#are you *sure* it has to be a wife????
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Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :
Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources
Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)
Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women
Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women
Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)
Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)
Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community
Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS
Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough
Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media
Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards
Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories
Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")
And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue
Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)
#Also I'm saying this as someone who actually watched quite a few of Somerton's videos#And noticed those patterns and stopped watching bc I recognised them from here#and had already learned to unlearn them after being so exposed to them here#And tbh I think anyone who hasn't had the luck or made the conscious choice to seek out ppl who pushed against those narratives#Would absolutely have fallen for this man's bullshit. Like let's not kid ourselves we see takes like this every day on this hellsite#2014 me would have. For sure.#This is next to the plagiarism issue which as Harris points out is an Internet wide issue and this includes tumblr#James Somerton#hbomberguy#todd in the shadows#This brought to you by a conversation with my wife yesterday#So many ppl on here don't deserve to meme or be this self absolvingly critical of this man#The call is coming from inside the house#The man has a tumblr it would legit not surprise me if some of the things he supposedly made up himself he did actually get from somewhere#And that somewhere was a tumblr post
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My favorite thing about Annabeth is her wardrobe.
Cause like, Rick simplifies her clothes in a way a man would, and you can tell.
Cause in EVERY book, from The Lightning Thief to Chalice, she’s in the goddamn CHB shirt. With like some shorts or cargo pants. Nothing more, nothing less.
He’s made improvements over the years, giving her some other clothes. But he’ll always come back to old faithful.
Like, he most definitely did it on accident, but he made her so Adam Sandler and I love it
#and she def walks around in basketball shorts and a wife beater#+ the fact that she probably steals Percy’s clothes#like don’t get me wrong she looks awesome#I just think it’s funny#and with Rick’s books you can tell by the fashion that it’s a man writing#AND SHES THE ONLY ONE#besides Jason#Jason also only wears his purple t-shirt#I’m pretty sure he died in it#but everyone else has a sense of fashion#even if it’s a little bit#I love her#she’s so Adam Sandler coded#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo tv show#heroes of olympus#pjo#percy jackson#annabeth chase
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seeing things
#thinking about how ragnvaldr lost a partner and a child...and gets other two. inch resting. i'm sure he has no mental illness about it all#fear and hunger#funger#ragnvaldr#the girl#enki#no idea how to tw this#tw blood#comic#digital art#fanart#rabisco#escape au#enkivaldr#via “i think of you as my dead wife”
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People: "omgg Catelyn was such an evil bitch if she was so hurt at Ned she should have taken it out on him instead of Jon who did nothing wrong!"
Westerosi noble husbands who have full legal and social control of their household (including their wife) if their wife ever attempts to "take something out on them":
#they also just had a whole ass continent wide war about a prince running off with someone who wasnt her wife#begging you guys to engage those braincells for 4 seconds#catelyn stark#catelyn tully stark#it was 1000% neds fault that situation happened even knowing his motivations#and sure there are exceptions like genna lannister who have sway in their households because their fathers family is more powerful#-than their husbands#but even then genna had to OBEY HER FATHER and marry emmon frey against her wishes#almost like she still has to abide by the word of a man#almost like in a feudal patriarchy the ones with all the power are NOBLE MEN
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If My Body Could Speak, Blythe Baird | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | My Father's House, Sylvia Fraser | To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection, Lynne Shako | Storms from Jupiter, Wanda Deglane | DO NOT REPLY, @filmnoirsbian
#connie corleone#carmela corleone#the godfather#web weaving#this is...quite negative towards carmela i guess#so i just want to make it clear that i actually really love her as a character and i actually can understand how she became who she was#she was a woman born in the late 19th century raised not just in a patriarchal society but a CATHOLIC patriarchal society#who therefore grew up learning that she was primarly defined by her relationship to her husband and her capacity to be a 'good wife'#so i totally understand why she would take some type of sick pride in knowing that her husband never 'had' to hit her#but like...that entire part of the book was legit hard to read and Carmela was really not that much better than Vito there#so it's kinda hard for me not side eyed the shit out of her when she blame Connie for being a neglectful mom#like geez Carmela I wonder why your daugther might be struggling I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you did or refused to do...#i'll say that she did end up being concerned for Connie and trying to help so she definitely deserves some points here#unlike Vito's dumbass who was just like 'it really hurts me to know that my daughter is being hit all the time but i can't do anything :('#'I'll tell her it's all her fault and that she deserves to be hit that will surely help somehow'#Vito really spent the entirety of this book being like 'nothing and I mean NOTHING matters more than blood (conditions very much applies)'#domestic violence mention
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yeah the brocedes divorce was inevitable and there was never any other version of the story but also they literally didn't have to do all that.
and yeah the rosquez divorce was unnecessary and vaguely life-changing but also valentino rossi you were 36 years old why did you do that.
I think about these four gay bitches every other day but I'm not even sad about it I just think it's funny. like. Why were these grown men who never dated having such traumatic divorces in the mid 2010s. like???
#im sure this has been said before#but i just saw a post that mentioned vale being 36 at the time and spat out my cereal#like that is objectively hilarious#or like nico rosberg you had a WIFE you had KIDS#why were you being gay on main#brocedes#rosquez#f1#motogp
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TotK DLC idea!
The screen is black. You don’t hear anything for a long time. Then, faintly, in the distance, you can hear it.
Link. Link. Open your eyes.
While the line echoes familiarity, the voice does not.
Or. Well. It does. Because while it isn’t Zelda, it’s a familiar man’s voice speaking gently, so gently you almost don’t recognize it because there’s no way he ever spoke like this in the main game.
But he is now. And instead of a golden light being the first image you see before the screen shows Link awakening… you see gloom floating in the air. The image cuts to a Hylian waking up who… doesn’t look like Link from TotK?? He’s different, still small in stature, with slightly tanner skin, platinum light blonde hair, and red eyes. But… something’s wrong with his forehead. There’s a weird line on it.
This new character you apparently are gonna be playing in the DLC blearily blinks his eyes open, clearly groggy and too weak to really move. But then that line on his forehead moves a hair, it splits apart, and you realize it’s a freaking eye, red and yellow and it’s like the ones on gloom hands and oh gosh what the hell is it doing on his forehead—
Link realizes something is off and his eyes blow wide, his hands reach for his forehead and he screams in agony and terror, only for someone to scoop him into a hug to soothe him.
And suddenly you realize why that voice was eerily familiar.
It’s Ganondorf. He resurrected you from the era of the Imprisoning War. You, who have a history with him and his family. You, who he wants to protect, who he views as his kid, who he calls a prince and says he’ll keep you safe by controlling your body with his dark magic if he has to.
Welcome to Tears of the Kingdom: Hero’s Shadow.
You have to play a long gone Hero who was resurrected. Ganondorf, who is still recovering his strength in preparation for killing the current Hero, tasks you with finding your betrothed, his daughter, as well as his wife. They’re buried somewhere in the Depths like you were. He wants you to find their burial sites so he can use his secret stone to resurrect them like he did you, and control them as well. Which is doubly bad when you realize his wife was the original Sage of Lightning. He gives you free reign to wander once you go through a tutorial (he tests you to see if you’ve recovered enough strength), because he knows you love wandering and collecting things. Your own personal objective, however, is trying to help Hyrule from the Depths, to break free from Ganondorf’s control, because Link would rather set himself on fire than let Ganondorf resurrect and control the love of his life and his mother-in-law. Your best hope is to find shards of the shattered Master Sword to try and stab the eye on Dark Link’s forehead and break the control Ganondorf has on you. Until you can, though, the monsters are your allies, you can teleport across the Depths by manifesting out of the gloom created by gloom hands (just like what Phantom Ganon does), and the world below is your oyster. If you get too close to sword shards when gloom hands are nearby, Ganondorf can see your attempt and immediately takes control of your body, and no matter what button you press Link just walks back to Ganondorf’s location and stays there until you get a chance to try again.
You start with three hearts, all empty looking like when gloom hurts you, and if you get injured they just shatter. Whenever they all shatter, you respawn at Ganondorf’s location because his gloom hands came and rescued you from dying. The only way you can get more hearts is by collecting poes and offering them to the statues in the Depths. You can communicate with the spirits of soldiers, who may give you combat tips or info about the area. If you gain enough of Ganondorf’s trust, he’ll let you command monsters, and he might even let you wander the Surface (under his supervision) during a blood moon.
You learn of Link’s and Ganondorf’s history through discovering ancient relics/texts that trigger memories. This connection between you and Ganondorf stems back to time before the war, well over ten thousand years ago. Link was engaged to Ganondorf’s daughter, but during the Imprisoning War the family fought against the demon king. Ganondorf did love his family, but he loved power more. Link sacrificed himself, letting himself get mortally wounded to save Rauru from a killing blow. Gan held him as he died, and it allowed Link to both beg him to stop and stab him in the heart with a light shard. The shard didn’t kill him, but it was what Rauru connected with when he hit him in the chest, allowing him to seal Ganondorf away. Ganondorf still wants the world, but his love for his family is still present, though now twisted, so he thinks he can control Link and everyone else with his dark magic in order to keep them safe and in line. Once the threat of the current Hero is eliminated, the world will be his, and his family will be safe. As such, he treats you, Link, the player, like a stubborn child, reeling you in, but does so in a horrific way, torturing Link by controlling him.
You have to break free of this and stop him, and the only hope you have is the distant call of a sword spirit…
#tears of the kingdom#totk#I think it would be pretty neat to play someone who is “allies” with the bad guy#but you still have the objective of stopping evil#But you have to manipulate Ganondorf and work around his watch#So you get to play double agent#And possibly see a more complex Ganondorf#Like the dude is still being evil; he’s using his love for Link as an excuse to control him#He does care about him but he’s expressing it in the worst way#and he wants to do the same to his wife and daughter#So still a bad guy but a far more interesting one#One day you’re on the Surface with him and you see the Light Dragon and you’re not sure who it is#Because Link died before Zelda ate the secret stone#But Link can kind of guess#And Ganondorf almost noticed her so Link has to hug him or say something to get his attention#You have to manipulate Gan as best you can#idk how it would end#Like once you break free what do you do#But the idea tickled my mind so I wanted to write it down#Yes I’m just playing with my Imprisoning War blorbos#no I don’t care#legend of zelda#skye time travels through the queue#hero of shadow
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Th....thinking about domestic!suguru who always makes his plates of food look good for his bb <3 whether it be breakfast, dinner or a snack, he always makes it look good in case his bb wants to take a pic 😊
this is making me feel so warm & soft bc you’re so right anon… i think one of his biggest love languages is acts of services and that includes making meals for his beloved! i think if you two live together then he’s absolutely perfected his recipes for your favorite meals, and if you don’t live together then TRUST that he’s toiled away in the kitchen with a stained apron, hair pulled back with wild pieces covering his face, and a small smile after he’s tasted his meal cooked with love (he can’t wait to cook your meal and casually bring it over one day — a small smirk on his face as he says “it was nothing!”)
((IT WAS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING… satoru had to calm him down on the phone when he spiraled about if you would like the food or not)) (((satoru offered to be a taste tester and finished all the food -> suguru PROMPTLY bonked him on the head w a frying pan)))
BUT YOU’RE SO RIGHT!!!!! i think he feels especially honored and excited when you take a picture of the food he made because he PRIDES himself on plating! i’m talking abt he can do cute animal shapes one day and then elegant michelin style plating the next — my man has RANGE! <333 i think suguru ALSO has a notes app of your favorite food/snacks/beverages and ALSO an album of food he’s made for you/food you’ve made for him :’)
i think food is one of his biggest love languages :’) he wants you to eat well and bonus points if he can feed you with all the love too :’) if he fusses over you please let him, he just loves you so much & you’re too adorable 🙂↕️ and if you want to learn how to cook/already know, then suguru’s favorite activity/pastime is cooking with you :’) it’s very intimate and sweet, love belongs in the kitchen!
#asks#anon#this was so cute i had to answer it immediately 🙂↕️🩷#i think this goes for a suguru who eats curses too — he’s not picky abt food bc anything tastes better than a curse#i think his tastebuds aren’t totally honed so sometimes he’s nervous to make you food bc he’s worried it would taste bad#but he has food testers around him (satoru nanami haibara shoko utahime) to make sure your food is wonderful!#and he writes down EXACT measurements and once he’s comfortable making it then he just knows everything by heart and likes to play w it#and as for a no-curses au 🙂↕️ we know that man is HUSBAND. a beautiful demon in the kitchen#he can chef up ANYTHING! loves teaching/learning abt cooking & different cuisines! and loves grocery shopping with you 🥹#(aka you sitting in the cart throwing junk food in while suguru isn’t looking and him sighing fondly when he sees you surrounded by snacks)#((he bonks you on the head w green onions after . he’s my wife))#snippets#<- bc i might need to put this concept in my fic omg
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"I felt like I had something that my father wanted to take from me. I had something he didn’t have, and he wanted it. I felt that way sometimes with other men later in my life. That they were trying to take something from me." - The Incest Diary
#girl obsessed w the dynamic between yasmin and her father and i said oh im sure....#your own daddy doesnt even daddy you🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪#which is such a crazy thing to say to the girl u grew up with/are significantly older than...#also its like he (yasmins dad) has been absent for so long in yasmins life and when he comes back/starts to give her attention its#less like a father with his daughter and more like an older man reconciling with a friend...or a husband w his wife...#which honestly makes sense bc hes never really parented yasmin did he....#and i think it also speaks to why these scenes of him being physical with her are so much more disturbing. they arent reminiscent of a#father disciplining his daughter but more like a husband berating his wife.#well. anyway.#industry hbo#industry#*
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just watched beetlejuice beetlejuice at the theaters, and can I just say, I loved it! it definitely didn’t disappoint and was a zany adventure, just like the first one.
and it kinda added layers to betelgeuse in a way. because spoilers I definitely thought they would go the same route for astrid and jeremy, the same way they did for lydia and betelgeuse in that what jeremy wanted was for astrid to marry him so that he could get out. instead it was a more sinister method, and it makes me wonder why betelgeuse never tried it. it can’t be because he doesn’t know about it, because he’s the type of ghost to read the handbook backwards and forwards just so he can find every loophole to exploit. like my head keeps going in circles. especially for the first movie where lydia had initially wanted ‘in’ while he wanted ‘out’, the switcheroo method that jeremy tried with astrid would’ve been perfect then. even in this movie where he already has experience of lydia backing out of their deal, he could have had lydia promise to exchange her soul for his. with how much she wanted to save astrid, I’m sure lydia would have agreed. instead, he just wanted to remarry her. it’s interesting because it means betelgeuse, as putrid, crass, disgusting, and opportunistic as he is, actually seems like he has lines he won’t cross.
#beetlejuice#beetlejuice beetlejuice#beetlejuice beetlejuice spoilers#lydia deetz#astrid deetz#like sure betelgeuse did end up killing his ex wife but it was a qpq kind of thing#so is it like jeremy was even a worse kind of monster thing?#betelgeuse is interesting because while he seems every bit a cheater#when he gives his word he’ll see it through#he plays fair…in a way#even at the end it seems like he lets lydia banish him#like some sort of fae he will trick you dont trust him but if you beat him fair and square…#I mean I loved the cartoon#part of me thinks that even movie!beetlejuice has a soft spot for lydia#because he will (try to) horrify and traumatize her#(and I love that her reaction to this is just an unimpressed weirded out look)#but he will still help her#he treats her differently than other women for example…somewhat#weirdly enough they remind me of jareth and sarah#so my favorite dynamic of theirs will always be lydia somehow still getting the upper hand on him
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Does machete have to hide his relationship with Vasco? Since he's a cardinal and all. That's gotta be tough considering how hard of a life he's had.
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#I don't think he has a choice#luckily they're both quite good at keeping secrets#I'm not entirely sure how many other people know for certain#as you may remember Vasco was forced into a lavender marriage in his early 20's to cover up his homosexuality#his wife knows he's gay and is fine with him having extramarital partner(s)#their relationship is close but purely platonic#she probably doesn't know the identities of Vasco's dates or meet them but she knows they're there#I think Machete's longtime personal assistant his closest right hand man might find out sooner or later#maybe he helps to facilitate things#but that might be it#if a word of their relationship got out it would be devastating for both#of course there's always rumors and gossip but it's the same for literally every public figure so people rarely take that seriously#answered#anonymous#Vasco#Machete#Vaschete lore
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graduation day 🌸
#persona 3#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#HELLO EVERYONE... i humbly offer a minato in these trying times... are you all prepared for the wave of march 5th art bc aha! im sure not#i looked at the promised day tag on twitter and GAAAH THE WORKS ARE ALL SOOO BEAUTIFUL#truly it touches my heart that soo many people are still drawing fan art for this important day even 16 years after the game has released#this is my second time celebrating it! and i couldn't be more grateful to have met minato and see his story....#genuinely though his growth throughout p3 is sooooo loooovely and it's rlly hard to put in words. but like. god. i love my wife#dont look @ me for calling him that. i have seen other ppl call him wife material in the tags. they're right btw#oh and uh if u want u can look at my art for last year its smwhere in my art tag.... i like to think i hav improved... LOL#anyway thats all i have to say... i will rb and cry and sing to kimi no kioku tmrw since its still the 4th where i live. take care everyon!
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HELP! I've fallen down a Bering and Wells hole again and can't stop watching fanvids. I misssssss them!!! 😢
#I'm also thinking about a platonic Pete & Myka soulmate AU and all the bickering that would come with it#Like Pete trying to feel out what the rules are for him dating someone if she and him are soulmates#and Myka's like 'I literally never want to talk about who you have sex with ever'#“But-” / “NOPE! Just do whatever you want Pete!”#And then later as joke (but delivered completely seriously) she says she wants full approval of any serious relationship he has#And she'll be the one planning the proposal for him#(No no no! That's not happening.)#Actually! She might just play matchmaker for him too because she's not sure she can trust his judgement#... or his ability to make a good first impression.#“You wanted my input remember?” / “Not like that!”#And then even LATER when she meets Amanda for the first time she's like 'Wow that's your ex-wife? Man you really fucked up there."#“Yeah thanks for that Myka. That's very helpful.”#“No chance of winning her back?”#“Winning back my ex-wife who's about to be remarried? No I think that ship has sailed.”#“Yeah.... My ex girlfriend is a hologram now so at least this is a step up from that.”#“I never agreed to HG being your girlfriend.”#“.... Yeah but I wanted to.”#“.... Okay this is getting way too gloomy for a wedding day. We need to stuff ourselves with cake.”#Warehouse 13#Myka Bering#Pete Lattimer#Helena Wells#Bering and Wells#my fic#(I guess accidentally in the tags lol)#(idk I'm tired man. My head is all over the place today :P)
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Aging rockstar Eddie Munson who goes viral on tiktok after dueting a fancam of him and Stevie that is backed by the bi wife energy audio.
It's shaky, clearly a spur of the moment response, Eddie is obviously captivated for a second by a clip of Stevie that starts to play. He sighs and directs his attention back to the audience. "I love my beautiful wife, the sun to my moon, the light of my life."
You can just make out another voice from somewhere in the background call out, "Love you too!"
"But I did not survive being an openly gay teenager in the 1980s in rural Indiana to be called a heterosexual!"
He zooms in closer to his face, it's unclear whether this was intentional, "I did not go through a sexuality crisis in the early 90s when she transitioned, to be called a heterosexual."
Stevie comes out from somewhere behind where Eddie is ranting to drape herself around his shoulders, "Oh that's a good picture of us." The original video is a step above thirst trap and the picture in question is a pap shot of Stevie and Eddie from a long past Halloween. Stevie is in the famous Farrah onepiece and Eddie is in first husband Lee Majors' Six Million Dollar Man red tracksuit.
"You just like it cause we actually ran into Farrah and she liked your hair."
"It was also-"
She isn't dislodged as Eddie fails, well practiced at staying on her perch. "I didn't cancel the back half of our 1995 tour because of morning sickness to get called a HETEROSEXUAL!"
Stevie's smile is indulgent and soft, it wrinkles the corners of her eyes in soft crows feet that betray her age. "You can be trans and straight."
"A fucking ally then!"
She's got a sage Mona Lisa smile as the video ticks to a close, "I love my husband, and he's actually bi."
#steddie#t4t steddie#transfem steve harrington#stevie harrington#trans eddie munson#do you ever get the bi wife energy song stuck in your head for weeks at a time cause your brain is broken?#anyway i am enchanted by the idea that both halves of steddie gave eachother little bi crisises#little freshman stevie getting butterflies over this charismatic sophomore#eddie who has been sure hes gay since he can remember being completely blindsided by his attraction to stevie#is this a vecna verse thing who knows#maybe they went their seperate ways and came back together but either way#stevie also likes the halloween picture because thats their first halloween with their daughter technically#eddie had to scrap his original costume plans because he started showing#idk i just imagine a famous eddie keeping his personal life private and then people make assumptions about this guy and his wife#and those assumptions are that hes straight and that just wont stand
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Taylor has a song about how a dry spell (among other things) lit the fuse about her fantasizing about a man she would come to despise and about her realizing her long-term relationship was dead and some pearl-clutchers think she’s offended that her boyfriend accidentally implied that they cannot relate to that feeling anymore lmao
#look I get that this is a brave new world#compared to how tightly that side of her used to be guarded#but Taylor’s been singing about sex low-key for over a decade#and explicitly since rep lol#and she’s clearly not shy about it#given that in the last year she’s like fully emerged on stage and has gotten assier and boobier and why do people think that is lol#she’s feeling herself and good for her#also it’s not like Travis described like their favourite positions or anything lmao#he was talking so generally not even just about Taylor like please#he was just like ‘#can’t relate I’m not a 50 year old man who doesn’t listen to his wife sorry’#like we should all just be happy that Taylor has someone who is open to and caring of her needs#and vice versa#like those two are all over each other all the time they clearly want to get married they clearly want to start a family#(and sooner rather than later)#how do you think that is going to happen lol#the woman has Agora Hills and Juno among others on her preshow playlist -- pretty sure she's fine with all of it lol#anyway this is kind of funny to me is all
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i know it's late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY WARREN GODBY
#warren godby#red valley podcast#red valley#Warren Godby the man that you are#Casually s*icidal middle aged/retirement age man who has 0 conflict resolution skills#a tendency towards violence#A love of retro games#And the diet of a toddler#Horrendously dysfunctional elder millennial with brain damage who is in love with his best friend#Popsicle man who'd rather not deal with it right now thank you#He can eat so much ice cream and never get a brain freeze#Captain shit#Somehow managed to land an incredibly intelligent and well adjusted wife oh wait nevermind#Is pretty sure tortoises will never love you back#Is he neurodivergent or is it just the trauma + brain damage#The most horrendously avoidant man of all time#Needs a lot more therapy than he ever ended up getting#Like if the frozen feeder eats you find in a pet store were also lab rats#Guinea pig of all time#Semi-willing recipient of evil science experimentation#Ok I think I'm done#I do love him
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