#and while im not completely over her
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now I'm just sad. thanks spotify.
#jinx's hijinks#i wasted so much time#on him of all people#i deserved so much better#i wish i could go back in time to a year ago and tell myself that every decision hes making right now is awful#i shouldve dumped him as soon as i found out she had feeling for me#i couldve had a good relationship with one of my favourite people#and while im not completely over her#thats not the issue#im grieving#the time that i lost#the space he occupies in my head#i lost so much of myself last summer#i had to practically rebuild myself from nothing this year#maybe im grateful for that as i actually like who im becoming#but i wish it didnt take being abused to get here#i just wish someone stopped me.#he took advantage of me in so many ways#and he still gets to walk around doing this to every other partner he has#hes had 4 other girlfriends since me#all of them were treated the same way i was#some of them even worse#but their stories arent mine to tell#i just wish that something would hapoen about it#i cant keep trying to warn every girl who goes hus way#bc it never works#it didnt work for me#it didnt work for any of the others#we all shouldve ran when we had the chance#anyways
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bear with me here because i'm gonna ramble about something i've been thinking about for a while... and i'm not complaining, i'm just noticing
sometimes i think we've leaned so far into the vigilante side of the batfam that we miss out on what really makes their characters: detective work. we need more mysteries in their lives that don't lead up to some big bad "we already know who's doing it" or an "end of the world" or "yet again: this fucking guy." we need more stuff where spy movie music plays in the background and dumb adventures that don't lead up to some huge grand event with a big name villain. the shock factor stops being shocking or interesting in any capacity if we're like "Gah! the Joker! ... Again!" or whatever
does that even make sense? like "yeah sure they're blowing up a building again and there's hostages. oh look they're gonna poison the water supply." these aren't bad and that's not what i'm getting at because obviously this is a classic for comics. you need to have characters/antagonists that show up more than once and who can make a story better by being in it. and i did say to bear with me- that's because im tired. so like i hope im getting this across the right way? it's just that sometimes i don't wanna see a huge explosion, i want these motherfuckers solving a regular murder or a disappearance or regular corruption in a local office without it being tied to a grand reveal like "actually this person knows you as a long lost relative" or "they were at that circus can you guess which night they went?" that kind of thing? if you get me? like... more of the small time stuff makes the big stuff important, it makes it stand out more. at some point, the format gets repetitive even if you're switching up the villains. you can make these situations/mysteries still fun to solve for the characters and fun to read for the audience if you do it right
the concept of a detective dressed as a bat and having a sidekick in traffic light colors is inherently goofy as hell??? but that is what is so charming about it??? i think we have lost the balance between them being silly while also being intelligent with important conversations that criticize the world as we see it and teach lessons and can go over dark topics. nowadays it's always end of the world problems or just straight up the most gruesome true crime you can think of?? or they can ONLY do the dark stuff and the criticism without offering a balance of the good in the world. or we keep coming back to the FUCKING JOKER-
like yes they are vigilantes and with that comes a different level of their work, but their brand should be a mix between a black and white detective film that can get very nitty gritty and a classic spy movie, that kind of thing. at the end of the day, it's what makes them so different from the superheroes. that's what appeals to me.
seeing them in the big superhero groups is fun, don't get me wrong. it's always funny to see them standing next to people who are so powerful they never really fit in with anyone but each other, who chose to step up and use their powers for good. the Bats' specialty is Gotham and yet here they are stopping a god or whatever. and they do stop the god or whatever, all the while being an important leader and strategist to their teammates. they're important to have in these cases. but if there's a world ending event every time i pick something up, it's not as fun
the fact that they are so very human and not fantastical is why i like reading them. it's what makes the joke of people, even Gotham citizens, theorizing about them being cryptids, funny. they're fucking weird but that's because they're detectives. people who love to solve mysteries usually have a fatal flaw of curiosity. they forget the bounds between social interactions sometimes because they're used to working through problems or being intertwined with partners that understand them. but they're very much human. so human that it hurts them in many ways. and idk i've just been thinking about it lately and idk what point i'm trying to get across actually
it's just that in my eyes that's how it really is for Batman- a black and white movie narrated by a very serious man who took up a job to help people, one that has a deeper commentary on the world and viewed outwardly as pessimistic but actually has a deep hope for his city and who tries to help even the people who have wronged others. He's a stationary man in the belief that him being a constant can serve to soothe others and help them move forward. He stays in the middle of the path so he can tell everyone what is up ahead. he blends into the Gotham rainy night to serve justice but in a way that saves both the victim and the perpetrator. (the way he tucks a Robin into his cape is the same he does for Gotham with his mere presence.) and his background is actually so important to his story and yet people still somehow gloss over the lesson from it? he lost his parents because of a man who was on the opposite end of the spectrum to where he was in life. and yet he chose to help the people like the man that killed his parents. he could have done anything else with his power and money, but he instead is choosing to bring as many people up with him as he can. He's Mr. Serious that no one else can get a read on. and yet he walks into a room and he's already piecing together your life and what you're going through because he thinks it matters. he comforts people who have lost something or someone or themselves. I picture Batman and I don't picture a man trying to save the world, I picture a detective walking around a crime scene and trying to save at least one person every time he puts on the cape. and he put on the cape and became a vigilante because then he could go out of the bounds of what laws have been set up- and specifically, Gotham has other people in power who are corrupt, keeping the system that way. that's why Batman being a billionare and throwing himself into helping people at the risk of his own life is so important. he knows that if you are alive, you have something or someone to lose, no matter who you are. the dude is a bleeding heart but he doesn't know how to express it, in fear that if he gets too close, if he moves down the path with them, he'll be lost again
and then he's met with someone who should be a complete opposite, but isn't at all, because they're two sides of the same coin. his partner in crime, his son, a boy that is nothing like the black and white world that he sees. and that's the point in his life where he first sees that potentially getting lost is worth the risk. Robin is color and passion that needs guidance to move forward, but can not do so unless the stationary man learns to move with him. the kid is loud and reckless and you'd think he's from a different genre from the detective but they aren't so different, really. not when you look close enough. Dick grew up moving from place to place and seeing the world, knowing so many different people from different cultures. He's been learning to fly and jump and embrace the free fall his entire life. He's clever and he's sharp, and he thrives in the action and adventure. it's that perspective that compliments the stationary man. one is steady and the other pushes. he's the same genre but a different generation. and Batman introducing him to the way of life he chose for himself was another way he could save someone. because let's be real for a second? Dick would have gone down a very dark path had he not had Bruce, who understood, who saw not just himself in the kid but also saw who the kid has been his entire life until now. he saw Dick's parents, he saw the family he had in the circus, he saw the joy he had in what his family was doing. he saw the grief and the fire and the color that Dick's world was made of. because to Bruce, it always matters. Dick had to come to terms with Bruce's perspective to help anyone who they come across, to always give more chances, and it kept Dick from losing his color
what gets me is that the man who lives in the black and white world can actually see many different shades of gray (because black and white always needs the medium), whereas the boy in a world of color and light can get so focused on the bright that he can become single minded. and yet the boy sees a world of color and delves deeper into the lives of the peolle they come across and can be much more open minded, and the man in the black and white world sometimes forgets the shades of grey are right there. they are just like each other. they can exist without the other, but do they want to? because the black and white can be built up into the colored image, like the inking and shadows drawn on a comic book page before the colors are added in. they meet in the middle to complete each other. Bruce has been passing the story over to the next generation for a long, long time, even before his story was complete. and just like with the first Robin, it was so for every Robin afterwards. they each color in the lines differently, but that's what makes Robin so special, so unique. they are an art style that branches into their own life, but can not forget where they started: tucked into Batman's cape and the inky black of his world
and so detective work really frames their hunanity to me. the mysteries they get their hands on, the glimpses into the lives of Gotham citizens that they swore to protect, it's fascinating. it's what makes their story stand out compared to the people who can lift trucks or cast spells or run around the world in seconds. so yeah ig that's what i'm trying to say? that i want to read more of that? in both canon and fanon. cause even the small time villains we see can be like. AWFUL people and it takes out the fun of their gimmicks. and if it were any other day this would be a more coherent post but alas, it is not any other day
#tldr: we need more filler episodes#/hj but also /srs#erinwantstowrite#batfam#batfam fanfic#batman#batman comics#canon and fanon#in my eyes#bruce wayne#dick grayson#it's like that quote#“if you want to write about the impact if war you do not write from the government's perspective#you write about a little girl's shoe in the rubble of her home.“#the smallest stories can have the biggest impacts on us#gotham is so fucking weird and can be really silly#while also being so dark#and you can have the big stuff happen too#idk im just thinking today#this might not make complete sense#but it's things like that that make their rules make more sense#like no you don't come to gotham because you aren't one of us and you might misunderstand my people#you catch bad guys#we try to save them#also this did in fact give me and alighterwood an au idea#and im going fucking bonkers over that#so#yayyy
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a father's love
#SNIFFLIGN AND WEEPING. IM SO FUCKNH NORMAL ABT THE KNIGHT OF DAWN. SNIFFLES. I LOVE HIM#guys u dont get it anytime i think abt him i start tearing up its so TRAGIC. being essentially pushed into the role of a knight for his kin#and pushed to kill briar valley's princess when he clearly doesnt want to. for the sake of a POTENTIAL to save the man who took him in. for#the sake of keeping his love happy and saving her father. to have a kid who you care so deeply for that u both give him up to a better futu#putting him to sleep for who knows how long so he can live in peace. even if it means you wont be in the picture. even if ur dead. SNIFFLES#im CRYIGN im MUSHY ABT IT. FUCKJIGN SUE ME#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#silver vanrouge#knight of dawn#ch 7 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#UUAGAAGAHHHHHHHHH#suntails#AND SILVER!!!! so resentful of what his og dad did. so guilt ridden of being his descendant. bearing the pain of a crime he didnt even comm#of leaving malleus with no parents. of killing the PRINCEiSS of his KINGDOM that hes been sworn to protect. the feeling of treason in his <#him trying desperately to push this away while completely paralyzed over the weight of his realization and crumbling to it. AUGGHGHH#sorry im normal (lying) (lyign) (extra lying)
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Taco would sit by Mepad's body until it was moved away. At first, she'd find it and stay there still, in shock. And then she'd cry for a while. And by a while, I mean hours. This isn't a friend she's lost because she hurt them, this is a friend who is dead, for good. I don't think she could bring herself to leave him after that. He stayed with her, out in the woods, because she still needed his help. She still needs him. She can't just leave him lying out in a field. She has to keep bugs from crawling on his screen. Surely, that must be uncomfortable for him.
She'd only move once Test Tube is ready to try and repair him. Even then, she checks in as often as she can. She can't give up on him after all he did for her.
#inanimate insanity#taco ii#ii taco#ii mepad#mepad ii#inanimate insanity 18#inanimate insanity finale#inanimate insanity hc#loomy's hcs#WOW so anyone ordered tacopad angst today??? sorry this ones so sad its been on my mind for a while#tacopad#aside from mic i think toilet would also try to get her to come inside the mansion#at least to eat or sleep#because he would be going out to join her at mepads body the most#toico friendship is inevitable PEOPLE justin said so!!!!!!!!!!#id say marsh too actually just she might need more time to approach taco then toilet does#probably after shes been sitting there for a while since she looks. uh. BAD.#anyways. essay over!!#im seriously considering making a who-will-be-friends-with-taco-post-canon tierlist#complete with an explanation for everyone#idk if that would be wanted#but this is my blog and i post what i want so
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Going back to work after this but
#i mean ill be doing laios and marcille genfic content regardless and you cant stop me but#this isnt something that necessarily has to happen in little creature so im just testing the waters#my sick little brain. and its love for putting these two in all the trappings of a het relationship#while its still completely platonic#i just. she is so pathetic and little and clingy when shes horribly beartbroken#and he is her big stupidest puppy in the world#she would preemptively like. yell at him and hit him with books and pillows and swear that if he makes it weird she'll kill him#while he literally hasnt said a word about it#and then she'd curl up like a shrimp so compact he could hold all of her in just his arms#and it would literally cause so much drama if anyone else saw but he doesnt care bc she needs it#and bc he and falin are the only ones she feels THAT safe with#he is all she has when she needs to cry *about* falin#polls#a little creature#sorry. i just.#she is the closest thing to a girlfriend he has and he is the closest thing to a boyfriend she has and its all platonic and i#[feral noises]#“boyfriend” but its your platonically life bonded himbo with the same cup size as you who could lift you with one arm#or EASILY cover your entire body with his just by crouching over you a little#and also he will be the happiest man alive at your wedding to his sister
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“In order to get this, I had to survive this” trend on twitter.
10 years of hard work and im still cunty, bby.
#its based on a story called the necklace????#idk i dont remember lmao#but the OG was a school project for an english class#my english teacher sent me the picture 4 years ago????#and apparently she found the poster and essay while cleaning up her desk#honestly touched she had kept it that long#i think i used watercolor + colored pencil + white poster paint on illustration boared#and then ii found some necklace on a magazine and cut it out#lmaooo#i thought i ate#the essay was lowkey tragic#the english wasnt englishing#and im pretty sure the moral of the story still completely went over my head then and now
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I need to see some platonic Starlo and Ceroba stuff REALLY SOON or else I'm gonna go crazy
#im a starlo and ceroba platonic soulmates truther#stars had to get over his feelings for ceroba. ceroba has to kinda get over her feelings for chujin and be in therapy a while before she-#-can get into another romantic relationship. and it kinda feels weird with starlo#ive always seen them as friends. really good and close friends who platonally love each other#and YES im gonna hammer in the platonic stuff cuz i NEED to see more of it and i NEED more stuff if them just being friends#i think they'd have an AWESOME joking/teasing friendship where they're nothing but silly to each other personally#but man i keep seeing either angst or lovey dovey family relationships and its driving me up the wall#i just see their friendship as more interesting. it always has been#Starlo's heartbroken but he sticks by Ceroba anyway. he helps her through the grief she as#ceroba joins in on his adventures. she thinks they're silly but she likes hanging around him cuz hes fun#they just. they feel more complete as just friends. cuz their relationship feels a lot better as just friends#just. gosh#Starlo and ceroba#my favorite besties#(and no this aint just a self ship thing. even if i wasnt crushing on stars id still feel the same way)#the cake doth speak#🌵💫#ceroba <>#uty
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Heads up - i will not be very active on here or discord until after 12/13 bc i have finals for 6 classes coming up AND two puppies that need complete potty training (and training in general). And we just got our new (adult) cat and my cats are being buttheads about it so theres that
AKA im just Drained and severely Overwhelmed and on the verge of a breakdown every night lmfao 🫠
#never thought id have a day where im working#while studying#while cleaning up dog piss#simultaneously#yet here we are#SIIIGHS#had to take remove the youngest puppy's stitches last night on top of it all but she was AMAZING for it#my first time :')#like im going to school to be a nurse ive been taught just never practiced and i was so paranoid id hurt her#bc when my stitches in my foot were taken out they hurt like a BITCH bc the skin had grown over them almost completely#&& m speaks
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…
#reframing how you view your coping mechanisms is a big part of healing i think#like it’s so easy to beat yourself up over something#that was literally just your body and brains way of trying to protect you at the time#and while it may not be conducive#and is something you need to work on#bc it doesn’t serve you anymore#you did the best you could with the tools you had and that’s valid#like for me isolation is my main coping mechanism#and although it is super harmful to my mental well-being and something im trying v hard not to do#it was my brain trying to protect me from experiencing trauma again#and we can’t fault her for that#and beating yourself up over that is just another vice that doesn’t serve you either#idk if this makes sense butttt yeah#also just now realizing that i did not post anything last month for sa awareness#completely spaced it out n things have been hectic but#pls give yourself grace as you navigate life after trauma#you deserve that space#and im always here if anybody needs anything#i love you dearly
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I am scheming something delightfully fun in the way of homebrew oneshots
#for context. me and my mom moved back in august. we’re still working on gettinf the house together and decorating it. and its taking a while#bc she works a lot bc financial strain of new house and divorcing her shitty ex husband and im in college so im not home very much#but we have a designated game room bc we’re avid ttrpg players#and we’re planning on putting in stalagtites and making it look like a cave#and last night we were talking abt how we’d do sessions using the backyard since the gameroom has a door to outside#and talking abt making d20s in little plastic boxes so you could roll for combat + stuff by just shaking the box#and having little compartments in the staligtites for them or for game props and notes#and i started spitballing some way to do like an improv murder mystery with having game notes for the players in thsoe compartments#and their like. character roles/archetypes randomly assigned by where they sit#and then have a whole oneshot game of clue where each of the players have like a stack of cards they can play to get revelations from the dm#or flashbacks to scenes that the characters have to play out (the victim fighting with one of the suspects in the kitchen or smth)#and have branching paths with multiple outcomes#and they have to come back to the game room to make accusations and then the accused can play an alibi card or smth!!!#i guess i could also do that before the game room is completely finished since we’d be all over the house and yard#itd be so fun tho. plans for when im off for the summer or after i finish my degree#sev rambles
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fun little headcanon I have is that after like the second abduction Julian asked Kira to train him on how to fight
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#kira nerys#like im sure he has some combat training just by virtue of being Starfleet#but clearly. he needs something more#and I think he'd ask Kira because shes the fighter thats closest to his size#compared to say Worf#and he knows he'll learn more from her than he would one of the Starfleet security officers#Kira's been fighting since she was a child she'll show him how to throw someone twice his size over his shoulder#which she demonstrates by easily throwing him across the room#its great for both of them#its nice bonding time and also it lets them both let off some steam#but also sometimes its very funny#the first time they properly sparred Kira accidentally broke Julian's nose#and it was a complete accident she threw an elbow and he moved in a way she wasn't expecting and CRACK#Julian thought it was funny meanwhile she wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge#the first time Julian manages to flip Kira he's ECSTATIC#Kira proceeds to sweep his legs out from under him and goes 'thats a lesson in humility' while he's groaning in pain#theyre on my brain rn because I am writing them#I love them and their dynamic that exists in my head
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something something blackwatch being more-or-less made up of people who were willing to do whatever it took to achieve their goal(s) bc that's gabe's style of doing things and why he probably got passed over for strike commander position (and why he ended up being glad bc he knew he'd be on a tight leash in the post-crisis version of overwatch)
#twilly talks#overwatch#blackwatch#i havent looked at lore in a while so forgive me if anything has already been stated or like. denied#but idk. just#moira is an obvious one#this woman literally got blacklisted for her experiments and joined blackwatch to continue them#genji was willing to do whatever it took to live. to avenge himself. then when all that was left was anger and disgust he just kept going#with the people who let him use that. even if it was for their own purposes#cassidy is a bit different#he was 17 and chose blackwatch over prison#more desperation at the start. but i feel like we see him being very goal oriented. not as cutthroat as his companions#but definitely not completely averse to violence and doing what he has to#gabe ran overwatch during the crisis. he would've had to do anything it took to win#look at retribution. look at him as reaper.#im just. head full of thoughts
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i know i joke about it a lot. but i want to make sure its known i dont hate people who want to say rhine is still a good person in some capacity. i feel like im notvery clear on it but it is okay to interpret her howver you want (as long as its like. something you can rationalize. even then go crazy!!!!) >> (also. as long as it isn't *completely* erasing her character. )
#sorry#i feel like i havent ever clarified this#all interpretations of rhine are okay because shes clearly structured to be that way (as of now)!!!!!!!#the contrast between her being a completely heartless sinner vs mother is meant. to be interpreted and thought about!!!!#and i love hearing everybody talk about how they see her!!!!!!#obv im not a huge fan of people completely erasing her evil#but none of my mutuals have done that so thts not an issue#i think its very lovely to see her humanized. and not completely taken at the face value that she's presented as by teyvat#because not to be that guy. but that is PROPAGANDA!!!!!!!#no human is entirely evil#because to be human is to be MORE than that#its okay for rhine to be cruel and evil while still having some good intent and fostering love#god this pist is so random but ive felt so bad over this#guys i promise i love evrybodys interpreations and it is OKAY to like her a certain way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#rhine hcs#crepe/monards psa’s#crepe psa
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ive mentioned before how ive always thought it was a little bizarre that so many white people's first assumption when they see a white-looking person with a culturally unexpected surname is "oh they're adopted" despite how much more common a person being multiracial is compared to being the white adopted child of non-white parents - although of course it does happen, its just yknow. the people saying this are usually not thinking about the racial dynamics in the adoption industry so much as they are just assuming mixed race people don't exist LOL
but on that end, in my own mixed race bias I usually assume multiracialness first so i did completely forget about another decently common situation where a white-looking adult (often a woman) might have a last name from a non-white culture: i forgot that um. sometimes people (particularly women) change their last names when they get married? neither my mom nor any of my aunties did so you have to forgive me orz
#literally i completely forgot. genuinely#i met a woman with my mom she gave us her business card. she did not look japanese but had a japanese last name#and i was like mentally oh cool a whitepassing biracial sister. and then my mom who had chatted with her a bit longer mentioned later#the woman had changed her name when she got married. and i was like. ah. people take others names sometimes. i forgor#im like weirdly possessive over my extremely common last name in that i never considered changing it if i ever get married#like to the point where if i DID get married i also kind of wouldnt want my partner to take my name either. its mine.#like yes we're joining in a union representing everlasting love and companionship and tax benefits or whatever#but thats myyyyyyyy name :( LOL yeah i dunno either. i dont even feel right giving my name to my own art#but i like. genuinely blanked it out of my head for a while there. i genuinely forgot about marriage name changes#im so sorry. i think i nearly forgot that people get like officially married too (common law parents) ..... forgive me jfdslkdsdjkfs
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windenburg makeovers
#phewwww#windenburg is complete!#and so is oasis springs and willow creek#i thought it would be really hard going making everything over but im enjoying it#but now im gonna switch the building for a while#im decorating a new house for leo and heidi <333#im moving them to henford before the new pack whilst heidi finishes off her pregnancy#anyways enough rambling!#ts4#sims 4#ts4 townie makeover
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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