#autism burnout explained

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi everyone,

I found a helpful article discussing autistic burnout. I’ll leave some excerpts from this article below:

“Autistic burnout’ is the intense physical, mental or emotional exhaustion, often accompanied by a loss of skills, that some adults with autism experience. Many autistic people say it results mainly from the cumulative effect of having to navigate a world that is designed for neurotypical people.

Burnout may especially affect autistic adults who have strong cognitive and language abilities and are working or going to school with neurotypical people.”

“Like many aspects of autism, burnout varies greatly from person to person. Some autistic people experience it as an overwhelming sense of physical exhaustion. They may have more difficulty managing their emotions than usual and be prone to outbursts of sadness or anger. Burnout may manifest as intense anxiety or contribute to depression or suicidal behavior. It may involve an increase in autism traits such as repetitive behaviors, increased sensitivity to sensory input or difficulty with change.

Burnout can sometimes result in a loss of skills: An autistic woman who usually has strong verbal abilities may, for example, suddenly find herself unable to talk.”

“Burnout is often a consequence of camouflaging, or masking, a strategy in which autistic people mimic neurotypical behavior by using scripts for small talk, forcing themselves to make eye contact or suppressing repetitive behaviors. These strategies can help autistic people in their jobs and relationships but require immense effort.

It can also result from sensory overstimulation, such as a noisy bus commute; executive function demands such as having to juggle too many tasks at once; or stress associated with change.”

The full article will be down below for anyone who would like to read through it. I hope many of you found this helpful and informative.

Autism Burnout

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[cowboys-tshot]

ive been feeling really off lately and just overall unmotivated and exhausted all the time (which i shouldnt be because i literally take adhd medication that is a stimulant) and i didnt really know why cause sometimes im just like this yk

anyways i just found out what autistic burnout is and uhhhh

[bunnyb34r]

I'm so burnt out my dudes

[ellsss]

dis my tune rn...

rant in tags

[jankwritten]

hm.

[strawberrykaon]

I think autistic primarchs would present very differently than in a baseline human. Its so much easier to cover up or explain away.

Like if Mortarion goes semi- verbal, he still sounds normal. But very stilted for a primarch. Its different from when I can only maybe say three words at a time. Usually I can only go "I don't know" or "no", or "go away". For him it's still full length sentences, like "I think I just need to be alone now". That can easily be explained to be exhaustion. But in reality he can't vocalize anything more complex right now.

Guilliman has be scripting since a child but no one notices. He just has over 100 scripts memorized for any occasion. Any question or change in the conversation. He already has a script lined up. He's capable of memorizing it. Conversations happen so naturally, you can't even tell the difference.

Even the way they stim can be so different to a baseline. Probably in ways a baseline can't comprehend. Traits like increased pattern recognition are standard in a primarch. All primarchs are far more "higher functioning" than any baseline.

Being behind their brothers developmentally by a few weeks is nothing compared to a baseline. What's walking at two months when most humans are closer to a year old when they start. Sure the other primarchs were walking much sooner. Some right out of the pod. But they often reached adulthood far sooner than any human. What constitutes a development delay to a primarch. If an apothecary can't tell what's a high blood pressure level in Guilliman. How can you tell?

Exhaustion that so many autistic face is so off from a baseline. They need less sleep. They can go through periods without rest for far longer. I think in cases like Mortarion, he can just push through an autistic burnout. Sure he's a bit more irritable, among other things. But hey, the point of a shutdown won't hit him till a few decades later. So therefore he must have high energy levels then even his brothers. Despite the toll on his mental health. Plus their recovery times are far shorter. Guilliman needs just a few days to feel normal after a year long campaign after all. Doesn't matter how he was acting prior. Any strange behavior can be hand waved away.

Mental conditioning can be used to suppress sensory overload. No point in having your super solider curl up screaming because he has super hearing. And you threw him into an active warzone. Lets make sure you can't process that information in way that would harm you. (Plus I think as a rule primarchs have a tendency to be more sensory seeking than sensory avoidant.)

Hell even their positions in the imperial society could make it easier to mask. If Perturabo wants something done in a certain way, you are going to do it that way. You're just some 25 year old iron warrior or serf that needs to follow command. Plus you don't know best compared to a primarch.

Of course they mask in typical ways. Mortarion hasn't rocked when upset since he was young. Because Nacrae told him that he should avoid such weakling behavior. Or still show more obvious traits like Dorn's flatter speaking style. (IDK how true this is but everyone says this and I'm not too familiar with Dorn to say otherwise.)

Also I like to imagine that the Emperor intentionally placed Autism into some of his designer babies. Thinking he could "avoid all the negatives but only gain those traits that would benefit them greatly." Only for his patience to slowly be drained. Like Perturabo having a meltdown while Dorn is trying to get the two of them to work together. But he's lost the ability to mask what little he does. And is just going, "We are to conclude this activity in an hour. I have to calibrate the ships sensors in an hour and half. You have already wasted 10 minutes. We must refocus so we can conclude in an hour..."

The problem start when understanding what's going on under the surface. Or when you start comparing them to their brothers. But hey you're below understanding what a primarch is thinking. And all the primarchs are little off. They're demigods. What makes these one's so different. Doesn't help they themselves won't consider it themselves. Or even be insulted by the implication. I'm not an invalid. Don't be ridiculous.

(I used Perturabo, Dorn, and Guilliman here because they're the common ones head cannoned as autistic. I went with Mortarion as well because I decided to just go with it. I know him the best. Plus this is all just headcannon. Just to be clear. Reasoning being his kids tend to present with a flat personality anyways. Also heard Mortarion was always behind his brothers, so developmental delays?? Idk yet where they got that in lore yet. Trying to get through all the books is a lot. Plus his other strange behaviors. But it could just be poor socialization as a child mixed with mental illness. Could also just be all three too. But more than these four could be autistic is my point. Sorry if this post was rambling or unclear. Or if anyone has done this before. I just wanted to get my thoughts out on the subject.)

[candiid-caniine]

support needs and sex

having trouble with words recently. during this, I don't post much. have autism, have talked about it here before, but only small things.

but lots of frustration recently about representing. how people with low support needs have louder voices. people with cute, quirky autism get represented more because neurotypicals don't feel as uncomf. still they have their struggles but you know. middle to high support needs are uncomf. have to hide, have to be quiet. people with low support needs, also sometimes think *their* autism is *all* autism. don't want to talk about mid/high supports people, or be associated.

but, speech loss bad enough that I don't want to go into it today. stick to what is doable.

autistic people have sex. autistic people do kink. lot of positivity here about this. i've seen it. you've seen it. you've seen me also do it.

but autism in sex, not just:

cute stimming because sex feels good

sensory overload, in a good way

hard to speak because of good feelings

person getting flustered/shy/nervous

not only cute. not only shy. not only because of good feelings.

autism can be ugly, scary, difficult, bad communicating, hard to know how to support, getting in the way.

for me:

speech loss; not cute speech loss because of good feelings, speech loss because life is exhausting; exhausted, don't want to have sex

handling rejection poorly. have to use a lot of energy to keep from being a bad partner because of overreacting

sensory overload because good, but i dissociate because sensory overload

use sex to escape bad feelings, not in a healthy coping way

can't explain why i react poorly. in most circumstances. but also happens around sex

frustration because i can't think how to explain

meltdown because so frustrated

cycle repeats

have trouble understanding un-firm versions of "no" (have to work hard to communicate with partner, and i do, but hard work af)

have trouble understanding "maybe"

have trouble predicting how i "will/would" feel

thus frustration. meltdown. cycle resumes

or, know what i want; don't know how to explain

AND YET: i am not:

too dysfunctional for sex/relationship

"basically a child"/too immature

unsafe person

too fucked up for marriage

bad person for dating

someone who should avoid sex until burnout ends

...because i am adult. my partner is an adult. we talk about things. we know good expectations. i don't lie about can/can't do things. they don't lie about can/can't do things.

sex is only one slice of this. this blog is about sex, so i post it here. but these issues are big in my life. need support in school, in work; i seem so functional to a stranger, but only because support needs are met.

support needs met = big privilege. i acknowledge this. not so easy for many people, who seem less functional to others, only because support needs not met.

anyway. conclusion:

neurotypicals/non-autistics: don't expect sex + relationships with autistics to be like sexy imagine posts on tumblr. can be sometimes, but often not.

autistics, even: don't expect sex + relationships with other autistics to be like sex + relationships for you.

low support needs autistics: you guys have a problem. (maybe technically i am you guys, don't really know, so maybe *we* have a problem.) some of you don't like when autism represented as mid-high support. don't like to think you're like us. not cool. either way stop speaking like *your* autism is *all* autism. if you have energy + time + emotional resource to do so, tell off other low support needs when they act like this.

high/mid support needs: i see you. you belong. you deserve healthy, good sex if you are adult. support needs =/= being unworthy/not well enough/not functional enough for relationship. possible to have relationships that work for you, allow for the kind of support you need, from other person/medical team/support system. don't mask to get through relationship. hurts you, you should be loved for who you are.

[tonysbed]

pages of horror | OP81

Oscar Piastri x autistic!reader

!AUTISTIC READER!

Summary: Oscar realised how burnt out you actually were..

warnings: burn out, stress, autism

mental health masterlist | main masterlist

Oscar Piastri was living his dream, racing on the global stage with the roar of engines and the thrill of the track fueling his every move. But alongside his meteoric rise, there was a quieter, equally remarkable story unfolding: that of his girlfriend, who was balancing the demands of university and the emotional rollercoaster of supporting Oscar’s racing career. She navigated her courses with determination and attended his races whenever possible, her dedication unwavering despite the toll it took on her.

For the most part, she managed to juggle it all. Early mornings spent in the library, afternoons filled with lectures, and weekends at the track. She found comfort in the routine, even as the demands increased. But as the semester wore on, the weight of it all began to bear down on her.

She was exhausted. Her mind, always so sharp, felt foggy. Simple tasks became monumental challenges. The sensory overload of the university, with its bustling crowds and endless noise, left her feeling raw and exposed. She was running on fumes, barely managing to keep up with her assignments and attend Oscar’s races.

Oscar noticed her growing fatigue but attributed it to the typical stresses of university life. "Everyone gets overwhelmed with school," he’d say, offering a reassuring smile. He’d seen other friends burn out, only to bounce back after a good night’s sleep or a weekend off. He figured she just needed a bit of rest.

But it wasn’t just school stress. It was everything. The constant pressure to excel academically, the sensory overload, the emotional strain of maintaining a long-distance relationship, and the physical exhaustion of travel. She was spiraling into a period of severe burnout, and Oscar’s well-intentioned but misguided reassurances did little to ease her burden.

One evening, after a particularly grueling day, she broke down. The tears came unbidden, a flood of frustration, exhaustion, and despair. Oscar found her sitting on the edge of their bed, head in her hands, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Hey, hey," he murmured, rushing to her side. "What's wrong?"

She tried to speak, but the words stuck in her throat. All the emotions she’d bottled up for so long were now threatening to overflow. Oscar wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she cried. For the first time, he truly saw the depth of her struggle.

"I’m so sorry," she whispered through her tears. "I’m trying so hard, but it’s all too much."

Oscar felt a pang of guilt. He’d been so focused on his own career that he hadn’t realized how much she was sacrificing, how much she was struggling. He kissed her forehead gently. "You don’t have to do this alone," he said softly. "We’ll figure this out together."

The next day, Oscar helped her arrange a meeting with her academic advisor. She explained her situation, and together, they came up with a plan to lighten her course load and provide the support she needed. Oscar insisted on taking her to every appointment, standing by her side as she navigated the university’s bureaucracy.

At home, Oscar made sure she took the time to rest. He ran her baths, the warm water soothing her frayed nerves. They spent quiet evenings together, watching movies or simply sitting in comfortable silence. He took over cooking and cleaning, ensuring she had one less thing to worry about.

Gradually, she began to recover. The fog in her mind lifted, and the overwhelming fatigue started to ebb away. She was still navigating the challenges of university and supporting Oscar’s career, but now she had the support she needed.

Oscar learned to recognize the signs of her burnout and took steps to prevent it, whether that meant encouraging her to take a break or simply holding her hand and reminding her that she wasn’t alone. They became a team in the truest sense, each supporting the other in their dreams and struggles.

And as Oscar continued to race towards new victories, he knew that none of it would be possible without the love and strength of the woman by his side.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism Burnout: and the Mismatch of Support

Laura Hellfeld Neurodivergent Nurse Consulting

[zebulontheplanet]

could you elaborate on the difference between regression and burnout? (if you want)

Hey! I have a few posts on this but sure, I can explain it again!

Late autism regression is usually caused by something called Autism Catatonia. I’ll put some links below about it.

Autism catatonia is a serious condition that involves the slow start of regression in developmental and social aspects. Someone with autism catatonia will start to develop catatonia, as the name suggests. The person will freeze before and sometimes after tasks, they will have trouble completing tasks, need extensive prompting or hand over hand help, and more. The person will also start to decline in social aspects, from isolation, to aggressive behaviors, to just generally declining in all areas involving social interaction. They will also start to decline in the ability to do skills, for example; forgetting how to shower, forgetting how to do certain things, etc etc. The person might also start to decline in speech, and in some cases, lose their ability all together.

Mood decline is also very common, from aggressive behaviors, to depressive like behaviors. The person will have also episodes of catatonia, such as freezing. The person might also have trouble doing tasks and going over thresholds.

Autism catatonia is very complex and not a lot of professionals know a lot about it so it’s good to speak with a professional that is knowledgeable in it if you suspect you have it. Please keep in mind that autism catatonia is rare. And is not the same as executive dysfunction. It is often treated with medication and in more severe cases, ECT.

Burnout is much much different. It’s caused by masking. And over time as someone masks to conform to society, they start to feel burnt out. This CAN lead to some loss in skills, however with time, healing, rest, and accommodations and unmasking, it can lead to you getting pretty much back to normal or at least get you to where you want to be. Burnout is also serious, but it is much different from autism regression.

Again, I’m not a professional, my information might not be 100%. I’d google more about it and research more! There are a ton of resources on autism burnout, and a few on regression. Please do not try and self diagnosis autism regression with catatonia, it is so serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

AGAIN. IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL. THIS IS JUST FROM MY PERSONAL RESEARCH AND EXPERIENCES.

https://asatonline.org/research-treatment/clinical-corner/catatonia/

[euphraisette]

Valjean is autistic but he thinks he’s broken

Fauchelevent is autistic and he hasn’t the slightest clue

Fantine’s only exposure to autism was when her friends would call her slurs

Cosette doesn’t know what autism is but she knows she has something to hide

Marius doesn’t think he’s autistic because he’s never been vaccinated

Javert doesn’t know what autism is and would arrest you for trying to explain that he has it

Èponine just thinks she’s ugly and evil and people secretly hate her by default

Grantaire jokes that he’s autistic and has no idea he’s right

Prouvaire researches his own autism obsessively and will infodump about it to anyone who will listen

Combeferre was diagnosed when he was two

Bahorel is basically just riding out gifted kid burnout with his parents’ money

Joly is afraid to get diagnosed because what if it’s actually ADHD or bipolar or NPD or schizophrenia or a tumor or something like how many tests does he have to pay for

Bossuet got misdiagnosed as neurotypical when he got evaluated because he answered some of the questions wrong

holy shit this is actually actually perfect wtf

the girls are so sad and true esp cosette and eponine

and also marius... im fucking cackling

[pageadaytale]

BOOK REVIEW - Unmasking Autism: The Power of Embracing our Hidden Neurodiversity by Dr Devon Price

My third book this year was an eye-opening treatise on living with masked autism, trying to present as neurotypical when you're not, and the difficulties one can face as a result. I've often ended up feeling burnt out, exhausted, unable to do anything after even short periods of work, and reading Unmasking Autism brought a lot of familiar feelings to the surface that I had forgotten.

Too often we forget that the world is not made for us - the grind of daily 9-5, social obligations full of unwritten rules, and tedious tasks which seem utterly pointless, all serve to drain the energy of neurodivergent folk. For myself, I've struggled to hold down jobs and work without experiencing severe burnout as a result of my undiagnosed mental conditions. This book has finally explained why.

Dr Devon Price is an austistic social psychologist, and he's put his career to excellent use to construct a field guide to living with autism from the inside out. Too often, mental health conditions are diagnosed and researched from outside, with the scientist's demand for a dispassionate eye; Dr Price proves that lived experience can be invaluable to expanding our understanding of mental health, as he takes us through the history of autism research and explores the lived experiences of autistic individuals who have lived for many decades without a diagnosis. He calls out autism as currently viewed as a rich, white, male disorder, a problem codified by the eugenicist researchers who originally named it, and explores the condition in greater depth and scope, examining how it manifests in women and people of colour. He also looks at society as a whole, how it is structured to exclude those with autism and other disabilities, and points out how we can change all this to better support and encourage autistic people.

Overall this was an eye-opening book. It was greatly detailed and there were points where I found myself pausing in the realisation that Dr Price was expounding on a topic I had struggled with for much of my life. It has the problem that is quickly becoming familiar - that the chapters are too long to comfortably read in one sitting, and it feels as though Dr Price would try to find too many examples to demonstrate a topic at times. But for an examination of masking as an autistic person, and a guide to autism from someone who understands it with their whole life, it's a unique and long-overdue book.

[zuzsenpai]

more thoughts on getting screened for autism

I see my psychiatrist next Monday and my therapist next Wednesday, and I want to ask either or both about the process for getting screened. But I've read stories about mental health professionals outright refusing to help someone get screened. They either don't believe their patient is autistic because of X reasons, they think they know better, or don't believe it should matter in the first place. I don't know how to qualify for a screening, tbh. I don't know how it works. Does my insurance even cover it? I'm worried I'm going to have to work really hard to explain myself and my case for getting screened, and I'm going to fuck it up so badly. I'm notoriously TERRIBLE at advocating for myself, and I back down pretty quickly from arguments about myself because I can never find the words to say and I get too emotional. I'm going to stumble on words and my hands are going to shake and my throat is going to close up while I try to read aloud from my Notes app. I'm SO scared I'm going to be denied right from the beginning. I'm going to be told I don't "look" or "act" autistic and that everything I'm describing is because of depression and anxiety. I don't know where to turn if my psychiatrist and therapist deny me. Do I try my primary care doc who knows next to nothing about me beyond my physical health? All three of them are women, so I'm really hoping at least one of them will understand what I'm going through trying to get screened.

I truly just want to know. Even if the screening says I'm not autistic, I am desperately searching for answers about myself right now and I feel like it would help me either way. I've been thinking about this almost every day, and have been dipping my toes into the community. It's been helpful, but I don't know if a self-diagnosis is right for me.

Meanwhile my burnout is not getting any better, and I'm almost certain it was triggered by Zuko's emergency and recovery. Just like all the weeks since that happened, I did exactly zero relaxing things/hobbies/entertainment while on vacation last week. I could not focus. I could not relax. I could barely switch my brain on to go for a walk. I was pretty dang miserable and probably shouldn't have wasted the PTO days honestly.

Anyway, I'm going to write something concise in my Notes app to list off to my psychiatrist on Monday.

[sexhaver]

one of my favorite parts about MTG is how much wording matters, like you're making a deal with the fae folk. for example, look at this old-ass card:

the official Oracle text of this card reads as follows:

"Counter target instant spell if it's blue. Draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

those of you not well-versed in the intricacies of MTG rules jargon (i.e. normal people) might think of this as unnecessarily wordy. after all, wouldn't the following wording be shorter while keeping the same functionality?

"Counter target blue instant spell and draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

Wrong. You idiot. You absolute fucking oaf. You have just made the card objectively worse.

the first half has to stay the same because the actual wording allows you to target any instant spell (even nonblue ones), whereas the revised wording requires the spell to be blue as you cast Burnout. this means two things, one of which is pretty much irrelevant:

the wordings interact differently with spells/effects that change the color of a spell on the stack. with the actual wording, you could target a nonblue spell, then hold priority and respond to yourself by making the spell blue. with the revised wording, you would need to cast and resolve the effect turning the spell-to-be-countered blue before casting Burnout. this is completely and totally irrelevant because there are maybe 15 cards ever printed that change the color of a spell being cast, and the only one of them that doesn't suck ass is only usable as half of a two-card instant-win combo (Painter's Servant + Grinding Wheel)

you can cast the current wording targeting a spell that is not blue, it just won't be countered when Burnout resolves. the revised wording would make Burnout literally unplayable until your opponent casts a blue spell, which theyre not even guaranteed to have in their deck in the first place. i know this is kind of a subset of the last point but it bears repeating independent of the color-changing shit: the current wording lets you cast Burnout in response to ANY instant, not just blue ones

the second half has to remain as its own separate sentence because if it didn't, you wouldn't draw a card if the first half of the spell doesn't do anything (i.e. you targeted a nonblue instant). this one is kind of annoying to explain with counterspells so i'll use creature/damage spells for example

Sorin's Thirst says "deal 2 damage to target creature and you gain 2 life." with this wording, if the creature you target has become an illegal target by the time the spell resolves (usually by being sacrificed, bounced, or given hexproof), the entire effect is countered and you don't gain 2 life.

the Explosion half of Expansion//Explosion reads "deal X damage to any target. Target player draws X cards." in this case, if the target of the damage is illegal/gone by the time the spell resolves, the card draw part of the effect doesn't give a shit because it's separated by a period. by God you paid good mana for that card draw and with God as your witness you're drawing those X cards whether you hit something for X damage or not.

with Burnout, this means that if the "draw a card" part was lumped into the same sentence as "counter target instant spell if it's blue", you wouldn't draw a card if the spell you target isn't blue. which sounds stupid until you remember that not every deck plays blue* and it's possible for this to be a completely dead card. the current wording allows you to effectively cycle it for something more useful by targeting any spell (even your own!) with Burnout, letting it resolve without countering anything and still getting the "draw on next upkeep" effect. if the rules text was all one sentence, all this would accomplish is wasting 2 mana and a card. this has been your morning MTG Autism Post, thank you for tuning in

*in practice, since this card is only legal in Vintage, Legacy, and Commander, you are actually 100% guaranteed to have someone playing blue at the table. the problem then becomes that this card kind of just sucks even with the lenient wording letting you cycle it with the slowtrip

EDIT: as pointed out in the replies, if you somehow manage to actually fizzle Burnout by removing the targeted instant from the stack entirely before Burnout resolves, you will not draw the card since the card draw is not targeted, and spells fizzle when ALL of their targets are illegal upon resolution. the examples above still hold true, though: since the card draw of Explosion requires you to target a player (usually yourself), the cards still get drawn regardless of whether or not the damage goes through

[faetaiity]

Okay so, someone asked if they could get a Chameleon or Komodo Dragon Mutant Reader, and I chose Chamelon for the One-Shot, I went with that, BUT I forgot they wanted a One-Shot, so here's the story ver instead of the HCs, but honestly, I'm just gonna do both because why not. (Komodo will be for the HCs)

Dark AU! Turtles x Chameleon Mutant! GN! Reader

Format: One-Shot

CW: Long set up for the story, Implied that the turtles believe Y/N says hurtful things/gaslights(?) Kidnapping, Blood/Gore, Implications of murder/maiming, OOC Characters (I ain't ever written for some of these bitches, gimme a break) and bad writing (Haven't written anything in like a month, because being burnout as someone with ADHD and Autism fucking SUCKS.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hated Guard duty.

You helped out Repo-Mantis and the other mutants keep the Repo Yard a safe place for Foot Clan and Big Mama's targets. Humans, Yokai, Mutants, they were all welcomed here as long as they left their weapons in the Hands of the people who run the Yard, as a safety precaution, of course.

You hated Being lookout and Guard, as sometimes you'd have to turn people away, effectively killing them, sooner or later, you'd hear on the news of them brutally attacked and put down in the streets like animals.

You fumbled with your Kevlar vest, the material making your recently shed skin feel itchy and mildly painful, sometimes you wonder why you even accept when you're assigned guard duty, but then you look at the Mutants you've started to call friends and remind yourself 'They saved you.' You groaned, knowing that you owe them for taking care of you and keeping you safe while you were injured.

Manticat came over to you, nuzzling into your face and purring, as much as the Giant Cat Mantis Mutant made you nervous sometimes, she was a sweetheart, she stayed for a few minutes before resuming her patrol around the Yard

It was a few hours before the day patrol came back, clearly beat, their human cloaks bruised and bloodied, clearly, they just wanted to take the cloaking brooch off, inform the night patrol of their findings and pass out, you couldn't blame them, you've only been on City Patrol once, and you have scars from it.

You never gave them trouble when they tried to enter the yard, they had already been through enough shit in the 8-12 hours they had been in New York City.

"Bad day?" You asked one of the Sando Bros, he only grumbled in response, Repo was another one out of patrol, he walked up to you and said "Sorry 'bout him, got his ass beat by that Jones girl in the Foot Clan." you snickered in response, shaking your head, Warren passed by without saying anything, you think out of all the Mutants here, he considers you one of his least favorites, maybe not, but it's the impression he gives off.

"Hey Repo, Who's on night patrol tonight?" You asked, making sure that you weren't on it, Repo's been trying to get you to do another Patrol but your first (and only) one was pretty bad, Repo thought for a minute before speaking up "Should be Hypno, Meat Sweats and GhostBear" he responded, they always took the stronger ones out at night because of the Turtles, you nodded "But...." 'goddamnit, here we go' you thought bitterly, Patrol was scary at night, you've only been out on patrol during the day, that Mantid bastard better not- "Sorry, Y/N, you gotta shadow them, you can't always be in the yard."

"Can't I do tomorrow?? I've been out on Guard duty for SIX HOURS; I can't do another 8-12 in the CITY!" you whined, he sighed, knowing that this isn't the best timing, but he has to get a fourth person on Night Patrol

"I'm sorry, but you KNOW patrol policy, four people out during night, you're the only one who can do that, Kendra and Harold got injured last week." you groaned at those words, "Fine, can I at least go rest? It'll take them 30 minutes to 2 hours to explain everything they saw on day patrol" he nodded and made a motion for you to go to the barracks, you ripped off the Kevlar vest and threw it at Repo, running full speed to your bed, throwing yourself on it and passing out without needing melatonin (Or any other sleep aid you use.)

~~~~

You were woken up about an hour and a half later by Hypno, at first you considered him intimidating, but he's a pretty decent person, you groaned and gave a thumbs up, signaling him to leave so you could put on your gear, after a few minutes of fumbling, you walked out to the exit of the Yard, joining the other three, they nodded in acknowledgement to you, after a minute of making sure everyone's gear was ready, you four walked out of the Yard and made your way toward NYC.

Due to protocol in City Patrol, (ESPECIALLY Night Patrol) nobody is allowed to talk unless necessary or split up willingly, the only exception for the talking rule is whispering or ASL, you walked in between GhostBear and Hypno, with Meat Sweats in front of you three.

Once you four reached a decent scouting point in the Middle of the City, Hypno whispers in your ear "You think you can make it to the skyscraper up there and give us access?" you nod and say "I can try" a good thing about being a Chameleon Mutant is that you can blend in with your surroundings (NOTE: irl chameleons don't do this, their skin change is for emotions but because Reader has the intelligence of a human, He uses it to sneak around) as well as climb rough vertical surfaces such as most buildings.

You breathe in and let out a heavy sigh, your scales shift colors and make you vanish, you climb down the building and quickly bolt over to the Skyscraper, due to your time as a young, rather stupid and bored kid, you know how to pick locks, which did get you into a metric fuckton of trouble sometimes.

You climb up the Skyscraper, you always hated climbing up larger buildings that are more than two or three stories, because if you fall, you're dead, it takes about thirty minutes before you make it 75% of the way, another twenty until you reach the top. Heaving a sigh of relief, you get out your Walkie-Talkie and speak into it "I'm up here, it might be another hour before I can get you guys inside" ....

...

No response, maybe you're too far away? You shouldn't be! These are Professional grade! They should be able to reach one or two miles!

you look over to where you saw them last, they're... gone? That's not protocol! they should be waiting for you to get inside!

You try to reach them for a few more minutes, getting more and more irritated as time passes, you can't stay invisible forever, so you let your guard down for a few minutes, your scales returning to their normal color, after a few MORE minutes, you growl angrily, looking down to where they should be!

You hear someone trying to sneak up behind you, not good, you try to give off the impression that you didn't hear them until they rushed up behind you and placed a sword across your neck

"Don't say anything, Handsome~" The voice hissed out, you remember it from your first Patrol

Leonardo

He attacked you as the sun went down during that blasted patrol and you almost got killed, He and his brothers would try to sneak into the yard several times, always getting chased off but there had been reports of them trying to get into the Sleeping barracks where you were healing, you heard three other people walking over to you two, you knew who they were.

"H-Hello." You croaked out, trying to sound brave but honestly, you were scared shitless, you had no backup and no weapons, you were basically at the mercy of a Sociopath. You heard Leonardo laugh, if you didn't know he had a sword up against you, you would've said his laugh was almost affectionate

You knew better though.

"Cuff 'em, I don't want our little lookout getting away~" he purred out, you felt one of his brothers cuff you, oddly enough he removed his ōdachi from your neck, you looked over to him, clearly confused

"You can't evade us for long if you have cuffs on." He elaborated, rather bluntly too, despite being bigger than him, he easily picked you up, instinctively, you wrapped your tail around him, fully expecting him to throw you off the skyscraper, Instead he handed you over to Donatello, he looked at you oddly, it was mostly disgust, but also content, Donatello activated his Battleshell, after a few seconds he lifted off, making you squeak loudly and wrap your tail around him tightly, making him growl in disapproval.

"I'll meet you all back at the Lair, don't fuck up the Tank, gods know you three are shit drivers" he hissed out, flying over the edge of the Skyscraper, you started shaking at the sheer height, holding onto Donatello harder, nuzzling into his neck, trying to not look at the ground, you couldn't see it but there was a small ghost smile on him

It took about fifteen minutes before you were back on the ground, he opened up the Manhole cover and awkwardly let you fall down onto the floor, you curse under your breath as he gets on the ladder and covers the manhole once more, he drops down next to you, as you struggle to get up, he sneers and places his foot on your back and adds pressure, making you fall back down, in response you growl and sweep your tail under his feet, making him fall, he doesn't react other than a snarl as he gets back up.

He lifted you over his shoulder and walked you into the lab, ignoring Master Splinter's questions of who you were, once in the lab he chained you up to the wall and waited for his brothers to join him

After a few minutes his brothers come in, instantly Michelangelo bolts over to you and gets into your lap, you cringe as he is covered in blood and smells awful, he churrs affectionately as he nuzzles into your neck, smearing blood all over your scales.

You freeze, unsure of what to do, the last time you met Michelangelo he seemed fully intent of hurting you, Leonardo seems to notice this and says, "We're not going to hurt you unless necessary." you are baffled, his tone is unnaturally soft, typically from what you've heard people say about him, he's actually a really bad egotistical dick, but ever since you got into the lair, they have shown more normal traits

'Most likely a facade' you think, unwilling to think they've changed, especially with blood on Michelangelo, Raphael comes and sits beside you, making you flinch, he seems unaffected by that and he rubs your back, Leonardo and Donatello don't come close, but they seem jealous.

"O-Okay... I'll bite... what are you guys' planning? none of you are.... ever this nice." they all seem to stiffen before Michelangelo coos "Nothing, darling, we just want to keep you"

you stay quiet for a few seconds, his words slowly starting to register in your brain "Keep... Me...?" you ask, shaking slightly, Michelangelo perks up "Yeah! Ever since we first saw you, we just couldn't get you out of our minds!" you stiffen, Michelangelo purrs as he nuzzles into your jaw, suddenly you become hyper aware of his affection and try to recoil from it, which doesn't end well as he growls and pulls you closer, as well as becoming hyper aware of his touch, you begin to notice how... affectionately his brothers are looking at you

"N-No! I... what makes you think I'd reciprocate?!" you hiss, actively trying to push Michelangelo away, he snarls as he holds on tighter, there's a second before you feel him bite into your neck, making you scream in pain, He starts losing his cool, and fast.

"NO! you WILL love us; I'm not taking no for an answer!" He screams, once he finishes his sentence you can hear him sniffling, like he's on the verge of tears or a meltdown, Donatello comes over with a Syringe, "You'll learn to accept this, Y/N, we love you, no matter how hurtful your words toward us are." you try to say something but before you can, he shoves the Syringe into your shoulder, you cry out as the contents are emptied into your bloodstream, you start to lose consciousness as you hear someone say "You belong to us, love."

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yeah, sorry it's ass lmaooooo