#aromantic perspective

[rantceratops]

I don’t like feeling so attached to a ship that it feels like my enjoyment of the show is deeply and intrinsically tied to that ship. It sucks. It narrows my field of view for all the amazing character dynamics and makes me feel like media is nothing without shipping. Like there’s no depth or fun to be had outside of romance. I generally feel that way sometimes and I hate it.

It’s like my brain thinks “Well, if I don’t write a romance fic, what is there really to write about? What will people even like about it if it’s not romance centered/heavy?”

I have spent my entire life of fandom nerdage being so obsessed with ships and romance that I can’t say for sure I’ve ever honestly written more than a drabble that was non ship or romance related. 98% of my art gallery is ships. And I personally feel saddened by this, putting it into perspective.

I’m not saying that I think it’s bad to ship, or that I should just never let myself enjoy couples in media. It’s okay to find joy in romantic narrative, however, if it’s at a point where I’m seriously asking myself the above questions and wondering if I would even still love YJ s1 so much if Wally and Artemis weren’t a thing… that’s really bad, imo.

Artemis and Wally are not my favorite characters because they are a ship. They’re my favorite characters because I enjoy them themselves first and foremost. I loved YJ before Artemis was even introduced, so it stands to reason I love the show beyond a romantic pair. I love superhero shows for the powers, the characters, the fights, the superhero drama, the fams(Batfam, flashfam, etc). I loved Teen Titans because I loved Beast Boy, and I loved the team dynamic, the silliness, the fights, the pseudo anime style, the tone. I enjoyed Terra/Beast Boy and Starfire/Robin, and it was a big “Finally!” when the latter got together, but I never ever felt my happiness or enjoyment of the show hinged on those pairings, even though the former ending sadly did break my lil heart.

I love Young Justice because I love the tone, the setting, the characters, the dynamics, powers, the over-arching plot. I enjoyed the covert ops style of the Team and found it a refreshing take on the superhero cartoon genre. I love how grounded the series is while still being wild and fun. I loved getting to see the Team as normal teenagers that happened to have very grand extracurriculars. I loved the animation and character designs.

Artemis is my favorite. I love her because she has such a great design. She’s cool, she looks cool. She’s snarky and kind of jaded, she takes no shit, she knows what she’s about and what she wants, and no one, not even Batman, is going to stop her. She’s a tough girl, she’s insecure and hides it with confidence she might not always feel. She’s one of a kind, she’s the white sheep of her family. I love her back story. Despite everything, she is who she wants to be, she never lost sight of that. I love her relationship with Jade, how she loves her sister despite being on opposite sides and Jade ditching her. She’s passionate and observant and smart and badass and she wants to love and be loved. That’s why Artemis Crock is my favorite. Not because she’s with Wally. And even though I enjoy her dynamic with Wally, Artemis would still be Artemis with or without him. Neither character is a half of a whole, they’re perfectly whole alone and just happen to work well together.

I just don’t like feeling so beholden to shipping, to the point it’s all I engage in and it feels like if the couple ends I’m just gonna fucking lose all interest. Blech. It’s something I want to get away from.

[rainydipandpip]

just wanted to talk about some of the tropes i'm an absolute slut for so here goes:

anything involving gestures of affection and i mean anything, we're really using broad strokes here. i'm talking hand holding, i'm talking hugs, i'm talking goddamn knowing each other so well that they've just incorporated things into their routines. tending each other's injuries (big sucker on this one especially if it's major injuries and they start getting mushy about how they don't want to lose the other). they could literally be sitting silently in a room but god forbid they look at each other with even just a fraction of fondness and goddamn am i down bad.

hurt/comfort. and angst. but please have a happy ending. unless i'm feeling edgy then we can have unresolved angst. but most of the time angst with a happy ending because going through the angst makes the happy ending all the more sweeter.

anytime they confess something to the other. it doesn't even have to be abt liking the other person, it can literally be any tender moment where they share a conversation anf the world is just them.

and of course fluff. tooth rotting, coma inducing fluff. they just talk about life and cuddle. what more does anybody need?

(side note, but i'm just now realizing that a lot of the tropes i like can also be construed in a platonic way or a queerplatonic way rather than just a straight up romantic way and maybe that's why i like these so much as an aromantic person)

[originallyjustolookatmemes]

i find this really interesting as someone who is aromantic, and a bit opposed/disinterested in what society claims is friendship. (i wouldn't claim the Aplatonic label for myself though)

My definition of friendship is someone you would drive 40+ minutes for to make sure they hadn't killed or wont kill themselves, people who you had fought tooth and nail to stay in contact with when your parents blocked them and then that friend fought just as hard to stay in contact too. Etc. (These are just personal examples, but it boils down to people who will fight for you and are loyal to you, and you would do the same.)

ANYWAY

This description fits in the sense of how i know i care for a person. Be it a "selfish" care because its my routine to send the person rambles about my writing, or wanting the person to be happy and getting pissed at whatever is ruining that for them. I would be very unstable without human interaction, and especially if torn from contact with my bestie (i will bust your kneecaps if you judge me for using that to refer to them). Bestie is a part of my life's routine, i always text them anything new i make and ramble about it. i wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for them.

As a whole i say "fuck you" to the word Love, because of its societal connotations, but i like this definition of it.

I asked a friend who is a sociopath (diagnosed with ASPD, he refers to himself as a sociopath which is why I’m calling him that) what love feels like to him and how he knows when he loves someone.

I loved his answer. He said “Routine. If they are a part of my routine and feel familiar and comfortable and I would feel like something is missing if they weren’t there, then I think I love them.”

I have bpd with ASPD traits and I think his answer was so cute. I think that is what love is like for me too but I’ve never heard it so succinctly explained, perfect summarization.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Okay 3 things

1. I was thinking about an aroace Sonic who says things that can be taken as wildly flirty/romantic but he just means them genuinely. “You have beautiful eyes, I keep getting distracted while looking at them,” not cause he’s interested romantically in them but because eyes can be really cool and pretty man I dunno what to tell you he likes looking at cool things and he thinks his friends are neat. “You’re the most beautiful person here,” because he really thinks that, he loves his friends

2. Sonic randomly dropping heartfelt genuine comments on his friends out of the blue completely blindsiding them and then moves on like nothing happened while they’re left going ?????? Bonus points if he does something immensely stupid or jerkish just before or immediately afterwards and they can’t tell if he was serious or not with the compliment (yes he was)

3. Sonic usually being so allergic to truly vulnerable moments that when he expresses something heartfelt randomly Tails thinks he’s been stabbed or something and does not believe him when he reassures him that he’s fine he’s fine he’s not dying yeesh

[happilychee]

hi I adore aromantic and asexual and aspec ppl we are amazing and we make the world go round and also we write the best fics

[allastoredeer]

Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.

First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.

Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.

The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"

Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.

It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.

And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.

Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???

Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.

Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)

Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!

Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"

Do you not see how frustrating that is?

Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.

How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!

It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.

And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.

So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"

That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.

Thanks for reading.

[kausijuoppo]

Bitches

[read-write-thrive]

platonic and romantic are not some sort of binary that relationships have to be divided into. they’re not even two ends of a linear spectrum. they’re fully just abstract concepts made up of culturally-dependant social behaviour and expectations that are continually forced upon people to reinforce religious, legal, and broader societal/cultural norms, often and repeatedly to the detriment of non-normative groups including, but not limited to, the queer community. and I am sick and tired of those norms being replicated in fucking fandom discourse, of all places

[feenixmork]

New year, same blorbos

[neurodivergentdingo]

Here's a little explanation of queerplatonicrelationships(QPR)

How does a QPR differ from a friendship? Well, a QPR can be very similar to a friendship! While a normal friendship may include "I love you"'s and a strong love platonic towardsome and other, they usually don't include a deep desire to spend the rest of your life with said person, sometimes longing for marriage, to go on dates, and be in a committed relationship with said person.

Usually people see those things attached to romance, but they aren't always associated with that. QPR are common amongst aromantic folks, due to the lack of the romantic and sometimes sexual feelings too. Some QPR do include sexual activities but just lack the romantic aspect of the relationship.

Queerplatonic can be defined in many different ways because it can be used as an umbrella term for relationships that don't fit the mold or friend๋࣭ship or a romantic relationship. There is no "right way" of having a QPR! it's different for every individual. Some people may have a queerplatonic relationships that is a serious monogamous commitment, and others may have multiple queerplatonic partners (QPP) like a romantically oriented polyamourus person does. Some individuals may have their committed QPR, as well as a romantic relationship at the same time, with the consent of both parties of course.

Overall, it's a beautiful thing. Help decolonize relationships standards :)

I hope this is helpful!

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm convinced allos pretend they enjoy romance & sex more than they actually do bcs the amt some of y'all joke & talk abt it is literally unreal. how is that stuff on ur mind THAT often. it feels physically impossible ??? do y'all just say stuff to get along w the other allos orrrr

[aro-enigma]

It's rly annoying seeing people try to describe QPRs in a detailed way that will make sense to everyone. Like, I'll see people explain it as this intense commitment and I'll even see people say that it's prioritized over all other relationships (and that totally may be true for some and that's totally fine!!)

BUT THAT JUST ISN'T TRUE FOR EVERY PERSON'S VIEW OF A QPR. A queer-platonic relationship can be a deeply personal and different thing from individual to individual

As an aromantic with no connection to romantic attraction whatsoever a QPR is just any relationship that is outside of what is considered societally "normal". Ffs, I'd consider a noncommittal friends with benefits relationship to be a qpr for me.

Also, the whole idea of a specific relationship label making that relationship take priority just feels like repackaged amatonormativity. How about we not put relationships on a generic societal pedestal maybe? Each individual will decide for themselves what is most emotionally important to them and I think trying to explain QPRs to people as if they're romance-lite isn't the best way to go about it.

I truly think that pushing "you don't have to understand something to respect it" is soo much more important and useful for our community than making people understand every aspect of an identity

[dead-inside-demiboy]

Okay, in kinda a reference to my last post on the topic, I am curious about the experience of other aces, since I dont know many sex positive ace-specs irl.

[giganotus]

Any other aros and/or aces occasionally get a weirdly sexual and/or romantically charged dream and you wake up like "?????????? the fuck was that????"

[tempestmothstorm]

Being aroace and liking a character design that everyone simps for is so funny sometimes. You like that guy because you think they’re hot. I like that guy because I think their character design is appealing and conveys their personality well. We are not the same.

[0ccasional-thoughts]

'local' aroace guy finds out that ge doesnt like recieving physical touch unless he initiates it

meanwhile 'local' autistic guy finds out that more than two displays of physical touch from another human is too overwhelming for an entire week

each man looks into the mirror beside them and realize they are the same person (me)