#anyway this has been eating me alive
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cinnabarsilly · 5 months ago
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hey. btw. one of the worst parts of having autism and bpd is the genuine, real grief you feel when characters in your hyperfixation/special interest die. especially with the bpd making the grief feel.. more, bigger, louder, to an extent that impacts your day to day life. i am grieving for these characters even though i never got to personally know them. my heart hurts and my throat closes up, i cant breathe and now im crying. the thought of this person, this fake person, this image, dying has me in literal shambles. and now i am grieving.
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nevermorenight · 5 months ago
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fck it *comes back from the death to repost all their 2015 Inside Out art*
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canonkiller · 10 months ago
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do you consider your self made?
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ineed-to-sleep · 4 months ago
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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sorrinslays · 7 months ago
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So I remember reading a headcannon (awesome art btw!!!!!!) by @naninnai about Sampo's pupils turning to slits when he's upset and, not gonna lie, that shit has altered my brain chemistry, it has not left my mind since the day I read it. I have incorporated this headcannon into my belief system and stellar projections.
My gushing aside though, I think we can dig a little deeper with this. Considering Sampo's (cannon!!!!!!!!) snake symbolism, I think it'd be pretty cool if his pupils are naturally slits but because of his association with elation ( + the Emanator Sampo Theory) they just permanently turned bigger. Like how people's pupils turn when they are high or see something they really like. A permanent Elation cursing through him at all times. So now they go back to normal when he is genuinely upset?
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vaguely-humanoid-form · 3 months ago
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his ass is NOT listening
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pinkmirth · 6 months ago
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it’s so hard for me to imagine alucard in a modern au . . . like what in the world is he doing in the city?!
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desolyx-xvii · 1 year ago
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A few Exo!Duo sketches I am currently working on^^
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josecariohca · 2 months ago
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.
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helpmyinterestsareverywhere · 5 months ago
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True enjoyment of interests™ means subtly wearing something in a way that someone might kinda go "🤨? - that's kinda familiar" but not be confident enough to actually call you out on it for each one
(Source: ME, who owns zip-at-the-front boots like Cloud Strife/buster sword earrings & keychain/Kirby earrings/Legend of Zelda earrings/white gloves that give off the strongest Sonic vibes ever/anklets for Cove/green & gold nail polish for Lloyd etc)
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aiura-stan · 2 months ago
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ngl ive been having A Time of it, though, as of late, and it’s not even just the new job. My body has decided to malfunction in several different confusing ways and I have to force my brain to stay awake sometimes
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sociallyawkwardseal · 8 months ago
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Okay, so not fanfic/writing stuff but do you ever think of how close Calla and Kody used to be? How sweet and bright and encouraging she was towards him when they were younger? How friendly and warm she was? How they smiled at each other? It makes me want to eat rocks.
#Lumine#Lumine webcomic#Lumine (webcomic)#Lumine (webtoon)#Lumine webtoon#And then ableism starts dragging Kody down.#Dozens of things that are either pinpricks or full-on bricks getting slammed into him (figuratively. I do not mean. Kody got beaten with#bricks.)#''It's not like he could have played anyway--he can't use magic''#Kody's disappointment and heartbreak at not being able to use magic like the other witch kids#Him finding other ways of being a witch (potion making) to accommodate to his limitations#But still not being seen as a proper witch according to some (i.e. Calla's family; ''they could forbid me from seeing you/us being friends#if they found out'')#Anyways I don't really know where I was going with this but it just makes my heart Ache#I can't remember how canon it is (I'll find out soon) but I always imagined that Camille had a heavy focus on potions;#I feel like she really appreciates potionmaking and the uses/applications of it; how versatile it is and while it isn't as convenient as#general magic--having a potion prepped in-advance would be pretty useful and convenient. Especially if you got too tired to actually do#general magic or something was blocking it off.#It's why I think she would be a good parental figure or aunt figure or mentor or SOMETHING to Kody#Kody finding a way to accommodate to his illness and disabilities by trying potion making has always been something that's stuck out to me#That doesn't take away the grief or pain of Not being able to do it ''the normal way'' but it gives you SOMETHING. Any connection to what#you love dearly and want to do.#This was Not meant to be a rant on disability stuff whoopsie. And yet here I am. I'm gonna cut it off there.#If this didn't make sense sorry the migraine-hangover brainfog is eating my words alive#My heart just hurts over their old friendship and how sweet they were#Also forgot that Kody wanted to open a bakery when he's older... Aughhhh. Implodes into 500 tiny shrapnel forever.
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anemonecoronaria · 2 months ago
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My music taste is so jumbled that whenever somebody asks me what I listen to i’m like wow nothing
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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i'm going on a trip to europe tmrw until the 31st so get ready for a bunch of airport/europe/tour/beach/whatever international bullshit i experience during the trip because i MUST relate everything i do to the murder time trio or can i even call myself a fan. the tricule hc tag is going to be FLOODED over these next few days (and i also have unironically like 45 drafts ready for the posting if i run out of ideas (UNLIKELY) so yeah. this blog is GETTING SPAMMED!!!!!!)
anyways i'm packing now :3 i took a day off today because i just seriously spent all of monday and tuesday horror analyzing th moment i wake up at 9 and go to sleep at 1. and then i spent the entirety of wednesday yesterday dust translating (and i have more of calvateyla's ao3 fics to translate too) so i'll probably be working on both of those (AND HOPEFULLY MY SUMMER HOMEWORK BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO IT YET) until i return. in which idk ill explode or something maybe i'll make a new project or pick up a wip or something (stares with my big pink orange green sparkly luminous iridescent eyes at swapinverse. or my other mtt ideas that DEFINITELY should be made into art or writing or something instead of text form but i'm really lazy so)
#tricule rant#UGGHHH today has been an MTT DAY for me#theyve been on my mind all day. this is the most i've posted in a while#i usually try to hold myself back from posting because like. what if its annoying someone to have random un-mtt related posts on their page#but like also i need to save my ideas for future days incase i cant come up with an idea for the next day#scarcity mentality but with fucking murder time trio headcanons and rants#AND ALSO if i don't post the next day then how will i satisfy myself and my fans??? the world is at a loss if i keep my mtt ideas to myself#because then that means therell be less mtt content in the world and then that means a sad world and then the utmv explodes#and then ink is sad because i didn't create and shared my creations and told everyone my ideas and#i love ink sans being a little creator motivator type of guy. he genuinely pushes me to create#because wdym someone made a character to motivate you to create THATS SUCH A COOL CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!#anyways mtt at the airport being drafted once i'm at the airport at probably 3 in the fucking morning or something#mtt on a road trip coming soon. mtt at the beach PART 2 coming soon. mtt at tourist attractions coming soon. mtt eating food coming soon to#EVERYTHING MTT RELATED IS COMING SOON. im cursed with mtt brainrot help#if i were another person and i found my blog i would be like OMG this person's awesome because they post all the content i like and are coo#and then id b like this person is amazing and they dont know it but theyre now my favorite online figure#thank you alternate me i do really appreciate it#youre welcome blog poster me keep posting mtt content it keeps me alive like the sun and a tree
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ame-to-ame · 5 months ago
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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ate a big breakfast this morning and took my meds when I got to work so an hour later than usual let's see if this makes a difference
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