#all the angst

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Saving What Was Lost✨

Pre-Outbreak! Joel Miller x fem! reader

A/N: This was very much inspired from reading Hunting Adeline. Thank you to @alltheirdamn for screaming with me about this and bouncing ideas with me. I’m so so excited for it 😭 This one is for all the girls who’ve ever been taken advantage of, used, and are healing from unspoken trauma. This is very much all about healing and being taken under the wings of a man that breathes life into you again 🥹 This one’s for you, my healing girlies 🩷

“Left Behind” by The Plot In You was the song that really pushed me to write this 🥹

Summary: You never expected to get auctioned off in a room full of filthy rich, vile men after being taken over a year ago, but it happened. And the man that buys you, the one with soft brown eyes, just might’ve saved your life. He doesn’t want to hurt you. No. He wants to show you what it’s like to fall back in love with life.

Tags: Mentions of being trafficked, flashbacks of being abused, non-consensual touching, a boat load of angst, soft and protective Joel, tons of emotions, trust issues, PTSD, eventual smut (consensual and gentle), no use y/n, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel is late 40’s), pre-outbreak au, more tags to come with each chapter

Ch 1: You’re Safe With Me

Ch 2: A Million Shades of Red

Ch 3: You Trust Me?

Ch 4: Bubble Baths and Faded Scars (Coming Soon!)

Ch 5

Ch 6

Ch 7

Ch 8

Ch 9

[ricksmarlene]

THE WALKING DEAD: THE ONES WHO LIVE (2024) title sequence

[cupidsblonde]

sort of spoilers for "operation 'lover" by @poemeater

everyone talks abt being a survivor of stories that we all know are gonna end well WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABT SURVING @poemeater's "operation 'lover' " omfg guys I ammm SOBBBINNNGGGGG part was bad.... but part 8 omfg I CANNOTTTTT its SOOOO angsty and I just am going to crash every car in the world im like crashing out there is so much angst and I reallyyyyy hope it ends well bc if it doesn't I will end it all.......

[seraphinitegames]

what was going through A’s mind if during the LT route, you train with N and hook up on the grass?

A very odd mix of being glad that the two of them are so happy and the heart-wrenching agony wishing that it didn't happen!

A is really torn between the depth of their feelings for the MC, wanting both their oldest friend and the MC they care for to be happy especially together, and their desire to be the one in N's shoes.

There's a lot of added angst in this route, hehe! :D

Thank you so much for the ask! :)

[karxx]

This quote from Kaiba on DSOD makes me sooo sick 😭😭

Kaiba is so dependent on Atem for his happiness. Like I joke about “haha Kaiba gay for the pharaoh” but it runs so deep. He truly believes he has no meaning without him— he has no goal. Who is he without his rival? In a way, it’s like a one sided partnership. Atem can exist without Kaiba, but Kaiba can’t exist without him, or so he believes.

And so he tells the grieving Yugi that he needs him too. He can’t even begin to understand why Yugi isn’t agreeing to be a vessel in the first place. WHO is Yugi without the man who made him who he is? Who is he without his partner? Kaiba probably deems him as selfish, selfish to just move on from Atem.

Lord I could go ON about them.

[sherlockruiningmylife]

What is currently killing me about merthur is the whole Merlin fell first but Arthur fell harder. Because if this is true (which I fully believe it is) and Merlin was so so broken over Arthur's death. And waited dutifully and solemnly for 1500+ years. Then just imagine, imagine (!) what Arthur would have done if Merlin died. Broken wouldn't begin to describe it. He would have raged and torn the world apart to bring him back. If Merlin turned dark in s5 trying to prevent the end, then imagine how dark Arthur would become if he lost Merlin. Nothing, I mean nothing would have stopped him from bringing Merlin back.

[polubrony]

Chaggily art prt. 2? Just love seeing the three of them together

Just posted one! But here is another similar angsty sketch

[lulublack90]

Prompt 30 - Breakup

@wolfstarmicrofic May 30, word count 352

“Enough, Remus! I’m done with the secrets and the lies.” Sirius shook the tears from his eyes. “I’m done.” He grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out of their flat. 

He knew they had to keep secrets. It was Dumbledore’s orders. But Remus literally never told him anything but lies these days. This had been the final straw. Frank Longbottom had seen him hanging out in a muggle bar with a group of known werewolves. Sirius had asked him about it, and it had not gone well. He replayed the conversation in his head. 

“So where have you been all day then?” He asked as he peeled the carrots for dinner. 

“Guard duty, you know how it is, totally boring. I’m glad I took my book with me.” He slurred slightly as he opened the fridge, looking for another beer. 

“You smell like a brewery,” Sirius bit back. Remus paused. 

“Well, yeah, Frank and I went for a pint when our shift was done,” Remus answered as he cracked open the beer. 

“Frank had a meeting with Moody all afternoon,” Sirius said blankly. Remus blanched. “I actually met up with Frank earlier,” Sirius put the knife down, not trusting himself to chop while he confronted Remus. “So, where were you?” 

“Dumbledore’s orders, can’t tell you.” Remus snarled at the look on Sirius’s face. That was the moment that Sirius knew something was wrong. They’d always trusted each other, always. Remus hanging out with other werewolves was one thing, but not trusting Sirius enough to tell him was something else. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was killing him. 

He apparated to the Potter’s. He’d go back and get his stuff when Remus next left the flat. He knocked on the pretty red door and waited. As soon as James appeared, bathed in the soft glow from within, he broke down. 

“We broke up,” He sobbed in his best friend's arms. James gathered him up and took him inside. He wrapped him in Sirius’s favourite fluffy blanket and sat down with him on the sofa, holding Sirius while his heart shattered into pieces. 

Part 2

[ohraicodoll]

Prompt request from the angst portion of that list: “you can’t be bitter now, this was your decision.”

I’m mostly just ill for both Joel and your writing so do with this as you please but bonus points if you make it hurt. 🥲 🖤

You and your angst 😂 You asked for it!

Bitter Joel Miller x f!Reader/OC The Last of Us 3.2k Words Feral Reader Masterlist Summary: Joel makes a decision for all of them when they finally find Tommy in Jackson. Part 2

There were only a few minutes in Jackson where Joel was actually happy. That initial reunion with his brother, where he had hugged him and smiled so big it had eclipsed the sun, had been the happiest he’d ever been. She’d never seen Joel smile. Smirk, yes, but it was never joy that turned his lips. Reluctant humor, small satisfaction, but joy wasn’t an emotion she had seen on Joel Miller’s face in the time she’d been with him and Ellie. It lit his whole features up, took years off his face, turned his usually dark eyes brighter where you could see the hints of hazel. She watched from the horse, never feeling more like an outsider. But that only lasted a short while.

The hesitance, the discomfort, caution all sank back in as the reality that he had found his brother who hadn’t been in danger at all settled in. They’d offered them food. The soup from the older couple had reawakened her taste buds after months of eating questionably aged canned goods or whatever small animal they’d managed to kill. Her mouth practically flooded at the warmth of the meal put in front of them.  She knew how they looked. Ellie barely breathed, she was shoveling food into her mouth so fast and even Joel was having a hard time, standing on the border of looking respectable and desperately sating the hunger they’d felt for weeks. She didn’t bother and had long since given up caring about what looked respectable. But that didn’t stop her from eyeing their hosts, keeping track of everyone around them, feeling the eyes on their backs. 

Tommy hadn’t outright questioned Ellie or her presence but there was a hint of one towards her when he introduced himself. A prodding that made her itch as to what her relationship was with the gruff man next to her and the kid between them. “I keep the kid safe,” was the answer. Nothing more, nothing less. She had joined them because of Ellie and Joel had made it clear he let her come along because of Ellie’s attachment. It hadn’t been his choice exactly. But there was no need to delve further into her and Joel’s connection. 

They’d butt heads from the start and continued to even after that night where he’d helped her relax to sleep, making her come on his fingers and then on him, and then subsequently had done so frequently after in the small private moments they could get. There was hardly anything gentle between them. They weren’t anything. She watched his back and he watched hers, both dragging each other along through life against the other's wishes. 

She knew about Tess. Ellie had caught her up, told her of the smuggler who had been Joel’s partner and how she was no longer around. In the spaces between her words, she could see exactly what Tess had been to Joel and how that role, in a way, had switched to her reluctantly. Someone to have his back, help release the tension and satisfy that need for another person even if it was only through sex and her presence. But the woman whose ghost lingered had been smart, calculated, using Joel as a battering ram rather than get her own hands dirty but wasn’t against doing so. That wasn’t her. She wasn’t clever. She was nothing but instinct and claws and rage. So often it was Joel pulling her back, leashing her, telling her what to do even while she gnashed her teeth even at him. It was him in control. She was a weapon but somehow one he so often didn’t want to use. He yelled at her for her recklessness, for each scrape and bruise and cut she received like it was his job to keep her safe as well as Ellie. Each morning he checked her over, making sure her weapons were in the correct spot, the straps of her bag secure, enough bullets in her cartridge. And now, she noticed Joel’s back stiffening at her answer and the obvious lack of connection to him. Caught his eye and the furrow of his brow. They’d learned to read each other so well over the months and could communicate silently and she could see the slight flicker of anger in the line of his jaw. Maybe it had been the wrong answer. Maybe she shouldn’t have answered at all, had put too much emphasis on Ellie or downplayed Joel’s role as the protector and escort. People weren’t her expertise and she was already on edge from there being so many of them and having Joel’s brother of all people staring down at her. She didn’t know what she was to him, but could at least define what she was to Ellie. And that’s what she answered. She wasn’t sure why that tick of anger was on his face and wasn’t going to get into it with him while Maria was staring them down, particularly Joel. Especially after he tried to excuse the woman, saying the conversation he wanted to have was for family. Except he didn’t excuse Ellie or her from the table as if it didn’t register that they weren’t.  Then Tommy shared the news that Maria did, in fact, fit in that category. More so than she did.

Somehow Ellie was the most cordial of the three of them, nudging Joel into congratulating them with gritted teeth. She kept eating, head down, ignoring the itch of too many eyes.

Throughout the tour of Jackson she could see the wall that had been slowly unraveling around Joel come back up. He stayed behind with his brother, brow furrowed, distance between him and the two girls with him. She watched Ellie take everything in, laughing at the sheep, loving on the horse, but her companion only seemed to withdraw more.

That silent communication they had was gone, cut off.

Maria had suggested they get cleaned up, giving the boys the opportunity to split off and catch up. Instinctually, her eyes went to Joel to see what he thought of the suggestion. They never split up, were never far from each other, and now this woman she didn’t know wanted to take her somewhere else away from him. Ellie was hesitant too, looking at the man as well.

But his eyes stayed on the ground and he walked away.

She didn’t see him for a while after being carted away by Maria.

They both took a shower, a hot shower, and the girl in the mirror staring back at her afterwards was unrecognizable. No longer a girl, but a woman in her middle age. Twenty years, come and gone. Scars, so many scars, and spots dotted her skin all over. Her eyes were a little dull and hair lackluster, a bit too long. There was a faint fading bruise on her collar bone under the stars tattooed there from where Joel’s teeth had bit days before. Buried underneath that flesh had once been a girl who was shy and smiled at strangers for no reason and was warm. A rose, all blushing and bright, who only worried about her military family’s approval and writing down her songs in her journal. Now she was all thorns and crumbled petals. Meant to draw blood and nothing else. She’d gotten dressed quickly before she could shatter the mirror. Finding out about Sarah from Maria…a part of the picture that made up Joel snapped into place and things began to make sense. He was a dad, was always going to be a dad because it was engraved in him, and the young teenager traveling with them was a constant splinter in an open wound. No matter how much he pushed and yelled and raged, he always made sure Ellie was okay. She’d caught him on more than one occasion staying up to keep watch when the girl was anxious. He taught her to make a fire, how to use and take care of her gun properly, what to look out for. Joel Miller was a dad to the very foundation of his being and he was terrified because he’d already lost one daughter. The panic attacks were making sense. They would flare up at the possibility of danger, of uncertainty, not for him but for them. All the close calls. After the older couple’s house. The infected that almost got her in the woods. All had triggered one and she hadn’t known why, only that she had to calm him down and be there to center him. If anything, the knowledge made her feel more protective of him and their small group. It was a vulnerability and that meant something she had to guard it. It’s what it meant to watch each other’s backs. She didn’t miss the way Maria didn’t trust him and accused him of being a bad person. The things she had heard were probably no different than what she still did. Survival was ugly and Maria knew that from the bodies scattered alongside the river, but couldn’t seem to let that go for Joel.

If Maria only knew what she was capable of doing, the blood that covered her own hands. Killing meant so little to her now. The movie theater made her skin crawl, filled with sound and laughter and too many bodies. Ellie was the one to give her permission this time, telling her she was okay to go back to the house where it was quiet. She’d fought hard with herself over that. Joel was who knows where and letting someone else watch Ellie felt like blasphemy, but her heart was in her throat and she couldn’t focus with so much sound. 

So she’d gone back, huddling on the worn dusty couch with her knees against her chest, and unable to stop feeling her clean skin as if it were someone else’s. Her mind didn’t stop imagining every awful situation that could happen while she was gone. Ellie came back first and barely managed a nod at her, mouth tightly pressed together and silent as she climbed the stairs to the room that had once belonged to another teenage girl. Another dead one. She tried not to think about that, how Ellie always seemed to inhabit the echo of another dead daughter. First Sarah and now the room’s owner.

Even for her, Ellie was an echo of her younger sister.

She understood that. Inhabiting the shadow of a dead Tess herself. 

Joel came back next. He stopped, looking at her still with her knees drawn up. His face was darker, more heavy, like he had aged five years in the time she’d last seen him. Grief and pain and indecision lined the crow’s feet around his eyes and her fingers tightened, feeling like a bomb was about to drop. “She good?” he asked in a voice that was all gravel. “She’s whole. Upstairs in the room on the right,” she replied, eyes on the ground. He nodded, hands on his hips, and silence took over. Joel’s presence always felt like a cold fire. She could feel where he was in the room constantly. “You're gonna stick by her, right? Protect her?” Joel’s voice was harsh but not angry, just tired. 

She frowned, brow furrowed, and looked at him fully. There was a look on his face that she had only seen during his panic attacks. Like the weight of the world was crashing down on his shoulders and he was a second from not being able to hold it up, about to be crushed from it. “Is that really a question?”

“Just answer me, Red.”

His eyes were dark and he looked so tired and she was overwhelmed by this place. So she nodded, sighing out a simple, “Yes.”

He seemed to chew on the word, rolled it around his mind before nodding in answer, “Good.”

His steps were loud drum beats in her ears as he ascended, a door opening a bit later followed by the distant sound of Ellie and his voices.

She didn’t know if she should follow. Didn’t know if she’d be climbing into his bed that night or take the separate room on the first floor so far away from them both. Finding Joel’s brother had been the goal, was supposed to be a good thing, but all three of them only appeared to be in worse moods.

The bomb dropped a few moments later.

Ellie and Joel’s voices raising drew her from her spot on the couch and up the stairs. She could hear them arguing and hear the pain in the kid’s voice.

Joel was handing them over to Tommy.

Joel was handing both of them over.

Joel was leaving. 

It felt like a limb had been chopped from her. The ghost of where it was still there, a phantom pain, but its absence felt even stronger. He was leaving them. When he rushed out the door of Ellie’s room, he stopped abruptly at seeing her in the hallway standing stock still. The air had frozen around them dangerously, her anger a silent thing poised to strike and his own tinged in grief. “Just like that, huh?” she bit out, face blank and voice eerily emotionless. A muscle in his jaw ticked, teeth clenched as he spit out, “Just like that.” He moved to go to his room across the hall but something had snapped, urging her to follow like a shark scenting blood. She slammed the door behind them and it reverberated throughout the house, enclosing them in the room together. Something like betrayal coated her tongue and in the back of her mind she wondered at it, wondered if it was her trust or the trust of the teenager across the hall. “Are you really that fucking stupid, Miller?” she hissed at him, “She’s followed you for months and you’re just going to kick her out the door at the first chance? We were supposed to get her to the Fireflies-” He whipped around to face her in the dark, taking an angry step towards her, “I’m sending her with Tommy! That was the job! He knows where he’s going, he can take you both, but there’s no we. Never was.” The smile that slid onto her face was aggressive, canines showing, and he was reminded of those images of wolves snarling and licking their fangs, “Wouldn’t have pegged you as being a quitter, Tex, but glad you cleared that up.” “What’d you think was gonna happen, Starshine? A happy fucking ending?” His tone was mocking, condescending, and it was one of the few times he used his height on her to his advantage to look down his nose, “You, me, and the girl settling down somewhere while the Fireflies cure the world?” She had never thought that far, never allowed herself to think that far, because she hadn’t wanted to think about what the end of the journey would mean. For years it had been surviving one day to the next, long term plans were meaningless. But she knew enough that she wasn’t ready for this to be over and it made her angry. Because Tommy wasn’t Joel. Tommy was good and cared about being good and that wasn’t her. Joel chuckled bitterly, “You that girl’s protector? Then go protect her with Tommy. It ain’t got nothing to do with me. Jobs done.”

“So that’s it?” her fists were clenched so hard her nails made cuts in her skin, “You pass her off and leave me with your brother and simply walk away? Wipe your hands clean of us?” “You don’t get to be bitter, it was your choice to come along and watch that girl,” Joel put his hands on his hands, teeth grinding, “That’s what you wanted. I didn’t ask you to join us. I didn’t want you.” She huffed a laugh, mouth twisted in a bitter smile, “That’s ironic.” His features darkened and she knew she was touching something they didn’t talk about out loud. They never really discussed those moments in the dark, acting like they didn’t happen during the day and especially around Ellie. But they’d happened. Over and over again. “What? You think because I put my dick in you this means something? You ain’t-” “Tess?” In the darkness of the room, the walls felt like they were pressing into them. Both their rage filled the space around them and settled in the air but she could almost see the heat coming off of him. She knew it was dangerous grounds, especially after the conversation with Ellie, but this was it. This was the last bit between her and Joel Miller and if he was making her hurt, she wanted to hurt him right back. His nose wrinkled, voice low and quiet as he hissed out, “You shut the fuck up if you know what’s good for you.” Joel was so close, almost nose to nose, but spitting mad and muscles tense. She almost wanted him to hit her, give her an excuse to fight him and deal with this invisible pain she was feeling and didn’t know how to cope with. It hurt. Him leaving them hurt and she hated that he had somehow managed to wound her without even trying. “You’re right, Tex,” she spit the words out like they were covered in blood, “This didn’t mean anything. I didn’t ask for you. It was you that crawled into my bed.” A laugh left her as if mocking him would make her feel better, “This how you want it to be? Fine. But don’t you lie and say that girl means nothing to you because that’s a pile of shit no one is going to swallow.” His eyes were black in the darkness, but she could feel them as he snarled, “We’re done.” With a smile that was more a grimace and rage lining her face, she backed up, “Fine. Have fun in that hole you’re going to sink into, Miller.” The door shook as she slammed it behind her, pausing to breathe in the space of the hallway between both rooms. She was shaking. From anger, pain, sadness, adrenaline, she wasn’t sure, but she stared down at her hands as they shook unsteadily and the tiny cuts shone red with blood. He was making a mistake. She knew that but words weren’t her forte, violence was, so it was hopeless to try and convince him otherwise. The ghosts of Joel Miller’s past loved ones had haunted them for so long, she should have known he would choose them in the end. That didn’t keep the reality of it from hurting any less. She knocked softly on Ellie’s door, opening it upon hearing her tentative reply. They didn’t speak. Ellie only silently scooted over on the bed, giving her some of her space. In the darkness of the room, she tried to ignore the pain in her chest and hold onto the rage she felt. Because it was better than feeling the alternative, than acknowledging the feeling of abandonment. When the young girl curled into her and held her tightly that night, she didn’t say anything about it later or when she felt her shoulders shake quietly. She simply held her back and tried to ignore the empty space on her left where Joel usually occupied. ______________________ Feral Tag List: @alouise20

[soaps-mohawk]

I just know, feeling it in my tits, that these next chapters are gonna Ruin me. Capital R.

Your tits are right, I fear. They probably will

[night-market-if]

Chapter Two

The second chapter of Book 2 is now up on Patreon. Join the Bog Witch tier to read it early. The public release is slated for December 1st.

In this chapter, join MC as they discover more about artisan alley, and go see their RO's. :)

🪷✨🪷✨ If you want to support me 🪷 ✨🪷✨ 

🌿 Free Demo 🌿Book 1 Steam🌿Book 1 Itch.io🌿🌿 Patreon 🌿Discord🌿FAQS🌿

[vbecker10]

I Need the Truth

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Warnings: angst, feeling unloved, feeling abandoned, feeling desperate and depressed

Summary: You and Loki have been dating for almost a year but something has been off lately. He has been slowly pulling away and one night you desperately try to get him to tell you the truth about what is wrong, even if it hurts you.

Dividers by: @harlequin-hangout

A/N: I'm sorry in advance for the ending... it's not going to be a fluffy one 🥺

You sit alone on one of the couches in the common room, absent-mindedly stirring your tea. It had become cold while you waited for Loki to return from his latest mission but you hadn't noticed. You are too focused on the heavy feeling that has settled into your chest.

The thought of seeing Loki again even after a short mission used to fill you will such excitement. You would wait eagerly for him with two freshly brewed cups of tea and a welcoming hug. As soon as he saw you, he would kiss you longingly and tell you how deeply he had missed you. When he was called away on longer missions, Loki would hold you tightly and whisper that coming home to you was all he ever wanted but recently, everything changed.

Loki would come up to the residences half an hour later than the rest of the team, sometimes even longer and the warm smile was missing from his lips. He would offer an excuse about being tired or needing to finish paperwork before swiftly vanishing to his room for the night. When he wasn't away on missions, you still felt far from him. Your long walks together during your lunch break were spent in silence as you searched for topics to interest him. You slept alone in your bed more often each week and the dresser drawer Loki offered to you six months ago had slowly been overtaken with his things. Two weeks ago, your clothing and personal items were unceremoniously moved from the top drawer to a small box in his closet.

Your heart was breaking bit by bit, piece by piece and you were truly at a loss as to why. You loved Loki more deeply than you had ever loved anyone before but you cried yourself to sleep more often than you would ever admit to your friends, or even yourself. You laid awake at night wondering what you had done wrong for him push you away, there had to be a reason, you would think over and over until the sun began to shine through your window.

Last night, you wiped your tear streaked cheeks as you thought about the way Loki left for this latest mission. You kissed his cheek, hugging him tightly as you whispered in his ear that you loved him. He simply nodded then walked towards the other members of the team who were waiting to take off. He had never not told you he loved you back and it took every bit of strength you had left not to fall apart. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you watched him board the jet without looking back for you. He always waved to you but this time, it was almost as if he had already forgotten you were there. You rolled over in bed and wiped your eyes, determined to finally talk to him when he returned. You needed the truth, even if it broke you completely.

The sound of footsteps pulls your attention from your thoughts and you look up just as Loki enters the common room. You stand up, placing your cold tea on the coffee table and walk over to him.

"Hello, Y/N," he says quietly, your heart physically aches at the sound of your name.

When you first began dating, the team joked that he didn't actually know your name because he never used it. He always preferred to call you love, darling, princess and beautiful but you truly melted when he would hold you close and remind you that you were his, kissing you as he whispered 'mine' against your skin.

"Hi Loki," you respond, forcing down the tears you could feel rising to the surface. You fake a smile as you move to give him a hug and he puts his arms around you but it feels different. The desperate feeling to be close is gone, instead you can feel Loki shifting away from you as if he is uncomfortable with you touching him.

He lets go after a short moment and clears his throat, "I have an early meeting with Stark in the morning. I think it would be better if you sleep in your room tonight. I will see you tomorrow." He leans down to kiss the top of your head so softly you barely feel it then he turns to leave.

"Wait," you reach out and grab his wrist. He stops but doesn't look at you, keeping his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. "Please Loki, we need to talk."

He shakes his head, "I can't tonight. I'm sorry." He pulls his wrist free easily and leaves you standing alone in the middle of the common room.

You sigh deeply as you close the book you have been trying to read for the last two hours. The words on the page blur together and you find yourself reading the same paragraph over and over but still not being able to absorb any of the plot. You run your fingers over the leather spine and close your eyes, feeling a single tear escape but you know so many more are not far behind.

This was one of Loki's favorite books from his private collection. He had brought it with him when he left Asgard.

The first time Loki read it to you, you had been together for only a month but it was the first time he seen you when you were sick. He was so worried about your health and you had never felt more cared for even though you assured him it was only a common cold. Loki made sure he took your temperature every hour, had plenty of tissues on hand and brought you water, tea, soup or anything else you asked for. The third night you were sick, you couldn't sleep so he offered to read something to you. He climbed into the bed with you, sitting up so you could rest against him as he read softly until you drifted off. As soon as you woke up the next morning, you asked him to pick up where he left off and he laughed so genuinely as he reopened the book.

The next time he read it to you was almost two months later, you had planned a whole day out in the city as a surprise for him but the weather turned suddenly. Fierce wind, pouring rain and lightning canceled all of your plans and you were devastated. Loki asked you to come to his room and when you opened the door, you were at a loss for words. He had used his magic to turn his room into a cozy cabin, complete with a crackling fire and the softest blankets you had ever felt. He handed you a mug of hot chocolate as you sat snuggled together by the fire. You rested against him, all the tension and disappointment leaving your body as you closed your eyes and listened to him read what was now your favorite book as well.

Using your sleeve, you wipe away a tear that has landed on the beautifully decorated cover. Last week you asked Loki if he would read it with you as he had so many times before but he responded by telling you he was in the middle of a book already. You felt a wave of nausea when he handed you the book and said you could bring it back when you were done.

Taking a deep breath you stand up, book in hand and decide you can't put this off any longer. He can't keep avoiding you, you need to know the truth even if it crushes you.

You knock on his door and wait anxiously for him to respond. "Who is it?" you hear him ask.

"Its me," you answer, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "I wanted to return the book I borrowed."

There is no reply but after a few moments of silence the door unlocks and Loki opens it. You hold your breath, half expecting him not to be alone. Your greatest fear was the Loki had been cheating on you. You recently found yourself worrying that you weren't good enough for Loki and you were terrified that he had realized he could do better.

He reaches out to take the book from you but you pull it back, just out of reach causing him to look at you curiously. "Can I come in?" you ask and before he can respond you add, "We need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do."

He nods, letting out a small sigh as he takes a step back so you can come inside. He closes the door and you hand him the book. Loki looks at it briefly before setting it on the table by the door and you try to read the emotion in his eyes. You are unsure if it is guilt, sadness or pity even but you don't see the love you used to.

You stand by the door, looking around his room as you slowly realize what is different from the last time you were here over a week ago. The three framed pictures of the two of you are missing from his bookcase and the blanket you always wrapped yourself up in during movie nights is no longer folded over the back of the couch. It was as if he had already removed you physically from his life.

"Loki," you sniffle and take a moment. "I want to know the truth, you always promised me you would tell me the truth."

He shifts uncomfortably and asks, "The truth about what?"

"I need the truth about what is killing our relationship. You keep pushing me away and I have to know why," you tell him. "Please, I need to know what I can do to fix us because I don't know what broke us."

He fidgets with his fingers, his eyes fixed on them but doesn't say anything.

"Loki, if this was ever real..." you stop to take a breath.

"It was real," he says, taking your hand loosely.

You feel a sharp stab in your chest at his reply and you slowly pull your hand free from his, "I want the truth from you. Just give me the truth, even if it hurts me."

"I don't want to hurt you," he says. "I can't... I don't want to do this."

"I know that this will break me. I know that this will make me cry but I've spent so much time crying over you these last few weeks. Please, you have to say what's on your mind," you urge him as you feel on the verge of tears. "I know this will hurt me and break my heart but I don't want to live this lie. I've lost you and I need to know why."

He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers roughly through his hair as he takes a step away from you. He turns towards you again and looks down, his eyes slowly lifting until they meet yours.

"The truth, Y/N..." he pauses and you can see his eyes are glassy with tears. "The truth is I don't know what happened or when it happened. I just know that... I- I don't love you anymore. It was nothing you did wrong but there is nothing you can do to fix it. I just... I just fell out of love with you. I am so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you but I didn't know how to tell you the truth."

You try to take a deep breath but your lungs refuse to open, you can feel your heart shattering in your chest as the weight of his words hit you. You stand in front of Loki, unable to speak or think as your whole relationship flashes through your mind. The afternoon he asked you out for your first date, the way he played with your hair when you laid on his chest, the first time he brought you flowers just as an excuse to see you while you were at work. You squeeze your eyes closed tightly as the memory of the first time he told you he loved you is swiftly replaced by Loki's heartbreaking admission. He doesn't love you anymore, the voice in your mind echoing his words over and over.

"Y/N?" he asks, breaking the loop in your thoughts. You blink, allowing the tears to slip down your cheeks.

"I... I don't know what I'm supposed to do now," you say slowly. You look up at him, fighting the need to be held in his long arms. Loki had become the one you went to for comfort, you never thought he would be the one hurting you. "I love you Loki," you say quietly and he looks away from you. You finally place the emotion you saw in his eyes earlier, it was regret. He doesn't respond and you are suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to be a far from him as possible.

You take a few steps backwards until your back hits his door, running your hand along the hard surface until you feel the knob, you twist it harshly. You pull the door open and you step out into the empty hallway, your vision blury from the heavy wave of tears. You wipe your face with your sleeves as you slowly make your way down the long hall. Keeping your hand over your mouth you quiet your sobs as you pass room after room. You know you could knock on any one of them and receive comfort from your friends inside but you only wanted to feel Loki's arms around you. You wanted him to run down the hall after you, telling you he lied, that he was wrong, that he did love you but he didn't.

You close your door quietly and climb onto your bed, fully dressed without even thinking to kick off your shoes. You grab the pillow Loki used to sleep on and hold it tightly to your chest. Burying your face into the soft fabric you begin to sob again, the pillow hadn't smelled like him in weeks and it was one more reminder that he wasn't yours and you weren't his. You close your eyes tightly and mourn the loss of your relationship with Loki.

Again... I'm really really really sorry. This was in my head and I just needed to get it out

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💚💚

@soubi001 @ace-of-gay @misunderstoodself @coldnique @lokiprompts @thomase1 @mochie85 @fi-recs-fics @huntress-artemiss @sititran @xorpsbane @kkdvkyya @lokisgoodgirl @muddyorbs @holdmytesseract @kats72 @avoliax @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @loopsisloops @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @high-functioning-lokipath @psychospore @dukes2581 @buttercupcookies-blog @animnerd @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @laufeyson-16 @michelleleewise @pics-and-fanfics @coffeeorsomething-irl @crimson25 @simping-for-marvel @slytherclaw1227 @lokixryss @lokidokieokie @asuni921 @currish-rosewolfe @elizabethmidnight2017 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @sunshineangel-reads @eleniblue @kikster606 @vickie5446 @kaogasm @msturi2u @mjsthrillernp

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated 💚💚

[zombiejaws]

Optiratch angst from the memory loss eps… 😔🙏

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED THE ANGST I CAN COOK WITH THEM U DONT UNDERSTAND. I REMEMBER NOT TOO LONG AGO I WAS DUMPING NOTHING BUT SOUNDSTAR, MEGASOUND, AND OPTIRATCH ANGST IN MY FRIENDS DMS. It was crazy bruh

So basically Orions memories r wiped and Megatron is using him for the decoding, all the while they r back together bc Orion doesn't realize hes been married for the past 4,000,000+ yrs.

Megatron uses Orion without actually loving him, usually leading to neglect and Orion not really knowing why there was such a change in behavior

Soundwave is horribly pining after Megatron, whos now completely unobtainable due to being with Orion once more

Starscream hates all of it because its so obvious that soundwave wants Megatron, and starscream is doing everything he can just to impress soundwave and its not working bc that mech is hopelessly in love w someone else

Ratchet is home upset as shit because his best friend/life partner genuinely thinks hes not a good person and its back with his ex and hes got no idea what to do

Thats all i got for now, Thank u for listening to my angst rant that makes me so hapoy to talk abt bc my little multishipper heart skips a beat when i can rant abt all the angst

{Have a question? Pop into my askbox!!}

[steddieangstyaugust]

Steddie Angsty August coming to a tear filled timeline near you.

[blood-orange-juice]

I HAVE FINISHED IT. If you missed the first chapters, it's a Childe character study fic, a bunch of vignettes about his transition from a feral teen to a Harbinger

🥳

I am never ever writing anything longer than a oneshot again (or so I keep telling myself)

[livelovecaliforniadreams]