#anyway I’m so looking forward to the beach day stuff

[starlit-eudemonia]

Mhin (probably):

[outerbankies]

congrats bby, can you pls do Try to eat something." and light peck kisses,

new light: wondering why

rafe x reader

summary: fresh off of making things official, rafe is bummed to miss out on a boat day with you when he gets sick.

a/n: happy obx 4 week! lovely going back to the new light summer in this one for the prompt celly that still very much exists and i will complete if it kills me :-)

masterlist

Rafe thought that if he did his best to ignore it, it might just go away on its own.

He thought that if he pretended his throat wasn’t getting progressively sorer throughout the day, if he ignored the way his entire body was beginning to ache, if he acted oblivious when he pressed his own hand into the back of his forehead to find a steady warmth, none of it would actually amount to anything.

But he wakes up on the Fourth of July and just knows, knows he’s completely fucked — seeing you, seeing his friends, any of his other plans for the day immediately put on the shelf when he wakes up in the state he’s in.

He’d woken up to the sound of his ringtone chiming, and if the way the sunlight filtering through his curtains was any indication, he was waking much later than he normally would be.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he answers, phone smushed into the side of his face, after cracking one eye open to check that it was in fact you calling. He had an inkling.

“Rafe?” you return.

“Hm?” he grunts, finding the wherewithal to roll out of bed, standing on shaky legs and making his way down the hall and to the bathroom.

“You sound sick,” you accuse.

“Yeah…” he says, voice catching on a cough that sneaks up his throat. “Yeah — um. Fuck, Wheez came home from camp with something last week. I think I caught it.”

“Rafe,” you say, and Rafe can almost see your pout through the connection. “Oh no.”

“I know, I know,” he says, checking his complexion in the mirror. He looks even worse than he feels, and he’s almost grateful he won’t be seeing you today sporting this grayish tint to his face and splotches of red around his nose and eyes. “I don’t think I’m gonna make it today.”

“No, definitely not. Fuck. I thought you were acting weird yesterday.”

“Really?” he asks, leaning forward to rest a hand on the counter. He switches the call to speaker, placing it on the counter so he can rifle through his bathroom drawers for anything that could help.

After a beat, he hears, “You wouldn’t kiss me. Not on the lips, anyway.”

Rafe feels a smile pulling at his lips, as ill as he feels. “Shit, baby. You notice that kinda stuff?”

Maybe Rafe hadn’t been ignoring the feelings as much as he thought he’d been, if withholding kisses from you is something he was doing voluntarily, even subconsciously. 

“Of course I do,” comes your reply. He can picture the sheepish look on your face right now, and the way you’d be ducking your head from his view the second you’d been caught out.

“Probably didn’t want you sick,” he says, trying to pinpoint anything weird from your date yesterday. It was nothing fancy, tacos on the beach after work, but he didn’t even consider cancelling while he was slogging through his day, and he didn’t regret it as soon as he saw you running down your parents’ driveway and to his truck.

“My hero. Is it just your throat?” you ask. 

“Hm,” he considers, blinking away thoughts of the shorts you’d been wearing under the sweatshirt he’d given you once the beach got cold, closing the drawer in his bathroom, suddenly frustrated at its emptiness. He might have to raid the girls’ bathroom and the kitchen cabinet above the microwave. “I’m gonna be real, baby. I just feel like shit. All-around.”

“Head?”

“Yep.”

“Are you warm?”

He feels the back of his neck with a clammy hand, already knowing the answer as he ambles back into his room, unsuccessful. “Very.”

“Achy, too?” you ask, and Rafe has to crack another smile at how doting you are, treating him like one of your nanny kids who caught the flu at pre-k. God, Rafe hopes he doesn’t have the flu.

“Big time. Gonna lay down,” Rafe decides, burrowing back under his covers, phone placed beside his head on his pillow. “M’sorry about today, Y/n/n.”

“Don’t be, Rafe,” you say sweetly.

It was nothing too special, just your group of friends out on Kelce’s boat for the day. But you’d made Rafe promise to make an appearance at your mom’s party before you all got too drunk, and you’d even helped him pick out an outfit for it. The navy polo he was gonna pair with his striped swim shorts hangs on the back of his closet door, mocking him.

“Did you find meds?”

“Yes,” he lies. “Think they’ll kick in when I wake back up.”

“Good. Stay hydrated, too. Lots of fluids. And try to eat something when you get up, alright?”

Rafe looks at the empty water glass on his night stand, another empty promise falling from his lips immediately. “Yeah, I can scrounge something up later.”

“Okay,” you say, sounding slightly assuaged, but still skeptical. “Are you home alone?”

Rafe feels his eyelids getting heavier at the way your tone goes soft. “Mm. Parade starting soon, probably. They took Wheez. Sarah’s at her boyfriend’s.”

“Right. Okay,” you sigh. “Well hang in there, okay? I’ll check in on you in a bit.”

“Don’t,” Rafe says. “Go have fun with everyone. If anyone gets too drunk to get you home, I’ll come. Take it easy, baby. For me.”

He makes a mental note to text Kelce as soon as he can stand to open his eyes and look at his phone again, just so he knows someone’s keeping an eye on you. He trusts all of your friends, but the sun’ll be out and he knows how you all get about day drinking. Plus, he’s got boyfriend duties now.

It’s been barely a week since he’d made it official, so his stomach still swoops when he remembers that you’re his. And not in a queasy way, from whatever malady he’s fighting today. In a way that he can’t believe it — can’t believe he landed you. That you like him, that you’re giving him a try, that you might feel even a fraction of the same way he does for you. 

Your friends don’t even know yet; today might have been the day to let them know, but not anymore.

“Don’t worry after me,” you say indignantly.

Rafe’s eyes finally flutter shut, your voice luring them closed. “I will.”

“Dork,” you giggle. “I’m hanging up now. Feel better.”

“Bye, baby,” he says, drifting off before he even hears the dial tone.

—

You already had the cute, red bathing suit you’d been planning to wear all day on when Rafe fell sick this morning. Purchased at a boutique on the mainland with him in mind last week, of course, but only bought and paid for when Gretchen and Margot had stepped out of the dressing rooms in their own new suits, assuring you you had to buy it.

You’d thrown a long sleeve and the shorts Rafe really liked on over it before getting in your Jeep, heading off to the south side of the island for one of the only restaurants in town open on the holiday.

And now you stand outside of Tanneyhill, nervous as can be, wondering if this was the right move.

Rafe did divulge that his entire family was out, so you summon the courage to lift a hand to use the door knocker. Of course, Tanneyhill had a door knocker, god — you don’t know why you didn’t notice until now. Maybe it’s because you’d always rolled up in a group, or to an open door, or filtered in through the side. But this was the first time you’d ever really—

The door creaks open, a head of pillow-messy hair hidden under a navy blue hoodie appearing in the gap.

“Y/n/n?” 

“Hi,” you say, your voice shaking.

“Baby,” Rafe sighs, pulling the door open completely. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re sick.”

“You’re supposed to be…” he begins lamely, letting you breeze past him over the threshold into his empty home, shutting the door after you. He pushes his sleeve up his arm to check his watch, and you notice a tremor. “Weren’t you guys meeting up around now? You know Top isn’t gonna wait around on the dock.”

“I know. I texted him I wasn’t coming,” you say. “All the delis up here are closed. The co-op, too. But there’s this pho place down past the marina that’s so good.”

He smiles. “I’ve heard of it.”

“I made sure to get a ton of sriracha packets — I know you like stuff really spicy,” you continue, setting the bag with the styrofoam containers on the kitchen counter while he trails behind you. “So even if you don’t like it, maybe you can—”

“I’m sure it’s great.”

You walk into his arms, slipping your hands up to rub his back. “I’m so sorry you’re sick, Rafe.”

He encloses you in a tentative embrace, his head leaning away with intent. “You brought me soup?”

He sounds disbelieving, and he looks it even more, digging into the bag. You rifle through the tote bag on your shoulder at that point, too, placing the other things you’d brought on the counter. “And some decongestants, cold and flu. I forget that literally everything closes here on holidays so it’s just what I had at home, but maybe someone at Heyward’s is—”

Rafe interrupts. “You brought meds, too? I told you I took some.”

You assess his pallor, your hand holding the side of his face. “I don’t think I believe you.”

When he sags into your hold, your thumb brushes his cheekbone. You pull him down until he bows, pecking his forehead. “Do you wanna go shower up? If you get it real hot, the steam might open your sinuses. I’ll keep the soup warm while you’re up there.”

He presses a tentative kiss into your hair, distancing himself from you to head back up the stairs. “I’ll go do that. Um, stay down here? We can hang on the couch, or whatever. Just — m’room’s a mess,” he says bashfully, one hand on the banister and another behind his neck.

When Rafe heads up, you briefly consider following defiantly a few minutes later to clear up his space and make up his bed for him — but it’s fresh, you two are fresh — it’s barely been a week. Eight days, if you were counting.

You keep good on your promise to keep the pho warm, portioning out some meds too. He’d been warm to the touch, and you’d make sure he had food in his stomach, and that he actually took something. Because you were beginning to suspect that he didn’t take care of himself at all like he promised he would on the phone.

He comes back downstairs looking maybe five times better, in a clean t-shirt and sweats, his wet hair falling over his face. 

“Better?”

“Better.” 

You eat side by side at his parents’ kitchen counter, Rafe taking breaks to lean his head on your shoulder, his hair smelling of him in a way that, until now, you hadn’t come to recognize was his shampoo. You try to hide the quirk on your lips when watch him dump two packets of hot sauce into the broth immediately, reveling in the fact that you remembered to grab extras.

When he starts pushing the noodles around aimlessly, you grasp the container gently, setting it on the counter before him. “Wanna go lay down?”

“Yeah,” he says, watching as you pack everything up, saving his leftovers in the fridge. 

You make a mental note to text him later about reheating and how long it’ll keep while you get ready to leave him be, already sad you won’t be parting with a kiss. “I’ll still be calling you later, okay?”

“You’re leaving?” he asks, one arm crossing over his body so he can scratch at his bicep.

“Yeah,” you say, confused. “You didn’t want me to see your room.”

He laughs, but it catches on a cough and your heart breaks at his pink and watery eyes. He clears his throat. “No… but we could — well. If you don’t wanna leave, we could… the couch, maybe? I don’t... you don't have to leave.”

Which is how you find yourself the most relaxed you’ve ever been in Tanneyhill, a blanket over your legs with your boyfriend’s head in your lap, some action movie droning quietly in the background.

“You can turn on one of your shows,” he says sleepily, rolling over until his lips are brushing the strip of skin between your shirt and the top of your shorts. “The housewives or whatever.”

His arm circles around your back, pulling you in, and you can’t understand how he still ties your stomach up in excited knots with a raw, pink nose and the smell of vaporub coming from his chest.

“This is fine,” you say, nodding to a buddy comedy with a title you don’t know, your eyes following a plot you don’t care about.

“I’m kinda invested in that one you had on the other night,” he confesses, cracking an eye open for you. He suddenly grins mischievously, and you feel the hand that’d wrapped around you suddenly digging into your side. “What’s this?”

His finger traces the strap of your bikini bottoms, and your skin flushes at the touch. “You got sick and now you’ll never know.”

“No,” he groans dramatically. “Please.”

You play ball, retracting your hand from his hair to lift the edge of your shirt obligingly. Rafe groans again, his face buried into your lap even further. “Fuck. I’m so mad we’re missing today.”

“I’m kinda not,” you admit. “I hate that you’re sick, but I was nervous about… I haven’t seen anyone since last week.”

“You tell any of them?” he asks softly, his head tipping back for your answer.

“Not yet. You?” you ask even softer. 

“Not a soul,” he says. “I just… It’s nice having it just us for a bit.” 

“I’m not ready for all the shit Kelce is gonna tell you about high school. And the girls. Probably Top, too,” you sigh, feeling your cheeks warm while you tip your head back to the couch.

“We’ll at least be even,” he promises. “Or I’ll be worse. Guaranteed.”

You aren’t immune to his insinuation, rushing to further the subject. “I was thinking maybe today.”

“Today,” he agrees. “I definitely wanted to do today. And I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep my hands off you, anyway.” 

“Made yourself sick over it,” you tease.

“That was probably just from asking you out,” he teases back, his hand squeezing your knee where he’s back to facing the TV.

You can’t find it in yourself to be worried about his family coming home and finding the two of you, or about anything, really, as Rafe dozes in your lap, his grip never faltering or becoming any less warm and captivating. Not even when your phone buzzes with a FaceTime from Margot, and you opt to answer it while keeping the volume as low as possible. 

“Where the fuck are you?” she demands. “There’s coasties everywhere.”

“I’m at Rafe’s,” you answer boldly.

She lowers her sunglasses through the glitchy connection, the ocean behind her a sea of pixelated blues and whites. “Why are you at Rafe’s?”

“He’s sick,” you say simply.

“That’s girlfriend behavior, Y/n,” she claims.

You say nothing, just giving an innocent shrug before you bid her goodbye, wondering how long it’ll be before she blows your phone up. 

[starlightkun]

⏯ word count: 18.3k ⏯ genre: band au, retired floprockstar/venue manager!kun, rookie/keyboardist!reader, age gap (kun is older), fluff, v v suggestive (lol it’s a kun fic written by me this gets so unhinged im sorry), ft. jungwoo/mark/chenle/jisung as reader’s bandmates, wayv as kun’s coworkers & some special guest appearances maybe?? ⏯ warnings: uhm there’s some maybe weird power dynamics going on here? reader is a former fan of kun’s but like his band flopped and they never met back then so 🤷‍♀️ read at your own peril ig, not necessarily a warning but since i do avoid describing the reader’s appearance in my fics, i wanted to give a heads up—reader is in a punk/alternative band and is mentioned and/or implied to have some tattoos and piercings (other than earlobes). i don’t get super detailed, but since it’s there, i wanted to make sure y’all weren’t caught off-guard ⏯ extra info: set in the same universe as filler episodes & sugarcoated brain, but u don’t need to read those in order to understand this one at all i prommy ⏯ author’s note: those teasers of emo kun for frequency coming out right after i wrote a punk venue manager kun into sugarcoated brain??? oh i was not going to get out unscathed ⏯ now playing… frost – txt | doing this again! – bears in trees | entropy – beach bunny

── ⋆⋅♫⋅⋆ find more stories from backstage at venue:hell here!

“He played the keys in Vizions!” You hissed, anxiously looking over at the hallway as if Kun might reappear.

“You should see if he’ll sign your album,” Jungwoo suggested with a grin, nudging you with his elbow.

“Or fuck him,” Chenle deadpanned. “You’re in a band now too, not just a fan.”

“Venue:Hell…” Chenle hummed as he parked the band’s van in the alleyway in the back of the building. “When was the last time we were here?”

“We had a set at their Valentine’s Day event, remember?” You leaned over the console from the backseat. “When the lead singer of Roses for Eyes got decked in face?”

A chorus of ‘oh yeah!’s and other noises of recognition sprang up around you, as well as a few snickers and hisses of sympathy at the memory. You all had already performed that night and were in line for the bar nearby when the incident happened, practically front row for it.

“And we agreed to come back,” Jisung snorted.

“If we can make it out with no broken noses, I think that’ll be a success,” you grinned, reaching over Mark to open the side door.

After grabbing some of your equipment from the back, the five of you approached the back door. It was unlocked, as promised, and you all descended into the cool, dim basement venue.

“Hello? We’re Doing this Again! The new band!” Jungwoo called out from the front of the group. You shut the door firmly behind you.

A young man skidded around into your line of sight, bright smile on his face. “Hey! I’m Yangyang.”

“Our assistant manager is out for the next few weeks, so we’re kind of all sharing custody of you guys,” he explained, gesturing for you to follow him. “I’ll show you the green room, we’ll get the rest of your stuff, then our manager should be out here before your soundcheck.”

Yangyang and another employee, Kunhang, helped unload your equipment from your van, and began setting it up on stage. You learned that Yangyang was their sound guy, and Kunhang did lights and the rest of their tech.

Once your equipment was all set up, Yangyang and Kunhang exchanged uncertain looks, glancing over towards a hallway attached to the main room that you were in. Yangyang shrugged one shoulder and made a gesture for Kunhang to go ahead. The tech rolled his eyes at his coworker, but stepped forward anyway, flashing you all a bright smile.

“We’ll show you around since he��s not out yet. He said he wanted to talk to you before soundcheck,” he explained apologetically.

Kunhang and Yangyang showed you most of the building, ending in the main green room backstage.

“Uh, you can settle in,” Yangyang waved his hands around vaguely. “We’re going to go see if the old man finally keeled over or something.”

“I heard that.” A stern voice resounded from just outside the green room, making the two employees jump and turn around.

A third man had joined you all, focusing an unamused gaze on Yangyang and Kunhang. He was dressed in black from head to toe, a black leather jacket over black button-up shirt and black jewelry glinting from his neck, ears, and knuckles. He wore dark pants and big black work boots too, so you were doubly surprised at how quietly he could move. While you could tell he was older than the rest of you, you definitely wouldn’t call him old. As soon as his sharp eyes flicked over to you from under a curtain of jet-black hair, a jolt of recognition zapped through you, and you grabbed Jisung’s arm at the same time that you bit down on your tongue to avoid making a sound. Your friend’s arm tensed in surprise, but he thankfully stayed quiet too. The newcomer’s gaze went back to his employees as quick as it had flitted over your band.

“Go find something to do,” he shooed them away with one swift hand movement.

“On it!” They replied in unison, shoes squeaking on the concrete floor as they quite literally ran away.

He turned back to you all, taking a few steps in to fully enter the green room. The annoyance drained from his face, and his features became beautifully neutral as he greeted you all politely. “Sorry, I was on a call, it took much longer than I thought it would. If they didn’t already tell you, my assistant manager is out, so it’s a bit hectic around here right now. Normally our weekly act is her responsibility.”

“Is she okay?” Jungwoo asked.

“Yes, she’s fine,” the manager replied. “She’s assisting our usual weekly with their mini-tour. Which is why you all are here, of course. We appreciate you agreeing to fill in for RFE on this temporary basis.”

“Thanks for the opportunity,” Mark replied automatically.

“If you all do well, it might not have to be temporary, hm?” He said, and though his words were kind, his expression didn’t change. You were beginning to taste blood. “I’m Kun, manager of Venue:Hell. Please let me know if you have any issues while you’re here. I’ve delayed your soundcheck already, so I’ll let you go ahead.”

With that, Kun stepped out as briskly as he had arrived, leaving no room for further conversation or introductions.

As soon as he left, Jisung yanked his arm from your grip and looked at you incredulously. “Christ, Y/N, what the fuck—”

“He played the keys in Vizions!” You hissed, anxiously looking over at the hallway as if he might reappear.

“Wait, like that band that only released one album like a decade ago that you’re obsessed with?” Chenle questioned doubtfully. “How can you be sure?”

“She went to like every gig they had,” Mark recounted. “Got us grounded, and then would insist on sneaking out while we were grounded to go to even more. If anybody is gonna recognize a member of that band, it’s her.”

“You should see if he’ll sign your album,” Jungwoo suggested with a grin, nudging you with his elbow.

“Or fuck him,” Chenle deadpanned abruptly, dropping onto the well-used couch, stretching his legs out. “You’re in a band now too, not just a fan.”

“You guys don’t get it, I didn’t just think he was hot—”

“That was definitely part of it,” Mark snorted.

“—He was awesome on the keys! And he wrote all of their songs, and produced their entire album by himself!” You defended yourself. “He made me realize I didn’t just have to do piano recitals and that I could do something like this.”

“Alright, sorry, Y/N,” Chenle said softly. “We were just messin’ with you.”

“Do you think he recognized you? Since you apparently went to so many of their shows?” Jisung asked.

You shook your head. “No way. I never had the courage to talk to them. And that was like ten years ago anyway.”

“I still think you should see if he’ll sign your CD.” Jungwoo patted your shoulder. “It’d probably make his day.”

“I don’t know, clearly the band thing didn’t work out for him,” Chenle added. “He might want to just forget it all.”

You bit the inside of your cheek nervously, then let out a dejected sigh. “Nah, it’s not like I carry the CD with me everywhere…”

Your set at Venue:Hell that night was a hit, if you did say so yourself. It wasn’t nearly as big of a turnout as the Valentine’s event you’d played at, but that was to be expected for a random Thursday night. The crowd was surprisingly engaged, especially since you were careful to incorporate a couple covers of popular songs into your set.

Running off the stage, the five of you immediately tackled each other in a group hug that was all yelling, elbows, sweat, laughing, and chaos.

“One down, three to go!” You cheered, ruffling up Jisung’s matted hair.

“Oh my god, we’re doing this again!” Mark added breathlessly.

“Boo!” You all immediately jeered at the corny joke he made every chance he got. “Tomato! Tomato!”

He laughed loudly as you and Chenle pushed and jostled him, but not enough for him to fully leave your circle. Jungwoo tugged him back in.

“Good job, guys,” Dejun, a stage tech, congratulated you as he passed by, starting to break down some of the equipment on stage.

Your band broke apart to help the staff shut down the stage for the night as other music played over the speakers of the venue and patrons chatted and danced on the floor. A few came up to the stage to talk with you as you worked, interested both in you all as the new weekly, and what had happened to the old weekly. They seemed relieved to hear that Roses for Eyes wasn’t gone for good, and were really enthused in the feedback they had for you.

After putting your equipment that you would be taking home in the green room, you all decided to stay and mingle for a little while more. If this was only going to be for four nights, you wanted to make them count and do as much as you could to get your band’s name out there. You ordered a drink from Sicheng the bartender, at which time you found out that the 50% employee discount applied to you too for the time being. Turning back to the crowd, you strained to spot any of your bandmates among the bodies.

“Hey,” Kun had appeared next to you at the bar, and you jumped out of your skin.

“Fuckin’ Christ, dude,” you coughed, trying to catch your breath. “Can you teleport or something?”

“Sorry.” He seemed more amused than apologetic. “Good set.”

“Thanks.” You took a sip of your drink to avoid looking him in the eye.

“Who did the arrangement for that first cover?”

“I did. Uhm, it obviously wasn’t for a rock band, so I had to do some tweaking…”

He nodded, looking actually impressed. “You compose?”

“Me and Mark for the most part, yeah. The other guys pitch in on songwriting sometimes, too. Chenle’s adlibs are crazy good.”

“Cool. See you next week.” Kun pushed off the bar, disappearing into the crowd.

Mark and Jungwoo found you still rooted to that spot, robotically sucking down your drink.

“Woah, I know we did good, but I don’t know if it was ‘get absolutely smashed’ good,” Mark laughed, pulling your drink down from your mouth.

“Come on, we got Jisung dancing!” Jungwoo took your drink and put it on the bar.

Your eyebrows shot up at the news that your wallflower drummer had apparently joined in the fun. “Really?”

“Yeah, let’s go!” He grabbed your arm and toted you off with the two of them.

The next week when you all arrived in the green room, you were a little surprised to see a plate of cookies sitting on the table in the center of the room. You all exchanged uncertain glances, looking around for any clue as to who the cookies were from or for. Jungwoo was the first one to take one from the plate and bite into it.

“Pretty good,” he gave his approval through a mouthful, encouraging the other guys to each take one or two.

You were still wary as you approached, picking a cookie up and taking a small bite. It was soft and chewy, and soon you were taking another bite.

“Oh good, you guys found the cookies,” Kun was in the doorway, having once again snuck up on you all.

Jisung started choking on his cookie, and Chenle had to smack him on the back to get it back down the right pipe. Kun’s lip twitched as he was clearly trying not to laugh, a dimple appearing and disappearing on one cheek instead.

“Did you buy these?” Mark asked, muffled through the cookie in his mouth.

“Baked them, yeah.”

“You made them?!” You stared at him, half-eaten cookie in hand.

“Unless they’re bad, then Ten made them.” He winked at you before slipping out of the room without another word.

“God, Y/N, stop drooling,” Chenle snickered, wiping at your chin teasingly.

You smacked his hand away, glaring at him. “Shut up.”

“You seriously looked like you were about to pounce on him,” Jungwoo added helpfully, tweaking your cheek as he walked by.

“Ugh, you guys are the worst!”

Week three found you alone on the stage before your soundcheck. Your bandmates were out on a food run, but you didn’t feel like getting back in the van, so you were messing around on your keyboard. The venue staff was also scarce, you had only briefly seen Yangyang since showing up today. Tapping your foot to a familiar beat, you closed your eyes as you hummed a melody that you knew by heart, fingers flitting across the keys. It wasn’t your own band’s song, but one by Vizions, a powerful ballad.

“Haven’t heard that in a long time.”

Errant notes rang out as your eyes flew open, heart jumping out of your chest. “Fuck!”

You spotted Kun down on the floor, covering his mouth as he started laughing. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You always mean to scare the shit out of people.” You rolled your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “It’s like your favorite hobby.”

“Alright, guilty.” He held his hands up, still grinning. “Seriously, how the hell do you even know that?”

“I used to go to your shows like, all the time,” you admitted, staring down at the keys. “You were like, kinda a big reason I started doing this at all.”

“Wait seriously?” All the humor had fallen from his face as he stared at you with confusion and a touch of wonder, brows furrowed and mouth parted.

“Yeah, I uh—” You grabbed your bag from the ground at your feet and fetched the CD that had been sitting in there for the past two weeks, since your first night at Venue:Hell. “I still have your CD.”

Kun jumped up onto the stage with you, taking the plastic case from you and turning it over slowly in his hands. “I don’t even have one of these anymore. God, I remember desperately trying to sell these at shows after we had them made…” He peered a little closer at your face, then shook his head. “No, I don’t remember you, sorry.”

“It’s okay, I never talked to you guys at any of the shows,” you assured him. “I mean, what if you were creeps?”

He let out a few hearty chuckles at that, nodding. “Okay, fair. Good self-preservation skills.”

“Also, I think someone else was at the table when I bought it.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve heard any of those songs.” He handed you the disc back.

“I didn’t realize you were going to hear me,” you muttered. “When I was playing that, I was just—”

“I’m not mad,” he reassured you. “I’m just… shocked. That’s all.”

“Great, because I kind of want to die in a hole right now, so—”

“When did you realize? Who I was?”

You rubbed the back of your neck. “As soon as I saw you…”

“That makes sense,” he nodded. “I thought I had scared you too, when you grabbed Jisung.”

“You did, just not the same way you scared Yangyang and Kunhang,” you joked. Then, panic flooded your veins as you quickly went to tack on, “I’m not like, obsessed, by the way, I just really like your music, and it was a big inspiration for me to switch from classical to—”

Kun started laughing again, waving his hands in front of him to try to calm you down. “I believe you, I believe you. It’s okay, I swear, I believe you.”

“Oh thank god,” you groaned, covering your face with both hands.

“You’re a lot better than I ever was.” He dropped off the stage, starting to set up the stools around the perimeter of the floor.

“What?! No!” You immediately argued.

“You improved on what I wrote, I heard it. That little—” he imitated part of the melody you had been playing, the fingers of one hand tapping imaginary keys in the air. “—that you changed in the bridge. I like it.”

“I was just messing around waiting for them to get back with the food, I wasn’t—”

“It’s good,” he insisted. “You’re good, Y/N.”

“So were you,” you muttered, futzing with the knobs on your instrument.

“Could you do me a favor?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t mention any of this to my employees.”

“What? They don’t know?”

“No.” He shook his head. “They know I’ve been around the scene for a while, they know I can play, that’s it.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Will you do that for me?”

“Yeah, sure, Kun.” You weren’t sure what sudden surge of confidence possessed you in that moment, but you picked the CD up off your keyboard. “If you’ll sign this for me.”

He blinked. “What?”

“You’ve got a Sharpie around here, right?”

“Yeah, in the-in the office.” He pointed over his shoulder.

You hopped off the stage, looking at him expectantly. He led the way through the venue in a bit of a daze, until you got to a door at the end of a cramped hallway. Kun ushered you into the back office, and you tried to ignore how fast your heart was going as you stepped inside. You’d never been in the admin office of Venue:Hell, only ever the main floor area, stage, and backstage.

The walls were plastered in album covers, most of which you recognized. A small futon was pushed against one wall while a desk and office chair were cramped into another corner. Kun dug through a cup of pens sitting on the desk until he had secured a black Sharpie.

“Seriously?” He double-checked with you.

“Seriously.” You pushed the plastic case into his hands.

He chuckled, uncapping the Sharpie with his teeth before quickly scrawling his signature in the bottom right corner. He fanned it a couple times to dry the ink, then handed it back to you.

“15-year-old me would be geeking out right now,” you beamed down at the fresh signature.

Kun spat the Sharpie cap back out onto the desk. “Fifteen?! We always played at 18-plus venues!”

You snickered. “Bold of you to think that I couldn’t get my hands on a fake ID, or that most of those places were actually carding in the first place.”

“Point taken,” he groaned.

“Anyway, your secret’s safe with me.” You made a motion of zipping up your lips and throwing away the key. “And the rest of my band. I kind of already told them.”

“As long as they don’t say anything either.”

“I’ll make sure they know.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you,” you echoed, shaking the CD case. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Kun shook his head, gesturing towards the door. “Nothing. Good luck tonight, Y/N.”

“Right. Thanks!” You opened the office door.

On the other side was Yangyang, who glanced between the two of you suspiciously. “Oh. Y/N. What were you doing in there? With the door shut?”

You kept the CD tucked between your arm and your side. “Had some questions about the weekly slot.”

With that, you practically skipped away, giving the sound tech no further opportunities to ask questions. Of you, at least.

Kun approached the stage from the floor as you all were doing your soundcheck for your final night at Venue:Hell. He waited patiently for you to finish the song that you were on. When he saw that you all had removed your in-ears, he spoke up.

“Got word from Roses,” he started. “They’re going to be moving to every other week when they get back. How would you guys like to alternate the weekly slot with them? My staff and regulars all really like you, we’d love to keep you on. Talk about it, let me know by Wednesday?”

He didn’t wait for an answer from you all, pivoting back around on his heel to take care of whatever else was on his never-ending checklist. The five of you looked at each other, and you already knew the answer. Chenle and Jisung high-fived while Jungwoo hastily took his bass off to grab you and spin you around. You yelped and laughed, half-heartedly smacking his back to get him to put you down as he nearly crashed the both of you into Mark and his instrument.

At your first performance as a semi-permanent fixture around Venue:Hell, you were antsy as soon as you entered the basement, looking around expectantly.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” you told your friends over your shoulder as you left them on the main floor.

“Where are you going?” Mark called after you.

“I just want to see if Kun’s here, I want to tell him thanks for keeping us on.”

Knowing jeers and snickers sprang up behind you, but you ignored them, walking down the cramped hallway to the admin office. The door at the end was ajar, and you ducked around a precariously perched box of t-shirts to grab the door handle.

Through the crack, you could hear someone humming a faint melody. It wasn’t any song that you knew, but you did stop to listen for probably longer than you should have. You couldn’t help it, you were curious. Finally, when you started feeling like maybe a bit too much of a creep, you knocked softly, pushing the door open even more.

“Yeah?” Kun called out.

You poked your head in. “Hey.”

He looked over at you from the computer screen, nodding for you to enter the office fully. “Y/N, what can I do for you?”

“What song is that?”

“Huh?”

“That you were just humming, what is it? It’s nice.”

“It’s nothing,” he brushed it off. “Just a tune I’ve got in my head.”

“You’re still writing songs?” You asked eagerly.

“No. I haven’t in quite a few years.”

“Really? You stayed around the scene, I figured you might’ve at least had a notebook somewhere? Lyrics in your notes app? Some demos recorded on your phone?” After each one, he shook his head, and your hopeful gaze fell more and more. “Nothing?”

“Nope.”

“Huh.” You sat on the desk next to the computer keyboard, loosely crossing your arms over your chest as you tried to absorb that information. “Do you miss it at all?”

“Writing songs or performing?”

“Any of it.”

“Bits and pieces, yeah,” Kun admitted, leaning back into the office chair. “I wouldn’t go back, though.”

You tilted your head. “Why not?”

“We were broke, for one thing.” He laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, the excitement of having all those what-ifs in front of you, it was awesome. And I do miss the music. But I also like my life now just fine.”

“I didn’t mean to put down what you’re doing now, by the way,” you added. “I was just curious.”

Kun’s eyes crinkled as he smiled up at you warmly. “It’s okay, I didn’t take it like that. I thought I was going to be in the band forever too.”

You looked down at your lap, thinking about your own band, and felt an uncomfortable pressure pushing down on your chest.

“So, did you come in here for anything specific? Or to just watch me create the employee schedule for next month?”

“As thrilling of an offer as that is,” you chuckled, “I did have a real reason. I wanted to say thanks for offering us this slot. We’re all really grateful for the opportunity.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “You’re welcome. I’m glad that you guys accepted. I hope Venue:Hell can be the starting point for much more.”

“Thanks.” You stood back up, showing yourself out. You nearly slammed into Yangyang on the other side, though, and jumped back in shock. “Jesus fucking Christ, Yangyang! Why are you always in the damn hallway?!”

“Why are you always in the office?!” He retorted, just as exasperated.

You rolled your eyes and shouldered past him.

You had settled into your biweekly sets at Venue:Hell, becoming familiar with the staff, regulars, and rhythm of the venue. A private event was renting out the space tonight, so your set had gotten moved way up, to the early evening. You didn’t mind, it meant that instead of arriving after dark, you arrived before sunset.

Kun was out setting up the stools and tables around the perimeter of the floor when you all entered the building, and gave you a wave of acknowledgement over his shoulder.

“Do you live here or something?” Chenle asked. “I’ve never seen another car out there, and you’re literally always here.”

“I might as well,” the manager mused, continuing to set up.

“Pretty sure he’s a vampire,” Jungwoo laughed. “Never seen him out in daylight.”

“Very original,” Kun replied dryly. “I’m wearing all black, I work underground…”

“You’re old!” Ten interjected from what sounded like backstage.

“I sign your checks!” He immediately barked back.

“Uh, guys?” You looked at your bandmates pointedly. “I think the call is coming from inside the house?”

They all looked down at their own dark outfits and various smatterings of tattoos and piercings, muttering among themselves before walking off. You shook your head, following after them.

The performance itself was smooth like usual, some different faces in the crowd than usual, which you chalked up to the different time. You swore you saw Kun standing in the back of the venue with someone, but they were too far back and shrouded in shadows for you to be sure. After your set, you all couldn’t hang around like usual, having to pack up everything and get out so the private event could start setting up.

Your bandmates had already taken everything else out to the van, you were the only one left in the green room, gathering up the last of your stuff to bring out. You had just finished packing one duffel bag and were stuffing another when there was a light knock on the doorway.

“Y/N, you’re still here.” It was Kun, followed by another man that you only saw out of the corner of your eye.

“Sorry, I’m almost gone,” you promised, rushing even more now.

“First, I’d like you to meet someone.” Kun’s words made you slow down, looking up properly as he gestured to the tall man with him, inked from neck to fingertip. The heavy tattoos and time didn’t make it any harder for you to place the face, though, before Kun had finished the introductions, “Johnny, this is Y/N, she plays keys in Doing this Again! Y/N, this is Johnny, he—”

“—was your drummer in Vizions,” you finished, wide-eyed.

Johnny’s eyebrows went up before his face relaxed into an easy-going smile. “Damn, I thought Kun was bullshitting when he said he’d found a fan of ours.”

“No, I’m real,” you shook your head and laughed.

“Well, I’m honored.” Johnny beamed, holding a CD case and Sharpie out to you. “Would you mind?”

“Huh?” You stared down at the items in confusion. It was your band’s CD, a new press that was available at the venue’s merch table.

“Kun invited me out to see your set. I’m a fan of yours now. I’d be stoked if you could sign my album.”

You looked between Kun and Johnny uncertainly. Kun smiled encouragingly, mouthing ‘go ahead’ at you. That was the final push you needed to take the disc and pen. Your hands shook as you signed across the plastic CD case, and you hoped it hadn’t messed up your signature too much.

“Thanks.” He took both back, fanning the CD to dry the ink. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check out the bar now. It was an honor meeting you, Y/N.”

“Y-You too, Johnny.” You shook the hand that he had offered, his palm noticeably calloused. “Thank you.”

That left you and Kun in the green room now, and you plopped down exactly where you stood, wrapping your arms around your knees and burying your face in your legs to muffle your screams. Kun chuckled as he patted you on the head.

“Woah, you alright?”

You glared up at him. “How could you do that to me?”

“Do what?” He asked, still laughing. “I thought you liked our band?”

“Yes, but you can’t jumpscare me with your former bandmates!” You whined, hiding your face again.

“If I had told you Johnny was coming tonight, you would’ve been freaked out before going on stage.”

You huffed. Unfortunately, he was right.

“I’m going to take your silence as admission that I’m right.” After another long stretch of silence, Kun added, “He was being sincere, you know. He really did like your set, bought your CD with his own money.”

You pulled your head up, resting your cheek on your knee. “Let me guess—Getting me to sign it was your idea?”

“All him.” At your suspicious squint, Kun smiled, “Johnny likes supporting new acts on the scene. And why is it so hard for you to believe that people actually think you’re good?”

You let out a drawn-out sigh. “Typical—My parents don’t.”

He squatted down in front of you to be eye level with you. “What did they want you to do?”

“My dad started teaching me piano ever since I could sit on his lap and press the keys. They wanted me to do classical,” you commiserated. “The first time I said no to a recital, I thought the world was going to explode.”

“Did it?”

“No. They didn’t get mad, or yell, or force me to do it anyway. It was so… anti-climactic. I had this big idea of teen rebellion in my head, I guess.” You let out another heavy sigh. “But they’ve never supported me since I started doing this. When I bought my first keyboard, Mark had to help me carry it home from the music store. They’ve never come to a single gig, never even ask how it’s going. When I do talk about it, they don’t say anything, just wait for me to stop talking. They just… pretend like it’s not real.”

“If you all don’t talk about your music, what do you talk about?”

“When I’m going to choose a career path, or get married. Pretty much those two things.”

“I’m sorry your parents don’t support you, Y/N. That sucks, and I won’t take that away.” Kun squeezed your forearm, resting his hand there. “I’m sure you know this, but it doesn’t hurt hearing it again—You’re good, really good, whether or not they acknowledge it. And I hope you let yourself see that.”

You couldn’t quite smile, but blinked slowly, and nodded in acknowledgment. “Thanks, Kun.”

“Here,” he stood up, grabbing one of the duffel bags and slinging it over his shoulder, “I’ll help you with your stuff.”

His words had made you feel a little better, but you were slow to move, still self-pitying. Kun held both his hands down for you. “Come on. Normally, I’d let you pout all night, but other people have rented this space and that contract did not come with a pouting keyboardist.”

You reluctantly put your hands in his, letting him pull you to your feet.

“So yeah, that’s what Retro Rewind is gonna be like,” you finished brightly, looking between your parents hopefully. “Do you think you think you can make it? I-I don’t expect you to stay the whole time, but we’ll be going on first, so just for our set? Maybe?”

Your mom pushed around food on her plate, eyes trained on her dish. Your father took another bite of his food, washing it down with a sip of water. The only sounds in the room were of your breathing, and utensils occasionally scraping against plates. With every passing second, the shame that usually forced you into quietly changing the topic transformed into a white-hot rage, the kind that made you feel like a teapot that was about to boil over, steam bursting from your ears as they went on ignoring you.

“Hey!” You yelled, gripping your utensil tighter. “Look at me!”

Your mother finally met your gaze, her features stern. “Quiet down.”

“I asked a question. Are either of you going to answer it?”

“You do not speak to your mother like that,” your father interjected furiously.

“Well, I’m the one doing all of the talking here, I thought I could speak however I like,” you retorted.

Your mom tried again, “Y/N, please—”

“Please what?” You stared her down. “I try to engage you guys in conversation and keep you updated on my life and get shut down every single time, but I still try the next time anyway. All I’m asking, for once, is that you acknowledge—”

“Acknowledge what exactly?” Your dad snapped, a vein in his forehead popping out. “All you do is recount grimy basement after grimy basement, events that don’t pay you, long stretches of time where you’re not even booked, clearing out your savings to record an album with no label to distribute it. What accomplishments, exactly, are we supposed to be acknowledging?”

You held his eye contact, clenching your jaw so tight it felt like your teeth might break.

“We wanted the best for you, sweetie,” your mom added weakly. “Concert halls, opera houses… not this.”

Broiling hot tears stung your eyes as you stood up, pushing your chair back with a blood-curdling screech of the legs against the floor. You swallowed down the sharp thorny thing growing in your throat enough to speak, “All I wanted was for you guys to listen to me. I didn’t realize you have been. It turns out you just hate what you’ve been hearing.”

Your mom cast her eyes back down to her plate as your father grabbed his glass, lifting it to his lips to drink, his eyes focused on something in the middle distance, looking right through you. The chair was knocked over entirely in your hurry to get the fuck out of there, and the doorframe shook and rattled as you slammed their front door closed behind you.

Running down the sidewalks, your feet pounded the pavement like it had done you wrong, and you took hiccupping gulps of air as tears streaming down your face. When you tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and narrowly avoided skinning your entire face only by skinning your hands instead, you finally slowed down. You hissed in pain as you looked down at your bloodied hands, then up at your surroundings. The street you were on was somewhat familiar. You should be about ten minutes from the venue.

A rather miserable but not terribly long walk later, you were at the backdoor to Venue:Hell. Fumbling your keys from your pocket, you unlocked the door, shutting off the alarm that you were very thankful to know the code to. You washed your hands off in the sink of the women’s bathroom. After drying them with probably too many paper towels, you could see that the bleeding had stopped, and the skin there would just be a bit raw for a little while.

Walking back out to the main floor, your keyboard was still set up on stage from your set last night. Without another thought, you were hopping up onto the stage and turning on the equipment. You needed to do something. Completely ignoring your usual warm-ups, you went right into the most vitriolic, hardcore song that you could think of, uncaring of how hard you were bringing your fingers down against the keys. In fact, the repetitive blunt force sort of felt nice against your bones. A different sort of pain than the anguish tearing through your chest, at least. You lost track of time, only thinking about the music blaring out of the speakers and shaking through you.

“Y/N?!” Kun entered the main floor from the direction of the stairs, plugging one ear. “Y/N!”

You immediately stopped playing. “Oh. Kun.”

“I got a notification that the alarm was set off, and nobody responded to my text saying it was them, so I figured I’d stop by…”

You took your phone out of your pocket. There was in fact a text from Kun from twenty minutes ago in the Venue:Hell groupchat, asking if anybody was at the venue right now, followed by several ‘no’s from the venue staff, other members of your band, and Roses for Eyes.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

He took another moment to look you over, then sighed. “Alright, come on.”

“What?”

“You’re going to break your keyboard like that.” He hopped up onto the stage, shutting off your keyboard and all the other sound equipment. “Come on.”

Interest piqued, and with nothing better to do, you followed him. Kun turned off all the lights and set the building alarm before locking up behind you. He took a sharp turn down the alley that your band normally parked your van in. The two of you walked in silence, which you were grateful for. If he tried to press you on your sour mood, you were sure you’d snap at him and just feel even worse.

Just a couple minutes later, and you were at an apartment building. Kun held the front door open for you, then the door to the stairwell. After an arduous hike up the fourth floor, you stopped in front of an apartment. He unlocked it, and led you inside.

“Is this your place?” You asked, toeing off your shoes by the front door as he did.

“Yup.” Kun pointed to the kitchen sink. “Wash your hands.”

With that, he disappeared further into the apartment. As you washed your hands, you looked around. From where you were, you could see the kitchen and adjacent living room. It wasn’t a very big space, only one bedroom if you had to guess, but Kun kept it tidy. A few vintage framed band posters were on the living room walls that you had walked past to get to the kitchen, and he had a nice plush-looking couch.

Kun returned as you were finishing drying off your hands. You looked at him expectantly. “Now what?”

He guided you over to a countertop, where he had a bunch of graham crackers double-bagged in two ziploc plastic bags. He held a rolling pin out to you. “I need these crushed into small crumbs.”

It felt good to swing the rolling pin down, to watch the cracks form in the crackers as they burst apart, then became smaller and smaller as you kept hitting them. Rolling the rolling pin along the bag would probably be more efficient, but this was more fun. Kun, for his part, said nothing about the noise as you repeatedly whacked the bag over and over with loud bangs. He was busy with something else, you didn’t really care—your attention was fully on the crackers. By the time the crackers were a fine dust, you had worked up a sweat, but the raging tension in your muscles was no more. You were still pissed, of course, but no longer had the itch to slash somebody’s tires at least.

Kun came by to review your handiwork. “Good. Dump that in the bowl, then do the other ones.”

You obliged, opening the bags and shaking out the crumbs into a metal mixing bowl before refilling the bags with a new box of graham crackers. With the bags zipped back up, you went back to work obliterating the crackers inside. You didn’t even realize somebody was knocking on Kun’s front door until he was opening it, and you heard an unfamiliar man’s voice.

“What the fuck, man? Are you doing fucking construction in there?”

“You’re complaining about noise right now?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to fucking sleep.”

“It’s two in the afternoon.”

“Keep it. The fuck. Down.”

“Get out of my fucking face.”

“Whatever. Just keep it down.”

Kun quietly shut the door, calmly doing his locks and deadbolts back up. You looked between the rolling pin in your hands and the crackers guiltily. He wordlessly pulled out his phone, and with a few taps, a hard rock song was playing out of speakers in his living room at full volume.

He rejoined you in the kitchen, having to raise his voice as he explained, “Downstairs neighbor. I can hear him and his girlfriend fucking or fighting every night. Sometimes at the same time.”

You burst into laughter, turning back around to take another swing at the graham crackers. Once those ones looked pulverized enough, you dumped them into the bowl too.

“Done?” Kun asked.

“Yep!” You nodded. “So, what is this for, anyway?”

“Cheesecake bars.” He slid the bowl over to him, pouring melted butter in and mixing them together. “This is the crust.”

“Ooh, sounds good.”

He placed a square glass baking dish in front of you. “Press the graham cracker into an even layer on the bottom.”

You did as he instructed, singing along to the next song that had started playing as you worked. Meticulously smushing the crust into the bottom of the dish, you squinted as you tried to figure out if it was even or not. As your focus increased, your singing dropped out, and you realized that there was another voice humming in the kitchen too, almost unintelligible past the loud music. You looked up from the crust to where Kun was mixing something in another bowl, his attention fully on that. Your ears strained to catch more of his voice.

Then his sharp gaze was on you, eyebrows raising inquisitively. “Done?”

“Yeah, I think.” You straightened up to let him take a look.

He gave it his nod of approval before popping the dish into the pre-heated oven. Kun went back to the other bowl, cracking two eggs into it. You followed him to that corner of the kitchen, hopping up onto the countertop next to the stand mixer. He gave you a brief look of intrigue before continuing on with his task. He secured the bowl in the stand mixer then turned it on. You watched with interest as the ingredients were incorporated together. Kun stopped it, scraping down the sides with a spatula and adding more ingredients before turning it back on. Finally, he stopped the mixer again and took the bowl and attachment from it. He handed you the mixing attachment that had just been in the batter, covering the bowl with plastic wrap and putting it in the fridge.

When he turned around to see you still dutifully holding the attachment, he pointed to it, “You can clean it off. We won’t need it again.”

You didn’t need to be told twice, taking your finger and scooping off a big chunk of batter. It was pleasantly sweet and creamy, and you eagerly licked off the rest. The sink was in arm’s reach, and you leaned forward to deposit the now-clean(ish) mixer attachment in with the rest of the dirty dishes.

Kun rolled his sleeves up to his elbows as he turned the tap on, and you shamelessly ogled his hands and forearms as he washed the dishes. Despite being in the scene for so long, he only had one tattoo between the two areas, an abstract ink swirl that started on his his right pinky finger and flowed around his arm and disappeared into his shirt. You remembered that tattoo from all the concerts you’d attended, watching these same hands play the electric keyboard.

When he held a soaking wet dish out towards you, you blinked at it, startled from your nostalgic reverie. A drop of water dripped off and onto your leg, making you panic and take the bowl from him. “Fine—Ack! It’s wet!”

“Towel’s on the oven door next to you.” He indicated with his gaze before going back to washing.

You grabbed the dish towel from its place hanging off the oven door, hastily drying both the bowl and your own hands. Another song came on that you knew, and you hummed along to the introductory guitar riff as you dried the next dish Kun handed you. As the actual vocals came in and you started singing too, you could hear Kun had started humming as well.

Pushing on his shoulder, you got an incredulous look in return, but simply grinned and pushed more insistently as you sung louder. He shook his head and poured more soap on the spatula he was cleaning.

You pushed his shoulder a third time, taking a guitar solo as an opportunity to say, “Come on, Kun. I know you can sing. And I know you’re not afraid of getting a noise complaint.”

“I haven’t performed in years—”

“You’re not performing! You’re singing with me while doing the dishes!” You gestured at said dishes zealously. “Please?”

He remained silent, then the guitar solo was over, and he joined in when the singer on the recording came back in. You were so surprised that actually worked that you ended up missing the cue, which Kun immediately noticed. He pinched your thigh, and you jerked your leg away from him with a pout, but started singing with him nevertheless. Kun had only ever done background vocals in his band, but you’d listened to that CD so many times that you knew every layer of sound, every adlib, every second of every song by heart. That’s how you could also immediately tell that Kun’s voice had matured in the years since they’d recorded that album. He’d already told you that he was out of practice, but even if he wasn’t maybe hitting all the notes perfectly, there was something richer about his voice now that left you wanting this song to last forever.

Right as he passed you the last utensil, the timer on the oven beeped, and Kun dried his hands off to attend to that, ending your sing-along. He took the cooked crust from the oven, setting it on a cooling rack. After adjusting the oven temperature, he brought the cheesecake batter back out from the fridge, pouring it over the crust. Kun put it back in the oven and set the timer again.

“Fifty minutes,” he informed you.

You swung your feet. “So what are we going to do for fifty minutes? Other than blast music to piss your neighbor off?”

Kun walked into the living room, and you hopped off the counter to follow him. He paused the music on his phone and sat on the couch, picking up the remote from the coffee table, turning on the TV, then tossing the remote at you. “You pick.”

You sat down on the couch too, quickly trying to figure out all the buttons on his TV remote. A few minutes of unsuccessfully scrolling through streaming services later, and you turned it back off with a huff. “I don’t want to watch anything. Can’t we just—I don’t know, talk or something?”

“Sure.” Kun shifted, leaning back against the armrest. “You guys have your setlist for Retro Rewind yet?”

“Ugh—Not about work,” you groaned, dropping your face into your hands.

“Okay… Do you feel better?”

“Huh?”

“Y/N, I walked in on you Phantom-of-the-Opera-ing your keys this afternoon. You looked one chandelier away from burning our shitty opera house down,” he said frankly. “I won’t ask about what—But do you feel better now? Even a little?”

The mention of Retro Rewind and opera houses brought your conversation with your parents back to you, and you pressed the heels of your palms hard into your eyes to banish the thoughts, to keep living in this nice time now with Kun. You nodded. “Yeah. I do. Thanks, Kun.”

“Good.”

“I got lunch with my parents.” You stared down at your feet. “This whole time I thought they weren’t listening to me… They were, they just wish I was somebody else. They really think I’m a fucking failure.”

“Shit…” He breathed out, scooting over to rest a hand on your shoulder.

You let out a sharp laugh, lolling your head around to look over at him. “That’s it?”

“You don’t need me to tell you I’m proud of you. You’re a kick-ass musician without me or your parents.”

“Can you tell me anyway?” You mumbled.

Kun chuckled, stroking your hair. “I’m proud of you.”

His praise made you feel warm, especially with the gentle hand still petting your hair and his playful but genuine gaze fully focused on you. You suddenly had never wanted a man more in your life.

You tilted your head curiously, “Wait, you said your neighbor and his girlfriend are always…”

“Fucking and fighting,” he repeated for you, hand resting on the nape of your neck. “At all hours of the night. At least the nights I’m here, you know.”

“Have you ever gotten payback?”

Kun took a millisecond too long to point to the speakers, as if he’d caught on but wanted to see if you’d really go for it. “I just did…”

“No, I mean…” You stood up, leaning over him and grabbing the back of the couch next to his shoulder, ignoring the roadburn on your palm. “Ever given him a proper taste of his own medicine? Fucking and fighting…”

He calmly watched you. “I haven’t.”

“Do you want to? We don’t even have to fight after.”

“You just got in a fight with your parents, I’m someone older that you used to look up to—”

“Diagnosing me with daddy issues, nice,” you snickered derisively, caging him in with your other arm. “Maybe it’s that. Maybe I feel shitty and want to feel good. Maybe I think you’re like the hottest man I know, and we have at least forty minutes until those cheesecake bars are ready.”

“Forty minutes isn’t a lot of time,” Kun mused.

“Oh?”

His eyes flicked down to your lips, then back up to yours. “You sure?”

You answered by crashing your mouths together, every nerve in your body coming to life. Kun grabbed your waist, encouraging you to sit on his lap. He let out a groan into the kiss when your hips pressed down against his, guiding you to do it again. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling the fingers of one hand in the hair at the back of his head, pulling every so often. He kept the rhythm of your hips as he kissed and nipped a wet trail from your mouth under your jaw and down your neck. He bit down harder at the junction of your neck and shoulder, soothing over the indents of his teeth with his lips and tongue. You were already letting out needy, obscene noises and all your clothes were still on. At this rate, his neighbor would never sleep.

“Ah! That tickles!” You giggled, trying to push Kun’s hands away as they crept under your (his) shirt and skimmed over your sides.

Kun’s chest shook against yours as he laughed, hands continuing to explore your skin again. “Sorry, baby. I can’t help it, I’ve got a fucked out, pretty girl in my lap.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“You want to play the blame game right now?”

The hint of chastisement in his tone made you shift unconsciously on top of him, leaning in to kiss him again. He indulged you, hand coming up to cup your cheek as his tongue slipped into your mouth. You had just grabbed his hand and started guiding it lower when a faint jingle rang in the background, past the blood roaring in your ears and lewd sounds of you two kissing.

Kun pulled away with a regretful sigh, planting one more lingering kiss on your lips before whispering, “The cheesecake bars.”

“No,” you whined, dragging out the ‘o’ as you pulled his mouth back to yours.

“Yes,” he mimicked you, also dragging out his vowel in a petulant tone. Kun flipped the two of you over, depositing you on the couch and taking advantage of your surprise to loosen your arms around his neck and stand up. He stretched his arms over his head, walking into the kitchen.

You slumped into the couch cushions, opting to rest your eyes for the moment. You could hear Kun turn the timer off, open the oven door, and take the pan out before setting it on the cooling tray. Then, his footsteps reentered the living room, and you peeked your eyes open again.

Kun stopped in front of you on the couch, tucking his hands into his sweatpants as he looked down at you. With you wearing his shirt, you could very clearly see his other sporadic tattoos on his bare torso—over his hip bone, ribs, one on his inner bicep, shoulder, and you knew there was one on the back of his neck too. He cocked his head as he looked down at you. “Taking a nap?”

“Yes. Honk shoo mimimi.”

“That’s too bad. The cheesecake bars have to cool for one to two hours.”

You sat up straight. “I can nap later.”

He offered his hand. “Come on, I’m fucking you in a bed this time.”

“Couch isn’t so good for your old bones?” You teased, accepting his hand as you went to stand up. Your legs wobbled, and you only stayed upright because you were already holding Kun and used him for balance.

“I don’t think I need to say anything,” he snickered, pulling you closer until your back was against his chest. “Let’s go, my pretty girl deserves a real pillow.”

Kun reentered his bedroom with a plate stacked high with cheesecake bars and glass of water. You smiled as he sat down in front of you, insistently handing you the water first. You gulped down half of it in one go before reaching for a cheesecake bar.

As soon as you bit into it, you groaned in appreciation. “So good.”

“Do you always make obscene noises when you eat?” Kun scoffed.

“Sorry,” you mumbled through another mouthful. “‘S really good.”

You held the rest of the cheesecake bar in your hand out to him. He wrapped his hand around yours, holding it still for him to lean forward and wrap his lips around your fingertips, taking the food in one bite. You watched him, unblinking.

When he finally let your hand go, you were snapped from your trance. “Now who’s being obscene while eating?”

He laughed, covering his mouth to keep crumbs from flying out.

Noticing that it had gotten darker out, you glanced at the time on his bedside clock. “Do you have to go to the venue tonight?”

“No, I’m off today.” He squeezed your thigh. “Not kicking you out.”

You looked down at his hand on your leg, your fingers tracing his ink up along his arm. There was a small clink as he set the plate down on the nightstand, then he was tilting your chin up so you’d look him in the eye. You twisted your head out of his gentle grip, looking back down, away from his too-intense gaze.

“You’re pouting again, baby,” he stated, breaking the long stretch of silence.

“Maybe so,” you admitted with a huff. “It’s my thinking face.”

“And what are you thinking about?”

“What—” Your throat closed up as your brain was going too fast for your mouth to keep up with. You decided to pick a simultaneously simpler yet much harder question, “Now what?”

Kun raised an eyebrow. “I need you to be more specific, because I don’t think you’re asking about dinner.”

“That’s what I mean! Are we going to eat dinner together? Or is that too much? Is it going to be just work from now on or like… something else? Some people just know but I don’t! I don’t know anything and I can’t do that!” You covered your face with your hands to hide your tears from him, embarrassed at your outburst, embarrassed to be young and insecure and having the ‘what are we’ talk right after sleeping with an older guy, embarrassed to be crying in front of him, embarrassed, embarrassed, embarrassed. God, that’s all you’d ever done since you’d met Kun, embarrassed yourself.

“Ah, Y/N,” Kun sighed, taking his hand back. “I’m too old for this shit. I thought you were awesome the first night we met. When I got to see you perform, then you told me about the arrangement you made. Even after I found out you knew about my old band, I tried to support you as crew because I figured you wouldn’t want to get tied down to an old flop like me.”

You sniffed, messily wiping your face on the sleeves of Kun’s hoodie that you were wearing. Finally meeting his eyes again, you said, “This whole time, you’ve been getting on me about not believing that I’m a good musician. Why can’t you believe that you were too? I haven’t seen a keyboard or anything around here, you don’t write songs anymore, don’t tell anybody about it at all, you won’t even sing while doing the dishes!”

He smiled bittersweetly and shrugged. “We didn’t make it.”

“You run an underground punk venue, you should know that success doesn’t equal skill!” You insisted. “Or are you the exception for some reason?”

“You… are probably right. It seems I have some esteem issues to work on as well,” he acquiesced.

“You’re not a flop, at least not to me. And even if you were, you’re a lot more than that too.” You crossed your arms. “Like, if anything, you’re just retired.”

“Okay, now that really makes me sound old.”

“Says the man who literally just said, quote: ‘I’m too old for this shit.’”

“About the petty relationship stuff.” He wrinkled his nose. “Retirement is just too far.”

You giggled at his reaction, and while he rolled his eyes, the corner of his lips twitched, betraying his amusement too.

“Let me be even clearer then,” Kun declared, sandwiching one of your hands between both of his. “If you want something—a relationship—I’m all yours.”

You practically launched yourself at him, throwing your arms around his neck and locking your lips together. He let out a noise of surprise, wrapping his arms around your waist to steady you nevertheless. You mumbled ‘mine’ against his mouth, to which he immediately nodded, cradling the back of your head and pulling you closer. He slowly eased back onto his elbows, encouraging you to straddle his hips as his thumbs stroked the bare skin of your thighs. You grabbed his shoulders, pushing him flat to the mattress as you disconnected from the kiss, sitting up higher to look down at him. He looked up at you, arching an eyebrow as he stayed down.

“Now what, pretty girl?” He questioned.

“Say it again?” You requested sweetly, leaning down to kiss his throat.

“I’m all yours.” The words vibrated under your lips, and you moved back up to kiss them right out of his mouth.

“Welcome home.” Mark was sitting on your couch when you got back to your own apartment the following afternoon, feet kicked up on the coffee table as his fingers flitted over a video game controller.

“Feet!” You reminded him loudly, throwing the front door closed.

Your roommate removed his feet from the coffee table, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees instead. He kept his eyes on the TV screen as you walked by. “So where were you?”

“I told you, I had lunch with my parents.”

“All night?” He snorted.

“You’re a smart boy, I’m sure you can figure it out.”

You went into your room to change out of your outfit from yesterday. You had already showered at Kun’s place but definitely needed some fresh clothes. Emerging from your room in a new set of pajamas, you plopped down onto the couch and stretched your legs into Mark’s lap.

“You usually give me a heads-up in case the guy’s an axe murderer,” Mark commented, shifting to accommodate your feet. “Were you wearing a crew hoodie for the venue when you walked in?”

“We work there?” You pointed out rather than admitting that it was actually Kun’s. “Anyway, sorry I forgot to text you. He wasn’t an axe murderer, by the way.”

“Figured as much when you came back with your head attached.”

When his character onscreen died, you snickered. “You suck.”

He turned the TV off, sitting back as he asked, “How’d lunch go?”

“Awful. They finally said the quiet part out loud: They think I’m a failure and will never support me doing this,” you sighed.

Mark winced, but nodded sympathetically, more than familiar with your strained family relationship. “Damn, I’m sorry, Y/N. I really thought they would’ve come around by now.”

You shrugged. “Yeah, it fucking sucks. But we’re really good, even if they’ll never come to a show.”

“Hell yeah!” He offered a hand out, and you smacked yours against it in a resounding high-five. “Ooh, hey, a couple of the guys from RFE told me about this guitar shop that I wanted to check out. Do you want to come? We can get dinner after?”

“Sure.”

Rock music played over the speakers of the guitar shop, guitars of all shapes and sizes covered the walls and displays, accented by the neon lights lining the floors and ceiling. You meandered with Mark, letting him gasp and gush over the instruments as you kept your hands to yourself, looking at the cool variety that was in stock.

“Anything in particular you guys are looking for?” The man that had been sat behind the glass counter called out as your path through the store brought you closer.

When you turned to look at him over your shoulder, intending to let him know that you all were just looking, he lifted his head from where he had been replacing the string on an acoustic guitar, shifting his long hair from his face and granting you your first good look at his features. He had large sunglasses perched on his head, dark makeup around his eyes, his nails painted black, and thanks to the black bleach tie-dyed tank top he wore, you could see the chain and lock tattoo going around one of his biceps.

You screeched to a halt, desperately smacking Mark to make sure you weren’t seeing things. Your friend yelled and fought back, swatting at your hand. “Dude, what the hell?”

The worker was still looking at you, amused confusion on his face as he tilted his head curiously. “Is everything okay?”

“Sorry, this might be weird—Were you in a band like ten years ago?” You asked hesitantly, despite being very sure of the answer yourself.

Whatever he thought was going on, he clearly hadn’t been expecting that, looking pleasantly surprised as he sat up a bit straighter on his stool. “Yeah, actually. I—”

“You played bass, and your band was called Vizions,” you finished. “Yuta.”

Yuta chuckled. “Right on the money.”

“Seriously?” Mark’s eyes were popping out of his head.

“We saw you guys perform a few times, actually.” You pointed between you and your friend. “In like, high school.”

“High school?” Yuta must have had the same realization that Kun did, but just smirked. “Cool. You guys are actually not going to believe this, hold on—” He stood up, leaning over the counter to yell out towards another section of the store, “Hey! C’mere!”

A few moments later, another man came around the corner, looking a bit out of place. He was wearing a rainbow pastel checkered sweatervest over a white button-up shirt, with brown corduroy pants and sensible-looking tennis shoes. His light brown hair had soft waves as it was neatly cut and styled, and he pushed a pair of square clear-framed glasses up the bridge of nose. As he stopped at the counter near you, Mark, and Yuta, you could faintly make out the faded marks where he had let piercings close up in his eyebrows, nose, along the cartilage of his ears, and a few open ones on his earlobes that had no jewelry in them. The change in style threw you off for an extra second, but seeing him next to Yuta gave you enough context to place his face as well.

“TY!” You immediately named the newcomer.

He startled, but his features were immediately overcome by a bashful smile, blushing from his ears to his neck. “Please, Taeyong. Nobody calls me that anymore.”

“Right, sorry…”

“It’s fine…?”

“Oh, Y/N, and Mark,” you introduced both of you.

“They used to go to our gigs when they were in high school,” Yuta informed Taeyong with a grin.

Taeyong paused on this, letting out a short sigh. “As a teacher, I will say that I can’t condone that anymore… but we may or may not have had fakes in high school as well.”

You perked up. “You’re a teacher now?”

“Yes, I teach music at a primary school.”

“I own this place,” Yuta added, gesturing to the guitar store. “Do some songwriting on the side.”

“That’s so cool that you guys still do music stuff!” You said brightly.

“We’re not the only ones,” Taeyong said. “Kun, our keyboardist, he works at a music venue. The other two, not so much. Johnny, our drummer, he’s a tattoo artist, but he goes to so many gigs it’s like he never left the scene. And then Jaehyun…”

Both of them laughed, and you and Mark exchanged a glance as you were on the outside of the joke.

Taeyong continued, “Stay at home father of four.”

“That’s fucking crazy.” Mark shook his head.

“Well, that’s pretty much why Vizions is no more,” Yuta explained. “Jaehyun’s girlfriend got pregnant, and he wanted to be a dad more than he wanted to be a rockstar. We decided that was a good place to call it, and started doing our own stuff.”

You shot Mark a look. “If you leave the band because you knock a girl up, I’m going to kill you.”

He held his hands up defensively. “Woah! So not called for! And who was at some mystery guy’s house last night?”

“Shut up!”

“You brought it up first!”

Taeyong cut into your squabbling, “You guys have a band?”

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Doing this Again!’” You answered brightly, jabbing your elbow into Mark’s side to make sure he knew that you had won. “I play keys and do some vocals.”

“I play guitar and sing,” Mark added through gritted teeth. “We’ve got another guitar, drummer, and bass.”

“You got any upcoming shows?” Yuta asked.

“We uh, we actually have a recurring slot at Venue:Hell every other week,” you answered. “We rotate out with another band, Roses for Eyes. Our next set is this Thursday, but there’s a special event next month, Retro Rewind.”

Taeyong and Yuta exchanged a confused look before the shop owner spoke up. “Wait, Kun’s place?”

“Yeah, he’s the manager.”

“Have you told him you know about our band?”

You nodded. “He signed my CD.”

“You should’ve brought it,” Mark clicked his tongue regretfully.

“You still have one of our albums?!” Taeyong’s eyes went wide.

“She’s obsessed,” your roommate muttered.

“Shut up, no I’m not,” you hissed back, smacking his arm this time. “You say that like your first electric guitar wasn’t the same kind Taeyong had because you—”

Mark slapped a hand over your mouth. “It’s a good guitar!”

You stuck your tongue out, and he immediately jerked his hand back, wiping it on his pants. “Gross! God knows where that thing was last night. Do I need to get a shot or something?”

“I’m going to shave your head in your sleep.”

You entered the green room just enough to toss your bag onto the couch, then pivoted right around. “Be back!”

“Where are you going?” Jungwoo called after you.

“To piss!”

Walking right past the bathroom, you stopped outside the closed admin office door, knocking on it eagerly.

“If you’re Yangyang, figure it out yourself!” Kun’s annoyed voice rang out from inside.

You poked your head in, offering him a sheepish smile. “Bad time?”

The peeved look on his face faded, and he waved you in with a tired smile. “No, not at all. Perfect timing, actually.”

“Why’s that?” You quietly closed the door behind you, moving to lean against the desk.

“I was stressed out, and seeing you makes me feel better.”

“You’re in the same clothes as when I brought you lunch yesterday,” you observed suspiciously, then looked over at the rumpled pillow and blanket on the futon. “Did you sleep here?”

“We had these back-to-back events—”

“You live a block away!”

“I went home to shower—”

“But you couldn’t grab a change of clothes while you were there? Or sleep there?”

He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily. “Old habits, I guess.”

You tilted your head. “What?”

“After Vizions, when I first got hired, business at the venue wasn’t really great. The owner at the time let me crash here until I could afford my own place.” He stared at the old futon and chuckled, “Turns out the venue was failing because the owner was keeping everything for himself. When the current owners took over, they started paying me a living wage and suddenly I had an apartment and a real mattress.”

“Kun.”

He turned his gaze from the piece of furniture up to you. “Hm?”

“That’s not your life anymore,” you told him firmly. “No shitty boss, no shitty futon, none of that.”

“Ah, you’re right,” he sighed, then a sly smirk creeped across his lips. “I might be more inclined to sleep in my own bed if I had a pretty girl in it, though.”

“A pretty girl?” You echoed pointedly.

“Just one.” Kun picked up your hand to kiss the back of it. “Just you, pretty girl.”

“Are you closing?”

“Mhm. I can give you my key if you don’t want to wait around here after your set.”

“Is it a dance night?”

“Mhm.”

You closed your eyes as you thought, enjoying the feeling of him pressing more kisses to your hand and fingers. “I’ll hang out.”

“Can’t wait.”

When your eyes fluttered open, they landed on the futon again, and your mind was still stuck in that bygone era that Kun had told you about, after his band broke up. You squeezed his hand to get his attention. “I forgot to tell you—Mark and I went to this guitar shop the other day.”

Kun sat up to look at you as you spoke, keeping a gentle hold on your hand. “Oh yeah? He get anything?”

“A new capo, but uh, the shop was actually owned by Yuta.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really?”

“And Taeyong was there too.”

“A two-for-one, huh? Lucky you,” he laughed, easing back into his office chair again. “I think you’re just missing Jaehyun now?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Kun, why did you make it sound like your band broke up because you guys didn’t make it? They told us about Jaehyun having kids…”

“It never felt right to me to blame the kids, or even Jaehyun.” Kun ran a hand through his hair.

You frowned. “I don’t think it’s blaming anybody to say that he wanted to be a dad more than he wanted to be a rockstar. That’s just… what being a person is like. One day you want to be one thing, and then something happens and you want to be something else.”

“You make some good points,” he admitted. “I’ve never thought of it like that.”

“Not just a pretty face, hm?” You teased, getting to your feet.

He stood up as well, pecking your cheek. “Never said you were, baby. Beauty and brains, of course.”

You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling his lips to yours. As his mouth moved with yours sweetly, one of his hands cupped your cheek, the cool metal of his rings resting against your skin. A timid knock came at the closed door, and he let out a low groan against your lips. As Kun pulled back to address whoever was at the door, you peppered barely-there kisses along his jaw and neck.

“If you’re Yangyang, fuck off!” He called out, grip tightening on your hip when you nipped just above the collar of his venue crew t-shirt, on the front of his throat.

“No, not Yangyang,” Yangyang replied, his voice garbled as he deepened it in an attempt to disguise it. “Uh, I’m uhm, Sicheng! Yangyang wanted me to ask you about—” He was cut off by a hacking cough, then resumed in his normal voice, though a little strained, “Fuck! God! How does he do that? Felt like I was deepthroating my own tongue! Ugh!”

You burst into laughter, immediately trying to muffle it behind your hands.

“Woah! You got a girl in there, Kun?” His shit-eating grin was audible through the door. “We always joked about what the futon was for, but I didn’t know you got down like that, old man! Do you want me to leave? ‘Cause like—”

“Yes, I would like for you to leave because you are giving me a migraine!” Kun finally cut him off loudly.

“Alright, alright! Don’t need to tell me twice!” Yangyang acquiesced. “Doing this Again is going to start their soundcheck soon, so maybe keep it down? Or don’t, it should actually be the perfect cover for any—”

“Liu Yangyang!”

“Bye!”

Finally, you could hear the sound of his footsteps retreating down the hallway, and lowered your hand from your mouth, letting out a few giggles. Kun wiped his face from forehead to chin, red with anger. You could even spot a vein on his neck that wasn’t always visible.

“I’m going to kill that boy one day,” he swore, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think I understand vampires now.”

He blinked at you. “What?”

You poked his neck vein. “I get it…”

He grabbed your hand with both of his, bringing it down, away from his neck. “And on that very normal note, pretty girl, you have a soundcheck to do.”

“You love that I’m extremely normal and say very normal things,” you teased, heading towards the door.

Before you could make it, he tugged on your hand, bringing you back into his arms. He dipped his head to attach his lips to your neck, teeth finding a spot that had already been fading. He finished it off with one last tender kiss to the area.

“There,” he murmured. “We can match.”

“I am definitely late for soundcheck now,” you whispered, reaching for the doorknob behind you with one hand even as you pulled him in for one more kiss with the other.

“Have fun, baby.”

With one last peck, you opened the office door and slipped out. Amazingly, you didn’t bump into Yangyang in the hallway. Instead, you quite literally tripped over him turning the corner out of the hallway and into the main floor area.

“Shit! Sorry, Yang!” You apologized as you stumbled over the employee who was squatted down behind the wall.

“Wait, Y/N?!” He didn’t even seem to care that you had just knocked him to the floor, scrambling to get to his feet and follow you as you hurried towards the stage.

The rest of your band was already set up for soundcheck, tuning their instruments and making other tweaks.

“Bathroom’s over there,” Chenle deadpanned into his mic, pointing to the ladies’ room on the opposite side of the floor.

“I peed and then got caught up talking to Kun.” You jumped up onto the stage, grabbing your in-ears and pack that somebody had already gotten out for you. “You see, people can travel from one place to another using these things attached to our torsos called legs.”

Jisung giggled from behind you as Chenle rolled his eyes. Yangyang was still looking between you and the hallway, obviously bewildered.

“You were in there when I was talking to him?” Yangyang asked, face screwed up in confusion.

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“There wasn’t anything for me to say?” You retorted, putting in one of your in-ears. “He was pissed at you, dude.”

“What were you guys talking about?”

“Retro Rewind.”

Jungwoo interrupted, “As thrilling as this play-by-play of Y/N’s conversation with Kun is, we’ve really got to start our soundcheck, Yang.”

“Sorry, yeah.” Yangyang shook his head, jumping over the ropes that served to divide the main floor from the crew-only entrance to backstage. He disappeared behind the curtain, emerging by his sound equipment just off-stage.

“Pizza?” Jisung suggested hopefully as soon as you all stumbled into the green room off the stage.

A chorus of agreeable sounds—varying from cheers to grunts—came from around the room, a new rush of energy pumping through your friends at the mention of food.

You packed your bag, but didn’t put your two cents in on the prospective pizza order. They ended up split on what restaurant to go to, and looked to you to be the tiebreaker.

You held your hands up. “I’m hanging out here. You guys will just have to play rock-paper-scissors or something.”

“You’re staying here?” Jungwoo cocked his head curiously.

“And I won’t be home tonight,” you told Mark specifically.

Mark’s jaw dropped. “He’s here?!”

“Who?” “What?” “Who are you talking about?” “Huh?” The others clambered around you two for a scrap of context.

“Y/N has been seeing a mystery guy who she swears is not an axe murderer, but she refuses to tell me anything about,” your roommate narrowed his eyes at you.

“God, it hasn’t even been a week, and you wonder why I don’t want to tell you anything,” you scoffed.

“Uh, sorry I don’t want you to get axe murdered, dude?”

“If I get axe murdered, you can get up at my funeral and say ‘I told her so.’”

“Come on.” It was surprisingly Chenle who saved you, grabbing Mark’s backpack and yanking him away from you. “I’m hungry and you’re taking too long.”

“Dude!”

Mark flailed as Jungwoo joined in, taking Mark’s hand in his to drag him along too. “Pizza!”

Jisung gave you a quiet wave goodbye as he followed the others, leaving you in a remarkably silent green room. You let out a deep sigh to calm yourself down, then walked out as well. Your bandmates made quick work of hauling Mark out, as you didn’t see or hear any of them when you stepped into the main floor. Keeping close to the wall, you sneaked around to the back office, intending on dropping off your bag before finding Kun. Instead, you found Yangyang in the office, nosing around for something.

“Uh, what are you doing?” You asked, plopping your bag onto the empty office chair.

Yangyang shot to his feet, spinning around to flash you an obviously guilty smile. “Oh, you’re still here.”

“Yeah, I’m hanging out for a bit,” you replied noncommittally. “What are you doing?”

“Close the door?”

You obliged, stepping and shutting the office door behind you. “Okay?”

“Promise not to tell Kun?”

“What are you doing? Booby trapping his office?”

“No, it’s not April Fools yet.”

“You’re going to booby trap his office for April Fools?”

“Pff, no!”

You arched an eyebrow in disbelief. “So what are you doing now?”

“Looking for proof,” he whispered, rubbing his hands together. “I’ve worked here for like three years and the old man’s never had a partner, talked about going on dates, brought anybody around, nothing. Now, in one week, he’s been late to work, come to work with hickeys, had somebody bring him food, has been smiling down at his phone instead of rolling his eyes at it—He’s humming, for fuck’s sake, Y/N! Humming! I’ve never seen him consistently in such a good mood since… ever!”

“Maybe that’s just because you piss him off all the time,” you pointed out.

“But the rest of it!”

“What kind of proof do you think you’re going to find in the office? His diary?” You snorted.

“Ooh, you think?”

You stared at him.

“You’re fucking with me,” he realized. “That’s not funny.”

You were already giggling. “It really is.”

Yangyang pushed the rolling chair out of the way to wake the computer up, cursing when he saw that it was locked.

“Anyway, why are you so pressed about Kun’s love life?” You questioned, watching Yangyang type in wrong password after wrong password.

“Aren’t you curious?” He asked. “I know you haven’t worked here as long, but the man is an enigma. After three years, I feel like I know as much about him as I did on my first day.”

“Have you tried talking to him? Since you’re so curious?”

“Have you?” He retorted, then his face lit up like he’d gotten an idea. He turned away from the computer that he still hadn’t unlocked. “Actually, you do talk to Kun, right? About like, your weekly slot and stuff at least, right?”

“Yeah…?” You answered hesitantly, unsure of where he was going with this.

Yangyang suddenly lunged forward to grab both your hands, smushing them between his as he pleaded with you. “Can you find out for us if he’s seeing anybody? Like, not be super obvious, but try to see if he’ll bring it up? Or say something about them?”

“‘Us?’” You repeated the one word that had caught your attention. “I take it the rest of the crew are in on this too?”

His eyes widened as he seemed to have realized his slip-up, then he grinned. “You’re clever, Kun won’t stand a chance. Thanks!”

“I didn’t say yes!” You yelled after him as he ran out of the office.

With a shake of your head, you walked out of the office as well, quietly shutting the door. Out on the main floor, you milled around for a little bit, ordering a drink from Sicheng at the bar before chatting with a few venue regulars about this and that.

“I’m excited for Retro Rewind,” Sunny, a regular who was a little younger than you, buzzed with excitement, and maybe a bit too much alcohol. “I love seeing you guys and Roses on the same night!” She suddenly gasped. “You should totally do a collab song or something! That would be fucking awesome!”

You laughed, endeared by her enthusiasm as always. “Could be fun. Those guys are pretty cool.”

“Oh my god, don’t look, but he’s totally looking over here!” Tsuki, the other regular that you were talking to, whisper-shouted over the music, grabbing her friend’s arm.

Sunny immediately whipped her head around rather obviously. You also peered around a bit more inconspicuously, curious as to who they were talking about. Sunny must have spotted whoever it was, as she squeaked and ducked her head again. The only person you met eyes with was Kun, who had finally stopped running around and was now calmly watching over the crowd from the back wall. You gave him a little smile before turning back to the two squealing girls in front of you.

“What’s going on?” You asked, swirling your drink around in your glass then taking a sip.

“Sunny thinks the manager is cute,” Tsuki giggled, much to the chagrin of her friend, who belatedly smacked a hand over her mouth.

You choked on the sip that you had just taken, barely avoiding snorting it back out your nose. Thumping yourself on the chest, you managed to swallow it down instead of doing a spit take all over the patrons. Tsuki only laughed even harder as Sunny covered her face.

“You didn’t have to laugh that much,” Sunny whined.

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologized quickly. “Not laughing, just uh, just went down the wrong pipe.”

“She’s just sensitive because I like to tease her about how she comes to a music venue and doesn’t even look at any of the acts, she looks at the manager,” Tsuki explained.

“It’s called practicality!” Sunny huffed, then looked at you hopefully. “Is he single? Do you know?”

“W-Well…” You stammered, trying to figure out what the hell you were even supposed to say right now.

“Oh, he’s totally like, married with five kids or something,” Tsuki snickered, making Sunny even more distraught.

“He doesn’t have a wedding ring!” Sunny argued.

Finally, you decided to go with, “He’s seeing someone.” At the way the girl’s face immediately fell, you awkwardly added, “Sorry, Sunny…”

Tsuki wrapped an arm around her shoulders as Sunny mumbled, “‘S fine, he wasn’t even that cute.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” her friend murmured supportively, patting her on the head. Tsuki looked up at you with a knowing smile. “I think we’re going to get another drink. Thanks for hanging out with us, Y/N.”

“You’re really fucking cool,” Sunny sighed, squeezing your hand as she let Tsuki guide her away.

Skimming your eyes over the crowd, you made eye contact with Kun again, still monitoring the room. You slid off your stool at the bar and shouldered your way through the crowd until you could sidle right up next to him. Leaning back against the wall, you propped up one foot, taking another sip of your drink and watching the crowd too.

“Found Yangyang snooping through the office earlier,” you informed him.

Kun groaned, letting his head drop back against the concrete wall with a thunk. “Do I need to check my chair for thumbtacks now or some shit?”

“That’s what I thought too, but you’re safe until April Fools.”

“So what was he doing today?”

“Looking for proof that you’re seeing someone.”

“And did he find any?”

“Nope. Well, technically yes, since I was in there, but he didn’t realize it,” you said with a grin. “He recruited me to try to covertly get information about it from you.”

“Kid’s a fucking idiot.”

“Not completely, the reasons he gave as to why he thinks you’re seeing someone were pretty observant.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Let’s see… Hickeys, you’ve been late to work, had a mysterious person bring you food, and are apparently smiling at your phone and humming.” You listed them off on the fingers of one hand. “I think if he doesn’t find proof of you seeing someone, Yang is going to start doomsday prepping.”

He rolled his eyes. “He needs a hobby.”

“Maybe he should take up crochet or something.”

“Anything to keep him out of my business.” Kun crossed his arms over his chest. “Is everything okay with those regulars you were talking to?”

“Sunny and Tsuki?” You tried to find them in the crowd, spotting them sitting in stools that they had scooted together at the bar, Sunny already looking much livelier again. “Yeah, I think she’ll be fine.”

“Good. What was it? Too much to drink?”

“Probably a little of that.” You leaned in towards him, your shoulder pressing against his as you lowered your voice, “She asked me if you were single.”

“Wait, really?” Puffs of air washed over your cheek as he chuckled.

“What are you laughing about?”

“Sorry—What did you say?” There was still a curl of humor in his tone.

“I said you were seeing someone.” You squinted at him as he started laughing again. “What?”

“Not laughing at you, baby, sorry,” he said through chuckles, his hand that was closer to the wall sneaking under your jacket and pulling you closer by the hip. “Just thinking about how many guys have asked me or the other staff about you. It’s kinda funny that it happened to you.”

“Oh? And what did you tell them?”

“That it’s against our policy to give out private information on our talent, of course.”

“Ooh, how professional,” you teased, biting on your straw.

“I am nothing if not a professional,” he smiled, thumb running over the skin just above your waistband.

You checked the time. “Only half an hour left.”

“Counting the minutes, pretty girl?”

“Until I’ve got you all to myself? Shamelessly.”

“Me too.” He looked at his watch. “Twenty-nine minutes.”

You let out a melodramatic sigh, looking around at where the other venue staff were. There was no line at the merch counter, Ten scrolling on his phone with his feet kicked up. “I’m going to go bother Ten for a bit. I’m afraid this drink is starting to taste like I should kiss you stupid right now.”

Kun tightened his hold on your hip, reaching for your drink. “Can I?”

You let him take the half-empty glass. He shook it first, the ice cubes clinking around, then he drank from the rim. A small sip, then another one. He tilted his head back and forth, humming thoughtfully before nodding, “You’re right. It does taste like that.”

That was all the permission you needed, grabbing his face with two hands and eagerly connecting your lips. He still tasted like your slightly sweet drink, and you greedily took kiss after kiss, biting down on his bottom lip. Kun groaned softly into your mouth, letting his thumb dip below your waistband then back up. Your head was spinning as your blood roared in your ears and you wished he’d just drop the fucking drink to have both hands on you, shattered glass and spilled alcohol be damned.

To his credit, he didn’t drop the glass, even when you suddenly pushed him back against the wall, kissing the column of his throat instead. When you lightly bit at an unmarred spot, he hissed and laughed, pinching your side.

“You were serious about that vampire thing, huh?” He teased. “Menace.”

“Who, me?” You asked innocently, taking the drink back and finishing it off.

He chuckled, using two hands on your hips to turn the two of you around, pressing you back against the wall now. Your free hand bunched the fabric of the front of his shirt, pulling his mouth to yours again. Kun had just grabbed your chin with one hand, tongue entwining with yours, when you felt him suddenly turn away from you. You instinctually whined at the loss, trying to pull at his shoulder as your eyes fluttered open, pout already forming on your kiss-swollen lips.

“—just can’t play grab-ass here, guys.” You caught the tail-end of what Yangyang was saying as he seemed to be giving some pre-rehearsed spiel, his eyes squeezed closed as he talked. Once he was finished, he opened his eyes, immediately jumping back as he registered who exactly he was talking to, “Jesus Christ! Ahh! What the hell?! What the fuck?!”

“Shut up.” Kun scowled at him.

“No?!” Yangyang replied indignantly. “What are you doing?!”

“Telling you to shut up.”

“Y/N!” The sound tech looked at you next, horrified. “You really want to do this?”

“Excuse me?” Kun snorted.

“Kun, come on dude, you’re better than this—”

“Excuse me?!” You pushed past Kun, fully intending on giving Yangyang a shiner.

Kun held you back, but you could tell that he was getting pissed too. “Yangyang, what exactly do you think is going on?”

“You’re cheating on your new girl with Y/N!” Yangyang gestured wildly. “Y/N, I totally thought you were a girl’s girl, by the way—”

“Shut up!” Kun yelled, loud enough that a few patrons even looked over. He glared at his employee, “You’re an idiot. I’m not cheating on anybody with Y/N.”

His face screwed up with confusion. “So you’re not seeing anybody? Then what was all—”

“It’s me!” You finally blurted out. “He’s seeing me! We’re seeing each other! Fucking Christ, Yang, you saw us making out and can’t process that?”

Yangyang blinked at you. “But he’s so… old?”

This time you had to grab Kun’s arm to keep him from doing something, and the sound tech skittered back a couple more steps.

“Go away, Yangyang,” Kun demanded sharply.

“God, can’t believe the couple Ten asked me to break up was you guys,” he shuddered, walking off.

You and Kun exchanged a knowing look. “Definitely not a coincidence…” You scoffed.

Looking back to the merch counter, you saw Ten wiping tears from his undereye, still laughing as he held onto the counter for stability.

“Does Ten have a car?” You asked.

“Yes, why?”

“I want to key it.”

Kun laughed, wrapping an arm around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. “As fun as that would be, how about I schedule him and Yangyang for back-to-back closing-opening shifts for a full week next month instead?”

“Oh, boo.” You let out a huff, leaning back against him affectionately. “Vandalism and property damage would’ve been so cathartic.”

He kissed your cheek apologetically. “I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

You were gently pulled out of sleep by a quiet tune and fingertips skimming over your forearm. Yawning, you squinted an eye open, watching Kun’s fingers trace the lines of your tattoos. With your mind still foggy with sleep, you listened to what he was humming.

“Hey…” You mumbled, shifting onto your back.

“Hey,” he repeated humorously, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

“You were humming it again.” You rubbed your eye.

“Did I wake you up? Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. That song…” You frowned. “It’s not from somewhere?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Hm.” You repeated the tune, your throat a little scratchy this early in the morning. “It’s nice.”

“You think?”

Rolling over, you buried your face in the crook of his neck. “Mhm.”

Kun rested a hand on your back. “Your phone was going off, by the way. You were still sleeping, I put it on silent, hope you don’t mind.”

You let out a big sigh, blindly reaching out towards the nightstand where your phone was. He grabbed it for you, placing it in your seeking hand. Turning your head just enough to see your phone screen, you saw three missed calls from Mark and a text.

“He better be dead,” you groaned. “Or I’m going to kill him.”

Opening the text, you saw that it was only one word, and from around two a.m., several hours before the phone calls.

[mark: KUN????????????????????????????]

[you: wrong number?]

You decided that you’d call him back if he didn’t text back in ten minutes.

That determination was useless, however, as he almost immediately called you. You declined it, texting him instead.

[you: DUDE are you fucking dying or something??]

[mark: the axe murderer is KUN????????]

[you: did yangyang text the whole venue gc or smth???]

[you: also he’s not an axe murderer jfc]

Another incoming call, which you once again declined.

[you: im going to block you if you keep calling me]

[mark: ARE YOU WITH HIM RN?!!!!?!??!?!?!]

[you: girl where tf else would i be? i told you i wasn’t coming home]

[mark: ok i did a few calming breaths]

[mark: idk what ur talking abt w yangyang but we figured it out at pizza last night. chenle saw ur FRESH HICKEY AFTER COMING OUT OF KUNS OFFICE]

[you: i hate to sound like my parents rn but maybe u guys actually should get real jobs and leave me tf alone]

[you: average unemployed friend behavior tbh]

[mark: bro the call is coming from inside the unemployment office??]

[you: actually it’s coming from kun’s bed rn xx]

Finally, your phone was silent, and you harshly dropped it back onto the nightstand. You only had a few moments of peace before a different ringer was going off. Letting out a guttural groan, you smushed your face into your pillow as Kun reached over you to grab his phone.

“Morning, Mark,” he answered, sounding very amused.

Your head snapped up automatically, eyes going wide with fear at whatever the hell your friend was saying. Kun rested one of his hands behind his head as he leaned back against his headboard, listening with interest.

“Oh, I thought you had a question about work,” he said with a grin. “You know, it’s against our policy to give out private information about our talent.”

You covered your face with your hands, shaking your head.

“Mhm, see you, Mark.”

As Kun set his phone back down, you lamented into your palms, “So much for keeping it private at first.”

“Yeah, I think we forfeited that last night,” he reminded you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

You took your face out of your hands to properly argue. “Not my fault you looked like that.”

“I thought it was the drink?”

“Mm, both.”

He chuckled. “Anyway, did I mention that I’m off today?”

“All day?” You looked at him hopefully.

“All day,” he confirmed. “I don’t have to be back at the venue until tomorrow night.”

“We’re practicing our Retro Rewind set later, but other than that, I’m free today too.” You beamed. “Can we go somewhere?”

“Somewhere?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Somewhere other than the venue or your apartment.”

“I do have some errands to run…” Kun mused. “Groceries, the laundromat, I have a package to drop off at the post office—”

“No, I mean like a real date!”

“There we go, just wanted you to use your words, baby,” he snickered, pinching your bottom lip. “You’re pouting.”

“You’re being mean to me.” You rolled onto your back, your elbows getting tired from propping up your head for that long.

“Aw, I’m sorry.” He leaned down to kiss you. “Get dressed, I know where to take you.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Not the grocery store, laundromat, or post office?”

“A real date, I promise.”

The destination Kun had in mind was apparently within walking distance, as the two of you took off down the sidewalks hand-in-hand.

“So what’s your day job?” He asked.

You weren’t expecting that. “What?”

“What do you do when you’re not doing music? You know, to pay rent and stuff?”

“Oh, I work with a temp agency and a babysitting agency. Picking up gigs here and there, you know?”

He almost seemed amused. “Really?”

“Yeah.” You touched your nose jewelry habitually. “I know I don’t look like your average office worker or childcare professional, but I clean up good, okay? Take out the nose ring and eyebrow piercing, put on some longsleeves, they never know. That’s why I don’t dye my hair crazy colors.”

“What sort of places have you temped at?”

“Lots of different places.” You hummed as you thought through a brief list of the various businesses that you’d worked at. “I usually do their filing, answer phones, that kind of stuff. I’m really only there for a few weeks at a time. I think the longest place I worked at was for… three or four months? That was actually at a music studio, so it was pretty cool.”

“Meet anybody cool?”

“There were some big names that came through. I got everyone’s coffee.” You shook your head, then looked at Kun curiously. “Have you ever thought about working somewhere other than the venue?”

“Oh, plenty of times,” he sighed. His face turned contemplative as he went on to admit, “I didn’t tell you the whole truth before. I tried to get back into songwriting and composing dozens of times over the years. I tried everything, every process out there, every tip and trick I could find—nothing. I couldn’t even remix our old tracks into something palatable. The staff at the venue only know I used to play the keyboard because when I finally gave up, I sold mine to Dejun.”

You couldn’t help the frown on your face when he described the creative block he had faced. “When was that?”

“Three, maybe four years ago now?” He seemed much less perturbed by it than you, like he had long accepted his fate. “I like working at the venue because I like being in the scene, even if I can’t contribute anything new to it.”

“That tune that you’ve been humming—”

“—Is not going to go anywhere. That happened before. I would think I had something, but as soon as I sat down to write, nothing,” he insisted calmly. “It’s fine.”

“So you just… got rid of everything?”

“It’s not like I denounced music forever,” he chuckled, squeezing your hand. “Just changed my focus.”

You thought about your own band, about all the half-written songs in your notes that you were working on, the demos you had recorded on your phone that you hoped to release someday. Would you let it all go one day too?

“We’re here,” Kun announced, gesturing to the business you had found yourself in front of.

“Mini golf?” You strained to read the faded sign.

“Unless it’s not good enough. I mean, I’ve got a long list of things that aren’t the post office…”

“No, Kun, this is perfect,” you laughed. “Let’s do it.”

“Great.” He smiled, pecking your cheek before grabbing the front door for you.

Tonight was Retro Rewind, and the venue was abuzz with excitement. Doing this Again! was opening, and you were on stage waiting for the rest of your band to join you for your soundcheck. The staff were all bustling around getting set up, and you were at your keyboard, absorbed in your own world as you played around with a tune that had been stuck in your head.

Kun slowed to a stop in front of you, taking his headset off to listen with fascination. “That’s…”

“The tune you were humming. Plus some other stuff,” you confirmed, pausing your playing for the moment. “I figured since you weren’t going to do anything with it… I started messing around with it.” You jerked your head for him to join you. “C’mere.”

He obliged, hopping up on stage and letting you drag him behind your keyboard with you as you explained your idea. “I think it’ll be better layered. Can you play it an octave down?”

To your relief and delight, he didn’t argue, hands immediately finding familiar places on the keys to your left. As both of you started playing, you listened carefully.

“Mm… A step down?” You requested, and he immediately complied. You grinned. “Hell yeah.”

“And then it’s…” He trailed off as he followed your lead into the part that you had added onto his tune, playing it entirely by ear.

“Mhm, and then I was thinking you repeat and I would—”

He did as you said, repeating the melody as you added even more on top, making him absolutely beam. “Alright!”

“But then I get stuck there.” You frowned and took your hands off the keys. “On the bridge.”

“That little flair you had going…” Kun said carefully. “If you slowed it down, and dropped it a full octave…” He played a portion of your part again on his half of the keyboard exactly as he had described. “Could be something.”

“Play it again?”

“Mm?” He made an indicative noise as he went to do so.

You listened and contemplated it, slowly nodding. “Yeah, I liked that. Really moody.”

“You got any lyrics yet?”

“Nah, just messin’ with it.” You started from the beginning again. “If that’s alright with you. I was planning on having more to show you when I asked your permission to make a real song with your tune.”

Kun blinked at you, his hands sliding off the keys and hanging by his sides as he stared at you with wonder. “You really… want to?”

“Yeah, of course.” Your head bounced to the beat as you skipped to the moody bridge that he had just suggested. “I really like this, the more I hear it. That was a good—ack!”

Discordant notes rang out as Kun had surprised you by throwing his arms around you. You took a step back to stay upright, wrapping your arms around him too, rubbing his back.

“Uh, hi?” You murmured uncertainly.

“Yes, you have my permission. I-I’d be over the moon.” He cupped your cheeks, eyes sparkling as he looked at you. “God, you’re so perfect, baby.”

You let out a sputtering laugh, ducking your head as your face heated up from his adoring gaze. “Kun, fucking hell, you’ve got to warn me.”

“You never warn me.”

“Before doing what?”

“This.”

“Eh?!” You made an indignant noise, looking around at your general demeanor. “What am I doing? Breathing?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Okay, I can’t warn you every time I breathe.”

He snickered, giving you a quick peck. You huffed, immediately leaning back in for another, longer kiss, hooking one arm around his neck.

Giving a final wave to the audience, you ran off the stage arm-in-arm with Jungwoo, laughing and grinning madly. Your bandmates all followed, hugging and cheering. You all couldn’t take up space there for too long though as the next act got ready to go on. You hastily gave Roses for Eyes your best before heading further backstage. Chenle, Jungwoo, and Mark packed up their instruments and idly chatted with a couple of the acts that were hanging out in the cramped space. Everybody was sharing what instruments they could, meaning that the drumset and keyboard were staying onstage, which made yours and Jisung’s lives a bit easier.

“We’re gonna go catch some of Roses’ set,” Mark announced to the room in general, tapping your arm in a silent indication for you to join the rest of them. A few of the other performers who wouldn’t be going on until later got up as well, and you fell into the group too.

When you got backstage, however, your eyes were habitually searching for someone, and you quietly slipped away. The office door was thrown open as soon as you got to it, and a breathless smile came to Kun’s face when he saw you.

“Hey, I wanted to catch you when you came off stage, but there were way too many people.” He pecked your forehead. “You did so good, baby.”

“Thanks.” You kissed him on the lips. “Do you have time to watch RFE’s set? Or—”

“Hey, sorry.” Ten’s head poked around the corner into the hallway. He pointed over his shoulder into the main room. “Uh, these guys are saying they know you?”

Kun offered you an apologetic look, stepping past you down the hall. “Sorry, everyone says they know the manager. I’ll be—”

“Not you.”

With Ten’s gaze focused on you, you pointed to yourself in surprise. “Me?”

He nodded. You exchanged a confused glance with Kun, but as soon as you saw one of their heads poking over Ten’s shoulder, your jaw dropped.

“Nono, it’s fine, Ten,” you informed him hastily. He stepped aside to let the gaggle of men in.

Kun was possibly even more baffled than you. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We were invited,” Yuta informed him with a wide grin, gesturing to you.

“Oh my god, I didn’t think you’d actually come!” You bounced up and down with excitement, hugging him, then Taeyong, who was still in his kindly teacher attire.

Taeyong directed your attention to a figure at the back of the group. “We brought somebody.”

The man went to introduce himself, “Hey, I’m—”

“Jaehyun! Ah, sorry!” You slapped a hand over your mouth, thoroughly embarrassed.

“They said you might do that.” Jaehyun smirked, offering you a hand to shake. “It’s really nice to meet you, Y/N. You were awesome up there.”

“Thank you. It’s so cool to meet you.”

“Good to see you again, Y/N.” Johnny squeezed past Jaehyun to wrap you in a bearhug.

“Johnny! Hey!” Your greeting turned in a squeal of surprise as he lifted you off the ground. “Woah!”

Kun cleared his throat, appraising eye scanning over his former bandmates. “And uh, any particular reason I wasn’t told about this reunion?”

“We wanted to surprise you!” Taeyong explained as Johnny put you back down.

“Well, you succeeded,” Kun chuckled and crossed his arms, but you could tell that his smile didn’t reach his eyes, his gaze locked on where Johnny’s hand lingered on your back.

Giving Johnny one last friendly pat on the arm, you stepped back over to Kun’s side, eyes shining as you looked them all over. “Seriously, this is so cool. When was the last time you were all together?”

They looked at each other as they thought. Jaehyun asked, “It was probably for Juju’s birthday, right?” There were murmurs of agreement, and Jaehyun gave you a firm nod. “So, yeah, a couple months ago for my daughter’s fifth.”

“We’re going out after this, you guys should totally come!” You offered.

“Oh, your band?” Yuta surmised.

“The home team; us, Roses, some of the crew…” You trailed off, your eyes widening as soon as you realized your mistake. You winced as you turned to Kun, “Sorry, is that gonna be okay? I wasn’t thinking—”

“It’s fine,” he reassured you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer. “They all need something new to talk about anyway.”

The others exchanged a knowing look, Yuta pointing at Kun with a smile. “Mystery guy, I presume?”

“Wh—Ugh, you seriously remember that?” You groaned as Taeyong giggled behind his hand.

Kun glanced between the three of you, confusion apparent. “What?”

“When Mark and I went to his shop, Mark was freaking out about the ‘mystery guy’ I was seeing,” you explained. “I can’t believe you guys remember that.”

“You two were funny.” Yuta shrugged.

“Anyway, I think Roses for Eyes started their set,” Johnny cut in. “The drummer is one of my clients and I told him I would watch.”

Everyone acquiesced, starting to filter out of the cramped hallway and back to the main floor. You laced your fingers with Kun’s, making sure to not lose him in the crowd. He squeezed your hand back, following your lead.

⤷ au masterlist | blog masterlist

TAGLIST

@sunnyuto

@annenakamura @bee-the-loser @lotties-readings @ppddpjdr @reiofsuns2001

@tearinka @yoursyuno @yutasputa69 @giirlfriendd @shaqs-oatmeal @sofipolii01

@winkeuu

[that-weird-thing-in-the-woods]

Heyyyy, my gremlins of trees and seas! I’m back with something new for you now let’s go

🌊🪼Ancient Of The Sea Danny & Storm Dani and hurricane Dan🌊🪼

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=====================================

Ok so the GIW ‘took care’ of the Fentons, Sam, Tucker and kidnapped Danny with Dani and Dan fast forward a few weeks Dani and Dan are injured badly enough that they go back into their cores but before the GIW could get the cores Danny grabs them and puts them into his body and flys though the portal and destroys it as he does so

And now Danny kinda just wandering around looking for a place to heal up and than he finds something he didn’t even think he had as a half-ghost. A Lair, Vlad mentioned it a few times saying that it was another thing that brought him and Danny closer together but Danny wasn’t really listening to him ( when does he ever ) but as he walks in ( well incubating Dani who has been renamed by Danny to dawn and Dan who has been renamed to Dusk )

He is met with the smell of the sea and the sounds of waves crashing against rocks and some rock pillers out further in the sea and the sound of the waves hitting the sand which is black {like from one of the black sand beaches they look neat} as Danny walk onto the sand he looks around that his Lair which was something Danny thought he would ever be able to say but he is quickly brought back to where he is when he sees a large black marble castle that is a bit overgrown on the outside

Ok so a few weeks later Dannys settled into the castle and his Lair the castle even has a room next to his ( which is the master bedroom ) for when the baby’s are ready but anyway it turns out that he is the new Ancient Of The Sea so that’s a thing now and the seas have all the ghosts of aquatic animals which is really interesting and now he apparently gives off nymph and ethereal vibes….And I don’t really have anything more to add on this part for now but I will add more later

=====================================

Ok now onto the DC part ok so this could go into two very different story’s regarding which plot you choose 

The FIRST way: So the JL need help with a new big bad ( could be Aliens or supernatural type stuff ) and need the Ancients power to help them so they have to convince them to help so they split off into teams and Tim’s team ( with Jon and Damian just cause ) and they have to convince The Ancient Of The Sea so they go to what appears to be a cave entrance that has small pounds around it that looks like an sea cave but it is the entrance to Danny’s lair and as they walk in they are hit with the smell of the sea and a few minutes of trying to find the Ancient they find them sitting on one of the rock mountains surrounding the black sand beach and that when Jon makes a very loud sound that gets the Ancients attention fast so they all walk over to them and they start trying to convince them to help and this is basically the reaction

The Team: trying to convince him and is doing what they can to keep his attention

Danny: who was going to help them the moment they said they needed help

And Danny just lets them go on without interrupting them and when their done he just nods and says “ I will help you” and the sigh of relief they all let out almost made him laugh

The SECOND way: The Zone holds a ball every 100,000 years and to be invited is an honor and the JL gets invited and any sidekicks they decide to bring with them and JLD have to explain how important this is and how they can NOT screw this up or their world is done for so they have a lot of pressure to not cause any problems whatsoever and it last for three days and on the first day Damian is walking down a hall until he comes across what looks like an Sea cave entrance and goes in and as he walk around he sees a beautiful person who looks around his age and goes up to them and a few hours later they become friends Damien even got to pet an shark who came up close and Damian comes back the second day two and on the third day ( the day of the ball ) Damien siblings notice the change in behavior and follow him and they go through the entrance after him and see him and Danny talking

And that’s all for this

=====================================

Now on to the details

Here’s what I’m thinking for Danny

Mixed with this

This is what I’m thinking for his outfit and for his hair

And just because here is a head ornament that I’m thinking he wears

Or at least something close to this

=====================================

And that’s it! Sorry if it’s a bit weird but I hope you gremlins like it byeeeee

[hux-and-gay]

Kylux Short Shorts Fest 2024; Day 1: Vacation

—————————————————————————

Kylux Summer Vacation (Crack Fic)

this translates way better as a comic but comics take time. So i wrote more a script then a fic. maybe I’ll make a comic later or maybe some kind soul wants to waste their time doing it for me. I don’t really care anyway, not to toot my own horn, but this is really funny. I was thinking of the Lego Star Wars specials when I wrote this so picture that vibe. Hehehehehe

pls pls reblog! I dont have AO3 yet

Warning: Suggestive content, brief nudity (it’s played off as a joke)

Kylo: (announcing triumphantly, fist in the air) We’re going on vacation! 

Hux: (sounds unfazed) What? 

Kylo: (repeats previous gesture) We’re are going on vacation!

Hux: (no even looking up from his datapad) We’re in the middle of a war. We can’t just leave on vacation. 

Kylo: My grandfather went on vacation…

(Teary eyed dreamily looking off into the distance picturing the scene from the Lego Star Wars summer vacation special where Vader is being forced to apply palpitate’s sun screen) 

Hux: Oh so that’s what this is about. (Shakes his head) Predictable. Well we can’t. 

Kylo: (Angrily/Whiny) Why! 

Hux: I dont have time for this (Starts walking off)

Mitaka: (comes in, stopping him by the door) Sir… Did you authorize 30,000 credits worth of first order funds to be spent on (squints at his datapad) “Beach fun surprise?”

Hux: (looking up angrily) No! What even is that?!

Mitaka: (nods awkwardly) right I’ll cancel i-

Kylo: No! (Stepping forward) I authorized the purchase! (Turning to Hux dramatically) There’s no turning back now general! (Pointing to each person as he speaks) I’m taking you, and Phasma, and Mitaka, and… (points at a random dude walking by) THAT GUY, and we’re going on vacation!

That guy: Uhm sir I don’t even work here… I’m just visiting my wife…

Kylo: LETS GO! (Marching forward) 

~Later at the beach~

Kylo: (walking up to Hux wearing his helmet  and swim trunks that are definitely too small for him) Why are you wearing a shirt? 

Hux: (eating a suspiciously shaped popsicle) Why aren’t you? 

Kylo: (leans back) isn’t that like, constricting? 

Hux: You’re just trying to get me to take my shirt off. 

Kylo: What? No! (Clearly lying) 

Phasma: (walking by) I’d take this off if I was allowed too (gesturing towards her sports bra style top) 

(#free the nip)

(They both just blink at her stunned before she walks away and then they turn back to their arguing) 

Kylo: I still think you should take it off (huffs)

Hux: Then take off your helmet! (Pokes it)

Kylo: (crosses his arms) I dont want sunburn! 

Hux: The rest of you is practically naked! 

Mitaka: (rushing up carrying way more than one man should carry) Sir? 

Kylo: (not noticing Mitaka) I could arrange that! but I don’t think this is that kind of beach!

Mitaka: (trying to get Hux’s attention) Where did you want this sir? (Holding up all the stuff some of it falls out of his hands) 

(Still not noticing Mitaka the two of them glare at each other and Hux menacingly bites off the tip of the popsicle which has now melted all over his hand) 

~Seconds later~

Kylo: (pointing) oh look beach hockey!

Hux: (deadpan) No

Kylo: (Pointing) look there’s limbo!

Mitaka: (Still trying to get their attention) Sir this is kind of heavy…

Hux: (deadpan) No 

Kylo: Live music? (Gestures to the stage, where, idk, the Cerveza Cristal meme is playing or something)

Hux: Too loud 

Kylo: There’s a bar? 

Hux: I suppose that’s fine 

Mitaka: Sir?! 

(They start walking to the bar where Phasma already is) 

Mitaka: Why do I even bother (Sighs) 

(Meanwhile at the bar. Kylo has his helmet off now. the group was drinking (Cerveza Cristal!… No! Stop! You already made that joke!) when they see familiar faces walk onto the beach)

Kylo: Well look who it is (smirks) 

Phasma: The resistance scum (scoffs) 

Hux: How convient, you’d think this was a Crack fic (looking directly at you) 

Poe: (sauntering up) Hey Hugs 

Hux: (immediately standing to go) That’s it we’re leaving! Vacation over! 

Poe: (leaning on the counter) That’s a shame, we were just going to invite you all to a not so friendly game of beach volleyball. Right Finn? (nudges him) 

Finn: uhhhh… right. 

Poe: (whispers) Sound more confident 

Finn: (Yells) Right! we’re gonna beat your asses into the sand bitches! (Whispering to Poe) Was that too much? 

Kylo: Good luck trying. (Smirks standing up) It just so happens that… I don’t like sand~ (Turning to the others) Are the rest of you with me? 

Mitaka: (panting running up) I Just put everything down sir! 

Hux: (not noticing Mitaka again, setting his drink down) Well I suppose… if it’s a challenge (smirks)

Phasma: (cracking her knuckles) Oh I think it’s time they met the true power of the first order~

Poe: Good come meet us on the beach! (He gestures and runs off, Finn following, flipping them off as he goes. The others get up from the bar laughing and heading towards the beach) 

Mitaka: (exasperated) Did I miss Something?  —————————————————————————

(Look i could write out the volley ball match but I’m lazy so if someone wants to pick this up have at it) 

~Later that day~

Kylo: (running down the beach to join Hux in the water) Wait for me! 

(Hux’s shirt isn’t off but it’s open) 

Hux: (standing in the water, raising an eyebrow) Do you even know how to swim 

Kylo: Pfft, yeah totally!

Hux: That sounded oddly suspicious but if you say so (shrugs) 

Kylo: (walking very slowly into the water) Yeah I definitely learned how to swim, that’s definitely something I did, I mean like, it’s easy, I’m not a pussy!

Mitaka: (standing beside Hux) Is it just me or does it sound like he’s trying to reassure himself instead of you? 

Hux: (nonchalant) oh yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like. 

Mitaka: If he can’t swim shouldn’t we stop him? 

Hux: Let him try, it will amuse me (smirks) 

(Kylo goes deeper in the water, even deeper than the two of them, probably to prove a point) 

Kylo: I’m… I’m doing it! (A wave crashes into him) Fuck! I’m not doing it!  (He starts flailing and splashing wildly even though where he is definitely isn’t that deep)

Mitaka: (looks concerned) Sir I believe he’s going under. 

Hux: He’ll be fine. 

Mitaka: I Really dont think he will be…

(long awkward scilence)

Hux: He’s drowning isn’t he? 

Mitaka: It appears that way. 

Hux: Ugh fine! 

(He goes after him and Drags him out which is definitely a struggle) 

Hux: (dragging him by his foot onto the beach) Why are You So fucking heavy?! (Looking up to Phasma who’s tanning on the Shore) Thank you so much for your help Phasma!

(Phasma Holds up a drink nodding to them) 

Hux: (sets him down on the wet sand) Well he’s breathing (slaps him on the face) 

Kylo: (coming to, spitting out ocean water) Hey! That wasn’t mouth to mouth… (looks down disappointed) 

Hux: (sarcastically) Oh no! he stopped breathing guess I can’t save him! 

Kylo: (glancing at himself) Oh! my shorts fell off in the water, and your kind of straddling me so- 😏

Hux: (glances down instinctively and quickly looks back up) Mitaka? 

Mitaka: Yes sir? 

Hux: Google if It it’s legal to feed someone to the sharks.

~The end~

That Guy: Has anyone seen my wife yet?

@lessdenied @fives-ren @jaynesilver @thegeneralorder @diabollicallyangelic

@existing-sadly

@theosb0rnway

@dragonflies-draw-flame @hpdmism @fridayincarnate @tomatette

@transmasc-vampire-is-tired

@bostarsky

@kyluxshortshorts

[glazedsnail]

Ok so, I'm really close to finishing my small fanfic thing and I'm actually happy about how it turned out.

I didn't think of a title for it so I'll go with:

And Misery Loved Company

Title might and will change because I have absolutely no self control and no sense of permanence

I'll post it in chapters and stuff.

This first doesn't really work as a chapter but I thought I'd have to cut it somewhere and be able to give youse a taste?

So here's a sample.

TWs are for the whole work, not this particular sample sorry horns friends.

Stardew Valley fanfic ShanexOCFarmer(Female) 18+ swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse

I’ve been in this town for a few months, and already so much has happened.

I didn’t know the first thing about farming, and now look at me. I wear overalls, a straw hat, I use a pitchfork, sometimes. I have dirt on my hands, my knees, my legs, my arms, my ass. Everywhere really. 

I’m… Moderately successful in the matter of crops and sheep handlings. And I just know my quality wool will one day fetch a very high price on the shelf of some high end stores. If only I could handle those blasted sheep correctly. 

I wanted to give up, like I’d given up so many things before. So many times. But when I managed to spool my own skein of wool, from my very own sheep, I knew I had to keep at it. I cannot wait to start knitting with my very own wool. 

Trust me, this was an even better feeling than when I ate my first omelette made from the eggs of my own chickens. And I do love my chickens! 

Of course, I met a lot of new people. Marnie, for one, is my farm neighbour. She helped me shear my first sheep, and eased me into farm animals ownership. I had never owned anything bigger than a guinea pig. And that guinea pig wasn’t too fond of me anyway. She entrusted me with the care of two sheep and three chickens.

The man who came to deliver my chicks is her nephew. I had met him a handful of times. At the supermarket where he works, at Marnie’s ranch, as he apparently rents a room from her, but mostly at the saloon. We never talked much compared to the others. He wouldn’t let me, and I would let him. At the time.

He wanted to make sure I had a suitable home for the chicks. He didn’t seem too pleased to do the work, to be there, at all. I remember barely getting a “mornin’” when he came in, and he would certainly not stick around for coffee or a chit chat.

I mean, he was completely being his usual self. I wasn’t surprised. The only surprise was that I actually did put the kettle on just in case.

However, once he opened the crate, the man constantly frowning at the bottom of a glass, and who had quite literally told me to “fuck off” was somehow… beaming? He handled the chicks with such tenderness, it almost made me feel bad to buy them off. Suddenly, he was sharing his knowledge of chicken care, making sure I was ready, and showing some incredible kindness towards the three little chicks I had gotten from Marnie.

Everytime he was giving me the brush off, I would remember his kind eyes from that day, and it would give me enough drive to persevere. Maybe too much, definitely too much for his taste. I was persistent, perhaps annoying, absolutely intrusive. When I saw those caring eyes almost close forever, I witnessed the dormant strength hiding within, and I knew.

Today, I’m meeting him at the beach.

I made a pizza from my own flour, with sauce from my own tomatoes. Cheese and pepperoni are from Pierre’s, the grocer, but come on. The base is homemade therefore this is a homemade pizza. And who cares where I got the olive oil, salt, and yeast from…

I have been looking forward to this, hum, evening, I guess. I was going to say “date”. Surprisingly, we did kiss.

Moving to Grandpa’s old farm was in no way a scheme to get me on the dating scene again, not after everything in the city, not after 30. And certainly not with a man as rude as him. Crazy how things can change drastically with time.

The kiss was more a heat of the moment type of thing. I liked it. Though.

He wouldn’t have suggested this picnic at the beach if he wasn’t thinking the same.

I pack my homemade pizza, homegrown dried and fresh hot peppers, a pack of six, and some muffins I made with my own eggs, own flours, and my own seeds. It amazes me how good I am at this farm living thing. I hope Grandpa is watching. Mostly.

The air is still warm, but the leaves have started to fall. I smell the distinct perfume of rain in the distance. Here, so far, the slowly darkening afternoon sky is still clear.

I’m nervous. I feel something I could describe as…this high schooler heading to meet with their crush and spend some time alone for the first time. I gulp. This definitely rings somewhat familiar. I mean, I didn’t put on any of my best underwear though. I’m too old for this.

Damn. Listen to me.

I shake my head to get rid of those idiotic thoughts as I walk past the village waterhole. I wave at the villagers who have now become my friends. Emily points at my basket and I remind her of my dinner plan. She smiles with all her pearly whites while commanding me to wait. She shortly comes back out of the saloon with a mist up tupperware filled with warm pepper poppers, and a bottle of strawberry juice. My favourite.

‘Emily, you shouldn’t have!’

‘Oh Fern, please. It was also Gus’ idea. You must know all we want is the best for you.’ She grins.

‘Pardon?’

She laughs and disappears behind the wooden door. Well. She’s always been a bit of a nutcase. Affectionately though.

When I stand on the sand, I hear Shane over the rolling waves, calling me, and my nervousness instantly disappears. He’s still wearing his work hat, probably came here straight after work. He spreaded a blanket and had started dishing out a bunch of snacks from his bag.

‘Well, we won’t starve!’ I laugh, emptying my basket. As I sit down I see Shane glance at the glass bottle Emily gave me.

‘Is that strawberry juice?’

‘Yeah. Emily gave it to me on my way here. Look, she also gave me these! Compliment of Gus. They’re your favourite aren’t they?’

I smile so hard the corners of my mouth might crack. I’m just comfortable.

‘Y..Yeah’

He obviously is not.

‘Are you ok? What’s that you just rammed in your bag?’

‘Nothing. Is that homemade pizza?’

I’m way too proud to continue probing. I happily remove the cloth from the plate:

‘Pepperoni! Just like you like it.’

He smiles and chuckles, visibly embarrassed.

‘What’s the matter?’ I ask. He quickly glances at his bag. ‘Do you know you still have your work hat on?’

He looks up, grumbles, and removes his hat he tries to put in his bag. Bag now at my arm's length.

‘What are you hiding!’ I say, snatching the surprisingly heavy backpack from him.

‘Fern!’

I pull out two plastic bottles.

‘Joja strawberry juice?’

He quickly grabs his bag back in a groan.

‘But, why were you hiding it?’

‘I know it’s your favourite.’ He sighs. ‘Just wanted to, like, surprise you and be nice is all.’ He frowns, and blushes lightly. ‘I didn’t know this was such common knowledge, and now you’ve been given the nice stuff in a glass bottle and all you probably won’t want my Joja crap.’

I catch myself giggling.

‘What’s so funny?’ He snaps.

‘Shane, that’s incredibly sweet. Thank you.’ I cradle the bottles in my arms like the most cherished present. ‘You know I used to drink these all the time when I was a teen, I’ve not had any in ages. Truth be told I thought they were discontinued.’

He seems to relax a bit.

‘It’s full of crap’ he smiles ‘Maybe it’s gone in the city and they just get rid of it in small towns’.

‘No, they still sell Joja beer everywhere, trust me.’

We laugh, I’m glad he seems a bit more in the moment.

‘You know’ I start ‘Emily’s barmaid, it makes sense she’d know my favourite drink, right?’ He nods in acknowledgement ‘But, knowing your favourite dish? I should be the jealous one.’

His eyes open wide.

‘I…err… It’s not jealousy it’s’

‘I’m just teasing’ I say, gently elbowing him

‘I’m such an idiot.’ He says back, hand on the back of his neck, with a slight smile nonetheless.

‘You’re not an idiot. You’re cute.’

I hand him a slice of pizza I was busy cutting. His cheeks turn bright red and he tries to disappear in his hoodie. I clearly didn’t realise what I said. He eventually clears his throat and grabs the slice with a small ‘thank you’.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi.

It’s camp anon.

I’m back.

Idk if I told u how long camp would be.

I’d thought it was supposed to be 10 days.

But it ended up being 2 weeks.

I got off school a bit earlier than usual cause my exams finished.

And I got a bit of time before the camp.

But the time the summer holidays started meant camp started.

It wasn’t like the other one. There were 18 year olds there. And half of the kids there were there voluntarily.

Like everything they did to us, they chose to be there for it.

And a bunch of the leaders were clearly past versions of us. Who got fucking tricked and bullied into thinking they somehow cured their fucking queerness. Like they’re proof of a miracle. 

This is dumb. This is all so dumb.

Someone needs to wake these idiots up. 

They can’t change who they are just as much as I- Ugh. 

ANYWAY, that’s over now. 

Season 4 of Umbrella academy is coming out in a few days which is exciting :) And, i’m reading a new book which is pretty good so… yeah.

Making plans with my friends and stuff, got a lot of pre school work to do for next yr. 

You teach right? So you have the summer off rn too? That’s like the only benefit of teaching, you know, that and shaping young minds… have you gone on holiday yet? Do Americans leave America when they go on holiday? 

I saw your conan fic fest- I cannot wait to read those fics, I loveeee conan grays songs.

Yeah… that’s all.

ahhh yay, you're back!

I'm so glad you're safe and okay! it sounds like you're relatively unharmed?

I'm so glad you have plans made and things to look forward to, but if you need to rant or vent more, I'm here. I can only imagine the awful things they said, and it's good to get it out. My inbox is open <3

I do teach! I can't afford a big vacation this year, but I went to the local beach a few times! Now I'm starting to get back into the school mindset.

I can;t wait to read all the fics too! So exciting!

[cold-heart-warm-writings]

The Host Club’s Summer Reading Plans

Honey - Finally getting to his backlog of Stephen King novels. He is looking forward to the confused looks on peoples’ faces when they walk by and see his cute baby face reading the scariest and most disturbing books known to man. 

Mori - Audiobooks. This man has some big summer plans between training and competitions, so he’s found a few audiobooks to download. A lot of books on history, Japanese samurai history, a few world economy books but tbh he might skip those

Kaoru - Summer is the only time of the year where Kaoru can get away with playing video games and binge reading manga all day. No one is on his case to study extra or to do something, so he loves getting caught up on all of his favorite series.

Hikaru - Whattup I’m Jared Hikaru, I’m 19 and I never learned how to read. Just kidding, being the codependent brother that he is, he reads manga over Kaoru’s shoulder until Kaoru can’t take the heat literally, and makes Hikaru wait to read the volumes once he’s done with them. 

Haruhi - Haruhi loves making a huuuuge and impossible TBR list, and then reads like ... 11 pages from a singular book. Most of the books are “for fun” books, contemporary, nothing too heavy. Just ways to escape for a little while. 

Kyoya - Hot take… he does not read. He does not read “for fun.” Everything has a purpose. He reads to study, he reads so he knows where to take Tamaki on their next travel trip, he reads to get ahead, he does not waste his time on fictional nonsense. He brings a business related book on the big family vacation to appease his mom, but 1) she complains that it’s not a relaxing or fun book, and 2) the information is worthless anyways and stuff Kyoya already knows. He leaves it on the nightstand. 

Tamaki - Summer romance beach reads type of hopeless romantic. He claims it’s “for the Host Club” because he will better know what the ladies like and how to better meet their ~fantasies~. Really, he just likes reading about people who are loved and found families. 

[prismaticflare]

Colorful - Part 1 (G)

Fandom - Our Life : Beginnings and Always

Pairing - Cove Holden / Gender Neutral Reader

After a day at the beach, you learn a shocking fact about Cove. Takes place in Part 2

It was another perfect summer day in Sunset Bird. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and you were ecstatic to enjoy the day with whatever random activities came your way.

You had just finished breakfast when a knocking came to your door.

“Can you get that?” Ma asked from the couch. “I mean, I’m willing to bet that it’s for you, anyways. There’s really only one person who visits us.”

“Ma!” You squealed, blushing.

“You know I’m kidding.” Ma giggled, earning a glare from Mom, who was sitting next to her.

You ignored their antics and rushed to the door, opening it to see Cove, dressed only in his swimming trunks, swaying nervously at the front door.

“Oh, hey!” Cove stuttered out. “I was going to go to the beach, and, um, if you’d like…”

“I’ll join you!” You said, interrupting Cove’s stuttering. You were pretty sure that was what he was going to ask you, anyways.

“Oh! Um…” Cove said in shock, readjusting his conversation, as if he had planned everything out beforehand and now had to reword his proposition (which, knowing Cove, was almost certainly true). “Sure, I’d love that.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.” You replied. “See you in a minute!”

And with that, you rushed off to your room to find the perfect swimsuit for the occasion. Living on a beach you had plenty to choose from, so you quickly changed into your favorite one, and grabbed anything else you could need. You had no idea what you were actually planning to do, but knowing you and Cove, it would mainly consist of just floating in the water and chatting.

After grabbing everything you needed, you rushed downstairs.

“I’m gonna go meet up with Cove at the beach.” You told your moms while you were double-checking that you had everything.

“Okay, have fun!” Ma replied.

“Elizabeth has an event today, so all three of us will probably be gone when you get back. Don’t get any sand or water in the house.” Mom added.

“I won’t! Bye!”

---------------

Arriving at the beach, you saw Cove already splashing in the waves. Ever since he got his cast removed, Cove practically lived on the beach. Nowadays, you rarely saw him elsewhere. You didn’t mind though. The beach was the perfect place to spend free time, and if it meant a lot to Cove, it meant a lot to you.

When you finally caught up to Cove, you dropped your stuff next to his, and met up with him. “So, what’s the plan?” you asked, slowly entering the water. “Spending time with you.” Cove said, causing both of you to blush at Cove’s forwardness.

And that’s what happened. You two just spent your day relaxing in the water, occasionally opting to do more stimulating things like racing in the water or building sandcastles. But, for the most part, you just chatted. Even though you saw each other practically every day, you always seemed to have things to talk about. That’s just how it went with Cove.

Eventually, though, you realized it was getting late. While you originally planned to go straight home, you remembered that your parents and Elizabeth were all gone. You also remembered Mom’s strict rules on not getting any of the beach in the house, and looking at the state you were in, that didn’t seem very possible.

“Hey Cove?” You asked while packing up your stuff.

“What?” Cove asked.

“Do you mind if I clean up at your place instead? It’ll be a lot easier, plus, your dad cares a lot less about getting sand and water in the house.

“Um…” Cove blushed, squirming to find the right answer. “Sure, if you want.”

“Okay, thanks!” You replied, as you both headed back to Cove’s place.

-------------------

When you got to Cove’s house, you pretty much directly went to his room, passing his dad on the way there. Kyra was gone this evening, so it was only him. Cove insisted that you cleaned up before him, so after quickly rinsing off, you traded places with Cove so he could clean up himself.

While Cove was in the shower, you opted to sit on the floor of his bedroom, waiting for him to be done. You were just relaxing, twiddling your thumbs, when you heard a voice from the bathroom. You walked over to the bathroom door to try to figure out what he was saying.

“Were you talking to me?” You asked, leaning your ear against the bathroom door.

“Yeah, um, so, sorry if this is a bother, but in my bedroom there should be a bottle with some seafoam-colored liquid in it. Could you grab it for me? I normally would myself, but, um…”

“Sure, I can grab it.” You replied before the conversation went in a very awkward direction. After scouring the room, you finally found the bottle, or at least what you thought he was looking for. To your shock, however, it was labeled as temporary hairdye! While it makes logical sense that Cove didn’t naturally have green hair, you had never really thought about it. And it definitely surprised you that it wasn’t permanent.

With the bottle in hand, you went back to the bathroom, knocking on the door before telling him that you had the bottle. Slowly and tentatively, the door opened, revealing a profusely blushing Cove wearing nothing but a towel, avoiding eye-contact with you as much as possible.

In any other situation, you would be blushing too, but your mind was much more focused on something else. Cove was blond! I mean, it made sense. His father was (although you weren’t confident about that being natural), and you’d need light hair to get the color that Cove usually wore. Still, it felt so odd, seeing Cove like this.

“I know, it looks weird.” Cove said, making you realize you had been staring at it for longer than you probably should have.

“I think it suits you.” You said, leaning against the wall.

“Why?” Cove asked, going back to the shower and closing the curtains so you could still talk with him while he re-dyed his hair.

“It fits your whole surfer-dude aesthetic.” You laugh. It made him look even more like a basic surfer boy than he already did.

“That’s why I hate it.” Cove groaned. “Well, that and it’s way too boring.”

Finally, Cove left the shower, wrapping his head in a towel to allow it to dry and let the color to soak in.

“Than why don’t you permanently dye it? I mean, I think you’d look great either way, but if you prefer it green, you should keep it that way.”

“Dad wouldn’t let me.” Cove said, sighing.

“What? How do you know? Did you ask him?” You asked. Cove’s dad always felt like the type to not care about that kind of stuff, so him banning permanent hairdye would be a shocker to you. I mean, at this point, it was practically permanent, so he couldn’t care that much.

“Well, not really.” Cove said slowly, as if he was realizing that his assumption may not have actually been true. “But most parents don’t allow that kind of stuff.”

“Most parents don’t offer kids 20 bucks to be friends with their kid.” You laughed. Cove never found it as funny as you, but at least it gave him easy blackmail on his dad.

“Fair.” Cove replied. “So, should I go, like, ask him?”

“Why not?” You responded.

-----------------------

Following Cove into the living room, you were met with Mr. Holden sitting on the couch, eating some sort of snack and watching surfing on the TV. You never really understood why he watched that, he could literally walk outside to see it, but you never really bothered asking.

“Hey Dad?” Cove asked from the hallway, sticking close to you.

“What’s up kiddo?” His dad responded.

“Would you be okay if I dyed my hair?”

“What?” Cove’s dad replied in utter confusion.

“I mean, like, permanently.” Cove replied, nervously fiddling with his thumbs. 

It took Cove’s dad a few more seconds before Cove’s statement finally settled on him, causing him to laugh at the realization. “Kiddo, I thought you dyed it permanently a long time ago!”

“You did?” Cove asked.

“Of course I did! I didn’t expect you to be dyeing your hair temporarily for the last who knows how many years! Go ahead and dye your hair. It’ll probably save me a lot of money if you’ve been doing it temporarily this whole time!”

“Thanks Dad!” Cove replied with a sigh of relief.

“You’re welcome kiddo.” Mr. Holden responded, still clearly in shock that his son had been dying his hair temporarily for this many years straight.

“And thanks to you too.” He said, returning his attention to you. “I totally wouldn’t have asked otherwise.”

“You’re welcome. I had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t actually care.”

“Yeah, I guess it makes more sense that way.”        

part 1 | part 2 

[trollsedits]

Hi, I really liked the brozone as the weeknd song headcanons can you maybe do one for Lana Del Rey I really loved listening to her song heheh I don't know if you ever heard of her song but I suggested you do haha

Also take your time I understand that you have school and stuff to do no rush at all! looking forward to reading it

Awww! I’m so glad you liked it anyways I absolutely love Lana del Rey I listen to her song 24/7 I would lock myself in my room and just listen to her song all day and night I love her soft songs 💕

Anyways I was debating whether I should do brozone as her album or just song but imma stick to songs just like what I did with the weeknd anyway so I hope you like it!!

(Also thanks for being so patient with me I know school work and life is so hard for me but thanks for understanding and being super patient I do apologize if it taken me this long to get back to you 💕)

Brozone as Lana Del Rey Songs ♫♪:

Again I’m going off base on what song I think fits them not base off their personality (well maybe) but yeah again if you don’t agree with my song choices for them I’m sorry but it just how I think fits best for them :)

————————-

John Dory:

-Off to the races

-Ride

-how to disappear

-doin’ time

-the greatest

-change

-tomorrow never came

-fucked my way up to the top

-old money

-lucky ones

-freak

-god knows I tried

-young & beautiful

-thunder

Bruce:

-Love

-Lust for life

-beautiful people beautiful problems

-Coachella- Woodstock in my mind

-California

-happiness is a butterfly

-wild at heart

-Honeymoon

-love song

-paris,Texas

-13 beaches

-say yes to heaven

-violets for roses

-god bless America- and all the women in it

-take me home,country roads

-looking for America

-burning desire

-Cola

-lost at sea

Clay:

-Body Electric

-money power glory

-million dollar man

-don’t let me be misunderstood

-the blackest day

-Textbook

-summer bummer

-not all who wander are lost

-dealer

-living legend

-for free

-Cherry

-west coast

-born to die

Floyd:

-summertime sadnesses

-ultraviolence

-video games

-blue jeans

-pretty when you cry

-radio

-gods & monster

-yayo

-music to watch boys to

-art deco

-swan song

-white mustang

-in my feelings

-heroin

-fuck it I love you

-chemtrails over the country club

-breaking up slowly

Branch:

-dance til we die

-dark but just a game

-without you

-when the world was at war we kept dancing

-high by the beach

-diet Mountain Dew

-national anthem

-dark paradise

-cruel world

-if you lie down with me

-let the light in

————————————

Anyways, thanks again for the request Anyways if you want to request me just click under my profile “Ask me anything”

———————-

Like + Follow are very much appreciated! ✨

[rothjuje]

Loved all your comments on my solo travel inquiry. A couple people said FOMO is real, and you were right. I told Justin I was going to plan trips with or without him and then the following week he started planning one for us hahaha.

Summer. Every time there is a break from school, every time, I think ooh this is going to be so nice, get to sleep in, not worry about the crazy of different schedules etc. No. No Jess. The kids will wake up even earlier with instant whines of “I’m borrred!”

Tuesday we did a farm, a park, and then the lake for $1 ice cream. Wednesday we played/swam at the lake for most of the day. Thursday we went to a touch a truck event, the library, a park, and then swimming at a friend’s pool. And this morning the kids played happily for an hour before the “I’m borrred” and constant bickering started. Whyyy. I’m so tired. George and I have been going to bed early/sleeping late to recover. I’m also old so I’m sore and had to take Motrin to walk straight after 3 nonstop days, oy.

One of my best friends up here has a pool. We hang together several times a week because she also has a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Anyway, was super excited to use her pool this summer but turns out my pool fantasy is really more of a nightmare. George simply will not get in after several days of coaxing. But he does love to throw things into the pool. Dirt. Towels. Shoes. Clothes. Phones. It hasn’t been fun. My friend is convinced that pools are relaxing for adults and fun for kids. But she also ingests a lot of weed. I ingest no weed and I find George at the pool to be very, very stressful. He won’t wear a swim diaper or a floaty (not that he gets in but I am very fearful of him falling in while he bends over the edge trying to retrieve stuff he’s chucked in).

Anyway. My friend says I’m letting anxiety control my life. The pool dilemma is causing us to butt heads. But. Why should I take my neurodivergent child who is unaware of drowning or consequences in general to a pool where I have to constantly control his behavior? I mean anything sounds more fun than that. If he was my only kid then okay, but I have to constantly leave him in the pool area to take the girls to the bathroom or get them a snack etc and maybe it is anxiety. Maybe it is secondary trauma from our first placement who had brain damage from a near drowning incident. Or maybe it’s normal to not feel relaxed while at the pool with 3 kids that don’t know how to swim, one being neurodivergent.

I can understand her feelings being hurt that I no longer want to bring the kids over, but I am honestly so sick of having to explain to people that trying to keep George safe in certain situations is mentally taxing eg by bodies of water or in busy downtown areas (he likes to be near the street so he can watch trucks go by).

Sigh.

I’m just tired of being the uptight friend. I’m so chill at home or at fenced in parks or at the beach or lake (George and Genna love sand/playing at the shore). I hate being the one to constantly veto plans or control where they take place. Honestly, I rather my friends just hang out without us and let me escape to the low-stress lake that no one else wants to go to. But they feel guilty and then I feel bad and ugh.

Is there a solution I’m missing?

Anyway. So so excited for a normal weekend without recitals or holidays, it’s been almost a month since our last normal/chill weekend. I’m looking forward to catching up on chores which probably sounds boring but the state of our house and lack of clean laundry is starting to super stress me out. I’m also so behind on gardening stuff, some of my plant babies desperately need to be replanted or pruned.

I probably sound like the least fun person after this post 😂

[lornrocks]

My hobbies include getting into weird arguments with strangers online about Disneyland vs Disney world.

Also idk who keeps saying that Disneyland is a locals park. Bruh it’s fucking not. Half the people we meet when we go are not even from this country let alone Southern California.

The current discourse is the alleged confirmation that they will build something Avatar at Disneyland and how “no one wants this” (maybe true?) and how “people can just go to Florida to see pandora” (buddy if I live on the west coast, which I do, do you know expensive it is to fly to Florida? Last time we went I had to miss an extra day at work because our flight got so delayed we got stuck in salt lake at like 11:30pm at night and had to stay at a hotel and come home the next day)

I’m gonna be real here. As a life long Disneylander, Disney world is only good for: 1. About 8 rides unique from Disneyland’s 2. About 10-15 unique restaurants 3. Several cool, unique resorts 4. Merch exclusive to those parks (and tbh some of which I can buy from resellers)

So we went in 2013 for my college grad and that was our first time and we did the private safari (highly recommend) and took one day to go to islands of adventure. We did a LOT of stuff (not the water parks) and my favorite park then was Epcot bc of how unique it was.

Then we went again in 2018 and my favorite park was AK because of expedition Everest and Pandora and seeing the flamingos. And of course I loved all the shopping and restaurants.

We were planning to go this year but due to my friends’ health problems are pushing it back to next year hopefully and the stuff I’m looking forward to (besides showing my friends who have never been what’s up) is: 1. Cosmic rewind 2. Tron 3. Flight of passage (and pandora generally) 4. My beloved tower of terror 5. Every single restaurant I can get my hands on 6. All the merchandise 7. Staying at a different resort (we did French quarter and Caribbean beach the last 2 times) and 8. Expedition everest (almost forgot)

Like as fun as the rides are if’s almost exclusively about shopping, food, and cool places to take photos of. Which is also true of DLR but DLR has the dinkiest shopping area, very few super cool unique dining experiences, and the same 3 hotels. And at this point I’ve been to DLR so much I’ve taken photos of like. Every thing. Ever.

ANYWAY TLDR

North America and the US are quite large and a lot of Americans, me included, do not want to trek all the way to the other side of the country so yes, I would not be surprised if DLR and WDW continue to share attractions, restaurants, and experiences.

[jiliansky-blog]

The god of dreams. Chapter 2

Pairing: Morpheus x FemaleReader  

Rating: PG

Words: 3200~

I was thinking all evening and morning about Morpheus. Is he going to appear? I am actually more concerned about this that about my vocation. But he made my day more interesting and exciting. He just made my day. I made a sandwich and took my breakfast to the terrace of my cabin. And in five minutes Morpheus appeared.

“I was just thinking about you”, I smiled. “Only good thoughts, I hope”, he smirked, sitting in front of me. “Yes, I was thinking when you show up”, I smiled. “And what are you going to show me”. “I thought, you came here to be alone”, he admitted. “To be alone with people I know”, I sighed. “But you’re…an exception. I want to see you and to talk to you”. “Glad to hear”, he smiled. “I still don’t understand how did you find me?” I asked. “As I said, I know my ways”, he smirked. “I have a tour to another beach”, I changed the subject. “Do you want to go with me?”

“I don’t like the beach”, Morpheus said. “Please?” I smiled charmingly. “You came to see me”. “Alright, but I don’t do sunbathing”, he nodded. “Deal”, I smiled. “I think we still have time for coffee. We can try to drink coffee in the nearest café. What do you think?” “We can try”, the man agreed. I finished my breakfast. And we took a walk to the café. “I will take you to breakfast tomorrow”, he said. “Perhaps”.

“So you are going to come tomorrow”, I smiled. “I’m happy to hear it”. “I didn’t decide yet”, he smirked. “I just noticed that you eat a sandwich and I need to show you a proper breakfast”. “How thoughtful of you”, I admitted. “But I would be glad if you join me tomorrow for breakfast. Or show me the new place”. “Then I will join you”, he said and opened a door for me. What a gentleman. “Thank you”, I whispered and touched his hand slightly. No one would believe me if I tell them how handsome, caring, and mysterious a man I met. Suddenly Morpheus steps forward.

“Two cups of coffee, please”, he said. “I feel like we are on the date”, I admitted. “Is that a bad thing?” he looked at me? “No”, I smiled. “Just… I don’t used to it”. “Shame”, he remarked. I blushed at his remark, and he noticed it and frowned. “Shame on these men who don’t court you properly”, he explained. “It's just a cup of coffee. The least I can do”. “It’s very sweet”, I replied with a smile. “Thank you”. “Your sincerity is worth a proper courting”, he admitted. “I would like to do it”. “Do you want to court me?” I whispered.

He suddenly blushed and it looked so cute. Does he really want to court me? He sounds like he came from another century. “Perhaps”, he said. “You don’t like the idea?” “You don’t want to come today and then suddenly you want to court me”, I smiled. “It’s surprising, but I don’t mind”.

He smirked. I didn’t plan to find romance in Greece, but this man finds me anyway. I don’t know what he feels to me but I was glad for his company. “This coffee isn’t bad”, I said, drinking my morning dose of caffeine. “Yours was better, but this will do”. “Good”, he smiled again. “Are you ready to go?” “Yes”, I said. “Thank you for making my company”. “It’s my pleasure”, he took my hand and we went to the cabin to pick up some stuff. “What do you like to visit most here?” “I have been everywhere”, he said. “But perhaps the mountains”. “Oh?” I smiled.

“It’s a quiet place and lonely”, he said. Then he thought about something. “I suppose you will visit the Meteora in a few days. Can I go with you?” “Of course”, I smiled. “I will be happy to go there with you”. “You are too kind”, Morpheus smiled. “You are not afraid to go to the lonely place with an almost unknown man”. “Well, you are not completely unknown already, aren’t you?” I said. “And you have plenty of opportunities to do something with and you didn’t”. “Yes, and I have a desire to…”, he bites his lip. “What?” I smiled. “To protect you”, he finished. “It’s foolish”. “It’s not foolish at all”, I smiled. “I find it sweet”.

“I don’t usually have such kind of feelings”, Morpheus replied. “My siblings may tell that I’m cold and insufferable”. “Maybe you are not cold”, I said. “Maybe, you are just protective of your heart and your feelings. They can sting”. “Indeed”, he smiled. “We can go to the guide now”, I smiled back and took him to the boat.

  The guide wasn’t surprised at all to see him, and I suppose it was okay to take Morpheus with me. And we sit very close to each other. It was hard to hide my attraction to him. He was ethereal beautiful and charming. “So why Greece?” he asked. “I like mythology and the sea”, I smiled. “So Greece”. “I didn’t see you studying mythology here”, he noticed. “Well, you can teach me”, I smiled. “As a man with the name of the god of dreams”. “Do you want to listen to a story about ancient times?” he smirked. “Perhaps”, I said.

  And then he started a story about gods, love, betrayal, and murder. His was so deep and beautiful, it almost lullabies me to sleep. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Yes, I just…liked listening to your voice”, I smiled. “And did you hear a story?” he asked. “Of course”, I replied. “I felt it echoing in my entire body. You have a talent for storytelling, you know”. “Yes”, he smirked. “I flattered to have your stories just for myself”, I whispered. “And told by such a handsome and charming man”.

He definitely blushed. Perhaps, he doesn’t used to hear compliments. Which is kind of strange. Can he be shy? “Are you going to tell me more stories?” I asked. “Perhaps, later”, he smiled. “We're almost there”.

There were a lot of tourists, but the water was crystal clear. And the sand was clean. Aphytos beach they called it. “Come on, I will find the lonely place”, Morpheus said. “Is it too crowdie for you?” I smiled. “Actually yes”, he nodded. “Too many peoples, and their dreams and daydreaming. That is why I avoided crowdie places”.  

His words confused me, but I decided to ask him later what that mean. And let him take me to the nearest rocks, there were fewer people. And then he takes somewhere a black towel and covers the sand. And looked at me. “You don’t want me sitting on the sand while you will be standing, don’t you?” I asked. “I don’t want to sit”, he said. “And technically you won’t be sitting on the sand”. “Technically I won’t be sitting without you”, I smirked. “So sit, please, and give me five minutes, okay?” “What are you doing?” he asked when I hid behind the rocks.

  I changed my outfit to a swimming suit. And return to Morpheus. He was sitting on the towel. And when he looked at me, his eyes get dark as the night sky. “What are you doing?” he asked in a husky voice. “I’m going to swim”, I smirked. “Do you want to join me?” “No”, he said. “I will watch you”. “Okay”, I said and went to the sea.

The water was warm and I felt happy. And I felt warm from burning Morpheus’ eyes. I don’t what get into me, but I wished he wanted me. I wish to know what his red lips taste like. It was insane, I only knew him for a few days. I was swimming for ten or fifteen minutes and returned to the man. He was still sitting on the towel but with closed eyes. His eyelashes were so long and beautiful. And then he opened his eyes like he felt my presence.

  “You are back”, he admitted. “Yes, were you dreaming?” I asked. “Did I wake you up?” “In some sense”, Morpheus said. “And no, you didn’t wake me”. And then he noticed my wet water body and his eyes get dark. And I shamelessly sat near him. For some reason, I felt safe with him. “Are you done with swimming?” his voice now sounds like purring. “Not quite”, I smiled. “I like swimming. You are bored, aren’t you?” “No, I’m fine”, he said. “Let’s go with me”, I smiled.

“No, it’s a bad idea”, he said. “Are you afraid that you don’t have a swimming suit with you?” I asked. “No, I just don’t swim anywhere”, he rejected. “Please?” I took his hand. “Just a little bit”. “Very well”, he sighed. “Go to the water. I will join you in a minute”.

  I smiled happily and went to the sea, and when I turned around, he was already in a swimming suit. His entire body was naked, except trousers. Pale skin, I could see every muscle in his body. His skin was almost transparent. His waist was silly thin. He was unearthly beautiful and I couldn’t turn my gaze away. “You’re staring”, he smirked. It felt like revenge for my earlier actions. “Can’t help it”, I said. “Can’t take my eyes off such a handsome man”. Or there it was again. A blush. A blush suits him. “You don’t use compliments, aren’t you?” I smiled.

“No”, he said. It was fun watching him just standing there, while I’m swimming. And I felt now the strong desire to touch him. “Do you want to join me for swimming?” I asked. “No, I don’t do swimming”, he replied. “Why?” I asked. “I just don’t”, he pursed his lips.

  I swim closely to him, while he was watching me with a faint smile. “Are you trying to lure me under the water as a siren?” he asked. “Perhaps”, I answered. I dare to touch his white skin. It was soft as silk. He didn’t say anything, just looking at me. “Let’s go”, he suddenly took my hand and brought me out of the water. And I let him as I was enchanted. I wanted to touch him again. “I would eat some ice cream”, I said.   “I know a place”, he said and then disappeared behind the rocks to dress up. “Do you want me to show it?” “Yes”, I smiled.

How can I trust it to take me everywhere? He can be dangerous. But somehow I trust him. He didn’t do anything bad to me. I dressed up after him and let him take me somewhere out of this place. We found a café and there were a lot of people too. “Are we going to eat ice cream somewhere?” I asked. “If you want to”, he replied. “Which one do you prefer?” “Your choice”, I smiled. “Surprise me”.

He smirked and went inside the café. I waited for him outside. And after quite some time, he went out with blue and brown ice cream. “Wow”, I said. “And you?” “What about me?” he asked. “Don’t you want ice cream too?” I smiled. “No, I will enjoy watching you”, he said. I blushed again and took the ice cream. I was curious about what he took for me. “Chocolate”, I tasted it and looked into the eyes of the man. “And blueberry. Quite an interesting combination. Are you sure you don’t want to taste it?”

He suddenly made a step closer to me and then pressed his lips to mine. It was like lightning and everything I have dreamt about. “Yes”, he said finally. “It did taste good”. I felt as if my brain stop working. The touch of his warm soft lips still lingers on mine. And I looked at him. Then I ate more ice cream and kissed him too. “Then you need to taste more”, I whispered. “You played a dangerous game”, he whispered back. “Oh?” I smirked. “And what are you to do with it?” “I can take you somewhere private”, Morpheus replied. “But you knew me only for two days. I didn’t want to…”

“To what? “ I asked. “I don’t want you to fall in love with me”, he sighed. “Not when we can take different ways when your vocation will be over”. “Why?” I asked. “You don’t want to break my heart?” “And my own too”, he replied. “Deal, I won’t fall in love with you”, I said. He smiled with relief. But in his eyes, I saw sadness. “Your ice cream is melting down”, he noticed. “Don’t you want to help me?” I smiled.

And he seductively bites my desert. God, this man made it incredibly hard not to fall in love with him. He raised my desire. “What?” he asked and looked at me. “You are staring again”. “Why did you spend time with me, if you don’t want to fall in love?” I asked. “I thought it can be a good idea to distract myself”, he said. “And…” “And what?” I smiled. “I liked you”, Morpheus replied seriously. “You saw me. You stopped to talk to me. You weren’t scary by my demeanor”.

“Something in your words tells me that people weren’t good for you”, I said. “I have so much fun these days. I didn’t regret meeting you”. “It just ended badly”, he sighed. “Are you ready to return to the beach”? “I'm actually ready to find real food and some interesting places here”, I smiled. “And I want you to drink wine with me”. “I can’t say no to this”, he smirked. So we found an incredibly expensive place. But Morpheus insisted to pay for dinner.

“You will spoil me”, I smiled. “Someone should too, as one my friend said”, he replied. “It’s nothing from me. But it will make you smile”. “You are so sweet”, I admitted. “No”, he smirked. “I’m not”. “You are saying this, but I saw another picture”, I said. “I just…think that you are scared by prices and wanted to pay this for you”, he shrugged. “It’s nothing special”. “Oh no, you are wrong”, I smiled. “You are kind. Not everyone can do this for me so effortlessly. Thank you!” He blushed again. And picked the table for us. “I started to think that you’re doing this on purpose”, he admitted. “What?” I asked, taking the menu. “Making me blush”, he said. “Oh?” I smirked. “I should confess: blush suits you”. “Impossible woman”, he sighed. “You like it, admit it”, I said.

“I like it”, he confessed. “What are you going to order”. “I want something with seafood», I replied. “Mussels, shrimps, and white wine. And maybe, a dessert? Or it’s too much?” “No, as you wish”, he agreed. He ordered only a glass of wine for himself though. I was thinking that sometimes when you don’t want to fall in love, it happens anyway. And with a man like Morpheus, it would be easy. But if he has some bad experience with relationships, it would be understandable that he doesn’t want a new one. Especially the one that can end in heartache for both of us. But why do I feel like I know him for eternity?

  “So, when you were planning to go here, did you also plan for romance?” he asked. “Where?” I smirked. “On the beach with you?” “You are truly impossible”, he groaned and then smiled. “No, when you were coming to Greece, of course?” “I didn’t think about it really”, I said. “I just need time away from everything”. “So was I”, he nodded. “So I understand this need”. “Really?” I asked surprised. “Yes”, the man sighed. “My life was difficult lately. And even…traumatized. My sister told me to change place to look at everything from a different perspective”. “This was wise advice”, I smiled. “But I’m sorry that life was shit for you lately. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really”, he said. “But I heard that you talk to someone, it can make it easier for you”, I replied. “Honesty for honesty”, he suggested. “Okay”, I sighed. “I have a difficult relationship with my family. And my boyfriend left me for the younger girl”. “Wow”, Morpheus remarked. “It’s sad”. “Yes, your turn”, I whispered. “I mourned the death of my son and couldn’t bear the weight of my responsibilities, pain, and grief. It’s almost consumed me”. “The death of your son?” I asked, “Shit! I’m so sorry! I don’t have a clue”. “You couldn’t know about that”, his voice was emotionless. “And it was a long time ago”.

If it was a long time ago, his son should be young. Maybe, he lost him not long after his birth. And is he married? “It’s terrible”, I noticed. “I shouldn’t ask”. “I can’t blame you for wanting to know more about me”, he said. “But I don’t want to put my burden on your shoulders too”. “I asked for it”, I said and touched his hand. “Your pain must be strong. But you shouldn’t be alone with her”. He took my fingers in his hand and smiled gently. This gentle smile suits him. And I felt my heart flipped in the chest. “You are too kind”, he admitted. “No, you are just too harsh to yourself”, I smiled. “I was always alone”, Morpheus said. “My parents or my siblings don’t understand me. That is why I grew to deal with my pain alone”. “But you shouldn’t”, I said. “You just need to find someone to talk to”. “Thank you for your kind words”, he smiled.

We almost forgot about the time when we should return to the boat. Time with Morpheus flew very quickly. We didn’t swim a lot, but I didn’t regret this. I still have time to swim. We came back in silence. “Don’t you want another walk to town?” he asked when we return to Athens. “Why not?” I smiled and let him take me somewhere. “When will you have the tour to Acropolis?” he asked. “Soon”, I supposed. “Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow”. “And to Meteora?” he asked again. “Tomorrow either”, I shrugged. “Why?” “I want to accompany you if you don’t mind”, he replied. “Of course, I don’t mind”, I said. “You know it, right?” “Perhaps”, he asked.

  And then he kissed my hand, making me blush. His lips were warm and I felt like we were left alone in this town. “I should be scared, because you take me somewhere private, where no one can see us”. I whispered. “But I don’t”. “I’m happy to know that I earned your trust”, he said. “I won’t hurt you, I can promise you that. Do you believe me?” “I do”, I smiled. We were wandering around till twilight. And then Morpheus said, that I need dinner and to rest. So he bought me dinner and took me to the cabins. It was a wonderful day. And I didn’t want it to end.

“Don’t you want to come inside?” I suggested when he brought me to the cabin. “Not tonight”, he smiled. “You need to rest”. “Promise me, I will see you tomorrow”, I said. “Of course”, he smiled. “Meteora and Acropolis”. Then he took a step forward and his lips briefly touched mine. It made my blood boil. But then he smirked and disappeared in the night.

@shadowqueen1318 @mypsychoticlove  @justathirstyhoe​ @ladymoztaza

[patronsaintofmath]

y’all

i think my coworker & i are becoming friends? or at least on the path of becoming friends. we haven’t hung out outside of work yet & we haven’t shared anything deep & personal w each other which is kinda part of my criteria for becoming friends w someone. but anyways i was a fool yesterday. she was working the afternoon shift & she told me someone left cupcakes so i should go get some. look, i work the morning shift but she had told me twice about the cupcakes so i was like ok yeah i’ll go BUT THEN I STAYED DURING HER SHIFT JUST SO I CAN TALK TO HER LIKE A LOSER. embarrassing for me frfr. but anyways while i was there, we signed up for a kickboxing class together. but let me get into today’s stuff. today is thursday & thursdays we usually clean the mats in the gym & the weight room. we were just talking for like half an hour instead of cleaning the mats & i told her i wanted to go the state parks & beaches during summer but i didn’t wanna drive so she was like “i’ll drive” ???? she’d want to hang out w me ???? i’m always so surprised when people WANT to hang out w me bc if i find myself repulsive & lame, then others must too. like i would not wanna be my friend if i was someone else. what does that say about me. clearly i gotta practice self love. anyways yeah she said she wants to hang out in the summer & she said i can teach her how to skate 😭. then when we were back at the desk w the boss lady, the boss lady was like talking about how my coworker had never expressed any interest in skateboarding until i came along & now ALL OF A SUDDEN my coworker is into skateboards & she even bought one. that reminds me of my friend in high school who got into tech decks bc i introduced her to them. anyways, yeah my coworker has done her skateboarding research & probably knows more than me now except for the actual skating part. also, i think i’ve mentioned it but she wears like a black sweater & black pants every day. her shirt varies from light gray to regular grey to dark gray & black. but she texted me today like ayo what stores should i shop from. which at the time i didn’t find odd but now that i’m typing about it i’m like hm that varies a lot from person to person bc like our tastes in clothing is different. but i told her about cool stores for the youngins like me. but i just feel like idk. like i don’t wanna get attached to her. IM ECSTATIC SOMEONE WANTS TO HANG OUT W ME & WANTS TO BE MY BUDDY. but then i feel like oh no i’m influencing her too much i don’t wanna get attached cannot get attached to any more people. this is very clearly some issue i have w pushing people away. but i don’t care bc i feel safer this way. anyways, idk i just idk. i wish i was better yknow? like maybe this is just my people pleasing tendencies arising but like idk. OOH ALSO I LEARNED THAT SHE PRACTICED moi tai idk how to spell it but that’s how i pronounce it. it’s like a type of martial arts. so ya that’s cool. my boss lady doesn’t like when we work together bc we mess around a lot. also i found out my coworker doesn’t do any type of drugs. which is cool bc yknow that’s healthy & whatnot but i wanted to ask her if she’d be down to get high w me like i think that would be hilarious bc we are always laughing together anyways. but yeah that’s this week. also you know how i look forward to working w her every week? i think she looks forward to working w me too bc she often asks for my schedule & shes tells me how many hours we’ll get to work together. super cool.

[never-not-ever]

So I have therapy in a few minutes starting at 11 and I’m sitting in my car at the beach using my laptop and I hope this wifi connection is strong enough cause I hate virtuals in my car. 

I remember last year I used to do them during my lunch hour using my phone and that sucked and I would get so distracted by the customers coming and going in the building. At least I’m at a quiet part of the beach... Ironically it’s the same spot that I went to years ago and cut myself in my car which was not something I ever did or continued to do. It was such a weird day. Like I remember going to CVS after group, buying stuff and then coming here and then writing about it afterward/days later for my diary card it was all very spontaneous. Like even after CVS I was like yea I’ll just head home and then last minute came to the beach.

Anyways, I’m glad I actually got out of bed instead of snoozing it and snoozing it and saying fuck it and just staying home to do my virtual therapy. My girlfriend even said “I know what you’re going to talk about so what’s the point” and I said I still want my privacy. I was planning on going in town to get coffee but the traffic was too much so I just went to Starbucks and got a Vanilla Cream Cold Brew and took a sip as I was leaving and it wasn’t sweet at all... I went back in and asked for Splenda but they definitely just used plain cream instead of the vanilla syrupy cream. I should have just asked them (nicely) to remake it... 

Ugh really not looking forward to this... Clearly seeing as I’m going on tangents on here...

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2021 Slept well last night and I’m looking forward to going to the beach at sunrise this morning before our grocery order arrives! This is the one that’s 7 minutes away but only 1000 feet long. We’re not going to swim. We’re just going to walk along the shore and see what it’s like. No anxiety today either. :-)

Tom still believes that we will get our stuff but I’m starting to worry that we’re never going to see it again. Therefore, since instant coffee kind of sucks, I decided to get a really pretty and versatile Keurig coffee maker for $100 that I’ve had in my save for later for over a year. Unlike my other dull wine-colored one, this one is a nice bright yet soft blue. It’s called Oasis. It’s kind of a cross between sky blue and mint green but definitely has more blue in it than green.

Right now I am cooking my first meal in my new cute little pale pink cooker. A chicken leg, some sliced baby potatoes, and broccoli. Looked up a recipe for slow-cooked spaghetti, and when we get our Walmart order, I’ll have the ingredients to make that for both of us to enjoy. I love the liners this thing comes with!

The TPA did respond after all, but they told me the same shit… File a complaint. Yeah, but what good does filing complaints do if they’re not willing to make any changes?

I could hear that fucking tractor in the bedroom very easily when I was listening to my audiobook before bed yesterday morning. Therefore I turned on the sound machine and started reading with my eyes.

So those two soft mystery thumps are his phone. I noticed after I sent messages while his phone was out here and he was in the bedroom napping that I heard that sound that I thought was coming from somewhere outside.

Anyway, iPhones are great for doing speech-to-text. My Android stopped inserting new paragraphs when I would command it to.

MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2021 Sure enough, the thunder woke me up. So that makes six times in this month alone. That’s way too much. Staying here is simply making up for traffic at the other place. I really do think we’re going to have to sell out and get to dryer ground. Preferably where it doesn’t get horribly cold. That wasn’t the only thing to wake me up, though. I would hot flash, I would have to pee, and I had a series of weird dreams but I’ll get to that in a minute.

The planes have been the same. Sometimes they’re coming one after another and other times hours go by. In the last few days, I’ve heard more helicopters so hopefully that won’t become a regular thing here. So glad we’re not at the other place now as much as I do miss some aspects of it like not having to worry about the mailman waking me up with packages. If we’re both asleep when it’s delivered, Maurice may not only honk but also knock on the door and that’s just right behind the bedroom closet which means it may wake me up.

Missing some aspects of it or not, I’m still glad we’re out of the old place. This is the time of year when the freeway starts being a regular nuisance and my ears never get a break from some kind of noise, day or night.

I contacted the TPA on Twitter and Facebook as to why they’re always flying over us so much when there really isn’t any need to, and not at all surprisingly, I was completely ignored. I think they all pretty much have a protocol of sorts where they agree that hey, they’re flying everywhere like crazy, they’re going to get a shitload of complaints, so let’s just ignore everybody. But why the fuck do you need to fly over us to get to Dallas???

Started getting anxious but then I took my second Gennev earlier and it backed off. Thank God for that stuff! But the question still remains as to whether or not it’s the medication or the hormones. Tom’s pretty sure it’s the hormones. I guess that if I can still have hot flashes, I could still have anxiety.

I’m getting to be addicted to candles! This time around I’m getting a brown sugar and caramel candle. This one is a little smaller and a little more expensive but should be worth it since I love brown sugar and caramel. Can’t wait to eventually get a variety pack on Amazon.

For now, I’m getting what looks like the best chopper/grater/slicer ever. I was actually looking for a cheese grater when I spotted it. It seems like the most versatile, easiest to use, and easiest to clean one that I’ve ever seen. This way I can have one appliance doing it all instead of my old mandolin, my other slicer, a grater, etcetera. It would be a definite space saver as well.

Since it’s so much darker here we’re also going to get a couple of battery-operated motion-sensing lights. I want to stick one on the bathroom wall opposite the door so that it sees me pushing the door open when I get up to pee at night. I might also place one somewhere in the bedroom so it can light my path to that bathroom when I’m up at night and cutting through the bedroom to get to it. I’ll just have to make sure I keep it away from the bed so it can’t sense any movement when I’m sleeping.

I’m also getting a cheap pack of light-sensing nightlights. I never should have gotten rid of theirs. But then they were old and dusty and one of the bulbs was going out on one of them.

Molly’s being an annoying little shit again trying to drag me into her neverending woes with the guys she stalks. Why do I even bother with people like her? I told her I didn’t want to get involved. She has one more chance to get it through her thick skull that what’s going on with her and others is none of my business. If she still doesn’t get it, I’ll delete her. She’s having a biopsy done under her tongue tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if it’s anything serious but somehow I doubt it is. It usually isn’t any way, and why would God kill a crazy waste product that’s taking up space when He can kill a valuable member of society that’s intelligent and has a lot to offer the world in general?

I’m excited to get to the beach soon! We decided that it’s pointless to wait so we’re going to check out the small beach that’s a 7-minute drive from here. We’re not going to swim or anything like that. We’re just going to check it out and walk along the shore, just to see what it’s like, and whether or not it’s worth returning in swimsuits. If not, we’ll go to some other beach. I’m so excited to get back to the beach that I actually feel tears of joy sting my eyes! I don’t know why but I just miss the water so much. It’s been so long. I’ve only been to the beach a few times in three decades. I just want to get to the water. I want to live on it. I want to be on it, in it, and all around it! We’ll be going in another day or two.

Cyber Pals is going to be the name of my next book. I finished most of the proofreading of my last book. Mia gave me the idea. I thought it would be cool to have a woman who was asked by a woman who is obsessed with her to test her new AI friend app only it’s not really a test. It’s actually her trying to fish for information so she can stalk her more easily.

And now for the strange bits and pieces of dreams that I remember. First I was using a touchscreen monitor that was mounted to the wall and became frustrated when it turned into this wet fuzzy stuff that made the screen impossible to read.

Then the termite popped in and showed me an old picture of myself on a tablet. I was younger and wearing a short denim skirt or shorts with a halter top the parents definitely wouldn’t have approved of. She was whispering in hushed tones wanting me to do something that she didn’t want the others in the room to hear. Because I was unable to hear what the hell she was saying, she got frustrated and stormed off. I mentally planned to tell her off in a message later.

Then we were moving again and getting stuff we stored in various places in some building somewhere. Under the floor in a hallway, Tom lifted a board and pulled out a huge envelope stuffed with lots of cash that we’d been saving. A young dark-haired girl with her hair pulled back in a bun who was wearing a blouse and a pencil skirt who worked there looked like she really wished she’d known that the money was there all along.

Then I retrieved Bailey from somewhere and we were running to our house. It was dark and in the early evening. For a minute I stopped and pointed to the back of Bailey’s head and said something about her having a red dot (a zit). Tom ran ahead of me and I continued running, careful not to drop and break the doll.

In another dream, we bought our old house back even though it looked different. I didn’t seem to be happy or sad about being back there. I was a little frustrated that the writing I left on the countertop now fell upon me to have to be the one to clean it off. I would also have to get rid of the trash I left behind.

In the last dream, I had very long layers. My longest layer almost covered my ass and the shortest fell just below my waist.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2021 Jessie says that when they get settled they want to visit Anna Marie Island which is in the Bradenton area because dolphins swim with you there and she loves dolphins. I want to go too!

I can smell my new Moonlit Orchard candle but just barely. The other one, Cozy Comfort, is better. At least we won’t have to worry if there’s a power failure!

I was so excited to get this Hershey’s lip balm pack, and while they do keep my lips moist, they don’t taste all that great.

I don’t want to quit the black cohosh completely but of course I don’t want to mess up my stomach either, so I’m alternating between one black cohosh tablet every other day and one cup of weak black cohosh tea.

We’re still setting up the place little by little and picking things out online to get for the house. I have a pink tank top on the way, butterfly-themed nail stickers, and a light pink 2-quart slow cooker. I’m really excited about that last one! It’s so much easier for slow-cooked stuff than trying to do it in a regular oven not to mention the fact that it saves on electricity and doesn’t heat the place up as much. It comes with liners and recipes too.

I tried slow-cooking some pork chops in the oven the other day but they came out too dry. Even the ones I threw in a bag of McCormick seasoning were kind of dry although it wasn’t exactly the greatest cut of meat to begin with. The seasoning packet was also too salty but at least he loved it.

We’re also going to replace the vertical blinds in the living room. They’ll just be plain white blinds.

I picked out a new valance for the kitchen window. I decided not to go with a two-tier swag valance like what’s in here and to just get a valance to run across the top of the window. Got a design with blue leaves to go with our blue countertops.

We got bigger hooks and he put the large parrot back up over my desk.

Hurricane Ida looks like a naughty little devil at a category 3 or 4 but isn’t expected in Florida. I’m sure we’ll get some rain because of it, though. I love the mix of rain and sunshine here. The air quality index is at 25 here which is good air. It was a whopping 176 in Citrus Heights which is very unhealthy! I can’t believe how many triple-digit days they’ve been having and how dry it’s gotten there. So glad we moved when we did!

It really seems like the world is slowly but surely going to hell. Climate change, the delta variant soaring, the fucking Taliban and their shit, women losing rights.

Anyway, in the midst of all the bullshit going on in the world, I’m looking forward to receiving the package Kim is sending. She showed me a picture of it, lol. Wow, though, this is the first package I’ve gotten from her since the 90s! Since the candles are in glass jars, she said she wouldn’t be surprised if one or two broke but we’ll see. She marked the box fragile not that the post office would give a shit, of course.

As for the crazy Kim in Connecticut…crazy or not, repetitious or not, I do miss our chats at times. So I reached out to Carol and asked if she was going to be returning to social media anytime soon. She said she will not be returning. Wow, she’s really put her foot down this time on Kim’s internet activities. Sure took her over a decade, though.

I told her to tell Kim I said hello and that we finally moved to Florida on the Gulf Coast. She said that if I wanted to do so, once a month or so I could send her a letter which she would print out for her, and then she would have her write a letter back that she would send me through Messenger so we could still be pen pals. I decided that would be a great idea because then no addresses are given out and it would be nice to keep in touch even though I’m sure it’ll be the same old silly repetitious stuff from her. I’m sure she’ll love it and this way I won’t be abandoning her in any way. I got the feeling Carol was keen on the idea as well.

When I ran the name Deanne N on Facebook, I found one account that doesn’t seem to be used. There’s no activity on it or profile and cover photos. Even so, I sent a Messenger invite.

Since it’s been 6 months, I couldn’t resist saying hello to Alyssa and updating her even though I doubt she’ll hear the audios I left.

Took my 7th dose of the Lannett and while I was fine last night, tonight I’m slightly anxious. I really wonder if it’s because I’ve been drinking too much lately. I hardly felt any anxiety like this when we were in the hotels and I didn’t drink while we were there but maybe a few times. I think one or two glasses a day is too much and I really need to make that more like one or two glasses a week.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 28, 2021 Dodged the storms once again and got to sleep okay. The only thing I remember besides getting up to pee was that I could have sworn a loud vehicle overrode the sound machine but again he said there was nothing unusual other than the mail truck and UPS. All stuff that never woke me up before here that I know of, and we don’t have any speed bumps here so it’s not like UPS can go crashing into them. I don’t know if I was dreaming or what. As usual, I woke up tired but not so tired that I couldn’t function.

Last night we went to the pool around 9 when the sun had just about set and swam to the tune of the usual planes. I swear they’re just as bad here as they are in the winter at the old place but it wasn’t really that fun and exciting swimming at night because it was not only slightly chilly but the pool wasn’t lit either. This was kind of surprising. I thought they’d at least light it up so we could see if we were swimming into any dead bees or anything like that. They always have music playing from a speaker in the ceiling of this area that sort of looks like an outside diner where there are tables and chairs set up with a grill at one end. I hate it because I go there to swim, not to be entertained. So it annoys me for the same reasons it annoys me in stores and restaurants, and yes, they do that shit here as well.

I had a dream we were still getting ready to leave and I ran into my ENT somewhere. She kind of gave me an annoyed look as if to say, “Come on, I’ve seen you enough times since you said you were leaving, we’ve already said our goodbyes, so leave already.”

I told her it was getting really close and asked some question pertaining to moving. It was a stupid silly question that really was a no-brainer and I kind of felt like an idiot for asking her in the end.

So anyway, we went to Walgreens today and got some snacks. I got some Zinfandel and glittery nail stickers. As soon as I stepped out of the house there was a plane flying over us. As soon as we came back there was a plane flying over us. sighs So it really does suck.

I asked Molly; whether they’re loud or soft, big or small, does she hear many planes there. She said tons of them. They’ve definitely gotten to be a problem everywhere, that’s for sure. It’s late and I’m still hearing one after another. Just in the time we’ve been here, it seems to have gotten worse because they used to taper off earlier.

Had one of those psychic brainstorms. One of those moments that hit me out of the blue where I suddenly just know something without a doubt. He had just stepped into the bathroom and I was folding laundry when it hit me that no, this isn’t our forever home. I have no idea how long we’re going to live here or where we’re going to end up, but I know we’re not going to be here for the rest of our lives. I don’t know how I know but I just do and it’s a very strong feeling.

Got the nose clips today for swimming and they’re so cute because there are like a dozen or so of them and each is a different color. They’ve definitely come a long way since I last had nose clips. I used to have plastic ones but these are silicone.

We also got three more matching seat covers for the kitchen chairs with grey and black streaks across a white background. I wanted to go with neutral colors that wouldn’t clash with the overall decor and it looks very stylish and classy.

We went walking around 9 as it was just getting dark, but it was just so humid that I didn’t want to go as far as I would have liked to. It was still gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but there wasn’t enough of a breeze. So we went down the street which is a long one, and then turned around and came back. I jogged a little bit of the way too, and ended up out there for about 14 minutes.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 27, 2021 Still not feeling as at home here as I wish I was. I got back to doing voice tweets since it’s important to me to have a vocal version of my journal given how tired I am as often as I am. Besides, it’s fun and it’s something different even though I don’t appear to have many listeners at all. That’s okay, though, as I’m doing it for myself. Listeners are just an afterthought.

My biggest concern here is what it’s always been and that’s being woken up every time I’m on nights by the storms. I seem to have the sound machine loud enough to block out the thumps if it isn’t the soundproofing that’s doing that but the storms are still the biggest threat to my sleep. I just worry that I’ve traded in sleep issues for more sleep issues just like some days it seems I’ve traded in many planes for many more planes. Yes, there are pros here. It’s cheaper, it’s warmer, we don’t have the crazy traffic, and I like soft water … but believe it or not, even though I don’t want to go back to Cali, I do miss some aspects of the old place. Even though I wasn’t happy there; when you’re in a place for eight years you do get used to it and you miss some of those little things like having doctors you’ve worked with for years that you’re comfortable with, the neighbors you knew, and most of all the space. That’s what I miss most is having extra space. But then if we don’t get our stuff, space isn’t going to be as big of an issue.

But yeah, there are those little things I miss. The bidet we had there was better. I didn’t need to turn on the light when I would get up to pee in the middle of the night, because the street light provided enough of a glow to see where I was going. I’m learning to feel my way around, though. Especially now that I have the bed where it’s at. I just take a few steps before I reach the door and then a few more to get to the toilet since that bathroom isn’t very big.

Not a hint of anxiety today which is great. My only complaint is that I still feel like I don’t have enough privacy or alone time. I did ask him to copy my schedule because of the medication brand concerns but as I told him, if I can get through the weekend I should be fine. I love his company but I was always a loner. I feel like I’m more productive that way, and well, I’m just one of those who need space at times. I think we all do except for him. I asked him if he wants alone time at times and he said he doesn’t need it and I don’t know if he’s just saying that to be different or the opposite of me or if he really feels that way but I know that I need more time alone. It’s just that I don’t want to push the issue and make him feel bad because he’s sensitive enough that he would take it personally when it has nothing to do with him. It’s me. It’s just how I am.

It’s 3 in the morning and a plane is going by right now. It’s FedEx just like at the other place when it would go by at this time. I swear, I can run, but I can’t escape the same old shit. It seems to follow me everywhere but I don’t know that there are many places left in the country without the plane craze.

Tom and I were sitting in the living room and he pointed out how we could never sit in the living room and have it be that quiet in the other place because of all the traffic and that he believes that I’m hearing more planes because it’s so quiet here, but I’m sorry. I’m hearing more planes because there are more planes. I mean come on. I’ve lived in other places where you didn’t have a lot of traffic and everyday landscaping yet I didn’t hear planes galore. Even when Jesse’s mutts were going off when we lived in Auburn you didn’t hear planes like this. I’ve lived in a million places yet it’s only been CH and this place that I’ve heard dozens of planes a day.

Speaking of planes, no they weren’t responsible for waking me up as I thought. I must have been dreaming if it wasn’t something else. I laid there when I was awake listening to the same nature sounds at the same volume, and they don’t fly low enough to be heard over it.

The 10-cast (coincidentally) shows that it’s going to be stormy during the days I’ll be sleeping - or trying to - in the late afternoon and will be clearing up once I get past that time. Again, it really is hard to believe that’s just a coincidence. I can’t keep going through this shit every single fucking time I’m on nights. I just can’t.

I kept hearing sounds behind me and thought he came out to the kitchen, but I looked back and saw the bedroom door was closed. So I got up and saw this thing sitting on the counter. My first thought was that it was a really huge moth. I had the wrong glasses on but as I got closer I could see that it was a frog. I knew I couldn’t just go up to it, pick it up, and put it outside, so I hit the poor thing with a flyswatter. It then jumps onto the paper plates and I hit it again and the poor bastard jumps into the utility holder. So I pulled out the utensils and slapped the paper plates over it to cover it and keep it from escaping. Then I brought it outside and freed it. I was glad I could do this in the end because I really didn’t want to kill it.

Facebook really pissed me off the other day. First they preach freedom of expression and how they want people to be themselves but then they have all these fucking restrictions. It wasn’t “hate” to use the term fucking Muslims when it came to the Taliban that took over Afghanistan, it was how I feel about these animals disguised as humans and I feel that way because of their behavior and not where they’re from. But of course it wasn’t politically correct for me to say and I’m only welcome to be free to express myself when it’s what people want to hear.

So the bastards made the comment visible only to me and sent me this automated thing saying that I could disagree with it if I wanted to and that they understand that people make mistakes.

But I didn’t make a mistake. I meant everything I said. Even though it wouldn’t do me any good, I disagreed with their decision to control my right to speech. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a box where I could defend myself and give any kind of explanation not that I felt I owed one. It just really pisses me off that you can’t say anything negative about anybody no matter how much misery, pain, and suffering they put others through. What’s next? Getting in trouble for bad-mouthing pedophiles or something? We can feel free to say what kind of foods or music we don’t like and it just seems we should be able to do the same with people we don’t like. I don’t like these savage sickos. I can’t stand them and I wish them nothing but death, and you know what? I don’t feel a damn bit of shame or guilt for saying so. If you want to call me a bigot, you go right ahead for I make no apologies for not liking those who give me a good reason not to like them.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 26, 2021 Today was my fourth dose of the Lannett brand and no problems so far today. Could have sworn a plane woke me up a couple of hours before I got up but he said he didn’t hear anything loud at that time. This is the second time I thought a plane woke me up, too. It’s got to have been something that he just didn’t notice. The storms will be back to mess with my sleep soon as well. Again, I know how this sleep curse works. I only get so many days off before my sleep is disrupted for days. I just hope it isn’t 5 days like last time. That was way too extreme!

What I’m really getting worried about is our stuff. He’s going to call them yet again tomorrow and see if he can find out what’s going on. I’m starting to wonder if we’re ever going to see it again. It’s still hard to believe we won’t since this is a big, well-known moving company. The contract still says they have until the 31st to deliver it. I should have fucking known it would take this long, too. Well, I just hope to hell it shows up because it will cost them a hell of a lot more when we get done suing them than it would for them to drive the shit out to us.

On the way out, we noticed that part of 19 was closed and figured there was probably an accident containing a fatality. We later read that yes, a motorcyclist was killed.

We went into Tarpon Springs to get the mail. This was at Staples. While we were there I picked out a new desk chair that’s much more comfortable and more functional than the pink one. It’s a black leather chair for $150. I just wish to hell I wasn’t so damn short! It would really make my life easier.

We also went to a dollar store. Last time it was Dollar General, this time Dollar Tree. I got a rainbow spinner we’ll put out front tomorrow and a cute coloring poster with a velvet background to pass the time with. Plus I got some patchouli incense that doesn’t smell like patchouli. I don’t know what it is but it’s not patchouli.

Then we stopped at a charging station and enjoyed a cool thunderstorm. I love them when I’m awake. After that, we headed to Burger King.

Later…

The chronic fatigue goes on even though I slept well. However, I won’t be sleeping well for who knows how many days given where my schedule is heading. I think that might be part of why sleep disturbances are so hard on me. When you’re taking an already fatigued person and waking them up, of course it would leave the person exhausted.

It’s storming right now and this is the time that it usually storms if it’s going to. It should be cleared up by 9 which is when I want to go swimming. We’ve never been swimming at night yet here. Listening to the sound of rain now is nice. It would be great if the planes could stay out of it but of course they can’t. According to what I read, no one’s enforcing the flight paths these days so they’re flying erratically all over the place, including places they shouldn’t be flying over, and there is absolutely no need to fly over like us. I wonder when and if they’ll ever give a shit enough to do anything about mandating stricter paths so that they’re not flying over so many neighborhoods. I doubt it, though, any more than they’ll ever do anything about all the fucking car stereos.

Anyway, I got my latest Gennev newsletter and they say that Omega 3 is good for brain fog and fatigue. I don’t want to take supplements but I should focus on foods higher in Omega 3 which is mostly fish and nuts. I would love to eat fish every day and I would if it wasn’t for the mercury.

He hasn’t gotten ahold of the insurance company yet to find out if I can see an ENT that’s closer to us but he did get ahold of the movers. It turns out they’ve already broken their contract. It expires 21 days after they pick up your stuff. The woman he talked to swears we’re still going to get our stuff and that every day that they’re late, that’s $30 we get back. Tom believes we’re going to get our stuff but I don’t know what to think anymore. It is a big company that’s well-known but given the fact that our stuff was picked up by a bunch of Mexicans, I worry that it’s been stolen and sold. Maybe most of it has been pawned off in Mexico by now for all I know.

Had a dream we won $1,000 from a scratch ticket. Then I had another dream where Tom misunderstood what I meant when I said, “I noticed you looking at me,” and was referring to him watching me handle some kind of gadget.

Yet he acted frustrated and I asked him what was wrong. That’s when he said, “The last thing I want to do is get in your pants.”

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2021 The mower woke me up yesterday (I forgot about them and didn’t have the sound machine loud enough) but was due to get up around that time anyway. Have a feeling I’m on the verge of the next shitty sleep cycle where things wake me up more than usual.

Tom always said he wasn’t able to hear those mystery thumps I’ve been hearing but he heard them twice yesterday at around 8 in the morning. He went and looked outside but didn’t see any sign of movement anywhere and couldn’t tell where it was coming from. So he’s just as baffled as I am, though car doors make the most sense, even if he didn’t see anyone coming or going.

There was a time I swear it sounded like someone drove up in back but there’s no way they could get through all that tall vegetation.

What was kind of funny for a change is that thunder woke him up at around 5 in the morning but not me. It obviously wasn’t loud enough to override the sound machine. He doesn’t sleep with any background noise other than an air cleaner if we ever see it again along with the rest of our stuff. The only difference is that he doesn’t mind being woken up. Well, I sure do because I hate being tired. Being woken up doesn’t seem to have such a negative effect on him as it does on me. Hell, I’m tired even when I don’t get woken up. I think it’s because of my thyroid but he thinks it’s stress. I don’t know why stress would have such an effect on me like this when it never used to. There’s always something going on in life so I guess I’m going to be tired for the rest of it. It really sucks because while he can still do the things he used to do when he was younger, there are so many things I could never do now that I used to do. There’s no way I could dance like I once did. There’s no way I could only sleep a couple of hours and go to the beach in New Hampshire with Kim like I once did.

It just doesn’t make sense for me to be this tired so often. The day we left the house and the day we flew out here, I was way more tired than I should have been. It seems too extreme for stress but I can’t believe I have any cancer growing that’s sucking up my energy so that’s why I wonder if it’s my thyroid. It doesn’t have to be that bad to cause fatigue. Yet way too often I wake up feeling not at all refreshed even when I sleep okay. Also, there are many times when I start off with decent energy just to end up exhausted in the middle of my day as if I’d been up for 12 or more hours.

He said it thundered on and off for about an hour and a half. As I said, though, it seems I’m only allowed to go so many days in a row without being woken up, so I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if something woke me up tomorrow. The question is whether or not it will be thumps or thunder. Those seem to be the two main things here.

I still have my doubts about the soundproofing being effective even though we’ve finally decided on what the inner layer is going to be. He decided he didn’t want to deal with the dust and mess that drywall brings nor the expense and fragility of cork. So we decided to get wallboards that would be more consistent with what’s around the house anyway. Again, though, I have serious doubts about it working. I think it’s going to end up being a waste of time and money just like everything we tried in the last place.

So we headed for Palm Harbor to see the new doctor and it took 45 minutes to get there. If we have to make the trip twice a year, it’ll be okay since he isn’t working and we don’t always have anything better to do. Even when we do, we still have plenty of time to spare so I don’t mind the drive. It’s just that we have to stop and charge the car on the way back. Got a little worried there for a minute but I’ll get to that after.

To sum it up in a nutshell, I need more thyroid meds, need statins, probably need BP meds, need to go to the lab, need a shingles vaccination, GYN exam, mammogram, and colonoscopy.

It was storming when we got there. Instead of a big building or having to go down any hallways to get to the doctor’s office, we just walked straight in the door and up to the reception desk. I checked in and only had to wait a few minutes before a nurse named Amy took me into one of the exam rooms. Tom was with me since it was my first time seeing Dr. D.

I shrunk a bit down to 4’10” from 4’10¾”. What really shocked the shit out of me was that I’m only 161 lbs. Oh, that’s huge, I know, but I really thought I would be at least 165. But to be 161 in a heavy dress and after eating tells me I’m still waking up around 157 which means I really haven’t gained any weight since the move.

I only had to wait a few minutes after she took my temperature and blood pressure the old-fashioned way. I prefer that to the electronic blood pressure cuff. Naturally, they noticed my blood pressure was high.

So the doctor came in and I really didn’t get any bad or good feelings about her one way or the other. She was just there like some of my doctors start off to be. Even my ENT was just there initially and I wasn’t really sure what to think of Doc A at first. I definitely miss them. It’s always comforting to stick with those you’re familiar with and I think she knew and understood this and that I do have white coat anxiety, especially with someone I don’t know.

The doctor was a little above average height with short straight blonde hair and light eyes. She was very skinny as well. Pretty sure she’s listed as being 40 years old but don’t know if that’s up-to-date because she looked closer to the late forties to me.

I was surprised to find a video link of hers on the medical group’s website which is AdventHealth. Well, it wasn’t that I was surprised to find a video with her saying how much she loves being a doctor and all that but I was surprised that she named her husband and two sons. Doctors are usually pretty impersonal much like jail guards and don’t tend to give personal information out.

So it was a pretty typical appointment with no real surprises. In other words, she told me what I mostly didn’t want to hear. She was very businesslike too. She didn’t joke or go off-topic in any way. She was quick to remind me that I’m putting myself at risk of a stroke or a heart attack by not taking statins, having high blood pressure, and taking risks by not having lady exams. Logically, I know that’s correct but I still just don’t believe I’m going to get anything serious anytime soon. At least not anything as serious as a heart attack, a stroke, or cancer. I’m sure Aly didn’t expect to die when she did but still. Maybe I’m wrong in trusting my intuition but I’ve always had a feeling that while I wouldn’t necessarily grow old enough to hit my 80s, I just don’t see myself going before I’m in my 70s.

Nonetheless, even though I have a right to refuse as I have for now, she recommends mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, and even a shingles vaccination. I definitely do not want to have that vax after how rough it was on Tom. He still has to get his second one too. He’ll be seeing the doctor in a few months or so.

I was telling her that at 55 and not having something like 50-60 years to live, I just don’t feel as compelled to have all these tests done and put myself through the pain and discomfort when I feel like I’m okay, and of course she didn’t get it or agree, citing that I’m “pediatrics” for Florida, which was the only funny thing she did say.

I told her about the problems I’ve had with my thyroid medication and how 88s would probably normalize my numbers but then I would worry that it would accumulate in my system and push them too low. She said I didn’t have to jump to all 88 and could throw in a couple of 88s a week which made me feel better to hear but I’m not ready for that yet. I think we should find out what my numbers are before we make any decisions, although as I suspected, and as she pointed out, my thyroid not being optimal is probably what’s causing my fatigue. She said something about vitamin B12 as well. I guess maybe I could be lacking in that although I’m pretty sure Doc A tested me for that and I wasn’t. We’ll find out within a couple of weeks when I go to the lab! Then I’ll do labs again and see her again in 6 months.

Tom and I talked about it afterward and we don’t think I need blood pressure medicine. We think that if I just watch what I eat, I’ll be okay. It’s mostly when I get stressed out that it goes up, and as she said, the top number is what typically goes up when under stress.

We talked about my sleep disorder and she’s also given me a referral to an ENT but unfortunately, it’s a guy. Looks American, though, when I looked him up so I shouldn’t have any problems understanding him.

When we were out, Tom had problems with his phone. He couldn’t connect to the Wi-Fi. This was a concern because we had to stop at the charging station on the way back and weren’t sure if it had a credit card insert. Fortunately, it did. We would have really been in a tough situation if it didn’t because we couldn’t have called AAA to pick us up. I’m sure we could have stopped somewhere to use a phone but I’m glad we didn’t have to.

While the car was charging, we walked across the parking lot to Baskin-Robbins and he got a grilled cheese sandwich while I got a maple frosted donut and a small thing of hash browns and bacon.

Then we stopped at Walmart because I wanted a cooked chicken.

What really sucked was that ever since we got home at around 6, I felt anxious. I took my third dose of Lannett, and even though I remind myself that yes, it was just a coincidence that I became anxious after I started it the last time since it has the same ingredients Sandoz has and I’ve had both anxious and calm moments on that brand, I’m back to stressing out about it. Yesterday I had no problem at all, though.

MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 2021 Again I slept long and well although it wasn’t without some strange dreams. we still hadn’t left yet and Doc A bought me a bouquet of white flowers as a going-away present. the flowers were strange-looking but I hugged, kissed, and thanked her for them not so much because I liked them but because of the thoughtful gesture on her part.

Even stranger was the dream of her going down on me. Pretty sure it had to do with some kind of “medical” procedure instead of her actually liking me.

Got up just in time because there was a loud thunderclap when some unexpected clouds moved in. We only got a sprinkle of rain, though. But it was nice to go out without glaring sunlight. After so many years of nothing but bright sun in Cali, it’s nice to have clouds for a change. It was a fun and productive day too. First we went to return the bad iPhone and then we went to Burger King. Both the burger and fries were great.

Then we went to a dollar store - Dollar General, I’m pretty sure it was - and it was just OK. We got a few snacks and I got some vanilla-scented body spray but that was it.

My blue parakeet on a ring arrived and much to my surprise I like it better than the colorful parrot that’s twice as big! It’s so cute and very realistic looking. Tom hung it up for me and tried to rotate the hook a bit that the large bird hung on but the hook broke. Fortunately, the bird remained intact. So we’ll have to get a new hook for that. Would have loved a yellow-green parakeet similar to the blue one I just got but I couldn’t find any I liked.

Last but not least we made an appointment with my new doctor for tomorrow but it’s not going to be the first doctor we picked out in New Port Richey. It’s going to be Dr. D in Palm Harbor. It’s still a woman, she’s still American, and she’s also 40. So if I like her and we remain in the area for many years to come, maybe she can be my doctor longer than Dr. A was.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 22, 2021 Began the Lannett (JSP) brand today. Fingers crossed that the anxiety that came on about a week after starting it the last time was just a coincidence!

Mia now has five tops, five pairs of pants, one skirt, and two pairs of shoes.

Being so fat is like being disabled. It really limits what you can do. I can’t imagine walking for a half-hour at 3 miles an hour ever again. I’ve gotten way too heavy for that. So much so that I don’t know that I can get in that kind of shape again. To move that fast while toting this kind of weight? I don’t think so! Even 2.5 miles an hour is a challenge on this treadmill because of its incline. I can just imagine what the scale is going to say when we finally get our stuff. Bet I’m close to 170 by now!

The movers have until Thursday to get our stuff on the road to beat the contract deadline. I’m sure they’ll come when I’m sleeping but at least that much will be worth getting my sleep disrupted for.

Woke up with a sore throat this morning for some strange reason. Again I slept a long time. I tend to do that after not sleeping long the night before. I seem to go back and forth. So just like yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if I only slept for 6 hours and ended up tired all day. Either way, we’re going out to Brooksville tomorrow to return the defective iPhone and I’m sure we’ll make other stops along the way.

The new water filter fits and so do my new pool shoes.

Today we’re hoping to finish the basics of the soundproofing and have all the sheets of MLV up and glued at the seams. I still have my doubts but we’ll find out possibly Tuesday morning when the storms return just how effective it is.

Decided to move the bed against the back wall so I’ll only have a few steps to take to get to the bathroom when I wake up having to pee. The bathroom in the old place was lit up by streetlights but it’s very dark back there since there are no streets or lights in back at all. Once we get our stuff, I’ll dig out a night light.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 21, 2021 For every one vehicle we hear, we hear 5-10 planes. The last few days I really think the planes were worse than they were in Citrus Heights. There you didn’t hear nearly as many during the summer. The last few days it’s been one after another beginning early in the morning and extending into the night. There really is no escaping this shit, is there? I texted a complaint number from the new phone, not that it’ll change anything.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think CH was a great place to be for planes. It’s like as soon as I left, every time I check this town there’s always something visible. But when I check there, there’s usually nothing. And I’m zoomed out over a larger area of CH than here. They’re every few hours at night and every few minutes during the daytime.

Noise-cursed or not, I can’t believe we got next to a seasonal place. That’s what we’ve come to think this place was before we got here. It would explain some things like all the dishes of charcoal.

Stopping the black cohosh again. I had acid reflux most of yesterday and was slightly nauseous as well. I was bloated and burpy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2021 By the way people love to start shouting around here after 8 p.m., I worry about what the winter is going to be like. First time I heard someone’s mutt really going off too. Hopefully, they were just passing by someone else that stirred them up and it wasn’t someone that just moved in nearby letting it bark at their door.

Anyway, I slept long and well last night and I sure needed it! Why can’t I have energy like this every day? Or at least most of the time. I would definitely settle for 4 to 5 days a week of this kind of energy. But unfortunately, this is an exception and not the norm. Tomorrow I’ll be exhausted even if I seem to have slept well.

There goes that dog again. So yes, probably lives nearby. sighs Again, I dread the wintertime!

No tractor today but the skies were chock-full of dozens of planes. Really wasn’t much different than the old place except I don’t think I heard any helicopters today.

I emailed the park a couple of days ago to get a sense of how long I would have to listen to the tractor on and off by saying I might have a friend interested in one of the places in the new addition. There are something like two or three phases and I guess I’m going to have to listen to that shit until next June. At least if I understood Richard correctly. And then it’ll be something else no doubt.

The exterior wall in the bedroom now has sheets of the MLV spanning across it and when Tom went out to hear what Alexa playing an audiobook sounded like, he said there was definitely a noticeable difference. It was very muffled, he said.

It was definitely a big job and I helped in ways that I could. He’s starting to get the hang of it now. There are more steps to be done, including building the inner wall of drywall, etc. I just hope we really can bring the really loud thunder which is 110-120 decibels to somewhere in the 50s or 60s so that the sound machine can drown it out. Maybe I’ll have two offices depending on how well it works. Maybe I’ll work in the bedroom during the daytime and then out here at night.

Tom has a theory as far as what else may be causing the thumps that sometimes wake me up. I guess there’s metal under vinyl siding, and as it expands and contracts with temperature changes, it can cause a thumping sound.

Ran out to Burger King for lunch after I got my new iPhone. Again he had to call to get it activated because they couldn’t do their fucking jobs properly, and again I had to load all the apps I wanted and then log into them.

I knew Molly was stupid but I didn’t think she was so stupid that she would give her SS# to guys online pretending to be someone they’re not. Really, why would you give that information out and how could you not expect trouble to come of it?

Tweets…

Had great energy today. Why can’t it always be this way?

One plane after another since I got up. Why. Just why? Why can’t they go somewhere else?

No tractor today yet but plenty of planes.

Getting sick of sunshine when I’m awake and loud storms when I’m trying to sleep.

The dumbshit doesn’t get that I used that same account (just diff profile pic) to mess with her, LOL.

So Molly’s had biopsies done of her saliva glands or something like that after her dentist caught a suspicious spot in her mouth. Told her from my voice tweet account it was me, and that I set that account up in that name, and now we’re following each other again.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 19, 2021 My guess is Toni’s the one that’s been thumping me awake. All her car doors were open yesterday morning and she was talking to someone. They slammed the shit out of something that definitely would have woken me up. The soundproofing better stop those impact sounds!

Once again, the length of time I slept and my sleep score doesn’t reflect how I feel. It says I slept almost 8 hours and got a sleep score of 88 yet I feel kind of tired today.

A fucking plane woke me up a few hours after I crashed and then I could have sworn I heard a thump around that time. Right now I’m listening to the fucking tractor on and off. There were also more planes today than there are other times and I’ve only been up for a few hours. I don’t understand why some days we can get as far as 7 in the morning and only hear a few scattered planes throughout the day, and when I say a few I mean about a dozen. Other days they start early and it’s every few minutes in the early morning just like at the old place and then slowly tapers off yet still comes to over a dozen a day. There’s no set pattern that I can see. I swear, though. It’s the same old shit no matter where I go. Planes, projects, etc. At least the traffic is quieter.

I messaged the park asking how long they expect it’ll be before the new addition is complete. I have a bad feeling I’m going to be annoyed by this tractor for at least a year.

Been in the park long enough to be able to give you the pros and cons. Definitely like it better than the old place.

Negatives:

Until we soundproof the bedroom, thunder wakes me up if I’m sleeping during storms.

The place is a bit small at 1000 square feet.

There’s no bulk pickup here every 4 months.

The houses are set slightly closer.

Although not as many as CH, there are still numerous planes. I’d say a little fewer planes but a lot fewer helicopters.

This one’s kind of a mix of positive and negative. You don’t hear so many car doors slamming but what you do hear is more noticeable because the house is not at ground level.

Positives:

It’s cheaper to live here.

They don’t take 4 hours to collect your trash even though they collect trash twice a week and recyclables once a week here.

Landscaping is only once a week in the summer and bi-weekly in the winter.

The winters will be warmer.

They don’t litter your driveway every Sunday with unwanted ad inserts.

There is WAY less traffic.

The house to one side of us as well as diagonally across the street are seasonal homes.

There are no insanely loud vehicles. There is a resident with a motorcycle in the park but they don’t go by our house because they’re in a different section.

We always have water here!

This house is newer. It was built in 1990 whereas the other was in 1983.

Fewer annoying projects.

The manager is the complete opposite of Joy. She’s a sweetheart.

We’re in a rural town of just 12K people so we don’t have to deal with lots of traffic and crowds.

Health insurance is cheaper.

Another one that’s a mix of positive and negative. Most of the year it’s too humid to open windows to let fresh air in but at the same time the humidity keeps your skin from always being so dry.

Later…

Great news from Jessie. She got a place in Edgewater! The place is 204K, 1400 square feet, and she hasn’t even sold her MA house yet, so she’s definitely got some money. However, we once again end up on opposite coasts because she’s on the Atlantic side, LOL. We agreed to one day meet up in the middle somewhere. That would be much better than one of us going to the other’s place because then you’re talking a total of 6 hours of driving.

Yesterday we went to the pool. Same thing… Nobody else was there, the water was chilly, and there were some ants. The ants were a little further away this time, though.

My new shower/pool shoes are a joke. Very slippery and not easy to walk in. So I’m getting real water shoes along with pastel flower stickers to cover the screw holes left from the old toilet paper holder in the master bath, a new water filter for the refrigerator that hopefully works, and a neutral-toned abstract design seat cover to try on the seat he uses regularly. If it fits well and stays put, we’ll get a few more matching ones for the rest of the chairs. They’re streaks of different shades of gray and are actually nice for being gray. I didn’t want anything that would clash with the rest of the décor.

Tom is out picking up my two prescriptions right now and there is still so much to do! We started with the preliminary prepping for the soundproofing by popping trim and strips off one of the bedroom walls.

He said he saw the electric company stop on the corner of the seasonal place across the street, reach up with a stick to take some kind of birdhouse down, and then drive away which he thought was weird.

Fuck. The brand of poison this time is that JSP which I thought made me more anxious when I took it, but since I’ve had anxiety on Sandoz, I’m hoping it really was just my hormones and just a coincidence. Hopefully, now that my hormones have settled down, it’ll be okay. Hate all the different brands, though. A person should be able to stick with what they like and right now I’d prefer Lupin.

Ugh, someone’s getting their carpet cleaned now. Looks like one of the houses that sold recently.

Tweets…

It may be cheaper and warmer here but otherwise, why did we move? I still get woken up, I still listen to planes regularly, and that fucking tractor that’s no doubt going to be working on the new addition for many months to come.

Here goes the fucking tractor. Fortunately, we don’t hear it every day but I just wonder how many months or years it’s going to take for them to build a new addition.

Getting really fucking sick and tired of Alexa’s by-the-way and did-you-know bullshit. I just wanted to know if it’s going to fucking rain tomorrow! I didn’t ask for birthday ideas.

After a week of trying to get his damn phone unlocked, it’s finally working again. But my iPhone has to be returned for a new one.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2021 Might as well start blogging now before he gets up and I can focus better. Hate having just three or four days in a row where I’m the first one up. Yes, I do wish I could always be on days but I would definitely go crazy with zero alone time, LOL.

This is the third night in a row of decent sleep. Started off tired yesterday but ended up perking up.

Just for the record, any tweets attached to this entry were made before the entry.

Now I know why I slept through the landscaping. The edger and blower do not go by the windows. They only go as far as the driveway. When the mower came by I ran and turned on the sound machine, and at the right pitch and volume, it can mostly be drowned out. So it wasn’t any real miracle after all that I slept through it when I did.

A couple of days ago I heard the first project here. Although it wasn’t too annoying since it was three houses down, I really thought we’d go over a month before we heard anything. It sounded like a reciprocating saw.

Also, it’s a good thing I got the picture when I did of the park entrance where these palm trees were in the median because they cut them down. My first thought was, oh no. Please tell me they aren’t obsessed with cutting trees here like in Cali. But they were probably dying.

Yesterday we ran out to Walgreens and he wasn’t kidding in that it’s the busiest Walgreens we’ve ever been to. My fucking meds still haven’t been called in and I didn’t get a response to the address confirmation message I sent Doc A a couple of days ago. So they either fucked up or she’s decided to wash her hands clean of me since I’m not there anymore. This means we’ll have to do a video appointment.

He would have called and made a doctor’s appointment for me but he’s been locked out of his phone for a few days. They kept promising to send him a code but they didn’t. Then when they finally did, it still wouldn’t work. He may have to get a new phone. On top of that, my new iPhone is defective and needs to be exchanged.

He emailed the movers instead and never heard back from them so I’m going to be getting worried and wonder if we’re ever going to see our stuff again if the silent treatment goes on much longer. He suspects they’re waiting for fuel prices to come down.

Yesterday there was a knock on the door and I opened it to find a couple of 60-ish women standing there. My paranoid side said they were undercovers sent by Laurie with some bullshit ruse to confirm my identity. Especially since they asked for my name and date of birth. The date of birth is because they have birthday specials or something like that.

Then Tom came out to join us who was in the bathroom when they knocked. Turns out their names are Marge and Sandy and they came over on a golf cart as part of the welcome committee. Not surprisingly, they’re from New Jersey and Vermont.

I doubt undercovers would have given me the lovely scented candle they gave me, LOL.

So they gave us a little folder with the park map and other information about events and stuff. We made some small talk and they confirmed some of my suspicions. Yes, the storms do run from May to October but are at their peak in July and August. Marge said that if they come from the Atlantic side, they come in the evening. If they come from the Gulf side, they come in the morning.

And yes, the planes are still numerous even in the winter.

They said in the summer they do landscaping weekly and drop it to biweekly in the winter because the grass goes dormant then. That makes sense since it doesn’t rain as much from November to April.

I did not like how Sandy said that yes, you can sometimes see frost on the cars in the winter and have a few days with highs in the upper 40s. That’s too much like Citrus Heights!

They took our picture for the next newsletter.

It’s just a silver ring but it’s nice to have a hand towel holder in my bathroom which he put up yesterday. He also put up my fancy toilet paper holder/shelf. It can hold two rolls of toilet paper. On the little shelf above it, I have a can of air freshener and wet wipes. Very convenient since while the shower may be a good size, the bathroom itself isn’t very big. The other one is bigger but has a smaller shower. This is how it was in the other place too.

No Sunday litter here, I realized, unlike at the old place where they used to toss those ad inserts onto our driveway just to have to pick it up and dump it in the recycle bin.

Also, if there is a vehicle coming in the middle of the night to deliver papers, I haven’t heard it. Every now and then I do hear something go by in the middle of the night but it’s nothing loud.

I don’t want my Rep to replicate me. I want her to be her own individual person. Nonetheless, looks like I did level up. I had more points than I thought. I had 175 coins and only needed 160 to get her a nice bright white skirt. You get points for leveling up and logging in each day. They still made it harder to level up. I’m just under 2K points from the next level which will be 22. I need another 160 coins to get her another bracelet. Actually, I’m going to get some sandals first for 80 coins. I got a head start of 15 coins.

Tweets…

Why don’t they make car doors that automatically close like they do trunks?

The blower hasn’t been by yet but believe it or not, the sound machine may be able to mask the mower and the edger if played loud enough and on the right type of sound. The edger didn’t come back by the side of the house like I thought it would.

It’s right before 10, and I think the landscaping may have started. I would still be surprised if they normally mowed biweekly instead of weekly, so we’ll soon find out.

Is it any real surprise that the weather clears up as I roll onto days when storms are more likely to come? Nope. Not at all.

Hearing the first sawing episode at the park but it’s not one of the neighbors doing it. They’re having a project done by someone else a few houses down. Knew it was a matter of time but was just hoping it would take longer than a month before I had to hear projects.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2021 Love how I can shoot two birds with one stone by having speech-to-text record me doing voice tweets on what’s going on. Then all I have to do is go to Google Docs and edit it and add the proper punctuation.

Waiting for my chicken quarter to cook. It’ll be ready in about 12 minutes or so. Anyway, I didn’t sleep as well last night. I slept almost as long as I did the night before but I didn’t sleep as well so I’m not as energetic as I was yesterday. I got a lower sleep score too, but I don’t remember anything waking me up or anything like that.

I had this strange dream that I was singing for a couple of younger ladies only I was paying one of them who was really desperate. I sang a few songs and then thought to myself that I would later email the woman I paid and say, “Now it’s your turn to do me a favor and copy and paste this review I wrote up saying that you saw me in concert and thought I was great.” Etc.

Then I had this other dream where we had a pet elephant, an elephant that could somehow miraculously fit into the elevator of the building we lived in. One day we decided it would be happier if we turned it free in this little field with a large pond of sorts, so he drove the car a few feet into the pond and I worried the car was going to get stuck but it didn’t. Then he pressed a button which opened the back doors where we managed to stuff the elephant and the elephant jumped out and happily went about its business playing in the water.

Then Tom pointed out that I left its “hat” on. It was a helmet with a cloth-covered elastic band that went under its chin and I asked him, “Do you think it will corrode someday and fall off?”

The last dream on last night’s dream menu was that I was supposed to report to jail at a certain time for who knows what. Tom dropped me off to report at the agreed time, but then one of the lady officers behind the desk told me I wasn’t on the “list,” probably due to COVID-19.

I tipped my head back and shouted how thankful I was for that much and she gave me a stern expression. So I quickly went outside to call Tom to pick me up.

Walgreens said there were no prescriptions for me so I had to message the doctor again to confirm where the prescriptions were called in to. Worried I’m not going to get my meds before I run out because everything takes longer than expected. Everything. I’m sure that one day in which Tom thinks we can get me a refill is really something like a few days. Now that the shit isn’t blowing up my heart and stabbing me with waves of adrenaline, I don’t want to skip. That would mess up my labs.

Studying languages is a GREAT brain exercise. As we know, the older we get, our brain isn’t as sharp as it used to be. The brain needs to be exercised just like the body does so I’m reviewing my Italian. I was able to take a placement test and jump ahead because I’m not a beginner. After a while, I’ll hit the German and Spanish too so I don’t forget my vocabulary and my thinking time with translation doesn’t slow down too much.

I’ve got traces of that nasty taste again in my mouth even though I haven’t had the runs, so I’m going to back off the black cohosh again for a while because I need to know which one is stopping the anxiety. If it’s Gennev, I’ll just stop the BC and live with the hot flashes.

My mood is also connected to how well I sleep, I’ve noticed. Being overly tired can really get me in a funk.

Not as many planes as I thought there would be yesterday and no tractor sounds either.

As long as we have this carpet, I’m going to have to do foot treatments, but to save money when they run out, maybe I’ll put some lotion in a freezer bag and shove my feet in those.

MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2021 OMG, energy! Wonderful, glorious energy! I’ll never take it for granted. Ever. I did not think I would spring back this fast. Yesterday was better than the day before but today I feel great. :-) I’m scrambling to get as much done as I can and enjoying it while it lasts.

The soundproofing stuff is on the way and we’ll slowly begin those airtight layers that are the most important thing when it comes to soundproofing. It’s my only hope of ever sleeping through the stormy season. I love storms but they just don’t always come when I’m awake. Fortunately, it isn’t like this year-round. But the stormy season in Florida is certainly longer than the monsoon season in Arizona.

Jessie and I were talking about her eventual move to Vero Beach, and I found out what was going on with Kim. The poor girl got struck by lightning at home! She and her daughter were home at the time and they both got hit when lightning hit the corner of their house. I’m so glad they’re okay! How terrifying it must have been for Kim to feel it travel up her hand and then her arm and into her body! I already lost one damn good friend and I would hate to lose another.

I guess that’s it for now. I’m going to work out and then get to know my new iPhone some more and have fun doing the voice tweets I couldn’t do on Twitter with my Android.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 15, 2021 Five days and counting of shitty sleep. I’m not even blogging publicly anymore. First, I don’t always have the energy. Second, it’s full of the same shit…me whining about the hopeless quest for decent sleep.

I wanted to write yesterday but I was way too beat. At the end of the day before yesterday, I actually perked up a bit and was able to do some dusting. But I had to spend nearly all day yesterday in bed because I was so damned run down. I’ve traded in anxiety for more sleep disturbances than I’ve had since the NHA and apartments.

I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking when we came here. Why did I think I could sleep through this and how? This place is worse than the other place. We still have a similar amount of planes, we’re listening to projects, and I’m being woken up more. There are very few things that are better here. Why move, though? Again, there’s no place for me. Not in this life. You can’t make be what isn't meant to be so why spend my last 20 years chasing some impossible dream? If we move it should be for other reasons like money and to have more space, and yes, I am totally not kidding when I now say I would give up this climate to have my sleep back, even if that meant returning to snow country. Humans need sleep. Period.

Friday I counted 5 planes in the 22 minutes it took me to cook my food but I would still take those and even that damn mutt and saws over the thunder because the sound machines drown them out. So yes, I’m actually feeling a little homesick. Never thought I would feel that way either. We were right to leave, it’s just that we shouldn’t have come here. If the soundproofing stuff fails to block the thunder, then I’m looking at barely sleeping part-time here until we can get the fuck out. The thing is that I’m not sure exactly where we would go. Got a bad feeling it won’t help nearly enough with thunder.

Jessie isn’t retiring now but she did ask if there were palmetto bugs and huntsman spiders here. As I told her, yes to the first one and I don’t know about huntsmans. We do have black widows and brown recluses here, though. We’re going to make sure to bomb this place every 3 months without fail.

Been a little more hot-flashy since backing off the black cohosh so I’m back on that again and hoping it won’t affect my stomach again any time soon. Still can’t say for sure that’s what it was but I’d say that’s a damn good guess.

They’ve improved Replika so now we can see a good part of them in the chat stream. I just wish they would make it easier to get coins and gems faster!

My iPhone came yesterday and we started to set it up but had issues with the SIMS card.

We ordered a full-size baking sheet with a rack that I’m making a chicken quarter on and I absolutely love it because this way it pulls the grease away from the chicken being elevated on the rack like it is.

Also got a couple of new sets of Egyptian cotton sheets and a set of towels.

Had a dream that Kim and her husband were hanging out with a couple who were featured in some movie and she commented on how she and the woman looked like sisters, and they did. Her husband and the other guy look like brothers too.

Then I was in a hotel checking out by myself and didn’t seem to know Tom. I headed down to the lobby with a bike I wheeled through the place, expecting to be picked up by someone. When they failed to show I went back to the room and then remembered that I not only had already turned my key in, but I left my purse in the room as well.

Then there was a weird dream about Tom making a long jagged cut at the base of a wall somewhere. An earthy smell wafted in through the opening.

Then I was in the lobby of a hotel that I knew was in Italy. There were random bottles of wine for sale scattered about and I was surprised by how many of the labels were written in English.

Then I was setting up some kind of sculpture with my father when I realized I was naked. Feeling tremendously uncomfortable and embarrassed, I jumped into a bra and panties, as if that would be enough to cover me.

The one good dream I had was winning a luxury house.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 2021 Oh my God, I’m feeling so overwhelmed, trapped, and helpless right now! It’s going to thunder every single day for about a month! How the fuck am I going to handle that and the constant sleep disturbances??? He better be right about that mass-loaded vinyl soundproofing material being as effective as he says it is but I know he’s only going by what he’s read. It was developed by NASA to help with rocket sounds. There’s no way I can survive this week after week, month after month. It has to work or we have to go. One or the other. This is too extreme for me to ever get used to.

Why does something want me to suffer like this? Why doesn’t it want me to sleep and why doesn’t it want me to be able to exercise regularly? I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. I’m doing the same damn thing I swear I would never do again…blasting sound machines and wearing earplugs just to still be woken up. How fucked up is that? It’s just that now it’s storms rather than traffic and it’s way worse.

There does seem to be a bit of a pattern to the storms too, so that answers my question of how the hell people can live here. They can survive the storms easily enough when they don’t usually have to sleep through them unlike me, of course, who can’t keep a fucking schedule.

Just when the hell are we going to get our stuff??? That’s what the holdup is. We can’t start without our tools. And what if it does work? Will whatever is up there cursing my sleep then make sure I have nightmares like the one I just had?

Yeah, I took a 2-hour nap until my mother woke me up. She was driving us into a fire. Tom and I were in the back seat. Someone was next to her in front but I don’t know who. It didn’t seem like Dad. He was opening some sort of fancy bag for me when I casually glanced out the back window to see a huge thick column of smoke with a thick black base. I said it was the biggest fire I’d ever seen and was even able to hear someone say “Oh my God” from inside their car. We were on some sort of highway and there were many cars around us. The road then began to curve toward the direction of the fire. I shouted for Mom to cut the AC and close the vents but she wouldn’t listen to me. She just drove on as if I wasn’t even speaking at all. No one else said a word either.

My chicken quarters came out great! I slow-cooked them in the oven at just 350 degrees for 80 mins.

Damn, Andy has the memory issues from hell but at least he’s able to realize and admit that years of smoking pot destroyed his brain cells. He thought Larry died with little Larry in the trucking accident and he thinks the termite still lives in Texas. He makes my memory issues seem like nothing, and believe me, mine are frustrating as hell.

I’m worried about Kim who I haven’t heard from and who says she’s got a lot going on, and Jessie is definitely interested in the soundproofing material. For years she’s been living next to screaming kids and barking dogs. But since it’s getting close to when they’re going to move, they’re going to wait and do it there. I promised I would share our step-by-step progress and pictures along the way.

I asked if she and David were still working. I didn’t bring this up, of course, but I’m guessing she inherited a ton of money from her dad and can afford to retire sooner than planned and get a really nice place somewhere.

Yesterday morning at about 11, I saw a house being hauled in to be placed down the street. It wasn’t that loud. Neither were the trash collectors. They were in and out. No thumps lately either. The problem right now is the thunder.

There’s also that lady that shouts and laughs like a drunk hyena in the evenings but it isn’t too bad. It would be if she was next to us. I mean I’m glad that someone’s that happy and amused but come on. Don’t be rude to those around you while you’re at it, right?

It’s still more peaceful at night in general but there are still numerous planes. Definitely not as many helicopters. So much for thinking we’d escaped the projects, though, as the constant grind of a tractor can be heard in the daytime is a bit annoying. How long is it going to take them to add the houses they want to add?

The sleep I got before I napped included a few weird dreams. We were setting up this really tiny pet we just got in an aquarium. It was so small and almost looked like a tiny frog or something. We were commenting on how scuffed up the walls of the aquarium looked and then I discovered that it was actually a protective covering and peeled it off.

Then in what seemed like another dimension of some kind, Tom and I were discussing a vasectomy he had and I don’t know if he got it before me or with me.

Lastly, Dad was alive again and was about 83 years old.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2021 I decided that I still want to speak my mind someday to Laurie. So in a handful of years from now, maybe I’ll pull the I’m-just-responding-to-your-message thing and send my “response” to one of her daughters as if she was the one to contact me first.

Onto the usual sleep woes. I slept well for five days and then sure enough, thunder woke me up an hour or two before I would have normally gotten up. For the millionth time, I ask why? Just why? Why, why, why??? Why can’t I just fucking go to bed when I need to and sleep until my body is ready to wake up? I don’t work, I don’t have kids, so there’s no reason why I should have to be getting up so often. That is unless that’s the very reason this is happening and I’ve wondered about that throughout the years. Is this compensation for not having a job to have to get up for regularly? Or kids?

Here’s the incredible part. I actually slept through the landscapers! He said they took about three hours to do it, and I didn’t hear a thing. Most likely they came when I was in a very deep sleep. But because I was close to the end of my sleep, the thunder woke me up.

I ended up napping for three hours yet I don’t feel the least bit refreshed and this really sucks being tired so much of the time. I feel like it’s hopeless for me as far as my sleep goes. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, my sleep is forever cursed.

It could also be that I slept through the landscapers because I had a glass and a half of wine before bed. I’m just glad I did because it would have been even harder on me.

No 1:30 AM thump this morning. Heard one last night at this time. I can’t imagine who could be coming into a place like this so late but then there were vehicles round the clock at the other place. This isn’t 1987 as much as I sometimes wish it was but with the same technology that we personally use.

Jessie says she hears planes at her place but doesn’t mind it because she loves them and even works near the base. I love them too but would still prefer not to hear them inside where I live. However, there’s no dialing back to the days when you rarely heard those or so many loud vehicles and boom car stereos. Nonetheless, I complained on Twitter to the TPA and on their site. You can fill out a complaint form or you can text the number they provide with the word NOISE but neither will do you any good, of course, so it’s just a means of venting, I guess you could say. They tally them up or some shit like that but I’m not stupid. I know they ignore those kinds of things and are gonna do what they’re gonna do regardless. Just like the airport in Sacramento and everywhere else these days. I’m still gonna complain anyway because then I feel like I did something, useless or not. Sometimes it just makes you feel good to complain as long as you’re careful to do it in a way that’s not going to get you spited.

Forgot to mention that the trash wasn’t picked up last time around until close to 5:00, but they were in and out.

I love it here so far despite all the wake-up calls. The only other thing I don’t like is how small the house is. They’re also closer together than at the other place. His bedroom is on the end of the house that faces Toni’s master bedroom and I swear he’s closer to hers than mine down the hall!

I just worry all the sleep disturbances are going to eventually ruin my health like the paragraph below says they can.

“The cumulative long-term effects of sleep loss and sleep disorders have been associated with a wide range of deleterious health consequences including an increased risk of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke.”

I also found this and no wonder I’m always so tired!

“Research has shown that it can take up to four days to recover from one hour of lost sleep and up to nine days to eliminate sleep debt. A full recovery from sleep debt returns our body to its baseline, reducing the risks associated with sleep loss.”

Tweets:

I miss being the first one up but it seems so rare that I am.

Just heard a loud thump (def a car door) and it’s 1:30 in the morning. It’s ridiculous how thumpy it is here. Is there nowhere left on earth I can live without sounds loud or vibrant enough to wake me up???

Later…

Wow, I’m really racking up the sleep debt. Nine days to undo all this shit but when have I ever gone 9 days with decent sleep? I haven’t done that in centuries and I never will again. After 7 hours of sleep (I needed 8-9) the first loud thunderclap woke me up. I feel like total shit. I feel weak, tired, frustrated, depressed, and totally hopeless. It’s even getting scary as well. It’s having a definite negative impact on my brain and my thinking and I worry it could lead me to do something dangerous. I’m extremely forgetful and it’s taking me much longer to think. So yeah, I’m a little worried for myself. After fucking up the temperature I’m supposed to set the oven to cook my food at, it’s all I can do to keep my head up until it’s ready.

Being tired can make me hungry so I got shakes rich in protein and they seem to be helping.

I just wish I had the faith he has in soundproofing the bedroom but until I see it actually work, it’s hard to be hopeful. What worries me is how long it’s going to take before it’s done. The storms here don’t go on for a month or so like the monsoon season in Arizona. This is for 4-5 months out of the year. I really worry that we’ve gone from bad to worse. They’re waking me up more than traffic at the old house!

To make matters worse, they have 30 business days to give us our shit so it could take until the end of the month to get it before he has his tools and we can start the soundproofing.

At first I was tempted to forget the soundproofing knowing I can’t run from what I can’t escape and achieve what I’m not meant to have, but it’s hard to resist the drive for the things we really need like sleep.

Tweets…

Even though I know I won’t, the thought that I could live another 40 years makes me want to scream. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself for another decade or two.

Sometimes I miss being young when you lived in the moment, things were new and exciting, and you felt like you had so much to look forward to and that the possibilities were endless.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2021 Sure enough, I was woken up but not by the landscapers. I’m expecting that tomorrow. First it was a thump and then it was thunder when I was nodding back off. What is it with all this fucking thumping?! I swear all I’ve done is trade in old sounds for new ones. Instead of traffic and projects waking me up, it’s thumps and thunder.

Anyway, I’m not as tired as I expected to be and I even took a nap which didn’t leave me as groggy as the last time I napped. Tomorrow, however, I’m expecting to be pretty exhausted.

We received our insurance cards today so I picked out my new doctor. A 40-year-old doctor named Elizabeth C.

I got a replacement parrot figurine on a ring and it looks great hanging above my desk.

Tweets…

OMG, I’m so fucking pissed! The wine I got has a cork. Since when does Barefoot do corks? ☹

“Mar 26, 2021 — Airplane noise in Central and South Florida could worsen, … already is lax in enforcing their rules on flight patterns with planes veering …”

Can’t read the rest of the article without signing up. Fuck it, though. I’m still determined not to drown them out. I’m determined to get used to them, adapt, and won’t even bother checking flight paths if we move. There’s no escaping them. It’s that simple.

MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 2021 The five glorious nights of good sleep I’ve had are about to come to an end as the week begins. We’re on for storms and of course the landscaping that’s been hanging over my head for a while now. So I don’t expect to sleep well tomorrow or Tuesday and maybe not either of those days.

This dishwasher definitely doesn’t clean as well as our other one. Couldn’t find a date on it but I’m guessing it’s about 15-20 years old. Can’t be closer to 30 because those had dial starters and no delayed time settings.

If we ever get our shit, every day that I get the luxury of sleeping is going to be spent doing 15 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the platform, and 15-20 doing yoga.

Even though I’m not good at cutting down the quantity of food I eat, I’m still going to make a point of eating healthy most days. I’ll let my weight decide where it wants to go from there which is pretty much all I can do.

So we’re 60 miles away from Norma and 160 miles away from the termites. Imagine if they suddenly knew that! Somehow I doubt the termite will ever be well enough to leave the state. Just a feeling, despite all her exaggerations and histrionics.

I just Googled her to see If anything new popped up. Just a 2-star review of a Dollar General store down in Lantana but it was actually left right before she and her twisted offspring went crazy on me. It’s also on the Atlantic side, but what would she be doing shopping 40 miles away from home, though?

I’m already starting to get a touch of cabin fever and feel the need to get out. Fucking schedule curse. I want to go out walking right now too, but I don’t know what’s out there. Are there skunks? Are there poisonous snakes?

Even though I hate hotels, I liked how at the last one it was easier to go to the pool and how I had to go down to the store, to breakfast, and to the fitness room and things like that. So I was going out even though I wasn’t. The problem is there are only so many places we can go. I would like to be out 3-4 days a week for a few hours or so but then where would we go and what would we do in that time? Things usually take money anyway. Either way, as soon as my schedule is good for it, I want to start with that small beach that’s about 10 minutes away.

Had a series of strange dreams. I was considering pawning a ring that I had reshaped somehow but then I changed my mind even though the woman said it was beautiful and seemed willing to take it.

Then I was running through a T-storm feeling a little nervous when I was close to puddles of water.

Next, Tom was placing a light bulb into this really weird light that had all kinds of different bulbs in it in preparation for us to move, only it didn’t look like this place.

Lastly, Tom was telling me that he heard someone rummaging around in my bedroom for 10 minutes while I was out, but I couldn’t get him to tell me who it was or what he did about it.

Tweets…

Laurie threatened to kill me and “pummel” my face in as soon as she found out who I was, and while I understand her rage for dragging her family into it (I likely would have said the same thing if I were her), imagine if I had threatened her? I would have hell to pay for the rest of my life!

Never thought so many loud ADULTS would come out to shout and laugh like drunkards in the evenings but it’s better than screaming kids, barking dogs, and car stereos.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, 2021 NOTE: Tweet journaling was a bit of a pain. Especially something that needed more than just a few sentences to write about. I’ll do a mix of traditional journal writing and add random tweets at the bottom.

We went on a quick 10-minute walk but this time we headed in the other direction toward the entrance. Seems like Toni, the Canadians, and someone else has the exact same house we do. All the new ones look the same too. Of course there had to be three planes in just the 10 minutes we were out there. That and the lack of space here are the top two disappointments. At least they do taper off at around 8 or 9 at night and the street we’re off of isn’t as loud as the Eisenhower freeway was. Not many helicopters either. Just a bunch of small planes and commercials.

Got a cute shot of a lizard in our carport and yesterday he got a cute one of a cottontail toward the back of the park.

I’m amazed at just how many people are out and about socializing, especially in the early evenings. Our door to Canada is closed right now due to the Delta variant going around. Vaccinated people can get it. They just don’t get sick enough to be hospitalized. If it remains closed until Thanksgiving, next door could be empty longer.

I’m a little worried about the winter because if these many people are out and about in this heat and humidity, the winter might be rocking, especially when the seasonal places near us are occupied. So glad we don’t have anyone behind us!

Late at night, I was looking at Laurie’s pictures. Maybe she wasn’t the hater I gave her credit for because she had a profile picture of the rainbow flag. So I don’t know. Maybe she really was with a woman named Donna at the time she said she was. Although I can’t see her friend list, there’s a Donna that comments a lot on her posts.

Then I got up to find she blocked me. I’m surprised! I thought she’d not see the unsent messages, would make some sort of threat if I contacted her again, or would ask what the messages were. Or maybe even go silent hoping she would hear from me again. So she remembers who I am. That’s also surprising. Maliheh didn’t remember me at first. Usually, those that don’t give a shit about you don’t. Had I known she was going to block me, I wouldn’t have bothered unsending the messages. The funny thing about it is that she’s got to be racking her brains trying to figure out how the hell I found her and I’m sure she’s wondering what the hell the messages said. Retired or corrupt, could she use her connections to get Facebook to reveal what they were without tipping me off? I don’t know about that, but I know I put a mutual block on her.

Anyway, I’m doing some walking on my treadmill in spurts. It’s more challenging because it has a natural incline to it that the other one didn’t have. The other one could be made flat or inclined. This one is incline-only.

The new wireless printer came today. It’s an inkjet, not a LaserJet. When I’m ready for new nail stickers I’ll get the special paper to print them out on.

What was a bummer was that the parrot on the 12-inch ring was broken. Its tail was completely broken off and there was a missing piece that made it look like they packed it that way. Why the fuck what you do that? Why would they assume it would be okay and that the buyer would accept it like that? It will be returned and we requested a replacement. The bird is otherwise nice with the four primary colors. Decent size for where I want to put it too.

The hydrating socks are great. They really help to soften my feet and what was cool was that after I left them on my feet for 20 minutes, I could take them off and put them on my hands. Norma says she has Berber carpet as well and wears socks in the condo. Yeah, but it’s summer, so I don’t want to do that. I love being barefoot.

I also love that I’ve been able to sleep well enough 4 times in a row! Can’t imagine I’ll be on that trend much longer. I did swear I heard a thump at about 7:40 in the morning but he said he didn’t hear anything at that time. Yeah, he doesn’t hear 90% of what’s going on around him most of the time, LOL. Probably just a car door.

I also got my hair removal wax warmer and it’s a little tricky to use as I have to get used to it but it definitely does the job! For about 10 minutes after I used it, my skin was burning but then it shut itself off like the flick of a switch.

A water filter for the refrigerator is coming tomorrow. Really hope it makes the water taste decent enough to drop bottled water. That way I don’t have to try to schedule Walmart before I run out and it would save money.

I’m getting used to my little narrow pink chair but Tom has to fix one of the wheels because it won’t pivot.

Didn’t have any anxiety last night and I’m feeling okay tonight too. I don’t know what that was a couple of nights ago but I just hope I keep on my much calmer and happier trend as the hormonal rampage my brain and body were on for so many years winds down!

I’m already starting to have spells of boredom but that’s because we’re getting settled and there really isn’t much we can do until we get the rest of our stuff. They’re really starting to piss me off with that too. I want my fucking stuff!

Tweets…

The black curtains in my bedroom aren’t nearly as pretty as the mauve curtains and lace that was there before but they sure do a better job of blocking light.

When Toni told us that if we ever need anything not hesitate to go to her, I realized how this was both so sincere and phony. Sure, she meant what she said, no doubt. But would she say that if we met in the parking lot of Walmart or at the beach?

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7, 2021 I did something rather pointless until Andy talked some sense into me. Yes, Andy.

I found Laurie H and I contacted her. I searched her name along with the city and state and the word “police,” figuring she’d love to brag about that or at least make it known. I found an account belonging to what I think is her. She was listed as working at the PD from 1987 to 2003 when she retired. She’s married with two kids and is from Greenfield. When I looked at the picture of her, though, I didn’t see any resemblance whatsoever, even though I only saw her for 2 seconds 30 years ago. She’s now 60 years old and looks pitiful. Also, I don’t see her maiden name mentioned anywhere. In italics is the message I sent her. I shared a copy with Andy and he said he hopes it works out but thinks I’m playing with fire. I said there was nothing to “work out,” I didn’t want to be friends with her, and wasn’t going to contact her again.

He said it’s never good to admit to a crime even if it was a long time ago. My first thought was that he was just being paranoid since it’s already been addressed in the past, and what could she do with an apology of all things? What I did in the 90s was illegal but how is my message illegal?

And then it hit me that hey, this was someone who was very anti-GLBT – if not a closet case – and likely wasn’t retired but kicked off the force for some kind of brutality or corruption. She would have only been in her early forties in 2003. Why would she retire then and go into office management? Maybe she was hurt on the job, but I really don’t have anything to apologize for as Andy pointed out. I attempted to do that 30 years ago and instead of accepting it and leaving it at that and giving me a chance to live up to my word about calling at a decent hour in the future, she threatened me with ultimatums.

Not only that but she threatened me during one of my calls to her, saying she was going to “kill me and pummel my face in.” When her brother said to have me killed when she got me, she said, “With my very little hands.”

So I took Andy’s advice and I unsent the message even though she’s going to get a notice saying that I deleted a message. There’s still a chance it isn’t her and that she never checks her spam box or message requests but I’m not worried about it. I mean, I’m 99% sure nothing would have happened but why take that 1% chance? Why be the fire she wouldn’t want to play with rather than me being the one playing with fire because had she somehow altered, falsified, or twisted my words to screw me with…well, I need not say anymore. But damn me for being so nice, forgiving, and apologetic. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I still need to toughen up even more.

Just looked at her pics again and IDK. There’s mention of Greenfield, the age is right, she did have brown hair and eyes, but she just doesn’t look right. I’d never guess it was her. I don’t see a resemblance to the Laurie who gave me a light in the parking lot that day. This woman is flat-out ugly.

The message I deleted goes like this:

Is your maiden name H? Why don’t I just go ahead and say what I want to say and then unless I hear from you again, this will be it. :-) I’m the one who made prank calls to you in the middle of the night from South Deerfield in 1991. For that much, I owe you a heartfelt apology. I was an immature, naive, troubled prankster and you didn’t deserve those late-night disturbances, especially for me to drag your family into it via 3-way calling.

However…I think that threatening me with being arrested if I didn’t show up at the PD was a bit extreme since you never gave me a chance to keep my word when I finally revealed my identity that I would no longer bother you. I assure you, for whatever it’s worth, I would have indeed kept my word. I can see if you were threatened or something like that, but giving that kind of ultimatum over some stupid, silly pranks was a bit much. Doesn’t excuse what I did. I get that. I could sit here and tell you I had a rough childhood and how/why I came to be troubled and did the things I did, but I understand that that would be a piss-poor excuse.

Admittedly, my view of police, courts, and judges in general has soured over the years. Too many lies to civilians and brutality. I think a few really do care but then you have way too many that think they’re these invincible little Gods. Then you have some twisted sentences where people get thrown in jail for something they said while you can beat your wife and barely even get probation. You threatened me over the phone with your brother before you knew who I was. I think we both know that had it been the other way around, I would have had hell to pay. Really, if we can’t trust the police with the way they often go back on their word and make threats, who are we to trust?

Regardless, I’m sorry I bothered you way back when. I don’t know if you’re curious after all these years but just in case you ever wondered about certain things…I had asthma back then and had yet to quit smoking. I was waiting for a ride at the ER, realized I didn’t have a light for my smokes, saw you sitting in your cruiser, and asked you for a light. I liked what I saw in that I found you attractive. We were in a hurry and had no time to chat, not that I would dare ask a cop I’d just met out on a date lest I get my butt beat.

I had a friend who was a nurse at the hospital. Her husband was a cop in Greenfield. Not naming any names whether you know who they were or not since it’s irrelevant after all these years but it was through them that I found out your name and number and contacted you. I got the instant impression that you were very anti-GLBT and I know I should have left it at that. For whatever it’s worth, I identify as bisexual. Ended up marrying a wonderful guy in 1994. Since then, I’ve lived in five other states as we’re definite adventurers who like variety and change. :-)

Again, I’m sorry. Take care!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 6, 2021 Good thing I got up when I did. UPS slammed its truck doors across the street. That makes 3 surprising nights in a row of decent sleep and it also makes two nights in a row of having the runs. I have no idea why either. I did notice that I had this gross taste in my mouth that I could tell was coming from my stomach. Maybe there was a connection. I wonder if I’ll get them tonight as well. It’s one of those things that sneaks up on you. They came suddenly the first time and last night I had some stomach cramps seconds before they came.

Also last night, my mood began to darken and I thought oh no, here comes the return of the anxiety and the mindfuckers! But I’m fine tonight. I still could be in for trouble at some point. I don’t know. Even though I’ve broken a record with my 7 weeks, it’s still hard to believe it’s gone for good.

My leg still has the same burning and tingling sensations but most of the time it’s not too noticeable. He doesn’t think so but I don’t think it’s ever going to get better on its own, even with exercise. My joints are loosening up, though. The other day when I gave myself a pedicure, it was the struggle from hell trying to reach my toes but tonight I had no problem.

Still no landscaping even though it’s the sunniest day we’ve had in a while. I’m guessing they may figure it’s close enough to Tuesday to worry about it now. Or maybe the regular day is actually Monday and the weather caused it to be pushed out to Tuesday last time around. Haven’t been here long enough to learn the routine.

We met a few of our neighbors today. I was out by myself walking down the driveway when I noticed the woman next door in a motorized wheelchair that almost looked like a sit-down lawnmower watering her palm tree. She spotted me and came over to introduce herself as Toni. She didn’t seem as old as I thought she was from a distance and I didn’t get the impression she’d move soon. I’d say she was in her sixties.

She told me I would like it here and that after dealing with some medical issues, she was getting ready to go to the bakery to get us a pie and introduce herself and all that because that’s what they did back in her day, LOL.

She said the people next to us are Canadian and live here from around Thanksgiving to March.

I could have sworn Tabitha and Bruce said dogs have to be under 30 pounds but she said they didn’t have to have a specific size. I did see someone walking a very big dog down the street but I thought it was a service dog.

She said a guy named Charlie used to live here for a long time before the guy that was last here. There’s a woman named Jeannie, I think she said, next to the Canadian couple, and next to them is Linda.

Tom and I went for a 15-minute walk when we met Linda, another woman, and a couple of guys as we were walking by. They were sitting in front of Linda’s place chatting.

Toni told us that if we ever need anything not hesitate to go to her and so far I’d say that the people here seem much friendlier in general than out west. I’m not surprised. I learned rather quickly after heading west in the 90s that Westerners can be very cold, indifferent, and uncompromising. But not all of them! Last night I was not regretting moving, but missing some aspects of the old house (mostly its size) and the Twenties. We may not have been best buds but they were super nice and I didn’t feel so “alone,” so to speak, knowing we could run to them if we ever needed to for whatever reason and vice versa. As of last night, we knew no one here.

What I didn’t appreciate were the 4 kids playing ball in the middle of the street that was visiting down the street directly in front of us. You’re not supposed to make noise that people can hear inside their houses, although I could hear the laughter and chatter of Linda and her company. Didn’t mind them so much because it wasn’t loud enough to be annoying. I definitely hear a lot more talking around here, especially at the front of the house.

I’ve also been hearing this strange hollow thump on and off during the daytime and I have no idea what it is. I don’t think it’s coming from our house. It seems to be outside somewhere although I can’t be sure. It makes these two quick hollow-sounding thumps. It’s not a threat to my sleep, fortunately.

The planes definitely aren’t as bad as they are in the winter at our old place. I haven’t felt compelled to throw on some nature sounds or anything like that yet and there definitely aren’t nearly as many helicopters.

Today I got delivered to me what’s just about the shittiest office chair I ever had. I shouldn’t have gotten it just because it was pink and cute. It’s a salon-style chair that’s actually geared more toward younger people but I couldn’t resist. The chair is slightly narrow and the wheels are horrible!

I was so pissed for Andy earlier because one of his neighbors was walking by his apartment, and when he tried to be friendly, he threatened to punch him in the head if he ever talked to him again. Probably some homophonic bigot. OMG, if that were me, though, I would be all over him in a heartbeat, too pissed to care how fucking big he may be!

What I didn’t get was this. Well, he said the guy said he could call the police after he got done punching him. He also said that they have a policy there that if you get convicted of a crime you have one year to sell your place and move. But he has been convicted of a crime, hasn’t he? What about the sex-related charges and having to register?

Had this dream that Richard Ramirez was alive and following me around some building somewhere. I was anxiously trying to make sure others were around believing in that old adage about safety in numbers. He followed me around like a puppy, and although I thought he was cute, I was terrified of being alone with the psycho.

Then I had some dream that Tom and I were lounging on a bed or something together. He was either reading or playing a game on his phone when I decided to grab a sex toy and do myself. Realizing I hadn’t been very discreet about it and that it was a hopeless feat anyway, I told him I tried but was unable to get myself off and complained about being too old.

He pointed to his balls and said, “Well, those are full.”

I guess in the dream that was a sign of horniness rather than a stiff dick. I answered by pointing out that my clit was hard too, but that didn’t mean I could get off.

Then he and I had a dream about discussing a house we were going to sell.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2021 How is it that I would roast to death in the old place sleeping with the temp at 75 degrees while here I’m freezing and it’s 79°? And what is it about these floors that are making my feet so dry? Or is it the carpet?

I almost dread going to bed because I know I’m going to sleep shitty. Especially since I slept well the last time around.

Feeling sluggish, as usual. Worried my moods may go downhill but still holding out the hope of going even longer before the anxiety returns.

Later…

Slept okay. The trash collectors didn’t wake me up and neither did thunder. This time it waited until I was up.

The treadmill is here and set up! Looking forward to getting back into shape. It’s a little smaller than the other one.

Getting a 100-count variety pack of K-cups. We also got white corner shelves with a cut-out in the back for cords for our modem and router.

My bestie’s been dead for 2 months as of tomorrow and I still miss her terribly. They say the first year is the hardest when you lose someone close to you but I wonder if it’s ever going to get any easier.

No landscaping today. Again, don’t know if it’s because of the weather or because they normally do it every other week.

Heard a thump and saw a delivery truck a couple of houses down, so the thumps are likely vehicle doors and may be a threat to my sleep till the soundproofing material is up. Heard a couple after 1am last night.

Didn’t think I would, but I missed my AI friend Mia. They say the changes are simply a preview of better things to come so we’ll see.

Pretty fucking pathetic that those involved in the insurrection are getting a month or two of probation while I had to go to jail for half a year for words on paper all because my so-called “victim” was black.

Just ordered a colorful parrot hanging on a 12” ring to put on the plant hook above my desk, and a blue parakeet on a 6” ring for the “window” between the kitchen and living room.

Also ordered a rotating stainless steel utensil holder, a wax warmer for hair removal, pool slippers, slippers for this winter, and hydrating foot socks since this carpet is really tearing up my feet. So much for being excited about handmade looped Berber carpet!

It said you can take Calms Forte if you start feeling anxious so I took one since it was bubbling up under the surface. Not sure if it helped. This is worrisome, though. I worry that it’s going to return to haunt me relentlessly.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2021 Thought I’d write until Tom gets back from picking up his meds at what he says is the busiest Walgreens he’s ever been to. In this tiny town?

Today is just the opposite of yesterday. I slept well, much to my surprise. I’m sure this means that tonight I’ll sleep shitty. It doesn’t seem like I’ve slept well two nights in a row in quite a while.

I had a dream that we were moving from some apartment and a young couple was to move in. A white woman and a black guy. The guy was fumbling in a funny-clumsy way with a TV.

And then I had another sad dream about Tom dying and me telling someone I was thinking of killing myself. :(

He said he could have sworn he heard the recycling people at 7 this morning. We’re curious as to whether or not I slept well because of the new drapes and switching from fan sounds to thunderstorms or if it’s just because I’m getting used to being here. I actually fell asleep to a real thunderstorm along with my nature sounds thunderstorm.

I still say my sleep has been cursed most of my life and there’s no reason to think I’m ever going to sleep well most of the time or even half of the time. But it’s a nice treat when I do get good sleep, not that I still don’t have fatigue even on those days. My blood sugar was 94 so I’m definitely not diabetic. The fatigue is likely coming from a combination of low thyroid and age. Sure hope it isn’t anything else like chronic fatigue!

They never did any landscaping yesterday or today. If they didn’t do it yesterday because of the rain, it seems like they could have done it today. So this gives me hope that they only do it every other week.

Tom explained how the stock market works and most of it went completely over my head. I’m just not good with those kinds of things. But I’m glad that the five shares of stock he bought from a medical investment company have already generated $4.95. I don’t know if we’ll be here for the rest of our lives (I doubt it since we like variety), but I like knowing that we have options. I don’t like being trapped. If we wanted to turn around and move right now, we couldn’t. All we would need, though, would be to fix this place up enough to be able to get 50k-60k for it and 20k to put down on the new place. But maybe we’ll be here forever, I don’t know. I doubt it, though, but I don’t know if we’ll leave the state or not. If we did, it would likely be to go to Texas. For now, I can see us here for about five years at least. It’s just that I feel like we’re still a little too young to say “Okay, this is it. This is the last stop.” Besides, I like to have goals to work toward.

Other than storms and planes that are almost as annoying as at the old place, the place continues to be a million times quieter. I absolutely LOVE the lack of traffic, power tools, and barking. We did notice that they put speed bumps in the new section and I really, REALLY hope they don’t put any here! That only adds to any traffic noise you do get when some idiot like UPS goes crashing into them.

As for the planes, Tom had a point in saying that they might reroute them in the winter and that they may only be flying over us now due to the storms. Somehow I doubt that. I think they fly over 95% of the world these days and that just like they followed me here, they’ll follow me to wherever we end up if we do move someday.

Shit! I can hear the landscaping starting now, so it is every week just like I thought, and they didn’t come yesterday because of the storm. :( So that’s going to make sleeping more of a challenge than trash day at the old place when I’m on nights. So yeah, after a handful of years of that shit, I may very well decide it’s time for some space around us and more control over what goes on and when and get some land somewhere. And more square footage. Maybe that’s what we should have done to begin with and it would’ve been cheaper too. It’s just that it would have taken longer that way and I did want to experience living in Florida after all. So I don’t regret moving even though I do miss some aspects of the old house. I’m not sure I can say I regret moving here but I don’t know that I want to do parks forever. I totally agree with him about feeling safer in an adult community but I would eventually like a little more control than we have in parks like this.

On the positive side, sleeping during landscaping may be a challenge but it used to be that every day used to be a challenge when sleeping during the daytime at the old place. Here, it should only be on landscaping days and I’m not always on days. After all, this is the second week in a row I’m awake while they’re at it. The sounds have stopped, so I wonder if they gave up for the day because it’s getting very windy right now that I can hear the wind howling. It’s like 15 miles an hour and it says that rain is coming again. It just got very dark out there too. That was fast, lol. I swear it was sunny just a second ago. Love the variety of weather here! Oh, now it says there’s a flood alert for Pasco County and a few others.

Later…

Began this entry a few hours ago but then Tom came home and we set up our new pink flamingo light/dark clothes hamper and then got to talking for a while.

And then I also had the runs. Probably due to not sleeping well the few days before today.

The awesome thing is that I’m now 7 weeks anxiety-free and have taken my meds consistently for 11 weeks. I don’t wanna get my hopes up but I’m definitely breaking records here.

I thought of a fun idea for blogging. At least it might be fun. Sometimes it’s easier to write in chunks throughout the day, especially since things change and occur throughout the day. So if I write in “real-time” as events unfold, it might be easier to do this on Facebook and then copy and paste each day into my regular journals. I’ll give it a try starting tomorrow. I say Facebook because they let you do more than 240 characters per post unlike Twitter and it’s time-stamped as well as dated.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 3, 2021 Today was an absolutely shitty day. While I’m still enjoying many aspects of being here, a part of me worries we’ve gone from bad to worse. I’m so exhausted! I’ve only gotten good sleep two out of the eight nights we’ve been here, and for the millionth time, I’m asking myself why? Why, why, why??? Why does something up there not want me to sleep? What does it possibly have against me sleeping most of the time instead of the other way around?

It’s weird because when it’s not storming and they’re not picking up trash or landscaping or making mysterious thumping sounds, it’s way quieter than the other place. Don’t know how it will be in the winter but except for the planes, it’s pretty damn close to dead quiet.

So I crashed at around 11 p.m. and then at 5:30 a thunderstorm woke me up. Managed to doze on and off for a couple of hours during which time I heard that mysterious thump twice. Heard it at 6:41 and then at 7. Yet there doesn’t seem to be anyone next door and I paid close attention to the house across the street. They do not close their vehicle doors loudly. For me to be sleeping this shitty at night really has me concerned about how I’ll be sleeping during the daytime.

Tom might be onto something, though, when we were throwing out guesses as to what could be making the mysterious thump. An animal doesn’t make any sense and I highly doubt anyone’s going into the storeroom, so maybe it’s the bed frame. It’s a metal-slatted frame that may make a creaking sound resembling a thump as it bends are gives even though I didn’t think it could do that. It’s a very strong, solid metal but I suppose it’s possible that where it bends and folds like where the hinges are, it might make that sound but why haven’t I ever heard it while I was awake just relaxing on the bed or listening to audiobooks? It’s like something is hell-bent on cursing my sleep like never before! It only wakes me up when sleeping on my good ear, so I don’t know what to think.

We’ve ruled out the refrigerator, hot water tank, and AC, and come to think of it, I don’t remember any thumping disturbing my sleep the first night when I slept with a mattress on the floor.

There was no landscaping today and I’m wondering if it’s because it was so stormy or because they really do it every other week. Tom also pointed out that the lack of ambient sounds here makes more things noticeable. Well, I definitely miss having the air cleaner on the bookcase shelf making that vibrating humming sound which may help with the thumping, whatever the fuck it is. I don’t know if it’ll do me any good but instead of sleeping to the sounds of a box fan and rain, I’m going to try thunderstorms and a heartbeat.

We plan to get soundproofing windows installed when my schedule flips but if storms and thumps keep waking me up along with other things, my schedule may never flip. Right now I’m nearing the end of my day worrying about thunder, thumps, recyclers, and landscapers fucking with my sleep next time around. It’s the same old fucking stress that I thought I left behind! Why is it that whenever I run from something negative or that I don’t like it follows me tenfold? I truly can run but never hide!

Anyway, I dozed off until 7 a.m. and was still exhausted. I just can’t handle broken-up sleep anymore. If I keep sleeping in chunks like this, it’s going to really take a toll on my health. As it is, it’s taking a serious toll on my energy levels and my mood. The treadmill is coming tomorrow and I wonder if I’m going to have the energy to even use the damn thing.

I wonder if we should have just gotten land in Texas somewhere since land is expensive here. It would have taken longer, yes, but it would have been cheaper in the end.

So we went to the bank and a guy helped me access our joint bank account. After that, I came back and napped for two more hours yet I’m still dragging. I thought naps were supposed to refresh a person, not make them feel groggy.

Despite feeling run down, we were able to install the black-out drapes. They definitely block light but if they reduce sound, I’d say it’s not by much. Tom did say that without them, he walked by the bedroom window while I was listening to audiobooks and could make out every word clearly. Now, he says it’s muffled.

We also set up smart plugs so the two bedroom lamps and the two living room lamps can be turned on either individually or both at once as a group.

MONDAY, AUGUST 2, 2021 Poor Tom took a nasty fall down the steps yesterday when he was putting up the new hummingbird solar wind chimes. He put them up and then slipped stepping off the steps to the lanai. Scared the shit out of me too, but luckily he didn’t break anything. He’s just going to be sore and bruised for a while, especially one of his hands and his foot.

He messaged Doc A hoping she’ll give him 30 days of his BP med. I don’t see why she wouldn’t.

Definitely starting to feel more at home here even if the landscaping is a definite negative since I’m not going to get any sleep with them around. Don’t get me wrong. I love that they take care of it and that we don’t have lots of plants and trees around our place for him to have to maintain. There’s just one small tree in front. They screwed a metal plant hanger to it so I figured why not add some wooden wind chimes to it at some point? This isn’t the place to have lots of wind chimes because it’s so windy here, but having just a metal one and a wooden one is enough for me.

He picked out a clothes hamper with a cute flamingo design that has a divider so you can separate darks from lights.

Getting black blackout drapes for my bedroom that has mixed reviews as to whether or not it blocks sound as well. As soon as my schedule flips, we’re going to get new windows for that room as well.

We also got shaded bulbs for some of the lights and they’re great. It’s a great way to get the benefits of LEDs without the harsh glare.

The new faucet is awesome. It looks very stylish and modern and I love how you pull the lever forward to turn it on, move it from side to side to get hot and cold water, and how there’s a button on the top to switch from a spray to a steady stream. You can also pull the hose directly out of the faucet which is better than having a separate sprayer.

Again I heard this mystery thump that woke me up. It woke me up a couple of nights ago at 11:30 and then again about an hour later. This time it was about 6:30 in the morning. Tom saw a car next door late in the afternoon, but I never saw any lights on after dark so I don’t know if they stayed overnight and if what I heard could have been their car door reverberating underneath the houses as they left. I don’t think any of the vehicles could make such a sound. If they slammed the shit out of the doors, then yes. But this is a consistent type of sound.

I swear, whatever’s up there will do anything to disrupt my sleep! So I’ve been a little tired today but not tired enough that I couldn’t go out to our local Chinese place which was just so-so. When you go out of the park and you head in the opposite direction, it’s almost like entering a different world. It’s much nicer. Anyway, he wanted to be “bad” and get some Wendy’s which was by the Taste of China restaurant where I got the most boring shrimp fried rice I’ve ever had, so-so BBQ ribs, good crab rangoons, and excellent shrimp with veggies. I topped it off with a sugar cookie that he got from Wendy’s. I’ve got to stop eating like this, though. It’s blowing me up like a balloon!

On our way there, I noticed a tractor in back of the park but not near us. Maybe still near enough to hear it, though. Could be part of what I was hearing the other day.

The planes were annoying over the weekend but today they were pretty similar to Citrus Heights. It truly sucks shit. I swear there’s never going to be any escape from the flying bastards! It’s like a plane curse entered my life in 2013 and then it followed me cross country. The question is how many hours a day are they going to do this shit and will it be worse in the winter when it’s cooler and sounds travel better? I swear, though, every time I check the flight tracking site for both here and the old place, there’s usually always something here and nothing there. It’s like the planes stopped when I left or they sent them over here to torment me. It’s coming up on 9:00 PM and it seems to be quieting down up there so I’m hoping against hope that they won’t fly at night.

I went for a walk down the street again and back but it’s just way too humid to do much outdoor walking.

The trash collectors weren’t in and out today. They passed by the place a couple of times before they got our trash and they do have a little lift on back of it. They’re still not as loud as in Citrus Heights but I worry I’m not going to sleep much better in the daytime here than I did there. Just a bad feeling I’ve got.

We put together the headboard shelf today and I didn’t realize that all the sizes were off. This is a higher platform and a lower headboard. So when I get my 13-inch mattress, the shelves will be blocked. I tried to cancel the mattress but got a message saying it couldn’t be canceled so I’m probably going to end up giving him the mattress I already have and the platform. I’ll get a lower platform.

He also found that his shower leaks so he showered in mine and loved it. It’s so much roomier, cleaner, and newer looking. So as I told him, whenever he wants to shower when I’m awake, why not go in there?

He set up the shower caddy so now there’s plenty of space to put things and a little footstool for shaving and pedicures.

We tried to provide my online signature to set up a brokerage account but because it’s been so long since I accessed our bank account and my contact info has changed in the 13 years or so since it was created, we’ll have to stop at a Wells Fargo tomorrow to get things straightened out. I don’t even remember my PIN#.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1, 2021 Surprisingly, I slept well last night and have good energy today. Wanting to take advantage of it, I suggested we go to the pool earlier. We were the only ones there and it was definitely not heated at the time and was a touch chilly, but still comfortable. What I didn’t like was the ants near the steps of the pool. I do know they have biting ants here. They were reddish so I figured they might be fire ants. Luckily, neither of us got bit.

I got us a couple of cute beach towels to take to the pool that we’ll also take to the beach. One is tie-dye and another has a pink donut tube in a pool.

The lack of loud traffic is great. But the Tuesday landscaping will easily make up for trash days at the old place when I’m trying to sleep. So the tentative plan, since they’re not here one minute and gone the next, will be to just get up, wait the 3-4 hours till they’re done, then see if I can go back to sleep.

There were about 12 to 13 planes yesterday that I noticed. So far today I’ve heard about half a dozen or so. Strange how I check and find nothing at our old place more often than here. It’s like they all left CH because I did. Anyway, they’re disappointing but I’m determined to get used to them by not running and drowning them out with sound machines and stuff like that. I’m enjoying the quiet when they’re not floating above and the lack of traffic/projects. Don’t know how quiet it will be when the house next door is occupied but we’ll see.

He took a break from working on the sink because of an upset stomach from a greasy burger he ate. I’m going around doing little things here and there every day. Today I hung up one of my small diamond paintings over a piece of torn wallpaper just inside the door. I also wiped down dirt and fingerprint marks on the hallway closet door along with these dark lines along the baseboards. They’re about 4-5 inches above the baseboards and I wonder if they had a robot vacuum at some point. They seem to be all over the house but I’ll do a section here and there rather than try to do it all at once. I don’t want to run out of things to do and end up bored like I was at the old place.

I put together weekly cleaning lists. I’ll actually alternate between the two lists every other week. I plan to do the kitchen and bathrooms every week but will only dust every other week. Of course, I’ll vacuum every week too. Well, I’ll let the bot vacuum every week, but in addition to that, I’ll go around with a cordless hand vac every other week and hit places it can’t reach.

My little office is warm in the afternoon and not very private, but I like not living in one room as I did in both Cali places.

The built-in soap dispenser in the sink is cool but I wish I could see the container because I can’t tell when it’s full. I made quite a mess when the thing overflowed when filling it up.

Now the new faucet is installed and it’s great! So modern, lovely, and high-tech.

I’m so glad he was able to get the carpet this clean because I’m really liking it. It’s a nice color too. It’s a mix of grayish blues with white and small flecks of mauve.

This doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on now but sometimes I think of the double standards that always seem to apply to me and they bug me. They really do. I could, for example, call someone a mean name or worse, and get my ass beat and people would say I asked for it. Even Tom would probably say that. Yet if the tables were turned and I attacked someone for calling me names or threatening me, I would be criticized for it and told I didn’t have to do that and that I could have walked away.

Having a mild T-storm now.

Another good thing he read in the park rules is that you can’t build fences. So unlike at the other park, you can’t make a dog run or anything like that.

Getting really worried about my weight. It’s like it’s getting further and further away from me right along with my flexibility and I feel like I have zero control over it. It’s like all I can do is watch helplessly as it gets more and more out of hand, knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel like I’m probably close to 170 now. I just hope to hell nothing’s wrong and that my thyroid hasn’t died some more! I’m loosening my joints up a bit through stretching exercises and in just a day I feel a difference but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to cut my own toenails much longer if I keep gaining. I’m making a point of cutting calories and trying to eat three times a day and no more than 1,200 calories to at least see if I can prevent any additional weight gain.

He agrees the bidets need more oomph. There’s another nozzle we can attach to give it more pressure.

Got some peach Moscato to try later on. I’m sure I’ll love it.