#barty and marlene

[curiouslymyown]

Barty was so sure he would hate Marlene when Dorcas wanted to introduce him to her but she showed up wearing a t-shirt saying my dick is bigger than yours and that was the start of an unlikely friendship between the two

[vomits0cutely]

When Marlene and Barty first heard “Love was the law, religion was taught”, they fell to their knees

[valoflunar]

Marlene,Barty and James aka the impulse buying trio

[risetherivermoon]

barty and marlene gossip together, marlene brings all the drama from gryffindor where barty brings stuff from slytherin, making it a huge drama fest

james is trying to find barty to apologize because they were bickering earlier and he’d run off bc of smth james said, but he just finds the two of them sitting together while barty is gasping dramatically and marlene is telling a story about two randos from gryffindor at rapid speed, he decides to apologize later instead :)

[outromoony]

Me when the slow burn is slow burning

[prongsinrevolt]

behind every hot girl there is unhealthy, slightly concerning, spiritual connection to harry potter’s dead parents dead friend group

[seekmemystar]

everyone keeps having these moments at the top of the astronomy tower how are none of them bumping into each other

[beataylorsversion]

why can't gay people flirt normally

like "ur cute," "no ur cute," isn't that hard

it doesn't have to be:

"finally the flesh reflects the madness within,"

"well, you'd know all about the madness within wouldn't you remus?"

[bri-cheeses]

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

[prongss78]

barty, stealing the marauder's map and figuring out how to open it- because of course he would, he's a genius- and seeing james and regulus suspiciously close together in the astronomy tower, dorcas and marlene in the gryffindor girls dorms incredibly close together, and pandora and lily also very close together in the ravenclaw dorms- not to mention, remus and sirius in a broom closet on top of each other, and peter and gilderoy in the gryffindor dorms also suspiciously close together-

barty, lying in bed half on-top of evan, fully naked: wow, did you know that all of our friends and all of our friend's friends are gay??

evan, who has been running his fingers through barty's hair for the better half of an hour: shocking

barty: i know! and they're all being little freaks right now!

[starchaser98]

"Not every ship has to be gay!"

Girl you're using TUMBLR. THE gayland. What did you expect?

[curiouslymyown]

The skittles are a group that everyone crushes on, they just don’t say it out loud

Dorcas and Pandora were gay awakenings for 80% of the schools lesbian community

Evan and Barty are so hot together it makes a lot of guys question their own sexuality

Regulus is just really fucking pretty, it’s hard not to crush on him

[vomits0cutely]

I show a post saying Barty went around telling everyone him and James were dating

so I wanted to make a little thingy

It probably started when someone was flirting with Barty and he wanted to get away and went: “shit I got to.. go see” *tries to think of something, mind goes to James* “my boyfriend!” (??). Then he keeps it going for shits and giggles, and then he panics when ppl ask him about it cause he doesn’t know why he thought of James out of everyone

———————————

A Ravenclaw: *flirting with Barty* so crouch.. I heard a little rumour that you fancy people with brains..

Barty: [who would rather be anywhere but there]

Barry: uhhh.. yeah I do, did you know Gryffindors are quite smart too? Like uhhh.. James Potter, for example, like his my boyfriend yk? and all-

Ravenclaw: ..what?

Ravenclaw: Oh. That’s cool I just thought- ykw nvm.

Barty: yeah you didn’t know that? We’re dating

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Hufflepuff: so Barty..

Hufflepuff: [flutters eyelashes, smirks and puts hand on Barry’s thigh]

Hufflepuff: what do you do even Quidditch is on? Do you go back to your dorm.. because I could tag along..

Barty: no, I don’t. I actually uh, I normally go hang out with my.. boyfriend, James Potter. Yk the one who your team lost to? The captain and prefect? The one-

Hufflepuff: .. I’ll go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Doesn’t even make sense cause James would either be playing or watching all the games, but Barty wasn’t thinking)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marlene: Barty!

Barty: what?

Marlene: what is it I’m hearing ‘bout you and Jamie?

Barty: ..

Barty: uhh, where’d you hear that?

Marlene: I was near some Hufflepuffs and heard a mention of it

Barty: why you snooping near Hufflepuffs?

Marlene: don’t change the subject. What’s the deal?

Barty: I needed an excuse to get away from ppl so yk.. I used him as an excuse

Marlene: why James tho? Wouldn’t Evan be more useful, cause you see him daily

Barty: .. James was just the first person I thought of

Marlene: ..

Barty: I guess

Marlene: ..alright then-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dorcas: Barty.. why?

Barty: ‘why’ what? I didn’t even do anything!

Dorcas: Oh, so running around saying your dating, Potter? Is nothing?

Barty: you heard that did ya?

Dorcas: of course I did, I hear everything. May as well call me “Rita fucking Skeeter”

Barty: okay I did! People were annoying me and I just said “My boyfriend needed me” and just threw Potter’s name in there so people would shut up and leave me alone!

Barty: god do people ever stop and leave me alone? Stop asking me about it god!

Dorcas: ..

Dorcas: okay.. my bad then

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[theysolemnlyswearshesuptonogood]

REGULUS: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

MARLENE: >:0 language

PANDORA: yeah watch your fucking language

EVAN: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MY SISTER THE FUCK WORD?

DORCAS: 'the fuck word'.

JAMES: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

EVAN: Merlin they censored it

BARTY: say fuck, James

EVAN: do it, Potter. Say fuck.

[lucerysgirl]

At Jily's wedding:

Church: If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Evan: LILY.

*Regulus and Dorcas trying to hold Evan back while Barty is laughing*

Lily: For the last time, Evan, I understand you want to be called Evan Evans. But that is not a valid reason to interrupt my wedding!!!

Evan : BUT THINK ABOUT IT.

[outromoony]

Fuck drugs. Have you ever been addicted to reading angsty fanfics about Harry Potter's dead parents and their friends? That shit will kill you.