#anyway I had so much fun but also put way too much time into this
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voidsuites · 2 days ago
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MULTI BOT RELEASE !!! (1/31/25) ⌢ ✨ .ᐟ
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art donaldson ・゜゜・.noid. tennis has given art everything anyone could ever want— a fulfilling career, you and lily, and countless influential titles and wins— and with him getting closer to becoming a household name, art’s more than aware of his luck. he’s beyond grateful. however, fame’s a double-edged sword and it’s getting harder to both play into the paparazzi and their mind-games and also protect his family, so it’s not a surprise that art loses his temper when those lines finally get crossed. (based off “noid” by tyler the creator!)
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bruce wayne・゜゜・.billie bossa nova. underneath all the sneaking around hotel rooms and charity galas, both you and bruce long to be understood for more than just your family names and your money. whatever’s going on between the two of you is merely putting a band-aid on a niger issue, you’re aware, but there’s something about bruce that helps you rationalize the less-than-ideal circumstances. a lot can change in twenty seconds… a lot can happen in the dark. (based off “billie bossa nova” by billie eilish!)
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jim hopper ・゜゜・.you’re a fighter. in one moment, all hop had to worry about was you slowly growing more independent and mike wheeler’s insufferable attitude, but now the mind flayer’s set its sights on you and you’ve seemingly lost your powers. setting the mess with the russians beneath starcourt mall aside, hopper’s main priority is making sure you’re safe and away from any more danger. you may be a fighter, but you’re his kid first. (based off “you’re a fighter” by kyle dixon and michael stein!)
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joel miller ・゜゜・.western nights. joel knows you’re not supportive of the violent ways he provides for you, but in a post-apocalyptic world morals are put on the back burner while he concerns himself with keeping you both fed, housed, and taken care of. you’re stubborn, he’s stubborn, but you’d never think of taking off and leaving him behind. this time’s no different. (based off “western nights” by ethel cain!)
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patrick zweig ・゜゜・.part of your world. mermaids were nothing but a mere children's bedtime story— they weren't real. that’s what patrick’s father had told him since he'd been a boy; that the wondrous creatures he believed in with all his heart were nothing but tall tales meant to put the children of new rochelle to bed with little fight. that’s proven to be false when you rescue him from swimming with the fishes for eternity, and now that he knows your kind is real, patrick just has to learn more. he’ll bring you as many human trinkets for your collection as you’d like if you’d let him be part of your world for a moment. (based off “part of your world” by jodi benson and disney!)
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tashi duncan ・゜゜・.bodyguard. wlw. tashi’s always been protective of you since you started seeing each other, but it’s always amusing to see just how worked-up she gets when you’re the center of attention. stanford’s hosting a concert in the park, art and patrick are nowhere to be found, and tashi’s left to keep herself in control lest she “accidentally” scare people off because they’ve looked at you too long. she’ll protect you in the mosh pit, no doubt— but she’s still working on keeping that territorial nature of hers in check. (based off “bodyguard” by beyoncé!)
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got a request? go ahead and leave em here :) THANK YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH FOR FOR 10.4K! so excited to get started on my celebration requests— you guys once again are the BEST!!!! i hope all of these are to your liking… but do forgive me if joel is a little too ooc lol i’ve only seen bits of tlou but i tried to capture him right. hehe. i also made a tumblr community for all things voidsuites-oriented 🤭 join yap city if you dare (i’m still figuring out what i’ll post on there but think of it as a communal close friends story on ig haha) anyways i love these characters and i love these songs and i love you all!!!! thank you for making this so much fun for me i’m so grateful <3
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l8ncestroll · 22 hours ago
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This is MY blog and I’m sick of pretending I don’t have a big fat crush on this man
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He’s actually SO yum, SO boyfriend material and so criminally underrated, neither god nor satan can stop me from thirsting over this man!!! So anyway I’ve dumped all my insanity under the cut
- HIS HAIR!!! It’s so fluffy and it has so much volume that I’m JEALOUS
- And it still looks good when he’s all sweaty post race and it’s all messy and he looks all disheveled and skrunkly
- I would sell my left kidney to have him put his head in my lap and let me play with his hair
- I WANT TO PULL IT
- listen if he was hovering over you or had his face between your legs you can’t convince me you wouldn’t want to be pulling on his luscious locks while he ruined you and that is that.
- And you could look into his big chocolatey eyes all the time, like can you imagine standing chest to chest with that man and looking up and seeing those big hypnotic eyes? I think I’d melt
- he would give the best puppy eyes ever if he wanted something from you, eyes all wide and needy, just to switch up and look at you all smug and smirking when you do exactly what he asked of you
- I just KNOW when that man makes out with you it’s FILTHY, please tell me other people have noticed his big pouty lips and how goddamn long his tounge is??? Otherwise I might just sound insane but IVE SEEN PICTURES OKAY
- ANYWAYS, I’m talking holding you close for dear life, him taking your face in his big hands, starting with small gentle pecks all over your face but quickly turning into the most disgusting make out ever, biting each other lips and sucking each others tounges, licking each others faces, him fucking up your neck so bad you’ll be in turtlenecks for the next three weeks and you nibbling on his jaw, all rational thinking out the window and no concept of time.
- piggybacking off that last thought, he just knows that his facial hair makes you feel some kind of way
- “hey babe do you think I should shave?”
- JUST to tease you and have you panic, to watch you try and come up with any serious good reason that he shouldn’t, whilst he really knows you’re only worried about the beard burn on your thighs being a thing of the past.
- A while back I saw someone on here call him beefy and I think that altered my brain chemistry
- because YES
- He IS beefy, he’s tall and broad and muscular, you just know that he’s strong enough to snap your neck if he wanted to but he hasn’t!!! And you’re still alive!!! So obviously he likes you!!!
- He’s so sporty too, out of formula one he’s definitely the sportiest of all the drivers, always skiing, or playing padel, doing all of his little side quests
- The videos that float around of him playing ice hockey????
- So hot I wish Canada was real
- He looks so confident and aggressive and in his element when he’s playing. I feel like creating an ice hockey x figure skater AU may be in order because the potential of that is endless
- I have so many thoughts about him in the big scary hockey outfit, stood next to his girl in her figure skating dress
- Now he KNEW, about the contrast between him and his girlfriend’s looks, size, aesthetic, or whatever you want to call it. But he’d never seen it displayed so clearly, him looking all big and burly and ready to play ice hockey versus his sweet little girl, looking all cute and delicate ready to figure skate? Definitely fucked with his head, also definitely turned him on, which you definitely noticed and definitely poked fun at him for, while secretly being just as turned on if not more.
- He’s definitely the possessive protective type, he insists he doesn’t get jealous but it’s only because he doesn’t let himself be put in that position
- Why should you go up to the bar alone? What if a guy tried to hit on his girl and he got jealous? He wouldn’t be having that, so he walks you up to the bar himself and cages you in, hands either side of you while you order, and while you’re looking in your bag for your purse to pay, he’s already swiped his card.
- Even if he was too tired or drunk to keep getting up with you he’s not letting his girl go on her own, he’d rather spend a small fortune on bottle service than send his girl to the cesspit that is the bar in a club
- I see him as the type to love a bit of cliché flirting too, weather it’s the first time you’ve met or you’ve been married for 10 years? That man is GOING to flirt with you, countless little compliments, always pulling out your chair or opening doors for you.
- DEFINITELY the type of guy to do the hand thing, because yeah he wants you too see how much bigger his hands are, but mainly he does it for selfish reasons, it sets alight something carnal and animalistic inside of him to see your feminine little hand against his, it just does something to him when he gets to watch the surprise on your face at how big his hands are (because let’s be fr that man has BEAR PAWS), him looking at you, watching your thought process
- which would probably be something like: aww this is so cute and cliche, okay let’s do it, woah, his hands are huge, or are mine just small?, no I think it’s definitely him, maybe it’s a mix of both, DAMN his hands are huge, damn, hmnnn, he could fit both of my wrists in one hand, 🤭, his fingers are so big…, they’d feel so good on my…, shit he’s watching me😧
- and even though you never said a word he read every thought you had from your face.
- I don’t know if anyone other than me finds this super sexy but he’s so quick witted, in challenge videos he just seems to think for a few seconds and then have some weird solution, or when people ask and uncomfortable hard to answer question, he just takes a second and then comes out with the perfect response, weather it’s a joke or a distraction or a tactful answer, he’s good at using his words
- He seems to like talking a lot too, don’t get me wrong in press conferences and most media things he’s a brick wall (understandably tbh) but in other situations when he’s comfortable and happy he seems to have a lot too say
- do you guys see what I’m getting at?
- he definitely talks you through it.
- I mean just think of him sat up on his knees between your spread legs, “you look so pretty right now, wish you could see what I’m seeing”, and then leaning over you to slap his tip on your clit, “you gonna take it for me like a good girl darling?”, then running it up and down your slit, spreading you’re wetness all over himself, “you’re fucking soaked already, I’m flattered baby”. Him just repeating “fuck fuck fuck” over and over like a mantra when he finally presses into you, “fuck you take me so well”
- idk i just can’t see him being quiet at all, if he’s not running his mouth then he’s groaning breathily right in your ear, enjoying how he can feel you clench around him every time he makes a particularly desperate noise.
- Also he has a praise kink I don’t make the rules, this could definitely make a cute fic actually, reader not knowing about him having an absolutely desperate need for her praise, and rather than just asking for it (because then in his mind it doesn’t count) , he goes above and beyond all the time in every aspect of life desperately chasing after slivers of praise from you to get his fix, and maybe as a prank or a joke or a TikTok trend one time you call him a good boy and he just goes absolutely feral and then you put the puzzle pieces together
-okay I’ll stfu now but before I go I have pictures that relate to this to share to really prove my point that I’ll leave at the bottom of this, (in order, beard, hands, eyes, sexy asf, why he pulling that face? ,And hair)
- anywho I’m so deeply sorry for bringing my depraved obsession to the internet, BUT if you fuck with it at all or wanna talk to me or add anything my ask box is OPEN and my anons are ON
- also I’m considering starting to write again so if you have any tips or inspiration I’m totally open to that even if it’s criticism or whatever
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not-xpr-art · 23 hours ago
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Curled tight as a question mark...
(01/2025)
Ok so I've been super obsessed with the AMAZING Trolley Problem AU fics by @silverview & @unreesonable (where Drew is the 22 year old Blake abuses instead of Ellie) for literally ages so it was only a matter of time before I'd end up doing some art based on it pfft...
Links to the fics below btw (also gonna ramble about this piece a bit since, as usual, I put way too much thought into it pfft)!!!
a better son / daughter
special arrangements
and all I'll do is kiss him (btw title of this piece actually taken from a line in this one which I really loved!!!)
spaces between
Highly recommend all of them btw, they're so GOOD!!!!!
~~~
Ok, so I immediately wanted to do a sorta twisted version of Klimt's 'The Kiss' but the concept kinda got away from me as I was painting it... Plus I couldn't get the vibrant gold colour to work with the general colouring of the figures so the background became like vaguely vaginal curtains that I could probably spin some kinda symbolic link to Drew's mother if I wanted to lol...
(think I made a joke on bsky that I'm in my Georgia O'Keeffe era and NO one laughed smhsmh...)
I've also been wanting to do something based on the iconic The Fallen Angel painting by Alexandre Cabanel but never really had a particular subject in mind... until NOW! (ofc the emotion is different but idk I think the reference still works... Drew's tears are more desperate, hopeless, resigned, and perhaps less angry than Lucifer's?)
I wanted the piece to feel like Drew is trapped. Trapped by his turbulent relationship with his mother and father, trapped by his status and position in life, trapped by his sexuality, trapped by the drugs... And ultimately trapped by Blake, who was supposed to offer him a paternal embrace, a comforting hand on his shoulder, to properly help guide him out of the hole he's stuck in but all he did was take advantage of his vulnerability and drag him further into that pit...
Also, kinda funny story, but I tried doing a cute romantic in9 art before I started this but my brain and hand were having none of it lol... NO adorable yaoi for you manipulative toxic yaoi ONLY !!!!!!!
Stylistically I wanted to try and make this look sorta traditionally painted, which involved me using a combo of my regular program alongside ms paint since I like the texture of some of the brushes on there tbh (plus those brushes are really great for painting body hair which I had so much fun drawing a lot of here lol)! Overlaid with a vaguely canvas-y texture lol
Oh, and also I put the diamond pattern of the jumper Drew wears in the episode on his underwear here both because it was going to get covered if I put it on his t-shirt and because it's sorta a fun way to reflect how this is an AU lol
Also have some close ups since tumblr has completely destroyed the quality of this lol:
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(final close up is actually of a version of the painting without the texture overlay btw which is why the colours are slightly different, but I thought it might be interesting to share so u can see the brushwork texture a little better??)
uh anyway... that's all folks lol!
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pixiedurango · 3 days ago
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Since you said to put this in ask. A letter to Rook from Viago once he realizes she’s dating Lucanis. And he’s the last to know.
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Thank you so much for putting this here as a reminder to actually do it. It was - again - so much fun and I stuck with the theme of Teia hijacking Viago's (private!!!!!!!!!) letters. Here we go, hope you and everyone else has fun, too.
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Transcription:
Viago bold Teia italic
Rook, Anyway I think we've come a long way for him not starting this type of letter with 'Idiot' anymore
But as much as he claims to hate it, he would hate it even more to remain silent I really hate to have to address this at this most inconvenient of all times – Given the tasks at hand that you and we all have to face all to soon, as we are just about to rally for one last and final strike on the enemy. Our last chance of restoring order and peace for all of Thedas – and also us as Antivan Crows - to thrive. I think he wants to point out how great you are doing and how far you've come. Bear with him. He tries. Really he does.
However. You see me upset, devastated even. - I – have seen him upset. It was... something, believe me.
About how a crow of the 5th Talon's house – and MY sister of all people, decides to just blatantly defy the things taught to her and, dare I say, ignoring direct orders of a superior (that would be me!) We KNOW, Viago. not only responsible for the welfare of my house but also your own blood!
I know, you already know what this is all about but let me spell it out for you: Have I not explicitly warned you, to not entangle yourself with Dellamorte family business astray from whatever contract you had with them? This family is nothing but trouble. And what did I (and the entirety of the Diamond!) have to witness the other day when you and your team dropped by? Lovey Dovey eyes at each other. Touching hands (WITH NO GLOVES ON!)
We are working on this 'gloves stay on at all times' thing. I promise!
Have I really raised and trained you this poorly? To be this oblivious to lingering dangers? You might run yourself into a dagger all the same with such little concern and respect for you life. And the reputation of your house! Hooray! He eventually noticed what everyone already knew for months.
I mean there are always options worse than who you chose to be your spouse. And maybe I should be grateful you didn't choose another Grey Warden to reenact the story of the House, we don't speak about all over again. Or you could have chosen a necromancer whos sole purpose in life seems to ridicule our honorable profession into a never ending joke by bringing back the dead. I personally would not have judged you for choosing either of them. Because both are mighty fine gents. BUT A DELLAMORTE? You are aware that years ago your beloved Lucanis threatened me and all House de Riva, right? By sending a dagger to make his point clear. You must remember this incident. I won't tell him another time, what this 'Dagger Incident' was all about. This torch now goes over onto you now. I've tried all I could. It's now your job, to make him understand. You and I, little lady, will have a serious conversation about your poor sense of judgment once you are back from your contract of killing that ancient God. And if I have to pull you out of the fade (again!) in order to do so, I will! I'm sure he actually would, I give him this much! In short: Don't die, because your brother (and 5th Talon) needs to talk to you about your life choices. He loves you, you know that, right? - Viago PS: And tell Dellamorte not to die either, because I'll kill him myself! We really need to make Vi understand, what the 'Dagger Incident' was all about asap. Maybe he'll be so embarrassed by missing the cue that he'll forget about wanting to kill Lucanis. Oh wait, maybe that'll make things worse... we really have to think about something here. Always yours - Teia xxx
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silveredlies · 14 hours ago
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Someone was quite popular. Corvinus hadn't even flinched as their private interaction was interrupted, merely throwing a glance to security. Then to the phone. The magic he had felt clicked into place and Corvinus gave a small chuckle as it did. "You sent out a beacon. My, were you that afraid of what I was going to do? I was just making my point clear." There wasn't any concern as Suresh settled near him, as they resumed their position of simply two elders speaking. His gaze followed Suresh's, seeing the people down below and he gave a shrug. "I don't mind staying until dawn though I believe I've already become quite famous. I speak to the Deathrunners boy, the Deathrunners boy speaks to you. I speak to Callum and he's clearly spoken to you too." It was the little words chosen, the fact he knew about the naga blood that gave Corvinus that insight. He had no intention to retaliate against them for merely speaking, of course they would with the concerns presented. "Though I am curious, what did Callum tell you of our initial meeting? I don't believe he's been the most forthcoming. Also for the Deathrunners boy, don't worry. I don't have any interest hunting him down for telling you. Though I am disappointed that he put a wedge in what I was sure would have been a beautiful thing between us."
Corvinus had wanted many things throughout his long life. Power, recognition, fame or infamy, knowledge, it all depended on the century as his goals were under constant flux. In this moment, he was merely having fun with it all. At least he and Suresh had reached an understanding that neither one of them were to be trifled with. Boundaries were drawn, clear cut, though at some point they would both cross those lines again. Corvinus had never been the type to play within boundaries anyways.
"I suppose it depends how generous you want to be," he replied, his attention returning to Suresh. "Perhaps a scale? They do shine most beautifully. Or we could simply say you owe me a favour, but that could mean anything in the future. How concerned are you about me?" At least he still had something to offer. Knowledge was powerful and Corvinus had that. It was why he spent so long in the shadows. Watching. Waiting. Drawing the information he could simply to play the cards right when the time came. The loss of one vial was a mere setback.
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Revealing the truth to just Suresh would be quite a boring ordeal and he hated boring. There it would be, all laid out, and likely with the most bland reaction possible. He turned a little more towards Suresh, his foot gently brushing along the tail in a deliberate move. "Though I'm also hesitant to bring the leader to your doorstep. As much as I'm beginning to enjoy you, I have no intention of intervening if he strikes you. So gather the leaders and I'll bring the Nameless there. And I'll be nothing more than a witness to it. That way you'll have allies to defend you if need be."
This was part of the issue with two creatures like them in too close of quarters for too long. Suresh would not apologize for what he'd done. He would do it again, except next time he would bite that fucking witch and show him what pain really was. Suresh presented as a creature of pleasure, a business minded hedonist. But what lurked under the surface was an eldritch monster. Feeling vulnerable was an uncommon occurrence to the Naga. And it made an impression, the same impression he'd made on Corvinus. This was far more informative than their first encounter. Suresh had a taste of the witch's mind and soul... And now also his power.
The kick to the face had been unexpected. His nose cracked as his head snapped back, the taste of his own blood running down the back of his throat. The hand gripping the table keeping him from falling backwards. But the magic was gone and Suresh drew in a deep breath as the hand that had been on the table, reached for his chest. His own magic snapping shut. His expression was just as dark as Corvinus' when he looked at the witch. His nose was already healed when he got back up. A small trickle of blood running down it the only way to know. Suresh looked at Corvinus' as he brought his hand to his own face and scooping the blood off his skin he licked it off his fingers. Leaving no trace of blood drops. "Mostly..." The Naga repeated with a deep calm coolness as if nothing had just happened. Suresh left the coat on the floor, curling his tail around it to keep it there.
The door behind him beeped unlocked and five security guards of different supernatural types fanned in. Suresh turned his head looking at them in profile and said, "I'm fine. Get out." They paused, looking from Suresh to Corvinus and back to Suresh. The leader of the security gave a small nod and ushered them back out the door. With a soft "We're just outside sir..." Suresh nodded and waited to hear the click of the lock. Before he looked back to Corvinus' on the sofa. Suresh's phone on the table was vibrating and buzzing at the myriad of calls and texts asking if he was alright. Golden, alien eyes watched the witch settle. And Suresh lifted a finger and picked up his phone. Responding to the messages. "Hold on for a just a moment, please, Corvinus. Unless you want to be interrupted again? You quite literally kicked a hornet's nest." If he knew anything the headquarters was going to be crawling with his people soon. He picked up the phone and spoke softly into it. "It's me. I'm fine. No. Keep them outside. All of them." He hung up the phone and put it back on the table. "If you walk outside anytime before dawn. You're going to be rather famous."
Suresh moved closer to the witch. Not particularly worrying any longer if his proximity gave the other any disquiet. Suresh sat on the sofa again, the same spot he'd occupied at the start of the night. But he was not touching the witch now. His hands were folded in his lap. Tail draped over the sofa and spilling onto the floor, slowly moving the way snakes always seemed to be. He listened quietly before he spoke. An eyebrow arching up at the question of what was Corvinus getting. Suresh had no intention of replacing the Naga blood... It hadn't belonged to Corvinus as far as he was concerned. Suresh shrugged when the witch said he would have given the information freely before. A small derisive snort as he retorted, "If you say so. Forgive my lack of belief. You've just been so generously forthcoming so far..." He turned his head and looked out at the club, there were dozens of people looking up at the windows. Even though they couldn't see inside. Statues in a sea of unconcerned dancers. Suresh tapped a talon on the thick soundproof glass, "I am a creature of my word. I said we could be friends. In exchange for the blood. If you want to be." He looked back at the witch, "I am actually quite generous to my friends..." He tilted his head, "So I'm curious... What do you want?"
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whentommymetalfie · 10 months ago
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Bird Song -Tommy and Luca
Tommy is not sure how he’s ended up here. On the surface it appears like a dream, the penthouse in Soho, the successful husband who never misses an opportunity to spoil him, a life full of expensive dinners and parties. But beneath the glimmering surface lies a darkness unlike anything else.
AO3
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bigcats-birds-and-books · 12 days ago
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Books of 2025: ADRIFT IN CURRENTS CLEAN AND CLEAR by Seanan McGuire.
Ah, yes, my favorite January tradition: heartbreak in tiny series installment form :)
This one is about a turtle-obsessed disabled Russian girl who gets adopted by an American family and fitted for a prosthetic she doesn't ask for, want, or need, and then she splashes through her Door.
I love Russian language and culture things (shout out to accidentally double minoring in college), so I was excited for a Russian protag and a Russian-coded Door world! Excellent enrichment in my enclosure. Neat cultural expansion on the Wayward Children universe (multiverse? cosmos?? insert appropriately scaled setting word here).
I also liked the aquatic nature of Belyyreka--terrifying giant frogs and delightful giant turtles and delightful talking foxes on the riverbanks were all lovely, and the worldbuilding about different weights of water was neat! Very mind-bendy kind of setting, I dig it.
This installment felt very slim (146 pages in my copy), and Our World Heavy--the first 46 pages were in Colorado, and the last 100 were in Belyyreka, but it felt like we did More Frequent and Larger Time Skips in Belyyreka compared to Earth? Kind of speedrun mode, sans Quests, really (this one was a lot more oriented toward Finding/Building Your Family, which was signposted pretty clearly upon our arrival in Belyyreka). Mostly a quieter installment up until the, y'know, Typical Impending Tragedy of Return at the end. (Did I almost put it down at 1AM last night with 30 pages left so everyone could Be Happy? perHAPS,)
Overall: I had a good time! But, ow, my heart (once again and forever).
#books#books of 2025#adrift in currents clean and clear#seanan mcguire#book photos#wayward children#i cannot begin to describe how much editing i had to do to get these colors to look right#given the shitty lighting conditions in which i took the picture lol#anyway i have uh. mixed feelings. about how the russian was handled#(i always have mixed feelings about how russian is handled)#but like. do you transliterate it AND italicize it? do you just drop the cyrillic letters in there? Who Is The Book For lol#i also unfortunately am unsure how i feel about the twin prosthetic instances in this book?#but it's not really my lane so i won't go into it#if anyone who shares her disability has talked about this please let me know because i'm curious though#....okay i do also have a quibble about this kid's name#licherally within the first two words of the book i was like. Uh Oh.#because she's 'Nadya Sokolov'. in a russian orphanage.#seanan. ma'am. where did u put her final 'a'. it's a hugely gendered language she should be Sokolova#(bardugo did this too and it drove me nuts lol)#IF YOU'RE GONNA BE SLAVIC WITH YOUR WORLDBUILDING GO ALL THE WAY#so admittedly i was on High Russian Alert because of this#and i don't love italicizing the ~foreign~ words#especially not if they're transliterated.....#it was particularly the 'be sure' that got me actually. because 1. if the kid is russian and you're basically translating all her other--#--thoughts into english. why is 'be sure' spelled out in transliterated russian. why not either show us the shape of the letters or save--#--the 'oh it's in russian' revelation for AFTER#i just. have a lot of thoughts. about how things are handled in translation/transliteration lol.#(i spent a very long time pondering this for my own writing projects. i would just write it in cyrillic and figure it out when typing)#ANYWAY MANY THOUGHTS MOST OF THEM NICHE. i think i had fun overall though. not my fave installment but i'm still here for the ride
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californiaquail · 18 days ago
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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justinegreenpie · 9 months ago
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dreadful-luck · 5 months ago
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GGS TEAM PAST!!!
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#DUUUDE THIS WAS SO FUN#dreadful#veji#art#splatoon#splatoon 3#grand festival#grand fest splatoon#Man I shed like a few tears by the end of the reveal news thing#Like not out of sadness cause my team lost but just from the joy that all this happened and I was here for it.#I never got to experience splatoon 2’s final fest so I’ve waited 3 years for this and I’m…. Just so happy!#If you couldn’t tell from the colours in the drawing I’m team future btw#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING#Oh and I guess I should put my reasoning for my pick of future#so here it is:#I picked it because the future scares me. But it’s gonna happen anyway so I might as well look forward to it#I can’t let myself worry about where I’ll end up and who I’ll be when I’m older#But I do need to keep looking forward#I also chose it cause of deep cut. Like that was a big factor in my choice#Their music shaped my tastes. I just love it so much#And sure the characters themselves aren’t as fleshed out as the other idols#But they still mean a lot to me as splatoon 3 is the game that got me into the franchise#Even though I played 2 before 3 could never fully enjoy it as I came too late#I missed every splatfest cause I got it a year before splat3#So I could never connect the way I did to 3#Hearing anarchy rainbow for the first time changed me man. I fell in love instantly. It just means so much.#As an autistic person I actually surprisingly don’t really stim that much. But hearing anarchy rainbow just… flipped a switch.#I couldn’t stop moving. Literally like DJ Octavio man. It was a crazy experience to just feel like I had to move.#to walk around or something. To wave and flap my arms. Copy their dances. It sounds a little weird and childish when it’s written down#But it’s true. Splatoon’s music showed me that my autistic stimming was something I should embrace.
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reticent-fate · 8 months ago
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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lunarharp · 1 year ago
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
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they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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imflyingfish · 7 months ago
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working in an art gallery and talking to a lot of full time artists has given me CRAZY imposter syndrome btw lmao
#i went to a local gallery today (not the one i work in)#and i was looking at this one artists work#and she used a lot of patterns but didnt go up to her#she came up to me as i was looking at her work like ' hi i see youre looking at my work which one do u like most' like okay#i had my headphones on at the time so it did scare me#anyway im really stuck thinking about her work#like shes got this lovely cluttered and messy and chaotic style with still life in one dimension#and she uses pattern and quilt-like grids and so much colour#and the chaos of her work is by far the best part#how nothing stays in their boxes andeverythings falling#its homely and DRAMATIC. which is a mix that doesnt always go together but is held together by the chaos of her work#AND THEN SHE PUTS COLLAGE QUOTES ON IT 'fly high in the sky like a butterfly'#AUUUGGGHHH it pisses me off so much. REALLY? THATS THE BEST QUOTE? no song lyrics no deepp meaning nothing to express the narrative? bitch#love her style but its KITCH shes KITCH her quotes are KITCH her subjects are KITCH <- lives in kitch central of the uk but WHATEVER#by the way im not exagerrating with fly high like a butterfly she really thought that was the quote to describe this chaotic scene like she#eight years old like what the hell. there ere others too the pissed me off#and then i talked to her and she was like. WEIRDLY insistant tht even though she used stencils and that her dughter and husbnd drew anythin#mildly complicated that she had still done a lot of work I HADNT SAID ANYTHING#but she was just BRUSHING OVER whenever i mentioned her patterns and stencils like she was ASHAMED#like what the hell im all for having fun with what you draw but youre three times my age and i can draw a bird better than our adult daught#also i spoke to her turns out she knows my stepdad so that was an odd link but whatever#anyway artists that give me imostersyndrome are my boss who does realism in WATERCOLOUR#oh the woman in the gallery also gave me a printed card whcih was cool since i was going to buy one just to be mad at
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littlestsnicket · 1 month ago
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eeee!!
#mayo blogs#i only have 50 pages left of iwtv#but i really don’t like reading pdfs on my ipad so i think i will switch over to the book anyway#i want to post a like step by step tracing of armand’s motivation around the trial in the show#but it kind of seems like work so i may not#it would be more fun to express narratively in armand/santiago fic but that is going to take me such a long time to write#and also like armand being armand you can only articulate so much of his thought process from his own pov#idk we’ll see what i do#but armand is so… he wants to be seen as a master manipulator but he’s just a bunch of trauma responses trying to reverse engineer#his own motivation after the fact when he’s under any kind of pressure#i’m really intrigued by the idea that armand ends up in the position he does after the trial because santiago accuses him of conspiring#with lestat to save louis and like that’s not what happened#but armand had to know what lestat was doing and could have stopped him if he wanted to and didn’t#so it’s true enough that armand can’t defend himself against the accusation#was thinking about the clip we get of them rehearsing the play after the reveal#where lestat is being a brat and santiago is looking at armand like ‘do something’ and armand is like kinda shrugs ‘you own this mess’#i want to poke that dynamic with a stick#i just… the show goes out of it’s way to show armand actively avoiding lying and being really bad at it the times he does#he’s a master at manipulating narrative but flat out lying is barely in his skill set#and i want to interpret the show through that lense with bits and pieces of book canon stuck in only when appropriate and supporting that#(tag essay on my own post… guess i could have put that in te post body but it’s too late now)
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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phagodyke · 8 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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