#bad feeling time of night ig | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mysticalcats · 4 months ago

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ok fellas this post is really different from my other stuff so i'm putting it under the cut for people who don't care and also because i'm slightly embarrassed

ok so. is it unusual for a girl to want to have a deep voice and a flat chest and a more square face and also feel slightly jealous of men and want to sound like them and look like them

and also is it unusual to want to be all that, but also simultaneously not be very bothered very much by how you look right now or by being referred to with she/her except for sometimes when you think about it too much. because i usually don't think about it except for sometimes where i suddenly just get really sad about being a girl or i'll always have this faint feeling that i am just unhappy about it

and also is it unusual to try to ignore it and go about your life being unbothered by it even though deep down it does kinda bother you but you can't really. like. say anything to anyone because your family won't react well and neither will your friends because they'll think it's weird and uncomfortable. i feel afraid to ever feel this way because i know the people in my life won't react well to it

so like. genuine question please lmk wtf is goin on because i'm unsure if it's normal and i've felt like this for a long time and it's confusing me and i don't even know what i'm going to do with the information once i know i'm just sort of lost LMAO

#vent #ig???????????#it's not even funny (it's a little funny) how the only reason i've like. thought about this was because i am becoming #more and more jealous of actors in the musicals i watch #greaseball when i get you. when i get you #like i know it IS possible play as male characters in musicals or something as a girl if i ever wanted to #but the thing is i want to look like them and sound like them and i want to be masculine #this is me questioning my gender on my fucking cats the musical tumblr blog everybody point and laugh #might delete later depending on how embarrassed i get ARGH #I FEEL SHEEPISH #had this in my drafts for a long time but i'm caving in and posting it because i had a bad night last night thinking abt it #and i need to know. also i'm lying in bed having to get up and i don't wanna so i'm making excuses #anyway again. i'm embarrassed feel free to ignore this is so stupid #ok. being brave about this #i don't like being negative on here. idk if it's negative but it might come off that way and i don't want to be awkward #also idk how sharing it here will help. but i don't really know what else to go to #if nobody got me i know tumblr got me can i get an amen #keep adding tags to this like it's going to change anything. post the damn thing idiot #why am i adding so many tags like i'm hyping myself up in the mirror JUST POST IT

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deus-ex-mona · 4 months ago

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i miss her…

#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all #but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up #a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less #and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads #anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time #he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often #my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know #i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona #i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye #oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man

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sunflowerseraph · 2 months ago

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This is a difficult post for me to make, but to anyone whos commissioned me and is waiting on it, it may take a little longer than I wanted. My cat, Sammy, passed away last night and its really taking a toll on me and my mental health. Its difficult to work through but I'll be doing my best. Thank you for the patience so far with it all, and I'm sorry to ask for more of that patience. Thank you for understanding. Let me know if theres any issues regarding the wait, sorry again.

#cant guarantee ill be on top of my game. yknow #he passed in my arms #he was well loved but he was sick and there wasnt much else we could do #its been weighing heavy on me since he got sick but having him pass in my arms on the way to the vet was horrible. i cant #even begin to express how devastated i am. he was my baby. my youngest cat. but he always had health issues yknow?#i guess it was inevitable but it all feels like a bad dream #idk. sorry guys #im used to death. used to grieving. but it still doesnt feel real. or right #the last time we experienced a pet death was for our realllly old childhood dog. she lived a long time #my sammers was so young.#he deserved so much more time. he was so loving and sweet. and he had little fangs and tufts on his ears.#and hed lay over my boots when i came in the room. hed curl up against my legs and purr like a motor.#hed always be making biscuits when he saw people. with his big paws. they felt so big compared to his long lanky little body.#misha and rin (our other two cats that were around him most) have been laying with me for hours. rin slept on me all night #misha slept in sammys cat bed. like he knew #idk. im sorry #ig ill tag this for any triggers #pet death #animal death #sorry.again thank you all for being patient with me. i have unending guilt. im sorry #seraph.txt #if anyone has questions or comments youre welcome to comment or reach out. ill try and reach out too.sorry

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devilsskettle · 9 months ago

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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc #and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time #it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed #so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand #so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward #but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed #AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away #how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc #but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots #because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free #anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it #1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever #don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations #don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time #it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for #idk. idk. it’s entitlement though #sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know #but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol #anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions #also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc #like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly #‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that #i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing #the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit #but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing #maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.

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keeps-ache · 2 months ago

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okay i'm out of evil mode. peace love and a little bit of still-tired on planet earth lol 🧃

#just me hi #slept ! ! ! was it good? hell nah kfshvg #but i slept :D #wasn't allowed to go to bed for a couple hours cuz parents wanted to play a movie. it was good but it put me in a weird headspace lmsfh #//ooou my ear's doing the Thing #you know the thing. the thing it does. loll #ever since that ant was in there that one time (dear lird) when i wake up from laying on it it'll feel like. a bit inflamed on the inside ?#and kinda itchy. not good things but it's likely not going to kill me so 💥💥#'it's likely not going to kill me' <- things i likely said while pretending i couldn't see anything for like 3-4 years #oh but yea i'm going to assume it's nothing bc i was also getting phantom feelings and sounds for some weeks that caused panic so i'm not #even going to put weight on it. it's just itchy no biggy Kfshvhf :)#//anyway i think i also had a dream but i do Not remember those well At All lol #i know the last one had oath in it though so that one was cool. don't remember much else but that was sick Lmfsh :3 #//Ohh it's rainingggg yippeeee :D <3 #don't get much snow but we'll get tons of rain... i miss you michigannnnn <//3 #//but anyway the dream thing just reminded me #so this detail may not be important but my oldest brother and i are joked to be twins. there's 2 years and at least a foot of height betwee #us (i am the short). people get our voices mixed up when we talk low and i think that's funny #we were also thick as thieves as kids. not a good thing for anybody else but Yeagh kfshvg #but there was this one time we'd both woken up and were talking abt both having had a dream the night before; giving details and such #and we had the same dream ? it's still kinda odd to this day but we had the Same Exact Dream on the same night. if not odd it's neat! :3 #anyway so somewhere in the past year my brother (apollo) got a lunar on his right index finger #i kept forgetting tho and asking if it was a blood bruise (that is my bad boss ✋) and eventually the info stuck in my head #anyway so somewhere in the past two months i also got a lunar on my right index finger. i didn't even notice it until i was tryna wash my #hands and it wouldn't come off lmaoo #now that's going on ig. the timeline-clone theory grows stronger every day Kfhsvhfgsfg #//forgot what else i was going to say i went to go look into the phrase 'thick as thieves' lol #i don't understand how someone heard 'thick' and thought 'yeah. that means close now' kfshd #anyway it's old as you've prolly guessed. the earliest spot it's popped up was a newspaper that printed a letter that was written in 1827 #but it mighta been used earlier than that. neat!

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dykesynthezoid · 1 year ago

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The seasonal depression + major life stress to agoraphobia relapse pipeline is kicking my ass

#the adhd & demand avoidance don’t help any either #I end up wanting to avoid responsibilities out of spite and bc I’m time blind I don’t even notice how many days I’ve gone without leaving #the house #by the time you add the actual depression and anxiety and trauma I’m already struggling #it’s gotten so hard to go to shabbat services on friday nights bc it’s dark at 4:30 and the temple is in the middle of downtown #in not the safest area and there’s almost no parking #(to be clear it’s not just anxiety or fear preventing me from going. it’s hard to want to go anywhere when it’s dark and cold for normal #human reasons)#but still #i hate being in a position where I feel like I have to assume the worst of other human beings #bc that’s just. not who I am. its incongruent with who I am to walk down the street and assume people are bad and want to hurt me #that’s not a judgement I’d ever want to make lightly #even if I’ve also always been hypervigilant (it’s complicated ig)#(really feel like my nervous system has just not been able to fully stabilize for the past six weeks. it’s already such a hard time of year #for me and with recent events on top of that…)#anyway. I need to start planning ways to leave the house ig.#agoraphobia

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blitz0hno · 3 months ago

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I hate hate HATE knowing I'm switching/that we switched but already not knowing who I am orr who's stepping in or where the line is between me and that other alter

like we can tell when we're switching better with our meds but this makes the dissociation SO much worse and trying to think clearly about it makes my head fuzzy

It was a good day over all but since we've been masking less everything is a blur lately and I might be freaking out a little bit

#vent #kinda idk #it's not fun like people bitch abt that all the time but despite the good interactions we have ig there's a reason ppl harp on that #it's confusing and paralyzing and aagh #also ik somebody out there thinks we're completely fake #and idk if my siblings will treat me different if i tell them #and we don’t even hardly tell the friends who know when we switch #even if we want to we can't get the words out #im grateful to have what i have but im so tired of feeling this way #i wanna go to bed but i haven't finished any drawings yet #i have 2 going on 3 cuz we told purselves we'd finish the challenge even if it's not every day #but ugh oof between than and guitar practice and work and wanting to work out and-#just everything everyone wants to do #there's no focus #i cant drive until i can think clearly again so here u go tumblr #it's a nice night why is my brain stuck switching so bad #plzzzzz there's nothing happening we don’t need to dissociate this much #even if it's a flashback IT'S NOT REAL #THIS IS REALLY UNNECESSARY #but we ball

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alwayshappyhoursomewhere · 1 year ago

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Cup of China 2023 - Adam Siao Him Fa and Shoma Uno during the men’s victory ceremony

#this photo is everything to me I want to frame it put it on my wall stare at it forever #i’ve been lowkey hoping for something like this the whole off season watching adam’s ig and following him posting about his training #I love this boy and I love that he’s the kind of person who keeps quiet and works hard to get what he wants (like shoma)#and I do love his skating - his two programs were my favorite last season after shoma’s #but he really clicked for me at worlds on that first monday of practice (ik I will never shut up about this sorry)#was it the last group of men? it was pretty late and adam went in the group after shoma #and I was already shaky after seeing shoma practice with my very eyes #the way shoma practices is really like a machine - relentless and single-minded and unstoppable #and that night he was really hitting it (and popping a lot of jumps but he was still not holding back)#I think it was the night shoma did more jumping passes than the rest of the other men put together #and then adam’s group came out #and I ended up being unable to look away from adam because I saw much of the same qualities in him #and it went through my mind that of all the guys I’d seen there he was the one that reminded me the most of shoma #(lol it’s always shoma in the end isn’t it)#(and I love that shoma had already recognized his qualities too)#(I was so devastated when worlds went the way they did for adam sdghjkk)#but last season he still didn’t have what it took to fight at the same level with the guys at the top - or the consistency #that’s why this win feels so precious and meaningful #adam kept it together and delivered once more - it wasn’t just another one-time win in france #and to do it like that! tired from back to back assignments jetlagged and with boot issues!! On bad ice!!!#he knew that if shoma went clean it would have been hard or impossible for him to win #but he went for it with all he had and fought hard - i teared up towards the end because I was so worried he’d let his sp mistake get to hi #can’t wait for gpf but no matter how adam does there I’m so proud of him 😭#this was hard for me to watch because I also wanted shoma to win but I think Adam needed it more and it ended up being a deserved win #and I think it will motivate shoma for nhk and I’m so here for it! or literally: will be so there for it afsghjjfghgdh aaaaaaaaahhh #adam siao him fa #shoma uno

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adore-gregor · 2 years ago

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So I could really use some advice

#on a guy #if he actually likes me #because i'm really oblivious and i can't tell for sure from any signs he might give #but there could be a lot of signs 😂#so if anyone can help me out or tell me your opinion 🙈#it's a guy i go to uni with and had a class with we're now friends and hang out a lot ☺️ but maybe it could become sth more...#well i really like him he's so nice fun to be around easy to talk to and so supportive 🥰#actually i think i never liked a guy like him 🥺 because all the things i'm scared or worried about in a relationship are less so with him..#and i think maybe it really could work while otherwise i often just wanna 'escape' not literally but you know #so we saw each other a lot lately like every week or more often than once a week #and he also texts me a lot or just randomly called me to ask me things or make plans :)#he just send me a youtube video link i need to look at it later 😄#when we meet we always hug as a greeting and goodbye 🥹#also he had a gf until april so i'm not sure if he'd be ready already but anyway #and we always talk about lots of things and he's so interested in what i have to say #we onced talked for like two hours in front of the door at night 😂#when we meet and go eat something he always pays for me and i kinda feel bad about it 😅#because it must cost him so much money so last time at the cinema i insisted to pay haha #and he finds it really cool that i play tennis and didn't mind i spend so much time doing it #bc i met some guy who didn't so much because it meant i have less time to see him ig #but that's really respectful #and he always compliments me about so many things #also once we took a selfie together which i then sent him and he was like that he's unphotogenic on it unlike me #which i didn't know how to react because i never look photogenic #so i was like “noo that's not true i'm the most unphotogenic person ever normally”#and he was like “i can’t believe that” which i don't see but 😂#and yeah he played tennis with me after i asked him if he wanted and he also always offers me his help #when i was decorating my room if i need help with carrying or he often wants to carry my bag #and he sent me old childhood pictures of him and just funny one so did i then #he also sent me one of the sweetest good luck messages before i played a tennis match for my club 🥹

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that-was-anticlimactic · 2 years ago

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universe of constant spinning, every end a new beginning

“So, do you have an umbrella? That was like, your thing, right? At Claw?”

Ah—not again! He can’t keep zoning out while talking to people—especially his boss.

But… why was Reigen still here? It was late and he always got to work early. It wasn’t his job to stay and coddle his employees. “I—uh—no,” he stuttered, fingers twisting anxiously. “Mine was, uh, "is” broken, sir.”

‘Broken’ was a mild way to put it. More like it got destroyed.

[or, reigen gives serizawa an umbrella]

☔️2,651 words | serirei☔️

#corey writes:)#HOLY TRASH #no guys last year i challenged myself to write and post one fic a month so that i made sure i was still taking time to do what i enjoy #and not lose myself to school work right? aND I DID IT!!! so i challenged myself AGAIN this year and none of the stuff i've been working on #is fully done and i had time so i started this last night and worked on this on my down time during student teaching and when i got home!#this prolly isn't Great but it's short and something i've been thinking about since the minute i finished s2 sooooooo #and the brainrot has been SO real and actually tbh i'm pretty surprised that the fic i wrote isn't r.itsu centric lol but this idea would #NOT leave my head and i knew it wouldn't get super long like all of my r.itsu and kiddo ideas ijuhbgfvbhyuio #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #serirei #serizawa katsuya #reigen arataka #mp100 fanfic #serirei fanfic #guys it's about the m.lb umbrella scene okay #idk maybe this has been done before but also i. do not care because Feelings and i diD IT even tho its at the last minute lol #oops i need to shower i'm teaching all day tomorrow and my supervisor is coming to observe me ahhhhh send good thoughts pls jiuhygtfghuijoiu #okayyyyy i'll stop now i ramble when i am sleepy or nervous and i am Both i just don't want this fic to be bad but ig i panic a bit before #posting any fic haha gonna go shower now MWAH love y'all <333

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eros-ghoulette · 10 months ago

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made it more realistic 👍

#i completely fucked up today #i feel bad about it ngl. but whatever #next time i'll do better #i don't deserve praise because i should have done better yesterday and then i wouldn't have messed up. nearly had a breakdown last night #and just thought that sleep and mental health were more important. but that doesn't matter to others ig #sooo..... i just fucked up #the fact that the moment i reached my bed today my feelings just went blank. typical friday

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kimmkitsuragi · 1 year ago

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i slept for hours yesterday due to sickness and now my sleep schedule is truly fucked it's 4 am and i cant sleep

#not going to my class tmrw morning. sowwy #honestly im not feeling sick anymore but i dont wanna jinx it lmao #last night was truly terrible too i couldnt sleep for entirely different reasons lol #my stupid ass is SO bad at percieving things #and i was literally shaking in the middle of the night and i was like 'fuck it's really cold ig lol'#and only after my mom pointed it out that it must've been from fever LMAO #that's when i realized yeah it's probably that hmmmm lol #truly I'm so bad at understanding when im sick. this happens all the time #but im rlly not feeling that bad rn it's just that it's 4am and i can't sleep #🗒

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elegyofthemoon · 1 year ago

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thwacks tumblr stop eating my tags and tell me when i hit 30 max >:I

#snow speaks #JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF EATING MY TAGS I HAD THINGS TO SAY #well not anymore bc i think they werent all that important just me sobbing my eyes out tbh #was it always 30??#i feel like i always rambled more than that but i always hit 30 these days and then it just eats my tags #im pretty sure it was 40 before ...#oh well #anyways no one look at me.#i was having A Time last night #i think im gonna wind up finishing the manga today though or some time this weekend bc its a 3 day weekend #so enough time to make me catch up on sleep and rest #ive been doing ok otherwise #my friends want to study together today and im mildly struggling with 'how the fuck do i present myself after going mia for two whole weeks #we'll manage. its just anxiety bad #lmao reward myself with finishing the manga ig i have like 5 chapters left to go

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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I genuinely can never thank you enough for the past year. I can't express how much it's meant to me to be understood and have my energy reciprocated with someone on the same wavelength. Although I've been in the fandom for quite a bit longer than most people writing in, and longer than you, even, I can't remember the last time I felt this welcome and motivated. A TRULY embarrassing amount of my work's just been fueled by "oh Snap's gonna wanna see that," and of course that circle's expanded since then, but it probably wouldn't have had I not met stream chat through you, aaaaaand if I'm honest you're still up there... lol...

It's always, always a highlight of my day to see your your work, your posts, and your responses, whether they're to me or to others, and it's always a highlight of my week to be able to make it to streams! You're a huge inspiration for me, particularly in terms of your work ethic across the board. I always come out of streams energized and feeling like I can actually finish things, and usually this is hubris, but it's gotta count for something.

Not to be dramatic, but you kinda changed my life, no exaggeration. I still really can't see myself the way I was two or three years ago not just calling it quits after some of my Gaiden experiences... lol... but I'm still around, and like always, I wanna be able to write in and interact as much as I used to sometime soon. Thanks for everything! I hope RGGS continues to deliver so we can stay in touch :3

i cant thank YOOOOU enough for the past Xsome months or so. feelins ABSOLUTELY mutual in that i wasnt sure anyone else would really be into talkin bout rgg as you and i have (or would be willing to read my. miles-long scrolls of bullshit LMAO) so it's been real fun gettin to know you an everyone and chattin !!

most bafflin thin to ever to think i have good work ethic, i feel like ive been behind everyone for the past couple weeks and even with the things i do make it's really not up to snuff. it's always nice to hear that's not supposedly exactly the case :) I Suppose :^)

rgg community (like any community lbr) can be. An Experience, esp for someone with a position like yours. so im glad i can make it worth to hang around somewhat LOL

regardless, i always look forward to you next ask or the next time you leave tags on a post i make. if i ever bother making a post again ☠️☠️

#fave #snap chats #I DID SIT ON THIS ALL DAY OOPS #i got a bit busy with some stuff...... also i always try my best to write a sufficient response cause ill feel bad if i dont </3 #mad funny youre stoked for me to see stuff And I Am Always Stoked To See Stuff cause i got a similar sentiment towards you #i mean i TRYYYY not to get too in my head bout it since then i get paranoid but i always do hope on the downlow like #'ah man. hope this is funny. hope masu likes it. hope im shot for this one' VERY NORMAL things to want :)#so funny tho. funny timin of this ask i feel like ive been disappointin people an particularly yous #which 'snap that doesnt make sense please be happy with yourself for three seconds' which. NO?? no. impossible #but i do get worried im disappointing or being too annoying or yk. just being a pest or not being adequate #so it's fun/ny gettin this ask today all that considered LOL #I MEAN I KNOW EVERYONE BEEN NICE THE PAST DAY OR SO YK SO NO REASON TO THINK IT #i cant avoid thinkin a it... my number one bully is myself he Will Not leave me alone no matter how hard i try to complain to the board #the board also bein myself. i cant excommunicate myself from myself--#REGARDLESS. very cool that i give you motivation :) esp after streams :)#every time i finish a stream i feel like i made an ass out of myself. ALWAYS HAVE FUN. but i feel at the cost of bein obnoxious #tho i guess theres no point stayin round if i was. lest its like Last Resort kinda deal then TRULY i am sorry im The Last Resort #ILL STOP WHINING FOR FIVE SECONDS TO SAY thank you :) for everythin :) both just chattin with me an all the work you do for the community #it truly is a lot and indescribable and its very cool i have someone like that who likes what i do. you do be the beyonce in walmart to me #to reference that post i rb'd last night LOL its still hard for me to understand but ig i dont have to understand it #i think i mentioned this before but i remember when id draw for persona (cringe ik) id mostly draw adachi (this is relevant Trust)#and this one mate one day was just 'snap its really nice how much. love you bring to the adachi community'#which is a hilarious thing to say since adachi sucks but POINT IS im glad i. i THINK im kinda doing the same thing now still #thats the consensus ive gotten the past couple asks.. lol.. its nice bringin people together and havin a fun and welcomin space :)#ILL WRAP IT UP HERE THO before i make people throw up. i kept this ask hoarded long nuff.. ill just hoard it in my chest cavity instead #once more thank you forever and always :) when we inevitability branch off to other things i'll always treasure all you've done for me

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bistaxx · 1 year ago

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Honestly, knowing this event is (presumably) ending on my birthday is already the best gift I could ever get

#negative #from a viewer perspective it’s been a mixed bag #the lines between rp abd cc’s just goofing around feel really weird a lot of the time tho #which is more a me issue ig- idk- I still don’t know how I feel about this all and conflicts and stuff- I’ll have to wait and see #just rly wish it didn’t happen in the middle of so many big personal arcs #the streams have mostly been fun- cuz I the streamers are making it fun #from a fandom perspective it’s been hell and I want to go back to how things were before this badly-#not even in a ‘annoying fans’ way but a ‘wow everyone seems upset all the time’ way #anyone remember Halloween? Halloween was fun….#im just tired and nervous that this is gonna be a Doomsday level event where everything’s gonna be miserable for awhile fandom wise #but like……. I am The Worrier so- lol-#idk……. might try to force myself to take a break tomorrow- just not feeling it rn #can’t even like indulge in hyperfixes or pre-purgatory lore stuff cuz my brain feels weird/bad about it #( not anyone’s fault- my brain is just like that lol )#idk……….. maybe I’ll feel better after I get a full nights rest after tomorrow #vent #at least the fanart is great

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whomturgled · 1 year ago

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:^(

#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too #n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but #also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH #n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl #just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh #to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha #anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE #but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like #an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse #its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow #i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee #but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others #like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh #instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some #of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess #idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad #for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow #and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea #YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future #whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u #feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr #It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!

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