#aromantic perspective

[rantceratops]

I don’t like feeling so attached to a ship that it feels like my enjoyment of the show is deeply and intrinsically tied to that ship. It sucks. It narrows my field of view for all the amazing character dynamics and makes me feel like media is nothing without shipping. Like there’s no depth or fun to be had outside of romance. I generally feel that way sometimes and I hate it.

It’s like my brain thinks “Well, if I don’t write a romance fic, what is there really to write about? What will people even like about it if it’s not romance centered/heavy?”

I have spent my entire life of fandom nerdage being so obsessed with ships and romance that I can’t say for sure I’ve ever honestly written more than a drabble that was non ship or romance related. 98% of my art gallery is ships. And I personally feel saddened by this, putting it into perspective.

I’m not saying that I think it’s bad to ship, or that I should just never let myself enjoy couples in media. It’s okay to find joy in romantic narrative, however, if it’s at a point where I’m seriously asking myself the above questions and wondering if I would even still love YJ s1 so much if Wally and Artemis weren’t a thing… that’s really bad, imo.

Artemis and Wally are not my favorite characters because they are a ship. They’re my favorite characters because I enjoy them themselves first and foremost. I loved YJ before Artemis was even introduced, so it stands to reason I love the show beyond a romantic pair. I love superhero shows for the powers, the characters, the fights, the superhero drama, the fams(Batfam, flashfam, etc). I loved Teen Titans because I loved Beast Boy, and I loved the team dynamic, the silliness, the fights, the pseudo anime style, the tone. I enjoyed Terra/Beast Boy and Starfire/Robin, and it was a big “Finally!” when the latter got together, but I never ever felt my happiness or enjoyment of the show hinged on those pairings, even though the former ending sadly did break my lil heart.

I love Young Justice because I love the tone, the setting, the characters, the dynamics, powers, the over-arching plot. I enjoyed the covert ops style of the Team and found it a refreshing take on the superhero cartoon genre. I love how grounded the series is while still being wild and fun. I loved getting to see the Team as normal teenagers that happened to have very grand extracurriculars. I loved the animation and character designs.

Artemis is my favorite. I love her because she has such a great design. She’s cool, she looks cool. She’s snarky and kind of jaded, she takes no shit, she knows what she’s about and what she wants, and no one, not even Batman, is going to stop her. She’s a tough girl, she’s insecure and hides it with confidence she might not always feel. She’s one of a kind, she’s the white sheep of her family. I love her back story. Despite everything, she is who she wants to be, she never lost sight of that. I love her relationship with Jade, how she loves her sister despite being on opposite sides and Jade ditching her. She’s passionate and observant and smart and badass and she wants to love and be loved. That’s why Artemis Crock is my favorite. Not because she’s with Wally. And even though I enjoy her dynamic with Wally, Artemis would still be Artemis with or without him. Neither character is a half of a whole, they’re perfectly whole alone and just happen to work well together.

I just don’t like feeling so beholden to shipping, to the point it’s all I engage in and it feels like if the couple ends I’m just gonna fucking lose all interest. Blech. It’s something I want to get away from.

[rainydipandpip]

just wanted to talk about some of the tropes i'm an absolute slut for so here goes:

anything involving gestures of affection and i mean anything, we're really using broad strokes here. i'm talking hand holding, i'm talking hugs, i'm talking goddamn knowing each other so well that they've just incorporated things into their routines. tending each other's injuries (big sucker on this one especially if it's major injuries and they start getting mushy about how they don't want to lose the other). they could literally be sitting silently in a room but god forbid they look at each other with even just a fraction of fondness and goddamn am i down bad.

hurt/comfort. and angst. but please have a happy ending. unless i'm feeling edgy then we can have unresolved angst. but most of the time angst with a happy ending because going through the angst makes the happy ending all the more sweeter.

anytime they confess something to the other. it doesn't even have to be abt liking the other person, it can literally be any tender moment where they share a conversation anf the world is just them.

and of course fluff. tooth rotting, coma inducing fluff. they just talk about life and cuddle. what more does anybody need?

(side note, but i'm just now realizing that a lot of the tropes i like can also be construed in a platonic way or a queerplatonic way rather than just a straight up romantic way and maybe that's why i like these so much as an aromantic person)

[originallyjustolookatmemes]

i find this really interesting as someone who is aromantic, and a bit opposed/disinterested in what society claims is friendship. (i wouldn't claim the Aplatonic label for myself though)

My definition of friendship is someone you would drive 40+ minutes for to make sure they hadn't killed or wont kill themselves, people who you had fought tooth and nail to stay in contact with when your parents blocked them and then that friend fought just as hard to stay in contact too. Etc. (These are just personal examples, but it boils down to people who will fight for you and are loyal to you, and you would do the same.)

ANYWAY

This description fits in the sense of how i know i care for a person. Be it a "selfish" care because its my routine to send the person rambles about my writing, or wanting the person to be happy and getting pissed at whatever is ruining that for them. I would be very unstable without human interaction, and especially if torn from contact with my bestie (i will bust your kneecaps if you judge me for using that to refer to them). Bestie is a part of my life's routine, i always text them anything new i make and ramble about it. i wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for them.

As a whole i say "fuck you" to the word Love, because of its societal connotations, but i like this definition of it.

I asked a friend who is a sociopath (diagnosed with ASPD, he refers to himself as a sociopath which is why I’m calling him that) what love feels like to him and how he knows when he loves someone.

I loved his answer. He said “Routine. If they are a part of my routine and feel familiar and comfortable and I would feel like something is missing if they weren’t there, then I think I love them.”

I have bpd with ASPD traits and I think his answer was so cute. I think that is what love is like for me too but I’ve never heard it so succinctly explained, perfect summarization.

[happilychee]

hi I adore aromantic and asexual and aspec ppl we are amazing and we make the world go round and also we write the best fics

[allastoredeer]

Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.

First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.

Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.

The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"

Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.

It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.

And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.

Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???

Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.

Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)

Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!

Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"

Do you not see how frustrating that is?

Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.

How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!

It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.

And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.

So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"

That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.

Thanks for reading.

[kausijuoppo]

Bitches

[fandomsoda]

Deromanticize holding hands, deromanticize kissing, deromanticize intimacy, deromanticize long-term relationships, deromanticize love.

Normalize platonic intimacy and queerplatonicism. Please.

[feenixmork]

New year, same blorbos

[moogleroom]

As an aspec person who did eventually "find the right person" it didn't suddenly erase my aro-aceness like so many aphobes believe. Being in a happy, loving relationship & feeling genuine sexual attraction for the first time in my life has done nothing to change how I feel alienated from the majority of the world, the panic spirals about not being "allo enough", the constant confusion at how love & sex focused allos can be. If anything, having a proper basis for romantic & sexual attraction has made me MORE aspec, not less. I finally feel confident in actually using these labels for myself. Aromantism & Asexuality aren't something that can be """fixed""". It'll always part of a person even if they don't seem it from the outside.

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm convinced allos pretend they enjoy romance & sex more than they actually do bcs the amt some of y'all joke & talk abt it is literally unreal. how is that stuff on ur mind THAT often. it feels physically impossible ??? do y'all just say stuff to get along w the other allos orrrr

[aro-enigma]

It's rly annoying seeing people try to describe QPRs in a detailed way that will make sense to everyone. Like, I'll see people explain it as this intense commitment and I'll even see people say that it's prioritized over all other relationships (and that totally may be true for some and that's totally fine!!)

BUT THAT JUST ISN'T TRUE FOR EVERY PERSON'S VIEW OF A QPR. A queer-platonic relationship can be a deeply personal and different thing from individual to individual

As an aromantic with no connection to romantic attraction whatsoever a QPR is just any relationship that is outside of what is considered societally "normal". Ffs, I'd consider a noncommittal friends with benefits relationship to be a qpr for me.

Also, the whole idea of a specific relationship label making that relationship take priority just feels like repackaged amatonormativity. How about we not put relationships on a generic societal pedestal maybe? Each individual will decide for themselves what is most emotionally important to them and I think trying to explain QPRs to people as if they're romance-lite isn't the best way to go about it.

I truly think that pushing "you don't have to understand something to respect it" is soo much more important and useful for our community than making people understand every aspect of an identity

[pulsar-ray]

"aro &/or ace people never shut up!!!" Yeah if i wasn't believed to be real or valid or important by the community i'm supposed to be a part of i wouldn't shut up either ??

[read-write-thrive]

platonic and romantic are not some sort of binary that relationships have to be divided into. they’re not even two ends of a linear spectrum. they’re fully just abstract concepts made up of culturally-dependant social behaviour and expectations that are continually forced upon people to reinforce religious, legal, and broader societal/cultural norms, often and repeatedly to the detriment of non-normative groups including, but not limited to, the queer community. and I am sick and tired of those norms being replicated in fucking fandom discourse, of all places

[tempestmothstorm]

Being aroace and liking a character design that everyone simps for is so funny sometimes. You like that guy because you think they’re hot. I like that guy because I think their character design is appealing and conveys their personality well. We are not the same.

[0ccasional-thoughts]

'local' aroace guy finds out that ge doesnt like recieving physical touch unless he initiates it

meanwhile 'local' autistic guy finds out that more than two displays of physical touch from another human is too overwhelming for an entire week

each man looks into the mirror beside them and realize they are the same person (me)

[wickmitz]

any thoughts/opinions on vikdecai?

i don’t believe i have any complex thoughts that haven’t already been said by the community at large! mostly my opinions just correlate to a very fond i like them, since mordecai kneecapping viktor in order to save himself from having to hurt him later is really one of the first things that humanizes his character. makes you realize he’s not nearly as cold or practical as he tries leading you to believe -- a front that unravels further given his atlas obsession. and i like that! my favorite thing about mordecai is his subtle longing for the lackadaisy crew, how much he doesn’t wish to hurt them, and how venomously he loathes his current life … what he’s doing now isn’t what he wants to currently be doing, but merely what must be done for his goal, one which is already layered in lackadaisy sentiment. so his bond with viktor is important to me, given how much it highlights this inner struggle and earnest truth within his character. but then again, this can also be applied to mordecai’s relationship with mitzi, atlas, and ivy, so let me discuss them in a more romantic sense. which i’m sure is what this question is trying to get at!

romantically, i view mordecai and viktor’s dynamic as … favorable? it’s entirely plausible there were feelings there, an intimacy only they shared as men inside atlas’ arsenal, people who were entirely knowledgeable of the lackadaisy’s nasty underbelly. it’s their slaughter of people deserving and of many, many innocents that help their boss’s speakeasy run, and this violence ( this constant watching one another’s back ) would only breed closeness in spite of the horror it’s built on. and, of course, they have core things in common outside of their job and efficiency for bloodsport! like their love for family, their devotion towards those who matter most, and how out of place they equally feel on this soil - - in this world and era, where everything feels like it’s out to get them in some way or another. their ability to connect beyond their surface level traits and quirks ( mordecai and viktor are very much opposites on their surface, and they have a habit of bickering about these differences, albeit lightheartedly ) demonstrates the profoundness of what they have and what they’d do to protect it. they care for one another in little gestures, insignificant to most but in a way that truly matters to them … as they can see the genuineness in it, since they’re putting themselves into the careful actions and aren’t just doing things for politeness sake. for example, mordecai tries adorning them in matching cloth so they’re two equal halves, symmetrical, and then we have viktor who pocketed mordecai’s glasses to give him later when they were done with their mission. i like to imagine there are more things like this in their relationship! stuff that isn’t as severe as life or death, like saving your friend’s skin by a mere inch or dragging each other to a finish line every day. any of atlas’ men can offer that. it’s the extra things, done out of agency and personal desire, that bring them closer than any other regular joe on atlas’ payroll. it’s rather clear that they were close canonically, and that viktor was perhaps mordecai’s closest friend in a way that atlas could never be due to the pedestal he was constantly put upon. and while we have less insight on viktor’s feelings, i’d imagine the betrayal has never, and will never, fully heal. it is not a wound he can easily patch up, and it isn’t something one could just forget either. how can you dismiss someone who used to be your hands and eyes and ears? when you two functioned as another man’s extra body in your entirety? you may as well have shared a mind when out on the field, and that’s a closeness and a trust which is hard to lose. viktor hardly lets anyone in as is, just as anti social as his spectacles wearing companion, so to lose that in such a violent was is an unspeakable pain he bears, i’m sure. mordecai took whatever remained of his life from him with that shot. he’s permanently robbed viktor the ability to defend the last few hairs he cares to protect. his purpose is now up in the air. and all this anguish from someone he completely and utterly believed in … there is a lot of hurt, is what i’m saying. a hurt that’s too deep and life altering for it not to be supremely personal too. it’s deep and festering and viktor ignores it, and mordecai ignores it, mostly, but sometimes his paw strays near his wound and he itches at it, and it reopens the ache all over again. there is metaphor to be found there! an abandonment and a departure that leaves you bloodied from maiming or being maimed. it is very easily a multi-layered sentiment!

however, i could still take this or leave it romantically, hence my earlier statement of favorabe rather than unabashed gushing and swooning. this is a ship i like, but i don’t read mordecai as crushing on viktor per se? i’ve always viewed his extreme relationship with atlas as puppy love that’s half bred from devotion, something not entirely genuine but also still genuine enough, which makes for a nice parallel between that and rocky’s bond with mitzi. his rivalry with atlas’ wife and his oddities such as wearing his boss’s shirts read as girlish crush behavior, typical things one does when believing themselves enamored, you know? naturally his views and feelings for atlas aren’t quite that simple nor easy to parse, and i’m not trying to simplify them in any way! i just believe he had a torch for atlas, and thus didn’t carry another for anyone else, at least not as intensely. whatever feelings he might have for someone would always be second to atlas, who was his very reason for living and breathing every day, who was his answer and justification and eventually? his obsession. in many ways i think mordecai was too wrapped up in atlas to properly develop feelings for viktor, even if there were inklings of something inside of him. ironically, the term something is what i love using when thinking about him with viktor or mitzi. mordecai is something with those two, he feels something, an unlabeled sort of thing he can’t really reach -- perhaps he doesn’t even want to, scared of what it might mean, what it could say. and it is different somethings! they are not the same feeling, what he feels towards those two, but it’s not fully known to him in the way that his feelings towards atlas was. it is not as clear! especially now, with things as awful as they are and with mordecai so full of turmoil he’s forcing himself to not share. he also has an intense aversion to emotions, obviously, which doesn’t help matters lol. this man could find some of the closure he’s so desperately seeking if he took more than a glance inside of himself, but then he wouldn’t be apart of this tragic tale, now would he?

still, in a better world where the lackadaisy’s gaggle of traumatized characters are allowed healing without any casualties or major losses, then i’d enjoy seeing a viktor and mordecai slowburn. where they decide to remain steadfast by each other’s side like once upon a time before, and they deal with life as a unit. maybe when given the space for it, mordecai’s affection can finally cement into real love for viktor -- the romantic kind, something sappy and disarming and maddening all at once. maybe viktor will allow such indulgences, finally able to touch upon his heart again and use it in a way that he hasn’t gotten to in a couple ages. or maybe he won’t share the specific feelings that mordecai possesses for him, but he’ll enjoy creating an entirely new thing that’s only for them : he can compromise and he can bend if mordecai is willing to bend just the same. they certainly wouldn’t be your typical couple, their emotions too stunted for regular dates or typical pda, but there’s something more special and intimate to them carving out their own space, and thus having their own secret world. a mix of platonic and romantic affections, a healthy dose of selfishness and desire they couldn’t ever have before but now can hoard so entirely, in small bearable doses. and there will always be some things they both won’t ever be able to shake ( mordecai disabling viktor, atlas, viktor’s daughter, etc ), although they could manage these aches and guilt better together, which is the exact sort of happy ending i’d want for them. if i may be so indulgent myself haha ( <- person who knows lackadaisy’s ending will be mostly dark and tragic but likes playing around with hopeful scenarios and what-if’s regardless! )