#at least i fixed the epidemic in my hospital!

[random4fun]

I got Two Point Hospital for my switch. I finally figured out how to vaccinate people during an epidemic in sandbox.

This is how I imagine my inspection of each patient for symptoms.

[shannyh25]

Hi Anne Friends!

This is my original Anne Of Green Gables Fan Fiction story. I made the mistake by taking the previous story down off of Fan Fiction, fixed my mistakes I had made, and then re posted it.

I’m hoping to get some feed back on this story as well. I have 6 chapters for this story and they are all on Fan Fiction. I’m thinking of taking this story down along with a few others I have and start fresh on my stories. New ones. Something that people haven’t seen before that I wrote.

I say this because this story and another story I had did a update on. That can also be a mistake to I had made.

I’m trying to get reviews and feed back on my stories and it’s harder then I thought. So, that’s why I’m thinking of taking them down and starting completely new.

Would guys leave me some feed back on this story and the other one I posted? I would appreciate it.

Thank you!

Summary: Working at the orphanage while Gilbert is studying medicine in Halifax. Anne becomes attached to a little orphan name Ruby. When Ruby becomes sick, Anne asks Gilbert for Ruby to be his first patient. Eventually, Anne and Gilbert adopt Ruby.

Author's Note: This is my first Anne Of Green Gables story. I am re reading the books. I am only on book 3 and I am enjoying them! I would like to thank my new friend I met on Instagram for all her help on the story so far! She has answered a lot of my questions about the books/movies. Thank you again! I hope you enjoy the new story.

Chapter 1: Anne's POV

"Please Gil? Can't I work at the orphanage? I know what it is like living in one. I lived in one for at least three months. It's a dark and lonely atmosphere. Especially if you don't have any friends and don't know anybody. It will give me something to do during the day while you're at the hospital practicing medicine, please?" Anne begged.

Gilbert sighed and sat down on the chair. "Anne, sweetheart, what if you get attached to a child? I'm not sure if we can take care of one; I'm so busy at the hospital as is it. What if you find a child and want to adopt one? Would you quit your job at the orphanage?"

"Don't be silly Gil. Of course, we are in a good position to take care of a child. I have no intentions in adopting one just yet. I just want to help and make some kids happy, tell them stories and try to keep them out of trouble. I might even teach at the orphanage if I can." Anne said.

"Where did you hear the orphanage needed help?" Gil asked.

"While I was in town. I was at the post office sending a letter to Diana. I overheard one of the ladies in the post office say the orphanage needs help. They are awful low on staff. They probably have around 20-50 kids at the orphanage. I want to help with the younger children. Please Gil?" Anne asked.

Gilbert sighed. "Anne, I would love to see you work at the orphanage, truly I would. But they have an epidemic going on right now. We are so busy at the hospital. I don't want you getting sick. Children that young get sick a lot, especially during the fall and winter seasons. I don't want to see you get sick and end up in the hospital."

I groaned. "I won't get sick. Besides, you're the best doctor in that whole hospital and you will take care of me if I get sick. Please?"

"What if one of the children get sick? You'll want to attend to them. Take care of them." Gilbert protested.

"Of course, I'll want to take care of them Gil. That would be part of my job too. And if they have something that I can't handle, I can have you get them better. I'll even bring the child to the hospital so you can look after him or her" I begged.

Gilbert groaned and I could see that he was getting ready to give in. I just had to work my magic and imagination a little bit more.

"If you get sick, I won't forgive myself because I allowed you to work at the orphanage. And I would have to take time off of work so I can attend to you, not that I wouldn't mind that." Gilbert added.

I got up from the chair I was sitting on and walked over to my husband. " Gil, I'm not asking to adopt a child, not yet. I'm just asking to work at the orphanage. Just for a little while. I get so bored and lonely sitting in this place. My imagination can only do so much in this tiny apartment. I'll be home in time to still cook our dinner and we can spend time together in the evenings like we always do. I would just work from the time you leave to work at the hospital and I'll get off of work when you get off. That will give me plenty of time to cook dinner. I'll have the weekends off too and I won't work the holidays either. Please?"

Gilbert looked at me and I gave him a smile. He sighed and at this point, I knew he gave in. I had won this battle, even though there is an epidemic going on.

"Do you really want to do this? If you start feeling ill, I want you to tell me immediately. Don't even try to hide it. And, if it makes you feel better, I'll even check in with your chargers if they get sick. Do we have a deal?" Gilbert asked.

I squealed in happiness and almost knocking Gil out of his chair. He chuckled as he steadied me back on my feet.

"I know how hard it has been for you since we came here. I want you to be happy too, not just me. If working in the orphanage will make you happy, then I will be happy to have you help out there. Just promise me that you will try and take care of yourself. I don't want you to get sick." Gilbert said.

"Oh Gil. This makes me so happy. I can't tell you how happy I am. I promise I'll be home in time to make us supper and we can spend the evenings talking about our day just like we always do. Thank you Gil I want to bring some happiness to the children." I told him.

"Of course you will. I'm sure you'll find some little child that has as much as imagine as you do. Just don't get them in trouble." Gil said chuckling.

I gave him a big kiss and a hug. He chuckled.

"What if they don't like me?" I moaned into his shoulder.

Gil rubbed my back comfortingly and chuckled.

"Of course they will like you. They'll love you. You can keep the kids entertained for a few hours. You can read to them, tell them stories. The Matron will be lucky to have you, not to mention the staff. If this job doesn't work out, you can come and work with me. We have a few children that come into the hospital every now and then." Gilbert said.

"Can't you come with me? Please?" I begged him.

"I am sorry sweetheart, I can't. This is something you have to do on your own. I am having a meeting with the head Doctors and some staff members about the epidemic that we have going on. Our hospital is only so big. We are trying to figure out what do with the new number of patients that will be coming in and i think it will be soon I imagine. We want to discuss how we can help them and make them comfortable. You understand don't you?" Gil asked.

" I do. I just don't like the answer." I said.

" I'm sorry. You can tell me all about at lunch. You can come to the hospital and we can eat lunch together. My meeting should be done by the time your interview is over. " Gilbert said.

" I'll take you up on that offer." I said.

"Come on sweetheart. Let's go to bed. We both have a busy day tomorrow.

". Now, can we please go to bed? I'm exhausted and I have a long meeting to do tomorrow." Gilbert said.

"Very well. I'm going to soak in the tub first. I'll see if that helps me calm down. I still feel anxious and jittery. A good book and warm water might help me relax a little." I said.

"Doctors orders. Go and take your bath. I'll be reading in bed. Come on, let's go." Gilbert said.

Just like that, the two of them headed off to get ready for bed.

[beritall]

Berit found herself nervously sweating as she was wheeled into the emergency room. It had been nearly 40 hours. She hadnt been able to do feed herself or wipe her butt, and that had started to take its toll. Dehydration was starting to become dangerous. In a raspy voice she asked the nurse, "Will the doctor be able to fix it? What is my prognosis?". The nurse did not anser, but only gave her a look that could best be described as sorrowful commiseration. The bed suddenly stopped moving and Berit looked up, to find the doctor standing in the door opening of the treatment room. He was sporting Pringle cans on both hands. Stuck, just like hers. The doctor sighed. "The WHO has already declared it an epidemic. All hospitals in direct vicinity of the stores that run the 1+1 free Pringles promotion are being flooded. I cannot help you"

The humans did not understand that the Pringle can is a two handed weapon. Their ignorance resulted in many unnecessary deaths. People tried to file lawsuits, but couldnt, since they were unable to sign documents. In a desperate attempt, governments decided to solve the problem by lab growing the next generation of kids with tiny pringle cans around the hands of the embryos, which they were to wear till their late teens, so that at least one hand would never be too big.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 57 DETAILED SUMMARY AND DISCUSSIONS/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

MC wakes up to Belphie and Satan planning on kidnapping them, deciding to wake them up and then arguing about which small prank they should play to wake them up (satan suggests holding their nose till they wake up and Belphie says they’d have to be careful with that method cause it could kill a human). MC decides it’d be best nor to let them go ahead with anyone of this and wakes up screaming to scare them both. They complain about being reverse pranked and say that breakfast is ready. Belphie also gives them the star of diligence for all that happened last lesson. Belphie asks if once MC becomes an actual sorcerer if Solomon will teach them higher level magic. Satan say it’d be a great boost to the anti-lucifer league. Belphie wonders what the final exam would be (and I just realised these two exams will be the final exam holy shit) and satan asks MC if they’re confident, they say ‘after all the BS I’ve been through? FUCK YEAH!’ Satan says it’s good to be motivated but to stay focused, Belphie says past experience shows that MC can stand to lose a little focus and still be okay. There’s a commotion and they realise that it’s probably Beel rampaging cause he got too hungry.

Asmo scolds Beel for his rampage, Beel apologizes and Asmo tells him not to apologize through a mouthful of food cause it seems less sincere. Asmo asks if he even regrets it and Beel ignores him to go reheat the meat pies which pisses asmo off more. Belphie tells him to drop it and that it was partly their fault for taking so long to come back. Asmo then scolds Belphie for being too soft with Beel. Lucifer asks about MC’s star and congratulates them. MC thanks him and questions him being so happy about them nearly being done. He says them becoming a proper sorcerer is important for all the brothers and that personally Lucifer wants them to become more powerful than Solomon so that they can finally shut him up and make him stop pestering Lucifer for a pact. Belphie questions Lucifer more about Solomon and Lucifer complains, also saying that there are plenty of demons willing to forge a pact with him but Asmo says Solomon’s very particular about who he makes pacts with. Asmo says word for word, “It may not seem like it, but he’s got a very cold-blooded side to him. He probably picks his targets purely based on whether they’ll be of use to him.” (I just think it’s really interesting that asmo calls them ‘targets’ though the character relationship diagram did say that Solomon considers others his playthings). Asmo uses Mammon as an example of a demon Solomon wouldn’t want to forge a pact with but Mammon doesn’t respond instant he’s silent and distracted/worried. Asmo pokes at Mammon again asking if he agrees. Mammon distractedly agrees. Asmo’s smile instantly falls, shocked and upset that Mammon isn’t biting back and arguing or saying something mean in return (why is this my brother & I???). Satan says that Levi will also be useless to Solomon. Levi responds the same way as Mammon did which freaks out both Satan and Belphie. MC asks Mammon & Levi what’s wrong. Belphie states how weird they’re being and Asmo also asks what happened, looking particularly upset. Lucifer calls out to the both of them too. But before they get a response Barbatos calls Lucifer asking them all to come to the hotel immediately.

On the way over Satan says Barbatos asking them over this early is strange and asks if he gave Lucifer a reason, Lucifer said Barbatos had promised to explain when they got there. Satan asks if this is wise considering two of them were already acting odd. Lucifer turns to them and says he’s not going to ask what their behaviour’s about rn but when they go back home the two of them have to explain to him what happened. They both give distracted noncommittal hums as answers. Satan says they’re like completely different people rn and Asmo says whatever the reason behind their behaviour it’s probably stupid. Asmo then asks MC about how he should paint his nails next time, MC can say a mature look,  =a feminine look or a simple look. Then he remembers he’s supposed to enrol in a cooking class that makes food to “cleanse the soul” it’ll be hard with new nails. He also worries about whether food that ‘cleanses the soul’ could exorcise him. MC after all the BS they’ve gone through is extremely paranoid and says it sounds sus Asmo says the 7 of them are also pretty suspicious and that given their limited time in the human world he wants to do everything he can. Behind them Levi meows. Asmo says that though the demons are here just on break the angels are gonna be here long term (guys guys guys what if S4’s after the brothers leave and it’s an angel focused season with them bringing in Michael and Raphael and the brothers only show up for small bits??? I’d cry I’ll get Mammon withdrawal). Levi meows again. Asmo says he wants to stay and have fun in the human world for longer too. Levi meows thrice in a row. Asmo finally snaps and yells at Levi. Levi says he just wants to talk to MC for a bit (remembered the girl in college who used to meow at me whenever we passed by each other). Satan says he knows that Levi’s done something bad that’s gonna piss off Lucifer and now he’s trying to drag MC away from the others to find away to fix it. Levi tries to deny it but Satan just congratulates him and says depending on how this turns out they may invite him to the ant-lucifer league. Belphie asks what he did and Levi tries to deny it until Beel stops walking in stunned silence and Belphie asks him what happened. Beel says he just remembered something awful.

Beel wants to go back to get his abandoned meat pies, Mammon breaks outta whatever stupor he was in to say that’s insane and MC suggests heading through the market. Beel loves the idea and hugs MC, with Asmo saying he wants to hug MC too. At the market people stare at them, Lucifer says it’s natural with how big a group they are, Asmo contributes it to his beauty, I say it’s Satan’s ugly ass clothes. Mammon says people oughta pay them if they’re gonna stare, Levi says it’s embarrassing and MC tells him he’s being too self-conscious, Levi replies saying it feels like he’s being made to do an embarrassing public dare. The butcher greets all of them, surprised to see all of them at once, Beel places his order and the butchers asks if they’re friends, family…(members of a cult? Orgy?) MC can look over at either Mammon or Lucifer and get them to answer. Mammon says that  except for MC they’re brothers though he doesn’t like being stuck with them for brothers but what can ya do. Belphie says Mammon’s got that last bit backwards. Lucifer says the same as Mammon’s first part but adds on that the others can be embarrassing. Satan says ‘like you’re not!?’ The butcher looks at this back of idiots who all look roughly the same age and nothing alike and says “ah. I see.” Then says “MC is your friend or…”Asmo laughs and calls the butcher nosy and says he and MC are a couple and that they’re they love of his life (the butcher previously also was introduced to Beel & MC and Mammon & Mc as couples…), Mammon says MC’s his servant (what a dick. I love him so much), Belphie says he thought the story was they hired MC as their babysitter (and that doesn’t sound shady at all) MC can say they’re a.) family This makes Beel & lucifer really happy and they agree. b.) their master, Mammon says MC’s got it wrong and it’s the other way around. Levi says that at least in Mammon’s case they got it right. c.) their babysitter – Satan protests to being called a baby. The Butcher’s like right….I kind of don’t wanna ask for anymore details but it’s nice you’re all so close.

Up in the hotel Beel is on his 37th meat pie much to Asmo’s dismay. Diavolo greets them and apologizes for the time, MC asks ‘what kinda bullfuckery is going on now’. Since last night there’ve been rumours of an evil spirit (aren’t diavolo & Barbatos also technically evil spirits…) Last night a guest had coming running to the front desk, seeming very pale and petrified with fear insisting there was something in the room with them. Though they don’t say a word Mammon gets shocked by this and Levi gets upset. Several staff members had gone to investigate but what they’d seen had left them shaking and unable to speak. They shock was so much that everyone who’d seen it had been admitted to the hospital. Mammon starts nervously laughing, saying it must have been all in their imagination, the way he words it makes it sound like he’s implying evil spirits aren’t real which I find hilarious. Levi, stuttering, backs him up. Satan says they can’t have all imagined it (isn’t this a thing though? Wait lemme google it up. Mass hallucinations or epidemic hysteria. The first two examples are during the middle ages and they both happened to nuns which is odd. The first was a nun who kept biting other nuns and it spread till the nuns were biting each other. The other was a nun who kept meowing and well that spread. Hey you guys need to read the wiki page for the examples of this it’s really fucking interesting). Mammon ignores Satan and tries to leave citing ‘stuff’ he’s gotta do. And Levi suddenly remembers some of his prior commitments as well. Asmo calls them out for being suspicious and Mammon stutters through the whole sentence denying it. Lucifer bans them from leaving which upsets them and Satan realises that they were called to get rid of the spirit. MC (who’s a shit) asks why the demon king’s son can’t take care of it or if it’s safe for demons to exorcise evil spirits. He says he’s got meetings the whole morning and that the spirit is something he can’t keep waiting till later. He says that though to humans they may seem similar, demons and evil spirits are very different beings. He also says the spirit is the kind that’ll be hard even for demons to handle alone. Asmo asks if that means Diavolo knows what it is. He says it’s a bogeyman (Me: *snort*)

The twins are surprised, Diavolo asks MC whether they know what it is. Bogeymen are well known even in the human world, with children fearing they may be hiding in dark corners of their rooms, they don’t have their own form and instead appear as your greatest fear (and isn’t this the thing from harry potter? A boggart right?) Belphie asks how it could have ended up in Corvo and Lucifer turns to the two obvious suspects as they try to inch their way towards the door. Through stutters they try to explain that they weren’t trying to run away. Lucifer’s so pissed at this point his text has stopped appearing in bold and is now appearing in red. Mammon throws Levi under the bus, saying he wouldn’t stop adding all these new upgrades to crowe, levi says it was Mammon doing that using Levi’s account and money. Levi said Mammon wanted to try an effect called “Pandora’s Gacha” which would give you a random effect that you weren’t told about beforehand. When Lucifer yells at them to quiet his text is both bold and red so you know he’s seconds away from murdering them. He makes them explain everything properly from the beginning and there’s a flashback.  They’re both in Levi’s room, realising how badly they fucked up, as black mist starts to swirl around them (they also keep finishing each other’s sentences as they talk about how fucked they are which I thought was cute). Levi says he has no idea what they summoned but that it should definitely not be loose in the human world and Mammon cusses out crowe (which fair? Which did an update to crowe let loose an evil spirit? Maybe cause crowe’s also connected to the devildom but I can’t imagine anyone in the devildom wanting to be surprised with an evil spirit either… and shouldn’t they correct that bug before someone in the human world summons something that only crowe in the devildom is supposed to summon. But I guess Levi’s crowe is a prototype). Crowe actually answers Mammon and starts telling what it is an what it does as the mist starts taking form. Crowe congratulates them on winning a ‘super special rare effect’, Mammon asks how they could congratulate them when this sucks. The mist forms into Lucifer in his demon form resulting in the two of them screaming and panicking, Mammon’s chanting ‘no’ over and over again and Levi shrieks at Crowe to get rid of it and Crowe asks if he wants to transfer the bogeyman to another location. Crowe asks permission to use 1000DP to install an update to do that, which makes Levi hesitate but Mammon agrees. Crowe asks where they would like to send it. Levi starts stuttering saying he doesn’t know and Mammon says anywhere but here. Levi then stutters out hotel corvo. (So I have questions: Does the bogeyman appear as what you fear the most in general or what you fear the most at the time you see it? Like since before it formed a shape they were already freaking out about Lucifer getting pissed at them so in that one moment that’s what they were scared of more than anything else. Also does it transform into your collective fear? Like since Mammon & Levi met it together it transformed into a pissed demon Lucifer cause that’s the one thing they both fear the most but if it met the two of them individually would it transform into something they alone fear the most? I’m asking cause the two of them seem to piss off Lucifer so much, and despite knowing the consequences for their actions this does not stop them from doing more things to piss off Lucifer, and they’ve been doing this for thousands upon thousands of years that it doesn’t make sense that the thing they fear the most would be Lucifer.)

Back in the present mammon happily compliments Levi on his quick thinking of transferring it to Corvo, Levi happily takes the compliment, calling himself a genius and saying he’d seen an ad for corvo right before the whole bogeyman thing appeared and it popped into his head. “How very interesting…” Says Lucifer with a smile on his face and remembering where they are right now Levi gasps. Lucifer quotes back what they just said to each other before transforming into his demon form making the two of them start screaming again. Belphie says the two of them redefine stupid. Barbatos, with a smile, says he’s pleased they found the cause of all this. And Satan remarks that Barbatos seems really pissed. Beel says the way he’s smiling makes it scarier and actually reminds him of Satan (I love the smiling despite being consumed with seething murderous rage thing some of the demons do. We even saw Mammon do it in that one Devilgram where the brothers for once actually managed to piss him off enough to make him transform into his demon form.) Barbatos says he’ll leave the clean up to Lucifer and the others. Lucifer, now back to normal, agrees despite looking upset and saying he’d rather not. Barbatos drags diavolo to his meeting despite Diavolo protesting and saying he doesn’t want to leave as things get interesting and asking if he can reschedule the meetings, Barbatos says Diavolo had promised to be professional and get all his work done if Barbatos let him come and stay in the human world. Diavolo asks MC if they can have a gossip session about everything that’s gonna happen later and they promise to. Diavolo complains again and Barbatos smiles and goes ‘Young Master.’ And Diavolo immediately fold and leaves. Belphie comments on how even Diavolo wouldn’t dare cross Barbatos when he’s pissed. Asmo and Satan say Levi and Mammon should fix this mess. Mammon says as brothers they should stick together. Belphie says he doesn’t get to play the brother card at his convenience. Asmo asks if MC agrees with him. Levi gives them puppy dog eyes and asks if MC will abandon them. If MC says they should all work together Mammon gets all sparkly eyed and says he knew MC would agree and Levi gets all sparkly eyed and says MC’s the best. Belphie says he doesn’t want to be stuck dealing with this. If MC says it’s their fault and they should figure it out Mammon asks them if that doesn’t sound too harsh and Levi says he understands that nobody cares about them. Satan calls them tweedled-dee and tweedled-dum and says they brought it on themselves. Beel asks Lucifer what they’ll do. Lucifer says Mammon & Levi should deal with it, Levi tries to protest but Asmo says they should have known this would happen. They’re interrupted by Simeon and Solomon, with Solomon saying he wants MC to take care of this.

Lucifer asks why they’re here. Solomon says Barbatos told him and that the bogeyman was a perfect opportunity that they can’t let go to waste and that he wants to make it MC’s final exam. MC can say it sounds exciting or crazy, MC’s a lunatic so after they say the first Solomon is pleased and says he’d expect nothing less from his apprentice and that this is gonna be hard but it’ll make it more rewarding. Simeon laughs and says Solomon seems to have rubbed off on MC, he pauses and adds “in a good way”. Solomon smiling says that they’ll have Simeon with them as help. Simeon says he’d only come by to deliver cakes but had gotten kidnapped by Solomon. MC says they could use Simeon’s help, he’s silent for a moment but agrees though he says he doesn’t know how much help he’ll be. The others agree to come along to watch/help MC’s exam. Mammon gets all sparkly at the thought of his ‘sweet little brothers’ coming to help but Belphie says none of them are doing it for him or Levi but for MC instead. Levi says he feels like they really lucked out here. Solomon asks Lucifer if he has any protests. Lucifer looks tired and done but agrees to it all. They end up in a really creepy bloodstained hall bathed in red light. Beel asks Levi not to walk plastered on to him. Levi stutters and says he can’t. Mammon, also thoroughly freaked out, holds on to MC as they walk and says the hallway is really creepy. Asmo scolds him for using this as an excuse to hold MC. Lucifer tells them all to stfu. From the far end of the fall they hear growling until from the shadows something roars and comes charging towards them.  Mammon screams.

[gamebird]

Surgical recovery

Happy Juneteenth yesterday! Happy solstice today (it’s today, right?)! Happy Father’s Day! Happy Pride next week (or at least that’s when I expect to attend the parade)!

My recovery from surgery has gone well, but I won’t know the results yet until sometime in the next week. Those results will tell me if I’m on cancer staging path 1A (regular lifetime monitoring but no further treatment unless it recurs) or some other stage (which could range from the unlikely ‘You have X months to live’ to ‘here is the follow-up surgery/chemo/treatment that has the highest survival rate for your situation’).

Odds strongly favor stage 1A, which is a single discrete cancer without spread, that has already been contained and removed in the April surgery. However, I was told last October that odds strongly (overwhelmingly!) favored me having a simple non-cancerous cyst and not this not-only-cancerous but very rare type of ovarian cancer. (Not that I mind it being this kind. It’s like the absolute best kind of ovarian cancer to have as far as I’ve been able to research, because normal ovarian cancer kills most everyone who gets it and this one kills very few, assuming it’s caught relatively early, which it was in my case.)

Day of surgery

Okay, I was clearly high on painkillers most of the day after I woke up. I’ve related my weird attempt to use sign language to communicate when coming out of anesthesia. I also did a lot of walking, wasn’t all that keen on taking further painkillers, and told everyone I was perfectly fine. Even though I knew as the evening went on that I was very much not fine.

The surgery they did involves them putting a large bore needle through the belly button and then inflating the abdomen to the maximum. Imagine a very pregnant woman, but it’s all air. Then they jab five holes into the belly through skin and muscle. The inflation is so these holes don’t penetrate into the gastroenterological tract. In my case, they then used a surgical robot to insert four arms into the holes to introduce lights and cameras into my gut.

At the same time, they came up through the vagina. At some point, they removed the uterus, my remaining ovary, fallopian tube, and cervix. They also took biopsies of all the usual suspect places for cancer to colonize. They tell me they didn’t see anything unusual in there.

Anyway, I explain this to explain why the next day ...

Day after surgery (Thursday)

... it felt like every muscle in my gut had been pulled at once. I had trouble getting a deep breath. My diaphragm felt bruised. Everything hurt. I was unsteady on my feet because my core muscles were so abused. They’d sent me home with a breathing thing so I could measure my lung capacity, which I thought was rather stupid to start with as I had fine lung capacity, but on day 2 I knew what they were about. DAMN. I could barely breathe. I understand now why people get pneumonia so dang often after this type of surgery.

Anyway, I still pretended to the hospital that everything was fine so they’d release me and I could suffer at home. But at least I suffered without any IV ports, continual interruptions, unfamiliar surroundings, and most importantly - interference with my access to medication. At the hospital they would give me 600 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours and the only way to get more medication was to upgrade to opiates. That was it. At home, I was free to dose myself 800 mg ibuprofen every 4 hours and finally knock the pain down somewhat without the fucking opiates.

And people wonder why we have an opiate addiction epidemic?

Here’s another place I fucked up - in an attempt to get an unbroken night of sleep at the hospital, I pre-emptively refused all medical care and readings through the night. This included the stupid painkillers that weren’t enough. But this meant I got no painkillers at all. Also, it didn’t keep a pipe from bursting in the room next to mine and 3 hours of the night being disturbed by maintenance workers fixing that. By the time things calmed down, I was in too much pain to sleep and I was far too stubborn to call for the nurse so she could give me inadequate medication. I just laid there all night, fuming and plotting about how to get out of there ASAP in the morning. Which I did.

Friday

I slept a lot. I had trouble getting myself out of chairs, standing up, breathing, and existing.

Saturday

Actually, I slept a lot this day, too. And I read. Friday, I’d listened to my audiobook of Neuromancer, which I’d also listened to various previous days. The narrator’s voice was monotonous and to be honest, I used it as digital anesthesia, lulling me to catatonia when the meds weren’t enough to put me to sleep (no particular reason why I would go to sleep - ibuprofen isn’t a sedative, but I was so exhausted that anything that knocked the edge off the pain sent me to sleepyland). So there are bits of the story I didn’t follow - either too sleepy or just flat didn’t have the mental capacity at that point. Still, it was a good story. By Saturday, though, I was reading and commenting on AO3, having settled on a really long fic by a friend, one not in my usual fandoms, but she’d written it so I was resolved to read it.

As far as physical recovery went, a brisk walk across the room was still something that left me feeling like I’d done too much. By the evening, my incisions were feeling a bit itchy, which is an excellent sign. I avoided scratching them much. My lung capacity was now back up to what it had been before the surgery.

Sunday (ie, today)

I slept through the night without waking to take ibuprofen. So I’m down to 800 mg every ... 8 hours or so? After getting up to get some bread started, I went back to sleep for 2-3 hours while it rose. My Dad is having a dinner at 2:30 pm that I intend to go to. I guess we’ll drive over although I’m not fond of the idea of getting in the car. The drive back from the hospital was rough. Though my gut is better now. It no longer feels so painfully bruised and stretched. Most of the entrapped air is gone (lots of belching and passing gas has occurred over the last few days - medical recovery is gross, though honestly this has not been very gross, it’s just gross to admit to it in public).

I would guess I’m on track for a similar recovery as from the operation in April, which means in 1-2 weeks out from surgery, I should be able to do most non-physically taxing activities like short drives, short walks, office work for long periods without needing a nap, etc. But the doctor authorized/advised 3-4 weeks off, so I’ll just see how things go. My boyfriend has a list of vacation day usages for the rest of the year (and I have a few of my own!), so I’d rather preserve my vacation days if I’m otherwise perfectly fine.

I have some plans for the next couple weeks:

Read a couple of the long fics on my Read Later list. I’m nearly done with the first one of these. I’ll pick something later.

Watch Black Sails? Maybe something else?

Watch a few Luca movies with a friend!

Bake some cakes.

Supervise my kids as they apply sealant to the pergolas over the back porch. It’s supposed to be cooler next week, so that should work well.

Weed my garden.

Weed the asparagus patch at my Dad’s. It’s horribly overgrown. I’ve completely neglected it. Maybe I can hire my son’s friends to help with this.

Attend the Pride parade next week with my daughter. A friend of mine from Kansas will be in town same day having a dinner.

Decide what to do about the honey harvest this year. I should harvest in July, but I won’t be cleared for the sort of heavy lifting that requires. Can I find someone to help? It’s not like I need the honey all that much. I’m not sure what it does to the health of the hive if I just leave it.

Progress on publishing Integration, my TOG WIP. I haven’t worked on it since the surgery because my brain isn’t all here. It’s one thing to leave an enthusiastic review or reblog something with a comment, but it’s another to try to be creative. I might reread the script first. Dunno.

Pick blackberries.

[pocketmosaic]

Who am I and why this blog?

What a good question, I am so glad you asked.  I am a 45 year old, mother of three, who has fibromyalgia, cfs/me and arthritis.  I guess I should also say that I am single as that is usually one of the first questions people ask when you meet them.

My children are aged 26 (yes, I know I was young when I had him), 20 and 18.  My eldest lives in the Midlands (UK) which is where his Dad and his family are, I don’t see him very often but I have been fortunate (in some ways) to have been able to spend 2 months with him this year.  I say fortunate in some ways because the reason he stayed with me for so long was because he was having a bit of a crisis and needed to get away.  Thankfully while he was here he helped me almost, if not more than I helped him.

The younger two live with me in East Anglia (UK), their father (who is a different man to my eldest’s dad) lives 10 minutes away.  My 20 year old is my main carer, he also helps with the 18 year old who has autism and social anxiety.  My 20 year old has been my rock through the years and I don’t believe that I would be sat here today if it hadn’t been for him and his support (and yes I do make sure that he knows that he is a very amazing person, even if he doesn’t always believe it).  Sadly he lost his job in the hospitality industry during the COVID-19 epidemic, as did so many others.  He didn’t work full-time but I do think that it was important for him to have that outlet, where he could make friends and do things that were not related to helping me and his sister.  We are trying to do thinhgs to help him rejoin the working world when the shielding is over.

As I mentioned my daughter has autism and severe social anxiety.  Around Oct 2017 she had total meltdown and refused to go to school, leave the house or even go near a door that was open to the outside.  She was in mainstream school before that, she is very clever and quite talented when it comes to anime drawings.  Sadly we did have quite a few problems with bullying, which the school did try and help with, even getting the police involved when the situation called for it.  Unfortunately, despite my asking for help several times, everything going on in the outside world just became too much for her and she put on the brakes.  We have had a little bit of help and after a lot of hard work on our part we managed to get her to leave the house.  She would go down to the local shop and the chip shop next door (about a 5 minute round trip), and we managed to get a volunteer to come and take her to a cat sanctuary once a week.  Two weeks after she had started doing this the cattery shut its doors to all non-necessary staff and then we went into lockdown mark 1.  Since then she has taken several steps backwards (although she does still do the shop trip if she has to).  I have been trying to encourage her to come out of her room and she refused to speak to me for 8 weeks, she wouldn’t even look at me.  We are now talking but she doesn’t come and search me out as she did before.  I am sure we will be okay and once the pandemic has some solution then we will work again at getting her out there.

I started by telling you about the children because it does tie in with what I am about to say in a few.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS/ME about 15 years ago, gosh that was a long road to get the diagnosis.  It took about 4 more years to get my arthritis diagnosis because whenever I mentioned the pains they automatically put it down to the fibro/ME no matter how hard I tried to convince them that this pain was different.  Thankfully someone eventually listened and that meant that I could learn to do things that could help.  I do have other problems which impact my life slightly less than these, but we could be here a while if I went to deep into that and I am sure you don’t want that lol.

Long story short, I put on a lot of weight (about 6 stone or 84 pounds or 38.1kg), I was struggling to stay awake long enough to cook a meal and so I would just grab easy convenient snacks which we all know are not great substitutes but if I hadn’t done that then I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything.  I also wasn’t moving around anywhere near as much as I used to do, I had always been doing something before and although my diet wasn’t great I was burning up a lot of those calories so while I have never been skinny I wasn’t a big girl,

Up to the present(ish), I have battled with depression and anxiety for a long time, some of it because of how I looked a lot of it because of what I couldn’t do.  I forgot to focus on what I could do, what I did have.  A few weeks ago I went for a short walk by the quay (all my walks are short because it hurts so much and after a short time I struggle to pick up my feet).  I was watching the water, which I find very peaceful, and I saw a branch floating by on the current.  I was taken by an major urge to jump in and float off with it, which I am sure you will be glad to hear I managed to resist.  I thought about just getting into my car and driving until everything and everyone I knew were far behind me.  I felt like they would be better without me in their lives.

Somehow I managed to get back home and I tried to figure out how I had got to this point in my life.  I know I was missing my eldest, I was pleased I had managed to help him out but it had left a big hole when he went back home.  While he was with me we managed to sort out my house and threw away most of the clutter, which was great I felt like things were starting to move the right way.  So why had I spent weeks crying night and day?  I was awful to be around, even the woman who comes in to help me with the things I struggle to do wasn’t able to help with how I was feeling.

I knew I was lonely, although I have two children living at home they spend the majority of the time in their rooms, my daughter was ignoring me (even looking at the wall when she came to a room I was in so she didn’t have to look at me).  Every time I watched the television I would hear stories on how the lockdown had brought families together and how they were doing more as a family.  I couldn’t relate to that at all.  There was also so much talk about how people were keeping in touch over zoom or the like, I hadn’t even had one talk like that.  I don’t have a lot of friends, I am not good at keeping in touch and after you have had to cancel last minute so many times people stop asking you to do things.

I hated the way I looked but I had no clue on how to change it, every time I have tried to do any exercise I have suffered for days afterwards, even having a conversation with someone would leave me drained.  I had managed to lose 3 stone before the first lockdown but, after struggling to get deliveries and when I did it seemed that the things they couldn’t provide were all the healthy options I tried to get, I put back on 2 stone.  My face was starting to show the ravages of time, the worst being the hooded eyes I now have. I have always liked my eyes so it is sad they are not as noticeable as they used to be.

I think I might be coming up to the menopause, my period was over two weeks late at that point (it took another week before it said hello).  Any of you women out there will know that when your period is late it causes your hormones to go out of whack.  Looking back I know that had something to do with how I was feeling.

I remembered something my Dad had told me, “If you can do something about it then do so, if you can’t then all the worrying in the world won’t do anything”.  I decided that I had to try and do something to fix the problem areas I saw in my life.  I couldn’t do much about my hormones, expecially as it is the first time in over a year that it has taken so long which means the doctor wouldn’t do anything.  That meant I just had to let that one sort itself out.

I knew that if I listened to some Toby Keith or Kellie Pickler I always felt better (well Kellie does have two songs which make me cry because they cut so close to home but in a strange way even that makes me feel less alone), so I decided I was going to start listening to them, amongst others, more and if I could I would dance to them, that would at least get me started with moving.  It helped because I did lose 6 pounds in the two weeks leading up to this second lockdown.

Facing another month of lockdown I wanted to do something that would help me and also stop me from worrying about the fact that I couldn’t go for a cuppa with my carer and her partner on a tuesday morning.  So I decided to set myself a challenge.  I want to leave lock down looking better than I did when I entered it.  This meant looking for exercises that I could realisticaly do, I can’t see squats ever being a big part of any exercise routine I ever do.  I found some arm exercises that could be done sitting down, then I learnt about the wall push or standing push-up, I tried it and found that I could manage that so I added that one in.  I also looked at loads of videos for slimming down the stomach, the one exercise they all included was the plank.  Now I didn’t think I would be able to manage that, especially getting down and back up again, but I am pretty stubborn so I figured that I would try it.  The first time I thought I was going to die by the fifth second but I managed it and I am now going to try and do it as often as I can, after all no-one is about to see the crazy ways I have to use to pick myself up afterwards.

I also decided that I needed to lay down some house rules.  I drew up contracts for the two children who live with me (by drew up I mean I found some templates online and adapted them to suit).  Part of the contract stipulates that they need to spend some time with me while they are both home full-time.  That has stopped me from feeling so isolated even though they are here.  I have been making plans on what I want to do when the world returns to some sort of normality.  My life has basically been on hold for the past 15 years, I don’t even know how that happened, but it did and I am determined that I am going to put myself out there when I can (I might change my mind later, but at least for now it is giving me something positive to look forward to).

I had always said that when my youngest reached 18 (which happened during the first lockdown) I was going to start travelling.  This is definitely something I plan to keep to when travel plans can be a little more stable.  I used to be an active member of the theatre when I was in the Midlands but I didn’t even know we had one here until last lock down.  I want to look into joining them and doing some theatre stuff, that was the job I always wanted a far cry from what I ended up doing which was mechanical engineering.  I have a couple more things in the “to-do” bank but they are just the ones I am going to mention for now.

I don’t want to get back to that place where I want to disappear, to keep me on track I started this blog.  I want a record of where I started and how I am progressing, and it kinda gives me some sort of accountability.  It also makes me write something every day which is going to help me with another dream.  That, however, is a story for another time.

Take care and believe in yourself, you CAN do it, whatever IT may be.

[ahh-fxck]

Warrior’s Blues: Modern Gay Bar AU

Warrior’s Blues AU

All right folks! Got the update all ready to go for this week in a timely manner. Here is the next part in my AU series, Warrior’s Blues. Be aware that this fic deals in some pretty heavy themes- homophobia, AIDS, trauma, & broken families. However, there is also fluff, strong family bonds, and eventual smut coming! I hope you enjoy this week’s chapter. Also: Thank you to @stressedspidergirlsfandomblog​ without whom this fic couldn’t be what it is. Thank you so much for all your awesome beta magic!

Ao3 link here

Please PM me if you want to be added to/removed from the tag list!

Tag list: @astouract​ @smolpoe​ @yes-im-the-violin-girl @ladyknight-keladry

“Lost my virginity there. Had a lot of adventures. Mm, turned eighteen in 1979, which was a truly delightful time to be young and beautiful at the Pines.” He laughs wistfully, and even Geralt huffs a short laugh despite himself, taken by the young man’s easy charm.

“Is this story going to be long?” he asks drily, covering up the smile with a dubious look.

Jaskier chuckles in response, a little sadly, and shrugs. “Not too long, I hope. I’m trying to answer your question the best way that I know how.” Falling silent for a long moment, he chews his lower lip. Geralt turns his head slightly, watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“It ah… It was two years after that when AIDS was first identified. 1981. I was twenty years old, and fucking was my life.” The grin Jaskier flashes this time is bitter, and Geralt frowns.

“At least it was, until my friends started dying. Elders. Loved ones. No one knew at first what was causing it…” he heaves a heavy sigh. “Not at first. But ah, Fire Island was later identified as the epicenter of the outbreak on the East Coast. And by then, we were up to our ears in our beloved dead.” His lips tremble a little bit as he presses them together, memory darkening his face.

Chapter 5: Fire Island

At first, the car ride is silent. Jaskier had tried to turn on the radio earlier, but Geralt had fixed his hand with such a look when he reached for the knob that he found himself cautiously withdrawing it, afraid of losing the hand. He searches for things to say, but the man next to him seems so withdrawn right now that it almost feels like a violation to pry. The air conditioner hums quietly, churning to keep the air in the car cool enough to tolerate in the thick humid summer air. 

As the little car rolls up to a stoplight about halfway to the hospital, Geralt finally speaks. “Why are you doing this?” He stares straight ahead as he asks this, scanning the street in front of them with a serious expression. His square jaw is tight, his eyes flicking back and forth across the landscape as if looking for threats. 

Jaskier startles from a reverie, turning and cocking his head at Geralt. “Doing what?” he inquires.

Geralt cuts him a sideways glance, intelligent golden eyes fixing on him. “I’m a stranger. Why are you going so far out of your way for me?” 

Jaskier’s eyebrows go up. “Ah,” he says. “That.” He licks his lips as that gaze burns into him, fixing him to the seat and leaving him feeling a little flustered. The light turns green, and he gently accelerates the car once more. He fidgets with the steering wheel as he gropes for words, searching for some way to explain to Geralt that won’t alarm him unduly. They drive for another few blocks, Geralt waiting with surprising patience for his answer. To be truthful, there were many reasons, but Jaskier ponders until he decides on the most important one. Eventually he says, “In order to answer that…Let me tell you about Fire Island.”

Geralt nods reluctantly, settling back into his seat. So this was going to be a story. He grimaces, glancing out the side window. 

“Fire Island was where my family’s summer home was, when I was growing up. Spent every summer there, as far back as I can remember. And, it was home to the Pines, as well as a number of other gay communes, some short distance up the road from my family’s beach house. They were a very popular vacation spot for men from… oh, all over the world. Manhattan mostly, though. When I grew up, I left my parent’s summer home and began to visit the Pines.” 

Falling silent, he considers the road signs before him before flicking on his turn signal, making a quick left. Then he resumes, teeth flashing as a quick grin lights his face. “Lost my virginity there. Had a lot of adventures. Mm, turned eighteen in 1979, which was a truly delightful time to be young and beautiful at the Pines.” He laughs wistfully, and even Geralt huffs a short laugh despite himself, taken by the young man’s easy charm. 

“Is this story going to be long?” he asks drily, covering up the smile with a dubious look. 

Jaskier chuckles in response, a little sadly, and shrugs. “Not too long, I hope. I’m trying to answer your question the best way that I know how.” Falling silent for a long moment, he chews his lower lip. Geralt turns his head slightly, watching him out of the corner of his eye. 

“It ah… It was two years after that when AIDS was first identified. 1981. I was twenty years old, and fucking was my life.” The grin Jaskier flashes this time is bitter, and Geralt frowns. 

“At least it was, until my friends started dying. Elders. Loved ones. No one knew at first what was causing it…” he heaves a heavy sigh. “Not at first. But ah, Fire Island was later identified as the epicenter of the outbreak on the East Coast. And by then, we were up to our ears in our beloved dead.” His lips tremble a little bit as he presses them together, memory darkening his face. 

“And I ah… well. I came within a breath of dying myself, I’m nearly certain. It… ah.  It frightened me very badly. I found myself surrounded by loved ones who the hospitals couldn’t take, wouldn’t treat, couldn’t help.” He presses his lips together again, harder this time, and swallows back a lump forming in his throat. “So I ah…” he trails off, then rallies, voice thick. “At first I stayed with them. I would go to their homes, make sure they had what they needed. Bathe them, after it had gotten so bad they couldn’t walk.” 

Geralt’s jaw tightens as he listens, feeling obscurely guilty. He had heard of the epidemic overseas, had even been, in one particularly memorable briefing, re-educated on condom use. The disease was spoken of mostly in little asides around the bases, harsh jokes about the disease killing faggots. Never spoken on with any thought, or care, or respect. It had eaten at him, but only in a distant sort of way. Somehow the sheer scale of the loss hadn’t occurred to him until he heard the raw ache in Jaskier’s voice.

Jaskier takes a shaky breath, rolling his eyes back up in his head and blinking rapidly for a moment at a stop light. “Sorry love, I haven’t spoken about it in a while. Mm. Well, eventually, that became exhausting. I was a wreck, and I couldn’t sustain bouncing from house to house tending to my loved ones. So…” he rolls his shoulder uncomfortably, grimacing, “I used some family money to purchase the house I live in. I was ah… I was tired of watching queers slip through my fingers without any way to help them when they got kicked out of their homes for being unable to pay rent. Fuck, Geralt, they were dying! How were they supposed to afford housing?! So I ah… I brought them home to me. I retrofitted one of the bedrooms for handicap access, bathroom, everything.” He scrubs his hand over his face, rakes his hair out of his eyes, resumes driving again. 

“And uh, that was my life for a while. Do you know what I used that attic for?” Looking tired, he glances at Geralt, who is staring out the front window of the car with a closed expression on his face. 

“No,” Geralt rumbles, biting back a much ruder response. This display of obvious emotion is making him uncomfortable, and he is not sure what to do about it, but it strikes him that lashing out at his host might not be the best move right now. 

“It was an escape, darling. An escape from all the death and sickness. Sometimes staying down in the house got to be too much, and I would come upstairs and lay down and try to get some sleep. Or a loved one’s partner might take refuge up there for a few hours while I sat downstairs with the one who was dying. And ah, even after… ah. After, when I had no more sick friends to shelter, sometimes I just wanted to make the world smaller. So I would take my instruments up there and enjoy the quiet of the space… it’s easier to compose when I’m not thinking about how I need to do the dishes, you know?” When he speaks about his music his face eases, lighting up just a little. “And now? Well. The thought of watching one more man suffer is unbearable. So I help. Where I can.” He finally turns back to Geralt, watching as the amber-eyed man turns to look at him, meeting his gaze for a brief moment before looking down thoughtfully at his hands in his lap.  

Geralt is quiet for a moment, digesting the story carefully. Then he asks, voice harsher than he means it to be, “Are you sick?”

Jaskier frowns, about to take offense until he sees the look on Geralt’s face. It isn’t judging, or angry… If anything, the man looks lost. His frown softens, and slowly he shakes his head. “No, darling. No… I don’t know how, but no.” Licking his bottom lip nervously again, he pulls around the corner and into the hospital complex, beginning to hunt for a space. “I get tested every three months or so… started in 1982.” He blows out a breath and shakes his head, another quick bittersweet smile flitting about his face. “Always clean. It’s been thirteen years now. I thought someday the fear would…” he pauses, searching for words, shrugging uneasily. “That it would get better. But it never does. Even now when I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell, it never really leaves me.” 

“Dry spell?” Geralt asks skeptically, seizing on what he hopes is a way to change the subject. Jaskier, to his surprise, laughs. The man laughs easily and often, even in sadness, and Geralt isn’t sure what to make of it. 

“Yes, darling. Been a few months since I met anyone special… I’ve gotten busy, and, if I’m going to be perfectly honest, perhaps a bit too old to be sowing so many wild oats anymore.” He pulls into a parking space near the emergency department. “There. Now, would you prefer for me to wait out here, or shall I walk you in?”

Geralt regards Jaskier with a wooden face, concealing his profound discomfort. “You don’t have to stay. I can get a taxi after I’m done here, I don’t need you.”

Jaskier waves this off. “Nonsense, Geralt. I said I had the afternoon off and I meant it. I’ll be here when you come out, ok?” He stops, chewing his lip, a worried look flickering across his face as he sees Geralt’s face darken. “I mean… I’m sorry to press. I just.” Stopping again, he twists his hands around the leather of the steering wheel nervously. “I can go. If you don’t want me to stay.” 

A long silence stretches out between them as Geralt rests his hand on the door handle, wrestling with the choice. He watches the lanky man out of the corner of his eye, feeling guilty, lonely, and confused as he tries to figure out what he wants. It’s not a question he’s had to ask himself all that often in his life, and it takes him a while to speak. 

“No point in staying out here the whole time. Takes hours.” And with that, he abruptly gets out of the car with his pack and slams the door behind him, striding away towards the emergency department. Jaskier watches him go, mouth gaping in astonishment as Geralt’s long legs eat up the distance like it’s nothing. As the big man vanishes into the hospital, Jaskier startles into motion, scrambling free of the car to follow him.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 61

Okay, shorter chapter this week due to where the break fell. Please remember that this arc involves an unknown illness, so there is mention of hospitals, medical procedures, and a minor mention of blood.

Antoine eventually relented and let me flick on my datapad to keep up with the events unfolding around me, but only with a strict order not to so much as sit up straight until we knew for sure what was going on. Nonetheless, I felt helpless as I lay in a medical berth listening and watching everything that was happening around me. Simon was at least kind and cruel enough to leave a channel open to me while he assisted the Council in their decision process regarding the potential epidemic we were facing.

"We need to minimize panic," Xiomara argued.

"By isolating people in their quarters?" The snort that accompanied the question belonged to Alistair, on loan to Simon for the duration.

"It's standard protocol for isolating a contagion."

"According to what little information we have, there is no isolating this. Everyone is already infected, to various degrees," Simon pointed out.

"The delusional rambling of a sick woman? That is really what we are going off of?" Huynh's voice barked incredulously. I could hear my sister growl from across the bay where she stood reviewing my latest test results with Antoine.

Simon, however, did not back down. "Sophia Reid is not the only person to report this information. We have corroborating information from fifty others so far, some dating from as much as a week ago."

Eino's curiosity broke in. "Why are we just now hearing about this?"

"The information comes from therapeutic patient files. Nightmares have been widespread recently, and nearly all of the crew who were already assigned to companions have allowed us access to information regarding any discussions they have had regarding the content of those dreams. They were not informed why we requested it, only that we were looking for any similarities." Grey's flat, factual tone brooked no argument.

"We still have no hard evidence of the underlying cause of this," Xiomara stated. "I have absolute faith in the report you speak of, but until we are looking at the source of this, there is a chance not everyone is infected, and I think it is best we keep it that way -"

"Sophia," Tyche's voice broke in. When I glanced up, she looked more exhausted than I had seen her in months. "Turn it off for now. It sounds like Simon and Grey can handle things."

"We don't have enough space," I murmured to myself as I flicked away my datapad. When Tyche tilted her head empathically and worked an eyebrow, I realized I said it aloud. "Medical berths," I clarified. "We don't have enough. That, more than anything, will cause panic - being afraid of not getting treatment. That's why she wants people isolated to their quarters."

Medical scans of the Terrans on the Ark were showing hundreds of cases of people with similar symptoms to mine. Worst cases were immediately transported to the nearest healing bay. Our absolute worst case was found already in a life support tank - Nixe had nearly drowned when she passed out in the water with her diving weights on. Hyper-oxygenated suspension liquid and constant whole-blood transfusions were waging war to keep her alive, but it seemed a holding pattern was all that had been managed.

Miys was treating as many people as possible in their quarters, or in the quarters of others they were familiar with who were in similar shape. Derek, Sam, and Zach were all three isolated together, while I tried to avoid thinking about the three of them suffering under an unknown illness. They were halfway across the Ark, and I couldn't help them - it tore at my heart. I desperately wanted my family together through this.

"Any luck?" I asked quietly, trying to distract myself.

Antoine sighed heavily. "Very little," he admitted, running a hand through his hair, mussing it even further. His normally ramrod posture slumped under the invisible weight of the task he had undertaken.

Isolating an unknown microscopic organism within a human body turned out to be more difficult for Noah than we expected. The colonies of bacteria that lived in and on a single person prevented simple scans from isolating on just one particular outlier. It had muttered several times about how annoying human anatomy was, as it identified a particular bacteria, only to have Antoine or someone from the research labs explain it was supposed to be there.

Not long after I received a communication from Alistair that the isolation measures were agreed upon, both he and Grey come into the medical bay, relieving the most recent scientist Miys was terrorizing. Once brought up to date by Antoine - who immediately flopped into a berth with a heretofore unseen lack of dignity - Grey took a glance at Noah's most recent finding.

They sighed in resignation. "That is intestinal flora and is necessary to proper consumption of food."

"Tell me about it," Tyche grumbled next to me.

Noah's current avatar whirled in her with surprising grace. "Tyche. How many of these digestion bacteria were you missing when you came on board?" Humorously, it used it's [large hand] to mimic squinting eyelids.

It never had stopped envying the mobility of our facial muscles.

She shrugged, wincing slightly at the pain that had developed in her shoulder as her own symptoms started to show. "I dunno. Didn't you count when you were replacing them?" After a lifetime of trouble eating - even as a kid she had been extraordinarily 'picky', and we only realized in our late twenties that may have been the start of it - she caved in and let Miys fix the issue a few months after I woke up here.

The being in question flared and started rippling it's vomu. "We did not. We - may - have cloned functional organs, along with their bacteria, and replaced yours."

"May have?"

"We did?"

She rubbed her face, groaning when she triggered a nosebleed. "Great. Anyway, how did cloning my organs and bacteria fix the problem? They didn't work right to begin with."

"We never claimed we cloned your organs."

Tyche and I traded looks of concern. "Noah," I ventured slowly. "You can't just swap people's organs willy-nilly. They have to be compatible..." A horrifying thought occured to me. "You've had to clone and replace a lot of my body... Please tell me you cloned and replaced all of it from me? That could be causing this whole -"

"Peace, Wisdom. All of your cloned organs came from your own genetic material. We are aware of the possibility of rejection... Tyche, your new digestive tract was cloned from the closest possible match." It gestured at me. "Before she arrived, you repeatedly complained that your sister had what you called 'the good stomach'."

I felt slightly queasy knowing that a copy of my guts was churning along in my sister. "How certain were you that there would be no rejection issues?" I squeaked gracefully.

"We used her own organs as scaffolding. There is no chance of rejection, I assure you."

Tyche stared at her midsection. "I never had an organ transplant... I expected it to hurt more," she ruminated quietly. "So, I can seriously eat whatever I want?" She asked, louder this time.

"Within limits."

"Pretty big limits," I pointed out. I had only had heartburn once in my entire life, and it was due to an allergy to tequila, of all things.

"Unfortunately," Miys admitted. It had developed a distinct preference for requesting what I was eating before entering a room with me. "Including that plant that eats you back."

"Pineapple," the four humans in the room corrected simultaneously, sharing a smile.

"We have to fix this epidemic," Tyche announced with renewed fervor. "I just got told I can eat anything I want, up to and including foods that make most humans sick, and I have a list, people."

At least someone was getting some good news.

<< Prev  Masterlist  Next >>

[xpouii]

JSE Day 21: Trash

Day 21 of the JSE artists prompts by @septic-bella

**All previous entries are available on AO3 under the title “Mayhem” with my same username.**

               Marvin stepped into the hospital, fixing his mask and pulling his cape tighter around him for comfort. It was eerily quiet, and a few lights were off, making it seem wrong. The nurse at the desk gave him a look—they’d become old friends after all. Marvin ducked into the hallway and went to Schneep’s office, bypassing curious nurses and ragged looking interns. Henrik was inside, and Marvin let himself in, finding his friend poring over a large book on parasitic epidemics. He put a gentle hand on Henrik’s back to get his attention. “I got your message.”

               Henrik jumped, then stood up, “Oh! Marvin, thank goodness. I have something to show you, and I don’t know how to explain it.”

                The journey to the morgue was fast, but Marvin couldn’t help the sinking dread that settled in the base of his spine. Why were they going to the morgue? And why had Schneep asked for him specifically? He stepped out of the elevator and rubbed his hands together. It was cold down there. “Schneep?”

               “Follow me,” Henrik said, passing through several rooms. The final room was the autopsy room, and they stopped at the door, and Henrik pulled out his keys, “Be ready.”

               “Wha-“

               The door opened and the gurneys were covered in struggling, snarling people. Or, not people, something like corpses, but all twisted up with red threads. They had been restrained to the gurneys. Behind them, the doors of the body-lockers shook as well, “What the fuck…”

               “Puppets, right?”

               “I’ve never seen them like this before,” Marvin said. “They’re like zombies.”

               “They die,” Henrik said. “About three hours after symptoms start, and then they lay down here for another hour or so, and then they come back. The thread comes out of their skin.”

               “Like Morgellons?”

               “Exactly,” Henrik said. “I think we’re all in danger here. If this spreads outside of the hospital, and it has to. Not everyone comes in to the hospital for a flu…”

               “The city could be overrun. Is it contagious?”

               “Nein,” Henrik said. “I even injected myself with-“

               “Schneep!”

               “Well I was already pretty sure by then!” Henrik defended. “But it isn’t contagious. It comes from Anti… somehow. I don’t know how it is spreading.”

               “Virus, maybe?” Marvin suggested, “Through the internet or phones? Maybe that’s why they won’t call out and why the internet is all fucked. Anti’s taking up all the space. But wait, are any of these Jackie’s missing people?”

               Henrik shook his head, “Not yet. I’ve been watching everyone that comes in, cross referencing but nothing has come of it. There is one thing… but it’s probably unrelated.”

“What is it, Schneep?”

                Henrik hesitated, “Well… Edward had to leave this morning for an emergency at the mansion. Dark was asking specifically for him.”

               “That could be connected? Dark and Anti talk sometimes, don’t they?”

               Henrik shrugged, “I have no idea. I could ask Edward but I have been texting him all morning and haven’t gotten a single reply. He’s extremely busy, obviously. Surely he wouldn’t be helping Anti and not tell us. I trust Edward with my life.”

               “Right, so Anti probably isn’t going that route then. What would he want with fifty people when he can just make thread zombies? Hostages?”

               “Maybe,” Henrik said. “if he can distract Jackie and get away with something perhaps. Maybe that’s what all of this is, too. Maybe this is made to distract me.”

               “Us,” Marvin said. “Maybe so. So where do I come in?”

               “I’m trying to find a way to keep them alive,” Henrik said. “I need you to find a way to keep them dead.”

“First I guess I need to know how he’s doing it. You got a quiet place where I can work?”

               Henrik led Marvin to the nearest breakroom. “Everyone is banned from the morgue area for now, to keep things contained. No one will bother you down here. Call if you need me.”

               “I will,” Marvin said.

                 He reached out, entering the dark place he’d been avoiding since he took fixed the wards in the house, but it was time to face his fears. The souls of the corpses were empty, and it was just like snarling shadows were filling the morgue. Nobody had so much as a spark of humanity left in them, and Marvin was struggling. The darkness seemed to swirl around them like black phosphorescence, darker than darkness, like mushroom spores or micro aerosol spread by a sneeze. So it was spreading, but how?

                Marvin pushed harder, searching out across the hospital with his mind, dipping in and out of rooms, avoiding the Emergency Room—the puppets were like screaming static monsters before they died and their influence made it hard to breathe. Marvin noticed a little flicker of green far off, and it disappeared when he focused on it. Anti was here, in some capacity. What was the plan? Why was Anti even bothering with all of this if he meant to simply kill Jack or take them as puppets? Wouldn’t It be an awful lot of effort just to bother six people? Anti did like to go overboard, but he’d never been particularly dedicated to anything that took more than a few minutes. That’s what had made him easy to beat in the past, and what kept them safe most of the time. Marvin thought about Chase, still trying to get himself together for the livestream, and he sighed.

                The last thing he needed right now was distraction, but his inability to make a breakthrough here was frustrating, and he hadn’t seen another green spark since the first. Sometimes there would be the loud clacking of a gurney coming down the hallway, and another corpse would get planted in the hell-garden that was the autopsy room. Like fucking awful daisies ready to pop up and ruin everybody’s day. At least they were contained for now. At least this wasn’t a full on zombie apocalypse.

               “Fucking wonderful Marvin. Why don’t you just break a mirror and cartwheel under a ladder while you’re at it?” he scolded himself.

               Schneep came down and knocked lightly on the door before stepping inside, “Anything yet, Marvin?

“How many are dead?” Marvin asked.

               “Ninety-four in the morgue. Three more upstairs waiting to come down, and two that are very near. Why?”

               “I’m counting spots,” Marvin said. “I’m trying to find Anti. I think he was here. There was this… green flash up on the second floor, on the west end of the building.”

               “That’s probably the server room,” Henrik said. “Maybe you got some technological feedback.”

               “Maybe I’m fucking garbage,” Marvin sighed. “I’m really not at my best right now, Schneep I’m sorry. I want so badly to make this work for you.”

               “Don’t worry,” Henrik said. “We’ll do this together. I’ll go and check the server room for any anomalies. Will that help?”

               “It might rule things out,” Marvin said. “Thanks.”

               Henrik clapped him on the back, “No despairing, Marvin. You aren’t trash. You’re a treasure.”

               Marvin laughed and waved Henrik off, “If you make me cry I’m going to slap you. Just get out of here and let me work!”

               Henrik chuckled, “Yes sir.”

               “And bring me some pizza!”

[paleorecipecookbook]

What Is Functional Medicine?

What is Functional Medicine? It’s true healthcare. Functional Medicine is a distinct medical model—separate and, as you’ll come to learn, vastly different from the conventional approach—one that promotes wellness and helps both prevent and treat chronic disease, the biggest health problem we face today. Although its concepts are not new, in this way, its approach is revolutionary. Functional Medicine is the future of medicine.

That all sounds wonderful, you may be thinking, but how exactly does it work, and what does it look like in practice, for patients and practitioners? You’re about to get some answers to those very important questions. Consider yourself enrolled in Functional Medicine 101.

Functional Medicine is the future of medicine, plain and simple. Find out how it differs from the conventional medical model and why it’s our best weapon in the fight against chronic disease. #functionalmedicine #unconventionalmedicine #kresserinstitute

What Is Functional Medicine? And How Does It Differ from the Conventional Approach?

Imagine you’re on a boat, and the boat is leaking. You can bail water from the boat so it sinks more slowly, but if the leaks are still there, you’ll have limited success in trying to stay afloat. The conventional medicine approach is mostly focused on bailing water out of the boat without fixing the leaks. But wouldn’t it make more sense to prevent the leaks from happening in the first place, and then fix them completely if they do spring up? There might still be the need to bail some water initially, but if the leaks get repaired, the boat becomes steadied. Eventually, there’s no more bailing required, and the sailing—or living—can resume (and it may be better than before). This is what Functional Medicine is all about.

Of course, that’s just a broad-strokes picture. To help you better understand Functional Medicine, let’s move beyond the metaphor and further compare and contrast the practice with conventional medicine.

Functional Medicine Conventional Medicine Health-oriented Disease-oriented Collaborative, patient-centered model Expert, doctor-centered model Biochemical individuality Everyone treated the same way Cost-effective Expensive Relieves symptoms by addressing cause Suppresses symptoms with drugs Preventative approach Early detection of disease High-touch and high-tech High-tech

Functional Medicine Is Health Oriented, Not Disease Oriented

Conventional medicine isn’t really healthcare—it’s disease management. Rather than optimize wellness through preventive and restorative lifestyle strategies, it focuses on managing illness once it has already occurred, primarily by suppressing symptoms with prescription drugs.

For example, if you have high blood pressure and you see a conventional physician, you’ll be given a drug to lower it. There’s rarely any investigation into what caused your hypertension in the first place. And even if lifestyle interventions are recommended, pharmaceuticals remain the primary treatment because the system isn’t set up to support you in those changes.

We can see this clearly in the following startling statistics:

Research suggests that more than half of all Americans take at least one prescription drug, with some estimates as high as 70 percent; many in this group regularly take between two and four medications. (1, 2)

Between 1988 and 2010, the number of older adults taking more than five prescription medications tripled, from 12.8 percent to 39 percent. (3)

More than 20 percent of children under the age of 18 take at least one prescription drug every month, including antidepressants and even opioids. (4, 5, 6)

Although there is certainly a time and place for prescription medication, there are several fundamental problems with basing our healthcare system almost entirely on drugs. (Not to mention, they’re expensive and add to the ever-ballooning cost of treating chronic disease conventionally, a figure that could top $47 trillion globally by 2030.) (7)

Drugs rarely address the underlying cause of a health problem.

They don’t just mask symptoms; they also suppress bodily functions, including vital ones. Thus, they can actually worsen a problem over time.

Drugs often correct one imbalance by causing another, or several others, resulting in side effects. Often, the unintended effects of a drug far outnumber its intended effects.

By treating disease with medications that mask symptoms and cause side effects in the process, the conventional care model creates patients for life. Conversely, Functional Medicine promotes health. As Functional Medicine practitioners, we aim to prevent disease from happening in the first place, and when it does, we seek to reverse it completely by investigating and then treating its underlying cause. You can think of Functional Medicine clinicians as “health detectives.” We support patients to recover their functions, so they can “graduate” from care and get back to living their lives.

How? We don’t start by looking for diseases and syndromes and collecting the evidence of signs and symptoms, but rather by first evaluating a patient’s genes and environment, including their diet, lifestyle, air and water quality, and so on. Why? We know that our modern diet, lifestyle, and environment change the expression of our genes—changes that give rise to diseases and syndromes.

It’s Patient Centered, Not Doctor Centered

In Functional Medicine, patients are encouraged to play an active and engaged role in their treatment because we recognize that behavior is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, contributors to chronic disease. In contrast, in conventional medicine, the doctor is the “expert” who provides the answers, which the patient passively receives.

As I’ve already shared, Functional Medicine treats the patient, not the disease. But more importantly, it treats the individual patient. Functional Medicine is not a one-size-fits-all approach: patients with the same problem may get a completely different treatment based on the particular origin and development of their condition. In a conventional model, patients with the same diagnosis often get the same treatment, despite differences in their presentation—a treatment that may not work well for them.

In order to provide such individualized treatment, Functional Medicine uses what I call “high-touch,” as well as high-tech, tactics. If you’re my patient, I’ll talk with you in depth, listen to you, and learn about your background during our visits, something that’s not possible in conventional care where most practitioners spend their days working through a series of rushed, almost-scripted, 10-minute appointments, rarely able to go below the surface level of a health issue.

Functional Medicine Is Holistic, Not Specialized

In conventional medicine, there’s a doctor for every part of the body, but these specialists infrequently, if ever, consult with each other. That’s because conventional medicine actually views the body as a collection of separate parts.

In Functional Medicine, we see the body as it is: an interconnected whole within a larger environment. We recognize that this perspective is needed to uncover the interrelated causes of underlying disease and chronic illness and to find the right tools, at the right time, individualized for each person. To treat one part of the body, all other parts must also be considered.

Speaking of tools, Functional Medicine is integrative, meaning that it uses the best tools from both the conventional and holistic worlds. While we typically start our work with diet, lifestyle, and behavior modifications, nutritional supplements, and botanicals, we don’t rule out medications or even surgery when necessary.

Why We Need Functional Medicine

We’re in the midst of a chronic disease epidemic. It’s hard to overstate just how serious this problem is. In fact, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to suggest that our very survival as a species is at stake.

Six in 10 U.S. adults have a chronic disease, while four in 10 suffer with two or more chronic conditions. (8)

Seven of the current top 10 causes of death are chronic diseases, including Alzheimer’s and diabetes, and chronic disease is responsible for seven out of every 10 deaths each year. (9, 10)

Nearly six million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer’s, a number expected to reach nearly 14 million by 2050; the disease kills more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined. (11)

More than 100 million Americans—nearly one in three—have either prediabetes or diabetes, the seventh-leading cause of death, while some 50 million citizens have an autoimmune disease. (12, 13)

As is apparent from these numbers, chronic disease is now the biggest threat to our longevity. Conventional medicine can only manage this slow-motion plague; it can’t stop and reverse it. Indeed, as I’ve written before, it was never designed to. It was historically, and remains to this day, structured to address trauma, acute infection, and end-of-life care, not to keep people healthy. Don’t get me wrong—it’s incredibly effective in these instances; if I get hit by a bus, I definitely want to be taken to a hospital. But it is hardly a powerful weapon in our fight against chronic disease. Unlike acute problems, chronic diseases aren’t simply solved. They can’t be cured with conventional medicine’s Band-Aid approach, that is, drugs and other symptom-suppressing strategies that may not even bring relief, much less a resolution.

It’s important to note here that just as the conventional approach doesn’t promote health in its patients, neither does it foster wellness in its practitioners.

A growing number of clinicians who started in conventional medicine are making their way to a Functional Medicine approach because, to put it plainly, the current system leaves them feeling burned out. If you’re a conventional practitioner and you’ve experienced disillusionment in your work, you’re certainly not alone. But shifting to a Functional Medicine model will allow you to provide the high level of care that drew you to medicine years ago.

Why It Works: The Functional Medicine Pyramid

Functional Medicine can stop and reverse chronic disease. As I briefly mentioned earlier, practitioners almost always begin evaluation and treatment with the foundational layer of the Functional Medicine Pyramid: diet, lifestyle, and environment. We start here because we know from clinical experience and research that these are the areas likely to have the biggest impact on the broadest range of conditions. We know from hard evidence that the mismatch between modern diet, lifestyle, and environment and our basic human biology is the primary driver of chronic disease. What our bodies need, biologically speaking, is not what our bodies get in the modern world. But when we align with these needs by consuming an ancestral diet and living a more ancestral lifestyle, our bodies respond—they heal.

That’s right, there’s science behind this approach, despite the pervasive myth that conventional medicine is “evidence-based” and Functional Medicine is not. Rest assured, if a Functional Medicine clinician tells you to reduce your exposure to artificial light in order to help manage your stress, reduce your risk of disease, or even address issues like diabetes and obesity, it’s because there’s research that supports that connection.

From Resistance to Revolution: Moving into the Mainstream?

Functional Medicine offers a methodology for addressing the root cause of chronic disease so patients can get well—and stay well—without unnecessary drugs and surgery. Sounds good, right? So why isn’t everybody already practicing this way?

The famous saying goes: “All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” For a while, Functional Medicine was ignored. More recently, some large conventional organizations have issued statements about Functional Medicine, a sign that it’s gaining traction. Although it isn’t yet mainstream, many caregivers acknowledge this new medical approach as the self-evident solution to the current broken conventional model.

The success of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine, where Dr. Mark Hyman is clinical director, has opened the eyes of many, including healthcare professionals who once doubted the potential of this medical model. The Cleveland Clinic is regarded as a prestigious medical institution, often on the forefront of the newest treatments, therapies, and diagnostic procedures.

But it’s not just “the experts” who are talking more about Functional Medicine; more patients who want their healthcare experience to be true healthcare are also seeking it out. Cleveland Clinic has a waiting list thousands of patients long. My own clinic, California Center for Functional Medicine (CCFM), has grown to include clinicians, a nurse practitioner, a health coach, nutritionists, and an administrative staff in order to meet the growing need. And increasingly, more practitioners all over the country are discovering that Functional Medicine holds the real answers—and more healthy benefits—for their patients.

Functional Medicine 201: Your Next Steps

I hope this article has adequately answered the question it began with and provided you with a good overview of this revolutionary approach to medicine. That said, there’s much more ground to cover. Want to dig deeper?

Prospective patients:

Check out my podcast, “RHR: Bringing Functional Medicine to the Masses – with Dr. Rangan Chatterjee.”

Ready to visit a Functional Medicine clinic? Use our directory to find practitioners near you.

Prospective practitioners:

Check out a recent episode of my Revolution Health Radio podcast on building a career in Functional Medicine.

See if the Kresser Institute’s ADAPT Practitioner Training Program is right for you.

Pick up a copy of my book, Unconventional Medicine.

Do you or does someone you love have a chronic disease? Have you considered a Functional Medicine approach before? Comment below and share your story.

The post What Is Functional Medicine? appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com January 18, 2019 at 01:27AM

[ourcollectivefate]

Don't Shoot

April 19, 2021

In the past week, there were three mass shootings — at least that's how many were reported in the national news. If less than two people are killed, you rarely hear about it. So, while we were all reeling from Indianapolis, Kenosha County, and Austin, in reality, there have been 153 mass shootings in 2021, as of this writing. Only 109 days have passed in 2021, so that’s more than one per day.

There are two crisis-level national problems driving the mass shootings in this country. One is guns and the ease with which anyone can get one. Assault weapons are most favored among mass murderers, and most states allow you to buy an AR-15 at age 18. You can’t buy a beer or a handgun before you’re 21 in most states, but you can buy a military-grade weapon.

But what about background checks, you ask? According to Giffords, “Under current law, unlicensed sellers — people who sell guns online, at gun shows, or anywhere else without a federal dealer’s license — can transfer firearms without having to run any background check whatsoever.” So, there is a huge loophole to glide through if you don’t want to go through that pesky background check, or if you wouldn’t pass it because: you’ve been convicted of domestic violence or have a court order against you, you’ve been convicted of violent crimes, or you’d be prevented from buying a gun for mental health reasons.

What are our “leaders” doing about it? Not one damn meaningful thing, despite the fact that 65% of Americans support tougher gun laws. The majority of Americans support it, yet the people in power do nothing.

The other reason for the epidemic of mass shootings is our abject failure in supporting mental health in this country, both in terms of institutions and resources, and a culture that makes it nearly impossible for people to ask for help.

For many years, my favorite person to talk to when I was upset was a friend from France. Why? Because with him, I could lay my emotions bare. He made space for me to feel whatever I was feeling. He didn’t find the need to show me the “upside,” he just let me be. He told me he never understood the way Americans were always forcing themselves (and each other) to be “positive,” keeping their emotions under wraps.

We Americans are always, always, always forcing our way to the sunny side. To express our anger, share our depression, communicate anxious or intrusive thoughts … is, nearly always, unwelcome. Americans don’t want to hear it. And if they stand still long enough to listen, then they want to quickly sweep it away, change the subject, “turn that frown upside down.” We don’t allow for anything other than sunny, positive, upbeat dispositions. Anything less than is failure.

Should you have a major mental health issue, such as schizophrenia, you are likely to end up homeless and/or in jail. The facilities to care for you simply don’t exist. And if they do, they’re only accessible by those who can afford to pay. This started in California in the 1950s. There, state-run hospitals were aggressively moving patients either back to their homes or to private facilities, which turned mental health facilities’ focus from rehabilitation to profit — long-term stays equal bigger profits.

Reagan became governor of California in 1967. At that point, over half of the state hospitals had been deinstitutionalized. From Salon: “By 1973 the San Jose area was described as having ‘discharged patients ... living in skid row ... wandering aimlessly in the streets … a ghetto for the mentally ill and mentally retarded.’”

The same thing was happening in New York: “The chronic mentally ill patient has had his locus of living and care transferred from a single lousy institution to multiple wretched ones.”

Left untreated, the chronic mentally ill were committing crimes and being incarcerated at ever increasing rates. Suddenly police and prisons were being forced to take on a burden they were ill-prepared to meet. “In suburban Philadelphia, for example, ‘mental-illness-related incidents increased 227.6% from 1975 to 1979, whereas felonies increased only 5.6%.’” California saw a frightening increase at that same time in the number of mass murders committed by mentally ill people who were left untreated.

Then Reagan took it national. In 1980, when Ronald Reagan became president, he and the Republicans tossed out the Mental Health Systems Act passed under President Carter, which had proposed to continue the federal community mental health centers program. An additional 40,000 beds in state mental hospitals were shut down. “The patients being sent to community facilities were no longer those who were moderately well-functioning or elderly; rather, they included the more difficult, chronic patients from the hospitals’ back wards.”

In 1988, the National Institute of Mental Health estimated that between 125,000 and 300,000 patients with chronic mental illness were homeless. In other words, they had no real idea of how many untreated people were suffering and being left to their own devices on the streets.

The number of calls to the NYPD regarding “emotionally disturbed persons” increased from 20,843 in 1980 to 46,845 in 1988. Three high-profile shootings took place from March 1980 – March 1981: former congressman Allard Lowenstein, John Lennon, and then President Reagan. All three shooters had untreated schizophrenia.

From there, it just got worse, because here we are today: 153 mass shootings in 109 days. At this point, it doesn’t matter who is to blame. It was a collective effort. What matters now is, how do we fix it?

Our “leaders” are “saddened,” and “mourn with the families” of the victims of the 153 mass shootings this year. Who here believes one word of that empty sentiment? If they really cared, the people in power that is, they’d do something. I’ll even make it easy on them. Here’s what you need to do, oh great “leaders”:

· A national task force on mental health should be immediately formed of the nation’s top mental health experts to determine what is needed, across the board — chronic mentally ill to school-based counseling — with a comprehensive report due on the president’s desk in 90 days. That’s where we start.

· Then, we bring in the top political and policy minds in the country to create legislation that actual moves the needle forward in a significant way — both on mental health care and on gun laws. This is due on the president’s desk in 60 days.

· It will then have to go to Congress. Here’s where it gets tricky. I realize it’s a big ask to expect Congress to actually do something meaningful for the betterment of all, and even more, to have the backbone and integrity to stand up to special interests, but let’s give it a try, shall we? Try something new; you might like it. Legislation should be passed within 60 days.

By the way, all the people on the task force are donating their time to the national good. It's called service.

I know those in power would say, “Are you nuts? That’s not enough time!” Fuck you. It’s plenty of time. Get it done. Stop pandering to your little cronies stuffing your pockets and do the job you were elected to do: serve the people.

Our people are suffering. Our people are being left to flounder. Our people are dying. And when you combine untreated mental health issues with the conscious ability to easily acquire an assault weapon, you get this: 153 mass shootings in 109 days.

Note: While I was writing this, another mass shooting took place in Houston — 154 mass shootings in 109 days.

[dipulb3]

Biden grapples with balancing optimism and tough talk on pandemic's outlook

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/biden-grapples-with-balancing-optimism-and-tough-talk-on-pandemics-outlook/

Biden grapples with balancing optimism and tough talk on pandemic's outlook

Biden has opted for a more measured approach than his predecessor, showing up to promote vaccine announcements and appearing at a vaccine site or a laboratory, but mainly saving the hard questions for his closed-door daily briefing on the pandemic.

That has left a gap in the messaging about how and when America might pull out of the crisis — and glosses over the challenge and exhortation that a president can uniquely deliver in times of national calamity.

Even one senior White House official, who spoke on condition of anonymity to be more candid, acknowledged in an interview with Appradab that the public may not yet understand that the variants will require “more public involvement and sacrifice than people probably have registered in their own mind.”

Experts are also noticing missed opportunities for Biden to help the country rise to the challenge.

“This country’s really been in an abyss, and we’re trying to climb our way out,” said Laura Kahn, a Princeton University expert in leadership during epidemics. “A little bit more public communication would be helpful.”

Said another health expert, who is close to the White House: “They’re painting way too rosy of a picture.” The source, who requested anonymity to speak more frankly, added that the administration isn’t doing enough to sound the alarm about the threat of variants and the challenges that could lie ahead.

Administration officials have chafed at that criticism, insisting they are taking the variants seriously without inciting public panic.

Should officials “get up every morning and hold a press conference and say, ‘I’m absolutely terrified’?” said one senior administration official not authorized to speak on the record about the matter. “Do you want to sound the alarm and get everybody upset? Or do you want to do your job?”

Biden obliquely acknowledged the tragedy at hand this week in a visit to the National Institutes of Health.

“We’re in the middle of the war with this virus,” Biden said in that visit. “It’s going to take time to fix, to be blunt with you.”

But just how much time? It’s a question the Biden team doesn’t appear keen to tackle too directly. Even the administration’s health experts, tucked into their Zoom boxes for thrice-weekly updates, deliver scholarly assessments of where the US stands, offering little on the existential question of when life might return to normal.

There is no shortage of reasons why a leader might want to keep his or her distance from the details right now, given how volatile the situation is.

“As the President told the nation Thursday after visiting the vaccination center at the National Institute of Health, and as he says internally regularly, we are driving a whole-of-government response to the pandemic — guided by the science, by ambitious goals, and with clear public communication,” Andy Slavitt, senior adviser to the White House Covid-19 Response Team, said in a statement to Appradab Friday. “This is a national emergency. Our focus is on vaccinating people quickly and equitably, increasing testing, and opening schools and businesses. We will be transparent with the American people about our progress. It won’t be easy and we will face setbacks. However, we continue to make real progress every day until Americans feel safe once again.”

Covid-19 by the numbers

For the science-driven administration, forecasting the future is particularly challenging because the current picture is a muddle.

Coronavirus cases are trending down, and vaccinations are ticking up. But the US is struggling to get a handle on the threat posed by new variants. Experts — both inside and outside the White House — are still far from certain that America is finally clawing its way out of the pandemic.

“This is a race to get the vaccine out there broadly enough and fast enough that it eliminates the chance of spread of even more strains,” said Dr. Bala Hota, an infectious disease specialist at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”

One thing is certain: over the last two weeks, the US has seen a huge improvement across all major metrics experts have used to track the pandemic.

As of Friday, the seven-day average of daily cases is down more than 22% from the previous week, and average deaths are down more than 15%, according to Johns Hopkins University data.

Hospitalizations have declined nearly 13% and the percent positivity rate at 6.19%, according to the Covid Tracking Project.

As of Friday, only one state — Alaska — was showing an upward trend in Covid-19 cases.

While the Biden administration has made a major push to reduce the spread of disease by launching mass vaccination sites, taking strides to ramp up vaccine production and promoting safety measures, such as mask wearing, many experts said it’s still too soon to say that those actions are driving the improving trends.

“Any kind of policy that is implemented at the beginning of January, you wouldn’t probably see anything that quickly,” said Nandita Mitra, a professor of biostatistics and epidemiology at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania.

Health experts said the trends were likely improving for reasons unrelated to Biden’s policy initiatives. Cases are leveling off after holiday-related spikes and it’s too soon to see fallout from new potential super spreader events, such as Super Bowl parties.

“We’re now a month past the holiday and everybody has gone back to their bubble,” Hota said.

Vaccines are also making their way to more Americans. More than 48 million shots have been administered so far, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The pace of vaccinations has been picking up steadily from week to week, which experts attributed partly to vaccine makers growing more adept at vaccine production and partly to states streamlining their distribution efforts.

But it’s hardly time to celebrate.

Case numbers have been so high in these last two months that if you take just the first 10 days of February, the US has had more new cases than it had for the entire month of March, or April, or May, or even June of 2020.

“Now is not the time to look at those curves, in my view, and breathe a sigh of relief. We have a ways to go,” Slavitt said on Appradab this week. “We know that this thing has been unpredictable for the last year. I think it’s still going to be unpredictable.”

Unpredictable variants

The unpredictability ahead has already led to some careful hedging from the White House.

Biden announced Thursday that the US will have purchased enough doses to vaccinate 300 million Americans by the end of July. White House aides quickly followed up with a clarification: vaccines aren’t vaccinations. Even though the doses will be available by July, it’s unclear when nearly all Americans will actually be vaccinated.

The administration didn’t offer details about how thorny challenges like vaccine hesitancy and variants swirling in the US could impact America’s path to normality or when the end of this pandemic may be in sight.

“The Biden administration is going to have to address this issue and we’ve got to stop basically telling people we’ve turned the corner,” said Michael Osterholm, who advised Biden’s team during the transition and is the director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota. “At the rate we’re at right now, this is going to be a huge challenge.”

Digging out

While then-President Trump was keen to take center stage in the coronavirus response, it often ended in disaster. He undercut scientists, peddled unproven miracle cures and even appeared to suggest injecting disinfectants might ward off the virus.

Biden advisers are now facing a beleaguered American public, suffering whiplash after Trump-era promises that things were just on the brink of getting better.

“I think the country has lived through a long period of over-promises, false deadlines, dates that have no basis in science, and I don’t think you’re going to hear that from this White House,” Slavitt said on Appradab this week. “We don’t want to try to forecast the future.”

An administration official insisted Biden has been forthright with Americans, pointing to the President’s previous comments, including a line in his inaugural address in which he said, “We are entering what may well be the toughest and deadliest period of the virus.”

Since then, Biden and his team have continued churning out policy initiatives aimed at pulling America out of the crisis. Their signature effort remains a $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief bill that awaits approval from Congress.

Even with those interventions, experts said it’s difficult to predict the next turn the virus will take.

A year into the pandemic, the nation has a higher level of immunity than it did last year, which could help slow — but not stop — the infection rate, some health experts said.

“We certainly have not reached herd immunity, but we probably have at least somewhere around a third of the population that’s been exposed that might have some short-term immunity,” said Dr. Amanda Castel, a professor in the department of epidemiology at George Washington University.

But the variants — along with human behavior — could easily send cases climbing again.

“I worry that people have a false sense of reassurance because things are trending down and then all of the sudden you see people loosening restrictions in certain areas and people relax a little more,” Castel said

Some states and cities have begun to relax Covid restrictions, even though caseloads remain high.

North Dakota and Iowa have both rolled back their statewide masks mandates. New Jersey and New York City are loosening restrictions on indoor dining. New York state is planning to reopen arenas and stadiums this month, at limited capacities. And Ohio announced it is bringing back self-service buffets.

“I understand why there’s this unbridled enthusiasm to get back to some semblance of a new normal,” Osterholm said. But “people do not realize what a curve ball the variants have thrown us.”

Appradab’s Amanda Watts contributed to this report.

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY. so my entire day post is going to be put under a cut because the entire thing is WAY TMI, but there’s way too much shit that happened that I need to process and I already gave the sanitized language version of it on twitter but I can’t fully process it without getting into details. you have been warned- WAY TMI. 

okay, so. backstory, I woke up on Tuesday with stomach pain and ended up spending most of the day on the toilet. By the time I finished (like 7 hours later- yeah it was BAD) I noticed there was something weird going on down there, but I wasn’t really paying attention. Wednesday morning I was having a lot of pain and it occurred to me that maybe because of Tuesday I had a hemorrhoid (it only gets worse from here, so if that makes you squirm you should bail out now), but like, idk because I’ve never had one before and idk what they look like, so I googled it and shit and did their home remedy stuff, sitting on a ice pack helped, I did a “sitz bath” (which is basically sitting in four inches lukewarm water for 15 minutes), aloe vera, and really nothing helped. Woke up this morning and it was still bad. I showered because the warm water did help a bit, but I was getting suspicious at this point that something else was going on here, so I asked my mom to look at it and she was like WOW OKAY WE’RE GOING TO THE DOCTOR. And here lies the problem of trying to diagnose and treat your injuries off google, because I wouldn’t have known that other than my suspicions that hey there’s this giant bulge in my ass crack and it probably shouldn’t be there. my primary care couldn’t fit me in today but they recommended we go to the walk in clinic, so we do that and the doctor takes one look at that and is like “yeah this looks like a rectal prolapse and a hemorrhoid and you need to go to the ER right away” OH JOY. so if you’re not up on your scientific vocabulary, a rectal prolapse is basically when part of your digestive tract comes outside of your body and usually requires surgery to fix. wonder-fucking-ful. Thankfully we’re close to the local hospital that’s like, the number one trauma center on LI (it’s like two miles from my house so that’s always been convenient) so we go there and the urgent care people gave us a letter to give the triage people, but we still ended up waiting in the hallway for like an hour and a half, during which I was in pure misery, but the male nurse who drew my blood was sweet though and slightly flirty but in a nice and not a creepy way so there’s that at least. he left the needle in my arm because it sounded like I’d be needing it at some point. So eventually we get called, and taken into a section called the clinical decisions unit, where I guess is where they figure out if you need surgery or not. So I get in there and someone comes to look and is like OH YEAH LEMME GO GET THE DOCTOR because everyone seemed to agree this was high key bad, so they got doctors, and more doctors, they even took pictures and sent them to the head guy of the department, but the consensus was oh yeah, this needs surgery to fix. and at this point I’m just like fine, just get it done. they did give me some pain medication around 3 or so, which ended up by 5 mg of morphine, which took pretty much all my pain away and I only felt slightly woozy lol but that perked me up significantly and I was actually like talking and stuff instead of lying there looking like death. there was a bit of a wait for the OR so we had to chill for a while, then eventually I get brought in there and the surgeon comes and like, I had been thinking all day about watching The Resident and just how ridiculously easy it is for them to just straight up kill patients in routine surgeries and they have the one chief of surgery who’s got a hand tremor and is just like slicing organs open, and then in comes this guy who’s like the #1 in the department and has gray hair and I’m just like FUCK MY LIFE I hope I survive this lol (I know the show isn’t very realistic when it comes to that subject). So we’re getting ready, their general idea is that they’re just gonna cut the damn thing off because it looked infected and shit, so they go to check and the doctor is like “oh, uh, it’s gone” and I was like......”really? are you sure????” cuz apparently it slipped back in because that’s a thing that can happen, but they were like well we should still probably go ahead with the surgery because the hemorrhoid is still there and could pop back out, so we go for it, they decided to not do general anesthesia but do sedation, whatever the difference between those two is, so I was out anyway and I woke up after and they were like “yeah so turns out it wasn’t a hemorrhoid and he didn’t have to do any cutting or stitching” and I was like “....so then what did he do?” haha and I’m still not 100% sure about that one really, but they were more than happy to send me home which I was very thankful for because I did not want to spend part of my spring break in the hospital. so they got me out of there pretty quickly with a giant bandage on my butt that I’m not sure is serving any purpose at all really, but they told me to leave it on there until I shit again so I guess that’s what I’ll do. We got home, my mom went to pick up the percocet they called into the pharmacy for me but they were closed, a little while after my dad and my brother got home, my dad was speaking at this big thing tonight that he’s trying to launch at churches across the island about understanding the opioid epidemic and how to prevent it, and he said not quite as many people showed up as he would’ve liked but it was still good so that was good to hear. As far as how all this craziness started, I’ve in the past had episodes of like scathing stomach pain that make me feel like I have to go to the bathroom, but I usually end up cowering in pain on the toilet with nothing coming, until eventually something will give and it’ll all just pour out as liquid (again, I told you this is TMI) and like, it used to happen a lot more frequently when I wasn’t eating much and my regularity was thrown way off schedule (like once a week) but I don’t do that anymore and I take a fiber supplement every day because I’m on a high dose iron supplement thanks to me being super anemic, so it’s usually not an issue, it happened the night of my sister’s sweet 16 at the end of October but I think it’s only happened maybe once in the four months between then and now? And I did bring it up at my last gastroenterologist appointment but he didn't seem to think much of it and said it was probably just another muscle spasm (because he had just said my chest pain issues were probably caused by a muscle spasm). The doctor from the hospital tonight apparently recommended I get a colonoscopy done at some point to make sure everything is alright and in place, but idk if I’m gonna do that because I have a pretty good idea of just how this happened, plus I have a lot of like, traumatic memories about that stuff from when I was little and they thought I had Crohn’s disease (when it was actually just nightly cramps for an entire year before my period showed up) and being subjected to a bunch of really invasive stuff that I was not at all comfortable with so that’s not exactly gonna be on the top of my to do list. Other than that they said not to strain when going to the bathroom and eat a lot of fibre, so I’m gonna try harder to eat actual fiber and not just the shit in caplets, and try to make that work out better. and yeah, that is about it, after all that I chatted with friends for a bit then started getting ready for bed with this absurdly large bandage on my butt 😂 We’re supposed to go out to dinner to this super schmancy place (because my parents have a gift card to it) tomorrow to celebrate my brother and I’s birthdays (his was today but because of all the crazy we’re gonna celebrate this weekend) so hopefully that will work out. And oh yeah, since I turn 26 in 11 days, if this happened 11 days from now I would’ve totally FUCKED because I would’ve had no health insurance thanks to getting kicked off my parents plan at 26!!! Lovely *sigh*. And as much as it does suck to get sick on vacation, I am at least glad I was with my family and not in Chicago where I had nobody except like, Jess (and no offense to her in the slightest, because I’m sure she would’ve been great, but with this kind of thing a mom is just better suited for it), and that sounds kinda miserable. Okay, that’s the end for real now, I took my pills a while ago and now my eyes really want to shut and I’m going to listen to them. If you made it all the way through, thank you for suffering through all that TMI to find out how I’m actually doing, though I kinda doubt many of you will actually reach this far, lol, but I cannot blame you for that. Goodnight my dear friends. I hope your Thursday was a hell of a lot better than mine.

[divine-kings]

Been talking to Hermes lately...

and He has a lot to say! I haven't written poetry in forever but He made sure that I take notice of Him and His domains and turn it into my first devotional for Him so, here goes:

I see Hermes all over Methadone Mile. On every corner, I'm reminded of his influence over the chain of commerce that wakes up with the city every morning as I walk into my hospital. He is the King of the Conundrum that my city calls chaos. I see Hermes in the herds of huddled dealers peddling pharmaceuticals from CVS and the hospital; fighting over territory for the same money they need to eat, get coffee or get high. Daily. Stealing from the same CVS and pick-pocketing or car-jacking the doctors that end up prescribing their Suboxone later that day. Hermes of the Hustler. I see Hermes in the needle exchange hallway making sure the works people need won't make their infections worse. They trade in used needles and dirty cotton to get clean water, aluminum trays and syringes without a virus on them. That at least makes it easier to forget the grip the drug has on their brain. Numbing out the world to continue walking for miles on swollen soles and soiled sneakers to the next street over. Daily. Some would call them athletes. Hermes of the Hopeless. I see Hermes on the side of the ambulances bearing half of his staff on their seal, deployed to pick up the passed out. Lining the streets with needles still in their arms or dropped into sewers. Crowding under bus stop rooftops to get away from the rain. The EMTs don't even like these people. This isn't why they took the exam. But they've got mouths to feed, too and we're in the middle of an epidemic. They'll never be out of a job. Messengers to clean up their part of this mess. Daily. Hermes of the Helper. I see Hermes in the emergency room where Narcan brings people back from the brink several times a day just so they can call their dealer to get their next fix. Coming back from the Crossroads to curse the nurses, knowing that if they had died, at least Hermes would have guided them to the Underworld while they were happy. They end up overdosing in the bathroom by the entrance anyway. Daily. Hermes of the High. I see Hermes in the UHaul trucks where the homeless make their beds for the night. Hoping to curl up next to trusted family or a friend they don't think will steal their belongings. But everyone's a thief. If they're lucky, they've bartered a bed in one of the three or four shelters around the block where social workers and recovery coaches bust our asses to motivate the undermotivated to choose a different road to tomorrow. Daily. Hermes of the Homeless. He's a patron of every person within the multi-directional mile-long radius, for every worker of every kind on a daily basis.

9-22-17

[bdwvi]

Hope In A Time of Crisis

Rabies, Scabies, Scurvy, Whooping Cough, Mumps, German Measles…

What do they all have in common? Epidemics that came, devastated lives and were eventually controlled…

In 1818, Ignaz Phillip Semmelweis was born into a world of dying women. The finest hospitals lost one out of six young mothers to the scourge of "childbed fever." A doctor's daily routine began in the dissecting room where he performed autopsies. From there he made his way to the hospital to examine expectant mothers without ever pausing to was his hands. Dr. Semmelweis was the first man in history to associate such examinations with the resultant infection and death. His own practice was to wash with a chlorine solution, and after eleven years and the delivery of 8,537 babies, he lost only 184 mothers--about one in fifty. He spent the vigor of his life lecturing and debating with his colleagues. Once he argued, "Puerperal fever is caused by decomposed material, conveyed to a wound. . .I have shown how it can be prevented. I have proved all that I have said. But while we talk ,talk, talk, gentlemen, women are dying. I am not asking anything world shaking. I am asking you only to wash. .. For God's sake, wash your hands."

But virtually no one believed him. Doctors and midwives had been delivering babies for thousands of years without washing, and no outspoken Hungarian was going to change them now! Semmelweis died insane at the age of 47, his wash basins discarded, his colleagues laughing in his face, and the death rattle of a thousand women ringing in his ears.

Growing up we thought that in 2020 we’d have flying cars and here we are teaching people how to wash their hands.

The panic occasioned by the current pandemic of Covid-19, the sickness caused by the latest strain of the corona family of viruses is arguably one of the worst in the last century. Many are in abject terror and utter confusion. In the midst of the crisis however we have a splendid opportunity to stem the breakdown the family has been suffering and plug its hemorrhaging. The partials lockdowns, inclusive of the temporary closure of schools and many companies shifting to a work form home mode of operation offers us a much needed reprieve from the ‘tyranny of the urgent’ ‘

In the first instance we have an opportunity to reconnect, or perhaps connect, for some, with ourselves. We can harness this time to create some distance from ourselves so we can see ourselves. In order to survive down here we need to breathe deeply up there, in the realm of the spiritual. To be absolutely clear, I am not in the least bit suggesting that the spiritually alert cannot or will not become victims of this disease. I am speaking of surviving the chaos, the madness, the panic, the anxiety, the crassness, the basal survival instinct that will drive us to selfish hoarding and such. The usual days and weeks of work and making the money doesn’t readily lend itself to that. If we consider it a kind of ‘Sabbath’ if you will, we can learn cease the rush, cease the busyness, cease the flurry of activity and mental clanging so we can center down.

When we take this time to center down it will allow us to be far more receptive and perceptive to those with whom we are closest, but are often farthest from in our quest to keep up with the Joneses. Take time to see, not watch those who share the space called home with you. See their hair length, see the dimple, see the birth mark. See the hopes dreams, fears and will to survive in their eyes. Hear their souls. Play together. Disconnect from the wires and wireless devices. Decide that you will carefully watch over the elderly and those living with disabilities in your community.

This is also a time when we can explore ways the family can share its soul with others by finding someone to share what may very well become limited goods and supplies with. Tragedy has a way of rehumanizing us or further dehumanizing us. Please let it be the former. The temptation to be self serving will likely increase exponentially. Resist. Allow that to be the mark by which your family will be distinguished. Lead by example so that legacy can be displayed before your children

The adage, the family that prays together stays together may yet prove to be the straw that breaks the back of this monster. This would be a good time to erect or re-establish the family altar. As you do allow the spirit of community to infuse your beseeching of God. Think of the other, think of the greater common good.

Consider this advice from one, Lynn Ungar

Sing. Pray. Center down. And when your body has become still,

reach out with your heart. Know that we are connected

in ways that are terrifying and beautiful. (You can hardly deny it now).

Know that our lives are in one another's hands. (Surely, this has come clear). Do not reach out your hands. Reach out your heart. Reach out your words. Reach out all the tendrils of compassion that move, invisibly, where we cannot touch. Promise this world your love--

for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, so long as we all shall live.

HOPE FOR THE INDIVIDUAL

Psalm 116:Psalm 116

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came over me;

I was overcome by distress and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:

Lord, save me!

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

6 The Lord protects the unwary;

when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

Depending on an unreliable person in crisis is like taking off ava person's clothes on a cold day or like rubbing salt in a wound.

Depending on an unreliable person in crisis is like taking off a person's clothes on a cold day or like rubbing salt in a wound.

Prov. 20: 25 GNT

The Corona Virus has left us reeling from a sense of:

complexity

uncertainty

volatility

ambiguity

Remember

We cant predict the future but we know the one who is already there

We don't know the future but we know who holds it

2 Thes.3:16 May the Lord of peace himself continually grant you peace in all circumstances

The Lord of Peace, the prince of peace, Yahweh Shalom

Sovreign over all circumstances

Shepherds us through all circumstances

Saviour in all circumstances

Psalm 37: 25 I am old now; I have lived a long time,

but I have never seen good people abandoned by the Lord

Psalm 27: 1 The Lord is my light and my salvation

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life

of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27: I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Be like Jeremiah who bought a field while he was in military confinement just before his nation was about to ransacked and his people taken away into captivity. Jer. 32:15 -  15 For this is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Houses, fields and vineyards will again be bought in this land.’

Jeremiah acted as one who knew that every crisis has an expiry date

He didnt allow his hopes and dreams to grind to a halt. He had a vision of life on the other side of the hill.

PRAYER FOR THE WORLD

Beloved around the world.

Heavenly Father, You have prepared your throne in the heavens and Your Kingdom reigns over all. Watch over us Lord and keep us safe. Despatch Angels from Heaven to the four corners of the earth and cover us in Your secret place. Lord preserve us from all evil and keep our eyes fixed on You, Father, at this time when it is so easy to panic and worry.

Almighty God, touch, strengthen and heal where healing is required. Release us from all fear, Father, and replace fear with your Spirit of peace - Your peace that surpasseth all understanding.

Father as we remain vigil, keep our eyes fixed on You, Jehovah Rohi, The Lord my Shepherd. Let us recognize Lord, that You alone can shield and protect us. We ask that the plague pass over us Lord. Draw men and women to You, Almighty God by the power of Your Holy Spirit, and release them from all bondage that would prevent them from drawing closer to You, Almighty God.

We ask all these things in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen and Amen

Originally posted on my blog 

[jollyviscreal666]

The New World(entry no.1)

I’m not new to this world. Trust me, I know. Even before all of the chaos, before the national and international contingency plan, before the ultimate survival sanctuaries, I was still a young man with nowhere to go.

I was harassed and ridiculed by my several classmates. In a way, I think the new world served me better and gave me purpose; a good thing. Before all of that, just joke after joke from all of my classmates about how I looked, how I acted, and most of all, how I obtained information. I wasn’t good at it. Math was my worst subject. They’d ridicule me for that as well. Boys, girls, even the less popular crowd. I felt like I had no one. I had no one to fall back on when in need, if you can believe there was such a thing.

The students pickin dad-g on me became a regular routine. There was always that someone who stood up for the kid being bullied, and that student was Bryce Reyes.

We became friends and hung out a lot. The thing I liked most about Bryce, besides the obvious, was that he had a good sense of awareness. This trait was important in our friendship. He was at least 2 feet taller than me. We had a good amount in common. We loved to hunt. We loved guns. He paid good attention to my actions and the actions of others. As well as my surroundings.

Bryce, after having hunting as a hobby, told me he was thinking about going into the military, whereas I had no plans.

We went hunting a good amount together. He was the one who introduced me to personal defense pocket pistols. He once told me the harassment I took from my peers was way out of control. I shrugged it off and told him not to worry about it. He insisted and what he had to offer was a good deal. He told me I was just as good as anybody else and I could join any club in school I wanted to. He said I can even try to talk to girls. He handed me a pocket pistol and said,

“This will keep you safe when you’re walking home from school. Don’t shoot it unless you absolutely have to”.

I remember one time I was so scared of getting jumped, I asked if he could walk with me. He agreed and just as you may have guessed, the bullies showed up. Five of them. Their intentions weren’t good at all. I bet they were horrible. I’m so glad he was with me. We threatened them with our guns. They questioned how we concealed them from the school before they ran off.

A couple of weeks later, arrived the beginning of it all. Personally, it started with a video Bryce showed me.

“You like horror hoaxes, right”? He implied playfully.

It was a video of some sort of skin autopsy, I thought. There was a shriveled woman and her flesh was dark for some reason. They picked her flesh off with some sort of carving medical autopsy utensils. The woman showed no signs of discomfort or pain. Although she was moving such as a cheap special effects animatronic would for a movie.

“That’s sick, who the fuck would post that”? I asked.

“Viralnewz.org”, he replied.

“It’s got 8.4 million views but only 8 comments”, he continued in his enthusiastic tone. Apparently there was a part 2 to the video. I refused to watch it, as the first one was enough.

That week, the news was more constant and frantic as usual. No one payed much attention to it at first. It apparently started as a small anomaly. However, it grew very very quickly. I’m sure the government kept things from the public, but soon the threat would become un containable. Authorities were ordered to be on alert, citizens were cautioned, even some highways and streets were closed.

Apparently, everything lost control on that one day. The day I was sitting through a boring biology lecture. That was the day Bryce had to go to a funeral. Apparently, whatever the government was planning, our town was being quarantined. Soon, the news released the fact that there was a deadly virus and that we can’t leave the town in worries of infecting other parts of the country. It got so bad, the riots ceased, and huge platoons of the military came abroad, telling all to stay inside. Such as a warning. Regardless, the hectic atmosphere did not calm down. The school was evacuated, and I ran home frantically to make sure my parents were ok. They were put, watching the news in shock.

“What the hell is going on”? I asked frantically.

“Probably some government containment fuckup”, replied my father.

“Could be just a national emergency drill. Let’s pray it is”, said my mother as she put her hand onto my shoulder.

“Are we gonna be okay?” I asked.

She put her hands on my face in affection.

“Of course we are. Our good lord would never let us all parish in a national emergency”, she said with hope in her voice.

I looked worried, more than likely.

“Do we have to leave the state”? I asked.

“We should just sit it out, it should resolve itself. As long as we stay inside, we should be ok”, implied my father.

I looked over to the television to hear that the panic was on a global scale. At that moment, I lost all hope of staying in our house. I knew eventually we’d have to move out no matter what. I did. My parents didn’t.

The next door neighbor ran to us frantically and insisted the news was telling the truth. There was a virus spreading and infecting individuals. He recalled he saw his best friend, Richards body spazzing out. He could tell he was infected because of his pale skin. He stated moving slow at first, then started spazzing according to our neighbor. When we went to go check him out, our neighbors wife was surprisingly dead. We spazzed out in shock and horror. She was ripped or torn open from end to end, and the worse part was Richard seemed to be feasting on her corpse. Her eyes were open. I’ll never forget how I felt the first time I laid my eyes on something like that. His skin was indeed pale. It was almost as if he had a skin disease that killed his skin cells. It was bland as well.

We immediately zoomed with my father to get his shotgun. When we returned, we were surprised to find out a blast to the chest did not kill the infected individual. It seemed to be moving slow at first. My father blasted it in its chest about 18 inches away. He went to finish it as he saw it still moving. That’s when it zoomed at him and swung its arm at my father. My father, frantically pulled the trigger and blew its forearm off. Then it unexpectedly zoomed again, this time reaching my father and taking a chunk from his forearm. He screamed as if in unbelievable pain. I took the shotgun and blew its face off. I pumped it again and shot it in its faceless head. It finally died.

We escorted my dad back to our house. Our neighbor, a look of overwhelming concern of shock and horror. I felt bad for him. Bad and sorry. After our welfare, he has to deal with the fact his wife was killed, and not in a very peaceful way.

“Thank you for your help. Get help, call anyone you can and be careful”!

He zoomed away. My mother attended to my father and told me to keep reaching out to the hospitals. All the calls went to an emergency redirection line that told you how to take care of a hurt one. Of course, with all the hectic happenings, they didn’t include one about how to treat an infected bite as it all was happening so fast. When I went back to check on my mom, she was sobbing with her head on my fathers arms. He seemed to have passed out.

“Mom what is it? What happened”?! I demanded.

“I don’t know”, she replied in her sobbing state.

I felt so bad for her and for my father. My first thought was my father died. What happened next is was a great turning point in my life. My father seemed to start to wake up. At that moment, the old me died and the new me was born. The moment my fathers eyes opened and he began to slowly move, I knew something wasn’t right. My mother on the other hand, who was mourning over him, seemed to give him the benefit of the doubt. Out of love, more than likely.

It was the last mistake she ever made. My father, now no longer my father, grabbed my mother’s forearm and took a huge chunk out of it. I froze in horror as I witnessed my father who just tore a big chunk of flesh and muscle from her forearm. The denizen then moved up with speed near my mother’s neck and tore another chunk of flesh and muscle between her neck and shoulder. More blood spewed and fell. A huge splatter onto the wall from that one. She screamed in pain and agony of course.

My instincts told me to take off to get my fathers shotgun. Fortunately, but unthankfully, my ex father was busy with my mother’s corpse. When I returned, my eyes became fixed on the corpse of my mother. My ex father seemed to be feasting on my mother’s bowls. Her stomach was torn open as he bit her intestines apart. It was an agonizing, horrific sight. Especially because they were my parents. I blew my dads face off. The blast took off about 3 layers of his face it seemed. His skull face was shattered. He fell face first, blood filling up in a streak, traveling to my feet. Then miraculously, my mother began to move prior to her torn open abdomen and insides hanging out. I did the same to her.

Not knowing what to make of what just transpired, I ran out of my neighborhood. I saw no one outside. I drove my fathers truck once I retrieved the keys from his corpse. I drove to our local pawn shop. The corpses wallets contained everything I needed to purchase a set of firearms. The shops owner, our friend, was cooped up behind his desk with the firearms up the wall.

“Bill”! I exclaimed.

His head turned with haste.

“Josh, good to see you’re still kicking”.

“What the hell is going on”, I said.

“Some huge international epidemic”.

“Where is everybody”? I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“Everything was all hectic. There was screaming, gunshots, and frantic drivers. Even crashes. It lasted up to 4:00”, he implied.

“I need an M24 reduced recoil with a suppressor”, I demanded.

“Shit, take whatever you want. Whatever the hells out there it’s spreading like the flu in Antarctica, and on a scale bigger than the red death”! He exclaimed.

I nodded my head.

“Here, take the G18 and the AR-15”, he said handing me the firearms. I looked up at him in surprise.

“Take care of yourself”, he called to me.

“What about you”? I asked.

He smiled and said he has his ways.

I moved outside in a valley near my neighborhood. I removed the suppressor from the M24. I fired 3 shots in the air. Soon, before I knew it, there were 8 infected among me. I inserted the suppressor and shot them all down with headshots. More arrived moving slow and sluggish. Some more rotted than others. Some horribly mutilated. I mowed them down. I didn’t even need the G18 I hooked to my hip nor the AR-15 I placed about 12 meters away discreetly.

I moved into town. That was when I first encountered the runners. I mowed down 2 hordes with the AR-15. Sounds such as loud explosions or constant unsuppressed automatic fire attract runners. It was intense. First 2 came after me. I was surprised to see them move with cunning speed. It was more difficult to land a headshot. I wished I had asked Bill for a shotgun. One almost caught me from behind. Soon, 4 were on my tail. I ran as fast as I could, spraying hip fire while doing my best to rotate my torso. I ended up climbing a gate. Soon 8 runners appeared. I ran out of AR-15 rounds. I had 2 more clips left. I whipped out the G18 and mowed the now 5 of them down.

3 more appeared. I was chased into a an abandoned office building. There was graffiti on the walls. By then rows and rows of infected swarmed the area. I saw swat officers and even firefighters who were infected. Then a military humvee arrived along with a heavily armored tank. Soldiers zoomed out and they tried to mow down as many infected as possible.

When they cleared the area, I ran out to them. They were in a state of caution at first. They didn’t accept my presence with generosity at first. I had to put my weapons up and they confiscated them.

They introduced me to their 18 wheeler carriers that could hold tons of products. They were also suitable for carrying people, and that’s what they were using them for. There were literally hundreds of them filled with about 40 individuals each. I was assigned to one and a platoon supposedly responsible for the convoy. The destinations were large bases that held hundreds of people. Each vehicle was assigned to a base. Mine never made it. Apparently the base to which we were assigned to go to, was far. Even worse, too many infected began to swarm us. The worse part is, another convoy made it to our base before we did. It was a set up. One of those two convoys was meant to be left out. It so happened to be mine. The military issued an order prior to my convoy in the form of a code. The soldiers leading the convoy opened fire on us all. I miraculously survived. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I was buried beneath the dead bodies filled up with lead. I was covered in blood. The soldiers were then quickly became swarmed by waves of infected. They did not posses sufficient ammunition to destroy them all.

Nevertheless, they could smell me. I stayed hidden until I realized they were never going to leave. There were literally hundreds. They knew I was alive. They wanted to feast on us all. Like vultures. But I was alive goddamnit and seemingly helpless. I spotted an infected head separated from its body. And it was moving! It was the most disturbing thing I’ve witnessed so far. It was in front of the vehicle. I couldn’t fit through the opening. I took my knife out. I cut a corpses finger off. Then I detached arms from a corpses body to put them together. I had to remove the bone from one of the arms. I stuck it in the boneless socket of the detached arm. I did this with 3 arms. I was able to reach an M4 assault rifle in the front once I inserted the arm chain I made. I moved it a little to the left so I could grab it. I also grabbed a bag of frag grenades.

I moved away the bodies that toppled me and began my assault. I cleared out a path to which I took once executed. They were slow and sluggish like most I’ve already faced. I destroyed about 68 with the M4 and the frag grenades. On my last clip of ammunition for the M4, I knew my demise was evident. I knew there was no escape. Fortunately, in that moment, what appeared to be an advanced expensive military armored vehicle zoomed out. Most of the horde was cleared. The perpetrators zoomed out and threw me in the vehicle where we took off, immediately. They asked me who I was and if I was crazy. They seemed to be about in their early 20’s. I felt like I was being kidnapped but didn’t even care. They each carried a military firearm.

They took me to a base. The base almost looked like a large enclosed parking garage from the outside. Made completely of durable concrete. A tall fence surrounding the structure. It reminded me of a giant bunker. I later found it was a potential elite scientist and military strategy center. Specially constructed to keep everything secure. We will get to how it became abandoned.

The base was operated by a dictator type commander figure. He never gave his name for some reason. He only instructed he is to be referred to as “the leader”. The base housed over 400 survivors. The personnel that ran security swore loyalty to the leader. They were supposedly elite combat operatives, such as the leader himself.

I soon became his favorite candidate. He admired my survival skills and marksman talent. Each run or mission he sent me on, he tried to increase the difficulty, without implying my demise of course. My skills were tested and I survived. I felt good about it. I felt happy. It had been a long time since I’ve felt something like that. The leader had greater ambitions though. And that would be his downfall.

The leader was in touch with the leaders in other secret bases such as this one. He was also in contact with the panedemic leaders who tried to contain and diminish the outbreak of the infected. He even was in contact with the military. They traded resources for each other’s services. I found all this out before the place was breached.

The leader wanted to control all the bases. It was his primal ambition. However, things became worse when he found out the other sources were cheating him of supplies. He intended to destroy them. He first determined himself to wipe out the surrounding counties of the infected to prove his power. That was only the first step. The second was invading a massive weapons factory/corporation. He knew the whole corporation was being supervised by the military. Nevertheless, he intended to conquer it. He believed if he could gain all the resources of the weapons corporation, he could conquer everything. He failed in the end of course. It was the infected that met him prior to his demise.

He also sacrificed a lot of survivors on his conquest to clear the counties of the infected. He claimed he was going to look for other survival headquarters. That was bullshit.

We wore cameras to mark our locations. I remember we had to watch the cameras of the survivors who died on the mission. We were planning tactical locations to massacre the weapons plant. I will describe their deaths. Not because it is necessary, but because it’s what you’ll need if you are to survive.

The footage of the cameras were horrendous. The first one we viewed was of the survivor who was massacred by a wave. The wave showed no mercy. They were sick of being wiped out. About 5 of them stabbed their nails into his body and tore him open with one group pull. It was so fast, he was able to look at his entrails to cry to God. A second later he passed.

The second one was a friend of the first survivor. In frantic rage, he gutted the last infected individual standing after he wiped out the horde that murdered his friend. Then he shoved the infected’s entrails into its mouth. Mistake. The infected individual bit his finger off. By then a new horde was forming. One was a torso of a runner. It skidded quite fast. He didn’t notice it and it bit his ankle. The rest toppled him. They focused on the half runner and tore his leg off. Then the other. He was screaming in agony and pain for help. Then his arms even faster! Finally his head was torn off and they were able to separate his layers of his front body by access through the headless part of the body. They chowed down mindlessly on his remains. It was VERY messy.

We eventually took the weapons plant. One of the other higher ranking base official pretended to give in to the leaders threats. He told him he’d give him whatever he wanted. When the supplies arrived, he found he had been tricked. It was an elite infected organism magnet emitter. It attracted the infected from hundreds of miles away. It was set to go off at midnight. The leader prepared for a fight. He set up immense fire traps, and powerful mines with a huge blast radius. He got the supplies alright. But the emitter was the most powerful of all.

The infected eventually broke the gate and poured into the base. 3/4 of the base were prepared. However, the infected did not halt from entering the facility no matter how many they destroyed. The infected trapped all who were inside. Me and the leader were able to escape through the armored vehicle. When he claimed he was going to call for military backup, he unexpectedly jumped me and tied me to a tree. He threw a mini emitter in front of me. I looked at him in disgust. He betrayed me.

I was able to escape. I was VERY incredibly lucky. The torso knot was a little loose so when an infected approached, I jammed my fingers into its eyes and it launched its head forward. It bit the neck knot in half and I escaped. I took out my knife and killed all who came near me in adrenaline. I went up a hill. There were thousands of hordes making their way up here. I ran back to the armored vehicle and drove to the base. I collected over 100 firearms and placed them in the armored vehicle. I drove around in a square fashion underground in the code red area I recently found out about then. I killed as many as I could with a sentry I placed covering my back. I used various firearms until I was dry with each of them. I killed over 2000 infected individuals. It was the most traumatizing and tiring thing I’ve ever accomplished. When I was done, I went straight for the leader. In the supplies I found a tracker that tracked his whereabouts.

I searched base after base for him. Soon I found him. It wasn’t that hard. His false self ego brought him to me. I ambushed him and tied an emitter to him. I tied him up with tight steel wire. I brought him to his hideout and intended to escape on his helicopter. I didn’t want to leave the armored vehicle behind. Then the pilot walked out. I forced him to drive while I flew. I watched the infected tear the leader up. He cried in horror for mercy. Even louder when the actual hordes arrived. They targeted his mouth first cause of his screaming state. They instantly tore the top part of his head off up to the cheek line. His eyes still moved in panic miraculously. His tung throbbed soaked in blood. Then his tung was bitten off. The others began to tear him up slowly. The 3 that had fed top of his head tore the skin off of it and ate it. The woman figure peeled her finger flesh off to the bone with her rotted teeth. She then stabbed her bone finger into the back of the separated part, turning the head upside down to do so. She then ripped open the hole she created causing the whole upper head to turn inside out and cave in, finally separating it. She held the brain. The male figure stood there late, holding his own arm he bit off to use the bone to get to the brain. The female scolded at him for being late. The rest of the infected ate his body slowly. Part by part. I am searching for another fine establishment. Pray they have one. Until then, catch ya later!!