#any day of the week any time or place

[notyetpretty]

[miwtual]

im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

[moonkhao]

hi.

[ratatatastic]

OH YEAH NO THATS GONNA HAUNT ME FOR AGES. MIKKSY SAYING PLAYBOYS AS HE PHONES INTO A FINNISH RADIO STATION COMPLETELY FUCKING PISSED

the whole exchange is so good (x)

[novelconcepts]

There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.

What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.

With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.

Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.

It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.

That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.

It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.

In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

[notyetpretty]

Swear i am in love with this man at the gym

[solarpunkani]

Ok fuck it you know something I've never really quite understood about part of the Leftist vs Liberals debate on voting.

So so so many people act like its either-or. Like you're either dedicating your entire life to voting and promoting politicians and phone banking or whatever, or you're a True Rebel waiting for The Uprising to Come and Solve Everything.

But like. In my experience. Me voting is just me kinda go 'which person seems kinda good? Which one at least sucks the least? ok lemme go vote.' and then its anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour tops of my life. And I still have plenty of time to do Stuff and participate in Conversations about Other Important Things. And also you can admit and acknowledge and understand that the system As Is kinda sorta really sucks ass, but also still admit and acknowledge and understand that at this current point in time we are still living in the suckass system and do something to alleviate the suckass At Least A Little while also working to bolster/create/advocate for Other Systems.

I guess just like. it's not a black or white thing. Between 'top 500 volunteers for a specific politician/voting office/etc' and 'absolutely positively not voting at all' there is a gray area called 'vote and then just do other stuff'.

[megumi-fm]

.

[joelletwo]

v theee [boring car selling in nc details] theee to junk ur car the company wanted me to go ahead and sign the title and leave the buyer info blank which is having an open title (bc if u drop it on the way to sell ur car anyone can pick it up and fill in their info and own ur car) and is like. STUPID illegal in nc. like people still do it esp in just third party-to-third party sales. and junker services do it so if they can sell the car again they dont have to deal with two transactions of paperwork and fees [<- which is why its illegal so nc can capture those fees]. but like. they shouldnt be able to tell me on their publically available site that they want me to break nc law

and also nc law wants me to get that title notarized which because of open titles being illegal. most notaries wont notarize u if the buyer isnt also there filling in their info.

most notaries are also. either like banks or other m-f 9-5 type businesses. or just some random person in their house. and random person in their house is more likely to break the law for me but i dont want to ask some random person to break the law for me

(the dmv will also notarize and anecdotally from reddit some of them totally will just shrug and let u do it with only you the seller/you the buyer there instead of needing both but thats arbitrary depends on getting someone who doesnt care lol)

AND also. even if im selling to a person not trying to get me to break the law just buying my car regular. and i work m-f 9-5 or we both work hours where theres no way to get us both in the same place and certainly not a bank or a dmv except like, sunday evening, when no banks or dmvs are open.

do we just go fuck ourselves????????? like what do they want. they want me to die?????? i think my government wants me to die and sterilize myself

[sparkly-skies]

@reserved-fruit thank you for the link to this video with Kris' heart ring (goes perfectly with Keep Me Grounded, Keep Me Calm, just saying 👀 do you like friends (Bojan and Kris) comforting each other and jokingly proposing while still being deeply serious about how important their friendship is? Go read this!).

Here's some screenshots to look at with me, why? Because I'm a touchstarved bitch and scream and cry at any sighting of physical affection. Thank you Bojan for providing enrichment in my enclosure.

Also this one. Because I see a mention of friends spending time together because they love each other and love spending time together, I scream and screech in missing my friends noises.

[semiotomatics]

lol. i think ive reached my limit.

[bluebellhairpin]

I'm getting to the end of my line over here.

[thecedarchronicle]

.

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

[front-facing-pokemon]