#audhd brain

[spectrallydistracted]

Ha! I tried to explain to someone today that I couldn’t keep notifications on my computer because the pinging bothered me. I don’t think they understood.

sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time

[ren-is-real]

Hyperfixations can be wonderful but be careful because if you go too deep The Sickness. It gets you. The Sickness.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Clinical studies be like

1 billion random boys were tested. results show that 0% of girls are autistic* 👍

1 billion autistic males were tested. results show that 0% of autistics are female* 👍

1 billion minors were tested. results show ADHD stops at age 18, often to be replaced by plain laziness* 👍

*certified���� totally credible source✨ we are pros🤓 with coats🥼

[romirella-96]

Lol 😆 cooking for me is all over the place, I need everything ready to toss into the pan within arms reach in milliseconds or else I’m gonna end up scrambling & burning something. 🫠😭

[autisticinnovator]

Autistic burnout + untreated ADHD =

impulse control issues + inability to force yourself to do anything + drained by no ability to function

Lots of walking pass a mess unable to make yourself clean it, then blame yourself for it.

Distracted, can't focus enough to do fun things and/or take care of yourself.

Forgetting everything. So burned out you can't remember important things + made worse by ADHD.

Constant feelings of self-shame because we can't seem to make ourselves clean, remember things, focus, etc., like it's somehow our fault, even though we can't control it, and we are so burned out we just don't have the energy for anything.

Falling into bad habits that give us a little rush of dopamine because for a moment it makes us feel better.

For a moment, we might feel a little better from the dopamine rush, and get hope that maybe we will get out of autistic burnout.

Not knowing how long burnout lasts + wondering how long will it be before we can get an ADHD assessment, so the psychiatrist can prescribe us ADHD meds. Left to wait and struggle while waiting.

Untreated ADHD can make getting out of autistic burnout seem like it's something in the far out distant future, and left wondering, "When will I feel better?"

[mxmorbidmidnight]

I got that DAWG (audhd) in me. I get destructive if I stay at home or do the same thing for too long but I get anxious at the smallest changes.

[therapy-gems]

[misspermitted]

The fun thing about strategically masking rather than just going cold turkey, is that you spend a lot of your life workshopping when masking is worth it. It’s like an ongoing scientific theory. How and when to mask.

(And by fun I mean god I wish I was in a socioeconomic position where I could just unmask all the time. I’m so tired.)

So as evidence for my fellow masking scientists (I’m a humanities major), allow me to share my newly developed hypothesis:

Masking in Long-Term Jobs

Scientists know that the panic instinct to mask in a job interview and first few weeks of a job is strong, however, our hypothesis is that if you don’t need to mask to do the actual job, please consider resisting. Because the evidence shows that it really sucks to trap yourself in a persona. There are two observed phenomena that cause this:

Magneto’s theory from that scene in X-Men First Class that because Raven’s camouflaging she’s only paying half attention to everything else: Magneto is once again correct. The participant cannot fully focus on the job because they’re too busy masking for their coworkers. The outcome of this is massive frustration, exhaustion and eventual burnout.

Invitation to imposter syndrome: If you make any friendly acquaintances or get any positive reinforcement, evidence shows that you will feel like it’s not real. Participants describe being haunted by the idea that they are not an acceptable employee and/or person, only their mask is. Due to phenomena yet to be examined, this somehow leads to one believing their work actually sucks and they’re just pretending it’s good. This phenomena is objectively terrible. Participants in this experiment would not recommend.

Outliers to this hypothesis include the following:

Social service or customer service jobs: Job compliments are reportedly received fine, because masking is incredibly relevant to the ability to do the job well. Reported responses include: 🥰 oh thank you 🥰 I am trying to emotionally manipulate people 🤗 However, research also shows that the outcomes “burnout” and “exhaustion” are sooner reached by these jobs. This research is only preliminary and as of now it is unclear what phenomena cause this.

Jobs you’re just doing for money and you don’t actually care about: This is a false outlier. Autistic people never give 50% on anything. All evidence shows you will end up caring about this job.

The two current theories as to why Autistic participants can’t not care about their job performance are:

Holders of the “Autistic black and white thinking trait” are more likely to think they have a duty and responsibility to the job. (They don’t. We’re in late stage capitalism. You have no responsibility to any business.)

It is one of the behaviours that correspond to the Autistic core emotion: “desperate need to prove themselves worthy and superior because otherwise the damage they got for being different isn’t worth it.” (Other behaviours include: never giving self a break; always pushing self to do better; believing one is both the smartest and worst person in the room; fear and panic about doing something one could be bad at; and inability to sit with own thoughts.)

[sebs-out-of-spoons]

straying from my usual chronic illness content:

maybe the reason why i find it extremely awkward, horrible, and stressful to be around or interact with little kids or just any kids that are younger than me is because i never knew how to interact with them

growing up undiagnosed autistic (plus adhd) made it ridiculously hard to make friends with kids my age

i didn’t fit in anywhere, i didn’t know how to interact whatsoever, kids would run away from me being very weirded out by me, they’d avoid me as much as possible, and i had to squeeze myself into spaces that i wasn’t meant to be in and that was obvious that i wasn’t meant to be there, add on top of that being a queer kid with zero clue they were queer, having a sibling who was absolutely loved by everyone, and having a chaotic home life due to an alcoholic father

i was very weird and no one liked me, and those that put up with me completely forgot my existence a week or two later after i’d leave

so i never knew how to interact with kids, never had the chance to either, and everyone saw me as odd and peculiar

so now whenever i’m left alone with one or have to interact with one, i’ve no clue how to, no clue what to do, and i honestly feel like i’m in utter complete hell

(also, i think it’s fair to mention that i don’t have any irl friends, only a few online ones that i most likely may never meet up with, and i have zero clue what to do when making friends irl my age now)

[p1xel-1mp]

Childhood/family friend: Oh really! you’re autistic/ ADHD? I would have never guessed!

Me as a kid (and still to this day): DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS

[la-principessa-nuova]

[mentallyderangedrats]

ADHD culture is "oh shit I was reading manga an hour ago wtf I don't remember that"

[hyperfixationgremlinsworld]

My adhd and autism are in a constant state of war over incredibly stupid things.

An example-

Adhd: i love staring into the sun, it makes funny little spots dance behind my eyes, i like to try and pretend to catch them like catching bugs with a net. (Proceeds to become incredibly irritated) i hate the little spots they bring me rage. (Goes through all stages of grief)

Autism: (wearing sunglasses 24/7) I hate the sun it scorches my eyes like fire to wood and makes me incredibly overstimulated, I wish I had the power to explode the sun and all of the earth with it. I rather die than catch a glimpse of that harsh light. (No sunglasses feels like a flashbang)

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

I sort of hate how much of a hypocrite I am for being really bad at regulating things like tone and body language and facial expression when I communicate but then also being so hypersensitive to that stuff in others

[romirella-96]

Too accurate lol. I was so sheltered growing up that I thought reality was what I saw on tv shows 😭🤣 mind you the stuff I use to watch was so criiiinge 😆 & then I tried to mimic it in real life.. 🤦🏽‍♀️ goodness, spare me the embarrassment of reminiscing. ✋🏼 I barely knew how to be a person let own be my OWN person.

[neurantics-theythem]

I never understood the “autistics have a hard time with transitions” thing, bc doesn’t everyone have a hard time with transitions???

Yet I was only ever thinking about HUGE, life-altering transitions, like moving far away or having a kid, which is scary for anybody (but tbf autistics probably still rank higher on the “this is fucking terrifying” scale than allistics do).

But apparently, it also applies to the most basic transitions in day to day tasks. It’s harder for us to switch from one task to the next bc our brains generally function most efficiently when we are able to work in one uninterrupted segment on a task.

I’ve alwaysss struggled with this, especially when I need to use the bathroom - I will hold it for very long periods of time to avoid interruption in my task. For a while I thought it was just bc I also have adhd which causes lack of dopamine/executive dysfunction, and makes it difficult to *initiate* tasks. Which ofc plays a big part into it too. But I never knew it was a double whammy with the classic autism trait of “change and transitions are harder.” (Also the ignoring of my interoception doesn’t help with me avoiding using the bathroom)