#aromantic awareness day 2023

[tousakamis]

i wrote a poem for the first arranged aromantic visibility day, 5th of june 2023:

it may be a little clunky or difficult to read without the author’s notes (under the read more), since i’m pretty new to writing poetry as a whole, but i hope my thoughts carried through :-)

[twitwir]

HAPPY AROMANTIC VISIBILITY DAY!!

[aroaessidhe]

Aromantic Adult Books - High Fantasy (mostly)

ARO WEEK 2023

KAIKEYI /  historical fantasy/retelling / aroace MC

MOONSHINE /  1920s-ish fantasy / major side character who has some POV is aro bi

THE LANGUAGE OF ROSES / fantasy novella / aro MC

AN ACCIDENT OF STARS  /  upper YA/adult portal fantasy / secondary MC is a polyam married aro woman

A DAY OF FALLEN NIGHT  / high fantasy / apparently one of the MCs is aroace, haven’t read it yet!

CITY OF STRIFE/ISANDOR SERIES / high fantasy / last cast includes multiple aroaces, demiros & greyros

THE WOLF AMONG THE WILD HUNT  / fantasy novella / centres a QPR between and aroace & enby

THE ORACLE STONE / NA high fantasy / one of the three MCs is aro pan

THE BRUISING OF QILWA / fantasy novella / MC is aroace

*as a note, some of these only briefly explore aromanticism, and/or explore the ace part of the aroace character more. If you want more details on how much things are explored, see my database!

[askanaroace]

Ask An Aro Ace ASAW Day 2: Being a Non-Favorable Aromantic

Today is another day where I kinda talk about something that's treated as different within and without the community. Today I want to talk about being romance-indifferent or romance-averse or romance-repulsed.

A quick primer for those who might need:

Romance-favorable: generally likes and is open to romance.

Romance-indifferent: generally unbothered by and doesn't think about romance. Doesn't really want it but isn't strongly turned away from it.

Romance-averse: generally uninterested in romance but not especially upset or uncomfortable with it.

Romance-repulsed: generally experiencing discomfort and upset surrounding romance.

This may be in the realm of romantic content to personal outlook on romance and the desire or lack thereof to be in a romantic relationship. And not everyone has to use these or may even feel the scale is useful to them, for example because someone might be favorable to romantic media but repulsed by the idea of personally participating in romance or their feelings may fluctuate over time and be different at different times.

I would say I fall along the lines of being romance-indifferent. In the past, I have been touch-repulsed and sex-repulsed (and now probably lay somewhere along indifferent to averse), so I have general experience with how intense and upsetting repulsion can be and how it can impact your life, though I can't speak specifically to romance-repulsion.

What I want to talk about is the extremely different perspective that comes out about romance depending on if you're looking at things from within or without the community.

When your general allo hears about aromanticism, they are most likely to assume someone completely uninterested in romance and potentially even repulsed by it. You may get gross comments about being picky or immature or afraid of commitment and have it said or implied that the "right person" will "fix" you (as if romance-favorable aros aren't still aro!). Dehumanization is especially common with aros with claims of "love is what makes us human".

But within the community, this treatment by allos has led to a sense of shame surrounding aversion and repulsion, as well as aplatonicism, heartlessness, and lovelessness. There is a tendency to try and defend aros from such judgements by using amatonormative claims like "aros can still want to date!" and "aros can love in other ways!" which leaves out aros for whom these statements aren't true and sets up the prospect that the only acceptable way to be aromantic is to be romance-favorable and partnering (whether that be a romantic or queerplatonic or platonic partnership).

I know very well that romance-favorable aros face their own struggles and often feel invalid and fake due to their favorability. That's a real and valid feeling and struggle. But truth is that I see a lot of validation, positivity, and encouragement for favorability.

And if you run in the right circles, you'll see that same energy given towards indifference, aversion, and repulsion. But overall, it can be very difficult to talk about being repulsed in particular. People treat you like your discomfort is difficult to accommodate, like your feelings are a burden to them. And it's an especially terrible burden for a repulsed person to have to carry because we're the ones dealing with literal repulsion over these subjects. Accommodating us takes a little conscious, thought yes, but when I was repulsed, that could manifest as:

Being unable to stomach watching certain shows/movies

Getting very easily embarrassed and flustered and uncomfortable with such material

An actual, physical sensation of freezing up and my body shutting down

Dissociation

Involuntary flinching

Anxiety and fear over having to face certain situations

People can also experience things like nausea, dysphoria, depression, etc.

I get that accommodating us does take some mindfulness and effort, but I promise that it is easier on you than it is on the repulsed person to go through the above.

And acceptance for this definitely has improved over time. But making room for non-favorable folk means more than us being an after-thought. It means including these experiences in your definition of aromanticism. It means updating your content warnings. It means changing the way we defend our identity.

Humans are defined based off of general biology and society building defined by traits like bipedalism, language, tool-making, foresight, and opposable thumbs. Nothing at all to do with love, which is something we can observe throughout the animal kingdom. All aros are humans because that's the scientific classification we're born into. You don't need love to be compassionate or kind towards other people. Every living creature is worthy of basic respect. Aromanticism doesn't harm people (anti-aro bias and amatonormativity do). Whatever our feelings, those deserve to be respected and considered.

By breaking down these barriers and stereotypes, we help everyone. Because there's a lot of different ways to feel and live, and we deserve to get to explore those options.

[idmnbc]

Última actualización sobre el proyecto / Last update about the project (15/sep/24) 🦀 ¡KOISENU FUTARI CON SUBTÍTULOS EN ESPAÑOL E INGLÉS! / KOISENU FUTARI WITH SUBS IN SPANISH AND ENGLISH 🦀

ESP: Holaaaaa! Es febrero, lo que significa que lamentablemente hasta el 14 de este mes seremos bombardeadxs por el horrible capitalismo con el “Día de los enamorados/San Valentín/Día del amor y la amistad”. Yey! Y obviamente como personas afuera de la norma en estos ámbitos, desde los países del norte se celebra la Semana de la Concientización del Espectro Arromántico! O el bien llamado Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week aka ASAW ✨ Es por eso que deseo compartir mi pequeño aporte al subir en una carpeta de Google Drive los subtítulos en español de la increíble, fantástica y hermosa serie japonesa Koisenu Futari! Esta mini serie tiene un espacio muy especial en mi corazón y cuando terminé de verla, solo quería compartirla con todo el mundo porque realmente creo que todxs deberían verla por lo menos una vez en su vida!! Sin embargo, algo que sucedía en el camino era que muchs amix se tropezaban con la barrera del inglés. Es por eso que me he tomado la tarea de traducir los subtítulos ya existentes gracias al increíble trabajo hecho por Kaizen Subs el año pasado. Si bien para la fecha (5/Feb) aún no los he terminado por falta de tiempo, espero tomar esta publicación como inspiración e ir subiendo aunque sea un archivo por semana.

Este es el link de la carpeta en Google Drive donde están ordenados los capítulos completos, los subtítulos en inglés creados por Kaizen Subs y los subtítulos en español que iré subiendo: ABRIR AQUÍ.

Por otro lado, quisiera agregar que he hecho mi mejor esfuerzo en algunas frases o traducciones. El inglés no es mi primera lengua evidentemente y he tomado esta iniciativa de puro cariño por la serie y mis amix, a pesar de no tener experiencia en el ámbito. Creo en el gran poder de Koisenu Futari para acompañar a las personas que estamos dentro de los espectros arromántico y asexual, como también toda persona que rompa con las normativas sociales y quieran aprender que otras formas de existir son posibles y están bien. ¡La representación/visibilidad siempre será importante!

Eso es todo por el momento, gracias por leer y que disfruten la serie! 🌈

ENG: Helloooooo! It’s February, which means that unfortunately until the 14th of this month, we will be filled by the hideous capitalism with the “Valentine’s Day” celebration. Yey! And obviously as people outside the norm in these areas, from the northern countries is celebrated the Awareness Week of the Aromantic Spectrum aka ASAW ✨ That’s why I want to share my little contribution by uploading to a Google Drive folder the Spanish subtitles of the incredible, fantastic and beautiful Japanese series Koisenu Futari! This limited series has a very special place in my heart and when I finished it I just wanted to share it with the whole world because I really think everyone should watch it at least once in their life!! However something that happened along the way was that many friends ran into the English barrier. That's why I've taken the trouble to translate the already existing subtitles thanks to the incredible work done by Kaizen Subs last year. Although to date (Feb/5) I have not finished them yet due to lack of time, I hope to take this post as inspiration and upload at least one file per week.

This is the link of the folder in Google Drive where the complete chapters are arranged, the English subtitles created by Kaizen Subs and the Spanish subtitles that I will upload: CLICK HERE.

On the other hand, I would like to add that I have done my best in some sentences or translations. English is obviously not my first language and I have taken this initiative out of pure affection for the series and my friends; despite having no experience in the field. I believe in the great power of Koisenu Futari to accompany people who are within the aromantic and asexual spectrum, as well as anyone who breaks with social norms and wants to learn that other ways of existing are possible and okay. Representation will always matter!

That's all for now, thanks for reading and enjoy the series! 🌈

[mommabird1772]

Happy Witchcore Samantha Wednesday!

For those of you who are new here, this orginally stemmed from my obsession with Sam Winchester and Sastiel in the Supernatural fandom, and in an attempt to provide Sam a better life, I created an AU with a transgender MtF witchcore Samantha, a genderfluid cottagecore beekeeper/gardener Castiel, and non-binary toddler Jack Kline.

New audiences call for a slight change in direction, and while Samantha, Cas, Jack, and I are still available to answer questions about the family, Witchcore Samantha Wednesdays will now be focusing on making moodboards that fit the cottagecore and witchcore vibe. Suggestions and prompts are always welcome, just shoot me an ask or a DM!

Today's moodboard is a more gothic and macabre take on the tradition of valentine's day. No matter how you celebrate, with friends, family, significant others or time to yourself, I hope you had a special February 14th. Next week we will be talking about Aromanticism, as Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week is Februray 19th-25th. Send me an ask if you'd like to be tagged or have suggestions for that!

I am extremely serious about needing suggestions in order to continue providing quality content, whether it be anonymous one word prompts, or elaborate collaborative pieces sent through asks

*As with the rest of my moodboards, none of these pictures are my own, and I claim no credit for any art or design used, only for the concept created*

Tagging: @cordellwinchesterwalker @willgrahamscat @fandom-hoarder @twobrothersoneheart @oh-no-its-danger-gays @flynn-thebin @winchesterestrogen @pirate-captain-kaira @stemroses @the-gray-ghosty @fangirlxwritesx67 @fae-and-night @cowboyincest @hexlorde @regnumveritatis @stuckysdaughter @wendibird @zwahkmuchoney @magpie-wings @sirrsnakesssss @r3animat0r Tagging: @somethxng-angel @hexlorde @need-that-sastiel-serotonin @ruinedsam @allieyourally @stemroses @eunoiastarz @wendibird @thewinchestersruinedmylife0924 @clairenovak-winchester @mxltivxrse2020 @hey-its-moss @annoyingdinosaurnoises @kayla-sparrow @cowboyincest @mychem1calbr0mance @chimerazodiac

(My DMs aren't working rn, so please send me an ask to be added/removed from the taglist)

[jltoyphotography]

So long February 2023

A month of the Arrowverse, Valentines, Aromantic Awareness, & LGBTQ+ History. I’ve really enjoyed the posts I’ve made this month. And the Arrowverse posts performed well.

March will feature 2 series, plus more un-themed posts. So I’m excited to show you what I’ve made 😁

I realise that this month featured a lot of custom minifigure posts and not a lot of photography, but fear not there will be more of a mix in a future months as I’m starting to do more custom posts

[rolaplayor101]

It's still Arospec Awareness Week!!! Day 7! Phileas Fogg

Canon arospec alert! Phileas Fogg from Around the World in 80 Days is Arospike ace!

Buy this on Redbubble! Emergency Commissions open! Don't ignore my DNI! Please reblog! Ft. Bi Passepartout cause he had a thing going with Fig for a while and had a small crush on Aouda

"...nor inviting a stranger, he returned home only to go to bed."

"It will be understood that he lift alone, and, so to speak, outside of every social relation."

"The phlegmatic gentlemen listened to her, at least in appearance, with the most extreme indifference, not one tone of his voice out gesture betraying in him the slightest emotion... He fulfilled towards her the duties of the strictest politeness, but with that Grace and startling effects of an automation" [this after paragraphs of saying how hot and charming she is. Also aroaces have been called robots for ages]

"her large eyes were fixed on Mr. Fogg-- her large eyes "clear as the sacred lakes of the Himalaya!" But the intractable Fogg, as reserved as ever, did not seem to be the man to throw himself into this lake"

"and yet, in the vicinity, they're was...a disturbing star which ought to have produced a certain agitation in this gentleman's heart. But no! The charm of Mrs. Aouda did not act, to the great surprise of Passepartout, and the disturbances, if they existed, would have been more difficult to calculate that those of Uranus, which led to the discovery of Neptune."

"Phileas Fogg had decidedly heart enough for heroic actions, but for love, none at all! As for the thoughts which the chances of the journey might have produced in him, there was not a trace."

"...she allowed herself to have feeling which did not seem to affect in any way the enigmatic Fogg"

[aruwithasketchbook]

Don't mind me, I'm just trying to share this with more people ♥

Split Attraction Model (SAM) & More on QPRs

Edit: Thanks to @klavierpanda for correcting me! Romance-positive is supposed to be romance-favorable. I can't edit the photo right this second, but I will when I get a chance.

[citnamora]

Getting over my post-Valentine's sickness would be the best way to start Arospec Awareness Week. Otherwise that's arophobic 🙄

[prototypesteve]

Representation starts between you and yourself.

Don’t worry that the world doesn’t understand you or represent you or say the right things about you, because they won’t.

Focus on understanding yourself. This will be hard. Get out into the world, and figure out how you want to be in it, as an aspec person.

Don’t ask “What do people like me enjoy? How do people like me move? What do people like me wear? What do people like me listen to?” Those questions erase you. There is no template.

Our under-representation has been a gift, because it hasn’t saddled us with a library of stereotypes and archetypes to conform to. (It will, one day, but for now we get to enjoy making ourselves up as we go along.)

Georgia Warr isn’t charismatic like Alastor who isn’t nerdy like Lilith Clawthorne who isn’t quiet like Isaac Henderson, who isn’t audacious like Gwenpool, who isn’t an overthinker like Georgia Warr. None of those things make them aspec, they are simply aspec with those things.

Go find out if you like to travel, or if you like to make sushi, or if you like to restore vintage bikes, or if you like to run in charity 5k races every weekend, or if you’re a gifted bassist with a love of 70s funk music. Go find out if you’ve been “wearing” a personality that isn’t yours, but met people’s expectations for you. Go find out.

In 2023, I realized I wasn’t a “malfunctioning” heterosexual guy. I had always been a perfectly asexual and aromantic Steve. That began a long but fun process of “unmasking”. I started looking for all the things I did in order to pass as a normal and viable heterosexual guy.

What specifically changed doesn’t matter, because it was my “fake” stuff. Your fake stuff will be different. My fake stuff was the product of decades of not knowing about asexuality or aromanticism, and trying to fake the things I didn’t have. Your fake stuff might be the product of living with one or two ill-fitting role models for how to “be” your flavour of aspec.

How I changed my fake stuff is what matters. I just did everything differently, so I could disrupt all my old routine, patterned thinking—blow the whole goddamned mess up—and leave room to trust that my intuition would start stacking the debris up in new shapes, and painting on the empty walls.

I tried new music, new shows, new books, new vacation plans, even used different apps and biked different paths. I unplugged from old podcasts and and and.

I’ll write about specific experiences later. What matters is that they worked.

Over and over again I’ve heard, “You seem more yourself, now,” or “you’re becoming yourself.”

And the funny thing is, that authenticity—that transformation—inspired questions and corrections and awareness and all the stuff we want allows to change about themselves. I have a group of close friends and a constellation of casual friends and coworkers who’ve seen that aspec identities are real, and that they’re not always what they expected or assumed. That’s let to lots of conversations, workshops, year-long chat threads, and a slow but irreversible trend towards understanding.

First, understand yourself, and then the world will have no choice but to eventually understand you.

Or, to put it another way, the world will drop their bullshit about you once you drop your bullshit about yourself.

[topgun-ace-week]

Are you a fanwork creator? Are you interested in Top Gun (1986) or Top Gun: Maverick (2022)? Are you A-spec, A-spec ally, or simply interested in making A-spec-related fanwork?

Then this event is for you!

Along with this year's Ace Awareness Week (22-29 October 2023), we're hoping to bring anything related to asexuality and Top Gun to one place and time. There'll be eight days, seven with its own themes and one free space day to quench the thirst for anything that didn't fit in said themes. The event is open for fics, art, edits, podfics, and anything else that can be posted either on Tumblr or AO3 in the Top Gun Ace Week Collection.

Any ships/characters are welcome as long as they're Top Gun-related! All works are to be related to asexuality - and the chosen day's theme — with additional prompts available.

Check out Rules for more.

Each day will have a general theme and secondary non-obligatory prompts. Take a look below for proposed options and tell us what you think in the interest form before we revise the event!

You might also take a peek at the event's Google Doc here.

(Day - Compulsory Theme - additional, non-obligatory prompts)

Day 1 - Micro Labels - Not A Naval Aviator AU - humor

Day 2 - Flirting - Coffee Shop AU - angst

Day 3 - Sex-Indifferent - Sports AU - hurt/comfort

Day 4 - Aromantic Ace - Different First Meeting AU - smut

Day 5 - Coming Out - Crossover/Different Settings AU - fluff

Day 6 - Sex-Repulsed - Soulmates AU - fluff

Day 7 - Queerplatonic - College AU - romance

Day 8 - Free Ace Week Day - Anything you want related to asexuality goes here!

More in our Prompts tab!

Tagging you here as promised @pollyna!

[askanaroace]

Ask An Aro Ace ASAW Day 1: Trauma-Based Aromanticism

So today I want to write a bit about what it's like to be aromantic when your aromanticism is trauma-based, such as when a traumatic experience completely cut away your romantic attraction or when you still experience attraction but lack the motivation, confidence, or desire to act on it due to a traumatic experience.

Regardless of your flavor of queer, being queer is always scary in some way. You might be afraid of accepting your queerness, afraid of being wrong and different - afraid of being persecuted and oppressed. You might be afraid of your loved one's reactions, of facing their hate or judgement or even just their ignorance. You might be afraid of navigating through society with your new understanding of who you are, afraid of how this will impact your safety and your job and your ability to buy a home and start a family and get married and have kids.

When you're a trauma-based aromantic, you might, like me, also be afraid of navigating your own community. Afraid you won't be welcome. Afraid you validate bigotry and misconceptions against your community. Afraid people in and out of your community will believe you to be a faker who just needs to be "fixed".

For a long time, I walked this very confusing like where I identified as aromantic to allos but as not-aromantic to aros. I knew allo was no longer a fitting title and that I would not fit in with them. But I was also afraid that I was invading in a place where I shouldn't be in aro spheres. And even after I started broaching aro spaces as an aro, I was very fearful and cautious of revealing that I was caedromantic, someone whose aromanticism was directly tied in with the trauma I survived, which also meant that I couldn't relate to or speak on a lot of aro experiences that other aros had.

And while the target of my fear was me, this was honestly incredibly unfair to the aromantic community, who has never made me feel unwelcome or invalid. The aro community never asked or questioned why I was aro, even after learning the caedro part. They never judged me or silenced me. They never interrogated me. They never pushed me away or told me to leave. Aromantics have only ever accepted and supported me. It was only ever the cis allohets that have made me feel like I am not enough.

And more than that, by talking more and more about being a trauma-based aro, I have discovered that there are a lot more of us than you might imagine. Due to the kind of society we live in, people have trauma, even serious big-T Trauma, is damn common. And trauma changes your brain. It changes how you interact with the world. It changes your relationship to yourself and to others. You can change this further with healing, but trauma can indeed change the brain. It's valid and legitimate if trauma impacts your identity, how you relate to it, and/or how you express it.

But it's scary to admit this and talk about it because the cis allohets only want to use this as a gotchya. For them, this is not the opportunity about the wrongness of our society: exposing people to traumas, gaslighting them over traumas, refusing to provide support and resources for healing over traumas, punishing people for displaying any effects of trauma - it's about using this to invalidate aromanticism.

Any aspec person has heard the anti-aspec claims that being aspec is caused by trauma/mental illness/medication and can therefore be cured, as if we are ill, as if being ill is a reason to harm people. As a trauma-based aro, it feels like you are a direct confirmation of this claim. It feels like your very existence is problematic and harmful to other aros.

BUT!!!

Some people ARE aspec or question if they're aspec or think they're aspec for a while due to things like trauma, mental illness, and/or medication, and this is valid!!! This is the same shitty anti-phase logic like something can be valid and real if it's a phase. You know what's a phase? Everything. Every. Damn. Thing. is a phase. Being a toddler, being a teenager, being alive, bell bottoms, checks being a form of payment, cursive, typewriters, hair length, etc. You know what? Trauma changes you and healing isn't going to return you to who you were before you experienced that trauma. Mental illness is treated and accommodated and coped with but can't just be cured or erased. Some medications need taken for life. It doesn't matter why someone is aromantic or even if they know why at all. Aromantics exist, aromanticism harms no one, and aromantic people deserve to be respected and treated well. The problem isn't that I'm aromantic due to trauma. The problem is that I was exposed to that trauma in the first place. The problem is that support for healing from this trauma is so hard to access. The problem is the way people treat me for having this trauma. The problem is the way people treat me for being aromantic. But being aromantic, for whatever reason, is not a problem.

It doesn't matter if trauma-based aromantics exist or not. Even if we went away or "got cured" (I like being aromantic! I want to be aromantic forever!), anti-aro bigots would still be against aromanticism and seek to harm us. I learned a long time ago that there's no way to make bigots happy. There is no compromise to "I want you to have never existed in the first place, but since you're here now, you're an abomination who should be killed". Targeting trauma and other similar things 'causing' aromanticism is only one way of how anti-aro bigotry is expressed. Even if we didn't exist, the bigots would still hate us. They would still screech that we were broken and wrong and never meant to exist. In my experience, the best way to respond to this in a way that does the least harm to your spirit and soul is to embrace your identity wholeheartedly and exude pride and celebration.

So I'm done hiding. Yes, I am aro due to trauma. Yes, I am happy with this. No, I don't expect everyone to feel the same as me or understand the joy this brings me. No, not all aros are aro due to trauma.

But yes ALL aros are valid and legitimate and deserve to be celebrated!!!

[the-agent-of-blight]

Aromanticism in Academic Papers (day 6)

Today is day 6 of my ASAW 2024 project to summarize a new academic paper focusing on aromanticism to some level each day!

Today's paper is: Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities by Hannah Tessler and Canton Winer (2023) [stable link]

I'm going to be honest upfront. This paper is my favorite paper i've come across in this research process. It genuinely made me cry the first time I read it because of how well the experiences i've felt were represented and discussed in this setting.

This paper examines men as a minority group within the aro and ace communities, a claim backed up by the data from the 2020 Asexual Community Survey and 2020 Aromantic Census which respectively had 11% and 8% of their respondents be men. (women had response rates of 48% and 33%, and Other had a response rate of 41% and 60% respectively). The study's goal is to understand why this is the case.

The literature review of this paper focuses primarily on establishing how romantic and sexual attraction end up becoming gendered, with men receiving social capital from having sex with many women, while women gain status from forming a stable romantic partnership with a man. The cultural narrative of "Men want sex and women want love." is an excellent example of how different attractions become gendered. It has been hypothesized that men are often hesitant to identify as asexual because of the societal expectation of sexual voracity. In the world of romance, men are often also expected to "make the first move" and form romantic partnerships which is an important part to other masculinties.

The authors conducted several interviews with aromantic and/or asexual men to help come to an understanding of how men perform masculinity in a world focused on sex and romance. Many interviewers discussed how though men can get more leeway to deprioritize romance, aromantic men still must face "the burden of gendered expectations" that men should be "perusing" a romantic relationship. Interviewees mentioned other forms of emotionally intimate relationships such as qprs or close friendships as their preferred relationship. AroAllos face a unique issue of attempting to approach relationships that could become sexual without being percieved as a "player" or "fuckboy". To construct a hegemonic masculinity, you need (hetero)sexuality and romantic relationship formation, and for many aromantic and ace men, that is not possible.

Tessler and Winer stress that centering the aromantic and asexual spectra will significantly advance sociology around sexuality, gender, and family. I personally hope to see some future papers fulfill that charge to the academic community.

Ultimately this paper finds that men are a demographic minority in the aro ace communities, and explores themes around the interaction between the masculinity of aro/ace men and hegemonic masculinity. As Tessler and Winer put it, "Asexuality and Aromanticism both exist in tension with hegemonic masculinity. This contrasts with narratives that imply that sex is enherent to hegemonic masculnity while romance is inherent to emphasized femininity." The authors theorize that men may be less likely to become aware of aromanticism because of the gendered nature of asexual identification (since many people only hear of aromanticism as a result of learning about asexuality). So, though men can face less pressure to participate in romance, participate in romance we must to fall within hegemonic gender roles.

[link to day 7]

[somewhere-south-of-neutral]

Asexuality Awareness Week 2023: Visibility for the Invisible Orientation

[I am interning with a nonprofit focused on queer advocacy, and I wrote a piece about my experience with asexuality and a short primer on what asexuality is for their newsletter in honor of ace week, which can be found linked above. Unfortunately, for reasons of space, I had to shorten my personal story. This also meant cutting out a reference to how @comicaurora (in her role as OSP's Red) is directly responsible for me figuring out my asexuality (so thanks). To remedy this, my earlier draft with the longer story is included below the read more. Also, nothing on this blog should be construed as the official stance or opinion of Georgia Equality, my opinions are my own.]

Do you know what the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for? Until a few years ago, I assumed I was correct in my belief that it meant ally, a description that I was also fairly confident applied to me. Then, towards the end of 2021, I started watching the YouTube channel Overly Sarcastic Productions and YouTube, therefore, started recommending me related content, including a video entitled “OSP Red being an asexual icon for 5 minutes”. As it happens, Red and Blue, the creators of OSP, are both asexual, which is what the A actually stands for (along with aromantic and agender). Within a few months of seeing that video (and then many others like it), I was identifying as asexual, and the only reason I hadn’t known I was asexual all my life is that I didn’t know it was a thing that I could be. This is a story not unique to the asexual experience, but the degree of ignorance about and erasure of asexuality, even within the LGBTQIA+ community, has led to its being known as the “invisible orientation” and this invisibility is why events such as Ace Awareness Week (the last full week of October) and International Asexuality day (April 6th) are so important. It’s not just about showing pride and supporting our community, it is about reminding the world, and ourselves, that we exist. It is making the invisible visible.

Also, remember that asexuality is a spectrum, one that Ace Awareness Week and International Asexuality Day celebrate in its entirety, and any who feel some affinity for the identities within are welcome. To honor Ace Awareness Week, which this year is from October 22nd to October 28th, here is an FAQ for anyone who wants to better understand or be a better ally, or maybe is just now realizing, as I once did, that ally isn’t actually the right word for them:

What is asexuality? - Asexuality is both an umbrella term and a sexual orientation of its own. The umbrella covers the identities of anyone who feels sexual attraction rarely, situationally, or not at all. Within the asexual umbrella, there is asexuality, feeling little to no sexual attraction to anyone, demisexuality, meaning that you only develop sexual attraction to someone after forming a strong emotional bond, and gray asexuality, a catch-all orientation for people who feel sexual attraction rarely or at specific times, but don’t fit cleanly into the asexual or demisexual identities. There are also a myriad of subidentities, all of which are valid and welcome in the asexual community. These identities are often referred to collectively as falling on the asexuality spectrum. 

How is asexual different from aromantic? - The aromantic spectrum is very similar to the asexual spectrum, but instead of being centered on a lack of sexual attraction, it is centered on a lack of romantic attraction. Romantic and sexual orientation are not necessarily correlated, and it is possible to be asexual without being aromantic or vice-versa. Many people are both, but someone’s romantic orientation cannot be assumed from their sexual orientation. However, the amount of overlap in the communities and the similarity in the struggles they face has often led to aromantics and asexuals being each other’s most vocal allies.

How is asexuality different from celibacy/low libido? - Celibacy is the voluntary avoidance of sex. It has nothing to do with sexuality, and though many asexuals do avoid sex, many don’t. Similarly, feelings of attraction are completely separate from libido. Some asexuals categorize their feelings on having sex as favorable (they enjoy it and may even actively seek it out despite not feeling attracted to their partners), neutral (they don’t have any strong feelings on sex, and likely won’t actively seek it out), or repulsed (they feel some level of disgust at the idea of having sex, often dislike discussions or depictions of it, and will not seek it out). None of these feelings about sex are more or less valid than any other, and they can change over time. This is also extremely personal, and asking someone about their sexual history or views on sex is inappropriate.

Is this one of those new fad identities from social media? - No identity, no matter how recent it may seem, is invalid, a “fad”, or unworthy of respect. Like all sexualities, asexuality is as old as humanity, and academic acknowledgement of it goes back to the earliest gender and sexuality advocates of the 1800s, though under a variety of different names. The use of the actual word “asexual” dates back at least as far as 1907, and when Alfred Kinsey made his scale of sexual attraction in the 1940s, he included an “x” for those who feel attraction to nobody. During the explosion of queer activism in the 1970s, asexuals were right in the middle, fighting for our place and writing foundational works about how we fit in the grand tapestry of humanity.

Why is this queer and/or what discrimination do you face? - Queerness should never be defined by other people’s hatred. It is about experiencing gender and attraction that doesn’t fit neatly into the heterosexual gender binary; and asexuality is very much queer by that definition. Furthermore, asexuals do, unfortunately, face discrimination–from widespread microaggressions caused by societal assumptions about sexual relationships, to direct exclusion and erasure, and even to violence. 

To find more information about asexuality and the wider ace spec community, visit the AVEN, the Asexual Visibility & Education Network, at asexuality.org. For more information about Ace Week and associated events, visit aceweek.org.

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Stolen Moment - Alice in Borderland fanfic; takes place during Acid Rain; Arisu x Usagi qpp for ASAW 2023

In a stolen moment in the peace of the pond, it feels deliciously right and yet stubbornly wrong when their lips finally meet in an expression of the love and care he and Usagi share for each other. Right because it's Usagi and her lips and soft and salty, yielding yet strong just like her, and he thinks he's wanted to do this for a very long time now. Every time they're ripped apart and rediscover each other...it's hard to believe how deeply he has grown to care for this amazing woman over such a period of time. But when surrounded by so much grief and trauma and violence, it's hard not to get to know who a person really is when surviving with them through such atrocities.

Wrong because nowhere is safe anymore. As protected and isolated as this little slice of paradise seems, Arisu knows that danger is always lurking and can strike at any time. Wrong because it's not what he was expecting. He's been wondering if he's not falling in love with Usagi - and what little wonder that is, with her strength of heart and loyalty and honor. The way she looks through him and sees his fear and grabs his hand without saying a word. The way she fights against a crowd of scared and desperate adults to save a child she's only just met.

But when it finally happens, Arisu begins to wonder if what he really wants is the kind of love he's been thinking of. He loves Usagi. That is for sure. Perhaps just not in a married with kids kind of way. In a way that he trusts her with his life, yes. In a way that he knows he can depend on her, yes. In a way that she understands him better than anyone else, even Karube and Chota, yes. In a way that he wants to be by her side and even end the day with her, yes. In a way that he definitely wouldn't mind getting to keep kissing her, yes.

But romantic? There's something there that doesn't feel quite right. Pieces of a lifelong puzzle that Arisu has been trying to solve but can't quite put his finger on what the full picture is supposed to look like tug at his mind. He hates leaving things unsolved, but he learned long ago that people are a very different sort of puzzle, one he's not quite so skilled at solving - himself, especially.

Arisu doesn't want to ruin this moment with Usagi but it feels wrong to leave her out of this line of thinking he's delved into.

And then their safety is shattered. Once again, it's time to fight for survival. He immediately buries his confusion and doubts down deep and focuses on getting out alive with Usagi.

There will be time to talk later.

There has to be time to talk later.

They just have to survive this.