#aroace people are valid in all forms!

[popcornoncemore]

Say it with me Hazbin fandom:

Ace👏doesn't👏necessarily👏mean👏sex👏repulsed👏

Aro👏doesn't👏necessarily👏mean👏 romance👏repulsed👏

It's a spectrum and we need to include all versions of aroace identity, not just the kinds we're most familiar with

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[prototypesteve]

Valid. With or without validation. (A before there was an A.)

Asexuals, aromantics, and everyone else on the aspec are valid, and were valid even before we had a name for what we were.

In May of 1971, I was born different. There wasn’t a name for it. (The committee who wrote the Asexual Manifesto wouldn’t even form for another year and four months.) I was valid, but there wasn’t even a way to say what about me was valid.

In June of 1989, I graduated from High School. I was barely 18. I was still different. But in all those years, I’d never encountered the words aromantic or asexual. (Instead, I heard words like frigid, weird, secret f-g, psycho, virgin, and sheltered). In Career And Life Management class, where sex education was a brief module, they didn’t even mention X on the Kinsey Scale. We were told it was 1 to 6. Period. (I didn’t check, because I was X on the Kinsey Scale, which meant I didn’t care about things like the Kinsey Scale.) They managed to find a way to invalidate me without even naming the things they were invalidating!

By April of 1993, I graduated from college, still different. Now I was hearing kinder guess-names for what I was: Busy, focused, fussy, pure, a late-bloomer, and undecided. But I still hadn’t heard words like aromantic or asexual. I was at an art school. I heard all the other words. I saw people living all the other words. I saw bi couples, I had gay and lesbian friends and instructors, I had a pansexual classmate, and knew someone who was almost certainly pre-transition trans. I was aromantic and asexual but I had no way of finding those words, or being rescued from my confusion by those words. By this point, I didn’t even need validation, anymore. I just wanted understanding.

But I got sent out into the world, to go start my career, and figure out apartments, cars, taxes, utilities, setting up a business, and a million other adult things that took “housed-or-homeless” priority over “figuring out what was ‘wrong’ with me”. So, even though there were murmurs on the right talk shows, or screeds in the right ink-and-paper offline zines about asexuality and aromanticism, they weren’t in mainstream or sidestream discourse. I had to settle for “different, busy, and single-minded about his career”.

It would take until late 2022—over 29 years after I left college and 51 years after I was born—before I started noticing social media posts about “aroace” characters who didn’t feel love.

Now I had a name for my difference.

I knew exactly what I was, because everything I read about asexuality and aromanticism perfectly matched and explained the experiences I’d had, and the feelings I’d felt, since I first noticed I was different at age 12!

I’d been valid all that time. I saw the other posts saying we didn’t belong in this or that community, and the names should be broken up into more categories, and we were taking up space at pride festivals, and this was a made up thing that didn’t exist prior to… oh, fuck it, it didn’t matter. I was aromantic and asexual on the day I was born in 1971; before those two words were available to ordinary people. I was real, I was who I was, and I was valid, and even though I wasn’t allowed to know what I was for another five decades full of trauma and loss and hurt, I always was who I was, and so I always was valid, regardless of whether or not anyone else agreed.

And so are you.

[acelor-acetaylorswift]

Sending love to all my aroaces who don't feel like they fit in anywhere. Who are tired of virgin jokes and "you'll never get laid" being used as a dig. Who feel inferior when friends and coworkers get engaged while knowing you don't want to. Who struggle between wanting the peace that comes with accepting oneself and feeling the pressure that comes from a world that seems to revolve around sex and relationship status.

Sending love and cake to all my aroaces who just wanna live their lives on their terms without harassment. Who are tired of seeing an autonormative narrative pushed on everyone. Stand strong. Listen to yourself. Protect yourself when you need to.

Sending cake to all my aroaces who have found non-traditional forms of love that others don't understand and invalidate. To those who have been swept up in a love not quite romantic that you can't explain to anyone...and that not even the person you love understands. So they shut you out.

The more we talk about a-spec, the more we help people who have found themselves stuck in a system they don't feel comfortable with. The more we validate all sorts of attraction and relationships so people can become more comfortable with and respectful of relationships beyond romantic ones, potentially adding health to each by not relying on romantic relationships to fulfill them.

I think a-spec awareness is important, and that the concepts within the community can help people beyond the A-spec. And I see people who aren't attracted to others and don't get that asexuality and aromanticism are a thing. Or hate themselves for not being "normal". I want to help these people.

We may get pushed out of the LGBTQIA community and laughed at by the autonormative community, but let's keep spreading awareness and acceptance.

[creation-help]

The more I engage with the aro community online, the more I feel that we just need.

More.

There's so many different flavors of aromantic and what that means for each person and it's sad to see infighting over what is and isn't valid representation and my advice to upcoming creators is to just.

More. Have more.

Aros who partner Aros who don't, Aros who like sex, aroaces, loveless Aros, loving Aros, Aros who focus on non romantic relationships instead Aros who focus on no relationships and find their own thing. All kinds. The microlabels too - did you even know of some of them? I bet you didn't. There's aromantic people who feel rom attraction only if it's reciprocated and vice versa! There's Aros who can't tell the difference between different types of attraction and so don't label anything. There's aros who only feel attracted after forming a deep bond. Who only rarely feel attraction. Or only under specific circumstances. There's so much variety in aromantic world. Have more representation. Just more.

I'd honestly say this for almost any type of minority rep (though there are nuances to approaching it). Bc when you have more, it's not so much pressure on getting it quote on quote "Right" at once and all your rep isn't riding on one character. Variety is always good. It avoids tokenization and coming across stereotypical

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[adhdtsukasa]

in honor of tsukasa's birthday, obviously i need to ramble about my kamioshi and favorite fictional boy ever!! but since i don't have any thoughts that make sense at the moment, i just want to talk about something that i've realized recently and found it pretty cute:

it's probably not as common of a stereotype anymore (i believe), but there was a thing of headcanoning cold and stoic characters as aroace solely because they are cold and stoic, which people often interpreted as the unability to love. and while it can be the case, thinking that being aro equals not feeling anything at all is rather... questionable, definitely. which makes tsukasa's aromantic implications even greater.

i have a feeling that tsukasa's aro moments™ were actually talked about back and forth countless of times, so i'm not going to repeat myself (despite also having a lot to say about it). it's not canon, but i guess you can say that it's implied...? well, not like colopale confirms it or anything (although i'd be very happy if they did, but... yep) so headcanoning him as anything else is definitely okay and valid, but there *are* situations that just scream yeah!!! that boy is so aro!!

and whether you think of tsukasa as an aromantic or not, you have to admit that the thought of tsukasa being aro, as a concept, is so damn cool. he's one of the most apparent characters, after all! he's loud, eccentric, expressive, cheerful, full of life. he's basically anything but devoid of emotions, anything but calm and stoic (most of the times). having him as an aro rep is without a doubt shattering the stereotype of having to be cold and emotionless in order to be aromantic.

he's not unable to feel love. because he feels love! he loves his family — he loves his friends — he loves acting; and it's the highest and purest form of love that he needs in his life. why would he need any other form of love? all the great love stories would be better if they were more violent and gorey, after all

i don't know i'm just saying random things at this point but i need everyone to just think about arokasa sometimes. okay? for me?? because it's his birthday today???

[arany-studio]

Are Kanej asexuals?

While we celebrate LGBTQIA+ Pride in the Grishaverse, let's discuss a matter that is not always well understood, but often spoken about in the fandom - are Kanej asexuals?

Trigger warning for talk of sexuality, trauma, PTSD and past sexual abuse.

According to asexuals.fandom.com, the asexuality spectrum is an umbrella term that applies to people who feel little to no sexual attraction and includes such micro labels as asexual, aroace, graysexual, demisexual, aegosexual, apothisexual, fraysexual, aceflux, cupiosexual, orchidsexual or caedosexual. A-spec is a term that can include all of the above.

A little known fact about asexuality is that it is different from libido (or sexual desire). Asexuality is a sexual orientation that relates to attraction, but asexuals can have either high or low libido, which is not directed at anyone in particular. Also, asexuals can have sex for many reasons that are not related to sexual attraction, such as to please their partners, to relax or for pleasure and they are no less asexuals, but it's also important to mention that the majority of people that identify as a-spec do not include sex in their lives.

Asexuality is a spectrum and the opposite of allosexuality, which refers to people who often experience sexual attraction.

An often unknown label under the asexual umbrella is caedosexual.  This includes people who once identified as allosexual, but later on identified on the asexual spectrum because of trauma. It was feared that inclusion of this flag under asexuality would further feed the prejudice that all asexuals are like this because of  trauma, but this has been disproven. Only caedosexuals are so because of trauma, not the other a-specs.

Now let's see what we know about Kanej. Both Kaz and Inej have gone through horrific experiences in their childhood and puberty respectively, and their resulting traumas are affecting how they engage with their sexualities in their teen years. Their desire to heal fluctuates. Sometimes Kaz thinks that Inej could never be truly his and Inej thinks that they might be better off with their armors intact and at other times Inej appreciates that they have tried to be close and wishes they could try again and Kaz fights his demons in order to hold her hand. Fact is, the caedosexuals I have spoken to have said that Kaz and Inej can choose to work towards separating their traumas from their sexualities in the future, or they can choose not to and they are valid either way. So what could be safely said is that Kanej are likely caedosexuals in SoC + CK timeline, although that could change in the future.

But the discussion of whether Kaz and Inej fall under the asexual spectrum is more complex than that and in the fandom you can often find fans arguing either that they provide much needed representation to asexuals or on the contrary, that they are very eager to heal and have an intimate relationship. But let's not forget that libido is different from attraction and there are many asexuals with high libido, so the question here is what type of attraction do Kaz and Inej experience?

The media that we consume is largely amatonormative, meaning that it assumes that all humans pursue love of a romantic and sexual nature, but a less known fact is that attraction can take many more forms than we were led to believe by such media. Attraction is sexual when a person wants to have sex with another, romantic when they desire to engage in romantic activities, aesthetic when they think someone is beautiful, sensual when they desire non-sexual physical closeness (such as nonromantic cuddles and kisses), platonic when they want to be friends with someone or queerplatonic (alterous) when someone desires a committed relationship with a partner that is in between platonic and romantic in nature. Other types of attraction are familial, emotional, intellectual or spiritual. 

For example, it is quite clear that Inej doesn't feel spiritual attraction towards Kaz's lack of faith in saints, but she does feel intellectual attraction towards his brilliant mind. And though Kaz might cover his feelings under "economic" attraction (joking), the question here is under what type of attraction do Kaz's and Inej's feelings for each other fall under. Fact is, if allosexuals view Kaz and Inej through their lense they can easily think that they feel sexual and romantic attraction for each other, but if asexuals view them from their lense instead, what Kanej feel might very well be queerplatonic, sensual or aesthetic attraction that for one or both of them isn't sexual or romantic in nature. For example some people view Kaz's interest in Imogen as a challenge and his desire to have an intimate connection with Inej as wanting to please her and they argue that Kaz has been "content" on his own for so long, plotting his revenge and Barrel dominion, that he might well be asexual or demisexual. Many other people view Inej's famous line "I'll have you without armor" to be related to trust solely, whereas others view it as being both about intimacy and trust. And let's not forget the many voices that appreciate Kanej for showing how people can love each other deeply even when they don't have sex. The truth is that we don't know for sure where Kanej fall on the spectrum of attraction, the text is beautifully vague in that regard, but the many varied interpretations about Kanej show that what meets the eye is not always a person's inner experience.

To sum up, the one thing that is almost certain about Kaz and Inej is that in book time, their traumas influence their experience of sexuality, likely setting them under the a-spec umbrella as caedosexuals. This may or may not change in the future, depending on their desire and capacity to heal, but Kanej are valid either way. As regards to how Kanej might identify were they to heal from their traumas, many interpretations about the way they feel attraction or lack of it are possible, setting them as either allosexual, demisexual or asexual. The beauty of book Kanej is that they are written in such a subtle way that they provide representation to a wide range of people and that's why we love them so much!

[autistichalsin]

Im super shy so I'm asking anonymously but I know you're The (tm) Halsin fan, so I have a genuine question about the depiction of Halsin as polyamorous vs wanting open relationships:

I always thought poly relationships were relationships were all the partners love each other/are into each other/active in the relationship and so on, but with the exception of Shadowheart, who has a few comments about Halsin, neither Astarion nor Karlach seem interested? Especially Karlach - she specifically says she wants to hear nothing of it. This was something that always kind of irked me because I was expecting more reciprocation from the other partners too, or am I understanding wrong? I'm curious to hear your thoughts, especially seeing as I'm aroace myself and not interested in being in a relationship, but I DO want to write them, including polyamory. So I guess I'm asking for education akdjfjskwjd. Am I nitpicking or taking stuff too literally? I'm autistic so that's something I catch myself with wkejfhsshhwjs Either way, love your blog!

Aww, that is sweet to say, anon!

Don't worry about asking for clarification- we all have to learn.

The answer is that no, that isn't the only form of poly. Having shared hookups is a form of poly. Open relationships are poly. Throuples/polycules are poly. Swinging is poly. Open triangles are poly.

For the record, though, Karlach and Astarion ARE very interested in Halsin. Astarion specifically needs more time to heal first, but has multiple lines saying he trusts Halsin not to harm him (the reason he refuses a poly relationship with Shadowheart is that she has no experience; when accepting Halsin, he specifically says Halsin has experience with the relationship). It's definitely a case of not being ready to join in himself, but being okay with his partner seeing Halsin- which is valid. Karlach is a little more complicated, because there is much more of a case for her being uncomfortable than for Astarion or Shadowheart- BUT I always interpreted it more as her saying she wasn't sure of her feelings on poly yet because her engine took up more of her time. She says that if there was to be someone more, Halsin would be it- but that's not where her head is at "right now." It sounds to me like in an ideal world where she had time, she might very well decide she wanted it. Ironically, out of all the three, Karlach has the BEST case for "not into it" and yet also the fewest people coming to her defense a la Astarion.

So, you'd be right in saying this wasn't a throuple, because all of them are only open triangles (and you're right in being sad because I'd love to see Shadowheart or Astarion or Karlach sharing kisses with Halsin). But you'd be wrong to say it wasn't polyamory, because it very much is a form of poly. Basically, it's a rectangle/square situation: all throuples/polycules are poly, but not all poly is throuples/polycules.

[bogkeep]

when i was a teen, i was in love with my best friend. to this day i cannot tell you with any certainty whether or not i was in love romantically or platonically. i don't know and i don't care. it's very possible there is a difference, but i never found it. i've asked many people about it and everyone has their own definition of where that line goes, none that ever applied to my own experiences. there is no satisfying, universal and objective line. i think that's good, actually. the idea that there is some shining abstract concept that's specialer than all the other concepts that can only be achieved like nirvana by some people and not others is not a comfortable idea. this is not to say that everyone has the same feelings and experiences, absolutely not - but we categorize our experiences within the contexts we exist in. or maybe that's just word salad.

i know that - at the time, i knew i was deeply connected to this other person and kept thinking about her all the time and we talked about wanting to be close friends for our whole lives and wrote poetry together about our soulmateness and we made mutual friends feel like a third wheel. i knew i had no desire to kiss her or take her on dates, and she crushed on some boy at summer camp, but the connection between us was mutual and explicit. if the concept of a queerplatonic relationship had been available to us at the time, maybe we would've recognized it as such. i just knew that what i was feeling didn't match up at all with what i've been told 'being in love' was supposed to be like - especially because, at the time, Being In Love also included sexual attraction. we had just cracked open the 2010's and asexuality was a punchline and a joke.

i know that - during the time i was made to feel ashamed of my aroace identity and the narrative was that i'm actually just repressing my TRUE queer identity, i reframed my memories - i had obviously been in love with my friend Romantically. i was a Real Gay. i was Valid. I Was Sapphic Actually. you can't kick me out of the parade if i had pined for my best friend as a teen!!!!

i know that - once i reclaimed the pride in myself, i reframed the memories again: i had obviously been in love with my friend Platonically, because otherwise i would've been a traitor to the good name of aromanticism. if i knew what it was like to have a crush i would contradict myself. who am i to write about romantic love as if i know? what was i doing at the devil's sacrament?

maybe it is a mystery. maybe i don't know shit. it's hard, actually, to know anything at all when the way my strange brain filters emotions through my body reads so different to the user manual. how can anyone stand to pine for another when it's all anxiety, all day? "butterflies"???? really????? how am i supposed to know anything for sure when my brain's favourite hobby is to pick thoughts apart and run them through the distortion machine on repeat, on repeat, on repeat? i don't know if i've ever loved anyone at all, now that i think about it. maybe i'm an empty shell of a human and everything i do is an act of puppetry and wishful thinking.

i just gotta trust that the love is there, in some form or another. even when i can't reach for it and confirm its existence - let alone deduce a detailed taxonomy. what do you even need that for.

[hardtofindneuro]

to all the queer people that have come out, or haven’t, and have been invalidated in any way shape or form, you are so valid. you have a support system here, and i’m sure other places as well. you just need to find it. don’t let anyone try to tell you who you are.

being in this community has allowed me to better understand my sexuality & come to terms with it. i love being neuro because i can be me, and know i wont be judged for who i am or am not attracted to. i know that when i say im aroace here, ill get support instead of get a half-hearted “you’ll get married someday, you’re just not ready” or “you like men, it’s just your lifestyle.” i know that if something changes with my sexuality, that is welcome here, too. i dont have to make any definitive decision on my sexuality to be welcomed by this community, and that’s just one reason to love it.

i find support and love and an outlet here. and so many amazing friends that welcome me and support my decisions. so thank you all for being here and fuck anyone who thinks it’s ok to invalidate someone’s sexuality.

coming out is not easy. frankly, it feels impossible to even say the words to my mom. imagine being dream and coming out to millions, to get belittled and shit on and invalidated. i’m so proud of dream and any other person that has come out to the world, or to their parents, or their best friend, or maybe just to themselves. it’s a process, a hard one, and any small step is something to be proud of.

a huge thanks to dream for not only creating a space for us, but for setting an example, and sticking around when the internet has done nothing but tear him down. for being kind to a world that is less than kind back. and thanks to all of you that are still here, rebuilding our safe space. thank you.

[just-a-itty-bitty-kitty]

Smitten? And the Tower?

okay okay back to these–(uni is killing me sorry they take so long to finish up)

SMITTEN!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!!! I really really like Smitty, definitely somewhere high in my fave voices list!! He's very funny and I think his relationship with damsel can be as sweet as it is creepy.(they're both stupid your honor🙏)

That being said, I think people tend to mischaracterize him just a bit. I often see him portrayed as a sweet and caring person, especially if we're talking other voices, and I just really don't think that would be the case. He loves the princess, all of her, but outside of that, Smitten can be very dismissive towards others and also pretty selfish. He doesn't really care when Damsel confirms that she ended the world, and he dismisses Narrator's warnings not necessarily because he doesn't believe them, but rather because "a world like that isn't worth saving". But even so, Smitten can be bad for TLQ as well. His love is unwavering, no matter how bad the princess is to the slayer. And he very much prioritizes princess over anyone else, even TLQ. I stand by my theory that all the voices fulfill the role of a copying mechanism, Smitten isn't any different, but his is tricky. It's a form of protection that has you blindly devote yourself to another person, and that type of love can feel safe and grounding but can turn unhealthy really quick. My point is, do not let this man near Broken–

(small tw for mentions of abusive relationships)

speaking of Broken, or more accurately, the Tower route and the princesses that are bad for you!! Look everyone!!! It's my least favorite child!!!!!

I have conflicting feelings on Tower. Well, for one, I'm aroace and her whole uhhh. deal?m isn't very appealing to me– but that's besides the point, I would say that Tower is possibly one of the most controversial princesses as far as opinions on her go. On one side, we got the dommy mommy enjoyers, and on the other, there's people hating her for being, well, abusive and overall horrible. somewhere in the middle are folks who just don't like her attitude. I think all of those opinions are valid, and I think she can definitely be considered abusive(especially when we look at,, well,,, everything wrong with Broken), but I also find myself sympathizing with her for similiar reasons that I do with all other princesses. One constant among every princess is their lack of agency. We, as the slayer, shape the princess into what she becomes, and we are at least partially responsible for the way she turns out. We basically rob Tower of her humanity by idolizing her as this all-powerful God. And in a similar way, we can rob her of that power by defiling her. "It must be so lonely, thinking that she's everything that matters in the world.." It was said by the (soft) heart princess about SM, but I think it can just as easily be applied to Tower. A lot of people hate her because they don't like the idea of losing your sense lf agency, but Tower didn't have any agency since the beginning, which is why I can never bring myself hate her.

[cables-and-wires]

it's the amatonormativity.

it's the way that friendships are seen by most people as inferior to romance.

it's the way that loveless aros are seen as heartless and the way that lovequeer aros are seen as being confused.

it's the way that i find it hard to relate to allo people sometimes because of the fundamentally different ways i view relationships.

it's the way that platonic love is seen as a gateway to romantic love rather than being it's own distinct thing.

it's the way that people think of queerplatonic as just platonic but being *special* rather than as a genuine feeling and attraction.

it's the way that aros are expected to change their mind later and realize 'the importance of love' or something.

it's the way that queerplatonic love has to be compared so heavily to platonic or romantic or both rather than existing as it's own, unique, but just as valid feeling.

it's the way that close platonic bonds seemingly can't exist without people viewing it with romantic connotations.

it's the way that explaining what queerplatonic is to someone who can't feel it is so difficult because it's not one of the 'generic' love types that apparently everyone already understands.

it's the way that people think that emotional and physical intimacy cannot exist without romance.

it's the way that aromantics in romantic relationships are either seen as not true aros or as lesser partners.

it's the way that aromantics are also told that 'you can still be in a romantic relationship and that's ok' which while true also implies that it's something that is so fundamental to being human that it's absence is bad.

it's the way that fictional aromantic characters are always non-humans who can't 'understand' romance, or are humans but 'broken' in some way rather than being normal people.

it's the way that there's an unspoken 'hierarchy' of acceptable forms of love or relationships and that i'm insane for loving my friends as much as i do.

it's the way that people don't take platonic love seriously at all and how friendships are seemingly replaceable or not seen as valid relationships.

it's the way that i, as a lovequeer aroace, simply cannot exist without feeling invalidated for being different. love is important to me, and i deeply love my friends, my partner, and my bestie - but not every aro feels the same way and that's okay.

i just want to be taken seriously in all honesty.

fighting off internalized arophobia sooo hard im being sooo brave (i'm not)

[neve-0001]

HAPPY ACE WEEK!!

hi tumblr, beetlejuice fans, but most importantly, the aforementioned acespec and arospec community!

as someone who is both acespec and arospec (demirose/demisexual+demiromantic), i’m really happy that there’s a week for us. anyway, time for some awareness:

basic definitions

asexual: refers to an individual who experiences little to no sexual attraction.

aromantic: refers to an individual who experiences little to no romantic attraction.

aroace: asexual + aromantic

demisexual: refers to an individual who only experiences sexual attraction once there’s an emotional bond formed.

demiromantic: refers to an individual who only experiences romantic attraction once there’s an emotional bond formed.

demirose: demisexual + demiromantic

graysexual: refers to an individual who only experiences sexual attraction sometimes, sometimes not at all, or under specific circumstances.

grayromantic: refers to an individual who only experiences sexual attraction sometimes, sometimes not at all, or under specific circumstances.

+ many more. I recommend doing research!

important things to note are:

aroacespec people are not in a phase. we’re valid. we’re real. some of us get into relationships or do the thing, some of us may not. some of us fluctuate. some of us are repulsed by all things of that nature.

and most importantly… we all still experience love! we are not emotionless beings <3 (platonic/familial/friendship type love, that is!!)

here’s a beej accepting you for who you are

love,

a gay, demirose man

shhhhhhh i’m not late it’s still the 26th where i’m at.

[poespetraven]

AHHHHHH! Look at me! I’m doing it! I’m making a post! I shall lurk no longer!! I have no idea what I’m doing! Get the camera!

Anyways, hi! I’m gonna write a little intro thingy cause I don't know what else to do!

I’m Raven, I use she/her pronouns, and I’m aroace I think! I love music and singing and writing songs and stuff and I am trying to get into other forms of art, too, which has been fun so far! I made a tumblr account because I want to admire other people’s amazing creations!

I am EXTREMELY NORMAL about Undertale and Deltarune. SO normal in fact that I have NOT AT ALL been INSANE about these games since 2020 when I first learned about them. Thoughts of these games DO NOT invade my brain 24/7/365. I am very much NOT OBSESSED!!!

Ok maybe I lied just a teeny tiny little bit. (What have you done, Toby Fox? (((thank you Toby Fox))))

UT/DR was kinda the soul (hehe) reason I made this account and stuff related to UT/DR was literally the only kind of stuff I looked at on tumblr until like literally about a month ago. (Thanks, Book of Bill, I am relapsing into a Gravity Falls addiction.) 

So right now I have two obsessions! Undertale/Deltarune and Gravity Falls! “Wow look at all that variety” you say! But what if I told you there was actually a third obsession that was actually an obsession within an obsession? Well there is! Underverse/Xtale! (Surprise surprise, it’s Undertale related). Xtale/Underverse is an Undertale fan comic/animated show by Jakei/Jael Peñaloza and OH MY GOSH IT IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE SHOW EVER, GO SHOW HER SOME SUPPORT, SHE LITERALLY WRITES AND ANIMATES IT ENTIRELY BY HERSELF AND IT’S SO FREAKING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I’M BEING SO FOR REAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW PLEASE GO WATCH IT I JUST AIKGJIHUFLJKEVJHWKEEHVJO>LOIUWO!!!! Anyways, I highly recommend it.

So yeh! So 2.5 obsessions! That’s literally all I see on my dash! It’s wonderful! Yay!

…Ok so I don’t actually know what else to say. I feel like this isn’t how introduction posts are supposed to go but fuck it we make out own rules! I highly doubt anyone is going to read this and that's probably a good thing BUT IF FOR SOME CURSED REASON SOMEBODY DOES READ THIS MESS I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT REMEMBER YOU ARE VALID AND YOU ARE LOVED OK I’M GONNA STOP TALKING NOW BYEEE!!!!

[alexandraisyes]

eclipse is not straight, at least imo. He's either really gay for Sun, or aroace (or something else idk)

Also same goes for Solar- either aroace or really queer. Not straight.

My gaydar is going insane for them

It is my personal belief/headcanon that Eclipse is aroace. We never get confirmation, but he's really touch-averse in general, and he has ASPD. I can literally confirm as someone with ASPD who has done their research that if you have full-blown diagnosable ASPD you fall under the aromantic umbrella. Most of us are demiromantic or romance-repulsed (more the former than the latter). There's an actual psychological reason behind this as well.

(Rifling through my notes hold on)

For someone with ASPD who has learned to care and respect their partner, love may still be experienced differently compared to individuals without the disorder. Their expression of love might be more pragmatic or rational, characterized by a deep sense of loyalty and commitment rather than intense emotional connection. They may prioritize actions over words, demonstrating their love through practical gestures and efforts to ensure the well-being and happiness of their partner. Their love may be marked by a strong sense of protection and responsibility towards their partner, as they recognize the importance of the relationship in their life. They might strive to understand their partner's needs and preferences, even if they don't inherently grasp them on an emotional level. Despite potential challenges in empathizing with their partner's emotions, they may still demonstrate care and consideration in their own way, seeking to maintain harmony and stability in the relationship. Over time, with effort and self-awareness, they can develop a deeper understanding of love and cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.

Earlier set of notes I had stashed away. Looking for the psychology set now.

The aromantic umbrella encompasses a wide range of experiences related to romantic attraction, including people who experience little to no romantic attraction (aromantic), those who experience it rarely (greyromantic), or under specific circumstances (demiromantic). Given this diversity, many people with ASPD who struggle with emotional connections find that their experiences align with some aspect of the aromantic spectrum. The difficulty in forming deep emotional connections, which is common in ASPD, can directly influence one’s experience of romantic attraction. If emotional connection is a significant part of romantic attraction for most people, then those with ASPD might not experience romantic attraction in the same way or at all, leading them to identify as aromantic. For people with ASPD, identifying as aromantic can be a way to understand and communicate their experiences with attraction and relationships. It provides a framework that validates their experience of not feeling romantic attraction or feeling it differently.

Literally speaking as someone with ASPD who knows several other people with ASPD, everyone I have talked to experiences an extremely reduced or no romantic attraction. Most of us don't even know that we can feel romantic attraction until we form a deep emotional bond with another person, and if you've been following my writings about ASPD, you'll know exactly how difficult that is for us. Aromantic doesn't mean you don't have an interest in dating, it literally is just a reflection of how much romantic attraction you can feel.

Aromanticism refers to a romantic orientation where an individual does not experience romantic attraction towards others. This doesn't necessarily mean they are uninterested in relationships or incapable of love; rather, their relationships may not involve the romantic elements traditionally expected in society.

I cannot tell you a single relationship with someone with ASPD that is "traditionally romantic" because we literally just do not love like empathetic people. We don't "fall in love", instead it's a deep sense of loyalty and devotion for someone who has earned our respect, and if romantic love comes on later in life if that person sticks around, then good for us. But it's not considered a natural thing for us because most of the time people aren't willing to stick around that long, or we get freaked out and dip before we can form any real connection to others.

As far as Solar, I don't really know what he is nor do I have a speculation. He might be aroace; he's never really expressed an interest in dating or things like that. I think it's a fun headcanon that he's demiromantic like a lot of my friends have suggested for him.

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