#anyway this just really got to me like it’s just a gross way to be
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Oh yeah, because this household really needed more of a push to be mean to each other (well in fairness, it’s only really two of them). And we got creepy crawlies! Yaaaay, go us…
Our chef of the day Sage arises (from a flirty dream about Araminta - is Do-dud in danger?), bats out and sets about making rice cake for breakfast - because why the Dine Out pack not. Turns out we have yet another cooking non-enjoyer in our midst.
Okay in this case, her loathing is possibly justified. She doesn’t even need to consume food - gosh.
Forest pee-walks his way into consciousness with quite the array of moodlets, while Giovanna has her appearance complimented by Lilac, then enthuses about the outdoors (which Lilac liked) and… housework (which Lilac didn’t quite as much).
In spite of the Diabolical Duo (Lee and Forest) making their way downstairs, it appears to be all fun and games over breakfast?
And Mister becomes the latest masc to figure out that the way to get in a good word with Lilac is to impress Moojito. Hooves up, 8/10, left an after dinner mint on her pile of hay, would definitely recommend to a friend…
However all good things must come to an end, and Forest lets loose at Sage - within earshot of Lilac, who fortunately for him is rather occupied with Tiago. Does Forest have a rabbit’s paw tucked away in his top pocket or something? Just how long will his good luck last?
As Forest delivers some fan service (you know who you are) by helping Baarry White in the garden, Sage has a chat with Lilac - likely asking why she didn’t defend Sage against Forest earlier?
“Sorry babe, the interaction got cancelled in my queue - you know how it is…”
Potential besties Forest and Giovanna continue to gossip up a storm in the garden - and the animals get in on the action too. Only the Watcher knows what they're saying about the rest of us (and no, she actually doesn't...).
But Mister and Tiago have remembered that they are in a competition, and are currently making Lilac feel like the prettiest girl at the soiree over a game of Don’t Wake the Llama. While I have to suspend my sense of disbelief over the ‘no jealousy’ settings sometimes, it is rather refreshing to watch the lack of ‘eggplant’ measuring between the masc contestants in particular.
Eventually however, Lilac does pop the question - and it's Tiago who's the recipient.
(I won't include the 'ask for sex' dialogue because... is it just me who is grossed out by the word 'panties'? Not because it refers to underwear but because there's something about it that just icks me on a visceral level, much on par with the word 'moist'...)
Anyway, by the looks of things a good time was had.
(This is the most explicit I'll get - promise. I just felt like there needed to be a visual here, and this duo got their clothes off preeeetty quickly. Also once I censored Lilac's melons, Tiago patting her head was cute.)
And everyone else is chore montage hour-ing.
So far there hasn't been much in the way of meanness about the place, but rest assured that this Watcher has an ace up her sleeve...
@riverofjazzsims @ravingsockmonkey @fl0pera
@igglemouse @panicsimss @simsfvr
(part ii likely coming tomorrow)
#simply lilac#simply lilac round one#lilac moon#forest green by riverofjazzsims#giovanna goth by ravingsockmonkey#lee duncan by fl0pera#mister maxwell by igglemouse#sage graves-vatore by panicsimss#tiago pecholobo by simsfvr#mild sims spice#let's go chaos household
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So I have chronic nosebleed problem…
(spoiling bc it’s really gross to even talk about and most people don’t like talking about blood) (no pictures or anything like that though just text) (only typing this because it was a weird fucking experience and I need to tell someone or I’m going to go insane) (⚠️‼️I warned you‼️⚠️)
And today I got the worst nosebleed probably in my entire life since I started getting them like 14 years ago. The blood was dripping really fucking fast to the point that there was almost no space in between each drop. I’m not on blood thinners or anything but for a bit there I was worried that it might never end. After a few minutes of this, letting it drip into the sink, morbid curiosity got the best of me. I plugged the bottom of the sink and let the blood pile up at the bottom without running water or anything, I wanted to get a visual for just how much blood I was losing.
My nose kept bleeding for over an hour, and it only started slowing down in the last 20 minutes or so. The entire bottom of the sink was a pool of blood deep enough that I could submerge my hand in it (my hands already had blood on em and I was going to clean everything and then wash em anyway, so I had to at least see how deep it was. Yes that is a weird and gross thing to do, but I was bored after sitting there letting my nose drip into a sink for over an hour, don’t judge me).
(Even more disgusting text below warning)‼️
And because blood isn’t really just a liquid it was a really weird texture, kind of like pudding that congeals and has that mass on the top when it cools, it was like a semisolid mass submerged in water. I could grab the mass and squish it through my fingers. It was so fucking weird idk if I’ve ever seen a liquid or semi-liquid with textures and properties like that. It was kind of cool, in a weird nasty way. I realized that’s probably not a thing most people get to or have to experience. The blood was kind of cold at that point, nearing room temperature.
It was really interesting getting to see just how much blood I lost from a nosebleed that bad. Normally I’m constantly trying to plug the bleeding, clean the sink, or fill the sink with a pool of water to drip into so it doesn’t make as much of a mess, or am in the shower, so even if I spend an hour bleeding into a sink I have no clue how much I’ve actually lost. I’ve heard people say that if you feel dizzy or weak after a nosebleed (or when they draw a small vial of blood for a blood test) that it’s mostly placebo making you feel that way, not the small loss of blood. But that was soooo much more than a vial for a blood test. I feel physically weak and woozy. I’m really dehydrated too. It’s neat to know it’s not just a placebo I was right all along.
#gross text. probably don’t read it#I’m posting this more for me than for anyone to see it#cw blood#tw blood
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oof, a bit of a personal rant here
so as is tradition, I just finished A Media TM and had to go to the tumblr tag to find pretty gif sets, posts, etc, general love for the Media TM as one does! a delight, 10/10. but, oh my god, and this was a sageuk (historical kdrama) and like. I didn’t know this needed to be said in the year of our lord 2023, but.
please don’t make posts in a tag for a historical/period drama complete with historically accurate culture, costuming, etiquette, social norms etc… and call it “weird,” “unnecessary rules,” “wild/strange costumes,” etc. like. y’all. this is based on Actual Real Life Historical Culture of an Entire Country, so, maybe, like, don’t?
like, yeesh, I was just really taken aback to see multiple posts to that effect in the tags. *cue Gina Linetti singing racism racism racism*
#just. yikes on so many bikes#it is so easy to instead Not Do That#plus if you’re able to make a tumblr post you’re able to google and literally Wikipedia anything unfamiliar#guess what! there was a lot I didn’t know the first time I watched a sageuk#and through the power of like. a google search. i then learned! it’s not that hard!#just. don’t be a racist yall c’mon#anyway this just really got to me like it’s just a gross way to be#personal
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something about people calling vrisrezi "toxic yuri" always puts me off. i understand the lack of words to really put their dynamic but like you know theyre in a relationship thats largely good for them right. they arent dating because "it sucks but it would be worse without each other" they genuinely really love each other a lot
#just as a baseline understanding here i am outright stating that their moiraillegance is a romantic relationship which includes kissing etc#if u cannot meet me on that level i dont think i really want to discuss vrisrezi with you#anyways its just so weird to me i dont know. i dont have a super great way of articulating it#they do Need each other they are codependent and its not necessarily healthy#but unhealthy does not equal toxic#they dont hurt each other on purpose they make each other so so happy and they do so much for each other and thats what makes them worse#because as much as they are universally destined to be together by the Laws of Paradox Space they are also universally doomed#and i mean straight up like. terezi is vriska's fp i feel like this is a given with the almost unambiguous bpd coding of vriska#and that isnt a type of relationship that vriska serket and terezi pyrope are exactly going to understand or manage well#but i also think that calling a favorite person relationship toxic by the nature of it regardless of who specifically is in it#is really gross? and harmful? and it doesnt make you sound cool when you talk about vrisrezi like that#ok wow this got really really out of hand. vrisrezi isnt really “toxic” if you read the comic thank you good night#vriska#terezi#my posts ::::)
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Saw a poll asking which fast food I'd give up for a week for a million dollars, and it's like I'd give up fucking food for a week for that price, there's literally nothing that wouldn't be on the chopping block when it's giving it up for a week
Not to mention I already barely have fast food once a month, and that's only if you count the costco pizza or burgers from the general store (which are more like backyard bbq style... like... the not great but not bad kind from a grill, you know?)
So... money please, I already won, pay me
#like I'm not even kidding about if I got it signed in a contract that I'd get paid; that I'd give up eating for a week for that much#pretty sure while it wouldn't be good for me I'd make it; and... that would only be like 7 less meals that week for an average week#I wouldn't be happy; I don't like being hungry (which is pretty much my forever state; I'm hungry as hell right now)#I know enough to know it would probably take a toll on me given the way I'll prowl the house over and over looking in vain for food#like it would be bad#but there's not a lot I wouldn't do for that kinda money; I'm not gonna pretend that a million isn't a price I can be bought at#basically no hurting anyone; nothing that would do permanent damage... really really gross stuff would cost more#but I don't pretend to have too much pride for this#if you're a sick freak with too much money hit me up and we can probably make a deal#anyway my real point in this post was just the fact that like... give up fast food for a week?#for that price I'd give it up for life; I lose at most costco pizza and perhaps food from the general store; though it isn't fast food#I don't like fast food much; it's already too pricey; you're paying me to do what I already want to do#and with that money I could hire someone to come to my house and teach me to cook#I could pay someone in town to get my groceries... it's a not brainer#hell; for like... mhh... ten million I'd never eat at a restaurant again; though there I'd like to negotiate exceptions to try stuff#like... make the deal that I can't go places regularly; and I can't loop hole this to just always be traveling#but that like if I travel to Japan or something I can try the restaurants there#...twenty five million and I never eat at any restaurant anywhere ever (I'd pay people to have me over for dinner)#one hundred million I never eat anyone's cooking again (I'd go to Japan for instance and pay someone to teach me to cook)#(have them eat with me to make sure I made it right; so I could experience it but no one else made it)#these are my prices#but for real; I never ever ever even go to restaurants; there's exactly one kinda high end pizza place I'd miss with that deal#and again... I'd just go in and pay someone to come help me figure out how to make it at home
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What Do I Ship?
Don't mistake this for a tolerance or tier list. I will read and write ships that aren't even on this list, or write ships from the secondary list sometimes, this is just to give you a general sense of the stuff I mainly support/think about and in what capacity. Might be updated periodically. Ranting and comments in the tags.
Re: the Mokuba ships, I only ship them in non-problematic ways, where either the Kaiba brothers are ageswapped, making Mokuba the same age as the rest of the main cast, or where they only get together far post-canon where Mokuba's an adult. We cool? Cool.
Primary Ships
(things I can/want to create content for; this does not include every ship I've ever written, just the ones I care about/are currently engaged in writing/plan to write multiple fics for, or ships I just stan in a way that I know it'll never end)
Euroshipping (Kaiba x Ryou)
Puppyshipping (Joey x Kaiba)
Mumbleshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Duke)
Teaseshipping (Joey x Ryou x Kaiba)
Snareshipping (Joey x Duke)
Trustshipping (Kaiba x Ishizu)
Polarshipping (Joey x Mai)
Blueshipping (Kisara x Kaiba)
Mizushipping (Kisara x Priest Seto)
Minorshipping (Ryou x Duke)
Mastershipping (Duke x Kaiba)
Puffshipping (Joey x Ryou)
Sweetshipping (Ryou x Mokuba)
Wintershipping (Mokuba x Amane)
Rollshipping (Duke x Ryou x Joey)
Secondary Ships
(things I will read but I don't write {much, or anymore, in some cases} for one reason or other)
Wishshipping (Joey x Yugi)
Powershipping (Kaiba x Marik)
Graceshipping (Ishizu x Ryou)
Doubtshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Marik)
Petshipping (Duke x Kaiba x Joey)
Axisshipping (Kaiba x Siegfried)
Angstshipping (Ryou x Marik)
Irateshipping (Marik x Joey)
Buddyshipping (Joey x Tristan)
Heartshipping (Yugi x Ryou)
Fragileshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryou)
Changeshipping (Duke x Marik)
Logicshipping (Priest Seto x Priestess Isis)
Gemshipping (Ryou x Thief King Bakura)
Thiefshipping (Yami Bakura x Marik)
Candleshipping (Kaiba x Ryou x Yami Bakura)
Antagoshipping (Kaiba x Yami Bakura)
Corruptshipping (Priest Seto x Thief King Bakura)
Stoicshipping (Kaiba x Priest Seto)
Shimmershipping (Duke x Mokuba)
Guardshipping (Kaiba x Roland)
Senetshipping (Ishizu x Duke)
Angelicshipping (Ryou x Rafael)
Mercuryshipping (Kisara x Kaiba x Ishizu)
Entrepreneurshipping (Duke x Kaiba x Siegfried)
Unnamed (Aigami x Marik x Yami Bakura)
Scholarshipping (Kaiba x Ishizu x Ryou)
There's also plenty of random unnamed poly ships that I want to play around with in one-shots, usually a combo of my top six fave characters.
#rose talks#my ships#ship list#creating this post just to link to it in my pinned post. don't mind me.#i might add a third section called “i just think they're neat”#what happened with thiefshipping is that I worked really hard on a one-shot for it and was pretty proud of it#but then it got like no attention and i figured my characterization must have been way off#so i didn't try to write it again after that#i wrote a lot of Marik one-shots a long time ago but I don't think my characterization of him was actually that good#that's why i haven't really written him outside of Rock Bottom in a long time#if you put kaiba ryou duke joey marik in a jar and jumble them all up and pour 2 or 3 of them out. i ship anything that comes out.#almost the same if you replace marik with ishizu but i don't see her and joey working out (unless maybe to gang up on kaiba)#currently intrigued by the idea of kaiba/ryou/ishizu and i would call that scholarshipping if the name wasn't already taken#also just discovered mercuryshipping and i think that would be so fascinating#i think guardshipping can easily be problematic but it doesn't have to be. i think it can be kinda sweet if done right.#re: the mokuba ships i've had someone tell me that shipping child characters with anyone is gross EVEN IF you age them up and um no#every adult ever is an aged-up child. that's how life works.#i'm so much more interested in mokuba as an adult than as a child anyways. just purely from a character perspective#because damn. who knows what this boy will become. ya know? it's about the potential
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#remember when i ordered a bunch of perfume samples#just sprayed some musc 25 by le labo on my wrist#my old review of this frag was that it smelled like floor cleaner at a fancy resort and that it was disgusting#now though#its … very nice actually#smells expensive. elegant.#smells a lot like my friend’s camry#figured out this mfs weird scent profile btw#it’s bros damn car perfume which’s got mad projection and then dior sauvage underneath#bro got me like why tf u smell like flowers and why does it Work#anyway i may have found a new daily frag this is really nice#it’s like a perfect ‘clean laundry’ scent that isn’t too soapy#lightly musky and not in a gross way#the sharper notes kinda fade out and ur left with something rlly sexy and warm#and nice ☺️☺️#just smells like a really attractive person…who u really like#😂😂😂#i finally got food i don’t want soju as much anymore but i still do a little bit#bad habit atp#adenosine triphosphate#actually vibes wise this is probably the closest frag i’ve found to dedcool milk#which doesn’t smell the same to me anymore!!! idk why!!!#i’ll never shut up about this. it used to be so good. what happened#le labo is so expensive though#and ion wanna be switching between chanel and this i gotta pick something and stick to it
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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Ok also so I got my eyebrow and nose piercings back in... march, I think? I was supposed to go back in to get the bars changed out some time ago but I never did. Largely bc my eyebrow piercing has Not been healing smoothly (keep accidently banging it and getting it caught on things so it doesn't wanna heal) but I think the long bar has been actively hindering my healing (making it easier to get caught on things) so I decided to change it out Myself. Bought some new smaller jewelry online and it got here today and
I'm not generally squeamish when it comes to my own body. Like pain, blood, whatever. Don't rly care.
That, though... that took some effort.
But I did it! Smaller jewelry to hopefully make healing a little smoother from here on out. I also got some new jewelry for my nose stud that'll get here tomorrow. That one at least won't be a huge deal, since the nose piercing has healed so much more smoothly, thankfully.
(Preemptive warning for Gross Details in the tags. Lol)
#speculation nation#for the eyebrow piercing it's like....#ok this is kinda gross hfkshfks but i think i. at one point when it got caught on something#i think i like. tugged the piercing. um. smaller#?#like the area of skin that the eyebrow piercing runs thru is. smaller. bc it literally tore some of the actual pierced skin.#hurt like a BITCH i'll fuckin tell you that lmfao. ive been a lot more careful since.#but thats another thing with why i wanted a smaller thing. the prior one was fucking Massive in there. way too much#but now i have smth smaller. thinner too. which i hope will help with healing.#downsizing while healing will reduce the amount of variation in jewelry i can stick in there#but tbh i think itd just be wiser to stick to small things anyways. with the thinner patch of skin there.#i dont WANT to rip my eyebrow piercing out. which that was part of what made changing it so hard hfkshfm#these new ones r like screw on ends. but the one before was a pin i had to pull out.#and Let Me Tell You. i was so fucking scared of accidentally ripping it out when trying to pull that bitch. holy shit.#i got it without ripping anything. it still hurt and it bled a good bit but i got it.#switched out the jewelry. which eugh that part was pretty rough too. like not to be gross but rootin around in ur own skin is. somethin#hfksfhksbfmd but it's done and i dont intend to change it until it's healed more. so hopefully it will be. easier then.#i actually took out my nose piercing.. yesterday? to try to switch out with a shorter back#didnt work bc it was thicker. had to put the old one back in. which THAT was harrowing but mostly bc it was so. fucking. hard to do#but the new nose jewelry i got is supposed to come with a thing that makes it easier to put the nose jewelry on#(the hard part is trying to put a flat back base in from the inside of the nose. cant see SHIT in there 😭)#man. facial piercings really arent for the squeamish. good thing im not scared of pain but it has even me like Eughhh#couldve been mitigated has i gone back to the piercer. but oh well. fuck it we ball 💪#ummm should i tag for this lol#gross/#😂
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had a conversation about gym class with my friend who I went to school with today - it was depressing but also nice to hear that her experience with it (at that particular school) was just as bad as mine.
I don't think the way my school treated gym class was entirely normal tbh. it was completely different to the school I went to after, anyway. and everyone I talked to there only knew gym class to be a pretty fun, lighthearted thing. at my old school it was only about achievement, you had to be perfect, if not you were usually yelled at. and if you couldn't participate because you were feeling a bit ill (but not enough to stay home from school) you were ridiculed and/or insulted in front of the whole class. this happened with every gym teacher we had over the whole 9 years there.
it felt like two hours of punishment, there was nothing good about it. and it made at least the both of us feel like any kind of exercise/sport, especially in a group setting, was terrifying - for years after. even my much more positive experience at the other school I went to didn't make that go away.
#maybe my school really just sucked#I mean I already know it did. but maybe it did in even more ways than I thought#maybe it's a Gymnasium thing. idk. any Germans please feel free to comment if gym class at your school was like this#and it wasn't just because we were bad at sports or anything. I got very good grades in gym class at the other school. and my friend does a#ton of different sports now and everything#I remember there was a girl in my class who got a 1 (the best grade) in every other class and a 4 (out of 6) in gym class. and the teacher#was so fucking awful and gleeful about it. he made fun of her so much.#I'm pretty sure I was about to get a 6 in gym class right before I dropped out - and that definitely played a part tbh. I just couldn't#spend one more second with that gym teacher. he was horrible and gross and mean (and sexually harassed girls at another school! but of#course he was still allowed to teach at our school!! ľ#anyway. gym class was the worst part of my (already not great) life from 11 to 19 so I hope all my old gym teachers break both their legs :)#except one. he was really nice to us and didn't do any of the stuff the others did. but we only had him for a year in between all the other#ones so it wasn't enough :(#like one of our (female!!) teachers would loudly make fun of girls who said they couldn't participate because they were on their period and#in too much pain.#in front of everyone. when we were like 13.#I hate that woman more than any of the others.#lol it's funny how like half of my issues are because of my parents and the other half is because of that fucking school#I will never forgive my mother for forcing me to go there and never letting me change schools even though I asked to for 8 fucking years#personal
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at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/
#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it#bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things#and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance#that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross#but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that#they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable#but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about#which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies#and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get#i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety#sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time#i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them#but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this#i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice#ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF#LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM#like maybe YOU live in a bad area#but you're just a really loud minority#anyway. yeah. just. oof.#still feeling some kind of anxiety about it#win rambles
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something interesting about dick riordan is how he never compares white characters to food in physical descriptions but when a character of colour is white passing he still finds a way to compare them to food. it won't be about their skin but it'll be about their hair or their eyes. and yet he doesn't do it with white folks. huh. i wonder why that is (sarcastic).
#on the side blog because i'm scared of posting criticism on the main blog in case someone calls me a loser idiot and i get ratioed#anyways this post is about sadie kane#white passing black girl described with caramel coloured hair. what white person does he describe like this#jason's hair was the colour of spaghetti. nico's skin was the colour of cool whip.#percy's eyes were like green sugar on a tree shaped christmas cookie. what.#closest we get is 'his hair was the colour of corn silk' for jason in hoo.#and corn silk isn't the food part so it doesn't really count yk#but like. he only describes poc like this. so if i see a character with a food descriptor i think 'ok this person is not white'#like calypso is described with caramel hair. is she white? i immediately think not but she literally could be#idk i'm counting the poc food descriptions and i got to calypso's introduction and idk if i count this one#cuz she's never stated to be a poc yk#but idk !!!! i could just be a loser idiot and maybe frank really did describe percy's skin as being the shade of mashed potatoes#maybe dicky riri really does write white people like that and i'm missing something very big.#anyways do i count calypso's 'caramel-colour hair' in the poc food comparisons or no#i'm counting them to prove a point about rick writing poc weirdly with physical descriptors so idk should i be doing THAT#is that a valid way to prove a point like this#is that a point i should even try to prove#am i weird and gross for doing this at all and should i stop#idk#maybe i'm stupid and lame and should fuck off or something#for all i know comparing your black character's skin to roasted coffee is the valid poc ally thing to do i have no clue#i'm a royal dumbass so yk if i fuck up then yk. i fuck upm please tell me if i do yk#tired as hell#the coca cola company's cock and ball stories#the coca cola company buys chbc
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haven't even been awake for two hours and this is probably the worst morning i've had in a while 🙂 cw EXTREMELY disgusting unsanitary tags.
#so like not only is my partner out of town which is already making me really fucked up#but my cat was mad i fed him like AN hour late. so he was scratching my bedroom door all morning#and (DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH) i guess he decided to solve that problem#by eating poop out of his FRESH litter box and then projectile vomiting it back up EVERYWHERE ����#like in the most inconvenient way. all over the bars of his crate that we leave out for him#AND his bed inside of that. and his cat tree. and the floor. like it took me HALF AN HOUR to clean#i haven't even had a chance to take my meds yet bc i fed the cats and brushed my teeth#only to IMMEDIATELY see the mess#so fucking disgusting and i got splattered in the face while cleaning it 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂#trying so hard to not let this ruin my Saturday but I'm ready to go the fuck back to bed and cry#and i don't even have anyone here to comfort me or to talk to and i just ugh#ugh ugh ugh#i really wish my partner wasnt gonna be gone for so long bc im already exhausted managing the house alone#anyway sorry i just needed to talk about this SOMEWHERE bc i wanna cry so bad#chatter#negative#unsanitary tw#gross tw
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im reading all my old hwu fanfics oh god.. like i was a decent writer but some of the stuff i wrote smh......... and like.. the ships. or one in particular. had to write for the most popular ship if i wanted anyone to read anything i wrote but please know that i HATED it
#if you know then you know#i didnt write much multi-chapter fic (mostly bc i like to plan things too much in advance) but that was the longest fanfic i wrote#idk where i ever got up to with posting it but the doc on my computer is 26k words#13 chapters + 1 paragraph of chapter 14#what a waste of my life lmao. like yeah im glad i wrote a lot for a few years there. definitely a good skill and some good practice#but yeesh#im sitting here reading it and it's from the LI's perspective (which i think was a great choice on my part lbr)#and im just like..........wtf are you doing you gross irresponsible adult man. like yeah danny's VERY stupid here but you're Much Worse#im also realising that danny is absolutely the precursor to my main hawke now. VERY similar personalities#personal#when i say i hated it.. it was fun to write because i enjoyed writing and i liked interpreting the existing dialogue we had in the quests#and turning it into an actual descriptive story. and i was good at it. i was good at writing characters and their feelings#i Really enjoyed writing that character. it just sucked that the ship was horrible and i felt like i had to pretend it wasnt#dethan was the actual good ship but - for all the talk i saw - people didnt actually read it#even the one fic i wrote with chris did waaay better (but tbf that's probably one of the best fics i ever wrote; the post-proposal one)#anyway. if im cringing while reading my old stuff it's not because it's badly written#it's because the way the characters behave already made me cringe when i wrote it lmao
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i was on my way to killing my fourth tissue box last night when blood started coming out along with the snot, so that’s how im doing
#tw blood#i honestly can’t tell if im getting better or not. the symptoms keep shifting around#i don’t have a sore throat anymore but i also didn’t have a stuffy nose at first#and im hacking up globs of grossness when my cough really gets going#but isnt it supposed to be a good sign that im expelling this crap one way or another? god i just don’t know#i haven’t been sick in years#before this anyway#don’t be like me GET your freaking flu shot#im on top of all my covid shots and i think i also got a pneumonia shot this year (last year?) but not the flu#so here i am now
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‘fake it til you make it’ but it’s me trying to become more confident in myself and get serotonin by wearing cute clothes that are out of my comfort zone and trying really hard not to feel like a clown
#it’s not working imao#feel at some point i might have to become spongebob in that one episode#idk i’m dumb#i went through my entire teenage years only finding worth in myself by ppl being romantically/sexually attracted to me#and feeling worthless if i didn’t have a girlfriend#and i’ve only barely got over that#but this feeling of being unattractive or just plain gross is still here#i thought i might have gotten over it#but like i didn’t take selfies for like 3 years and i was too busy going through trauma to really give a shit about anything else#now everything’s tied in with everything else#and it’s come all the way back around to feeling like completely gross#but like if it’s not my face it’s my body#i’m always gonna find something wrong with myself#it’s ingrained in me to hate parts of myself and it sucks#sitting here in a cute dress feeling like a dumbass#like dodie once said ‘brain rot in a pretty dress i’m a hot mess’#< literally me rn#it sounds like i’m digging for compliments#i’m not#trust me#i won’t believe you anyways imao
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