#First order on vacation

[hux-and-gay]

Kylux Short Shorts Fest 2024; Day 1: Vacation

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Kylux Summer Vacation (Crack Fic)

this translates way better as a comic but comics take time. So i wrote more a script then a fic. maybe I’ll make a comic later or maybe some kind soul wants to waste their time doing it for me. I don’t really care anyway, not to toot my own horn, but this is really funny. I was thinking of the Lego Star Wars specials when I wrote this so picture that vibe. Hehehehehe

pls pls reblog! I dont have AO3 yet

Warning: Suggestive content, brief nudity (it’s played off as a joke)

Kylo: (announcing triumphantly, fist in the air) We’re going on vacation! 

Hux: (sounds unfazed) What? 

Kylo: (repeats previous gesture) We’re are going on vacation!

Hux: (no even looking up from his datapad) We’re in the middle of a war. We can’t just leave on vacation. 

Kylo: My grandfather went on vacation…

(Teary eyed dreamily looking off into the distance picturing the scene from the Lego Star Wars summer vacation special where Vader is being forced to apply palpitate’s sun screen) 

Hux: Oh so that’s what this is about. (Shakes his head) Predictable. Well we can’t. 

Kylo: (Angrily/Whiny) Why! 

Hux: I dont have time for this (Starts walking off)

Mitaka: (comes in, stopping him by the door) Sir… Did you authorize 30,000 credits worth of first order funds to be spent on (squints at his datapad) “Beach fun surprise?”

Hux: (looking up angrily) No! What even is that?!

Mitaka: (nods awkwardly) right I’ll cancel i-

Kylo: No! (Stepping forward) I authorized the purchase! (Turning to Hux dramatically) There’s no turning back now general! (Pointing to each person as he speaks) I’m taking you, and Phasma, and Mitaka, and… (points at a random dude walking by) THAT GUY, and we’re going on vacation!

That guy: Uhm sir I don’t even work here… I’m just visiting my wife…

Kylo: LETS GO! (Marching forward) 

~Later at the beach~

Kylo: (walking up to Hux wearing his helmet  and swim trunks that are definitely too small for him) Why are you wearing a shirt? 

Hux: (eating a suspiciously shaped popsicle) Why aren’t you? 

Kylo: (leans back) isn’t that like, constricting? 

Hux: You’re just trying to get me to take my shirt off. 

Kylo: What? No! (Clearly lying) 

Phasma: (walking by) I’d take this off if I was allowed too (gesturing towards her sports bra style top) 

(#free the nip)

(They both just blink at her stunned before she walks away and then they turn back to their arguing) 

Kylo: I still think you should take it off (huffs)

Hux: Then take off your helmet! (Pokes it)

Kylo: (crosses his arms) I dont want sunburn! 

Hux: The rest of you is practically naked! 

Mitaka: (rushing up carrying way more than one man should carry) Sir? 

Kylo: (not noticing Mitaka) I could arrange that! but I don’t think this is that kind of beach!

Mitaka: (trying to get Hux’s attention) Where did you want this sir? (Holding up all the stuff some of it falls out of his hands) 

(Still not noticing Mitaka the two of them glare at each other and Hux menacingly bites off the tip of the popsicle which has now melted all over his hand) 

~Seconds later~

Kylo: (pointing) oh look beach hockey!

Hux: (deadpan) No

Kylo: (Pointing) look there’s limbo!

Mitaka: (Still trying to get their attention) Sir this is kind of heavy…

Hux: (deadpan) No 

Kylo: Live music? (Gestures to the stage, where, idk, the Cerveza Cristal meme is playing or something)

Hux: Too loud 

Kylo: There’s a bar? 

Hux: I suppose that’s fine 

Mitaka: Sir?! 

(They start walking to the bar where Phasma already is) 

Mitaka: Why do I even bother (Sighs) 

(Meanwhile at the bar. Kylo has his helmet off now. the group was drinking (Cerveza Cristal!… No! Stop! You already made that joke!) when they see familiar faces walk onto the beach)

Kylo: Well look who it is (smirks) 

Phasma: The resistance scum (scoffs) 

Hux: How convient, you’d think this was a Crack fic (looking directly at you) 

Poe: (sauntering up) Hey Hugs 

Hux: (immediately standing to go) That’s it we’re leaving! Vacation over! 

Poe: (leaning on the counter) That’s a shame, we were just going to invite you all to a not so friendly game of beach volleyball. Right Finn? (nudges him) 

Finn: uhhhh… right. 

Poe: (whispers) Sound more confident 

Finn: (Yells) Right! we’re gonna beat your asses into the sand bitches! (Whispering to Poe) Was that too much? 

Kylo: Good luck trying. (Smirks standing up) It just so happens that… I don’t like sand~ (Turning to the others) Are the rest of you with me? 

Mitaka: (panting running up) I Just put everything down sir! 

Hux: (not noticing Mitaka again, setting his drink down) Well I suppose… if it’s a challenge (smirks)

Phasma: (cracking her knuckles) Oh I think it’s time they met the true power of the first order~

Poe: Good come meet us on the beach! (He gestures and runs off, Finn following, flipping them off as he goes. The others get up from the bar laughing and heading towards the beach) 

Mitaka: (exasperated) Did I miss Something?  —————————————————————————

(Look i could write out the volley ball match but I’m lazy so if someone wants to pick this up have at it) 

~Later that day~

Kylo: (running down the beach to join Hux in the water) Wait for me! 

(Hux’s shirt isn’t off but it’s open) 

Hux: (standing in the water, raising an eyebrow) Do you even know how to swim 

Kylo: Pfft, yeah totally!

Hux: That sounded oddly suspicious but if you say so (shrugs) 

Kylo: (walking very slowly into the water) Yeah I definitely learned how to swim, that’s definitely something I did, I mean like, it’s easy, I’m not a pussy!

Mitaka: (standing beside Hux) Is it just me or does it sound like he’s trying to reassure himself instead of you? 

Hux: (nonchalant) oh yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like. 

Mitaka: If he can’t swim shouldn’t we stop him? 

Hux: Let him try, it will amuse me (smirks) 

(Kylo goes deeper in the water, even deeper than the two of them, probably to prove a point) 

Kylo: I’m… I’m doing it! (A wave crashes into him) Fuck! I’m not doing it!  (He starts flailing and splashing wildly even though where he is definitely isn’t that deep)

Mitaka: (looks concerned) Sir I believe he’s going under. 

Hux: He’ll be fine. 

Mitaka: I Really dont think he will be…

(long awkward scilence)

Hux: He’s drowning isn’t he? 

Mitaka: It appears that way. 

Hux: Ugh fine! 

(He goes after him and Drags him out which is definitely a struggle) 

Hux: (dragging him by his foot onto the beach) Why are You So fucking heavy?! (Looking up to Phasma who’s tanning on the Shore) Thank you so much for your help Phasma!

(Phasma Holds up a drink nodding to them) 

Hux: (sets him down on the wet sand) Well he’s breathing (slaps him on the face) 

Kylo: (coming to, spitting out ocean water) Hey! That wasn’t mouth to mouth… (looks down disappointed) 

Hux: (sarcastically) Oh no! he stopped breathing guess I can’t save him! 

Kylo: (glancing at himself) Oh! my shorts fell off in the water, and your kind of straddling me so- 😏

Hux: (glances down instinctively and quickly looks back up) Mitaka? 

Mitaka: Yes sir? 

Hux: Google if It it’s legal to feed someone to the sharks.

~The end~

That Guy: Has anyone seen my wife yet?

@lessdenied @fives-ren @jaynesilver @thegeneralorder @diabollicallyangelic

@existing-sadly

@theosb0rnway

@dragonflies-draw-flame @hpdmism @fridayincarnate @tomatette

@transmasc-vampire-is-tired

@bostarsky

@kyluxshortshorts

[strawberryclementine]

Inspector Lunge in Ch. 96 and Eva Heinemann in Ch. 112

[ashmp3]

please help me i did so good with something that stressed me OUT and now i want to buy something from my wishlist so... poll time 🫶🏼

[alisaint]

being drunk is so fcuking miserable. idk how anyone lives like this i'm fighting for my life trying to be normal right now

[ashenberry]

damn was replaying ieytd1 and Jared mason has gotten way more comfortable in the handler role it’s nice to hear

[todayisafridaynight]

Shadow the hedgehog cartoon announcement sorry everyone im gonna hermit away four months in advanced so i can be optimally annoying when they talk about it

[disneybooknerd626]

Follow me on instagram: disneybooknerd626

[trooperst-3v3]

Convinced Hux to let me book a trip to Batuu.

Told him I'd heard there was a faction of stormtroopers in Blackspire Outpost still so loyal to the First Order that they had a guy who dressed up as Kylo Ren come out to intimidate the locals a few times a day.

He said that he, as the current Supreme Leader, should be the first to visit, but I insisted a small, discreet scouting party should go. For his own safety, of course.

As the mostest loyalist member of the First Order, I would be honored to lead that party. Though Deej should also come, since she's a combat trooper and I'd obviously need a bodyguard.

I'd also need some credits for lodging, food, and anything else I may need to blend in. Obviously.

And he actually approved the trip! Even had the Finance Department get me a First Order credit card!

Still not sure if he's really that excited to find more loyal First Order remnants, or just wants to get me out of his hair for a week.

Either way, I'm getting a proper vacation soon!

[jaeyunverse]

only 6 more days for 12th grade to officially finish and my exams to be over. perhaps jaeyunverse comeback with a long fic ????? 😳

[scarletiswailing347]

just finished reading delilah's statement, there was a lot of things in it that was either only tangentially related to the allegations or straight up unnecessary to put (in particular: putting in media references and cc metrics several times as flavor text, detailing the don turnt situation with no claims of whether or not permission was granted by the affected party, namedropping certain ccs who had nothing to do with the allegations, and putting the tweet and yearbook photo of one of the ppl who put forward that zam was a bully with no claims of whether or not permission was granted) which contributed a lot to the 47-page length

honestly so far what im getting is that there was a Lot of toxicity on multiple sides like not even just between zam and delilah

[taylorliveperformances]

i love your blog! it's a great archive that imo deserves to be a bigger presence on swiftie tumblr.

Thank you!!! I spent months during quarantine making my own little Taylor video archive, and when I realized how loosely enforced tumblr's copyright rules are, I figured I could share my collection with the rest of the fandom! I'm so glad you like it!

[relto]

logging off for vacation! see you in a week. my queue has lots of posts atm and will probably keep going the entire time.

[tarakau]

Survived the talk and fashion show!!!! Time to get sick and DIE

[tillman]

Busy busy at work today but in quite a fun way. 3 hours flew by WAHOO

[literary-love-songs]

Patiently waiting for my copy of Emily Henry’s, Happy Place.

[ziraconarose]

Design ideas for a little friend and guy visiting his homeland to learn how to do that 30 foot vertical leap and turn into a dragon.