#I think it would be pretty neat to play someone who is “allies” with the bad guy

[skyloftian-nutcase]

TotK DLC idea!

The screen is black. You don’t hear anything for a long time. Then, faintly, in the distance, you can hear it.

Link. Link. Open your eyes.

While the line echoes familiarity, the voice does not.

Or. Well. It does. Because while it isn’t Zelda, it’s a familiar man’s voice speaking gently, so gently you almost don’t recognize it because there’s no way he ever spoke like this in the main game.

But he is now. And instead of a golden light being the first image you see before the screen shows Link awakening… you see gloom floating in the air. The image cuts to a Hylian waking up who… doesn’t look like Link from TotK?? He’s different, still small in stature, with slightly tanner skin, platinum light blonde hair, and red eyes. But… something’s wrong with his forehead. There’s a weird line on it.

This new character you apparently are gonna be playing in the DLC blearily blinks his eyes open, clearly groggy and too weak to really move. But then that line on his forehead moves a hair, it splits apart, and you realize it’s a freaking eye, red and yellow and it’s like the ones on gloom hands and oh gosh what the hell is it doing on his forehead—

Link realizes something is off and his eyes blow wide, his hands reach for his forehead and he screams in agony and terror, only for someone to scoop him into a hug to soothe him.

And suddenly you realize why that voice was eerily familiar.

It’s Ganondorf. He resurrected you from the era of the Imprisoning War. You, who have a history with him and his family. You, who he wants to protect, who he views as his kid, who he calls a prince and says he’ll keep you safe by controlling your body with his dark magic if he has to.

Welcome to Tears of the Kingdom: Hero’s Shadow.

You have to play a long gone Hero who was resurrected. Ganondorf, who is still recovering his strength in preparation for killing the current Hero, tasks you with finding your betrothed, his daughter, as well as his wife. They’re buried somewhere in the Depths like you were. He wants you to find their burial sites so he can use his secret stone to resurrect them like he did you, and control them as well. Which is doubly bad when you realize his wife was the original Sage of Lightning. He gives you free reign to wander once you go through a tutorial (he tests you to see if you’ve recovered enough strength), because he knows you love wandering and collecting things. Your own personal objective, however, is trying to help Hyrule from the Depths, to break free from Ganondorf’s control, because Link would rather set himself on fire than let Ganondorf resurrect and control the love of his life and his mother-in-law. Your best hope is to find shards of the shattered Master Sword to try and stab the eye on Dark Link’s forehead and break the control Ganondorf has on you. Until you can, though, the monsters are your allies, you can teleport across the Depths by manifesting out of the gloom created by gloom hands (just like what Phantom Ganon does), and the world below is your oyster. If you get too close to sword shards when gloom hands are nearby, Ganondorf can see your attempt and immediately takes control of your body, and no matter what button you press Link just walks back to Ganondorf’s location and stays there until you get a chance to try again.

You start with three hearts, all empty looking like when gloom hurts you, and if you get injured they just shatter. Whenever they all shatter, you respawn at Ganondorf’s location because his gloom hands came and rescued you from dying. The only way you can get more hearts is by collecting poes and offering them to the statues in the Depths. You can communicate with the spirits of soldiers, who may give you combat tips or info about the area. If you gain enough of Ganondorf’s trust, he’ll let you command monsters, and he might even let you wander the Surface (under his supervision) during a blood moon.

You learn of Link’s and Ganondorf’s history through discovering ancient relics/texts that trigger memories. This connection between you and Ganondorf stems back to time before the war, well over ten thousand years ago. Link was engaged to Ganondorf’s daughter, but during the Imprisoning War the family fought against the demon king. Ganondorf did love his family, but he loved power more. Link sacrificed himself, letting himself get mortally wounded to save Rauru from a killing blow. Gan held him as he died, and it allowed Link to both beg him to stop and stab him in the heart with a light shard. The shard didn’t kill him, but it was what Rauru connected with when he hit him in the chest, allowing him to seal Ganondorf away. Ganondorf still wants the world, but his love for his family is still present, though now twisted, so he thinks he can control Link and everyone else with his dark magic in order to keep them safe and in line. Once the threat of the current Hero is eliminated, the world will be his, and his family will be safe. As such, he treats you, Link, the player, like a stubborn child, reeling you in, but does so in a horrific way, torturing Link by controlling him.

You have to break free of this and stop him, and the only hope you have is the distant call of a sword spirit…

[violent-backed-starling]

Pairings/Groups I would like to see in the Life Series.

Grian & Cleo: They can both be extremely chaotic and murder-happy but they can also just be someone exhausted parent. I think they could really cause some trouble together.

Team Piss (Pearl, Impulse, Skizz, and Scott): Listen, the acronym is funny also putting two dynamic duos together really works. Imp and Skizz is a classic and Pearl and Scott work either really well or are batshit insane together. Also Imp and Pearl are also another awesome duo, so this is a very skilled team, two former winners an angel and a devil. I love that for them.

Scar & Big B: Cookie boys!!! Listen I just think it would be neat and they could live in a cookie themed flying saucer, raining down tnt minecarts and arrows onto anyone within range.

Jimmy, Cleo, and Ren: This would be fun okay. Ren and Cleo get on pretty well and I think adding Jimmy to them would be awesome. You know Ren is gonna be dramatic as hell and that he would have a blast playing around with having Jimmy as like a squire or something where he eventually gets promoted. Then Cleo could look on at her two dumbasses just like she did in Limited Life.

GIGS: I just love the phasmo-boys. Listen is it is the dads and their idiots sons. I think this would be a great way to work in the desert duo but in a way where Scar has several people looking out for him and Grian is allowed to go buckwild and isn't feeling like he has to be responsible all the time. Skizz and Scar could go out at do some bonding by murdering enemies when they're both on red and Grian and Impulse can cause insane tnt explosions.

Pearl, Lizzie, Jimmy, & Grian: This is the ultimate sibling energy team okay? Seablings, sky siblings, Jimmy and G, they are just siblings your honor. I think this team would bully each other mercilessly but heaven help whomever decides to hurt one. I am sure that they would accidentally kill each other though.

Martyn, Skizz, Scar, & Impulse: Team SIMS would rock. Martyn is scary competent and would contribute. Scar is a great shot and could probably run a brilliant scam to get their team resources. Skizz would keep the team together and be a source of comedy as always. Impulse is for sure the team dad and is setting up traps and could probably win a season. This is a power team and I just think they'd be neat. There hasn't been a Martyn and Scar team up and I think it would rock.

Grian & Tango: I think these two would be unstoppable! Also The explosions would be fantastic. You know that they would be a chaotic force for evil and I love that for them <3

Joel & Ren: Wolf boys okay. I think that Joel would be feral for any teammate and something about Ren makes his allies absolutely insane. This team up would fucking rock and that is that.

Tango & Joel: Listen Tango could work well with someone who loves and is so utterly loyal to their teammates that they would die for them permanently. That someone is Joel through and through. I think that they could go far together and maybe Tango would get a more impactful death story-wise.

Lizzie & Jimmy: Seablings! She'll be Jim's scary big sister and he can be her sopping wet cat of a younger brother. They are just so sibling ya know.

[goodluckdetective]

A fic idea I pitched a few days ago that I’m considering writing:

So during Infinite Crisis, Dan “hates fun” Didio tried to kill off Dick and was thwarted at the last minute, leading to Kon dying instead. This was a smart move in my opinion as I cannot picture a functional Bruce Wayne in that situation (Jason is back but a crime lord and possibly dead again, he resisted the urge to write the world off because his son is good in this universe only for that son to die, ect, ect) that would be written well. But it did get me considering what would have happened otherwise, if Dick really did die.

First off, I think Bruce would be gone. He’s missing and no one knows if he either he worked himself into an early grave or he just up and vanished. Two of his sons are dead, Batgirl is missing, two Robins died in a month (Dick and Steph) and I think he’s just gonna be too broken to get back up this time, given the surrounding circumstances. Tim obviously is still around but he’s also having a bad time and probably too busy either looking for Bruce or going a little off the rails to be holding down Gotham. Barbara would be a mess cus her and Dick were engaged, Steph has faked her death. It’s a bad situation, the bats would be pretty much in ruins.

Enter Cass, who comes back because she believes in the Bat and someone should do it. Alfred is against the entire idea: he will let Cass stay at the manor and support her non vigilante life and life threatening injuries but otherwise he’s out, he can’t do coms. And so we do essentially a redux of Batman’s first year, except this time, there was a Batman before where everything broke down.

My take on it would be this idea of legacy and how legacy is both a gift and a curse. Cass has Batman’s reputation to work off of, but also his fall lingering behind her, the father figure she once had like the memory of Bruce’s parents was to him. She’s doing her best but also overwhelmed: Gotham is a big city and she is one person inheriting rogues. There is this question of the narrative that is present in a lot of early Bruce stories but slightly to the left; instead of asking if Batman is a good idea in the first place, it’s asking if keeping Batman going is worth it despite the ruin it left.

And like Bruce, she does gain allies as the arc goes and enemies. Barbara comes back at coms at some point. Tim is convinced to take to the fight. Jason serves as an anti-hero who maybe turns into an eventually ally. Steph returns to take up Batgirl. Damian shows up to try to take his father’s mantle and Cass finds herself throwing hands with a 10 year old. Duke is there because I think he’s neat.

And maybe down the line, Dick comes back to life and we play with how much stuff changed.

[llycaons]

ep49 (1/3): a shocking numbers of fans watched this scene where jgy cried a lot and fully swallowed his excuses. guys. guys.

oh wwx is annoyed as hell that jgy is dodging responsibility for everything he's done when he, wwx, never once denied his actions and bore the full weight of them and then some

more evidence for my 'jgy actively encourages lxc's crush even though he has no intention of ever reciprocating because it grants him power over him' hc!!!!!

oh jeex lxc looks like shit. I mean I guess he's had a rough couple of days. look at those eyes bags

lxc: I'm not your sworn brother anymore. jgy (realizing he's losing his grip on lxc): NOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭

okay to be fair I'm sure there is some genuine grief for losing the friendship and camaraderie of the one person who has always vouched for him, saved his life, supported him, etc. lxc was a wonderful friend and a powerful, steadfast ally. wasted on jgy!

you can practically see the forehead vein popping here. I don't think an lxc who fully understands jgy would ever love him. if xiyao is happening in some fic, either jgy is lying or someone's being mischaracterized. not that social factors didn't play a role in the things jgy did, but if you ignore his sadistic and vengeful nature, his willingness to murder innocent people, his unrepentant manipulation and deceptive nature, you're losing a lot of his character. for him to be someone who doesn't hurt others, he'd have to be someone guaranteed safety and respect and a position from birth. but that's so antithetical to his role in canon it wouldn't be the same person anyway

huh. why hasn't jgy tried to harras lwj more? I guess he got what he wanted and beyond lwj sealing himself, there's not much a reaction jgy can provoke

WELL. pretty clear choices here. jgy you could have packed up and fled the country before trying to kill a bunch of people and kidnapping children

lxc: why were you so cruel and murderous??? dude?? jgy: I HAD NO CHOICE BRO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 you believe me right??? would it help if I did this 😭😭😭😭

compared to wwx's impassioned, rational, fair defenses of himself and the people he was trying to protect, this is so pathetic. wwx never denied what he did, never dodged responsibility. when he said he had no other choices, it was in defense of innocent people at risk of political persecution and mass murder, not in defense of killing people to maintain his own position, he apologized for the death of jxz and suffered his own death in retribution for even the best things he did

YOU COULD HAVE LEFT!!!! or idk, face up to the consequences of your actions

I am so so sorry to bring the marvel 'cinematic' universe into our beautiful liveblog today but this shot just screamed "Tony, you CHOSE to do that' to me

of course he ~nobly~ doesn't deny it ONCE IT'S ALREADY COME TO LIGHT. but he denied up until the breaking point because he's a slippery eel and it's impossible to get him to face any consequences for his actions!!! if I was lxc I would be exasperated to death too

NEAT FRAMING

ohhh this flashback is so skin-crawling. I really love how deathly pale the robes and jgy's face are. the red of the wedding robes and the decorations are so ominous and omnipresent, like something horrifying about to happen, like something inescapable. the music really adds to the eeriness of the scene

it always hurt so bad that qs was so excited for her wedding night. she was happy! she liked jgy a lot and always respected him and his mother! she was a good and kind and innocent person and she had no IDEA god I feel sick I hate him so much

jgy really never spared a single thought to qs's well-being. it was all about him, and his horror, and his choices, and his position, and the injustices enacted on him. self-centered to the very end. of course he didn't think he had a choice. he would never choose against his own self-interest no matter how many people he hurt. god, qin su should have lived. her suicide was such bullshit

oh my god SUCH bullshit. 'uwu but I worked so hard!' okay yeah I get it's a precarious political situation and the issue isn't even your fault but DUDE. you're placing your own power and ambition higher in importance than this woman's entire life. and you MUST have known you would have murdered any child you two had.

pretty sucky situation all around. shocking idea though. YOU COULD HAVE TOLD QIN SU

jgy truly goes through life as if it was a me-or-them battle for survival in every single situation. in his mind, whoever bore the burden here would be the one destroyed, and he never would choose his own destruction. and it does make sense based on his environment and upbringing. god, he's such a good villain. none of this at all excuses his actions ofc, but it's an extremely compelling and powerful motivator for a villain hell-bent on surviving, viewing every situation as battle to the death, and fully buying into being viewed as the victim of every scenario

another contrast to wwx! wwx hates being seen as someone who was hurt. he dislikes being viewed as weak or vulnerable in any way by his enemies (and often his allies), and the way he wins battle and arguments is though either his power or his own honesty. for someone who omits key information and lowkey manipulates many of his loved ones, his straightforward arguments are more often than not the complete truth

in case we needed a reminder of his active sadism at work. who gaf about his dad but those poor women were treated as murder weapons and then mass murdered themselves

oh I do not like this slap scene, and I'm glad lxc is horrified by it as well. the exposure of jgy's crimes has never retroactively justified the classism and oppression he fought against, nor does it grant permission to his social superiors to treat him like they're inherently better than him, such as with this slap

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - THE END

I finished my run a few days ago actually - I’ve been letting it simmer in my noggin for a bit. I made myself a fancy dinner with a nice dessert and a bottle of wine, and I sat down and officially finished my run. Spoilers:

So I left off right after I gathered my allies. Heading in to the big courtyard fight, there is an insight check to be able to convince the fleeing city watch that they should fight with you. Nothing I could do could make me pass that check. I realize that I RP my tav as being pretty wise, but his wisdom is actually quite low. I checked my party to see who would be the best to attempt to roll this and was shocked to see that ASTARION was in fact the wisest in my group. Party of dumbasses. His wisdom was 14 but even that wasn’t high enough to get the check, I couldn’t pass it and got tired of reloading. OH WELL.

For that big courtyard fight - I was quickly feeling overwhelmed by the size of the area and the amount of enemies. The allies are nice, but you can only summon one every turn. I wasn’t feeling very good. Then I got the idea to send Astarion through by himself, with his amazing dark urge invisibility cape that he’s had since the beginning of act one, and had him run around picking off one-shotable enemies to make things a bit more manageable. It all reminded me a bit of the way back at the grove siege, when I also had him invisible and by himself in the middle of the fray. It was so hilarious watching him run around and pick things off one dude at a time, watch everyone else come rushing in all concerned, but no one able to do a thing about it. He got a really good chunk whittled down before he somehow got spotted, and then the real fight began.

I think this is the one big area where you’re supposed to bring out all the allies… there actually really aren’t too many other opportunities after this. I didn’t summon anyone for the run up the stairs because I assumed the NPC AI wouldn’t be smart enough to stay out of the nautiloid targeting, and the enemies weren’t challenging anyway. I might reload the courtyard fight and play a bit more with it and see what happens when you call more allies. The only ones I ended up calling were the hellriders - I tried the harpers cause someone said they were good here, but damn they have such low HP and they spawn in such a terrible area? The hellriders were a bit more durable. Plus yay - fighting with Zevlor again! And he’s got his paladin spells back!

While Astarion was doing his sneaky murder job, I had the rest of my party hidden in a corner. Once he was spotted, I had everyone run out and join the fight. I realized once the fight was completely over that I had forgot all about Gale, and he stayed hidden in the corner the whole time. Coward!

Big ol’ brain fight - this was so hard and yet somehow easier than I thought it would be as well? Somehow my summoned deva who almost never fucking lands his hit EVER actually landed a smite on the dragon and managed to make it afraid and wow that made a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

SO the dream guardians appear here, if you didn’t ally with the Emperor - so - this was a neat IDEA - I am actually absolutely fascinated with the act 1 dream guardian setup, just the whole concept of this character and how it’s introduced, helpful but also threatening, seductive and also dangerous. I like the idea that each other companion is also being visited by a version tailored specifically to their own desires. And… I feel like the ball as kind of dropped after that. I think after the second encounter, the companions no longer comment at all on the Guardian? Is it still appearing to them? Is it now focusing in only on Tav? Similarly I wish they had stronger reactions when the guardians appear - I feel like it should be compromising to have to face this comfort character in battle. And, why doesn’t the Emperor include your own dream guardian? Like, there are four of them, and none of them were mine, so there’s one here who is an odd man out. It would have been absolutely fucking devastating for me to have to attack my own guardian that I personalized myself and was really attracted to, why did the game miss the opportunity to include that? Myeh. Oh well.

Hm - I just did a google - it seems that the three female guardians are always the same no matter which companions are in your party (unfortunate), and then it sounds as though, for the fourth one, some players are indeed seeing their actual guardian? They are claiming to, anyway. I definitely didn’t - my guardian IS a male tiefling, but mine was a different male tiefling from the one that showed up in the fight. A wiki also says the guardians at the end are not personalized. Interesting? What did you guys see in that fight?

Hey, how do you even get the crown, in the end? I played normally, killed the gross brain, and the crown automatically splashed down into the sea, which suits me fine, but I’m wondering how Gale even gets it to become his silver surfer variant. Do you have to send him up by himself to blow up, then change your mind and take the crown instead? Or something?

We have our big goodbye scene on the docks - I mean I’ve seen this all before, but somehow it hits different when it’s playing on my big computer screen. Huh. I DO agree with you all this time, the game IS pretty cavalier about Astarion’s fate. I know that I’ll see him later on because I’m romancing him, but damn, if I’m not, that’s the last anyone sees of him until the epilogue party, and it makes me sad to think about. I do like his explanation later at the party that he ran because he felt ashamed, this was supposed to be everyone’s big victory moment and here he was suddenly on fire. I find that on brand for him. I just wish everyone had expressed a little concern…

The Epilogue Party: aw, what a nice addition Larian made. I can’t imagine the game just ending at the docks - it would feel so unsatisfying! It was really really nice to have this little denouement moment just to chat with each of them and hear what they’ve been up to, and each one has something so nice to say, it all made me tear up, second time in the game. Each one seems like they’re doing so well now. Shadowheart is enjoying a nice quiet life with her parents as they all deserve, Gale is a teacher, Karlach and Wyll sound like they’re having such a wild adventure, Lae’zel is brokering a historic partnership and said she learned the value of diplomacy from me, Halsin has settled down and is running an orphanage, Jaheira is fussing over her kids. And then Minsc. LMAO so I was wondering who the heck the random dude was by the banquet table, perhaps the caterer? But he seems…… frightened??? And it turns out it’s some random thief that Minsc has been trying to scare straight, who he has, for some reason, brought along with him to the party, lol.

The letters were so nice. It made me so happy to read them. I was… just a little disappointed that Mayrina didn’t mention anything about Kled… maybe she still needs a little time to get over the loss of her husband. I still stubbornly think they will end up together in the future. It was nice to have a letter explaining what Zevlor has been up to, an actual explanation for how he ended up at the battle in act 3.

You know though, I feel like I wish there were more letters. I wish there was one from Thrombo, I wish there was one from Omeluum and Blerg, I know we had the newspaper clipping about Rolan but a letter would have been nice - maybe a funny little story of something weird he found in the tower… would have been nice to hear from Isobel and Aylin, would have been nice to hear more about the city rebuilding from Ulder, I know Barcus talked a little but it would have been nice to have a letter directly from the Gondians, but… most of all, I wish I had more letters from the Tiefling refugees. And just a bigger wrap up with them in general.

I know apparently some players just don’t like them that much, but sorry, I can’t relate - I got very emotionally invested in their story, instantly, and to me, Baldur’s Gate 3 has been specifically about following them on their travels and helping them reach the city. I’m glad to see Rolan settled, I’m glad to read articles about Bex and Danis getting the cafe they wanted, Dammon’s note to Karlach is ABSOLUTELY FREAKING ADORABLE, but man I NEED an update from Cerys, I want to know that everyone is safe and settled. (maybe even that she’s got in contact with Zevlor and they’re trying to patch things up??) I want a letter from Mattis that is just an advertising brochure for an actual shop that he’s set up. I want a letter from Mol saying that she forgives me for killing for patron or something. Doni wrote a letter that you can find in act 1 - I don’t know if this was an oversight - if it’s not, I desperately wish I could have had a letter from him as well. I want a letter from Umi and Ide because they were making me worried in act 3, I want to know how they’re all doing, and if Umi ended up liking his pottery class. Etc Etc Etc.

That’s maybe just me. I was always 100% about the tieflings.

Anyways, I got all the letters it’s possible to get in a good run, but I noticed I was missing a letter from Sebastian, which made me wonder what I did wrong. As far as I know, I did everything I was supposed to? It should have triggered??? And then I realized… Sebastian’s letter talks about how all the freed spawn went into the underdark, how many of them died, some of them just disappeared, and the rest were gathered by Astarion’s spawn siblings and they now live in some ruins.

The reason I didn’t get his letter is because I chose the underdark option when Astarion was asking what we should do next. So, we’re probably in direct contact with Sebastian all the time! We’re the ones who gathered up the spawn, and we don’t need updates, because we’ve been right there for the past six months. I’m glad I figured it out, I liked Sebastian and I was sad not to have the letter I thought was coming.

Tara reminds me of my cat. She was so funny at the party, grumbling about being more comfortable in Gale’s mom’s sitting room. Loved watching her pounce around in camp. If my cat could talk, I think she’d talk like Tara.

And then they all mentioned how they should keep in touch and do this again soon. That hurt my heart. So bittersweet. Being in my 40s, having gone through several different friend groups now… I know……..

They will not keep in touch. They will want to, and they will even try for a while, but in the end they will go their separate ways. It just is not possible to sustain friendships over a large amount of time and space when everyone is doing something so different, when the only thing you have in common now are the things you did in the past. If there’s nothing going forward that brings you together besides that old nostalgia… like… inevitably that’s what happens, sooner or later, that’s just how it works.

And I mean that maybe sounds sad as hell but… somehow it’s also just… one of those bittersweet things that’s also ok. Like death and change. It’s inevitable and it’s sad but it’s also how things go. To me, thinking about that wasn’t like, upsetting and horrible, it was just kind of… wistful. Like aaaah… these “we should get together more often!” conversations, yes, I remember those, so many of those conversations, and then at some point that “we should get together more often!” line becomes the last thing you ever say to that person, because you never see them again. Yep, I know what that’s like.

At least that’s how I interpret it, like I said, being in my 40s and having had this happen over and over and over to me multiple times. Maybe that’s me bringing doom and gloom into something that was supposed to be positive, like my interpretation of the ending of Whisper of the Heart that made my kids sad… just ignore me I guess.

After that is a HALF HOUR OF CREDITS. I know because I sat there and let the whole thing play. I’m going to assume that normal, not-insane people did not do that, so I’ll let you know, first of all it was amazing to see just how many people worked on this game, and then second, a good portion of the credits were thank you messages from various staff to their loved ones, and that was very sweet to read. A large number staff thanked their cats, so I think we all know where the BG3 love of cats comes from.

And after that… I felt legit sad, guys. I’ve been playing this playthrough for about seven months. I really got emotionally invested with my tav, and all their relationships, and all the NPCs and their little stories. I know the game is still here any time I want to start it up again. In fact I have a second tav already ready to go, one that I made months ago but decided to put on hold so I could focus on my main tav. It’s not going to be the same, though. I’ll play my backup tav, and I’d like to play an Astarion origin and see what happens if I make realistic choices, but… is it weird that I would totally, 100% replay this exact tav sometime? Like, just, the exact same stuff all over again?

I’m bummed to be done. Legit bummed. Happy, entertained, amazed, grateful, satisfied, and because I was so thoroughly emotionally invested, I am also bummed. What a great game, how lucky I am to have the chance to play it.

I’m actually going to make one last (?) post a little bit later, ruminating on some more thoughts and my favourite little moments from the game. And this weekend I am attending my city’s comic expo, where I’m hopefully going to get Neil Newbon’s autograph so that’s exciting! To the one or two people who actually read these things I write, lol, thanks for following along.

[survivor-trinidad-and-tobago]

Episode 15: "ACQUIESCE BABY!!!"—Kaleigh

In this round: Everyone acquiesces to Kaleigh's spelling superiority when she wins her second individual immunity; Kaleigh steals Zee's vote; and Zee joins the jury

Zee

Whaddup my name's Jared I'm 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read

Michael

Honestly not much to report! I'm going to try and stay strong with Alex and Kaleigh. Tony left but I'm sure that's a big relief for him, he did great for his first game.

Jack

Hey babes, so I’m SOOO HAPPY to be back and I’m with my hot gurlzzz and I love them. Im so happy Tony got out cause he didn’t vote w me (that’s what he gets 😌). At this point anyone but me, champ, or zee going home is the best for my game cause it’s gonna be a 3-3 tie. IM READY FOR ROCKS☠️😈

Kaleigh

woooooo another immunity win, i woulda been so shocked if someone could beat me at a spelling bee. ACQUIESCE BABY!!! my deranged cobwebby brain is good at one thing and one thing only… and that’s spelling. i’m jk i’m good at other things too but wow lol ok. so i’m immune tonight. zee is asking me and alex to flip on michael, and its just condescending at this point :( like i know what i’m doing babe and idgaf if u think michael is gonna win. i’m fine with that LMAO why would i flip on my allies to be at the bottom of ur 3? like? no??? but i told her it’s a possibility but i think i’ll probably just steal a vote tonight and get zee out. please god don’t let her have another stinking advantage !! also i finished that book and it was extremely good. and it’s my niece’s 4th birthday.

Alex

Ugh, this vote still feels tenuous. Champ said today she wanted to take Zee out last vote (not that it would have mattered, ultimately - I KNEW she had a second idol lol). She's flat out lied to me so many times at this point, but she also knows how big of a threat Zee is. Finding the time to actually talk game with her feels like it will be impossible, though. I finally reached out to Zee last night to compliment her on still trying to unify the tribe like with the game night. She used the words 'icing out' to describe how quiet chat has been between sides, which is fair. I don't know if it was directed only at me, but even if that wasn't what I was trying to do I can see how she felt that way. It just felt like there was not even, like, pretended level of potential to work together and I didn't know how to bridge the gap of "hey even though we won't tell each other anything in-game, how's life?" and have it not seem disingenuous. So I'm glad that came out of last night. The Tony blindside definitely surprised me, and Jack coming back into the game over Colin. It really feels like it's Champ or bust with this vote but if we come to the risk of rocks, I see them possibly flipping. Now that I'm at Actual Final 6 I don't actually want to go to rocks anymore lol. It just feels like if we can get through tomorrow's vote we could get the rest of the way but who knows. If Zee has a third idol I'll lose my mind lmao. The way Kaleigh's still got her steal a vote and idol and I'm sitting over here with my flopped advantages. Sigh. Kind of incredible of her to only have one vote against her so far AND IT'S FROM ME. She's killing it. Wait. Do I have the most votes out of our 3? I do! Well, that's something I guess. Maybe I could have played a more fluid game, and tried to get the majority alliance to eat each other from the inside of it, but there's no point in thinking about that now. I'm at Final 6 and that's very neat.

Champ

I’m running late again for the confession, anyways here for a good time! Not a long time LMFAO

Zee

Haven't heard from Jack all day, Champ messaged once. I'm pretty sure I'm going home tonight

Tribal Council

Zee: LOST VOTE

Champ: Alex (ROCKS ROCKS ROCKS)

Kaleigh: Zee (IF YOU HAVE A THIRD IDOL ISTG)

Kaleigh (Zee’s Stolen Vote): Zee

Alex: Zee (You’ve played SUCH a good game, and for all I know, you could still be here after this vote. It genuinely wouldn’t surprise me lmao. But here’s hoping this works. I enjoyed our pre-swap talks.)

Michael: Zee (you’ve played a wonderful game, sorry we didn’t really play together but that’s how it goes 🤷🏾‍♂️)

Jack: Alex (sorry babes we ain’t working together)

[lisbetadair]

I've been flirting with this idea for a while now. I have a new character, named Andre, a med student dropout who works as a Torturer-For-Hire. Fascinated with the workings of the human body and the limits of it. A charming, sadistic, and devious tall man with a rather lithe build and with a neat mop of blonde hair. Previously worked for Manuel Roba--doesn't care who he works for, as long as he's paid to do the job.

Simon Riley was one of his victims. Skip forward a few more years, and when Ghost is rescued by Colonel Vargas and his crew, Ghost is, for a lack of a better word, completely different from his past self. He's given a room all to himself to pull himself together to be sent back out to the field. Andre gets hired by General Shepherd to be part of the Coalition.

Imagine the sheer amount of PTSD Ghost goes through just looking at him. The drama. The angst. What are your thoughts 👀

I know in the original MW trilogy, the game was pretty open about the characters being involved in torture in the field, but it sounds you're talking about incarcerating someone at a black site and taking all the time they need to extract information from their prisoners by any method they deem necessary?

So, I feel these two are doing very separate jobs, and I don't feel like there's really any reason why they regularly need to interact with each other, and if I was a rogue US general hell bent on forcing a change in foreign policy by acts of treason, I simply would not want the left hand of my shadowy task force knowing what the right hand was doing: Ghost is in the going-out-and-doing-things arm of the task force, and Andre is in the staying-in-and-getting-things-done leg.

This said, in this arrangement they still have capacity to interact, if only briefly, at the prisoner hand offs. I guess you can eke as much out of those interactions as you want. Maybe each time a chinook with a hooded and bound person lands they radio ahead so that the black site inquisitors can get the kettle on and open up a fresh packet of biscuits so that whilst refuelling happens, they can all have a good chinwag? I imagine that Andre's appearance would put a dampener on this dynamic.

There's a book I read, The Blade Itself, by Joe Abercrombie where one of the characters, Glokta, was a soldier captured and subjected to long periods of torture during his imprisonment which has left him with long term disability; however, now that he has returned home, he is employed by his own side's inquisition, actively torturing their own prisoners. He sees this as an arrangement of need: he has little other opportunity for gainful employment, and he has an insight into the experience.

Ghost is complicit in torture, if not actively involved too but he is also a victim of torture too, much like Glokta. He's also deeply institutionalised with the armed forces, having known no other life. I wonder if his need to return to active service is partly motivated by the fear of what civilian life holds rather than an active desire to be involved in the sharp end of allied foreign policy?

So, now he's faced with the man who harmed him. I think that for all he has processed his trauma, unless he's extremely stoical he's going to feel Some Kind of Way about seeing him again. He's lost some of his life to what's been done to him, and it's reasonable to be angry about that.

This said, Andre presumably has a role to play within the Task Force, so harming him in retaliation is going to leave them one inquisitor short, and actively breach the structure and aims of the organisation. It would be an act of sabotage, actively harming the institution of which he's a part, so I hardly think he would take that lightly?

I imagine there are lots of real life experiences that you can find accounts of where people have found the people who destroyed their lives in concentration camps or actively participated in the genocide of their people in open warfare, so those might inform your narrative choice. There's also Andre's position to consider. Does he feel threatened? Does he feel like he still has power over Ghost? Does he address the issue or ignore it?

[pythi-the-drawing-writer]

Let's Talk About Taranza

To preface, this isn't gonna be some professional deconstruction or educated/educational essay, this is just me ranting about a Favorite Videogame character of mine. + Disclaimer, haven't played Forgotten Land at the time of posting, if somehow there's critical Taranza/Sectonia lore in there or something then I don't know it yet.

So without further ado let's rant about my favorite Kirby character (aside from Kirby himself), The Master of Puppet, Taranza!

Design: so first off, I'm in love with this spider's color palette, the dark green primary color is just nice to look at, the silver hair is eye catching but not distracting and outlines his brown head exceptionally well, the red scarf is very clear and gives nice separation between head and body, plus scarfs are just a top tier accessory, and the orangish yellow patterns and trim on the coat have a neat contrast and blend with the green. Just good stuff all the way. And something I actually haven't noticed earlier but Taranza's silhouette looks like a spider with it's mandibles open thanks to the horns which is super cool character design and just generally makes his shape a lot more memorable and recognizable than all the orbs and ovals other characters are made of.

Now for the rest of the design. Let's see, straight hair cut that's cleaned up and neat with sharp edges, fancy decorated coat and shirt, nearly folded and presented scarf, clean white gloves, yep that's nobility alright just right off that bat this guy looks like some high class noble or prince. Kirby designs are always pretty straightforward at letting you know exactly what their deal is and Taranza is no exception to that. I'd like to note something very nice is how his primary green color and secondary orange colors neatly complement and contrast Sectonia's Yellow and Blue colors and both share red accents which is just a lovely point of connection between the two.

Characterization: honestly Taranza just gives the vibe of someone trying his best, if you know about the story of Gwain and the Green Knight where the whole thing is that Gwain isn't the most noble, heroic, smart, or fearless of the knights but he keeps trying his best and that's what matters then you know what I mean cause that's just the exact vibe he gives off. He kidnaps the wrong person thinking Dedede is the Hero he was sent to get cause obviously a renowned hero would live in a castle and be the king, every major boss fight in KTD is just him throwing whatever he finds nearby at Kirby, even the whole mirror thing was just him trying to get a good gift for his crush/girlfriend having no idea it would fuck them over so hard.

Now something that's kinda interesting is that just judging by his abilities in Triple Deluxe and Star Allies he may perhaps be one of the strongest magic users in the series. He's able to forcefully control other beings, not by Dark Matter possession but by forcefully pulling strings like a puppet, However there's more, once again he causes every major boss fight in KTD except for Sectonia. He's able to force a flower to grow into a crazy tree, he broke a seal on a cursed painting that's been holding for who knows how long, he summons actual Kracko on his own, and animates/unseals a giant statue all without/before any sort of dark matter or dark mirror power up, compare to Magalor who seems to only be able to summons items and portals and small rifts temporarily without the Master Crown Marx who seemed to have no magic power until he made his wish

Plus Taranza's abilities in Star Allies, the two stand out ones being summoning a mini Dreamstalk and the actual Phantom of Sectonia. The Dreamstalk in KTD was a seed(possibly even a miracle fruit) that all the people of Floralia put their hopes and dreams into and that it grows with the power of the sun stones and dreams, only in full bloom with enough power of dreams. The one Taranza can summit is definitely not even close in comparable to the size of the real one but noticeably it is in full bloom, meaning he has enough magic power and strong enough dreams to make those flowers bloom properly which is interesting.

Next the Queen's Phantom, right out the gate the game just tells you that yep this is the Ghost of Queen Sectiona herself thanks to the move name with it even having the exact same magic circle effect that Sectiona uses and the exact same lightning attack she uses in her fight, as far as I'm aware this is the first time we've seen someone with enough power to summon up the actual dead and use their power, this is noticably different from Star Dream's boss summons who are just clones similarly to the Dedede clones in Planet Robobot. So yeah dude packs a lot of magic

A small detail. In the Haunted Mansion level of Triple Deluxe you can see paintings of Taranza and Magalor, this could mean that the two know each other or at least Magalor has somehow visited Floralia some time long ago, and it's possible that this Mansion might have been Taranza's home some time ago but that's just wild speculation based on some background details.

Also it's pretty cute how Taranza is just so obviously in love with Sectonia and would do anything for her until he realizes that this has gone too far, and is just tragically heart breaking but kinda inspiring that in the end he recognizes how toxic and dangerous his relationship is, and it's just so sad seeing in KCD and Star Allies just how far he wants to go to see her again even though it's hinted in KSA that he knows that it's not possible.

Honestly their whole story is kinda a Greek tragedy. Taranza's blind love and loyalty is what lead him to getting that mirror and enabling Sectonia and Sectonia's vanity is what allowed her to be manipulated and corrupted by the mirror in the first place, no cosmic conspiracy or some kind of destiny led to this just their own personalities and traits in the wrong situation.

So yeah, that's Taranza. A poor lovestruck spider who couldn't escape a tragic fate of his own naivety and loyalty but wants to do his best to do good by those he cares about and just can't seem to let go of the ones he loves even though he knows that sometimes not even his powerful abilities can do anything about it

[cadykeus-clay]

remember a few days ago when i said i was writing a collection of mismatched scenes of all the times that I think jester and caleb should have just kissed on the mouth? hehe :)

I.

“Caleb, can you hear through it?” she’s yelling, head tilting and eyes squinting as she looks at the one-way glass he’s just apparated in the middle of the hall. She leans in, scrunching her nose and sticking out her tongue a little as she detectives. “Can we come into it?”

He grins, he can’t help himself. “Only you.”

“Do we just hit the side of it or -” 

Her fingertips press through the barrier, disrupting the near-transparent bubble with a ripple and he reaches out his hand for hers, guides her in. Her mouth makes the cutest little oh! shape as she passes through and she can see what he’s seeing. 

“Caleb. This is so COOL!”

The grin hasn’t dropped from her face, and it spreads infectiously across his. 

“I’ve been working on this for weeks,” he says, smacking his legs with triumphant fists. 

Her grin gets even wider, sharing in that joy. A few more silent moments pass, as she takes it in with awe. 

“So, can anyone come in, or like, only people you like, or … ?”

He thinks for a moment, grins slyly. He sticks a finger out, just barely missing her nose. “You can come in.”

She leans towards him, returning the affection he seems to be offering. She gets close to his face, on purpose. She likes making him blush. “That means you like me.”

Blush he does. It’d be near impossible not to - they’re alone and unseen together, and she’s leaning towards him, her grin pushing up the freckles on her cheeks he’d love to try and count. And he’s tired, exhausted, barely functional. He’s got no strength left to carry all the layers he usually hides himself behind, but it’s alright, it’s only Jester looking anyways. 

She hasn’t pulled her face back yet, like she’s waiting for him to do something. Tease. 

Even after everything they’ve both seen these past few days, fear seems gone for just a second. They’re safe inside their shell, and no one’s watching. It would be so easy to just lean down, steal a moment to remind her that he cares, remind her that he’ll always care, remind her that he did this to keep her safe, take her mind off why. 

It would be so easy ...

******

II. 

“Can we like. Stick things through the bubble?”

“Uh. Ja, you can put your weapons through it, but no magic can come in or out. But you can leave and come back any time you want.”

“Okay. Just checking.”

She tries to hide the wince in her face as she nods a bit too heartily, jostling the half-healed slash across her chest left from panther-like claws. He notices. She notices him noticing, notices the way his brow furrows even deeper. 

“But, please. No walkabouts when we are sleeping, okay?” 

He looks up at her through those drawn-together brows when he says it, pleading more than he really needs to. She learned that lesson. But it’s still sweet to see how much he cares. 

He’s been caring a lot lately, come to think of it. Chatting with her on the boat. Checking in. Making sexy jokes when they’re supposed to be stealthing. Doing a very bad job of hiding his attempts to make sure she laughed at it.

“I’ll stay right here. I promise.” She settles back onto her hands, hoping it’ll bring a little relief to the pain starting to spark across her ribs.

“Well. That’s good enough for me.”

And he pauses for a second, just a second, like he’s giving her an invitation to double down on that promise, make sure he knows she knows someone cares, and who someone is, and that someone else cares back.

It would be so easy … 

******

III.

When she was little and read a lot of fairy tales, she’d often think about kissing a beautiful boy in a beautiful room full of paintings and tapestries and a billion things on shelves that glittered just to be pretty, and the light would somehow be reflecting off all of them at once, and his shirt would be off for reasons, and it would be glorious.

The tunnel they're in can’t really constitute as a room, but the way the crystals shimmer even in the dim glow of the Dancing Lights, rippling all around them is arguably better than shiny decorations. Caleb certainly can constitute as a beautiful boy. After all, she’s just admitted he is neither stinky nor dirty anymore. And arm wraps aren’t quite the same as a shirt, but he has taken part of his clothes off in front of her. 

Creepy snails and the third day without daylight weren’t her romantic vision, sure. But. She feels safe here, with him, and she hopes he feels safe with her. She had meant what she had said, a few days back, when he spilled his fears and his history on the floor of their wagon. She didn’t think he was a bad person. And the way he looked at her when she said it, man, he wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe it so bad. 

She ought to let him know. She ought to tell him, again, that she believes in goodness in him. She believes in love in his heart. She ought to tell him right now, in this glittering cave with his heart and arms bare before her. She ought to tell him in a way where he can’t argue back ‘cause his face will be preoccupied. 

It would be so easy …

*******

IV. 

“YOU GUYS!”

She practically burst the door to their new ally’s house down with excitement when she got back, holding out the little striped carrying box in front of her like it’s the coolest loot they’ve ever found. She bounces on her toes, making it hard for anyone to get a real look at the confections inside. 

“What do you have?” he asks, knowing she wants to tell him.

“Cupcakes!” she beams back.

“A lot of them, or?”

She flips the lid up and pushes her nose nearly into the icing topping as she examines the haul. “Well I have thirteen here, so … one, two, three -” 

He almost says the numbers along with her. Counting things and making Jester smile are both muscle memory at this point.

“ - six, so good! That’s one for each of you and the rest for me!”

He looks in the box properly now, the counting having slowed her jitteriness enough for him to try and piece out flavors. There’s some dark ones that could be chocolate, but he doubts it, and some that are paler, dotted with blue. He reaches for a blueberry one, and takes a cautious bite. 

“Caleb,” she says, pouting, and he’s worried he wasn’t supposed to try one, “you are Missing. Out.” 

She sticks her face in towards him, to make sure he can get a good look at this reprimand. She’s got a little bit of icing stuck in the corner of her mouth. 

“You can get blueberry cupcakes anywhere.”

He keeps his eyes trained on her, longer than he really ought to, but he’s trying to figure it out. 

Is that a challenge, Lavorre? Is that a promise?

It would be so easy...

*******

V. 

She has to get up on her tip toes to reach the shelf where they keep the scribing paper, pulling the stack towards her so she can count out sheets. 

“About 300 gold?” 

“Mmm.”

She counts out the sheets, thumbing them forward into a little pile that she pulls apart, before stretching up to push the rest back onto the shelf. She turns on her heel and marches for the front counter. He lingers a moment to straighten the pile on the shelf, and trails after her. 

His gaze is buried in the inside of his coat as he searches for his coin purse. His hands are still buzzing, just a little, from where she held them earlier and promised him she’d be at his side. He can’t stop thinking about it. It’s distracting him from getting his coins. 

The distinctive clink of metal on countertop jerks his gaze up just as he reaches his hand in for the first coin. She’s already dropped the gold in a neat little pile, pleasantly smiling at the clerk as she snaps the clasp on her purse shut. 

“That’s very generous of you,” he says, hand still frozen holding his own money. 

She swings around, flashing a thumbs up and a grin. She holds it a little too long for comical effect. Of course, he snickers. 

She turns to the paper on the countertop, making to gather it in her arms, but he starts, and she turns back to face him. He’s frozen there, hand just barely outstretched for her, mouth agape like he was going to say something. 

What is there to say? What can he possibly say to her, to repay everything she’s ever said to him? What can he say that’s worth the sound of her laugh, and the way her tongue sticks out a little when she smiles? What’s worth the way she brightens up a room even when she’s grumpy, the bubble to his gloom? 

What measures up to a tap on his shoulder as he turns to leave his study, and hands in his as she swears, with the most somber honesty he’s ever seen, that she watched him face what he could have been, tied up like a feral beast in a prison cell, and she stares in his eyes and tells him it’s ok, she saw it and loved him even through it, and then bought him presents afterwards just because?

He’ll never deserve her, he swears. 

She’s still looking at him, expectantly, and his mouth is still stuck open, and his hand is still halfway between the two of them. Maybe it’s just him, but the memory of her holding it seems to be burning even hotter. 

He tries to say something again, and the words aren’t coming out. She’s still waiting on him, expression starting to tip towards worry as he tries and fails to express just how overflowed his heart is right now. He can’t say it but gods, she ought to know how much she’s worth to him. Maybe he can just show her. He’ll tell her later.

It would be so easy … 

******

VI. 

The hallway is orange. Pale, warm, sort-of-translucent orange, swirling about her in patterns of lollipops and unicorn hamsters. Her own spells wrapped in the tender grip of his magic, handed to her with something like reverence. 

I believe, he had said, I have no choice. 

He’d done little things like this before, casting spells to make her and everyone else happier, letting her play with his cat because it made her smile. But he said he’d been working on this for weeks. Pouring time and sweat and his precious paper into making this thing, just for her. Everyone liked to tease her about the Traveler and how it was totally a cult, and usually she let it roll off her back, even if it stung a little on impact. And Caleb was here, telling her he took her belief in the Traveler at face value, simply because it was hers.

I don’t know anything about faith, he had said, I am learning from you.

He was a suspicious man. She knew that. He held grudges, and he mistrusted, and he had every right to. And yet all these months, he’s been putting everything he had in her hands, sure that she would not drop it. She would hold it as gently as she could.

I am the transmutation wizard, he had said, but you are the one who changes people. 

How was he supposed to know that was what she was afraid of, leaving no mark on the world at all? How was he supposed to know she made art everywhere she got the chance to in hopes that she would stop being erased, start existing outside of one little room and a handful of people? 

He wouldn’t have any reason to, except for he knew her so well, better than nearly anyone. He could tell when doubt was crawling up out of her gut, spilling its black tendrils from her mouth and across her eyes. He could see when the veneer got scratched, and he knew how to brush it just so, so it looked okay again. He knew how to comfort her. 

“It’s beautiful.” 

She knows it’s barely anything, but she doesn’t know what else to say. It caught her by surprise, and she’s reeling a little in the aftermath of seeing just how far he’s willing to go for her. 

He says something else, she barely processes, but it’s enough to get her babbling about some kind of performance. She trips over her words a little, she’s just so excited. He can tell, he smiles, and that just makes her heart jump even more. 

“But you have done so much for m- for all of us,” he says, and he’s not sneaky.

For me. She knows he was going to say it. For me. 

Tears are almost brimming in her eyes, happy ones, and he put them there. Done so much for her, she thinks, has he counted how much he’s done for me? She’s clasping her hands at her mouth, trying to keep all her feelings from coming out at once.  

He doesn’t know the half of it, everything he’s done for her. To make her feel safe, to make her feel smart, to make her feel seen, to make her feel believed in. He doesn’t know it at all, and yet the hallway is orange as a testament to how much he’s done, and she can’t let the sentiment go unreturned. 

It would be so easy … 

*******

VII.

“Didn’t go as well as you were hoping?”

His voice seems to startle her, as if she’d forgotten in her sadness that there were other people around her. He knew the feeling. 

“In some ways it went better?” she says, doubting it even as it leaves her mouth. “But. No.”

His face softens. It’s the only thing he can do, really.

Her breath is coming out shaky.

“I can’t speak for him,” he starts, offering what little encouragement he can, “but you do have us.”

“I know,” she answers, grateful even through the sadness. 

“So, whatever you land on. Jester.” He stops for a second, letting her name linger in his mouth. “We will make it happen.”

She nods, curt, tears still pricking in her eyes. “I have to figure out what I want to land on.”

He laughs, hollow and breathy, what else is there to do. He starts to reach his hand out for her, and catches it, his own hesitance getting the better of him.

He knows what he wants her to land on, he’s known for … longer than he really cares to admit. He knows he’d follow her to hell and back, that’s why he’s here on this island with her. 

He knows how hard it is to love without a compass to direct it. He knows that moonlight makes selfishness a much more appealing color. 

It’s dark, and he’s hopelessly in, and she’s searching for a place to not be so alone. He could show her a place to land. 

It would be so easy … 

******

VIII. 

He’s holding it out to her, a black ball clutched between his fingertips, just a little iridescent in the blazing sun overhead. He’s grinning, and his eyes are bright. He looks so happy, for just this moment, with a pearl in his hand. 

Forget the water pouring down their faces as they come up from the murk, plastering their hair to their foreheads at odd angles. Forget the wrench in both their guts about the monster brewing beneath their feet and in their minds. Forget the clothes sticking to their skin in all the wrong spots. Forget the sounds of their friends arguing twenty feet back. 

She jumped in the water with him for a reason, because he wanted pearls, and she wanted him to be happy, and he’s holding one out to her right now because he is, and that’s all she could really ask for.

Maybe it’ll be extra wet and slippery. Maybe it’ll taste like salt and seaweed and that weird fish stink that all bodies of water seem to have. Maybe her hands are covered in sand and they’ll get some in their mouths and it’ll be disgusting. 

Who cares? She jumped in the water with him and he’s happy. 

It would be so easy … 

******

IX.

The funny thing is, when she was little, she actually planned her wedding in this room. The canopy bed would double as the altar, gauze draping about them and the window lighting them from the back as they knelt with their hands together, wrapping them up with silk ribbon as someone spoke some formal rites. Mama would sit in the guest of honor chair at Jester’s desk, a tear running down her cheek as she watched her baby girl marry the love of her life.

Now Caleb’s in here with her and she’s realizing there’s no good angle to get the window backlight and be in full view of her Mama.

He’s lying down on the bed, because she told him to. She’s flopped down next to him, squirmed up into his side with the excuse of “small bed” but the intent of “I like the way I rest against your side”. 

He’d commented on her array of books - she knew he would. She may or may not have pulled the smarter looking titles up to the front a few visits ago, just in case.

He’d looked at her artwork too, spanning the walls in all its multicolored glory. He’d bent down to get a good look at her earliest, shittiest paintings. But not in the way where he wanted to see how bad they were, to laugh at. In the same way he looked at new artifacts they’d picked up along the road, as he traced his runes for Identify. Like he was trying to glean a missed history out of them, to get to know just a little bit more about what was in front of him now.

So she’s curled into his chest, careful with her horns, wrapping her hand over his to point out every last detail. Her other hand falls to his stomach, her fingers brush his, and neither of them pull away.

She always figured they’d fall like this, her and her husband, backward onto the bed after the ribbon was knotted to finalize their union. They’d be too happy to stand and they’d just collapse at each other’s side, and they’d plan their honeymoon like this. Pointing out places they wanted to go in her little snapshot of the cityscape, nestled into each other’s chests. 

Caleb’s enraptured, she can hear excitement in his breath, and she’s more than a little pleased. She didn’t know people cared this much about her art, about her childhood, about who she was before she became who she is. She hopes she has all the time in the world to tell him more. 

She’s still on his chest, their hands are still touching, even though she’s finished pointing out the painted landmarks. She’s kissed a lot of imaginary boys in this room. 

It would be so easy … 

******

X.

Spinning with her arms out, feet tracing circles in the snow, they haven’t even made it to the dance hall yet and she’s already waltzing like he taught her all those months ago in a scroungy gnomish bar. The cold is bringing a flush to her cheeks and god damn it, it’s cute. She’s humming. 

They could get inside where it’s warm, where they don’t need to get close for heat but they do anyway. Wrap an arm around her waist and take her hand in his. Keep her close enough to hear her giggle with each twirl he leads her on. Get drunk off her smile alone. 

Find a far corner where the music is softer and they have space to just sway together. Write new memories over old, equally as sweet, slightly less bitter. Look at that smile that won’t have faded since before they stepped through the door. Run his fingers across her jaw, save this moment in tactile too. Lean down in slow motion, as she stretches up.

It would be so easy … 

******

XI. 

“What are you drawing?” he asks, not even looking up from his spells. He’s grown comfortable with having her in his space.

“A cup of hot cocoa.”

“Are there dicks in it?”

“No, just two very lovely marshmallows.”

His head lifts up at that, gazing at her with the gleam he’s been giving his runes. He’s trying to figure her out.

“Shnuggling up next to each other,” she continues. “With consent.”

“We’re not talking about grass are we?”

“No. I’m talking about marshmallows.”

“Marshmallows?” The gleam in his eye grows a little brighter. He leans a little closer. “I thought there was a hidden meaning for a second.”

There’s a reason why she sat down here, why she wanted him next to her as she thought about love and commitment, and telling people things after all these months. There’s a reason why he didn’t start as she settled at his side. There’s a reason why he’s looking at her with a cocked grin on his face, sure of himself, in a way that he so rarely is. 

Maybe she wanted him to figure her out. Maybe she’s been trying to get him to figure her out for a while. He’s starting to turn back to his spells, so maybe she needs to get even a little more obvious.

It would be so easy...

******

XII.

She knocked on the door with her heart already in her throat, but the second she stepped through the door and saw him looking over at her, tired but welcoming, it started to settle back where it belonged. 

“Caleb. Will you cast tongues on me? YouknowImeanthespell,” she said, rushing words out because her heart was starting to leap back up again. “I just want to read the book.”

He nervously tucks some hair behind his ear. “I could read it to you, if you want?”

She knew he’d offered before, but she’s still surprisingly happy that he’s done it again. “Okay.”

He stands, wiping stained ink from his fingers on his pants as he leaves his desk, gesturing her over towards his fireplace. She swears as she walks over the flames get a little taller. She’s always liked it warmer than Caleb does. 

She flops down onto the couch, wiggling a little bit to get comfortable. She pats the seat next to her and he obliges. She holds the book out and he takes it from her, so very gently, and she can’t tell if it’s just the way he treats books, or the way he treats her, or both. 

He clears his throat as he prepares to open the cover, glancing over to make sure she’s ready. She scooches a bit closer, resting her cheek against his shoulder, you know, to see the pictures better, and hums to let him know he can start. 

He talks to her in a quiet kind of voice. It’s soft, and it makes his chest rumble, and it feels like home. She could close her eyes and fall asleep here, and she can bet he wouldn’t even get up and risk disturbing her. She nearly does, but he’s stopping every few sentences to show her the pictures, without her even asking, he just knows she wants to see them. He’s pointing out the hidden cat on every page. She loves that he still remembers where they all are.

“That was a happy story, Caleb!” she says, mostly to his shoulder, because she doesn’t want to move from where she’s nestled herself. 

“Mhm,” he agrees. “That’s why my mother read it to me.”

“I really thought, like, the cat prince was going to trap him in there forever, and then he wouldn’t be able to go and see his mother.” She cranes her head up now, propping her chin on his arm, stabilizing herself with arms she was barely aware she’d wrapped around his waist. 

“Well,” he says, turning his head towards her and finding their noses nearly touching, “a lot of Zemnian stories do end that way.”

She laughs, he smiles, and neither of them want to move. 

“The Cat Prince kind of reminds me of the Traveler,” she muses. She buries her face back in his shoulder as she talks, squeezing her arms a little tighter around him. 

“It’s true, isn’t it?” 

It’s a question only in technicality. The way his voice sounds as he says it, she can tell. He’s read so many stories, he could have picked any to leave in her room, but he chose this one about a boy and a bedroom and a magic cat and a brief escape, with a happy ending. He knew she’d ask. He wanted her to. 

She’s glad she did. She’s glad he knows her so well. She’s glad for the way he turned up the fire to make her comfortable. She’s glad for the smile that’s still on his lips, lasting longer than his smiles usually do. She’s glad she’s here with him, after everything they’ve seen and heard and done. She���s just glad. 

Gods, she’s so in love with him.

It would be so easy.

fin.

[mittelfrank-divas]

I have some initial thoughts after seeing Claude's scene with Byleth after Jeralt's death that may or may not change as I get further into the route

I've seen some wildly different takes on this scene, so I was really curious about how it played out. I've seen some people say that it startled them how cold Claude comes off, which isn't unlike similar reactions to Edelgard's version of this moment (which I have a whole other set of thoughts on).

I think the biggest key to this scene is the context.

If Claude had shown up while Byleth was still crying over their dad to ask to read Jeralt's diary, that would have been hugely insensitive, but that isn't the context of the scene at all. When Claude approaches them, they're already reading the diary, even enjoying it, focusing on the parts that make them happy. They're getting to learn about Sitri, something they so rarely get the opportunity to do. 

So getting to actually share those stories with someone? Having someone else read about the flowers Jeralt brought back for Sitri every time he went out on a mission? It's actually very sweet.

Claude straight-up tells Byleth he wants the diary to uncover the church's secrets. He's not shy about it. Again, this would come off as pretty harsh if it were framed differently. But it's clear that he's not interested only for his own sake, but also for Byleth's sake. The mystery of Byleth's origins is tied to the church's secrets. By realizing this, Claude and Byleth are becoming allies in seeking these answers.

Byleth gets someone actively working alongside them to learn about the secrets of their birth. Which is not something they get in any other route. Dimitri isn't interested in his route, because he's got his own conspiracy to uncover. In Silver Snow, Byleth is alone in it, receiving only hints from Seteth and Flayn and vague promises of the truth when Rhea is found. Edelgard has her suspicions, but she seems almost afraid to learn more, afraid that Byleth will be taken from her by a destiny that doesn't align with her own. So I find it neat that Claude gets this very specific dynamic with Byleth that nobody else shares. 

The one thing that kiiiiinda crosses a line for me is the fact that Claude "jokes" about sneaking in to read the diary anyway if Byleth does not agree to it. But at least he has the decency to tell Byleth this, unlike Seteth, who goes ahead and does just that without ever owning up to it.

[torterrachampion]

Chloé d'Apchier, Revenge, and Love

Yep, I'm giving you an essay(?) about this woman and why I think she's neat. Not sure this will be particularly interesting or informative but I wanted to reward myself for studying hard by letting myself gush about Chloé. I'm going to do my very best to pretend I have a point here but tldr Chloé is cool and I like her

Chloé is at the centre of the Gévaudan arc of vnc and I'd make the claim that she is the heart of this arc, and is the most important character throughout. In the present day 19th century Gévaudan she takes on the antagonist role, her actions interfering with Vanitas and Noé and causing the largest problems during the arc. (Yes, Astolfo and Naenia/Faustina also have this role in the present but they aren't nearly as important imo). However, throughout the flashbacks to the past she acts as the main point of view for us readers and serves as the protagonist during those chapters. This grants Chloé an interesting duality which makes her journey incredibly compelling.

When she is first introduced Mochizuki paints Chloé as at best incredibly suspicious and at worst outright malicious. It's heavily implied that she is the Beast (though this turns out to be untrue) and she appears to be working with Naenia, the main villain of the series thus far. Additionally, she drank Noé's blood without consent and confesses to having given Naenia her true name willingly. This immediately throws her into opposition with Vanitas and Noé to a far greater degree than any other curse-bearers encountered prior, who had all been rampaging without control.

However, Mochizuki doesn't take long to start peeling back the layers behind Chloé and her motivations. Directly after learning that she wants revenge, from the cliffhanger at the end of memoire 30, we jump into the past in order to learn more about her. And even before this there are brief glimpses of her past relationship with Jeanne during the early chapters of the arc. Although these moments don't make her any less threatening it does help foster a connection between us and Chloé. Even if she appears villainous her association with Jeanne and unique position as a willing curse-bearer creates a lot of intrigue that makes it easy to quickly become invested in her.

As we see her backstory it becomes increasingly clear that Chloé has lived a very long and oft unpleasant life. Chloé never quite fits in with anyone and it's obvious she's very lonely. Whether it's humans or vampires Chloé isn't able to connect to them entirely.

Chloé is distant from the d'Apchiers and even more so from vampires. She has to remain hidden from public, so she lives separately to her family while they research how to change her into a human. The d'Apchiers do eventually abandon the goal of making Chloé human again while continuing to benefit from the world formula research, but the original intention is still important. Chloé also has to watch as her family dies around her while she remains the same because of her immortality, further isolating her. And Chloé has almost no connections to vampires. Her isolation makes her completely ignorant to the outside world and she is presented no opportunities to meet anyone like herself until very late in life when Ruthven approaches her.

When Chloé asks Ruthven whether he sides with humans or vampires it's unclear which side she places herself on. Unlike Ruthven who, when he asks Noé the same question in memoire 19, explicitly states he in on the vampires' side. It's possible that Chloé doesn't even consider herself part of either group.

It's interesting then that her first friend, Ruthven, could make a place for himself with either group at the time, stating outright that he views them as equal. Chloé's isolated from both while August has somewhat integrated with both.

And Chloé is at her happiest when she's friends with Ruthven. She gets introduced to Jeanne, who gives her the confidence to disobey orders her father gave her decades earlier. Chloé gains confidence in herself through her vampire friends and is even able to connect with her family because of it. Her 'granddaughters' want to play with her because she's started showing interest in going outside. This point in her life is a bright spot where she has managed to find acceptance for just a moment from both her family and from vampires.

However, this doesn't last long. Chloé soon learns that Ruthven is hurt and Jeanne a bourreau after being separated for a while but is unable to accept Machina's offer to come and live with vampires. She's still loyal to the d'Apchiers, thinking of them when she turns him down.

And after this she is reunited with Ruthven in the worst way possible. He betrays her. He tries to take her alteration device by force and when he fails he disappears. And Chloé, having been abandoned by him, throws herself into her work on the alteration device. Because she doesn't need it for revenge at this point the reason she's so desperate to complete it is so she can become human again. Ruthven was Chloé's connection to the vampire world and after his betrayal she attempts to discard it entirely, clinging to her identity as a d'Apchier. She'd evidently always wanted to regain her humanity to some degree but never so fervently as after Ruthven's betrayal.

It doesn't take long for her to be rejected by the d'Apchiers as well. Her family dies at the hands of the church and Chloé blames herself. She told the Marquis d'Apchier about the churchmen killing people in the hopes of stopping them but only succeeded in putting a target on the d'Apchiers back. One of her last surviving family members calls her a monster and she spends multiple days curled up in bed crying, Jean-Jacques acting as her last ally while she’s been spurned by everyone else she cares about.

It's no wonder that when Jeanne shows up to take her head she welcomes it, asking Jeanne to finish her. Chloé was abandoned by everyone when all she ever wanted was to be accepted so of course she’s tired. But Jeanne can't kill her. So Chloé tries to save them both the and pain dives off a cliff to finish things. Naturally, Naenia interferes, goading Chloé into taking revenge instead in exchange for her true name.

Right up until the last moment Mochizuki tries to convince us that Chloé wants revenge on Gévaudan for all the pain everything there has caused her. But of course that’s not what Chloé wants. She doesn’t hate the d'Apchiers or Ruthven or Jeanne. Chloé hates those who hurt the people she loves. That would be Naenia and herself.

Chloé’s reason for living is Jean-Jacques at this point. The last thing she wants to do before she dies is get revenge for someone she loves. She doesn’t see the worth in her own life or the fact that she’s loved in return. So it’s kind of beautiful that what starts to snap her out of her curse-bearer state is Jean-Jacques affirming her and expressing how much he cared about her. And what fully breaks her free is Jeanne and Jean-Jacques reaching out to her. Chloé’s entire character is about a desire to be accepted and after centuries she finally gets it at the end of Gévaudan. The day was saved by the power of love this arc. Is that cheesy as hell? Yes. Did it nearly make me cry? Yes. 

That’s it. I didn’t really have a point here, I just wanted to talk about Chloé. It’s not even very polished, I wrote this pretty stream of consciousness. But thanks if you make it this far. Here’s a couple of Chloé panels I was really sad I didn’t get to include:

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 reactions; *nobby nobbs voice* ‘s all gone a bit percychological, sir

 - so from both chapter 6 and now this: rick famuyiwa is incredible at portraying prolonged discomfort and tension (and also at getting din’s endless love for that baby across through the stress of being separated from him. this is the very first episode with no baby in it at all, isn’t it? wow that’s a heartbreaking milestone to reach im crying)

I liked this episode SO MUCH but I had to pause it pretty often and take a breather because it all made me so viscerally uncomfortable on din’s behalf -- not just the armour and having to take the helmet off and be seen for the (almost, ilu IG-11) first time in decades, people keep touching him in this episode when he clearly doesn’t want them to but can’t stop it and it makes me want to claw my own skin off in sympathy, it’s so awful. that’s really neat film making to manage to keep that tension steady almost all the way through!!! 

honestly this episode felt a little bit like psychological horror, with the cheering storm troopers and din in the wrong armour and clearly not digging it and there’s the palpable absence of baby and that ever present dread of being Perceived when you’re not ready for it; everything’s turned upside down from how it should be. and it’s playing with that discomfort both in the main character and in us, the audience, in having the familiar be made unfamiliar and also introducing these questions that shake up everything (that feeling you get of ‘but... if it’s not the helmet, and not the armour, but there’s his face, but we’ve only seen that face once before so it’s still basically new to us, is this... is this still him. is this still Dad’ (oooh I wonder if we’re... sort of getting some of the ??? the baby would be feeling about it too?) we’ve all imprinted on that t-shaped visor like little baby birds, and this was a very clever episode to break us out of that and start to really get used to the thought of him having several faces that are real simultaneously, in a way, and not just a voice. it’s all very smart and interesting and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of incoherent thoughts about this in the weeks to come lol)    

- the actual reason din can’t take off the helmet is that if people were able to see his wide confused puppy eyes they would no longer find it in themselves to send him on long arduous side missions and would help him immediately just so he’d feel better, and that would rob us of like 80% of the content for this show 

mayfeld in this episode: clearly a casualty of this. he literally sees one glimpse of the vulnerability there and then within five seconds goes on to materialize a few redeeming character traits after being a complete jackass for an episode and a half. (I mean. he was 100% still an imperial so I’m a bit ‘hm.’ about how easily especially cara let him off the hook, but with the way it was set up I guess it would have been quite shitty of them to just throw him back in prison so I mean I GUESS. I would be endlessly grateful someone got my awkward bff out of there alive and well too I suppose)

- I actually think din’s sense/integrity of self has gotten so much stronger and more resilient (though probably still quite fragile pls handle with care precious cargo within); if this had happened in the first season I think it might honestly just have killed him (and if it weren’t for IG-11 it probably would have lol)

- can you beLIEVE din is so bad at lying that they literally should plan for contingencies over it fjkasdlhfskajdhfsdj     

- very grateful for the scene with the spear throw that’s basically there to reassure us ‘uh-huh, he absolutely knows how to use it, don’t worry about that part at least’

I want to make a whole post about that fight scene, though, it’s just so GOOD! there’s so much storytelling and characterization in it! even out of the armour din has some real hand to hand MOVES!! he clearly came out of that aching all over, he can barely get back in his seat!!!

- so what I’m mainly taking away from this is that din absolutely cuts his own hair and you know what? he does a good job considering the conditions he has to work under, I love him  

I still find it so goddamn darling that he meticulously maintains that little mustache/stubble combo under there even when there’s every reason to believe no one will ever see it 

I suppose we can also gather that he did not ask cobb about whatever insane feat of magic he’s come up with to avoid helmet hair, but I don’t care looking a bit frazzled and tousled is exactly right for him (he’s so put together when he’s in the armour and a MESS when he’s out of it and I  l o v e  it) 

- boba fett is honestly so fucking hot in this I don’t know what to do with myself haha. he’s so CALM and CALCULATED and COLLECTED in his newly painted armour and he’s GOT THIS and he made that ‘I’ve got one of those faces. one of jango’s many, many, many faces’ joke and he’s so thicc now, he looks like he could easily lift me over his head with one hand and he’s just quietly steady and undramatically supportive and sdalfhsdjhfsa 

- ...din does know who the clone troopers were, right. I mean of course he does. he has to. but does he though. I’m sure he does and just wasn’t thinking. 

- no matter how stressful it was I’m still really grateful that in the end taking the helmet off was something din got to do himself -- it’s under some duress, but it’s still his choice and for the sake of the baby, and almost in two more manageable steps between putting on the storm trooper gear for a different helmet before taking it off altogether. it’s not something done to him by gideon, for example, that would be. so much yuckier and worse. he still has that control and agency intact, even if it’s been tested really hard, and now gideon doing that doesn’t hold the exact same nightmarish power anymore because there’s already a little space opened in din’s mind for different things it can mean, if you see what I mean. I’m not sure I see what I mean actually I just have a lot of feelings haha. so I guess thank you mayfeld for being decent about it and helping him towards that realization that he can still be himself outside these really really inflexible structures he’s set up around himself for like. stability and keeping himself upright for a really long time, and that even someone halfway decent won’t disrespect the boundaries he still has about it at any given moment. man there’s a lot in this episode isn’t there

- the sigh din gave when he saw even more pirates coming and knew he had to get back up... never has a single moment in cinema better captured how I feel about being alive. most relatable man in the world din djarin

- it was really cruel of them to make me listen to din’s dead bleak voice say ‘the child is gone’ again, it wrecks my heart every goddamn time 

- again... I wish carano wasn’t Like That in real life because the cara & fennec scenes should have been everything I could ever dream. ah well fennec was still wonderful and if I just allow myself to think in-universe for a few seconds it was really touching that din would entrust cara with his entire armour, that’s some prime BrOTP energy right there

I love that we got two female characters who were just allies and working together, no competition or nothin’. listen the bar is low but it’s nice to see something actually leap gracefully over it as well lol

- this was one of those with some pretty big open plot holes (why, exactly, would a scan of a completely unknown face be helpful to get into this classified system lol), but a) I don’t care, the emotional storyline was so sound it doesn’t really matter and b) eh handwave handwave let’s say mayfeld programmed that little stick with the good shit and overrode the code saying there needed to be an identity match within the system, it’s all fine 

- I know I joke a lot about this but din really is one of the most relatable characters I’ve ever had. just watching him struggle with eye contact and going pretty much nonverbal under enough stress is like. wow a bit close to home there could we, perhaps, nOT?? (honestly though these are trauma/anxiety things I really don’t see portrayed a lot, especially in protagonists, it’s so odd but healing to see it in a character I love and who’s EXTREMELY competent in many other settings)

- din repeating gideon’s speech back to him word for word (except for the crucial detail that he calls grogu ‘him’ instead of ‘it’ 😭😭😭) and saying nothing else is truly Everything. I’ve said some stuff about din’s deliberate and thoughtful relationship to language in the past and this is such an amazing example of it; he’s remembered that pitch perfect all this time, he’s kept it around in his head and mulled it over and then redeployed it to change the meaning of it completely from dehumanization to love. can you. can you even imagine. and it’s yet another example of his hilarious wonderful petty streak and I can never get enough of it fasjhdfkjalhs    

- din always noticing the children first and foremost Y_______Y (the kids running by is the only thing you see him sort of acknowledge when he’s walking into the covert in season 1 too)  

- please... please I just need him to be able to hold that baby against his chest all safe and sound and okay again I can’t it’s........ hh

NO SEASON END CLIFF HANGER ON THIS I AM  B E G G I N G  YOU 

- I would be having some thoughts about how much space there actually is on slave 1 and what that might mean (do not kill boba again please don’t kill him again), but honestly there’s only ‘GET BABY’ hours in here now, I can’t speculate about anything

[kat-tamin]

you’re a cowboy like me

For Women of SVU Week 2021: Day Six: There was only one bed

Ship: Kat x Amanda

Warnings: Smut, including oral and fingering

Word Count: 2115

“Rollins, I just got word that our suspect got picked up in Westhampton's. We need to go pick him up.”

Amanda looked up at Kat. “When?”

“ASAP. ADA wants him arraigned tomorrow.” Kat gave the older detective a sympathetic look. “Sorry, Rollins. Hamptons PD says we can get him first thing tomorrow morning.”

“That means leaving tonight.” Amanda rubbed her forehead in frustration. “I’ll see if I can get someone to watch the girls.”

“Sorry, Rollins.” Kat smiled, trying to come up with something comforting. “On the bright side, mini vacay? I can make us a road trip mix.”

“Fine.” Amanda grabbed her keys, heading for the elevator. “Go pack a bag. I’ll meet you back here.” She paused, turned back to Kat. “None of that mumble rap crap, though. That’s not music.”

___

An almost 3 hour drive for two people who didn’t know each other that well was practically torture. The majority of the drive was spent in awkward silence. The only time they spoke was to discuss the landscape, or the case they were currently working on, Kat’s 90s music mix filling in the gaps of conversation. 

This wasn’t like Kat, or Amanda. They were both quite talkative women, but there seemed to be an underlying awkwardness between them when they weren’t at work. Neither was quite sure why. They just didn’t seem to have a lot in common. Kat was young, while Amanda was a mom. That alone made their lives very different.

Chasing Waterfalls by TLC came up on the mix, and Amanda automatically turned the volume up.

“You like this?” Kat raised her voice to be heard over the music.

Amanda nodded, grinning. “Reminds me of when I was young.”

“Me too! I remember them playing it at my elementary school graduation!”

Amanda turned to her wide eyed. “Your what?”

“Yeah, it was fun- what?” Kat glanced at Amanda’s disgusted face.

“Kat, this played at my senior prom.”

Kat snorted, and quickly covered her open mouth with her hand. “Sorry, Rollins.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Amanda muttered. “Respect your elders, Tamin.”

“Yes, ma'am.” 

Kat’s tone of voice made Amanda’s breath catch in her throat. She had to quickly right the car so it wouldn’t swerve into the other lane.

Finally, the two SVU members made it to the motel that the department had booked for the night. It was just outside town, close to the station. Kat would have preferred to be closer to the ocean, but beggars couldn’t be choosers when it came to a free hotel room. 

Kat noticed Amanda was already walking into the office, and hurried after her, catching the door just before it closed.

“You must be the NYPD!” The cheerful, older woman working greeted them. “One bed, right?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Kat leaned on the check in desk, blinking in surprise. 

“That’s what was booked.” The woman peered at her screen. “A queen sized room.”

“But there’s two of us,” Amanda reminded her, her voice tight.

“I’m sorry, Detective. I’m afraid I’m all booked up otherwise.” The worker scrunched up her nose. “I think I may have a cot lying around.”

Kat and Amanda glanced at each other, their eyes wide. A motel cot was just asking for a messed up back for a week.

“We can share.” Amanda turned back to the counter. “Right, Kat?”

“Right.” Kat suddenly felt very thirsty, her throat dry. “No big deal.”

After dumping their bags in their room, neither looking at the single bed, Amanda suggested they find a pub to eat at. “I could use a drink.”

Luckily, there was a bar down the street that served dinner. It was dark and dirty, but Kat didn’t mind. The smell of grease made her stomach growl, and her mouth water. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast, forgoing lunch to finish up paperwork.

“Drink?” Amanda didn’t wait for Kat’s answer, flagging down the bartender.

“I’ll have a whiskey, neat.” Her eyes went to the blackboard menu. “And a burger with fries.”

The bartender nodded, then looked at Kat. “You?”

“Scotch and soda, please. I’ll have the burger too.”

He left to put in their order, and Kat’s eyes wandered over the tight space, with it’s neon signs and bright decor. “This reminds me of this lesbian bar in Brooklyn.”

“Ginger’s.” 

Kat turned to Amanda, surprised. “You know it?”

Amanda just shrugged. “Of course.”

Their drinks were put down on the bartop, interrupting Kat’s follow up questions before they could start.

The combination of liquor and the exhaustion from the drive loosened their tongues. Over their greasy meals, Amanda and Kat found that they had more in common then they first thought.

Besides the obvious work connection, they bonded over the fact that they grew up pretty poor. This started a debate about whether it was worse to be in a New York winter without heat, or a summer in Georgia without air conditioning. 

“You can’t say Winter is worse. You’ve never experienced summer in the south.” Kat noticed Amanda’s accent became more pronounced, whether it was from the talk of home or the alcohol. “You sleep naked, but still wake up hot and sticky.”

Kat’s thoughts betrayed her by imaging Amanda’s body sticky with sweat. She took a large swig of her drink, blood rushing to her cheeks.

___

The air was thick with tension as they changed into their pajamas, and slipped under the covers. Kat made sure to stick as close to the edge as possible, not wanting to make the other woman uncomfortable. She didn’t know many straight girls who were cool with sleeping in the same bed as her, unless they weren’t as straight as they said.

Was Amanda one of those girls? She knew about Ginger’s, after all. Maybe she’s just an ally, Kat thought. She had at least slept with two men, Kat knew for sure. There was no indication that Amanda was into women. Except the niggling feeling Kat got when Amanda stood a certain way, or the way she dressed sometimes. Her internal radar always seemed to ping when she looked at Amanda.

On the other side of the bed, Amanda turned onto her side. Then tossed onto her other side. Then on her back. She heard Kat shift. “Sorry,” Amanda whispered. “Can’t get comfy.”

“All good.” Kat turned to face Amanda. “Do you want me to ask for the cot?”

“Nah.” Amanda craned her neck to look at her. “Unless you want to.”

She felt Kat shake her head. “I’m used to sharing a bed.” 

“With your girlfriend?” Amanda’s voice came out confrontational, making her wince.

Kat stiffened. “No, with my sister.”

“Oh.”

They laid in silence for a minute. A passing car illuminated their room for a flash.

“I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while,” Kat whispered.

“Yeah, the pandemic kinda killed the dating game,” Amanda replied, folding her hands over her stomach. “Men weren’t really beating down the door before then either.”

“But you’re so beautiful!” Kat blurted out.

Amanda just chuckled sadly. “A lot of the guys I meet don’t want an automatic family.”

Kat propped herself on her elbow. “Not even to hook up?”

Amanda wrinkled her nose. “I think I’m getting too old to play that game.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re fucking hot.” Woah, where’d that come from? Kat winced.

Amanda slowly turned towards Kat, their faces close now. “Yeah?”

“Yeah...”

In a split second, Amanda made a decision. She moved, and pressed her lips to Kat’s, who eagerly responded. Their movements became rushed, and soon Kat was pulling at Amanda’s tee. Amanda slipped it over her head, then helped Kat out of her own.

“Have you done this before?” Kat couldn’t help but ask.

“Yes.” Amanda’s mouth moved to Kat’s earlobe, her breath hot.

“At Ginger’s?” 

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” Amanda bit down gently on her ear, making Kat moan. The sound flooded Amanda’s stomach with heat.

Amanda moved down Kat’s body, leaving open mouthed kisses. Her fingers ghosted over the front of Kat’s sports bra, making her nipples pebble. She leaned down, biting at one gently through the fabric.

“Oh, fuck!” Amanda hurriedly captured Kat’s groan in her mouth. Their tongues slipped over each other, wet and slick.

Amanda’s hand slipped under Kat’s hips, pulling down her pants and underwear in one tug. 

“Let me see you,” Amanda said, leaning over to snap on the lamp.

Now in the light, Kat could get a good look at Amanda leaning over her, her bare chest right in front of Kat’s face. Her breasts were full and round with pink stretch marks, and tiny nipples.

“Fucking gorgeous,” Kat breathed.

Amanda’s face broke into a cocky grin. “Not so bad yourself.”

They met back in a hurried kiss, tongues swirling around each other.

Kat felt Amanda’s hand on her inner thigh, stroking the sensitive skin. Kat shivered at the sensation, her eyes closing.

“What do you want?” Amanda’s voice in her ear.

Kat’s legs opened wider, begging for her touch. “Anything. You.”

Amanda’s mouth took her previous path, this time making it all the way down to where she wanted her most, the scent making Amanda’s mouth water.

She slid a finger down Kat’s slit, making the other woman gasp. She couldn’t help but tease, liking the way Kat’s eyes screwed shut in frustration.

“Amanda, please...”

Amanda ducked her head down, her mouth taking her finger’s place. She teased Kat’s entrance with her tongue, savoring the wetness that gathered there. 

“Please.”

Her tongue made contact with Kat’s clit, making her back arch. Kat’s thighs tightened around Amanda’s head more and more with every swipe. 

“Fuck, just like that.” 

Kat let out a gasp, Amanda’s mouth sucking hard on her clit. Heat built in Kat’s body, her muscles growing tight. The sheets were curled tight in her clenched fists.

“I’m close!”

Amanda could feel her, the wetness clinging to her lips, Kat’s hand moving to her hair, pulling gently as she pressed her cunt closer to Amanda’s face. Amanda suddenly pushed two fingers into her pussy, making Kat finally cum with a small scream of her name.

Amanda scissored her fingers, letting Kat ride out her orgasm, then moved up her body to give her a kiss, letting Kat taste herself on Amanda’s tongue.

Kat used the distraction to flip Amanda onto her back, straddling her hips. “My turn.”

Amanda shimmied out of her bottoms, finally leaving her bare. “Be my guest.”

Kat took her time, hands tracing Amanda’s breasts and collarbone. The light touch raised goosebumps on her body, her nipples hard. Kat circled one, then the other.

“Harder.” Amanda’s hand went to her own chest to demonstrate the strong pinch she liked. 

“You like it rough, huh?” Kat decided to up the game, and bit down on Amanda’s nipple instead.

Amanda groaned. “Fuck yeah, like that.”

Kat took the nipple in her mouth, sucking and biting the flesh. Amanda moaned loudly, her hand drifting down to her clit.

In a flash, Kat grabbed her wrist. “Nuh uh.” Kat grabbed the other wrist, and pinned them above Amanda’s blonde head. “Do I need to grab the cuffs?” Kat licked a stripe along Amanda’s neck. “Or are you going to be good?”

“I’ll be good,” Amanda promised. “But you should probably get going.” She bucked her hips pointedly, urging Kat to her pussy.

“Keep your hands there,” Kat ordered. She let go of Amanda, testing her. To her credit, Amanda didn’t move. “Good girl.”

She moved down the bed so she could get into a better position in front of Amanda’s cunt. It was mostly bare, except for a small triangle of blonde hair. Her lips were wet with her slick. 

Kat stroked her clit with her thumb, and in a quick move, thrust three fingers deep into her pussy, finding no resistance.

Amanda screamed, but didn’t move her hands to push Kat away. Kat pistoned in and out of her. “So good taking my fingers, baby.”

Kat’s words made Amanda tighten, her walls clenching down against Kat’s fingers. She moves her hand to massage Amanda’s front wall, the spot that Amanda could never reach on her own. 

It wasn’t long before Amanda was shuddering and gasping. “Oh, God….”

Kat withdrew her hand, pressing them into Amanda’s mouth. Her tongue made good work of cleaning off the younger girl’s fingers.

They both laid on their backs, breathing hard. Kat reached over to turn the lamp off, plunging the room back into darkness.

Amanda curled on her side, and Kat slung an arm around her waist, burying her face in her neck.

All tangled up, their tiny bed didn’t seem as small anymore.

[nonasuch]

how I would fix star wars

inevitably, I have been thinking about How I Would Fix Star Wars, and make the parts of TRoS that displeased me into a more coherent story. 

unfortunately, to do so will require the use of a time machine and veto power over the Lucasfilm Story Group. but IF I had those things here is what I would do:

I actually would not make a lot of changes to TFA. The main ones would be:

toning down Starkiller a bit as a threat, to a one-shot-per-planet deal but with a faster recharge time

slightly more stormtrooper stuff -- establish what Finn’s leaving behind and give Phasma a little depth. 

if possible, put some kind of distinguishing visual marker on the trooper who marked Finn’s helmet.

a small background detail that isn't important yet: after the village massacre at the beginning, show stormtroopers collecting the bodies, trooper and villager alike. if possible, do this after every scene with a significant body count, throughout all three movies.

either give the knights of ren some actual stuff to do or cut them out entirely

show kyle chafing at snoke’s leash, maybe demanding to know more about some of snoke’s various Secret Projects, and being dismissed

give rey a little time to settle in with the Resistance before leaving to find Luke. we don't have to show it much, just make it clear that she’s making a home there and has bonded strongly with Leia

clean up some weird pacing and make the travel times/distances between planets more consistent

honestly other than that I wouldn't change much. I genuinely like TFA a lot and its strength is in how well it establishes the new characters.

for TLJ, some bigger changes but the bones of it I'd leave alone:

make it more clear why the tracking through hyperspace is a big deal and make the solution less of a fetch quest

I really like parts of the Canto Bight plot but I would probably swap it out for something with more stormtroopers in it -- let Finn interact with other troopers and remind us that there are individuals under those helmets

(a recurring joke: Finn can always tell troopers apart when they’re in uniform, and Rose can never figure out how. he thinks it’s because he was a trooper, but no, it's because he’s Force sensitive)

maybe get close to convincing some of them to desert, but either they fail last-minute or the deserters get caught and killed

Finn and Rose escape by the skin of their teeth thanks to a trooper who helps them, letting them know that even if they aren't brave enough to leave, there are plenty of troopers who aren't all-in with the First Order

again, after any major fight show the body cleanup. troopers carrying and stacking the dead in neat rows. start hinting that there is something more ominous here than fanatical tidiness

the Snoke stuff -- make it more obvious that Snoke is orchestrating stuff other than just running the First Order. maybe have Hux ask about the cargo ships they're sending to the Unknown Regions, and get shot down

make part of Kyle’s refusal to leave w Rey due to his burning need to Know All The Secrets, and conviction that as Supreme Leader he could really clean up the joint

once Snoke is dead, show Kyle getting access to his secret files/vaults; do NOT show what he finds there

I'd also want to clean up some wonky pacing and timeline/travel distance stuff, probably, but again I really like most of the movie so it’s nothing major

also keep Phasma around for the next movie! what the fuck, she rules, why would you not

okay so that brings us to TRoS, which… would need a pretty major overhaul. 

First of all, we are working under the assumption that I have a time machine, so I made Carrie Fisher go to the cardiologist on the reg starting on day 1 of TFA rehearsals, and she’s fine and able to play the part as she was meant to.

with that in place, here’s how I would restructure:

we keep the Hammer Horror opening scene, but tweak the Emperor’s reveal. he’s much more corpse-y, without the tech umbilical keeping him alive -- a wraith animated by Dark power. 

lots of grandiose claims about his unstoppable army and his impending dominion over the galaxy, ultimate triumph over the Light, etc

don't show the armada yet -- just kyle’s reaction, which is genuine fear.

news of the Emperor’s return isn't a broadcast, but a whisper. a transmission from a terrified First Order cargo pilot, who’s learned the truth about his one-way trip to the Unknown Regions. passed through the lower ranks by rumor and hearsay. eventually leaked to the Resistance by an unknown First Order source

I like the idea from the beginning of the movie, that Rey’s trying to speak to dead Jedi through the Force. but it’s not working, and she shares her frustration with Leia

make it clear that she and Leia have a deep, strong bond.

give Rey a Jedi artifact to hunt for. maybe there’s a place or a thing that she thinks will let her commune with fallen Jedi, and that’s what they go looking for.

that lets us keep some of the fetch quest, but the First Order’s not as actively on their tail. 

they keep crossing paths anyway, and every time there are troopers doing something worse. maybe at one point they see troopers refuse to massacre civilians, and being killed themselves instead.

also they take Rose with them, because this movie needs more Rose

still have those post-battle scenes of body cleanup. now the cleanup crews are being killed once they’re done

this could be a good use for the Knights of Ren, actually. whatever is happening, they're part of it

Leia is more active throughout: she's on the move, recruiting allies for the Resistance, trying to figure out what's happening in the Unknown Regions

she has an actual scene with Lando, and he goes to Rey on her orders

tweak Poe’s backstory with Zorii. he worked with her while undercover for the Resistance, and left them in the lurch when the General needed him back. 

he’d have recruited her, if there had been time, but now he's glad he didn't: most everyone Poe recruited to the Resistance died at Crait.

when Rey crosses paths with Kyle, he’s obviously rattled. he Knows Something that he won't or can't tell her and he's even more fatalistic than usual.

lean harder on the unease/whispers of dissent in the First Order as they're told to do more and more awful things. maybe a scene where someone -- not Hux -- disagrees openly, and Kyle says something that implies that he's getting orders from someone above his head.

this gives Hux a chance to snark at Kyle -- isn't he supposed to be the Supreme Leader, now? who's telling him what to do?

off Kyle’s reaction -- someone is telling him what to do, and he's terrified of them in a way he never was of Snoke.

(keep Hux-as-informant, that was done perfectly)

Rey’s artifact hunt still takes her to the Death Star wreckage, off rumors that Palpatine hoarded Jedi artifacts. 

we meet Janna &co. Finn is so relieved and happy to meet other troopers who survived defecting. Janna tells him that there used to be more, that it used to be easier to get out, but more and more troopers have been killed in the attempt, without escaping.

by now it’s clear: there is Something Wrong With The First Order, beyond the obvious.

Rey fights Kyle in the Death Star ruins. Kyle tells her the Emperor wants to turn her to the Dark Side, that he can’t be refused or stopped, that even death won’t let her escape from him.

the fight plays out similarly, but Leia’s distraction doesn't kill her. 

after Rey heals him, Kyle faces his fear and talks to Leia via Force bond. He tells her what the Emperor is planning, and it’s Ben Solo who leaves the ruins.

he can give Leia files or some other concrete proof via the same trick he uses with Rey in the movie, because that’s honestly very cool and it was used really well, so we’re keeping that

when Rey talks to Luke on Ach-To, he tells her that Palpatine used the Empire to sow chaos and fear, because that made the Dark Side stronger and gave him more power to tap into.

Luke says: “I think he would have been happy to burn the whole galaxy down, as long as he could rule over the ashes.”

Rey realizes she can’t hide from the Emperor, and knows he’ll never turn her to the Dark. she goes after him.

Leia sends the Resistance to back Rey up and sets out to rally the galaxy with Lando and Chewie

finally, it’s confrontation time! Rey faces Zombie Palpatine, and he reveals his plan in all its glory:

he’s built an army of the dead. ghost ships, crewed by all those bodies we've been watching the First Order collect for three movies.

some of them we recognize, if we’re paying attention: the trooper who marked Finn’s helmet, Lor San Tekka, Hux. there are long-dead clone troopers, little more than skeletons in filthy white armor. half-functional Separatist droids. Resistance fighters and First Order officers killed on Crait. countless civilians. 

they’re all dead, all animated by Palaptine’s Dark Side powers, fueled by the strife and chaos he continues to sow throughout the galaxy

he doesn’t want to blow up any more planets. he wants to kill the shit out of absolutely everyone: the end of all life, and all Light. everyone in the galaxy a soldier in his undead army

he wants Rey to strike him down and become the new Sith Empress, ruling over an empire of ashes.

but we are discarding the granddaughter shit, because frankly it is not necessary and makes no sense. 

he can just be like ‘ah yes, a feral desert child, powerful in the Force, with no inconvenient ties to hold her back. I've had good luck with those, mostly.’

now, a brief side trip: what is the First Order doing, in the midst of all this?

well, the rank and file are actually not super down with the ‘join the glorious army of the dead’ plan. half of them are in open revolt; some try to run, some seize control of their ships and decide to fight for the living

Phasma leads Team Living. yeah, I kept her for a reason! Gwendoline Christie is great at this!

Ben shows up as before, fights the Knights, does the cool lightsaber trick with Rey. he fights with Leia’s saber.

when Palpatine drains their life force to restore himself, though, something happens differently:

it’s actually Leia’s life force. she gives up her life for her son and for the daughter of her heart, willingly and gladly, knowing she has rallied the galaxy to their aid. she tells them, before she goes, that help is on the way

the giant fleet that arrives to fight Palpatine has First Order ships in it. finally, everyone is on the same side. Palpatine has been playing both sides against each other since Episode 1, but it won't work anymore, now that they know what he wants. the long con is over. they're united against him.

Rey beats Palpatine the same way, Ben revives her the same way, but Leia’s sacrifice means he has enough juice left to survive it. 

idk about the kiss; I am Reylo-agnostic

but he’s going to try to shepherd the First Order into something that builds and protects, instead of destroying. 

people like Janna and Finn, who got out, and Rose, who lived under their heel, will show him how.

Finn is Force sensitive, and so are some of the other former troopers. 

some of them want to become Jedi

Finn wants to follow Leia’s path: do the training so he understands how to use the Force, but he's not meant to be a Jedi. he's going to be a leader -- not a general, hopefully, but a leader for peacetime.

so like. they won! hooray.

Rey takes the name Skywalker, still. Ben is fine with this: he’s a Solo-Organa. 

there can be a touching Force ghost reconciliation, or not, whatever

so. that is how to fix star wars. you’re welcome. if anyone out there has a time machine and an in with Lucasfilm, hit me up I guess?

[mc-critical]

hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter.  She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

[lemystical-puffle]

My A3 Sexuality Headcanons that no one asked for!

[These won’t include Gender, only sexual orientation or lack thereof(is that a phrase?)]

Color coordination

Gay

Bi

Pan

Aro

Hetero

Sakuya Sakuma: Pansexual! He doesn’t have any preferences, honestly after his childhood he just wants someone who will love and accept him!

Masumi: Bisexual. I feel like he would love the director whether they be boy, girl, other, all, he just wants someone to give him attention, and that person just happened to be out beloved Izumi Tachibana.

Tsuzuru: okay this ones me projecting but whatever Aro/Ace Tsuzuru. He doesn’t feel romantic attraction, and instead just feels a family-brotherly kind of love towards his friends and fellow actors. He doesn’t really want to romantically be with someone, and yet instead just wants to be there for them when they need it and love them the same way he loves his family at home

Citron: Also pan!! But Pan-Romantic specifically. Citron literally just wants to love everyone ever because he’s just awesome like that, but won’t go pass kissing someone. It just makes him uncomfortable which is perfectly fine because he is Citron Lastname! But yeah, also no gender prefermance

Itaru: Bi with a male preference. I can’t really explain why I think this, I just do. Maybe because most of the woman he has ever shown interest in are his 2D anime waifus. Also I mean come on he totally had a whole thing for Lancelot he thinks knights are hot and that is so valid.

Chikage: he is a gay cabbage. Listen the only time he has said he liked a woman it was because he said they weren’t like his mom and I am just- I’m sorry I don’t trust that. This man is a gay, he is never had a boyfriend but he has definitely thought of hooking up with his boss for a raise, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Tenma: Also bi! Bi-Ace specifically. I wasn’t really sure where to put him because on one hand I feel like he has a lot of MLM energy but on the other hand his solo song so I just, bi. I feel like his gay awakening came when he played the token gay best friend in a romcom because gay actor erasure but Tenma didn’t really understand, but later he was in a scene where he was with his boyfriend who shows up for one second to remind the audience he’s a homosexual and Tenma was just: crap he’s not

Yuki: okay at first I didn’t know what to put for Yuki cause on one hand sexuality erasure Yuki has specifically said he likes girl and he defies stereotypes and stuff but on the other hand he never said he didn’t like boys so he’s bi with a female preference. I feel like Yuki is the kind of guy to just happen to fall in love with whoever and just go “oh crap did I just fall in love?” And while he likes girls more sometimes it just. Happens.

Muku: Surprise surprise he’s Pan! Muku totally reads shoujo manga with all sexualities and is very livid about good representation, will write a “negative review” (and in Muku terms that’s him being very polite, 4.5/5 stars and linking research resources) about how inaccurate a sexuality was portrayed. I feel like at first he just thought he was a very active ally and now he is just: “oh crap boys. And girls. And enbys. And genderfluids. And everyone.”

Misumi: Misumi is very homosexual, which at first he was sad about because homosexual has 2 o’s which are circles but then he realized he can just say gay but spell it like: G🔺Y so he got happy again. I feel like it was one of the reasons he was kicked out of his home, he just likes boys Jeez Ikaruga parents no rights. (I also Headcanon him as autistic but that’s not what this post is about).

Kazunari: In Kazunari Miyoshi’s world he never has to make a decision in his life and that includes sexuality. Show him a guy and a girl and tell him to pick one and he will simply overload until he picks the person who knows the most trivia on classical art or smthing. Kazunari just: adores everyone ever, and that’s okay! After a lot of internalized homophobia and fear, he was able to come out to first a small group of college friends and eventually felt comfortable with the label and was able to express it openly, now he wears it with pride!

Kumon: I really don’t have any explaining to go here, Kumon just feels gay to me. My head can’t wrap around him wanting to be intimate with a girl. I do think there was this big moment of him coming out to Juza and Juza just going “s’okay.” Then they hug and get ice cream

Banri: Banri is bisexual with a straight pride flag and a Juza Preference. Catch him at the straight pride parade telling “those Homo’s that they’re going to burn.” While making out with Juza against a wall. That’s canon I don’t take criticism

Juza: Also Gay, I feel like Kumon came out first and Juza did research and was like “oh me too.” And just thought about how he’s never actually liked a girl and thought boys were kinda pretty and oh crap Settsu slicked his hair back oh crap oh crap pretty men.

Taichi: Taichi is bisexual, with his preferences being as random as his hair. Except no weird 1/4 quarters going on. Idk where I was going with that analogy I’m sorry. Taichi just likes the humans and wants to go kiss kiss with them all, and then bring them along on his journey for fame and popularity!

Omi: Listen, Omi is the mother of Mankai, and as the mother he loves everyone unconditionally. He also totally wanted to kiss Nachi I’m sorry. I feel like Omi has a male preference, but only by a bit as he loves everyone! He is a good boy and brings all the snacks and water to the pride parades so his friends stay healthy :)

Sakyo: Sakyo is the straight~ supportive dad who doesn’t care if you’re gay straight bi pan anything as long as you pay your taxes. Was probably a little confused at first just because. Probably said “LGBT? Isn’t that a sandwich.” But he got informed did research and is now a huge ally! After more research he identifies specifically as graysexual/romantic as he feels rarely any romantic attraction at all unless under certain circumstances aka Izumi Tachibana. I akso think he suspected that Azami was LGBT for a bit before he came out so he wanted to do research so that Azami would feel comfortable coming out when he was ready. Also he can’t like, not support Sakoda (who I Headcanon as gay :) )

Azami: Azami is bi-aro. Sex? Nah he won’t even hold your hand before marriage, however he will love you no matter your gender. I also see him with a female preference just from his straight upbringing and it’s the title he feels most comfortable with after some internalized homophobia, especially with how his dad shamed him for liking makeup. He is still getting used to the LGBT community and I feel like he is still taking baby steps, learning about different identities and wanting to do all he can to support both himself and his fellow actors due to simply not knowing where to start. Don’t worry Azami take you’re time! There is no rush, you are trying to figure yourself out and we all love you so much for it, there is no shame in changing your mind later. We adore you all the same. (If you couldn’t tell, I wasn’t only talking to Azami. If you are still questioning yourself it is 100% okay, because honestly I am too. There is no rush to figure yourself out, and I hope you know that we are all here for you!)

Tsumugi: Tsumugi is gay, but I feel like he also had a lot of internalized homophobia. I feel like when he was younger he really liked Tasuku but didn’t really understand the difference between platonic and romantic, and it took some time before he was able to really discover himself and come to the identity he has currently.

Tasuku: Tasuku is gay and homophobic.

Hisoka: Hisoka is homo-demi-romantic asexual. I feel like it won’t want to date anyone without really earning their trust and feeling safe around them, and after that point he still will be pretty shy romantically, but it is very much understandable and we all still love Hisoka

Homare: Homare is pan. He doesn’t really care about gender, he just wants someone who will love him and his poetry without seeing him as broken. I feel like after his last relationship he was hesitant to date again, but after some time and help from the rest of winter troupe he was able to rediscover himself. (Also autistic Homare go brrrr)

Azuma: Azuma is an old gay man who just thinks boobs are neat. That’s it that’s the post sent tweet turn off replies.

Guy: New color who this? This is because I didn’t know what to put for Guy, so he simply doesn’t identify as anything. I don’t know a lot about Guy but I know enough to feel like relationships would be very awkward and touchy for him due to his problems with emotions and expression. He isn’t straight, but he doesn’t really identify as anything either. He’s just: Guy. Which is more than valid

[oh also all of winter is Poly and they’re boyfriends thanks for coming to my Ted talk]

Hope you all liked these! Of course they are all my own opinion and you don’t have to agree with all, they’re just how I feel!! Feel free to reply or reblog with your own opinions or Headcanons!!