#aw fuck im beginning
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mischaracterising dick grayson’s robin as a feral, violent pseudo murderer because profound hope and perseverance in the wake of immense loss is apparently too complex of a character arc
#i am at my limit#dick grayson#spokes#dc comics#‘dick is awful and violent but this OTHER character is perfect and good and loves being robin’ in seven days u will begin coughing#im formally confiscating the word feral until u can be fucking normal about it
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Please still be here in 4 years.
Please.
#Edit: I don't want this to come off as me giving up or fear mongering#this is not a white flag cry#this is a gritted teeth declaration and call to my friends and acquaintances#it will get dark.#but it will eventually get better#millions and millions are fighting for us. stay strong#end edit#begin original tags:#im so fucking scared#on every level#i know we've made it through awful shit but#my anxiety is flaying me alive and fearing the worst#i have 0 faith in this country anymore#and i'm so scared for all my trans/lgbt friends#im just#please persist#please#please survive as an act of rebellion#i don't want to lose any of you#vent#negative
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The thing thats consistently bothered me the most in the fallout show is the racism. I would hesitate to recommend it because of that alone. And there was obvious love that the set and prop designers, actors, costume department, and even maybe the writers put into the show! There are themes and characters in fallout that i'm certain would resonate with fans of color!
It KILLS me that so many of the fallout entries are damn well unplayable/watchable in this regard because the writers simply Don't Care how the people in their work are presented. That this like hugely popular world with a lot of worldbuilding and thought behind it does such wrong to so many people, fans and otherwise, that you cannot find any game in the series that does it right or well. It alienates a lot of people who might've been fans just because the majority white creators and fanbase don't give a shit, and I'm sick of it.
it's not enough to say "in the fallout in my head that racism doesn't happen," you actually have to put some things into PRACTICE. Allow space in your head, your games/show, your fan spaces for people of color! notice and say something when you see racism coming from media, yourself, and others!
#like its not AS bad as other fallout media but isnt that the fucking kicker. that its not AS bad#and in fact the games im thinking of that are most egregious in their racism ARE interplay/obsidians games.#bethesda is NOT free from criticism or racism. just look at the elder scrolls.#all of the fallout games have been terrible to different extents to their black characters#the games are TERRIBLY sinophobic. the great war being pinned on china allows for SO much racism in the writing and in fan spaces#but fallout 2 and new vegas specifically have awful and degrading representations of indigenous people. to the point where i wont play 2.#and now this show treating maximus nearly one to one with how star wars writers AND fans treated finn? its not okay#personal /#fallout show#fallout blogging#racism#antiblackness#colonialism#fallout#if not for this i would have thought that the show was GOOD. surprisingly compelling. anti capitalist messaging. but its just. all the time#and this is coming from a white person! i can only listen and imagine how painful it is to play these games or watch the show#and be the butt of the joke every time!!! or the villain or the fool or the one who dies or the nameless entry.#maximus gets to have Some time in the light as a protagonist but for the beginning half of it he's treated SO awfully by the writers#and the latter half does not do enough to make up for it#EDIT: I JUST FINISHED THE SHOW AND THEY FUCKING MADE IT WORSE....#taking max out and having lucy leave him. for what exactly. why did they have to undermine him and make him look stupid at every opportunit#AND. two of the more major black women being evil capitalists juxtaposed by some white guy who opposes? .........................#like im glad moldaver was there. i guess. but even she is posed as the villain for the good majority of it and kills innocent people#for no reason and. UGH
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can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless
#sorry to be so fatalistic on main i just have zero faith in the american public atp#i just rly wanted to believe that more americans couldve used this opportunity to prove to the rest of the world that we arent all a bunch#of sensationalist/conspiracy-driven/aggressively braindead/violent/bigoted alt-right lunatics#& i never had much faith in kamala & walz to begin with obviously im incredibly cynical towards these status quo gatekeepers and the#downright impotence of the neoliberal democratic party#but this wouldve been an easy swerve away from dozens MORE of horrible awful inhumane policies that will ultimately vanquish#the quality of life for the entire american working class like myself and our already pisspoor education system and our lousy#climate change policies and impossible living standards#but no unfortunately there is no way in hell for americans to prove even a modicum of intelligence or worth we're all basically suicidal#and despite my own immense yank bashing tendencies and complete disdain for our government i really wanted this country & my ppl to defy#our own reputation of being so fucking stupid and backwards i really did. in the tiniest little place of my heart was legitimate hope#& a tiny bit of patriotism thats now been squashed completely & this was just another large-scale international humiliation that we legit#voted that guy BACK IN after everything that has happened the last four even eight years. its unbelievable.#again obviously i dont like kamala but it still wouldve been a grand opportunity to stall against what the gop is already destroying#and with push and shove we could have made slight progress forward as a country and try to protect our social programs#be it as flawed as they are and with enough support we could have strengthened them a little. make drugs less expensive. continue forward#with clean energy decreasing our use of fossil fuels even more.#protect our education system so the up and coming generations could receive higher standards of learning than what the rest of us had#NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. im too poor to continue living here and im too poor to fucking leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SORRY THIS WAS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LONG THANK U FOR READING IF U DID MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE MUSH RIGHT NOW SO I DONT KNOW HOW#INTELLIGIBLE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE#and if this makes anyone mad @ all then ill just delete it cuz by god i dont need more grief and self hatred !#txt
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What If Julius and Subaru both met when Julius was a commoner and Subaru got transported Sooner
fun stuff im sure !! but haah okay given julius was a kid when he was a commoner - yeah theyre both kids here!! not sure how old but definitely somewhere before the age of ten. and i think theyd be up to some shenanigans together im sure!! theyre both very mischevious kids (or from what little we know of little kid julius, given iirc tappei hasnt specified just How Much of a "delinquent" little kid julius is okay. but hes definitely the type to sneak out past curfew or something. stay up late reading too, probably. that sort of thing). and also subarus a kid and no way he ISNT missing home poor guy T^TT getting ripped away from home like that is bad enough at seventeen, getting ripped away from home when you are like. no more than eight or something is Bad. but luckily!! im assuming subaru gets found by the juukuliuses (julius's parents probably?) and thats how julius and subaru form their friendship / long-term yearning for each other (if you so desire that) (okay but no way subaru ISNT gonna form long-term yearning for julius flajsdlf). but yes i think julius and subaru would be silly happy kids together and julius's parents would be like oh no this other kid is so lost where is he from :(( but hes so loved by julius already too... well we got another kid under our roof now.
except. julius's parents die in a flood. so i mean. Hypothetically.... either julisuba survive this one first try or subaru dies for the first time. which. ohh god. oh god. oh g -
#IM. IM JUST GONNA LEAVE ON THAT OMINOUS NOTE#yeah so i think this would turn into childhood friends to Possibly Mutual Pining but actually it might not be mutual if you wanna interpret#reinjuli a certain way. but then but THEN later it can become mutual if u so want#like when u know a person for such a long period of time u change over time. u know?? both you and the relationship u have with this person#has its alterations over time!! thats just how it b but if youre meant to be together youll stick it out <3#julisuba in every universe they befriend each other for good is#Bound to be together for the rest of their lives. To Me. they are soulmates to Me okay their relationship is important#regardless of what form it takes!!! they could grow to think of each other like brothers in an au like this if u so desire too!! which i#think would be really touching <3#yeah so. julisuba childhood friends au. shit goes haywire sometimes. its really awful bc subarus a kid so u can imagine the kind of fucked#stuff hes learning rn hahaha. or you can go the happier route and subaru doesnt learn about rbd until later </3#either way. julisuba real. subarus an eldritch horror. these are both crucial facts for every timeline#i think julius would probs be a bit better having a companion by his side from the very beginning throughout all of this for sure!!#and someone who Gets the jealousy / do i want to be with him or Be him ;-;#i have a fondness for reinjulisuba (THE MESSIEST LOVE TRIANGLE YOUVE EVER SEEN)#and ok if subarus an eldritch horror since childhood then he and reinhard are gonna have Even More in common#hooray for childhood joys and traumas!!!!!#also julisuba visit julius's parents graves :(( leave nice flowers there im sure#subaru-joshua hostility begins also. that sort of thing#rezero#re:zero#ask#natsuki subaru#julius juukulius
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Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.
If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.
#hywel struggles a lot with good vs bad things specifically#he makes decisions based on what makes him feel good or bad (like most people) but#if you explain something being bad to him using emotional reasons (it makes you a bad person‚ its an awful thing to do‚ its gross)#he genuinely will not get it#he'll try to stop! just bc he was told to stop! but he doesn't know how to apply it to other situations#murder for example#he's immortal death doesnt have the same meaning to him#and he doesn't particularly care about people outside of arisen#they're entertaining he finds them fun. they're critters to him#but he's not bothered by them dying#arisen dying is bad bc it means he failed his charge. he cant die. regular people dying? eh whatever#so he doesn't really get why murder is bad#if ur in vernsworth and tell him no then he'll be like i dont understand but ok!!#its only bad in vernsworth bc thats where you said no at!! everywhere else is fine !#he's not trying to find loopholes!!! he genuinely doesn't get it and is doing his best to work with what he's given!!!#his way of thinking is p straightforward and logical though#so you have to explain stuff by how it effects him and how the cons of doing it outweigh the benefits#hywel u cant murder people you dont like bc if we allowed that people would kill merchants and then you couldn't buy stuff#anyway bonus scifi au stuff while im here#hywel would remember the time loops and would do whatever it takes to keep the crew safe#but the thing is. cosmic horror hywel doesn't really understand time or how the loops are fucking people up#he knows the false dawn losing its crew was bad. he doesn't understand WHY its bad‚ but he knows it is#and he loves this crew! theyre funny and some of them are fun to chew on. enrichment.#he's gonna do whateve it takes to keep this crew safe and together. on the ship. y'know‚‚‚ bc the other ship losing its crew was bad#restarting a loop means nothing to him. yeah he's gotta start over with his friendships but thats fun! enrichment!#hes a creature time means nothing to him#beginning of the loop all his friends are here :^) he's completely unaware of how its negatively effecting people#anyway i cannot stress enough he isn't doing this to be malicious he's just doing his best#someone would absolutely realize he was doing this early on and if you tell him to stop he will#but yeah better hope you can explain why he cant do that well enough or hywels gonna unintentionally find every loophole
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have i recommended mieruko-chan lately everybody should be reading mieruko-chan please read mieruko-chan
[spongebob ice cream truck meme] BUT SKIP CHAPTER 3
#context. for some reason it was seeming like it was going to be a gross fanservice manga in the beginning and chapter 3 was especially awful#BUT. after that the fanservice dropped out of the story ENTIRELY. and im so fucking happy because its been so so good since then#mieruko chan#harold.txt
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#cassy bitches#i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed#our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job!#and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards#and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves#since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone#AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out#and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me#like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice#i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING#and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with#ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors#why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this
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the important thing to know about genesis in crisis core is that he literally did nothing wrong. not only justified but with a valid way of doing things. he had a point.
#grin talk#genesis rhapsodos#ffvii crisis core#ff7 crisis core#ffvii spoilers#crisis core in many ways is an interesting case of being the bad guy until the very end#we protect fucking HOJO. the first level is literally killing a train full of people that Look like theyre on our side but no no no#i promise theyre totally wutai. its fine.#(and tbf thats not. what im implying isnt canon. but its in character for shinra and also a trope)#regardless like. zack works for shinra. zack fights for shinra. shinra fucking sucks. every single SOLDIER 1st defects and dies in CC.#we begin the game chasing after a SOLDIER 1st who went. Weird(tm) upon realizing he is genetically modified part alien.#hurrr genesis defecting from shinra destroying all sorts of stuff fighting against shinra also weird magic hurrr terrible awful#And Then We End The Game As Zack Fair who does THE SAME THING.#even having a turk follow and confront the him in his hometown.....#this is becoming off topic. genesis did nothing wrong. crisis core is a cyclical story. the real villain is hollander and hojo#but i think we all know that.
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#im so fucked. im so so fucked#i just woke up slightly hungover and took a shot#very bad development in the alcohol dependency department#and im trying to be like whatever hair of the dog common occurrence. however ik it’s way more serious than that#i fucking hate being sober to the point it’s going to ruin my life#but drinking is such a huge reprieve from the bullshit that i can barely care#im so fucked. lmao#ik i cld just ask my brother to stop buying it or keeping liquor around but i cannot bring myself to give it up#it’s always i’ll think about it tmrw. i’ll deal with it tmrw. but tmrw never comes#why can’t i just be fucking normal why can’t i just be happy without being under the influence of Something. hell not even happy why can’t#i just be content.#ive always been like this. i still remember my first drink and i remember the first time i drank to escape and i havent gotten away from it#since#idk how to. i think itll always just be like this til i die. i dont think im capable of not being this#i dont think i was capable of ever being. a person. to be begin with#i get this awful feeling i shouldve never existed in this form#and i’ll do anything to just feel okay. to feel relatively normal. hence why im here#fucking whatever my life is so worthless anyway may as well just drink myself to death honestly
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godd i miss my fag more than anything. like whatever man whatever its just that were soulmates and our souls are intertwined and we are mirror images of one another and the stars crossed when we met. BUT YOU DIDNT WANT IT ARCHIES DAD
#🗞️#WHAT EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR wha t ever.#idk the relationship talk from today is just keeping me up like..............#i truly could just be in a relationship with this fucking guy and it wouldnt matter bc he treats being in a relationship on the same basis#as i do casual dating so if he wants to put a label on it sure whatever hes literally on tinder all the time when hanging out with me so#like i dont care we can be together. BUTTTTT NOOOOO BC I IMAGINED MYSELF DATING ANOTHER DUDE WHOS VERY EXCLUSIVE WHEN IT COMES TO DATING#AND I WILL ALWAYS PUT HIM FIRST AND IF ONLY HE WAS SPEAKING TO ME I WOULDNT EVEN BE SPEAKING TO THIS OTHER GUY RN TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!#which is god awful. not that i dont like him i DO like him and im glad hes in my life but i just know if me and my fag were talking id neve#let myself get this close to another person.#so llike. im kinda glad we're not talking cause i was depriving myself of any meaningful relationships while hes out there meeting new ppl#all the time. and im waiting for him like an idiot and willing to throw my entire life away for him. which isnt good obv but also like .#mutual obsession......................................anybody............please
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overwhelmed by words
#brain is in overdrive#no meds#anyway I am in awe at this situation#thinking about it from the beginning and finding old messages is just#I spent literal years denying how strongly I felt#I was like a fling turned gay bestie wingman type shit and now I’m like absolutely fawning#i fear I blindsided him twice#I’ve been openly bi since 19 but I have not felt attracted to men in years#idk got closer w him again after ex gf and it just kept going and we were back to talking every night and I found myself getting#really jealous of him giving attention or looking for a girl when I used to help him all the time so I was super confused#and eventually told him like. hey im super fucking confused#and he was like 🙂↕️clearly and it kept going and now im still confused#was fully convinced I was gay for a good 3 years#life is weird#I don’t like labels because they place me in boxes#but I digress. I really am just so down bad and I haven’t felt this way for anyone in a bit and it’s sweet <3#prob deleting
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mouf
#ok idk if youve seen it yet but im super into mouthwashing the videogame as of rn#it's an instant modern classic no doubt about it the narrative is PERFECT#the only criticism id give is the end being a bit drawn out but we love when horror allows itself to be cinematic#and you know me in this blog how i instantly latch onto whatever gay ship there is for any given piecd of media?#NOT this time ABSOLUTELY NOT#not even considering it im being dead serious#the 'popular' m/m ship from this game has to be one of the most dysfunctional abusive ones there'll ever be#not even in a fun drama angst it gets bad before it gets better way it's just Bad throughout#absolutely doomed from the beginning#and the worst part is that it's actually Really easy to see guy A is unhealthily obsessed with and idolizing of guy B#who is nice and forgiving to the point of being an enabler#but it'd be awful awful awful were it to ever happen im not joking#anyway VERY GOOD GAME PLS PLAY IT if you're into psychological horror and can handle its multiple potentially triggering themes ofc#FUCK I MISPELLED PIECE
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Unrelated but genuinely were they plotting anything with the weapons of the seal in drakengard 2 at one point or something because why is there all this lore and a literal SIDEQUEST based around retrieving them and a whole CUTSCENE dedicated to the detailing the history of them when they have like 0 actual relevance besides looking kinda cool and are like mid-tier weapons at best
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#like... they're hard as shit to level; I'll give them that but 👀👀👀???? WHATS THE DEAL#i swear it's so prevalent that i almost feel like im gaslighting myself when i recall that they have NO big importance like... am i sure???#surely I'd never forget the famous ending d of Drakengard 2.....#anyways all this is to say thank FUCK im into chapter 9 of branch b and finally just finished maxxing out sealspear#WHICH I'VE BEEN WORKING ON SINCE I GOT THE DAMN THING TOWARDS THE BEGINNING OF ROUTE A.....#that shit was AWFUL i have like 5 other spears to work on levelling now OUGHH....#FINALLYYYY I CAN LEVEL UP SPEARS THAT AREN'T THIS PIECE OF SHIT#Edit: ONLY 3 OTUER SPEARS TO LEVEL UP LETS GOOOOO
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every time i hear anything art-related on tiktok, i immediately get really like... upset? annoyed? idk. unpleasant feeling because it's literally always "we're making fun of this child/beginner for their anatomy or how they color" or whatever else or pretending that an artists deserve to be treated like a piece of corporate media.
i know tiktok is literally the devil and hell incarnate, but i don't think any artist deserves to be targets of mass harassment especially not people who are just starting out (and even more especially not children).
if tiktok was a thing when i was younger and i was posting my art on there, i would never fucking draw ever again. my art career would've ended after a few months of drawing "seriously," and i really do mean it lol. call me sensitive or whatever, but a 13-15 year old does not need to hear whatever criticism you think they need to hear i promise.
#dook dook#the only thing people should be doing is offering actual helpful advice and constructive criticism is only welcome when asked for#but these people never ask for it...#im talking about the 'art lore' stuff or whatever (idk if its called that)#i never kept up with it because 1 i am not on tiktok 2 i am a full grown adult who doesnt care and 3 it just makes me feel fucking awful?#but seriously#beginning artists will not be on the same level as someone whos been drawing for 10+ years#beginning artists will not have 'good' anatomy or know how to color or shade 'properly'#it really pisses me offfff...#if youre a beginning artist the only things you really need to know are: drawing more than 1 body type (please draw fat people. please.)#do not fall for 'dos and donts' types of tutorials#ESPECIALLY ones that are about men vs. women anatomically#take care of your wrists and hands and arms#AND FINALLY: DONT WORRY ABOUT ANY 'RULES' DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU#ART CAN LOOK LIKE ANYTHING AND CAN BE MADE USING ANY TECHNIQUE BRUSH APPLICATION WHATEVER!!!#DO NOT FUCKING WORRY ABOUT IT PLEASE
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#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
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