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*sees the icon of a mutual I literally never talk to* oh look it’s my Friend

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not my usual posts, but needs to be said, especially as a queer disabled transman.

we live. we live. we live.

we live to purely spite that bastard.

we live to purely scare him.

we live to purely stomp on his ego and big ass head.

we live to show each other we can, to find a way to come together, and to keep living our lives exactly as we’ve wished to, no matter what anyone may say.

we live. no matter what. and i don’t want to lose a single POC, Queer, Disabled, ANYBODY, etc. brother, sister, or sibling to this election. i don’t want to mourn your deaths, because i know there’s still a chance of us living to see our lives the way we wish. because this bastard of a person is not worth your brilliant life.

we live. we live to fight. we live to LIVE as we always have and always have wanted to, in spite of what that fucking bullshitter is gonna say.

you live. i live. we all fucking live. and we win next time. we beat his ass into the ground next time.

i love you, every single one of you, and i hope you know that we’re gonna make it out of this. i hope you know your lives are still worth living and gonna be worth living for many years to come.

[sebs-out-of-spoons]

not my usual posts, but needs to be said, especially as a queer disabled transman.

we live. we live. we live.

we live to purely spite that bastard.

we live to purely scare him.

we live to purely stomp on his ego and big ass head.

we live to show each other we can, to find a way to come together, and to keep living our lives exactly as we’ve wished to, no matter what anyone may say.

we live. no matter what. and i don’t want to lose a single POC, Queer, Disabled, ANYBODY, etc. brother, sister, or sibling to this election. i don’t want to mourn your deaths, because i know there’s still a chance of us living to see our lives the way we wish. because this bastard of a person is not worth your brilliant life.

we live. we live to fight. we live to LIVE as we always have and always have wanted to, in spite of what that fucking bullshitter is gonna say.

you live. i live. we all fucking live. and we win next time. we beat his ass into the ground next time.

i love you, every single one of you, and i hope you know that we’re gonna make it out of this. i hope you know your lives are still worth living and gonna be worth living for many years to come.

[sebs-out-of-spoons]

not my usual posts, but needs to be said, especially as a queer disabled transman.

we live. we live. we live.

we live to purely spite that bastard.

we live to purely scare him.

we live to purely stomp on his ego and big ass head.

we live to show each other we can, to find a way to come together, and to keep living our lives exactly as we’ve wished to, no matter what anyone may say.

we live. no matter what. and i don’t want to lose a single POC, Queer, Disabled, ANYBODY, etc. brother, sister, or sibling to this election. i don’t want to mourn your deaths, because i know there’s still a chance of us living to see our lives the way we wish. because this bastard of a person is not worth your brilliant life.

we live. we live to fight. we live to LIVE as we always have and always have wanted to, in spite of what that fucking bullshitter is gonna say.

you live. i live. we all fucking live. and we win next time. we beat his ass into the ground next time.

i love you, every single one of you, and i hope you know that we’re gonna make it out of this. i hope you know your lives are still worth living and gonna be worth living for many years to come.

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i do not have hEDS/HSD or POTS ! just a combo of me being funky and me not taking care of my body enough !

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thanks loads!!!! ☺️🤍

big appointments today! had to get up unbelievably early, and now we’re hauling (driving) our asses there. nervous as fuck. wish me luck and pray the medical system ain’t as fucked for me.

[sebs-out-of-spoons]

big appointments today! had to get up unbelievably early, and now we’re hauling (driving) our asses there. nervous as fuck. wish me luck and pray the medical system ain’t as fucked for me.

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*sees the icon of a mutual I literally never talk to* oh look it’s my Friend

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me before i’m able to work/find a job: “oh man! i can’t wait to work, so i can earn money and have some socializing to improve some of my depression!”

me after i start working: *finds out i’m chronically ill, have several physical disabilities, and that i cope through the chronic pain, stimuli, and socializing by involuntarily dissociating so hard that i experience delusions and have amnesia during those times* “wow, i have to stop working”

me now: *only has two shifts left at my job and is on the verge of a mental/emotional breakdown, because what the fuck am i supposed to do with the rest of my life now and how the fuck am i supposed to support myself*

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eek yikes, yeah, i hope the recovery time isn’t too long for ya (and i’m quitting soon, cuz my job is physically dangerous for me, so we in that no working together unfortunately :/)

guess who did way too much and pushed himself way too much last night for halloween/trick-or-treating and is now in a flare up and has to go to work today and be even more flared up? :D (this guy right here, ME)

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guess who did way too much and pushed himself way too much last night for halloween/trick-or-treating and is now in a flare up and has to go to work today and be even more flared up? :D (this guy right here, ME)

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TW: talk of hallucinations

common [c-ptsd caused] hallucinations i have on a regular basis:

a phone buzzing or ringing

my name being called or said

shadows or specks in my peripherals

the sound of a door closing or slamming shut

bonus: rare/acute hallucinations i’ve had before:

my (very much dead and buried) cat walking around in my new house

a man talking to me in my head/very close

people putting their hands on me and touching me

(others i can’t really remember)

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i love dancing when my hip isn’t in Major Ouchie Territory

we can have a dance party when the Major Ouchie Territory would like to leave, and for now, i will try to shoo it away and maybe feed it spoons in the hopes that that will help

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going out with my sibling (He/She) and his boyfriend, wish me luck (i’m still not sure how i feel about her boyfriend yet)

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straying from my usual chronic illness content:

maybe the reason why i find it extremely awkward, horrible, and stressful to be around or interact with little kids or just any kids that are younger than me is because i never knew how to interact with them

growing up undiagnosed autistic (plus adhd) made it ridiculously hard to make friends with kids my age

i didn’t fit in anywhere, i didn’t know how to interact whatsoever, kids would run away from me being very weirded out by me, they’d avoid me as much as possible, and i had to squeeze myself into spaces that i wasn’t meant to be in and that was obvious that i wasn’t meant to be there, add on top of that being a queer kid with zero clue they were queer, having a sibling who was absolutely loved by everyone, and having a chaotic home life due to an alcoholic father

i was very weird and no one liked me, and those that put up with me completely forgot my existence a week or two later after i’d leave

so i never knew how to interact with kids, never had the chance to either, and everyone saw me as odd and peculiar

so now whenever i’m left alone with one or have to interact with one, i’ve no clue how to, no clue what to do, and i honestly feel like i’m in utter complete hell

(also, i think it’s fair to mention that i don’t have any irl friends, only a few online ones that i most likely may never meet up with, and i have zero clue what to do when making friends irl my age now)

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guess who’s using all their spoons to dye their hair and make themself food, even though they very much need to vacuum and do other chores like their mother told them to? (i’ve been negative spoons for too long now and today’s gonna set me back even more)(being sick doesn’t help with the spoon scale)

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✨chronic illness things✨

currently 3AM and i just wrapped my knee up cuz i almost fully and badly dislocated the whole joint, but i caught it just in time so i didn’t have to go to the hospital, but it’s now in pain and i need to make sure it stays in place. also, can’t sleep because i’m in too much pain all over.