#and without giving it any thought
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xenascribbles Ā· 24 days ago
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i just had a wild idea
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factual-fantasy Ā· 19 days ago
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Just a heads up to new artists who might not know this: tracing people's artwork and posting it as your own is not okay. With or without credit, its stolen if you don't have permission.
This is why I continue to stay out of the Octonauts fandom and now probably will not return. Even months after leaving the fandom I'm still getting new art tracers and thieves.
If you absolutely have to trace and post it, just ask the artist first. If they say no then don't trace their artwork.
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heymacy Ā· 7 months ago
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
ā•°ā”ˆāž¤ ā€œAt times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if youā€™re living with this illness and functioning at all, itā€™s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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s0fter-sin Ā· 6 months ago
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codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and itā€™s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows heā€™ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he wonā€™t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost
he doesnā€™t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless
he wouldn't use them anyway
when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes
that's his johnny
he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave
frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information
just jokes; dark and puns alike
just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right
ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141
he's right where he wants to be
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mxfrodo Ā· 7 months ago
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y'all for fucking real. don't fucking write slave fics or x reader fics of aventurine's slavery??? are you guys out of your goddamn minds???
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finisnihil Ā· 17 days ago
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One HSR theory I don't really vibe with is that Ruan Mei will become an Aeon and my main reason is that it would antithetical to her character.
Ruan Mei is first and foremost a scientist, she wants to understand the nature of life and she purues this aggressively. Sure, on the surface, it does seem she would become an Aeon. She literally is trying to create an artificial Emanator. However, as a scientist, her entire character is built on change. Life thrives on because species evolve to suit their environment. Science itself it constantly changing as we grow and broaden/sharpen our understanding of things.
Aeons are inherently stagnant beings. Tail confirms as much in the 2.5 event, "Even the Aeons must walk their paths". To be an Aeon is to become the embodiment of a single concept, to pursue a concept so aggressively and to devote so much of yourself to it that it consumes you and removes your humanity to make total room for it. Lan can never kill Yaoshi because Lan's entire ascension can be simplified to wanting to kill Yaoshi. If Lan kills Yaoshi, Lan's path of The Hunt crumbles with the conclusion of that hunt. Nanook is so devoted to destruction they welcome the destruction of themself.
This is why Sunday becoming an Aeon would've been a tragedy, it was a cage he'd never escape from and us defeating him before he reached that point was supposed to parallel the charmony dove of his childhood crashing to its death after being set free.
Ruan Mei couldn't be an Aeon because it would make her a stagnant being and a stagnant being cannot understand life, life changes too much and too rapidly for a stagnant being to understand. This is literally why Yaoshi is the way they are. Ruan Mei would just become Yaoshi.
If any member of the Godslayer Protocol were to become a new Aeon of Life it would be Luocha. This isn't just my Luocha bias talking, the man is possibly an Emanator of Yaoshi.
Emanators, as beings who can access an Aeon's power and be seen as a vessel of an Aeon, are half stagnant. Acheron must remain stagnant because if she doesn't, she'll be devoured by IX. Self-Annihilators aren't in battle to escape IX, they're in a battle to stay as far as possible so IX doesn't consume them, trying not to be dragged even inches closer. Phantylia is a very flexible entity but her stagnation is only being able to invoke destruction from the inside, she always fails in approaches of direct destruction.
If Luocha is an Emanator, part of his stagnation would be his emotion. Mara is based in emotion, with extreme emotion causing major flare ups. Blade and Jingliu manage their emotions and the memories related to control the Mara. Luocha rarely shows extreme emotion, he's perpetually calm and unbothered. The few times we do see extreme emotion, like in his voice line about Yukong, it's abruptly cut off and the tone becomes comical or confusing because he reigns it in so violently.
If anyone were to replace Yaoshi in a bid to reduce their harm, it would have to be Luocha, who harbors a love for life but a hate for Yaoshi's approach to it. Luocha would become stagnant in a way that deviates from Yaoshi's path. He has a ton of Jesus parallels, it would fit if he martyred himself to his god in this way to save those suffering.
Ruan Mei loves life and the study of it too much to ever sacrifice that for Aeonhood. Her Emanators will always be artificial.
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space-sheep08 Ā· 2 months ago
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Actually so tired that people mainly focus on the bdsm when they talk about La Pianiste when we literally have this dynamic right here. Like, that's insane.
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What if you were a little girl in her 40's who couldn't grow up because of your mother-wife who made you sleep in her bed and forced you to repress every sexual desires and thoughts of becoming your own person just to keep you close to her ? What if you fought back and yearned for dangerous things out of her reach ? But also, what if you let her because it's all you've ever known and been taught to want ?
#these two are so entangled with each other and in the roles they play#(mother and daughter. husband and wife. prodigal or ungrateful daughter. adoring or mocking mother)#that they cannot handle it when something else is thrown into the mix#There's no space left because they fill all the roles in each other's lives.#but at the same time they never give the other exactly what she wants#The fights never last. Erika will never live up to her mother's ambitions. And her mother will never give her any form of affection which#might satiate her hunger for love. And so on.#They are deeply imperfect- Love and Despise each other but they could never bear the thought of being separated#When I read the part in the book where Erika talks to Walter for the first time and all she wants is to go back into her mother's womb...#you can't make that shi up#when people talk about toxic yuri that's what they could mean but unfortunately we live in a society#gradually learning to accept the person I'm becoming who would've been burned at the stake by my younger self <3#been having so much thoughts about this film once again. And I know that nothing written here is new but I'm a little sad no one really#talks about this relationship online since it's really the heart of the story for me#Of course everything happening with Walter is important. But none of that would be there without the mother-daughter situation#la pianiste#the piano teacher#haneke#sheep stuffs#isabelle huppert#also I'd kinda get it if it was another film and it made people too uncomfortable to talk about it. but I mean this is literally La Pianist
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puppyeared Ā· 5 months ago
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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cassandracain52 Ā· 5 months ago
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Dick gave Robin to Jason
Ok so I was reading up on some of Jason Toddā€™s original origins (I couldnā€™t remember a specific detail) and it was all stuff I was very familiar with
Until I got to Batman 1940 issue #368
Where we see Jason Todd wearing not the classic Robin uniform but this
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Which first of all
He had pants
And second of all what those two are doing in this panel is discussing what new name Batmanā€™s partner should have instead of Robin. Because when Jason first shows up as Robin in Batman 1940 issue #366, it wasnā€™t Bruceā€™s decision
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Bruce is surprised to see him (mostly because at first glance he thinks Jason is Dick but I digress)
and more than that he actually gets upset that Jason put the costume on in the first place. Because it wasnā€™t his to take
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Bruce proceeds to explain that he refuses to allow Jason to steal Dickā€™s identity because Robin belongs to him
Hence the need for a new identity
Itā€™s in the middle of them discussing this that Dick shows up with a box in hand, asking Jason how heā€™s doing and starts talking about how he felt when he first became Batmanā€™s partner. He then tells them he saw Vicki Valeā€™s photo of ā€œBatman and Robinā€ stopping the Joker
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Jason immediately apologizes, saying that it was never his intention to try and steal Dickā€™s identity. But itā€™s Dick that stops him and tells him that itā€™s ok because heā€™s no longer Batmanā€™s partner and that heā€™s done trying to be like Batman
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He talks about how heā€™s the leader of the Titans and that itā€™s time his name reflected the fact he was no longer Batmanā€™s partner
Itā€™s then he finally opens the box that he came in with to reveal the Robin uniform
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He proceeds to then give it to Jason and more than that tells Jason that he deserves to be Robin and that he explicitly gives Jason permission to use his identity
He then leaves saying he has to get back to the Titans and that he has to figure out what he wants to be next
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but not before calling Jason ā€œRobinā€
There was no big betrayal or fight, nothing was stolen(permanently anyway).
Dick gave Robin to Jason and then left on peaceful terms
Now obviously this version of the story has been long since retconned and rebooted a dozen times over, but I still found the fact that Dick had originally given the Robin mantle to Jason very interesting
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cryptic-underground Ā· 1 month ago
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Decided to draw him in my style since I'm still struggling with the show's style, heh. I should probably sit down to do a proper study one of these days. But I'm happy with how this turned out! Still getting the hang of using an iPad (I was gifted one in my art absence on here, so no more phone drawing for me unless I'm posting old stuff).
I also have a doodle page that I did before this, and a comic:
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Image #1 text:
"Okay, either Sixer used his nerd brain to make some science glasses, or all those punches ta the head are finally catching up to me."
*Can almost see clearly.*
*Gave him my astigmatism*
*Drew him in my style*
Image #2
"???"
"You forgot the eight, Sixer."
"Oh, thank you, Stanley!"
"Wait, WHAT."
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moongothic Ā· 1 year ago
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The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people
Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer
But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.
No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.
But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck
So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???
But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery
Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus
What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV
Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)
But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.
But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy
So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)
Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic
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-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?
Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???
(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)
I just.
There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.
And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one
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moeblob Ā· 2 months ago
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son boy raccoon trash can man suffering in a dnd au as a cleric bc his warlock will not stop committing murders and he has to keep coming up with reasons murder is valid to convince the gm its fine and under control
#my characters#oops i fell in love#right is trying his best in the au to think about all the logic behind killing someone despite being a cleric SPECIFICALLY#bc he refuses to hurt anyone irl or in dnd and ok fine their warlock can have a little murder as a treat#and the body count is adding up and hes like ... so tired..... please can you not kill for five minutes im running out of excuses#fwiw he has the weird logic of the group in the base plot and the guy who is the gm here#is v open about ok but if we ask right then hell give an unhinged answer completely thought out and rationalized#and in fact asks him hey i know you refuse to hurt people but im having a debate with these two coworkers#if you had to commit a crime for aaaaaanyone on the planet who would you commit a crime for#and he doesnt even hesitate to say luca obviously to which the asker is like WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER#YOU WANNA MARRY HER AND WONT COMMIT A CRIME FOR HER? but LUCA? of all people???? not even brent?#and right is just so confused because first off brent would probably be the one committing a crime for him without being forced#(brent agrees with this statement with a shrug) and second off luca has really weird coworkers and thought he was getting stalked for a bit#due to a misunderstanding with said one weird coworker so yeah obviously right would threaten the guy with a gun which is illegal and#third and final how could he face his beloved angel (the daughter mentioned above) if he was a criminal#he cant tarnish a sweet little innocent girls opinion by committing a crime IN HER NAME gosh fuck off with that attitude#he has STANDARDS thank you very much#and the three at the table are all like okay yeah that was really thought out on the fly youre right#also brent do not commit any crimes for him please and brent just nods in agreement bc ok he wont commit a crime unprompted#also hi animal crossing emotes are so fun to doodle for bye#once again i am baffled by how different the colors look on my laptop in the art program vs posting to tumblr#im going to go insane at how different they look#IM COLOR PICKING FOR MY OWN OCS AND ITS SO WRONG LOOKING IDK MAN
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starry-bi-sky Ā· 10 months ago
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How i envisioned Danny's ghost form/Phantom in my Danyal Al Ghul au (images at bottom of post). His ghost form has some pr heavy influence from the League, because I thought it'd be neat + to kinda show how even after four years, the League still had some kind of impact on who is he as a person. Plus some milder Robin influence in his boots and the cape (which i meant to be split down the middle to have some kind of 'bird wing' silhouette) as a way to indicate his lingering desire to meet his dad.
The pauldron lookin-thing on his upper chest is based off certain Danny Phantom designs I see that give him that white,,, marking,,, thing. I've been calling it the Jedi Chestplate because it reminds me of the clone wars Jedi armor. So like, slight homage to his hazmat suit.
(not pictured: his thermos and his sword)
behold! the judgmental lil shit (affectionate) himself
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into-the-feniverse Ā· 7 months ago
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Modern/Tattoo Artist Touya šŸ–¤
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thefrogdalorian Ā· 6 months ago
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I think on this fine Saturday afternoon it's a good opportunity to take a breather and remember that there are really no ethical paparazzi pictures. Every single one is inherently exploitative.
Just because photos were taken on a movie set, when someone is 'working,' does not make the practice any less invasive and creepy. Imagine just going about your day, doing your job and having some weirdo snapping pictures of you to sell without your consent for others to endlessly repost online.
There are thousands of pictures of your favourite actor online already. Plenty taken with his knowledge and consent. I'd really like to see more of them on my dash, rather than the creeper shots.
And don't get me started how disseminating these pictures directly leads to people going to said sets. What starts off as admiring how good someone looks has real world implications.
No, hanging around a movie set and disrupting people doing their jobs is not harmless fun or a way to show your appreciation.
If you hang around a movie set, you are a stalker.
Don't tell me that it's okay to take your online admiration for someone offline. You may admire him but he does not, and will never, personally know you. He will never be your friend/boyfriend/daddy. He is a stranger.
The only way meeting your favourite actor is going to happen is at a convention or maaaaaybe a movie premiere if you're incredibly fortunate. You know, places they appear specifically to meet fans (or not in the case of premieres, where the purpose is to promote a movie. Which is also completely understandable if actors don't stop. You are not owed an interaction).
Of course, you cannot help it if you randomly run into someone you admire in the wild. Even then, consider that they probably won't be all too thrilled to be approached in public by a complete stranger. It's up to you to gauge the situation, but remember there is a person at the heart of all of this.
Boundaries and respect are a kindness which deserves to be extended to each and every human being regardless of their looks/talent/fame/wealth.
Fandoms blur those lines a little too often for my liking and I think just scrutinising what you're interacting with, or what behaviour you could be possibly falling down that slippery slope towards is nice to do every once in a while.
I mean no malice with this post and it is not directed at anyone in particular. It's something I cannot help but feel strongly about because I've seen this destructive cycle time and again in fandoms over the years. It's not healthy and it makes us all a little bit more disconnected from our humanity for it...
#not naming names but....... screw it#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#accepting you will never interact with or meet this man will set you free from misery and jealousy i promise#he's great! if you think he's great watch another movie! write about a character! edit some photos of him! make gifs!#there are many MANY ways to engage with his work which don't include reposting creepy invasive photos taken without his consent#it's bs that this is just 'part of the job' because WHY... why should it be any different than any other job??#i know we always venerate talent and put people on pedestals.... that's a tale as old as time#but seeing him blow up last year was wild to witness and some of the behaviour from newer fans is very disheartening to see#he's just a human who poops and farts and is a dick sometimes like the rest of us. let's not treat him like a god thanks#spud rants#a lot LOL#i've bottled this up for a bit because the way this developed in real time to people actually going to the set is. what#and don't 'if pedro was in your city' because NO??? i wouldn't STALK SOMEONE? there's 0 justification for it#i have far better things to do than stalk people#i may be an autistic flop but i'm not a CREEPY STALKER autistic flop thanks x#anyway like i said this is truly not @ anyone in particular and i don't think you are a terrible person if you interacted with the photos#but please just remember there is a person at the heart of all this#a very talented and attractive person yes... but a person all the same#i would truly hate to be famous it gives me so much anxiety just the thought of the constant scrutiny#good thing i never will be LOL#fandom wank#discourse
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geospiral Ā· 4 months ago
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I like the idea that Ivan originally had a different name before he got captured and put into the system to be adopted, or before Unsha chose ā€˜Ivanā€™ to be his name.Ā 
He isnā€™t able to remember what it was, however (actually, he doesnā€™t remember a lot of what happened when he was on the street; his memories of that time looking as if they were trapped behind thick, frosted glass). But heā€™s certain that someone did give him a name at some point, specifically another human. A parent he canā€™t imagine? Or maybe just an older person who stayed with him until he could fend for himself, someone who he doesnā€™t recall? It wouldnā€™t have been hard for him to have lost his original name, given that there wouldnā€™t be any other human with whom he would have stayed long enough with for it to be of use, always opting to just call him ā€œboyā€ or "child.ā€
Ivan is used to feeling as if his humanity is only ever able to be drawn out by other people, as though he isnā€™t able to do it himself, and as though the fact that he is of the human race isnā€™t enough of a qualifier. So he canā€™t help but feel guilty; why didnā€™t he try holding onto that facet of himself even if it was something that no one would ever call him? A name that may have been given to him out of genuine compassionā€”how could he have just thrown it away?
Ivan can be a sentimental person, so I think the idea that he lost a piece of himself when he already feels so fractured as a human would have him in a silent upset, at least for a little bit.
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