#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING

[dreadful-luck]

GGS TEAM PAST!!!

[makoodles]

Soooo I dunno if ur up for it but can we get a continuation of the baby fever thing where tsu'tey and s/o adopt spider but now it's in the future kinda like pre avatar 2 where spider is a teenager. Nothing angsty I just wanna read how Tsu'tey teaches spider things and spider calls him dad and spider finally getting that family love (I would literally die for this little boy I- *explodes*)

this is called having no self control btw! this was meant to be a 500 word drabble lol, but since you all love dad!tsu'tey so much, here we go!

continuation of baby fever

part one

pairing: tsu'tey x human fem reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none!

tags: fluff, dad!tsu'tey, adopted spider, pregnancy mention

"Dad, you're drawing them on crooked!" Spider complains, leaning away from his hands.

Tsu'tey frowns, looking down at his work. "They are not crooked."

"They are! Look!"

The stripes that Tsu'tey has painted onto Spider's fragile human skin upon his insistence do not looked crooked to Tsu'tey's eye, but he squints closer at them anyway.

"They look fine to me, maitan." He says with a sigh, dipping his fingers back into the paint dye and finishing up on the last stripe he had been working on. "Look at my stripes - they are not perfectly even."

Spider grumbles, but goes quiet as he darts a look at Tsu'tey's stripes. Seeing proof that Tsu'tey's stripes are not perfectly symmetrical seems to be enough to soothe him, at least for the moment.

When the kelku entrance rustles, Tsu'tey does not need to turn around to know that it's you. He knows you by the sound of your footsteps and the way your hands coast so softly over the broad expanse of his shoulders.

"Hello, boys," You murmur, leaning in to press a kiss to Tsu'tey's cheek. His ears twitch happily, and you move back to avoid getting hit with one, "Oh, Spider. The stripes again? That stuff is so hard to wash off-"

"That's the point, ma." He says, craning his head around to look at you. "I want it to last. I'm faster when I've got the stripes."

"Finished." Tsu'tey murmurs, clasping his son's shoulder before pushing himself to his feet.

Spider stands too, and Tsu'tey looks down at him thoughtfully. The stripes are a little jagged, though there's no way that Tsu'tey will ever admit that. More than anything, his attention catches on how grown Spider has become. He is still small, only reaching Tsu'tey's navel, but he has grown taller than you. His shoulders have broadened, growing thick with muscle from his long days running and playing with Na'vi children. It has always been more difficult for him to keep up, but the result of his tenacity is the impressively defined musculature at such a young age.

"We are going fishing, yawntutsyìp." Tsu'tey says to you, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "We will be back soon."

"I'll catch you a big one, ma." Spider adds, pushing masked face into your neck in a hug before bouncing away.

"Did you see!" Spider is still enthusing about his catch the whole walk back to the village.

"I saw." Tsu'tey confirms. The woven basket with their catch is slung over his shoulder, and a content sort of smirk is playing around his mouth as he watches Spider bounce over the tree roots.

"It was huge, and I nearly missed it but then I managed to hit it right as it darted out from behind those big rocks-"

"It was very impressive." Tsu'tey intones, reaching out to ruffle at Spider's hair.

Spider is still grinning, flying high on the success of his mini hunt. "I told you that the stripes made me faster!"

Tsu'tey lets out a rumbly sort of laugh, letting his hand drop from the top of Spider's head to the back of his neck and letting it rest there. His son is growing older, becoming a man, and yet he is still so small under Tsu'tey's hands. He feels a flare of vicious protectiveness deep in his chest, but that's nothing new.

"It was a very good catch, maitan." He murmurs, squeezing lightly at Spider's shoulders.

Spider looks down at his feet as he skips over another exposed tree root. "Do you think I'll be a good hunter?"

Tsu'tey tilts his head, and catches at Spider's bicep as he slips on moss. Once he is sure that he's stable on his feet, he releases his arm and pats him on the back.

"Yes. You have a good teacher." He bares his teeth at Spider in a grin, and gets a little smile in return. "But even if your talents do not lie in hunting, that will be okay. No matter what your skills are, I will be proud of you, my boy."

Spider's cheeks redden, but he smiles back all the same. The corners of his eyes crinkle just like yours do, and Tsu'tey's heart swells at the similarity between the two of you. His precious little family.

When they enter the village, you're waiting by one of the cookfires. You're fiddling with a couple of beads, and Tsu'tey recognises that you're weaving together a hair decoration.

"Yawntu," Tsu'tey calls as he approaches with Spider at his hip. "Look at what our son caught."

Spider takes the basket from him and bounds forward, grinning wide behind his mask as he proffers it at you. You make a big show of oohing and ahhing as you look into the basket, looking very impressed indeed.

"What big fish," You say. "These could feed the whole village for days!"

It had taken Tsu'tey quite some time to learn how to read the body language of Sky People, but even he can see how pleased Spider is. If he had a tail, it would be swishing wildly.

"I'm gonna go show Lo'ak." Spider says with a grin. "He couldn't catch anything yesterday! Jake isn't as good a teacher, I guess."

"Spider." You scold, giving him a look.

"Go, show Lo'ak." Tsu'tey encourages. "Make sure that Jakesully sees too. Show him that my son is a fine hunter."

"Tsu'tey!" You chide, delivering a smack to his thigh.

Spider just laughs, before taking the woven basket and running with it deeper into the village towards the Sully's kelku. Tsu'tey watches him go, before turning to you with a smug little grin.

"Ma'yawntutsyìp," He murmurs, leaning forward and pressing his forehead into yours. "He did well. He is growing skilled."

You cup the back of his head with one hand, scratch at his head with your little fingers. He lets his eyes slide shut lazily as he enjoys the feeling of your warm body so close to his after a hunt. He drops his head further into the cradle between your shoulder and neck and nuzzles there.

"I do not like him hanging around with Jakesully's children," He murmurs, his voice muffled in your throat. "There are many other children in the village."

"Oh stop," You mumble, your fingers massaging at his scalp, "They’re good kids."

"Neteyam is like Neytiri. Sensible." He grunts into your skin. "But Lo’ak is like Jakesully. He will get Spider into trouble."

"Oh, Tsu'tey." You sigh in that way you usually do when you think he's being dense. "They're both good kids. Besides, he's not really going to show Lo'ak anyway. He's going to show Kiri."

His brow furrows. "Kiri? She has no interest in fishing."

You sigh again, although this time you seem a little more amused. "I seem to remember you showing off your fishing skills to me when we were younger, hm?"

"That was different," He says dismissively. "I was courting you. That was my way of expressing interest, of showing you that I am strong."

"Mhm." You say, as though you're waiting for something.

Slowly, Tsu'tey raises his head from where it's buried in your shoulder and squints at you. He's not sure if he's following what you're suggesting.

"You do not think this is the same?" He asks, frowning. "Spider is- he is too young. He cannot be thinking of mating yet-"

"Oh, he isn't." You interrupt with a quick shake of your head. "It's a little crush, love. It's sweet."

But Tsu'tey is frowning, his mind overactive. "Does she- how does Kiri feel? If she does not share his feelings, he will be so disappointed-"

"He isn't going to be proposing anytime soon, relax."

"He needs someone who will value him-"

"Tsu'tey."

He falls quiet, looking into your eyes with a thoughtful little frown. You're looking right back at him, mouth quirked.

"He's a teenager with a crush. Let him be." You murmur, stroking a thumb over one of his pointed ears and making him shiver.

Tsu'tey just grumbles. "He has not told me about a crush."

"Well, I'm sure he will," You say simply. "He's a teenage boy. He's going to be shy about it."

Tsu'tey huffs, and looks down at his hands with a scowl. The thought of his small human boy developing feelings for someone who may not return them makes him feel shifty and aggravated – how is he supposed to protect him from such a thing? It will hurt him so much, and there is nothing that Tsu'tey can do to stop it.

"Stop overthinking." You mutter, nudging against his bicep with your shoulder as you finish tying the hair decoration together. "For all you know, Kiri likes him too and is just shy about it."

Tsu'tey grunts. The thought of Spider, such a small and weak little thing, having his feelings at the mercy of Jakesully's daughter makes him feel a little as though he's losing his mind.

"Hey."

When you nudge him again, he turns to you fully. The beaded hair decoration in your hands is finished, all red beads and golden yellow feathers. You hold it up, eyes bright.

"I made this for you." You say, holding it out for him.

Tsu'tey's stern expression softens, and he ducks his head closer to you. "For me? Will you put it on, yawntu?"

Your sweet little face is so bright as you shuffle forward and reach up for his face. Tsu'tey watches you carefully, reaching out to lay his hands against your waist as you wind the beaded decoration around a small section of braids just behind his ear.

"So handsome." You coo at him when it's tucked neatly behind his ear.

Tsu'tey smiles, satisfied. "Thank you."

You sit back and then nestle into him. He opens his arms and accepts you into his side easily, resting his chin over the top of your head contently.

"Our son will be a good hunter." He says, pressing a kiss to the curve of your shoulder. "And a good brother."

His hand lands on the curve of your belly, his thumb smoothing over the swell of it beneath your woven top. You lean into his touch, sighing happily as his other hand massages at the base of your spine.

"I know," You say simply, making a soft noise when he leans down to cup below your belly with his hands, lifting some of the weight up. "You've taught him well."

Pride swells in his chest, and he purrs softly as he presses his face into your neck again. You smell so sweet and comforting, and he inhales contently against your skin.

His small son has grown so strong, and his little mate fits so perfectly into his arms, no matter how large your belly has swollen. His family is so small and weak; he holds you close as his chest rumbles, pleased that he's large and strong enough to protect you all.

[heatherchasesyou]

Weird SH3 dream I had + a sketch page to illustrate some bit of it

pls read this u wont regret xd

OK SO I don't even know how to start it because it's always hard to tell when dream stories start 😭😭 but I can only remember of a BIG and WIDE library scenery. I felt very surprised because something told me it was a whole new "story expansion" that went in the SH3 HD collection (how specific of my brain, never played that version if u wanna know) almost like a discovered secret (so discovered that I remember coming to Twitter shouting like "WDYM THERE WAS A GODDAMN STORY EXPANSION IN AN HD COLLECTION HOW DIDN'T I KNOW THAT WTF". All of this in the dream, with the whole emotion LOL).

The funniest and weirdest point of the story in the game is the characters, more specifically Heather, Claudia n Vincent, the three fuckers were all in the same room aka the big library, but something about their interactions was very… different.

More specifically towards Vincent, dude was ABSOLUTELY STRESSED, he wasn't being the same slightly passive-aggressive he was with Claudia in the real game, or doing his common gaslight with his stable and concentrated voice tone, nah dude, he was COMPLETELY MAD, idk why, idk who hurt him but bro kgkgkfjgkgj he had no patience while taking to both Heather and Claudia, y'know that scene where Heather is about to get out of the same room as Vincent in their first meet and he shouts "WAIT, I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING"? It sounded pretty arrogant and aggressive, right? Now imagine it multiplied by 10 and we have Vincent having the worst day of his life, don't talk to him or else you die.

As a result, both Heather n Claudia was becoming as stressed as he was, mainly Heather in this case, dude was getting so arrogant that she had enough of that shit, she literally THREW HIM ON THE FLOOR, LITERALLY PICKING HIM ON THE ARMS AND SHIRT COLLAR N THROWING HIM ON THE FLOOR LIKE A… IDK LIKE A JUDO WRESTLER??? ISTG IT LOOKED SO FUNNY YET SO UNCANNY, IMAGINE HEATHER BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED (y'know that eerie feeling when you see irl ppl fighting and you're like "omg why are they doing this pls STOP", that's how I felt on the dream seeing such scenery, but as we speak now I can't help but LAUGH LOUD like kdjfksjsek I LOVE REMEMBERING THIS, I LOVE 2 SEE MY MAN GETTING BULLIED IDK WHY).

There was also that confusing information that was inserted into my brain that the story was actually a SEQUEL of the events like??? Vincent received the backstab but didn't rlly die??? Neither Claudia??? But they were in there… As if nothing happened (maybe that was the reason Vincent was so distressed, he couldn't believe such a thing happened LOL). After Vinny got completely ROASTED by Heather, he was there on the floor trying to get up, he was as mad as before but he couldn't do a thing, only look at Heather with his eyebrows working the RAGE that was inside of him.

Jeez, I loved that dream, hope I can have more of this in my future nights 🤣

[familyvideostevie]

hiiii lil prompt if ur down: thinkin about besties w unspoken tension, R and eddie checking each other for ticks in the van after cooling off in the river during a heatwave (went swimming the other day cld only think of him rip)

you got it bestie! i've changed this a little -- it's more like, "oh i'm checking you for ticks after swimming but actually i'm trying to start something." so, hope that's okay! i have not written smut in a while but damn i tried lol <3

eddie checks you for ticks very thoroughly after a swim | 18+, mdni, smut, fem!reader, 1.2k

detailed warnings: 18+, mdni, smut, fem!reader, outdoor/semi-public setting (no one around), oral (f receiving), fingering

Everything seems more in focus when your eyes are closed. The slightly scratchy towel rubbing against your skin, the damp of your underwear and bra as they dry in the sun. That same sun warm on your skin, gooseflesh rippling across your bare legs and arms when the breeze blows over the lake, a reprieve from the heat of the day.

Eddie is...somewhere. You don't hear any more splashing so he must be out of the water, too. His whistle comes and goes and you try your best not to fall asleep. That will almost certainly result in a sunburn. You had not planned to go swimming today, not really, but the heat was just too much and after going to get ice cream Eddie drove you to a quiet part of the lake and declared it a perfect day to swim.

Which is why you're drying out as best you can, since you wore your underthings and not a swimsuit. You vetoed skinny dipping since it's the middle of the day.

"You look pretty, sweetheart," Eddie says from somewhere nearby. You don't open your eyes, instead reaching your arms above your head and arching your back as you stretch.

"Thank you," you say coyly. Before the lake, you'd planned to ask him if he just wanted to go back to your place and fuck all afternoon, getting sweaty doing something fun instead of just sitting around being sweaty. If you try you're sure you can get him to touch you out here.

"Shame no one is around to see but me."

"Oh, yeah? You like being watched, Munson?"

He laughs. The light changes and you open your eyes to find him standing above you, smirk firmly in place. His hair hangs in damp curls and his boxers are almost dry but leave little to the imagination.

"You wish," he says. He moves out of the light and sits beside you on the blanket, lazily tracing a line up and down your thigh with his fingertips. The goosebumps have nothing to do with the rare breeze, this time. "You know," he says, sounding...devious. "We should probably check for ticks."

You sit up. "Really?" It's not something you'd thought of, but now you're worried. "Like, actually? You're not fucking with me?"

Eddie presses a kiss to your temple. "I'm fucking with you a little," he whispers. "Go with it."

Oh. He's trying to be...sexy. Not his best, but you'll let it happen. "Check away, then."

He gently pushes you back down and straddles you. He leans over your face, hair a curtain around you as his hands trail up your sides and over your arms to settle at your jaw. "Gotta go slow," he says. "Make sure." He brings your hands above your head. "Keep those there, yeah?"

Your eyes flutter closed. "Mhm. Get on with it."

He nips at your ear and you yelp, but he pays it no mind. His lips trail over your jaw, your mouth, but don't stop. He continues a path down your neck, featherlight touches that make your skin light up.

"Finding anything?"

He hums. "Nope," he says. "Makes no sense. If I was a tick I'd latch right on to you, pretty girl."

You snort. "Weird, Eddie."

His tongue dips into your clavicle and you gasp. Eddie shifts his seat as he travels down your body and you fight to keep your hands away, locking your fingers and resting your head on them so you're not tempted.

"So fucking pretty," he sighs and pulls down the cups of your bra. "I mean, look at these." Your breasts spill out, nipples hard from his attention already. "Gotta check here, of course."

Your eyes fly open when he takes one nipple between his lips and swipes at it with his tongue. His thumb tweaks the other and you arch into his hold, hips bucking. You can feel your underwear dampening and it has nothing to do with the lake.

"Eddie," you gasp. Your hands reach for him but he notices and catches them midair, releasing your nipple with a pop.

"What did I say, huh?" He gently guides your wrists back above your head. "Not yet."

Asshole.

"Think I checked there pretty good," he says, pinching your nipples one more time before trailing his lips over your soft stomach, nipping and soothing with his tongue as he goes. You watch him carefully so you can catch his eyes whenever he looks up at you, brown eyes almost black with pupil.

"Better hope no one else wants to swim today," you tell him. He winks and settles between your legs.

"You don't want them to see you like this? You sure?" He pries your knees apart and whistles. "Can see how wet you are through your panties, sweetheart," he says. You try to kick him but he laughs. "Sorry, sorry. You know how I love to tease you."

You drape an arm over your eyes and try to regain some composure. His touches and his lips and his attention have left you burning, feeling like you're melting into the blanket. "Eddie, come on."

"I'll take care of you," he says. "Don't you worry." His fingers hook into the waistband of your underwear and you lift your hips a little so he can pull them off. Warm hands spread your legs once again and you peek so you can see him.

His fingers dimple the flesh of your thighs and he looks like a starved man about to feast as he takes you in. "So pretty, baby," he says. "Such a pretty pussy."

"Eddie --" He drags two fingers through your folds and then brings them to his mouth, eyes on yours the whole time as he licks them clean. You might pass out if he doesn't touch you for real soon.

"Wet," he says. "Tasty, too." You moan. He hooks his arms around your legs and scoots as close as he can get to your cunt before he drags his tongue where his fingers were. Your back arches and your hands fly to bury themselves in his hair. He allows it.

"God, that feels good," you groan. He laps at you like it's the last thing he'll ever do, tongue dragging through your slick and occasionally pressing at your entrance. He sucks on your clit hard enough to make you cry out and tug on his hair, which only spurs him on. It's filthy, all of it. The sounds he's making, the wet squelch of your cunt, the fact that anyone could walk up and find you.

You can barely form words as Eddie eats you out like a man possessed, barely coming up for air. You have to tug on his hair to get his attention.

"I'm close, Eddie, I'm gonna --"

He squeezes your hips and sucks on your clit so hard you see white and then you're coming, gushing on his face, grinding against him as he tries to keep your hips still so he can keep sucking as you're rocked with the waves of your orgasm. It seems to go on forever but your breath finally comes back and your hips stay on the ground.

Eddie gives you one last lick, gentle though it still makes you jerk in his hold, before coming up for air. His face is a mess -- shiny with you, lips read and eyes wild.

"No ticks," he says, licking his lips.

"Oh my god," you say, laughing breathlessly.

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here!

[ughgoaway]

nightmare before christmas // day 4

content warnings; umm nothing really? nightmares, crying and upset Annie :(

a/n; I had so much fun writing this one. Do I love the result? mmm, not really!! but i hate everything i do soooo... we move! also, if you don't know the book aliens love underpants, I would advise a quick Google for context lol <3

word count; 1.9k

(this fic takes place after they have gotten together)

12 days masterlist

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The pitter patter of small feet coming down the hallway isn't an unusual sound to you now, having moved in with the Healy’s a few months ago and quickly becoming ajdusted to living with 2 extra people. But it was unusual to hear it at midnight a few days before Christmas. 

You're still awake, having not been able to sleep because your mind can't stop racing. Your first Christmas with Annie was making you nervous, matty had spoken to her on her own and asked if it was okay that you were here. Annie answered with an enthusiastic “YES!!” It was so enthusiastic, in fact, that you heard it from where you were hiding out in the kitchen. But still, you were nervous, not wanting to ruin her Christmas. 

The footsteps caught your attention, and then the telltale sound of the bedroom door opening filled your ears. Those same feet came up to Matty's side of the bed, and you heard the softest whisper, “Daddy”

Annie waited a few seconds but simply got a snore in return from Matty. 

“Daddy” she tried a little louder, even touching Matty's arm slightly, but still, he didn't stir. He had a long day at the studio fighting with George over the production of a new song, so he was exhausted. You knew he was knocked out hard, so I sat up and gestured to Annie.

“Hey sweetie, are you alright, my love?” you say softly, ushering her over to your side of the bed. Annie came shuffling over to you, dressed in her Grinch pyjamas with her stuffed bear in her arms. She quickly jumped up on the bed and sat on your lap.

“I had a scary dream” she says. You can see she's trying to hold herself together, but the sight of her lip wobbling almost sets you off too. Your heart shatters at her sad, sleepy eyes. She brings her closed fists and rubs at them, clearly fighting the tiredness she is feeling. 

“Oh I'm sorry darling, would you like a hug?” you say softly, rubbing her back. A small nod from her is all it takes for you to throw yourself at her and wrap her in a tight hug. You hold her close and eventually hear a soft sniffle. You have to take a deep breath to not cry yourself. You simply tighten your grip and slowly rub up and down her back.

Eventually, the wet spot on your shirt stops growing, and her breathing evens out slightly. You pull back, and she looks up at you with red-rimmed eyes.

“Would you like me to try and wake up Daddy, sweet girl? He wouldn't mind at all” you say, despite wanting nothing more than to comfort her yourself.

“No it's okay” she says with a sniffle, “will you take me to my bed to read a story?” she asks. Before you get a chance to respond, she cuts in quickly and adds, “And stay there until I fall asleep?” with pleading eyes.

Oh, if your heart wasn't already in 1000 pieces at her sad eyes, that comment would have done you in.

“Of course my love, let's go, huh?” You swing your legs off the side of the bed and pick Annie up, placing her on your hip and then walking out to her room. The hallway floors were freezing on your cold feet, and you hiss as you step out. Still, you shuffle down to Annie's room, ready to get her settled. 

Her paw patrol night light still illuminates her room in a warm glow as you wander in, strategically avoiding all the stuffed toys on the floor. You place Annie on her bed and tuck her in, making sure to make it especially tight, and she giggles at your obsessive tucking. There were few greater sounds than the laugh of a child, but it feels even after they've been crying to you.

Gently, you sit on the side of the bed and stroke her hair before speaking, “Now what book do you want me to read, Annie? It can be absolutely any of them! i promise I'm a good reader” you jokingly add. 

“I know that y/n!” Annie says with a duh look on her face, “You taught me to read properly!” she giggles out. You mirror her actions and put a shocked look on your face in response.

“I had forgotten that little, Miss Annie!!” You teasingly poke her side as you speak. Soon, she decides on “Aliens Love Underpants”, her current favourite.

Despite Matty having already read it to her tonight, she wants to hear it again, and who are you to deny her? 

You open the book to begin to read, but you feel a small hand touch your knee, and you pause to see Annie sat up with her teddy back in hand. “Will you sit up with me to read it y/n?” she asks shyly, burrowing her nose in her teddy. 

Your face softens, and you can't help the audible sigh that comes out of your mouth at how sweet she is. “Absolutely my girl, shuffle over for me, huh?” she wiggles over excitedly, and you slide into the spot she made. Before long she’s curling into your side and wriggles to get comfortable. 

Once settled, she grabs her teddy, puts her thumb in her mouth, and asks you to start. 

So you do, and even before you hit halfway, you hear soft snores from the little girl next to you. Briefly pausing, you pull back to see Annie fast asleep next to you, her mouth wide open and her eyelids fluttering.

But you settle back in and continue to read, “Just to make sure she was really asleep” you assure yourself.

Little did you know, at this time in your room, Matty had awoken, having flipped over and stretched to pull you close only to be met with an empty bed next to him. He groggily shot his head up at the feeling of the cold sheets.

His curls were wild and sticking in every direction. But any confusion didn't last long, as he heard your mellow voice ringing through the halls.

He sat up and listened intently, immediately recognising what you were reading, having read it a few dozen times himself. He knew it was towards the end of the book, so Matty thought he’d wait in bed for you to return, not willing to traverse the cold hallways and leave his warm cocoon. 

But as you finish the last words, you simply start again. Matty scrunches his face in confusion, knowing Annie has never stayed awake for a full read of that book. So why would you need to read it again?

Sighing sadly, he slips out of the blanket fort he had created and slides on his slippers to come find you. Not without audibly grumbling to himself, though.

Slowly, he walks through the house, trying his best not to alert you to his presence. But little did he know Matty could have stomped through those hallways, and you would’ve been none the wiser, too distracted by his sleeping daughter and her adorableness.

Your melodic voice soundtracked Matty's walk, and he caught himself smiling at the mere sound of you speaking. “What a sap,” he thought to himself, so easily enamoured by your every move. 

Before Matty poked his head around that door, he didn't think he could be any more in love with you. The months of pining and build up only to finally get you were everything to him. He thought he knew romantic love, but he didn't really, not until he had you.

You just had this aura around you that surrounded Matty in a way he didn't think was possible before. And, of course, he had heard about love his whole life. He had heard the love songs before, hell had written his fair share, but nothing compared to really being in love. 

So he thought he'd found its peak. That was until he poked his head around Annie's door that night and saw you two huddled together reading. He saw his sleeping daughter fast asleep in your arms and you looking at her with such adoration in your eyes, and somehow he fell even deeper.

Matty worked his way into the room, still trying to be undetected, but he soon stood on a squeaky toy that alerted you to his presence. You look up, and immediately your face breaks out into the most breathtaking smile Matty had seen.

If he thought you were looking at Annie with love, it was nothing compared to the love in your eyes when they met his own.

“Hi angel” he said quietly, walking over towards you slowly, taking in the view in front of him carefully. He made note of the way Annie was tucked closely into your side, her toy tight in her arms. He wanted to remember the way your arm was swung around her, sliding your hand up and down her back absentmindedly. 

“Hi baby,” you whisper as you purse your lips up at Matty. He smiled bashfully and leaned down to peck your lips. Not just willing to give you just one, he pressed your lips together a few times before pulling away.

All it takes is a scrunch of his eyebrows for you to start explaining yourself.

“Annie had a nightmare and came to find you, but you were fast asleep and wouldn't wake up,” you begin to explain, a wash of sadness falls over Matty's face at the image of his daughter not being able to wake him up.

You bring one hand up to hold his before continuing, “but luckily, I was awake with my silly brain, so I called her over. She had a little cry and a cuddle.” Matty's face drops further, and you simply squeeze his hand once more in an attempt to comfort him.

“Then I offered to wake you up, but she asked me to tuck her in and read a book until she fell back asleep. So that's what we did.” You smile gently down at her as you finish your sentence. Matty slips his hand from yours and places it on your head. He begins stroking your head and fiddling with your hair as he speaks.

“That is so sweet of you, thank you, baby.” he says sincerely, “but why are you still reading? She has been asleep ages judging by the drool on her pillow” he gestures with his hand, and below Annie’s head is a small wet patch, causing you to chuckle to yourself.

“I know, I know. But I just wanted to make sure she was properly asleep. I promised I would stay until she fell asleep, and I didn't want her to wake up and be alone.” A slightly embarrassed tone permeates your words, but your eyes shine with nothing but pure love.

“I love you.” Matty blurts out, having no other thoughts at that moment. Seeing his two favourite girls curled up together already had Matty's head spinning, but hearing you say that nearly bowled him over. 

“I love you too, babe,” you say sweetly, still caressing Annie's shoulder subconsciously and sleepily staring up at your boyfriend. 

You had no idea how much this moment meant to Matty. No idea this was the moment he decided he was going to marry you.

[saeransangel]

Sweet Girl

Summary: Ellie and Jesse's normal patrol goes wrong resulting in Ellie getting really hurt. Nothing will stop you from being there for your girl.

A/N: I haven't written in almost a year so sorry if it's not good lol. NOT PROOF READ

CW: Angst, hurt comfort, violence, fluff at the end

WC: 2.2k

It had been an exhausting day taking care of the kids at the center. You had come to Jackson a few years ago and easily found comfort in your new found home. You loved the people, your job, and especially your girlfriend. 

You made it back to Ellie's place before she did so you took the liberty of cleaning up the space for her, putting away her clothes, and just organizing things to be neat how she liked them. She loved when you did this for her, it was a great way to show her you cared. 

About ten minutes into you picking up the door creaked open. You turn around and see Ellie walking through the door, sighing as she took her jacket off.

"Ells!" You beamed. You walked over and wrapped you arms around her waist, burying your face in her back. She turned around in your grasp and returned the embrace. 

"Hey sweet girl," She mumbled as she pressed a kiss on the top of your head. "How was your day?" 

You blushed at the nickname. Ellie always called you her sweet girl. She swore you could never hurt anyone or anything. Of course you knew how to survive, Ellie was just overly protective. 

"It was fine. Kids really exhausted me today." You sighed.

"I bet they did," Ellie laughed. "Those fuckers."

You laughed too. She sure did have a way with words. “Are you going on a patrol tomorrow?”

She lets out a dramatic huff. “Uh huh. Me and Jesse. Bright and early tomorrow morning.” Her voice was laced with fake enthusiasm.

You roll your eyes, half joking. “Damn. I’m not on call for tomorrow. I was hoping I could spend the day with you.” You said.

“I should be back way before dark babe.” She said. “We can do something together after.”

You nodded in agreement and walked over the kitchen table ready to eat whatever Ellie brought home for dinner that night. 

A few hours later you and Ellie were getting ready for bed. You finally settled in and eventually drifted off to sleep in each others arms. 

When you woke up in the morning, Ellie was already gone. Early, just like she said. Your brows furrowed as you got up for the day. The sun was shining brightly into the bedroom you shared. You decided to get dressed, putting on a pair on comfortable pants and one of Ellie’s zip up sweatshirts. You brushed out you hair and got on with your morning. After a few hours of doing absolutely nothing, you decided on taking a walk to visit Dina. Most of the time if Ellie was on patrol with Jesse, Dina was home. It couldn’t hurt to check. 

Taking your time walking through the streets of the small town, you finally make it to Dina’s. You knock on the door. You heard shuffling coming from inside and then the door swung open. 

“Y/N!” Dina exclaims. “What’s up, what brings ya here?” She questions playfully. The two of you had been friends for a long time. Before you and Ellie even got together. You loved her like a sister and loved listening to her drama with Jesse. 

“Oh you know, just bored at home waiting for Ells to get back.” You explained. 

“Well I’m glad you came over.” She says. “Because I was bored waiting for Jesse to get home. 

You stepped inside Dina’s apartment immediately making yourself at home on the couch.

“I can’t believe how hard they’re working those two.” Dina remarks. She was right. Ellie and Jesse have been doing back to back patrols for about four days in a row now. They were gone for hours upon hours at a time. You frowned thinking about this. 

“I know.” You said irritated. “They have so many other people who could go that could rotate in for them. Shit even I’ll go.”

“Right?” She says. “I could be in the rotation way more and it would at least cut one of them some slack. Ellie and Jesse’s patrol hours were really getting out of hand recently. You could tell Ellie was worn down from having to wake up early every morning and go through all the different routes for the day to look for supplies. Of course you didn’t say anything because you knew how she would react. She would get defensive and say she could handle it and that it wasn’t your job to worry about her. Typical of Ellie but obviously that wasn’t stopping your mind from racing every time she didn’t come back right on time or she came back with a new scratch or bruise. 

You and Dina continued to talk for a couple hours until something outside caught you both off guard. A series of hollering and shouting along with frantic shuffling. Dina stood up first. “I think I heard Jesse.” She said in a serious tone. Her eyes were wide as she looked at you.

This wasn’t good. Your heart sank. Your intuition told you that something happened and that you needed to go investigate. Dina said she heard Jesse, but not Ellie. “Shit, okay.” Was all you could say. You mind racing with all of the things that could have happened to your brave girl. Tears began welling in your eyes. “Hey,” Dina snapped you out of your thoughts. “We don’t know anything has happened to her yet.” She smiled, trying to pull you away from your dark thoughts. 

“Okay you’re right, but let’s find out for sure.” You sighed shakily. You stood up and bolted to the door with Dina hot on your heels. You ran down the stairs and through the front door of Dina’s complex into the street. The infirmary was only a couple buildings down from Dina’s apartment building. The two of you took of running in that direction. As you approached closer you saw Jesse, Joel, Tommy, and Maria outside. They seemed to be arguing. 

Jesse had his hands on top of his head, he was out of breath and looked exhausted. “I don’t even understand how it happened. It all happened so fast.” He said, panting. 

“How did you not notice?” Joel questions, raising his voice. 

“Hey, take it easy.” Maria steps in. 

“Joel, she’s going to be fine.” Tommy states. He was trying to calm Joel down as much as possible.

Your heart was in your stomach as you approached the group, realizing that your fears were right. “What the hell happened?” You asked.

Jesse sighed before looking your way. “It’s Ellie.” He said putting his hand on your shoulder. You swatted it away, nodding quickly swallowing the spit welling up in your mouth. “I know. What happened?” You asked sternly.

“We found a new building on one of the newer routes. We ended up running into a group and they ambushed us. We were getting shot at from all sides.” He was starting to get flustered. He was stumbling over his words. 

“Jesse fucking spit it out.” Dina says. She knew you were freaking out inside and she was too. Jesse seemed uninjured so her harshness could be forgiven.

“She got banged up pretty bad. Took an arrow to the shoulder.” He said after a moment. “Then she fell hard off the horse. I think she dislocated her elbow.”

Upon hearing this you pushed you way past the group of people in front of you. Your movement followed by a rush of “Hey’s” and “you can’t go in there”. Tommy and Maria were hot on your trail, Jesse reached out to grab your shoulder to spin you around. 

You glared daggers at the brunette. 

He attempted to pat you shoulder again. “Y/N, listen, just wait a sec-“

You lurched  forward. “Touch me one more fucking time!” You shouted, pushing him back. The aggression from you had shocked everyone who witnessed it. You were Ellie’s sweet girl. It wasn’t like you to get this upset. But your anxiety and anger had gotten the best of you. You couldn’t imagine the pain Ellie was is and all you wanted to do was be by her side. You turned around and walked towards the front door to the infirmary. “I’m going to see her.”

“Y/N Maybe it’s not good for you to see her like this.” Joel offered. 

“She wouldn’t want you too” Dina chimed in. She offered you a sympathetic smile in an attempt to get you to come back. 

“No!” You shouted again. “I’m need her to know I’m here for her.” 

With that, they didn’t stop you from walking into the building. Upon entering you heart dropped at the sounds of painful grunts and screams. You followed the sound until you saw the room that had several doctors in it. You saw Ellie on the table. They were already stitching up the wound from the arrow, but her arm was covered in dried blood and bruised beyond belief. Her elbow was definitely dislocated. She let out a loud groan. "Fuck." She yelled with tearful eyes. You knew she wouldn't dare let them fall.

"Ellie." Your voice rang out above the frantic muttering of the doctors who were trying their best to stitch up the brown haired girl.

She looked up at you. The bags under her eyes were dark, it almost looked like she had two black eyes. She looked so drained and beaten down. It broke your heart.

"Ma'am you can't be in here." One of the doctors said.

"Let her in." Ellie demanded quietly. You made your way into the room and immediately grabbed her good hand. You pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, tears falling down your face.

"Oh baby," You cried. "What happened to you?"

"I'm okay." She winced.

"You're not, but I'm here, okay?" You said, looking into her green eyes.

"We need to put your elbow back into place before it causes more damage." The doctor interrupted.

"Just do it." Ellie spits. "Get on with it." She squeezes you hand tightly.

The doctor puts his hand on Ellie's bruised skin. She winced again.

"On the count of three..." He begins. "One-"

"Fucking do it." Ellie yells, squeezing your hand tighter.

He complies and with a forceful pop he moves the bones back into their correct positioning. Ellie cries out in pain, her grip on your hand was deadly.

"There." The doctor said. "It's done."

He walks away and lets the other doctor resumes stitching up the wound from the arrow. After he finishes he leaves you and Ellie.

"You're not going anywhere for a long time." You start. "We're going to go home and I'm going to take care of you and-"

"Y/N, I'm fine please." She sighs.

"No, don't do that." You object. "You don't get to do that."

"What do you mean?" Ellie scoffs. She was starting to get defensive again.

"You can't just act like everything's fine when you almost just died." You say quickly. "I won't accept that. I won't. You think you're invincible or something out there? I-I love you more than anything and I can't have something awful happen to you. It would ruin me." You words tumbled out of your mouth and your voice trailed off into a sob.

Despite her pain, Ellie sat up and leaned towards you, wrapping you in her warm embrace. "Shh. It's okay" She whispered, rubbing your back. "My sweet girl." She kissed the top of your head. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I just wish you didn't have to do patrols so often. I worry so much when things like this happen." You cried.

Ellie made a mental note to stop saying yes every time Tommy or Maria needed her to go out on new routes. She hated seeing you so upset because of her. She didn't want you to worry about her like this. It wasn't good for you. She blinked back her own tears and continued to let you cry into her neck.

After a while you went to go find the doctor to examine her one last time. She protested but eventually gave in. Anything for you.

Once she was cleared you brought her back home and got her into bed so she could rest. You were not leaving her side for the next few days to come.

You both were settled into bed. Ellie's head was resting on your chest as you played with her hair, something she only let you do in private.

"Are you feeling tired?" You asked. "You must be after today."

She yawned in response. "I am." It was quiet for a moment and then she spoke out again. "Thank you for being there for me today. I was honestly relieved to see you. When I got hit with that arrow all I could think about was if I was going to make it home to you. I was imagining the look on your face when you got the news and it made me want to fight to make it through."

You took a second to respond to her confession. It was rare that Ellie got this deep with you and you wanted to appreciate that. "I'm so glad you're here Ellie." You say, leaning down to kiss her. "You're my rock, my brave girl." She blushed at your kind words.

"I love you, Y/N." She whispered.

"And I love you, Ellie." You smiled, kissing her again.

[midnightshard06]

Fictober Day 1: "That was good work"

Crawling out of the void I fell into to start posting stuff again lol. Been dead for a while but I hoping to be around a bit more now. Doing fictober though so you should have at least one post every day this month!

You can check it out on ao3 here if you prefer.

Summary: Shadow hasn't been with Tails and Sonic for very long, but he still can't understand why they'd trust him. Maybe though he can learn that he can do good too.

Set in my Lost and Found Au

Warnings: None to be had

Word Count: ~700 words

Shadow huffed as he attempted to curl himself into a tighter ball. Things had just been so confusing since he woke up, not to mention overwhelming. Part of him was grateful for the duo that had taken him in, but he still couldn’t fathom why they wanted to keep him around. Especially since they seemed to trust him to roam about as he pleased. He’d wager he could even leave and never come back if he wanted to. Why did they trust him so much? He’d done nothing to earn that trust.

He slightly uncurled as he heard Sonic’s happy laugh from the other room. Guess the two had come back from their time out. “That was good work bud!” Sonic sounded happy and Shadow fought the urge to curl back up completely. “Eggman didn’t know what hit him. You’d think he’d give up by now.”

“He’s way too stubborn to ever give up at this point.” There was amusement in Tails’ voice.

“That’s true.” Sonic sounded just as amused.

Shadow looked away as the two walked past the room he was in. He could feel the other hedgehog’s eyes on him as Sonic no doubt paused. Silently he willed the other hedgehog to leave him alone. He relaxed marginally as he heard footsteps moving away. He just wasn’t in a headspace to deal with the undeserved kindness they gave him. Their conversation continued as they moved away and Shadow did his best to tune the world out like he was used to doing.

“Show me what you’ve got.” Sonic’s grin was both challenging and inviting. Shadow had no idea how the other hedgehog managed that. Though even with Sonic’s enthusiasm Shadow wasn’t sure a spar was a good idea. There was a very real chance Shadow could hurt him. Sonic seemed to pick up on his hesitancy and his expression changed into something softer. “Don’t worry about me. I wouldn’t literally be asking for it if I didn’t know I could take it.”

Shadow sighed through his nose and raised his hands. ‘You sure?’ He signed quickly. He didn’t often directly communicate with his hosts, whether through sign or otherwise, but he needed another confirmation.

Sonic at the very least seemed pleased. “I’m sure dude. Plus if things get out of hand we stop. No harm done.” The hedgehog signed along with his words. Part of his way to help Shadow expand his sign vocabulary.

With a nod he rushed towards Sonic and the hedgehog readily came up to meet him. It still amazed Shadow that there was someone else who could keep up with him. As he dodged under a kick from the blue hedgehog he seemed to recall Sonic feeling similarly. If some of his initial comments when the two met were anything to go by.

Throughout the entire spar Shadow was hyper aware of his every move. He constantly pulled punches and made sure his claws never made contact so he didn’t accidentally injure the other hedgehog. Most importantly of all he kept a tight grip on his chaos powers. There was no reason to give his hosts a reason to distrust him if they seemed keen to put their trust in him in the first place.

After the two separated, panting, Sonic held up a hand. There was a tired smile on his face. “That was good work! And see, nothing bad happened.” He held his arms wide.

Shadow blinked as he really inspected Sonic. Sure there were scuffs and things but there were no serious injuries on the hedgehog’s body. Typically the results of Shadow fighting at all were… well much worse than this. He hummed as he tried to grasp what this meant.

“Don’t think too hard on it dude.” Sonic chuckled. “You did good. Embrace that.” He went to take a step forward but Shadow froze up. Instead he stopped and just gave Shadow a patient smile. “I’m gonna head inside and get cleaned up a bit. You just come in whenever you’re ready.” He put a hand on his chin. “I’m gonna have to pull Tails away from his work soon for a little bit of lunch anyway, and that could take a bit if he’s gonna be stubborn about it.” With a quick wave the hedgehog vanished into the house and Shadow was left alone with his thoughts. Was that really good work? He looked around. Nothing was destroyed and Sonic only had minor injuries. Maybe it was. Maybe.

[sunlightandsuffering]

Y’all know who’d go crazy with Eren and Mikasa not wearing condoms on that series of baby roulette drabbles? Not Armin, Armin’s reaction was mild compared to Floch’s. Floch is anti-Mikasa and when he finds out they’re not wearing any condoms he’s shocked out of his mind and about to throw up. Do you think Mikasa tells Floch they don’t use condoms just to be a brat and establish her dominance or does Floch try to find out the size of Eren’s cock on his own (like asking for condom tips like Armin lol) and gets this same answer again?

IM LAUGHING AT ALL THE FLOCH HATE HERE IT'S SO FUNNY! Someone sent me a similar ask like right before u and iether ur the same or u guys are just on the same wave length lmfao! we need a floch hating universe tag bc there was that one funny trail of asks where we were just HATING on him hard lol.

Mikasa has never liked Floch.

Not since the first day she met him, the eight grade having just begun, all of the elementary school students mixing together for the first time. Rival cliques forming, new friendships blossoming, and for Mikasa, the most stressful time in her life because her and Armin had to hold tight to Eren like a fucking lifeline. They hadn't been dating back then, but it was widely known amongst their little group that Eren belonged to her, that if someone was going to date him it would be her.

They had been friends for the longest, still lived across the street from each other, their moms were good friends, she was over at his house almost every day. A weird sort of possessiveness had overtaken her because she would NOT be losing her future husband to some brand new girl.

But little did she know, her real competition would be him, the irritating little red head that become obsessed with Eren nearly the moment he saw him: Floch Forster. He'd become almost enamored with Eren, and it got worse the older they got. Eren joined the soccer team, so did Floch, Eren took art instead of music class, so did Floch.

Even into university, of course she and Eren would attend the same universtiy, and yet the first day of classes there he was, sidling up next to Eren like it was nothing. Fucking Floch. Mikasa hates him.

Even more so because his obsession has so clearly morphed into a crush, and Mikasa doesn't discriminate when it comes to love rivals, anyone and everyone is seen as competition and she will NOT stand for Floch trying to steal her man. They're sitting at lunch, one of the larger cafe's on campus, Floch having found them after his most recent class to interrupt their intimate lunch date and Mikasa is fuming as usual because this is HER time with HER man.

"Yeah," Eren is nodding, patronizing his friend because he's never seen it, never understood her immense hatred of the man, "That exam was killer, we'll see how much they curve it." "I'm sure you did great Eren," Floch tells him helpfully and Mikasa's lip curls up in disgust, what a suck up. Where she was drilling Eren with exam questions up until the last moment before he went in here is this little puppy dog of a man spoon feeding him praise. Idiot. That is not how Eren will see results!

Eren smiles, turning to Mikasa, ever the doting boyfriend, "It'll be because Miki helped me study so much if I do." He leans in to kiss her and Mikasa makes it long, slow, her hand coming up to tangle in his hair, her tongue teasing his as she leans in. She makes an exaggerated little moaning sound as Eren grips her hip, his hands unable to stay by his side, tugging her closer to deepen the kiss and Mikasa squeezes his bicep to keep her balance. "Eren," she whispers breathily as he finally pulls back, rubbing the entire act in Floch's stupid face, and Eren looks out of it now, his pupils blown wide. He looks like he wants to discard his lunch all together in favour of taking her back to his apartment.

Eren winks at her as he pulls back, hand on her hip and ready to drag her away at any moment.

Mikasa grins, "You just needed some motivation baby what can I say?" Floch looks utterly disgusted and Mikasa smiles like the cheshire cat.

Eren meanwhile is getting antsy, it's clear to her that kiss was a precursor to a little afternoon delight if she can get away with it. "I'm gonna throw our stuff away okay Miki and then lets head home for a bit before your evening class." Floch looks like he wants to open his mouth, to protest but Mikasa cuts him off, looking up at her boyfriend spiritedly, all smiles, "I'd love that baby." Floch's mouth shuts in irritation and Eren gathers their lunch trays before disappearing off towards the trash and recycling bins. Mikasa has about two minutes alone with the little leprechaun and she's going to make it count. She turns, eyes thinned to slit, venom in her voice, "Stay away from him Floch." The Leprechaun glares back murderously, "No." "He's my boyfriend."

"Well maybe that could change," Floch smarts back, "You're awful confident for a girl who didn't make a move on him until the eleventh grade." Her nostrils flare and she could reach across this table and fucking claw his eyes out, she wants to.

"I'm confident because I have a promise ring on my finger and I'm the only one he's ever been with, everything that turns Eren on is me," she tells him confidently. "Until it's not," Floch scoffs, "Anything can get old after a while Mikasa, even you."

God she hates him, and she wishes she hadn't let Eren take her fork away, it would look awfully good sticking out of his hand right about now.

"I'm not worried about it, he still wants me just as badly as the day I took his virginity." "You sure?" Floch jeers, "Everyone likes to experiment in university, even men, don't count me out yet Mikasa."

"Don't fool yourself you were never even in the ring, I could take him home right now if I wanted and he'd thank me for it." "I think you give yourself too much credit Ackerman." "You don't give me enough," she retorts.

"You're just a pretty face and a nice body Ackerman, that's all. Eren will tire of you eventually, they always do, high school sweethearts don't last." "I'm a fuck of a lot more than that," Mikasa snaps, "You're an idiot if you think Eren is with me just for my looks, he loves me. My tits are just a nice perk." "Whatever you say Mikasa," Floch jeers, a cruel smile on his face, "They'll get saggy soon enough and then we'll see how big you're talking." Mikasa fumes, murderous, how fucking dare he. She's saved from answering at the sound of Eren's footsteps, and out of pure spite Mikasa yanks the V-neck of her top down to expose her ample cleavage. She mouths a quick 'Fuck You' to Floch before turning to Eren, and just seeing him is a relief, "Babe, I don't feel great can we head back now?"

Eren's words of concern are cut off by Floch, who isn't about to go down without a fight, "But Eren said he'd study with me." Eren is fighting a frown, his attention locked completely on her, and then more accurately, her tits as his eyes zero in on the creamy flesh of her breasts. "I really think I should get Mikasa home if she isn't feeling great," Eren mumbles absently, his hands slipping down to her waist, massaging her sides and going for a very discrete feel of her tits. It makes her smirk. Floch huffs, "I'm just worried about this quick next week, you know how crazy they are after an exam, it's right back into the material." "I'm sure it'll be fine," Eren mumbles, his gaze slippingn up to her face now, concern etched in his expression, "I want to get Mikasa home." He sure fucking does, she can tell just by the twitch in his hands as he touches her. He wants her. Now.

She gives him her most innocent look, holding her hands up for him to grab her, "Yeah I just wanna get home, lay in bed with you for a bit, I need a recharge."

A soft smile overtakes Eren's face and he takes her hands, lacing her fingers with his, "Yeah I need some Mikasa time."

Mikasa smiles winningly at Floch, tossing her hair over her shoulder as Eren helps her up, the final blow, "But Eren," She looks at him with faux concern, "Baby I think we're out of condoms though, should we buy more?" Eren looks genuinely confused as he tugs her up from the bench, his hand finding her hip almost worryingly and he's quick to stroke over the exposed skin.

"Baby what are you talking about you know I hate condoms, we havne't used them in forever" His brow furrows as he slips his other hand up to cup her forehead, checking her temperature, "Especially with you, you know I love going bare, are you sure you're okay?"

Mikasa smiles sweetly, surging up for a kiss, "Yeah I'm great, just love you."

Eren beams, tucking her under his arm, "Good, I was scared there for a sec, I can't even remember the last time we used a condom and I don't really want to." Eren turns, almost as an afterthought, shooting Floch a cocky smirk over her head, "You know how it is Forster, sorry duty calls, anyway I'll see you next week in our econ class yeah?" Floch is nodding dumbly, and Mikasa absolutely preens over her shoulder at him, even more so when Eren goes for a very non-discrete ass grab, evidently feeling a little frisky now. "Bye Floch." He glares at her, mumbling darkly, "Bye Mikasa."

AHAHAH OMG I WROTE THIS FOREVER AGO AND FOUND IT IN MY DRAFTS SO I JUST HAD TO FINISH IT!! NOW THAT IM FINALLY FEELING INSPIRED LOL AND I LOVE IT IT'S SO FUNNY

[chevelleneech]

to me Jimin seems more apprehensive of the two, which is understandable with ms upcoming etc, but jk seems so carefree and happy, idk where people are seeing this disinterested-ness, bc he seems constantly happy and even trying to make sweet moments (like the snowfall comment ahah)

I agree JK seems carefree, but I have to be honest, I don’t see either of them as being any more or less apprehensive than the other. During AYS nor outside of the series. I think they have different personalities, thus a lot of the time what we’re seeing is them just being themselves.

To me, Jimin has gotten older and has found comfort in both being exactly who he is as well as being mindful of his surroundings. Personally, I think Jimin it’s cutesy and affectionate, but I do think he plays it up for the camera as well. It’s a thing almost all idols do, but for people who enjoy it like Jimin, it slips easily into their personalities.

That said, Jungkook is also naturally cutesy and affectionate, but we only really see him be that way with Jimin or Hobi. Those are the two members we’ve seen him gravitate toward as his comfort zones over the years, with the main difference seemingly being Jimin is also his emotional landing pad.

To get back to the point, I think both of them seem chill. They’re laughing and drinking and eating and doing a small bit of adventurous things, which must have been all they wanted to do anyway. I mean, Connecticut and Sapporo in particular are trips we know were planned by the two of them, without any change of plans, meaning they intentionally chose nothing to do. Yes, they went canoeing and snowboarding, but that’s not the same as planning their trips around specific events. They didn’t go to a summer or winter festival. They didn’t go camping with other friends. They didn’t do anything big, is basically what I’m saying. They chose what appear from the outside, couple-like activities. I mean, starting with a cozy, single bed cabin in the woods, is a crazy thing to do for just friends, lol.

The last day in Connecticut was in what I assume as an air b&b house, for whatever reason. And I don’t say that to dismiss them sleeping in different beds, but the second episode wasn’t really about anything. They woke up, cuddled in bed, went grocery shopping, then went out to dinner and the episode ended. What made the episode worthwhile, was getting to see Jimin and Jungkook existing alongside each other in what according to them, was their first hangout in a bit. The first two episodes were really the one time we saw them rekindle a thing, after whatever they’d been through, and the result was, “Let’s keep doing this.”

So I do understand that with all we know about the members, and with all we’ve seen from other travel specials over the years, AYS is different. We’re seeing a dynamic between JM and JK that we’ve only really heard about in passing.

Yes, we knew they were attached at the hip. We knew they had similar senses of humor. We knew they cuddle and smacked ass here and there. We knew JK was a Jimin-pedia. What we didn’t know, was how deeply that ran off camera. And yes, AYS is obviously being filmed, but the part I think people are either refusing to or having a hard time grasping, is that it truly is unscripted. I don’t think the other specials were scripted down to the bone either, but there was always something they were expected to be doing. The closest thing to AYS was ITS, and we saw how chopped up that was to paint the picture that the members were always doing something. They edited stuff out of order just to keep the episodes moving.

AYS does not appear to have that. There are time jumps, but it doesn’t appear to be any: “This happened at 10am, but it’s going to be edited into having happened after JM said it’s 5pm.” It honestly just seems like they told BH where they wanted to go; restaurants and resorts wise, got some cameras and a crew, and started filming. So it was planned as far as the company had to make reservations and ensure their safety, then the crew likely went ahead to set up cameras and ensure their reservations were ready. But we didn’t see any of that. We only saw JM and JK’s pov, which was happening at the same time the crews were doing their jobs.

I’m getting long winded again, lol, but yeah I think a lot of what we’re seeing in AYS is just them being them. Jungkook isn’t “going through the motions” more so than he’s just not an overly outward expressive person when he doesn’t have to be on. And Jimin isn’t being apprehensive more so than he’s probably much more calm and laid back when he isn’t on.

And I think maybe that comes across as them seeming different in some ways, because we’re seeing just how often they really are on, even during past vacation specials. So I think the reality of Jimin and Jungkook’s bond and dynamic is that they are just soft for one another. When they don’t have to put on a performance in too big of a capacity to be entertaining, they simply meld together. They breeze about, going wherever they want, and even if they don’t have a destination in mind, something as simple as shopping or hiking is enough. Hell, they even like brushing their teeth together and sitting around playing card games.

So again, I don’t think it’s apprehension, I think that’s just Jimin. He is a ball of energy, yes, but he also seems to enjoy sitting back and watching JK live and explore life. Boyfriends or not, he likes seeing Jungkook happy, and Jungkook likes Jimin to feel taken care of.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

MAJOR OFMD S2 SPOILERS!!

talkin' about the most recent leaked audition tape below the cut!

so we now have the leaked archie audition tape, archie being one of the two probable s2 lesbians and who will be played by madeleine sami (who is not actually the woman in the audition tape, for those of you who are also faceblind like me lol). i want to talk about the first scene from the audition tape

it's hard to tell what's going on, since it sounds like there's at least three characters in this scene and two of those characters are being read by someone off-screen. but here's a rough transcript of that scene:

READER(CHARACTER 1?): Let me die you cunts! Archie: Woah, hey! Easy on the c-word, compadre. That word just—makes me feel really uncomfortable READER(CHARACTER 2?): Sorry, man, we got orders. ARCHIE: Bite down on this. [HOLDS OUT BELT] READER(CHARACTER 1?): Bite down on my nob you bugging twat! ARCHIE: ...Okay. [ARCHIE SMACKS THE BELT ONTO A TABLE OFF-SCREEN, POSSIBLY KNOCKING CHARACTER 1? UNCONSCIOUS] ARCHIE: Um, do you think you could do the honors? Cause I’m—I’ll be honest I’m more of a, um, stabber than a chopper. I don’t love chopping. [SMACK NOISE FROM SOMEWHERE OFF-CAMERA, PRESUMABLY THE CHOPPING] ARCHIE: Ooh, haha, ugh. Icky. Icky yucky. READER(CHARACTER 2?): Well that was um, that was intense. ARCHIE: Haha. Super intense, eh? Superrr intense. [LONG PAUSE, ARCHIE MAKES PROLONGED EYE CONTACT WITH PERSON OFF-CAMERA] ARCHIE: [WHISPERS] Do you wanna...? [ARCHIE GRINS AND RUNS OFF-CAMERA]

so, obviously we have to take scenes from auditions tapes with a grain of salt. like, i doubt this is finalized dialogue. it's possible the plot has changed in some way since casting the role of archie. and also, again, it's kind of hard to really tell what's going on

but from what i can see, here's what i personally think is going on:

izzy is character 1

izzy is getting something amputated. probably his foot or part of his leg.

izzy calls the people in the room "cunts"

archie expresses discomfort with the word "cunt"

izzy then calls her a bugging twat

archie knocks him unconscious

the other person in the room proceeds to chop off izzy's body part

archie and the other person in the room... get horny from this? and leave to go hook up

(that last one tracks with the next scene, where it sounds like ed is making archie and another person fight to the death because "all love dies." this could be the same person who did the "chopping" in the scene above.)

and again, we don't know for sure that this is what's going on here! the plot might change, and it's kinda hard to tell who's saying what. but here's my main takeaways from this bit:

1. this scene is meant to be funny

unlike the toe scene, this scene seems tonally in-line with lucius's amputation scene in s1e06. just like how roach saying "knives are knives, meat's meat" was meant to be funny, archie's "icky, icky yucky!" is meant to be funny. it's also meant to be funny that and then she makes bedroom eyes at the person behind the camera and they presumably go hook up, after just having chopped a body part off izzy.

and yeah, that's pretty gross and fucked up! yknow what else is fucked up? the nose jar. lucius cutting off his own finger. making a turtle fight a crab. beating each other up for "vacation." lighting people on fire. turning people into furniture. "making some poor bloke eat his own toe for a laugh."

the show treats stuff like this as funny. this is nothing new. this should absolutely not be a surprise to anyone. izzy's foot (or other body part, but most likely his foot as a result of an infection) getting cut off in a comedy scene is very on-brand for this show.

2. izzy's misogynistic language is given a female target

izzy's probably delirious and feverish from his infection, just like lucius was in s1e06. interestingly enough, lucius did not call anyone misogynistic slurs when he was delirious and in pain. and lucius especially didn't call anyone a misogynistic slur after they told him they were uncomfortable with the first misogynistic slur he called them.

yeah, izzy's probably delirious in this scene. but the writers who wrote this dialogue probably weren't. in this scene, a woman expresses discomfort with being called a misogynistic slur, and when izzy then tells her to "bite down on my knob you bugging twat" she proceeds to hit him, possibly knocking him out. this is not the final cut of the show, so this scene might play out differently on screen, or maybe this scene will be cut altogether. but i think there's three possibilities for what this means for izzy's character arc in season 2:

they cut this scene entirely and we never see izzy say sexist slurs to a woman at any point in season two. if/when he continues to say "twat" or "cunt" it does not get called out

izzy gets the same feminism 101 arc that black pete got in season 1

the story punishes izzy for using sexist slurs but he doesn't have any character growth about it. izzy getting body parts chopped off becomes a running gag.

and on a smaller scale, here's what i think it means for this scene alone, provided that the final cut of the show has similar dialogue:

the writers chose to have izzy call a woman a cunt to her face because they want to make it clear that he is the butt of the joke in this scene

this is different from lucius's amputation scene, where he was still the butt of the joke but he was portrayed more sympathetically. this decision to write izzy less sympathetically was done deliberately.

3. medical inaccuracy in ofmd is alive (lol) and well

bro they literally just leave him there. like they chop a body part off this man and then leave him there. they don't stitch him up or anything they just leave his unidentified body part as a bleeding stump. whatever they cut off is probably still on the goddamn table.

this shit is hilarious i love this show so fucking much.

[thisdreamplace]

hi dreamplace. i need some advice. i’ve been wanting to manifest having a hairless body because shaving is like a killer. 💀 it’s so frustrating seeing the 3d with unwanted bs. so i looked into laser hair removal today and I have enough money for the down payment but then i have to pay monthly for the rest. that sounds like shit for me. 😭😭😭 if a do it, i’ll have to force myself to find a job to pay it off. idek if that’ll work out well for me bc life has been such a struggle for me, sadly. in the end, i guess it’s best if I keep trying to manifest the hair away. bc the money situation stresses me out. so ig the i just need advice on, what do you do when the 3d is showing what you don’t want continuously?? it’s not even just the shaving that gets on my nerves, there’s a career path that I want but literally everything i want just never shows but it dangles in my face lol. just like the laser hair removal. i literally got a full consultation with the nicest woman ever. i got excited, just for my ass to not be able to do it. 🤣 it’s sad but i have to laugh. just ugh. i wish i had a secret code to finally get shit to go right for me, even the smallest things. 😩

hewwo <3

if the 3d is continuously not showing me what i want, i move into acceptance and surrender. bc im done. i'm not about to keep getting so caught up in smth when i have a choice, and could be using my time to enjoy whats going on in my present life. period !

here's the thing about it, u have to feel out ur feelings and allow them to be there. allow the disappointment and frustration but also surrender to it. it essentially feels like giving up. the thing is, u get a lot more clear about everything thru this and youre not so clouded by ur own fears anymore. for example, in ur ask u are so focused on how hard u think ur life is. but its like. to be fair i'm not going to tell u to keep sitting there and trying to force in ur hair being gone thru a manifestation bc clearly its been frustrating for u. however ! even after being so close to get what u want, instead of being open to it u went back to the drawing board talkin about some "even if i got a job whats the point nothing works out well" like !! wat ? how are u going to let life change and allow in ur blessings when u rather reject them... immediately ! so what if u fail ? u did smth different, u stopped pouting about lack and u tried to do smth u enjoyed. that counts for so much more than people give it credit for !! i would really urge u to stop using ur life till now as a blueprint and allow life, when it comes knocking with opportunities, and to allow yourself, to be open to whats coming into view for u. the more u focus on that and less on problems (past or imaginary) the more you'll see things shifting. thats just a fact ! plus i do wanna say too many of yall are obsessed with these wizard results (idk how else to call them rn) that u can't even see a success in front of you. and trust ik those type of successes exist bc it has happened to me plenty. but ALSO. life is a journey before it is wizards of waverly place. in my mind, i would have been like omg ! laser hair removal ! i can afford it rn and the consultation was great ! THIS MUST BE IT. but u saw it is as NOT a successful manifestation and ur saying maybe u should just sit there hoping ur hair disappears ? idgi. sometimes things just kinda appear, thats true. sometimes you actually go through a process and get to experience life. and that is amazing and exciting !

also emphasis on ALLOWING. allowing change, allowing opportunities, allowing emotions, allowing fears, allowing life to be what you want. bc rn this was a moment for u to see even if life gives u what u want, ur not going to allow it. but like a post i recently reblogged said, an anon was saying how they finally realized they already had so much of what they were sitting there thinking they lacked ! like omg, its so insane but so beautiful when we wake up to it. u only saw obstacles in that moment, which highlights ur focus ! let this be a moment of renewal and moving forward in an entirely diff direction ! <3

the secret code is fully you and the way you are perceiving life. its not any technique or challenge out there. our good doctor joe dispenza could really help u on this if u like reading. reading his book, "breaking the habit of being yourself" was the most pivotal thing for me to finally realize how i had been so caught up in who i thought i was, that i wouldnt even allow things to be different and yet i would sit there frustrated about why my 3d isnt shifting in the ways i intended. that book really makes you confront who you actually live as, and helps you start making the shifts into who you actually want to be. this is how your life begins to truly change.

[josiebelladonna]

i can’t stop (can you blame me for it, though? i’m full of anxiety and i can put the controls on these so it’s just me doing this—i have no voice or conviction on here, anyway, so i don’t know who would get upset over these)

18+ please

What is my earliest memory of being attracted to someone?

i remember being little and peeping on a girl changing her clothes in the next room (probably my first same-sex experience). i also remember being little and watching some boy stoop over to tie his shoe (my first opposite-sex experience). i don’t even remember the context, just… that it happened.

What messages did I get as a kid about love?

i got probably the worst messages about love as a kid, like how it’s stupid and sappy and for losers: my parents having an unhappy marriage as i got into high school did nothing but reinforce this. one of my worst bullies would pull my hair or throw things at me and then just scream at me (my fucking grandmother would brush it off as “oh, he probably just likes you.” no adult would help me, either: i figured if this is what romance is, i want no part of it. i never had a chance at it because i was denied it. so, it’s hard for me to look at a regular ol couple, point at them and say they’re healthy. basically bullshit.

What was my first love?

2nd grade, little bobby otsuka next to me in our gifted class. this cute little japanese boy with round little john lennon glasses. he was so smart and always so nice to me. my first famous crush was billie joe armstrong

When have I felt the most confident about my body?

i remember being little, about five years old, and looking at myself in the mirror and taking my clothes off, one by one, until i was in the buff. i think i also sat down and opened my legs for a look there. i think i was at my grandmother’s house, too (the woman who smacked the back of my hand when she caught me with it down my shorts). i also remember being that age and taking a bath at her house and “handling” myself when she wasn’t looking (explains the water fetish, and the obsession over cleanliness). body confidence has always been an act of defiance to me as a result… and yet, i was always told that good girls always get rewarded, hence the “dirty” correlation.

What did I learn about sex growing up?

again, complete bullshit. it’s just this thing that happens and don’t you dare get pregnant, young lady. never about pleasure, never about sexuality as a whole… whenever one of my parents hinted at “the talk”, it was always “don’t let boys get in your pants” and just leaving it at that. in fact, i never got the talk from my parents: it was always from a sex ed teacher. in fact, i have a pretty clear memory of my mom telling me, “they’ll be able to explain it better than we can.”

Who is someone I admire who seems confident? What do I love about her?

probably megan thee stallion. i love how blunt she is and her idgaf attitude, and how all of her raps feel like a stream of consciousness, something i can relate to when i’m writing erotica. some more are the butcher babies, carla and heidi, for the same reason—i like how they bring horror and comics into the mix, too 🔥

What is my secret fantasy?

all my fantasies are secret, lol. i just knocked down the first chapter but black moon (my entry into kinkmas) really feels like a summation of parts. i have the desire: i’m just afraid is all.

What is one thing I desire to feel today?

euphoria. peace. feeling at ease. moreover, i want to feel like i’m not being judged or laughed at for what i feel and for the absence of a sex life on my end. i’m dead serious, i have no sex life and i feel like i fucked up majorly by letting insecurity and eating disorders get to me. (you want further proof? i didn’t even know what a sex life is supposed to encapsulate until pretty recently). i have way too much anxiety and shame about all my desires and my kinks and my thoughts and feelings. comparing myself to other people and seeing myself from the outside gets me nowhere—and i’m aware of this, too, you don’t have to be like my brother and patronize me with, “no, i don’t think you are.”—but i literally cannot help it. i feel the green druidess looking at me with scorn and disdain. i feel the people in the metallica tag watching me and whispering horrible things about me to one another (i’m about ready to just tune out that tag because this current new batch of fans and writers in there are utterly insufferable in their sexuality and it’s honestly triggering for me to witness it. “hey, look at us, we’re writing things rated mature”, good for fucking you, i’m writing multichaptered shit that’s rated explicit but you don’t see me getting rewarded for it. if anything, i’m getting shat on and painted the bad guy for it. apparently good girls do get rewarded, but apparently some good girls are more “good” than others.) i feel bad, i feel dirty, i feel like i have no business doing this, there’s too many people who have given me shit for this… but something fights it, though. my anxiety is there but i know in my heart it’s a problem. it’s why i keep making posts like this: i want to air it out because i don’t like keeping it private. i want to feel sexy, too, like i’m genuinely curious about this vibe that just seems to come naturally to certain people where most of us, myself included, fall flat on our fucking face. like… how do you do it? what do i have to do to feel it?

How can I get some of that feeling, right now?

no clue, to be honest. i read and educate myself about things, like how to overcome anxiety (and… how it seems to affect men particularly hard, especially now? gentlemen, as a female, i’m so sorry). i can go onto an online shop like spencer’s and see their toys and lingerie without having a visceral reaction. thing is i try to picture myself in one of those lace teddies, like i stand in front of the mirror and try to envision it. and i can’t. i try to picture myself owning a sex toy with pride… and i can’t. i try to look at my kinks without wanting to hide my face or orphan my writing… and i literally can’t. i can’t picture who would lose their minds over me that much. i’ve been hit on, but it never manifested into anything further. i feel genuinely alone with it all, too, like everywhere i look, there’s someone having fun with it and enjoying what brings them pleasure, sexual and otherwise, and i can’t. it’s not just a problem with the lack of content on here in what i like: there’s a reason why i have over 2000 posts sitting in my drafts right now. i want a safe place but i am literally ashamed of everything that brings me pleasure (it’s why i have a minor panic attack whenever i see comments on any of my fics).

i see people talking about “why would you follow something you don’t like?” with me, that’s completely beside the point. the joke is also on them, because i follow so much that i like but it’s all from anxiety: it’s why i’ve only recently been vocal about social opinions, too (aside from just… feeling like everyone wants to yell and patronize each other rather than really listening and reaching across the aisle once in a while… god forbid). it’s not that i don’t have a grasp on these things—i do, it’s just i was never told to really be myself with it. it was always delivered in throwaway fashion and i was always judged or scolded or ridiculed for wanting to feel pleasure and enjoy myself. i’m haunted by this. i wish i could be five years old in front of the mirror and taking off my clothes like no one’s looking… but i can’t do it now without overthinking.

i’ve considered therapy, but i don’t know what they would tell me, though (aside from… you know. the usual bullshit).

[basedandlovepilled]

my lore under the cut LOL

i've been working on healing from childhood trauma and shit but one thing i still have a hard time talking about is being medically abused as a child. like, mainly i can't talk about it because i literally can't remember it. i get headaches trying to remember huge moments in my life that i know happened from photos or stories but it's completely lost to me. i was taking so many pills from the ages 10-18 that my brain just became swiss cheese.

but the things i DO remember are even harder to talk about. like, i remember having a panic attack at 11 years old that resulted in me getting my ass beat for causing a scene, followed by a sudden appointment with my doctor who prescribed me hydroxizine for my anxiety. at some point my mom took me back and told the doctor the meds were making me overweight, so i stopped the meds. i got better at hiding my panic attacks. i thought i was getting better.

when i was almost 13, i had another panic attack/mental breakdown. i remember this one very vividly as well--my mom sitting on the couch in the living room, my dad watching tv on the recliner, and i was literally crying and screaming and banging my head into the wall. i don't remember what triggered it, but i remember how my parents responded to it.

"look at me. right here." my moms voice. she was laughing. i made eye contact with her phone camera before i saw her face. she looked like a literal cartoon villain when she told me, "i'm recording this to show you later, so you see how ridiculous you look." i started seeing a therapist after that. i was prescribed prozac after my first visit.

i was constantly fed the message that "your mental illness is unmanageable without medication," AND "psychiatric medications will ruin your life." every time i "got better" after a few months on prozac, my mom would say something like "the meds are making you gain so much weight, that can't be healthy. you're doing fine, right? you don't need those anymore." and would get rid of the pills and send me to church camp. going cold turkey on prozac every few months from ages 12-14 was fucking awful. my mom tells me i hardly even went to school at that time because i was so sick. everything was a haze back then. i just remember so much shame and guilt and nothing else.

and while all that was happening, i was also being constantly tested for other diseases and shit. over and over again, i would get ultrasounds and blood tests and stool samples and scans and x-rays. i got so many diagnoses but none of them explained why my mom hated me so much. we were all so confused and so desperate to know what the hell was wrong with me.

and i'm sure i just seem like i'm whining abt old shit but like. this shit haunts me. learning to trust medical professionals again is fucking hard. and even still i'll have episodes where i flush all my prescriptions down the toilet because taking them reminds me of the lack of control over what goes in my body i had my entire life. or i doubt if i even need them at all. after being given so many diagnoses from so many different people that it just all feels so meaningless. and it's so fucked up too cus like i literally wouldn't be crying abt this shit as an adult if my parents were just fucking normal

[enchantingcoffeecheesecake]

I originally just quick reblogged this because

Fuck

I felt every part of that first bit so hard. It's so immensely frustrating and upsetting to me when I realize I've snapped at someone who did nothing wrong because I'm in the middle of a sensory overload I didn't even realize I was experiencing!

It's the repression because you're TRYING to cope how you've been told, or trying to regulate yourself with what's worked before, but it's not quite doing that, and then someone very well meaning or maybe even completely unknowing might ask you a question or make a joke or something, ANYTHING, and you snap at them.

It's an awful feeling, because I feel so bad! And I never know how to properly explain it, especially if it's happened to the same person. I feel like I'm making excuses when it's something that I'm still struggling to control after FINALLY getting diagnosed and getting medication and therapy.

And on that note--

The base assessment is incredibly narrow-sighted.

When my therapist got my assessments back from my parents, husband, and I think one other person (no teachers, I started this after college so I didn't really get that option) after starting this process last year, I hit a bunch of the adult markers, like I think almost all of them across the board.

But not the childhood markers.

So I had to get another, more expensive assessment.

And the childhood markers (if I remember right lol) had to do with severe/violent misbehavior, bad grades/relationships with teachers, bullying, bouncing off the walls, ya know the stereotype of ADHD.

But I didn't have really any of those.

I was a great student with severe anxiety and very high expectations of myself. I got almost straight As and was one of those "reading at college level in 3rd grade" kind of kids. I was very quiet, nervous, read a bunch, memorized my favorite movies and was acting out my favorite Winnie the Pooh movie as a toddler to my parents.

My mom even made a comment that she was surprised the assessment didn't include the symptoms that she had noticed in me as a child-- like the sensory overload, my ability to completely disassociate if a situation bothered me, hyperfixation, memory issues, and a bunch more.

I did go take the more expensive assessment, because I was kind of desperate to get an answer to this (was told that I hit the adult markers, but because I didn't hit the childhood marks they didn't feel comfortable diagnosing me, which-- I do understand but bruh). The way this test worked was it was a sit-down with a psychiatrist, and then an electronic test instead of the paper questionnaire/assessment.

After a 5 minute conversation with the psychiatrist, she said verbatim that she was very comfortable diagnosing me with ADHD, and actually asked me if I wanted to take the assessment, because she didn't really see the need for me to.

If she had been in-network with my insurance, I would have skipped it, but since she wasn't, we settled on taking it so I would have the full tested diagnosis so I can take it to any doctor/therapist I go to-- so I HAVE it.

I took the test (and goddamn I felt so stupid by the end of it lmao) and thanked her, and waited.

And oh bestie--

My results were more than conclusive that I have ADHD, I won't go through all of the percentages of everything, but I am not only vindicated, but I am in the

✨️First Percentile✨️

in inhibitory control and attention.

FIRST.

The way my husband and I started laughing when we read that. It made perfect sense, everything that I had struggled with made so much goddamn sense with all of the results put together. It made every goal I had reached and struggled to get feel so much more monumental, and I did feel a bit proud of myself.

But the point is--

As someone in the first percentile in inhibitory control and attention, I didn't pass the childhood markers and couldn't get a firm diagnosis on the first run.

Keep pushing through.

You will get the answers you need.

Everything is stupid and they do need to do the cursory assessment even if it's markers are slightly outdated, so even if you don't hit that, it doesn't mean that you don't have it.

Obviously if you're looking for something you're going to find signs of it-- but I started my research looking at so many other options because I didn't know WHAT it was, but I knew it was something.

You can do this.

Stay strong. I believe in you.

And also, something I'm still trying to keep in mind for myself-- give yourself some grace, and learn to forgive yourself if you find that you're getting upset with yourself for what you're experiencing. It's okay, you're okay, you've got this.

to all of the irl friends who I have done this to:

I am sorry. I cannot control it. If I asked you to stop doing something(ex. To stop touching me cause sometimes touch just feels w r o n g) please stop doing the thing, it probably added to the list of reasons i snapped. Yes I still care about you I'm just frustrated and don't have the words to articulate why. Again, I am sorry.

Literally none of my friends have tumblr. None of them are gonna see this.

Also relevant to this post is that I am currently in the process of getting an adhd diagnosis but things aren't looking too good with that 😬. The psychiatrist I'm seeing got back one of the forms from my teachers(only 1 out of the 5 or 6 I handed out) and she said just from a glance it didn't look like I had adhd/ADD(what's the difference between those two btw?)

I know there's something fucked in my brain but idk what and adhd/ADD sounded a lot like what's up with my brain. If it isn't that I might cry cause I want a straight answer from this. Yes or no. And it's a strong possibility cause my dad has adhd and pretty sure my mom did too.

Kinda just want to scream.

[helloalycia]

not good enough // kate bishop

summary: when Kate finally returns from university for the holidays, the plans is for you both to spend it together. But after her mum has some words with you, you start to question your place in Kate's life.

warning/s: minor mention of injury, gunshots and kate's mean mum smh

author's note: here's the result of a random thought i had recently lol. It's a bit of a long one but i didn't wanna split it into two parts so hope you all enjoy!

masterlist / wattpad

YOUR POV

I was wiping down some tables and cleaning up the condiments when I heard a knock on the front door of my family's diner.

"We're closed!" I called out without looking up, but the knocking continued so I sighed and looked up, only to raise my brows with surprise.

Standing on the other side of the window was Kate Bishop, a grin on her face and waving her hand in the air. Kate had been my best friend since she came to get lunch with her dad as a kid, eating at this diner that my family owned. I met her then and, despite our very different lives, we'd remained best friends.

She'd been at university recently whilst I was working at the diner, so we rarely saw each other. But whenever she visited, it was like nothing had changed. She was visiting for the holidays this time, as always, but she wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow.

Laughing with disbelief, I dropped the cloth in my hand on the table and ran to the door, unlocking it and letting her in.

"Kate!" I exclaimed, staring at her with wide eyes. "You're here!"

"Indeed, I am," she said with a light chuckle before pulling me in for a hug. "Are you surprised? You look surprised."

I returned the hug, unable to stop the smile from leaving my face. "Very surprised. I thought you were coming back tomorrow? You're early."

She winked playfully, oblivious to the way it made my face heat up, and began to walk further into the diner. I swallowed hard and closed the door behind her, locking it.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," she explained. "I was actually going to stop by much earlier, but as soon as I got back, my mother wanted me to get ready for a gala she's forcing me to attend."

I crossed my arms, looking her up and down with amusement. "That explains the outfit."

"Well, it was either this or a red dress my mum left for me," she said with a disapproving look before taking a seat at one of the tables.

"So, I see you chose to get mistaken as a waiter instead," I teased as I sat opposite her, and she pulled a face.

"Ha-ha, very funny," she said with feigned amusement, and I laughed anyway.

Despite the fact that it was very easy to make fun of her, I did appreciate how stunning she looked tonight. I'd like to say it was because I hadn't seen her in person for a few months so was looking with fresh eyes, but I knew it wasn't that. She just always looked beautiful, especially tonight when she was clearly trying to piss off her mother but in a very classy way, donning a black suit that fitted her perfectly.

"You look good, Kate," I told her, losing my playfulness as I smiled at her. "Both the outfit and you in general."

She bowed her head, probably still thinking I was joking. "Why, thank you, dear Y/N."

I didn't let my smile fall completely, but my gaze dropped to the table. Crushes were crushes for a reason, right?

"This place looks exactly like I remember it," she said, and I saw she was looking around at the empty diner. "I love it."

I glanced around at the place that was always a comfort to be in. "It's pretty great, isn't it?"

She chuckled and hummed in agreement, before leaning back in her seat and looking to me. "So, how are your family doing?"

I pointed at the ceiling. "They're upstairs. They're good, but I'm on locking up duty for tonight. Gotta make sure everything is spick and span for tomorrow."

"Well, shit, I can come leave you to it, if you want?" she asked, straightening up as if to leave.

"Shut up, Kate, I'm not kicking you out," I said with a laugh, hitting her foot lightly with mine under the table.

A smile spread across her face as she got comfortable again, blue eyes dazzling under the fluorescent lighting. We spent the next few minutes catching up, even though we basically knew everything about each other's lives anyway because of our many FaceTime calls. Almost everything anyway.

"Wait, I wanna know about the clock tower," I said, refraining from laughing. "You did what yesterday?"

Her cheeks began to flush adorably as she explained, "It was a dare, okay? I didn't think the whole tower would come down!"

I laughed at the thought of it, kinda wishing I was there to see it happen in person.

"Can't you stay out of trouble for one minute, Kate?" I said playfully, giving her a knowing look.

She met my gaze with determination. "C'mon, when have I ever resisted a dare?"

I grinned, shaking my head at her insanity.

"It's getting sorted, thankfully," she assured me, like it was my biggest concern, making me chuckle. "My mum is fixing it. But she's not happy. Cut me off from all my cards and is forcing me to go to this gala tonight. Something is telling me it's just the beginning of my punishment."

I rolled my eyes with amusement, shaking my head. I loved Kate, but it was times like this when our difference in wealth and privilege made a show. If I destroyed someone's car window, let alone an ancient clock tower, my parents would never let me leave the house again. But all Kate got was a smack on the hand and her allowance taken away. Very different lives indeed.

"So, Miss Troublemaker, what have you got planned over the holidays?" I asked leaning in the palm of my hand as I looked over to her. "Y'know, apart from spending every minute with me of course."

"Of course," she played along seriously, before a smile broke out on her lips, making my stomach fill with butterflies. "I've gotta start working here and there at the security company. Kinda being forced to."

"Oh, God forbid Kate Bishop actually does work instead of causing trouble all the time!" I teased, and she kicked me under the table before glaring playfully.

"I can do work," she said with certainty, as I was snickering at the thought of it, "I just find the job boring. But I'll do it... Forget me, anyway. How are things here?"

I shrugged. "Same old, same old."

She tilted her head towards me, knowing smile on her face. "But you love it."

"Duh."

She laughed quietly before it faded into a smile. "Look, as much as I would love to stay here and talk, I have a painfully boring event to get to. But I wanna hang tomorrow. Sadly, I'm working then."

"Working woman," I joked. "It's a hard life, isn't it?"

"Shut up," she mumbled, but a smile still ghosted her lips. "D'you wanna get lunch together on my lunch break?"

"Hell yeah," I agreed, "and I definitely wanna see you hard at work."

She tried to kick me again, but I dodged with ease, making her narrow her eyes playfully.

"Just meet me at the office," she said as she began to stand up and dust off her suit. "I'll text you the details."

I stood up, too, smiling. "See you tomorrow, Kate. And have fun tonight."

She rolled her eyes, groaning, and I ignored her whining as I shoved her towards the door, unlocking it.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I promised, giving her a hug. "Be good tonight, yeah? Try to serve all the guests exactly as they want. Leave no glass empty!"

"Y/N!" she shouted with irritation when she realised what I was saying, about to shove me, but I closed the door before she could.

I laughed as she glared at me petulantly, waving goodbye. Her lips twitched into a smile before she returned the wave and left for her party. I locked the door once more before smiling to myself like an idiot, already looking forward to getting lunch with her tomorrow.

————————

I'd only been to Kate's mum's place of work a handful of times, and it was usually to find Kate and pick her up for something, or meet her before coming to mine.

Every time I went, I felt out of place. At first, I thought it was because I was a kid and everyone there were grownups – very smart and capable grownups. But now I was twenty-two and I was beginning to realise that it didn't matter whether I, too, was a grownup because I would always feel out of place. Business professionals. suits, a 9-5, work meetings – all of that jazz wasn't my cup of tea. I never wanted that life and I was glad to not ever have to have it.

But it was what Kate was being prepped to work for, so I'd have to get used to it. And as promised, I went over there to meet her on her lunch break so we could eat together.

Just as I walked in and was about to approach the front desk in the middle of the entryway, I heard someone call my name and spun around to see Kate's mum, Eleanor.

Eleanor Bishop was a tough woman to crack, or maybe it was just with me that she was standoffish. Despite knowing Kate since we were kids, Eleanor never seemed too fond of me. If I ever went over to Kate's to hang out, she wasn't welcoming, but neither outwardly mean either, so I couldn't be certain if she liked me or not.

I wasn't sure if it was me she didn't like, or perhaps my background which was nowhere near as glamorous as hers. The thought of her daughter consorting with me was probably something she couldn't stand, but she'd never explicitly said that, so I couldn't prove it.

Nonetheless, she understood I was Kate's best friend and so we never talked much other than if Kate happened to have me around. So, technically speaking, the last time I'd spoken to or even saw her was when Kate left for university a few months ago.

"Eleanor, hey," I greeted with a polite smile once the older woman stopped before me. "How are you doing?"

She studied my figure briefly before nodding slightly. "I'm doing well. Just about to head to my office... can I help you with something?"

"Oh, er, well I'm here to meet Kate," I explained. "We're gonna get lunch together and catch up, y'know? It's been a while since we've seen each other."

She nodded, lips pursing as her eyes stared right through me without a hint of expression.

"It's great you've got her working here by the way," I continued, feeling like I had to fill the silence. "She was telling me about it and it sounds awesome for her."

Eleanor hummed in response, before finally saying, "You know, Kate is set to graduate soon."

Unsure why she was telling me that, I smiled with confusion and nodded. "Of course. It's amazing."

"And like you said, she's working here over the holidays," she continued, eyes never leaving mine. "It's an important time for her to get on track and learn the ways of the business."

Swallowing nervously, I nodded in agreement and slowly lost my smile.

"So, distractions aren't what's best for her right now," she said knowingly. "Surely you can agree."

It took me a moment to realise what she was implying, but with the way her eyes bore into mine expectantly, I put it together.

"I would never hold her back, Eleanor," I assured her awkwardly. "I understand that she has responsibilities. If anything, I completely agree that she should start stepping up and taking things seriously. I've worked pretty much all my life and I know how important it is to stay focused."

She tilted her head, eyes drifting up in disagreement. "It's hardly the same though. You work in a diner and she's on track to becoming the CEO of a multi-million dollar security company."

Well, ouch. Talk about harsh.

"I'm just letting you know, in case you want to think about what's best for Kate," she added in a cool voice, as if she hadn't just insulted me. "I know you care for her and so you'll do the right thing. Right?"

There was no other choice but to nod when she eyed me with anticipation. It was clear that I only had one option here, and she didn't need to explicitly say anything for me to understand what she thought of me. I wasn't good enough for her daughter, so I needed to go.

"Good," she said, before exhaling quietly and nodding to me. "It was nice seeing you, Y/N."

"Nice seeing you, too," I mumbled, eyes falling to the floor when she walked away.

A moment passed before my embarrassment caught up with me at what just happened. With a warning in the air and my insides shrivelling up with discomfort, I turned around and headed for the exit. Surely Kate would understand why I was cancelling if I came up with a good enough excuse.

"Y/N, hey!"

I barely had time to figure out whether I would ignore or answer to the sound of Kate's voice when she skidded to a halt before me, confused smile on her face.

"Hey, where are you going?" she asked, and I realised there was a small bandage on her chin and above her eyebrow, piquing my interest. "I have so much to tell you!"

As curious as I was to know what had happened between last night and now for her to have bandages on her face, I still felt icky from her mother's chat and didn't want to give said mother another reason to have to talk to me about her daughter's future.

"Sorry, Kate," I started, unable to meet her eyes. "I was going to text you. I was hoping we could reschedule or something. Something came up."

She paused, confused smile still present as her eyes tried to find mine. "What? I'll come with and help."

I shook my head, grip tightening on my backpack strap. "No, it's fine, you should stay here. I'll handle it. You must have some important stuff to be–" I resisted the urge to grit my teeth, "–to be getting on with."

Wanting nothing more than to get out of there, I attempted to step around Kate, but she sidestepped with me, blocking my path and forcing me to look up at her. I felt bad instantly upon seeing the frown on her lips and the excitement gone from her eyes.

"I don't understand," she said, shaking her head. When I didn't answer, she pressed her lips together, searching my gaze, before asking "Why were you talking to my mum?"

It was obvious that Eleanor wouldn't want me to share our conversation with Kate, and even if she didn't mind, I wasn't keen on doing so myself. It was embarrassing what she'd said to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was be embarrassed in front of Kate.

"I was just saying hi," I said with a small, forced smile, before hugging her quickly and adding, "I'm sorry, Kate. I'll owe you one."

Luckily for me, Kate didn't stop me as I left, and I was relieved once I was out of the building. Talk about awkward.

————————

THIRD PERSON POV

Kate stood standing by the rotating glass doors of the entrance to her mother's company for a moment, stunned at her best friend's sudden departure.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that her leave had something to do with her mother – it was always something to do with her mother – so once she recovered from her momentary stupor, her lips curled into a frustrated frown and she made a beeline for her mother's office where she knew she'd be.

Just as predicted, Eleanor Bishop was sat behind her desk, half doing her work at her computer and half eating the box of salad next to her keyboard.

"Kate, you know you should knock before entering," Eleanor said with a bored tone when her daughter let herself in. "It's good practice to get into."

Kate crossed her arms defiantly, cutting straight to the point. "What did you say to Y/N?"

Eleanor barely paused from her typing as she glanced over her monitor to Kate. "To Y/N?"

Kate was patient for now. "Just before, downstairs. You were talking to Y/N when she was supposed to meet me for lunch. And then she suddenly decided she didn't want to eat with me anymore."

"And you assume that her change of heart has something to do with what I said?" Eleanor asked with raised eyebrows.

"Unless she suddenly wasn't hungry anymore, mum, then yes, I do!" Kate exclaimed with disbelief. "What did you say to her?"

Sensing her daughter's irritation, Eleanor let out a deep breath before standing up and rounding her desk. She perched herself on the edge, facing Kate, and began to speak.

"Look, I know that this is an awkward time for you right now," she said in what was supposed to be a sympathetic way, but it only posed to annoy Kate even more. "I didn't anticipate you coming home and having to deal with so much at once."

It wasn't explicitly said, but Kate knew she was referring to Jack Duquesne, her fiancé. And under usual circumstances, it would've been a minor hatred for the man she was soon to have to call daddy, but as of last night and her findings that morning with Clint Barton, it was much worse than step-father-related problems.

Of course, her mother didn't know a thing, so she forced herself to stay silent.

"But this is an important time in your life whether you want to accept that or not, Kate," Eleanor continued. "You working at my company may seem a punishment, but it's an opportunity. For you to learn the business and–"

"–and shape up to become someone like you," Kate finished for her with narrowed eyes.

Eleanor blinked. "Is that a bad thing?" When Kate didn't reply, she sighed and resumed, "You need to stay focused on your work, Kate. You're not here for long, and you can't have outside distractions pulling you away from this."

"And what does this have to do with Y/N?" Kate asked, not caring for her mother's usual spiel about the family business.

Eleanor avoided Kate's eyes subtly. "Y/N doesn't understand this life. She and her family are lovely, but they are of a different background to you, Kate. To us. They don't know more than running a diner. And it's important that you surround yourself with likeminded people."

"You didn't...," Kate said, letting her arms drop to her side as her face scrunched into one of annoyance. "Please tell me you did not say this to her."

Eleanor's silence was answer enough, and Kate felt the guilt spread all over her with realisation. No wonder Y/N had left in a hurry.

"I can't believe you," Kate muttered with a frown. "I can't believe you would do this. You know she's my best friend. You know she means a lot to me. That I–" She stopped herself, swallowing hard. Her mother wouldn't know that, or wouldn't care to notice. "Are you trying to ruin my life?"

Eleanor rolled her eyes, standing back up to return to her desk chair. "You're being dramatic, Kate. She's still your friend."

Kate widened her eyes with disbelief. "Barely! Especially after what you said to her!"

Eleanor gave her a knowing look. "Are you done? I have limited time to eat my lunch before getting back to work. And by the sounds of it, so do you."

Clenching her fists with frustration, Kate glared at her mother before spinning around and leaving. Never would there be a time when she understood her mother, or vice versa. But for once, that didn't matter right now.

No. All that mattered was Y/N.

————————

YOUR POV

It had been two days since I walked out on Kate and I's lunch plans, and I knew it was unfair of me to keep my distance, but Eleanor's words kept ringing around in my head, making it difficult to be Kate's friend.

She tried to call me a few times, but I wasn't in the mood to speak to her. I wasn't even sure what I'd say. She tried texting, too, wanting to meet up for other stuff and just generally see me, but I busied myself with work and gave her last minute responses, making it too late to do anything.

It wasn't fair on her. I was being unnecessarily rude, but if what Kate's mother said was true, then Kate shouldn't be making time for me anymore. I wasn't going to be in her circles once she graduated.

Despite my distance from the archer, she was nothing if not persistent. And when I was serving tables at work in the afternoon, I looked up to the front door and saw her walking in, glancing around the diner before her eyes settled on me. I sighed, finishing serving the table before going to the front counter where the food was collected.

"Y/N," I heard her say, and she leaned against the counter, standing beside me and watching me patiently.

"Now isn't the time, Kate," I said to her apologetically, glancing at her.

As I was checking the orders for the next table, she spoke.

"I know what my mum said to you."

I paused, not realising Eleanor would have told her. But I guess it wasn't so embarrassing for her as it was for me.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry," she said with a gentle voice, resting a hand on my back.

I shrugged her off awkwardly, unable to meet her eyes as my embarrassment returned. "It's fine, Kate."

"No, it's not," she disagreed. "I didn't know she'd say that to you. I thought–"

"Kate! Is that you over there?"

Kate stopped when my dad's voice rang out from behind me, and he approached us with a bright smile on his face upon seeing her.

"Y/D/N, hey," she said with a small smile, looking to him. Her apologetic eyes flickered over to me before she returned her stare to my dad. "How are you doing? You look well, sir."

He laughed, joining our side and looking between us. "I'm great! It's been so long since I've last seen you. You're at university now, right?"

I exhaled impatiently, eyes closing briefly as they exchanged chatter about how Kate was doing. The two had always gotten on well – to be honest, Kate got on with both my parents, always – so it was easy for them to fall back into conversation. I wasn't directly involved in said conversation, but I couldn't leave either, so I stayed standing, forcing a smile and nodding along as my dad blabbed on about our life.

Finally, when he left, I was about to tell Kate that I had to get back to work, but she spoke straight away.

"Please, hear me out, Y/N," she said with a frown, eyebrows furrowed. "My mum is insane and it was so rude of her to say what she did."

"Maybe she's right," I said quietly, looking down shamefully.

She was confused. "What?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "We're very different, Kate. Always have been."

She scoffed. "We've been friends for like sixteen years. It's never been an issue before."

I gave her a knowing look, regretting finally meeting her eyes because she looked offended and upset. "And it wasn't a big deal then, but now we're becoming adults and I have responsibilities. So do you. They don't intertwine."

"Y/N, come on...," she said, taking a step forward. "You sound like my mother."

I stepped back, sighing. The last thing I wanted was to sound like was her mother, but it was hard to look at Kate and not be reminded of what her family thought of me.

"I'm sorry, Kate," I said, swallowing hard. "I should get back to work."

"Y/N." She stared at me with doe eyes, hurt and concerned and definitely tugging at my heartstrings. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"I'll catch you later or something," I mumbled, before turning to serve another table. She grabbed my arm though, stopping me.

Watching me expectantly, she let go of my arm, and I hated the sickly feeling in my stomach.

"It's embarrassing," I finally admitted to her, feeling my face heat up. "This whole thing. What she said. What she thinks of me. It's embarrassing, Kate. I hate that it's all I can think about when I look at you. How all I see is the future CEO of a multi-million dollar security company hanging out with–" I swallowed hard, tearing my gaze from hers. "With me."

"You know I don't think what she does," she said, trying to find my eyes. "You shouldn't be embarrassed."

I shook my head. "Well, I am. So, let's leave it at that, alright?"

"Y/N–"

"I have a job to do," I snapped, not meaning to sound so hostile, but the embarrassment was choking me now. I didn't want her pitiful glances or apologies, I just wanted to leave. "I just need some space, Kate. Please."

She nodded slowly, reluctantly taking a step back, and I was glad she was listening because I didn't have anymore fight left in me as I spun around to get back to work.

It was mean, I knew that, but maybe it was for the best. If I couldn't even be her friend without being enough, then it was entirely out of the question to ever think we could be more. And that was what hurt the most.

————————

A few more days passed since then, and Kate was surprisingly giving me some much needed space. She didn't stop by the diner like she had, and she was no longer trying to meet up with me, but the texting was still there.

I texted her, too, keeping it vague and brief as I tried to figure out what was going on with me, but she was always doing the most. She had so much to tell me and I didn't blame her since we never really properly caught up since she returned home, so she'd attempt to bait me over text, wanting me to ask for more details. And God, I was curious to what she was babbling on about, but again, all I kept thinking about was how it couldn't always be like this and how her mother may have been right.

Eventually though, Kate had had enough of my distancing because she called one evening whilst I was getting ready for bed, sounding very hurt and upset.

"It's not fair that you're doing this," she got straight to the point as soon as I answered, not even waiting for me to speak. "Ignoring me. Staying away. Pretending I'm not here."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead with discomfort. "Kate–"

"No, I don't care what you have to say," she interrupted angrily. "You clearly don't give a shit about how I feel. It's only about you and that's not fair, Y/N. You're acting just like my mother. Only thinking about yourself. Well, how about me, huh?"

The guilt I felt for ignoring her was rising as I listened to her rant, clearly upset and frustrated at the way I'd been treating her. In all the time we'd known each other, I'd never been on the other end of her anger like this.

"How about the fact that I miss you and I already don't get to see you often, and now that I can, you're pushing me away because of something my mother said and that I completely disagree with?" she asked rhetorically, and when I attempted to answer, she spoke right over me. "Well, fuck you, Y/N! It's not fair! You're not fair! You're not– you're not fair...."

My heart broke when I realised her voice was trembling, and when she fell quiet, I heard a soft sob on the other end of the phone. I'd never made her cry before, not once, and I never wanted to start.

"Kate," I said with a frown. "I don't– I'm–"

"Forget it," she said harshly, like a lump was stuck in her throat. "I just had to say that. Forget it."

Before I could speak, she hung up the call and left me sitting on my bed with a broken heart. I knew I wasn't being fair to her, but I'd stupidly never considered her side of things. I'd only thought about myself and my feelings, just like she'd said, and now she hated me for it.

No, I couldn't let her hate me for it. I had to fix this. I had to do something, make this right. I couldn't let her hurt over something that wasn't her fault.

If my biggest fear was that I wasn't good enough to be in her life, than now was a better than ever to come clean about how much I cared about her. If she didn't feel the same way, then fine, at least we could both move on. She already hated me, so it would be easy enough. But I owed the truth to both her and myself. No matter how terrifying it was to admit.

————————

As much as I wanted to race over to Kate's apartment as soon as she hung up that call, I knew it was best to give her some space. If not for her, then at least so I could go to her properly and attempt to make things right.

The next day, straight after closing the diner at the end of the day, I grabbed the bouquet of flowers I bought on my lunch break and headed straight over to her apartment to do the right thing – apologise and be honest about my feelings. Only, as soon as I got there, I was surprised to see it looking like a wreck of a building from the outside.

The usual loft that sat on the second floor was half burnt, caved in and charred from the outside like a fire had taken place. But that couldn't be right, could it? I would have known if her place had a fire.

With confusion, I turned right back around and began to make my way back home. She couldn't be living there, so giving her a call to find out if she was at her mum's place was my next move. It was late and the last place I wanted to show up at was the Bishop residence with a bouquet of flowers – Eleanor had made it clear that my presence wasn't welcome – but if she was there, then I'd have to.

Kate didn't answer my call as I walked down the streets of New York, so I was running low on options, knowing I'd have to try her mum's place since there was nowhere else she could really be. Beginning to make my way over there and practicing what I would say in my head, I rounded a corner and immediately got ran into at full speed by a stranger.

"Oh my God, I'm so– Y/N?!"

I looked up from my half ruined bouquet that was on the ground, surprised to see Kate herself standing before me. She was, oddly enough, wearing an archery uniform with her bow in hand and arrows on her back, and I was very confused to why she was running around New York at night dressed for one of her archery competitions.

"There you are," I breathed out, only able to focus on the script in my head. "Kate, I need to–"

"Not now," she cut me off, glancing over her shoulder quickly.

I sighed, frowning guiltily. "I know you're upset at me. But I–"

A gunshot rang loud into the air, making me flinch and widen my eyes with shock. Before I could process what was going on, Kate's hand grabbed my wrist and she tugged me the opposite direction.

"Come on, run!" she exclaimed, and I let her drag me around without bothering to turn around because something told me that we weren't being chased by the friendliest of people.

Our feet smacked the tarmac as we legged it down the street, breathing heavily in the process. Thankfully, Kate stopped by an alleyway between two buildings and pushed me in, following after me and motioning for me to duck behind some large bins.

She rose her forefinger to her mouth, signalling for me to stay quiet, and I gulped hard as her gaze held mine reassuringly. We stayed like that for a minute, until our pursuers ran straight past the alleyway, not bothering to look our way. It looked to be a group of armed men dressed in tracksuits, but I didn't recognise any of them.

My eyes fell back to Kate, who was catching her breath before me, chest rising and falling quickly. Compared to the last time I'd seen her, she was covered in many more bruises and littered with more cuts on her face, leaving me to question what the hell she'd been up to recently and who those men were.

"What the hell is going on?" I whisper shouted to her, eyes soaking in her injuries with concern.

"You'd know if you'd let me tell you, but you've been too busy ignoring me," she retorted bitterly.

I narrowed my eyes at her with annoyance, but she didn't say anything more as she checked over the bins with finality before sighing and standing up. I stood up, too, heart still thumping in my chest.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly, eyes looking me up and down.

I was still catching my breath as I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

She nodded, before her eyes lowered to my hands. "Are those– are those for me? You got me flowers?"

Almost forgetting I was even holding them, I cleared my throat and looked down to the sorry excuse of a bouquet. From when she raced into me and all the running around, only a few flowers remained in the bunch, and even those were tattered.

"Yeah, I got you flowers," I mumbled, flustered slightly, completely forgetting the fact that people had been shooting at us. "They were a lot better a few minutes ago when they didn't go through hell and back, but yeah. They're for you."

A smile curled on her lips as blue eyes met mine. "That's so sweet. You got me flowers."

Remembering where we were, my expression softened as I gave her a worried look. "Kate, what the hell was that? What happened to you?"

Her smile faded and her shoulders sank with my questions. "It's a long story."

"What trouble are you in?" I asked, my guilt intensifying when I realised that maybe this was what she'd been wanting to tell me this whole time, but I hadn't been letting her.

As if suddenly remembering that she was supposed to be mad at me, she crossed her arms stubbornly. "Forget that. Why are you here? I don't like you.”

I breathed out coolly. "I know. That's why I came."

She clenched her jaw, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "So? What do you want?"

I closed my eyes, giving myself a mini pep talk, before opening them and deciding to just come right out with it, despite our circumstances. "Kate, I'm in love with you. I have been in love with you for a long time. And when your mum said what she did to me, it hurt because I know I could never be enough for you. That's why I pushed you away and I'm sorry for that. It wasn't fair on you, especially when you didn't and couldn't have known how I felt."

She looked stunned at my revelation, jaw slackened and eyebrows raised above wide eyes.

"I don't want to be someone who holds you back," I continued in a quiet voice. "Ever. Friendship or otherwise. And so, I just wanted to tell you the truth tonight because you deserve to know. And if you want to hate me still, you can."

She pressed her lips together firmly, eyes never leaving mine. The knot of nerves in my stomach was tightening by the second, as she watched me with an unreadable expression.

"You're in love with me," she repeated quietly, still in disbelief.

I nodded slowly, not trusting myself to speak because the silence was deafening and her eye contact was making me insanely nervous.

"Please say something," I pleaded quietly, grip on the bouquet loosening in my grasp.

She swallowed hard before stepping forward and, to my utmost surprise, kissing me. Her free hand curled around the back of my neck gently, tilting my head towards her. I relaxed under her touch, returning her kiss and closing my eyes with comfort. Kissing her was like seeing the sun for the first time after a long winter; like drinking water after being thirsty for so long; like waking up after a well needed nap, restoring all your energy. And I never wanted to let go.

Unfortunately, we had to pull apart at some point, and my lips were tingling when she leaned back, half-lidded eyes meeting mine.

"I'm in love with you, too," she said above a whisper. "And I might die at some point in the next few days, so I had to do that."

And just like that, the moment was ruined.

"What?!" I exclaimed, stepping back with wide eyes.

She began to laugh, hand wrapping around my waist and tugging me closer once more. "I'm kidding! Kind of."

I was not amused. "Kate, what the hell?!"

Her smile was vibrant in the gross, dark alleyway we were still hiding in. "Look, we should get out of here and there's so much I have to tell you. And we should talk about... this."

I sighed quietly, too caught up in the fact that she was clearly in a messy situation to acknowledge that after so long, my biggest dream had come true. She was in love with me, too.

"Come on," she said, holding out her hand, and I accepted it, falling into step with her as we left the alley.

Any sign of her pursuers being nearby was nonexistent, but we still decided to go and get a taxi to God knew where to be safe.

"By the way," she said as we waited for a taxi to drive past. "I don't care if my mum approves of you in my life. You're in it for me, not her."

Well, that would certainty change now that I was no longer just a friend.

"She never liked me," I said, glancing at her. "Did she?"

Kate offered me a small, sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry."

I squeezed her hand tenderly. "It's okay. I'm sorry I blamed you for her words. I know you're not like her."

"I'm really not."

Cracking a smile, I saw she was looking my way with a softened expression. "We don't need her approval. This isn't the 1800s after all."

Her smile widened as she refrained from laughing, pulling me into her side and moving close to my ear. "That's exactly what I've been trying to say!"

I laughed, leaning into her side just as a taxi spotted us. I shouldn't have treated Kate how I did, but maybe it worked out for the better because I never would have had the guts to tell her how I felt otherwise.

Just my luck that she felt the same.

[lavenfrrdkeeper]

The Frerard theory

⚠️Make sure not to hate in the comments. If you're not interested chill out, go out!

This is a very important era. The fans started to really feel like it was actually happening. The evidences were getting much obvious, pretty soon they would tell us they were dating or something, right?

2007

If I chose to waste the past 10 years of my life to explain something, that would be that confusing year in my chem. There was no single moment these two weren't doing something onstage. Seriously, look at those pictures yourself and tell me if for an anti-homophobia message it wasn't too much:

Much weird, right? I mean. Not disgusting at all lol. But isn't it too much even for making the fans happy, to make homophobes mad, or anything else? There was not only inoffensive kisses, they were not even fast, and sexual things was happening too much. About the kisses, what's more interesting were those passionate ones:

Chronologically 1st one ->

2nd ->

There you could watch them doing it freely. Nothing to hide, nothing to care. Frank was single and so was Gerard. But why? Why when people asked them it turned into nothing? When it comes to the interviews there was only laughing and embarrassment (specially coming from Gerard).. They were playing with us? With each other? Pretty soon you'll see who got more played in this situation.

Interview 1

Interviewer: (...) Wants to know if Gerard sleeps naked

Frank: Yes he does

Gerard: No!

Frank: Well you did when you slept with me

Gerard: a literal nervous laugh.

Interview 2 (About the most famous kiss)

Interviewer: How it was to kiss Frank?

Gerard: oh it was like magic! Fireworks!

Frank on the background: hiding his face

///

Ending of 07's: Suddenly Wife!?

Let's not talk about her in specifical this time, but about what brought her into the fandom. Surprisingly Gerard appeared with a woman, and we heard they got married in December 3rd. But not only us but everyone else including the bandmates didn't know Gerard was even that serious with her since they were dating about three months until that moment, even them being old friends it was still too soon. Fans shocked. Some of happiness, liking her, her band and stuff. Others wanted to know what about Frank. Others just hated her because she was too possessive (still) but as I said this is not the subject.

That was an literal nightmare. Gerard and Frank just fought onstage after that, not sure If Frank tried to kiss or tackle him but Gerard got him rolling to the floor. Everytime I watch this I feel so much pain.

The fight ->

We can guess Frank was the only one who fell for him. Or Gerard wasn't brave enough to show off with him. It's very hard to say but deep inside Gerard can be an insecure guy looking for some rescue, something that wouldn't make him worry and get anxious like a gay relationship for example. Not saying he doesn't love Lindsey, but I can't say he doesn't (didn't) love Frank sometime. Personally i feel like it can't be that he didn't fall for him. Even Frank being the insistent one, You need two individuals to make a kiss, right?

Frank started to show himself in a depressed way. Like one time that he went to the backstage and started crying when Gerard was singing Cancer, like he couldn't stand up even for a inoffensive sad song. And more, There's a rumor that says Ray saw Frank crying in the bathroom (not sure where).

2008

Results: Frank was pissed. Like for real.

We never saw him this pissed before. We knew kiddo Frank. The crazy one, the eternal teen, the bone breaker. Now he was an literal adult.

As we all thought is the obvious, he got back together with Jamia and it didn't take long until he got married too.

With that, what a musician would do about it? Music, of course. First Frank started writing poetry (about Gerard) on his site on myspace called ftwwillz (which one he still used until 2013 or 2014), pretty soon he would use those lyrics to make his new songs. Leathermouth came with the most violently depressing songs, reminds a lot of Black flag, his favorite band.

2009

MCR was inactive. Frank started a new band of electronic-rock called Death spells. Full of those myspace lyrics as much as Leathermouth. I think Frank made this account for some of the fans see and believe what he says. What he feels.

All for today killjoys