger point#They step on the trap literally at all and it snaps#And the bait cup is deeper inside so they almost *have* to step on it to access it#Anyway I can't put out poison bc it's bad for the environment and also dangerous to the dogs#And I can't afford the electric traps#So snap traps it is#I was getting frustrated bc I kept finding evidence of mice but never actually catching them#And I remembered when I realized my rental house had mice these plastic ones were significantly more successful at catches#I actually really like mice and all rodents but wild ones spread disease and ruin food so I kind of have to#Especially if they start chewing on my wires
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I can tell the SAD is starting to creep back in because I just ugly cried over a tiktok of a dog who had been in a shelter for 2.5 years.
#emynn.op#I say SAD but it's not really SAD#like it's time of year related but it's not bc of the lack of sunlight#I just say SAD bc it's easier than 'annual depression brought on by personal and family triggers due to the rapid series of holidays#'that make me contemplate my very existence'#but ALSO the dog was having a fun day out!!!#someone checked her out for the day and they got a pup cup and playtime at the park and a new toy#and she was such a pretty baby and she looked so HAPPY#even when she had to go back to the shelter ough#listen I know tiktok is the devil and all that but my feed is 95% cute animals#so#anyway#gonna go annoy Daphne now and make sure she knows how lucky she is
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A tale of daisies & larkspurs
For @sanusoweek || Day 2: Fairy Tale / WLW (pretend this was posted on time)
Relationship: Sanji/Usopp (F/F)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Recommend reading on Ao3 but the main ones are: Transphobia, gender dysphoria, child/domestic abuse, and violence (I swear this is happy too don't get tricked by my angst)
Chapters: 14/14
Summary:
‘I love you’, her mother always says. ‘My precious daughter. My angel.’ But her father’s words are still louder. “It is the only thing he will never be able to obtain.” He turns around to approach her numb body, as she uses her last efforts to hold on to Pedro’s armor. Judge doesn’t smile, but he has all the fun in the world when he frowns with disgust at his son. Son. “A true love kiss.” — Usopp smells like wild berries, daisies, and wood. Like ancient books, fire, and dirt. Like chemicals, poison, and deadly flowers. Like sunlight, wet grass, and thousands of thousands of songs Sanji hasn’t been able to hear. It is impossible to know what a song smells like, but she is quite sure they all have the scent of that music box Usopp made for her. She always brings gifts whenever she comes. It makes the princess feel less trapped and more… It wouldn’t be more, since she isn’t even a bit free. But it makes her feel free. Liberation, that’s what she smells like. Freedom.
Read on Ao3!!!
More of my works!
Check out @aimtodraw's fanart here!!! I loved it so so much and I had to hold myself back from screaming in the middle of work when I saw it--
Also @the-orion-inexpirience's art I asked them to draw quite obviously inspired by this fic!!!!!!! It inspired me so much to keep writing!!!
#it's finally here!!!#please be careful reading the tags bc it's fluff but extremely angsty too and it could have triggering topics#this fanfic means the whole world to me tbh#my heart and soul are literally in every word#i really do hope you like it!!!#i got a bit carried away this was supposed to be short#'10k words' i said like a liar#but i'm actually really proud of it????#so i would love feedback and comments to see what you think!!!#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso#sanuso fairytale au#PRETEND I POSTED IT ON TIME PRETEND IT'S NOT LATE-#it is the 19th actually the world just. goes faster than me
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dr1 designs pt. 2
#byakuya togami#kyoko kirigiri#makoto naegi#danganronpa#dr thh#trigger happy havoc#i draw#the PROTAGONISTS#the radical shift from this cast of protags to dr2 is really funny in retrospect#like byakuya you got followed up by Him.... how does that make you Feel.......#byakuya's hilarious. incredibly funny guy. not intentionally he is not trying to be funny and i am often laughing At him#godd the delivery on some of his lines is so good 'Shut Up' why does he enunciate like that!!!#kyoko's neat im chill with kyoko yknow hashtag not my waifu but shes a likable character and i was really intrigued in her story#and then there's makoto#he did grow on me in the dr3 anime but in the game there really isnt much to work with#he gets a slightly different jacket bc i said so (hates hoodies hates drawing hoodies has so much unjustified hoodie anger)#what sucks is 2/3 of the characters in the IMMEDIATE set after this are IN hoodies and i couldnt not draw THEIR hoodies
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assorted thoughts 1/when sklonda mentioned getting drinks with sandra lynn now and then I straight up cheered I was so scared for her social life being so overworked 2/straight up have no judgement on the whole ratgrinder situation on account of being a whole grown man. Im not getting into beef with fictional teenagers let them sort that out among themselves 3/sprak levefre
#not art#my oldest daughter with a grown sibling ass going I hope sklonda makes time to chill#she should be at the club. for free. they should pay her to be at the club#honestly its kind of a thing with riz too but thats more like. ok the thing is riz just fr loves mysteries#so tbh its more like if u yknow. love drawing and u draw for fun#and now u also draw for job. like I feel like thats the thing thats going on with riz#dude who playtests as a job and then goes home and plays more games. but with mysteries#but with sklonda it really feels like. its something shes Good at bc shes diligent and careful and has a moral spine#rather than something she actively enjoys. like her job is solidly her Job#so she immediately hits that alarm trigger in my brain seeing moms going about like#!!!⚠️⚠️STOP⚠️⚠️!! DO YOU HAVE A HOBBY ARE YOU CULTIVATING YOUR SOCIAL LIFE#and with her it fucking Got me too bc she just! doesnt seem to have the time to build that for herself#and the fact that she (Like Riz) is Living While Goblin in elmville and the isolation that probably entailed#like the empty nesting down the line would hit her like a baseball bat it would be Brutal#so genuinely knowing that she is casually hanging out with sandra lynn (and probably other parents in the group as well)#thats a whole piece of anxiety off my mind watching this show lmao. moms!#anyways sprak lefevre my beloved. actually I retract my vow of neutrality sprak's party better really like him and treat him right#or else.#he is prrrrrobably an artificer but personally itd be so funny if he isnt. what if hes a bard
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for some reason i cropped them and now i can't find the cropped versions and i'm too lazy so uh i drew this last night and my sister took pictures of it with her computer so thanks for that um gay people aaaaaa
#adam faulkner stanheight#you can't see him bc it's really small but it's there trust#eyes#hands#traditional art#my art#kenny mccormick#also for some reason i made crenny which is weird bc i don't look at crenny stuff i just think a03 is infecting me#craig tucker#i dont know what to put here#south park#bloody nose#black eye#tw blood#is blue so i don't think it's triggering but still#bruise tw#idk i just got it from pinterest man#crenny#teehee#are we cooking i think we're cooking chat
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Trying on the cosplays imma wear to a con in a month and getting excited that ill be cosplaying said characters in a month
#prince's talk tag#yo its gonna be so fun!!#im doing h/omura‚ p/ers/ona3 protag and my boy rui in that order#h/omura was supposed to be a duo with my friend (they were to cosplay her gf)#but theres a s/tar r/ail meetup that same day and there wasnt one last year and they wanted to go so they're gonna do that instead#and the other two days i have cosplay meetups i wanna do so there went that#but its ok i know my friend really wanted a meetup last year so im happy theyre getting one this year#imma show up to the p/r/s/k one again and give out extras I get from buying the cd singles bc i dont need all these#plus i wont just be in his school uniform i bought his new troupe outfit so ill be in that!!#and for the protag i got his new battle uniform from the remake so thatll be fun!!#i brought an evoker prop but i need to find like orange tape to put around the muzzle so they know its fake and it cant shoot#the picture showed it with it on so i thought it would come with it but nope!#gotta hope security will be find with the tape on it#like it literally can't shoot the trigger doesn't move its just meant to be posed with#we'll see i guess#i was looking at the panels and i saw some that interest me but ill doubt ill go to bc knowing me ill spend my time in artist alley#but there was one i was really interested in but its at the same time as one of the meetups so i have to forgo it OTL#its a manga industry panel. i went to one at a different con like 9 years ago and i learned a lot about how they publish and print manga#so i kinda wanted to see how other companies do it if theres a difference#tho there is a manga lettering panel the next day and that doesnt interfere with anything so maybe ill do that one if anything#bc i have a love-hate relationship with type#man i can't wait for next month!!
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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Like i'd be sad about getting called an impolite good-for-nothing brat but he does it so often and literally unprompted that it takes every muscle in my body not to just laugh ab it like hello. Do you just sit in the living room steaming about everything i've ever done wrong until you decide to get it out of your system.
#because if so damn i really am just like my father#like i'm here sitting with a tummyache bc i got my period and ig he felt like me not smiling got him triggered again
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the main reason i know im not femme in the slightest is bc i cant comprehend why anyone would Ever want to be feminine. i can understand neutral leaning fem, but the idea that people are born wanting to be feminine is appalling to me personally because femininity always felt like imprisonment and torture. it was and still is a restraint. a training weight i was forced to bear. i cant fully empathize or understand anyone who wants to be more feminine because i have never and will never want to be more feminine out of anything other than pressure or insecurity. im most comfortable being gender neutral, hairy and disgusting in old gym shorts and stained tshirts no matter how much insecurity it causes me. i dont care. im never dressing up all pretty for anyone elses benefit ever again. and i assume this is how people who want to be feminine feel about masculinity to some extent. if thats the case im super glad we could trade because holy moly
#op#doing sex work has also solidified this boundary for me btw#youd be surprised how many people love forcing specifically butch people into feminine clothes and get off on it#like specifically search for young or inexperienced butches and/or ftms#without actually explaining to them what they want to put them through in full detail beforehand or are very vague#but theyre holding money you dont have as an unemployed person over your head so its kind of hard to say no#these experiences have shown me dykebreaking style kinks are actually really popular even in queer communities#this brand of ppl just kind of do it then after the fact call it forcefem or detrans kink and call it a day without communicating beforehan#i think its really shit because now i have a bad taste in my mouth about that kind of stuff#but just bc i had bad experiences doesnt mean everyone will#thats like saying we shouldnt let people transition bc 1% of people detransition or something#i got manipulated by bad people and thats not anyones fault other than those peoples' for being awful people#so if youre wondering why i trigger tag forcefem jokes and stuff. that is why.#with how common it is id rather trigger tag it for someone whos far more sensitive about the subject than i and doesnt wanna see Any of it#i tried being feminine. hated it. 0/10. will never again unless i feel like it inexplicably some day.#the most feminine ill get is wearing bright colors and having shoulder length hair or wearing pink accents in my outfits i guess#or maybe when the thought of wearing them doesnt make me feel sick anymore ill wear pleated skirts again#all these unrelated tags to say#please communicate with your partners especially younger ones. just bc theyre over 18 doesnt mean they arent young and kid like.#brains dont stop developing until around mid 20s and if you as a 30-40 something year old arent communicating properly thats messed up#and just be careful out there#practice ethical/safe kink please and ty ily <3#qtag
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fucked things up with a person i was starting to like and have been sad about it all week :(
#eh.txt#got triggered really badly a few weeks ago due to a family thing#and basically told them hey i like u but i am too emotionally damaged and don't want to catch feelings fr#and they were kind and understanding#and then i regretted it the next day and was like hey jk sorry for being crazy#and they said they've been busy but intended to reply#and then five days passed so i was like don't worry about it sorry for putting u in a weird position#lololololol#it's no biggie i just feel things so intensely and the moving process has been so stressful#cried all throughout yesterday#i hate how intense my emotions get and also how i just replay situations over and over again in my head#and my stupid brain is like ''maybe they will message u back actually''#when it's like girl we crashed three whole planes into the building it's over 😭😭#next psych app i'm gonna ask if we can up my meds bc clearly i am still a nut job :')❤#wish i had the kind of personality that was loveable but alas lolololol
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jumpscare one of ur names is the same as one of my gfs anyways HI hru montgomery ?
woagh!! that's cool!
yeah the mental illness is really kicking my ass recently, but other than the self esteem issues i'm actually doing pretty good! being creatively active again after a long drought and that's really nice. also gives me scenarios to lull myself to sleep with, which is what i should be doing but alas. the siren call of the little gay people in my phone...
#also#i didn't know if i should say something about the anon hate you got#bc idk what triggered it and it's frankly none of my business#but i'm really fucking sorry about that#you're one of the coolest and nicest people on this webbed site and you don't deserve that shit#hope you're taking care of yourself buddy#love you <3#buggy thoughts#buggy answers#better than drinking alone#slimeriana gay sex
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