#other up i dont remember what it all means i better not bloody lose any money over this fucking hell

[playingonedchess]

characters: lets live together

people on tumblr: this of course means theyre canonically having sex, no what are you talking about i dont do headcanons my blog is all stuff based on canon

[bloodydelightss]

I think im so utterly used to obsession towards me romantically that im completely emotionally blind and retarded to ppl who feel smth for me romantically that is less extreme. Why does it only parse as love if a person is like....... literally panicking at the idea of being left by me? or if theyre so extremely concerned with being the "best" for me, being the one thats "best" at supporting me, giving to me, giving me gifts nd money, trying so hard to impress me constantly. needing to be "better" than any other person in my life.

like ill have to admit ill always end up in unhealthy relationships if what "proves" love to me is shit like how much a person fears losing me, or how much they strive to outdo the non-existant "competition".

like with my last ex, I was ready to leave him cuz ik we werent truly compatible with each other in regards to how I needed a lot of space, and he needed more love and validation than I was able to give without getting uncomfortable or feeling "enmeshed" which is a feeling I fucking loathe. it grosses me out. I told him that we arent a great fit cuz of this a million times. but he would break down, hed have panic attacks right in front of me, would beg, would cry, would self-sacrifice wud do anything and everything and promise its ok the way it is for him (it wasnt) until I gave in again.

and the ex before that? even more obsessive man. I mean, he thought of me 24/7 to a degree that wasnt just "normal love" anymore. I mean his entire world resolved around me. He tried to be exactly what I needed and desired. He was always there, always jumped when I needed smth. was insanely giving. that one also plastered his entire walls with photographs of me, in an absoloutely obsessive way. wud collect my bloody plasters. and that relationship ended fucking horribly after all of that. and when I left he actually stalked me and I had to get a lawyer involved and actually threaten him with court to get him to effing stop. like I still remember sitting w/ my therapist, sorting thru what had happened, and her going "But what I dont understand, is why it took that long for him to escalate. How did you do that? You got out the second he escalated, thats very good. But with the kind of psychological profile youre describing, I do not understand how you managed to keep this man from escalating much earlier." the thing is! idk! probably cuz I liked his obsessiveness but have zero tolerance for someone overstepping boundaries with me man. I enjoyed what he was like. up until he overstepped a line. then I instantly ended the relationship.

but like?? I still feel like..? Yeah its kind of captain obvious he turned into a stalker afterwards. I mean? He was obsessive about me to start with, everything about his behaviour hinted at being like this, and I *throughly* enjoyed it. Up until he did smth I actually didnt want. then I was gone. and then I got a lawyer involved.

?? But like. There has to me smth wrong with me to interpret what romantic love is made of and what it constitutes that fucking shittily right.

Someone trying to prove their worth very hard to me isnt "love", its them maybe loving me a little bit, but its MOSTLY them feeling worthless and feeling they have smth to prove or smth like that.

these ppl never meaningfully loved me, I just became the object they measured their worth on, the objects whose validation they craved to feel they were worth anything at all to start with.

But I felt so comfortable and good being that. I enjoyed it. I felt loved. I felt needed, wanted, desired. It felt good. But isnt that kind of wrong?

will probably delete this rant but im *oddly* triggered today man. not having a good day over here.

[vincememes]

banana fish starters

WARNINGS: IMPLIED SA, VIOLENCE MENT, DRUGS MENT spoiler warning .    to make it less long, the rest is under a cut.

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

ASH LYNX

❛   even if i did know something, what good would it do?  ❜  

❛   even a stupid street punk like me knows that  ❜  

❛   i envy you … being able to jump like that.  ❜  

❛   what could be more relaxing than three days away from these guys?  ❜  

❛   i wish i could hate you. i need someone to hate.  ❜  

❛   someone is dead. not that you’d give a damn one way or the other.  ❜  

❛   treating him like you’re giving the pope a bath isn’t going to help.  ❜  

❛   aren’t there any decent parents in this world?  ❜  

❛   that guy always regarded me as a human being with a real heart, not some sort of tool.  ❜  

❛   this little act of charity, you’re going to regret this.  ❜  

❛   i tried to forget.  ❜  

❛   stay with me... i won’t ask "forever". just for now.  ❜  

❛   well, i already know you’re a sick man.  ❜  

❛   ready to lose your life over a pizza?  ❜  

❛   my name... has become the signal for a massacre.  ❜  

❛   what on earth... have i become?  ❜  

❛   what do you think i am...? i’m a murderer... okay?  ❜  

❛   i told you before. i kill people.  ❜

❛   they paid the price for their decisions— that’s all.  ❜  

❛   what the hell do you know?!  ❜  

❛   let‘s say i am ‘exceptional’. the problem is, i never, ever, my whole life wanted to be.  ❜  

❛   you said i am not like ordinary people.  ❜  

❛   there’ve been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   that nothing could be worse than what was happening to me right then.  ❜  

❛   at times like that...death looks sweet and peaceful, and unbearably enticing.  ❜  

❛   war is always good business for those in power.  ❜  

❛   sorry to destroy your youthful innocence.  ❜  

❛   you have any idea what those guys made us do?  ❜  

❛   don’t tell me you still believe the pen is mightier than the sword.  ❜  

❛   if you ask me, the white house can go screw itself.  ❜  

❛   i wonder if i’m dying somewhere.  ❜  

❛   i wasn’t expecting the law to protect me.  ❜  

❛   i’ve ignored it all my life... i sure as hell don’t plan on hiding behind it now.  ❜  

❛   just keep them away from me— please!  ❜

❛   this town’s my backyard, remember?  ❜  

❛   sunrise and sunset are about the only times this junkyard of a city looks good.  ❜  

❛   even if i said no, you wouldn’t go back anyway.  ❜  

❛   if you went home i’d probably worry if something happened to you.  ❜  

❛   so it’s better you’re right here, where i can keep an eye on you  ❜  

❛   some people never change.  ❜  

❛   vulture got together with the viper. you make a great pair.  ❜  

❛   why now after all this time— does it have to be you, of all people...?  ❜  

❛   i don’t stand a chance. i’m dust against him.  ❜  

❛   over my dead body. if anybody hurts you... it’ll be over my dead body—  ❜  

❛   i don’t care who it is. i am not letting anybody hurt you.  ❜  

❛   do i scare you?  ❜  

❛   dont give me your stupid advice.  ❜  

❛   i’m happy, goddammit!    ❜  

❛   i know there’s at least one person in this world who cares about me. who doesn’t want anything from me.  ❜  

❛   do you have any idea what that’s like? i never did... not once in my entire life—until now.  ❜  

❛   and that’s worth more to me than anything else.  ❜  

❛   go back home! don’t look at me!  ❜  

❛   i don’t want you seeing me like this!  ❜  

❛   my hands are dirty with other people's blood.  ❜  

❛   i don't even know how many people i've killed.  ❜  

❛   i'm bad news.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   it’s just that… i always picture the worst-case scenario, that’s all.  ❜  

❛   guess it’s because i’m a coward.  ❜  

❛   i just can’t relax. it’s turned into a habit.  ❜  

❛   i was so scared i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t cry, and i screamed in my head, but... nothing came out.   ❜

EIJI OKUMURA

❛   if i ever lose you too... i'll go crazy.  ❜  

❛   come back safely. i'll be waiting for you, forever.  ❜  

❛   if you feel responsible, the same goes for me.  ❜  

❛  my words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing.  ❜  

❛   even if the world turns on you, i'll always be on your side.  ❜  

❛   humans can change their destiny.  ❜  

❛   if i'm going to die anyways, at least i'll die trying!  ❜  

❛   don't apologize. that's something for people like me to do.  ❜  

❛   i'd do anything for you.  ❜  

❛   i know we'll meet again, no matter how far apart we are.  ❜  

❛   you're the greatest friend i'll ever have.  ❜  

❛   you're not alone. i'm by your side. my soul is always with you.  ❜  

❛   you asked me over and over if you scared me. but i never feared you. not once.  ❜  

❛   i'm really glad i came here.  ❜  

❛   i met lots of people. and more than anything, i met you.  ❜  

❛   that’s when i decided. i would always believe in you, no matter what.  ❜  

❛   no matter what happened, he would always have at least one person...  ❜

❛   i am very worried because i haven’t seen you and i don’t know if you are okay.  ❜  

❛   but so what? we are friends. isn’t that enough? what else do we need?  ❜  

❛   actually, i always felt that you are hurt, much more than me - that your spirit is wounded.  ❜  

❛   i know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger - but even so.. i always wanted to protect you.  ❜  

❛   but what did i want to protect you from?  ❜  

❛    i think i wanted to protect you from your future.  ❜  

❛   because your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   but i’m not saying “goodbye” to you... because this isn’t goodbye.  ❜

❛   are you going off on your own again?  ❜

❛   somewhere far away.. without a word?  ❜

❛   i want to see you. i wish i was with you right now.  ❜ 

YUT-LUNG

❛   a bloody history is inevitable when you are the one ruling.  ❜  

❛   what's wrong? you hated him, right? guess what? so do i.  ❜  

❛   no need to glare. i won't eat you up.  ❜  

❛   there's nothing you can do to help.  ❜  

❛   and what can you do to help?  ❜  

❛   you really irritate me.  ❜  

❛   you make people want to protect you or make them want to tear you apart and crush you.  ❜  

❛   so, what to do with you now.  ❜  

❛   i heard you tried to escape again. you have some spunk.  ❜  

❛   we have hired him, his target is your friend.  ❜  

❛   i have other things for you to do for me.  ❜  

❛   we still have two more scorpions.  ❜  

❛   i am a monster, too.  ❜  

❛   i'm not hearing any good news.  ❜  

❛   you become all tame when you’re around them.  ❜  

❛   you’ve degraded from a lone lynx to a content pet cat.  ❜  

❛   depending on your answer, i may not forgive you.  ❜

OTHER CHARACTERS (shorter, max, sing, shunichi, etc.)

❛   his face when he laughed was cute, and childlike, and totally angelic.  ❜  

❛   it's my problem too! if you go alone, you'll just be killed.  ❜  

❛   you'll die for nothing!  ❜  

❛   i won't let you go alone.  ❜  

❛   i'm sorry, but believe me when i say this: i'll die before i let them lay a finger on you.  ❜  

❛   i can't anymore. set me free. i'm in so much pain.  ❜

 ❛   we need to stay apart so at least one of us survives  ❜   

❛   if the former boss gets hit then it's the duty of the new boss to make the drop.  ❜   

❛   if we don't fight back now, we'll forever be expendable tools. ❜  

❛   you asked me to look after them.  ❜  

❛   yes, honey.    ❜  

❛   that’s for you to decide for yourself..  ❜  

❛   what’s wrong? you can’t punch me from that far back.  ❜  

❛   this will be the last time i give you a word of advice.  ❜  

❛   time is an ironic thing. for us, it means to age. but for people like him, it means to grow.  ❜  

❛   i love all women. they're beautiful and strong. like life itself.  ❜  

❛   it would only be making another one of us. ❜  

❛   one more wretched being, unloved and unloving, whose only sustenance is hatred and nihilism.  ❜  

❛   don’t fight your memories, cuz you’re never going to win.  ❜  

❛   i guess home isn’t something you want to remember if you ran away from it.  ❜  

❛   in one second i knew he could read everything on my mind.  ❜  

❛   i wondered when this boy had started to watch out for his soul, then i knew how much he had suffered.  ❜  

❛   you are the most beautiful and the most dangerous, of all the beasts i have ever known.  ❜  

❛   rather than hate and be triumphant, you chose to love and be destroyed.  ❜  

❛   i staked my life on that choice. please try to accept it.  ❜  

❛   one who does not love cannot be loved, either.  ❜  

❛   you at the very least knows what it is to love.  ❜  

❛   how can you expect someone who suffered so much to have any respect for authority? ❜  

❛   fine line between offender and victim it’s hard to know where to draw it.  ❜  

❛   there’s something about you that i just can’t hate.  ❜  

❛   'cause you’re hurt your soul’s bleeding-even now.  ❜  

❛   you’re just like me that way.  ❜

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” &  tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me?  you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Rabbit iiii

I had this sitting in my Docs just waiting for my ass to REMEMBER ITS READY . 😩. Im sorry.

Tags. @rosiehufflepuff @goofygobber @khemz1312

Draco had moved to his bed with you on his pillow making sure you were comfortable. He had wrapped up your foot for the time being while he searched for some kind of healing spell, rummaging through his things trying to find something, anything that would help. Why did he not have any healing spells?! He just had trick spells and the sort!! “Dammit!” he slammed his fist on his dresser looking over his shoulder at you to see you licking your wrapped up foot with your ears down. “Someone must know a damn numbing spell in this bloody house.” Draco stumbled to you hitting his bed dropping to his knees to watch you. He felt like total shit… you were in pain because of him, it had been such a good day.. Draco was finally understanding his own self and feelings. He enjoyed having you in his pocket wiggling your nose up at him, he wanted it too last a little longer..but it would be better if he stopped all this… before it got too bad..

His plan was to find someone to change you back in the morning and let you go .. but with your foot hurt it would not be safe to change you back till it was healed.

He wrapped it but … its still broken and it hurts.. I know a healing potion but i cant make it like this..

“Rabbit, im going to find some kind of spell okay? Stay right here dont move.” he got up digging his knuckles into his bed and running out of his dorm. .

Ok..ay.. I wont go anywhere anyway.. You snuggled into his pillow licking your injury again. I wonder whos going to help him..

He started with his House first; asking everyone who was still awake if they had a healing or numbing spell, unfortunately everyone in Slytherin was not exactly healers. His second option was the teachers… and he hated asking the bloody teachers for help. Draco pushed the classroom door open to see Professor Snape observing a cauldron after pouring some mixtures into it. The blond walked into the room closing the creaky door giving away his position to the teacher. Snape glanced over raising a brow at the troubled looking boy. This was interesting, Draco Malfoy looking puzzled and hurt. “Something on your mind… Malfoy?” he turned crossing his arms at the boy. “To what do i owe this… unpleasant visit.”

“I need a healing or numbing potion for a rabbit”

“So you did turn a student into a rabbit?” he rubbed between his eyes turning away to stare into his cauldron thinking this over. “Explain, Malfoy. You have ten minutes.”

Draco rubbed his face trying his best to explain. “It was just for fun, in the beginning……..”

“Mhm….”

“Shes a hufflepuff and you know they are Loyal and all that. I used that against her and i well.. Blackmailed her into following me around or i would tell.”

“And she was … attempting to cheat?”

“Yes”

“So instead.. Of asking what the Hufflepuff needed help with you blackmailed her into being your little …. Lost plaything.”

“I know it sounds bad but-”

“It is bad , Malfoy.” Snape turned to the man pointing his wand at him. “You have no authority to do such a thing. No authority over other students. No authority-”

“I care about her,.”

The man blinked, retracting his wand. “Draco Malfoy? Caring about someone other than himself? This must be one special Hufflepuff.”

“Her foot is broken because of me, shes in pain right now. No one in my bloody house knows any healing or numbing spells. I just want to heal her, get her changed back and let her go.”

“Do you know the consequences of such a thing Malfoy for both of you?” Snape groaned, fetching a green potion off his nearby desk. “Suspension, losing your wand, expulsion. Im sure Lucious would love that”

“Who else knows….” he snatched the potion reading it.

“Healing potion takes effect instantly but you need to figure out how to change her back by tomorrow night. And everyone knows, Dumbledore knows, expect a meeting with him after you change her back.. And whats coming, now get out of my classroom…”

*

Draco rushed all the way back to his House up the stairs slamming his door open and shut behind him. “Rabbit…” he was frantic looking for you.

Im here.. Heh. you squeaked getting his attention. Draco rushed over getting on his bed picking you up with his free hand. “Here, drink this. Youll feel better.”

You wobbled over to the potion sniffing it over and over. Hmm… smells like the real thing. Draco tipped the potion to your lips so you could drink. It had a bitter taste but you felt tingly all over. The wrapping fell off your foot and you hopped around excited. Im healed im healed!!!!

“Ahh.. Rabbit it worked…” he picked you up in his arms groaning with relief…

Draco spent the night on his bed with you buried in his shirt looking at him through the neck hole. He told you all about his life, his family, his opinions on things.. -it was a long list- . You listened to him quietly , wiggling your nose wile he stroked your ear slowly.

“Rabbit i…” Draco bit his lower lip as if he was trying to find the right words.

Whats wrong? You inched closer laying your head on his chest.

“Im….dammit..” Draco sat up, catching you in his shirt holding you there while his other hand ran through his blond hair. “Im.. …sorry…”

Sorry? Hes.. hes really sorry?!?!?!

“Snape gave me the potion i-i told him everything . He said Dumbeldore knows. Rabbit im.. im very sorry for how i was. This bloody school will most likely send me off to Azkaban. “

Draco.. you nuzzled up into his neck and he strokes your ear while he talked.

“Im changing you back in the morning, if you never want to see me again.. thats.. fine. But..” he pulled you out of the shirt holding you in front of him. “If you do want to see me again. Will you wait for me?”

You tilted your head at this question. Wait for him? Does.. he mean Azkaban? Your ears drooped along your back at the question. I.. Draco i will.. . You gave him a nod and the man choked on his own breath. “Oh Rabbit,” he laid back down. “Thank you…”

It was early morning. McGonagall had changed you back in her classroom just like you thought she would. She advised you to take it easy and you might have some rabbit side effects for a couple weeks. It had not even been 15 minutes and you were already craving carrots.

Draco was staring at you in wide eyes. You were back.. and safe. Slowly he reached out and you turned to him reaching out . He just wanted to wrap his arms around you, say sorry… and all you wanted to do was eat carrots and be in his arms.. but..

“Mr. Malfoy this cannot go unexcused.” McGonagall said, pulling you away from the man.

Dumbeldore had walked into the room by now too.. “Malfoy, miss Y/n. My office, please.”

[idjitlili]

Thor,Son of Odin

Thorin x Modern!reader

Summary:Imagine being apart of the company ;and calling Thorin,Thor the god of Thunder.

a/n i hate wattpad it deleted 6 hours of work on this ,bloody bullshit and i fell over in that time todays going amazing, I passed my gsces though.

Word count:3277

Okay ,okay ,let's do this one last time. You Y/n L/n ,some how ended up in Tolkiens universe,the hobbit.Bro you was beyond freaked out to wake up snuggling up with some dude,practially laying on top of him,his arms around you holding you. His hair dark ,long ,silky almost,his face wore but structured,his body muscular,yet some what stumpy. Your face so close to his ,as ou come to reality ,you do not know who in bloody hell this man was.

You had brought your hand up his his cheek ,poking it once ,nothing,again,slight groan but nothing really,again his time mulitple harsh pokes ,finally his ocean coloured eyes shot open. They looked into your e/c ones you screamed then he screamed. Pushing yourself of his out of his grip.

"who are you?" he had shouted ,in shock really.

"no! Who in bloody earth are you? and why were we snuggling? Kidnapper! HELP"  you had stood up ,your face turning in every direction to see where in gods earth you were,just all you could see was forest and a bunch of men,who surrounded you and the strange blue eyed man,looking at you strangely. You looked around again and you saw a man that was dressed as a wizard , he looked like cogsworth,damn he really does.

"oh I get it. I will rather die than take part in your orgies!" you had shouted again ,laughing in horror after ,you were very much terrified in this moment.

"I'm sorry ,what orgies? what gives you that idea?" the smallest one hadspoken up pushing passed the others ,you had pulled your attention to him ,noticing his cute dirty blond hair,travelling down to his huge hair feet,letting out a gasp. "w-why are you feet so large?" you had whispered in shock. "I am hobbit ,of the shir-" " a what?" damn if this couldn't get any weird.

"Enough! WHo are you?why wre you trying to seduce our king?" A balding muscular tattooed man had interrupted ,your questioning."Your king? I havent heard of a king,not at least in europe for over a hundred years! Also last thing I remember was laying in my bed ,not in the arms of a 'king'"  you groaned out this sitution had began to give you to give you a headache.

"this is Thorin ,son Thrain ,son of Thror,the rightful dwarven king of erebor."

"Now enough of the bullshit ,Thor SOn of Odin ,God of thunder, I want to go home! THere are no such thing as dwarven king ,nor dwarves,nor whatever a hobbit  is ,and there's certainly no such place as erebor on this earth! This isn't bloody princess diaries."

The group of men had just stared at you in conflusion,as you had fainted ,therefore Gandalf had concluded that you will be apart of the company. As he had realised some how ,some way you had ended up in an another universe,well all he knew as some sorta force had brought you their world for a reason. He had forced Thorin to accept that you were to be apart of the company ,even if he felt absolute hatred towards you.

When you had came to the first thing you saw was Thorin,so you had made a run at him punching him square in the nose,only to get this sidekick,that tattoo'ed punk to grab a hold of you. "Oi what the fuckk ,get off me!"  yeah they basically tied you to a try ,and then from that Gandalf had explained everything ,and in a couple of hours you had agreed to join ,you still did not trust them however.

You had put upon an pony ,sat behind Bilbo ,the hobbit. "hey just so you know I am still not joining in on your orgies, I do not want to lose my innocence to anyone apart from a nice MHM-" you had pretended to cup an ass in your hands."set of cake shape ass,god dAMN."Bilbo had turned to look at you with a face of pure disgust ,,whereas others of the company such as the kings nephews had laughed. "and what is this orgy you speak of lassie?" the oldest dwarvf had spoken up you had found out his name was Balin older brother of Thorin's side piece.

"oh- its basically when a group of people do the stuff eachother all together" now bursts of laughter had filled your ears. "I assure you miss y/n l/n,the is none of that." Gandalf had spoken sternly ,he did not want to witness that no thank you.

"Oh good then, oh mister hobbit you have such beautiful locks." you had brought you had to touch a single curcle upon his head,whilst the hobbit had blushed brightly at your compliment. "oh well thank you ,as do you have lovely h/c locks." you had smiled widely ruffling his hair,Thorin heard this and did not like it,jerk.

Anways skip to a week later Thorin is brooding with his coak off,those pants really defined his ass,you were sat on a log next to Bilbo,you had nudged him gently grabbing his attention. His eyes filled with red from the warmth of the fires flames as he looked up at you,Thorin's nephews had seen your staring at your uncle and were watching and listening intensely.

"Thor has a nice nutt ,mhmm ,just like Jensen Ackles ass." Bilbo had choked on his own tongue ,as you just glaced back the dwarven kings ass one last time before turning back to Bilbo.

"aye, Y/n ,psttt" Kili had whispered shouted gaining you and Bilbo's attention ,he had gestured for you to go to him with his fingers,you had grabbed Bilbo by his hand before standing up,dragging him with you to sit beside the brothers. "wasssuppppp" damn this isn't the 2000s ,its bloody some age,you don't remember Gandalf got a bit boring if you were totally honest. Fili and Kili smirk to themselves, before Kili speaks up,Fili isn't as talkative as Kili is."you fancy our uncle." you had instantly scoffed , Bilbo had just pretend to be studying the stars ,and avoiding your bullshit lies.

"I see how it is,you trying to get your uncle laid, well yes he has the perfect ass, but I hardly know any of you,except Bilbo I accidentally saw him naked, he has a the cutest little bu-""Y/n!" you had cackled loudly catching some of the dwarves that were still awake attention, the nephews grinned even larger than before at you. "so you admit to looking at our uncles bottom,and you've seen Bilbo nude! Well!" he had basically shouted.

Bofur had turned around raised an eyebrow at you ,whilst Thorin pretended to be brooding still. "what?! Lass,you've seen the little fellow naked????" you had sighed loudly in distress,bloody god darn dwarves. "I say it again it was an accident!I was go for a pee, and then I daw that Bilbo had just gotten of a lake and was wearing a toel,so I decided to scare him, I didn't know he was going to scream ,and drop his towel." Bilbo held his head in in his hands in complete embarrassment.

"what did you except to happen lass? "

"I thought that scream was you."

"wow thanks for coming to save me then. plus i thought Bilbo might of just -you know what I dont know"

Thorin had felt a load off of his shoulders fall away ,knowing you didn't get it on with a dude that was half of your height, he didn't like the fact you were on this quest ,but he couldn't help thinking you had some nice hair. He also felt like grinning ,but of course a scowl was always imprinting on his face,he hadn't had a woman check him out in what it seemed as forever.

That was months of ago now, in which currently you had all been captured by elves ,well the prince of the Greenwood realm,Legolas.The company had been separated from you and Thorin and Bilbo was no where to be seen ,but you knew he was sneaky ass..butt. This elven king Thranduil , had did some voodoo to his face ,spat in Thorin's face with his stinky ass breathe...who needs to talk to someone that close up,might aswell had kissed him. After he was done with the dwarven king he started eyeing you up so you did back ,his ass mainly.

"and who are you ,andwhy does a woman travel with pigs?" his voice like silver ,yet cold as ice, but he would not stare bloody still,while you rated his ass. "Y/n L/n-god damnit stand still," the King had stopped , you had turned your body to get a look at his...flat ass,before leaning back to check out Thorin's. "what ARE you doing?" bro they didn't even tie your hands ,so you had made your way behind Thorin cupping his ass,making him gasp in shock ,as you squeezed gently,before heading back to Thranduil who shook his head no,you didn't want to be executed anyways.

"that king has a better ass than you, I suggust some squats, as your personality nor looks are in favour f-""ENOUGH. Tell me who are you?" he had interrupted you rudely , Thorin now less red ,smirking,he was glad he didn't end up in boner city.  "uh mister lanky stick ,I am y/n ,like I already told you,now can I and my mister patrick swayze be brought to our cells, I don't want to have sex with a skeleton..I mean a elven king."

"TAKE THEM TO THE CELLS,stay here an rot for all I care,100 years is a mere blink for an elf." you smirked at the king,as you and Thorin were grabbed by guards ,being pulled away. "I feel bad for your son,he inherited your flat ass, the poor kid don't get any attention from his daddy." If you were still infront of Thranduil he would've slapped you.  However instead you gpt see his son look to the ground ,away from his fathers gaze ,before walking out of the throne room shortly after you and Thorin.

Soon as you are shoved in separate cells,the questions start from the caged dwarves. "what happened up there?!" Kili questioned loudly,"I may have cupped a kings ass."

"You touched Thranduil's behind?"

"no I almost did,but damn You should have seen his face when I told him Thorin's was better than his and that I fet sorry for his son gainning a flat ass from his father."

Silence was in the air ,for a few seconds before the company had figured out what you had meant wwhen you said about touching a king's behind.

"you touched Uncle's butt infront of Thranduil?"

"oh hey ,Bilbo." thus Bilbo lead you all to the barrels ,in which you sat in on by yourself ,it was the ride of your life, and no kili doesn't get shot,because Dwalin held you you up while pulled down on the lever, therefore no one was injured. All that happened really was you were completely soaking ,and you stayed that way until you arrived at Bard's house,thank jesus you didn't have to go through the toliet.

Bard's daughters had handed you a blanket which you had wrapped around your shoulders ,in hope to warm up. However you could not help but see Thorin ,who refused a blanket politely. His beautiful long locks dripping ,his clothes sticking to his skin,darn he must be freezing ,dwarves and their stubborn asses. He really must be cold ,due to the scribe of this tale, experiences with wet long hair ,it takes ages to dry and keeps you freezing.

So you had decided without really thinking ,to walk towards Thorin who just stood waiting ,whilst everyone else was settling down,removing the blanket from your shoulders ,placing it upon his. Now you just stood next to him ,unsure what to do know ,blushing slightly feeling his eyes on you,gasp when he gets closer ,drapping the blanket back onto you ,but keeping it on his ,pulling you close by wrapping his arm around you ,as to keep you warm too.You had wrapped your arm around his waisr ,you could already feel him warming up against you ,you could smell him aswell ,and feel his hair against your neck.

However you did not look up to see the company's stares at their king,if anything they were worried about his behaviour,yet they wondered if it was true,was you his his one? But Thorin saw it ,yet no one dared to speak upon it , as he was their king ,yet his nephews ,oh they wanted to tease their uncle until the end of the one ring. They had smirked at their uncle,kili raising his eyebrows at Thorin ,who sent a deathly glare to his nephews.

He had broken the silence shortly after that,"where are the weapons?" and of course after that he was like they are shit ,okay lets go rob a bank ,thus the next time you were so close to Thorin was after your second boat ride in the last 36 hours.

Kili,Fili,OIn and Bofur were all left behind ,to catch up when Kili had recovered. THerefore the rest of you were all now to hike to Erebor ,god it was so tiring you felt as if your feet were on fire. You had groan in displeasure before muttering "I swear dwarves must have some hella leg muscle ,yet  I don't, I cant walk." Bilbo had scoffed next to you 'your legs are 10 times as long ,you got it easy'

"I hear humans ,cannot walk after 10 minutes with a dwarf,do you want to take a short break?" Thorin had a smirk inlaced with his voice ,as DWalin laughed loudly as if he was drax laughing at peter ,he was cocky when he wasn't trying to set an example for his nephews."no I want to be  carried Thor." you had spoken with annoyance ,not watching where you was going ,tripping falling harshly on the sharp rocks ,most deinitely cutting your knees open,you had let another groan. "god damn it korg." you had muttered yet again. Thorin had made it over to you ,pulling you to your feet , before turning away ,and kneeling infront of you.

"come on get on,we don't have time to delay" and with that Thorin oakenshield agve you a piggyback ride. "Thor son of Odin ,a God carrying me? No one would believe this."Thorin didn't understand who the fuck that was obviously,you had explained to him what a god was ,the same as the what they call malah ,or near the same.

Anyways he carried you all the way to Erebor ,with ease as well,he was indeed strong,and that was a long journey ,you even offered to walk but nope he would not take it. And after all the dragon stuff ,it was clear to you that he was suffering from dragon sickness ,he made everyone search for the arkenstone except you and Bilbo. You'll never guess what he requested you to do... Well he was on his throne and he was like "y/n ,come here" okay in which you did. "sit on my lap" nope and you walked away ,damn we he so forward now,you missed the shy Thorin.

It got worse and worse and soon enough Thranduil's army had arrived ,aswell as laketown ready to fight to claim what was theirs. Thorin was being a little bitch ,when practially he was a billionare,stopped sitting on bilbo , he isnt Dildo Gaggins ,not a huge stick up your butt.  Frankly you had enough.

"Thor ,if you dont snap out of it , I am going to show all these elves my breasts,you wouldn't allow a young woman to do such a think would you?" okay so blackmail is the only thing you could think of ,Thorin basically ignored you. "OI YOU FLAT ASS KING!" you  had gained the kings attention ,as Thranduil looked up at you ,as did Thorin as you began to lift your shirt up,revealing your belly button then high and high. UNtil two arms gripped your middle lifting you out of view. "No,I will not allow an elven king see my ones breasts,nor an one else" he had growled ,you had lifted your hands up in surrender ,well you tried.

He just told you he was your one and you was like ''okay bro,you do you. " ,well you didn't believe it ,you just thought it was the dragon sickness,you were the only female around ..  

Then of course he tried to throw Bilbo over, which that didn;t happen he escaped ,little rat,he is cute boy though, he did what was right. In which it got worse everyone fighting and such ,Thorin had went back to this throne ,so you had followed him with a better plan than before. As you got close to Thorin ,who watched your every move.

"I've been waiting for so long Now I've finally found someone to stand by me We saw the writing on the wall And we felt this magical fantasy Now with passion in our eyes There's no way we could disguise it secretly So we take each others hand 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Just remember You're the one thing I can't get enough of So I'll tell you something This could be love

Because I've had the time of my life No, I never felt this way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you."

you had spoke for Thorin to hear as you close with each step,yeah you just quoted song lyrics ,most famously know from dirty dancing ,but yeaah. THorin had stood up to meet you ,and once you had you had cupped his cheeks ,pressing a quick kiss to his lips,before cheekly pinching his butt making him gasp.

"Thorin it isn't right, we must help them ,please." as you said his actual name he knew he had to ,his bestfriend he had abandon trying to kill, maybe a little more than friend,could be dead.  He had sent you a smile before grabbbing your hand throwing his crown off. "wait you need a shirt like you gave bilbo ,I have feeling you will need it..thor son of odin."

And lucky you did say that and say hold on dude this sounds fishy ,why azog look like a shark off that will smith fish movie,fish tale? Oh its trap kili ,fili come here. THus you saved the Durins lives.

"hey if you are thor that makes your younger brother Loki ,wait he's dead sorry, uh your sister dis ,Loki and Fili and Kili Hela because her dad is LOki-not saying your sister is a man -well she looks like it-oh um sorry ,very handsome though."

[hellerism]

I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

[samwritesforyou]

We’re gonna be okay

Diego x reader

Summary: You and Diego worked out a system for a situation if he ever comes to your place while being in the highest form of distress and needs your help. He assured you it won’t happen often. Until one night, it finally did.

A/N: i feel like i’ve read the whole tumblr dot com worth of diego x reader fanfics and yet i still wanted more, so the desperate need to finally write something myself has been fulfilled. i would actually love to take requests, so if you want, dont hesitate to message/ask me! im ready to write fics and headcanons :) (my blog might seem new but ive been on tumblr for years and years and i finally dedicated a new blog to mostly reader inserts, either my own or reblogging others)

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack, gender neutral reader

Wordcount: 3,350

There was a knock on the door.

It was pretty late, but not too late for it to be Diego yet.

Or so you thought.

You got up kinda lazily from a comfortable chair you had situated in the corner of a room, at first designed mainly for reading or napping, but ending up doing absolutely whatever you could on the spot. Eating pizza, watching netflix, browsing through the internet after long working hours that you put in into your tiny art selling business.

You slightly opened the door and already plastered a semi-fake smile for a possible neighbor, but in front of you stood Diego.

Your dear friend, who was at the moment soaked from the rain outside, with big eyes, fast breathing and bloody hands.

Bloody hands?!

“Hello to you too, friend!” you said quite worried, quickly patting him down for signs of any physical pain. For the first time in a while he seemed fine, unscarred.

Your eyes finally went up, literally scanning his face but it was completely unreadable.

His eyes were wide and he looked as if he couldn’t comprehend what was going on around him.

You looked down again and took his fists into your hands. His own palms unclenched and you could see that they were heavily bloodied.

“Diego.. whose blood is it?”

No answer.

You rushed him inside and closed the door behind the two of you, facing the damn vigilante again.

“Diego, I need to know who’s blood is on your hands,” your voice grew steadier as you knitted your brows together in worry and confusion.

Only then the guy decided to move his arms and you noticed how shaky he is. He connected his two index fingers in the form of a cross, pressing it to his chest.

Your own eyes went wide now as you stumbled back a few steps and your mind went blank.

.

.

.

You instantly remembered a night that happened a few years back. He has come in crumbling through your window and was obviously in some new form of distress, that you couldn’t quite understand yet.

“Diego?” it seemed like your voice didn’t reach his ears, so you tried calling out his name again, getting up from the couch and patting him lightly on the body, to determine any sign of an injury.

It looked like there was none, so you tried to reach his gaze that was somewhat absentminded, all over the place, scanning everything but not meeting your eyes.

He was a tough guy, and you knew it. You knew that if you want to get answers, you need to either get them yourself or make yourself heard, until he cannot ignore you any longer.

“Diego Hargreeves, what is going on?” your voice was soft yet determined.

His dark orbs finally stopped on your face and he just shook his head, his breathing oddly fast for a man who was just simply standing.

You continued to push. You didn’t have the best day either, and to be interrupted at 1am by his visit was nothing new, but you couldn’t let him have this behaviour. Even though you’re friends, that didn’t automatically mean that he could do whatever he wanted.

Throughout the whole night he didn’t say a thing, but when you started adding volume to your voice, he.. he just broke down.

That night, you’ve witnessed Diego experience a panic attack. Caused by yourself.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night, even after you eventually calmed him down and the only thing that was left to do for you was to watch him sleep and slowly rubbing circles on his exposed arm out of the blanket.

It felt like neons before you noticed a first ray of sunshine drawing from the half-closed curtains, making you spring to your feet and drag your ass to the kitchen, trying to think of what to do for breakfast.

When you figured the recipe out and finished cooking, Diego was already up and joined you near the kitchen counter, next to which you had two stools.

He settled on one of them, looking at you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you couldn’t muster anything better, so you just put a plate in front of him and then sat next to his side, simply digging into your portion of scrambled eggs.

“About last night, y/n..” he drifted off, probably at first deciding that it’s better to fill his stomach a little bit.

In the meantime you didn’t dare to speak up and just waited for him to say something, anything.

When he finished his meal, he finally turned to you with a sigh.

“You know that one guy I told you ‘bout? That we.. we do some vigilante shit together from time to time?”

You just nodded, not meeting his eyes.

“Well. I guess I could count him as a close friend. You know.. and,” this was followed by a slight pause and clearing of the throat.

“He died yesterday. I couldn’t save him.”

Your eyes immediately shot up to Diego and all that vulnerability and hurt that you’ve clearly seen yesterday just overtaking him were completely gone. Now present only a strong facade that he mastered whenever he needed to hide from showing emotions. You hated it.

“Shit, Diego..” you spoke quietly and softly, all the words seemed to have left you in all the things unsaid in your throat. But you tried to continue.

“I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry for pushing you over the edge. I.. I didn’t know what happened so I just acted how we would normally do,” he smirked at that, merely for a second, but you still caught it.

“Look, I.. I know, “ he simply said and then it felt as if he was weighting pros and cons of telling you something else that was clearly on his chest.

“You always help me out. Every single night I come to you.. Why do you do it, y/n?” Diego’s eyes were steadily turned your way.

At the sudden question you raised an eyebrow, “well, I.. I care about you.”

He lightly bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away, clearly thinking about something really hard.

“Okay,” he finally said, “y/n, do you think I could ask you for a favour then?”

At that your eyes met and you felt nervous, for some reason.

You really liked him. Not just like a friend. But you understood that there probably won’t be a chance for you two to ever become a couple (mostly considering that you didn’t believe that he could feel about you this way), so you settled for friendship anyways, since you two really got along well.

And having this handsome tough guy as a friend? Damn, just that is already some kind of luck swinging your way.

But your feelings of course meant that.. you’d do more for him than what you’d do just for a friend. You would get out of your comfort zone just to help him with injuries or hear him talk about his girlfriend (at the time, now they were broken up) and how they argued so much that he ended up on the streets and didn’t really want to go to his lonely place at the gym.

And you took him in. You always did. And since the day you became friends you always care for him.

And you’d care now once again.

“What is it?” in your tone danced a question, troubled with what he might ask for.

“Well, yesterday-“ he cut himself from finishing and cleared his throat, starting over.

“I imagine we’re gonna be friends for a long time, right?”

You just pushed your brows up with a small nod in affirmation.

“I never had.. anyone, really, to help me with the states I often got into,” you immediately thought of Eudora, wasn’t his ex-girlfriend supposed to be his support pillar? Or is he just making you feel sorry for him-

“Or I didn’t ever trust anyone that much, you know,” oh, okay, that kind of explains that then.

“And I guess.. I trust you enough? To share this?” he talked quietly and mumbled a lot so you realised soon you won’t be able to hear him at all.

You grabbed his hands with yours and caught his attention this way.

You were never really touchy together, but occasional hugs and even holding hands was kind of a standard for you from time to time.

His eyes met yours again and you cursed yourself for your heartbeat getting faster. This is not an appropriate moment to get butterflies in your stomach, dammit.

“I’m listening, Diego,” you confirmed, nodding again.

“Okay. It’s- it’s just really h-hard to talk about this,” he stuttered a bit, but with the next breath continued again, “When there’s some situation that’s just completely fucked up, like losing someone close to me, or- or somethin’ else, I don’t know.. I finish what I need at the scene where it happened but when I come home I just,” he breathed some air in and you felt his hands squeeze yours a bit tighter, “I just break down, you know? Sometimes it’s just all too much for me and I don’t know how to deal with it and I would just wanna.. someone to hold me, I guess? Otherwise when someone’s trying to talk at me or somethin’ I just get even more worked up and it’s even worse.”

It all started to come together in your mind. Even though it sounded really strange to hear Diego talk about things like.. wanting to be held and shit. But you always guessed there’s a far bigger sweetheart and a soft boy underneath all those harness and knives.

You tried to pick your words carefully.

“So when I started to ask you shit.. You just flipped. Basically because I was talking at you a lot and you couldn’t take it anymore, right?”

He sighed and looked somewhere up, nodding bit by bit.

“Yeah, yep. That was it.”

You clapped at his hands lightly, to bring his focus back again and he looked at you and mustered a sad, faint smile.

You did the same. In the world you lived in, unforeseen and unfortunate events were happening left and right and thinking about his childhood and everything.. no wonders he developed such a huge reaction and coping mechanism to something catastrophic happening.

“That’s okay, Diego. I’m here for you, I mean it. Let’s just talk about some things what I should and shouldn’t do when you come here in that state, alright? I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“Alright. Thank you, y/n,” he was looking down now, the whole morning kinda failing to meet your gaze and just rubbed his thumb across your hand, which send you heart into a race again.

You slowly let go of him, making an excuse to go wash the dishes.

After a while you looked behind you where he sat and said, “We also need some sort of a sign that you can easily show me, since you’re not really talkative when you get like this.”

Apparently he already used said “sign” somewhere, because he had it on the ready.

It was his hands clutching in fists, index fingers crossing each other in a form of a cross, pressed to his chest.

“Something like this. But don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll happen often. That would be really sad,” he laughed a little and then looked at you somewhat longingly and you averted your eyes back to the sink, nodding.

.

.

You almost forgot about that and now it all come flooding back.

Something terrible must’ve happened. You were panicking, but you had to stay strong, for him.

He was still standing in your hallway, with a crossed index fingers pressed to his chest.

“Okay, okay..” you mumbled more to yourself than to him, taking his hands into yours and looking him up and down.

He really seemed.. disconnected. It was kind of scary and you tried so hard not to think about what happened. Or about who died.

“Here, come with me, Diego,” you led him by the hand towards your couch as he was holding onto you, but his usual grip was gone.

You both ended up on a sofa and you really didn’t know how to act around him now, because.. he didn’t talk, didn’t look at you but when he did, his eyes were wide and big and he just seemed suddenly like a small boy to you.

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, you thought and tried to smile a little bit at him.

“Okay. Can you get your hands up for me, baby boy?” You’ve decided to approach this situation as if you were just babysitting an overgrown child.

Because nothing bad happens to children normally, right? And if you kept thinking about him as usual grown man Diego, you’d lose your mind in the process, wanting to scream and shake him by the shoulders until he spills you what happened.

Being Diego’s friend pushed you to new limits each day, truly.

He didn’t bat an eyelid at your tone change and word choosing, just obliging and putting his hands up.

You helped him to get his knives down and put his black turtleneck over his head, so now he sat shirtless right next to you, hands still smeared with blood.

Goddamit the blood!

You took him by the elbows and lead Diego to the bathroom, where you helped to get the red out of his hands. At the sight of blood dripping down into the sink you deciphered a whimper from him, even through the sound of running water and looked up.

Diego couldn’t stop looking down at his hands and tears were running down his cheeks.

You quickly took his face into your wet hands from the water and forced him to look away and lock his gaze with yours.

“Hey, don’t look at it, okay? It’ll only make you stressed. Until I’m done you can just close you eyes, okay?”

“Oh-okay,” he said and just closed his eyes here and there.

You sighed and tried to finish washing his hands as fast as possible, cursing under your breath pretty often.

“I’m sorry..” you heard him mumble and when you looked up, his eyes were still shut.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about.. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, right? Don’t worry. You’re safe now,” you smiled as you were already wrapping his hands in a towel and his eyelashes fluttered, eyes opening.

You stayed looking at each other for a second longer than necessary, but then you already lead him away to the bedroom area, where you actually tucked him in, wrapping in a soft blanket and then rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a few cookies and then leaving it on a plate next to him on the night table. 

 You almost made yourself comfortable on the couch, when he suddenly called out your name from the bed.

You sprung to your feet, thinking he’s actually hurt but you didn’t notice or that- “Can you... stay with me? P-please?” he asked, disrupting your train of thought. You did expect this, but still felt really shy about that.

Diego is vulnerable right now and does need your help and presence though.

And there wouldn’t be anything you wouldn’t do for him.

“Sure,” and after this simple answer you carefully climbed in next to him covering you both with a blanket and he curled up closer to you, almost immediately falling asleep.

From one point of view it felt like you wouldn’t sleep at all tonight, but from the other one.. you actually fell asleep just as fast as he did.

.

.

To nobody’s surprise you woke up first and actually flinched at the sight of sleeping Diego inches from your own face.

Your mind went running with ideas what happened and what’s going on until you realised the real deal and your brain caught up to yesterday’s shenanigans.

It was a wild ride and you were thankful that now it’s - most probably - over.

Your eyes were subconsciously scanning his face, until you realised what you’re doing, but you didn’t stop even then.

You’ve never been this close to his face yet and now you could admire and explore every part of it.

Having feelings for a friend that’s laying in the same bed with you at the moment is really not the healthiest thing that could’ve happened to you, huh..

You actually froze and your heart started racing billion times faster when you realised that you have a weight of his arm around your waist, pulling you closer from his sleep.

He grunted and his nose was now in your hair, shuffling a little to get more comfortable.

You had no idea how to change positions, especially when being held by such a strong arm as his and you got a feeling like Diego might actually wake up just about now, so the best solution that came into your mind was to forcefully close your eyes shut and pretend that you’re still sleeping.

He did, indeed, wake up. You were suddenly pushed to the other side of the bed, arm disappearing from your waist and a waterfall of curses fell from his lips quietly.

You used up all your acting stamina to make a believable scene of you gaining your conscious from the deep slumber that you were obviously in, stretched your arms for a good effect and finally opened your eyes.

You immediately signed up for a staring contest as soon as you looked at him and smiled a little. His face remained unreadable but perhaps a little bit flustered?.. But you may be reading too much into it.

“Hi,” you said with a higher tone than intended and Diego just nodded at that.

You tried your luck by addressing the elephant in the room right away, you never liked ignoring the problems that were always looming over you, “care to tell me what happened yesterday?”

He drew a big sigh and rested his head back on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

You couldn’t stop looking at him. At first because you really wanted to know the mystery, but the longer you looked at him, the more you realised that you’re just admiring the beauty that he holds, until his words fell like a dead weight right onto your shoulders.

“I found Eudora’s body yesterday. I couldn’t get to the place in time and someone killed her.”

What?

It felt like what he said was simply a trick of your imagination. You liked Eudora yourself, she was a very intelligent and an interesting person, you two often hung out and that feeling didn’t cease even after you found out that she and Diego started dating.

And even when they broke up some months after, you still found your way to spend time with her. So did Diego.

You wanted to cry, but thought that it might be insensitive towards him, because he was much closer to her than you were, so you tried to swallow your forming tears down.

“I’m.. I’m so sorry, Diego..”

“It’s your loss too, I know it, y/n,” he looked at you with much softer look this time.

“Come here,” he said a little bit hesitantly and opened up one arm towards you.

This was unusual, but maybe last night’s events tore down some walls?.. Who knows.

You almost threw yourself into his embrace and once your forehead rested on his chest, you started crying.

From everything, honestly. There’s been problems at work, your seemingly unrequited feelings for Diego didn’t help much either and now you learned that you lost one of your friends.

He started rubbing circles on your back, just letting you get those emotions out, while you two were hugging each other on the bed in your apartment.

And as you slowly started to calm down, he said a gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay”

[draco-and-tom]

Draco- I thought I was so Deserving

Summary- You and Draco were dating, till he died in the battle of hogwarts. It takes you weeks to go and look through his old stuff, and when you do you find several old letters addressed to you, but never owled. You decide to open it and find something that makes you cry.

☆WARNINGS: veryyyyyyy sad, death., depression, lots of crying, (i cried while writing this so you better like it lol)

It had been weeks since you even looked at the manor, which was basically left to you after draco died, due to the fact that his family fled for no apparent reason. You’ve tried to come back…. Really. It’s just the fact that every time you do try you start to cry. Just looking at the house floods your mind with memories of what it was like to be wrapped in his arms. You miss the feeling of his affection. Draco was never big on showing how much he actually loved you in public, sure he would wrap his arm around you if another boy was staring, or give them a death stare when they would check you out, but NEVER did he once whisper in your ear how much he loved you, the way you laughed, the way you cried, the way you would look at him and he knew you loved him just as much as he did you in public. The way he felt about you was personal, not everyone needed to know just how crazy he was about you. He used to tell you how he used to think so highly of himself till he met you. He would say “I always thought I was so deserving till I met someone who took my breath away and made everything okay for everyone.” Everytime you two were alone together he poured his heart into his words and you knew it was true. Draco’s eyes have always shown his true emotion. Happiness, sadness, love……. They showed you everyone. Everytime he would tell you those things you couldn’t form words, and when you could it was always just an “I love you”. Your feelings for him were so much more than an I love you. That’s the thing you regret the most, not telling him how on more than one occasion you cried at how you loved him so much it almost hurt, at the thought of losing him, how it broke your heart just to see him sad. You longed to tell him that you fucked up in every way possible by not telling him everything you loved about him -inside and out- because you knew how often he doubted himself, by not showering him with kisses every time you saw him, by not kissing him that day like it was the last one you’d ever get, because it was. But most of all you fucked up by trying to help the others and leaving him there to fight for himself.You didn’ t get a chance to comfort him or kiss him, or even tell him how much you cared. You didn’t know trying to help one person would risk two people's lives. Because with every day that passes you realize that Draco was your life. He was your happiness, your grief, your confusion. He was what made you who you are, who you were. 

You sob in your car as your mind is flooded with memories of the time you spent together. It hurts to see them, but it hurts worse to ignore them...if only he could be with you, give you one last chance.

You open your car door after you managed to keep yourself from crying. You made your way up the steps of the house and turned the doorknob with a shaky hand. Once you open your lip quivers. You looked at the stairs that led up to his room, making your eyes water. When you both were alone together at the house he seemed so much more care free. He would chase you all the way down the stairs, it was one of your favorite recurring things he did. You were positive there were other rooms up there but they weren't important to you, especially not right now. You blink back your tears as well as you can. You got to the first floor and felt something underneath your shoe. You lift your foot and a pained sound comes from your mouth as you see his ring… just sitting there. Your knees buckled and you sobbed into your hands. After a few minutes you got up, putting his ring on your middle finger since his hands were bigger than yours, and there was no way in hell you were ever losing that ring. Your face was tear stained and flushed. You were positive you looked like a wreck, you know that if Draco saw you he would wonder what the hell happened. He always said you were the most beautiful and happy person he’d ever met. But again, he was your happiness and now that's gone. God you were crazy for him, and how you feel is the proof. You snap out of your thoughts as you walk down the hall to his bedroom. A chill runs down your spine as you place your hand on the door knob. It was always slightly cold in the manor, but you knew it wasn’t that. You were scared to go in. You felt almost as if you touching anything or even stepping a foot in there was going to mess something up, change how he left it. You block your thoughts out as you open the door anyways, the metal on your finger tapping against the cold door knob. You look in and notice everything is still how he liked it, clean and kept. The only difference was that there was a black box sitting on his bed and an envelope laying beside it. Draco’s room had dark brown wooden floors and emerald green walls. On his walls were Quidditch pictures, a light in the shape of a snake, and….pictures of him and you together. You and Draco had been friends since you were 10, so the pictures went farther back than your relationship. There was a picture of him carrying you bridle style, his face buried in your neck as his laughed, making you smile. You watched that picture replay over and over again, just to see him in motion. You sadly smile as you watch him laugh and put his face into the crook of your neck, you kissing his head after he does so softly. A slow tear drips down your cheek as the flash of the camera that took the photo goes off, before you wipe it away quickly. You pick up the photo and place a small kiss onto it, letting a couple more tears escape from your eyes. You grabbed the picture and took it with you over to the bed, and sat down. You wiped your face with the sleeve of your quidditch sweater, hating the stickiness that the now drying tears had made. You looked at the envelope laying on the bed. The ivory color envelope, as well as the box lay against the green, silky sheets that Draco had left on his bed. He told you the reason he liked silk sheets so much was that when he was little he would get really hot in the summer and laying in them would give his body a relieving chill, the sheets were just associated with good memories and comfort especially after the two of you became each other's friends.

 You and Draco had sleepovers, both of you laying under those sheets. You remembered that the first sleepover happened when you were both at the manor during yalls first week at hogwarts. After eating dinner with him, and taking showers you both laid down in his silk sheets that always felt so cool and relaxing. You didn’t notice anything was wrong until you look over at the 11 year old and see him lying stiffly under the blanket and staring at the ceiling. You furrowed your eyebrows and say “something wrong malfoy?” He shakes his head and after a moment of thought says “it's just….w-is it not weird to you that you're going to sleep in here with me?” you tilt your head and ask “Is it weird to you Malfoy?” when he shakes his head “Then why would it be weird to me?”. Draco bites his lip and shrugs “dunno… just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me..”. As soon as he said that you scooted closer to him and wrapped your arms around his body, as if that wasn’t enough to freak him out you slung your leg over his waist as well. You snuggled into Draco’s tense body. “Do I look uncomfy Malfoy?” you asked after you rested your face in the crook of his neck. You could feel the first year release tension in his body and smiled as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you as close to him as possible. Draco felt your smile on his neck and laughed. “Like this do you?” you hummed and said “Honestly dont think ive had anything more enjoyable Malfoy”. You nuzzled closer to his embrace before you heard him say “hey sunshine”as he peppers kisses on you, making your cheeks flush even more, he had never called you that before “could you call me Draco instead? You’ve made me realize that there is a 1% worthy enough to have my name come from their mouth” you chuckled and nodded “I better be worthy Draco”. 

Once you notice the same words repeating in your ear you stop staring at the envelope and decide to read who it's for. 

                                                                           Sunshine ♡ 

You take a deep breath and open the envelope, careful not to cause any damage to something so dear to you. Once you open it the smell of parchment immediately floods your nose. You pull out the paper and unfold it. The parchment was clearly high quality, it seems as though he put a lot of thought into the letter. You do your best to smooth the creases of the paper as you tiredly lay back on the bed and begin to read:

Dear Y/N, You have no idea how many times i've tried to write a letter about all of this, There is a whole box full somewhere, just look. I know I don't seem like the type (and I know you already know this but) God sunshine, you have no idea how much you mean to me. It's just the fact that sometimes i get shy… but I feel like I don't tell you stuff like this often enough. I love your smile… it likes up any room. I know that you don't think I am, but I am extremely jealous of anyone who so much resembles the way I look at you, that loving look. I know I shouldn't be. I mean bloody hell Y/N I'm the one who gets to wrap you in my arms and pepper you with kisses. I just can't help the thought of you ever leaving me, especially if it’s to be with one of those prats. I love you so much Y/N. More than you could ever know. Although all of this rubbish with The Dark Lord is happening you’ve managed to make it actually bearable. God I was so relieved when you believed me when I told you that I didn’t want to. I'm so glad you let me cry into your shoulder that night, I don't do it often but I did need it. You don't know that i could tell, but I knew that you were crying with me… you shake when you cry, I could feel your lip quivering against my cheek as you kissed me and assured me that it was all going to be okay, I believe you Sunshine, I promise i do, You will always be what keeps me going. You're the only person that's even thought about looking through all my smirks and teasing… you're the only one that was able to tell I was broken and the only one to care. You're the one thing about my shit show of a life, but I have one question. How do you love me as much as you do? I believe you do, you can't lie when you look at me like that. Your whole expression softens when you say those three words and look into my eyes. How do you love me when you could have someone that isnt this much of a fucking wreak? I wish you knew how much i care, 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tell me if you want me to make this a series or a prequel.

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Finding Home

A/N: HIIIIIII IM BACK BOIS! Anyways this is a shorter chapter I didn’t wanna mess with outline so you get tiny chapter. sooo woot woot for like barely 2k words? But like the doc im writing this on is at like 19k and 29 pages i am in shock. trying to get back a consistent updating with this so uh yeah dont keep your hopes up tho- working on ch. 7 rn hope you enjoy! As always betaed by the glorious @bookwyrminspiration

words: 2208

tw: none

wattpad ao3

Chapter 6: These Secrets Stain Us Red

They had gotten off the bus at the last stop before Kull, stepping out into the cold air. Sophie glanced at the trees in the distance turning orange and yellow. Distantly, she remembered when she was younger this was her favorite season, how the leaves would fall and crunch at her feet, and how it was actually somewhat bearable to be outside. She smiled at the memory as she held Linh’s hand, walking quickly to the gas station, her stomach already grumbling.

“Linh?” a voice called from behind them as they stood in line. Linh swung around, trying to find the source of who called her, nearly startling Sophie into almost dropping her water. The mystery person stepped out from behind a small cluster of people with an overly energetic wave. “Linh! It is you!” he called.

Sophie watched as Linh’s eyes landed on the man and her whole expression shifted. As opposed to the man’s own happiness, Linh seemed to put a wall between her real emotions and the rest of the world, her face betraying nothing. “Hey, Sameul!” Linh said in pretend excitement; Sophie knew that her words carried an undertone of malice.

This Sameul was not the man Sophie had seen in the memories, but from Linh’s reaction, he seemed to probably be involved in whatever Linh was in.

“That’s me,” Sameul responded, clearly not getting Linh’s annoyance like Sophie was. “Geez, it’s been what, how many months since I last saw you?”

“Yeah it’s been a while,” Linh said, her shoulders rigid and her jaw set. Who the heck is this guy? she thought. Their name was called and Sameul followed them to go pick up their food. Sophie tried not to feel trapped with the way Linh’s eyes darted.

Sameul smiled ruefully, “Last time I saw you you had a little backpack and were running out the door in the middle of the night.” Linh took in a sharp breath and stuttering to a halt, her tray of food almost dropping. Sophie raised her eyebrows, more confused than ever. There was a beat then a sharp ring interrupted the weighted silence and Linh’s eyes widened with relief.

“Oh Sam, I’m sorry, that’s her sister calling. She’s really gotta take that. Why don’t you come with me?” Linh asked, more of a command than a suggestion. Reluctantly, Sophie pressed accept on her phone, ready to unleash the crazy whirlwind of shit that she had found out on one completely unprepared Amy. “What up checking in blame Tina she was worried,” Amy said, boredom concealing her concern.

“Uhuh sure Tina was worried,” Sophie chuckled. “Anyways, Linh is being super suspicious.”

Amy made a startled noise, “O-okay then so not well.” 

Sophie nodded even though Amy couldn’t see her, “Yup, also uh side note, totally did not watch another one of her memories.” “Sophie! It’s like you’re trying to do it on purpose!”

“It was an accident I swear!”

“Mhm, yeah, definitely.”

Sophie grumbled, “Oh screw off. Anyway, I was in this bathroom and her knuckles were all bloody like she had punched something. And then this guy came in and said that she wasn’t allowed to be reckless anymore, but from what I saw it was like she was living with some other runaway people I guess?”

Amy was silent for a moment. “Well damn.”

“Yeah,” Sophie agreed. “You shoulda seen her when this guy recognized her while we were getting food; she got like scary tense and for a moment I thought she was gonna water power him.” “Water power him? Really? That’s what you’re calling it?” Amy said. Sophie could practically hear her raising her eyebrow. “At that point just call it water bending.”

“I refuse to call it that.”

“How dare you; you’ve disrespected our childhood.” Sophie laughed. “But seriously,” Amy continued, and she knew she wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next, “Soph, what happened to telling her about the memories? Instead, you just spied more.” “She’s the one with the sketchy past!”

“That you don’t have any right to!”

“She’s been weird and I need to figure out why. Once I do I’ll tell her everything.”

“No, you don’t need to figure it out yourself! You need to talk to her and she will tell you if she’s ready to.” “Don’t tell me what to do Amy. She lied to me. The first night we were together we talked about how we got here and she lied to me like it never happened.”

“This isn’t war Sophie. Just because you’re scared, just because she lied doesn’t mean you get to invade her privacy. She’s not the enemy Sophie, she’s your girlfriend.”

Sophie hung up and her phone buzzed twice more while she watched Linh walk back over to her. This wasn’t Amy’s problem, this wasn’t Amy’s life, so screw her for trying to tell her what to do. She had the abilities and she was sure as hell going to use them. “Sam left,” Linh said with a clearly fake smile. “Said he should probably get back on the bus and didn’t want to intrude.”

At that Sophie raised an eyebrow, she didn’t need to use her telepathy to know it was a lie.

Stepping on the bus felt like placing the weight of the world on her shoulders. She knew that man was something to Linh, or Linh was something to him; maybe he was what Linh was running from. She didn’t have regrets when she reached carefully out to Sameul’s mind and glanced at what he said to Linh. Maybe she should’ve regretted it, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She needed to know, when she had left the Lost Cities it was her way of saying “I will not be lied to even if it seems better that way”. So much had been kept from her and here she was, getting things from the source instead of waiting for someone to tell her.

The words, “You haven’t changed Linh,” rang in her ears as she pulled back, not letting any emotions show on her face as Linh followed behind her. Linh didn’t say anything so Sophie didn’t say anything and they settled into a tense silence as the bus around them buzzed with noise. Sophie tried to think of something to say as the words played on repeat in her head but Linh beat her to it.

“You never told me much about Mari, about what she means to you,” Linh said. Each word seemed rehearsed as if she had said it in her head a thousand times before speaking the words into existence. “I didn’t know you cared,” Sophie responded quickly before she could think it through.

“Tell me about Mari?” Linh asked softly.

Despite what Sophie was hiding from Linh and what Linh was hiding from her, she couldn’t stop herself from talking. The words may have meant nothing as she rambled on about her life there, only meant to be a distraction, but she let them spill from her lips without hesitation. She talked of Tommy, Angie, and Mari, of her weekly game nights, of the regulars at the diner. The people she had come to love yet when the time came she didn’t hesitate to leave ‘cause she was scared. Scared of the permanence of it, scared she’d lose herself in the dream of it. And how when she burned those bridges all she felt was a gaping hole in herself. As she talked she thought of the people she had left in the Lost Cities; how she burned it all like she had when she was young and reckless and angry burning her mark, the moonlark, into the ground desperate to prove something, desperate to mean something. But now she was afraid of that, tearing everything to shreds, burning it to ashes because she didn’t know how to mean something to someone. She thought of what Amy had said and briefly wondered if she would ever be able to just talk about something instead of treating everything as a mystery she was destined to solve. Eventually, her words lulled Linh to sleep and she let out a soft sigh of contentment as she laid her head on Sophie’s shoulder. Sophie glanced at Linh, only allowing herself a quick look at her girlfriend’s soft and relaxed face before staring out the window watching the gravel pass, not allowing herself time for her guilt and sadness to rise. She wasn’t allowed those feelings. With every fiber of herself Sophie dreaded and couldn’t wait for the moment they stepped off of the bus into Kull, the town with as weird of a name as people.

An hour later, as the sun started to fall behind the trees and the sky began to turn dark, that moment came and Sophie found her entire body filled with anxiety. They made their way to the front, Sophie in front of Linh, her hand stretched behind her holding Linh’s hand like a lifeline.

They were the only ones getting off and within seconds they were left standing on the dirt road, the bus was long gone. The air was cold, and the wind blew lightly, tossing around Sophie’s ponytail. Neither spoke to the other, standing in silence, staring at the buildings in front of them. It felt like they’d break a spell if they moved, if they talked, so Sophie didn’t. But Linh did (a spell didn’t need to last an eternity in her mind, just for the moment that it was intended for). Linh squeezed Sophie’s hand three times, dragging her out of her haze to stare at Linh confused.

“It’s a human thing,” Linh said sheepishly. Distantly Sophie remembered Amy teaching her, three squeezes, “I love you”. Four squeezes back and Sophie had said, “I love you too.” She didn’t have time to think if it was a lie because with that she started walking, entirely on autopilot, the familiar route to Mari’s house ingrained in her mind. It was after hours, so there’d be no point going to the diner. So she dragged Linh down main street, taking a left about halfway down, and then it was another block til she found herself outside the door on the white porch of the bright mobile home with her whole body buzzing. It was almost too much to be there; staring at it again it was like nothing had changed. But something had, because she didn’t have a key, and so she knocked with all of the impulsive courage she had left.

Three rapid knocks.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five seconds.

The door opened with a creak.

It wasn’t Mari.

There was a man, about her height, hair pulled in a bun and silver bangs over glasses. He was familiar, why was he familiar? Linh drew in a harsh breath of air and squeezed Sophie’s hand as tight as she could. That was when the puzzle pieces fell into place. That’s when it all made sense. The man standing in front of her was someone she hadn’t seen in two years other than in the memories she had unrightfully stolen from him. The man standing in front of her, still with his signature silver, was Tam Song.

Amy’s phone buzzed next to her, pulling her away from rereading her homework question for the eight time. Ever since Sophie’s call and her following silence Amy couldn’t focus; she tried to distract herself, and pulled herself away from texting Linh and telling her everything Sophie had told her. It’s not my place, she would think. It’s not part of the plan. Her phone unlocked and she slowly processed the photo and message. It was a picture of Sophie leaning her back against the gas station with her hand holding her phone to her ear. It was just like her co-conspirators to be that dramatic they had to send a photo too.

-Operation Collect the Dumbasses-

Braincell Holder: You know we heard that call. Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: I thought we said that I would start this conversation? No Thoughts Head Empty: Yeah well you took too long. Braincell Holder: Not the Point. The Mental Stability: And the Point? This felt too pointed, Amy thought. Way too pointed and directed at her. Her phone buzzed again. Braincell Holder: Having second thoughts? Only slightly, Amy thought, but no no this needed to happen. The Mental Stability: No Pure of Heart Dumb of Ass: Thank the fucking ancients we can move on No Thoughts Head Empty: We’ve got a Phase 3 to begin

Phase 3, which they already had planned, would be the hardest to set up. Everything had to be just the right timing and just the right place.

Incoming call from Braincell Holder

Amy smiled as she accepted the call and long red hair popped into the frame. “Where is she?” Amy asked.

The redhead grinned, “She’ll be here in a minute, you know how Mrs. Sparkly Justice is; she’s got meetings but she said she’s got a friend who wants to help.”

Amy smiled, their little band of conspirators and their plan was working better than she could’ve imagined.

“So,” Amy said, “Where do we start?”

[onyxedskies]

Angst Prompts

couple triggers, please be careful while reading!

these are valid for x readers and character x characters

I’ll update as I find more

prompts under the cut since it got long. like, 154 prompts and counting long.

“I never got to tell them i love them”

“You can’t leave me!”

“Are those scabs on your arms?”

“Why dont you have any useable pencil sharpeners?”

“Why do you have so many bruises?”

“Your eye...”

“So much blood...”

“Get away!”

“We’re done. Over.”

“Let go of me!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m fine!”

“I thought you were better than this.”

“Get out. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“What do you mean I can’t see them?”

“What were their last words?”

“Let me see your wrists.”

“Why were you screaming last night?”

"No, please, keep breathing, I need you, I love you!"

"They cheated on me..."

"They never loved me, they never treated me right, so why does losing them hurt so much?"

"It doesn't hurt so much anymore... I'll see you on the other side..."

let me see the bruises on your knuckles

your lip is split again...

hey, don't move, you'll make it worse!

did you get shot?!

calm down and take a breath for me

oh- oh god that's a lot of blood-

give me your wrists, i want to see

focus on me- focus, okay?

your side is all bloody, are you sure you're okay?

you just puked up blood, you are not fine!

lay back down, you're too hurt to be moving

you've got a nasty bruise against your cheek

stop fighting me, i'm just trying to help!

you need to stay with me until that heals up

you said you were mine

you're fine, you're fine, hold on to me-

has- it alway been this cold?

look at me, just one last time, look at me please

no, no no, dont close your eyes on me-

dont cry- it doesn't hurt, i'm not hurting-

please hold me? just- for a little while?

it's okay, i've got you-

don't leave me, please don't leave me

shhhh- don't talk, it's okay

i'm glad yours is the last face i'll ever see

sit down with me? please?

you can't go! you can't!

i guess this is goodbye, huh?

i'm sorry, i'm so sorry

there are moments that the words dont reach

there is suffering too terrible to name

you knock me out, I fall apart

if I could spare [their] life, if I could trade [their] life for mine, [they’d] be

standing here right now, and you would smile, and that would be enough

“This will be the last time you lie to me.”

“You know it’s not like that.”

“How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

“You’re never going to be the same after this.”

“I just think it’d be best if we never met.”

“I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this.”

“You never loved me, did you?”

“It didn’t have to be like this, but now you’ve ruined everything.”

“I hope you’re happy.”

“If you had have kept your mouth shut, then he’d still- he’d still be here!”

“What did you want once this was all through? Tell me!”

“Now I have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thanks, it means a lot.”

“You could’ve- could’ve stayed. You could’ve helped me fix things.”

“I knew she’d never change, she was too stubborn, too similar to me.”

“This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now.”

“I hope I’m not put in the same part of hell as you.”

“When did you think you could hurt me again? Today? Tomorrow?”

“You’re back in my life and I want to die again.”

“You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.”

“I hope you got what you wanted.”

“You made me miserable and I still loved you.”

“When you die, I’ll be the first to dance on your grave.”

“Don’t underestimate me, I have more power than you can even comprehend.”

“If only you knew what you’d brought upon yourself.”

“We’re never going to have a happy ending, just remember that.”

“Everytime something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

“There is nothing worse than seeing you get what you want.”

“Your mind must be a horrible place.”

“You can cut me, bruise me and skin me alive, but you will not take them from me.”

“How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”

“I want to wipe that grin of your face with my sword, but my mother taught me to play nicely.”

“Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.”

“Ah, well if you want them back alive, I suggest you lay down your own life.”

“Don’t be ‘smart’. The battlefield is no place for Math Scholars.”

“You shouldn’t have come. You can’t be-”

“Stop talking or tomorrow won’t come.”

“Hand me the gun and I’ll kill him myself.”

“I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”

“If you live to see them, please send my best regards and this box of their father’s ashes.”

“It would’ve been nice to get to know you better, but I’m afraid I don’t care.”

“I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person.”

“Seeing your face has unconventionally made me want to die. I wasn’t quite prepared for this feeling.”

“You could have loved me, I’m quite good at seducing, but you’re actually vile.”

“I hope I see you in a bodybag sometime.”

“Let’s pretend you didn’t cheat on me with my sister and be good people for a few minutes.”

“We should probably stop talking forever.”

“If I hated you anymore, I think I’d probably be crowned as satan’s right-hand man.”

“To say I ‘tolerate you’ is a vast overstatement.”

“You broke her heart and came back for more, you bastard.”

“This isn’t fifth grade, this is a courtroom, you whore.”

“I think you’d be the perfect match for my ex-husband. He loved to sleep with multiple people.”

“I’m not coming home, don’t look for me.”

“Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out.”

“Please don’t look at me with such hatred.”

“I could’ve died and you couldn’t have cared less.”

“Just get out. I- I don’t want you here, just leave.”

“You’re not the same person I married, don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“I wish you wouldn’t beg for forgiveness, it has the opposite effect of what you want.”

“Don’t hate me for this. You would’ve done the same.”

“This could’ve been the end and you were ready to let me go.”“You should’ve left me, you could never deserve the person I’ve become.”

“Hate me all you want. I know I’m right.”

“Today you broke my arm, I hope tomorrow it’s not my heart.”

“Nothing can justify this, you’ve ruined him.”

“You live with so much guilt, I hope it drives you mad one of these days.”

“My life was ruined because of one mistake. You were that mistake.”

“You are everything I hate, don’t ever come back.”

“Evil doesn’t come close.”

“Your wrongdoings are becoming your pastimes.”

“I wish you had of just done it for the thrill of it, but now you’re in deep shit.”

“Next time, I won’t be here to salvage your wreckage. This is the last time.”

“You should have ruined me when you had the chance.”

“No one will keep your name alive. Once you’re gone, everything you once stood for disappears too.”

“Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about your life without me.”

“This is always how it ends.”

“Break my heart once more, I dare you.”

“Forget how you loved me once, I mean nothing now.”

“This isn’t Romeo and Juliet, this is real life and I can go on without you.”

“You don’t own me, I don’t belong to you.”

“I should’ve died. That would’ve made you happy.”

“Are we going to carry on like this or are you going to give him back to me.”

“She drowned and he lost his mind.”

“We shouldn’t. You’re married and I’m pregnant.”

“You’ve never been loved, I can tell.”

“Who told you I needed fixing and what made you believe them?”

“You’re almost as far-gone as I am.”

“Maybe it’s best that we don’t go home.”

“Roaming the streets was never safe for her. What makes you think it’s different for you?”

“I think you’re going to ruin me. Am I right?”

“Do you remember our last feud? I wouldn’t want someone to lose their life again, would you?”

“Kiss me quick and leave them be.”

“I hate seeing you so sad. It’s just so dramatic how humans show emotions and being sad is such a boring one.”

“Will you ever forget my number? No? Ah, because you still love me.”

“After the funeral, let’s surrender.”

“What made you think I cared for you?”

“It’ll be fun explaining this to your sister. I hope she likes horror stories.”

“Don’t act as if we’re friends. I know how much you want to slit my throat.”

“Let’s not get angry. Let’s calmly and sensibly take this outside so I can ruin your face.”

“Please ruin yourself for me and I’ll watch in adoration as I fall apart as well.”

[gwendolynalbrecht]

A none fan Re-Write Idea for TLOS2 (please dont kill me)

Okay... this will be long and first things first: Im not a fan. Or an angry guy. I know the very basics of the first game and as someone who enjoyed zombies (yes yes they are infected hush hush) and gaming quite a bit I stumbled over the leaks and rumors and the absolute horrible way Naughty Dog is acting. Towards their paying, loyal, fanbase... and customers most importanlty. So I gave the plot a look. Listening to the honest player reviews and yes I fully understand the anger and the disappointment really. SPOILERS Now imagine your favorite show. You favorite character, husbando, waifu son or daughter who cares, and in the long awaited next episode, the wait was long, your fanfavorite beloved character gets killed in the least caring manner possible and overly brutal to boot wouldnt you be just the smallest bit sad or mad too? Especially if they were dumped down to even die? To a point where they are out of character? We all would be come on. And its kinda sad too, we dont get many good dad characters in general.  Anyway I looked the plot over and I think we can all agree that its boring and predictable at best and utter dogshit (how fitting) at worst. And I had a bit of a thought on how the revenge idea could still work even with a bit of focus on gender and sexuality with the girls in focus still.  This is based on a YouTubers idea too, I couldnt find him again but I still wanted to mention it. So from what I know Ellie? Has a girlfriend, which is cute they seem adorkable from the material I viewed but lets get mean. What if, keeping all the (misleading) trailers in mind, the girlfriend is the one killed. Yes I know. We dont want to end our queer peeps all the time but Ellie still counts and she is one badass after all. But we are in the endtimes, mankinds numbers have dwindled, tribes exist again, it wouldnt be farfetched to find one if not more groups of fanatical people who are anti same-sex relationships because those couples cant reproduce and “safe” the speices. And Ellie and her girlfriend (so sorry I dont remember her name and I just want to smack my idea in your faces while its fresh) in the beginning and set up hours run into one, we are introduced the the nutters, the poor girl dies and our revenge plot is on the go. Ellie tries to sneak away later and like in the trailer EndtimeDad Joel? Tells her he will go with her, like the good bloody dad he is/was and we get into the game.  Now here is one of my huge ideas for Abby. We can keep most of her backstory really, her dad dying due to Joel and all. BUT and thats a big big juicy BUT Abby is NOT the one who kills Joel. In fact they never meet. Follow me here alright? This is anti revenge right? In a bleak, everyone may die universe. So what if Joel dies, protecting Ellie during the hunt / research part of the game. He is gone and out of the way, him dying for Ellie would probably make his death more impactful than the cheap provided shock value they provided and we still get the dead dad. Ellie now alone with no one else by her side has nothing else to keep driving her forward but her revenge.  And back to Abby, Im not to sure how to properly get her gameplay in, she would still be hunting Joel so she would of course be unaware of his death. And perhaps the girls cross paths much sooner in that near cult like groups outpost (maybe they have more settlements) Abby stumbles into them and her buff appearance have her mistaken as trans and she gets captured, her captors refusing to listen to reason, showing just how insane these lunatics are at that point. And they decide to maybe kill her or fore her to breed something horrible, we dont have to shy back from that after all.  At that place I would let the girls meet actually. Ellie finding that place on her hunt for that killer of her GF and she frees Abby and some other captives maybe, they escape together with one of them maybe getting injured, they stick together for a bit and bond vengance and the search for a murder being something they have in common but it ultimately comes out that Ellie knew and was close to Joel which creates a huge rift, but also at that point Abby learns the man she has hunted is already dead. (which tbh would be half expected I mean the world isnt that easy to survive in) and we are first hit with the over all theme of the game of revenge being meaningless in the end. As Abby has to face the fact that the man had died, like anyone else. She know finds herself empty and lost, very angry too the girls fighting for sure and Ellie is presented with the lie from the first games ending. Either way she still has her goal and while we get to see her struggle with that information she will move on and the girls split up with Abby now having no meaning or goal and we might delve into some serious dark places with her mentally but she stumbles into a side plot and finds other purpose. This is were my idea slowly loses detail since I obviously dont know how to fully hammer home a good “revenge is futile” ending for Ellie, maybe its still similar to the one we got, with her giving up but perhaps she found someone else who opened her eyes as sappy and clichee as it would be, someone she might met when staking out an outpost or something DISCLAIMERS: No no Im not a salty fanbrat I promise, I feel like the game had some massive potential and just wanted to share a creative little spark I got from it.  !!! I dont think I can make or write a better story than the game developers !!! Im not saying this would have turned out better !!! THIS IS JUST FOR FUNZIES!!! Why not share your own ideas, Im sure we got some FanFic authors around here and some AU fun stories sound like a good little creative exercise, you could take any show, book, game that might have disappointed you and give it your own spin, no harm done after all. This was litereally just something that popped to my mind with the plot points I gathered 

[authorofdanger]

Reason Of Survival Part 1

Genre:Angst

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, violence, kidnapping, and death.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

My breathing was ragged as I took another blow to my chest. It was another losing fight for me this week but what was the point in winning? Another day having the shit beaten out of me? To possibly having a full meal once a day and two smaller ones to try to motivate me more? Some clean water? A fucking shower? I dont have a good reason to keep fighting so I kept taking all the hits from my opponent. It felt like hours before I was on the ground with a broken wrist, fractured nose, bloodied face, cracked ribs, and bruises littering my entire body. It's not the worst I have endured in a fight but it's not my best either.

I was tossed back into my cell like a piece of meat and I could barely let out a cry from the pain of the impact. My hair was pulled up harshly which forced me to look my boss in his eyes. "The fuck is wrong with you? You were my top fighter for years and now you cant even win a single fight! And for what? Some cell mate you had for only a few months? Pathetic." My cell mate, Libby, died last week after losing her tenth fight. Boss decided she was no longer useful and.... well you can guess from there. She was my only friend in this hell hole and the only person I wasn't forced to fight. We took care of eachother and became eachothers motivation to keep going and keep winning. At this rate I'm not too far from joining her.

"I'm warning you. Either start winning or I will find better use for you," he warned before releasing my sore scalp and slamming my cell door shut. I crawled over to my personal first aid kit and cleaned myself up the best I could without water or a mirror. My wrist was going to have to wait until my weekly body check from my cell section's nurse. Leaning against the cool concrete wall I listened to the fights continuing the floor above me so I could have an idea of which cells would need to be cleared tonight.

*****

"Let me fucking go," a voice boomed down the hall which ripped my attention away from the fight. I glanced over through the bars and saw a boy being dragged this way by two guards. He looked young, possibly still a teen, but he was well built and looked to be a perfect candidate in the ring. His red hair was messy on top of his head and his clothes were ripped and bloody. He had to be new though because if he wasn't I'm sure I would have fought him by now. I pulled my legs to my chest to make myself small as the three of them stopped in front of my cell and the boy was tossed inside with me and locked in. "I swear to God your going to regret that when my team gets here," he yelled but the guards only laughed before leaving the hall.

I kept silent as I watched him curiously. Nobody in their right mind speaks to the guards like that unless you are a top fighter. A boy like him could get killed here and the boss wouldn't even bat an eye. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around and jumping at the sight of me. I relaxed my legs a bit when I saw all of the violence in his eyes be replaced with concern. "Are you okay," he asked. I let out a small painful laugh. "You're kidding right?" His eyes scanned around my body and stopped when it hit my wrist. "Its not nice to stare you know," I scoffed before shutting my eyes and leaning my head back, "you a new fighter or something?"

"Prisoner. I was captured while on a mission with my team." Prisoner? We dont have prisoners. We have fighters, sex workers, and the guards but not prisoners. "So a fighter? You look too innocent to be a guard and the boss doesn't typically want a baby faced male sex worker." My eyes shot back open in fear as I felt a hand gently grab my wrist but I didnt pull away. "I can wrap this. It might help." Without an answer he had a hold of my first aid kit and made a good makeshift cast. The entire time I kept my eyes on his face which held a sense of focus and care that kept me calm most of the time of contact. "You know it's not nice to stare," he mocked while finishing up. I rolled my eyes but chose to ignore his comment.

"What's your name?" "Y/N. Yours," I asked as he put up the kit. "Jeongin. How long have you been here?" To be honest I'm not too sure. One day I just woke up in this cell with no recollection of my past and I've been here ever since. "Years," was the easiest answer I could give him. I could see his shoulders tense up a bit but his face remained calm and held little emotion. It's odd seeing a newbie so relaxed after being brought in. Normally they would be screaming, fighting, and finding any way to escape. Jeongin on the other hand seems to accept his fate or maybe he has a plan that is bound to fail, either way it's too hard for me to read him quite yet.

"How old are you? I'm seventeen," he asked. He was probably trying to relax any fears I have of him and truth be told it was working but seventeen? And he was talking about a team and he is holding himself together? Something isnt quite right about him but how can I judge in a place like this. "I dont really know anymore. The boss has a file on me somewhere but I had a serious head injury a while back and all I remember is my name and a few scattered memories here and there. It's all a bit of a blur. Hey you said something about a team right?" His eyes shined at the question. Whoever this team is he must hold a good amount of fondness to them. "They're like brothers to me. There are nine of us in total and we run a pretty well known mafia group if I do say so myself. It's a tough job but it gives us all the thrill we have craved since birth. I'm their hacker, I can crack any passcode and hack any electronic device in minutes. Been doing it since I was about fifteen." His hopeful look dimmed as he trailed into a deep thought.

"I wonder if they know where I am." Against my better judgement I reached my hand out for him and led him to sit beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. I dont quite understand what he is feeling right now but I have a good idea. "I wont let anything happen to you Jeongin. Your brothers are coming and they will get you out of here, until then I promise I will keep you alive." Now the question was how was I going to do that? How was I going to protect another person when I can barely protect myself?

*****

The next morning we were woken up by the sounds of sobs and screaming, the usual sounds the morning after fighting matches. Today is the day where cellmates discover that their best friends, lovers, and family members are gone. Today is also the day where if we have any weak links we either move them to the sex worker section or they get killed off. It's always hard to hear no matter how long you have been here and I feel that these sounds will haunt me until the day I die. "What's happening," Jeongin whispered as I watched people being ripped from their cells and new people being added. "They're cleaning out cells. Removing weak links, adding new people, and moving people around. Dont think to much about it." He only nodded his head before taking his body weight off of me and looked around. He mentioned before that he was in the mafia, shouldn't this not bother him at all? "There's kids here too?" Does he expect the boss to have morals? If they can be of any use he will keep them. "Some were born here and some were taken. Again dont think to much into this stuff. It only adds to the depression." He turned his head and looked at me with an unreadable glare. "I'm going to get you out of here," he said more to himself but I only gave him a small smile before fear rose in my chest. I quickly got up and pushed him behind me as the boss opened my cell and slightly chuckled at my protectiveness.

"Well looks who is finally up and moving again," he said darkly while pulling a remote out of his suit pants pocket. I prepared myself for the electric shocks that were about to hit me through my shock collar but refused to stand down, he is testing me I know it. "So I see you have gotten to know our new little addition. I figured he would bring something out in you." I ticked my eyebrow up at him and listened carefully at every single word he was saying and being prepared for any questions he may ask. "I was thinking of adding him to this unit but maybe he would be better as-" "You wont take him," I interrupted boldly, "you want me to win then fine but you cant have him." I know his games and he has done things similar before. He wants his best fighter to win him big bucks in the ring and this is a sick way of doing it. A grin found it's way on his lips as he pressed the button on the remote, nearly bringing me to my knees if Jeongin didnt grab me by the waist to hold me up.

"How about we make a little deal then pet," he laughed before turning off the collar, "as long as you keep winning in the ring he doesnt have to even lift a finger. You continue your little stunt and your losing streak then I trade you two out. Maybe he can do better then you." Jeongin's grip on me tightened and he whispered in my ear "I can handle this. Dont do it." Closing my eyes and shaking my head I felt like there wasn't much of a choice. If I can help it I dont want anyone else in that ring even if it means I have to work myself to death. "He wont be in the ring? Or a part of the sex group," I asked as bravely as I could. "No. You will take up any and all of his jobs I would have pinned him to do. His whole life will depend on your actions." Could I handle that? The extra fights, possibly be in the sex ring as well, any and everything he would have to go through plus my own schedule? "Deal."

*****

"You didnt have to do that," Jeongin sighed while cleaning the dried blood off my face and body since we got our cleaning bucket. "You dont want to be out there. I've been doing this long enough to know what to expect. You just have to trust me on this." I let in a sharp inhale as the soaked rag swiped over my nose which definitely was broken. He mumbled out a few apologies but continued on until most of the blood was off of me and in the bucket. "We should be getting showers tonight for the selections," I explained as he examined the bruises and other various injuries I had. "Selections?"

"Other bosses from other districts come and decide who they want to pin against their own fighters. They also discuss which prize they want if they win. Sometimes its money and sometimes it's the losing fighter. Most of the others here I had fought at one time or another and my boss claimed. I could be fighting about four fighters if I'm lucky in the next three days."

"You call that lucky?" "Lucky as in minimum. Usually on my own I get between two or three and now that I add on your count," I began but stopped myself. I dont need him feeling bad about something that isnt his fault. "You wont be fighting. Chan and the others will find us by then," he assured quietly after a guard passed our cell. I could only give him an assuring smile. How long will it be before he gives up hope? I've been here for years and after a few months I gave up on the thought of escape. Once you end up in a cell there is no leaving, you are no longer a human in a sense but like an animal. Nobody really cares about you as a person anymore and you might as well be erased from the outside world.

"I bet Seungmin has already tracked my location by now," he added "and Chan is probably calling either Sungjin or JB! Oh or Woojin could be calling Jungwoo! It would be a mess if all of NCT came you know," he continued. At some point I zoned out of what he was saying so I myself wouldn't get my hopes up. I thought back to Libby and how right now she would be playing with my hair or how she would be trying to learn fighting strategies from me. Maybe she would have punched Jeongin in the face by now because of his optimism levels, she never was one to see the glass half full.

"Are you even listening to me," he chuckled which pulled me back to the present. "Kinda. Hey Jeongin can we not talk about escaping right now? Maybe you can tell me more about your friends in general?" As if he understood what I was getting at he nodded his head and began to ramble on about all the adventures he has been on through the years. Though he may be a little too hopeful and cheerful he is the perfect amount of light for this dark situation, and in my mind I vow to never let anything happen to him.

Even if it kills me.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

WIP Wednesday: Final Chapter of “Early Days”

Aaah, I can’t believe I’m at the last chapter of my first long fic! (Well, first in...let’s not talk about how many years...) 

For those following our progress, that means Aziraphale and Crowley have left the Garden of Eden, and I will no longer have access to tons of useful GIFs related to my story.

It also leaves me at a bit of a loss as to what to say today. There’s almost nothing I can talk about that isn’t a spoiler! And I know, people say “if telling the ending ruins your story, it’s not a good story,” but as a reader (and consumer of TV shows, movies and other media), one of my favorite parts is that “aHA/oSHIT” moment when you finally figure out what’s going on, and it’s something you only get to experience once per story.  So when I talk about spoiling, I’m talking about specifically ruining that moment for people, which again, is one of my favorites.

Also, it’s just super hard to talk about endings out of context?

But I suppose there is one thing that’s fairly well foreshadowed and doesn’t count as a spoiler in any major way: Gabriel shows up, and he’s an ass.

So yeah. I started writing “Early Days” less than a month after GO aired, and I wasn’t much involved in the fan community at first, so I had no idea how Gabriel was received.  But I haaaaaaaated him. Well, that’s a strong word; people tend to use that term for characters that they wish wouldn’t show up at all, but I love a villain who I can just REALLY DISLIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL and Gabriel gets pretty close to that.

I enjoy a character that makes my skin crawl. Who makes me throw up my hands and shout “WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THE THING?!” Who occasionally does something so awful your brain has to stop and recalculate.

Heaven in Good Omens is AT LEAST as terrifying as Hell, and Gabriel just makes suuuuch a good “face” for it. I really wanted him to show up at the end of “Early Days” and be a complete ass to poor Aziraphale.

BUT, as I said, I wasn’t much involved in the fandom yet, and wasn’t sure how this would be received. I suspected (and it turned out I was right) that he had some fans - some who like him because they find him redeemable, some who just like him as he is, some who ship him with Beelzebub (which... ???? ...but I guess there is a certain logic to that, I can see it) - and I didn’t want to deal with a deluge of Gabriel fans complaining about my story.

(Yes, I was raised feral in the comment sections of FF.net and the flame-war ridden Harry Potter boards, where if you thought someone portrayed a character OOC you just told them, and then insulted their entire family and told them to give up writing. It left its scars...)

So I considered introducing an original character to play Aziraphale’s superior here. I do ultimately go that route for certain things - I’ve mentioned Briathos, Aziraphale’s commander during the War in Heaven, because Gabriel clearly is not one to actually fight; I’ve also got a new Archangel I hope to introduce down the line, once I’ve got some characterization issues sorted out; and I’m working on an OC demon to be a former superior of Crowley’s - but the scene called for a familiar character, and ultimately one thing decided me:

Gabriel is abusive. 

The whole structure of Heaven is pretty emotionally abusive, but Gabriel is in a lot of very small, sometimes petty ways. He’s controlling, he’s insulting, he’s manipulative, he gaslights, and just generally makes Aziraphale’s life awful.  Look at Aziraphale’s face every time they talk. Look at his overbearing body language. Look at the “material objects” scene - he literally can’t be bothered to remember the name of the thing Aziraphale loves most (well, they fall between Crowley and Food) while in a shop that sells them because Aziraphale, as a person, is just that unimportant to him.

But, perhaps more importantly, it’s the way he’s so BLOODY CHEERFUL about it. There’s a certain genuineness to Gabriel that honestly makes it all worse. He tells Aziraphale to “lose the gut” in the voice of someone who really thinks a bit of gentle ribbing is all the motivation someone needs to lose weight (stop it); he laughs about how “humans are so simple” in a way that’s meant to suggest inclusivity don’t worry, I don’t think *you’re* simple, not this time (you’re an ass); he tosses out “of course there has to be a war, how else would we win it?” with the casualness of someone who never thinks of other possible solutions (I hate you); and right before the so-called “trial” he walks past Crowley-as-Aziraphale and pats his shoulder as if to say “don’t worry, this won’t be that bad” right before berating him and ordering him to kill himself (ARG I DONT EVEN TOUCH HIM YOU MONSTER!!)...

As you can see, thinking about it sends me into a bit of a rage spiral.

But the point is: to Gabriel, this is what being a warm, genuine, loving person looks like. As far as he is concerned, he is being the best possible authority figure, gently encouraging Aziraphale to be the best possible angel, by viciously cutting away everything he doesn’t like about him. He’s completely internalized his own propaganda, to the point where he’s forgotten what love ACTUALLY looks like.

Which, in turn, means that the angels - who, as Michael Sheen once put it, are beings of pure love - are being twisted by their leader to have a wholly distorted view of what love IS.

Which means Aziraphale ALSO doesn’t really understand love.  Think about it.

Smiles like this one only come after Crowley does something FOR HIM. He pouts and scowls about his jacket being ruined until Crowley removes the stain, and then out comes the smile he knows Crowley wants. I’m not saying it’s fake.  Its real.  Like at those eyes.  He can’t maintain eye contact for more than three seconds before he has to distract himself by pretending to be a gun expert.

But in the economy of Heaven, a sign of affection is a reward for services rendered. It’s not something freely given.

I’m sure you can find counter examples of this - in the show and even in my own writing - that show Aziraphale being affectionate without prompting. I mean, he is different; he’s not wholly caught up in the propaganda of Heaven. But he is deep enough that he constantly manipulates the person he loves most and doesn’t see that as in any way problematic; he’s deep enough that when Gabriel tells him TO HIS FACE that he will fail with the Anti-Christ and no one cares, he doesn’t see any warning signs; he’s deep enough that breaking free will take more than a little hand-holding and laughing at the Ritz.

So, in conclusion. Seeing Gabriel be abusive towards Aziraphale leads me to consider the effects of that long-term abuse on our favorite angel. This, in turn, leads me to wonder about the relationship dynamic between him and Crowley - both before and after the Notpocalypse. And to wonder what exactly it will take to get them both healed - which is shaping up to be a major theme of the post-Notpocalyse portion of “Sawdust of Words.”

Which you can find here on AO3!

(Side note: Crowley also has his issues, though he does hide them a bit better. One of my upcoming long stories, “What it Means to Be a Demon” explores this side of him a bit more and...oh lord does it get real dark real quick sorry in advance.)

[rigginsstreet]

Fredsythe and 50

50. writer’s preference (we doin 9. “Don’t you ever do that again!”)

he’s woken up by the sound of tapping at his window. 

at first he just thinks it’s a dream, and then maybe the wind, until it sounds like whatever is hitting the glass is getting bigger and is followed by whispered yelling.

“wake the fuck up, fred! do not make me come up there!”

it’s alice. fred could recognize that shrill anywhere.

he groans, rolling over to look at his bedside clock. it’s 2 a.m. and fred has no idea what the hell could be so important that alice smith needs to risk waking the entire block up just to annoy him.

throwing the covers back, he trudges out of bed and over to the window, lifting it up with what feels like more effort than usually needed with the way his arms feel like jelly from barely being awake. “what the hell, al? do you know what time it is?” he can’t even keep his eyes open. 

“it’s fp.” 

it’s like he’s just been doused with ice water. two words is all it takes to bring fred to full attention. even with a sleep-addled brain fred knows alice coming to his house in the middle of the night because of fp doesn’t mean anything good. 

“alright. hold on,” is all he says before looking around and grabbing the first pair of pants he sees on the floor along with his rhs hoodie. he climbs out the window, shuffles down the side of his house and jumps the last few feet before rushing over to alice. “what happened?” he sounds panicked even to his own ears. 

alice starts walking - jogging, practically - to where fred can see a motorcycle parked on the curb. “i dont know. gladys and i were hanging out at the wyrm and fp comes in. his face was all…” she lets the sentence trail off. fred can fill in the gaps. “next thing we know he’s stealing a bottle of bourbon from the bar so gladys and i follow him out, try to get him to talk. we end up at the school and now he’s on the roof and we can’t get him down.”

“he’s on the roof?!” fred practically screams, and alice has to clamp her hand over his mouth before the entire neighborhood actually does wake up. 

“gladys is keeping an eye on him.” she removes her hand and grabs the helmet that’s hanging off the bike’s handlebars before shoving it to fred’s chest. “but you know he’ll only listen to you. come on.”

they waste no more time, fred hopping on behind alice and holding on tight as she speeds off into the night.

–

the second they reach the school parking lot he’s off the bike and on his feet, tossing the helmet to the side and looking up at the now ominous building. the lighting is for shit, but fred can just make out the silhouette of someone stumbling along the roof’s edge and his heart sinks. 

“f…” he breathes, more to himself than anything. he knows enough not to yell out. doesn’t want to surprise his best friend lest he lose his footing.

he doesn’t wait any longer, dashing into the school and not stopping until he reaches the roof. alice must still be trailing somewhere behind him but he can’t focus on that. all he sees is fp in front of him, walking along the roof’s ledge like some tightrope routine, albeit clumsier. 

fp’s got a half empty bottle in one hand, taking occasional swigs from it while he dangles his foot off the side of the building like he’s tempting fate. all fred wants to do is run over and grab him, bring him back to safety, hold him close. but he can’t. no sudden movements. 

fred takes his eyes off fp for just a moment to notice gladys nearby, hands in her hair, visibly stressed, trying to talk fp down. it’s obviously not working. 

she lets out a breath and turns around, finally noticing fred, and her body deflates. “oh thank fucking christ.” they meet each other halfway, fred’s eyes never leaving fp. “you gotta do something, fred. he’s not listening.” she looks back at fp briefly before returning her attention to fred. 

“what am i supposed to do?” fred asks, sounding all too much like a scared child. it’s exactly what he feels like. powerless. 

“he listens to you, fred,” gladys tries to reassure. reaches out and squeezes fred’s arm. 

fred takes a deep breath, nods his head like he actually believes he has this situation under control. he doesn’t. he’s in way over his head here. if they were dealing with anyone else he would’ve told alice from the start to get the police, or at the very least an adult. but this is fp, and if there’s one thing fred knows it’s that either of those things would just spook fp. get him pissed. send him off running. or worse. it’s a sobering thought realizing he really is the only one who can talk fp down.

he braces himself for the unexpected, not knowing which version of his best friend he’s going to get with so much alcohol in his system. he approaches slowly, like he’s trying to tame a lion in a cage.

“f...” he starts, voice quiet.

fp looks over his shoulder. there’s something shining in the reflection of the moonlight on his face. something wet. fred’s stomach twists when he remembers what alice said to him earlier. “that you, freddie?”

“yeah. yeah, buddy. it’s me.”

fp scoffs, takes another drink. “buddy,” he mocks. “that what we are now?”

he’s trying to pick a fight, fred knows. “why don’t you just come down so we can talk, huh?”

but fp doesn’t move. just finishes off his bottle and holds it out in front him, watches as he lets it fall from his hand and all the way down to the ground below. waits for the faint sound of glass shattering before he speaks. “shit, if we’re just buddies you should’ve told my dad. could’ve spared me an ass beating.”

it’s hardly the first time fred’s been made aware of forsythe senior’s particular brand of punishment, the hell he likes to unleash on his son, but it never gets any easier to swallow. he had tried in the beginning to get fp to tell somebody, begged him, really, but he never would. too afraid of ending up lost in the system. too afraid of what his dad would do if shit didn’t pan out. fp’s entire life seemed to be ruled by fear.

“fp, please. just-”

“fuck off, fred!”

fp stumbles from the force of his yelling, too much booze in his system to keep him steady, and there’s a moment where fred thinks this is it. he can hear a gasp from the girls behind him as he’s lunging forward to grab fp. but fp rights himself on his own, and fred feels like he’s about to keel over from the heart attack he’s just almost had. 

but it lights a fire in him. “ok, you know what?” it’s reckless and stupid but he’s climbing up to stand next to fp. hears alice in the back yelling “are you fucking crazy?!” but ignores her. 

even fp’s eyes are blown wide as he turns his head to look at his new company. it’s the first time fred’s really able to get a look at the damage done. it’s bad. really bad. but he can’t focus on that right now. 

“the fuck are you doing?” fp asks.

fred shrugs his shoulders, trying to be as nonchalant as he can with his heart pounding in his chest. it’s not so much that he’s afraid of heights.... he’d just rather not be standing on the edge of a roof without a safety net below. “you jump, i jump.”

“jesus christ, fred. i wasn’t gonna jump.”

“you could’ve fooled me!”

“i wasn’t! i just... don’t care if i fall.”

“well i care!” fred feels like he’s on the verge of hysterics. maybe he’s already there. 

“well i didn’t ask you to!”

“that’s too damn bad!” he and fp have had their share of stupid fights in the past but this.... this has got to take the fucking cake. “one of these days you’re gonna have to face the fact that people actually care about you.”

fp doesn’t say anything, just keeps his jaw clenched as he looks at the ground below him. 

“i care about you,” fred emphasizes. “and i think i’d lose my mind if anything happened to you.”

fp finally turns his gaze to fred, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “i’m real fucked up, fred,” he whispers, voice breaking with raw emotion. “can’t even get my own dad to love me.”

fred’s heart breaks for him, and he wants nothing more than to run down to the south side and lay into senior; kicking and punching and wailing about how he could do this to his son. “screw your dad,” is what he settles on. he reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind fp’s ear, let’s his hand linger there. “i don’t know how to make things better for you, but i’m here. and i’ll always be here. for as long as you need me.”

fp sniffs, looks away. “that’s a helluva job to take on. you sure it’s worth it?”

“yes,” fred responds without missing a beat. 

fp’s head snaps up, his eyes searching fred’s for any sign of deception, like this is just a ploy to talk fp down and the words are meaningless. they’re not, he knows. doesn’t make it any easier to believe.

fred hops off the ledge then, back onto the roof, holds his hand out to fp like a beggar. “come on, f.” he doesn’t need to say please. it’s written all over his face. “let me take you home.”

“i’m not going back there.”

“you know what i meant.”

fp looks down over the ledge again, contemplating the fall, before look back to fred, to his outstretched hand, to his safety line. he takes it, hopping down onto the roof and as soon as his feet hit fred’s pulling him into his arms and holding him like he’s trying to crush fp’s bones. the dam breaks and fp can’t stop the tears, burying his face against fred’s shoulder, sure he’ll leave bloody stains behind on the fabric of his hoodie. 

but fred doesn’t seem to care. he keeps holding fp impossibly closer, pressing his lips to fp’s hair and saying “don’t you ever do that again! you hear me? fucking scared the shit out of me.”

fp cries harder. keeps repeating he’s sorry, he’s sorry over and over.

fred pulls back, gentle cradles fp’s face in his hands, careful not to upset his wounds. “i fucking love you, you know that?” he says it with such determination, like he needs fp to know.

fp nods his head. he can’t even see fred’s face properly through his tears but he doesn’t need to. the sincerity is loud and clear. there’s no mistaking it. “take me home, freddie.” he sounds so small, so childlike. so vulnerable. 

fred nods his head before pulling fp into another hug, lips right to his ear. “yeah, baby. let’s go.”

[all-hail-the-witcher]

save your strength and stay alive

so so so

today is,,,fizz’s birthday !!!

yeah my two internet friends have birthdays one day apart what were the heckin odds

anyway so forever ago I wrote this au where Albert was this weird low key villain and now heres part three

part 1

part 2

_____

ship: I honestly dont even know, failed ralbert, platonic sprace ??

genre: the phattest angst

warnings: character death, car accidents, bleeding, lots of blood, abuse mentions, sex mentions, mentions of low key cheating, sorta panic attack, major guilt, sad stuff, rain, thunder storms, cursing, be careful kids

editing: m e h

words: 2030

_____

Spot squinted into the rain, flinching every time a boom of thunder banged in the sky above him. The wind was howling, almost drowning out the pounding of his heart that sounded in his ears with every breath. The dirt road was thick with mud and he knew that he could get stuck at any moment.

But getting stuck wasn’t an option. He had to find Race.

Hopefully there was still a Race left to find.

The rain was coming down in sheets so thick that even with his headlights on high he could hardly see a foot in front of the car. It didn’t help that he was on one of the back roads of the Blue Ridge Mountains and was, hence, surrounded by trees.

But, this was Race’s thinking spot. There was a clearing about another mile or so down this road that Race would go to when he was overwhelmed and needed to clear his head. Spot couldn’t imagine that there was any other place he could have gone, but he had made Romeo stay at home just in case Race decided to come back.

“Fucking hell,” Spot cursed as a crack of lightning pierced the sky. He hated the thought of Race being out in this weather: alone, miserable, and suffering. They wouldn’t even be in this predicament if it weren’t for Albert Fucking DaSilva.

Spot still couldn’t believe that Albert had intentionally hit Race. It didn’t matter what someone’s past was, any person should have the decency and the sense alone not to hit someone.

And then there was the fact that he had made out with someone mere minutes after hooking up with Race. Spot understood that one night stands came with their own set of rules and were not for those, like himself, who had standards, but it seemed odd to him that Albert had decided to make out with Finch when Race was standing in the same room and then have the audacity to ask for a round two.

But then again, what did his virgin ass know?

The bottom line still remained though: Albert had hurt Race worse than anyone had in years, and, once Spot found Race, they were not allowed near each other again. There was no one in the entire world that Spot cared about more than Race and Romeo. At this point the both of them practically lived with Spot and his mom since Race’s dad was never around and when he was he was always drunk and both of Romeo’s parents spent weeks on end in DC where they worked with the Secret Service.

The three of them had grown up together and vowed to always protect each other. He and Race had wreaked havoc on a few of Romeo’s particularly nasty exes. Spot was certain that he and Romeo would be doing the same to Albert. No one messed with their family.

There was a piercing BOOM! and Spot jumped, losing control of the wheel for a second. His tires slid across the slick mud and he struggled to regain control of the car.

“Fuck come on!” Spot tensed his arm muscles as he turned the wheel as hard as he could into the skid. His foot fumbled for the brake pedal and he put all his weight into slamming it into the ground. He held his breath, waiting for the car to stop and hopefully not skid into the tree line, but, just when he thought he was safe, he felt his car smack into something very, very solid.

Spot’s eyes flew open - when had he closed them? - and was met with the sight of the bed of Race’s unmistakably totaled pickup truck smashed into the front of his car.

For one second Spot sat paralyzed with fear, a million scenarios running through his head: he had just killed his best friend, no, Race wasn’t in the car, no he had to be in the car, but, since he had hit the bed of his truck maybe he was okay, Spot’s airbag hadn’t gone off so maybe it wasn’t that bad but he could be bleeding out or dead or dying or severely injured or dead he could be dead he could be dead what the hell was he doing he could have just killed his best friend-

Spot wrestled with his seatbelt and pushed open his door, not even feeling the rain as it soaked him through. The drivers door of Race’s car was smashed in -which later Spot would realize meant that the accident was not his fault because he had hit the bed of the truck, not the side- and after struggling with the handle for a minute Spot gave up and went around the passenger’s side. Thankfully, the door was fully intact on this side and Spot pulled it open.

The first thing he registered was Race leaning against the wrecked drivers side door and he breathed a deep sigh of relief. Then he saw the blood.

It was everywhere. On the seats, the door, the dashboard, the floor the shards of broken glass, and Race’s clothes, face and hair. Spot had never seen so much blood.

He pulled out his phone, praying that there was service out here in the middle of nowhere in a rainstorm, and dialed 911 - better to do that now than when he was choked up and overwhelmed by his actions later.

Then he ducked into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut behind him. If he was going to die, he might as well be a little less soaked.

“Race?” Spot called over the rain. “You with me?”

There was no response.

Spot’s stomach clenched and he scooted closer, extremely mindful of the broken glass scattered around him. He reached out to touch Race’s shoulder, but stopped short when he remembered the earlier interaction with Albert.

“Fucking DaSilva,” Spot muttered, opting to instead lean closer to his best friend. “Antonio,” he said firmly. “Can you hear me?”

Please respond, please respond, please respondpleaserespondpleasepleaseplease-

“S-sean?”

And just like that, everything was okay again.

“Yeah, I’m here, it’s okay.” Spot tried to sound soothing despite his nerves and the terrible looming thought that he was the one responsible for the accident. But, he needed to hear it from Race. “What happened kid?”

“Seanie, you’re-” Race coughed painfully and Spot winced, “uh, bleein’. Wha’ ‘appened?’”

“What?” Spot was confused and looked down at himself briefly before remembering that he was not the primary concern. “That doesn’t matter right now, kid. Can you tell me what hurts?”

“M’ ‘ead,” Race mumbled, closing his eyes again. “An’ m’ leg is stuck.”

“Okay.” Spot surveyed the wreck and saw that Race’s left leg was, in fact, pinned between the seat and the crushed door. Spot then noticed with alarm that there was a bloody stain on both the driver’s window and the steering wheel that matched with the injuries on Race’s head. At first, Spot wondered why the airbags hadn’t gone off, but then he remembered that Race had taken his airbags out to replace them with better ones because when he had bought his truck there had been a recall on them, but had never gotten around to it.

Spot put his head in his hands. He had insisted that Race reinstall the airbags in his truck, but clearly he hadn’t tried hard enough. Maybe if he had tried harder this wouldn’t have happened. Like maybe if he hadn’t agreed to let Race go to that party he wouldn’t be bleeding out right now. Maybe if he had just put in a little more effort, cared a little more this wouldn’t have-

“S’potti’?” Race’s weak voice pierced through Spot’s thoughts. “Wha’s wron’?”

There were so many things he could have said. I’m sorry I let Albert hit you? I’m sorry I let you go to that party? I’m sorry I didn’t force you to put those new fucking aribags in your truck? I’m sorry we’re sitting here right now? But Spot instead blurted out: “I’m sorry I hit your truck and hurt you like this, I skidded on some mud and it was dark and raining, and I didn’t see you until after I had already hit you and I’m just-I’m so sorry Tony.”

“‘ean, no, i’ wasn’ you- i-” Race’s words started to run together more, but there was a firmness behind them. “I’ wasn’ you. I’ ‘as som’ guy, he ‘it me ‘n drove away, an’ I go’ pushed int’ ‘he door, ‘n then a few mi’ut’s ago somethin’ ‘it th’ back o’ my truck ‘n my ‘ead jus’ bump’d th’ ‘teerin’ wheel, ‘n-”

“That was me Tony,” Spot whispered, cutting him off. “I hit the back of your car. God, I’m so sorry I really didn’t mean to, you must be in so much pain, I-”

“No, no,” Race mumbled. “‘topp’d bein’ able t’ feel mucha anytin’ afta th’ firs’ few minutes o’ so.”

This comment did absolutely nothing to calm Spot’s fears.

“‘re you okay tho’?” Race asked, cracking open his eyes again to look at Spot. “‘f your ‘urt you needa take care’o yourself.”

“No, I’m fine kid. Don’t worry about me. The ambulance should be here for you soon anyhow and if they decide I need help, I’ll let them help me.”

Race shot him a sideways look that almost made Spot laugh before his eyes fluttered shut again. For a few painful seconds the silence between them was filled by just the rain pounding on the roof.

“I wish I never let you go to that party,” Spot whispered, toeing at the worn carpet with his boots. “Then none of this would have happened.”

“Don’ be sorry,” Race muttered, barely audible over the rain. “‘s betta this way. I was neva gonna ge’ betta anyway ‘n I was gonna de’troy m’self at somepoin’, betta now than latah, ya know? I’ve fough’ so ‘ard already anyway. There’s no poin’. Least I gotta ‘ave sex wit’ a hot guy on’ las’ time befo’ I died.”

Spot’s head snapped up. Why was Race acting so self destructive? He had probably just had a panic attack and that combined with whatever injuries he had sustained had sucked the last bit of energy out of him. Spot knew that that wasn’t good, Race always gave up in some sense after a panic attack, and he couldn;t have him doing that now, especially not now. He needed Race to keep breathing and survive this.  

“Tony? No, hey, I need you, a lot of people need you, and you're gonna be fine anyway. The ambulance is gonna be here soon and they’re going to help you. It’s all going to be okay. Save your strength, okay?” Most of those words were for Spot’s own sake. He knew it was a very real possibility that Race would not make it, and Race’s own calmness toward the situation was not helping. Whenever Race had previously been injured, he had been freaking out and his state of calm was only adding to Spot’s nerves.

“Sean,” There was a sadness to Race’s voice that Spot had never heard before, “Everythin’s not goin’ t’ be okay, ‘n tha’s alrigh’. You’ll be fine, Ro will be fine, ‘s gonna be okay. I’ve ‘ad som’ time t’ think abou’ it. Jus’ know ‘s not your faul’ alrigh’?”

“Antonio, no, stop that,” Spot felt tears spring up behind his eyes. This was it, he was losing his best friend, and there was nothing he could do about it. What did you say to someone who had already accepted their death? What were you supposed to say? Did it even matter anymore?

“‘s okay Sean,” Race whispered. “I-” He coughed again and Spot felt his heart clench. “I love you.”

“I love you too, kid,” Spot whispered.

“‘ell Ro I lov’ ‘im too.”

“I will,” Spot promised. “I promise.”

“Thank you fir everythin’,” Race struggled to keep his eyes open. “I couldn’ ‘ave ask’d fir a betta frien’.”

“Of course Antonio,” Spot whispered, watching powerlessly as Race’s eyes fell shut and didn’t open again. “Of course.”

_____

and thats that

there will be one more installment and hopefully you wont have to wait 6 months oops

hbd fizz

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the taglist

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