#based it on an incorrect quote

[milesofstars]

dont worry about it jason...

[ashenquill]

Dick, annoyed that he can’t figure out what’s wrong with his escrima’s taser: What do you WANT FROM ME

Jason, overhearing: Firstborn. And some Tostitos. Not necessarily in that order.

Tim, not looking up: Crazy Uber Eats order

Steph: the fuck is wrong with you people?

[moonyswarmsweaters]

James: i'm paying for the person behind me, can you tell them that i think they’re hot?

fast food worker: okay?

Regulus: *drives up to the window*

fast food worker: your food was paid for by the guy ahead of you. he thinks that you're hot

Regulus: *rolls his eyes and smiles* he's my husband

[ahfrickenfrick]

duke: how tf do you know when one of us is doing something vaguely stupid?

dick: it’s my dick tingle

duke: don’t ever say that to me again

dick: :(

[theaceofarrows]

[Nightwing and Red Hood on a stake out outside a convenience store]

Nightwing: [watching the back] See anything yet?

Red Hood: [watching the front] A lady just bought $75 worth of cookies and two gallons of milk

Nightwing: Wow. Cookie Monster in disguise

Red Hood: Didn't know Cookie was a thirty something year old woman. Very good disguise

Nightwing: That's the point. He hides in plain sight

Red Hood: Sure, if you say so

[Half hour later]

Red Hood: Any changes from your side?

Nightwing: Other than me wanting a cookie? No

[moondustinfj]

Regulus *running away from James* : I can't marry you YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME!!!

James *running after him* : WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??

Regulus: YOU'RE TOO NICE TO ME!!

James: I'LL BE LESS NICE!

Regulus: YOUR GIFTS ARE TOO SPECIFIC!

James: I'LL GET YOU A GIFT CARD??

Regulus: UGH!! *keeps sprinting away*

James *following him* : I'M SORRY! I NEVER MEANT TO NOT HURT YOU

Regulus *sobbing while running* : YOU'RE TOO EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE!

James: WE'LL WORK ON THAT IN THERAPY!

Regulus: NO! I CAN'T DO IT... MY BROTHER LIKES YOU TOO MUCH!

James: FINE I'LL PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!

Regulus: NO! NO..YOU'RE...YOU'RE TOO IN LOVE WITH ME!!

James: SO ARE YOU!

Regulus *stops and turns to him* : WHAT??

James:

Regulus: YOU'RE TOO COMMITTED TO ME!

James: FINE WE CAN BE POLY!

Regulus: WHAT?!?!

James: I MEAN YOU. YOU CAN BE POLY!

Regulus:

Regulus: FINE! *starts running again*

James *out of breath* : babe..wait..

Regulus: ARE YOU NOT RUNNING AFTER ME-

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Sirius *smirking* : I'm gonna show this to their firstborn

Remus: Padfoot put the camera down-

[lilislegacy]

percy, holding out his fist in his palm: ok wise girl. rock paper scissors time. if i win, i get to pick the movie for date night

annabeth, doing the same: fine, but if i win, we move back across the country to that house in westchester that i love

grover, looking over in alarm: what?! how is that even—

percy, nodding firmly: deal. rock pap—

[aqua-phantasy]

Oc comic

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Eddie and Steve were sitting and chatting at Joyce and Hopper's wedding reception when a drunk man came over to them.

Drunk: That young man over there *pointing to Dustin* is a wonderful young man.

Eddie: *whispers to Steve* Are we going to have to fight this guy?

Steve: *smiling awkwardly* Thanks, we like him.

Drunk: My god, you must have been teenagers when you had him.

They watched him stumble away.

Eddie: I wonder what planet that guy thinks he's on.

Steve: If I had to guess, Robin told all the drunks I'm Dustin's mother.

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony: Hey no more coffee for you, it'll stunt your growth

Peter: Respectfully Mr. Stark I don't think I'll take your advice for being healthy

Tony: Young man when I was your age—

Peter: You were doing cocaine to fuel your lab binges

Tony: What? No... who told you that

Peter: Rhodey

Tony: Shit

[that-bitch-kat3]

average conversation in the marauders dorm:

peter: there are two wolves inside of you: drinking and gambling

james: they’re making out

remus: actually i’m pretty sure moony is the only wolf inside me

sirius: same

peter: BAHAHAH

james: (in shock)

[fox-marauder]

Sirius: i have no value :( Remus: that's not what i said! Remus: i said you had no nutritional value. because i said i wanted to eat something and you said 'me' Sirius: i have no value :( Remus: NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE Sirius :(

[0vergrowngraveyard]

classic knuckles is bad with kids

[fandomfloater]

Kara (sad): Alex, Lena found out I’m supergirl but I think she forgave me after eating me out.

Alex: wtf

Lena (running into the room): CHEWED YOU OUT KARA. CHEWED

[batfamgalore]

Tim: How’s Dick dealing with the whole getting shot in the head, losing his memories, two of his best friends dying, Alfred dying, and Damian running away?

Jason: He’s coping. Nothing really phases him anymore. Watch this. Hey Dick!

Dick: Yo?

Jason: An asteroid is heading to Earth. Death is imminent.

Dick: (Eating his cereal upside down on the couch) Wig.

[child-of-icarus]

[studying in the library]

Remus: Potter has asked me to ask you if you’re...

Regulus: If I’m what?

Remus: Single... I told him that I’m not a year three girl passing love notes in transfiguration

Regulus: Well, good

Regulus: Also... I am.

Remus: You’re..?

Regulus: Single. I am single.

Remus: Oh

Regulus: But if Potter wants to ask me out, he can do it himself.

...

Remus: Yes but... Who will tell James that?