#anyway here we are back at the show watching and rambling in the tags

[hotasfahrenheit]

i'm baaaaaaaaack

got back from my international sojourn late late tuesday night (technically wednesday morning), had wednesday off to recover from the 16 hour drive, thought i would start catching up on shows, then i diiiiiiiid basically nothing all day. stayed in bed until 1pm, was super lazy around the house, chatted with friends i already miss desperately all day, didn't watch a single show.

i have SO MUCH to catch up on so i'm gonna start with 4 Minutes tonight so i can watch the third episode tomorrow, then i gotta start squeezing in all the episodes of things i'm behind on between having more crafting projects i gotta get started for delivery at the end of the month in a desperate attempt to get back on top of things.

hopefully not going out of town again for real until October will help when i have adventure plans with @poetry-protest-pornography and a couple other friends <3 we'll see how it goes.

[artekai]

Guess what movie I watched

[al-the-remix]

BuckTommy Whump Week Day 1: Canon typical injury // Wound neglect

Thank you to the @bucktommywhumpweek mods for putting this together (and sorry it's a day late!) uhh...I have no idea how to tag this one, so just enjoy! Again, please excuse any grammar/spelling errors, they'll be all fixed by the time these make is to Ao3.

It was a pretty house, with arched windows and the pristine white walls of a Spanish revival that had recently had some love and attention given to it. Evan had told him some meandering tale that Tommy had had a difficult time following about ghost phone calls and haunted desolate suburban homes. It was one Tommy couldn’t quite believe, but enabled nevertheless; he’d overheard stories about the Loz Feliz murder house, scuttlebutt around the water cooler and during lulls between calls. He’d never given the stories any real consideration, and gave them even less now that he was faced with what looked like a totally innocuous family home. 

Maddie had settled herself at the end of the dining room table, her whole body angled towards him, hands folded around her coffee mug, radiating warmth as she waited patiently for him to spit out what exactly it was that had brought Tommy to her home on her day off.

Tommy hadn’t really known what to expect when he had called her. They’d never had the chance to spend much time one-on-one, whether it was Evan or Howie, there always seemed to be someone else hanging around, dividing his attention. Now he wishes he’d reached out sooner and under more pleasant circumstances. 

“So, what is it you wanted my advice on?”

Tommy drew his own mug closer to his chest, lacing his fingers around it to keep himself from fidgeting. The steam from the tea felt warm on the underside of his chin and he had to bite down on the skin of his inner cheek to quell the sudden swell of emotions that rose inside him. 

“Evan wont let me look after him.”

The corner of Maddie’s mouth twitched up in a moment of brief amusement, then tugged down in a sympathetic half-smile. “Welcome to the club.”

Tommy found himself laughing despite himself, the noise thick and a little wet in the back of his throat. He hoped that part was quite enough to slip beneath her radar.

If Maddie noticed she didn’t acknowledge it, much to Tommy's relief. He already felt foolish showing up here to needle his boyfriend’s sister for relationship advice, even if he had been invited, he didn’t need to get all emotional about it too.

“Have you talked with Evan recently?”

“I have, but I can’t say that he was exactly forthcoming. Not that he ever is when he’s injured.”

“Right,” Tommy looked down at his hands. “Which I understand, I’ve had strains before, they’re a drag and it’s annoying having to be on the bench for three weeks, but they’re worse if you don’t let them rest.” She was watching him with clear understanding as he rambled. 

“What happened,” Maddie asked gently.

Tommy rubbed at the side of his nose, feeling a little sheepish. “You’re a nurse so you know. Anyway, it sounds silly now, but he wanted to go to the gym the other day–which it’s way too early for–and we got into an argument about it. I wanted to give him space, but now he hasn't texted me in three days and I don’t know what to do. I tried to call him earlier, but he didn’t pick up. I just don’t know how much to push.”

In Tommy’s experience, the line between caring and overbearing was a thin one. 

Evan had never seemed to shy away from going after Tommy’s attention when he had wanted it, whether that meant asking for tours he didn’t really need, or playing sports he didn’t actually like, or organizing a coffee date to apologize when he hadn’t needed to. Maybe it had been presumptuous of him, but Tommy really had expected Evan to reach out sooner rather than later; and the longer the silence went on the more deliberate it felt, like maybe he’d overstepped some invisible boundary Tommy hadn’t even considered looking out for. 

Maddie watched him with a kind, sympathetic expression. Maybe at first glance most would say she and Evan didn’t look much alike, but to Tommy it was clear in their eyes, and their smiles, and their big hearts. 

“I don’t know how much he’s told you yet about our parents or our family situation.” She spoke carefully, as if weighing each word with her consideration. “But I think you might find that he does want someone to look after him, he’s just worried that once you see it, all the raw, messy bits he likes to hide, you won’t want to stay.”

Tommy was all too familiar with raw and messy, not that Evan knew that yet. And maybe that was part of the issue, he’d been so preoccupied with letting Evan set the speed and seeing where it took them, that he’d allowed his own role in this dance to fall to the wayside. He’d told Evan that he was interested, but did Evan know to what degree? Maybe he’d been too concerned with scaring Evan off to really open up the way he should have by now.

“Has that happened before?” Tommy asked when he’d worked the words past the frog in his throat.

She tilted one shoulder up. “He thinks it has, and that’s enough.”

Tommy considered that, staring down into his milky reflection in his untouched tea. 

“Here, have a biscuit,” Maddie offered, pushing the plate of neatly arranged shortbreads across the table at him. 

Tommy gladly took one. In spite of what Evan had suffered through with his parents growing up, he was lucky to have her. 

///

For once the afternoon L.A. traffic didn’t get under Tommy’s skin. He gladly welcomed the prolonged drive home to turn Maddie’s words over in his head. 

In many ways Evan’s body was sort of like a haunted house: possessed by a ghost that wasn’t his, neglected because of it. 

In Tommy’s pocket there was an extra key on his keyring, freshly cut and matching his own. It had sat there for a week, fucking with his head while he’d waited for the perfect opportunity to offer it to Evan. Sure, it was fast, but there was just something about the way Evan had weaved so snugly into Tommy’s life that had made him want to forgo all of his usual hesitancies and firmly erected walls in favour of having Evan be able to come and go from his house as he pleased. And Tommy liked the idea of finding Evan already in his home at the end of the day. He’d hoped that Evan might take it as the signal it was: that Tommy wanted him around permanently, taking up space and leaving his dirty socks all over Tommy’s house. 

Most of all, Evan made him want to be brave. Now Tommy wasn’t so sure. 

Evan had navigated their first few months of dating with his foot pressed firmly on the gas and very little inhibition, leaving Tommy reeling in his wake. He wasn’t accustomed to being pursued with that much earnest persistence, especially by men who up until very recently considered themselves straight.

///

Maybe he’d overlooked the very real possibility that all that inertia may be overcompensation for something lurking below. That when all that confidence melted away and all the forward momentum Evan had built up hit its peak, Evan wasn’t fully prepared to handle the descent that lived on the other side, not on his own.

That was okay, Tommy was a pro at handling those. If only Evan would let him. 

Tommy tossed his keys in his hand as he made his way to the front door,  thumbing the rough edges of the newly cut key. He wasn’t sure how many things Evan truly had of his own; he’d heard about the bicycle and the brother, and he knew that what Evan did have he fiercely guarded, his own space and his bodily autonomy were at the top of that list. 

Tommy had witnessed the way wounded and sick animals could go from gentle to aggressive in a blink of an eye out of fear and pain. He wanted Evan to know how invensted he was in this relationship, but also didn’t want to be the one to corner Evan, to make him feel trapped and like he needed to lash out to be understood. 

It was a fine balance. 

The house was dark and quiet, he hadn’t expected anything else, but still he tried not to let his disappointment settle in the pit of his stomach and make a home there. That wouldn’t help anything. 

 He made his way to his room, not expecting to find a big formless lump on his bed or that it would groan when he flicked on the lights. 

Tommy just about jumped out of his skin, swearing black and blue. Evan was lying on top of the bed covers, his sneakers still on his feet. It looked like he had half-heartedly attempted to undo the laces on one before giving up. 

Evan lowered the arm he’d flung over his eyes against the light, squinting at him where Tommy still hovered in the doorway. 

“Hi,” Tommy said, at a loss for anything else. As far as Evan’s expressions went, the one he was wearing was fairly unreadable.  

“Hey–So, you’re going to be mad at me.” Evan let the words out in one big sigh, like they had been pressed up tight against the starting gate of his teeth. 

Tommy risked taking a step closer to the bed. “I promise you I’m not.” 

Evan let his head thunk back against the mattress, eyes locked on the ceiling, and muttered: “I think I strained my strain.”

Caught off guard, Tommy had to press his lips together tight to suppress the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. This wasn’t exactly the moment for it. 

Evan was still staring at the ceiling, looking miserable, even after everything Tommy couldn’t help but feel fond. “Stay still, I'll go get the ice pack.”

“That won’t be hard.” He heard Evan mumble as he went to dig the gel pack out from the back of his freezer, grabbing a bottle of Advil and one of the water bottles Evan had left in his dishwasher for good measure. 

When Tommy returned Evan had indeed not moved. He settled himself on the foot of the bed, pulling Evan’s skinny ankles into his lap as he began working away at the laces. “How did you get into my house?” Tommy asked as he worked. That really should have been his first question, he could feel the heavy presence of his eyes in his pocket. Well received or not, he probably should have offered it to Evan a week ago.   

“You’re a firefighter, you should know those little fake rocks are a dead giveaway to anyone trying to break in,” Evan huffed, sounding more like himself. “At least invest in a garden gnome or something to throw them off.”

Tommy chuckled, catching Evan’s eye. “I’ll keep that in mind for the next time my boyfriend decides to break into my house.”

Evan’s gaze dipped down to where Tommy was working the first shoe off his foot, quiet for a few moments before he said, softly: “Thanks.”

Tommy just grunted as he started working on the laces of the other high top. Evan really needed to invest in some proper weightlifting shoes, but Tommy wasn’t exactly raring to get into another gym centered argument so soon. 

When he’d finally wrestled both shoes off, Tommy got Evan sitting up against the headboard, and situated himself on the edge of the mattress at his knee so he could slip the ice pack under the meat of his calf and hold it there.  

“I can do that if you want.”

“It’s fine. I’m happy to,” Tommy said simply, giving Evan’s ankle a squeeze where his other hand rested. He wasn’t expecting Evan’s eyes to dart off to the side, a rush of air leaving his lungs with a hitch that snagged Tommy’s attention. 

“Fuck, I didn’t want to do this,” Evan said, his hand coming up to rub at his eyes. 

“Be a mess, you know, a nuisance.”

“Do what? Evan–”

“Evan, I don’t think you’re a nuisance,” Tommy said, trying to catch his eye. 

Evan shot him a flat, red rimmed look. “I broke into your house. I was stubborn when you were just trying to look out for me, and then too much of a chicken to call you back when you were worried about me.”

Tommy stroked his thumb over the exposed bulb of Evan’s ankle bone. “I shouldn’t have pushed,” he said softly.

Evan shook his head. “I want you to push–you weren't even pushing–not really. I just, I really like you.” 

Tommy felt a sappy smile spread across his face. He let go of Evan's ankle to take his hand instead, giving it a squeeze. “I really like you too.”

Evan let out a wet sound somewhere between a cough and a laugh, his face a startling red. “I really like being your boyfriend.” 

“Good,” Tommy said, “because as your boyfriend I want to ice your leg for you, even when you’re being stubborn about it, even when you don’t call me back.” Evan’s eyes dipped away to the side like he was preparing to sidestep Tommy’s sentiment again and he figured this was his moment to lay it all out there. “This isn’t too much. You’re not too much for me, but if it’s too much for you, too soon, you need to tell me, because I’m serious about this Evan. I want you to be around even when things are messy.”

Tommy reached into his pocket, pulling out his keychain and began to work the new key off the ring. “Maybe this isn't the right moment, but I had this cut a few weeks ago, and so if you'd like, you can just let yourself in next time instead of having to hunt through my garden for fake rocks.”

Evan stared at the key Tommy held out to him, a dumb founded expression on his face. “You got that made for me?”

“Yeah–”

“You don't plan on going to Ireland any time soon do you?”

His eyes were like big wet saucers, infinitely vulnerable and Tommy frowned. “What?”

Evan's face crumpled, one big hand snapping up to cover it as he muffled a sob. 

“Okay, okay,” Tommy soothed as he climbed gingerly over Evan's legs to sit properly on the bed beside him. “Come here.” 

He was relieved when Evan let himself be pulled against his chest, wrapping his arms snugly around Tommy's neck.

“I'm sorry I was a dick and for the crying, my leg just really fucking hurts,” Evan mumbled into Tommy's now soggy shirt collar.

Tommy rubbed his back in calming circles. “It's okay, I don't mind, and I forgave you pretty quickly. Just next time please call me back so I know you're alright. I want you to.”  

Evan moved just far enough away so he could get a good look at Tommy's face. “Me too–all that stuff you said–it's not too much for me either,” he said and pulled Tommy into a wet, kind of snotty kiss. 

Tommy cradled Evan's face in his hands, it was short and sweet, Evan's sinuses too blocked up for anything more than that, but at least he was smiling when he broke away from the kiss, out of breath.

“I was kind of worried you were going to break things off with me, that's why I didn't call you back," he admitted.

“Evan–” Tommy tried, but was cut off.

“Look, maybe I have a penchant for self-sabotage, but I'll, uh, try to be better with that.” He laced their fingers back together, resting them against Tommy's knee. "I haven't wanted something this badly in a long time. It's kind of scares me."

"Me too," Tommy admitted, "I meant it when I said I was serious about you."

Evan's smile did something that made Tommy's heart jump in his throat. "Good, because I think I'm going to need a ride to the doctor's tomorrow."

"I think I can manage that," Tommy said and reached for the ice pack where it had been left forgotten on the mattress. And maybe after that Evan would want to come back to his house and stay a while.

[chibinasuu]

Voice Mail | Usopp x Reader

Part of the Thousand Sunny Slice-of-Life Series

Find the other parts with the rest of the Straw Hats here

Summary: Usopp's tone dial keeps you company during your night watch shifts on the Thousand Sunny Word count: 1,147  Tags: one-shot, fluff (maybe the tiniest smidge of angst?), domestic bliss onboard the sunny, platonic straw hat pirates x reader, no use of y/n, GN but written with F!Reader in mind

The crow’s nest went awfully quiet as the tone dial played the final note of the song stored inside it. 

You gazed out the window at the calm night sea. You could see waves lapping at the sides of the Sunny, the sound barely audible from your position on top of the foremast. On a night watch shift, a quiet night is certainly a good night. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel the loneliness of the too quiet night, especially in contrast to the rambunctiousness that was always present whenever the rest of the crew were awake. 

You picked up the dial and clicked its button again, the same song replaying for the umpteenth time that night. 

The first time you saw a tone dial was not long after you joined the Straw Hat Crew. 

You remembered gaping in amazement as an upbeat music flowed from an orange, shell-like thing that sat on the Sunny’s deck. Usopp was softly singing along to the tune as he polished Kuro Kabuto. 

Zoro similarly sat cross-legged nearby, polishing Wado Ichimonji in silence, his other two swords laid out on the ground before him. 

You crouched in the space between them, trying to take a closer look at the curious thingamajig. Usopp noticed your wonder-filled expression and grinned, “Cool, isn’t it?” 

You could only nod excitedly before fully plopping down next to him, “I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“It’s called a tone dial, see? You can record and replay sounds with it.” Usopp explained, picking up the item and showing it to you. 

“This one, I bought from a merchant back in Sabaody — that was before you joined us — but whoa, I was so surprised when I saw so many of these “TD”s on sale at the market. Brook even recorded one!” Usopp rambled on, “Tone dials used to be so rare, you know? They somehow became mainstream during the two years that we were away, so someone must’ve figured out how they worked.” 

He took one of your hands and placed the tone dial on top of it, “Here, take it! I still have the one we got from Sky Island, anyway.”

Your mind belatedly caught on to what he just uttered so casually, “H-hold on, did you just say.. Sky Island?!”

“Oh, have I not told you about that one yet?”

You shook your head, and Usopp’s smirk widened.

“Well, I guess today’s your lucky day!” He pointed his thumb towards his chest, “Let the Great Captain Usopp tell you all about his adventures in the marvelous land of Skypiea!”

Knowing the sniper’s lying and exaggerating tendencies, you discreetly glanced at Zoro, your eyes asking a silent question. A low grunt was the only confirmation he gave that Usopp was indeed, telling the truth. 

Your heart pounded in anticipation, eagerly awaiting Usopp’s next words.

“It was the middle of the day. We were sailing in the open ocean, when suddenly, Nami’s log pose pointed straight up to the sky! We were still sailing with the Going Merry then — oh, you would’ve loved her! You see, she was this stunning caravel…”

You hung on to his every word as he recounted impossible tales about the powerful knock-up stream that took them to the sky, about gods and a giant snake, and a lost city of gold. It certainly sounded like a lie, but you could tell from the sparkle in his eye that there is truth behind all those bizarre exploits. Well, at least most of it, anyway. You really doubted the bit where God Enel was ultimately defeated by God Usopp’s 5-ton hammer. 

Oh, but how you loved his stories. More than that, you loved the way Usopp tells his stories. His animated gestures and facial expressions, the sudden plot twists that may or may not be true, and not to mention the way he impersonates your other crew members, which always brings a laugh out of you. Honestly, you could listen to him talk for hours on end. 

The creak of someone climbing up the mast’s ladder pulled you out of your thoughts. Usopp crawled up through the hole on the crow’s nest metal floor, there to relieve you from your night watch shift. 

He called out, “Hey, time to switch!”

The dial was still playing its song, catching Usopp’s attention. He smiled fondly and said, “You still play that during your night shifts? You must be bored of the song by now, no?”

“Honestly, it’s getting old now after listening to it for the millionth time.” You admitted with a laugh, “But I like how it keeps away the silence, you know? It gets real quiet sometimes in the middle of the night.” 

He looked a little somber for a beat, before elbowing you jokingly, “Well, I bet you’d rather listen to my stories rather than that goddamn song, don’t ya?”

You chuckled, “That, I certainly do.” 

You wanted to stay a little bit longer – maybe you could persuade Usopp to tell you one of his stories – but you couldn’t stifle the yawn that came over you. 

Usopp noticed and proceeded to usher you towards the ladder, “Go on you sleepyhead, off to bed now. Careful on your way down!”

You slowly make your way down the mast. Usopp’s face remained visible within the opening of the crow’s nest, his watchful eyes ensuring that you reached the ground safely. 

“Dream of me!” He called down mischievously with a wave once your feet touched the deck.

A laugh bubbled out of you as you playfully blew him a kiss before heading towards your room. 

A dial was waiting for you on your next night watch shift, placed carefully on the bench. It was accompanied by a note with your name on it, written in what you know to be Usopp’s handwriting. The dial looked different from the one Usopp gave to you, so you figured this must be the one he obtained during their adventures in Skypiea. 

You curiously clicked on the button.

“Ahem.. Hey, hey, hey! It’s Captain Usopp speaking, here to indulge you with tales of my daring adventures!”

Your lips tilted up in a smile as Usopp’s lively voice flowed out of the tone dial, filling up the empty room. 

“Um, I don’t think I’ve told you about Little Garden yet, so let’s start there, shall we? Buckle up, cause you’re in for a thrilling ride! We’re going back to prehistoric times with this one. Can you believe there were dinosaurs on that island? There were also giants, and a candle man, and a bomb man…”

You sit on the bench, eyes on the seas, dutifully working as the lookout for the night whilst listening to Usopp’s crazy stories. Maybe from now on, night watches won't be so lonely after all. You may even be starting to look forward to the next one.

a/n: this ended up being longer than expected, but i had tons of fun writing it! fun fact about the tone dials, oda did confirm in an sbs that they became mainstream in the Blue Sea during the 2-year time skip. i thought that was a cool little detail, so i wrote that in :)

Find the other parts with the rest of the Straw Hats here

[seabirdtxt]

.Irminsul --amend -m 'Scaramouche'

Nahida has called in the book club to try and start discussions about the Creator's situation. Cyno actually kinda knows what he's talking about and Alhaitham is... mostly there for moral support... [< prev] [Blog Tag] [next >]

Notes: SAGAU, reader is the Creator but no cult shenanigans. Separate warning for my writing being all over the place on this one. all relationships are currently platonic!

WC. 2.6k

----- ⚘ -----

There’s not much to do except wait for Alhaitham and Cyno to show up, unfortunately, so you have taken to chatting with Nahida and Aranyani about some of the games and toys that exist back on Earth. Aranyani seems to be interested in the mechanics of each, comparing them to existing games in Teyvat, while Nahida is more interested in trying them out for herself, someday.

Scaramouche doesn’t seem interested in the conversation, but he sits with the three of you anyway and watches the shadows of birds moving beyond the stained glass windows. 

You’d just been explaining the concept of the rubix cube and algorithms to the two gods when a sure knock is heard on the sanctuary doors. Scaramouche takes the opportunity to make his escape from the conversation, shuffling to the door and opening it for the newcomers. 

Cyno steps in, followed by Alhaitham, and the two of them hold each other at a polite distance as they walk down toward the dais, where the rest of you stand to greet them. 

“Hello, my friends!” Nahida exclaims, smiling brightly and clasping her hands together even as she and Aranyani take a gracious step back to allow you and the newcomers space. “Thank you so much for being here! We have a lot to discuss!” 

“We came as soon as we heard,” Cyno replies, nodding. He then turns to you with a little salute. “Your Grace, it is an honor to be in your presence.”

You put your hands up placatingly. “Please, there’s no need for formality…” you say, shuffling awkwardly on the spot as everyone looks at you. You clear your throat and gesture for the newcomers to continue. 

“We heard about the circumstances after your arrival in Teyvat,” Alhaitham states, stepping around Cyno, stopping at his side and crossing his arms. Straight to the point. “Do you remember the circumstances that led up to your descent? It might help point toward the root cause, and shed light on the ‘how’s and ‘why’s.” 

“Uh, good question,” you mutter, scratching your head about it for a second. “I was probably hanging out in my room or something, really. Playing, uh, games on my phone.”

You wonder if it’s too early to mention that said game was Genshin, AKA. controlling their world. You know they’re marginally self-aware, but the extent of which still escapes you. 

“Alright, and did you do anything different while you were playing on this ‘phone’? See anything strange?” Cyno picks up, pulling out a small notepad and quill. “Anything out of the ordinary, things that you don’t normally do or notice.”

“Well, my phone has been glitching a lot when I play games, lately,” you muse. “And I kept getting these buggy screens while I was in-game, but I figured that was just because my device was overheating or something. You know, they build them faulty on purpose so they can sell you a new one every few years? Apparently in France or something they made companies give people the right to repair their own phones, but we don’t have that where I live…” 

Cyno writes down most of the first half of what you say, but you seem to lose the crowd as you ramble. He looks up from his notepad to fix you with a level stare, though you can tell there's just a hint of confusion behind his expression.

“Can you say something that makes sense to people who live in this world?” Scaramouche interjects somewhere in the middle of your rambling, the first time he spoke since you guys first teleported to the Sanctuary of Surasthana. “Or at least stay on topic, or something.” 

“Oh,” you reply, blinking. “Right.” 

Cyno nods to you again, though he keeps glancing at Scaramouche out of the corner of his eye. Alhaitham doesn’t bother with subtlety, fixing the Balladeer with a level, analytical stare. Cyno clears his throat after a few seconds of awkward silence, preparing his notepad once more. “So, you were saying you played on this ‘phone’ device, aside from the problem you noticed, was there anything else you did differently?”

“Not really,” you shrug. “I was playing the game like I normally would, doing commissions and stuff. No, wait, actually I did do something a bit weird.” 

This causes Cyno to perk up, and he leans forward onto the balls of his feet as he listens attentively. 

“Because the game was overheating my phone, my ping was super slow,” you explain. “So I was lagging pretty badly. I was doing one of the leylines in the jungle and I was spamming the interact button on the flower because I was getting impatient…”

“And then?”

“... And then I think another dialogue box popped up, but I didn’t notice what it said.” You finish, sighing. “After that, I just remember waking up beside a leyline thingy right here in Teyvat.” 

“Do you remember the exact location of the leyline?” Alhaitham asks, to which you shake your head.

“The Traveler and Wanderer found me not too long after that, and took me straight to the city. They probably have a better idea than I do, honestly. I didn’t really have a chance to figure out where I was, at the time…” 

“Do you recall any distinctive landmarks? Anything that stood out in an otherwise unremarkable location?” 

You shake your head again, trying to remember what you saw. “No, uh, I was a little bit distracted by discovering I was suddenly in- uh, in Teyvat, and-”

“So you were not already aware of your location when you descended?” Cyno clarifies. You nod quickly.

“I only figured out it was Sumeru when the Traveler started bringing me closer to the city,” you agree, wringing your hands nervously under the general’s gaze. “The few little houses and tents that started popping up, the architecture kinda gave it away…” 

“Were there any inconsistencies you noticed between your knowledge of Teyvat and the actual Teyvat when you arrived?” Cyno asks, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly. “Just to make sure you’re in the correct version.” 

“Well, funny you should mention that,” you figure it wouldn’t hurt to share this, given the result of it sitting right next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, Nahida is giving you a thumbs up. “I got hurt touching a leyline, not the same one as when I first got here, though! I got a little cut on my hand, because the leaves are a bit sharper than I was expecting…”

Alhaitham’s attention shifts from the Balladeer back to you. “What happened when you were injured?”

“I, uh, I accidentally made Irminsul recover some deleted information.” You simplify as best as you can. “And now there’s several things that were added back to the world that aren’t technically supposed to be here...”

“I’ve never heard of leylines doing that, before,” Cyno remarks. “Then again, it’s not every day the Creator descends to Teyvat.” 

“Have you tried going back to the same location to see if it yields reverse results?” Alhaitham wonders aloud, seeming amused by the strange predicament. 

“And what is that supposed to achieve?” Scaramouche interrupts again, snorting as he crosses his arms. “Besides going for a leisurely stroll through the jungle, I mean. Irminsul already recovered the missing data, and the location itself doesn’t matter, if you haven’t noticed already, since you can find a leyline just about anywhere.”

“It’s certainly an unprecedented behavior for leylines,” Cyno agrees. “But again, the Creator has never descended before-”

“We heard you the first time,” Scaramouche deadpans, earning him a smack upside the head courtesy of you. “Ow! Do you want to figure this stuff out or not?”

“Be nice,” you grumble, though you do feel slightly annoyed at the repetitive line of questioning. “He’s just ruling things out, right?” You turn to Cyno, nodding encouragingly for him to continue. 

“Ley lines are a complicated but fascinating subject to study,” Cyno states, crossing his arms and tucking his notebook under one elbow. “However, I’m afraid interdimensional travel is a little bit outside Spantamad’s realm of expertise.”

“Honestly, that’s fair,” you give a resigned sigh, but Scaramouche cuts you off.

“But how’s that supposed to help you?” He sneers and rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “It’s like you want to be stuck here forever with no explanation for how you got here in the first place.”

“Can we just chalk it up to magic or something?” You ask sheepishly, a little embarrassed at having taken the time out of two of Sumeru’s most important figures’ days.

“I was looking forward to hearing about how you got into this predicament with your own two idiot hands, honestly.”

“What I want to know,” Alhaitham suddenly interjects, surprising everyone else with his initiative. “Is how the Creator and the Dendro archon are here, cozying up to a Fatui harbinger?” 

Four pairs of eyes blink at him in surprise, while Cyno nods in agreement.

“I think that’s the more pressing matter, here,” he agrees, and you can sense the tingle of static in the air as his previously-relaxed grip on his notebook starts to tighten. 

“Okay, see, that’s one of the things I was talking about!” You say quickly, the words leaving you in a rush in hopes of stemming the building tension in the sanctuary. “He was a harbinger before, but he’s all better now!”

“You say that like it was an illness,” Scaramouche snorts, to which you can only laugh.

“Yeah? As if you didn’t act a little bit sick in the hea-”

Nahida, who up until now has been doing an excellent job of pretending to mind her own business, decides to chime in before the general can come to his own conclusion.

“I apologize for not warning you two earlier, but I do have it on good authority—that authority being myself,” she hides her giggle with the palm of her hand, “that the Balladeer poses no harm to either of you, or the Creator!” 

“It’s also kinda my fault that he’s here, so I mean…” You trail off and give an apologetic shrug.

“How did you know I was a harbinger?” Scaramouche’s eyes narrow at Alhaitham and he crosses his arms as well, mirroring both the scribe and Cyno. “As far as I've been told, the memory of ‘me’ was erased from Irminsul.”

Cyno shakes his head. “No, there is recorded evidence of the Balladeer’s involvement with the sages’ god-creation plan,” he corrects, relaxing very slightly after Nahida’s reassurance but not dropping his guard completely. 

“I was present at the time of the Traveler’s investigation of the Joruri workshop, where they confronted the mechanical false god,” Alhaitham adds. “The person who fell from the machine indeed bears striking resemblance to you, but was confirmed to not be the Balladeer himself. However, Lord Kusanali’s own interjection confirms that you are indeed the Balladeer.” 

“He’s been reformed,” you say cheerfully, but your mind is running a mile a minute. Evidently Nahida and Aranyani are on the same page, because the two goddesses drift closer with curious looks on their faces. 

“So Irminsul has already started patching the holes in Teyvat’s history,” Nahida muses, hands on her hips. “It’s much faster than I anticipated, given the circumstances.”

“Not as surprising as you would think, little sprout,” Aranyani pats her head. “Irminsul is capable of very rapid computation, but the problem lies in resolving as many conflicting histories as possible. Two is faster, but three will cause some things to be shuffled around for a few days, still. The justification of the existence of multiple incarnations of the Balladeer may yet be subject to change.”

“So you’re saying that what we currently perceive as fact, is instead false?” Cyno asks, having retrieved his notebook once more. As the goddesses continue to muse on the subject, he writes down their theories and makes some notes of his own. 

“I’d say sorry for that workshop fight,” Scaramouche says, addressing Alhaitham with a smug grin. “But I honestly didn’t even remember you being there. I guess you just weren’t that noteworthy to me at the time. No hard feelings, right?” 

Alhaitham doesn’t even bother to grace him with a look, much to Scaramouche’s annoyance. Instead, the scribe quietly listens in on the Irminsul discussion.

Meanwhile, you try to remember what team you had when you took on the Archon quest fight. It’s been a while since then, and you’re not sure if you’re thinking of the right fight. Maybe you used Alhaitham in one of your weeklies? Speaking of which, do those boss fights exist in the world of Teyvat, or is that just for you as a player of the game? If they exist, how do the characters feel having to go beat up the same people on a weekly basis? What about the characters who are weekly bosses, like Wanderer, Childe, and Ei?

Thinking about it is starting to give you a headache. 

You decide to tune back in as Nahida and Aranyani finish bouncing ideas between themselves, with Cyno furiously scribbling annotations in the margins of his notepad. What was it they were talking about again? You get the sense that maybe you should've paid a bit more attention. 

“- that’s the case, then we should contact Inazuma and see if there is a new history that came up.” Cyno offers, to which Nahida shakes her head.

“If we ask directly, the answer we will get is the same.” She explains, wringing her tiny hands. “To them, this knowledge will have always existed. They will perceive it as an unchanged fact, in the same way you and the Scribe believe the circumstances of the Balladeer to be a fact. The better people to ask would be the ones involved in the anomaly.” 

“Alright, and how do we find them?”

“See, that’s the funny part…” You begin, only to be interrupted by a sudden swirling pressure in the chamber.

It’s strange to see the teleportation from an outside perspective. You watch as Wanderer shimmers into existence, adjusting his hat. The metal charms on the ends of it chime as they settle. He looks up, catching sight of you first and raises a hand to wave, only to stop short when he sees the other guests.

“... Looks like I’m late to the party,” he remarks, drifting over to Nahida’s side. “Wanna catch me up to speed? Not that I care, but I might as well get the full picture so I can correct you where you're wrong.”

“I asked for the General and the Scribe to come visit so that we could get a better grasp on the Creator’s situation!” Nahida explains, smiling brightly at him. 

“Great, and how did that go?”

Everybody chooses to look in different directions, unable to look Wanderer in the eye. You hear him heave an annoyed, but resigned, sigh. 

“We might’ve gotten somewhere if Buer hadn’t sidetracked,” Scaramouche adds helpfully. 

“And you might’ve gotten the groceries like you guys said you would, too, but here we are,” Wanderer crosses his arms, pinning you and Scaramouche with a pointed look. 

You wince and turn around, subtly leaning over to Scara, whispering: “I actually forgot about that…”

“Me too…” he replies, not quite as quietly as you. You both startle as hands come down on both of your shoulders, Wanderer’s grinning face appearing between the two of you. 

“Isn’t this just a splendid opportunity for you two to go find the traveler and restock our pantry, while Buer and I go over the details of what you clowns didn’t explain right?” 

Scaramouche wastes no time wresting his shoulder out of Wanderer’s grasp with a noise of disgust. “Who do you think you are to order me around, teacher’s pet? I’ll go when I feel like it.” He sneers, stalking off toward the doors of the sanctuary.

You offer a light chuckle and a wry grin of apology to the others, who watch unimpressed at Scaramouche’s display, while Wanderer dismisses you with a shooing motion.

Right. Time to get those supplies. 

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 35 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

OK, so it's long and there may be a treat at the end 😉

WARNING: 18+, you've been warned!

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut , @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls anyone else please let me know.

George leaned in placing a gentle kiss on my cheek before handing me over to Don. We pressed ourselves together as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn’t say anything as we rocked. I rested my head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat. 

I was so tired fighting with him, I missed being in his arms.

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked gently, his voice rumbling in his chest I laid my head on. 

“Yes.” I said curtly. “But I’m more sad than angry.” 

“I’m sorry for my cruel words and accusations. I’m sorry for hurting you.” He whispered

“It doesn’t matter anyway you don’t believe me.”  

“That’s not true, I do believe you.” 

I pulled back to look into his eyes. “What? But you said you wanted space?” 

“I did. You basically blew my mind, more than once! I needed some space, to breathe, to think, to wrap my head around what you had shown me. I understand I was cruel and I didn’t handle the situation very well. I stormed off and left you to think the worst, and then I ignored you for a couple of days. And for that I’m sorry, that was never my intention, but you do have to understand that at that moment I wasn’t thinking very clearly.” 

I nodded my head as I listened to him. 

“I still can’t believe you’re from 2023.” Don shook his head in amazement. 

“Hey, shhh. Not so loud!” I pulled him closer looking around to make sure no one had heard him. 

“You’re the only person who gets to know this secret about me. Also I’m not telling you anything about the future ‘cause I’m not going to spoil it, but also I can’t remember most of what happens.”   

Don laughed and smiled down at me. I felt my heart swell, I had been so sad without him that my whole body ached. But with just one smile I felt as if I could fly. The feeling didn’t last long when reality crashed back down, I would still have to leave. 

Malarkey seemed to be able to read my inner thoughts as his face grew more serious again. 

“I spoke to Speirs.” 

I cautiously raised my glance towards him.

“You’re not planning on coming home.” He sounded disappointed and hurt, I could see it all swirling behind his brown eyes. 

“I can’t.” I bit my lip as he sighed. Don was the only person I could now truly explain myself to. 

“If the shimmer appears again, I think I have to go.” I explained to him, but he shook his head. 

“Who told you that?” 

“No one told me that, but I don’t think I would be allowed to stay.” 

“And why is that?” Don questioned. 

“Well, what if I stay and the things I do change the course of the future and the world falls apart because of it. This isn’t my timeline to change. There is a theory called the butterfly effect. It's basically one small change in the atmosphere that can cause chaos elsewhere. If I stay and alter the present it may detrimentally affect the future.” I rambled on as his brows knitted together. 

“But you’ve been here for months, wouldn’t that have affected the future?” He asked. 

I sighed, shaking my head, “That’s not just the only reason I can’t stay. Don, I wouldn’t be able to get back into America. I’m not legally a citizen. I wasn’t born there, I have no identification, I don’t even have a family who can vouch for me.” 

I watched him bite his cheek as he thought. “Surely there would be another way?” 

“Can we discuss this another time? I came out to clear my head, not worry more about things.” I pleaded. I was fighting panic attacks most of the time when I started thinking about my choice. 

My biggest fear when I was younger was death, an odd fear for a child to have. But when your mother is diagnosed with an incurable cancer and is told she only has so long to live, the fear of death is explainable. 

I remember laying in bed thinking of dying, the thoughts were so overwhelming, all the unknown. Suddenly I would be here alive and then I wouldn’t, buried under ground. Would I get to live again, or was that it? Would I be content with my life, even thinking of it now sent my heart racing and stomach twisting. 

I never thought I would have a worse fear. 

Turns out when you lose everyone you loved, death seems more enticing. 

Now I’m back in a space where I am loved and love others, and the fear of death creeps back in. 

However my death has a new face, a new perspective. 

Do I stay and potentially cause so much chaos the world falls around me, killing everyone I love. Or do I leave those who I cherish most, in a world I can never return back to, being unsure if I saved their lives, and never getting the answers I want. 

The choice had me spiralling, and now I had another factor. Don knew my choice, and he knows what he wants me to choose. I know he will choose selfishly, I don’t blame him. But it’s my choice in the end, and I can’t be responsible for more death. 

“Hey, I’ll drop it. Don’t look so worried.” Don’s fingers found my chin lifting it slightly to meet his eye line as we swayed. His hand dropped down to my racing heart. 

“It’s ok.” Malarkey cooed softly, pulling me in. I dragged in deep breaths trying to calm myself before I slipped into a panic attack. 

“Can we talk about anything else, please?” I whispered shakily. 

Don pulled back as he nodded his head. “You’re beautiful. I didn’t get to tell you.” 

The comment quickly pulled my focus as a blush spread across my cheeks. 

“When I saw you under the starlight, I just about fainted.” He smiled brightly down at me. 

“Ok big guy, I said talk about something else not lie to me.” I chuckled, patting his chest. 

“Lie to you. Emily, my god!” 

“What?” I exclaimed as he looked at me incredulously. 

“You seduced me in the middle of war when we barely showered and wore the same clothes for days on end. Even then I thought you were so fucking sexy. And then you come out in this dress all done up. I lost my goddamn mind when I saw you. All I can stare at is your plump red lips and all I can think about is how badly I want to rip this dress off of you.” Don whispered in my ear, his lips trailing the sensitive skin under my jaw. 

My eyes widened as thoughts flooded my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about Don ripping the dress from my body and then devouring me. 

I swallowed trying to focus on him, but the smirk he held as he glanced down at me sent me reeling. I fanned my hot face, trying to calm down my racing mind. 

“Got you all hot and bothered did I?” Don chuckled into my ear. 

I opened my mouth ready to retort when Lieb cut in. 

“You two, let’s go, the bar’s closing!” He yelled. We looked around the room, finding that everyone else had cleared out and the barman had started aggressively sweeping towards us, signalling for Don and I to leave. 

I hadn’t even said goodbye to any of the ladies I had come with. I hoped they got home safe. Don took my hand and led me out of the bar. The rest of Easy stood outside waiting for us, they smoked and talked amongst themselves. Seeing that we had finally come out, they started back towards the camp. 

Don and I walked behind the group, our hands intertwined. 

“I love all of you.” Don whispered in my ear. I looked up at him shocked. “I know you Em, you can’t hide anything from me.” 

“You knew I would be upset about that?” I asked. “I’m surprised you even remembered.” 

“Emily, I remember every conversation I have with you. You are permanently seared into my brain.” He lifted our hands kissing the back of mine. 

It was weird to think he thought about me as much as I did him. I hadn’t been loved like this in so long. I would miss it. I shook the thought from my head before it consumed my mind. I wanted to focus on the now, I would cross that bridge when I came to it. 

********************************

We finally arrived back at the base. Don and I bid goodnight to the men as they all headed back to bed. But Don stayed at my side. 

“Are you not going to bed?” I asked as I nudged him with my elbow. 

“Not unless you’re coming with me.” 

I laughed loudly, trying to muffle the sound with my palm, I didn’t need to wake the whole base. 

“What has got into you?” I playfully hit him as he grinned.   

“You.” Don’s lips fell onto my cheek, kissing me gently. 

“Don.” I whispered harshly, trying to look around to make sure we weren’t spotted. 

“Yours or mine?”

“What?” 

“Are we going to my bed or yours?” He elaborated. 

I gawked at the man, at a loss for words. He didn’t give me a chance to choose, scooping me up into his arms, he headed towards my bed.  

My room was a single bed, with no roommates. The army was still trying to enforce the no fraternising policy, and had separated me from the men. Little did they know I spent months on end sleeping in holes with the lot of them.  

Don refused to put me down to unlock the door, as I awkwardly reached out from his arms trying to get the key into the hole, his inability to keep still was making it harder than it needed to be.  

“Open the door.” Don laughed as I missed the lock for the millionth time. 

“Put me down and this would be a lot faster.” I said in a sarcastic sing-songy tone. 

“Never!” He declared triumphantly as he nuzzled his face into my neck. I yelped, trying to fend him off as well as open the door. 

Finally after wrangling Don, I got the door unlocked. I was going to turn around to give Don a shit eat grin but the tall redhead had other plans. Like a golden retriever on steroids, he bolted into the room and threw me onto the bed. I flew through the air at a great speed, landing in a heap on the soft comforter. 

I lifted my head to look at the man in disbelief, only to find his whole body flying towards me, arms outstretched like a tiger pouncing on its prey.  

“Don!” I yelled in what felt like slow motion as he descended upon me. His lips smashed into my cheeks as he peppered my face and neck with kisses. 

“What is going on?” I tried to pull him back to ask him but he wiggled free as he nipped and sucked at my bare skin. 

“You, Emily, have been taunting me all night in that dress.” He panted breathlessly as he finally ceased his assault. Don’s eyes met mine and the need that exuded from his pupils had my heart pumping. 

“I thought I looked nice, but not that nice.” I uttered in shock. 

“You’re kidding?” Don shook his head in disbelief. 

“You look like a goddess. As soon as I saw you I knew I was done for.” The comments from Don made my cheeks hot. Never in my life had I ever felt desirable, and here he was almost drooling over me. 

“I think you need your eyes checked or something.” I joked half heartedly, Don gaze was pinning, so much so it caused goosebumps to raise on my skin.

Malarkey’s eyes darkened. "I think your eyes need to be checked, sweetheart. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and if you think I'm going to let you talk like that, you're wrong."

My mouth fell open at his bold statement, a nervous chuckle falling from my lips, but his comment vibrated straight through my core. 

“I don’t think you understand the absolute chokehold you have on me.” Don’s eyes bored into my soul. 

Teeth found my lower lip biting gently, but it wasn’t mine. Don had captured my face in his hands pulling me forward to take my lower lip into his mouth. I couldn’t stop the moan that fell from my lips as my hands dragged down his back. In moments his mouth was on mine, kissing me with such hunger it was as if he was starved. 

His hands slid from my jaw up into my hair, tangling at the base of my neck as he pulled gently, causing me to gasp. Don had me pinned to the bed, his weight bearing down on me, we were so close I could feel the heat growing between us. I couldn’t help myself as I bucked my hips up into him, he groaned into my mouth as our tongues explored each other. 

My hands fell to his top, ripping open the buttons of his shirt, I heard them clatter to the floor but paid no mind as I helped Don remove his clothes. 

Don was much more gentle with my dress. He stood from the bed pulling me with him. Malarkey bent down gathering the hem as he slid it up my legs slowly, pressing his hands into my inner thighs as he did so. 

I lifted my hands over my head as he slowly stood, pulling the dress with him. Don kissed me gently on the lips before he removed the dress altogether. For some reason I felt more exposed and vulnerable than the last time we were together. I covered my arms over my stomach, aware of how on show I really was. 

Malarkey’s brows furrowed as he watched me. He stepped closer pulling me into him. Don captured my wrists bringing them back down to my sides.

His fingers traced down my arms, swirling across my stomach as he circled me like a shark. His fingers trailed my skin as he walked around me. I physically shivered as Don’s hot breath fanned my bare shoulders. Taking my hand he led me over to the full length mirror in the corner of the room. I stood in the reflection still wearing my undergarments, Don stood behind me only wearing his pants. 

Malarkey pressed my back into his chest as he watched me in the mirror. His lips found my ear as he pressed soft kisses to my sensitive skin. 

“Do you see how fucking stunning you are?” Don asked as his hands travelled down my skin.

I shook my head, I only saw plain old me, nothing special, nothing remarkable. I never found myself to be beautiful or attractive, I was just me. 

“Should I spell it out for you?” Don whispered as he continued to stare at me in the mirror. 

“I love your curls, how they frame your big eyes and gorgeous face, they cascade down your pretty neck to your shoulders.” He presses kisses to each part of my body. 

“Your chest, that drives me wild.” His fingers dipped inside my bra playing with my hard nipples. 

I shivered as his fingers traced down the middle of my abdomen, I tilted my head back into the crook of his shoulder sighing in pleasure.

“Focus.” He muttered, bringing my head forward again to look in the mirror.

“Those curves.” I giggled as he lightly glided over my hips tickling me as he went. 

“Every part of you is perfect, Emily. I will never stop telling you how much you mean to me.” 

Even in the heat of it all his words had me choking up. Tears welled in my eyes. I took a shaky breath trying to regulate my feelings. No one had ever loved me, all of me, and voiced it so openly. I had never been loved so fiercely. 

“I love you so much, Don. I love you so much it hurts.” I let the warm tears slip down my cheeks as I turned and buried my face into his chest.   

Don’s laugh vibrated through me. I raised my head, watching his eyes crinkle at the sides as he tipped his head back laughing even harder. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked confused. 

“I’m trying to make love to you, and instead I’ve made you cry.” I couldn’t help but join in the hysterics. I grinned up at the man as he finally found his composure looking back down at me. 

“I love you so much it hurts too.” My face cracked, I didn’t think I could smile any bigger. I lunged at Don, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him. I cupped his face in my hands as he bent down to deepen the kiss. 

“So what are you waiting for? Make love to me already, big man.” Even though I had asked for it I couldn’t help the yelp that left my lips as he picked me up and carried me back over to the bed. 

He laid me gently on the bed, his fingers dragged the rest of the clothes off my body. My hands found the belt of his pants, hastily undoing the fastenings and tugging them down until we were both exposed fully. 

We kissed each other hungrily, needing to be closer to each other than ever before, like we wanted to crawl into each other’s skin. His fingers traced my every curve, memorising me with his fingertips. I did the same, my lips trailed down his body, licking and sucking as I went. I watched in satisfaction as his head fell back against the bed as sighs and moans left his lips. 

I had never felt so wet in my life, my need dripping down my legs. Through hazy eyes Don reached down between my legs swirling over my core, I muffled my screams into his neck. 

Don flipped us over so I was on my back and he loomed over me. His face hovered over mine as he stared lustfully down at me. 

I wriggled in anticipation, I could feel him resting on my stomach, I needed him inside me. 

“What are you waiting for?” I breathed softly. 

“You.” Don murmured, his voice low and filled with need. 

“I’m all yours Don, no need to wait.” 

“All mine?” Don couldn’t stop the smirk that spread across his lips. 

“And I’m all yours. No one can ever take you from me, they will have to pry you from my cold dead hands.” Don’s lips brushed mine as he spoke, sending shivers up my spine. 

I smiled up at the beautiful man that lingered above me. Who would’ve thought that putting my hand somewhere it wasn’t supposed to be, I would end up with the most breathtaking love I had ever experienced. 

Don lips pulled me from my thoughts as he crashed down into mine. His hips ground against mine, causing gasps and squeals to leave my throat. 

Malarkey raised up onto his forearms, one hand snaked down to between us. I watched him move himself to my entrance, his eyes flicking up to confirm with me I was ready. I bit my lip nodding my head. My hands found his hips as he slowly slid forward into me. 

I sucked in a breath as he slowly pushed into me, I watched his eyes squeeze shut as she held his breath. We stilled together, before he rocked back. The action caused pleasure to ripple through my body. I gripped his shoulders, pulling him down onto me. 

“God, you feel so good.” Don breathed out, his voice thick with need. 

I couldn’t form a sentence as my head swirled with lust. The only noises that left my mouth were moans and whimpers of pleasure. My fingers dug into the soft flesh of his back as he moved slowly in and out of me, his pace beginning to fasten as ragged breaths fell from his lips.  

Don gripped my hips, angling himself so that he was thrusting deeper inside of me. 

“Don.” I gasped, my head falling against the bed as my eyes rolled back in my head. 

“Don’t stop, please.” I begged, I had never heard my voice so desperate. 

Malarkey shifted from his position drawing out of me quickly, I whined at the loss of his cock. My head shot up from its place on the bed, I gawked at the man. But my shocked glare didn’t last long as he stood at the end of the bed, bending forward he gripped my hips and tugged me down to him. 

With my hips hanging off the end bed, Don’s hands clutched around my ass lifting me to meet him. I arched my back as he slammed back into me with no warning. A strangled scream left my lips as pleasure coursed through my veins. 

Now only my shoulder blades made contact with the comforter, the rest of my body was suspended in the air. Don moved in and out of me faster, the sounds of our heavy breathing and bodies slapping together filled the small room. 

My hands found my breasts, squeezing them as Don slammed in and out of me, cursing silently under his breath as he watched me. 

“You’re so fucking stunning, Em.” Don growled lowly. 

In one smooth motion Don flipped me onto my front. My feet were placed on the floor as he gripped my hips. The angle we were in meant that he plunged in deeper than before, hitting the spot that made my eyes roll back in my head and toes curl. Don’s fingers tangled in my curls pulling me so that he could kiss me. His free hand snaked around my waist pulling me closer. 

With every thrust I came nearer to my edge. Don’s lips attacked my neck, nipping and sucking as he went. I gripped onto his arm that held me tightly to him, my nails digging into his flesh, I felt as if I were about to float away if I wasn’t anchored down. 

I whined as Don left me, clutching to his arm to keep me on my feet. 

“I want to see you finish.” Malarkey whispered in my ear, his hands found their way under my thighs as he picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him, as he walked us back to the bed. 

Don lay me back down as he hovered above me, his lips pressing to mine as he slid back inside me. I sighed in satisfaction as he filled me up again.

“I love you.” I whispered breathlessly when his lips left mine. 

“I’m glad we found each other.” Don replied back, finally sending me to my finish. I shuddered underneath him as he did the same. With our breaths mingling and bodies intertwined, we completed each other. 

--------------------------------------

Chapter 36

[bean-bean2000]

The Hacker - Part 13

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, angst

Status: Ongoing

Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

Master list

———————————————————————————

When Bucky returns from the mission, you decide to stay behind in the kitchen while the others greet him in the garage.

If he wants to act cold then hot, then I will too.

You're making yourself some brownies and hot chocolate in preparation for your night-in watching the newest episode of your favourite TV show. As you're busy baking, Bucky walks into the kitchen and sits on a stool at the bar.

You don't say anything, let alone acknowledge his presence. You see his brows furrow as he watches you.

Another minute of silence goes by before Bucky breaks "Hey, we did good out there. You really helped guide me. Sucks we couldn't find the paper documents we needed."

You shrug your shoulders "Yeah, it is what it is."

Bucky coughs and fidgets in his seat "Um, so what are you baking?"

"Brownies." you reply dryly.

"What for?" he asks, trying to make conversation with you. Truth is, he missed you while he was gone and felt bad for the way he acted during the mission. He knows he was dry with her and wants to apologize so they could go back to the way they were before.

"Because I want some." you reply dryly again.

Bucky has had enough entertaining it "Okay what the hell is going on? Why are you acting so dry around me? Did I do something wrong?" he asks, raising his voice. His fist is clenched in anger.

You drop your whisk in the bowl angrily. "What is MY problem? Are you fucking kidding me? Ever since I got here you've been the perfect guy. Always there for me when I needed, consoling me after my nightmares, listening to me when I needed to vent about my trauma... and then suddenly you're cold with me then your acting hot again. I don't get it!" Your emotions explode.

"Why does it matter to you? It’s not like you care anyway!" Bucky says. He cringes when he hears the harsh tone in his voice and the hurt look on your face.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU BUCKY!” you yell back.

“I thought you.... I guess I was wrong. Just forget it. It's my fault for assuming there was something here when clearly you feel nothing for me. Let's pretend this never even happened. We’ll avoid each other for a while and just stay colleagues.” You drop everything, walking out of the kitchen and locking yourself in your room.

Bucky says nothing. He is shocked at her confession.

He doesn't run after you, fearing you may hate him more if he bothers you. He decides to give you your space.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day you go straight to Steve's office.

"Hey cap, listen don't book me on any missions with Bucky anymore, please. I don't feel like explaining just please respect it." you plead with him.

Steve is shocked at your sudden appearence in his office and he notices your puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"I... yeah. Sure, no problem." he says, deciding against asking you what's wrong and respecting your wishes.

You nod and quickly walk out of his office and go upstairs to yours, locking yourself inside once again.

Steve walks out of his office and goes straight to the gym to find Bucky.

He's doing his workout when Steve punches him in the arm.

"Ow! What the fuck Steve?" Bucky yells, rubbing his arm in pain.

"What did you do?! Cyber just requested to not have any more missions with you! Care to explain, dumbass?" Steve says angrily.

Bucky knows he fucked up bad when Steve curses.

"I.. I don't know man. Yesterday when I got back from the mission she was acting so cold towards me so I confronted her about it and she exploded on me. She was saying how she doesn't understand why i'm so hot and cold with her. I fucked up and asked her why she even caares and she admitted that it's because she likes me. Before I could intervene, she started rambling saying to forget about it and ran to her room." Bucky explains.

"You really are an idiot. Are you serious?! You didn't run after her? You haven't spoken to her since? Nothing?! Dude, she admitted she LOVES you. You clearly love her too. Even though you won't admit it to yourself, I know you, I see the way you look at her. Why didn't you say anything?" Steve questions.

"I... I was going to but I'm scared. If I can hurt her like this before even telling her how I feel about her, how badly will I hurt her if we end up dating? I always fuck shit up, Steve. I can't ruin what I have with her. I think it's best if we just keep our distance for now." Bucky says, running his hand through his hair.

"You are not being serious right now. How will you ever know until you try? What could you possibly do to hurt her? I know how much you care for her and that you would treat her like a queen. You’re being selfish. She is already hurting because you’re shutting her out. You need to man up and figure this out." Steve says and he walks out of the gym angrily.

Bucky stands still in the gym processing what Steve said. He doesn't know if he can do it. His mind is racing with a million questions.

What if she only likes me on the surface? Has she truly seen who I am? She knows about my past.... she hasn't run away from me because of it... Do I take the chance and talk to her? Isn't she better off getting hurt now before we get too involved and end up hurting each other worse than ever?....I haven't felt this way for anyone in years...Do I just take the chance?

Bucky sighs heavily as he removes his gear and exits the gym.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve is still fuming following his conversation with Bucky. He's whispering to himself angrily: "How can he be so stupid? I can't believe it... he does this after everything....." As he's walking back to his office angrily, he gets an idea.

He goes upstairs and knocks on Cyber's office door. He can hear music playing and the LED lights on.

He hears a small "Who is it?".

"It's Steve, Cyber.... can we have a little chat?" Steve says gently.

"Yeah... come in." you say.

Steve gently pushes the door open and takes a seat beside you.

You look at him expectantly, waiting for him to start the conversation.

“So I just wanted to talk to you about Bucky…” Steve starts.

You feel your heart beat faster at the mention of his name and your anxiety rises. “No, Steve I really don’t want to right now… I’d rather just keep some space between us for a while…”

“No no I understand. It’s just that I’ve known Bucky since we were kids… I know how he thinks and why he does what he does…” Steve begins.

“Steve, I don’t mean to be rude or anything but I don’t want to talk about him right now… I don’t know what’s going on but something has changed. He doesn’t speak to me anymore or look at me the same way…”

Steve presses his lips together in a straight line, contemplating what to say as you continue your rant.

“I’m processing a lot and i’m finally starting to feel like myself again… I’m going to be honest with you… I thought Bucky and I had a thing going… i don’t know maybe it was all in my head but.. I guess it was naive of me to think anything more than a friendship could happen here….”

Steve shifts in his seat wondering if he should say anything….

He sighs “Hear me out….I want you to know that he doesn’t tend to express his emotions as well as he does through his actions… Just give him a chance, he's a stubborn old mule.” He sighs heavily and gets up from his seat.

“I just thought you should know that…” he says as he leaves.

You sit there dumbfounded.

What did he mean by that?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@unaxv

@winterslove1917

@kandis-mom

@cjand10

@ordelixx

@abbyyourlocalmilf

@scott-loki-barnes

@rosecentury

@blackhawkfanatic

@hennessy0274

[michainabox]

Okay so I’m revisiting Undertale after a long time and I just have to say this. This is a very very long post.

I don’t know if I should tag this? But uh. I guess I go a little in depth with Flowey and the major spoilers of Undertale, have a brush of a spoiler for In Stars and Time, and just major ramblings.

Flowey somewhat unsettles me.

And I don’t mean fear or scary enough that it distresses me, I mean truly unsettles me in an uncomfortable sense where I have to take a step back to analyze.

Like. Yes that’s the point, he is suppose to be an unsettling character. But my thing is, it is hard to unsettle me. You can ask my partner and anyone I know, I consume a lot of horror media. It is hard to unsettle me, or make me uncomfortable with certain things. And with games? Even harder. There has only been a couple of times where media has unsettled me that I can count only three instances of this.

The book Hell Followed with Us by Andrew Joseph White (had to unpack a lot of my religious trauma with that book. Good read though.)

Act 5 of In Stars and Time because I related a bit to much to Siff’s breakdown and the fact that you can’t stop it no matter how much you wanted too. You were powerless to do anything. You just have to sit and watch and follow.

And then of course. Flowey. The character himself.

What spurred this ramble Micha? Well. I’ll tell you.

We find out that before Frisk had fallen, Flowey had enough determination in that stupid little flower body to reset the timelines himself. Without the souls, he still had the powers of a god, but it was limited much like Frisk. He has reset hundreds, if not thousands of times. He says that he has tried anything and everything to change the variables. Maybe doing little things like planting ideas into monsters heads, or bigger things. (After all if anything goes wrong he can always reset.)

But nothing could change.

No matter what he did, it never mattered.

It never worked.

It would drive people insane.

And then Frisk shows up. And Flowey doesn’t have the power to reset anymore. Instead, this little kid with a red soul (and the same fashion sense of his dead sibling) shows up and destroys everything. And if you go with the pacifist route. Doesn’t head the lesson of kill or be killed.

And it start to work out for Frisk. It also works in Flowey’s favor too. We can imagine that Frisk is the first ever child to face Asgore for the first time since he started to collect human souls, and Frisk has the power to come back, Frisk even reminds Asgore how many times he has killed them. And Flowey watches as Frisk can either spare or kill Asgore in the final moments. But the players choice doesn’t matter.

Because Flowey was waiting for this opportunity. With the souls unguarded, he can use them. And of course, he can practically torture Frisk until he is ready to claim their soul. And even after all of that, you can choose to kill Flowey or grant him mercy. And he doesn’t understand if you do give him mercy. Because for him, it really is killed or be killed.

(I also have my own theory or analysis for the phone call and where Frisk went after the neutral ending, but that’s another post if anyone is interested in my thoughts.)

Anyways. After the phone call he pops up again, and here is where the unsettling part comes in.

He plants the idea in the Frisk/Player’s head that there is another way. That they didn’t truly save their friends, they didn’t truly save themselves.

And Flowey knows Frisk would try anything to get that happy ending.

Because we would want to find out what that happy ending looks like. Because it’s human nature to be curious and want something better.

He preys upon that and uses it to only serve as his own stepping stone. He isn’t even sure it will work. But he does that anyways. Because if your playing pacifist he sees the fact that Frisk took the time to befriend and spare all the monsters.

Flowey isn’t unsettling because he can change his face, wants to kill Frisk, and even attempted and succeeded multiple times.

It’s the fact that while he says he is soulless, that he can’t understand why he is being spared, he learned just enough to prey on that human nature to get what he ultimately wants.

That’s what ultimately unsettles me about him.

(If anyone has any questions about my thoughts or other theories just ask. I love rambling)

(Note. I edited it slightly to fit in more with the games because of some issues I had with misremembering events)

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Pride (Intro)

In which sometimes you'll have to be reminded where you came from to appreciate where you are now.

Tags/Warnings: Tiger!hybrid Jungkook, Cat!Hybrid reader, strangers to lovers, sort of soulmate AU?, Fluff & minor angst

-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶--⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-⊶-

"Thank you SO much, you won't ever believe how much you saved me!" Hoseok hugs the tiger hybrid as he takes the plastic bags from his friend. "I just had my hands full the entire day with them all-" The human rambles, but Jungkook waves him off, as he takes off his shoes.

"Don't worry, it was on the way anyways." He reassures, familiar with his friend's apartment's layout at this point. There's little hybrids running around, none older than maybe five it seems- the only older one being Taehyung, a familiar face in Hoseok's apartment since the lion hybrid officially lives with him permanently. Jungkook greets him with a smile, one that's returned silently, as the lion is currently holding onto a sleeping hybrid child on his lap. "Did you wash something in here?" Jungkook wonders, bringing some of the bags in the kitchen.

"No?" Hoseok wonders. "Why?" He asks, putting the groceries away in their respective places while the younger hybrid helps.

"Just wondering." He shrugs, throwing the empty bag into the bin close by. "How come they dropped so many kids at yours this time?" He asks.

"A raid." Hoseok grimly explains. "Underground trading, again. It's the second one this year." He sighs. "There's really no end to it, is there? One gets shut down, just for another to pop up.." He mumbles, watching the children play around.

"It'll get better." Jungkook tries to help, though he himself barely believes it as well. "What's with all the strawberry milk?" He wonders, watching his human friend put all the little juice boxes and bottles of said strawberry milk into the fridge.

"Ah, that's for angel. She doesn't really have a name, so we just call her whatever for now." He says, taking one out before looking at Taehyung, who's still trying to get all the young hybrids to take a nap. "I'll bring her one later, when they're quiet. The kids might stress her out too much. She's not good at handling a lot of sensory input." He explains.

"Another hybrid?" He asks, and Hoseok nods.

"Housecat hybrid. Brought back recently, but the social workers gave no reason as to why. Just said she's back, nothing else." Hoseok sighs, shaking his head. "I'm not sure what has happened to her. She won't talk, seems nice, but a bit clingy. She's alone right now only because of the kids." He explains to Jungkook, who nods.

"You want me to bring this to her?" He wonders, pointing to the tiny snack and bottle of milk presumably for you. Hoseok shrugs.

"Sure. She's in the left guest-room." He tells the tiger, who nods, before walking to where his friend had told him you'd be hiding in. As soon as he gets closer, that smell becomes stronger too- an oddly floral but soft scent, sweet but not too overbearing. It's a nice smell- but nothing he's ever quite noticed ever before.

"Hey- Hoseok asked me to bring you something to eat?" He asks quietly, knocking on the slightly ajar door, before he looks around. There doesn't seem to be anybody there- oh.

There you are.

You're watching him from the corner of the room, wrapped up in a blanket, seemingly having just woken up from a nap. You're nothing he's not seen before- a standard cat hybrid, maybe a bit on the shorter side, but probably his age, give or take a little. But something just seems to pull a purr from his chest, a buzzing feeling making him all warm and soft at the sight of you just merely looking at him. And the moment you yawn, tiny sharpened teeth showing, he's a goner.

You've got him captured, tamed, by doing absolutely nothing it seems.

He sits down a bit closer to you, gives you your small sandwich and your milk. You're purring, loudly so, and he loves the sound of it already. Your lips seem a bit chapped, bitten raw in some spots which seems to be due to nervousness and stress- and it's understandable. Not only have you been given away and removed from your home, but you've been basically betrayed and brought into a hectic environment that's probably not the best option for you.

Jungkook has always wanted to do something good for a bigger cause. Maybe he's just found his chance of doing so.

You remind him of himself, in a way. You're not scared, rather curious- quiet, but not dismissive, or uninterested. He likes you, clearly, it's pretty obvious that you're his mate even though it makes zero sense as you're a housecat and not a tiger, and he himself isnt even the same hybrid level- but he won't think about that.

He's found you, and he's going to make sure he won't let you down like you've been let down before.

"Figured something like that." Hoseok chuckles, watching how Jungkook opens the bottle of strawberry milk for you, as your tail snaps up a little.

"Huh?" Jungkook asks, his ears twisting and turning a bit in embarrassment as he tries to play it cool.

"Oh, come on now, Jungkook." He laughs. "I already knew something was up when you kept noticing a strange smell." He informs the tiger. "You might be a Level 2 but you're still a hybrid down the line, no matter how independent." He laughs.

"Well- ah, leave me alone!" He growls playfully, making your tail swish from side to side in amusement, clearly happy at the mood in the room. Jungkook himself wants to just pick you right up and carry you home. You're already melting his heart with nothing else but a smile.

"Oh, I will!" Hoseok says. "But I doubt she will now." He teases, making Jungkook smile.

Well he sure hopes you won't.

[multimilfs]

Mother Miranda x Fem!Reader: A Taste of Mercy 

Summary: You've injured yourself in service to Mother Miranda. Before you can hide the damage, her eyes are upon you, and you're left to wonder if your time with her has truly expired.

AO3

A/N: So this is actually part 1 in a series of connected stories! I unfortunately can't post them and connect them as easily here as you can on Ao3, but whenever the others are posted, I'll link them here too.

I love Mother Miranda for just how... aloof her character is. We never see enough of her to understand her emotions or fondness like we can with Alcina or Donna. But the whole story comes to fruition because Miranda wants her daughter back so bad that she can't be completely heartless. I think she just has to... relearn showing love without lacing it with cruelty.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this first piece!

Tag List: @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @escapetodreamworld @multifandomfix

Warning(s): Light body horror, Talk of death

You cradle the hand to your chest, squeezing your eyes tight to will away any tears. Your hand shakes violently. The wound is quickly spreading, pain searing over your flesh and nerves. 

“Show me.” 

Eyes blazing open, you spin on your heel, nearly knocking over the remainder of your project in the process. Standing just behind you is Mother Miranda. She holds her hands folded in front of her, wings resting placidly at her back. Gone is her usual gilded mask. Her metal talons remain on the hand she holds out to you. 

“Mother Miranda, I-” 

“Your hand.” She demands, straining with forced patience. 

You set your injured hand in her own. She closes her talons around it, metal scraping against the wound. It takes everything in you not to flinch. She pulls on your arm, forcing you closer, as she holds your hand close to her face for inspection. 

There is a ruffle of her wings behind her. A sign of displeasure, no doubt. It is hardly the first time you have managed to injure yourself. You have an uncanny way of doing yourself harm–and your goddess has an uncanny way of bearing witness to it.  

The crumpled parchment was barely enough to bear the ramblings of your mind. Harried as you were, your hand grazed the hot glass of your experiment, the force sending it toppling. You reached out to catch it; your reflexes graced you with triumph for a single moment before you felt the bite of your stupidity. Dark, molten liquid seeped onto your hand, promptly burning a path through. Tendons snapped like rubber bands, flesh–once solid–melted away like the wax of worn candles. 

“You have done yourself remarkable damage,” She comments, “Explain yourself.” 

“I-I was attempting to heat Lord Heisenburg’s blood, Mother Miranda, so I could examine how it would react with the Cadou in a frenzied state. While I was writing notes, I knocked it from its place and attempted to catch it. The blood did this.” 

Mother Miranda turns your hand with a critical eye, nothing showing on her face. You watch her wings for a sign. 

“This is not the first time you’ve injured yourself so gravely.” 

“No, Mother Miranda.” You agree. 

“I have no use for broken things, little human,” Her cold voice sends a pang of sadness through your chest, but you nod in understanding. Mother Miranda’s gaze is blank as she seems to look through you, “You understand this?”

Your voice wavers, but holds strong, “I do, Mother Miranda, I… I’m sorry.” 

The goddess releases a tch before digging her hand into your wounds. You bite back the shriek rising in your throat. You understand that your use dies when your health fades, but it hasn't stopped you from hoping–hoping that maybe, against everything, your worth to the cruel goddess before you was based on more than labor. Did it not count that you had been with her the longest? Had remained loyal at her side despite the amount of damage she’d dealt? 

You had always wondered how death would feel–would it be a moment of seemingly endless pain or true bliss. It was one of the only unexplainable things in this world to your bright mind. The curiosity had nearly made you long for death on several occasions, though only to feel it and satiate your interest. You hadn’t felt such a desire for understanding since Mother Miranda had plucked you from the village, sequestering you into her home, her laboratory, and filled your mind with experiments. 

It seems now that death falls under the latter. Complete bliss fills your senses. You open your eyes, curious and eager to take in whatever afterlife you’ve been granted. But you aren’t in the afterlife at all. Mother Miranda still stands before you, resplendent in her unholy glory. Her blank, cold eyes look back at you. She drops your hand from her grasp. For an instant, you swear you can see something new swim through her eyes. 

“You have a penchant for disobeying my orders, but still I must give them,” She says, ice coloring every bit of her voice, “Do not injure yourself like this again.” 

“I won’t, Mother Miranda.” 

Mother Miranda is not a foolish woman. She certainly isn’t foolish enough to believe your promise, try as you might to fulfill it. No amount of hope could stifle the inevitable. 

How lucky you are, then, that your goddess keeps you whole. 

[chaos0pikachu]

okay, so, regarding this post -> https://www.tumblr.com/chaos0pikachu/730266845520805888?source=share and your tags on it i just wanted to say that i've had similar thoughts while watching; like, i don't interact with the fanbase too much - i don't go into the tag for example - so i can't completely speak to that but the way the show treats Boston not wanting a monogamous romantic relationship is bizarre to me, this constant judgement towards him not wanting to date, calling him cold and uncaring, and overall acting like he needs that kind of relationship.....and just, huh? what makes it worse (to me, anyway) is that the "mouthpiece" for this is mostly Cheum for some reason? the only woman who is more than just "the bartender" or "the girlfriend", i don't know, i don't like it

i have more thoughts on this but this is already enough rambly thoughts to drop in somebody's inbox + putting thoughts into coherent writing is my enemy, aksisosisi, hope you have a great day <3

So I'ma say something potentially controversial but whatever time to let the chaos freak flag fly and all that shit.

I think Only Friends is strangely puritanical all things considered. I was talking with a mutual the other day about this, how Mew ended up "corrupted" in a sense after his first experience with sex went sour via Top's cheating/Boston's friend betrayal, and his "corruption" as a character that follows that betrayal is him hooking up with people, and having non-monogamous sex. Like, Top and Boston hurt Mew, no doubt, but his "villain era" as it were is all tied into sex now; using sex as power. He hooks up with Drake to get access to Boston's revenge porn, then uses that revenge porn as "punishment" against Boston by threatening to show his father. He makes out with Ray as a means to "punish" Top, it's not "sex" in the traditional sense, but it's dangling the possibility that he's going to have sex with Ray - someone Top has historically been jealous of and has disliked - as a means of punishment.

The thoroughline here is Boston and Top are being "punished" for their sexual indiscretion, Mew's newfound power is using sex as a means of retribution, and the endgame would be Top finding redemption in his "love" for Mew and Mew either learning to forgive him or learning to move on from him; either way the endgame is monogamy opposed to non-monogamy. Monogamy will "heal/cure" Top who has found solace and growth in falling in love with Mew, while Mew will go back to his "real" personality - one that doesn't revel in tormenting others, and acting self-destructive - once they go back to monogamy and give up casual sex with others.

At this point, I'm only half blaming fandom for these takes b/c the show is reinforcing them. Boston's flaws are all tied to his "whoring" rather than anything with more nuance. Does Boston act out b/c his father mistreat him? Does Boston just not want to be monogamous and is frustrated people - including his friends!! - constantly slut shame him for it (but for some reason don't slut shame Ray who is also having casual sex BUT is romantically in love with Mew meaning Ray would give up casual sex if it meant he could have Mew while Boston actively doesn't WANT a romantic relationship)? Lol nope, no further nuance for Boston he's just an evil slut.

Which would also even be fine IF there was some contrast to balance it out. Like, if Sand, who is probably the most well adjusted of the characters had casual sex and preferred non-monogamy. But we all know Ray and Sand are endgame (which is a different problem I have that's more Wastonian than Sherlockian). Their endgame is the ending of casual fwb sex and entering a "real" relationship. Top and Mew are probably on the same path as well. Top no longer wants casual sex he wants a "real" relationship with Mew, he's fuckboi ways are cured! All his boundary pushing, and inconsideration of Mew are all gone now b/c Top was cured by Mew's bussy in their dry toast first time.

Chuem is supposed to be the shows Voice of Reason, she's acting as an audience surrogate; when she says Top is trying we're supposed to take her words at face value, when she says drugs are bad for Ray we're supposed to agree with her, when she calls Boston a whore we're supposed to believe he is, a whore (derogatory).

I've seen a lot of people say we have to "have trust in Jojo". Idk why. Firstly, Jojo isn't even the only writer or director on the show. Den (War of Y, Playboyy) and Best (Moonlight Chicken, Bad Buddy, Never Let Me Go) are fellow screenwriters and I honestly think all 3 of their writing styles aren't meshing well together. There's also another director on staff as well. This isn't Jojo's show wholly.

Second, I haven't watched The Warp Effect, or 3 Will Be Free, or Never Let Me go. Thirdly, even the best directors and screenwriters have flops, you follow someone's career enough they will make a flop it just is what it is no one bats 100 all the time.

In the end, what I'm getting from Only Friends is the root cause for all the drama isn't things like selfishness, or inconsideration of others it's sex, specifically non-monogamous sex. It showcases itself in the development of Top and Mew's relationship, and also in Boston's char - if Boston wasn't such a whore maybe people wouldn't make sex tapes of him without his knowledge, why else would he be punished with them later? We're supposed to view Mew's actions as justified (and fandom does!) and see Boston hooking up with Top as a greater violation than Mew threatening to show Boston's dad his revenge porn! - And I find that really puritanical.

Now, I'm gonna give the show SOME grace b/c things could turn around depending on the ending. Like I think this is a show I won't 100% have a fully rounded opinion on until the end, so this is how I feel as of right now. It could change, and I hope it does.

[hay1ock]

So it’s been pretty much a week now and having rewatched the first episode of Only Friends a couple of times, and before the next episode drops Saturday I wanted to ramble and put down some thoughts I can look back on about how much I love this show so far. (I know it’s only been 1 episode but fuck it.)

Firstly, I want to compliment the aesthetics of the show. The styling of sets and the characters are striking. Lighting, soundtrack, the colouring of the scenes. I’m no film student or anything, but for me it’s a good looking show. And I love the vibes. It has an edge beyond that of the BL tag in my mind. It’s got those QAF and Skins vibes as well as other shows about young adults we had here in the UK that I watched growing up, and I love it.

The sex stuff (+mature/toxic behaviour). I’m aware there are various opinions and comparisons. Too little, too much. This show vs that show/movie. There’s space for all kinds of shows/stories. You want fluffy sure, second turn on the right. Want trauma inducing and everybody dies, keep heading straight at the crossroads. You have the right to not watch and let others enjoy what they enjoy. Regardless of gender/sexuality humans are flawed. They screw up their own lives and other peoples, and they fuck (except those who don’t). Personally, I consume anything that’s entertaining and god damn Only Friends is entertaining.

Anyway, personally, I thought the sex fit in nicely to the story. And I say story because I’m not really one to just want to watch or read about people shagging for the sake of it. Actually, I once submitted a story to a publisher and (feeling like Up’s character in Lovely Writer here) they wanted me to up the heat and add more sex. For me, I need a purpose, even if the sex is the purpose. For example Boston in this episode. Fucking was the reason. It was part of his character. The scene was for his gratification not the viewers. I loved it being all rushed and frantic and there being only one goal - to come. And mixing it with Nick wanking and them climaxing at the same time. Genius scene to be honest. And to follow that up later with them actually getting together and the classic fade to black. We know what’s gonna go down - Nick’s hand down Boston’s pants that’s what 😃

Then we have Top and Mew, a very different scene - slower, more intimate. These characters have very different intentions. Top chasing the goal of Mew’s virginity. To succeed he needs to go steady, lull Mew in by making him feel good. And then Mew who’s maybe pushing his limits as to what he’s comfortable with. As a once virgin myself, I can’t argue with him wanting a little attention, some kisses, and some chest groping lol. But in the end, he cant go all the way, at least not with a one night stand, so the scene shifts. Top maybe pushes it, but I’m glad he ended up being a decent guy (at least in this moment) and accepted Mew wasn’t ready.

So characters.

No point in me hiding it but I’m here because of Khaotung, Neo and First. Khao has had my heart since 2gether. Neo got added to that list after TonhonChonlatee (sorry Tonhon but Na was where it was at lol) and then the trinity was completed with The Eclipse with First. So, high on my Eclipse feels I’m hit with the Only Friends trailer and it was an immediate ‘sign me up’. Since then, Mark did get my interest, loved him in MSP and MLC, and I’ve also got to know Book and Force more since A Boss and a Babe (sorry if any Enchante lovers see this - at the time I only watched ep 1 and it didn’t grab me so have yet to finish it - maybe one day lol).

The fact Khaotung is playing him is a big bonus but have to say RAY is currently my favourite character. I have a soft spot for the characters who seem to be dealing with baggage and I would assume binge drinking, and considering himself ‘unimportant’ are likely signs (along with other bits seen from the trailer). He seems like a dickhead but is actually a squishy baby who needs love and protection (mainly from himself). At least my take so far. I am worried about him and his lack of self preservation, he’s lucky Sand was a stand up guy because handing your phone, car and yourself over to a stranger is a terrible idea. He was passed out and defenceless and if Sand was looking to take advantage in some way, he could have been in real trouble. (Thinks about the sobbing scene in the trailer) I hope nothing bad has or will happen to him if he’s in such a drunken state again. It’s sad he would have just accepted Sand and him had had sex because Sand was hot.

Moving on to SAND. Though a bit aggressive in a ‘I’m so done with everybody’ kind of way, he seems to be a decent guy who just wanted to take a piss in peace lol. We didn’t get too much of him. He gave me mature and big bro vibes and was rubbing Ray’s back when he was retching over the loo - wonder if he’s done that for anyone else in his life? He was a bit standoffish to start (rightly so at some points) but seemed to soften up a bit when Ray was genuinely apologising and saying thanks to him. Also, the slight look/hesitation when Ray asked him if he knew him in the bathrooms. Does he? Even if from a distance? Can’t wait to see where these two go from here.

Next. BOSTON. Well, he certainly likes to get his end away. I don’t dislike him (yet). Screwing around doesn’t make you a bad person. Chasing after red wristbands might make you a little bit of a dick, but I’m generally less against the ‘third party’ and more judging the one who has a partner who is doing the cheating (though here it was more an open, we enjoy a threesome relationship he was getting entangled in). Anyway, I enjoyed Boston and his facial expressions, and his ‘hunting’. Will reevaluate when he starts breaking hearts.

And first in line to get his heart broken, NICK. Not sure our boy will be getting employee of the month snooping through customer phones and jerking off to their half naked selfies lol. He seems a nice enough guy, and as with all the characters it was a decent intro to him. I enjoyed the tension between him and Boston. He recognised him from uni it seems so maybe had his eye on him and finally got a chance to interact, which they certainly did. The preview already showed him getting attached so I’m ready for him to be heartbroken 💔

MEW. A seemingly precious baby who just wants to read his books and save his virginity for something more meaningful than a one night stand. Haven’t much to say about him at the moment as taking him at face value for now. But interested to see how he gets to the point of yeeting Boston into the pool in the trailer lol.

TOP. *narrows eyes* I have no idea if I trust him. He clearly had one mission at the start, but then based on his and Mew’s conversation over ice cream, and how it seems others only view him as the top of the top, a prize to hook up with, I did feel like he was genuinely surprised and intrigued by Mew stopping the hookup before sex. In his scene with Boston, he also said he wanted to date Mew, but because he found him interesting. I don’t know if it’s still a bit of a challenge to him to get Mew to date him because it’d be fun, so whether his goal is still to try and get laid and then he’d dump Mew and move on… We’ll see I guess *side eyes trailer*

(NAM?)CHEUM. Not too much of her but she fits in well as the fourth member on the main friend group. Would be interesting to see how they know each other and for how long. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if she gets a storyline of her own or if, as she had a red wristband on, it’ll be happy lesbian shenanigans now and again to contrast everyone else’s drama and her being there observing her friends self destruct.

Thinky thoughts going into the next episodes.

1. Please tell me the guy Yo is with in the intro is called Lo.

2. I’m wondering if Papang is playing Nick’s boss. Can’t remember the trailer scene setting well other than a laptop in front of them. Maybe he catches Nick and Boston on the cctv.

3. Top & Boston scene in the trailer. Could it be a flashback? Didn’t feel like a flashback but who knows. Assuming it’s not, I wonder what gets Top to a point where he can’t wait for Mew anymore and bangs Boston? Did they have a fight? Were they ‘on a break’? Did Mew pick Ray or something else over him? (I’ve seen the outfit analysing lol)

4. I’m gonna repeat here that I’m worried Ray will get himself in some real trouble getting blackout drunk. He has his arm in a sling in one scene in the trailer so there could be an accident or a fight. But he’s also a sobbing mess and Mew comforting him and well… I hope he stays safe.

5. Interested to see who and how Title’s character will tie into what’s going on. Pilot trailer implied he’s a friend/worked at the bar with Sand.

6. Nick already got them heart eyes. Poor boy’s gonna suffer. But props for the bold move of sending Boston that photo.

7. Oh yeah, Drake! I’d gone with it maybe being Papang out of the cast we knew about from the trailer. Well done to the people who were like ‘that’s Drake’ lol. I had joked about hoping they just brought in a whole bunch of the gmmtv boys to play one night stands or drunken kisses on the dance floor so I’m one for one for boys and episode so far lol.

8. Mew hiding behind and pushing Cheum towards a vomiting Ray in the first scenes was everything lol.

9. Ray’s outfits 😍

10. They did pretty well covering up The 1975’s poster in Sand’s apartment as had to go see when I saw someone point it out (I can’t imagine trying to edit around moving, talking characters)

11. I feel sad that Ray cared more about his belongings than himself.

12. Sand’s ‘I am so done’ face. Especially when Top ‘borrowed’ his mic.

13. And about that. Public propositions like that are a hell no from me. I’d hate to be cornered like that. I mean it’s okay if you’re going to say yes I suppose. But what if it’s not a yes? Like what do you do in front of everyone. Say no and look like the asshole?

14. Top washed his hands after going to the bathroom. Top tier indeed.

15. That intro sequence going from one character to the next - very cool. Also the days of the week montage.

16. Dear Ray, please don’t throw up again. *lowers volume a little bit* 🤢

17. Props to the friends wanting to turn the theory business plan of a hostel into the real thing. I think I’d be Boston in the group and just be dragged along and agree to whatever lol.

18. That intro is definitely a non-skip. Everybody be looking damn fine!

19. Watching everyone’s expression regarding Ray, Mew and Top. Boston knows Ray likes Mew and damn if he doesn’t seem to enjoy poking at him. Also at one point I started to wonder if there was anything else beyond jealousy between Ray and Top. Probably just Ray having had some drinks so reacting in no way subtly lol. And then Mew’s expressions when Ray leaves both times. Does he know? Is he just concerned his friend is storming off and drinking? Hmm.

20. Let Ray and Boston kiss you cowards lol

Bring on episode 2.

[absolutebl]

Ai’ with Aye & Akk - The Eclipse & Thai honorifics

hazmatilda asked: (and tumblr ate it so I’m reposting)

So I went down quite a rabbit hole with your bl linguistics Tag (thanks for that, 3 hours of reading when I should have been sleeping or working on my masters thesis for Wednesday :/ ), and I am riveted. I started watching Thai BLs with bad buddy when it was airing, and have watched most of the ones that have aired since then and now working on the backlog. I love linguistics, and have been noticing the different personal pronouns etc in Thai especially, so it was really cool to see that all laid out in your posts! The third person one is particular is quite special to me, and I wish it existed more in English and German. It's very frustrating being a genderqueer person living in Germany because non gendered pronouns don't really exist, and when they do it's quite niche and hard to get others to use :/

I couldn't agree more. I've grown to have real affection and love for Thailand's pronouns.

I also adore the way in many Asian languages we can just say our own name for the "I" pronoun. So much harder to forget someone's name and ALSO  you're consistently reminded of what it is and how it shoudl be pronounced.

Just so you don't have to deal with my terrible (and hugely erratic) tagging system, I do have a language post meta guide (master post round up) just in case you want to rabbit hole some more: 

BL Language & Culture Master Post (mostly Thai) 

Back to your question... 

Anyway, my question is, I noticed in The Eclipse the Ai' prefix (particle?) used between the boys, which you mentioned is not really used in BLs often, and I wanted your more detailed take on the way that Akk changes in his address of Aye in this regard, especially over the last couple of episodes. Is he being particularly rude?

Ai is an honorific originally used between peer/age mates/equals. (Like Phi or Nong.)

But now, depending on the stress/emphasis it carries different connotations including affection (Akk & Aye), insult (Ae & Pond in Love By Chance), annoyance/exasperation (Leo in Don't Say No), or pleading/whining (Fiat in Don't Say No).

Is he being particularly rude?

Yes but also, no. He's being... rudely affectionate? He's changing the boundaries of their relationship with, what amounts to, what I'd call an “insult honorific or mode of address.” (Common within peer groups, particularly marginalized ones. See gay & masculine identified use of "bitch" in late 90s early 2000s queer culture, particularly in North American coastal cities.)

So amongst some of my queer friends, regardless of gender or orientation someone will often yell, "Hey Biiitchesss!" Technically an insulting term, in this context, a friends honorific among peers and a way of identifying oneself and ones friends as different from the surrounding social morays.

Back to Ai'.

It seems mostly used for relationship emphasis these days (friendly intimacy, of a jocular/teasing nature), and almost always among peers. I think of it occasionally as an insult honorific.

In California the word "dude" is often used for this. "Seriously, dude!?" when someone cuts you off on the FWY. "Hey, Dude" to a friend you meet for lunch. "Awe, Dude, that's rough" affection/sympathy. And so forth.

I haven't watched Eclipse in a while so I can't speak to the bit your actually referring to. So there may be an additional use pattern in play, but Ai is an interesting honorific, in that it's one of those that isn’t always, or even often, entirely honoring. So to speak.

I do talk about Ai quite a bit in this post: 

Why Ai'Hia was so funny in Cutie Pie

Never let me go also seems to be playing with the formality a lot, due to the class differences, which is cool to see. I'm sure the changing register and formality will play into PalmNuengs speech as the show progresses hehe.

Sorry for the ramble! 🧡🧡🧡

No apologies for rambling needed here, since I’m ruler of rambletown. 

Yes it’s very very fun to see. You also get this a little with RainPhayu in Oh My Sunshine night (young high class seme + older servant uke), and a TON with Ae & Pete in Love By Chance. 

If you haven’t watched it, I would highly recommend that one. Pete talks almsot entirely in high formal register and Ae in low. It’s a great way to train your ear for the two different registers. There’s no spoiled prince dynamic, so it’s an entirely different play on a class difference than NLMG. They are one of my all time favorite pairs for many reasons. Language is one.

All the best and I hope you keep enjoying yourself with BL and the linguistics! 

 (source)

[xochitai]

Was thinking of sapphic Lotura again the other night and ran into the question: would fem!Lotor be butch? [ramble below]

This section is partially inspired by a headcanon [or maybe it was a theory; I can't remember] post I saw on tumblr [which I tried to find to link here but I could not] because canon doesn't give us much to work with when it comes to civillian Galran culture. Gist of the post was sexual dimorphism in Galra and links to gender. So traits like being larger and/or more colorful are perceived as feminine [ex. Zethrid, Kolivan] and being smaller with fewer colors is perceived as masculine [ex. Lotor]. The original post has more detail and expands on how fem-/masc- ulinity tie into Galran society, but back to the point. Assuming fem!Lotor looks the same as canon!Lotor, viewed through this hc/theory, she would be perceived as masc. However, just because someone has fem/masc features doesn't mean they identify with that or want to dress in a way that "matches." So we are back to square one.

There was a drawing made by one of the people who worked on the show that featured the paladins, blade of marmora, and sincline squad at a restaurant[?] in winter. [I could probably look this up and find it to put here but I am lazy]. Lotor is walking in, wearing a beanie and puffy coat. Very typical winter clothes in typical winter colors. Not much to work with here. Next.

For this part, I know I have the pic already on my computer so I'll insert it here:

The mix of greys canon!L wears don't seem to be gendered. Whether dress or tunic/overcoat/leggings combo, there's an even mix of dark and light grey. None of the Galra here wear orange or blue, so can't really do anything with that. Lotor's waist cape does resemble what some of the male Galra are wearing, particularly the ones behind Blaytz on the stairs, but those are an over layer being bound by a belt. Similar shape, different construction. Don't really have anything else to go off of though so I will give 0.5 point to team masc.

In terms of actions, I will not lie to you dear reader, it's been a while since I watched the latter half of the show so my memory is fuzzy. Maybe there is some big thing I missed. I wouldn't know; I missed it. Anyways. Ik it's a bit of a stereotype but Lotor designs and builds things. Would it be so far fetched for Ladytor to be a diy/builder wife? With all her little projects? She says she's gonna renovate the space porch but gets distracted and designs a house for the cat and builds a robot.

I feel like I'm reaching the part where I'm grasping at straws. Clothing analysis can only do so much because Lotor wears ONE OUTFIT FOR HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. Not even death can separate him from that damn armor. But does it matter? Do I need canon approval to draw fem!Lotor in dapper fits?

Deleted a little bit because I started to lose the plot. I guess the conclusion is: data inconclusive. Requires further discussion.

As always, hope this was legible enough. I fixed some spelling errors but that's about it. I'm not going through this again to clean up sentence structure.

+ can't remember how many total rambles i have. not sure if it is time for a ramble tag. i don't think anyone reads them enough to warrant one but idk.

[go-to-the-mirror]

Un-Follow Me Now, This Is Gonna Be The Only Thing I Talk About For The Next Day. I've Been Wanting This For Months Fuck. What The Fuck. /ref

@a-mag-a-day

So, uhm, MAG 136 everybody! As you can probably tell I've been looking forward to this episode, not as much as some others, (cough cough) cul-de-sac (cough cough), but a fair amount of excitement going into this. So, without further ado, let's get on with it! Mostly rambling, but I have great words a lot of the time.

For content warnings, mostly what's in the episode and some pretty frank discussions of suicide and depression. If I need to add or tag anything please let me know.

If I get another gambling ad, I'm going to break something :). Sorry, I keep getting this gambling advert and it's just. Nope, no, 0/10. I had hope it would only be on RQG.

ARCHIVIST (Compelling) If you don’t mind me asking, where are you off to? MELANIE Therapy. Wait … ARCHIVIST Oh, God, Melanie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to … MELANIE It’s fine. I would probably have told you eventually anyway. ARCHIVIST Even so, I shouldn’t— MELANIE Just forget it

I'm glad that although Melanie's obviously -- and to be honest, rightfully, yeah Jon didn't mean to make her tell him that she's going to therapy, he still did and that would make me pretty angry -- upset, she's handling it in a good way, they're not getting in a fight, they're being... amicable. Not friends -- a long way from friends.

DAISY You’re not babysitting me, alright? I know that’s what the others think sometimes, but that’s not it. I just don’t like being on my own if I can help it. You know, flashbacks, panic attacks, the usual. Just trying to avoid it if I can. ARCHIVIST I know, Daisy. I do. It’s hard. DAISY Yeah, well. Don’t let me get in your way. ARCHIVIST Of course.

jon's just grappling with the concept of friendship in the corner like, sure, he was a last resort, but he's spending time with another human and they're not obviously wishing he was dead! yay for that i guess!

also uhm i like how yk, maybe i was just watching bad shows before -- probably -- but it isn't... glossed over. they go through things and they deal with said things, mostly in bad and self destructive ways, like yes the characters suffering and then they have to deal with the suffering and it's all portrayed in a -- in my opinion -- pretty true to life way. People get angry when they're traumatized and under stress, people get suicidal, people do stupid things, people don't trust people -- trust the wrong people -- the works.

*holds gently* p o d c a s t

I loved Neil. I might even have been in love with him; it’s hard to say. When there are so many emotions caught up in a single person, when they’re such a significant force in your life, it gets difficult to say what’s really there at the heart of it.

I'm aro, I thought i was in love with people, I probably wasn't. Love is complicated, discerning what type it is.

Even pyrotechnics, while impressive and visually spectacular, just didn’t give me the same sharp joy as making something that could move, that came alive, directed and controlled by my hand.

Ah, right, so here's the sentence that's like "and this is what fear it is." There's a lot of those, scattered around. What comes to mind are the following lines.

Well, that’s what’s really terrifying, isn’t it? Your mind is all you are. There’s no back-up, no reset if it goes. I’m not just talking about madness as it appears, but what it is from inside. The way people talk about it, it’s like you have to think you’re sane, that our mind is everything we perceive, everything we are. Well, that means you can never know when your grasp might be slipping. I’m not convinced that’s it though. Or maybe deep down, somewhere inside, you understand what’s happening to you and I, um… I don’t know which scares me more.

(MAG 65 - Binary)

This shows that it's The Spiral.

One thing that… eats at me, as it were, and does give me that sick tightness of fear deep in my gut. It is rot. I don’t know why it gets to me so; perhaps it’s precisely because I don’t think there is anything beyond the body, and even dead and unaware, seeing a person’s form begin to putrefy and fester – becoming just a home for the crawling, feasting things – is too much for me. Perhaps it’s just an unaccountable phobia. Regardless of the reason, the fact is that to see the corpses decaying, to see their flesh corrupted, it is… the one part of this job that I find uncomfortable. So much so that I would describe reconstruction and preservation as my favourite part of the process. Making sure the cadaver looks as peaceful and lifelike as possible. Make them the person they were, or as close as they can be while cold and senseless. Fighting off the rot. The insects. The disease.

(MAG 36 - Taken Ill)

And this shows it's The Corruption.

I like it, a little introduction, so you know what you're getting into.

“Besides,” he always told me, “I’m a puppeteer at heart.”

✨ Spooky! ✨

A frugal life, lucrative career and prickly personality had left him with lots of money, but no real support; while my life had left me in a position where I cared deeply about his wellbeing and was in desperate need of money. Everything just lined up so neatly.

this was planned wasn't it, "everything just lined up so neatly," yeah no way it's a coincidence.

I must have asked him about it, but at the time it just seemed like such a natural progression.

This reminds me of some of the stuff in MAG 59 - Recluse.

I’m sure they’d have said the same things about me and at the time nothing seemed amiss. I did what I did because it was what I was supposed to do, and it never struck me to question it. I’m not sure I really recognise who I became while living at that house.

With The Web's control and things seeming fine but then you look back and it's like "yep, definitely not."

He was hanging there, wrapped in his strings like a cocoon, twisting gently around and around and around.

THAT'S AN IMAGE. oh!! OH!! oh boy!!!

She told me to take the films, his original cuts.

The way "original cuts" is said sounds a lot like some of the other tones a few statement givers take -- even Jon sometimes, immediately I can think of in the season 5 trailer. I recognise that tone.

She told me to come here. She told me to give them to you. I resisted for some time, but I’m done now. She’s won. And I would very much like to go home.

I love the way this statement ends, a lot of statements have very cool endings, this one's snazzy, the statement giver sounds so defeated.

ARCHIVIST They were … Well, let’s just say it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though, let alone original cuts. Records indicate they ended up in Artefact Storage. DAISY Probably best they stay there. ARCHIVIST Yeah… Yes, of course.

No! Not best they stay there! Daisy and Jon movie night watching spooky films together! I think that would be fun.

DAISY She’s Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. Like that lighter you’re always using – where’d you get that? ARCHIVIST Hm, good point. We should keep our eyes open. Anyway, how’s Basira doing?

Spooky bloody lighter, god damnit, god damn that spooky lighter.

AAAA. No guys, the lighter isn't messing with his memory, he just has adhd.

DAISY Yeah, well, what do you think? You think I’m weak just cos I’m not already chasing the next kill? You think I’m less me? ARCHIVIST I … I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the intersection between free will and humanity. Still trying to figure that out myself.

✨ t h e m e s ✨ [themes]

I, unsurprisingly, like this. I think, that I like. The exploration of it. I think it's snazzy. It's hard to articulate my thoughts, but I am holding this gently, I am holding the many many themes of this very cool podcast gently. I am directing you to tumblr user annabelle--cane because it's got great brain thoughts.

DAISY Jon … When you went in the coffin, was it you choosing to do that? Did you actually think you could save me or was something telling you to do it? ARCHIVIST It was me. I was drawn to it, I’ll admit, but it was my decision. It wasn’t entirely about you, though. DAISY What was it? ARCHIVIST My— My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice. I made a choice to become … something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I don’t know if I made the right decision. I’m stronger now, tougher, I can … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever, I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe stop that happening and the only danger is to me … I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster. DAISY That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST (Laughs) Yeah. I suppose it is.

I've also heard it described as "if there was a truck coming towards me, I wouldn't move out the way." Maybe not actively seeking it, but definitely not... not seeking it.

Yeah, thinking you're an inherently worse person than everyone around you, is a pretty good way to get you know, suicidal.

Almost everyone you care about thinking -- and saying -- that your very existence is a wrong, that they'd rather you have died, that's going to mess you up. And I'm... I mean like, poor Jon or whatever, I love him, he's my blorbo, but like him living his worst life is compelling and written well.

I should say more, but idk, I think I've summed up Some Thoughts.

ARCHIVIST I guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t … wouldn’t be as bad as it was. And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually endure the result. You might have noticed, when I was in there with you, I had regrets.

fuck dude it sure is, i mean at least he's pretty bad at self-sacrifice, like he lived, didn't get stuck in a coffin forever, no bad outcomes apart from... like... the trauma. he didn't even have to have one awkward conversation. until now, but i feel like him and daisy are more on the "joking about melodramatic notes app notes written while having a breakdown" than "one person who wants to get out of the situation and another who is Concerned."

DAISY You need to stop moping. ARCHIVIST I what?

THIS IS A MOMENT WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS ABSOLUTELY WIN. "picture of Edwardian offence" ahsdfsewadfssewa

I mean like yeah it's a little insensitive or whatever, but to be fair, sometimes it's just better to get out of your head, distract yourself, don't listen to sad music while you're down because otherwise you're just going to get more sad. Shout out to crying over a TMA meta while listening to Mitski and reading all my saved TMA metas. Not the exact situation, but let it be known i don't cry over fiction that much. This podcast has made me cry like... how many times at this point?

I'd share other, more specific details, but I'm not sure how much is oversharing, especially with these topics.

DAISY “Boo hoo, I’m so alone and a monster!” ARCHIVIST I am alone. Martin is—

*points* GAY

well, bi. yk.

DAISY Get over yourself. You’re always talking about choices. We all made ours. Now I’m making a choice to get some drinks in. Coming? ARCHIVIST I don’t … Yeah, ok.

ANOTHER PART WHERE THE UNNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS STAY WINNING! "pause while he grapples with the concept of friendship." Like I'm using official because i noticed an error in MAG 119, but the unofficials are funny.

DAISY Melanie’s out, but I’ll go get Basira. ARCHIVIST Is she … Would she want to join us? DAISY If she doesn’t, I’ll rip her throat out. ARCHIVIST Uhhh… DAISY It’s a joke, John. ARCHIVIST (Dubious) Oh, aha. Yes. I’ll get my coat.

HIS STUPID LITTLE LAUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

he's just like me fr oh my goddd he's a dumbass he's i want to squish him like one of those toys whose eyes pop out i want to shake him out like a cat aaaaaa

Anyway, Jon fan[redacted]ing over, uhhh more thoughts on the whole bloody... thing he's got going on.

First of all, I mean... passive suicidality sucks. And I think that's what's going on, like he jumped into that coffin, with the knowledge that he might not live, but maybe he will, and does it matter either way. He lives, gets Daisy out, he's useful, he's good. He dies or gets stuck there... well, it's just another monster gone. And of course that's not what he thinks when he's down there, but... I can't back this up with studies, but anecdotally... yeah uh, I mean, sometimes you go "oh shit, maybe doing this nonspecific thing was a bad idea, actually, and you don't want to die."

That... sudden realization of what he's done, what he's condemned himself to, the continuing... you know, he's not exactly okay in season 5, or even later on in season 4 -- what with the dark sun -- and that rings true with me. I can actually back this up with a study, according to this website, (it's reliable, it's Harvard, just search up "attempters' longterm survival" on google, it should be the first result.) 90% of people who attempt suicide don't go on to die by suicide, however 40% of those who have died from suicide (in the US) have previously attempted suicide, and 5 to 11 percent of people hospitalized for a suicide attempt go on to die via suicide, but those who haven't are only 1 in 10,000. Besides, not he's gotten help, he's just realized he made a mistake in one situation, he's talked about it to a friend, sure, but he's still mostly alone, he still mostly thinks he's a monster.

Like... that's not a great situation to be in. Someone give him some actual friends (or a boyfriend) and take all the Panado (acetaminophen) out of his reach.

[shardssystem]

WIP Ask Game

We got tagged in an ask game! Joy! Thanks for the tag, @brasideios! Always love having a chance to ramble, but feels weird to do it unprompted.

At the moment, I’m caught in a three-way dance, to use the wrestling parlance. In one corner: the long-awaited (I hope!) 5th chapter of A Planeswalker Story, the MTG/OC fanfic that’s been nearly 10 years in the creation (oof) In another corner: part 8 of Holiday In Eorzea, our MTG/OC/FFXIV crossover… thing. Look, it’s a bit tricky to describe. 😅

And in the third corner: that dastardly heel tag team of Mental Health & Writer’s Block. (boo, hiss).

But despite that, I still do my best in writing whenever I get the chance.

So first, we have A Tale Of Two In The City, which is the next part of APS. In the last chapter, we follow Liya’s travel to the plane of Ravnica, as she escapes imprisonment on Innistrad. This rewinds time a bit to introduce a couple of important characters, and tell some events from their point of view. Here’s a snippet of the latest part written:

“Boy, girl, whatever! It’s all made up anyway. You want to be a boy? Bam! Magic; you’re a boy now, it’s as easy as that.” He waggled his fingers in a dramatic flourish.

Zoe looked at herself; nothing had changed. She was still a girl.

“Nothing happened?”

“Exactly!”

It’s a careful line to walk, because it shows a character grappling with dysphoria and what it means to be transgender as they age. Especially because it’s a transmasc narrative, and it’s not an experience I share, so I’m trying my best to be faithful and respectful. Hopefully it’s a good piece!

Next, we have Holiday. Given that it’s a retelling of the main storyline (MSQ) of the game, it’s easier to source the material. The challenge is to personify a typically mute/blank slate player character in a way that still works with the existing work. Another issue is that although a different story, it’s still tied into the main APS “canon”. So there’s chapters and chapters of character development that lives only in my head, but is supposed to be already known at the point shown. The next chapter tentatively has the title of Back In The Saddle, and continues with Liya recovering from a shattered ankle from a fight to the death. Here’s a piece from that:

Try as I might, my musical ability was lacking, so trying to memorise one particular song I had fallen in love with, a sad flute piece named "My Home, Sweet Home" was a challenge by itself. I had also discovered a fictional tale within the collection entitled "Refraction", where a man has to face up to different versions of himself to solve some kind of mystery; I hadn't finished it yet. And, true enough, T'sutu's promotion of the chocobo races was indeed as exciting as her claim. A little overwhelming to the senses, but exciting nonetheless. Just before a midday meal was delivered, I watched a Miqo'te woman by the name of Rin Chalko bully her way to victory with a chocobo as black as night named Optimal Shield. Her tactics were normally something I would be against, but for some reason I felt myself cheering her on.

References are fun to sneak in, but it’s not something you can do too often without it being disruptive. Still, managing 3 in a paragraph is pretty good!

But that’s what I’ve got in the tank at the moment, thanks for following along! You can follow the written works on AO3, or here on Tumblr. And to finish off, I’ll tag (with no pressure to participate!) @writer-raven, @kosmosxipo, @cyndakip, and @leafdrake-haven! Yay, games!