#which is more a me issue ig- idk- I still don’t know how I feel about this all and conflicts and stuff- I’ll have to wait and see

[bistaxx]

Honestly, knowing this event is (presumably) ending on my birthday is already the best gift I could ever get

[azaharinflames]

For me I don’t think Lou is some little uwu that needs defending. However I do not see how you can have someone you know getting heinous death threats and just…..say nothing? I’ve seen random people on the internet defend their moots better than this show defends their actors. Idk I know if I had a coworker who was getting harassed, I would be saying something but maybe that’s not everyone. As well I have been feeling this way for a long time with how the reoccurring love interests get treated on this show so it doesn’t start and stop with Lou.

Hi, Nonnie! Thanks for the ask.

I have to agree with you, which is why I say I won't lie and say I like how no one said a thing.

There is a part of my brain, a bit more cold-minded, that tries to remind me that we don't know the full extent, that perhaps the support was shown in real life and that maybe even Lou didn't want the hate to be brought up. At the end of the day we don't know, and I don't want to assume. And I also remember what they always say about not bringing attention to the hate, because that's like fueling the fire almost.

However. I think there comes a time where there needs to be an exception to the rule. A line that, if it's ever crossed, it should be brought up.

Sorry for putting yet another example, but in the Percy Jackson fandom, there is a pretty good one. When they cast Annabeth, previously described in the books as a white, blonde girl, and the actress was Leah Jeffries, a young woman of color (back then a young teenager), the outrage was insane. Leah is literally perfect as Annabeth, yet she was constantly attacked (and still is). And you know what? They stood by her. The author of the saga continually defends her and his choice to have her play Annabeth.

And it's not about race in this particular case, but we're talking about harassment, being called slurs, and being sent death threats, for God's sake. I understand not wanting too much attention on the issue, I understand not wanting chaos, but I also think many, many lines were crossed.

And I believe that if nothing is done in these cases, the only thing they're achieving is cultivating a very toxic community and environment. A warning in the IG comments does next to nothing. Moderating does next to nothing. And it's like you said, it isn't just Lou, they've done this to nearly all LIs, and they will continue to do this until the show ends.

911 should've called out this issue long ago, in my opinion, and I think now they're at a point where they honestly don't know what to do about it because they've let it grow too damn big.

Anyway, sorry for ranting again. My inbox is open for anyone who wants to rant, vent, or discuss something <3

[heartkaji]

[ ★ ⸻ @maiinoclock ]

★ OVERVIEW

hi !! omg people acc simp for shidou 😟/j anyway you and shidou’s relationship would be so chaotic i think 😭 i feel like you guys are that one couple breaking up over the smallest things, and even as exes yall still have no idea what ‘no contact’ means. like, yall would be less than two weeks into the break up and shidou’s already calling your line asking you to link 🤦‍♀️ at first you always say no, but unfortunately you’re gonna give up sooner or later 🧍‍♂️ idk it’s just smth about the way he calls you cute nicknames ig 💘

Q5 — WHAT DO OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ?

EVERONE thinks you guys are toxic. or a dangerous match. or both. sae’s waiting for the moment you realize this man has been gay all along (dw girl you never will ! but he definitely swings in more than one way.) anyway, every week you two are breaking up over the dumbest shit and your girl friends are TIRED of hearing it. everyday it’s “oh i broke up with him cuz he was liking some bitch’s posts” and then the next day it’s “nevermind guys we’re back together again.” safe to say your girls are sick and tired. truth is, you and shidou simply cannot stay away from each other. no matter how intense your fights get you always find a way back to one another, and ngl your mates (and shidou’s) are tired of it.

charles doesn’t take yall seriously either. he loves you actually, you’re his favorite ex of shidou (or girlfriend, depends on which day of the week it is) but even he doesn’t entertain shidou’s rants about you anymore. he used to LOVE the gossip, but now he just rolls his eyes.

“yall will be back together by tuesday, give it a rest gang.”

Q12 — WHAT DO THEY NOT LIKE ABOUT YOU ?

your trust issues (which are 100% not your fault btw!!) you were actually really trusting initially, always giving shidou the benefit of the doubt. but shidou got an inch and took a mile. he’s never actually cheated, but you always catch him in some girl’s likes or tiktok comments saying “lemme eyp” 💀💀 GIRL IM SO SORRY but like this is shidou 😭 also he’s definitely the kind of guy who reposts hot girls on his fyp i fear 💔 anyways once u confronted him abt all that it stopped, but you occasionally catch him in a girl’s likes from time to time. stuff like that is usually the cause of your fights, and it’s lead to you not trusting him. you’re skeptical about nearly everything he says and does and you NEVER cut him slack. you stand on business (sometimes). if he pisses you off he gets a good scolding followed by silence. no contact at all. but after a while you unfortunately miss your ex and find your way back 💔

honestly, i don’t think shidou does any of the stuff he does to be unfaithful or weird. i genuinely think he’s just been single for a long time and so his every media is just saturated with inappropriate pics of women 😭 you open his insta and his discovery pages is filled with bikini models and only fans promoters. sometimes he absentmindedly likes a few. if shidou were to reset his tiktok and insta trust me you’ll never catch him in anybody’s likes ever again. fuck is he looking for with randoms on the internet when he’s got you ?

Q13 — WHAT DO THEY LOVE MOST ABOUT YOU ?

how assertive you are. he finds it irresistibly hot when you tell him no. shidou’s no stranger to easy girls. back when he was still single, he had a whole roster of pretty girls who’d do anything he asked. but you’re different; you live by your own rules, you see shidou when it’s convenient for you, when you feel like it. sometimes, depending on your mood you treat him like he doesn’t even exist and heaven knows it drives him crazy. he’s not used to having a girl who treats him like an option and damn does it make him worship you. you’re kinda like sae in that aspect actually, and he’s every bit as obsessed with you as he is with the red head.

>> 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 <<

© ─ heartkaji ; do not steal, copy, edit, translate or reupload

[vacantgodling]

tl;dr i need help paying rent and health insurance this month. with the money from my recent paycheck, all i need is $263 (usd) to cover these expenses.

i hate to ask for money all the time but idk what else to do.

this month (august) was supposed to be great for getting my finances in order. i would be getting paid 3x, and i had a system that worked.

unfortunately things didn’t work out that way. this month has been the worst month this entire year:

the main issue is i caught covid (after 4 years of never having it once, i succumbed to people’s uselessness and having to go in person to work) and that kept me out of work for a week. the mini vacation was “nice” because my symptoms weren’t too bad, but the looming fear that i wouldn’t have enough for rent has now reared its head.

the week before, i already took 2 days off because my partner was informed their abusive father had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and that sent them spiraling. he hasn’t kicked the bucket yet (ig cockroaches don’t die easily), but from what they said that week they thought he would pass by that sunday.

this past wednesday, the stress of their not so great extended family reaching out + grappling with this ended up with my partner having to go to the hospital for (tw) excessive vomiting—unable to keep water down and extremely dizzy. we were discharged that night thankfully once things calmed down and they are technically fine, just still resting and trying to slowly get back to eating normally. the drs weren’t able to determine what caused any of that to occur, but our current theory is just stress and not eating enough so stomach rebellion. i had to miss 4 hours of work to take them to the hospital so, my next paycheck is also gonna be short but not too terrible overall. i’m not really worried about it.

i don’t want to bore you all to death with all the details of all my other debts and struggles that i’m dealing with rn. i just want to illustrate how this week just fucked me over really badly. i’m currently the only one working between us bc my partner is disabled (and got denied disability for them last week so cool cool. love this country love it here).

and if it helps you feel more inclined to donate to me i’m black, queer, and transmasculine. marginalization bingo etc etc.

if you can’t spare anything i understand, i know we’re all broke and struggling and there’s other causes that are definitely more pressing. this isn’t a matter of life and death. just would really help to not have to get screwed over by this.

i offer commissions so if you wanna check my ko-fi -> https://ko-fi.com/vacantgodling/commissions

(just know there’s a small of a list rn, i haven’t been drawing as much as i need to for the commissions i do currently have and i’m sorry for that i’ve just been stressed out. thanks to everyone who’s ordered for their patience i’ll be getting to stuff as soon as i can)

but if you’d like to just donate to my paypal -> https://www.paypal.me/pinkpurgatory

if you don’t have anything to spare (which again, totally fine) please spread this around if you can i’d appreciate it.

thanks for reading and i hope you have a good day 💛

[raetreaderarts]

It’s Bive time! I’m kidding of course, Bive time is all the time, it never ends.

If you want to hear my inane ramblings about her feel free to subject yourself to that for whatever reason btw.

Okay so Bive is a really interesting character to me, and thus I have a lot of interpretations on her character which are probably very unoriginal. The way I draw her is mostly based off of the vrchat avatar of her that I use because I just, I love how shaped she is, she’s such a silly. It’s also my body type, so she has some pudginess going on in my vision even if she is a sentient hairball (that’s also why I gave her a double chin). Actually on the topic, I’ve seen so much diverse fan art of her when it comes to body types and shapes which is always such a joy to see!

I don’t know what’s confirmed or not but I imagine that she has schizophrenia, which is something I hardly ever see represented in fiction, and in fact it’s a disorder I still see is made fun of to this day which is honestly heartbreaking to think about. So even if it isn’t canon, if people with schizophrenia can relate to her and feel seen through her, I find that to be a wonderful thing! I also headcanon her as having AuDHD, mostly due to her dialogue about sensory issues and needing to constantly move, and paired with the schizophrenia I imagine she has some type of generalized anxiety disorder.

This is probably just projection on my part but I also headcanon her as always wearing more modest attire, like the oversized trench coat and maybe turtleneck sweaters or large hoodies in more casual settings. Personally as someone with anxiety if I wear something too revealing or form-fitting I feel extremely uneasy and have to cover up as quickly as possible. But she also doesn’t wear pants as far as I know so idk how well that headcanon holds up. Also she bites when she gets affectionate. And idk how canon it is that Bive doesn’t shower as often as she probably should (executive dysfunction can kiss my ass) but I do think it checks out with what all I’ve said here already, but also because of that I imagine she’s very greasy most of the time.

That’s about it, if I have anything more to add then maybe I’ll reblog this post and add another ramble? Depends on how interested anyone is ig. Ok ramble over, sorry for wasting your time 👋

[angsty-twihardxx]

Hi🥀,

I was wondering if you can write Tommy has reader sit in front of a mirror and Tommy is behind reader. He decides to finger reader in front of the mirror while having reader being forced to watch themselves by holding reader by the throat. He makes them come a couple of time and the reader squirts to. Also, he praises reader a lot, does nipple play, a lot of neck kisses, and giving reader hickey’s

A/N: This drove me insaaaane, I just had to do it to em, I’ve added this to a lil series with inexperienced reader. It can be read as its own stand alone fic, bit it also works as a sequel to the first, Riding Lessons.

Anyway I hope this tames you horny beasts, plz feel free to send me some more smut ideas/requests for this sexy Texan. No use of y/n. My apologies if this is crap, I’m just built that way ig *shrugs

Warnings: 18+ (minors go play Fortnite or sm) smut obvi, fingering, reader squirts good for her. Idk if this is deserves a warning but reader is very new to sex, but its okay because Tommy is very reassuring. Mentions of body issues, talk of not feeling good enough that kinda jazz. But again don’t worry Tommy makes ya feel good. Ya‘lol are beautiful and ily

P.S: My computer decided to die so we have to do this on mobile so wish me luck x

EYES ON ME | T.MILLER

*his lil smirk*

You thought that maybe you were having a panic attack by how tight your chest felt, your heart was beating way faster than you usually would first thing in the morning. Sitting up you wiped the thin layer of precipitation off your head, which usually only ever happened when you had a nightmare, which you definitely did not have.

Your thighs vibrated at the memory of your dream from before, Tommy’s warm grip that scratched against the soft doughy skin of your hips. His touch on you was hard, the polar opposite to what he had been the entirety of your relationship.

You didn’t realise how much you missed it, his thick fingers digging into you as he rocked your hips along his clothed thigh. Even though it had been nearly a week since the night of your first orgasm, it was all that you could think about. The way that your entire body shook as you were completely overwhelmed with pleasure, you wanted Tommy to make you feel like that again.

After stretching you rolled around to see his beautiful freckled face, but instead you were met with his cold pillow. The frown that began forming on your forehead weakened at the small crinkled piece of paper with his handwriting on it. ‘In town for breakfast, see you there.’

. . .

The morning air was still frosty despite the warm glow from the sun on your face and shoulders. Even though you were wrapped up in thick jackets, including one of Tommy’s very own button downs, you were still freezing. You found Tommy sitting on an old bench in front of large dining hall as he waited for you, his hands sat in his pockets as he turned to see you walking towards him. His moustache tipping upwards, returning your curt wave with a wide smile.

Everything just felt easier with him now, there was no sexual tension that was always weighing heavy on your shoulders every time he was around you. Not that there was any pressure ever with him, it was only ever pressure that you placed. On yourself out of fear.

There was no longer a voice in your head that pressured you into doing anything out of fear of being left for someone more experienced. None of that mattered now because the two of you were happy, you were happy. Even though you hadnt ‘gone all the way’, you still felt comfortable knowing that he would guide you.

His arm moved to wrap around your shoulders as you dropped down in the empty spot beside him, using his arm to pull you into his chest he pressed a soft kiss in your hair. “Here, managed to get one extra for you.” Tommy nudged your shoulder as he handed you the sandwich, still warm wrapped neatly in wax paper. Food came in plentifuls in Jackson, but if you wanted one of Maria’s freshly made sandwiches you’d had to get in early.

“Startin’ to think you might love her more than me.” Tommy chuckled to himself as he watched you devour the food like it was the first meal you’ve eaten in weeks, which was definitely not true. “Well I guess it comes down to your sandwich making abilities.” You quipped back in between bites.

“Looks like I don’t stand a chance.” Tommy pretended to pout before dropping his head into the crook of your neck. His moustache ticked the soft skin of your neck as he peppered you with kisses. “Oh baby, that reminds me, how did you sleep last night?” Tommy teased, knowing fully well how you slept. Only imagining what it was doing to you, when you sent stiff in his arms.

The main reason Tommy was up so early was due to the wet dream you seemed to be having. If neither of you had work today he would’ve done something about it.

Tommy adjusted himself, just the memory of your sleepy voice moaning his name had his blood rushing down to his dick. You were driving him insane, and you didn’t even have a clue. He cooed playfully as he watched your cheeks warm up, you simply nodded in response knowing that if you spoke your words would fail you.

“I sure hope so because I got a little plan for us tonight. How’s that sound baby? You up for another lesson?”

Your body stiffened as you felt his hand grasp tightly onto your thigh, darting your eyes around you checked to see if anyone was watching. Was he really doing this in the middle of town? ���It’s alright darlin’ no one’s payin’ attention to us, what’d’ya say?” All you could concentrate on was how his breathe fanned against your ear as his rough hand tightened on your soft skin. All of it made your body crave him more, you couldn’t think of anything better. “I think that sounds perfect Tommy.” His grip on your leg softened, clapping against your denim jeans before standing up with a groan.

“Well in that case, I’ll see you tonight.” He sent a wink your way before turning to walk away, leaving you turned on to the max. He was going to be the death of you.

. . .

Your fingers rapped on top of the hardwood table as your eyes impatiently hovered by your front door, which remained unopened. As the hours ticked by, the more restless you were becoming. The second plate of food beside you had long gone cold, as did the arousal you had been harbouring onto all day.

You had now grown tired, after a long day working in the stables all you wanted to do was cuddle up with Tommy till you fell asleep.

You knew better than to be upset with him, he worked hard in Jackson. He made an effort to earn his keep, whether it was helping with patrols or assisting in construction. It made you happy knowing that he was finding his purpose in his new life, but it just felt at times that you were moved to the back burner.

It definitely didn’t help when you went upstairs to shower, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. To say it was a kick in the guts was an understatement. Even though looks wasn’t a priority in the post-apocalyptic world, you couldn’t help feeling inadequate. Your skin was flushed after standing under the hot water. Your hair was always messy, you wondered what Tommy saw cause it surely couldn’t have been what you were currently looking at. Could it?

It was a dangerous rope you were balancing on, you knew you had better things to be worrying about than your own appearance. You wish you could stop.

That was how you ended up in your bed, wrapped up in blankets with a book in your lap. Reading the small print you tried to keep your mind busy, so you didn’t get yourself again. You were so enthralled by your book that you didn’t even hear your front door open.

Tommy leant against the door frame as he watched you. He noticed the frown forming on your forehead, and the way your bottom lip stuck out. He felt so bad being late home again, Tommy was never good at time management, or maybe it was the fact that he could never so no.

Right when he was finishing up the barn he was constructing, Maria had come by and asked to see if someone could come and fix the light in the projector at the cinema. He knew he should’ve just left it and gone home to you, but he knew the guilt would’ve eaten away at him.

You were alerted of his presence when he cleared his throat, you saw him propped against the doorframe. He sent an apologetic smile your way, his brows tipping upwards when your eyes met. “M’sorry I’m late baby, I got caught up with some work.”

“It’s alright. Dinners in the oven by the way.” You murmured with a tight lipped smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice your teary eyes. “Thanks darlin’ I’ll pack it up for tomorrow. Maria made us some food as a thank you— which reminds me. They got some pretty good movies they salvaged, some space one I reckon you’ll enjoy.” Tommy smiled like a happy child before retreating to the kitchen, which was pretty perfect timing because he missed the way your smile dropped.

‘It’s just Maria, you have nothing to worry about.’ You tried convincing yourself but it was no use. Your eyes already began to water, Maria was nice— you liked Maria.

Like a cruel monologue your mind gave you a list of reasons why she was better than you. To start she was confident, being in charge of an entire commune she was smart and well liked by literally everyone. So it would make sense that Tommy would like her too right?

“Hey everythin’ alright in here?” Tommy startled you as he was suddenly behind you on the bed. You quietly tried to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “Y-yeah I’m alright. M’sorry just tired.”

Tommy tilted his head in a frown, he knew you better than to believe you. “C’mon talk to me darlin’” His hand fell to give your thigh a gentle squeeze, contrasting his grip on you this morning. You would do anything to be in that moment with him again, not like now where his sad eyes watched you intensely.

“I- it’s nothin’ Tommy.” You tried to shrug him off again, but of course it didn’t work. He cocked a sceptical brow your way, you hated how well he knew you.

“It’s so stupid.” You groaned into your palms, so embarrassed of your own stupid brain working against you. “I just- I don’t know what it is you even like about me, I mean let’s be real I’m nothing like half the girls in Jackson and I—“

Tommy’s lips muted the worrying in your mind, his lips danced with yours. You pressed back on his lips, when you kissed him it felt like nothing else mattered to you. Not some teenage insecurities, Tommy was a man not a stupid teenage boy— and even better he was your man.

“Now where’s all this coming from, hm?” He brought his hand up to cup your cheek, his soft brown eyes peered up at you like you could tell him everything. You could tell him everything, but that could wait, right now you just wanted him.

“It doesn’t matter, can you just kiss me?”

“That I can do.” He chuckled before bringing his lips back onto yours. You pushed hard with a fever, the fire being ignited inside you again as a moan escaped your lips. His hands grasped your cheeks, pushing you even closer to him if that was even possible. Tommy lifted you to straddle on his lap, as instinct your hips grinder on his crotch. God you wanted him so badly.

“Didn’t you say you had a little lesson planned for me?” You breathed into him between hunger-filled kisses. Tommy looked up at you in what seemed to be a mix of surprise and excitement, never did he see you so confident, he loved it.

The glint of mischief in his eyes returned, he took your clothes off in a fever. Your eyes fell to the ground out of instinct, avoiding your reflection in the mirror. You suddenly became hyper aware of how vulnerable you were, Tommy had never seen you completely naked before. He offered to sit in between his lap on the edge of your bed. “Y��know I think you're beautiful right? I mean can you blame me?”

His large hands softly climbed up your side till his fingers danced along your shoulders as he moved the strand of hair that exposed the nape of your neck. You felt like a lightning bolt struck through your core as his lips sucked onto you softly.

You let out a moan as his free hand moved to grasp your entire breast in one hand, he kneaded the soft skin and the familiar feeling of arousal pooled in between your legs. Tommy noticed how your legs clenched when he flicked your now budded nipples. Soft moans mewled from your open mouth as your head fell back onto his shoulder.

“Nu-huh baby, I want your eyes on me.” Tommy tapped your cheek, bringing your attention back to the room. You looked at him confused, “But I- I am—“

“‘Not at me, me.” Tommy nodded his head towards the mirror in front of you- “‘Oh.”

“Can I try somethin’ else with you baby?” You felt a shiver down your spine as he whispered into your ear, his eyes met yours in the mirror. “What is it?”

Without answering Tommy pushed your knees to the side, exposing your eager pussy. “D’you trust me baby?”

“‘Yes.” You murmured as you felt your body tremble in nerves but also as much eagerness. There wasn’t anything you wanted more right now than Tommy’s hands on you.

Your skin burned as his rough fingers grazed the inside of your thigh, you followed his fingers in the mirror as he moved painfully slowly to where you needed him the most. Your hips bucked against his touch, showing him exactly where you wanted those fingers.

“So eager darlin’”

“Tommy please.” You whined as your back curving instinctively, rocking your hips against where his dormant fingers laid dangerously close to your exposed cunt.

You let out a surprised gasp, his thick fingers filled you up perfectly. He started off soft, slowly easing in his middle finger as he let you adjust to him. “H-holy shit Tommy.” You breathed as his free hand moved to slowly massage your aching clit. “Yeah? That feel good baby?” He smiled wickedly into your hair as you nodded frantically, pleasure already filling you up as your head dropped back onto his shoulder, but snapping your head up as you remembered his instructions. “Tell me how good it feels darlin’” Tommy’s voice was at least an octave lower, sending more chills down your spine.

“S’really fucken good Tommy.” You gasped as you felt his finger stretching you open, if this was how good it felt to have his fingers in you you could only imagine what his dick would feel like.

Pressure in your stomach began to build as his pace quickened. You felt your orgasm coming quicker then last time, you welcomed it as you rocked your hips involuntary pushing his finger in deeper.

“That’s it baby, y’doing so fucken good.” He brought his mouth down to suck at the soft skin on your neck, while his hand pumped into you relentlessly. “Tommy!” You screamed as you felt your orgasm unravel throughout your entire body, your pussy clenching around his finger as he kept going.

You were a shivering mess, only a mixture of whines and ‘oh my gods’ falling from your already parted mouth.

Your legs still trembled as Tommy soothed you, his hand brushing back the strands of hair that stuck to your forehead. “Good job baby, you did so good for me.” He cooed into your hair, pressing gentle kisses as your chest heaved.

That was when you realised, nothing else mattered. Tommy was the one making you feel this good, no one else. He cemented that as he repeated in your ear how much he loved you, his facial hair tickling your already sensitive skin as he did so. God you really did love this man, huh?

“Y’reckon you could go again for me?”

All you could was nod in response, your mind feeling like it was going a million miles a minute. He didn’t start straight away though, he was patient with you. He waited for your heart to start beating at a normal pace before bringing his fingers back to your aching hole, you watched as he added another finger.

Filthy moans filled the air as you adjusted to his extra finger inside you, you felt like you were being stretched open. Already your hips were shaking, his thick fingers felt like they were hitting your cervix. It was almost hypnotic, watching the way his fingers would disappear in between your folds before pulling back out just as swiftly.

His free hand remained glued to your now swollen clit, as he menacingly taunted it with his rough fingers. Only egging on your climax more and more.

No words fell from your lips anymore, Tommy had basically turned you into a writhing mess as your stomach tightened.

For a very brief moment it felt like you weren’t a world where you had to survive with Cordyceps and people that hunted and killed, it was simply you and Tommy in this room. That was how you wanted it.

The feeling was getting so intense you shut your eyes out of instinct. With your eyes closed you could concentrate on the way your hips rocked with each thrust of his hand, you knew you weren’t going to last long.

“Eyes up, I want you to watch.” Tommy growled as his free hand moved up to envelope your neck, not hard but enough to bring your head up to catch a glimpse of your position in the mirror. His thick fingers around you shouldn’t make you even more aroused, should it?

“Good girl.” He was going to be the death of you.

“Fuck!” Your eyes squinted shut as you felt the tight knot in your stomach unravelled again, but this time it was so much better. Almost like a gush erupted from you. Your ears rang as your eyes squinted shut, suddenly overly aware of the bright light that overhang your bed.

Your second orgasm in a row felt like a hundred times more intense, it felt like your whole body was vibrating. Like you were going a million miles a minute, or maybe it was the room that was spinning.

“You okay baby? You did so good for me.” His voice was soft as he turned to face you properly now, his eyes checked you over one last time. He looked at you with nothing short of amazement and you wish that he never stopped.

After a few seconds you came back to, your eyes just stuck to the ceiling as your chest heaved while you tried to catch your breath. Then you noticed the warmth pooling on your bedsheets, Tommy noticed your confusion and gave you a reassuring squeeze.

“You fucken squirted baby.” He breathed out in amazement.

“Bet you never knew you could do that.” Tommy hummed in amusement as he looked down to where he held you. Your cheeks were rosy as your half-lidded eyes connected with his, a dopey smile grew on his lips.

“If I did I would’ve brought a towel.” You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips, amusement filling the room as the two of you chuckled together. You loved how easy it was for the two of you, even after he stole a second orgasm from you he could make you laugh. It was his Texan charm, according to Tommy but you knew it was just him.

“C’mon darlin’ let’s get you cleaned up.” He pressed a chaste kiss on your cheek before standing up with you in front of him, your legs quivered as you stood up for the first time in what felt like forever. “Tommy? I don’t think I can walk.” You looked up at him with worry, was this normal?

“It’s okay baby, it means I’m doing my job right.”

He thought about what you were saying when he found you crying in your bed, how you didn’t know what he saw in you. There was never just one singular thing, a multitude of reasons that he loved you. And the fact you didn’t see a reason why he would love you dumbfounded him. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure you knew.

[strawberry-milkbunny]

I have no one to talk to about Tokyo Rev so here r my random hot takes that I need to say:

- Emma and Hina r boring and used as romance plot devices it’s okay to admit that Wakui can’t write women idk I don’t expect shounen/men to be able to write girls well (still cried when Emma died tho bc she didn’t deserve it!!!)

- lol I LOVE Yuzuha and Senju tho

- I actually do like Emma and Draken together but I also firmly believe Draken is in love w/Mikey and was just projecting onto Emma LMAO

- Yuzuha is a lesbian

- Controversial: I don’t think Shinchiro was THAT great of an older brother. Like he was cool but he still introduced Mikey and Izana into the world of gang life/normalizing violence and yeah OG Black Dragons isn’t like that but….what do u expect when u form a gang??? .obviously there’s a high chance that it’s gonna develop into LEGIT gang activity

- As an adult and someone who was basically raised by an older sibling w/a big age gap (my sis is 7 years older) I kinda don’t blame Takeomi for being a bad older brother??? Realistically he’s a 17 yr old in charge of raising 2 toddlers like NO SHIT he did a bad job. At least Shin had his grandfather to help out but Takeomi actually had no one. Doesn’t explain y he’s a brokey LOL buttttt again I don’t FULLY blame him for being a bad sibling still hurt my boi Sanzu 😤😤

- I HC that Mikey is used to having a caretaker (Draken and later Sanzu) bc when Shin died he was so depressed and genuinely couldn’t get out of bed

- Takemitchy is also lowkey boring/typical shounen protagonist and canonically stinky like Hina could do sm better. This is personal preference so I find myself wanting more chaotic/dumb protagonists who are slightly morally ambiguous like Denji, Gintoki, hell even Naruto at times. Takemitchy didn’t get character development until BD arc and that’s just a bit too long for me….

- Koko and Inui r gay and dating 💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

- the Haitani brothers r the kardashians of the TR universe they’re so embarrassing Deadass show up and pose/do absolutely nothing I LOVE THEM SHKSKSKSK

- I love how it’s universally agreed that Mitsuya and Chifuyu r the best bois

- I have mixed feelings about Izana. I genuinely do like him and DESPISE how he’s whitewashed by fanart

- I get it u genuinely just wanted to not be alone and found out ur adopted in the worst way possible but…..idk how that justifies killing ur own sister but u do u ig 🤷‍♀️ and u have KAKUCHO AS UR FAMILY WTH

- don’t listen to me tho I’m a Mikey and Sanzu stan LMAOO 🤭🤭🤭

- Izana is the definition of mommy issues and 100% had crunchy hair lik mans was homeless

- if I saw Izana IRL I would RUN 🏃‍♀️idk he looks a lil crazy

- also this man does not know Tagalog he didn’t even know he was Filipino until he was lik 12

- idk the Tenjiku arc is so funny to me bc Izana is deadass: imma kill everyone in Mikey’s life for revenge and Mikey is lik: bruh I didn’t even kno u existed until last week and now ur killing our sister UNPROVOKED ???

- Bonten!Mikey is a virgin/no libido mans is DEPRESSED

- wished the Bonten arc was longer simply for the outfits bc Wakui KNOWS FASHION but that shit was DEPRESSION

- 3 Deities Arc was amazing and also funny/serious at the same time. It literally was an all out brawl in an AMUSEMENT PARK

- fr tho wtf was Benkei, Wakasa and Takeomi doing there??? Like they’re canonically 27 GO GET A JOB STOP FIGHTING 15 YEAR OLDS SHKSKSKS

- U cannot tell me that Sanzu WASNT sad when Baji and Mucho died.

- Baji was straight up his childhood friend and the only one other than Senju who knows about the plane incident/Mikey’s possessive side. And In the OG!timeline I’m pretty sure Baji was the only friend Sanzu DIDNT attack. While with Mucho he was pretty much his older brother, Sanzu just decided Mikey was better

- Tbh if the dark impulses/Shin thing wasn’t real I would’ve firmly believed Mikey had DID or something. Which again made only worse by the fact that violence and death is such a regular thing in his life (GET THIS MAN THERAPY LIK WTF IS SHIN AND GRANDPA SANO DOING???)

- Kazutora going a lil crazy is lowkey expected and I hate how we only find out about his home life in the character books. This kid grew up in a physically and mentally abusive household (gaslight to pick between parents and as s/o who has experienced that shit it’s fucked up) and I rlly don’t think prison helped out his mental stability either no shit he tried to kill Mikey

- I don’t ship Mikey and Takemichy (despite the IMMENSE gay ness btwn them) firmly bc I think everyone can see how much power Takemitchy has over Mikey idk it has a weird power dynamic like if Takemitchy tried he could 100% control Mikey (platonically or romantically)

- Baji, Chifuyu and Kazutora r a throuple

- I HATE how Sanzu is reduced to this crazy drug addict. Sanzu is canonically smart, manipulative, and formally trained fighter. He also REMEMBERS the OG timeline, he had to experience Shin dying twice and everyone else die no shit he’s a little bonkers/needs drugs to take everything away. Plus his relationship to Mikey which tbh is a whole separate post

- controversial !!!: I ship Mikey and Sanzu or Mikey and Draken. Sanzu only bc this man has a big ass crush and deserves some niceness for once

- ppl write Kakucho as this shy, nice guy like ur not wrong but mans is also running UNPROVOKED into Yakuza offices like it’s the gym while dragging Rindou wit him 😭😭😭

- the haitanis r the best sibling duo

- It lowkey makes me mad in fanfics where Ran is depicted as cheating w/Rin’s gf like??? This man raised his younger brother himself u cannot tell me he doesn’t love his brother and would actually do that to him

- Ran would 1000% do anything for Rin and i firmly believe he kinda regrets not saying anything in court to prevent Rindou frm joining him in jail. Like saying he forced Rindou to kill someone w/him, abusing his brother at home, etc especially in the Bonten! tl he def thinks about wtf he dragged his brother into

- I also don’t think they’ve slept w/ the same person before. Idk I feel like they have diff types like Ran goes for more motherly/mature types while Rindou goes for sweeter/shy types

- Draken has road rage

- Yuzuha should’ve been taller like AT LEAST 5’7 bitch is related to Hakkai and Taiju for gods sake

- OG BD 100% thought Wakasa was a girl for at least a month. He’s canonically 5’3 and pretty.

- Characters who r 100% bisexual: WAKASA, Senju,maybe Hina, Draken (def in denial), Rindou, Ran (he’s a whore as long as ur pretty he’s down), Sanzu, Koko, Kazutora, Chifuyu

- Mitsuya had a crush on Draken

[think0fmehigh]

tw mental health vent , deleting later. i don’t need sympathy i just need to vent

i hateeee doing this but lately i’ve been feeling mentally really REALLY bad and i don’t know how to express how bad im feeling. like i have people that i can talk to but i don’t know how to even express that im just stuck and there’s nothing i can do except to continue living at home until i graduate??? get a job??? i have no fucking idea anymore?? my home life is part of the reason i’m so fucking stuck. i’m going to be 21 soon and it’s laughable that i’ve spent about 8 years feeling like this when i thought i would be better by now. i only got worse.

the only option other than just sucking it up is going to outpatient again and i really don’t want to do that. depression and anxiety are the worst, i wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone. and suicidal ideation consumes a lot of my thoughts and i just can’t do anything except be in my bed rn. my therapist has had a lot of health issues and was unable to meet for a long time so i think that was a ticket to a downward spiral mid semester. it’s not her fault and im happy she’s feeling better now but i didn’t really want to see anyone else cuz i didn’t feel like it would be beneficial. so i just didn’t have a professional to speak to for a while. we are just now getting back into a normal schedule.

i think i needed to vent to you guys, bc it’s always the tumblr people that understand this shit at the end of the day lol. my room is so messy which makes me so anxious and my entire wardrobe is unwashed on the floor bc all the energy i have is spent taking care of the stuff that goes wrong (literally i think im cursed, but im not gonna list out everything that has happened in 2024) and taking care my mom, who’s been disabled since i was 15. i feel such awful shame and guilt from not doing the most i can for her but i can’t even do things for myself. if i tried working more frequently to save up money to move out i fear i would just collapse and if i did move out my mom would still be here and left with my incompetent family members.

idk what i even want from this i just feel really lonely cause the people that do love me don’t understand depression or don’t know how to help me. i also was able to figure out that i probably have low level autism, i think i was vocal about that on my old account. so that’s just a thing i can’t even really grasp bc everything is just so shitty but i know i could do more to help myself now that im aware of it. i can’t even enjoy anything rn like literally nothing brings me joy. all i can do is just be like shits tough and i gotta get through it but i don’t know how long i can keep telling myself that. plus i still don’t have any luck in romantic relationships and i tried dating apps and stuff and i can’t even get past the talking stage anymore LMAO so that’s so fun. all my friends are in relationships and i’m still just sat in my room rotting. i think having a partner who understands would help me tremendously bc i could focus on that and have support but that’s not in the cards for me ig.

i just fucking hate this world lollll and i’m american and u know who our president is again and that’s horrific in every way as a bisexual woman. the election made me lose some of the crumbs of hope i had left too. it’s bad out here.

i’m on winter break rn so i have time to not be bombarded w college but it’s not really helping. i still have no sense of relief or motivation to do anything for myself.

[confessmau]

I think its weird when people make Katelyn black in rewrites. I’ve thought this for a while, but I was afraid to say it 😭

I don’t think ppl understand the very strange, and essentially racist, implications of making a *white* character known for being aggressive & violent while also having anger issues… a black woman. Even worse when they make her a DARK SKIN black woman, considering how there’s already so many stereotypes surrounding how black woman are “aggressive” and “loud.” And then the other stereotypes of how dark skin women are MORE aggressive and angry than their white or lighter skinned counterparts. It just feels… insensitive, I guess? I’m black, and, while I don’t necessarily find it super offensive or anything, I still think it’s weird to make her of all the characters in the main cast black 😭😭 Am I crazy for saying it makes me kinda uncomfortable?????

I know that ppl are probably not doing it with racist intent (at least I hope not), but like… it’s still a little bizarre to knowingly make the angry/aggressive white woman black 😕 Like idk its always been so strange to me and I just didn’t say anything because I was afraid of ppl misunderstanding me & because there’s already like NO black characters in the cast (iirc Teony is the only black character in the whole cast? Which is beyond horrible), so I was always like “Well, ig I’ll take what I can get and I don’t think people are doing it with ill intent so…”

I guess I just kinda want people (non-black people in particular) to actually just THINK before making one of the characters black in their rewrites, because when they don’t they unintentionally make something that can be perceived as racist… does that make sense??? I’m sorry if it doesn’t, I’m not that good at putting my thoughts into words im sorry 😭😭😭

I’m sorry if this came off wrong but I’ve been in the fandom since 2016 and I’ve been feeling like this for YEARSSS . You do not know how good it feels to finally get this off my chest 😭😭

~~

[yakultii]

Your uni work sounds really interesting, would love to hear more about it if you feel comfy sharing!

omg yessssss I fr can only study things I am passionate about !! I’d tell you everything but idk where to begin!! I did a lot of philosophy over the past few years but I got tired of it so I’ve gone full circle and I’m back doing sociology which comes a lot more naturally to me (while I looooved writing philosophical essays/curating my own ideas based off previous ones/filling the gaps, I got hella sick of reading stupjd ideas from middle aged white men from way back oop(I have a lot of opinions on that but I’d go on forever) and sociology I enjoy both the reading and the writing and the researching component(I think), though I’m quite new to conducting my research from scratch rn) - I mean sociology is genuinely just about how everything is socially constructed , peeling back the layers, even on the things you wouldn’t think are/sociology is just the study of how social influences play a role in shaping us/how private problems can be shaped by public issues sometimes (not to take away autonomy completely but just to acknowledge there are structural and historical elements at play.. to then find more effective solutions to social problems including things like health, economy and so on) .. so while I’m technically wasting my life away these last few yrs feeling non-human I’m always lowkey learning about life on the side .. so when/if I finally get it together and go live half a life I’m gonna have more knowledge on my side (which can’t be a bad thing surely - though sometimes I wish I knew less about life haha) I also did closer studies in gender studies a few yrs back but I found that general sociology incorporates gender in just about every topic and felt more useful for every day life, though I’d recommend that everyone takes an intro to gender studies class if you can! I’ve done a tonne of units over the yrs.. in philosophy my fav/most memorable was on love, sex and death which was super fun and was actually what made me think I wanted to go down philos pathway ahh I got super passionate and also world religions I loved too! but some memorable sociology units I enjoyed covered public health, youth, performance of identities etc (it’s all stuff I already knew but I love putting it into formal practice) and this sem my focus is on 1. sports and bodies in society 2. contemporary research (which is a diff class entirely but I also happen to be conducting research on transphobia in sport utilising social media) 3. love, sex and relationships (which is mostly on family dynamics so far but I think it’ll get more interesting soon) and4. culture, control and boundaries which is a lot on deviance and how society kinda constructs what is deviant, who is the “other” how we “other” people etc. and then next sem I think I’m gonna go back to focusing on religion again but from a sociological perspective rather than philosophical and some others… I mean obviously within each unit there’s a lot more to it and there is method to sociological approach but that was just a brief overview of what I’m doing rn haha but let me know if there’s anything in particular you wanna know about !!! regarding sociology in general or any of these topics ig :))) p.s if u feel like ur stuck/can’t escape society’s constructions and want to live freely in denial (what I should do) I highly recommend u don’t study soc bc it will only reaffirm how fucked up capitalism and patriarchy got us, no matter what field within soc u look into like this study only enables my depression for sure which is probably why it comes naturally to me lmao but also I feel like everyone should study soc bc I feel like it’s knowledge everyone should have Argh. I need everyone to know and understand everything I know and understand !!!! (I’m learning that’s just never gonna happen ugh)

also side note - I still personally think philosophy is beneficial to study as it teaches you how to think more critically, though I felt I already did that but it allowed me to put it into practice formally I suppose, so I still think it’s worth it! but I feel as though once you are confident thinking extremely critically/not just consuming but critically responding/putting forward your own ideas/knowing how to contribute something new to academic discourse , philosophy starts to feel pointless for me because the content itself is not so applicable to real life as something like sociology but that’s just my opinion haha

also fun fact that I didn’t really know before I studied sociology is that soc is actually a science like it has its own set of research methods and procedures to follow (if you go beyond writing random essays ofc) which I think is kinda cool considering I never took much interest in typical science (I think science is cool and great but my adhd brain just don’t give a fk)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! Swiftie anon. So school ended today, and I’m free for like two-ish months. Since you’re a teacher when did your school end? Do you have to do summer school?

the first day of summer starts tomorrow, and I’m nervous. Spending so much time alone with my mom, ugh. She starts her job soon, she hasn’t had one and got hip surgery back in January, but she works at home. Having her be occupied will be nice though. I still remember a few summers ago where she screamed at the top of her lungs at us, for being too loud while she was working. Luckily we won’t have that issue (hopefully)

my friend are inviting me over to their houses all summer so I don’t have to stay at home, so that’s a plus. And I have to go to church in a few days, and ugh, I cringe thinking about it.

so about my brother’s dorm, he’s just going to have his own room, and a communal bathroom, stereotypical college dorm, ig. And like my parents said they had health concerns from my brother sharing a bathroom with two transgender/(+)nonbinary people, but having way more people, idk doesn’t seem logical. My mom said something about hormones and what they’re doing to their bodies, but idk, gives me the ick. Apparently while we were at school, they had a talk. My brother told he that she doesn’t listen, etc. basically that she sucks at parenting, and my mom said she isn’t a nurturing person, which jeez, I couldn’t tell. At home it feels like everyone is holding their breath, that split second of silence before a bomb goes off. I was eavesdropping on my parents (again) and they were talking about how they shouldn’t make it a big deal, and it wouldn’t have been if they hadn’t gone fucking insane over it. They were also talking about how it was an issue how my brother saw a as a girl? Which like, they’re friends, she dresses feminine, she has long hair, she wears makeup and I’m pretty sure she’s on hormones (is that the correct term?). My brother is a respectful person, it’s like the same thing as calling someone a nickname. That why we have to go to church, because to quote my mom, “the indoctrination starts young, (my name) and (my sisters name) could already know about this.” I almost wanted to pop up and shout that I read fanfiction about gay people in imaginary worlds every night before I go to sleep. She’s like scared we’ll become gay or something. She even said so herself, (to my dad) “moving our son out of the room won’t solve anything, he could still go and hang around lgbtsaui (she said a ton of random letters bc “the acronym is too long”) and be exposed to it” yeah bc there’s gay people in real life an they’re apart of society. And yes, my parents care a lot about college, they both grew up poor so it makes sense. And my mom likes saying things, she said yesterday morning that she wanted to split her and my dad’s finances, but that didn’t happen, she has mental issues too. Or runs on her side of the family, my aunt, she committed suicide in the 90s and apparently my mom has suffered from low mood, so thanks a lot to her ig.

as for if my brother likes a, my parents asked right before if they asked if he liked boys “do you like (deadname) like a boyfriend.” He said no, obviously, bc she’s a girl now. My brother hasn’t show interest in anyone as far as I know, we don’t talk about that stuff together, but we play a video game together, and he likes the female characters, but he could like, like their design and sorry and stuff, or like them, or both. But women are usually prettier in video games so straight dudes buy. Can you be straight and date a trans person(I’m uneducated, i apologize)? My dad asked him “would you ever be with someone knowing that they’re actually a boy? I wouldn’t, I feel like people don’t tell others that these days.” My brother said no, obviously he could be telling the truth or lying and there is a “right” answer when my parents ask. So idk if he likes a, as far as I know, he hasn’t been interested in someone like that. Honestly by brother is probably a straight cis dude, if he’s not, he can tell me if he likes. If he doesn’t want to tell me, well there’s clearly a reason for that. He’s my older brother, he’s helped me through a lot, that won’t change.

I am not youngest sibling anon, bc I have never had a crush on anyone. *awkward jazz hands* bc I’m aroace. Probably. Somewhere on the spectrum anyway, I’m too depressed to have a sexuality crisis. So I’m you’re the first person i came out to, so congrats (?). I honestly haven’t told anyone, bc I’m in middle school and everyone is just gonna tell me I’m too young to know and I can’t deal with homophobes and my many mental illnesses. And I’m fine with being a girl (for now, I’m young so who knows?), I have body image issues, but that’s bc I have confidence issues. I hope they’re doing okay cause it looks like they’re going through some shit.

Okay so today at school, like 10 minutes before we were dismissed there was one one over the loudspeaker, saying something and my math teacher smells us to be quiet so we could hear. We didn’t, he told us to be quiet again, and we didn’t again. He whistled and shouted shut up. And I got scared, I flinched, my friends pointed it out, I hid behind one of them. Some people were joking about how red his face was, I was scared, like my life was being threatened. It’s just so embarrassing, idk, I thought I knew how to handle myself, I thought I got over it. One of my friends, held up a wooden block and pretended to throw it at me, before the teacher yelled at us, and I ducked and covered my head. It’s just frustrating, bc I thought maybe I was getting better. I stopped getting hit years ago, I shouldn’t be flinching like that anymore.

I’m just so upset with myself, bc I should be happy, I’m a kid, I have stuff, my life is comfortable, I have friends. Beside my home life, it’s been okay. Why aren’t I happy. Why can’t I be happy. It’s just so frustrating bc everyone around me is happy, carefree almost. And I can’t be like that, I didn’t think you could still be like that, as a teenager. It’s so, maddening, and I…I want to be happy too, I’ve been trying so hard for so long to be happy, and every comment my parents make about having a positive attitude hurts more. Because I am trying, I’ve been trying so hard for so long, and no one can even notice the difference. It’s all just fucking pointless. This is my best, my best sucks and can’t do shit, apparently. I thought I was doing things, it hurts, it hurts so much more than I thought it would. Staying alive, here, I never thought it could hurt so much. And like, sometimes I wonder if there’s a point, I’ll end up alone, everyone keeps moving away, I’m literally a mistake, bc my parents didn’t mean for me to even be here and I don’t want to be.

this was way longer than intended, I’ll drop it here for now, if I don’t send another message, it’s bc i got my phone taken.

have a good day/night!

Hi hon!

Okay, so yes, hormones is the right term, but remember that a trans person doesn't have to be on hormones to be trans or to be considered the gender they identify as.

Also, yes, straight people can date trans people. I think, in some ways, it's affirming for a straight dude to be like "of course I'm straight because I'm dating x. Because she's a girl" It reminds x that she IS a girl.

As far as your happiness- when you say "I have stuff, my life is comfortable" so? You clearly aren't being supported, of COURSE you're sad! And it's okay to be sad! Just remember that this won't last forever. Soon, you'll be the one off to college, and your parents will have less and less control over you.

I'm sending you so much love and support <3

[golbrocklovely]

I don’t want to be rude or anything, but hear me out. Maybe he does this to himself, why? If he was annoyed be it, he would tell people something or anything. Also idk why he won’t tell people on ig story/twitter-hell even xplrclub that he is single, because his silence makes everything even more worse. Yeah there are lots of people who would still think that he is lying at all, but it would make a better sense (ifyk). That man is very attractive, handsome, that’s why girls takes liking to him at some way.

And that’s why when he’s hanging out with some girl always make rumours. And my opinion is, i think colby didn’t meet the right person yet..i feel like these la girls are just using him at some way. Look how every girl he was seen with gained alot of followers/fans, why lmao🤔 because of rumours. I love this man from all my heart but sometimes..i think he does this to himself

i think the reason why colby doesn't constantly say something about being single is bc it would basically be a full time job for him to do so lol

he does occasionally say things, even on xplrclub, about his love life and how he's single. realistically it's not his job to tell us about it or fill us in all the time, which is why he doesn't. i'm always of the belief that he's single until he says otherwise.

but i'll summarize this whole conversation by saying that a lot of the information about who he's "with", so to speak, is just naturally out there. you don't gotta dig to find things. which is also why so many fans CAN talk about his love life so openly. he's not as good of a hider as he thinks. or… the girls he hangs with don't stay quiet for long.

also, respectfully, the boy likes attention. and there ain't nothing wrong with that. he's also ridiculously clever and knows how to distract when he needs to. there's a reason why he drunkenly posted a pic with the girl he's been vibing with currently, removed it, and then posted multiple times that day - including a heavy thirst trap lol

however, i think there's a bigger issue at hand and that is that ppl assume every girl he's with is a gf or soon to be gf. same thing with his following list. he's either going to fuck, has fucked, or is currently fucking any girl he follows. and that's a main problem with this fandom. a lot of the girls he follows are just friends or random women he met at a party that he's just politely following back. ppl make things into bigger deals than they need to be. colby can be friends with single girls. thinking that he can't keep it in his pants is just not true.

if this fandom would just take things at face value, and move on, nothing would seem like such breaking news.

the main issue i have is that by thinking of colby in this way, you basically turn him into a sex doll that fucks anything that moves. you also take away the choice that these women make, or that they were just a conquest to be had. everyone in this situation is an adult that decided to do what they wanted to. but by turning them into just sexual beings, it dehumanizes them. especially with the way a lot of this fandom deals with sexuality and society in general's ideas of purity and whatnot.

there is so much more to that man that i genuinely love to talk about. and i do quite frequently. i'll happily answer asks about him that don't pertain to his love life. i only answer what gets sent in.

(sorry if this was a bit all over the place lol)

[swine-grl]

k so long time so see ig lmao . basically i’m tryna recover…but my issue is that school starts up again next month . man idk how imma NOT relapse when first sem starts . even now i’m havin a hard time jus thinkin ab it . i’ve been doin SO GOOD too . like, tryna eat more, eatin when i’m hungry, tryna gain w8 . but i’ve had a lotta body thoughts still . both positive n negative . n it’s jus so rough, cuz i rlly don’t think i’ll b able to resist a relapse atp . i’m tryna get a job by the start of first sem so i can do that after school n on weekends, n i can do wtvr homework while there . for context, i’m tryna find a job as a nanny or pet sitter . ik i’m literally preparing to overwork myself rn, but it feels like i have to . the only way i’ll b successful is if i put myself into a “u gotta work now now now” mindset almost 24/7 . ik it’s a coping skill, but it’s the only thing that works for me 💀 been doin this shit since i was a kid, n it seems to b the only way i can get myself to do difficult things . [for example, i used to pretend i was a cat who caught prey so i could eat ribs for dinner as a little kid cuz i don’t like ribs 😭] basically larpin my way thru life 😭😭 i alr know imma relapse tho . n ik it’s gonna b soon . ughhhhhh . it sounds sp pleasant rn n i hate that . i don’t think i’m even 100lb yet n i’m alr tryna tap out 💀 oml . i don’t even know my exact lw cuz i started to eat more n then decided to recover w/o even checkin my w8 😭 ik it was around 90lb n when i think ab that i wanna lose more . i wanna at least hit my og ugw, which is 75lb . that was back when i was 14 . weird ash to think ab . but the good thing is that i’m taller nowww, so i’d b skinnier lmao . my lw since the start of my ed is 85lb so i wanna hit that too . grrrrrrrrr . NONONONO i can’t lose my boobs again 💔 buttttt idk . idk what to do man . part of me rlly wants to hit my og ugw or at the v least my lw, but the other part of me jus doesn’t wanna lose my boobs 💀 help bro plssssss 🙏🙏 also if u don’t recognize my acc thas cuz i deleted everything n redid my profile . probs gonna mess around w it for a bit tbh . kept my user tho ofc lmao

anyways, thas all got now i think . jus kinda thinkin out loud n askin for advice . basically should i try n hot my og ugw or nah ? [help]

[reasoncourt]

83 :0

83. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? (or other accessory if you don’t wear any)

ooohhh ok ok ok so. this might be long, sorry ksndksndks. i went overseas for the first time when i was 5 (turned 6 in rome) with my grandad. and in london he took me to the markets (i do not recall which one) and bought me this little garnet ring. ofc it didn't fit my tiny fingers at the time and so into a jewelry box it went but i just remember it being really special. it made me feel like such a grown up.

now when i was maybe 14ish, i decided to start wearing jewelry and that was the first piece i rlly started wearing regularly. but one day about a year later it vanished. i swore i put it on the bench where i always put it but i couldn't find it anywhere. and we'd just had a huge get together so i thought someone might have nicked it, not realising its significance. or maybe i lost it. i lose everything. but i was always so careful with this ring. anyways, i was devastated. but life goes on.

so i was chatting with my grandad after i graduated highschool and i was like 'remember that ring you bought me?' and then i told him how significant and special it was to me and how i've been tearing the house apart in the hopes of finding it. and he just shook his head telling me that my grandma loses shit all the time too and then he muttered 'women' scathingly too himself bc bitches be losing things ig? i got the vibe he was upset. and he's very stoic so i felt BAD. especially bc i only brought it up bc i felt like he didn't know how much he means to me. and he took it as if i was careless with the ring. and it's like no grandad, you don't understand, this wasn't a product of me being careless, this was my prized possession. you have no idea how prized this possession was and, after years, how devastated i still am. but life goes on. whatever.

NOW when i graduated uni, my mum asked me what i wanted. and i said i just want that garnet ring. so she went down to portobello markets and got me one that wasn't exactly similar but it was something at least. and then before i went home i said a lil prayer to st. anthony bc fuck it. and would you believe.... i walk into my childhood bedroom and sitting on my bedside table is the mthfckn ring. THE ring. the exact ring. my ring. wtf. needless to say, i flipped my shit. HOW.

and so when i next saw my grandad, i showed him the ring. and asked if he remembered. and he told me that he spent a fortune on it (which i never realised bc my grandad is cheap af. i assumed it was like 2 pounds) and it turned into a whole story time. and my grandad has been having memory issues lately and it's been scaring him a lot so it was special bc more than just him realising how much i care about this thing he gave me when i was 5, and how much i'll treasure it for my whole life, he also realised that he could remember that day at the markets really clearly. and he told me all about it. and like i said, my grandad is pretty stoic. you can rarely read an emotion on his face. but it was the first time i can say he looked truly and totally touched. and idk. i wear that ring everyday and i make sure i know where it is at all time. so it's my favourite. that was way too long of a story. could've said that in 10 words. but alas. it's magic to me

[kreuiza]

okay but on a real note why tf did emi even tell him? like i don’t know that’s weird how’d he even find out and why was one of his first thoughts to tell specifically him?

i’m just confused as to why?

like even if he did find out and all this bs why does it matter what i do and if the guy i actually want sm with could’ve brought it up and talked oh and how did he tell him at the same exact time i did

that makes me look weird asf cause even he was like

“yall told me at the same time”

like bro i didn’t even know he was gonna tell you or how or why he fucks up and that shit makes me look bad like i’m still talking to him

which is am not i have him blocked on everything and as much as its crazy how i get to move on too what did he expect

me to sit here after telling him if we are done we are done

like i’m just done wasting my breath my time my energy on him

and i’ve been doing so good recently literally

but why’d he have to come back to ruin sm i liked having and dip again?

bro hasn’t talked about me said shit about me like bro in the end im not the reason we aren’t together it was cause of your bullshit

if you did it on purpose you are absolutely childish idc what your reasoning was you’re childish asf

and if you did it for his well being which i completely fckn doubt because you have no idea what happened or wtf is going on

just bro stay in your business i am not your business no more and im not gonna be your business again?

we aren’t friends we aren’t shit

either way i should’ve told him a lot earlier myself and i knew that and i still didn’t because i didn’t want him to stop fw me

AND JOKES ON YALL

i’m bout to still make it work with this dude

just need to build that trust with him and prove to him i really do mean what im saying

and i truthfully will it was a stupid mistake i made before we talked and yes bla bla we aren’t together but i don’t want to have hoes

i ESPECIALLY don’t want him to just be a hoe

he isn’t a hoe to me he’s the guy i actually want to be with

and we have the best conversations and i’m always smiling and laughing and as much as i like talking with him

we are barely starting to talk fr and i am in it

i already told him i am still not ready to date because of emi obviously

like bro we just broke up a month ago and i haven’t given myself time to much

it would be unfair to get into a relationship knowing i’d still think about my ex every now and again

and sad to say but he is still in my mind but every single time i am just proven i made the right choice

which helps ig but it sucks idk i expected sm like different ig

i just didn’t think we’d see each other or heard from each other again and no issue in seeing him in a group setting but like all i hear about him now is how he’s hoeing around and going out drinking and talking to these girls and now how he tried to fuck up this thing with this guy

like what do you want from me?

you don’t want me? and talk to other girls but when i’m doing it it’s wrong?

like dude you don’t want me you just want the attention

you just want to know you can

and you simple cannot

so my fault gang

i am no longer considering you in what i’m doing because you already showed me there was no point to that if you wanted that and wanted us to work out you should’ve done it while we were together now i am happy and found someone who is very considerate in what they say and do to me and im the asshole but i don’t blame him and try to defend my actions because i know what i did was wrong and i was going to fix it wether he knew or not hense why i talked to him about it and told him i wasn’t going to talk to anyone else because i wasn’t and this is the first time im doing this bs of “talking stage and taking it serious” and i am terrified but i trust this man so much

idk i feel safe to express myself towards him because he will always try to see things from my side and if he decides he doesn’t want to fw me anymore and TELLS ME then i’ll respect him and leave him alone

but as of the moment i know i still have a chance and i am going to prove to him everything i am saying because he deserves that and more and i want to be the one who gives it to him when i am ready for it

[love-advice-on-call]

helllooo i need some advice

i have been dating my partner for a year now and things are honestly super great! my partner normally doesn’t talk about their feelings or what’s bothering them very often and they can be pretty hard to read sometimes. (which can be frustrating sometimes bc i am pretty good at reading ppl lol) i’m normally much better at figuring out what people need specifically for certains situations but it’s much harder to figure out what that is for my partner.

i feel like i’m not able to comfort my partner in the way that he needs. like even small things like when he’s stressed bc he had a hard day at work or bigger life things like friends passing. i feel like i’ve just been bad at being there for him when he needs me

for ig more everyday things i know that he’s acts of service so i try to pick up his room if im there so that its clean when he gets back from work. should i do his laundry or soemthing too? i don’t wanna intrude n shit

i have asked him before about what he likes or how i can do more for him but it seems like maybe he doesn’t know or doesn’t know how to word it or doesn’t think he deserves it. totally possible that im just bad at explaining more of what im saying to him?? idk for sure but i just want him to know that he is loved and cared for and really feel it

im past relationships it’s been much easier to figure out what they like and how to treat them well but with my current partner i feel like ive just been majorly lacking in making sure that my love is loved.

any tips would be greatly appreciated!!

(sry if this didn’t make much sense lowkey rambling lol)

You're good, I think this makes sense. I think it's harder to comfort him BECAUSE he is hard to read. Like the issues you are having with trying to make him feel better I think are actually coming from him and I get that feeling pretty strong just by reading how you describe this guy.

I don't think you should do his laundry and stuff since you don't want to become his caretaker. I get the desire to though since you're really looking to find areas to make him feel better, but simply talking to him and finding out more about the issue is not a strong option so it feels like you're looking for other ways. He as an individual needs to be able to be able to take care of himself for this relationship to be healthy. That doesn't mean you can't do things for him, but it doesn't mean that he should just get used to not do things in general.

I think you can only do so much sometimes for some people. You can try to love someone as much as you can, but if they are not ready to receive love, then they will have a difficult time feeling love/loved. Sort of like if a door is closed, but you're still expecting the outside breeze to cool them off. I will say all this love language stuff is great and he probably does feel like you love him, but I think it's just that all of this modern love theory might be something not in his wave length.

I see/hear a lot of you trying to find out what will make him feel better, but the thing is I get the vibe that he doesn't know what makes him feel better and that might be the bigger problem. Ultimately, I think it would be best if he just went to therapy and learned how to talk about his feelings. Other than that, maybe instead of asking him what he likes/needs, you can do checkin's and see how he feels out of 10. Like 0 being the worst and 10 being the best. That way he doesn't have to say everything about how he feels, but you still get an idea of what is going on. You can also ask him about what feelings he has around whatever is going on with his life. Basic happy, sad, angry, etc. type stuff so he can formulate those feelings and translate them to you. If he says he doesn't feel anything then it may be that he just genuinely doesn't feel anything which happens to some people.