#all the angst

[lulublack90]

Prompt 21 - Fireplace

@wolfstarmicrofic December 21, word count 211

Remus stared at the empty, lifeless fireplace and took a swig from his bottle of cheap vodka. It burned on the way down and not in the pleasant way firewhisky did, but he didn’t want pleasant anyway.

He stared into the fireplace, willing anyone to come through it. Please, he begged in his head, please, someone come. But the grate stayed cold and empty because no one could come. James was… Lily was… Peter was… and Sirius… Remus took a long, long swallow of the stomach-stripping alcohol. He was alone, and he’d better get used to it. 

He tugged his wand out of his robes and shakily pointed it at the fireplace. 

“Bombarda!” He screamed at it, blasting the brickwork away. He was left with a gaping hole in the wall. Mirroring the gaping hole where his heart had once been, and the real kicker was that even though Sirius had betrayed everyone he cared about, Harry now had no parents, Peters's mother had no son, and Remus had no one. Even though he’d done all that, Remus still loved him. 

He fell to his knees and screamed at the world. Cursing the universe and cursing Sirius Black for everything he’d done and cursing him again because he still loved him.

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Saving What Was Lost✨

Pre-Outbreak! Joel Miller x fem! reader

A/N: This was very much inspired from reading Hunting Adeline. Thank you to @alltheirdamn for screaming with me about this and bouncing ideas with me. I’m so so excited for it 😭 This one is for all the girls who’ve ever been taken advantage of, used, and are healing from unspoken trauma. This is very much all about healing and being taken under the wings of a man that breathes life into you again 🥹 This one’s for you, my healing girlies 🩷

“Left Behind” by The Plot In You was the song that really pushed me to write this 🥹

Summary: You never expected to get auctioned off in a room full of filthy rich, vile men after being taken over a year ago, but it happened. And the man that buys you, the one with soft brown eyes, just might’ve saved your life. He doesn’t want to hurt you. No. He wants to show you what it’s like to fall back in love with life.

Tags: Mentions of being trafficked, flashbacks of being abused, non-consensual touching, a boat load of angst, soft and protective Joel, tons of emotions, trust issues, PTSD, eventual smut (consensual and gentle), no use y/n, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel is late 40’s), pre-outbreak au, more tags to come with each chapter

Ch 1: You’re Safe With Me

Ch 2: A Million Shades of Red

Ch 3: You Trust Me?

Ch 4: Bubble Baths and Faded Scars

Ch 5: Friday Night In

Ch 6: New Introductions (Coming Soon!)

Ch 7

Ch 8

Ch 9

Ch 10

[eyesthecolorofarson]

Dp x DC where Danyal Al Ghul is born as the son of Talia Al Ghul and Thomas Wayne. At age seven he's killed by his rampaging grandfather and comes back by a mixture of Lazarus water and All-Caste magic. He meets John Constantine on a mission, and learns how to use his ghost powers and other forms of magic. At age ten he's dropped off in Gotham with Thomas Wayne, The Batman and his arch nemesis Martha Wayne, The Joker.

He and Thomas talk, because he still looks identical to Bruce, and Thomas admits he doesn’t want to call Danny his son because he knows he'll start using Danny as a replacement for Bruce. Danny understands that, and admits he sees Constantine as more of a father figure. He calls Thomas 'old man' from then on, not dad, but still family.

He meets Martha when she's Martha, and later when she's Joker. Martha is very tired, sometimes unsure of where she is but kind and polite. Joker is ruthless, creative and cruel, but never hurts children. Danny has to wear a full face covering around both of them. They know Bruce's face far too well.

Everythings going great, until he has to help another timeline and meets Bruce and Damian. He brushes past introductions, immediately going to Batman. "Hey, old man!" Batman stares at him. Danny stares back, then tilts his head, confused. "Old man Thomas?"

[murd3rouscrow]

Hey folks! I got some juicy angst for you all today, as always, spoilers for sign of four part 10, under the cut

I got a mostly headcannon-y aftermath of Mary's death for you all.

- After Mary's death, John went to stay with his mum for a bit. Not a long time, just a week or two. He just needed to be away from the city, away from cases.

- Sherlock and Mariana stayed. They took on a lot of smaller cases. Like Mariana said, they'd go broke if they didn't.

- Mariana spent a lot of nights at 221B, she slept in John's room, just so Sherlock wouldn't have to be alone. Sherlock thinks it's cause she doesn't want to be alone. He's not entirely wrong.

- They'd call John every night. They didn't talk much, mostly have him on facetime while they ate dinner. John would eventually start crying again and, Sherlock and Mariana tried to help him as much as they could.

- All three of them blame themselves. Obviously John blames himself for getting Mary wrapped up in all this. Mariana blames herself for letting Mary come with her to the Spanish ship. Sherlock blames himself for not being able to stop Mary from getting hit.

- John comes back to 221B. Mariana doesn't stop staying the night, usually on the couch now. They still eat dinner together. Sherlock goes on small cases, alone mostly.

- John thinks a lot. He thinks about what if he stormed in with the girls. He thinks about what if him and Mary ran away together. He thinks about what if Mary showed up for that first date, and he never met Sherlock.

- Sherlock doesn't think at all. He's gone entirely on autopilot. He doesn't speak to John often. He barely speaks at all. He's not sure what he can say.

- Mariana edited some of the last episode. John did most of the complicated stuff but he couldn't listen to some of it without crying.

- John wants to blame Sherlock. He knows he shouldn't, and it's not rationally his fault. But he's only human.

- The three spent a lot of time just sitting together in silence. It was comforting in a way. At least, to John it was.

- John finally comes to Sherlock's room to talk. There's a lot of tears (mostly from John) and a lot of hugging (also from John, but some from Sherlock).

- The three take a week off cases. They don't go anywhere special. The movies, the park, cafes and restaurants. 'Friend dates', John calls them. All the dates he would've taken Mary on. Instead, he takes the other people in his life he loves as much as he loved her.

[ricksmarlene]

THE WALKING DEAD: THE ONES WHO LIVE (2024) title sequence

[cupidsblonde]

so do i look like him?

after katsuki’s death, the only thing your parents can see in you is him

when you used to imagine giving a speech about your younger brother, you have imagined it everywhere but here.

maybe a wedding

at an award show  

anywhere but here.

“i remember when katsuki first got his quirk, we all knew he was destined for greatness… but he was ripped away from us to soon.” you say lip quivering.

“he will never be able to live out his dream. or live out the life that had so many great things ahead of him. ripped from the arms of his loved ones, from his greatness, from his determination.” voice breaking, tears falling down your face.

“tomura shigaraki, i promise that if i ever find you, you will be ripped from the hearts of the people motivated by you, just as you did my brother” you say staring straight into the broadcasting camera, which was showing your brothers funeral all across the world.

since he was a nation wide hero. but he never got to be the hero he wanted to be, rich, famous, doing what he loved. 

for he was famous. this just wasn’t how anyone imaged it.

 was this all he was going to be to the world? a dead kid, who had a dream of being a hero and died on his way there in a war he had no place fighting in? 

is that kid the only thing your parents will ever be able to see in you?

being the eldest was great, until katsuki was gone. 

incident one

 you where all sitting around the dinning table. katsuki’s spot next to your empty. nothing but his lingering smell of caramel, which was fading, and quickly. it was quite. you just wanted to eat, and go to sleep. 

you pick up your fork and go to put the food into your mouth, clamping your mouth around the fork and unbeknownst to you, the scratching food. 

you groan, grimace and catch your parents eyes. they’re both staring at you. like you did something wrong. you can see the tears welling in their eyes. your mom slams her fork down and gets up from the table 

“excuse me” she says in a hushed tone. you didn’t know what happened. you looked to your dad for an answer. 

“you just looked a lot like him right then” you dad almost whispers to you.

incident two

you missed katsuki a lot.

his grunts

his anger

his determination 

his want 

his excellency.

you and everyone in your house avoided his room like the plague. scared that if it was changed even a little bit, something would happen. 

but you just couldn’t take not even smelling his scent around the house anymore. you went into his room one day. 

16 years of coming into his room, annoying him, crying to him, watching movies with him. had come to end. you sat on the floor, sat in his bed, sat at his desk and you made your way to his closet. that’s where it smelt the most of him. aside from his bed, but even that was fading.

all you wanted to do was cry. there was no way he was coming back, you know that. right? 

you continue to go into his spaces. just hoping your going to find your younger brother there. watch him study maybe, even hope you would be able to hear him yell at you to “get the f out of my room”. 

but you would never get to have that’s again. 

this time it was your dad. 

you had said something that you picked up from katsuki and your dad froze where he stood. 

you could tell he had been cracking his shell he made when katsuki died. push everything down to hold the family together. so he needed to get away. he stopped what he was doing and went to he and your mothers room. 

“you just looked a lot like him, with that look on your face, saying that.” your mother quivered out to you. sobbing and choking at the end of her sentence.

incident three

you had been falling back into a place that katsuki an you both worked so hard to get you out of mentally. 

you where drinking again

back on drugs

it started slow. just how it always did. 

you had been clean for nearly 2 years. you obviously didn’t need your younger brother to keep you a normal ass person, who wasn’t drinking all the time, sleeping all the time, back on drugs.

bakugo katsuki, your younger brother, your best friend. was one of the only things that kept you on the earth. 

but now, it was your parents. not because you where happy all the time with them as you where with katsuki. 

but having to bury both of their children? you couldn’t do that to them. 

so you began getting sober again. the drugs stopped and the drinking stopped, you had been reminded that katsuki helped you out of that dark, dark place and if he saw you just fall right back into it as soon as he’s gone, he would be disappointed.

it was hard, because it wand ike he was gone on a trip. he was gone, for good.

this time, it was both of them. both of your parents. 

you grabbed any random hoodie one day, not even realizing it was your brothers. you came down the stairs and your parents where right in the view of the stairs, and stopped when you came down. 

you then realized. 

you wouldnt ever be your own person now. atleast not to your parents. 

you understood, their child was gone. and you reminded them of him. and that’s … hard.

not only for them but also for yourself.

this is the first time you started to catch on 

“do i look like him?” 

both of your parents nodded quickly, tears filling their eyes and they both walked away very quickly. 

of course you went to go change.

but that’s when you realized, 

his scent wasn’t on the hoodie anymore 

the more that you thought about it. his scent wasn’t anywhere around the house anymore, aside for his room, which was fading. 

incident four

you where going through an old photo album, you all missed katsuki in with all of your hearts. 

there where a bunch of pictures of katsuki but it started getting easier to look at them. easier to, accept.

but there was this one problem, this one picture. that had your mother sobbing, your dad with tears streaming down your face and you, your face plastered with an a thousand yard stare. your mouth fell open, you wanted to say something. 

anything, but you couldn’t. it felt like your vocal cords had been ripped out, your throat was burning. your eyes where being filled with tears. you closed the picture book slowly. 

you don’t remember much after that.

 all you feel right now is the pain in the balls of your feet from the heels your wearing, continusally having to pull your to short and to tight dress down and the feeling of your back side grinding up against a man that you meet at the bar merely a half hour ago.

“wanna get out of here ma?” the man who you didn’t even know who’s name.

next morning

you woke up next to this man, who you still didn’t know the name of. 

these type of nights continued on for weeks. 

you didn’t see your parents much, you where staying with your friends more and more and they are worried about you. they are always supportive, they understand what your going through. but they are worried.

and they had every reason to. especially tonight. 

when you didn’t come home, after you sobbed in mina’s arms are the first time. saying you wished it was you who was gone and not your brother. she was first your brothers friend, but she ended up being yours as well. 

you missed him, so so much. and you didn’t know how to handle it.

you had taken care of him for his whole life. being the eldest was hard. it was always hard. it was so much harder when the one thing keeping you going was now gone. 

you could see it in your parents eyes. the only thing in their eyes was sadness. so the only you could ask yourself now was 

“do i look like him?”

[seraphinitegames]

what was going through A’s mind if during the LT route, you train with N and hook up on the grass?

A very odd mix of being glad that the two of them are so happy and the heart-wrenching agony wishing that it didn't happen!

A is really torn between the depth of their feelings for the MC, wanting both their oldest friend and the MC they care for to be happy especially together, and their desire to be the one in N's shoes.

There's a lot of added angst in this route, hehe! :D

Thank you so much for the ask! :)

[karxx]

This quote from Kaiba on DSOD makes me sooo sick 😭😭

Kaiba is so dependent on Atem for his happiness. Like I joke about “haha Kaiba gay for the pharaoh” but it runs so deep. He truly believes he has no meaning without him— he has no goal. Who is he without his rival? In a way, it’s like a one sided partnership. Atem can exist without Kaiba, but Kaiba can’t exist without him, or so he believes.

And so he tells the grieving Yugi that he needs him too. He can’t even begin to understand why Yugi isn’t agreeing to be a vessel in the first place. WHO is Yugi without the man who made him who he is? Who is he without his partner? Kaiba probably deems him as selfish, selfish to just move on from Atem.

Lord I could go ON about them.

[sherlockruiningmylife]

What is currently killing me about merthur is the whole Merlin fell first but Arthur fell harder. Because if this is true (which I fully believe it is) and Merlin was so so broken over Arthur's death. And waited dutifully and solemnly for 1500+ years. Then just imagine, imagine (!) what Arthur would have done if Merlin died. Broken wouldn't begin to describe it. He would have raged and torn the world apart to bring him back. If Merlin turned dark in s5 trying to prevent the end, then imagine how dark Arthur would become if he lost Merlin. Nothing, I mean nothing would have stopped him from bringing Merlin back.

[polubrony]

Chaggily art prt. 2? Just love seeing the three of them together

Just posted one! But here is another similar angsty sketch

[zombiejaws]

Optiratch angst from the memory loss eps… 😔🙏

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED THE ANGST I CAN COOK WITH THEM U DONT UNDERSTAND. I REMEMBER NOT TOO LONG AGO I WAS DUMPING NOTHING BUT SOUNDSTAR, MEGASOUND, AND OPTIRATCH ANGST IN MY FRIENDS DMS. It was crazy bruh

So basically Orions memories r wiped and Megatron is using him for the decoding, all the while they r back together bc Orion doesn't realize hes been married for the past 4,000,000+ yrs.

Megatron uses Orion without actually loving him, usually leading to neglect and Orion not really knowing why there was such a change in behavior

Soundwave is horribly pining after Megatron, whos now completely unobtainable due to being with Orion once more

Starscream hates all of it because its so obvious that soundwave wants Megatron, and starscream is doing everything he can just to impress soundwave and its not working bc that mech is hopelessly in love w someone else

Ratchet is home upset as shit because his best friend/life partner genuinely thinks hes not a good person and its back with his ex and hes got no idea what to do

Thats all i got for now, Thank u for listening to my angst rant that makes me so hapoy to talk abt bc my little multishipper heart skips a beat when i can rant abt all the angst

{Have a question? Pop into my askbox!!}

[lulublack90]

Prompt 30 - Breakup

@wolfstarmicrofic May 30, word count 352

“Enough, Remus! I’m done with the secrets and the lies.” Sirius shook the tears from his eyes. “I’m done.” He grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out of their flat. 

He knew they had to keep secrets. It was Dumbledore’s orders. But Remus literally never told him anything but lies these days. This had been the final straw. Frank Longbottom had seen him hanging out in a muggle bar with a group of known werewolves. Sirius had asked him about it, and it had not gone well. He replayed the conversation in his head. 

“So where have you been all day then?” He asked as he peeled the carrots for dinner. 

“Guard duty, you know how it is, totally boring. I’m glad I took my book with me.” He slurred slightly as he opened the fridge, looking for another beer. 

“You smell like a brewery,” Sirius bit back. Remus paused. 

“Well, yeah, Frank and I went for a pint when our shift was done,” Remus answered as he cracked open the beer. 

“Frank had a meeting with Moody all afternoon,” Sirius said blankly. Remus blanched. “I actually met up with Frank earlier,” Sirius put the knife down, not trusting himself to chop while he confronted Remus. “So, where were you?” 

“Dumbledore’s orders, can’t tell you.” Remus snarled at the look on Sirius’s face. That was the moment that Sirius knew something was wrong. They’d always trusted each other, always. Remus hanging out with other werewolves was one thing, but not trusting Sirius enough to tell him was something else. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was killing him. 

He apparated to the Potter’s. He’d go back and get his stuff when Remus next left the flat. He knocked on the pretty red door and waited. As soon as James appeared, bathed in the soft glow from within, he broke down. 

“We broke up,” He sobbed in his best friend's arms. James gathered him up and took him inside. He wrapped him in Sirius’s favourite fluffy blanket and sat down with him on the sofa, holding Sirius while his heart shattered into pieces. 

Part 2

[ohraicodoll]

Prompt request from the angst portion of that list: “you can’t be bitter now, this was your decision.”

I’m mostly just ill for both Joel and your writing so do with this as you please but bonus points if you make it hurt. 🥲 🖤

You and your angst 😂 You asked for it!

Bitter Joel Miller x f!Reader/OC The Last of Us 3.2k Words Feral Reader Masterlist Summary: Joel makes a decision for all of them when they finally find Tommy in Jackson. Part 2

There were only a few minutes in Jackson where Joel was actually happy. That initial reunion with his brother, where he had hugged him and smiled so big it had eclipsed the sun, had been the happiest he’d ever been. She’d never seen Joel smile. Smirk, yes, but it was never joy that turned his lips. Reluctant humor, small satisfaction, but joy wasn’t an emotion she had seen on Joel Miller’s face in the time she’d been with him and Ellie. It lit his whole features up, took years off his face, turned his usually dark eyes brighter where you could see the hints of hazel. She watched from the horse, never feeling more like an outsider. But that only lasted a short while.

The hesitance, the discomfort, caution all sank back in as the reality that he had found his brother who hadn’t been in danger at all settled in. They’d offered them food. The soup from the older couple had reawakened her taste buds after months of eating questionably aged canned goods or whatever small animal they’d managed to kill. Her mouth practically flooded at the warmth of the meal put in front of them.  She knew how they looked. Ellie barely breathed, she was shoveling food into her mouth so fast and even Joel was having a hard time, standing on the border of looking respectable and desperately sating the hunger they’d felt for weeks. She didn’t bother and had long since given up caring about what looked respectable. But that didn’t stop her from eyeing their hosts, keeping track of everyone around them, feeling the eyes on their backs. 

Tommy hadn’t outright questioned Ellie or her presence but there was a hint of one towards her when he introduced himself. A prodding that made her itch as to what her relationship was with the gruff man next to her and the kid between them. “I keep the kid safe,” was the answer. Nothing more, nothing less. She had joined them because of Ellie and Joel had made it clear he let her come along because of Ellie’s attachment. It hadn’t been his choice exactly. But there was no need to delve further into her and Joel’s connection. 

They’d butt heads from the start and continued to even after that night where he’d helped her relax to sleep, making her come on his fingers and then on him, and then subsequently had done so frequently after in the small private moments they could get. There was hardly anything gentle between them. They weren’t anything. She watched his back and he watched hers, both dragging each other along through life against the other's wishes. 

She knew about Tess. Ellie had caught her up, told her of the smuggler who had been Joel’s partner and how she was no longer around. In the spaces between her words, she could see exactly what Tess had been to Joel and how that role, in a way, had switched to her reluctantly. Someone to have his back, help release the tension and satisfy that need for another person even if it was only through sex and her presence. But the woman whose ghost lingered had been smart, calculated, using Joel as a battering ram rather than get her own hands dirty but wasn’t against doing so. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t clever. She was nothing but instinct and claws and rage. So often it was Joel pulling her back, leashing her, telling her what to do even while she gnashed her teeth even at him. It was him in control. She was a weapon but somehow one he so often didn’t want to use. He yelled at her for her recklessness, for each scrape and bruise and cut she received like it was his job to keep her safe as well as Ellie. Each morning he checked her over, making sure her weapons were in the correct spot, the straps of her bag secure, enough bullets in her cartridge. And now, she noticed Joel’s back stiffening at her answer and the obvious lack of connection to him. Caught his eye and the furrow of his brow. They’d learned to read each other so well over the months and could communicate silently and she could see the slight flicker of anger in the line of his jaw. Maybe it had been the wrong answer. Maybe she shouldn’t have answered at all, had put too much emphasis on Ellie or downplayed Joel’s role as the protector and escort. People weren’t her expertise and she was already on edge from there being so many of them and having Joel’s brother of all people staring down at her. She didn’t know what she was to him, but could at least define what she was to Ellie. And that’s what she answered. She wasn’t sure why that tick of anger was on his face and wasn’t going to get into it with him while Maria was staring them down, particularly Joel. Especially after he tried to excuse the woman, saying the conversation he wanted to have was for family. Except he didn’t excuse Ellie or her from the table as if it didn’t register that they weren’t.  Then Tommy shared the news that Maria did, in fact, fit in that category. More so than she did.

Somehow Ellie was the most cordial of the three of them, nudging Joel into congratulating them with gritted teeth. She kept eating, head down, ignoring the itch of too many eyes.

Throughout the tour of Jackson she could see the wall that had been slowly unraveling around Joel come back up. He stayed behind with his brother, brow furrowed, distance between him and the two girls with him. She watched Ellie take everything in, laughing at the sheep, loving on the horse, but her companion only seemed to withdraw more.

That silent communication they had was gone, cut off.

Maria had suggested they get cleaned up, giving the boys the opportunity to split off and catch up. Instinctually, her eyes went to Joel to see what he thought of the suggestion. They never split up, were never far from each other, and now this woman she didn’t know wanted to take her somewhere else away from him. Ellie was hesitant too, looking at the man as well.

But his eyes stayed on the ground and he walked away.

She didn’t see him for a while after being carted away by Maria.

They both took a shower, a hot shower, and the girl in the mirror staring back at her afterwards was unrecognizable. No longer a girl, but a woman in her middle age. Twenty years, come and gone. Scars, so many scars, and spots dotted her skin all over. Her eyes were a little dull and hair lackluster, a bit too long. There was a faint fading bruise on her collar bone under the stars tattooed there from where Joel’s teeth had bit days before. Buried underneath that flesh had once been a girl who was shy and smiled at strangers for no reason and was warm. A rose, all blushing and bright, who only worried about her military family’s approval and writing down her songs in her journal. Now she was all thorns and crumbled petals. Meant to draw blood and nothing else. She’d gotten dressed quickly before she could shatter the mirror. Finding out about Sarah from Maria…a part of the picture that made up Joel snapped into place and things began to make sense. He was a dad, was always going to be a dad because it was engraved in him, and the young teenager traveling with them was a constant splinter in an open wound. No matter how much he pushed and yelled and raged, he always made sure Ellie was okay. She’d caught him on more than one occasion staying up to keep watch when the girl was anxious. He taught her to make a fire, how to use and take care of her gun properly, what to look out for. Joel Miller was a dad to the very foundation of his being and he was terrified because he’d already lost one daughter. The panic attacks were making sense. They would flare up at the possibility of danger, of uncertainty, not for him but for them. All the close calls. After the older couple’s house. The infected that almost got her in the woods. All had triggered one and she hadn’t known why, only that she had to calm him down and be there to center him. If anything, the knowledge made her feel more protective of him and their small group. It was a vulnerability and that meant something she had to guard it. It’s what it meant to watch each other’s backs. She didn’t miss the way Maria didn’t trust him and accused him of being a bad person. The things she had heard were probably no different than what she still did. Survival was ugly and Maria knew that from the bodies scattered alongside the river, but couldn’t seem to let that go for Joel.

If Maria only knew what she was capable of doing, the blood that covered her own hands. Killing meant so little to her now. The movie theater made her skin crawl, filled with sound and laughter and too many bodies. Ellie was the one to give her permission this time, telling her she was okay to go back to the house where it was quiet. She’d fought hard with herself over that. Joel was who knows where and letting someone else watch Ellie felt like blasphemy, but her heart was in her throat and she couldn’t focus with so much sound. 

So she’d gone back, huddling on the worn dusty couch with her knees against her chest, and unable to stop feeling her clean skin as if it were someone else’s. Her mind didn’t stop imagining every awful situation that could happen while she was gone. Ellie came back first and barely managed a nod at her, mouth tightly pressed together and silent as she climbed the stairs to the room that had once belonged to another teenage girl. Another dead one. She tried not to think about that, how Ellie always seemed to inhabit the echo of another dead daughter. First Sarah and now the room’s owner.

Even for her, Ellie was an echo of her younger sister.

She understood that. Inhabiting the shadow of a dead Tess herself. 

Joel came back next. He stopped, looking at her still with her knees drawn up. His face was darker, more heavy, like he had aged five years in the time she’d last seen him. Grief and pain and indecision lined the crow’s feet around his eyes and her fingers tightened, feeling like a bomb was about to drop. “She good?” he asked in a voice that was all gravel. “She’s whole. Upstairs in the room on the right,” she replied, eyes on the ground. He nodded, hands on his hips, and silence took over. Joel’s presence always felt like a cold fire. She could feel where he was in the room constantly. “You're gonna stick by her, right? Protect her?” Joel’s voice was harsh but not angry, just tired. 

She frowned, brow furrowed, and looked at him fully. There was a look on his face that she had only seen during his panic attacks. Like the weight of the world was crashing down on his shoulders and he was a second from not being able to hold it up, about to be crushed from it. “Is that really a question?”

“Just answer me, Red.”

His eyes were dark and he looked so tired and she was overwhelmed by this place. So she nodded, sighing out a simple, “Yes.”

He seemed to chew on the word, rolled it around his mind before nodding in answer, “Good.”

His steps were loud drum beats in her ears as he ascended, a door opening a bit later followed by the distant sound of Ellie and his voices.

She didn’t know if she should follow. Didn’t know if she’d be climbing into his bed that night or take the separate room on the first floor so far away from them both. Finding Joel’s brother had been the goal, was supposed to be a good thing, but all three of them only appeared to be in worse moods.

The bomb dropped a few moments later.

Ellie and Joel’s voices raising drew her from her spot on the couch and up the stairs. She could hear them arguing and hear the pain in the kid’s voice.

Joel was handing them over to Tommy.

Joel was handing both of them over.

Joel was leaving. 

It felt like a limb had been chopped from her. The ghost of where it was still there, a phantom pain, but its absence felt even stronger. He was leaving them. When he rushed out the door of Ellie’s room, he stopped abruptly at seeing her in the hallway standing stock still. The air had frozen around them dangerously, her anger a silent thing poised to strike and his own tinged in grief. “Just like that, huh?” she bit out, face blank and voice eerily emotionless. A muscle in his jaw ticked, teeth clenched as he spit out, “Just like that.” He moved to go to his room across the hall but something had snapped, urging her to follow like a shark scenting blood. She slammed the door behind them and it reverberated throughout the house, enclosing them in the room together. Something like betrayal coated her tongue and in the back of her mind she wondered at it, wondered if it was her trust or the trust of the teenager across the hall. “Are you really that fucking stupid, Miller?” she hissed at him, “She’s followed you for months and you’re just going to kick her out the door at the first chance? We were supposed to get her to the Fireflies-” He whipped around to face her in the dark, taking an angry step towards her, “I’m sending her with Tommy! That was the job! He knows where he’s going, he can take you both, but there’s no we. Never was.” The smile that slid onto her face was aggressive, canines showing, and he was reminded of those images of wolves snarling and licking their fangs, “Wouldn’t have pegged you as being a quitter, Tex, but glad you cleared that up.” “What’d you think was gonna happen, Starshine? A happy fucking ending?” His tone was mocking, condescending, and it was one of the few times he used his height on her to his advantage to look down his nose, “You, me, and the girl settling down somewhere while the Fireflies cure the world?” She had never thought that far, never allowed herself to think that far, because she hadn’t wanted to think about what the end of the journey would mean. For years it had been surviving one day to the next, long term plans were meaningless. But she knew enough that she wasn’t ready for this to be over and it made her angry. Because Tommy wasn’t Joel. Tommy was good and cared about being good and that wasn’t her. Joel chuckled bitterly, “You that girl’s protector? Then go protect her with Tommy. It ain’t got nothing to do with me. Jobs done.”

“So that’s it?” her fists were clenched so hard her nails made cuts in her skin, “You pass her off and leave me with your brother and simply walk away? Wipe your hands clean of us?” “You don’t get to be bitter, it was your choice to come along and watch that girl,” Joel put his hands on his hands, teeth grinding, “That’s what you wanted. I didn’t ask you to join us. I didn’t want you.” She huffed a laugh, mouth twisted in a bitter smile, “That’s ironic.” His features darkened and she knew she was touching something they didn’t talk about out loud. They never really discussed those moments in the dark, acting like they didn’t happen during the day and especially around Ellie. But they’d happened. Over and over again. “What? You think because I put my dick in you this means something? You ain’t-” “Tess?” In the darkness of the room, the walls felt like they were pressing into them. Both their rage filled the space around them and settled in the air but she could almost see the heat coming off of him. She knew it was dangerous grounds, especially after the conversation with Ellie, but this was it. This was the last bit between her and Joel Miller and if he was making her hurt, she wanted to hurt him right back. His nose wrinkled, voice low and quiet as he hissed out, “You shut the fuck up if you know what’s good for you.” Joel was so close, almost nose to nose, but spitting mad and muscles tense. She almost wanted him to hit her, give her an excuse to fight him and deal with this invisible pain she was feeling and didn’t know how to cope with. It hurt. Him leaving them hurt and she hated that he had somehow managed to wound her without even trying. “You’re right, Tex,” she spit the words out like they were covered in blood, “This didn’t mean anything. I didn’t ask for you. It was you that crawled into my bed.” A laugh left her as if mocking him would make her feel better, “This how you want it to be? Fine. But don’t you lie and say that girl means nothing to you because that’s a pile of shit no one is going to swallow.” His eyes were black in the darkness, but she could feel them as he snarled, “We’re done.” With a smile that was more a grimace and rage lining her face, she backed up, “Fine. Have fun in that hole you’re going to sink into, Miller.” The door shook as she slammed it behind her, pausing to breathe in the space of the hallway between both rooms. She was shaking. From anger, pain, sadness, adrenaline, she wasn’t sure, but she stared down at her hands as they shook unsteadily and the tiny cuts shone red with blood. He was making a mistake. She knew that but words weren’t her forte, violence was, so it was hopeless to try and convince him otherwise. The ghosts of Joel Miller’s past loved ones had haunted them for so long, she should have known he would choose them in the end. That didn’t keep the reality of it from hurting any less. She knocked softly on Ellie’s door, opening it upon hearing her tentative reply. They didn’t speak. Ellie only silently scooted over on the bed, giving her some of her space. In the darkness of the room, she tried to ignore the pain in her chest and hold onto the rage she felt. Because it was better than feeling the alternative, than acknowledging the feeling of abandonment. When the young girl curled into her and held her tightly that night, she didn’t say anything about it later or when she felt her shoulders shake quietly. She simply held her back and tried to ignore the empty space on her left where Joel usually occupied. ______________________ Feral Tag List: @alouise20

[soaps-mohawk]

I just know, feeling it in my tits, that these next chapters are gonna Ruin me. Capital R.

Your tits are right, I fear. They probably will

[night-market-if]

Chapter Two

The second chapter of Book 2 is now up on Patreon. Join the Bog Witch tier to read it early. The public release is slated for December 1st.

In this chapter, join MC as they discover more about artisan alley, and go see their RO's. :)

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[steddieangstyaugust]

Steddie Angsty August coming to a tear filled timeline near you.