#back at my “forgets to post things on tumblr” stick

[somekindofsheepl]

[playingonedchess]

characters: lets live together

people on tumblr: this of course means theyre canonically having sex, no what are you talking about i dont do headcanons my blog is all stuff based on canon

[green-alien-turdz]

Hi, I know its been a minute n I don't really like that there is like one or two posts between this n my last 'i'm still alive' post. I'm sorry. I wanted to say thank you to everyone in general, but also the mfs who said some nice ass shit to me. Sorry I said some concernin ass shit n just dipped, that was pretty fucked. I never really had people care like all the people on here, so I ain't too used to havin to be more careful with the shit I do n say.

Thank you to everyone for the kind words, concern, n care. Comin back to see all of it made my fuckin heart melt. I know I'm just some dumbass postin south park shit on tumblr, but you guys are genuinely the most amazin mfs I've ever encountered. To the people who were in my inbox askin if I was still alive, I sincerely apologize for causin any stress or concern, it's not my intention. You guys are the sweetest people, and I'm sorry for doin that. I should prolly stop bein as vocal about bein so fucked, but I also like to be honest n I like sharin this shit bcuz I know mfs be goin through the same shit n bein alone in it feels fuckin awful majority of the time.

I am not well. I am doin very bad actually. There's a chance imma be forcefully medicated in the near future. Which is weird bcuz I used to always want that, I wanted to be fixed, but now I'm not sure for like a TON of reasons. One, ion wanna be changed (in a sense). If the meds take away or dull core aspects of myself, I will lose it further than I have already. Two, my parents raised me to never trust doctors or medicine, etc. Even though I do think modern medicine is a great thing, I still have my fears bcuz of how I was raised. Three, I fear the fuck outta what I will do. I know they warn that adjustment periods n shit like that can make things worse- but I literally cannot get any worse. If I do, I know I will not come out alive. Which bleeds into reason four, which is that I know, at some point, I would try n overdose. Handin me such a quick n thoughtless way to just end it is like the worst fuckin thing they could do. But whatever. Ion even know when it's gonna happen, all I know is that ion got a choice. Like, I'm pretty sure it's a situation that, if I don't comply, imma be locked tf up.

Uhh minor update shit- my cat came back home after almost a month of bein fuckin somewhere. She came back skinny, dirty, n sick, but she is slowly recoverin n I've never been more thankful. ED is still kickin my ass, but I'm forcin myself to at least have a fuckin soup I made bcuz I can't get shit done at work if I keep faintin or gettin injured. I have little to no time to do shitfuck, but still do random shit periodically before or after work. I actually redid my dresser n made some stupid ass video about the handles that I might post to youtube if I quit bein a pussy about it.

I haven't been drawin my fanart as of late- but I do want to. Imma focus on doin the requests I have bcuz I wanna give back the best I can. You guys stick with me through thick n thin. I thank you all so much. I'm sorry I'm always MIA. So my posts for a little bit are gonna be the requests n answerin all of my inbox. Ion know how long it'll take, but hopefully it won't get borin. I genuinely love makin things. I love drawin the shit I do n people findin some sort of connection to their lives or themselves. I just want people to feel less alone, less ugly, less whatever the fuck you feel. Each n every one of ya is fuckin amazin, so please don't forget it.

Imma stfu now. But I hope you guys have a good rest of your day or night or eternity. I'll be back to postin shortly, thank you for stickin with this shit show

[disneyprincemuke]

midnights, 6 * mv1

a thunderstorm keeps you up at night, the same way it kept max up

pairings: max verstappen x fem!reader

warnings: -

notes: i was going to post and update my fem!driver but tumblr keeps reverting back to an old version and idK WHATS WRONG WITH TUMBLRRRR!!! i pUT MY WHOLE PUSSY INTO THAT BRO

(prev) // (next)

you sigh, hanging your towel onto the rack. the thunderstorm had been building up to what it is now the entire time you were out for dinner with alexandra and charles.

luckily, charles had offered to drive tonight. you weren’t given the hard task of navigating the streets late at night in the rain.

as much as solitary was what you craved all night, your mind seemed to change every time the thunder got a little too loud for your liking. suddenly, you were crying for help in your head that the night wouldn’t end too soon.

alas, here you are in your apartment while the rain raged on outside.

you try your hardest not to let the thunder get to you. but it’s almost impossible when the lightning lights up half of the room and the thunder rumbles in your chest.

it’s mind numbingly empty, being in your apartment during a thunderstorm without max by your side. even when he’s away, he always finds a way to stick by your side when the rain is pouring. all because he knows how much you hate it.

you’ve always felt bad keeping him up late when the weather decides to act up. he claims that it’s no problem, because your wellbeing is what matters the most, but you can’t help it.

you always note the way he struggles to keep awake on nights like these, his responses delayed by seconds at time when the gears in his head are slowed. but you also realised that he’d gotten better at staying up just to make you feel comforted and heard.

he eventually found different ways to keep you company during the long hours of a rainy night, the sounds only bothering you mildly when he’s there.

when he's away, it got harder to deal with. his voice over the speaker on your phone is too soft compared to what it is when he's in the room with you. it's the lack of a comforting embrace as well that made it that much harder to deal with.

jimmy and sassy often helped with coping with a thunderstorm a lot. they would snuggle up into your waist and purr when you cover them with a blanket while you're on the call with max.

but now you're all alone.

it's just you and the shadows of your poorly lit apartment.

you turn around and sigh loudly at the emptiness. it's a cold evening, so you're now by your dresser as you search for a sweatshirt to warm yourself up with.

you thought that you'd disposed of everything that screamed max, but you're immediately proven wrong when you notice a dark-coloured sleeve poking out of your bright-coloured selection of clothes.

dark coloured clothing means one thing. it only ever leads to one person - max.

your hands shake by your side as you stare at the sleeve, not finding the strength in yourself to grab it. you'd forgotten that you had one of his jackets from way before you moved into his apartment.

every breath you take feels heavier, the grief of losing max weighing you down once more. tears fill your eyes as you try to remember how the red bull jacket even ended up in your closet in the first place.

typically, you'd remember like it was yesterday. but for some reason, you can't remember it. and you want to be able to remember it. forgetting max and everything you've been through is never part of the plan.

you want to remember every single detail about that relationship you shared. it was the happiest couple of years you've had, the highs and lows of his career affecting you just as much while you tried your best to be there for him. you'd been there for most of it.

it feels odd now that you're not there anymore. you wonder if he feels the emptiness without you too.

when he started his career in formula 1, you entered his life months after that. you'd been there when he was promoted to the main racing team and you were there for every single podium finish thereafter. you'd even been there for every single crash and hospital visit.

you were there and suddenly you're not showered in champagne every weekend, reeking of the alcohol that soaked your clothes and hair.

a loud rumble makes you flinch, hands flying up to cover your ears. it doesn't get any easier dealing with it - the rumbling in your chest that accompanied the loud roar outside the window.

but you can't resist. you grab the jacket from your closet anyway, throwing the hanger back inside. you jump onto your bed and wrap the blanket over your shoulders and grab your phone from your nightstand.

you dial a number unconsciously and hold the phone up to your ear as you await an answer. you choke up when the ringing stops, knowing well yourself that this is not the person you meant to call. it's just to stick to your principle of backing up the break-up that you never wanted but brought up.

"hey."

"mum, i miss him," you sob into the phone, your hand coming up to your chest as you feel it close in on itself. "i miss max."

"i know, baby." you hear some shuffling from the other side of the line, then a hushed whisper from your father. the door shuts before your mother says something to you again. "but this is for the best, isn't it? you guys have not been happy for so long."

this makes you sob even harder, your wails being tuned out by the rain that has gotten stronger in the past second. the roaring in the night sky barely bothers you now.

you just want max.

"we are happy," you defend yourself and the relationship. nobody knows what happened. nobody knows that even if you fought endlessly, you were still happy when you pushed it all aside. you were happy with max. "we were happy. i ruined it, mama."

you resort to putting a hand over your mouth as you start to sob harder. if you'd known the rain was going to be such a trigger, you would have just gone to sleep the moment you stepped foot into your apartment.

"i love him," you manage to whisper. you close your eyes as the tears continue to fall, leaning your head on your headboard. the picture frame on your bedside table still stands tall, making you contemplate if you should hang up and call max instead. "i don't think i'll ever get over him."

but your mother will always be looking out for you. she doesn't encourage you to call him. she just says, "get it off your chest, baby. i'm here."

and you spend the next 3 hours crying over max, your framed picture sitting by your knee as you talk about him. you only fall asleep when the thunderstorm stops, wrapped in his jacket that weirdly still smelled just like him.

taglist: @merchelsea @leclercdream @labelledejourr @laneyspaulding19 @lpab @graciewrote @hollie911 @thatsojasminesworld @mycenterfold @princessria127 @ironmaiden1313 @dl-yum @crlsummer @brekkers-whore @minkyungseokie @honethatty12

[alicenpai]

hi! ive been a big fan of your work for a while now, and i was just wondering if you have any tips or anything for selling merch online? :>

hi anon! so you want to be a con artist huh 👁👁 ...

^ a real con artist..

i’m not sure if you wanted online specific tips or general merch tips, but i compiled a bit of both! (also not sure if you're a beginner to art in general, there's a difference between a more experienced artist doing merch for the first time + beginner artists trying merch for the first time bc the risks involved are different)

i wrote more on the subject but i cut some out because it seemed too long.. and i tend to ramble ^__T it's hard to answer questions like these because they're so generalized, but if you had any more specific questions feel free to send another ask!

^ random image for visual interest

general tips for beginners(?)

merch can be fun, and it is! but in the end always remind yourself you're running a business, and it's real money you're going to be spending. it's good to take risks (on things like, new product types if you think your art is ready for it, or less popular series/more experimental designs, etc.) as you learn a lot from them, but always think over financial decisions carefully at the same time.

what helped me grow a lot as both a merch artist (and as a general artist) over 10 years is - a lot of reflection. and i mean a LOT of it. in terms of art in general i don't personally do a lot of studies (which is probably my downfall and i need to get back to it) but i think im pretty observant and introspective which helps me improve a lot. i often write my silly little blog posts on tumblr, I'll write notes on my phone if i have a train of thought i need to get down quickly.

i also often discuss merch things with friends and it really helps to get varying perspectives. (though i admit i should really share wips more, i used to but not as much anymore. blame the working life haha, not as many people have time to discuss non-work art anymore ;_;). all of these things keep me on my toes and weigh my strengths and weaknesses. if anyone is interested i could write more on the specific topics i reflect on after every con/shop opening.

stick to the tried and true 5-10 copies per design for beginners! this range sounds too little, but don't forget the big picture as well... you'll likely also have multiple different designs, across different product types.

e.g. 5 copies x 4 characters/designs, and let's say you do this for every product type (e.g. postcards, stickers, charms), 5 x 4 x 3 = 60 individual pieces of merch. that's a pretty solid number for a first timer!

i also personally print 5-10 copies of designs im doing for a test print run, or for characters that don't seem particularly popular.

15 is the average amount for me for a short run product (1 con season)

i certainly reprint often + go higher sometimes if i dont mind the product being in my catalogue for years.

15 is not too many in case the design is unpopular and doesn't sell, and it's also not too little that it won't be enough sales to break even.

promo images & taking photos (online specific)

i'm not a professional photographer and these photos might be absolute ass to some people. i will accept that, and honestly id agree with you. this is just my advice for straightforward, simple photos.

good quality and clear photos are best. it's great fun to use props in photos, and they can certainly turn your photos from plain to impressive. but it's easy to get carried away with props and fancy scrapbook paper imo, and i prefer to let the artwork speak for itself. honestly keeping it simple can be the best option sometimes. i used to take a lot more photos back in 2022 when i had less new products, but nowadays i find that i have too many products to take photos of, so i prefer to just keep my photos simple with a white piece of paper as my backdrop. i just. shrimply cannot be bothered taking out all of the props anymore...

above: the backdrop in this photo is bad, it's distracting and takes away from the artwork. (fe charms from 2016)

this are photos taken on a sunny day.

if you don't have a good phone camera (mine is ~5 years old), ive found that taking photos on a sunny day, either inside or outside, work great for me, as it shows off the natural colour of your product best. i either take it to the garden or i like to find a patch of sunlight filtering through the window. be wary of glare or too much light reflecting on your merch in photos though, because it can be distracting and take away from visibility on the product. but i can understand if a bit of glare ends up on one's finalized merch photos.

this is an example of utilizing light at a certain angle to show off the holographic film on this charm.

sunny photo vs cloudy photo.

taking photos inside on a cloudy day during daylight hours is also a popular option, especially if you live in an area where there isn't much direct sunlight/cloudy season, but for me personally i find cloudy day photos come out a bit dull and do take a bit of colour correcting. all of my cloudy day photos are tweaked and i find the colours to be a bit off from the original products, but that's just how it is with taking photos i guess.

because i don't have a great phone camera, my personal alternative is to make graphics! i just think of it as a collage to use fun textures and PNGs! im obviously not a professional, and these probably look very bad in a professional's eye. but i think it's fun. i like to incorporate the aesthetic or visual style of the series into the graphic if i do make em. ^_^

store platform

each one has their pros and cons. many store platforms have trial periods/free plans for people to try out.

bigcartel is what i use and i'm familiar with, and i would honestly recommend it. (i'm too lazy to move or try another platform right now...) for big store openings ill pay for a month or two of the basic $15 plan. ill use the free gold plan on bigcartel if im only planning to open my store for a limited time and don't want to commit to a full monthly plan.

storenvy: i've used storenvy from about 2014-16. i moved from storenvy for issues such as charging customers fees for purchasing from storenvy's marketplace page (and not from your actual personalized storefront) and urging me to use stripe even though it wasn't supported in canada at that time. im not sure if theyve fixed these issues but they were pervasive issues at the time that honestly forced me to quit. it also has a kind of outdated UI (e.g. can't zoom into pics on mobile?).

i think storenvy is a very easy to use platform for beginners because it's very basic! but i wouldn't recommend it if you have a great number of products, or if you're looking for more advanced features.

tictail isn't available anymore, i couldn't recommend it for that reason. i used it from around 2016-18.

i don't have any experience on shopify or etsy. shopify i heard is great because of all of the neat features you can implement, which you can use to really make your store yours. etsy has a huge marketplace which helps discoverability, but i have also heard there are many fees, so a lot of artists unfortunately make their prices a bit higher on etsy.

ecwid is also one that i've heard pop up. some also host shops on weebly or squarespace.

shipping

if you don't already have a kitchen scale, it's a good idea to get one if you think you'll be using it a lot to weigh packages! a postage scale is probably better. i just have a kitchen scale because it's cheap. as long as the measurements are precise (don't use a bathroom scale with a dial like me when i started out lmao).

thermal labels are also a good investment if you think youll need em!! i actually don't personally use them, because i have way too much hand-me-down stacks of paper in my home, so i don't see the need to make an extra investment. the downside to printing shipping labels on paper is taking the time to cut and stick them on packages.

i'm from canada (surprising the amount of people who think im from the US T__T) so these tips will be canadian specific, but you can hopefully get the gist.

when i was starting out, i used canada post (usps is the american equivalent) to send out store orders. however shipping labels from your govt post office can be pricey. which is why it's a good option to join their small business program if they have one, where you'll receive discounts on shipping labels. i don't use canada post shipping anymore, but i will use them for countries that my shipping agent doesn't ship to.

also take advantage of their free shipping tuesdays for domestic packages in october!! i believe you can receive 2 free labels per tuesday, up to 4 or 5 tuesdays for the entire month = 8-10 free labels in october.

next step is shipping agents!! if you live close to a chitchats or stallion express facility, they're great, and they usually provide tracking on shipping by default. in my opinion, tracking on orders is a MUST, so customers can have peace of mind! (minus like sticker-only shipping because that could be sent with postage stamps)

they also do home pickup if you have a bunch of packages in bulk/can't get to a facility. i believe americans have pirate ship.

you print and stick on your shipping labels at home, then you just travel to the shipping facility and throw your packages in the right bins (e.g. domestic, US, international). that's it! easy as pie!

i personally use chitchats because that is closer to me. i had heard stallion provides better rates for international shipping, which i'll have to look at at a later date.

most of my orders come from the US and canada. (funnily enough it is unfortunately cheaper to send packages from canada to USA, than it is for me to send packages within canada.) international orders are a bit of a pain, and you will need to know tariff codes for your product types (e.g. prints have a diff code than buttons) while writing the customs form. people in some countries will get taxed on all imported packages (e.g. packages marked as "sold goods" and not "gifts"). an alternative to this is to use etsy, so that customers can pre-pay for the tariffs before the order is processed. this is something i'll also look into for the future.

posting

wow now you're now done organizing your shop and promo images and you're ready to post! a good strategy is to post across multiple platforms to see what sticks. it takes effort and time but it can have a solid turnout! (i forget sometimes, don't be like me)

i don't know if this is true, but a lot of keywords words such as "shop", "store", "link" and etc. are apparently suppressed on social media (particularly twitter). don't take my word for it however.

shop posts don't generally do as well as regular art posts for most artists. but disregarding censored words for a second, it can also be attributed to psychological reasons, generally people don't like to be advertised to. (e.g. tumblr doesn't have an algorithm and shop posts usually dont do as well here either. tumblr users are just not receptive to clicking on links apparently).

personally, writing alternate terms like "sh0p" just isn't for me, but no shade though, bc i do understand workarounds are hard and everyone needs to make a living somehow. ill instead use words like, "leftovers are in" or "new items are up!" something more vague, but with the accompaniment of merch images, will still be clear to people that it's a shop update.

sharing your shop promo posts in artist alley discord servers also help a lot, especially if you don't know too many artists when starting out. they're a great resource and community full of passionate individuals who will boost your art. if you're not familiar with them, you can find some public ones on google or maybe even artist communities on reddit. a big one is Artist Alley Network International.

if there are some topics you think i've missed, feel free to send em over to my inbox!! ill also think more about this in the coming days and edit this post as i see fit 🫡

[vengeancemoths]

ok. yay! let's talk about jason todd autopsy scars.

WARNING: pretty thorough description of an autopsy ahead. if you don't like cut up bodies this one isn't for you.

prefacing this by saying i am not in any way a field expert in any of this, just a guy with really morbid autism and a pretty objectively concerning collection of nonfiction on the subject. i may be wrong about things! i did not crack open the books for my stupid little tumblr post (this time). people with actual experience feel free to correct me.

if jason had had a thorough autopsy performed on him, he would not come back to life* and also probably bruce wayne would go to jail.

*or at least come back with scars from it. more on that later!

if an autopsy was performed it would have to be by someone who knew about batman because robin's scars are pretty difficult to explain. it would be pretty easy to bypass an official autopsy, jason was blown up, his cause of death is not exactly a mystery.

bruce wayne might be the kind of guy who's so obsessive he needs to know exactly which event actually killed jason (if the crowbar killed him, batman couldn't have gotten there in time. if the smoke killed him....). but maybe he also wouldn't want to know for the same reason.

the most important thing is that we know jason had massive head trauma. if you were trying to figure out which of the many terrible things that happened to him was the one that killed him, you'd want to take a look at the brain.

and guys, i don't know if you know this, but the brain only holds its shape because it's inside your skull. the human brain is the consistency of silken tofu. once it's out of your head, it's not going back in.

this is inconvenient for coroners, so they'll probably spend several days soaking jason's brain in a chemical concoction designed to make it firm up. once they do that, it's time to dissect it.

but the fun doesn't end there! once they're done, if they don't just dispose of the brain separately, they're still not going to go through the trouble if wrangling it back into jason's cranium (now open on top, like an egg cup). it goes in the organ bag!

did i forget to mention the organ bag? look, they're not going to put all of his wet organs back into his chest cavity. he's already rapidly decaying. if bruce wayne gets his son back and he's leaking there'll be hell to pay.

so all the organs, which at this point have also been cut into little pieces to study, get jumbled together in a plastic bag. that they do stick back into the kind of gaping hole that the organs vacated. then they stick the ribs back in place (they were sawed off, at the beginning, to gain entry to the organs).

and honestly? without the brain in the mix i can almost believe it. i guess if jason had a really shitty autopsy courtesy of gotham's overcrowded underfunded mortuary? i mean more people who write jason resurrection fic should have to think about the organ bag, and what happens to it. would it just sort of glorp out of him while his organs wiggle themselves back into place? one day i will write my funeral industry accurate jason todd resurrection fic and it will make everyone sad and uncomfortable.

but i guess my thesis statement is that i think it would be really hard to come back to life if your brain was in 7-14 pieces inside a plastic bag where your stomach used to be.

the most likely way for the resurrection to work, in that case, would be to restore his body to its state directly before death, which does unfortunately predate his autopsy.

so what this post is saying is that jason probably wouldn't have had an autopsy, but even if he did, he wouldn't have the scars to show for it.

now, the idea that they're vivisection scars and ra's al ghul was poking around in there? i like that a lot

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam. Considering some recent posts I thought you might be interested in this article.

A deaf and blind mind: What it's like to have no visual imagination and no inner voice?

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-01/aphantasia-no-visual-imagination-inner-voice/103649486

Hope you enjoyed the long weekend! Cheers, Kate.

Oh, thanks for this! And apologies my response is like a MONTH LATE :D

It's an interesting article because it's more about the study than the topic directly -- which is not a bad thing, it's cool to see people working in that space getting profiled and hopefully getting attention/funding on account of it.

Especially interesting was the discussion of ways of "having" thoughts and the fact that Derek doesn't pre-hear his speech. I do actually often rehearse what I'm going to say but primarily, I think more like Loren, when I'm writing -- I may, for example, get a question on Tumblr and go about my chores for the next half hour kind of mentally laying out how I'll respond, but it's not like I hear my own voice, I'm just structuring the response. And I don't usually pre-hear spoken thoughts -- I don't pre-hear them at all, but if I'm going to give a presentation or have a difficult conversation I will often work out some modes of speech/response ahead of time.

I'm of two opinions about the reference to the mind being "deaf and blind" -- my knee-jerk reaction is that it's an actively bad way to describe aphantasia, because it implies that there's an impairment to cognition itself, which I don't think is the case. On the other hand, we don't think of hearing or visually impaired people as lacking senses, just as having a different experience of them, which does line up with how aphantic cognition happens, at least I think. It's true that unless I'm actively working at it, I don't see or hear anything in my mind, and even when I'm working at it I generally can't "hear" -- I can recite song lyrics mentally and they will be in the rhythm of the song, but I don't hear the music or the singer.

There's a highly stupid "test" that's gone around that's meant to indicate if you're transgender, which asks you to imagine a stick with a red end and a blue end, floating vertically in front of you, with the red end on the bottom and the blue end on the top. You're meant to imagine it rotating three times end over end, and then say what position the colored ends are in (which is on bottom, which is on top) after the rotation. Apparently depending on whether you have a "male" or "female" mind, you'll read "rotate three times" differently and a different color will be on top. This is self-evidently dumb but also when I encountered it I had to keep re-reading it because I couldn't picture something so abstract, let alone picture it moving, and I kept forgetting what was supposed to be where. Gender essentialism: defeated by neurodiversity!

In any case, I don't have the deep, profound grief that some people who were diagnosed with cognitive disability post-adolescence have, I think in part because my ADHD is mild and I did okay -- not great, but sufficient -- without treatment. But I do think that if I had been diagnosed with ADHD or known about aphantasia when I was a kid (not that it was conceptually present in the field when I was a kid) I would have probably gone into neuroscience or some related profession, or I would have stuck with my psych degree in undergrad. The longer I do this reading the more I wish I was working in that space. I don't think I have it in me to go back to school for a hard science, especially not if I continue working, but in a different world, I would have liked to have been a contributor to this kind of work.

[xelasrecords]

Once again I forgot that September 29 is this blog's anniversary, so I'm celebrating now woo! Thank you guys for sticking with me and being my friends. This year has been tough and I probably would've hit an even rockier bottom without tumblr and the people I've talked to here. No matter how short the interaction was, it helped. (MAJOR shoutout to @brighteststar707 @juminies and Lola)

When I hit a milestone, I like to look back on what has happened, so I decided to write unserious summaries and commentaries on my fics based on my recollection of them.

MYSTIC MESSENGER

As One So Half - Oh my God my loved ones are dead it's time to kill V and make Jumin mourn so I have an outlet to grieve.

Violent Need - Insane MC to match a controlling Jumin. The most passionate smut I've ever written. The passion is violence not lust.

Locus of Pain - She's so bitter and they're borderline toxic but at least Jihyun has his GE persona!! My possessive awakening, as in it turns out I don't hate possessiveness if it works for both sides.

Secrets and Sacrifices - I couldn't breathe so I suffocated everyone.

The Oasis Is Beautiful From Up Close - I easily forget about the fics I've written, so what I remember in this one is Jumin/MC/Jihyun, jokes, sexy scene almost sex but not, thoughtful conversation, then jokes again. Also my first romantic smut.

The Final Night - My life finally got a bit better so I allowed Jumin and MC to have a fleeting happiness before plunging them into a final battle.

All That Is Lost - Alas, Jumin is the target of my grief again. He's the one I'm killing now.

As Daylight Comes - Jumin and MC wish they could fuck in front of Jihyun but they respect their friendship too much to ruin their breakfast time.

The Love We Live For - Jumin, MC, Jihyun are falling for each other. I looked back on this with nostalgia because I don't think I can perceive love with as much altruism anymore.

Tea! Would You Like Some? - Jumin excessively promotes his tea because he forgets he likes wine after reader enters his house.

Haven Burning - Finally got the guts to write about Jihyun and it was about being codependent to hell. The start of my angsty smut as personal comfort.

Thank You for the Food - My most romcom fic ever. Wrote it as a pick-me-up to my younger self when I had to juggle a lot of things when I was sick and fantasising about Jumin taking care of me. Looooved writing the banter. My fics haven't been this happy since.

Wedge the Knife Under My Skin - Pent-up anger needed to go somewhere and the best course was through cheating on an abusive boyfriend with Jumin. This nourished my suppressed need for revenge. I was also interested in exploring the grey areas of cheating.

Greatest Kindness - I had an obsession with breakup stories that time so I had to give Jumin one.

Wedding Scene - My friend got married so my brain dramatised the whole thing. I was also grappling with guilt about something else so I smashed them together and it turned out to be a post-breakup fic set after Greatest Kindness.

In the Dead of Night, You Bring Me Back Alive - Tipsy thoughtful conversations inspired by my two brain cells debating each other. Might as well get them out. Oh, and the reader dazzles because we shouldn't be damsel-in-distress all the time in Jumin's fics!!

Cold Wrath - Jumin and the reader try to fight healthily. I got triggered writing the fight and reached a revelation™.

The Worth of Gifts - I haven't deleted this purely to show myself how much I've improved. A part of me wants to slam on this, but it was also my entry into fic writing so I'm just gonna be grateful that my past self got covid and was so bored that she entertained the idea of writing fanfics.

THE SSUM

The Great Anguish of Our Separation Means Nothing to Me - I was soooo excited when I saw Harry's potential for HUGE angst! Break them up, as I like to say.

Go, Go, Stay - A moment of relief when I finally understood Harry's inner working.

Lovely Walk - Persistent reader with a douchebag guy whom I would never recommend to pursue IRL, but this is all fun and games so it's aight. Beat this man into a pulp—metaphorically.

[xunolic]

only time will tell pt.2 (l.sy)

pairing: sangyeon x blackfem!reader (more race neutral) | wc: 22.6k (for this part)

au(s): secret agents, exes/enemies to lovers | genre: action, angst, smut, rom-comish

summary: after a year and a half, you finally heard the name you didn't want to be mentioned again. lee sangyeon. now more than ever, however, it's a must for agents to stick together due to a list of hits from the resurgence of korea’s more dangerous syndicates.

warnings: lowercase intended. explicit language, mdni!! explicit sexual content, mainly plot filled, descriptions of violence/blood, mentions of alcohol, minor character death, arguments. let me know if any was missed!

part one (not my favorite)

a/n: hi! i'm back! tumblr is ass so there will be a continuation instead of it all being on one post! reminder, none of the characters reflect on them as an actual people as they are merely characters. the reader is technically race neutral as i didn't give any character features or physicality. also, i will say, read part one but this one is way better than the first one. i actually hate the first one, but it does show how i have grown as a writer. reblogs are highly appreciated! happy reading!

‘here we go again,’ you thought to yourself as you situated yourself beside jacob. it was the one night yz agency had to get along with everyone else. so there you sat, dress clinging to your body and stomach growling.

jacob heard it, laughing under his breath as he dug into his blazer pocket and pulled out a piece of candy. he looked over, handed it to you, and smiled as you popped the candy in your mouth.

“this fucking thing is taking forever,” you groaned, almost forgetting the dress you had on as you slumped in your seat. jacob nodded in agreement, leaning forward, his head hitting the table.

“how hard is it for someone to go on stage and talk? hell, i could even do it. i might do it…” jacob said, turning his head to look at you. you gave him a smile, patting his head.

“you sure could, buddy, do it.”

you pointed at the stage, wiggling your finger slightly so he could continue. jacob was about to say something, but eric came to sit beside the two of you. he plopped down in the seat, almost out of breath. your eyes shot to him, eyebrow-raising in confusion.

“how late am i?” he asked, trying to catch his breath. you looked at jacob, and a similar mischievous smirk was on his face.

“you missed it. dinner is over with," jacob said, shrugging his shoulders.

eric looked at him, eyes widening. “dinner’s over?” he whisper-yelled, almost in a panic. “i didn't eat all day.”

you were about to say something until your stomach rumbled. eric heard it loud and clear, squinting his eyes in your direction. “you fucking liars.”

you pouted, looking down at your stomach, and then at jacob. “what a buzzkill…”

you and jacob both heard your names as younghoon approached. younghoon didn't spare eric a glance as he asked the two of you, “how is tonight going?”

“where's the food? i came strictly for the food,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“one of cre.ker’s bigger agents is late, and their boss stepped out, so we can't start until their ceo returns, and we're all settled. typical cre.ker though, always running on their time, never considerate for anyone else,” younghoon said, crossing his arms as he looked at the other ceo’s. “note how everyone is here except them.”

younghoon finally gave eric a stare and scoffed before walking away from the table.

“what did i do?” eric asked as he looked at you. you shook your head, fixing a strand of hair on his head.

“nothing, he's just the biggest cre.ker anti.”

claps were heard around the place as you brought your hand down from his head. you instinctively clapped along, looking at jacob as he nodded to the stage. you looked over, seeing it finally beginning. you almost cheered, knowing that the food portion was growing closer.

or so you thought… it felt as if speeches about the same damn thing continued to drag on. eric was close to falling asleep, and jacob was rubbing his eyes, trying to stay awake. it wasn't until it was cre.ker’s ceo's turn to speak. as he spoke, you felt yourself nodding off; that was until you heard a name you thought you didn't have to hear again. 

lee sangyeon.

you remembered telling eric you didn't want to hear that name until your heart was ready, and eric obliged. it had been a year since you'd even said a thing about sangyeon, the thought of sangyeon, or even heard that name. 

jacob and eric turned to you with wide eyes, jacob looking at you with more worry than anything. you mouthed that you were okay as you all turned to look at sangyeon's table. he waved to people, and the lady beside him shook his free hand, obviously proud of him. 

you didn't hear exactly what he was mentioned for, but you listened to everyone clap as you stared at him. you couldn't take your eyes off of him. it seemed he’d gotten larger if that button-up was one to decide. his smile was as bright as you'd ever seen it, and his eyes– his eyes were on you. you jolted a little bit in shock, noticing his gaze as you quickly turned back around. you felt butterflies creep into your stomach, trying to keep them down as cre.ker’s ceo finally finished his speech.

the host of the banquet finally confirmed that the food would be served. each person chose the menu beforehand, as the servers came out with it; you couldn't have been happier. as you ate, you continued talking to the people around you, trying to wash down the gaze sangyeon had sent you. it wasn't long until the feeling was back as you heard a voice you didn't want to hear.

“hey eric, hey jacob,” you heard sangyeon say behind you. eric turned and smiled, waving before getting back to his meal. you didn't turn around, jacob instead turned and waved at his hyung, standing to give a hug. you kept your eyes on your food, hearing jacob and sangyeon spark a conversation. sangyeon introduced the lady he came with to jacob, her voice ringing out after his to introduce herself. “it really has been a while, hasn't it? a year, right?”

“yeah! oh wow, it's been so long," jacob exclaimed, sitting back in his seat. he stayed turned around, sending quick peeks to you. you glanced at both jacob and eric, excusing yourself from the table before brushing past sangyeon with your clutch. 

you felt eyes on you as you walked to the bathroom. however, you didn't notice your boss's lingering stare as he narrowed his eyes at your dismissal. 

you thought you were over him, you thought you did the right thing, but as they've said before, distance does make the heart grow fonder. it was almost like your mind forgot you'd called things off with him—you had broken up with him. 

things should've gotten easier with time, but you don't think you could come to terms with that sort of thing right now. as you stood in that bathroom, feelings bubbling in your chest, you had to remind yourself why you did it.

“my career is important to me. this is my passion…” you spoke to yourself in the mirror, calming yourself down. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, the exhale shakier than the inhale. you glanced at yourself in the mirror again, looking behind you and jumping a little. “jacob, what the hell?”

“what? i came to check on you. you’ve been gone for like ten minutes… you alright?”

“yeah, i’m fine.” you tried your hardest to sound convincing, but it came out in a timid whisper. jacob walked over to you, pulling you into a hug. “jacob, i thought i was over him… i could've sworn i was.”

“you saw him for the first time in a year. i don't expect you to forget how you felt, especially how you two broke up. i’d be hurting, too.”

“but it shouldn't make me feel like this, though, i broke up with him.” jacob pulled away from the hug, pulling the handkerchief from his pocket, patting the tears from your eyes, hoping not to ruin your makeup. 

“it doesn't matter; you liked him a lot, right? that was rhetorical because literally everyone could tell,” he joked. “it was an unjust breakup, so you have the right to feel the way you do.” 

as jacob pulled you back into a hug, a lady gasped in the background at jacob’s presence.

jacob turned around, shamelessly shooing the lady away, “can't you see i’m comforting my best friend?”

that pulled a laugh out of you that jacob grinned at.

little did either of you know, sangyeon had dismissed himself for a bit, sighing into the frigid air. eric sat beside him, patting his shoulder, a smile on his face.

“what's up?” eric asked, leaning back on his hands.

“i knew she’d be here, and i still feel sick to my stomach looking at her,” sangyeon confessed, rubbing his face with his palm.

eric let out a humorless laugh, looking up at the sky, “you have more to say; i know you do.”

“nothing i can say that'll be worth it, especially if i’m not talking to her.”

“do you still like her?”

“no.” he lied.

“oh? so you don't want to talk to her?”

“i don't know what i want, eric. all i know is i can't stand to look at her but can't keep my eyes off her.”

all eric could do was nod; the younger wasn’t the finest with words, especially since he had often been around you and sangyeon. the best he could do was sit and be some company. the two sat in a comfortable silence, staring into the night sky before eric's stomach growled again. eric's gaze shot to sangyeon, then to his stomach.

“i saw a dessert buffet in there. wanna go?” sangyeon chuckled, standing up and brushing himself off.

“please.”

sangyeon pulled eric up by his arm as he nodded towards the door. eric walked inside, leaving sangyeon, once again, with his thoughts for longer than he'd like. sangyeon let out a huff of breath before walking in a few minutes after eric had.

eric was the first one at the dessert bar, filling his plate up and whistling as he picked up his last pastry. he walked by the entrance as you and jacob returned from the bathroom. eric tilted his head, confused, “you were in the girl’s bathroom?”

“i’m gonna tell you like i told that lady in the bathroom, i was comforting her,” jacob said, snatching a mini cheesecake from eric’s plate and going to sit back down. you giggled, walking over to the dessert buffet, reaching for a plate, a hand coming down simultaneously to yours. 

“oh, i’m sorry, i–" you began apologizing, stopping as you saw who it was. you both stood there, breathlessly gazing into each other's eyes. your heart felt like it was beating 10,000 times per second. you felt like you couldn't move, and the wave of emotion pooling from his eyes was unbearably hard to read. you wondered what yours looked like from his perspective.

“hi,” he hushed out.

you couldn't respond as you grabbed the plate and moved from him. the feelings threatened to spill over again, but you had to keep your composure. you filled your plate up silently, sending sangyeon one last look before starting your way back to the table. 

you looked to your side and saw younghoon staring at you. he had to have seen the little interaction between you two because he didn't look too pleased. or did he?

you went back to the table, hearing everyone talk around you, some even getting up to dance a bit. eric was busy scarfing down his food to notice you'd come back. jacob reached over, stealing one of your mini cupcakes and stuffing it in his mouth before you could say anything to him.

“jacob… just go get your own dessert!”

“too much work,” jacob waved you off with his mouth full as he nodded towards the bar. “do you guys want a drink?”

“oh, so getting a drink isn't too much work?” you asked him.

he waved you off again, pointing at the bar, and you gave in.

and, oh, a drink you got. however, that one drink turned into many for you, and you had to be carried out to the car by jacob. eric acted as jacob's spotter, following loosely behind him as jacob stuffed you in the car. you mumbled something as younghoon came out afterward.

“is she alright?” younghoon asked as you pouted in the backseat. you reached for your seatbelt, struggling with it before trying your hardest to stab it into the buckle. jacob reached over, buckling it in for you before turning to his boss.

“well, if being drunk is alright? yes, she's fine,” jacob said, fixing your posture.

“he touched my hand,” you slurred out, holding up the hand sangyeon touched with a drunken smile. “i know he misses me.”

eric and jacob looked at each other for the second time that night as jacob nodded at you, “i'm happy for you, y/n, i think?”

eric chuckled, walked over, and patted your head gently, saying a quick goodbye to you and jacob. he bowed at younghoon and walked back into the building, fortunately not catching the scowl younghoon sent his way. younghoon turned back to you, arms crossed.

“i hope she isn't shitfaced tomorrow, she has a mission.”

“she does? i thought she called off yesterday?” jacob questioned.

“i don't recall.”

“i do. i was in the meeting with you two when she told you.”

“oh, well, i don't remember.”

“can't you just, i don't know, send someone else?” jacob asked, shutting your door.

“chaeyeon and sunwoo haven't had a mission in weeks. she's been on damn near every single mission for the past year, give her a break.”

younghoon looked at you through the car window before looking back at jacob, “the mission’s at 12 tomorrow. tell her to be up and ready. i'll send you the details later on.” 

and with that, he left back inside.

jacob let out a deep groan, walking to the driver's side, getting in, and looking at you in the rearview mirror. he saw your slouched figure, sighing as he revved up the van and started to drive. as jacob drove, he couldn't help but hear little sniffles from you. once at a stop light, he turned around and looked at you, a frown on his face.

“i hate him. i fucking hate him,” you mumbled, tears slowly pooling down your face. jacob could only assume you meant sangyeon, but you'd heard everything younghoon had said before you left. younghoon had seen the interaction, and you felt younghoon was doing whatever he did to you out of spite.

your head was raging as your phone rang. you grabbed the device seeing jacob’s name, groaning before answering it. “what?”

“you got a mission; get up.”

“i know… but i don't feel like it.”

“dude, do you want both of us fired?” 

kinda. “no.”

“then come on, i'm outside, i'll wait for you.” 

you hung up the phone without saying another word as you dragged yourself out of bed. you went into the bathroom, threw clothes on with a groan, and held yourself up by the edge of the counter. you mumbled curses as you dug through your medicine cabinet to find some aspirin to take. you shook the borderline empty bottle, opening it as fast as your hungover body could. as you tapped out the medicine, only one pill came out, another loud groan that made your head ring.

“fuck,” you mumbled, taking the pill in your hand before hearing your phone ring again. you walked over, silencing the phone before grabbing some sunglasses, your phone, and a water bottle. you locked up your apartment, almost tripping down the complex stairs, making it to jacob's car in one piece.

“morning, sunshine,” jacob beamed as he watched you put the glasses on and get into the vehicle.

“shut the hell up before i beat your ass.”

“woah? can't even talk with my amazing friend this beautiful sunday morning?”

“please, just drive.”

jacob threw his hands up and pulled out of the parking lot. 

you popped the pill, chugging the bottle of water before throwing it to your feet.

“and now you're littering in my car? what are you? some type of heathen?”

you kept your eyes closed, a slight smirk gracing your face. 

as jacob pulled up to the back of the site where you were supposed to be working, he couldn’t help but notice a familiar face in a car pulling beside him. 

“oh no…” he mumbled.

“what?”

“don't look now, but…”

“but what, jacob?” throughout the drive, yes, your head had gotten a bit better, but not enough for jacob and his games.

“a certain, uhm,” he continued, only moving his hands to enunciate.

“jacob, my head already hurts, i don't need any of your ridd–"

you couldn't finish your sentence because as soon as you looked at jacob's way, someone had stepped out of the car beside jacob’s. if your head was getting any better, no, it wasn't. 

lee sangyeon.

you almost barfed, shaking your head as you blinked a few times to wisp him away as he walked to the front of his car, but to no avail. he was still there. 

he turned around, his eyes catching your concealed ones through the windshield. your breath got caught in your lungs as you shook your head again, this time trying to convince jacob you couldn't do this.

“why.. why is he here?” you asked yourself. jacob looked at you, patting your shoulder as he tried to tell you that you had to do what you had to do. you frowned before taking a deep breath. 

you stepped out of the car, eyes widening as you felt around your person. you bent down to look at jacob, who was still in the car, “my holster.”

“you forgot it?!”

“you know i'm hungover. i could've sworn i took it from my room.”

you were too in a panic to realize sangyeon had walked over to you, “i have an extra.”

you jumped, gripping your chest as your glasses fell to the bridge of your nose. the little sunlight that did peep through made you squint in pain. you pushed up the glasses, looked at sangyeon, and shook your head.

“can't take–"

“she’ll take it, hyung.”

your focus shot back to jacob as he shrugged, looking towards his monitor, “you both better go; you have 20 minutes until the man of the hour comes. i'm still not sure what this mission is actually…”

“you don't?!” you whisper-yelled, bending down again.

“bomb threat,” sangyeon said, his arms crossed.

“bomb threat?!” both you and jacob yelled.

“i'm not the bomb girl. i had one class on that, and i didn't pay any attention to it. fuck!” you groaned, your head starting to ache again.

“calm down, i know how to disarm a bomb.”

you looked at him, unable to look long because, of course, you couldn’t look at him. you sighed softly, taking the spare earpiece jacob had before telling jacob to wish you luck as you began to walk towards the building. you didn't wait for sangyeon but heard him yell wait. he rushed beside you, holding up the utility belt and handing it to you. 

“here.”

you took the belt, standing before the door as you buckled it around your waist. sangyeon opened the door, holding it with his foot as you walked in without saying anything to him. sangyeon sighed softly, sucking his teeth before letting the door shut behind him.

“so.. what's the plan?” he asked, looking around the supposed storage room you were slightly cramped in.

you shrugged, put in your earpiece, and tested it out. you heard jacob speak back as you nodded to yourself. the shades you had on did no justice for the dark room you both were in. sangyeon asked you again what the plan was. however, you trudged through the storage room, trying your hardest not to trip. 

too late.

obviously, you couldn't see the box in front of you and couldn't catch your footing in time. just to your luck, sangyeon’s quick thinking and his ability to see caught you before you hit the ground. as he pulled you up, you felt your back come flush to his chest. you smelled his cologne, felt the way he froze, and it took all your might to move away from him.

“thank you,” you mumbled, stepping over the box as you finally reached the door. 

sangyeon held it shut as he looked down at you (you assumed). you squeezed your eyes closed, “what is it?”

“we need a plan. i don't know what you and eric have been doing the past year, but you know that's not how you and i did–"

“when jacob gives me the signal, you go for the bomb, i'll go for the man. simple.”

“jacob didn't even know what the mission was; how would he know what the man looks like? how do you even know its a man? i'll just ask miyeon–"

“is miyeon the lady you were with at the banquet last night?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

“why does it matter?” he asked, pressing a finger to his ear, beginning to speak to the woman. “hey miyeon, how far is our target?”

you waited for him to respond, still looking at the closed door. you heard jacob in your ear saying you had 15 minutes before you decided to look up at what you believed was sangyeon.

“jacob said we have–“

“15 minutes.” you both said simultaneously.

“and you said jacob doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” you mumbled under your breath.

“what was that?”

“nothing… can we get out of this mess now?”

“there should be a blazer up near the front desk so you can disguise yourself, and for the love of god, take those glasses off,” he said, opening the door. “is your number the same?”

you raised a brow, looking at him with confusion.

“so i can contact you just in case anything goes wrong.”

“yeah… it’s the same, but why would anything go wrong? you said you knew how to disarm a bomb, right?”

“doesn’t mean there won’t be any problems. you should know about problems, right agent l/n?” he shrugged, walking out of the room.

you stared at him in disbelief, scoffed, and walked out behind him. you made your way to the front of the building, sangyeon walking away from you, leaving you to your own devices. “where the fuck is eric…” you mumbled to yourself as you picked up the blazer, slipped it on, and sat at the desk beside another receptionist.

“y/n, when the target passes you, i need you to start escorting people out of the building, just in case,” jacob said in your ear.

“how big is this place?” you asked, looking around to keep your eyes on anyone who left and came in.

“six stories.”

“six? got it…”

“he’s here.”

you nodded, not responding, as you watched not a man come in but a woman with a large bag. your eyebrow lifted as you looked at the woman. she was short, with hair in a loose bun and evident bags underneath her eyes. her smile when walking in was replaced with a scowl as she looked at the receptionist beside you. her eyes trained not just on her but also on you.

she looked at you both as if you'd done something to hurt her personally. as she reached the desk, she told the receptionist she had booked a specific room, giving her last name and showing her id. once the other receptionist gave her the room key, you were obliged to jokingly ask if all patrons gave her that look when they came in.

“no, she was kind of the first since i’ve been here,” she laughs softly. “but her name sounds very familiar. her name reminds me of someone fired not too long ago,” the receptionist continued.

“have you ever seen the people who were released? or were they gone before you could see them?” you asked, the conversation sparking your curiosity.

“no, not at all. i had seen that name on the “released” list before, i’m pretty sure, but i’ve never seen what she looks like or any of them, honestly.”

you sat there, fiddling with your glasses as your mind returned to what sangyeon had said.

how do you even know its a man?

your mouth fell open as you stood up from your seat, looking over at the receptionist. she looked up at you with wide eyes, her mind seemingly going to where yours was.

“you need to get out of here, and i mean as soon as you can. if anyone is near the front, tell them all to leave the building and go a few blocks down to the park where it's secure,” you picked up your glasses, tucking them in the blazer pocket as she nodded, slightly panicked. 

you put your hands on her shoulders, saying, “please, do this calmly and orderly, okay? you will be a big help in keeping everyone safe. deep breath.”

she closed her eyes, sucking in a breath before letting out a shaky one. she stood up, putting on a smile, and began to walk over to anyone she saw. she gave them her best customer service voice, possibly telling them a white lie to get them out as she guided a few families and employees out of the building. 

“it’s not a man, jacob,” you said as you phoned him.

“i know now… she's been using her husband's car whenever she went to get her materials for the bomb. her name is sunhee yim. she used to work at this hotel in particular before she got let go.”

everything the receptionist said, you'd had relayed to you by jacob.

once everyone in the lobby was gone, you bent down to look at the computer. 

“jacob, hack into this computer for me; see how many rooms are filled so i can get to them as fast as possible,” you said, looking at the monitor.

“got you.”

once jacob was finished, you had him direct you to all of the utility rooms, telling the workers who were in them to leave from the emergency exits.

once they left, you focused on the rooms. out of the six stories, there were 60 rooms filled. you stood back up, listening to jacob list all the booked rooms. 

you breathed heavily as you finally reached the 60th room, gripping your knees before knocking. those stairs almost broke you.

the door swung open as an older woman looked at you, her arms crossed, “yes?”

you tried catching your breath as you stood up, showing her your badge. “agent…” pant “l/n…” pant “you need to leave, ma’am…” pant “there are threats for this hotel.”

“leave? i paid good money for this room, i’m not leaving it just because some pesky cop told me to,” she snarked.

“ma’am, this is life or death. you either stay,” pant “and lose your life,” you sucked in a deep breath, “or you come with me and stop being stubborn.”

slam! 

she shut the door in your face.

“or blow up! not like i care! it’s only your life you're risking!” you rolled your eyes, about to walk away, when a smaller, more timid voice yelled a quick “wait!”

it turns out she was risking more than her life. you turned around, and a young girl, no older than ten, stepped from the room.

“a-are we really gonna die?” she asked, standing in the doorframe, her hands visibly shaking as she held the stuffed animal that still had a tag on it. you bent down to her level, holding her free hand.

“not if you get your grandmother to leave the building with you.”

as you tried to comfort the little girl, you heard a door open behind you as the woman from before stepped out of her room, a hoodie now on her head as she began to speed walk to the elevators. you saw sangyeon leave a nearby room, nodding at you before slipping into the room she had just left. your eyes widened as you looked at the little girl. 

“ma’am, either you come with me and the kid, or if you survive, you get charged with child endangerment for keeping her in a life-or-death situation; the choice is yours,” you yelled into the room as the little girl started to tear up. the old lady looked at you and the child, sighing softly.

“fine.”

you picked up the little girl out of instinct before rushing to get the lady out of the room. the lady stopped by the elevator as you waited for her to step in before rushing down the steps. as you got to the lobby, the lady stepped out of the elevator and walked over to you.

“you both can follow that man right there,” you said, pointing at a door handler as he directed people where to go. “stay with your grandma, okay?” you said, standing her on her feet and patting her head softly.

“i’m her mother.”

you gawked, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as the lady huffed, holding her child's hand before walking out.

you shook yourself out of skepticism as jacob spoke to you.

“yim left the building, and she hasn’t yet made it to her car in the car garage. either that, or she’s just sitting in her vehicle.”

“i’ll go see.”

you walked out the door and down the block to look at the nearby parking garages. the same hoodie from before stood on top of the final one you looked at. she was looking over the hotel, seemingly waiting for it to explode into pieces.

you made sure she didn't see you before making your way up the ramps. “fuck, i’m getting a workout today.”

you finally got to the top, keeping silent as you drew your gun. you sneakily made your way beside her, nodding, “yeah, i can’t wait for it to blow up either.”

the woman jumped at your presence, stepping to the side and pulling out a weapon of her own. she pointed it at you, hands shaking as she stared at you with bloodshot eyes. she had been crying.

you held your hands up, showing her you also had a weapon, “shoot me, and that would be another charge on your record. you’d never get out of prison alive.”

“who said i wanted to be alive?” she yelled at you, tears running down her face.

“because if you didn't, you’d be in that building with the bomb you planted,” you put your hands down, realizing the type of person you were dealing with. you put the gun back into the holster, beginning to walk towards her. “if you truly didn't want to be alive, you'd sit in that room with that bomb and explode into smithereens along with every bedframe, every lamp, every tv, every–"

“shut up!” she shook the gun, threatening you. 

“i get it. you lost your job and way of life and wanted revenge. what better way to get revenge than blowing up everything and everyone you believed made you lose what you genuinely loved? am i right?”

“shut. up.”

“you never wanted anything like this to happen, did you? you have a family. loved your family so much that you took your husband’s car so we wouldn't even think it was you or link you to this,” you continued to walk to her.

“i’ll fucking shoot you!”

“do it.” 

her hands began shaking even more as your chest made contact with the nose of the gun. you stared into her eyes, glancing down at the gun for a quick moment. you watched her finger move to the trigger, almost pulling it before you moved out of the way. 

the bullet went through the car window as you grabbed onto her arm, dragging her to the ground. the gun skidded on the pavement as you held her arms behind her back.

“mrs. yim, i can't charge you. that's the police’s job. regardless, i can tell you that this is now an added attempted murder charge,” you told the woman, who, at this point, was sobbing. you pulled her up as she broke down.

“but i have to give it to you; you did it.”

you walked up to jacob’s car once the cops took over the rest of the situation. jacob rolled down the window as you posed in the blazer you wore.

“cute, right? the receptionist said i could keep it.”

“it’s alright,” sangyeon said, approaching you quietly.

you jumped again, fist balling up, “stop doing that!”

sangyeon chuckled, the butterflies returning at the sound, “you did good back there.”

“thanks,” you mumbled, hands crossed in front of you. “i guess you did pretty good disarming that bomb, too.”

“thanks.”

“but please don’t sneak up on me like that again!”

“okay, okay, i’m sorry. wait, woah… did you hear how easy that was?”

“how easy what was?”

“genuinely apologizing.”

yep, the butterflies were gone. 

“fuck you.”

he smirked, “please. if i let you, you would.”

he’s right, but you couldn't let him be as you opened the door to jacob’s car. you slipped the glasses back on your face, telling jacob to drive. jacob didn't drive quick enough because sangyeon leveled himself with your window.

“we’ll have to talk at some point; you have my number.”

jacob let out a soft “oop.” before driving off.

you rolled your eyes, pulled out your phone, and were ready to yell at eric.

you dialed his number, listening to it ring before he picked up.

“hello?”

“you fucker! you know what, next time you're in trouble during any mission, you better be able to save yourself.”

“woah? what did i do?” eric asked, the sound of him sliding a seat out being heard in the background.

“you left me on a mission with lee sangyeon? are you kidding me?”

“what are you talking about? i called off weeks before this.”

you looked over at jacob, one of his eyebrows raising at eric’s statement. 

“so, this wasn't your original mission?”

“no.”

“that damn kim younghoon.”

“you had a mission with hyung? how was it?”

“goodbye, eric.”

“wait! i wanted to know how it–"

jacob tapped a finger on the steering wheel once you hung up, “that's weird, right? why would mr. kim put you on a mission with sangyeon hyung if he doesn't even like him?”

this was a test for you. knowing younghoon, he wanted to see your self-restraint. what an asshole.

it was the next day, and you sat in the meeting room. one of your colleagues, sunwoo, sat beside you, and jacob was on the other side. your foot tapped on the floor as all of the other agents sat chatting with each other, jacob talked to kevin in english from across the table, you assumed they forgot you spoke it as well because the gossip they were spreading was definitely only english worthy. none of the other agents knew what they were saying, and the two knew it.

it wasn't until they got to younghoon did they stop, mainly because the boss himself walked in. everyone in the room stood up and bowed at him, except you. younghoon walked to the front of the room, barely acknowledging any of them before his eyes landed on you. you leaned back in your seat, crossing your arms as he told everyone to sit, eyes still trained on yours.

you were a tough cookie to crumble, so he knew you weren't breaking eye contact any time soon. you were pissed, he could see it in your eyes, and it was just the way he wanted you.

he chuckled to himself, setting his folders down on his podium. he grabbed a remote for his slideshow before saying a quick, “good morning.”

jacob whispered to you, “what do you think this is about?”

“don’t know, could care less.”

“first, let's congratulate some of our team members for the job well done they did with the bomb threat yesterday. good work, mr. bae and agent l/n.”

the room clapped for you both, but you kept your eyes trained on the front.

“okay, let's get down to business. the reason i asked you all in here today was that…” he clicked to the next slide, and almost everyone in the room let out a gasp. the air quickly drained from the room as everyone looked at the screen: “targeted agents.”

your eyes widened. you were looking over at jacob, his eyes already on you.

“there's recently been threats sent to many agents across the two agencies here in seoul. someone has managed to hack and learn almost every single agent's name, position, and mission database. so far, we have gotten 10 people from not just here but also cre.ker to report these threats.”

he clicked to the next slide and spoke again: “threats so far have been sent to agent ju haknyeon of cre.ker, ms. lee chaeyeon of yz…”

“that’s why she’s not here…” you heard sunwoo say from beside you. sunwoo was quick to raise his hand and wave it.

“yes, agent kim?”

“chaeyeon was my partner; what do i… what do i do now?”

“well, i was going to get to that after i named all of the targeted people.”

sunwoo nodded, slowly putting his hand down. you pat his shoulder, looking back at the screen as he continued with the names.

“and last but not least on the targeted list, agent lee sangyeon.”

your jaw almost floored. in this situation, the pure mention of your ex’s name picked up your heart. 

“oh my gosh…” you heard jacob mumble, his jaw almost on the same level as yours.

“since i’m a civil man, i’ve decided to put my differences with cre.ker aside to get to the bottom of this. if you encounter any sort of threat, please be sure to report it as soon as possible and stay home. both cre.ker’s ceo and i have decided to continue missions but as larger teams.

so, back to agent kim’s point, you will team up with mr. bae and agent l/n until we can track down who’s in charge. for now, we don't know who we can trust in this building, so please don't spread too much information with anyone, don't spend too much time in open spaces alone, and please take care of each other.”

you all nodded as he said that various missions would be given to each team as soon as leads could be made. kevin took all of this in, and since he stayed in the office most of the time, he would be one to keep back and get any leads he could. as the meeting broke off, you and jacob both looked over at sunwoo, with wide grins on both of your faces.

“welcome to the best team here!” jacob beamed.

“you’ll love it with us.”

and he did, not by choice, however.

you took the time to stay together literally because you had an impromptu sleepover at jacob’s place that evening.

“but why'd it have to be at my place?”

“your apartment is bigger than mine,” you said, dropping your bags. sunwoo followed in, looking around as he sat on the couch with his bag. you looked over at sunwoo, motioning for him to drop the bag. he looked at you, hesitantly dropping it. “sunwoo, please. we aren't strangers and we’re good people.”

“i’m good people,” jacob said, walking to the kitchen.

you rolled your eyes, looking at sunwoo, “just relax. jacob, i’m calling eric.”

“why would you tell me?”

“oh, no reason…”

you smirked, sitting beside sunwoo on the couch as you whipped your phone out, dialed eric’s number, and quickly switched it to facetime.

it rang three times before he picked up the phone. “you can't get enough of me. how bad do you miss me?”

“shut up. i'm here with someone, sunwoo say hi.”

sunwoo looked at you, at the phone, and then back to you. 

“he’s shy. anyway, we're having a sleepover at jacob’s place–"

“no, we aren't!” jacob yelled from the kitchen.“it's too late for that, jacob! anyway–"

“i can’t come over.”

“oh? why not?”

“i’m–"

“eric, are you hungry or not?” you heard sangyeon’s voice in the background, his face coming into view. you quickly moved the phone back to sunwoo, shaking your head vigorously as sunwoo looked at you confused.

“y/n, i’m with- oh? where did she go?” eric asked. sunwoo looked at you, then went back to eric.

“she…” you tried to motion your finger towards the bathroom, but sunwoo, seemingly on purpose, didn't lie. he took his pointer finger and outstretched it to you, telling eric you were still holding the phone.

you sighed, turning the phone back to you, seeing sangyeon standing behind eric. he looked down at the phone as soon as eric said your name. you looked at sunwoo, glaring as he threw his hands up.

“you’re with sangyeon… i see…”

“hello, y/n.”

that was the first time he’d said your name since you'd seen him, and god, did it sound so good coming from him. you sucked in a breath, “so, why are you with him?”

“the whole threats stuff, i don't know if they talked about it to you guys this morning, but i’m kind of scared, y/n, but not really, you know? it's like…”

eric trailed on, but you couldn't focus on his words anymore. sangyeon was staring at you. how did you know? you noticed a slight glare in his eyes almost instantly. he looked so good, but when did he not. if you weren't in your right mind, you’d probably say something out of pocket for someone who was supposed to be over him.

“oh my gosh, i forgot. you two hate each other! my bad, y/n,” eric exclaimed, turning to look at sangyeon and then back to you.

“i don't hate–" sangyeon began.

“eric, are you drunk?” you asked, cutting off sangyeon.

“i may be a little tipsy. as i was saying, i’m with hyung and–"

“eric, i got extra food since you didn't say anything,” you heard a woman's voice from behind the camera.

“oh, thanks, noona. i was gonna tell you guys i wanted something, but y/n called.”

“who?” she asked, sangyeon letting out a chuckle.

“you know what, eric? i’m gonna let you go. have a good time,” you mumbled, hanging up before he could say anything else. “dammit.”

“who was that?” sunwoo asked, leaning back in his seat, finally getting somewhat comfortable.

“my mission partner from cre.ker.”

“no, i mean, the other guy. the guy you panicked seeing and the guy who was looking at you like he wanted to kill you and kiss you.” how funny.

“hah…”

sunwoo waited patiently, his eyes blinking slowly.

“my ex.”

his mouth formed an ‘o’ as he turned his attention to jacob, who had finally finished in the kitchen with a drink in one hand and his phone in the other. he looked up fake shock on his face.

“oh, you guys are still here.”

to jacob’s demise, you'd forced the sleepover to last four days. on the last day, you three were called to the office. 

there you sat, kevin standing in front of the room, waving at all three of you with a smile. before younghoon could come in, he walked over to you all, “be proud of me.”

“no thanks!” you grinned, looking up at him.

“i got leads; you should be proud.”

“i’m proud of you,” sunwoo said in english.

you, jacob, and kevin looked over at sunwoo, shocked, his eyes darting between you three.

“what?”

before you could speak up, younghoon walked in, but not alone. trailing behind him was cre.ker’s ceo and a few people coming in behind him: eric, the woman you've learned to be miyeon, a few unfamiliar faces, and another one of their agents you’ve seen before named hyunjae. eric grinned at you, sitting beside jacob, hitting his shoulder hard.

“ow,” jacob flinched, hitting him back. the two of them almost started to hit each other even more before you stopped them.

“kids, stop,” you joked, looking toward the front as younghoon cleared his throat.

“i have told my agents that i have set aside my differences with cre.ker, today shows that. welcome in cre.ker ceo yoon youngro; he’s going to help us get to the bottom of all of these targets. as you can also see, we are missing a few people, but don’t be alarmed. we have some of our best agents teaming up to complete this.”

“when i call your name,” continued mr. youngro, “you will be on the mission tomorrow, and that will be your team going forward. starting with eric seo, jung miyeon, jacob bae, y/n l/n, kim sunwoo, park jiwon, ji changmin, and last but not least, kevin moon.”

“me?! no, no, no, i don’t do missions!” kevin exclaimed, standing up.

“oh! i read ahead. my apologies mr. moon.”

you covered your mouth, stifling a laugh. jacob, on the other hand, let his laugh go free. kevin mumbled something before sitting back down, shooting a glare toward jacob.

“last on this list is one of my best agents other than lee sangyeon, lee hyunjae.”

before you could laugh at kevin more–he was still glaring at jacob, mouthing curses–you looked over toward the front, raising your hand.

“yes agent l/n?” younghoon asked.

“that is way too many people for one mission,” you say, a few people (sunwoo) nodding.

“as i said, these are heavy missions; we need as many people as we can get. also, suppose one of you goes on the list. in that case, we’ll still have a team of enough people to do the mission,” he responded, allowing mr. yoon to continue with the list of teams that will be together going forward. 

as he spoke, you couldn't help but notice hyunjae’s eyes on you. you glanced over at him, giving him a quick, soft smile. unsurprisingly, he sent one back; however, surprisingly, he winked along with it. your eyes widened before you looked back at jacob, and of course, he noticed. 

“oh wow,” he said, tapping eric’s shoulder. eric turned to look at him and then looked at you.

“what happened?” eric asked. 

“is hyunjae single?”

as the meeting wound down, the eight of you found yourselves left in the room together. it was eerily quiet, especially too quiet for you, jacob, and eric to be in the same room together.

“so what’s everyone’s specialty?” you asked them all, looking around the table and waiting for someone to speak up. “well… i guess i’ll go first. i’m a combat and disguise specialist. mainly a combat specialist. probably the best part of this job is its danger, am i right?”

you heard a small chuckle from hyunjae and sunwoo and earned a smile from eric. as you finished up, jacob was quick to talk after you, “i’m a technical and surveillance specialist. since it’s just been me and y/n for so long, we both had to take on multiple things, which worked out well for us.”

“hell yeah, it has,” you said, high-fiving jacob.

“can’t disarm a bomb, that's for sure,” miyeon mumbled under her breath, only for jiwon to hear and giggle. you eyed her, furrowing your brow, but before you could say anything–

“my turn!” eric exclaimed. “i’m a combat specialist, kind of a disguise specialist now since working with y/n; speaking of, i have been working with jacob and y/n forever, it feels like.”

“only a year,” jacob rebutted. eric rolled his eyes and continued to talk.

“... anyway, i was supposed to be working with changmin hyung, but–"

“but you never show,” changmin finishes his sentence.

eric looked appalled, “what? yes, i did. the first five times i did.”

“but then you got booked on tons of missions with y/n, and i get it. anyway, since i’m already talking, i’m a technical specialist.”

you nodded, elbowing sunwoo, prompting him to talk. 

“oh, well, i’m a combat specialist. my main old partner was a surveillance specialist,” sunwoo said, tapping his fingers on the table.

“i’m a technical specialist,” jiwon said, smiling. “my partner was juyeon, but he recently got put on the list as well.”

“so that’s where juyeon went…” eric expressed, tapping his chin. “you know i’ve been wondering, but now i remember all this stuff going on.”

“fucking idiot,” you mumbled, earning an oncoming hit from the younger one, only for you to dodge it and for it to hit sunwoo.

“ow.”

“sorry…” eric said, retracting his hand.

“if we could carry on. i’m a surveillance specialist. my partner was lee sangyeon. probably the most skilled combat specialist in korea,” miyeon said.

both you and hyunjae scoffed, the sound putting a sneer on miyeon’s face.

“i’m a combat specialist, but if we're talking the best, i would like to say it's me or even y/n,” hyunjae expressed, “you’re pretty good at what you do.”

“oh? how would you know that?” you asked him, tilting your head slightly.

“i’ve seen you train before, back when you were a rookie.”

“oh… uh, we don't have to bring those times up–"

“oh my gosh! rookie y/n was so funny,” jacob laughed. “good thing they paired her with me. she didn't know any sort of korean. oh, and how she looked the first time sangyeon talked to her. she was all- ow!”

you punched him. there’s no other way that jacob would shut up, and you knew it. one thing you didn't notice was how miyeon rolled her eyes at the mention of sangyeon’s name.

“anyways!” you exclaimed, “i think–"

“shouldn’t we be talking about the mission?” miyeon asked, cutting you off.

“well, we can't talk about the mission if we don't know what this mission is. obviously, we have to wait for kevin to come back,” you said, lip quirked up in annoyance. miyeon crossed her arms, looking back at jiwon and whispering to her.

you looked at eric, subtly pointing at her, questioning what her deal was. eric shrugged his shoulder, just as confused as you.

“hey, fuckers!” kevin yelled as he walked in. “oh, oh yeah, i forgot there were other people in here. hello.” kevin bowed at the others, sitting in one of the chairs near the head of the table and connecting his laptop to the big screen. “so, i have some pretty good leads. sorry for taking a while, i was trying to gather my thoughts and make this as cohesive as possible before i came in here.”

kevin began talking, clicking through the slides he had made. “recently, there have been buzzes about an underground syndicate. the syndicate has been known to target a few agents before; however, they were proven to stop targeting agents forever ago due to many men falling short of taking over.”

“the lee-yang syndicate?” you asked, leaning back in your seat, having learned of the group from jacob a year in the agency. kevin nodded, clicking on the next slide.

“yep, and they're back. apparently, under some new directive, they're powerful enough to crack into most of our systems and take over many emails. this list right now seems to be random, so please stay clear.”

you all nodded as kevin continued, “tomorrow, the mission is to get into one of their bases, boss has given me a location, and it seems as though it’s under a hair salon in yongsan–"

“does it really require this many people, though?” miyeon cut kevin off, hand raised.

you looked over at jacob this time, who looked as bothered as you.

“well, usually, no, but that's what i was getting to. we don't know how powerful they are now, so going in larger groups is safer. no one knows when or where they will be targeted, so it's better for you all to work together on this. right now, we're getting leads on the main boss. this, unfortunately, isn’t someone we've taken down before.”

as kevin clicked on the next slide, it showed a detailed plan, leading to a grander picture of the mr. lee, who was supposedly now in charge. 

“so that’s the man in charge?” sunwoo asked.

“looks like a goof to me,” eric joked, causing you and jacob to stifle laughs.

“that's what i said!” kevin quipped along.

“can we please be a bit more serious about this? my poor sangyeon is in danger because of this,” miyeon expressed.

“your sangyeon?” you mumbled, shaking your head, before eric spoke again.

“she means our sangyeon. my poor hyung,” eric dramatically gripped his heart, fake sobbing before sunwoo hit his shoulder. eric looked up to see who hit him, but sunwoo started swatting at a fake fly.

“woah, i’m sorry, there was a fly on your shoulder.”

once the meeting was done, you said goodbye to eric as you, jacob, and sunwoo went to jacob’s car. once you and jacob had dropped sunwoo off, he began to make his way to your apartment. the ride was silent, a comfortable silence.

“that miyeon is something else, isn't she?” jacob examined.

“i don't see how eric and sangyeon deal with her,” you expressed, tapping your fingers on your thighs.

“you seemed a little jealous about that ‘my poor sangyeon’ thing,” jacob tried hiding his laugh, the key word being tried.

“jealous?! no, i was annoyed because she kept cutting everyone off.”

“but you said, and i quote, ‘your sangyeon?’ as if she had claimed something that was yours…”

“he basically is still mine,” you mumbled, looking out the window.

“you really have to work on your mumbling,” jacob chuckled.

“stop it!” you groaned, watching as he pulled into your apartment complex’s parking lot. as soon as he parked, you got out of the car, almost forgetting to unbuckle your seatbelt. you didn’t even say goodbye as you ran to your apartment. 

the day drained you, and it felt like luck wouldn’t be on your side. you’re stuck with miyeon, with jiwon, and even worse, you’re still stuck with eric. as you made your way into the apartment, you closed the door with your foot, locked it, crashing on the couch.

thoughts ran through your mind as you lay on your couch. much of your thoughts surround the danger your ex was in. although you’re acting like you don't care, your heart has been at your feet since you learned about the situation. to be fair, it has been nothing but hell for you since sangyeon walked out of your apartment that night. your mind, no matter how many times you told it not to, lingered on him, his smile, his lips, his laugh, him.

you grew to love sangyeon even when you were just friends; the love never left. you missed lee sangyeon. you wholeheartedly missed him. however, your pride wouldn't allow you to say that aloud. at the end of the day, your pride led to your breakup's demise. your pride is your job. your pride is, unfortunately, in making kim younghoon happy. 

it was mission day. this was the first mission with this team you didn't want to be on, but if it was to keep you all safe, so be it. you all gathered outside the cre.ker building; two cars surrounded you as you tried to break into two teams of four.

“all i know is i can't be separated from jacob,” you said, crossing your arms, sunglasses resting on your head. the disguise you had on was simple; you had made yourself somewhat unrecognizable, but who would know you in the first place.

“yeah, were a package deal,” jacob said, leaning up against his suv beside you.

“and i don’t want to be a woman stealer, hyunjae hyung, but–" eric began.

“miyeon and i can go together,” hyunjae declared. miyeon looked over at eric before nodding toward hyunjae.

“but–"

“we can go with jacob and y/n, eric,” changmin said, walking over to stand with you.

“sounds good to me,” you said, nodding towards the suv.

eric didn't complain more as he started walking.

“we all know the plan, right? we don't need anyone messing up,” miyeon said, focusing her gaze on you.

you couldn’t help but stare back, “we know it.”

“good.”

“okay~ let's go,” jacob said, pulling you toward the car. as you got in the back with eric, you groaned, looking around.

“what are you looking for?” eric questioned.

“something to fucking punch,” you stated simply, punching the headrest of the driver's seat a millisecond before jacob sat in it.

jacob turned around to face you with wide eyes, “were you trying to punch me?”

“no. unless your name is miyeon, i wasn't.”

“why would you want to punch miyeon?” changmin asked, looking at you.

“no reason. no reason at all.”

it took almost thirty minutes to get to the location, behind the building, across the street. you stared out the window, finding jiwon pulling up beside the suv you were in. 

during the ride, you had eric change clothes and put on a wig. you then applied unrecognizable makeup on him, some of it becoming wonky during the car ride, but you managed to make it work. eric turned to you; his shirt was lopsided, and the fabric was covered in polka dots. he looked like a mess, but as he said, he only became okay in disguise when he started doing missions with you.

“oh wow… you look–"

“great, i know!” eric said, showing off his attire. “the pink dots really suit my eyes.”

“they- they sure do! we should go now, right, jacob?” you questioned, unbuckling yourself as you leaned forward.

“well, not yet,” jacob said, staring at the screen in front of him. “it's not safe. a few of their members are lurking around the building… i’m not sure why.”

you leaned up, holding onto the driver’s seat to look at the screen. surely enough, two men stood outside the salon laughing and talking while sipping their coffee. it was weird how casual they were being, but you brushed it off, saying:

“i’ll be okay. doesn't seem like they're paying much attention anyway.”

“y/n, be careful,” changmin voiced as you opened the vehicle door. you gave a simple nod, grabbing the fake nametag as you stepped out of the suv. you looked around. sunwoo was standing by the shop's back door, and you were all parked behind. hyunjae was already making his way in.

“were you waiting on me? how sweet sun–"

“hurry up, we gotta get to the back of the salon,” you heard miyeon yell from the suv.

you sneered, looking at her, “you're supposed to be stealthy.”

“just speed up, y/n; you can't call yourself the best if you–"

“can we actually hurry?” sunwoo asked. you looked over at him, nodded and walked into the shop. as you left with a coffee or two, you walked across the street.

as you said, neither man acknowledged you as you walked into the vibrant salon; maybe the polka dots for eric were a good idea. a few workers knew you were coming, but none of the customers did.

“welcome in,” the woman at the front desk said over the music playing. you walked up to the front desk, smiling as you showed her your nametag. she nodded, knowing exactly who you were, and a soft ‘hello’ left her mouth.

she stood up and walked over to an empty station. “this’ll be where you'll be for the day. if possible, please don't take any of our actual customers.”

“i won't,” you chuckled, earning a small laugh from her as well. as the laughter died down a mere second after it had started, her face turned earnest, and the smile left her face.

“i’m serious.”

once she said that she walked away and sat at the front desk. you watched as she brought two fingers to her eyes and then pointed them directly at you. forget the syndicate underground; this lady scared you.

you focused back on your station, masking yourself with the hustle and bustle of the other stylists. you began to fiddle with the products lying around on the vanity, humming the music that played. you heard the tuning of your earpiece, almost choking as you watched eric enter the establishment. he looked worse than you thought.

he walked over to the front desk before strutting to you with a huge grin. you tried your hardest not to look at him in disgust, but he made it difficult by greeting people in the other chairs. you turned around to face the mirror, keeping your face out of view so no one could see your displeased look.

“it's a mirror, y/n. i can see how you're looking at me,” he whispered, sitting in the seat.

you grimaced, walking behind him, turning his chair around to face the mirror, and playing your hands in the wig. “so, uh, what are we doing today?”

“i'm not sure. i was thinking of a trim and a nice dye. do you think a pretty rainbow color would look good on me? i mean, any color looks good, but you get what i mean. or maybe! a perm. dye and a perm? i think i'll do all three, please.”

eric looked at you through the mirror. your eyes were squinted, and it looked like your lip was twitching to say something, but you held off. “okay,” you said through gritted teeth.

twenty minutes had passed, and you were adding pretty pink rollers into eric’s ‘hair,’ deciding to do only the perm. you were shocking yourself with how efficiently you were doing this. you may not know how accurately you were doing it, but it looked right to you. as you were getting into the groove of things (and trying to ignore the glares from the lady at the front desk), jacob spoke in your ear,

“y/n, eric, the others have entered the bottom of the premises; also, the two other men have gone, so please be careful.”

you looked down at eric, and both of you nodded to each other in agreement.

after fifteen more minutes, you had eric sit under a dryer, where he talked to other older women about things he saw in magazines.

“i don't know, i don't think she wore it better. it’s obviously the leggings that are ruining it,” eric said, showing the lady beside him what he was looking at. she looked over, shaking her head, and pointed at something on the same page.

“no, the leggings make sense. can't you see? it suits how the dress is supposed to look,” she argues, tapping her pointer finger on the page to get the point across.

“yeah, if you’re in a 2000s bad teen rom-com, this is outdated and tacky,” eric said as you walked over to them both to check on the wig. “y/n, agree with me.” 

eric turned the magazine to you as you looked over it. “it's cute. i mean, the leggings kind of suit it.”

eric groaned, tossing his hands up in exasperation. “no one gets it. do any of you understand fashion?”

“eric! y/n! something went wrong down there, so you two have to get people out of the building as soon as possible. they’re making their way up, and so far, it doesn't look pretty.” changmin yelled into the mic, causing you and eric to look at each other wide-eyed.

that was when you heard a gunshot. it was loud and clear to everyone in there, from the bullet that shot up from the ground to the first piercing scream.

you really hoped that no one down there was killed, but up where you and eric were, the goal of getting everyone out calm and orderly was shot to death. 

women and men started running out, except for a select few who were too shocked to move. eric quickly stood up, guiding people out. even those frozen in place were soothed by eric’s calmness in their compromising circumstances.

you also tried to help, getting to the other side as you saw a lady under a dryer, reading a book with earphones in her ears. she looked familiar…

you bent down to eye level, tapping her on her knee, “ma'am, we need you to leave the pre–"

she glanced up at you, furrowing her brows in disgust. she took her earphones out and laid them on her lap, “the pesky cop from the hotel.”

you babbled like a baby as you tried to make sense of the situation, “you're the grandmot- i mean mother from the hotel. well, unfortunately, i need you to leave out of here, too. also, i’m not a cop–"

“here we go again. is this place going to blow up, too? am i not safe anywhere? are you stalking me?”

“ma'am. to answer your first question, no. to answer the other questions, yes and no. you’ll be safe if you leave right now. just–"

“you know what? this time, you stalker cop, you’re doing me a favor. i get to leave here with a free hairdo and some money left in my pocket.”

“i’m not a–"

you couldn't finish your sentence yet again as she stood up, brushed past you, and waltzed her way out of the establishment. you looked around, eyeing eric as he guided the last customer from the salon.

you reached into your inside jacket pocket and pulled out your weapon. you watched eric yank his styling cape off, pulling his polka-dotted shirt from his pants. he reached under the oversized shirt, pulling his gun from the holster. you glanced over at eric, snorting a bit before turning away.

“what?” he asked, not noticing the wig was still on his head.

“nothing, nothing. let’s go,” you coughed out to hide your laughter. eric slowly nodded along, still confused, as the two of you made your way to the back of the shop.

you heard another gunshot as you opened the door, crouching behind a large dumpster. you brought eric down with you, listening in for either jacob or changmin to speak.

“the two men from before, they have weapons drawn. they’ll be walking up to the two of you in about thirty seconds. remember, don't kill them,” changmin advised.

“do you have a tranq?” eric asked in a whisper.

you nodded as you dug into your other pocket, pulling out a single tranquilizing dart. eric reached under the shirt again, opening a pouch to grab his own before the two reached you. 

“on three, you get the heavy one, and i’ll get the taller one,” eric whispered.

“why do i have to get the heavier one?” you argued.

“you’re stronger,” he disputed with no shame. “plus, you have the agility to get him, duh.”

“well, if you put it like that. you're absolutely right.”

eric clicked his tongue in annoyance before asking the two in the car how close the men were.

“ten seconds…” jacob began.

you and eric got in position as jacob told you both which sides you'd have to get since he'd heard the plan eric provided. it was now five seconds, four, three, two…

you and eric popped out behind the two men as they passed you both. eric jumped on top of one, keeping him quiet with the sleeve of his shirt: baically a headlock. you, on the other hand, had your guy in a choking position. you counted eric down before both of you put each of them to sleep with the darts.

as the guys slumped, you let out a breath, turning around to be greeted by a running sunwoo. he was alone, three guys chasing him. you and eric drew your weapons, pointing them at the men chasing sunwoo. sunwoo stopped once he reached the two of you, holding up his own gun, glancing at eric, and snorting at him almost as loud as you did.

“why are you laughing at me now?” eric asked sunwoo, glancing at him.

“shh, we’re in a standoff,” sunwoo said, sucking in his lips once more.

“hey, sunwoo?” you began, your eyes still locked on the three men before you.

“yeah?”

“can you turn around for me real fast and start running again?”

“what? why would i do that when it’s 3-on-3 already?”

“trust me.”

so he did. sunwoo lowered his gun, slowly turned, and jolted once again. eric looked over at you, confused, as the one in the middle started running again, seemingly forgetting you and eric were still right there.

as he started running, you grabbed his arm perfectly pulling him into your grasp and placing two fingers on one of his pressure points. once he wilted in your hold, you wrapped your forearm around his throat, all while keeping the gun pointed at the other man in front of you. you kicked the man's hand, the gun falling from his defenseless body.

“holy shit,” eric mumbled.

“i knew one of them was gonna be stupid enough to try and go after sunwoo. i guess this is why they failed the first time, dumbasses. now put your weapon up and use your fucking combat,” you urged, dropping the man in your arms to his knees. eric snickered at you, nodding his head before putting the gun down.

he turned to the guy in front of him, shrugging to himself before running towards him. eric was as proficient as most combat specialists, and you trusted his skills more than you did anyone’s (other than sangyeon’s). when eric joined you and jacob, he was a rookie. through that year and a half, you watched eric bloom into one of the best agents in the country. if him beating this guy’s ass wasn't telling enough for others, it was sure enough telling for you.

as you were about to get the other one, you saw the door behind him swing open and watched as someone ran out to attack him. the man didn't stand a chance to even try to lunge at you as he was battered to the ground… by lee fucking sangyeon.

once they both took the men down, you couldn't keep the look off your face. the look of bewilderment and a bit of contempt. you weren't upset he was there–kind of–but you were pissed he was out and about when there were obvious threats against him. so in other words, you were upset he was there.

“are you fucking kidding me?” you questioned, making your way toward him.

“we don't have time. we have to go,” sangyeon said, placing a hand on your head to turn you back around. “let's get out of here. police have already been called.”

before you could say anything else, sangyeon started running, fast. you looked over at eric, but he was still looking at sangyeon, puzzled. he once again shrugged to himself as he took your hand and began running to where the cars were now parked. jacob was standing outside the suv, leaning on the back of it. since sangyeon made it before you and eric, he and jacob were in the middle of a conversation.

jacob stopped talking and looked over at you as you approached. 

“what. the. fuck are you doing here?” you yelled, stomping over to the older man. you pointed a finger at him, and you had a frustrated frown.

sangyeon threw his hands up in defense, “it wasn't me. miyeon phoned me in, and you know i can't bail on a good fight.”

“that woman is so… you know you're not supposed to be out in public like this! are you that dumb?” you expressed, your hands placed on your hips.

sangyeon slowly dropped his hands, the same smirk you swore you'd seen before gracing his stupidly handsome face, “agent l/n, if i’m not mistaken, it seems like you're worried about me.”

“no, it’s just; what if someone ends up on this list because you wanted to be in a fight?”

“then they'll be on the list, and who knows, maybe it would be my fault. would you be as worried for them as you are for me?” he leaned towards you, tauntingly close. your arms crossed over your chest as you looked him in the eyes.

“i’d be worried about anyone on that list, regardless of who they are.”

“oh, really? because i highly doubt that, y/n. i know you weren't this worried when they announced your new little friend’s partner's name, did you?”

“who?”

“sunwoo’s partner.”

“how do you know about her being put on the list?” you challenged accusatively.

“we work in partnering agencies now. obviously, i know everyone else on the list, plus jacob told me,” sangyeon nodded toward jacob, glancing at him briefly. 

“well, even then, you have no idea how i reacted.”

“and somehow, i still know you didn't act like this.”

“act like what?”

“like you're scared that hit will be successful on me.”

“shut up. you don't know shit about me.”

“oh yeah?”

“yeah.”

jacob cleared his throat, almost feeling like a third wheel since eric had made his way into the suv already. he was about to speak before miyeon walked over, seeing you and sangyeon so close to each other. you looked over at her, noting how upset she looked at the mere sight of you two being near each other. you swiftly moved away from sangyeon before shifting your gaze back to him.

“oh look, your girlfriend’s waiting for you,” you said intrusively, entering the suv.

you took one more peek at sangyeon, not finding him but catching a satisfied smile on miyeon’s face as she walked up to him, a hand on his arm. you considered that she heard you as you hopped in the suv, looking around again, feeling like you needed something to punch. since jacob wasn't in the car yet, you punched his headrest a millisecond before he got in.

jacob jumped, looking around the seat to you, not a trace of remorse on your face.

“okay, this time, you were trying to punch me,” jacob said, closing his door and watching the other suv take off before him.

“if your name is sangyeon or miyeon, you're right,” you said, sitting back in your seat.

“now you want to punch hyung? are you just like your boss and don't like cre.ker?” changmin interrogated.

“don’t you ever compare me to that walking piece of garbage.”

“yeah, don't ever. she's much better,” eric said, sitting back, not realizing he still had the wig with the pretty pink rollers in it.

“nice hair, eric. the pink rollers go well with the polka dots,” jacob said before starting the suv engine.

eric needed answers. he pulled out his phone and opened his camera app, his eyes widening. “that's why i was being laughed at!?”

“so who ruined it?” you asked, leaning back in your chair, looking up at everyone in the room. “i know damn well it wasn’t eric or i.”

the day after, you were all called to the office building. it was not only shocking that kim younghoon insisted you all come together again in his office specifically, but he was in the same room at the same time as lee sangyeon. the room was unmoving, silent, and tense. no one wanted to take accountability–

“it was hyunjae,” sunwoo declared, crossing his arms looking at him. 

hyunjae looked down at his hands, unable to look up and see the disappointment on his boss’s face.

“how did you fuck up?” you asked him, tapping your foot. the ever-growing impatience getting to you.

“i got caught. i got caught before i even made it to the location i was supposed to search, i’m sorry,” he apologized, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“i can’t believe this. we even had to drag agent lee out into the public just because you had to go and ruin the mission. do you realize how dangerous and irresponsible it was of you?” mr. youngro clamored. you looked over at jacob, feeling uncomfortable as he continued to yell at the man. hyunjae looked like a child being scolded. “i’m so disappointed in you.”

“okay! we get it, but that day is over. hyunjae messed up, yeah, sure. but–" sangyeon started.

“but shouldn’t you be getting upset at sangyeon himself for putting himself in danger, or maybe get upset with miyeon for calling him when she knew he was on the list? this wasn't a one-person thing,” you said, looking over at both miyeon and sangyeon.

miyeon scoffed, rolling her eyes. god, you hated that.

“something wrong, jung?” you inquired. “you’d think that if you cared so much about your own partner, you’d want him safe, right?”

“of course i want him safe–"

“then why did you call him? did you want to see him so badly? you put your little fucking crush over his own and our protection?” you interrogated. at this point, the words left your mouth faster than you could stop them.

miyeon looked shocked, sending glances to sangyeon. sangyeon looked over at you in dismay as miyeon continued, “you're so dense, y/n. do you realize how you sound right now?”

“enlighten me. tell me how i sound.”

“like a bitter ex-girlfriend.”

“oh fuck out of here!”

“oh, and it didn't seem like you were that upset seeing him yesterday, anyway. you were all close to him and stuff. at this point, it's sad.”

younghoon perked up at that, eyes squinting as he looked at you. you shared a gaze with him, seeing his own disappointment. you couldn't care less as you looked back over at miyeon.

“sad? baby, i don't want him. (lies) you can have him. (no, she can’t) it's a matter of whether he wants you or not,” you jeered, looking over at sangyeon and then back to the woman you were talking to. “but this isn't about him, though. it's about your dumbass decisions and the way you chose to handle your groupmate’s mistakes.”

miyeon was taken aback as you kept talking, “if you and jiwon were as good as you say or even the slightest protective over these guys as you were your own partners, you would've told hyunjae there was someone on his ass, but you didn't. you’re selfish and inconsiderate, just like your fucking partner.”

“me, inconsiderate?” sangyeon exclaimed, “me?”

“yes, you. you agreed to come out of hiding, didn't you?”

“i did, but it was to save hyunjae’s ass. you can't put the blame all on miyeon because hyunjae didn't do his job correctly,” sangyeon retorted angrily. hyunjae looked over at him and balled his fist up, his eyes squinted as he darted at the older agent.

“i didn't mess up fully. as y/n said, it wasn't all my fault!” hyunjae tried to rebut. you nodded your head over at hyunjae agreeing with him. hyunjae gave you a small smile, thanking you for agreeing as he returned to sangyeon. sangyeon caught the interaction, clenching his jaw at hyunjae. hyunjae saw him, sneering, thinking it was the mistake sangyeon was so upset at.

“please, hyunjae, you’ve always needed sangyeon’s help on these things, i feel bad, but it is always you specifically,” miyeon spoke.

“that's not true at all.”

“it kind of is, hyung,” changmin said. “but i’m not putting all the blame on you.”

“well, as i was saying, the job wasn't done properly, so putting the blame on just miyeon is ridiculous,” sangyeon argued.

“oh, look! something you and your girlfriend have in common, not taking accountability for your parts in this whole thing.”

“i for one know you, you y/n l/n, aren’t talking about taking accountability. did you forget what happened?”

“how can i forget when you bring it up anytime i see you, fucking jerk, not realizing that i did what i did to save my job? you need to get over it. focus on miyeon, right?”

“you've got to be kidding me! are you making a scene because your mind is making up bullshit scenarios?”

“you know what, sangyeon, maybe it was a mistake i dated you in the first place. maybe it was right for you and miyeon to end up together. you’re both raging assholes that just don’t give a fuck and care about you only,” you stood up, and jacob followed you up. jacob wrapped his arm around you, looking at your boss and youngro.

“here you go again. you keep talking about something that's not even true, and you know it wasn't a mistake dating me. stop faking it. and if i did only care about me, i wouldn’t have cared to text or call you all i did when you did go and break up with me. it’s you who doesn’t fucking care.”

“oh fuck you.”

“okay! okay! mr. bae, please guide agent l/n to her desk. we aren’t getting anywhere if all of you are yelling at each other,” youngro said, rubbing his forehead as he paced the office.

jacob dragged you out to the office desk you rarely used, sitting you in your seat. you felt tears in your eyes as your hand shook. jacob put his hand up, palm facing you as you looked over at him. you let out a sigh, sucking up those tears as you weakly punched his hand.

“hey, hey, it’s okay. breathe,” jacob soothed.

“is that the talking he wanted to do, huh?”

jacob didn't respond, letting you calm down for a few minutes. after about ten minutes, jacob turned around when he heard the door open again. he watched everyone except the two bosses and sangyeon walk out. miyeon looked over at you, laughing, before walking to the elevators.

eric looked at you, pouting his way over. sunwoo also walked over and sat on your other side. he seemed slightly guilty, but you didn't know what for. “i’m sorry.” he said.

“for what?” you asked, but he didn't get to respond as you saw youngro and sangyeon walk off. youngro guided sangyeon out, and younghoon walked out a few seconds later. his face was red as if he had something to say as well. you didn’t look any longer, hearing eric’s words but not comprehending any of them.

sangyeon, as he walked past, had his eyes locked dead on you. he again had no readable emotion on his face. still, when you tried to look away, your eyes were back on him again. another thing you didn't catch was younghoon on the other side of the room, watching as the two of you stared at each other.

he was shocked it was you arguing with sangyeon and not him, but this somehow felt worse.

it was the end of the day, you felt free being able to sit the whole day, no mission. kevin came up to you, bending down and showing you his laptop. “we have a new mission for tomorrow.”

“is it with the whole group again? because i don't know if i'm going to be able to do it,” you said, looking at the laptop, reading it over before looking back at your own screen.

“unfortunately, yes.”

“well! looks like you’re showing the wrong person.”

“you okay?”

“i’m great, honestly, fabulous, really!”

kevin looked at you, furrowing his brows and nodding as he stood up. “i don’t believe you, but i’ll walk away anyway.”

you sighed, slamming your head on your desk before you heard a ping on your monitor. you watched your email symbol brighten and blink as you hovered your mouse over it. you double-clicked, opened the email, and saw you had several unread emails. you looked at the top message, deciding to click on it.

your eyes trailed over the words, each sentence made you raise your head slowly, your stomach drop, and your eyes widen. the final words of the email: 

“you’re now on our list. you can hide, but for how long?”

“but i don’t want to…” you sighed, sitting on your couch.

“it's the only way to keep you safe, y/n. i fucking hate this,” jacob said, pacing back and forth.

“but do i really have to stay in a random house?”

“it's a house that hasn't been tracked by any of them, plus it's really nice. just c’mon before i start crying and shit.”

“crying? jacob, why would you cry?”

“because now i’m stuck with people i don't really know or like and, worst of all, eric.”

“i heard that!” eric said, walking out of your room with your bags. “my poor y/n. i can't believe you're on that stupid fucking list now.”

“oh well, all i can do is hide, and if that doesn't work, i’ll die.”

“don't say that!” both eric and jacob yelled simultaneously.

“okay! okay! jeez… let's go already.”

you trudged to the car, getting in, leaning back in your seat. you wished you could sleep this all away, but it didn't happen. as soon as you woke up, you found yourself parked in front of one the largest houses you'd ever seen.

“boss hooked it up, so now there should be everything you need in there,” jacob said, getting out. you followed suit, looking up at it, sighing softly as you walked up the grand front doors. the door was unlocked as you twisted the knob and walked in. your eyes instantly looked around. it was almost as beautiful on the inside as on the outside.

eric brought in your bags, eyes widening at the interior. “can i be put on the list, too? i want to stay here.”

“oh, shut up and take the bags to her room. come on, i’ll show you to it. i got to see the house before you did,” jacob said, walking towards a large room. he pushed the door open, eric plopped the bags down only to run to the bed. 

“it’s so soft.”

“you’re telling me i have to stay in this big ass house alone?”

ironically, after you said that you heard the door open and shut, a murmur of voices came from the front of the house as you three walked back to the living room.

“no fucking way,” jacob whispered.

you came out of the room last. once you walked down the hallway, your eyes met the one out of two men you didn't want to see. it was lee sangyeon, of course. a lee sangyeon carrying bags himself.

“what are you doing here?” you asked through gritted teeth.

“no, what are you doing here?” he asked, his face contorted in disgust. 

“i asked you first.”

“well, he asked you second,” miyeon said from behind him.

“butt out.”

jacob scratched the back of his neck, “this was the address younghoon gave me.”

“why does he keep doing this?” you groaned, walking over to the couch. you plopped down, covering your face as you heard jacob’s phone beep.

“shit… we gotta go, y/n, mission calls,” he said, nodding toward the door. eric waved, walking behind jacob, and miyeon rubbed sangyeon’s arm, walking out a few seconds after. once the door shut, the room became silent. you sat there for a bit before standing up and going to your new room without another word.

and that’s how it had been for the past few days with you two. there was silence, barely any words in the house unless they were coming from a screen. 

yes, you’ve passed each other in the hallway. 

yes, you’ve looked at each other for far too long at periods. 

yes, you left food out in case he wanted something to eat and vice versa. 

yes, you've seen him walk from the bathroom borderline naked because, for some reason, he wanted to use the shower in the bathroom closest to the living room and the one closest to your room. 

yes, you started wanting to talk to him on your third day. 

yes, you've started missing him. 

yes, the close proximity was getting to you. 

but no, you can't break first.

and you didn't. this distance, both close and far at the same time, was getting to sangyeon as well. so as you sat in the living room of the house, legs crossed, watching a movie, sangyeon found it the perfect time to sit beside you.

not a word was said; you didn't even look at him. you could smell his natural musk mixed with the cologne he was wearing. he’d always smelt so good. his fingers tapped his thigh as he leaned back, looking at the tv screen.

your eyes flickered everywhere until they finally landed on his side profile. he was actually a dream—a dream you never wanted to wake up from but were forced to. your eyes traveled from his eyes to his nose, lips, and jaw and right back to his eyes… which were now staring into yours. his eyes looked down at your lips, the bottom one trapped between your teeth out of nervousness.

his eyes looked back into yours, the emotion still unreadable, but one emotion showing through more than it had the first time you guys were together. lust. 

your breathing began to pick up, the feeling of butterflies weighed heavy in your stomach, and you were sure your hands were fiddling with something, but you couldn't look or feel. sangyeon’s gaze felt like it was taking up all your senses.

you heard sangyeon mumble, “fuck it.” before he leaned in and kissed you so hard it knocked all the wind out of you. once he felt you not kiss back, he pulled away with his eyes closed.

“i’m sorry. i-i got caught up in the moment and–"

“shut the hell up,” you said before you reached over and kissed him just as hard. the built-up emotion, the craving, and the need were all coming in full force. 

sangyeon grabbed your hand, pulling you in his lap before picking you up by the thighs. you cradled his face, feeling his tongue hot against yours. the kiss was sensual, heavy, and so passionate it could weaken anyone. sangyeon walked you both into his room, which you were seeing for the first time as he laid you on his bed.

sangyeon pulled away from the kiss for a second, watching you chase his lips. he chuckled softly, pecking your lips repeatedly until you had to speak.

“i need you,” you said, feeling his lips hover over yours once again to go into another peck. “i need you so bad, sangyeon. i really need you to fuck the feelings away if you have to. i need you to fuck me like you hate me.”

sangyeon paused his pecks, his eyes pierced daggers into yours, “i can't.”

“huh?” you asked timidly. did you fuck up by saying that? is that not what he wanted?

he pressed his lips onto yours again, this time not in a peck, as his teeth bit down on your bottom lip, “you know i fucking can't,” he continued. he didn't let you get out a response before his lips were on yours again. 

“i love you, and you know that, don't you? as much as i want to hate you, i just can't.” his lips met yours again. “i should be fucking pissed off at you for the little ‘your girlfriend’ stunt you pulled in front of miyeon. why’d you do it? why say any of it? because you were jealous of her? you don't get to be fucking jealous if someone has a crush on me.”

“i’m not jeal–" he shut you up quick.

another kiss left you breathless, “i should've hated you when you wouldn't respond to me on the first mission we had together in a long time.” another kiss. “and i for damn sure should've hated you that night. the night you broke my heart into pieces, but guess what… i couldn't bring myself to hate you.”

you looked up at sangyeon and listened to every emotion flood from his mouth like a waterfall. you watched the pool of emotions in his eyes become more complex, which you didn't think was possible. a part of you continued to break from its shell as he talked.

“i found love in you, y/n, something i hadn’t been able to find in any other woman, and you took that for granted. it's been a year, i should despise you. when i saw you at that damn banquet, it was either i keep my eyes off of you and wallow in the fact that when i look at you, my stomach turns to mush, or i stare at you and realize how bad you messed up my mind for that whole fucking year. i should hate you, but i just. can't. do. it. 

so instead, i’m gonna fuck you how i should have been fucking you for a year. i’m gonna fuck you, so even if we don't do this again, you won't be able to take anyone the way you're about to take me. i’m gonna fuck you so your pretty body, your pretty mind, your whole being will regret the time you hurt me and only remember how good it was with me. i’m gonna fuck you like the love of your life should, do you understand me?”

“yes.”

“good, now i’ll shut the fuck up, and you’ll let me take care of you.”

sangyeon’s lips found purchase on your neck, licking and sucking at your pulse, not leaving a mark but oh so badly wanting to. he ran his hands up and down your body, seemingly trying to re-familiarize himself with every dip, crevice, and softness he felt the first time.

“you remember when we had sex the first time?”

you nodded.

“you think you could sit on my face properly this time? meaning, without a fight of me declaring my love for you?”

“a-again? are you sure you want–”

“i’m positive. don’t think i didn't catch you staring at my nose, baby. i know you want it too.”

sangyeon lifted your shirt a bit, kissing down your stomach, passing where you wanted him and down to your thighs. bless your senses in not wearing any panties tonight. you were sure sangyeon could tell you weren't wearing any because the arousal that was leaking from you was certainly not going unnoticed. he spread your legs wider, biting the insides of your thighs before looking up at you through his lashes.

this was a beautiful man.

“okay, let's go,” he said, not giving you any time to move. he sat up, tossed his shirt off and forced you up. he laid on his back with you still in his arms, and made you straddle his chest. his hands latched on to the hem of your shorts, pulling them down. you lifted up for a little bit, kicking them off as you kissed him once more.

“kissing is great and all, but if i don't feel your pussy on my tongue in the next five seconds, i might pass away,” he said, licking your bottom lip.

“you went without my pussy for a year and a half, i think you'll survive five seconds,” you quipped.

“mmm, baby, you don’t get how tortuous it was for me. you should’ve left a little gift for me before you decided to run out and break up with me.”

“maybe this time i’ll give you enough to remember.”

“then give it to me.”

you said not another word. your confidence was higher than the first time you both did this: kind of. you crawled up to his face and watched his pupils dilate from just the mere sight of your sopping pussy above his mouth for the first time in what felt like an eternity. as you lowered your hips, sangyeon thought you were going too slow. he grabbed both of your ass cheeks, dragging you down on his tongue.

a shuddered moan left your throat as his tongue lay flat on your folds. just this felt perfect, but you knew sangyeon wouldn't stand you being stagnant for much longer, so you started moving your hips. 

oh, how you could tell he still had a thing for your ass. his hands barely left it as his tongue delved into your pussy. you were melting onto his tongue almost like an ice cream cone, and he couldn't waste a single droplet of you.

if you could tape the moan he let out from just tasting you, you’d keep it on repeat forever.

“you taste..” he couldn’t stay off of you for too long. “so fucking…” he sighed into you, pushing his face further into you. “so fucking good.”

“fu-fuck sangyeon. feels so good,” you whimpered, one hand traveling to grip his hair.

he sucked, licked, and swallowed every bit of nectar that fell from you. you kept moving your hips as best as you could, but you almost forgot how good he was at this. 

your eyes almost crossed, and your hips nearly halted once his tongue stiffened to dip into your hole. you looked down at him and watched him tongue fuck you like a deprived man.

you grabbed onto the headboard with one hand, bouncing on his tongue but only lightly. you shivered, feeling one of his hands massage your thigh, the other applying a small amount of pressure on your puckered hole. that was new.

his nose rubbed against your clit, his tongue searched within your walls. the hand that was on your thigh parted your lips, and he brought his tongue out of you to lick up to your clit. you think it was the first time he opened his eyes to look at you as he wrapped his lips around the bundle of nerves.

you bit your lip and closed your eyes trying to control yourself before grabbing his hand that was on your thigh. you held onto it for dear life as he stared at you like he was hypnotized, enamored by you and you only.

“w–oh shit–wait, sangyeon,” you whined.

he stopped for a bit, continuing to look up at you. he pecked your clit, waiting for you to continue.

“i-i wanna give you h-head too,” you don’t know why you sounded so nervous, but this was something you’d wanted to try the first night you shared.

when he didn't respond, you shook your head again, “yeah, no, never mind. sorry, we can just–"

“turn around.”

“what?”

“turn around,” he repeated, as calm as the last time.

you grinned, un-straddling his face before re-straddling it and facing his lower half. you were quick to bend at the waist to latch your fingers on his sweatpants, tugging them down, his cock slapping up against his stomach.

“did you plan this?” you turned to look at him, his attention on the flesh of your ass. he slapped and kissed it as you were trying to resettle yourself.

“plan what?” he questioned, his eyes finally finding yours.

“sangyeon, you don’t have any underwear on.”

“you didn’t either.”

“touché, but you were the one to sit beside me in the living room, knowing you didn’t have underwear on,” you leaned forward, kissing his dick softly. you heard a hiss from behind you as you sucked his tip in your mouth, grabbing the shaft with your right hand.

“stop making sense and suck.”

you laughed softly. you forgot how big he was. you knew he wasn’t gonna fit in your mouth fully. but why not give it a try. as you held onto his cock, you widened your mouth around him, going as far as you could.

you felt his tip hit the back of your throat as you tried holding it there for a bit. sangyeon chuckled, spreading your lips once more, tongue diving in. you moaned around him, pulling up and seeing the trail of saliva you left behind.

you stroked him before parting your lips around his cock again. sangyeon wasn’t afraid to show you how he felt as you heard and felt on your pussy. you don’t know if you were doing a great job or if he was just sensitive. you weren’t going to go with the latter since you were putting your all into getting him all in your mouth.

sangyeon felt you struggle and heard you gag when you tried to take him all in, so he started rubbing your back to soothe you, “baby, don’t try to do it in one go. you’ll have plenty of time to learn how to take me.”

you pulled off with a slight cough, “oh yeah? is this your way of saying you want me back?” you turned to him, eyes locking again.

“if that whole talk i gave you before we started didn’t tell you, then i don’t mind stopping in the middle again and declaring my love for you like the first time.”

you smiled, shaking your head, “save it. i want you back, too… only if… you know… you’ll accept.”

you didn’t think sangyeon could move any faster than he did trying to get you on his face. he flipped you, leaving the bed to place your head on the pillows. he spread your thighs again, getting in the middle of them, and went back to eating you out.

somehow, this felt more desperate than the first time. 

“you don’t get how long i’ve been waiting for you to say that. fuck, i need you to come on my face, baby,” he groaned, bringing his fingers to your aching hole. he plunged them in, not starting slow at all. 

“fuck! i’m close already, k-keep going, please~” you begged, knowing he wasn’t stopping until he felt you come.

his fingers felt around in you, finding that gummy part and using it to his advantage. the tips of his fingers reached places in you that you could only imagine. he was so large all over, and just thinking about how his cock was going to feel in you had your legs shaking.

“i’m coming, yeon please don't stop, please,” you chanted. you kept pleading until the knot in your stomach snapped. you let out pornographic moans that were music to sangyeon’s ears.

his fingers didn’t stop. he wanted you further than just coming once, he needed everything from you, and you were about to give it to him just like he wanted you to. knowing you were close again, he used his other hand to press down on your lower belly, watching how your breathing picked up. 

you threw your head back, babbling words that sounded like sangyeon's name mixed with curses. that’s when it happened: you squirted. 

it was the first time ever for you. now you had to ask yourself how sensitive you were to even squirt, how sangyeon knew you had it in you, and how the fuck did you even do that.

sangyeon watched you in astonishment, biting his lip. your legs threatened to close, but he held them open with one hand. his cock twitch as he watched your pussy clench around nothing once he took his fingers out.

“breathe,” he said, rubbing your thigh. “so beautiful. so so beautiful.”

once you calmed, you looked at him. your eyes were hazy, lips swollen, and light tear stains on your cheeks. you looked at him how he’s been waiting since you separated, with love and want, like he was the only one in the world. he fucking loved you.

sangyeon leaned down, wiping your cheeks and kissing them after. the kisses went from your cheeks to your lips as you giggled, a smile forming when he hovered over your lips.

“i love you,” you whispered on his lips. your words had never been more true. you loved this man, and didn’t have to deny it to yourself anymore. fuck pride, fuck stubbornness, and, more importantly, fuck kim younghoon.

“i love you more.”

“liar.”

“i am not!”

“mhm, because if you loved me, you’d be fucking me.”

sangyeon didn’t say anything as he smirked, grabbing his cock and guiding it into you but just the tip.

“admit, i love you more,” he said, mesmerized by the way your face morphed in pleasure by just the tip of his dick.

you shook your head– maybe a little stubbornness was okay. you gasped as he added more of his cock into you. he was so big, you were so stretched with just a few inches. he was nowhere near entirely in you yet.

“admit it, and i’ll fuck you just. like. you. want,” he thrust hallow into you, leaning down to kiss your neck. 

“okay. okay fuck, you love me more, just please. need you so bad,” you whined. sangyeon grabbed the bottom of your shirt, pulling it over your head and tossing it to the floor. 

in one fluid motion, he sunk into you, nearly bottoming out. there were still a few inches, but you felt like you couldn’t breathe. a silent moan leaving your lips. sangyeon leaned down again, kissing your jaw and whispering praises in your ear while trying to keep his composure.

“we’re almost there. you can take it, right?” he asked, rubbing your hips.

you nodded enthusiastically, feeling like if he went any deeper, you’d come all over again. it was worth the risk.

he sank in deeper until you felt his torso meet your clit. sangyeon leaned down, licking your neck up to your lips. he kissed you softly, waiting for you to adjust, but once you clenched down on him, he had to pull away from your lips to let out a sound of his own.

“how’re you feeling?” he asked.

“g-good… you can move now,” you mewled, tilting your head to the side as he nipped again on your pulse.

his hips started slow, letting you feel every vein on his length. he didn’t have to move any faster for you to come, really, but you wanted him to. you needed to take him.

sangyeon was facing the same battle as you, he was fighting not to come, and your pussy was gripping him so tight he thought he’d pass out.

“fuck, have you.. have you not been with anyone since the last time?” he asked, partially because of how sensitive you were earlier and because of now. your cunt was still, even after the orgasms you’d just had, clenching and holding on to any and every ridge of his cock it could.

you said a soft no, and that seemingly turned him on more because right when the no left your mouth, his hips picked up. his cock rutted in and out of you, his hands gripping your thighs as he pushed them back so your knees hit your tits.

“yeon, oh–mmh–fuck! harder, i-i can take it,” you sputtered out. panic settled in, however, when you felt him pull out completely. “no!”

sangyeon shushed you, burying his whole length in you, a high-pitched whine leaving your mouth as he did so. his pace was brutal, each stroke leaving you choking for air. this is what you wanted; god, it felt better than you imagined.

you were so sensitive, so feeble to every thrust, so in love. you couldn't keep your eyes off him, the way his thick eyebrows furrowed in concentration, his own moans leaving his mouth as your warm cunt squeezed onto him, his hands gripping your thighs and keeping them up and spread. you were so turned on; the squelching of your pussy reminded you every time sangyeon fucked in and out of you.

“so fucking tight, fuck, you're so good, baby,” sangyeon grunted. “my beautiful girl, gonna let me fuck you all the time until i make up for that year, yeah?”

you nodded, not in your right mind, but you heard fuck all the time and were obliged to agree. he was so deep, each thrust had the tip of his cock kissing your cervix. he was fucking you so good you felt like sobbing. the room was filled with praises and skin slapping.

sangyeon could’ve came just by looking at you, how lost in pleasure you were, how, funny enough, dumb you looked. it was so hot. one of the smartest, headstrong people he knew was cock-dumb because of him. the way you looked up at him was contradictory from the actions going on in the stuffy bedroom, somehow your eyes were full of innocence while he was rearranging your insides.

“don’t look at me like that,” he groaned, leaning down, hiding his face in your neck.

you mumbled a sorry but couldn't get it out fully as sangyeon sent a particular rough thrust into you. “oh my fucking gosh,” you moaned, bringing your hands up to his biceps. your nails dug into the skin, the pain shooting right to his cock.

sangyeon leaned back up, feeling you clench down harder, noting your face and how your toes curled. you were close.

“right there,” you whimpered. “don’t stop, god, please don't stop.”

“i’m not baby, i’m not. wanna come? fucking cream on my cock?” his thumb dropped to your clit, rubbing it in circles. you nodded, gripping him tightly before letting out a loud moan. he felt your walls flutter around his cock, again holding back his own orgasm.

your eyes watered, tears slowly falling down your cheeks. it all felt too good. you didn't know what to do but to take the pleasure he was giving you. once the pleasure came to its peak, you were granted your release, your breath getting caught in your throat, your eyes squeezing shut.

you were brought back to when you felt sangyeon pull out of you, your eyes shooting open as you started grabbing at him to come back. you had already come three times, but you weren’t thinking with your mind; your pussy was reacting for you.

sangyeon pushed your hands away, flipping you again, pushing your head down on the mattress, and raising you up by your hips. sangyeon had told you before that your ass was a weakness; he needed to see it bounce on him to get himself there. 

“so needy. so fucking needy, so i’m gonna give you what you want, my love,” he said, a thought switching in his head as he gripped your ass in both hands. “i want to try something. you can tell me if you don't like it.”

“okay, just please. fuck me,” you reached back, grabbing his length and rubbing the tip right on your hole. you moved your hand as sangyeon slowly guided himself back into you, burying himself to the hilt. 

he began rolling his hips into you, sharp, slow strokes. he gripped your hips, keeping the same rhythm, slightly speeding up his movements. with each thrust, your broken moans got muffled by the mattress under you. 

you may have overestimated yourself because the way he was fucking you now felt overwhelming. now you were free to sob; his dick was curving perfectly in you. your hands grabbed the headboard, trying to drag yourself away from his brutal thrusts. it felt too good, but way too much for you to handle. you got too ambitious at first, were you regretting it? no, not at all.

“oh no, don't run from it. this is what you wanted, right?” sangyeon pulled you back flush against his cock. he reached down to grab both of your arms, crossing them on your back. he held both your wrists together with his left hand, dragging you back as his thrusts met his pulls. “mm, fuck. you’re so perfect. missed this pussy so much.”

“fu-uck. so sensitive,” you choked out, your eyes rolling back.

“hold in there for me, baby, but back to what i wanted to try,” you could practically hear the smirk on his face. that was when you heard him pop a finger out of his mouth and felt the same pressure you felt while riding his face. his thumb was back on that upper hole, pressing down, watching your body jolt.

everything felt electric, your body was under his control. you couldn’t form sentences as he pounded into you, chasing his own high. his thumb didn't move, and you admit, although unusual, it felt so fucking good. he felt you tighten around him, your moans getting higher in pitch. sangyeon halted for a bit, leaning on your back as he took his hand from your wrists. he grabbed your face by your cheeks, kissing your lips sensually before continuing his motions. 

“come, baby, wanna feel you one more time,” he moved the same hand underneath you, using four fingers to rub on your throbbing nub. you couldn’t moan, you couldn’t scream, and all you could do was keep your mouth open in hopes a sound did come out.

the spot he was hitting was perfect as your body shook, pussy convulsed, and more squirt streamed from you onto sangyeon’s thighs and comforter. sangyeon sat back up and groaned, looking down at where your cunt was taking him. 

“i’m gonna come, baby, fuck i’m gonna come,” sangyeon panted.

“in…” you mumbled weakly when you felt his cock twitch in you.

he looked at you, “w-what do you mean?”

“come… come inside me…” you repeated, tiredness lurking in your body.

“are you–holy fuck–are you sure?”

“please~ wanna feel your cum,” you whined.

that seemed to help. sangyeon let out a moan as his thrusts became erratic. he was desperate, and it all came crashing down as ropes of his cum filled you to the brim. sangyeon collapsed on your back, and your body crashed into the mattress. his sweaty body comforted you for some reason as you tried catching your breath.

he kissed your cheek over and over before pulling out of you gently. he rubbed your back, rolling off of you and kissing your shoulders and back as he made his way down to your ass, kissing it as well. he spread your ass cheeks, watching his cum leak out of your spent pussy, softly groaning at the sight. sangyeon knew if he looked any longer, he would pounce on you again like an animal in heat.

“you did so good for me,” he said, getting up to walk over to the bathroom in his room. he turned on the shower and walked back to you as you opened your eyes to look at him.

“you fucker… had a bathroom in your room the whole time,” you nagged.

“yeah. so what?”

“you…” you had no will in you to argue. sangyeon chuckled, walking up to you and picking you up as he took you to the shower.

“talk after. rest now.”

after the shower, sangyeon dressed you in pj's, comforted you with praises, and kissed you until you fell asleep. you and sangyeon lay in your bed as he washed his sheets; your arm rested on his chest, his around your waist. you had taken a small nap and woke up to sangyeon still lying awake. you looked up at him, walking your fingers up to poke his nose.

he looked down at you, smiling tiredly, “how was your nap?”

“good,” you croaked, breathing in his scent and cuddling back into him. this all felt right, but for an apparent reason, the lingering problem loomed around that day. yeah, you two just had sex, but the feeling was bearing on you. you couldn't take it.

the panic and feelings then settled in as you thought longer. it didn't go unnoticed by sangyeon as your arm loosened around him, and you looked up at him, slightly moving away from him.

“sangyeon?”

“mhm?” he asked, turning to face you, a concerned frown on his face.

“i’m sorry,” you said, sitting up and looking down at him. your chest started rising and falling quicker as your eyes brimmed with tears. “i’m... i’m so fucking sorry.”

“woah, woah, calm down,” he sat up beside you, grabbing one of your hands, rubbing your knuckles. “sorry for?”

“you know what i’m sorry for, yeon. i didn't want to break your heart, i didn't want to break up with you, i didn't want to do any of it. i tried my hardest to give up on you, but i couldn't. then seeing you with miyeon hurt so much. god, it fucking hurt,” you sobbed, your other hand holding the side of his face.

“i just want you to know how embedded to you i am. i don’t want to be with anyone but you lee sangyeon. i’ll admit i am fucking jealous of miyeon, i am. she's gorgeous, she’s been loyal to you, she’s picture perfect of what you should have in your life, and i’m not that, but i want to be so bad–"

“hey, stop that,” he sighed softly, interlocking your fingers. “baby, look at me.”

you looked at him, his eyes full of emotions yet again.

“why do you think i dated you in the first place? did you not hear my rant before i fucked you into next year?”

“alright now…” you responded wiping away some of your tears, but quickly putting your hand back on his cheek.

“i’m joking, but look, y/n, you said you don't want anyone but me? i don’t want anyone but you. i don't like miyeon. she's like a sister to me. you can't be replaced, ever. not to me, you can't.”

that only made you cry more. you’d cried more this past one year than in the past years of your life. his thumbs wiped your cheeks. he leaned up and kissed you again lovingly. he kept one of your hands in his, taking his other hand and grabbing the hand on his cheek. he wrapped them around his neck, pulling you closer and sighing into the kiss.

you pulled away, giving him one last kiss before putting one of your hands in his hair, tugging at it slightly. sangyeon bit his lip, masking a groan threatening to leave his mouth.

“don’t start something you aren’t willing to finish, baby,” he looked at you, kissing your cheeks.

“who said i didn’t want to finish?”

sangyeon grinned, laying you down, “i better not hear complaints.”

the following day sangyeon felt around in the bed, groaning when he didn’t feel you lying beside him. he threw the blanket off himself got out of bed, and walked out of the room. as he walked into the living room, he saw you cleaning up a bit, humming to the theme song of a show that was restarting a new episode.

he leaned on the wall, smiling softly as he watched you pick up several items strewn around the floor. all of it felt so domestic; it didn't even feel like the both of you were on a to-kill list. he watched as you popped up with a soft “oh?” holding a small item in your hand.

sangyeon got curious, walking up to you and wrapping his arms around your waist. you jumped, turning your head as you held up the usb flash drive, “what’s this?”

“oh yeah! i found it at that underground syndicate thing. it looked like one miyeon usually has. i thought she’d given it to sunwoo or hyunjae to download some shit from their files, so i was gonna give it back to her but forgot.”

“for real? do you think they have anything on it? like… should we check it out?” you asked, placing it between two of your fingers.

“i don't have my laptop. your little boss man told me to leave it, dumbass.”

“he told me to leave mine, too. you know what? not to get off topic, but since you brought him up, i’ve been meaning to ask you: what happened between you two?”

sangyeon moved from behind you, sighing softly as he sat on the couch. he pat the space beside him, and pulled you to sit with him.

“it's a long story…”

“i have time.”

“younghoon and i were friends, ever since high school i think. we both were always into action movies. he was my best friend, kind of… constant movie nights, constant life plans. we wanted to create an empire together,” sangyeon took slight pauses, rubbing his face.

“he said he would take on the business aspect of it, i would take on the physical, so right after college, we began an agency. i got us a building and jacob was also someone we knew from high school. we knew how good he was at working computers and shit, but neither i nor younghoon were.”

“you knew teenage jacob? you guys go back that much?”

“well not really all of high school: senior year. he came from canada, but both jacob and i got recruited to cre.ker agency. jacob didn't take the offer, and neither did i at first. younghoon constantly gaslit if we even considered it. ‘ you’re not even good enough to go.’, ‘all we created, you want to destroy it?’, ‘don’t be a dumbass.’. it was all targeted toward me and never jacob, but once i got tired of his nagging and told him about himself, he kicked me out.

so i took up the offer from cre.ker as soon as possible. turns out he told jacob something completely different, so i didn’t talk to either of them for a while until you came here. i met you in your rookie years, remember that miss ‘i transferred, i’m not a rookie’.”

“stop that.”

“it was so adorable, though, how you acted on our first mission. you were pretty cocky, but like it was still precious, and i kind of liked it.”

you covered your face, turning away from him, “oh my gosh…”

“i’m actually happy you came here, i wouldn't have talked to jacob any other way, honestly.”

“used me to get to jacob, how dare you?”

“jacob was such a cutie, needed to get close to him again.”

you turned to face him with a pout causing him to chuckle and kiss the pout off your face. you kissed back, pulling away and keeping the pout thinking, “younghoon told me lies then.”

“what did he say?”

“said that you left because you got a big head.”

“of course he did… that's why when you chose him over me, it felt like another slap in the face. it's why i got so mad that night.”

“i’m so sorry sangyeon.”

“baby, it’s okay. we’re back together now, right?”

“are you officially asking me out?” you grinned, leaning to him.

“can i be your boyfriend again?” he asked, leaning into you.

“mhm… can i be your girlfriend?”

“of course you can,” he responded, pecking your lips before thoroughly kissing you.

once you both pulled away from the kiss, your mind returned to before as you looked at your hand. “oh yeah, the hard drive.”

“what are we gonna do with it? we don't have a laptop.”

“ooh, i know! we can call kevin.”

“which one is kevin again?”

“how do i describe him? uh… short, black hair, skinny, doesn't go on missions, the other english speaker other than jacob and i,” you described as best as you could, but sangyeon shrugged.

“kevin… kevin…” he repeated, placing his hands on his hips.

“i’m calling him, maybe jacob too, just in case.”

you walked away from sangyeon and into the kitchen, dialing kevin’s number. sangyeon was too distracted trying to remember kevin to acknowledge you leaving as kevin answered.

“kevin!”

“hit list girl!”

“don’t.”

you told kevin about the hard drive you’d just found and asked if he could bring his laptop to check out what was on it. he obliged since he was the one to get leads and believed it could help him on his next lead since the group's last mission had deemed successful. kevin said he would be over with jacob in twenty, leaving you to silence in the kitchen. 

“yeah! i still don’t remember a kevin!” sangyeon yelled at you from the living room, making you laugh.

it barely took them fifteen minutes to arrive at the doorstep. jacob instantly took off his shoes, walked in, and sat on the couch. “let's hurry this up, i’m sleepy!”

“nice to see you too, jacob…”

“oh yeah, hi, my sweet y/n. now let’s hurry.”

kevin walked in with his laptop as you closed the door behind him. he took off his shoes as well, walking in and sitting beside jacob. as soon as kevin sat down, sangyeon walked into the living room, still shirtless and his phone in hand. jacob’s eyes widened as he looked at the older man, kevin not paying attention as he sat up his laptop.

“hey hyung,” jacob said, waving. sangyeon stopped in his tracks, looking up at both kevin and jacob but then back at kevin.

“oh! kevin! yeah, i know him,” he said, looking over at you. sangyeon grinned and walked over, sitting beside jacob and patting his shoulder. “hey, boys!”

“hey… why are you shirtless?” jacob examined, still stunned. “are you trying to show off?”

sangyeon laughed, shaking his head as you spoke for him, “you guys came earlier than expected, even though i told him to put one on just in case,” you voiced, walking over to the couch and looking for an empty spot near the laptop, unfortunately, not finding one.

sangyeon held his hand out for you to grab, which you did. he pulled you on his lap, wrapped his arms around you, and peeked at kevin’s laptop to see if he was done.

“what the fuck?!” jacob yelled, eyes widening once again when you sat down. “what did i miss these past days?”

“uh… kevin, are you done?” you asked, ignoring jacob to look over at kevin’s laptop.

jacob looked behind you to whisper to sangyeon. “what the fuck?” he mouthed.

sangyeon caught jacob mouthing at him, smirking as he mouthed, “we’re dating.”

jacob’s mouth fell open, “eric’s never gonna believe this,” he said aloud.

“believe what?” you asked, handing the flash drive to kevin.

“oh. nothing…” jacob said as kevin typed away at the keyboard.

“well, that's weird,” kevin said, looking closer at his screen. 

“what? what’d you find?” you asked, bending to look at the screen, your ass slightly visible as your shorts rode up a bit. sangyeon had to force his eyes away and regain control over his body so he didn't grab it or smack it or…

he blinked a few times, shaking himself out of whatever trance you had over him, looking over at the screen as kevin began explaining, “there's a bunch of documents on this and a ton of spreadsheets.”

“what's weird about that?” sangyeon asked, resting a hand on your thigh to lean closer.

“well, usually when you download things like spreadsheets and other documents onto a hard drive, the date should match the day it was opened and downloaded,” kevin began. “there’s no way for them not to have downloaded it without opening the document. if they were to download them the day of the first mission, the dates should match up, but they don't.”

“huh?” you questioned.

“it’s nerd talk. the dates on the hard drive are all different and wonky,” jacob said, the explanation not helping you or sangyeon at all.

kevin formed a tight line with his lips toward jacob, showing you all the folders tab (mainly just you and sangyeon), making sure to not open the documents before showing the two of you what he was talking about.

“look, the dates of these documents were from a week before the mission. the spreadsheets are almost two weeks prior. i can't say they're linked to the whole syndicate thing, but…” he screenshotted the document dates before looking back at the three of you. “we can look at them to find out.”

“wait, what leads did you get from their last mission?” you asked, curious.

“the last lead we got is that the main leader might not be working alone in leadership. like, i know that’s obvious, but we learned just how different the syndicate is from how it was before. we were thinking, like boss man said first day, there could be an inside man, you know like a plant, but we aren’t fully sure. i highly doubt it, every one has been working off the clock to solve this shit. i’ve never seen every one so busy before...”

“but the fucking mission, oh my gosh, it was a terrible mission. miyeon kept yelling at hyunjae because he lost a hard drive that had something she needed or something like that. it was so loud,” jacob said, rubbing his ears as if hearing it all over again.

“so i guess that is miyeon’s, then. sangyeon had said he’d seen miyeon with it before,” you said, pointing at it. 

“do you think she had any missions on that from the past?” kevin asked in sangyeon’s direction.

“i’m not sure. i’ve only seen her with it for a week or two, i didn't even know she actually used it, i thought it was for show.”

you laughed, leaning back against sangyeon and crossing your arms, “you know if she was smart, she wouldn't need to–"

“ah ah…” sangyeon stopped you, patting your thigh. “she’s still my friend.”

jacob again looked at the two of you wide-eyed, noticing how you pouted and shut your mouth right away.

“here, let me open it real quick,” kevin said, double-clicking on one of the spreadsheets, looking through the spreadsheet, and scrolling through it. “hm.”

“what's up this time?” jacob questioned.

“she has a list of people's names in this, both companies. the people with threats have checks beside them…”

“maybe she's keeping tabs,” sangyeon said, giving her the benefit of the doubt. “she does that a lot, honestly.”

“i’m gonna take your word for it. by the way she talks, i wouldn't hold it against her, to be honest. anyway, as i was stating before, from the last mission, we got a few mixed signals we have yet decoded but were led to think he’s in talks with even more people outside of our knowledge, but again we’re not for sure,” kevin leans back on the couch, tapping on his arm.

“hm.. yeah, all that is weird,” jacob stated, talking as if he didn’t know all this information beforehand. he huffed a bit before looking at you. “so dating, huh?”

“what? how’d you?” you turned to look at sangyeon, who had started whistling as he looked around the room. his whistling came to a halt as he caught your eyes, his eyes forming crescents.

“hi baby, when did you get there?” he asked, drumming on your thigh.

“so much for waiting until we were in the clear.”

“when did we agree on that?”

“i came up with it this morning… silently… while you were asleep, but it doesn't matter!” you exclaimed.

“uh, it does to matter. you sly people got back together and are basically having a honeymoon already,” jacob said, throwing his hands up in the air. “what if i called eric? how do you think he’d react?”

“don’t call him. only you should know; well, and kevin, too, but other than that, i don't want anyone else to find out, please,” you poked out your bottom lip, clasping your hands together.

“yeah, if you told eric, i promise you antarctica would know within a few days,” sangyeon laughed, pulling you against his chest.

“i just thought, you know, as your friend, i would've at least got a heads up,” jacob said, crossing his arms.

“you saw how i acted when i found out i was sharing this house with him. how would i have given you a heads-up if i didn't even know it was going to happen? he made the first move!”

sangyeon nodded, raising his hand, “guilty.”

“wow, hyung, you didn't even tell me,” jacob said, offended.

“i’m sorry. next time, i’ll tell you when i’m trying to get her back.”

“uh, yeah, no. there won't be a next time,” you said, tilting your head in sangyeon’s direction. “right?”

“yes, ma'am.”

“wait, you two were dating?” kevin asked, standing up out of his seat.

after that talk with kevin and jacob, the rest of your week went on as usual, as normal as sangyeon allowed. 

you cooked, then you swam in the cute pool they had out in the backyard, and you and sangyeon fucked in the hot tub that was beside the pool.

you and sangyeon made food together again; sangyeon fucked you on the kitchen counter after the food was done. 

you washed up in the shower, and he didn't fuck you in there, but as soon as you came out, he couldn't keep his hands off you, so he fucked you in his bed again, right after he finished putting the fresh sheets on it.

sangyeon wasn’t lying when he said he was making up for that year of no contact. at this point, you were shocked he didn't fuck you in front of jacob and kevin; he was probably horny then too.

you knew he could go again if he wanted, and he for damn sure wanted to, but the talk with kevin and jacob still loomed in your mind from days ago.

“what do you think about what kevin said?” you asked sangyeon, his arm wrapped around you as your back was against his front. he was kissing your shoulder, up to your neck before responding.

“about us dating? i’m shocked he didn't realize it.”

you slapped his arm gently, shaking your head, “no, i’m talking about that hard drive stuff.”

“i’m not sure how to feel about it; it's weird, though, right?”

“it is. you don't think miyeon is a part of this, do you?”

“no! absolutely not.”

you shrugged, turning to look at him. “i’m just saying, you can't really count anyone out, i’m not trying to accuse your friend.”

“unfortunately, i know, i just don't wanna think about it. kevin said they have a mission in the morning, so we can see what they get this time. he took the hard drive, right?”

you nodded, scooting into him, sighing, “yeah, he said he’ll give it to miyeon, ask her what the documents are. he should get back to me tomorrow before their next mission. anyway, wanna make breakfast with me in the morning?”

“you really are treating this like a vacation,” he laughed, rubbing your back.

“this is the most i’ve gone without a mission in a year, i deserve this.”

“you deserve to be put on a hit list?”

“no, like, i mean, nevermind.”

sangyeon grinned, “but yes, i will make breakfast in the morning, and if you don't wake up before me, i’ll bring you breakfast.”

“you’re sounding like a husband right now.”

“i’m just giving you a glimpse of the future.”

you yawned, not saying anything but smiling tiredly to yourself. 

the last thing you heard that night was sangyeon telling you goodnight. 

in the middle of the night, you heard sangyeon tell you he would get water.

however, that morning, you didn’t feel sangyeon beside you. you got up, used the bathroom, and figured he was up like he said, making breakfast, but as you neared the kitchen, you didn't hear movement in there or smell anything. 

as you walked in there further, your breath hitched when you saw the glass of water still on the counter; it was full.

cont.

[stanleyvampire14]

First LOTF anniversary thingy (idk what to call it)

Wooo lets go mini essay time—

Ok so! First thing! I did NOT want to read this book because I HATE forced reading in English class! However! We had an audiobook and it was cool so I said “Hey, maybe there’s other people that like this the way I do.” And Tumblr is, just that!

Also I joined in the dead middle of LOTFtober so uh there’s that. I was like “Wait there’s people DRAWING shit from this book? THEY’RE SO GOOD????”

Uhhh shoutout to Simorys and those people that made LOTF animatics on YouTube, gotta be my favorite way of getting into a fandom (I remember watching Simorys tiktoks like “hehe funny kids- oh shit Simon :(“)

GIGANTIC SHOUTOUT TO SNOW (@lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks) MY ART FRIEND AND FELLOW LOTF ENJOYER EVEN THOUGH NEITHER OF US HAS REALLY INTERACTED WITH THE BOOK TO MY KNOWLEDGE FOR A WHILE. GREAT FRIEND. WOULD 100% THROW HIM INTO THE SUN. /pos also technically a reference to like our first interaction (RIP Simon and his broken limbs)

Would say a bunch of LOTF artists names on here but there’s too many- However! Yall are cool! I like the different ways you draw the characters and like the little headcanons yall bring to the table. Such silly guys.

Vic.

Shoutout to Teddy and Ana for carrying the LOTF fandom your backs must be hurting 🫡 you guys are awesome!

Let us not forget this goober @the-heart-anon1, please for the love of everything do NOT leave we need you in this fandom it’s a mess 😭 We love heart anon 🔥🔥🔥🔥

All in all, despite the occasional fights and ship wars (which is…What a fandom does), we all get along somehow for the most part and I enjoy that quite a lot. Go lotfers!

I’m NEVER saying that again.

Oh yeah I forgot about my silly ocs- Thank you guys for indulging in Ryder, Mary, John, etc’s stories, it’s really nice to see people like them????? Will return to that one day, I miss Altair Sterling :( Post Ryder Altair my beloved <3

Alrighty, I think that’s all, thanks for reading this very jumbled mess of a post! ^_^

First Ryder drawing just because I wanted to put a picture—

[fduck0]

Im also gonna put my little ramble here bc its silly (also go follow Catherine)

(Quick thing, i have kind of big problem with putting my thoughts into words so keep that inmind pls)

I wanna talk ab how sacrifice is a really important part of Wendy's character. Abigail is summoned in DS through blood sacrifice, which is now translated into DST with the shadow Abby buff by having Wendy murder mobs to boost her damage. Telling Wigfrid she can "take her heart" when she examines her ghost, implying that Wendy is willing to die to bring her back. Harming herself while trying to revive Abby with the new skilltree altar and by making telltale hearts for spectral cure-alls. Along with sacrificing her whole life by going into the constant just to be with her sister.

(We can also talk ab how Abby does the same, constantly getting herself killed just to keep Wendy safe, which creates a cycle BUT NOT THE TOPIC RN)

This all gives us a pretty good picture of Wendys view the world and on herself. Sacrifice is not only one of the only ways her bond with Abigail stays alive but is also a way to show Wendy's poor self image. She is willing to harm herself both mentally and phisically for the sake of the people close to her. We already know that in her own eyes, Wendy thinks she's worthless , so its not a really big surprise that she'd throw away her life to bring back someone that's "useful" and that actually wants to live.

AND THIS IS WHERE WEBBER COMES IN. The moon stone quote "Perhaps it thirsts for a sacrifice. Where's Webber..." MAY seem like a slap in the face to what i just said ab keeping ppl safe BUT ITS NOT.

From other quotes, its clear that Wendy values her life as much or less then the creatures around her MOST of the time. As much as she kills butterflies, she also wants monsters like bearger to kill her. To Wendy, death is the only present she wants.Cue to conclusion number 1. Webbers sacrifice can be seen as Wendy trying to give Webber the only thing she wants in life, which is dying.

BUT THERES MORE. Human sacrifice is a bit of a mixed bag, since it can either be "i will sacrifice someone dear to me" or "fuck this criminal im gonna send them to hell" depending on the culture. CONSIDERING THE "you could never be a monster, Webber" quote, the general dynamic and context, its clearly the first one thankfully. This leaves us with conclusion number 2. Wendy views Webber as someone dear to her and worth sacrificing.

But now we get into the deep shit bc this is Wendy. And like this is the most headcanon-y one so if this makes no sense idk beat me with sticks ANYWAYS.

We have to remember her fear of attachment. I've already talked in another post about Wendy's nihilism being a defense mechanism and all of that so im not gonna repeat it, (i havent uploaded that thread on tumblr and its 4 am rambles) but i feel like this can also be part of it. Webber represents exactly what shes avoiding, which includes moving on and vulnerability. While Wendy is constantly driving herself crazy over Abigail's death in fear of forgetting her, Webber tries to make the best out of his situation and enjoy his life, even when lets be honest, it also sucks ass. Its the opposites attract trope. BUT I FEEL LIKE IN THIS SITUATION THERES ALSO THE COMPLEXITY OF THAT AVOIDANCE.

In DS this mf considers bandages pointless because "she'll only get hurt again" and says in dst that its "too painful" to get a pet kitcoon because of that fear of losing it. From this we could easily point to the fact Wendy is probably not only scared of losing Webber, but also the fact being around him DOES make her happy. So the solution for that?

3. Sacrifice him. He's too good for the constant, so the least Wendy could do is try to free him from the pain of living, losing him both to try to do him a favour in her eyes, along with keeping herself safe by sticking to her miserable life instead of trying to work on getting better. BUT OOPS CLEARLY YOU CANT DO THAT SOOOO. That and the way dst has progressed their friendship over the years its kind of too late for that by now so L Wendy. BUT YEAH final conclusion, I think Wendy seeing Webber as someone worth sacrificing is sweet in her own insane way.Like that mf would probably die for Webber, kill for him and sacrifice him on an altar.

Gold star to whoever read all of this insanity ig

[cerridwen007]

Bitter Jealousy.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader.

Word count: 3.6k (18+) 

Summary: Your friendship with Javi gets rocky as he finds out about your secret boyfriend, hidden because your afraid of his disapproval of him. After getting into a fight at work about you lying to your boyfriend that Javier is your brother instead of your best friend. You decide to own up and tell him, making him have an extreme reaction which makes you upset and Javi set on revenge.

Notes/warnings: SMUT, established friendship, friends to lovers, swearing, possessive Javi, jealous Javi, soft Javi,  toxic/abusive relationship, cheating, alcohol consumption, dirty talk, fingering (female receiving), cum eating, unprotected p in v, bad spanish, sweet ending, no use of y/n.

A/N: Second smut written and posted onto tumblr so far so feedback would be much appreciated. I’m working on a few fics at the moment (Matt Murdock x f!reader) so hopefully you can expect them sometime next week. I’m hoping to be able to stick to a 1-2 a week fic posting if I can. Hope you enjoy it!

************

“So did you wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really.” you responded coldly. You appreciated Javier asking, especially because talking about feelings wasn't his thing but you were so frustrated that you couldn’t do more than frown.

The two of you were sitting on the curb late afternoon, in a dimly lit backstreet of Bogotá. Your head in your hands as you tried your best to suppress the tears welling in your eyes that would come out again sooner or later. You wanted to forget this night ever happened.

The two of you were colleagues that met about two years ago when you first joined the DEA as a secretary. After bad impressions and having small rivalry for a few months the two of you soon grew close ultimately realising how similar you were to each other. You had even grown so close that you became best friends. 

You lived next door to each other in the apartments assigned by the DEA and would often spend your nights together, watching your favourite shows, drinking your liquor supplies dry before going to a bar to get more, sitting in comfortable silence as you sat together on the couch to exhausted emotionally and physically from your days at work to talk. As much as neither of you would admit it, you both loved spending basically all of your free time together in whatever way. 

That is until your dating life finally got out of its dry spell. You had bumped into this cute guy in the streets of Bogotá on a busy Sunday morning, near the markets and instantly clicked. You tried to keep your new boyfriend a secret from Javi as long as you could, only spending time with him at his place rather than yours in fear of Javi catching the two of you.

At first you didn't really have a valid reason for why you hid your new partner from Javier, eventually thinking that he would instantly come across as overprotective as soon as he found out. Your suspicions were confirmed when your boyfriend pleaded for the two of you to hang out at your apartment tonight rather than his, and you bumped into Javier leaving his apartment on your way in. Javi immediately stopped in his tracks, mouth agape when he saw you two walking together closely to your door. 

“And who is this, cariño?” Javi said coldly.

You gulped. “Uh…this is José… my boyfriend.”

Javier stared at José  with a hard gaze looking at him up and down, fists tightening into balls.

“You must be Javier, right? She has told me alot about you.” José chuckles, bursting the tension and raising his hand towards Javi’s for a handshake.

“Told you a lot about me, huh?” Javier responded, disregarding the outward hand. His jaw tightening, eyes aflame with jealousy.

Even José began to notice the tension that Javier was directing at him and dropped his hand. To which you glared back at Javier, trying to get him to stop intimidating your new boyfriend.

“Be nice, Javi.” you growled. 

“No it's fine, I get it, he's just being overprotective of you I understand. I'm an older brother too, I feel the need to make sure my little sis is not dating no jerks.” he says smiling.

Javier’s eyes squint, glaring into yours, brows furrowed tightly together, veins popping out his neck. He goes to protest.

“I’m not her-.”

“Um we actually should be going now, I need to start getting dinner ready so we won't eat too late and… my brother has an early start for work tomorrow so he’ll want to go out and get home early so he can get enough rest for tomorrow.”

Javi goes to speak.

“See you at work tomorrow, Javi.” you call out, quickly ushering your boyfriend into your apartment. Shutting the door on a furious Javier standing outside your door.

“Oh I'll see you tomorrow muñeca!” he mumbles angrily to himself, turning away to go and drown his fury in booze and whores.

**************

You were anxious. Anxious since you shut the door in Javi’s face last night, anxious trying to fall asleep, anxious on your way to work this morning. You were so goddamn anxious of how Javi was going to react to you when you saw him this morning, afraid that he was planning or might have already done something irrational that you both were going to regret.

Your heart felt like it was going to fall out of your chest when you finally saw him walk in the door, afraid he was going to make a big scene in front of everyone in the building. 

So it was quite a surprise when he walked calmly past you, not looking your way as he headed to his office. You thought hopefully you were off the hook and that Javi had just decided to forget about it and not shove his nose in your business anymore, but oh were you wrong. Hours flew by without you noticing too much, too absorbed into your paperwork that you had to finish asap. So when Javier knocked on your desk to get your attention, you got quite a fright. 

“Javier, what's up?”

“I need to talk to you, in the archive room. Now!” Javi responded bitterly.

You gulped but decided you shouldn't piss him off anymore and followed him into the remote room. He shut the door harshly as soon as you entered. Turning towards you with a cold-hearted stare.

“What the fuck was that about last night?” Javi catechized.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Nothing? You tried to sneak your apparent boyfriend past me, lord knows how long you've been hiding him from me, lying to him and saying I was your goddamn brother?!”

“I just didn't want him to get jealous, okay! I know sometimes men can be fucken insecure about their girlfriends having guy friends so I lied. And I tried to sneak him past you because I knew you would be critically judgmental and scare him off with your intimidation tactics.”

“Hermosa, if you're worried that he's going to be jealous about you having guy friends, he's already a fucken prick that you shouldnt waste your precious time on.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve never held a relationship long enough for there to be any jealousy about another guy!”

“Wow…thanks muñeca…thanks alot for that.” he huffs and walks out before you can say another word.

“Fuck.” you sigh. You wait a couple moments thinking about what to do now before you walk out the room and go to your desk. Luckily it's hometime so you pack up your stuff and head home. Finally you arrive home to find your boyfriend settled in on the couch.

“Hey babe, how was your day?” José asks you.

“Yeah kinda shitty…. Look, there is something I need to tell you.”

José goes dead silent, a serious look falling across his face.

“...Javier isn't my brother, he's actually just my friend, my best friend or was my best friend. We hang out often but don't worry there never was anything sexual or romantic between us, I'm not exactly the type he goes for, and I'm sorry I lied, I just didn't want you to get jealous and tell me to stop talking to him.” you explain.

Josés jaw tightens, his nostrils flaring. “Javier isn't your brother!” he says furiously. “You're a fucken lying bitch! Ain’t no way I’m having a girlfriend who fucks her “guy friends” behind my back.”

“No, I'm sorry and nothing like that would ever happen in a million years, please believe me.”

“I ain’t ever going to trust another damn word that comes out of your filthy mouth, puta mentirosa!” he slaps you hard across your face leaving a stinging red mark that will be visible for days. Before storming out your apartment, slamming the door behind him. 

You stand there shocked before falling to your knees and crying, head in your hands. Your door suddenly flings open revealing Javi. 

“I  just saw José storming off what- Mi amada, baby what’s wrong, what happened.” he kneels down beside you, hand on your back and you raise your head to look at him with your watery eyes. He immediately sees the burning red handprint across your face. His eyes instantly colder, filled with vengeful thoughts. He stands up, fists curling at his sides.

“That cabrón… I’m going to fucken kill him!” 

“No, please Javi don’t, it was my fault.” you say while standing up.

“I don’t care, he fucken hurt you so I’m going to hurt him back.”

“Javi please, let me talk to him, okay I can sort this out myself.”

He huffs. “Do you even know where he’s gone?”

“No , but I'll find him.”

“Okay but I'm driving you, alright?” 

You decide not to protest and nod. You both walk out of your apartment and go to walk down to Javi's car before you hear the sound of Javier opening his door. You look at him curiously. He looks at you smirking.

“Just going to pack a bag of essentials.”

**************

After driving around the streets of Bogota for a few hours you finally spot Jose’s car parked below a small apartment complex. 

“Well that's his car, so he’ll be somewhere in there.” you say.

Javi goes to open his car door.

“Please Javi let me do it okay, I just want to speak to him nice and calm and sort things out between the two of us.

“Fine but I'm coming in there as soon as I hear yelling or if I feel you need to back up.”

“Sure Javi.” you sigh leaving his car and enter the building. You walk up to the second floor deciding to start there and make your way down. You go to knock at the first door but a noise coming from a few doors down makes you stop. It's moaning, it sounds like a man and a woman.

You gulp trying to not let that dreadful thought enter your mind. But when you hear a woman calling out José’s name and a very familiar voice moaning back, you just turn around and leave. You walk down the stairs and out to the curb to see Javi standing against his car looking concerned. 

“Mi, amor, that was fast. Are you okay, what happened?” Javier asks.

“I uh… heard a woman moaning out José’s name in one of the apartments, and then I heard his voice moaning too, so… I just left.”

He takes a deep breath. “So you're sure it was him then?”

“Yeah.. I'm sure… and even if it wasn't him, he's done with me. Called me a lying bitch for saying you were my brother, wouldn't even hear me out or try to understand…..You were right Javi…. I should’ve fucken listened to you.. I..I.. I'm sorry.” 

Tears fill your eyes and threaten to spill. Javi grabs you and pulls you into a tight embrace. 

“Hey, hey it's not your fault cariño. It's not not your fault at all." He pulls you tighter and he leaves soft kisses in your hair, the two of you clutching each other desperately, slightly swaying in the warm night. The tears begin to fall down your cheeks and broken soft cries fall from your mouth.

“Hey it's alright baby, I've got you, I'm here, I'm always here.” You sigh into Javi's chest, your salty tears leaving a damp patch on his shirt, but he doesn't care. He has half a mind to go upstairs himself and give your shitty ex-boyfriend  a good beating but he doesn't, knowing that right now you need him. After a while as much as you don't want to, you pull away, needing to sit down. Your sadness now turning to anger and frustration.

“Fuck, I need a drink.” you say sitting down on the curb.

Javier smirks and goes to get something out of his car. He brings out the bag of “essentials” he packed earlier and sits down beside you. He pulls out a nice bottle of whiskey and two glasses and hands one to you.

“So that’s what was in the bag. I was worried it was some ropes and shit that you were going to torture him with.” you laugh half sarcastically.

“Nah, I figured at least one of us would need a drink depending on the outcome of tonight.”

Your eyebrows crease together trying to figure out what he ment but you brush it aside. He opens the bottle and pours the two of you a drink. He sets the bottle down as you take a swig of your drink before pulling out a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lighting one. 

He leans back a little looking at the night sky as he takes a long drag out of his cigarette before sipping his drink. You can’t help but stare at his tan neck and Adam's apple bobbing as he drinks. He takes another drag from his cigarette, his veiny hands make your middle grow warm thinking about what they could do to you.

Whether it's your emotional vulnerability or your suppressed romantic feelings for Javi you don’t know. You just squeeze your thighs together and try to block out all the dirty thoughts flooding your brain now.

“So did you wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really.” you responded coldly. You appreciated Javier asking, especially because talking about feeling wasn't his thing but you were still so frustrated that you couldn’t do more than frown.

“Hey, he was a jackass anyway. I'm sure, no I know , a beautiful, kind girl like you will find another boyfriend soon enough.”

You snort. “Yeah sure, it's just that I really liked him, and I honestly thought he really cared about me and we had something special. But he turned out to be a fucken prick like you said.”

Javi sighs, putting his cigarette out. “I know, I know you did, but sometimes you have to go through heartbreak to realise what you really want and what's best for you, ya know.”

You swallow hard and make eye contact with him. His dark chocolate brown eyes melting you from the inside out. You realise that for what Javier's talking about, he’s it. He's the one you want and need, the one who has always been there for you, the one who has your back no matter what, the one who truly cares about you. 

You go for it and kiss him hard on the lips, full of passion and lust and more. He kisses you back just as hard, his hands cupping the side of your face. His tongue shoots into your mouth, dying to taste every bit of you he can. You moan into his mouth, the need for him to touch you, to be inside you grows, you pussy throbs at the thought of it. 

He breaks the kiss and breathlessly asks you. “My place?” You nod, biting your lip. He helps you up off the curb, forgetting about the whiskey and cups as you both jump in his car. He turns the car on and starts driving as fast as he dares to his apartment.

He puts one of his hands on your thigh as he drives, rubbing it back and forth closer and closer to your wet centre. He smirks as your breath hitches in your throat, his hand rubbing your clothed clit. Still managing to focus on the road, he slips his hands into your panties and his hands run over your pooling desire. 

“Fuck cariño, so fucken soaked, from just kissing me huh. I bet José never made you this wet.”

You moan as he begins circling your clit with his two middle fingers, grinding up into his touch.

“You're pretty needy for my touch huh, hermosa.” he chuckles, eyes still fixated on the road, trying to get home as fast as possible.

You whimper agreeing.

“Well I've got to focus on driving so you'll just have to use my hand to pleasure yourself for now.” He smirks as you immediately push two of his fingers into your dripping hole, needing something to fill that aching emptiness. 

“Fuck!” you moan loudly. Javi’s cock begins to throb below his jeans, a deep growl escaping from his lips.

You grind feverishly on his fingers and palm. “That’s it baby, make yourself cum on my fingers before we get home, I know you can.”

You moan, accepting his challenge, grinding harder and against his thick fingers. He pushes a third one in for good measure. Causing your head to fall back, your eyes closing from the pleasure. He begins pushing his own fingers into you harder and harder. You slip a hand of your own down your underwear and rub your clit.

“Fuck I”m so close Javi, so fucken close!”

“That ‘s it sweetheart, we are almost there… cum for me amor.”

A string of moans leave your parted lips as the sensation peaks. 

“Atta girl!”

Javi helps ride you through your high, pushing his dripping fingers in and out of your sensitive cunt. He pulls away, when it becomes too much, you squirming under his touch. He raises his soaked fingers to his mouth, groaning deeply as your sweet taste touches his tongue. 

“Fuck muñeca, you taste delicious…so fucken sweet!” Javi moans, softly grinding upwards into his jeans to help relieve the growing pressure. You blush, slightly embarrassed as if he wasn't fingering you seconds ago.

He parks the car and you both kiss deeply for a moment before you rush outside up to his apartment. Grinning, he runs after you. He chases you up stairs and grabs you pushing you against his door, his hands boxing your head in, a dark, lustful looking in his eyes.

“Naughty girl you are, teasing me like that.”

You giggle, leaning up to kiss him with a big grin. He smiles down back at you and kisses you back, struggling to open his door behind you. He finally opens it, pushing you inside lips still stuck on one another as he pulls his jacket off, throwing it onto his floor somewhere. You push him against the now closed door, and begin kissing and biting down his jaw and neck onto the exposed chest his shirt leaves showing. His hands settle on your lower back and ass as you do. 

You unbutton his shirt fast, your pussy throbbing, his visible bulge staring at you through his tight jeans. He picks you up as soon as you finish the last button and walks you over to the bed. He gently puts you down, kissing down your neck to your breasts as he does so.

He stands back and shakes his open shirt off him, pulling off his shoes before unbuttoning his belt. You pull your shirt off your head, throw your shoes somewhere and undo your bra while watching him, his broad shoulders and tan chest just begging to have your hands run over them. 

He groans watching you slip off your pants and panties, opening your legs wide to make room for him. He pulls off his pants and you watch his hard cock spring free. You suspected Javier was well endowed by the sounds the girls made that he took to bed with him frequently but didn't expect him to be quite that big. He moves forward to stand between your legs and leans down to kiss you.

“You ready, mi amor.” Javi asks.

You nod staring into his beautiful dark eyes. “Yes I'm ready Javi… Give me all of you, please!” you beg.

He smirks stroking his cock, slipping it through your moistened folds before sticking his tip into your tight cunt. He slowly rocks into you inch by inch, feeling you squeeze around his length.

“God you're so fucken tight, baby.” he moans, pushing the last of his length into your aching pussy. 

You moan feeling his huge cock stretch you, just enough to blur the lines of pain and pleasure. He pulls halfway out and slowly thrusts back again, still letting you adjust to the size of him. Your hands grip his broad shoulders. Breathy moans fill the otherwise quiet room.

It feels different for the both of you to just having normal sex it feels more special like you are exchanging your energy and love into one another. Your thighs rest around your waist as he leans down and kisses your breasts lovingly, his thrusts growing deeper and faster as he does. 

“Shit Javi, you feel so good… I'm getting close.” you moan out exasperated. He then sticks his hand between you and starts rubbing circles onto your sensitive clit urging the on come of your high. Whimpers fall out of your mouth, you dig your fingernails into Javi’s back hard, feeling your orgasm ready to erupt.

He rocks into you harder and faster, lifting your legs onto his shoulders to get as deep as he can go. He helps you through your leg shaking orgasm, his following soon after. He groans in your neck as his high comes. 

He carefully slips out before suddenly lowering himself down to your dripping middle and licks a few times up your overstimulating pussy, tasting the sweet and salty essence of your mixed climax, pulling away when your thighs begin to squeeze around his face, pushing his head away as it becomes too much for your cloyed cunt.

He then rises back up to your face and kisses your soft red lips feverishly. The taste of both of your pleasures are exchanged from his tongue to yours. He sighs breathlessly, letting you take all of his comforting weight on your front. You both smile as Javier fingers stroke your bare thigh and your hands scratch his scalp, his soft dampened locks between your fingers; he exhales happily content. 

You lie together comfortably, listening to each other's slowing heartbeats. As Javi drifts off to sleep you hear him whisper a quiet “I love you.” You smile, heart fluttering and whisper it back before you drift off into sleep yourself, your heart full as Javi cuddles into you, now content that you have found who you really want and who is best for you. 

***********

Translations (according to google):

Mi amor - my love

Cariño - sweetheart

Muñeca - doll

Hermosa - gorgeous

Mi amada - my beloved

Puta mentirosa - lying bitch

Cabrón - asshole/bastard

************

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration

Dear Everyone,

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.

First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.

I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.

When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.

I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.

I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.

Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.

You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.

That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.

The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.

INTRODUCING: The Vault

6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.

I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).

-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.

INSTALLMENTS:

1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.

2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.

3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.

4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.

5. Halloween (Smut) 18.

6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.

BONUS:

7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.

A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).

Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.

With love from yours truly,

Lizzi <3

[falcqns]

you'll be alright (no one can hurt you now) chapter one

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Lucy Chen & Tamara Colins, Tim Bradford & Lucy Chen, background Tim Bradford x Lucy Chen

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Lucy finds Tamara, not as a 17 year old, but as a newborn. She immediately takes her in, and vows to give her the childhood and support that she deserves.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: canon divergence, autistic!Tamara, Tim Bradford would do anything for Lucy Chen, mentions of drug overdose, and drug addiction, death (not a main character though dw), Lucy is a hardcore swiftie, 

don’t forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

Title is from Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift

Lucy stood on the side walk, hands on her duty belt, and eyes on her current training officer, Scott Wrigley as he asked the woman they had just pulled over to see her licence, registration and proof of insurance. The woman willingly, gave him the documents, and Lucy found her attention wandering away from the woman in the car, and surveying the area they were in. 

Lucy, truthfully, was bored. While Tim was hard on her, he was a good, solid cop, that did the job because he wanted to make a difference in the world. Wrigley, while also a good, solid cop, was only there for a pay check. He was there to write tickets for 12 hours a day, get paid, and go home to his children without a scrape on him. And while Lucy respected that, it just wasn’t for her. She wanted to make a difference, and sitting here, taking only the tame calls, was not doing that. She knew she just had to stick it out for a little longer, and Tim would be back, but she was starting to think she was going crazy. 

So crazy that she was now having auditory hallucinations. Auditory hallucinations of a baby crying. 

They were in the middle of nowhere, which was rare in Los Angeles. All that was here was empty, and long abandoned warehouses. There was no reason for a baby’s cry to be heard around here. Lucy shook her head, trying to get the noise to stop, and focus back on her temporary TO. 

“You hear that, Chen?” Wrigley asked, stopping as he was walking back to the car. 

“Hear what, sir?” She responded, expecting him to say something dumb like ‘the silence of a calm day,’ or something like that, just to unintentionally rub it in her face that she was bored out of her fucking mind with him. 

“The baby crying,” he said, and Lucy stopped. He could hear it too? She thought to herself. If he could hear it too, that meant one of two things. 1) they were both going insane, or 2) the baby’s cry that she was hearing was from an actual baby. And she knew which one was more likely than the other. 

“Yes sir, I do.” She said, looking around. “Do you want me to go find where the baby’s cry is coming from?” 

Wrigley furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would we do that?” He questioned. 

“Isn’t…that why you mentioned it?” She asked, thoroughly confused. “Look where we are. All that is here is empty and abandoned warehouses, why would we be hearing a baby cry here? We should be making sure that everything is okay before we leave.” 

Wrigely smirked at her. “Good job, Chen.” He said, and Lucy dug her nails into her palm to stop her from rolling her eyes. He was testing her. “Go check it out while I fill out this paperwork.” She nodded, and headed off in the direction that she heard the cry. 

The cry was growing louder as she turned the corner, ending up in an alleyway between two abandoned warehouses, covered in graffiti. She continued to follow the cry as she approached a dumpster. Her stomach was in knots. Surely if it was a parent and their baby, she would have heard the parents voice, right? Surely no one would have left their defenceless and helpless infant to fend for themselves, right?

Wrong. 

Lucy walked to the other side of the dumpster, and she gasped, her heart pounding. On the ground, beside the dumpster, was a baby, who couldn’t be older than a few hours old, judging by the umbilical cord still attached, and how the baby, who upon closer inspection was a girl, was haphazardly wiped off and placed in a broken wicker basket. 

Next to her, was very obviously her mother. There was a pool of blood covering her upper thighs and the ground underneath her, and used needles spread around the scene, including one still stuck in her upper arm. Lucy grabbed her radio, and pressed down. 

“Control, this is 7-Adam-19 requesting an RA and a supervisor at Cromer Lane, in the first alleyway on the left, I have a 10-50, code 3.” Lucy placed her radio back, and crouched down next to the baby, doing her best to comfort the little girl without picking her up, despite how much Lucy wanted to. 

“It’s okay, sweet girl,” She whispered, reaching into her duty belt for a pair of gloves. She slid them on her hands, and reached over to the baby’s mother in order to try and see if she could feel a pulse. Her heart broke for the sobbing baby girl when she couldn’t feel one. 

She heard sirens in the background, as well as boots hitting the ground, clearly Wrigley running to see what was happening after hearing her call on the radio. 

“Oh my god.” He whispered from behind her. 

“I need something to wrap the baby in,” She said to Wrigley, and he started to retreat, mumbling something about grabbing an emergency blanket from the shop. 

He returned less than a minute later, and Lucy grabbed the package from him, ripping it open. She shook the blanket to get it to unfold, before she wrapped the small infant up, holding her close to her chest, hoping some of her body heat would transfer through the blanket. 

The sirens got closer, and Lucy began to see the flashing lights reflected on the brick wall across from her. Wrigley was talking to her, but she wasn’t hearing or processing anything coming out of his mouth. All that she could focus on was the tiny little baby in her arms, who was calmed down, and was just staring up at her, her small brown eyes looking up into Lucy’s. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” She whispered. “You’re gonna be okay.” She heard the doors of the ambulance open behind her and paramedics rush to her side. A female paramedic crouched down next to her, and began to ask her questions about the baby and her mother. 

“She seems to be okay, physically at least.” Lucy rambled, her eyes not leaving the tiny baby. “She can’t be more than a few hours old.” 

The paramedic nodded. “Judging by the shaking, I’m assuming her mother was using her entire pregnancy.” Lucy nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She watched carefully as the paramedics cut the umbilical cord, and then continued working on trying to resuscitate her mother, with no success. 

They gave her 2 doses of Narcan, did CPR, and tried the AED, but nothing worked. She was gone, and had probably been gone since before Lucy and Wrigley arrived on scene. 

“We have to take her to the hospital,” The paramedic beside Lucy stated, standing up. Lucy did the same, as Grey and Wrigely walked up to her. 

“I’m coming with,” she stated. 

“Boot-“ Wrigley replied, clearly frustrated with how hard headed she was being. 

“I’m going.” She stated, firmer. She then turned to Grey, and looked at him for approval. He nodded at her, a smile on his face. 

“Go with her, Chen.” He said. “Let us know if theres any updates.”

Lucy smiled. “Yes, sir.” She said, before following the paramedic, and climbing in the back of the ambulance. They were pulling away a few moments later, and were headed to St Stephens. 

Lucy was able to stay with the baby until they reached the NICU. She was then told that they needed to do an assessment on the infant, but that someone would come and grab Lucy when she was able to go see her. She sat down in the uncomfortable hospital waiting room chair, and glanced around at the other families in the NICU. She didn’t know any of their stories, but they all had one thing in common; they were here because they wanted their baby to be okay. 

And while that tiny little baby wasn’t Lucy’s, Lucy was the one who found her, who called for help, who held her and comforted her when she needed it the most. She had no one at the moment, so there was nowhere else Lucy would rather be than here, supporting this little girl. 

“Officer Chen?” A voice said to the right of her. She looked up, and stood up when she saw the doctor. 

“Yes?” She said, coming face to face with the nurse in charge of the infant. “Is she going to be okay?” 

The nurse smiled. “She is very lucky, officer.” Lucy let out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding at that. “She is very healthy. She does have traces of meth in her blood, but it is a very minuscule amount. It should leave her system within the next 8 to 24 hours.” 

Lucy nodded. “Okay. Thats good. I was thinking the worst.” 

The nurse nodded. “She is a very lucky little girl. I have contacted DCFS, and they are going to send someone as soon as they can, it appears that they are very backed up at the moment. Is there anything you need from me?” 

“Uh,” Lucy stuttered, racking her brain for the protocols to follow in this situation. “No, not right now. I will have to wait for my supervisor or training officer to proceed, but in the meantime, am I able to go sit with her?” 

The nurse nodded, and began to turn. “Of course, follow me and I’ll take you to her.” Lucy began to follow the nurse down the hallway. “Actually,” the nurse said. “Would you be up to kangaroo cuddling with her? Being so young, she definitely hasn’t had skin to skin with anyone, and skin to skin is very beneficial to an infant as young as her.” 

Lucy found herself nodding immediately. “Of course, whatever she needs.” Lucy trailed after the nurse into the dark and quiet NICU room, glancing at the two other bassinets in the room, each with what she presumed to be family around them, either gazing into the bassinet, or holding their baby. Lucy’s eyes met the bassinet holding the baby she had found, and her heart broke seeing the infants tiny body with wires and tubes coming out of her body, even though she had much less equipment than the other two infants in the room. 

“She’s so small,” Lucy whispered, looking into the bassinet.

“She’s actually the biggest baby on the ward at the moment.” The nurse said, pointing to the chair for Lucy to sit in. 

“So she was full term then?” Lucy said as she laid her duty belt on the table next to her, and unbuttoning her uniform shirt. 

The nurse nodded. “Yes, she was. And perfectly healthy, other than the meth in her system, which is surprising. It seems that her mother did try to abstain from drug use while pregnant, but she most likely slipped up towards the end.” 

“Wow.” Lucy said, taking off her white undershirt and laying it on top of her uniform shirt. “That’s not something I see too often.”

“Me either,” The nurse agreed, as she lifted up the infant and tucked her legs up, bringing her over to Lucy. Lucy opened her arms, and let the nurse rest the baby on her chest. Lucy immediately wrapped her arms around the baby, cuddling her as close as she could without hurting her. The nurse then laid a light pink blanket over the two of them with a smile. 

“If you need anything, just press the nurses button, and someone will come and check on you. And I will come and get you as soon as DCFS or your superiors show up.” 

Lucy nodded, her eyes not leaving the baby. “Thank you.” The nurse nodded, and headed out of the room. Lucy slowly began rocking back and forth in the chair, looking intently at the baby, who was wiggling around, head bobbing up and down on Lucy’s chest as she tried to get comfortable. 

Once the baby found a comfortable position, she opened her tiny mouth in a big yawn, and shut her eyes, falling asleep within seconds on Lucy’s warm skin. Lucy chuckled quietly, and began rubbing her hand up and down on her back, letting her get some well deserved sleep. 

After a few minutes of silence, there was a crash in the hallway from a cart crashing into a wall, and the baby jolted awake, before bursting into tears. Lucy immediately sat up, and hushed the baby in her arms. 

“You’re okay, sweet girl,” she whispered. “I know, that was loud, huh?” The baby hiccuped, and her tears slowly began to stop. Her eyes were open, and Lucy smiled. “It’s okay.” She continued speaking to the infant. “You’re safe with me.” She leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

The baby yawned again, and Lucy smiled at her, cupping the back of her head, rubbing her thumb back and forth against her soft skin. 

“I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I’ll never let you go,” Lucy began to sing, her eyes not leaving the baby. “When all those shadows almost killed your light, I remember you said don’t leave me here alone.

“But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight,” The baby didn’t move, just continued to stare up at Lucy as she sang. “Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now.” 

A lump formed in Lucy’s throat as she gazed down at the infant in her arms. She couldn’t understand how lucky she was that Lucy was near the warehouse when she was. Despite being in Los Angeles, it was still December, and the temperature plummeted at night time, and had she been out there a few more hours, she would have died. 

And now, this tiny, defenceless orphan, who’s life only started today, had no one. Had no mother, more than likely no father, and she was about to go into the foster care system if DCFS couldn’t find a next of kin within a few days. And what made it worse, was how Lucy was already dreading putting her down. She didn’t want to put this baby down. She wanted to keep holding this little girl. She wanted to take her home, love her, protect her, and raise her. 

She took a deep breath as the baby’s eyes fluttered shut, and fell back into a peaceful sleep. She thought about offering to take her in, at least until DCFS found next of kin for her, if they were able to at all. She could, she was an emergency foster parent, and had been since she turned 20. She had an apartment in a safe part of the city, and made more than enough money to support the two of them. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” she said to the baby. “You’re gonna come home with me, and I’m going to keep you safe. I promise.” 

[ficoandleo]

I have mega ADHD so I forget things easily and have a hard time settling down and doing stuff. I don't remember everyone who deactivates or goes inactive. And I know I should express my love more for people who are currently around--i'd like to do that someday too!! But idk i kinda wanted to shout out to some of the people who deactivated/disappeared, especially recently, in the off chance they see this and know i love them lol

@battyoldman let's start with you because whether or not you decide to stick around you're kind of the most recent. I really hope you just need some time away for your mental health and, if this is something you'd like to continue doing, if it's something you enjoy, that you come back and keep blessing us with your presence. Your Ed is so. Silly and fun and chill and perfect. The video and movie titles you'd come up with are so befitting of his goofy conspiracy interests. You have really captured that old man's essence, in my opinion. Your interactions with Rui were so seamless I figured you were in one of the discord servers and already knew each other and you were just growing and exploring a relationship you'd already practiced in another setting. Honestly everything felt so seamless on your end when I saw you interact with others and when I got to interact with you--Ed was so largely unphased by everyone's shit and distaste for him(up until Towa said he was bad at sucking dick, he was not taking that lying down--) and the way he entertained himself with everyone's affairs. . .he really had the feeling of lying away in his tower, entertained by the humans. 10/10, if it's still fun for you I hope you won't leave us because we will miss you.

@ask-kaito-fuji i didn't get to interact with you much WHICH IS A SHAME. Your Kaito is so cute and he's. Really trying he felt so solid and charming and just awkward enough and I love the way you let him interact with posts that were ooc too because lbr he loves social media! He would be vibing out on tumblr!! It felt like he was this close to realizing he was in the matrix sometimes. Seeing people know a bunch of stuff and going 'why/how do you know so much it's so creepy!!' was delightful, and getting to personally chat with him once or twice was also very fun. 10/10 you brought the party to other people and you captured the character very well. His PDL is coming up though, so you may wanna hide him /joke

@frostheimking so your blog is gone but not deactivated(deactivated tumblrs have '-deactivated' and a string of numbers on the end of them and you can often still ping them) which, to me, reeks of Tumblr being stupid because I've seen that happen to multiple people before. I don't think you're gone on purpose, I assume there was a bad spam deletion somewhere or an alleged break of the rules because I've seen that happen before. So I'm hoping you either get the blog back or remake because, while you weren't around often because lbr it's slow around here for the most part, I loved your Jin??? I don't just mean because he was kinda flirting with Romeo, he was snappy and cold and. Idk he really felt like Jin. That's the best way I can think to word it, you captured his character from what I could see. I enjoyed our interactions and I enjoyed the ones you had with others too! I was looking forward to exploring Romeo and Jin's history and dynamic with you quite a bit haha. HOPEFULLY YOU GET YOUR BLOG BACK or remake if you're interested!! 10/10 tumblr fix your shit there's unfinished business--

@leo-brat-kurosagi-deactivated20 hey. You. You are far more Leo than I am lmao. I DO NOT HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO BE THE MEAN LEO THAT YOU WERE. I WISH I COULD BE AS SNARKY AND BRILLIANT. You weren't around super long and you didn't get to have a ton of interactions or answer a lot of asks but like. How do I say that I could just kind of tell what kind of potential was there for something great??? You handled him very well in the time you played him. You lived up to being a little brat for sure.

@sinostracasino-deactivated20241 YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE VISCERAL REACTION OF WHAT NO WHY COME BACK THAT I FELT SEEING YOU GONE. You were hilarious and fun and silly and also a good writer as I recall. Your Taiga had great energy and this underlying tension to him and we would have dug into that Taiga doesn't care about himself if Romeo wasn't afraid to do so. I was looking forward to them having some great, stupid, cyclical arguments, maybe a shootout, maybe eventually getting back together a little. And maybe a little something for that birthday trip to Rui's bar. And his chemistry and interactions with others and with anons were fun??? Immediately warming up to Towa? Teasing the honor students?? The little bit of 'bickering' with Ritsu? Also the way you tagged some of your reblogs god. 10/10 Taiga, he owes so much child support.

. . .those are the ones off the top of my head, mostly recent, which isn't to say I don't see or recognize or have appreciation for others not being around a lot or going away(like @/ask-lucas-errant who did answer an ask recently-ish, who isn't too active but that's probably because of lack of asks/interaction; @/shiranami-ren who I figure isn't around much because they draw a lot of their answers and that's a bit more intensive of a way to run their blog--amazing stuff and very much the classic way to do this from the old days, I would absolutely do the same if I could draw; and the Lycas who deleted probably because of inactivity) all of whom have/had great presentation for their characters and handled them well but. Idk. Maybe i ended up posting mostly people 'closer' to me in this context haha. . . .

I wish this fandom was bigger and more active with sending asks and stuff because I feel like that's a big contributor to people falling off or deleting, and I wish I were more consistent with asks and responses and better at sending asks myself because I could be the change I want to see in the world. (I feel like the asks I send have to be, like, good. Like I appreciate getting simple and basic asks but I feel like I need to ask Big Headcanon Questions or something.) But I know everyone's got their own lives and their own things going on so I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on with everyone, y'know? More than anything I hope everyone--active, inactive, deleted, or otherwise--is happy and safe and comfortable where they are and that the ones who've dropped off didn't do so because of anything bad or any kind of discouragement. Sometimes we lose interest in things and that's more than fine. Or life is busy. I hope you're all doing well. I miss you! I'm sure I'm not the only one!

[eqt-95]

HI QUINN I’M SO GLAD IT’S COOLER SO I CAN BE OBNOXIOUS AND SEND YOU A PILE OF ASKS!!!!

sorry the coffee just took

oh oh oh so for The Goobfic

2: What scene did you first put down?

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

7: Where did the title come from?

and and i know that’s already four questions and i am terrible BUT

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

for the lost and found fic but also the therapy fic? :D

i am sorry (not sorry at all) for being so greedy :D

This is from so long ago that I can’t even find the original ask list to link back to, but! here we go. (and by 'The Goobfic' I assume you mean 'to want and to have and to hold')

2: What scene did you first put down?

I actually posted an early version of it on tumblr before I was even certain I’d write the whole thing, but I can’t find it to link (lazy tags, amirite?). The scene was from chapter 1 when Lena tries to 'sneak out' and powerless-Kara is like ‘heck no’. While a lot changed from the original ‘sketch’, the bones are there. I had written it originally to see if I thought I could tap into the animosity I wanted the experience of the first and second chapter to be (tiny excerpt below).

“Then get out of my way,” Lena said darkly. “I wouldn’t expect someone so good at holding grudges to be so forgetful.” “I'm fully functioning in that department, thanks.” “Oh, so then you remember those howls outside are Goobs. Towering Goobs who wouldn’t think twice about tracking a fleshy human down and tearing you limb to limb.” “Hardly. Now please-” “Do you hear how close they are?" Kara continued. "We should wait until the next cycle. Until I can go out-” “That’s another nine days away, and in case you hadn’t noticed, this isn’t exactly a utopian paradise worth sticking around for.” “Then I’ll go" Kara said, all cheeto-puffed out chest and heroic vibrato. "Solo.” Lena scowled. “You are incompetent and powerless.” “Not if you write down the instructions.” “How do you expect me to instruct you to do something I’m still interrogating?” “I’ll… I can describe it to you," Kara flailed. “You may have won a Pulitzer, but don’t be so misguided to think it had anything to do with your vivid imagery, Supergirl.”

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

My memory is terrible, so i’m limiting this to chapter 3. My favorite line is actually two instances of a similar line. The first instance is:

The hand lay open; reaching. Lena fetched the sun lamps.

The hand is Kara's. For me, it summarizes the progress they’ve made till now while highlighting how much is left to go. The final line of the story is meant to reference this moment*. 

*mild spoiler: the necessary disclaimer is that this final moment isn’t meant to suggest everything is resolved; quite the contrary, but it is meant to represent the choice they’ve made to take it on together.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

For me it’s this moment:

“But there’s no science lab," Kara said haughtily. "Guess you’ll have to make your kryptonite the old fashioned way.” “By blowing up a planet?” Kara froze. Her expression fell and gaze dropped.  Lena felt a tug of remorse. She cleared her throat. The remorse passed.

While there are softer bits that I love, this line was such a gut-punch. There is a cruelty and pettiness unlocked by this moment, and it sort of perfectly encapsulates the level of anger Lena carries at the beginning of the story contrasted with a very (very) tiny pang of guilt. I think what makes it even more powerful is seeing how big of a shift that perspective takes in chapter 3 where the inverse applies.

7: Where did the title come from?

I got married recently (thursday, actually), and when I started writing this I was also (coincidentally and with much banter) thinking about wedding vows and the traditional ‘to have and to hold’. This felt compelling as a title, but it didn’t work with where the story (and Lena) starts: she doesn’t have Kara; in her mind she doesn’t have much of anything, but she still wants. What exactly, I don’t think she can articulate, but it’s there.

And then there’s this moment in chapter two (to have; Kara’s apology) where the opposite occurs: she effectively has Kara because Kara more or less gives herself up, but it isn’t until chapter three (to hold) that it all sort of comes together. And so, there you have it: to want and to have and to hold, the world's most tedious title.

The Goobfic is far more fitting.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

For the therapy fic (aka a nemesis and her hero), no there weren’t. There are a handful of stories that get yeeted in a fit of spastic writing, and that was absolutely one of them, so my brain didn’t have time to come up with any alternate versions. For the lost and found fic (aka a crisis of indulgence), it actually started as an original work of fiction about a barkeep who refused to discard forgotten items. Some called them a hoarder, but eventually the forgotten items gave the bar a warm museum-like quality: umbrellas hung from the low rafters, pleats of scarfs carefully tacked to the walls, glass-covered shadow-boxes of misplaced chapstick, movie tickets, and sunglasses became the tables. All carefully indexed with hand-written tags that were cataloged in the off-chance their owner showed up. I could never decide on a narrative direction though, so I tried a supercorp version just to get it out of my head.