#backlash reread

[i-will-just-nyom-bi]

One thing I absolutely love and despise about fandoms is that when people go back to things they were interested in as kids and realize that it has a fandom (The Moomins for me), they start putting labels on every character.

I mean, if a character has something unique about them and people later label it as autistic or ADHD or gay.

From one side, wow! You see something of yourself or your loved one in a character you grew up with! You have answers to long forgotten questions and you like the character even more and associate it with yourself/loved one! You can categorize and explain the behaviour you never understood as a kid.

From another side, my lovely carrot it's a kids show! They have brightful and unique characters not to represent, but for it to be enjoyable to kids. Kids have more chances of liking a character that collects rocks as memories from places than to a character who stands by the sea thoughtfully. The characters have a bright/unique interest to highlight the position of that character, because a lot of characters are one sided (good or bad, from 100% bad to 100% good etc.).

I do this myself, but it's just cute and hilarious to scroll through Pinterest and see things like "Snufkin has a mental illness" "Moomin is autistic". Like yeah I do kin Snufkin and I did have a crush on him as a child, but that's a kids show (I have tread the books a long time ago and remember almost nothing) and they made him like that just so he could be the travelling mysterious teen he is, no autism or gay subtext.

I am gay tho, so you see my point

[4ndeka]

@biteghost  that reveal knocked my entire ass off I had to drop everything I was doing and make fan art 😳

READ BACKLASH !!!

[gnomewithalaptop]

I'm still too distracted to write so here have a list of YJ-cast centric fics that make me froth at the mouth

Kon-centric recs:

I Want It That Way (1990s Tim/Kon) by WynterSky / @wynterstars -- A revamped, 90s-style Superboy origin story with added Lex Luthor AND a lil bit of 90s Robin for spice and flavor. Honestly, this whole series is so elite -- goes hard with the Superboy mythos + angst PLUS the third fic leans hard into the secret identity shenanigans in a way that'd make Miraculous Ladybug jealous. The first fic splits its attention between Tim and Kon, but the latter two are solidly Kon-centric

one plus one (easy math) by connerdrakewayne / @comphetkoncass -- Cassandra Cain and Kon go to a gala together. I'm always a sucker for a good Cass + Kon friendship. This one's very short and sweet, and it gets the job done -- 10/10 would read again

a timeline can be a haunted house by connerdrakewayne -- post-universal reset Kon angst + terrible coping mechanisms! This one goes so hard I read it three times. Tbh this author has an excellent handle on Kon as a character in general, so I honestly recommend just checking out their whole fic stash

Tim-centric recs:

Top 10 Secret Identity Fails by @havendance -- Tim's new English teacher is his on-again-off-again superhero teamup Helena Bertinelli (aka the Huntress). This one's just fun, okay -- the whole thing reads like it could be straight out of Tim's 1993 solo run, plus I love the dynamic between him and Helena. Overall just a very cool vibe

only the dead stay 17 forever by Sky_Dust (couldn't find their tumblr sorry) -- Listen, I've really been restraining myself here, because I realize my love for time-travel bullshit is not universal, but I genuinely couldn't not include this one. This bad boy is a Tim-centric time-loop featuring a seriously unhinged Tim -- definitely a darker tone, but I can't stop rereading it

Bart-centric recs:

reflections on respawning: a gamer's uncertainty by merils / @mamawasatesttube -- Bart has a hard conversation about his death and subsequent resurrection (feat. Kon) man, I just vibe with this one so hard. It's such a thoughtful take on Bart's more contemplative side, while still managing to keep his personality intact

the backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun by @kermit-coded -- trans/gnc impulse my beloved <3 also we get some funky Max & Bart bonding, made much rawer and more real by the fact that it's the 90s and nobody knows what they're doing. Again, feels like it's straight out of Bart's solo series

Cassie-centric recs:

you and I, we are more than just this armor by @suzukiblu -- KonCassie bonding + gender feels. They're both so trans in this, and the author does a great job of really digging deep into their complicated feelings (both about gender and about each other)

(also PLEASE somebody give me more Cassie-centric fic recs I'm literally begging you)

Team recs

I'm all yours but you're all mine by suzukiblu -- Poly Core 4 Soulmates AU! Essentially, everybody gets their 'soulmark'/soulmate-identifier (not really, but the best word) right when Kon wakes up in his pod, and because Superboy hasn't really made his big splash yet, they misidentify their soulmate as Superman; this is an issue mainly because 1) they're all 14-15 and Superman is roughly 30-ish, and 2) by the time this fic takes place, Superman is pretty verifiably dead. Currently in-progress, but this is such an interesting and fun take on the usual soulmates trope. I pinky promise you won't regret reading it

Love, Not Loved series by @popsunner -- hoooomygod this series makes me cry literally every time I read it, it's genuinely one of the most realistic representations of grief I've seen on AO3. Basically explores the general fucked-up-edness of pretty much the whole YJ Core 4 Squad dying one by one, with each fic focusing on a different funeral (complete with survivor's guilt, regular guilt, and just plain old complicated feelings). We get Cassie feels, we get Tim feels, we get Bart + Kon feels -- it's the whole shebang. Don't worry -- there's a happy ending eventually, but you def gotta work for it. This series beat me up and stole my lunch money and I'd happily do it all over again

Lost the Last Piece of Me by InsaneTrollLogic / @last01standing -- YJ Core 4 Animorphs AU! I'm sad to say I've never read the original Animorphs series, but every single Animorphs AU I've ever read has been such high quality. Unsurprisingly (I love this author, okay), this fic is no exception to that rule. Solid alien-invasion plot, character driven, and the world-building is explained well enough that even a newbie like me can understand (feat. some TimKon, but it's not the main focus)

Ikonoclast by anantipodean (couldn't find a tumblr) -- Tim and Kon get sent to an alternate reality that's almost (but not quite) like their own. This one's just fun for me -- I love the TimBart buildup and the worldbuilding on the other Earth is a funky time. Also, the other universe's Tim is goth and absolutely cannot stand mainstream-reality Tim, and I find that extremely funny for some reason

[lloydfrontera]

okay hold on shut up everyone shut up i have something to say

so it should be no news that i think the ending is bullshit. i think it's cheap as fuck that the solution to the resolution of fate is that lloyd came back in a different body and therefore the world had no problem with him coming back despite being previously hellbent on not allowing him to remain in it because of his status as a protagonist. like. i think that makes little to no sense and i think it's stupid. what do you mean fate is faceblind. that's the same fucking guy it's been trying to kill for almost five years now just because he now looks korean doesn't change that he's the one that disrupted the flow of the plot so hard he turned into an unauthorized main character. i think it's cheap and stupid and not that good of an explanation.

HOWEVER

i was just thinking about how it kinda sucked that the way the ending is structured means that javier was never really freed from the narrative. like yes his tragic fate changed and he's no longer beholden to the original plot of tkobai but he's still very much the protagonist. lloyd dying didn't free him from that role, it just meant that javier was now the only main character in the world and so fate was no longer gunning for him or his loved ones. but then i went and reread the way the jewel of truth described what would happen once one of them died and let the other as the sole protagonist.

[Once one of you disappears, the world will finally choose the remaining person as the rightful protagonist and perceive there to be no more error to fix. That is only when the incomplete reset plan to carry put the restoration of destiny will come to a halt and the story will develop around the existing hero.] -Ch 328: You or Me (3)

that last bit. the story will develop around the existing hero. once one of them disappeared fate would give up with the original story and just make a new one around the one protagonist that remained. which by the end of tged is javier.

javier. javier whose main priority at some point shifted towards keeping lloyd safe. whose main goal became keeping lloyd alive at almost any cost. this javier:

There was no more sign of life from the mischievous smile on the face of his lord. The young master he had sworn to serve breathed his last as his head dropped. He had died. "... No way." This wasn't supposed to happen. Javier was in disbelief. He refused to believe what he saw. This was not the ending he had desired. -Ch 398: Last Resort (3)

I never, ever thought once about life without Master Lloyd, not even right now. -Ch 400: Farewell (2)

this javier is the one the story is meant to develop around now that he's the only protagonist in the world. this javier is the one the plot is meant to be built around.

do you understand where i'm getting at

i think that it was javier's status as protagonist that allowed lloyd to come back without getting backlash from fate anymore. i think javier's resolve to keep lloyd safe, to have a life at his side, was what allowed destiny to accept lloyd back into a world that had rejected him before. i think that when the story tried to develop around javier "i never thought of a life without lloyd" asrahan it couldn't do it in a way that didn't include lloyd in it and so lloyd was allowed to come back without fate retaliating against him.

javier was the one that accidentally brought lloyd into his world, he was the one that purposefully brought him back to it and he was the one that unconsciously allowed him to remain in it. he's literally the reason that lloyd is there at all in any capacity.

do you get what i'm saying. i feel like i'm going crazy.

[firstfullmoon]

what do you think about han kang winning the Nobel prize?!!

hi ! from a literary/political point of view really happy about it, both in terms of what it means for a south korean writer to win the nobel and for a south korean feminist to win it in the context of the recent backlash / rise of violence against women in south korea. also I haven’t read human acts but am so curious about this book + saw someone on twitter celebrating that the nobel went to a writer whose major work asks the question “how do you live in a world where the state can just murder an unaccountable number of people and then nothing changes how can you live” and I think it’s a powerful message in the midst of what is currently happening in palestine and lebanon but also really everywhere in the world. however.....from a personal point of view I’ve only read the vegetarian which I did not like although I do think it was an issue of translation (it felt so clunky and afterwards I read several articles about deborah smith which reinforced my feelings on the matter). I want to reread the vegetarian and her other works (especially human acts) in their french translation (co-translated by a french-korean woman which gives me hope for a more faithful translation) and hopefully that will change my opinion cause it’s SUCH a shame for one bad translation to tarnish a writer’s work

[ghostwritermia]

Pairing ~ Remus Lupin x blacksister!reader (slytherin reader)

Word Count ~ 988

Summary ~ With a haunted mind you look for solace in books, when you really needed it from your boyfriend, and he happily gave it to you

Warnings ~ Beginner level writing, angst, mentions of evil Walburga and Orion (they can literally just leave), Remus being a sweetheart, unedited

Note From Mia ~ Second time writing on here....I hope you like it, but I understand if not lmao

You had always been more on the reserved side. Where Sirius had chosen to leave the tortures from 12 Grimmauld Place behind him when the Black Siblings returned to school, you and Regulus had been the opposite.

You couldn’t forget. It wasn’t possible. The horrors you always faced at home haunted you every night, leading into early in the mornings, leaving you restless the rest of the day. The only peace you got was when you could sneak off into the library to bury your nose in whatever book you had your hands on. Whether that was a reread or a completely new genre, it didn’t matter. It was an escape.

So, that is exactly what you were doing now. You had been curled up in an armchair in a secluded corner of the library, reading, for almost an hour now. No distractions. Mind blank. Peace finally washing over you.

Letting out a soft sigh, you flipped the page, getting ready to read another chapter when a shadow loomed over you.

“Hello, Dove,” Remus whispered from above you. “Having a bad day?”

You and Remus had met in the Library on a rainy afternoon, and just sat together in silence while reading. Over time you had started small talk, and that led to conversations, which then led into a friendship, turned secret relationship.

It’s not that you wanted it to stay a secret, however, Remus and you were both scared of backlash from Sirius, and you were terrified of your parents; therefore, they could never find out.

Remus notices that you’re too far, too deep into your book to notice him. To pull you back into the present, he carefully rests a hand on your thigh and rubs gently, coaxing you back into the real world.

You flinch slightly at the contact before looking up to see your boyfriend. “Oh, Rem, hi. How long have you been there?” You ask, shutting your book to give him your undivided attention.

Remus ignores you, smiling gently, not sympathetically though, because he knows by now that you won’t accept it. “What do you need from me, Dovy? To talk?” He’s more than aware that you are not actually going to open up right now, he can see it in your eyes from a mile away.

“Can you just hold me?” You whisper, your words laced with vulnerability. 

Remus’s eyes soften before he shuffles you around, sliding onto the chair behind you, and situating you onto his lap. He doesn’t say anything. He just holds you, gently stroking your hair, occasionally leaving a kiss to the crown of your head. 

When he thinks you're almost asleep, you speak again, “Nothing ever lasts forever, Rem.”

“I know, love. What are you referring to?” He asks, dread filtering into his mind. The lycanthrope has a love-hate relationship with your deep thoughts. Some bring on deep meaningful conversations, whereas others are filled with unnecessary insecurity and doubts.

“Us,” You mutter the exact words that he was dreading.

“No.” Remus says sternly, a tone you rarely hear him use. “I will always love you,” He turns you so you’re sitting sideways in his lap, him making direct eye contact with you, making sure that you hold it. “We’re not doing this, you need to get rid of whatever negative ghosts that are haunting your mind, because we are not breaking up. If I need to help chase those ghosts away, then so be it, but you cannot let them dictate our relationship. Ours, not theirs.”

You nod, burying your head into his neck, breathing in the calming scent of cocoa and old books, mixed with a hint of pine. 

“I want to hear you say it,” He whispers, nudging you with his shoulder.

You lift your head from the crook of his neck and smile weakly. “Ours, not the ghosts.”

“Exactly right, Dove.”

Remus leans in and gently presses his lips to yours, and you reciprocate before he leans back, pulling you into his chest. “I love you,” He whispers, again, knowing you needed reassurance. “And I always will.” 

You nod, “I love you, forever and always.” It comes out in a whisper, but Remus hears it anyway and presses his forehead against yours, but not before pressing a kiss to your nose.

He slowly reaches up and presses the pads of his thumbs where he knows your dimples are and where he knows they should be right now. “Can you smile for me, Love?”

And you do. Because you love him, more than you thought you were ever capable of. You smile crookedly, showing Remus that it is indeed a true smile, and he leaves a kiss on both dimples before pulling away and smiling back at you.

You bring your own thumbs to his face, rubbing gently over the hundreds of freckles scattered along his face.

He kisses you gently once more before grabbing your book, “Now, what were we reading before I interrupted?” He questions teasingly. 

“Well, I was reading that,” You admit sheepishly, pulling out a quill and ink container from your bag.

“The Wonderful Wizard of Oz?” Remus raises a teasing brow.

“Oh hush,” You shove his shoulder. “I was in the mood for something different and it was in the muggle book section. It seemed interesting.” 

“No judgment from me then, Dove.” He whispers, opening the book at your marked spot.

And that is exactly how you and Remus spend the rest of your day. Him reading to you, and you drawing thin vines, small flowers, and a variety of constellations on his various scars while you listen to his soothing voice tell the story of a girl with a dog that somehow got sucked into a tornado and transported into the world of Oz. It didn’t make sense to you, but Remus was reading it, and that was all that seemed to matter to you at that very moment.

[nqueso-emergency]

Just wanted to say I really appreciate you hitting the trenches of fandom discourse and your commentary. I was firmly on the Buddie side of things (though I wasn't bothered by BuckTommy) but I stay off of Twitter and Insta and hadn't realized how truly awful the backlash was. I appreciate the illumination this blog and others have provided. NGL, my preferences have really shifted over the last few weeks--partly because BuckTommy is just so damn CUTE, but mostly because of the fan behavior...I don't even want the "win" anymore cause people will be so NASTY about it, and I can't help but feel that Tim or any writers who WERE inclined to make Buddie canon might be feeling the same way.

Anyway, just wanted to say I really respect what you're doing here

Thank you! Your post actually helped me a lot. I was having a bad time this morning and I reread this and smiled ❤️

[weirdsht]

Disillusioned 20 . Overdue

a/n: OMFG AFTER 20 CHAPTERS I FINALLY FOUND WHAT FACE MASK I WAS ENVISIONING, apparently it's called a face veil. the one I specifically had in mind is a hanfu face veil

also  while writing this I had to reread the novel because I wanted to use the exact lines Alberu said, and holy sht does it get funnier every time I read it

tags: possessive/overprotective cale, fluff, attempt at comedy

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read pinned)

Buy Me Dessert

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“Let’s use this opportunity to reveal _____’s existence.”

“Pardon me but I literally just got here…”

_____ was taken aback by the crown prince inside Cale’s room. Not necessarily by his presence as Raon had already informed the healer through telepathy, hence the extra tea, but rather at his words.

“We’re already going to give the people a lot of surprises before the program starts why not maximise it?”

The healer listened to Cale as they poured everyone a cup of tea. In the corner of their eyes, they can see Raon offering them a piece of cookie.

“Yes, I also can’t hold off the nobles wishing to investigate Medicus-nim any longer. At every meeting, they insist on knowing the mysterious healer who’s always by our beloved commander’s side.”

All three adults know what the nobles really want is to pry the healer away from the commander’s side but no one said it out loud.

“So _____ is also very popular! Good for you kindest _____!”

_____ accepted the cookie the young dragon was offering before talking.

“I deeply apologize for the trouble I have caused. I know you’re already busy blocking off the churches because of Mary-nim.”

Sip

The healer took a small sip of tea before continuing.

“If everyone agrees that it’s time for me to make my presence known again then I shall abide.”

Raon held another cookie on _____’s lips despite the healer already holding one. Giving in to the child’s wishes, _____ took a bite of the cookie.

“Then it’s settled. I shall officially announce that you are alive and well. I shall also officially announce that you will be inheriting half of the Perduellio’s assets.”

The Medicus looked down for a moment to see the young dragon playing with their discarded face veil. Raon is trying to wear _____’s veil but can’t quite tie the strings at the back.

“Wouldn’t doing that get the crown some backlash? I am still a Perduellio even though I do not share their blood.”

“They won’t. No one will even dare have a passing thought that you’re involved in their crimes once they hear how they discarded you.”

Cale motioned over to Raon as he spoke. Once the dragon was in front of him, he tied the strings of the veil that reminded the redhead of the Chinese traditional dramas he used to watch back in high school.

Thump

Thump

Thump

Finally, things sunken in on _____. As they they did the healer felt a sense of nervousness. Unsure if they will be able to handle such responsibility.

Cale who noticed the healer’s hands tremble ever so slightly grabbed them. Holding hands seems to be the new norm for the two.

“I’m not sure if I’ll do a good job but I promise to do my best.”

“Since that’s settled, let’s go back to our previous topic. As I was saying, I need to borrow Choi Han and you.”

Alberu ignored the two showing affection despite not being romantically involved and instead focused on feeding Raon more sweets.

_____ took that as a sign to go back to their bedroom. The commander and healer duo reluctantly let go of each other’s hands and the crown prince kept pretending his blind.

Two days later, at the centre of Huiss, both nobles and normal citizens of the Roan Kingdom gathered to watch the award ceremony and celebration.

“I’m sure everybody is shocked at my sudden announcement of my instructor.”

It’s true, no one had expected Choi Han to come in together with the crown prince, much less be announced that the youngest swordmaster is his highness’ instructor.

“However!”

The healer took it as a sign to stand up.

“There is still one more surprise.”

_____ could feel and hear the nobles whispering amongst themselves. Scared of what’s to come.

“Everyone knows about this one particular healer, the one who’s always by Commander Cale’s side. Surely everyone is curious as to who could that be.”

At that moment Choi Han assisted _____ towards the platform where he and Alberu are. This made everyone even more intrigued as the swordmaster looked like a knight escorting a noble.

The healer muttered a thanks towards Choi Han before stepping to be beside Alberu.

“However, you all them better than you think you do. Young master _____ could you do the honours?”

Both the hall and the plaza are filled with murmurs and questions. Everyone is asking one another if they heard the crown prince correctly.

“How could this be real? Isn’t the Medicus dead for two years?”

“But they never presented a body…”

“Well, how could they retrieve a body that died in the Dessert of Death.”

To quell the masses' growing questions, _____ finally pulled down their hood and removed the face veil they were wearing.

Questions and doubts turned into exclamations of celebration.

“It’s Medicus-nim…”

“Our Medicus-nim is safe!”

“All this time Medicus-nim has been helping defend our kingdom!”

These are some of the comments that can be heard throughout the plaza.

Meanwhile, the nobles in the hall are just as shocked but are more composed about it. However, it’s still noisy as everyone is murmuring amongst themselves.

Alberu raised his hand indicating silence as he still had more to say.

“Young master _____, most of you may know them as Roan Kingdom’s Medicus. Two years ago we received the devastating news that they have died but that was not the case.”

Alberu steps forward for dramatic effect.

“Today the truth shall be revealed! What really happened was that young master _____ found out about Perduellio’s wrongdoings. However, before they could report to me directly what they found out their family threw them in the Dessert of Death. Luckily the Dark Elves found the young master in time.”

Gasp could be heard throughout.

For the citizens that wrongdoing was the announced fraud, tax evasion, and embezzlement done by the family. The nobles and those with a strong network of information, know it’s most likely pertaining to the human trafficking case that happened in the Gyerre Territory.

“It is essentially thanks to the young master that we found out about the Perduellio’s true nature. Even after what happened to them, they still looked after our kingdom.”

Half a lie of a story, but who would dare try to verify it? In addition to that, how would they verify it when the Perduellios are within Cale and Alberu’s clutches?

“As of today the title and territory of the Perduellio’s shall belong to young master _____. Along with this comes half of the assets they used to own.”

The nobles waited for more, scared of the power the Medicus was about to hold. Surely that can’t be it. Not only does the healer have great contributions during the war, but they have also essentially reported traitors within the kingdom.

At that moment, Alberu gave the spotlight to _____.

“When his highness the crown prince came and talked to me, he had offered to give me more rewards for my contributions during the war. However…”

Soft and gentle voice that everyone missed listening to can be heard. This made everyone silent so they could tune in better, especially the citizens. This is essentially the first time _____ is making a public statement.

“I refused it. I may have not known before what my adoptive family was doing, but I still unknowingly helped fund it. For that, I deeply apologize to the citizens of my beloved kingdom.”

_____ bowed deeply as an apology.

There’s no way for the healer to know, but at that moment protests could be heard in the plaza. People are saying things like “they should have accepted the rewards as they deserve it” and “there’s no way they could have known, Medicus-nim is also a victim”.

“As a further apology for the Perduellio’s misdemeanours, I promise everyone that I will further help the citizens of our kingdom by doubling the charity events I used to do in the past. I also promise to straighten out the Perduellio territory.”

‘And do my best to provide some land where the Dark Elves can live.’

_____’s voice was soft but stern. Everyone can see the determination in the healer’s eyes. 

Ever since _____ has heard from Cale about how Alberu is planning to give them Perduellio’s territory, the healer has set their mind on providing a land where the Dark Elves could live. The healer is aware that with how things are right now, Alberu can’t give them a separate land himself. So _____ took it upon themself to provide them with land to help normalize their existence and help the crown prince award them their land faster.

After _____’s proclamation, Alberu took over again and the healer went back to where they were seated before. As they did they put their hood and veil back up. There honestly wasn’t a need to do so.

However…

“Cale, I am truly, very proud of you.”

There it is.

“I am very happy to have such a precious younger brother like you”

It took every fibre of _____’s being to not laugh. 

The reason why the healer pulled their hood and veil back up is so that no one would be able to see them laugh. While watching the theatrics Alberu is doing _____ remembered the private conversation they had the night before where they talked about how dramatic Alberu should be for this moment.

‘This is more fun than I thought.’

It was after dinner, the entire Henituse family might eat their dinners separately but that doesn’t stop Cale, _____, and the kids from eating together. Eating almost every meal together had been their norm for a year, being in the Henituse castle is not going to change that.

The healer opened the door to their room that was placed just beside Cale. As they did the first thing they see is a quarter Dark Elf reading the novel they had just finished reading.

“A man who got transported inside a novel as the empire’s hostage second male lead then promised to live a simple life so they won’t die for the male lead but ended up making both the male and female lead attached to him? This is interesting I might have to borrow this book from you so I can continue reading it later”

“I didn’t know the crown prince of our kingdom is also a professional in breaking and entering. You truly are a man of many talents.”

Alberu is leisurely sitting on one of _____’s couches while eating a cookie he bought himself. The healer closed the door and sat down in front of him.

“What brings your highness here?”

The crown prince already visited the other night, there’s essentially no reason for him to visit again. It also can’t be an emergency because if it was then he would be in Cale’s room.

“I’m here to talk about your rewards for your contribution during the war.”

_____ refused immediately.

“Your highness, I’m sorry but I must reject.”

The two started talking about the possible backlash if _____ receives too much. The healer also let Alberu know of their plan about letting the Dark Elves in their territory once they become a count.

None of them knew how but the topic gradually shifted to something more lighthearted.

“So you know how my dear dongsaeng has been giving me headaches right?”

The healer nodded.

“I want to pay him back for his efforts somehow.”

Without missing a beat _____ spoke up.

“Make the sworn brothers reveal dramatic your highness. Make it look like you are brothers that have been reunited after being apart for hundreds of years.”

“You really get me Medicus-nim! That’s exactly what I was planning to do.”

Alberu starts talking about the script he had in mind. As _____ hears more about it the more they could envision Cale having a sour look on his face.

The two conspired together to make a script that would make play directors run for their money with how dramatic and grand it is.

“Your highness after grabbing his hand I suggest looking moved while saying “There’s probably nobody in the world who is upright and has no greed like my younger brother” it’ll probably give your dongsaeng nightmares for at least a week.”

And so that’s where they are right now.

_____ had to cover their mouth with their hand. To others, it'll look like the healer was just deeply moved. But the sworn brother knows that the healer is fighting for their life to not laugh out loud.

“I am happy as well. Hyung-nim.”

The one-sided play put on by Alberu ended when Cale finally called the crown prince ‘hyung’ out loud. After that fiasco, the award ceremony finally started.

Mary and the Dark Elves just didn’t mention how pink _____’s face was from holding back laughter.

After the ceremony, the healer changed their outfit into something more fitting for a noble before going over to where Cale is.

“Hahahaha! Cale you should’ve seen your face. It was so funny.”

“You definitely planned that with the crown prince didn’t you?”

Cale is glad that _____ is more expressive and is more joyful now. He just doesn’t appreciate how the healer is currently laughing at him.

“Of course I did. I don’t think I would be able to hold it in if I didn’t know what’s going to happen in advance.”

“Just keep laughing. Let’s see who’ll get the last laugh once you choke on your dessert.”

“Hahahaha!”

No one can hear the conversation the two nobles are having. So in their eyes, it just looks like two good friends having a chat as they didn’t notice the slightly sour look on Cale’s face. 

Some might even speculate that something is going on between the two.

How could they not when there’s a blatant fondness in the young man’s eyes?

It honestly looks like his blasting his feelings for everyone to see.

The Henituse family calling over _____ to talk to them does not help the future rumours.

“It’s good that your territory is just right beside us. Remember to call us for anything you need help with.”

“If anyone mistreats you or questions your power tell us or Cale immediately.”

It also doesn’t help that Deruth and Violan are acting as if _____ is their child. The whole thing honestly screams ‘Not only am I being protected by this new dukedom, but I am also very much loved by them.’

That was why some nobles had the great idea of trying to approach the newly named Count while they were eyeing the sweets selection. Since they couldn’t approach Cale they switched their targets to _____.

Not only are they acquainted with the Henituse Duchy, but they are also reputable themself. Their power is unstable opening an opportunity for other nobles to help them, and they have a gentle personality. There’s a lot to gain by forming a relationship with someone like that.

So two nobles set their eyes on _____.

However, before they can even try to speak an overwhelming presence makes itself known. The aura of this person is so strong that it feels suffocating.

“I told you to come to me after talking to my parents.”

“But I saw this cake that looks good. I wanted to get it for us and Raon to taste.”

“Where is it? If it’s good let's ask Beacrox to make it.”

The two nobles tried approaching again once they saw the friendly atmosphere between the two. However, they stopped in their tracks once they saw the commander look at them directly in the eye. 

‘Wasn’t he just smiling at the healer a second ago??’

Cale who made his Dominating Aura slightly stronger looked back at _____ who was none the wiser.

“Let’s go Raon is waiting for us on the terrace.”

“Ah right! I have to let him taste this, let’s go.”

With that, the two nobles lost their chance to even glance at _____.

“I’m sorry… I wanted to join you this time too.”

Once again the commander and healer duo are talking. Unlike their conversation earlier, this one is more serious. More private.

“Don’t worry about it, there's more than enough of us to finish the task.”

As usual, their hands naturally found their way towards each other. Cale squeezed _____’s hand to further show that it really is okay.

In that moment it was just the two of them in their own bubble. Nothing else mattered; not Raon stashing away desserts, not the nobles partying back there, not even White Star watching from the live feed in the plaza.

Just the two of them in their own world. Reassuring each other that everything will be alright.

[kim-deadja]

ORV ROLEPLAY @sunfish-regressor &. @kim-deadja

idol yoo joonghyuk x anti-fan kim dokja. non-apocalypse roleplay

The summer sun streamed through the cracks of the blinds in Kim Dokja’s small apartment, casting jagged patterns on his cluttered desk. His laptop screen glowed faintly, illuminating a webpage he was more than familiar with: his own blog.

Dokja leaned back in his creaky chair, scrolling through the titles of his old posts.

Yoo Joonghyuk: The Overrated Idol of the DecadeFive Reasons Why Yoo Joonghyuk’s Songs Are All the SameWhy Yoo Joonghyuk’s Acting Career Should Stay in the Vault

Each post dripped with the biting cynicism he’d become known for in his tiny corner of the internet. His followers—if they could be called that—were a niche group of like-minded anti-fans who seemed to revel in his snarky commentary. But as he scrolled further down, he stopped at the latest entry, its tone strikingly out of place amidst the usual venom.

In Defense of Yoo Joonghyuk Regarding the Latest Controversy

The post wasn’t long, but it had taken him hours to write. Dokja’s fingers hovered over the keyboard now as he read the words he had typed days ago:

Whether Yoo Joonghyuk is dating or not is none of our business. The man has the right to a personal life. He spends his days under constant scrutiny, performing and working tirelessly to meet fan expectations. Are we seriously going to crucify him for being spotted at a park with someone? Even if he’s dating, so what? He’s human. Not a product. Fans need to remember the difference.

Unlike his other posts, this one had gone viral. Over a million likes and shares, his tiny blog had exploded overnight. He’d received countless comments—some from diehard fans thanking him, others accusing him of hypocrisy. Dokja didn’t care much for either camp, but the attention was... overwhelming.

What truly caught him off guard, though, was the email he’d received shortly after.

The email was polite, and warm, even.

Subject: Yoo Joonghyuk - Request for Collaboration From: Ha Junghee (Yoo Joonghyuk’s Management Team)

Dear Kim Dokja, We sincerely thank you for your thoughtful and supportive commentary regarding the recent incident involving Mr. Yoo Joonghyuk. Your perspective has been a breath of fresh air amidst the controversy. In light of your post’s popularity, we would like to propose a collaboration to address public perception and improve Mr. Yoo Joonghyuk’s image. This collaboration would involve a brief public appearance and interview alongside Mr. Yoo Joonghyuk himself. As a token of our appreciation, we are prepared to offer compensation for your time and effort.

The offer had come with a figure that made Dokja’s eyes widen. A sum like that could cover months of rent, maybe even help him upgrade his perpetually laggy laptop.

Initially, he’d accepted for the money. Why wouldn’t he? He didn’t owe Yoo Joonghyuk anything. But as the hours passed, and Dokja reread the email, guilt began to gnaw at the edges of his thoughts. Yoo Joonghyuk, overrated as he was, didn’t deserve the backlash he was getting.

So, with an irritated sigh, Dokja had responded: I’ll do it. For free.

The response had come quickly, thanking him for his cooperation and confirming a date for the planned appearance.

Now, a week later, the whirlwind of media events was over, and Dokja found himself seated in the corner booth of an upscale private restaurant.

The restaurant was tucked away in the heart of the city, its entrance discreet and its interior bathed in warm golden light. Polished wood tables were set with pristine white tablecloths, each adorned with small, flickering candles. The hum of soft jazz played in the background, creating an atmosphere that was both intimate and intimidating.

Dokja shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his eyes darting to the minimalist clock on the wall. He’d arrived ten minutes early, an unfortunate habit he couldn’t shake. The waitstaff had seated him in a secluded area, far from prying eyes, and now he sat alone, fidgeting with the edge of his water glass.

His thoughts wandered. What was he even supposed to say to Yoo Joonghyuk? The man’s management had insisted on this meeting as a gesture of appreciation, but Dokja couldn’t imagine the idol being particularly grateful. If anything, Joonghyuk probably saw him as an annoyance.

The door to the private dining room opened slightly, and Dokja’s breath hitched. He straightened instinctively, waiting to see if the man himself had finally arrived.

ooc: any other yjh rpers feel free to reblog, I'll still rp w u

[heartlilith]

My Placements and How They Manifest

Capricorn Ascendent:

My mother told me that when she gave birth to me, it was worse than my other 3 other siblings by far. She had to be induced because there was no sign of me wanting to come out into the world (lol). She said she was in labor for hours and when I finally came out, she started hemorrhaging. It wasn't fatal obviously because she's alive today but yeah, I kind of associate that with my Capricorn rising. Still to this day, change is very uncomfortable for me especially if I have no control over what's happening. My childhood was great until my mom divorced my dad and remarried, that's when shit went south! I had new siblings, a stepfather, and had to see my dad heartbroken while also battling melanoma and being laid off (2008 recession). My sister stayed with him and I went with my mom. They were always fighting and spiting each other but it was my sister and I that missed out. It was always "what is your father saying about me?" yada yada yada. Growing up, I was bullied by my sister a lot, in my opinion, it was more than the usual sibling fights. My mom also took a lot of her anger out on me; she ended up getting a divorce not too long after remarrying, became an alcoholic and filed for bankruptcy. Being a Capricorn rising and dealing with the backlash of that, I always have money saved, ALWAYS. I'm like a squirrel hiding nuts I stg. If I'm completely broke I'm an anxious mess. It's also why I strive to be independent and self sufficient. It's why I manifest being filthy rich. High school was terrible tbh and I battled with depression and anxiety. College was a lot better and moving away from my mom and chaotic family did me well, I went from a 2.6 GPA in high school to 3.85 in college. Rereading this it sounds kinda like a sob story and that's not what I'm trying to accomplish so I'm just going to move on.

1st House Neptune, Uranus, Lilith:

I made a separate post either on here or Reddit about how my features have changed so much over the years. As a child, my hair was blonde then it turned blonde/red in late elementary school. Since then, it's turned darker and darker through the years. Now it's dark brown. My eyes were dark blue as a child and now they're light green - I attribute this to Uranus and Neptune being on my Ascendent. In my opinion, I'm not photogenic at all (Cap rising?) and I think I look different in every picture I take or is taken of me. With Lilith being in my first house, I was sexualized a lot growing up by older guys/men. And also bullied by boys my age; I remember they thought I was "too girly". Guys, I shit you not after I had enough of it, I started showing up with boy shorts and those tank tops guys wear HAHAHA to be more of a "tomboy"... I'm not really sure what that is but yeah, I must've been 10 or 12 or something. People would always say "it's because they have a crush on you/because they like you!" and I would be so confused. Nowadays, I think I rub some people, specifically men, the wrong way and they dislike me for "no reason", or maybe they have a reason but they never come out and say it. My Uranus in the 1st shows up as being quirky I guess? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's that my parents were never disciplinary at all, I could do whatever I wanted. At the time I loved it but deep down I think I wanted to them to care, so I would act more and more reckless. Today, maybe that sets me apart. One last thing about Neptune/Uranus in the 1st is that I can't stand to see people treating people/animals/or what have you, the wrong way. I can't even watch Youtube videos of animals starting off abused... even if the videos end with them being happy and healthy, I CAN'T DO IT. It deeply disturbs me.

Side Note (1st House Lilith):

As a small child I was obsessed with being naked all the time and skinny dipping LMFAO like it was a problem. Luckily there were no creeps and I was fine but would this placement indicate that in anyway? Let me know because it doesn't really fit with my Capricorn rising.

(I'm really sorry this post is so long and detailed I think I'm having word vomit)

Virgo Moon:

As a child I was really reserved and "chill". I already talked about my relationship with my mom and she was critical and whatever. One thing that sticks out about this placement is that she would always push the idea on me to "stay pure" and to "stay innocent", especially when I was a teen. Always pushing this on me. Always telling her friends I was "naive" and yeah maybe I was in a sense. I don't know it's weird how that fits. My mom wasn't all bad though. She definitely had many faults but she was a great mom in certain aspects. Growing up, I realized she's just a human like me, with problems of her own. I don’t hold it against her. Today, my Virgo moon makes me sooo anxious and worrisome. I definitely see the negative qualities it brings but the good qualities out weigh them. I love buying people gifts and I'm a great gift giver if I do say so myself. With my Capricorn rising and Virgo moon, I hate PDA and it can be hard for me to be lovey dovey (even with all my Leo), so I show love by buying gifts - kind of like my dad. My parents were never there for me emotionally but they bought me great gifts hahaha, I guess that's why. Also I tend to "mother" my partners; I do their laundry, do the cleaning, make their doctor appointments, and take care of them in a sense - like my mom did for me. Writing this out I can now see why I am the way I am lol.

Moon square Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn:

Ooooff. Well I won't dive into it too much. I will say it affects my mental health greatly and I've had a lot of trouble in that department. My Moon square Jupiter really makes my moods go up and down. Like high highs and low lows for sure. I try to look at it positively even though it's hard sometimes. Having the high highs brings out my inner child (Jupiter in the 5th). When I'm happy I'm really happy and giggling and silly. And of course the flip side is low low :( But I like the high highs so I deal. Also with this, I tend to avoid being sad at all costs. All costs. I'm a true escape artist when it comes to emotions. With Pluto and Saturn squaring my Moon, I am infact a MOODY BITCH. LOL, hey at least I can admit it. It brings intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, insecurity, and guilt with it too - all that great stuff. Moving on.

Cancer Mercury:

I like my Cancer Mercury a lot, even though it's paired with my all my Leo placements which can make me a ~smidge~ dramatic. I wasn't the best student in high school but I did take the hardest English courses they offered, which in hindsight saved my GPA lol. In college, I studied English with a concentration in creative writing. I mostly wrote and studied poetry which I loved so much. I'm a great listener and if I could write an advice column I would. I love how my Cancer Mercury makes me empathetic and how I'm able to put myself in anyone's shoes. One negative about this placement is that I get hurt easily (paired with Leo Sun and Virgo Moon esp), but I won't let you know I'm hurt, I'll just get angry and mean. I don't like that about myself and I wish I was more vulnerable in that aspect but it's easier to be angry than sad... right?

Leo Venus and Mars:

After talking about all the above placements, my Leo side is definitely my ray of sunshine in a way. I feel like with my Virgo Moon and the aspects it makes, it kinda settles my Leo ego. That's not to say I don't have an ego, I definitely do... just look at this post it's all about meee :) I have pictures of when I was 3-6 years old and flexing my muscles hahaha and I thought I was so strong I would go around and show everyone that I could pick my mom and older sister up. So weird. Other than that, when I dislike someone I tend to go on rant for awhile about everything I dislike about them. My least favorite thing is when someone makes me feel inferior or small, that will put me on 10 easily. I don't get mad all that much, it takes a lot but when I do get mad, I see red. Maybe cause I have Mars at 0 degrees. I do get over things quickly though, emotionally anyway, but I do hold a grudge. Also yesss, I have Leo hair. It's long and thick and hard to manage. Growing up, my mom would never let me color or cut it and I'm kinda glad now looking back on it.

8th house Moon & Venus:

This is why I hold grudges hahaha. In my opinion, the 8th house can be hard to understand/put into words until you experience it (in synastry, transit, natal, etc), then you just know. With Venus here, every person I'm romantically involved with transforms me but also takes a piece of me as well. In my experience with the 8th house, you can gain a lot of good things but it comes with a price. Whether its a mix of my placements or just these placements specifically, love really hurts! Break ups have put me in dark dark places. When I do love someone, I want to merge with them, like become "one" if that makes sense. So when it comes to an end, I have a huge hole left. In my life, this has manifested as when I ran away from home to a different state and ghosted my family and friends just to get back together with my boyfriend, all on a whim. I'd give it all up for someone I love. With Virgo Moon being in my 8th house, my anxiety mixes with my obsessive behavior which manifests as dermotillamania. I struggle with it so bad. I'm working on it but yeah that's kinda interesting looking from an astrological sense. Moon in the 8th house gives me great intuition though... I'm always right about the vibes. But this comes at the cost of feeling things extremely deeply.

Scorpio MC:

This is another placement that I like about my chart because my Capricorn rising makes me come off as intimidating and my MC makes people see me as powerful and mysterious. I don't know if people actually see me this way but even it being a possibility gives me like Olivia Benson vibes. I love her. Anyway, one thing I will say is I don't have social media anymore and haven't for years (besides Tumblr and Reddit) because I really value my privacy. I don't like people knowing things about me unless I decide to share it with them, even small things. Tumblr and Reddit are okay in my mind because I don't know anyone in real life. But even this post I'm already thinking of deleting and I haven't even posted it yet lol. When I did have social media, I would overshare and then delete the post an hour later. I was always deleting pictures and revamping my aesthetic. I became obsessed with likes and comments and scrolling that it was too much and I didn't like the power it had over me. Something else that I think manifests from my MC is that I love psychology, astrology, and things that tie into personalities.

5th house Jupiter & Saturn:

It always confused me on how to interpret having Saturn, the planet of limitations and responsibility, and Jupiter, the planet of expansion and luck, in the same house. I thought that they canceled each other out in a way, or level each other out... is a better way of putting it.  I actually messaged @astrosky33 and asked how they interpret it. Her (?) answer was interesting and made a lot of sense. Jupiter and Saturn in the same house gives off both energies at the same time (why didn't I think of that? lol). So for the 5th house, in terms of my hypothetical kids, I would be a parent that has fun and is silly but also strict in some ways and responsible. One way Saturn in my 5th house manifests is that I don't want to do anything creative unless I feel it's productive in some way, which I don't like about myself. Meaning, I don't want to read a book if the genre is fantasy, I would rather read non-fiction or a self help book; something that I can learn from. Also, I really like hobbies where I can produce something, like making candles or making spell jars. If I can make money from a hobby that I love then even better. Jupiter in the 5th house manifests as being child-like and also loving kids. If things are going well and I'm happy, then I can be excited and goofy like a child. If things aren't going well, then I can throw a tantrum like a child. I love kids because my early childhood was the best time of my life before life hit me upside the head (lol). This past Halloween, I made goodie bags for the trick or treaters and got so excited when the doorbell rang. I don't know, I just want to protect kids and shield them from the bad in the world. Kids, out of everyone, deserve to be happy.

Sun sextile Jupiter:

Things tend to work out for me, well, as of lately anyway. I struggled a lot growing up and I was always wishing my life were different. I couldn't wait to leave home. Now, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and we live very comfortably. I have a great job and I am so much happier than I was before. Of course, life isn't always perfect and there are problems at every turn. I wish I could go back in time and tell 15 year old me that everything is going to be okay, more than okay actually. I have a dog and two kittens who I love very much and I'm very fortunate to have the life that I do. I try to stay positive because there's no point in being negative and sulking all the time. Plus, you never know what can happen so be thankful for what you have, even if in your eyes, it isn't enough. I believe in being nice to people, you never know how far one act of kindness can go. Lord knows I needed it during some pretty tough times in my life.

Venus square Saturn (TW: Eating disorder, drug use, phobias):

Going back to having fear of abandonment and being uncomfortable with PDA... well here is the culprit. Or some of the culprit. Since Venus is in my 8th house, I feel like this aspect plays into my fear of my family dying, more specifically, my parents. Whenever I visit home and I see they look a little older, move a little slower, I get really sad. Their birthdays are supposed to be for celebrating but I can't help but get sad. It takes over me and I obsess about what I'm going to do when the day comes and they're not here anymore. I put on a brave face though and I buy them nice gifts and send flowers on holidays... but it's always in the back of my mind. This aspect also manifests as having low self esteem and growing up this was very prevalent. I didn't care about myself at all; I did drugs, I put myself into bad situations that I get anxiety just thinking about what could've happened. I had an eating disorder, dated boys that were awful. I'm fortunate that I made it out okay. I still have insecurities today but during that time in my life it was so intense because even as a teen without this aspect, you deal with insecurities. It was like double trouble.  

If you read this far, thank you. I hope it was semi-interesting and Im really curious to know what you guys think. Should I make a part 2? I’m feeling a little “out there” by posting this so I hope it's not too much. Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

(let me know what you think!)

[dumbofass-homo]

Will prolly get some backlash for this buuut I had A Thought and now all of you need to hear it.

If Astarion was ugly, he would have very few fans, if any at all. Yes, reread that.

If he looked gnarly, had some odd looking scars (and not the aesthetically pleasing ones on his back), if his face was disfigured or god forbid, if he was older and had wrinkles and not a young little twink - almost none of you Astarion stans would be having him, let alone the Ascended Astarion. You wouldn't tolerate his behavior, wouldn't pursue his side quest, wouldn't think he's half as charming as you currently do.

From the fanfics, fanart and many posts I've seen - people tend to fetishize him. A lot. Also make excuses for his shitty/snarky/not redeemable traits, and I'll bet my coin purse it's because he fits the sexy vampire trope.

None of his ascended behavior would fly with you if he wasn't attractive. I imagine the people saying he "tickled the right kink" would go awfully quiet. There would be mods to make him hot. There wouldn't be half as much fanart of him. People would shit on him and his personality and probably not many would want to put up with his insecurities and grey morals.

And it makes me sad that he reiterates this point during the game. That his body is the only likeable trait he has and that's why people stick around.

I think it's time we embrace the fact that he is, in fact, a little morally grey gremlin who likes to do things that benefit him. He isn't selfless, kind for no reason or overtly affectionate. Canonically, he used to be a politician.

I do want to make it clear that this is still fiction, and by all means have your fill of the Sexy Vampire Man, but I would invite everyone who does to think a little about why they like him. For myself, I know that in reality and not in fiction, I would probably hit him in the balls over some of the things he does and approves of. His dramatics would go on my nerves and I wouldn't want him around me.

In fiction though? I love his attitude and it goes well with most of my (coincidentally also morally grey) Tavs. I love being his 'dagger-happy friend'. I love it when he hates being anyone's hero and would rather drink shitty wine and pretend he's busy than talk to anyone. I love it when you tell him you wanna be friends and he's over the moon to just have someone there. I love it when he admits him and durge would have been friends in another life.

That was a huge tangent but alas what I was trying to say is - he is an interesting character and there is so, so much more to him than his looks, which is what he was trying to say through all three acts. But somehow, that message got lost along the way to the real world.

[thekneeoforion]

in regards to the snape casting controversy i hereby present an (apperantly) unpopular opinion:

the harry potter fandom is as equally close-minded and non-inclusive as j.k. rowling herself. if you want accuracy, read the books. if you hate change, watch the old movies.

if that concept is hard to grasp, i’m more than glad to elaborate:

honestly, the backlash over casting a black actor as snape just proves that the harry potter fandom hasn’t learned anything from the themes of the story they claim to love. this is a series about challenging prejudice, about looking past surface appearances to see what lies beneath—and yet, here we are, with fans losing their fucking minds because someone dared to imagine snape differently. if your idea of a ‘faithful adaptation’ is so rigid that it can’t accommodate a bit of diversity, maybe the problem isn’t the adaptation—it’s you. snape’s essence isn’t his skin tone; it’s his complexity, his pain, his moral ambiguity. if you can’t handle a new interpretation, maybe stick to rereading the books and rewatching the old movies, because clearly, that’s where your comfort zone ends.

and let’s talk about the hypocrisy for a second. a lot of people in this fandom are quick to cancel j.k. rowling, calling her out for her exclusionary views—and rightly so. but then they turn around and throw the same fucking kind of bullshit bigoted, gatekeeping energy at a casting decision like this. you can’t claim to be better than her if you’re going to act like diversity somehow ‘ruins’ the story. if your version of being a progressive fan is simply rejecting rowling’s personal beliefs while clinging to every other outdated aspect of her creation, then maybe you’re not as inclusive as you think you are.

it’s wild how some fans will spend hours dissecting the series’ deeper themes of acceptance, forgiveness, and prejudice, only to ignore those same lessons when confronted with something as simple as a casting decision. representation doesn’t hurt the integrity of the story—it enriches it. characters like snape aren’t beloved because of how closely their appearances align with what’s described in the books; they’re beloved because of their emotional depth, their struggles, their impact on the narrative. if a different actor can bring that to life in a way that resonates, why is that such a fucking problem? maybe it’s time for yall to fucking reflect on whether your outrage is truly about preserving the story—or just preserving your own narrow vision of it. thanks

[ddarker-dreams]

hmmm.... i have a question. not really a question, more like rambling actually.

so we know that n darling doesnt want to get attached with blade, she mostly sees him as her fuckbuddy for a bit which i think is funny, hence she is his long term long distance low commitment gf.

but im actually curious on blade's view on this relationship. does he feel mutual about this? i mean, clearly he doesn't, but im dying to know the specifics.

does he not prod on the topic because he knows n darling would ultimately be his anyway? (based on... whatever elio's script says) or does he just... not care for any specifics and just already considers her his gf without said gf even knowing 😭😭 actually both theories sound more or less similar.

im so excited for ch 5, ive been rereading nexus over and over again lol (and of course... ch 3 and 4 has the most reads for certain reasons im sure you know)

me thinking of a way to respond without accidentally delving into spoiler territory GJKJDF

i will say that the answer to this question is different pre and post chapter 4. i can come back and give the latter after chapter five is posted.

OKAY, so. initial impression (after saving n darling from alister's knife attack in ch1), was... nothing really. a slight pull and nothing else. at that point, he knew the specifics of his job, which he didn't view differently from the hundreds of jobs he'd be assigned before. he doesn't usually bother thinking about the greater picture. he considers himself a weapon who will simply do as he's told until elio fulfills his end of their agreement.

for a while after that, he finds n darling kinda weird. he doesn't get why n darling thanked him and made her synalink offer when it's pretty obvious she doesn't like the stellaron hunters. it wasn't clear to him yet that in the same way he considers himself a weapon, n darling views herself an integral organ to eris. n darling's gratitude wasn't so much that he saved her life — but that he saved eris' 'life.'

he didn't actively try to understand her because he wouldn't care to. the sole reason he picked any of this up is just from the sheer amount of time they spent coexisting. it's inevitable he'd become familiar with her to some extent. there's that, and well... n darling is rather stunning. an assignment where he basically gets to stare at a beautiful woman for days on end isn't something he's complaining about.

what served as a turning point is the nectar guide incident.

(i didn't expect for this to get so long good god but here's blade's mental health going 📉 as his journey to tap n darling begins)

when he comes to, the sight he's greeted with is this high stationed individual weeping for him and desperately tearing her clothes in a attempt to stop his bleeding. he cannot recall a time when anyone has bothered to do so, since it's known no matter how awful an injury he suffers, he'll regenerate eventually. that aforementioned slight pull grows stronger.

regarding blade's reaction to n darling poking around in his psyche uninvited, that wasn't what actually upset him. it was the possibility he'd be less attentive to her safety if he were to go around searching for survivors. for some inexplicable reason, this irked him.

then, at this exchange in ch3:

“Can it really be considered a sin if it’s beyond your control?” 

“It won’t always be,” he replies. “Until then, I can’t allow myself to forget. You must get why.” 

You wish you didn’t. 

it finally dawns on blade that he and this diva-who-pretends-she-isn't-a-diva actually share common ground. that they're both stuck in this self-perpetuated cycle of guilt and admonishment for circumstances that weren't entirely their fault. he doesn't know what to do with this information and stuffs it away for safekeeping.

then another turning point goes down:

the dissonance between lear's id and ego/superego culminates to such a degree that n darling goes unresponsive, the psychic backlash is that bad. blade doesn't understand the specifics. all he sees is this woman he's begrudgingly intrigued by collapsing to the ground with blood rushing from her nose, while her noisy friend and quiet friend rush around. eventually, he can roughly piece together what happened from these tidbits: n darling's aversion to physical contact (seen in ch1 when he reaches for her wrist and she freezes up, then once more when she avoids him after the nectar guide incident).

n darling then confirms this: "What you’re referring to is a precaution my mother suggested. In the past, strange reactions have occurred after I came into direct contact with someone."

along with well-intentioned nona's exclamation: "i yelled at him that if he hurt lear you would turn his mind into goop"

blade wouldn't have thought to configure lear into things as soon as he did had nona not given this slip of information. he already had suspicions that lear and n darling had some sort of Situation between them, because lear isn't slick and makes googly eyes @ n darling like nobodies business, but this. this is different. he could write lear's googly eyes off as a crush, which is whatever. but n darling caring for lear to such a degree that she's fine with risking her wellbeing because she likes being around him that much? hence:

You’re so swept up in your thoughts, that it takes you a while to notice how Blade’s been staring at you. This in and of itself is nothing new. He’s been your shadow ever since forced this arrangement. It irritated you at first, but that blistering offense eased into acceptance. His vigilance felt befitting of a guard. Taking in your surroundings, assessing any threats; such is his prerogative. 

How he’s eyeing you now feels different. It’s as if he’s looking through you, not at you. 

“Is something wrong? You’re making such a scary expression,” you joke. 

at that point, blade is Not Happy to an extent that confuses even him (ch5 will go into why).

then he happens to be brooding in the distance, as he's prone to do, when he sees n darling looking absolutely defeated (post the convo with caicias and chrysus). he feels this need to do something about it, remembers how often she drinks that ambrosia tea, then makes some for her. he really was going to just leave it and then give her space, but, alas:

"Your body springs up of its own accord. You balance the teacup in one hand and reach out to him with the other, your fingers fanning out, ready to sink into whatever they can. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. Your free hand succeeds in finding a destination — settling on the abrasive finish of his bandages. 

You feel another texture alongside it. 

It’s smooth, cold, and visible through the interstices of his winding bandages. 

His skin."

this contact quite literally Awakens something in him (👁👁),

"Blade’s gripping your comforter hard enough for his knuckles to turn bone white. He’s leaning forward, as if ready to pounce, yet lucid enough to exercise some semblance of self-control. He reminds you of a starved animal trapped in a cage, salivating over a piece of meat hanging outside the bars. Goosebumps cover your body. This isn’t simple lust… it’s visceral, some primitive desire too overwhelming to be understood.

You’re the one he’s staring at with this unbridled yearning.

Yes, he’s teased you. Pushed your buttons and riled you up. Not so subtly flaunted the strength that lets him maneuver you like you weigh nothing. You might have status and mastery in your given field, but he’s participated in the annihilation of worlds; the end of civilizations that span back since time immemorial.

He should be the one in charge.

Yet as you stand here, witnessing how he tortures himself by not pouncing on you like he easily could, a thought is planted.

He’d really do anything you asked if it kept this from ending."

from this point to where chapter 4 ends, blade's brain is in some sort of caveman mode. he wakes up. thinks about fucking n darling. fucks n darling. waits around impatiently until he can fuck n darling once again. fucks n darling again. goes to (half) sleep. rinse and repeat.

not only is his mara manageable when he's around n darling, but he gets this thrill too? it's a high unlike anything he's experienced in the miserable centuries he's been cursed with immortality. he isn't really worried about the specifics of their relationship, so long as he can keep railing her on every surface around. n darling's body, how she carries herself with such confidence, the way she pokes and prods at him; he's obsessed. addicted. nothing short of feral.

every stage on his hierarchy of needs has been replaced with n darling.

[linnitheo]

Against All Odds (Part 2)

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Y/N’s POV

You couldn’t believe what you were reading. Lewis Hamilton had just asked if you wanted to meet up before he left for his next race. You stared at your phone, rereading the message multiple times to make sure you hadn’t imagined it. This was beyond surreal.

After a moment of internal panic and excitement, you typed back a quick response: “I’d love to! Let me know when and where.”

Your hands trembled as you hit send. What would you even talk about? How were you going to handle this without completely embarrassing yourself? Despite the anxiety bubbling inside, there was also a part of you that felt… calm. Lewis didn’t seem like someone who would judge you, and after the kindness he’d shown in his previous message, you had no doubt that this wasn’t just a pity invite. He genuinely seemed interested in getting to know you.

A few minutes later, your phone buzzed again. “How about tonight? There’s a little place by the Thames that’s quiet. I could use the escape.”

You agreed, heart pounding in your chest. Tonight. You were going to meet Lewis Hamilton in person, one-on-one. The thought made you dizzy, but you quickly pulled yourself together. You had a few hours to get ready, and you were determined to make the most of this unexpected opportunity.

Lewis’ POV

Lewis sat back on the couch, glancing at his phone after sending the message. He wasn’t sure why he had reached out again. Maybe it was the way you had looked at him—like you saw the man behind the racing suit, behind the fame. There was something refreshing about that. Something he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

As he stared out of the window of his London hotel room, the city’s skyline illuminated in the distance, he felt a strange sense of anticipation. This wasn’t like meeting fans at events or signing autographs. It was something more personal. He wondered what you would be like in a quieter setting, away from the noise of the crowd and the cameras.

Part of him felt guilty for dragging you into his world. He had seen the backlash you were getting online. People assumed things about you, about your motives. He hated that side of fame—the assumptions, the cruelty, the lack of privacy. He didn’t want you to get hurt just because you’d had a chance encounter with him.

But something told him this was worth pursuing, even if it was just for one night of normalcy.

Y/N’s POV

Later that evening, you arrived at the spot Lewis had mentioned—a quaint little café near the river. The warm lights from inside cast a soft glow across the cobblestone street, and you could hear the faint sounds of jazz music playing in the background. You spotted Lewis at a corner table by the window, dressed casually in a black hoodie and a cap pulled low over his face. He looked completely different from the man on the racetrack, but there was no mistaking him.

As you approached, he looked up and smiled, standing to greet you. “Hey, you made it,” he said warmly, pulling out a chair for you.

“I almost didn’t believe it was real,” you admitted with a laugh, sitting down. “I feel like I’m in a dream.”

He chuckled. “It’s real, I promise. How have you been holding up? I saw some of the stuff online. I hope it hasn’t been too much.”

You appreciated the concern in his voice. “It’s… been a lot. But I’m okay. I didn’t expect any of this to happen.”

Lewis leaned back in his chair, looking out at the river. “I get it. I’m sorry you got pulled into it. People can be harsh when they don’t know the full story.”

There was a moment of silence as the two of you took in the peaceful surroundings. It felt strange, being here with him like this, but at the same time, it felt right. The conversation flowed easily, moving from the chaos of race weekends to more personal topics. You talked about your life, your job, your love for racing, and how you had admired Lewis for years—not just for his skills on the track, but for the way he used his platform to speak out on important issues.

Lewis listened intently, nodding along as you spoke. When it was his turn, he shared stories from his early career, about the pressure he had faced as the first Black driver in F1, about the sacrifices he had made along the way. He opened up in a way you hadn’t expected, and it made you realize that beneath the fame and success, he was just a person trying to navigate life like everyone else.

As the night went on, you both seemed to forget about the world outside. The hours slipped by unnoticed until the café was nearly empty, the soft hum of the city outside the only reminder that time was passing.

But just as you were about to suggest leaving, Lewis’ phone buzzed on the table. He glanced at the screen, his expression hardening slightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice taking on a serious tone. “Something’s come up.”

You watched as he quickly typed out a response, his face a mask of concentration. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment. You had been having such a great time, and now reality was crashing back in.

“It’s okay,” you said, trying to hide your disappointment. “I understand.”

But Lewis shook his head. “It’s not what you think. There’s some drama back at the team—something about the media running with a story about us.” He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I thought we’d get away from all of that tonight.”

Your heart sank. “What kind of story?”

“Apparently, someone caught wind of us meeting up tonight. They’re spinning it into something more than it is. They’re saying you’re just using me for attention.” His voice was tight with frustration.

Your chest tightened. Of course, the media would twist things. You had prepared yourself for that, but hearing it from Lewis made it feel more real, more damaging.

“I didn’t mean to cause any trouble,” you said quietly, feeling a weight settle over you. “Maybe it’s better if we don’t—”

“No.” Lewis cut you off, his eyes locking with yours. “This isn’t your fault, and I don’t care what they say. I wanted to meet you, and I’m glad I did. I’m just… tired of all of this. The scrutiny. The constant judgment.”

You were about to respond when the door of the café suddenly swung open, and a man with a camera stepped inside. His eyes locked onto you and Lewis, and before you could react, the flash went off.

Lewis was on his feet in an instant, his hand gripping your arm protectively. “We need to go. Now.”

You barely had time to process what was happening before he was leading you out the back door, into the cool night air. Your heart raced as you followed him down a narrow alley, the sound of footsteps behind you growing fainter as you turned the corner.

When you finally stopped, Lewis turned to face you, his expression a mixture of frustration and apology. “I’m so sorry about this. I didn’t think anyone would find us here.”

“It’s not your fault,” you said, your voice steady despite the adrenaline still pumping through you. “I knew this could happen.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just didn’t want to drag you into this mess.”

You smiled softly, taking a step closer to him. “I’m not scared, Lewis. I’m here because I want to be.”

For a moment, he just looked at you, his eyes searching yours as if trying to find something he hadn’t realized he was missing. Then, before you could react, he closed the distance between you, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, hesitant kiss.

When he pulled back, his eyes were filled with uncertainty, as if he wasn’t sure what to expect. But you smiled, your heart pounding in your chest for an entirely different reason now.

“I’m glad I met you too,” you whispered.

And for the first time that night, the chaos of the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you, standing together against all odds.

To be continued…

[michelleelizabethtanner]

Hey! I was on my third reread of Kingmaker by HonoriayPaz and I found your comment threads to be so delightful, I reread the series just to read your comments on the chapters again lol.

I was wondering if you knew where I could follow HonoriayPaz outside of ao3? And also could you please send me the reddit it link to her analysis of Rio? I’d love to read it. Thanks!

Omg, I get unhinged about this fic! In many ways because I feel like it’s SUCH a hidden gem. I enjoy being gutted by the authors I read, and this author does such a delicate job of slowly undoing me pice by piece. For anyone who enjoys literary analysis as a hobby, this is a treasure trove. This author makes these matter-of-fact everyday tragedies out of these extremely visual and relatable circumstances in the ways she writes them. 19 yo Chris and how he had no choice but to become Rio. The complexity she brought to a circumstance that canon tried to show us but that made no sense there. She made it make sense. Le Celebrant – forever obsessed. The restless, possessive way Rio stalks that party, feeling proud but also out of place. Because he MADE himself out of place in that environment. He is who he is, and while he wants the softness of family (and slowly kills Rhea’s spirit as he fools himself and her into thinking he can be that man), he ultimately won’t give up who he is and who he’s been. The addition of Monae as his counterpart in this story is so tragic and heavy. Everything she represents – the loss of childhood, his origin story, what could have been, the power of their connection… I don’t know if this is a story that’ll ever be finished, but it almost doesn’t need to be. The study of Rio as a complex character is worth it. Who he could have been in a different universe.

Sorry to ramble. I get excited. I actually don’t know that HonoriayPaz has a large social media footprint. At least I haven’t seen it. She mentioned in her author notes that she doesn’t have nor want a tumblr. She’s on Reddit, but idk about in the GG subreddit anymore. A lot of people have moved on.

Here is the link to her Reddit post. Sounds like getting this out was what inspired the fic? Idk, but I remember reading it initially as a “unique” perspective, because I hadn’t even considered that this wasn’t unique at all and that I was (am still in ways I don’t even recognize) actively participating in a lot of the toxicity, and turning a blind eye to everyday, casual white supremacy in myself and others. In all the ways I was able to recognize Dean’s casual misogyny and Beth’s marginalization at his hands, I wasn’t able to recognize the micro and macro aggressions of the show and the fandom, and especially my own culpability in it, against marginalized groups that are voiced in this post and its comments. HonoriayPaz did a lot of the work for me and others when she didn’t have to, and took a lot of backlash when she hadn’t earned it. There aren’t many voices like hers in the fandom, probably because they’re shouted down and it’s exhausting and also probably dangerous because who knows what someone’s privilege and fragility will do. But she’s a talented writer and I always go back to both her works and her post, especially the comments. I wish she would write more, because her ability to paint a picture and evoke emotion is so unmatched.

[yeyinde]

Haha, I also spoil myself intentionally, but for the plot of movies, tv shows, and games I’m not super invested in. If I accidentally spoil myself (especially if I learn a character dies) I’ll cope by telling myself “I don’t know how/when it happened though”

Anyways Major Character Death!!

I’m SO disappointed in them killing off Soap and especially in how they did it! No buildup or anything! To me it was disrespectful to the character and to Neil Ellice. And then the 141 don’t even say anything and it cuts to them spreading his ashes with a simple goodbye! They could have at least made them a little more upset 🥲 also I hate how abruptly the game ended. Makarov gets away, but no mention to that at the end.

I had also initially requested what would become infinity in the palm of your hand (eternity in an hour) as a way to “cope” with 2009 Soap’s death because it’s always been on the back of my mind for years (weird, I know). But now after playing the new MW3 campaign I look like boo boo the fool because of who went and got killed off 😭 now every time I go back to reread it, it will be painful knowing what’s in store for reader for their current reincarnation of Soap.

Tldr I’m kinda not okay with MW3.

From what I've seen, it feels like they pulled it out of a hat. All names went in, but his (amongst others) came out. And I guess it's safe because he died in the OG, so the backlash can easily be deflected from within their own community when other fans come to their defence over this choice. But idk.

I agree with everything you said. It doesn't make any sense. It's jarring and misplaced, and canonically pointless. I'm not against character death. Grief is a powerful thing. But I just hate when it's so contrived and needless. It was definitely done for shock value over plot/character growth and I think they were trying to re-create the massive storm that happened when OG Soap died because they know they don't have much else going for them. It just massively missed the mark because: a) Price and Gaz had no tangible in-game relationship with Soap the same way Ghost did; and b) what does his death really amount to in the end? Nothing. It feels cobbled together and poorly thought out. It's sad when Portal 2 has better writing than your whole remake combined. Honestly, it's kind of impressive how little thought they put into this. I'm getting flash backs to DGG's Halloween.

If it's any consolation, the mythology I based the reincarnation off of in infinity would essentially just be neverending. An ouroboros. The events would happen much the same way. A knock on the door. Spiral of grief. A bog. A deal. Restart. So, you'd just wake up again and live life until whatever the old you made a deal with decides it's time to collect. You're forever stuck in a loop with your soulmate until you get it right.

The rest is just how I kinda wish it went, but this was getting very long because I have more thoughts on this than I anticipated lmao 😅

Personally, I think it would have been much more interesting if they brought in a new passel of characters and slowly chipped off the main cast in a series of horrible decisions that slowly begin to feel hollow and empty. That leave you, the player, feeling emotionally gutted with each new chapter because the choices previously are absolutely impacting the way they move forward, but they're too deep into their own revenge fantasy to see it until the very end when it's too late. Give me actions have consequences and every choice you make is directly responsible for someone's death. The realities of war. And what happens when you give a group of people the power to play god in countries they know nothing about. It would have matched the gritty tone they tried to go for with the trailers and actually served as an interesting conversation about war and how we tend to deify the military when they're just men with too much power in their hands. Instead, we have a death that means nothing. That arguably happened much too early in the series so the payoff is solely meant for clicks and reaction channels. Pointless.

And Makarov. A Russian Ultra Nationalist. I feel like that title alone says everything for me, and yet. They still somehow managed to give a Russian War Criminal so many wins. I'm just so irritated by it all.