tiddiesoutwhenthetisout

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

hanging out with my gf's uni friends this weekend was wild. they were all just no-nonsense type, absolutely zero traces of people pleasing, my-pace type people. everyone was shitting on her for "jeering at a friend for living in a mansion when it's her who lives in one" lol, it's not, but it's an impressive modern home.

their teasing just was so fun, idk. it's like... they know no one gets hurt and they don't attack any sore spots. they don't do this fake laughing even when they didn't find it funny, they don't walk on eggshells, it's natural banter. they don't have to keep smiling, they don't have to overreact. they don't have to keep posturing, they can do whatever they want and no one would go "sorry did someone in this circle offend you?"

it's like friendships i've only ever written lol. i mean i've been in groups, but only among 30 year old people who also walk on eggshells with me. idk, they just didn't know me well enough, as well as, they were scared of some things.

i've always been kind of an outsider. that, or it's so hard for me to adapt to people, and i'm still finding my way around this whole... "being in a social circle does not mean business and masquerade, or exposing all your secrets to be social" type thing. and maybe i *am* closed off. i entertain with stories because i unfortunately am the friend whom Things happen to, and people clap, but i'm really not fond of socializing, nor am i good at it.

unless i'm a bit drunk.

but when i'm hyper (this lasts for about half the day at max when i hang out with people), i do the most "embarrassing shit". like joining a street dancer. i don't do b-boying.

maybe it's also just a case of "you attract your own energy" and it's me attracting people with issues idk (no offense; not everyone, but usually).

anyway. we were playing monopoly and i think i was digesting so i was super sleepy. i had to forfeit and go sleep on the bed in that room. one of her friends went, "yo, [name], your girlfriend."

her: what why

friend: if only you could be sickly sweet with her right now

our friend from primary: no. i don't want that.

her: well...

and then i drifted off to sleep while they screamed at each other (that doesn't usually happen; i think my gf genuinely just makes me feel so safe. i fell asleep with construction noises next to her.)

i woke up and had her feed me cake, as an obligation.

:.3

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

NO WAY AYRON (VA of Antinous) SANG JUST A MAN :"0

This is from his tik tok, but since not everyone has tik tok I'm posting it here xd. Man, he has such a great fucking voice aiwiwjaiqjnan 🛐

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

🤍🤍🤍

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

odin

He is sealed in there for all of mankind’s safety

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

pov you’re agamemnon in book 2 of the iliad

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

"they're now afraid of your anger"

well.

the FUCK were they doing when i wasn't?

making me mad, that's what.

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

I love that thing when people get a little bit tongue-tied and garble what they’re trying to say so they make a little “blegh” 👅 noise and start over. verbal reset button. hitting the top of the tv to unscramble the signal

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

phoenicia rogerson's "herc" reminds me that sometimes less is more. it's the opposite of pretentious and saturated, doesn't try too hard but it dishes out lines that go so hard at random. i like it 👍

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

me, discovering the joy of reading digitally on a big screen:

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

startin this thing because i can't comprehend poems rn (i'm still adapting to my medication and i feel constant motion sickness)

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

the men outside the building smoking and going "ah yes idk maybe this time around she'll actually beat us up" was funny but also, yes, stop fucking smoking. smoke in your fucking apartment. i might actually beat you up.

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

i was gonna sleep but suddenly i miss volleyball so much (we talked about it today)

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

i like it

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

Yearning for someone who doesn't exist