#asexual advocacy

[prototypesteve]

To celebrate Ace Week, October 20 – 26, 2024, here's the Asexuality 101 post I shared with coworkers, this year.

Feel free to share it with other folks who you’ve had to explain Asexuality to, from scratch. Again: it’s just the basics.

Statistically, with around 1% of the population identifying as it, most of the people reading this article aren’t asexual, and they probably don’t know anyone who identifies as asexual, and if they do, they probably don’t know them closely enough to know anything about their sexuality—especially if it’s somehow defined by there being… less of it… or is it none of it? It’s all kind of confusing.

So, what’s there for you to be ‘aware’ of on Ace Week? Lots. Maybe even everything.

A sky full of more than just stars.

This (above) is a picture of the night sky over Alberta at around 9 PM, this Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024. It’s probably nothing like the night sky you've seen before, because it’s how the sky looks when seen through the microwave spectrum.

You’re used to seeing a sky that looks like this (above). This is the same bit of sky, as it appears in our “regular” spectrum of visible light. But notice how the microwave view of the sky reveals an entirely different sky, where nearby space is suddenly far more hectic, complicated, and full. It’s a sky full of things your ordinary eyes can’t see or measure. That’s what happens when you look at the exact same thing through a different lens¹.

Most of us understand sexuality along a spectrum of who, or which. Who are you sexually attracted to? Which genders are you attracted to? One, any, all? Asexuality looks at the same world, but measures things differently, instead of who or which, it asks how much, or when. How much sexual attraction people are capable of experiencing, and in many cases, where, how, or when that attraction can be experienced.

Asexuality is a bit more complex than just, “people who don’t feel any sexual attraction.” Some asexuals fit that definition, but they’re the very-visible minority. Just like the microwave-view of the sky wasn’t solid glowing purple, asexuality manifests in a variety of forms. The less-visible majority² of people the asexual spectrum are sometimes labelled as demisexual: people who experience limited or very selective primary sexual attraction, usually based on an emotional bond.

Asexuality isn’t a broken or underdeveloped expression of cisgendered heterosexuality. Asexuality lines up and coexists with the who-or-which so-called “regular” sexual spectrum. There are gay asexual people, bi demisexual people, asexual or demisexual lesbians, transgender demi people, and hetero-oriented aces. (Notice how in the microwave image of the sky, the same stars are still there, and the Milky Way is where it was.) This is why you might hear about the many micro-labels within the asexual community, as people develop ways to quickly communicate how they inhabit their place along the asexual spectrum.

“Back up a bit, primary sexual attraction?”

Wikipedia defines primary sexual attraction as “the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell, and is experienced immediately after a first encounter.” People on the asexual spectrum experience little to none of this, and people who identify as demisexual often explain the attraction they feel as being above primary sexual attraction. It’s complicated, and more than we can cover in a single post. What’s important to know is that asexuality is a big, big topic because it covers as much ground as the allosexual spectrum you’re used to.

“Hold on, Allosexual?”

Asexual people (asexuals, aces, etc.) have our own jargon, because of course we do. One of those words is allosexual. From the greek word állos, which sometimes translates to “other”. Allosexual or others-sexual. People who are attracted to other people. It’s shorter than saying, “people who aren’t asexual,” and politer than the other words we might use to describe you.

So, what now?

Probably nothing. As exciting as it is to know there’s a whole other spectrum out there (and spoiler, there are many spectra, there’s also a romantic-attraction spectrum) the reality is, it’s small. In the few surveys that have been conducted, it seems as though only about 1% of the population identify as asexual in any way. (There are probably a few more of us, living with identities we were assigned by the world we grew up in.) For the time being, this may just be a neat-to-know thing, and a prompt to go visit your local observatory, to see a microwave telescope.

But for a few of you, it might be the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. You may have learned a few important new words here, or found a new way of seeing things that explains why you are the way you are, or why someone you care about is the way they are. If so, please be gentle. Asexuality is a large topic being explored and lived by a small community, most of whom are still in the middle of figuring out what this all means for us.

One of the safest places to start is Angela Chen’s gracefully-written book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Written by a journalist, it gets into self-discovery, implications for partners, the medicalization of asexuality & the ways people try to “cure” us, and it even gets into the complexities of being asexual inside of a cultural context that might not leave room for asexuality.

From there, have look around the oldest Asexual community, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, or carefully look through your social networks’ asexual or asexuality tags (1% scales up well in a large community, but always remember you're on social media).

You’re not alone, you’re not “broken”, you’re not “delayed”, you’re not heartless. You’re part of a sky full of more than just stars.

Footnotes:

¹ Yeah, yeah, technically, microwave and visible light aren’t separate spectra, they're just different subsections of the bigger electromagnetic spectrum, and space is full of stuff that emits energy all across the full electromagnetic spectrum all at once. Sort of like how we're all a little bit of everything on the entire spectrum of human-expression, just in different proportions. But wow, if you thought this was already a convoluted post, can you imagine what a post that used that model would have looked like? So, let’s all agree to stick with the more casual way of describing electromagnetism. All least until after Ace Week, so we don’t wreck the mood.

² Demisexuals and other variants of asexuality are underrepresented for a number of reasons: it can be too complicated to talk about, it can be exhausting to defend your place on the spectrum, or you might not even see yourself as demisexual because your relationship feels “ordinary enough”. This is why we have Ace Week. It's an opportunity to let people know there are other words to explain how they feel, or how they express their complicated sexuality.

About the Author:

I was 12 when I realized I didn’t prioritize the same things my friends did. They were starting to explore crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends, while I was getting into graphic design. (1983.)

I was 21 when I realized I was “behind schedule” getting into “the dating thing.” Even back then, I thought of it in abstract terms like ‘dating’ or ‘being in a relationship’, I didn't personify it in any way, using words like ‘meeting a girlfriend’, or ‘becoming a boyfriend’. (1992.)

I was 37 when I realized there was clearly something off about me, and accepted that—for whatever reason—I didn't do relationships, and I decided to just focus on my career, and hobbies, and and and. (Late 2008.)

I was 51 when I learned there were words for what I was: Asexual and Aromantic. (2022.)

I was 52 when I started coming out as AroAce (2023).

[newpathpride]

Wow, you handled this with grace, OP, but anon’s question feels disingenuous to me.

The ace movement is an undeniable part of the greater LGBTQ+ rights movement- and aces have always been there if you’re well-versed in queer history. Aces have been involved in other important causes in current times, too, such as a A-specs Committed to Anti-racism as an example.

There are organizations at multiple levels worldwide raising asexual awareness and advocating for equality. Check out AVEN which is probably one of the oldest, largest, and most well-known. Read up on Yasmin Benoit, an asexual activist and researcher.

In the US, the Christian right political lobby is actively attacking platonic and non-procreative marriage, and we have several individuals raising their voices in response. This issue is, in fact, intimately intertwined with a burgeoning attack on same sex marriages.

Finally, I challenge you, anon, to tell me what exactly other LGBTQ+ advocates are doing - who are they giving money to? What actions are they taking? And then tell me what they’ve done that an asexual activist has not…

I’m not an activist - just a real life asexual, but I and OP and many others here are part of this movement. I educate people in my real-life work on queer issues in general as they relate to my profession and push ace education and acceptance on my blog. I have personally given money to ace advocacy organizations as I’m lucky enough to have those resources. I make myself visible as a queer advocate in real life - and I do this while facing a complete lack of awareness and often a lack of acceptance of my own identity as a valid and real orientation.

I bet there are many, many like me in the ace community, including OP who responded sincerely and compassionately to a negatively charged anonymous inquiry.

Thanks for asking I guess, anon, but only knowledge cures ignorance.

What ace movement? What are you guys doing to enact change? What change? Online posting is not a movement. What legislation are you pushing? What organizations are you funding for what causes? What are you doing and how did people sayin g cishets aren't queer stop you?

Hey anon, I’ll answer this step by step.

What ace movement?

Well, that’s a very broad question. If you mean the movement towards equality for all of the lgbtqia+ community; then that’s what the ace movement is. If you mean specifically ace, then it’s stopping erasure, stopping hate and stopping misinformation at the same time as making the wolf a safer and more accepting place for all those on the ace spectrum!!

What are you guys doing to enact change?

Spreading awareness, helping people figure themselves out, educating those who ask and more! Supporting ace spec people and their creations is definitely up there as well as sharing websites and organisations to help people!!

What change?

To increase awareness and acceptance for all aspec people, as well as hopefully make some people’s lives easier and safer!!

Online posting is not a movement.

Actually, now a days this is incorrect. A large minority of voters and protestors rely on social media to get ideas, news, thoughts and more! A movement is any group of people attempting to do anything, though the exact definition is “a change or development” so yes we are a movement 🥰🥰

I’ll answer the next lump simply;

This is tumblr. We are (usually) politicians and I’m here to education and teach people as well as share posts to my followers! If there’s a legislation aimed for or against ace spec people I will for sure share it and my thoughts on it!!

I’m unsure what you mean by the last part but if you meant why A does not stand for ally is simple.

It’s an exclusion of all A identities including (but not limited to) Agender, Asexual and Aromantic identities. There’s no H for heterosexual and there’s no C for cis. You don’t include them because they are not part of the community!

You can by allies but you can’t claim to be part of the community unless you are part of the community.

Thanks for the ask hope this answered some questions!!

[ashleymilesphil]

Hello world🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈❤️🙏

It has been a while since I last made a post here, but today, I’m here with a heavy heart and a message that needs to be heard: the lives of LGBTQ refugees in East Africa have not improved. Daily persecution is still the norm, and discrimination and hate have become the air we breathe. Each day, we face attacks physical, emotional, and systemic from both local communities and authorities.

So many queer personalities, community leaders, and advocates have fallen victim to death due to the rampant homophobia. We have lost friends, partners, and allies. Being LGBTQ is still criminalized, and that leaves us no room for protection, no opportunity for justice. When violence strikes, when our lives are endangered, any hope of legal recourse is nearly impossible.

I speak not just for myself, but for a community of resilient survivors who endure unimaginable hardships to simply exist. And yet, the world seems to have forgotten us. Our cries for help have too often fallen on deaf ears.

Let me take this moment, once again, to call for global solidarity. Stand with us the silenced queers of East Africa. Your voices amplify ours. Your support gives us strength. Together, we can keep the fight alive, even when everything seems hopeless.

With hope and resilience,

Ashley 🏳️‍⚧️

[ash-the-fluffy-cat]

it would be really nice if we stop telling people how they should live their lives or touching people without permission, especially strangers.

Stop telling people that they should be with someone of the opposite gender.

Stop telling people that they are too pretty or too young to be disabled.

Stop telling people that they should smile more.

Stop telling people that they don’t look masculine enough or feminine enough to be their own gender.

Stop moving people in wheelchairs out of your way.

Stop grabbing the arms of people with white canes or guide dogs and “helping” them cross the street.

Stop touching service dogs, I know they’re cute, but that distracts them.

Stop seeing people who are different as objects that you control.

[lovelessrage]

Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

[kingofteamskull]

"being sex positive and loudly openly talking about sex to combat the fact its always been shamed especially for queer people is amazing and makes a lot of people feel better" can and should coexist with "you have Got to be normal about people who are asexual and/or choose not to have sex because its not for them and not make fun of them because having sex does not define anyone as a person"

[contagious-watermelon]

so what is it with people being incapable of talking about, thinking about, raising awareness for aromanticism without bringing up asexuality. why are we acting as if aromanticism is just some special status buff for aces

[epic-sorcerer]

Extremely unfriendly reminder

It is ableist to doubt someone’s allosexuality /alloromantism simply because they are disabled.

It is infantilizing to not take us seriously with we clearly state who we are and just deside you somehow know better. We are not stupid.

It is a stereotype that we are all aroace. That we are incapable of understanding or feeling romantic or sexual feelings. Or acting apon them. I even heard a horror story where someone was forcably wheeled out of health class when sex Ed started.

And this goes for everyone. The two people who have done this were both disabled and asexual /aromantic . I was not questioning my sexuality or romantic orientation, I simply mentioned I was allo, disbaled, and couldn’t date or have sex because of it. “Are you suuure you’re not aromantic?” It’s just awful.

[brick-van-dyke]

I feel like we, as white queers, need to have a little talk about solidarity and apathy.

This past year, we have been hearing stories of children as young 9 years old, coming home to find their entire families wiped out under bombardments and rubble. That's tragic, but it's also something we've grown accustomed to hearing; probably far too accustomed to. Despite this, have we been posting "how to escape Gaza and Israel aligned countries" or "helplines for Palestinian Americans who are struggling mentally"? Have we sat down and thought "how much room can I make for Palestinian refugees to live in any spare space I can afford to give until they're back on their feet?" In the same way we think about housing homeless queers in America? Have we felt that same dread of helplessness as we watched the Biden administrations support Israel without question, as we have when looking at Trump's support of anti queer groups?

This isn't to shame anyone or guilt anyone, but to genuinely push us to think; why are they any different? Why do these two issues feel different to American queers specially? The simple answer is that targeting queers affects us personally, while the other does not. That's not a comfortable thing to admit, but it is true and it's often why we would feel dread over Trump and Republicans, while not feeling that same level of dread at Benjamin Netanyahu Joe Biden or any of the democrats who are in favour of stricter sentences in the prison industrial complex. We know already, deep down, that the "they are the lesser evil" wasn't true in the sense we would mean it, at least not for Palestinians, black people and those already killed, oftentimes including the black people in our own communities. It will be worse, yeah, but they have been dying in the same ways we fear for ourselves this entire time. We need to think about that and take that in. Queer black trans women have died in record numbers under the Biden administration, but that affects white queers far less when we're not the targets, we can afford apathy and we oftentimes wouldn't know it's even happening when it's not us and people like us. When we're in our circles with mostly white queers and a few black queers, usually very few black trans women who would have felt the fear of being black and trans. That apathy and ignorance is something we have to face; our lack of solidarity until now and our individualistic upbringing to prioritise our own safety. I'm not saying wanting safety and peace is wrong, but we can't forget that others have been paying the price we have been fearing for far longer than just now when we've just been added to that list. For example, disabled queers don't have the right to marry like non disabled queers have achieved, yet we say there is marriage equality and forget this. There isn't marriage equality when so many other issues that don't effect white, cis, abled, etc. queers or any lack of intersectionality that lead to not being targeted by these specific legislations.

It's okay to want to be safe, but we must remember that not everyone in our community has had that luxury before Trump. He's targeting white queers as well now, yeah, and he'll be worse for everyone, but there has already been suffering that we, ourselves, have not acknowledged as equal suffering due to the lack of targetting of white queers. And we have to talk about that apathy and lack of solidarity if we're to move forward. That must become something we are aware of and address, as people and a community. I want to ask us to show the same heartbreak for these people and the same horror we reserve for ourselves when we are targeted, open our hearts to empathy and to make room for those who have been suffering all this time with the same amount of dread you're currently feeling but for far longer; long before Trump first became president in 2016 and now again in 2024, long before Biden and long before even Bill Clinton or George Bush. This has been going on for so long, and we have taken in the "progress" of some protections at the expense of a status quo that sacrifices others. So many have been suffering regardless of Trump in ways we've been fearing for ourselves. It has already been happening to them and we ought to show room for them in our hearts. They are our community, and solidarity must prevail before our own dread. Yes, Trump is bad, for them and us, but we have to stay strong and resist because until now it's been the black community on their own who have bore the brunt of far right prejudice and discrimination while we enjoyed the coddling of the democrat's protections and pink washing. It's long past overdue for white queers to join in solidarity with the black community, Arabs, Palestinians, the disabled community and every other marginalised group targeted by the democrats and who will also continue to be targeted by Trump.

We need to initialise our own will to have solidarity with others and listen to those beyond our own circles and communities, and we need to become aware of the threat of apathy that we are all capable of.

[eeveeas123]

😡Things I Think Are Stupid😡 1. Racism. You can’t tell anything truly important just by someone’s skin colour: Their kindness, honesty, intelligence, etc. because everyone is different regardless. You should never choose to ignore or hurt someone just because of skin colour. It’s heartbreaking 2. 2SLGBTQI Hating. If someone were to see a ciswoman dating a cisman, a surprising amount of people wouldn’t even care how healthy the relationship is, just because they’re in an opposite sex relationship. They’d be more comfortable having somebody with a toxic partner than someone of the same gender who they love! Love is beautiful and people shouldn’t feel bad for being with the right person. People also shouldn’t feel guilty for being transgender either, everyone needs to live their lives while being the person they were meant to be. And stop trying to “Cure” asexuals, they’re not broken! That’s just who they are 3. Disability discrimination. As an autistic person who needs many supports, I think it’s unfair that people like me can’t get help either because of financial difficulties or lack of urgency. Service dogs are needed by quite a few people but waiting lists as well as high costs ($25,000 or even more) can make things harder. Support in school is greatly needed, experienced/responsible educators are important! Also, just because a child or adult is disabled, it doesn’t mean they’re a “Waste of resources”. They’re people! People who have fun, people who care about others, people who could make you smile and even change the world! Overall, be respectful, kind, keep an open mind and heart🥰As always: Questions are welcome!

[gaymedievaldruid]

I think we need to seriously start thinking about what's going to happen next June. Unless a miracle happens, we're not going to be casually hated during pride like we will be for the rest of the year (queer marriages are looking to be dissolved, brands are already removing queer content creators from their pool of influencers, "visible queerness" gains more harassment than we have in YEARS). Next June we will be front and centre as people to target. And I think planning of some sort, protests, parades, or even just a co-ordinated boycot of some sort, will do wonders to our response to it. We will be safer if we have something, anything, in place. We will have numbers to blend into.

We better fight next Pride month, or we'll get one whether we like it or not.

[prototypesteve]

Advocacy & Chips

I was having lunch with a friend and his wife while visiting them in York, as part of my two week trip to England. We were talking about sights to see when I head back down to London, when out of nowhere they hit me with this big and brilliantly-subtle (they’re English) gesture of everyday advocacy: I might like to visit Brighton, it’s a quick train ride from London and, “it’s one of the first places people here started being openly out.”

I said I’ll definitely check it out!

I’m Canadian, and the three of us are all Generation X, so there were three or four hours worth of subtext about acceptance, advocacy, care, my gratitude and more packed into those two sentences. That eightfold fence they talk about in Shōgun on Disney+ has nothing on how Commonwealth Gen X people of mixed orientations bury subtext.

It doesn’t take a big TV family drama monologue. Just little things. I’ve been given pride pins by friends. I’ve given copies of Loveless to friends who’ve liked an Instagram Post and commended with something as simple as a purple heart or a line of poetry. Advocacy doesn’t have to be big. Most sincere gestures aren’t big. A nod. Using someone’s chosen name. Saying, “Hey… no.” when peers say something unsettling within hearing of someone who could be pushed away by those words. A travel tip.

Follow-Up: I’m going’s tickets booked for a Tuesday day-trip.

[ashleymilesphil]

HELLO LGBTQA+ FAMILY 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

I’m here again to reach out to you with a heartfelt plea for support. As we approach the festive season, life becomes even more challenging for our LGBTQ+ refugee community in East Africa. Food prices are skyrocketing, supplies are scarce, and we are facing starvation. Our GoFundMe campaign has raised $1,788 out of our $10,000 goal so far, but donations have slowed significantly, leaving us in urgent need.

We’re calling on all our kind supporters to help us keep going. Your contribution no matter the size can make a real difference in ensuring that our community has food and basic supplies to survive this season.

If you are unable to donate, please don’t feel pressured. You can still help us by sharing or reblogging this post, or by spreading the word about our fundraiser on other social media platforms. Every share helps increase our visibility and brings us closer to reaching the people who can help.

Thank you to everyone who has donated or supported us so far. Your generosity and love keep us hopeful. Let’s keep standing together in solidarity.

Support our campaign today and help us survive.❤️🙏

With gratitude,

A Queer Refugee Community Representative

[readingoals]

It's pride month so ofc I have to post about being aromantic lmao. Although I actually read this book last month - I'd had it on preorder since the beginning of the year. I'll put my review under the cut for length

Aro And Ace Journeys is, I think, a good entry into understanding the aromantic and asexual spectrums.

I've been identifying as aro for around 5 years now (and as ace-spec for like a few months) so a lot of what was in this book was not new information to me. But it was interesting. The section on history of ace and aro terms was especially interesting for me, and I really liked the way the books was sectioned into different phases of understanding and accepting an ace or aro identity. It made it feel very approachable, no matter what stage in their journey the reader is in.

Some of the latter sections that revolved around coming out and examining what sort of futures exist for ace and aro folks felt especially relevant to me since I have been identifying as aro and ace-spec for so long, but there were definitely other parts that were just very validating to read and really helped confirm some of my feelings about my identity. I did find parts a little repetitive but I think that's natural for a book trying to cover all the basics for anyone starting at the very beginning.

It does go into some discussion about how an ace or aro identity might intersect with other queer identities, race, religion, etc. I think there was some really valuable points made but a lot of those discussions were fairly brief due to the nature of the book. So if more detailed discussions about that sort of thing is what you're looking for, this may not be the book for you.

Otherwise, I'd definitely recommend it. Especially to anyone who is questioning if they might be aro and ace-spec, or for allo folks who just want to learn a little more. People more familiar with the aro and/or ace communities may not get as much out of it but I don't think the experience of reading about people with similar experiences can be underestimated. Especially with lesser known/talked about identities like those on the ace and aro spectrums. It's just really nice to see physical confirmation that you aren't alone. There is also a very thorough glossary at the back, further resources like links to useful websites and other books (both fiction and non-fiction), as well as a couple of amusing 'coming out bingo cards' which defs gave me a good chuckle.

I have another book on pre-order which is specifically about being aromantic. It's due to be released at the end of July so look out for my review of it in a couple of months lmao. I'd curious to see how it will compare with this one.

[sorryiwasasleep]

Happy Pride and a reminder that the first Pride was a riot 🌈🏳️‍🌈

[themagicfolf]

Hello to all LGBTQIA2s+ people in the US, I'm looking for life experiences and perspectives from recent years

Hello, I am Stella an 18-year-old trans woman from Illinois. I am looking at the experiences of other queer people in recent years. I am cataloging stories, perspectives, and events in a paper I am working on titled "Being Queer in the U.S and How it Affects Daily Life in the Modern Age"

Sample

My goal with this paper is to 'with my limited reach' help others understand what it's like to be, well, queer in the US. Feel free to share

Parents, spouses, partners, and families of queer people are welcome to share as well. Means of Submission Comments Reblog DMs TheMagicFolf@AOL.com Survey https://forms.gle/rxqUp4ViPsShqeeD6 If you are comfortable provide the following State/US Territory/District Sexuality Gender Pronouns

You will remain anonymous as not even your username will be shared.

By replying to this post you give me express permission to use your reply in my paper