Tumgik
#back on my bullshit who missed me
pixelcrackerz · 21 days
Text
Tumblr media
im back on my AI gijinka bullshit hello gang (both designs for hal n AM belong 2 @hyacinth43 ^_^)
89 notes · View notes
moregraceful · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
It feels like getting pulled underwater—the sharp sideways tug, the slight drag of resistance, then falling, falling, till the waves close over his head. But Logan can breathe when he rights himself again, even if the light has a watery filter to it and the voices have a distant echo. // Sometimes Logan gets a glimpse of guys who've been long gone from the teal, clustered at the far end of the bench or sitting in the box across the ice. He heard Jason's voice in the hallway loud and clear, that infectious laugh. And he could have sworn he saw Raffi fucking Torres getting out of a car in the players' lot. Something tells him not to look up the rosters.
Commissioned @impmakesart to make a painting based on the Sharks' Cali Fin hype reel + the flip side by frausorge. Imp was amazing to work with and I could not be more emotional about this piece and so, so pleased with how it turned out!! 🙇🏻‍♂️🙇🏻‍♂️ Commission him here. Thank you Imp!
#as i am sure has been very obvious i have been incredibly unwell this year for a variety of reasons#and i read that fic right after my uncle died suddenly and unexpectedly so i was thinking a lot about hospice while i was reading it#and i was going to about 8 million sharkuda games per week to just not be at home bc everything has fallen apart there#(also for a variety of reasons. but there is a lot of intense grief over my stepsister's death involved)#so today having signed a lease on an apartment on the entire other side of the country to be closer to career stuff and#get a fresh start and a hopefully happier and more stable life (even if a huge move and a career change makes me nervous)#while also the first thing said to me is that another family member had passed this morning (expectedly) and a relative#who became very sick recently (unexpectedly) and who due to advanced age does not have a great prognosis#it became a uniquely precious gift to have this completed and sent to me by imp this afternoon.#the fic + the ensuing games of seeing that reel hit a very tender part of me that has dealt with death and instability my entire life#and it is amazing to see an image of logan's similar loss and instability so perfectly realized!!#his troubled face!! the way it feels both underwater and in another world!! the lights all around that could be anything!!#looking up at the indistinct faces of his teammates who could be so so many people at this point but who he misses nonetheless!!#also PLEASE zoom in on the mist - the texturing and color gradients are SO cool. and the reflection on his helmet is so sick#the color scheme in this is freaking amazing and i just love it all so much man!!!#anyway i don't have a concluding thought. i was going to make this into a puzzle (i'm back on my bullshit)#but i will probably get it printed and framed too#if any of u come visit me know. know that your chances of seeing haunted logan couture are non-zero#and he could be ANYWHERE#art#san jose sharks#logan couture
45 notes · View notes
thefiresofpompeii · 7 months
Text
listening to minuet in hell. you guys weren’t lying when you said the audios were edgy. blimey what were they on in the wilderness years… charley keeps getting sexually harassed ???? there are mentions of orgies? lobotomies? devil worship? atrocious american accents? appreciate the antipsych message at hand but i’m not quite sure what time period this is supposed to be set in, why the brigadier is even there or, truth be told, what actually is going on. at all. which is fitting considering neither of the protagonists know who where or why they are (the usual) . sitting here meanwhile making earrings. The Horrors
31 notes · View notes
carnivorousdoe · 24 days
Text
Tumblr media
— “𝐁𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡, 𝐛𝐲 𝐬𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐥.”
9 notes · View notes
Text
Ao Guang and Mei's convo in 3x02 is one of my favorite scenes tbh
17 notes · View notes
aelswiths · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Aelswith x Alfred in 3x07 (holding hands 😭🥰)
For @aethelreds and @kingslionheart
42 notes · View notes
cuteniaarts · 2 months
Text
Here *throws random and actually much more important than I realised at first OC redesign at you after two and a half years since the OG*
Tumblr media
Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin! I just randomly remembered that she exists while putting together my OC family tree and since the only art I have of her is… nearly 3 years old and mediocre at best, and Kat and I have recently spent so much time focusing on Red Lotus siblings, I thought “Hey, why not redraw her? Just because she’s a cousin and not a sister doesn’t make her any less special than Lien-Hua, Summiya, Aiza or Haya!” (On that note… Nia give someone a brother challenge. The only one that counts is Aiza and she’s only a brother half the time)
Some headcanons about her, both new and old (the old copy-pasted over and slightly edited to save everyone the second hand embarrassment of going to look at my old art), which will go under the cut because this has gotten LONG:
Old:
Older than Ming-Hua by around 10 years
Her dad is the older half-brother of Ming-Hua's mom who’s… not the most fond of their side of the family
Has never left her home in the Foggy Swamp Water Tribe
Master healer, specialises in children. Can't have any of her own because of the high pollution levels in the swamp which is why she puts all those motherly instincts into teaching and caring for kids
Got a scar on her leg while saving Ming-Hua from some wild swamp creature when the latter was a child who was absolutely convinced she could handle everything herself and never listened to anyone. Ming-Hua still insists she had everything under control that day
She tried to understand Ming-Hua's perspective on things, she really did, but ultimately tribe mentality and fear for her cousin’s safety, believing her not to be nearly as capable as she claims to be, won over
Attempted to stop Ming-Hua from running away but was, obviously, unsuccessful
Was the one consoling Nuying after Ming-Hua left
Helped Suiren learn waterbending and held genuine affection for the girl, although she ultimately refused when Suiren begged for the chance for her and Midori to escape from Haya and live with the tribe. She thought that while Suiren would most likely adjust well, Midori was simply too Gaoling to survive in a place as dark, damp and isolated as the Swamp. She regrets that decision every day since she found out Suiren became an assassin
Mourned Ming-Hua more than anyone else in the tribe when informed of her death
New:
Was the one who babysat Ming-Hua a lot when Nuying was going through one of her depressive episodes after Cadeo left, and Ming-Hua actually enjoyed spending time with her because she was a lot less overbearing and protective than her mother. Was the first person to start calling her Ming. Sometimes Ming-Ming, but Ming-Hua had a tendency to deliver a very hard kick to the shins every time she tried that
Never left Nuying’s side when she got sick in the years following Ming-Hua’s disappearance, no matter how much everyone, including her own father, told her to stay away, there’s nothing she can do to help her. In her final moments, Nuying was delirious with fever and called out for Ming-Hua. Meifeng didn’t have the heart to remind her that her daughter left so instead let her hair down, covered her own hand in water and told Nuying that she was “right here, mom. I’m right here” and stayed like that until Nuying passed
When Ming-Hua returned, Meifeng was the one to break the news to her. Later, when Ming-Hua asked how and when it happened, she couldn’t quite stop herself from snapping at her because she should have been there, Meifeng shouldn’t have had to pretend to be her so her mother could die without worrying about where her daughter was. Their relationship never really fully recovered after that fight
Still, she had met Suiren when she was little on the rare occasions when the Red Lotus passed through the Swamp and Ming-Hua chose to take her daughter to visit the tribe. She never met Midori, but she did see Ming-Hua pregnant with her once
Didn’t know about Ming-Hua’s imprisonment until an 11-year-old Suiren told her because world news don’t reach into the heart of the Swamp. She just thought they had decided to stop visiting. The news crushed her but… a part of her couldn’t help but go “you should have fucking listened to me when I told you to stay, then this wouldn’t have happened”
Her teaching Suiren waterbending involved mostly the basics of combat (she herself doesn’t know much of it since she’s a healer), plantbending and healing. Suiren reached her level of mastery and proficiency as well as figured out icebending on her own through sheer determination and spite (she’s so much like her mama 🥹🥹🥹)
Is the only one from the tribe Suiren had ever confessed to about being an assassin. That knowledge broke her heart and she spent all those years absolutely terrified that Suiren would meet Ming-Hua’s fate. When Suiren stopped visiting at one point (when she left for her mission to kill Kuvira, got injured, recovered at ATI, reunited with her parents, broke Kuvira out and started living with her, etc etc) she had assumed that it really did happen, until Suiren randomly showed up one day with Kuvira in tow (Meifeng did not approve bc of the whole spirit vine thing 😅)
Absolutely reunited with Ming-Hua at some point and it was an extremely emotional moment
Ripped Cadeo a new one when he suddenly appeared looking for his daughter after 45+ years after it became common knowledge that the RL are all alive and no longer wanted by the law
All in all… quite an interesting character that I really should do something with at some point, bc how come Ming-Hua’s family is the only one to get 0 attention in our discussions?? #justiceformeifeng2024
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl meifeng#she doesn’t actually appear in any of my works. let alone sotrl. but she exists in that verse#and it’s the verse in which she plays the most major role so… that’s what her tag is now#anyway#it doesn’t seem that way but she really is a very emotionally conflicting character for me#because she was in the position to get Suiren and Midori away from Haya only four years after they were left with her#which would have left them with 75% less trauma#but she didn’t. coming up with quite a bullshit excuse#yes Midori would have missed the sun and everything but the swamp is still miles better than Haya#meifeng must have seen his skittish Suiren is. how skinny. how bruised#and yet she did nothing. yet another adult whose inaction led to tragedy#ugh. imagine a UtOS-style au where she does take them in and while the biggest obstacle is the trauma#Midori does have an insanely hard time adjusting#she’d probably spend most of her time by the giant tree because the sun gets through there#and maybe one day.. she’d run into one cranky old earthbender#who takes her up as a protege for old times’ sake#(and later hooks her up with her granddaughter– WHO SAID THAT??)#and Suiren would grow up to be a swamp warrior who decides to go after Kuvira when she harvests the spirit vines#I’m a fucking genius#Kat if you’re reading this. look at what fun new branch of the multiverse my brain just spat out!! come yell about it with me!!!#but okay. that is currently besides the point. back to meifeng#you know…#‘oh my art has really stagnated I feel like I haven’t improved in years’#BITCH THIS YOU?? look at the OG version and look at this and TELL ME you haven’t improved#my self hatred may be intense but even I can admit that I’ve gotten much better at drawing. in the character design department at least
5 notes · View notes
orcelito · 2 months
Text
Did the stuff exchange 👍 that sucked 👍 wahoo
#speculation nation#i was very curt bc i just wanted to get it over with.#kinda wish id given her a piece of my mind but whatever#i did shut the door rather forcefully in her face. which hopefully said plenty.#and then i cried bc it just felt so Cold. a stark difference from the last time i saw her.#man ive come to accept it's probably for the best overall but the suddenness of it still sucks so bad.#also the 'i never actually loved you' thing. what an asshole thing to say.#she also missed one of the stuffed animals and it's one i wanted to have back Especially#bc it's a pair with one that i own. i want my little bee's axolotl friend back And i dont want her owning the other one of a pair.#she seemed to really love this deer before. said it gave her a lot of comfort to hug at night.#so i wanted it back especially too. i dont want her getting any more comfort from my prior affection for her.#i just hope that seeing me reminded her that im a real fucking person that she fucked over.#like yeah shes got her new 'love' yadda yadda yadda but she strung me along for 6 fucking months#then broke up with me over fucking TEXT. saying some incredibly insensitive things as she did so.#even if they were the truth. there are still some things that dont need said i think. especially to someone who has trust issues.#but most of all she shouldve fucking done it in person or At Least on the phone.#i told her plenty already how cowardly and horrible it was for her to break up with me over text#and i want to scream it from the rooftops and carve it into her tires#but i wont. because ive said it enough. and being too destructive wont make anyone happy.#not even me.#it just feels like such an injustice. and i feel so angry and hurt.#i can understand and accept that it's probably for the best that the relationship ended here#but that doesnt make the manner it was done hurt any less.#and jesus i thought i was the asshole for how i broke up with my girlfriend last year. at least i broke up with her in person!!!!#i didnt even get that. what a whole load of bullshit.#anyways im gonna play my samurai game. and focus the best i can on just moving on.
4 notes · View notes
ultimateinferno · 2 months
Text
Looking back I think one of the biggest things that got me through uni was that Canvas had calendars that showed when assignments were due and actually let me plan out what tf I was going to do without feeling overwhelmed.
Well... that and being a tutor/TA/lab assistant letting me work on homework during my shifts. Those two things really pushed uni from being agonizing to doable.
3 notes · View notes
barkingangelbaby · 4 months
Text
venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
6 notes · View notes
steviescrystals · 2 months
Text
i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
1 note · View note
rosicheeks · 7 months
Note
i have been following you for a couple of years now, mostly silently. you are so beautiful, inside and out! the few times i have seen your face uncensored have made me swooon! the even fewer times i have heard you sing, my heart overfilled with such joy!
your honesty about your struggles and how you keep going are simply inspiring. thank you for sharing.
i am manifesting love and joy for you! 💕
Tumblr media
3 notes · View notes
neverendingford · 8 months
Text
.
#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
2 notes · View notes
withleeknow · 8 months
Text
.
5 notes · View notes
actual-corpse · 10 months
Text
I'm not afraid of becoming disabled for vanity reasons.
I'm afraid because this world isn't built for disabled people.
I'll be confined to my home because of the lack of public transit. Or I'll be stuck having to trust people to go out of their way to assist me.
Airplanes will destroy my expensive equipment.
I might not be able to use public restrooms.
There's nothing wrong with disability itself...
It's the world around us. It's so hostile.
2 notes · View notes
icharchivist · 2 years
Text
wait the gbf fest starts in a little over 24 hours 💀 sorry i’ll be back on being a gbf blog on main again
the 21st stream is supposed to have Atsushi Tamaru to its cast though so i will still be unbearable. 
#< fan of Tor before people even knew he existed just because i recognized Tamaru and crIED on the spot when he first appeared#it still kills me bc i recognized him at his voice ways before they did his seiyuu intro on twitter#and i was just *POINTING* YOU. I LISTEN TO YOUR SONGS ALL THE TIME. YOU THINK I WOULDNT RECOGNIZE YOU????#it was right after The Contract came out too so i was genuinely obsessed with his voice#and suddenly i was just. What. Tamaru in my GBF?????#i spent months harrassing my friends like 'nooo Tor will appear in the event stories and you'll see he's the best'#i had a friend who kept calling him shady and i was just yeah but consider: i love him (totally biased because of VA)#anyway the fact he will be at the fest means a lot to me#me pointing at the screen like a proud mom: look at him!!!! he voices my angel Tsumu isn't he amazing!!!!#and oghhhhhh i can show up the seiyuu cosplayed as Lucifer to people so he can mark point i want everyone to care#anyway i've been looking forward the stream of the 21st bc of Tamaru so :skull:#back in being unbearable about gbf but with a side of unhinged a3seiyuu behavior from me#so like when the moletroupe event was live huh#but also i'm in Fear since the stream starts at night#i need to know when the seiyuu segment is for me DLKJFDKLFJ#and really do a few admin stuff i have to do tomorrow so i don't worry about it on the 21st#*gets my life together for Atsushi Tamaru*#ichatalks about gbf#ALSO CAN EGUTAKU COME BACK TO THE GBF STREAMS I MISS HIM#Shirai and Tamaru join the streams and EguTaku leaves??? what sort of bullshit is that!!!#i want to see them all together damnit :(((( though Shirai isn't even there this time around this is unfair.
7 notes · View notes