#bat family shenanigans

[pinkiemachine]

HEEHEEHEE….

Part 2 👇

[ehliena]

Tim: Ok, I've got the tickets.

Dick: Good, we'll just text Jason the time and-- Dude why are there four tickets? Duke said he's watching with Izzy.

Tim: I know that. Demon brat would sulk for a month if we watched without him.

Dick: IT'S AN R-16 SHOW!

Tim: You think Damian hasn't seen worse?

Dick: I... I see your point, but how are we sneaking him in?

Damian *who was in the room the entire time*: Just tell them how old Timothy is, and they'll believe I'm old enough.

[goaheadandgetinthebog]

it's a meme in Gotham at this point that if you're a dark haired orphan, you're at risk of getting adopted by brucie wayne.

it's also a meme that the man has no idea how many children he actually has. he just looks at a group of dark haired teenagers/ young adults and goes 'ok they must be mine'.

so the batkids film themselves one morning. all sitting calmly at the breakfast table. being normal. except joining them are izzie, donna, kon, anita, jon, maya, maps, and roy in a terrible dark wig.

then bruce stumbles in, in full brucie mode (he's sleep deprived, it's practically the same), muttering good morning to his children. then he freezes, does a sudden frantic back take, and visibly counts how many people are sitting at the table.

the video is uploaded to steph's tiktok account. it gets 10 million views in the first 24 hours.

it also gets memed.

[cardinalcheerio]

Tim: Hey dick?

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

Dick *grinning and searching sculptures*: be a worse crime not to name it that

[blog-moved-lol]

I like to imagine that if any of the Bat-Kids are out in public, whether they be getting food, shopping, patrolling, just walkin' around, whatever, that if they see the Bat-Signal pop on it's an unspoken rule between the siblings that they have to throw on their costume and try and find/deal with the trouble before Bruce gets there. Just to annoy him.

Batman: "Commissioner Gordon! I got here as fast as I could.. What's the situation?"

Commissioner Gordon: "Oh, Batman, thank you for coming.. It's alright, though, it's already been taken care of by these fellows."

*Gestures to the side where there's a couple of muggers sitting tied up next to Nightwing(He has pink, glittery shopping bags hanging all over his arms), Red Hood(He's rummaging through the bags Nightwing is holding, trying to find the black nail polish he just bought to touch up his nails after the fight), Red Robin(He's sipping a cup of coffee that he accidentally stole because he ran out of the cafe so quickly that he forgot to pay), and Robin(He's chowing down on a kids' meal from Bat-Burger)*

Batman: ...

Batman: *Subtle annoyed glare*

[bibibusinessman]

[luca-is-a-pengu]

If Tim and Damian would have lived at the masion sooner.

I firmly believe that Tim was a bowl-cut kid.

Tim is 3 and Damian is 1 in this one

with motion blur cause I felt like it

[ev-arrested]

I just know Jason is so fed up with the rest of the Batfam not knowing how much of a shitbag Dick was when he was a teenager. I know this man looks like a complete nutcase when he tries to convince Tim or Damian that Dick had his asshole phase, too. Don’t believe his fucking golden boy, depressed, running on fumes, burnt out, “I’d give everything and then some for the good of the world” act. He’s a lying liar that lies. It’s ALL lies.

Mr. Professional Older Brother was a goddamn menace to society, and Jason Todd is gonna PROVE IT, DAMNIT.

“I know what you are,” says Jason.

“Lol,” says Dick. “Lmao.”

[spiritinspace]

whenever the batfam has an interview that they really don’t want to do they just sick whoever is the most exhausted on that poor interviewer

it’s a lot of incoherent ramblings about whatever case they’re working on (usually complaining, but it’s hard to tell. even the best listeners can’t decipher what they’re saying) and grumbling about how ‘Damian bit them’.

[hyperfixating-chic]

Damian: *looking a little sad*

Jason: Mini demon, what happened?

Damian: *glances up, not realizing that he was showing emotion on his face* nothing.

Jason: yeah, sureeee. What happened?

Damian: Am I too different for the family?

Jason: *looks startled* no? I mean… Cass was raised as an assassin so uh…

Damian: I… said a sentence in Arabic at school, I couldn’t remember the English translation.

Jason: *looks like he knows exactly where this is going* So?

Damian: *glances down* he called me a (slur that I’m not typing out)

Jason: *visibly going red with rage* Names. I. Want. Names.

[pinkiemachine]

BatFam Shenanigans - The Model Incident… Part 12…

Part 13 👇

Part 11 👇

[ehliena]

Bruce as Nightwing.

But what if, and it's possible bc the Batfamily sucks at communication, EVERYONE is suddenly Nightwing.

Nightwing!Jason is in the shadier areas of Bludhaven, beating down would be rapists and drug dealers selling to children. (Is the one people believe is the real Nightwing but they notice the height difference and think it might be shoe inserts)

Nightwing!Tim in a slightly padded suit with shoe inserts swooping around down town Bludhaven.

Nightwing!Damian (obviously not real Nightwing), helping people in the park.

Two female Nightwings, one blonde and one black haired, zipping around on motorcycles patrolling.

Nightwing!Duke obviously still pulling the day shift role.

And then there's ScowlWing aka Batman playing dress-up. Everyone KNOWS this isn't their Nightwing. They think he's someone's uncle who wants to protect Nightwing but might end up getting hurt. People appreciate the sentiment.

[serendipitous-girl]

𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞

⊱✿⊰ summary: your family wants to protect you but its impossible with the life you all lead

⊱✿⊰ warnings: kidnapping, minor torture, it will be angsty, almost dying, spitting on your face, the joker deserves his own warning tbh

⊱✿⊰ notes: this is for skye because she wanted some angsty batfam stuff and here we are. I am just shitting on the page and hoping words form at this point. I hope you enjoy and feel free to send me requests. Also this is a platonic fic sorry if you were hoping for romance action

⊱✿⊰ tags: @kozumesphone @fizzywashere87 @fashionablysouly @witherwallflower @goldierey

@finleyforevermore @baecakie @gergthecat @mqstermindswift @anyas-shitposting69 (comment on this or send me an ask if you want to be added to my DC taglist)

"Well, well, well. Looks like baby bird got caged." The clown sneered, leaning close to your face. You scrunched your nose and tried to scoot away despite the ropes scratching your wrists raw.

The Joker's finger runs along your cheek, a horrific grin on his face as he stared at you. You tried to keep a brave face, you tried to act like the domino mask over your eyes was really a shield. You tried to act like your dad, Batman.

Maybe it was your fault you got kidnapped. He said you weren't ready to go out and patrol with your family, but you went away. You stole one of Damian's mask and put on the most costume adjacent clothes you owned.

"Where should I start, little one?" Joker asked, breaking your train of thoughts. Placing blame would be set for another time. Not now, its not time yet. "Should I give you a smile that matches mine? Should I turn you into a firey decoration before dear ol' daddy bat gets here?"

You winced, trying to prevent the ice filling your veins and the fear weighing your stomach down. The Joker grabbed a knife from his table that had numerous weapons littered on top. Carefully the cold metal of the blade brushed against your skin, not harsh enough to cut just yet. He wanted to scare you first.

•───────────•°•❀•°•──────────•

"I am going to kill that son of a bitch." Jason growled as soon as he heard the news. Bruce gathered the family in the batcave, and explained the Joker had kidnapped the youngest of the family- you.

"Jason, I understand your frustration but we can't act with haste. I won't let her face the same fate you did. I won't make the same mistake twice." Bruce replied, already dressed as Batman. He was doing his best to stay professional despite his fear being ever present.

"I don't want to wait too long either." Dick added, crossing his arms over his chest. Everybody was tense, wanting their sister to be safe once again.

"I'll find where that stupid clown is keeping [Name]." Tim said, standing up and rushing towards the computer before anybody could even reply. Barbara silently followed, knowing she would be the most help to Tim.

Bruce looked at all of his family and nodded, "We'll find her and get her back."

•───────────•°•❀•°•──────────•

Your throat was hoarse and tears had dried on your face. There was no point to fighting it anymore, you only hoped he would kill you soon.

"Aw but doesn't the bird look good with her wings marked?" The Joker chuckled, slicing yet another line into your arm. The cuts were deep, sure to scar, and they were deliberate. You could only guess what he was spelling on your arms.

With the amount of blood flowing down your arms like a red river, it was to no surprise you were fading in and out of consciousness. That would be nice, at least you wouldn't be awake while he tortured you.

You almost settled into the pain, eyes fluttering close to let yourself rest, when you heard a crash. Glass was broken and there was yelling everywhere.

The Joker grabbed your face with his hand and forced you to look forward, where you saw your family (the only thing disguising their horrified looks were their masks)

"Looks like they showed up in time for you, baby bird." He grinned, spitting on your cheek. You were too tired, too fragile to even bother being disgusted. It was better than the cutting.

"Let her go and I'll think about not crushing your head into the wall." Red Hood barked out, already aiming his gun at The Joker. You tried to pay more attention but you were fading slowly,, ready to force your body to rest.

The Joker dropped your body like it was nothing, your face smashing into the concrete. It hurt, pain forming in your forehead but it was a distraction from the blood oozing out of you.

Despite your best efforts, you finally blacked out. The last thing you saw was your family lunging at the Joker, rage thick in the air.

Light flooded your eyes, fresh air blasting your lungs. You were laying down on something soft and warm, contrasting against the mildly scratchy fabric on your skin. You blinked your eyes a few times, forcing them to focus despite the dull ache pounding in your head.

"You're awake." Damian said, apparently sitting beside you. It took a little while but you realized you were in the personal hospital at the manor. He had a few scratches and bruises but nothing as horrific as the scars on your skin (and in your brain.)

"Wha-what..happened?" You croaked, throat feeling like sandpaper. Like magic, Dick appeared with a glass of water you gratefully took. The liquid in your throat was almost heavenly in the way it made you feel infinitely better.

"The Joker kidnapped you and we rescued you." Your father explained calmly, not bothering to add details. Which was probably good for you, the devil's in details.

"I'm glad your back, sis." Jason said, making you suddenly aware of his presence in the back of the room. Your entire family seemed to be in here, ready to see your betterment. Despite he general aversion to touch, Jason wrapped you into a hug.

Of course, everybody else joined in (forcefully or not) for a big group hug. You laughed, despite the hollow of your heart, watching as Tim was pushed into the hug by Dick.. It was ridiculous having a group hug after a traumatic event...how family sitcom could you get?

But somehow, it felt good to be in the arm's of your family. It felt like home.

lori © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything weird with my writing! i like reblogs and comments but please be kind as this was my writing.

[quotidian-oblivion]

Picture this: Ra's clears out the chessboard and brings out a deck of Cards Against Humanity.

"They say this game is only for the boldest, Detective. Think yourself brave?"

He pulls out the box.

Tim starts laughing so hard he cries and vomits.

Inspired by a conversation with @sardonic-sprite

[cardinalcheerio]

I imagine that the Batkids go out for food every once in a while.

So there they are all sitting at the restaurant, when dick goes to pay and accidentally uses one of Bruce's cards.

They get back to the cave to bruce freaking out, everyone is like "IDENTITY BREACH AHHHHH" y'know.

And the next day a paper comes out, "Bats steal Brucies Credit Card!"

From then on they use Bruce's cards for snacks in the field and gotham just accepts that

1. Bruce funds the Bats

2. They take it from him

3. Bruce and Batman dated and Batman stole his credit cards and gave them to his kids.

[blog-moved-lol]

Reasons Why Bruce Wayne Refuses to Take a Break:

1. Why should he?

2. Because fuck you, that's why.

3. He's scared that if he ever actually stops to take a break, completely relax, and fully drop his guard, something horrible will happen to Gotham and/or the people he cares about and he won't be able to stop it because he wasn't prepared OR the years and years of burn out and physical/emotional pain will finally catch up to him (because he stopped running from it) and it'll hit him so hard that he'll finally have to face the trauma he endured as a child when he saw his parents die (which he is not physically capable of coping with, because the event fractured his identity into Batman, a man with childish morals and an inability to make exceptions [such as not killing a petty crook OR a mass murderer and thinking they should be dealt with the same way] and a childish sense of justice that cannot exist without him blocking out his trauma [so if he had to face that trauma his very identity would cease to exist]) therefore his mental health would be destroyed to such an extent that he'd be unable to even pretend he was alright, which in turn will make the people he cares about worry about him, and because he hates when people worry about him it'll cause him to lash out which will further isolate him from the world and from any form of human connection, leaving him sitting broken at an empty table in an empty mansion on an empty island just like he did when he was a mere, insignificant, hurt, orphaned eight year old who hadn't yet made his mark on the world-

4. He doesn't wanna >:[