#anvilicious

[faxpaladin]

Buzzards circle over what was then the Waco Tribune-Herald building, 10 years ago today. Two years after I took this photo I was laid off; a year or so after that, the rest of the copy desk.

In 2021, the Trib moved out of this building, and over the next two years a red-brick newspaper plant was turned into the white-stucco headquarters of Chip and Joanna Gaines' Magnolia empire.

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

The programme has been criticised many times over the years for the heavy-handed way the writers tackled major social issues,

such as Geneva taking the decision to activate the bomb that destroyed the creature inside the Moon, which was likened to her aborting her own baby.

[kyliafanfiction]

I think my complaint about a lot of Trek’s anviliciousness is not so much that it is anvilicious, or that they’re dropping anvils (some anvils do need to be dropped) but rather that the writing seems so obviously aimed at the viewer.

Like, what I mean by that is I love it when my fiction is thought provoking, about moral, ethical, legal, philosophical, political, etc questions. I love it when characters discuss those things, or stories explore them.

But what I don’t love is feeling like I the viewer/reader/player am being lectured at. What I don’t love is feeling like the big speech the character is giving about whatever situation is happening in the story isn’t aimed at the other characters in said story, but aimed at me, the real person. That rips me out of the story entirely, and is just pointless didactic.

I want a story where characters having these conversations about right, and wrong, and truth and justice and how to live with eachother and so on and so on feel genuine and organic to the story. Like something these characters would actually say, something they would actually do.

And I want to feel like the characters are talking to eachother.

Not to me.

[clonerightsagenda]

I'm loathe to make this comparison because people throw out Discworld as a comp title way more often than warranted (and don't get me started on how every SF debut claims Murderbot as a readalike when it's not deserved) but if I could make the comparison once, I think Greater Boston is the closest I've seen to Discworld. It skins over the real world with a made up* metropolis and then uses that setting and its cast of interconnected characters to make a lot of observations about people and society that range from hilarious to profound and, frequently, both at the same time. One of the show's theses is first presented in a monologue about two Bigfoot hunters seeking the sublime and finding each other.

It posits ridiculous scenarios and then takes them seriously in the worldbuilding. It dredges up bizarre real world facts and spins them into something else until you're constantly looking up which bits of trivia are true. It's relentlessly optimistic about humanity and our capacity to care for each other while also being cleareyed about all the ways we as individuals and a society are currently failing. It's got a guy named Dipshit Poletti. I don't know what Terry Pratchett would have written about Brexit, but Greater Boston's take on the 2016 US election is the best I've seen. America's truest answer to Ankh Morpork right now is a city made out of trains.

I came to this realization while on my commute this afternoon but I now desperately want to see CMOT Dibbler in Red Line.

[nerianasims]

All the riffs on Romeo and Juliet that make it about teenagers in gangs are completely missing the entire point.

It's about older adults, specifically the men who own the city, causing young people to die for nothing but pride. Directly. Obviously.

[key-muses]

@anvilicious

the "eat while you still can" team

THE HUNGER GAMES: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS & SNAKES (2023), THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE (2013)

[irreverentworm]

I understand that dystopian sci-fi and spec fic is supposed to be about modern social issues but like. idk. as a didactic form it's just so boring to me. For someone who is already fairly knowledgeable about our current society's ills, it always comes across as baby's first social justice. I'd rather just read theory. just give it to me straight doctor. Perhaps I've simply outgrown the need/ability to appreciate dystopian fiction as a didactic form.

[theodore-sallis]

“Cry of the Native!” Fear (Vol. 1/1970), #16.

Writer: Steve Gerber; Penciler: Val Mayerik; Inker: Sal Trapani; Colorist: Petra Goldberg; Letterer: Artie Simek

[rei-ismyname]

Loser Husbands' first date

Leftist infighting is foreplay for them. Their discussions are clearly secret - I wonder what Gaby thought every time these two snuck off to talk genetics, politics, bigotry and shout at each other.

Magneto's proposal and the events taking place in Israel is pretty anvilicious, but some analogies need not be subtle. I also can't help but feel that Chuck really struggled to empathise with Magnus - his prescient conclusion about persecution - drawn from very recent personal experience during the fucking Holocaust should be impossible to refute. That's one of his biggest flaws, after all.

A trope that's rarely invoked with them is Star Crossed Lovers . Obviously Marvel is never going to be too overt with them, but they fit all the other criteria in such messy ways. Consider how many what ifs and alternate universes revolve around this first date going differently. Here's to 70~ years of their messy divorce being everyone else's problem!

[babybells123]

There is something so beautifully anvilicious about these quotes;

" I am a bastard too now, just like him. Oh, it would be so sweet, to see him once again. But of course that could never be. Alayne Stone had no brothers, baseborn or otherwise." (AFFC, Alayne II)

"The dream was sweet . . . but Winterfell would never be his to show. It belonged to his brother, the King in the North. He was a Snow, not a Stark. Bastard, oathbreaker, and turncloak . . ." (ASOS, Jon V)

Both Jon and Sansa are yearning for Winterfell and the feelings/memories/family associated -but both are intrinsically restricting themselves based off of their bastard status. The notion of Sansa being the only Stark (and character) to transition from a high-born noble lady to a baseborn bastard cannot be overlooked. (And then of course, the notion of Jon being the only Stark (and character) to transition from baseborn bastard to lord commander, cannot be overlooked.) Jon has risen to the top whilst Sansa has lowered to the bottom.

She (GRRM) makes the comparison to Jon herself, meaning that GRRM makes the comparison himself. this isn't something interpreted by fans - it is right there, explicitly within the text.

Sansa's desire to reunite with Jon is "sweet," it'd be almost like a dream come true. Jon's "dream was sweet" as well. But "Winterfell could never be his" and seeing her brother once again "of course, could never be" (possible).

And then later on in the text, Jon is offered the chance to become Jon Stark, and have Winterfell in name. Thus his decidedly unsubtle desire (that he dismisses as an entirely impossible dream) is fulfilled by Stannis' offer, even though he eventually rejects it in truth "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa."

There is also the quote that precedes Jon's "sweet dream," where he fantasises about a beautiful little romance with Ygritte; showing her a flower from the glass gardens, feasting her in the great hall, bathing in the hot pools, and loving beneath the heart tree. This dream is directly connected to Winterfell and is obviously sexually + romantically charged.

So whilst Jon's desire is partially fulfilled (even if he doesn't accept it) can we possibly assume that Sansa's simultaneously unsubtle "that could never be" may also be fulfilled? Since GRRM seems to really be beating us over the head with how 'that could never happen' from Sansa's internal monologue "no one will ever marry me for love" is reiterated multiple times (just you wait sweet one!) and Sansa desiring to reunite with her brother who she has modelled her bastardry after, who is supposedly the only brother left to her, is immediately dismissed by Sansa because she's accepted the fact that she'll never be with her family again, (and that she shall never encounter true love).

The connections only keep connecting!

So to summarise:

Jon & Sansa both have "sweet" dreams/desires that connect to Winterfell/family.

Jon's dream is sexually/romantically charged, involves a red-headed girl, and establishes Jon's suppressed desires as actually romantic.

Both Jon and Sansa are bastards in these contexts.

Both Jon and Sansa woefully dismiss these dreams/desires as impossible as "that could never be" and "it could never be his to show."

Jon's desire however is later offered on a silver platter by Stannis Baratheon, to which he mulls over and states that he "has always wanted it" (to be his). Though he later refuses Stannis' offer on the basis that "Winterfell belongs to Sansa" - twice over he says this.

Jon 'giving' Winterfell to Sansa is in direct contrast to Robb (Sansa's image of an honourably idealistic older brother) flat out rejecting Sansa's claim on the basis of her marriage to Tyrion.

Jon thus establishes himself as the only character who respects and protects Sansa's claim. Who does not abuse or exploit it. (Even though he was given the opportunity for it and it's been his innermost desire since childhood.)

In a way, this further conveys Jon as Sansa's unspoken, subconscious hero who is protecting her interests and instilling all those heroic ideals (such as the Janos Slynt situation) - though she does not realise it and has accepted that "there are no heroes" at all. But Jon is the true hero, hiding in plain sight.

So, whilst Sansa believes there are no heroes, Jon fulfils those ideals. Whilst Sansa believes no one will marry her for love, Jon exists as the embodiment of all the chivalric, romantic ideals that she's so desperately wanted.

Can we now assume that Sansa believing that she will essentially never see Jon again as entirely anvilicious as she will in fact see Jon again?

GEORGE I'M IN YOUR WALLS.

[kyliafanfiction]

What really annoys me about that episode where they go back to Earth to deal with Changeling infiltrators and Admiral Layton is the bad guy in the end is that... he wasn't wrong about the risk? He wasn't wrong that phaser sweeps and blood testing isn't a terrible idea, under the circumstances?

Like, maybe full on martial law and testing family members of starfleet personnel is going too far, but like, changeling infiltration isn't some imaginary threat, and if a Changeling had replaced the President, or a closer advisor of the same, or an Admiral or w/e, that could have gone very bad for the Federation. We saw what a replaced Martok could do with the Klingons, after all.

Like, the whole episode is a freedom/safety metaphor thing, but like... I think there's some room to consider some security measures? Just a little? Maybe?

[blogquantumreality]

Suggested ST: TOS Episodes to Watch

If you really don't want to go through all of the original series' episodes, here are fifteen I would suggest watching to get the big picture of the major aspects of TOS that feed into TNG, DS9 and so forth:

"Where No Man Has Gone Before" - as the pilot, this is self-explanatory. It shows us many of the major characters who we'll see over and over through the series, and shows how they react to a new phenomenon that threatens the mental stability of two crew members.

"Balance of Terror" - introduces the Romulans, one of two principal antagonist powers in the TOS era and which still has a sizable rivalry with the Federation in TNG/DS9.

"The Menagerie, Pt. I/II" - along with the original pilot "The Cage", this two-parter is noteworthy for giving us a look into the Enterprise's past when it was commanded by Captain Christopher Pike. It also establishes one of the few crimes for which the Federation has imposed a death penalty.

"Space Seed" - introduces Khan Noonien Singh and establishes one of the major cataclysmic wars of Trek's 20th century, the Eugenics Wars, with Khan as one of the principal instigators.

"Errand of Mercy" - introduces the Klingon Empire as the second of two principal antagonist powers in the TOS era, and also introduces the Organians who impose an armistice between the Klingons and the Federation, promising that one day they would come to see each other as allies.

"Metamorphosis" - introduces Zefram Cochrane, the inventor of the warp drive which is the foundation upon which TOS era spacefaring rests upon.

"The City on the Edge of Forever" - for sheer feels this episode cannot be matched. We meet Edith Keeler, a woman who strikes a chord with Kirk beyond friendship, and see the potential cost of accidentally changing history.

"Mirror, Mirror" - here, we see an alternate universe in which a different set of conditions took hold, especially on Earth. In this universe, humanity's darker traits are admired and upheld, leading to the Federation morphing into an aggressively expansionist empire that brooks no opposition. Noteworthy for the way it explores the differences and similarities between mirror and canon Kirk as well as mirror and canon Spock.

"Amok Time" - this episode gives us an in-depth look at Spock, some of his life story, and the planet Vulcan and its customs.

"Journey to Babel" - introduces Spock's parents :P

"Patterns of Force" - rather topical in today's world, it is an interesting exploration of how any fascist movement inevitably drives towards extremism and only heroic efforts can usually stop one once it has taken hold.

"The Trouble with Tribbles" - tribbles. 'nuff said. :P

"The Paradise Syndrome" - introduces the Preservers, which serve as a canonically convenient way to explain the wide variety of similar biospheres on many planets as well as the tendency for human or human derived cultures to show up in places known to not be warp-capable. It can also tie into TNG's "The Chase".

"Day of the Dove" - introduces the last in the trio of Kor ("Errand"), Koloth ("Tribbles") and Kang, and gives more perspective on TOS-era Klingon perceptions of the Federation.

"Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" - somewhat anvilicious as an allegory for the arbitrariness and futility of racism.

Honorable mentions include "The Savage Curtain", which introduces (Kirk's idea of) Kahless the Unforgettable, as well as "Tomorrow Is Yesterday" and "Assignment: Earth" as a loosely connected pair of 1960s Earth centered episodes in which unintentional interference by the Enterprise could cause severe temporal issues.

[invested-in-your-future]

You just know that if they do V10

The world will be painted as having been completely useless without the Heroic and Stalwart Team RWBY to GUIDE them. The Beyond Shorts will likely already anviliciously tell the audience that.

Raven and Yang will suddenly be besties and ALL LITERALLY UNRESOLVED ISSUES YANG HAS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN RESOLVED VOLUMES AGO will be once again forgotten. Inferiority complex? Masking her aimlessness with bravado? Rage? Who cares, everything is fine now.

Raven will come full circle being completely useless with a character arc that you could literally cut out and not miss anything (literally, Yang could have encountered her at Vacuo right now for the first time and NOTHING would change). Seriously if there was one character the show wasted the most it would have been all the mystery and build-up her character had only to end up...THIS.

Ruby will be fine and giddy now, having been "cured" from having traumatizing experiences and doubts, because this show hates human beings being human beings and the writers likely actively hate Ruby Rose and having to have her as protagonist of their Jaune Show.

Weiss will yet again have no subplot being the "Schnee successor" idea which completely ignores that the very concept of SDC is rotten to the core and built upon classism and exploitation.

Blake will continue not having any sort of plotline because anti-faunus stuff got "solved" by her "looting and burning speech" and she's uwu catgirl gf now.

Ozpin being a body-snatcher will yet again somehow be side-stepped.

They will absolutely somehow find a way to tell the audience how it's wrong to be mean to the rich colonizer people and how something something both sides, something something violence bad.

They will once again off-screen the important and interesting things like characterization or worldbuilding - all while spending screentime on Jaune or padding.

Bonus points if they STILL attempt to throw Jaune at Weiss because oh yeah this show needed even more bad writing decisions than it already has.

This setting deserved so much better than being whatever this is.

Yang and Blake deserved so much better than literally having no development or characterization for each other OR their relationship.

And Ruby deserved so much better than being a God-Chosen-Hero Prop that is not even allowed to have flaws or characterization or actual growth as THE PROTAGONIST OF ENTIRE SHOW..

[c0rpseductor]

genuinely i feel like ffxiv, clumsy and anvilicious as it can get, is constantly talking about applying philosophical frameworks to justice and the importance of establishing principles rather than acting on impulse and also the pitfalls of totally inflexible principles when the material reality simply does not align with one's expectations, and they do this all like they are explaining it to sixth graders, and there's still people who play this game who are like "well my knee jerk response was XYZ so that's clearly the only correct choice and this game is insane for making me not club refugees over the head like baby seals for being from a collapsed imperial power." i think xiv fans cannot read

[lehdenlaulu]

Okay, 40h in, some stray thoughts:

I keep going back and forth between 'oh it's not really that bad after all' and 'ugh why' basically. Every time there's actually a nice bit of writing etc. the frustration at some other aspect soon takes over.

I'm particularly not fond of the random faceless mook hordes that keep respawning in certain locations (seriously, DA2 was bad enough). Or the dumb pointless boss battles you have to do in order to unlock new areas in the Fade where your reward is... another boss battle. And more faceless mooks. And maybe some gear. And maybe more of Solas's tedious sob story if you're lucky. The ghost of the live co-op thing really keeps quite literally haunting the narrative.

Oh, and there's even a fucking gladiator arena. I'm guessing that was originally for PvP. And now it's just there just in case you didn't already get your fill of combat elsewhere. And wanted to ogle Isabela who now inexplicably wears only a bikini and thigh-high boots. Because apparently that's Rivaini cultural outfit now or something? Some pseudo-Aztec thing? Sure. Whatever.

Honestly, just imagine if they'd put as much time and effort into making sure the story is narratively sound and makes any kind of sense as a sequel to its predecessors as they did into crafting the combat system and the needlessly byzantine combat skill tree. *sigh*

I do really like the new exploration mechanics though. I like that I can strafe on narrow ledges and vault over fences and through windows and such. Not super fond that I can magically just use my absent companions' exploration abilities because of my mystical magical all-powerful MacGuffin, though. Guess some people really don't feel like changing their party composition ever. ��

And that's another thing. This game coddles the player way too much to the point of treating us like particularly dense toddlers. Not only are there tons of visual options that basically guide you by the hand and point out everything relevant (all of which I obviously immediately turned off) but the dialogue also will very unsubtly tell you what to do at every turn. Like... Taash, babe, we're both Lords of Fortune, I don't think I need to be told to check out if there's something behind the waterfall. And if someone is so new to RPGs to not know something that basic, they need to discover it for themselves, not have it spelled out to them. Honestly, I thought this game's age limit was 18, not 12.

Speaking of Taash and all things unsubtle... I feel like there was a way to introduce their struggle with gender identity in a less... anvilicious way. And maybe come up with some in-universe lore and terminology instead of just defaulting to modern real-world vocabulary. The codex entry in particular frankly felt like breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to the player. And I say this as someone whose own gender identity is pretty nebulous.

Frankly, I'm surprised someone hasn't already literally told Bellara she has ADHD. Yet. I'm guessing she and Taash are relatable to some players, but to me they feel... vaguely insulting, honestly, because it really is about as subtle as a brick in the face. I'm also getting the vibe they're both someone's self insert to some degree at least. Which isn't new for DA, but... yeah.

What else... Oh. Yeah. The less said about the main plot the better. Varric, this really is your worst book yet.

Speaking of Varric, it's pretty funny how he keeps telling Rook to please get some sleep. Sure, mate, would love to but a) all I get for a bed is apparently a bare divan in a room with a massive glowing aquarium b) every time I try to sleep some smarmy elf keeps mansplaining at me in my dreams. Which, you know, is something I shouldn't have in the first place as a dwarf. Maybe I should just start chugging coffee with Lucanis. (But honestly, only Taash and Davrin get to have actual beds, everyone else has to make do with cots, bedrolls, divans, and... an embalming slate??)

Oh, and I'll be really surprised if Varric survives this story. I mean, he's barely there in the first place and keeps talking like some ailing relative who secretly has consumption in a Victorian novel. I mean, his writer was laid off after all.

The pacing and structure of this game is extremely weird. The beginning was particularly rough, then it got better, but it's still a bit all over the place.

Oh, right. I'm fairly sure we were promised cool bard songs at some point. I haven't heard a single one yet. Unless that one street performer in Treviso strumming Enchanters counts, which I don't believe does. It was nice to hear it, though, as much as it was a bit contextually odd to choose that song in particular. Ah well, I guess Empress of Fire would have been even odder.

This is also the most forgettable Hans Zimmer soundtrack I have heard in my life. I can't think of a single theme or leitmotif off the top of my head, but the Inquisition theme on the other hand was instantly recognizable. I might say he's just new to writing video game soundtracks, but... dude's famous for his highly catchy, recognizable and evocative themes. Weird.

But hey! As much as I don't like the cartoony character models, the game is actually otherwise really pretty and has some really lovely visual designs in environments and architecture etc. It's also very stable and smooth for a brand-new game, I've only had one crash and two obvious bugs so far. That's always a big win for a studio. Too bad its actual problems are too baked in to be fixable with some patches.

Anyway, that's it for now. Lots of negativity, I know, but I actually do like playing this game for the most part. I just have to... not think of it as a Dragon Age, basically. Because for all the bells and whistles, or maybe because of them, it really doesn't feel like one. There are glimpses here and there of a great DA game it could have been, but unfortunately, the final result is a bit of a Frankenstein's monster of different and largely incompatible concepts hastily sewn together.

[random-thought-depository]

A TV channel in my area plays Star Trek TOS episodes on Saturday night, last week's episode was the one about how the writers were scared of hippies lol.

Anyway, in the episode they go the anvilicious route of making all the plants on that planet incredibly poisonous (and the hippies I guess too technophobic to wave a tricorder over a bush before deciding they want to settle there), but before they found out about that there was a line about the planet having no animals and, wait, even if the biochemistries were compatible, wouldn't a planet with no animals logically be pretty difficult for humans to survive on, especially if the humans are going to go full anprim and live as gatherers?

Obviously getting enough protein might be a problem. And I think there's some vitamin you can only get from animals? You only need tiny amounts of it IIRC, small enough that preindustrial vegetarian Jains were able to get enough from insect contamination in their food, but on a planet with no animals at all that would be a huge problem!

But also, no animals would logically mean no fruit, right? Fruit exist to entice animals to move a plant's seeds around for it. If there's no animals, there's no reason for plants to expend energy on growing them. Plants on a planet with no animals would probably mostly propagate by wind-blown seeds, and have seeds similar to dandelion fluff, small and very light to easily disperse in the wind.

That basically leaves tubers. Which probably would exist; they might be even more useful on a planet where there are no animals to plunder such rich stores of energy (though I guess there'd probably be parasitic fungi and stuff evolved to exploit them). On the other hand, on a planet with no browsers or grazers the main selection pressures driving the evolution of tubers would be winter, drought, and fire, so if "Eden" has a nice climate it might not have a lot of tubers either.

I don't think it'd look nice and pretty and park-like like the planet in the episode either. For one thing, I think, just like it has no fruit, it'd have no flowers except things similar to dandelion puffs; there'd be nothing to pollinate them. With no animals with eyes, there'd be no reason for plants to evolve parts with dramatic color contrast. Its vegetation would be rather visually monotonous, mostly greens and browns. But also, and more importantly in terms of its potential (or lack of thereof) for human habitation, that kind of lush but open park-like landscape is what you get when vegetation is being regularly pruned back by people or animals or fire or some combination of those things. I think a planet with no animals would have very different vegetation growth patterns, more like...

In areas dry enough for burning seasons, I think you might get a fire-adapted ecology where fire does some of what grazers and browsers do on Earth. With no grazers and browsers and the main selection pressure being competition between plants, you'd get a dense tangled profusion of growth and lots of slowly decomposing dead plant material (cause there's no animals to help break it down or prune the leaves before they get a chance to die and fall off, just bacteria and fungi). It'd probably be rather difficult for a human to walk through, a forest choked with a dense profusion of undergrowth and dead stuff; at least there are no thorns, and nothing like poison oak; with no animals there's no selection pressure for thorns or poison. In dry parts of the year, this accumulation of living and dead plant material becomes a tinderbox for wildfires. If a planet like this looks idyllic from orbit, it's cause you arrived in mid-spring/mid-autumn; come in summer/winter, when dry seasons are in full swing, and you would see huge wildfires and skies stained with smoke. The oldest and biggest trees are tough enough to usually survive the burning, but the undergrowth is cleared. After the burn, seeds sprout and saplings grow quickly, competing to take advantage of the cleared ground, quickly filling the forest back up with a tangled profusion of growth and an increasing accumulation of slowly rotting dead material, completing the cycle.

On the other hand, on the same planet, in the places with lots of rain and conditions favorable to evergreen plants, there might be forests of enormous trees with forest floors that are pretty open but rather dark, barren, and muddy, with most light being blocked by a dense cathedral-like canopy far above. They'd smell of mud and rot, as the forest floor has accumulated large amounts of slowly decomposing leaf litter fallen from the canopy far above and has a mostly decomposer-based ecology of fungi and bacteria that slowly feeds on that. This is an ecosystem of trees and rot, and the trees make no fruit, they reproduce by seeds like dandelion fluff, small and very light to float on the wind, and they don't even produce much of that; they live a very long time and reproduce very slowly, partially because they're Cronuses; their dense canopy starves their own offspring of light along with everything else. For all the green lushness of their canopies these forests are low-energy ecosystems, conservative ecosystems, defined by the almost total victory of ancient, mighty incumbents; these are the Cronus forests, the lands of the Cronus trees.

There's very little energy available to humans in these Cronus woods. Some edible mushrooms, maybe; that'd be about it. Very possibly humans simply could not survive here, except perhaps in tiny numbers and by living in almost hermit-like isolation and dispersal. The Cronus forests might be almost as hostile as the Sahara or Antarctica, a place where the likely fate of some unfortunate stranded human explorer would be to die of hunger lying on the roots of some sequoia-size Cronus tree that was ancient when Julius Caesar marched into Gaul, staring up into cathedral-like dense green canopy through which only a dim twilight illumination filters even at mid-day, their nose filled with the reek of mud and rot.

Humans might try to terraform the Cronus forests by opening them, but I think that might be quite difficult for low-tech humans. The obvious efficient strategy for attacking the Cronus trees would be to set fire to them, but fire would be one of the primary natural threats to the Cronus trees, and a strong selection pressure on them, so I expect them to be well-adapted to resist it, with fire-retardant chemicals in their bark, wood, sap, and leaves so they resist ignition, and with their sheer size protecting them. The floors of the Cronus woods would receive almost no direct sunlight and therefore be cool and probably damp, and they would have very little undergrowth; fire would probably not spread easily through such an environment. It might be more effective to set torch to the canopies, but they would be dozens or maybe even hundreds of meters above the ground; quite a climb, on a tree that's probably more-or-less a branchless trunk much of the way up, and you've got to climb back down after setting the tree on fire.

That leaves tediously timbering them one by one. With, say, Medieval technology, this might work! The Cronus trees look mighty and their rule assured, but they are actually quite vulnerable. They are slow. Their defenses are purely passive. They literally could not make a single motion to defend themselves as an enemy attacked them with steel saws and axes. And they reproduce very slowly; if they could be timbered efficiently, it would be easy to destroy them faster than they reproduce. An enemy that can think and move is an outside context problem for them, something that never existed in their environment and therefore something they are totally unprepared for. Humans with steel saws and axes might be very efficient killers of these ancient titans.

But steel axes are pretty high-tech if you think agriculture was a mistake. Without metal tools? Imagine trying to bring down a giant sequoia without metal tools, so the axe is something delicate like obsidian or bone, or it has to be very tediously ground to a blade, or you're basically trying to bring the (big and structurally strong!) tree down by bashing it to a pulp, and big saws are probably impossible. Now imagine having to do that over and over again. Imagine trying to clear a forest that stretches from horizon to horizon that way.

If very low-tech humans can inhabit the Cronus forests at all, I think it might be as, like, highly dispersed small families who move around constantly and rarely meet each other, living on the occasional patch of edible mushrooms or other tid-bit, cause there just isn't enough energy to support anything denser. And even then, they might have to stick to the edge, where other ecozones are accessible, cause, like, would mushrooms even have all the nutrients you need?

I mean, I guess there would be some kind of open woodland areas? I think a planet with no animals would have more forest than a more Earth-like planet with the same climate, cause you've removed a major inhibition on plant growth. Think of how places like highland Scotland used to be forested, but when humans with livestock were added to the mix it became more-or-less an open grassland landscape. I think you'd see a similar effect comparing Plantworld to a version of the same planet that had animals; places that would be marginally viable forest without browsers would be grassland or open woodland with them. But a planet with no animals is probably going to have areas wet enough for plants but too dry for forests, so it'll probably have some grassland equivalents. But...

... Grass in natural prairies often gets pretty tall, doesn't it? And that's with grazers. A grass-equivalent that evolved on a world without grazers would be more selected by competition against other plants. I think no selection by grazing but more selection by competition against other plants might favor more investment in individual stalks. And instead of looking like our grass, these plants would have a cluster of little branches and leaves at the top, for better light interception - and to shade and thus inhibit the growth of any rivals growing near their base!

So, maybe... The experience of walking in a grassland in no animals world is very different from walking through a lawn or even the kind of knee-high or less wild grass I see around the Bay Area. The grass is tall. It's taller than you. The stalks are thick too; finger-thick and hollow; it's more like a forest of young bamboo. It feels more like walking in a cornfield. And it's surprisingly dark. Each stalk has a little crown of small branches and leaves, and together they make a surprisingly dense canopy not far above your head. The effect is claustrophobic and eerie. It has a vibe a little like the Cronus woods. And that's not an accident; these plants are essentially much smaller versions of the Cronus trees; tighter constraints, similar strategy. This place replicates the Cronus woods in miniature. This is the Cronus prairie, the land of the Cronus grass.

This probably doesn't sound like a place you'd like. If it's any consolation, if the Cronus grasses had minds they probably wouldn't like you either. Unlike the Cronus trees, the Cronus grass is small and vulnerable enough to experience you, fast-moving muscles-having thing, as the outside context problem you are on its world. You move through the Cronus grass and break a stalk. What a calamity to that plant! All the energy and resources it poured into building that stalk, all that work, the work of its life, undone in an instant! Now it has no crown to drink the sun, and its luckier neighboring competitors will close over it, and it will die without ever having a chance to scatter its gossamer seeds on the wind. Or maybe it's a different, longer-lived sort of Cronus grass (Cronus grass and Cronus tree aren't species, they're strategies and niches), and in the soil below the base of the stalk, where the long-lived part of the plant lives, there is a tuber, from which it can pull stored energy to regenerate the stalk, but this only prolongs the failure cycle; that energy was supposed to be used to regenerate the stalk after the Cronus prairie burns in the dry season and is reduced to a horizon-to-horizon smoldering plain of bare earth and ash; now its energy stores will be depleted when the fire comes, and afterward it will not be able to keep pace with the growth and regeneration of its neighbors and rivals, and they will close over it and it will die.

Those tubers make the Cronus prairie the best place on this planet for humans to live. Some of the Cronus grasses are annuals and live only one year, dying in the fires of the dry season and leaving only seeds to continue their lineage, but many are long-lived, with root systems that survive the fires, and these all have tubers that store energy to regenerate their stalk after the burn. In the competitive scramble after the burn the advantage offered by such a pre-existing storehouse of caloric wealth is huge, and these plants evolved in the absence of any animals that might raid them. Think of the Cronus prairie as a vast field of turnips and potatoes, with multiple edible plants in every square foot of soil, stretching from horizon to horizon. Here, at last, is something like the promise of Eden; food provided abundantly by nature with no need to work the soil, simply waiting to be dug up, available in such quantity that there would be little motivation for hard toil or war. That is, if you don't mind a monotonous diet of bland and nutrient-poor tubers, every day, every year, almost every meal, from the day you are weaned to the day you die. Low-tech human inhabitants of the Cronus prairie would have plenty of calories, but getting enough protein and other nutrients to stay alive and healthy might be a very hard struggle for them, and they might often suffer from malnutrition.

The abundance of the Cronus prairie would also be fragile. The tuber-growing Cronus grasses are long-lived and reproduce slowly, and digging up the tuber would probably destroy one. All the defenses they use to protect their precious hordes of carbohydrates are against enemies as slow as themselves, bacteria and fungi and specialized "vampire plants" without chlorophyll; they are not evolved to deal with raiders with muscles and eyes who can simply physically dig up the tubers. It would be quite easy for humans to slip into harvesting them faster than they reproduce.

Imagine what life might be like for a low-tech inhabitant of the Cronus prairie, a few hundred or a few thousand years after establishment.

Your staple food is something like turnip soup (the stalks of the Cronus grass furnish the fuel for cooking). No animals in your world have yet developed the ability to breathe on land, but there are things a little like insects you can find in creeks and rivers; they are enough to supply your people with the nutrients you absolutely must get from animals. Your people wean your babies late, because mother's milk is one of the precious few foods available to you that is not Cronus grass tubers and is much more nourishing. You've learned to feed your children small amounts of human feces to establish the gut microbiomes they need to process food. Finding enough food that isn't Cronus grass tubers to get all the nutrients you need is a struggle, but you know if you eat only Cronus grass tubers you will get sick and die slowly. In fact, your people are chronically malnourished and chronically ill, but you live long and most of your children grow up anyway, because your world has few bacteria and viruses capable of infecting humans, so your immune systems don't have to be very strong. In a desperate measure to increase protein consumption, your people have incorporated cannibalism of the deceased into your funeral rituals (your people view the practice as loving and reverential and normal, not desperate; it is done only to people who have already died of natural causes and allows their flesh to still be part of the tribe while their bones are shallowly buried to nourish the Cronus grass). Water bugs and human flesh are the only meats you've ever tasted. It is the beginning of the dry season, and the sky is stained with high-altitude smoke from the vast wildfires already burning hundreds of kilometers to the north. Soon your people must move northwest to the island of barren rock that rises from the Cronus prairie or southwest to the Cronus woods; there is little food in those places, but the fire stops at their boundaries, and to be caught out in the Cronus prairie when the fire walks across it is death.

You know, if you're going with "hippies have an overly romanticized view of nature and therefore don't deal with it well," I think I'd kind of prefer this. Just making the plants on "Eden" super-poisonous is just kind of an arbitrary fuck you, but... "Planet with no animals and sufficient abundance that you can survive as a gatherer without much effort" is totally something I could see as a hippie fantasy; no need for hard toil or alienating technology, little temptation toward war, no dangerous animals that might hurt you, and no temptation toward carnivory. But it's an ecologically incoherent fantasy! You are also an animal! A world with no place for animals has no place for you! It will probably not be an easy world for you to survive on! Of course, it'd be difficult to portray this in a one hour TV episode; would probably work a lot better with a novel.

Also, you could flip this around: if you think about it, it's actually really weird that a planet with no animals has fruit (even super-poisonous fruit). Maybe it's not a natural wilderness. Maybe it's somebody's food forest.

Suggestion: "Eden" is actually a heavily gardened world maintained by one of those state-repelling cultures James C. Scott talks about. Its inhabitants are not humanoid and have totally different biochemistry from us, so the local food's perfectly edible, palatable, and nourishing to them. They mostly live as gatherers at a low level technology, doing the sort of proto-agricultural ecosystem engineering lots of hunter-gatherers do on Earth. They maintain just enough technology to tell them when a starship is dropping by. When that happens, they crawl into little hidey-holes and go into a deep hibernation, which makes starship sensors not register them as alive. They come out of hibernation a few days later or something, which is usually enough time for visitors with more galactic-normal biochemistry to realize the plants on the planet are poisonous to them, lose interest in it, and leave.

Something something people who reject the value system of settler colonial society but don't reject the terra nullius myth.

Also, I might use these ideas for a planet in my own sci fi, cause it has a premise that easily lends itself to such a scenario happening somewhere in it.